Latest / The People Run Podcast / #42 Running Was Never Mine To Lose | Nell Rojas

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#42 Running Was Never Mine To Lose | Nell Rojas · The People Run Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: When I let go of the idea that like I lost running, like and realized like it's not mine to lose.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_01: Like I never, I never, no, it wasn't mine.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_01: That really helped me like be in the moment and be here.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_01: Running is such a luxury.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_01: Um, working hard is such a luxury to have.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_01: And um yeah, I think coming at it when I get back to it, it will be Nell.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_03: Welcome to the People Run podcast.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you for being on.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_03: How are you doing today?
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: Good.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'm good today.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: Um, thanks for having me.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, of course.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_03: Uh I'm excited.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_03: Um, obviously, you're you're one of those badass runners out there.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm excited to have you on.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_03: Um jumping right in, I want to talk about like, you know, where you're at now with running.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, as a recent, you've you've shared career changes, um, some identity and like feeling lost for a bit, but like now it seems like you're on a comeback journey.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_03: And I think of post you said you found yourself.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_03: What's been going on in that in that period of life and finding yourself and where you're at now?
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_01: Oh man.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_01: Um, yeah, I mean, the last time I competed um was basically the Olympic trials in 2024, I guess.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_01: And um, you know, since then, you know, I was sick uh before then, dropped out of that race.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and yeah, since then it's been like an insane journey of figuring out what was going on, and then um, you know, meanwhile, not being able to run, um, just kind of, you know, figuring out how to navigate that and what to let go of, um, to ultimately like be able to heal and get healthy um and um to not be miserable basically, because you know, running was everything to me two years ago.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_01: Um it was super fulfilling.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_01: It was, I was doing it for a lot of the right reasons, I was doing it for a lot of the wrong reasons.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I had a big ego around it, you know, and when it gets like taken from you, you know, right under your feet, you just you can either fight it and um kind of like be a victim and be miserable, or you can like figure out how to make the best of it.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_01: So that's what I've been doing.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, for sure.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_03: When did you uh first feel like something was like off?
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_03: You knew, like, wait, I ain't feeling the right the same way as I used to.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_01: Basically, I got injured.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_01: I was building for Chicago 2023.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_01: Um and I got a stress fracture, um, or kind of like what I thought was a stress fracture.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_01: Um, got an MRI.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_01: You know, the results actually said there was a little stress fracture in a different part of my foot that wasn't hurting, and there was a stress reaction.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_01: Anyways, I don't think I had, I don't think that was the problem at all.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_01: I think, you know, with a lot of like Lyme disease, there's like foot pain associated with it, which is crazy.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_01: And I've I've had foot pain off and on for a while, but um, so basically I had to take some time off um to heal my stress fracture.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, meanwhile I went through a breakup that was really, really stressful and hard for me and couldn't run.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_01: And um I was like at home, and um that's basically like was the beginning of the end for me.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_01: So that was 2023.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_01: That was like yeah, like fall 2023, summer 2023 is like when everything started.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_01: My body just like tipped over the edge and just never came back.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_03: From what I recall, it took some time.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_03: Like, what were the doctors telling you on that at that time before like you figured it out and all that?
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_01: So basically, what happens when you have Lyme disease um and the co-infections with it is that you don't know what the F is going on with you.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_01: And no one else does either.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_01: Um, especially when you're on the West Coast, no one suspects Lyme disease, no one tells you about Lyme disease.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't even know what Lyme disease was.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_01: You know, yeah, I'd heard about it, but so basically, like you have to go all like normal doctors, like through insurance, just tell you to F off.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, maybe if you're on the East Coast, it's a different story and you get lucky and it's on their radar, but here it's just not on their radar.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_01: Um so, you know, you start going to holistic doctors, you know, they're MDs, but they'll, you know, they'll they'll spend more time with you, they'll look a little bit deeper.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_01: Um and basically I knew it was environmental, like I knew something was going on environmentally because I got sick in structures, like in buildings, I would get really sick.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so I was like, I don't, you know, like I don't know.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_01: It was like the weirdest thing ever.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_01: Um, like I couldn't even like make this up.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_01: So I was like, okay, it has to be environmental.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_01: What can be inside buildings, mold, um, chemicals.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I was like, okay, it could be like radon, it could be, you know, like there's all these things.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_01: And so basically that took me down like the mold route, which is not untrue.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I think because I was dealing with three infections, like three really big infections in my body.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_01: So my body like couldn't handle, and I I'm talking in the past, but I should be talking in the present, couldn't handle like any chemicals, so paint, um, anything coming off of buildings, and then any like mold or really any toxin in the environment, my body just couldn't handle it.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_01: So I went down that road.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_01: And then September, this past September, so what six months ago, some um a fan, or maybe not I don't, a fan reached out to me.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_01: And like at this point, I tried everything.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_01: I would like literally was so sick.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: And he like reached out and he was like, Hey, I have Lyme disease, you have Lyme disease.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_01: I've researched all these doctors, go to one of these three doctors.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_01: I went to this one, she really helped me.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I had no brain of my own at that point, so I flew to New York.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_01: I saw his doctor, I got tested, um, and I had Lyme and all of the co-infections.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_03: Had to go cross state, sheesh.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah, and actually, like the average Lyme patient has to travel far to see a Lyme literate doctor.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's like very, very common.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_03: During that time, you were like working out and trying to make it work and you know, bad workouts here and there, like, but you kept showing up.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_03: Like, how'd you keep doing that?
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_03: And what was going through your mind at that time?
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, um, yeah, that was.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, when I think back on that, like I was, I could barely run, and I would just like keep trying.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_01: Like how I would describe it is like when you're in like a dream and someone's like chasing you, and all you can do is like really like slowly crawl away, and you're just like, that's like how it felt.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_01: I was just like, no, but um, I mean, you're just I think any like runners are like that's how runners are, you know.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_01: They just like I was so I didn't want to let go of I didn't want to let go of like running and racing and competing.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_01: Um uh it's kind of like what you know, it's what drives us.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_01: It's what like it's life, it's life, you know.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I had my mom, this was like over Christmas time, this past Christmas, was like, why don't you just give up, you know?
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, what?
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_01: You know, because I that was like I don't even understand the question.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_01: Like if I give up, that's like it just doesn't like make sense, you know.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_01: That's just like that would be like giving up life, you know.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_03: That would be like Yeah, like your whole self you, yeah.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_01: Right, exactly.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_03: So yeah.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_03: When you heard the doctor confirm Limes, and you know, you you struggle for a while, like, okay, I'm not sure, I feel bad, not on.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_03: Like, what was that moment like when finally I got an answer?
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_03: Like, this is what it is.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_03: Well, what what would you think then?
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I've been hopeful this whole time.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_01: I've been hopeful and optimistic throughout the whole thing, and I still am, but um, you know, I knew it was a tough diagnosis because you hear horror stories of Lyme and you can't Lyme, you we don't have a treat, we don't have a cure for.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_01: Um so yeah, rough diagnosis.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I was excited to get treatment.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_01: Little did I know, like I like at that point had just actually started the journey.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_03: Gotcha.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_03: You feel like having an answer has changed now as far as moving forward now, like where you you can work out and and have a plan basically?
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_01: No, not at all.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_01: So Lyme treatment um is individual for everyone.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_01: Um they have like, you know, they're like, okay, here's the treatment, but it's all very dependent on how you react to it to it.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_01: You don't know if, you know, the how you're feeling is because of the medication, because of the detox symptoms.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_01: That's called like a Herzheimer reaction.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_01: So like basically the die-off of the bacteria and parasites just circulating in your body.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_01: You don't know if that's why.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_01: So you don't know if it's like bad, good.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_01: You don't know if you should try a different route because there's different ways you can do it.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_01: So the doctors, you know, I have one.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I have two doctors, like one is like just Lyme, and the other one's like Lyme and everything that is surrounding it.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_01: But um basically the doctor's like, oh, is making like an educated guess, and I have to also make an educated guess based off of like how I feel.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_01: So it's just like every single step of this process has been like a fight to like a fight, like nothing's easy at all.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_01: Like even like getting the medication and like just it's just like it's always the whole process is a shit show.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_01: It's crazy.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I love that you seem very positive about it, regardless, and you're still in the fight.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_01: Oh I'm still in the fight, man.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_01: I'm still in the fight.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_01: It's just it actually looks really different now than it used to.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_01: Um and and there's some steep learning curves, and but um I am optimistic.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_01: I have glimpses of hope.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but it's very, it's a very up and down recovery process.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_03: What would you say this process so far is like taught you that you didn't have from running before?
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_01: Um everything.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_01: Um a like let go of any exterior validation that I'm trying to get from running, let go of anything that like I need people to think certain things of me.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_01: Um, let go of any people pleasing.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_01: Um when I let go of the idea that like I lost running, like and realized like it's not mine to lose, like I never, I never know it was wasn't mine, you know.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_01: That really helped me like be in the moment and be here, just kind of you know, more grounded um perspective, more more grateful.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_01: Um understand that like running is such a luxury.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_01: Um working hard is such a luxury to have.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_01: And um, yeah, I think coming at it, you know, like when I get back to it, it will be like a whole different, a whole different way of training and thinking.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_03: How so, like on the training?
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_03: Sounds like a lot of mental for sure.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_01: Um, first of all, I mean, yeah, I guess if you like physically, you know, like we're all so hard on our bodies and we don't treat our bodies well.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_01: And like, you know, I'm so grateful for my body and what it's done for me at this point.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_01: And so, you know, I abuse my body, as you know, I'm sure we all do when we're young, and you know, I wasn't even that young, but like I didn't love my body, you know, I hated my body because it wasn't perfect enough and it didn't do enough for me.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_01: So, first of all, like understanding like how to actually take care of it with like nourishment and rest, like proper rest and recovery, and understanding that that's like just as important as the training part.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and to listen to it, you know, like I I you know, I went hard and like I I love going hard and I will go hard again, but like, you know, there's some times where you know I did things out of fear, and I think that kind of um that kind of like pushes you a little past maybe where you should go.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_01: Um yeah, and then mentally it's just like I have no fear anymore, you know, like uh, you know, most runners have experience like going into a workout and having this anxiety or going into a race and having this anxiety.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I think a lot of that comes because like they have high expectations and they fear what people will think of them and they are scared that um you know they they they make up stories like or I made up stories like if I do this, like, you know, then you know I'll I'll be able to like um I'll be more confident, for example, or something.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_01: And um so I think like fear will be you know gone.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_01: I might be scared of like, you know, like hurting, but there's no I mean nothing, like it's not it's not, I don't know.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_01: After going through this, I'm like I like nothing can be harder than everything's easy, yeah.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_03: Everything's easy.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_01: There are some days that I feel halfway decent now, and I'm like, this is like what are people complaining about?
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_01: Like this is amazing.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_01: I don't do anything, you know.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_01: So um, so yeah, just going about it more um more for for myself without like any need for anything exterior.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_03: Sounds like less outcome and validation needed.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_03: Um, but like do you feel more like it sounds like you feel a little bit liberated by that as well?
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_01: Um absolutely.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like I can be, I feel like I'm more confident than I've ever been in my life.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I feel like I can be like my true genuine self.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_01: Um because like I have no choice.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_01: There's no energy at this point to bullshit, to have anyone in my life that doesn't love me or bring me up.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_01: Like there's no, there's no energy.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_01: There's nothing like I had to like let all that go because I had no choice.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_01: So it was, you know, it's like such a blessing in that way.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_01: I had a conversation with one of my athletes the other day, and he was like, I just like, he's like, I feel so much shame about my race results, and I realize I'm I'm looking for the love that my parents didn't give me.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_01: I want people to like tell me I did good, or you know, and he's like, Do you know, like how do you, do you, do you have you been through this or helped people through this?
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, yeah, I mean, you could get chronically ill and like have everything you love stripped away from you, and and that really helps.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_01: But you know, I think um it's um and that's what I said.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_01: I said, like, not everyone could be so lucky.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_03: How's coaching been for you?
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_03: You know, obviously you've been coaching for a very long time, your running's been a little limited and running less, but you're able to coach others to like their goals and dreams and whatnot.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, coaching has um been amazing, and I'm like so grateful and lucky to be able to to build that and focus on that and get, you know, like that's where I get my fulfillment now is helping other people.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_01: Um we just um started a team with Renegade with there's 13 like athletes that are amazing, um, you know, all going for the OTQ, and they're all like, you know, right there.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_01: And that has been like really fun and fulfilling.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_01: And um, it's something that I can like try to do my best at.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_01: Like I can try to be really, really good at that.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, like after I'm done with my running career, I would love to like get into like more elite coaching.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so like for me, I'm like, okay, I want to like crush this project.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_01: I want to like make these athletes the best they can be.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and then and so that's like kind of where I can put energy right now.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_03: No, that's awesome.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_03: What what kind of things are like you've been uh focusing more on the coaching side now, like with more time?
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_03: You mentioned kind of like improving the coaching or getting more into it.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I mean, I've always been someone who um I am always like reading or experimenting or trying to like learn more um about it.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_01: And I think the biggest change in my coaching at this point is um learning like kind of like learning how to communicate.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_01: And I think the other thing about, you know, what I've been going through is like learning how to listen better, you know, and learning how with like cues or like, you know, picking up on things really, really quickly and not brushing things off.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_01: Like, you know, like before I'd listen, I'd do the things, but I didn't have the attention or the patience to like to really care, I would say.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and now I can like really dig in into like like picking up on like, okay, this person is like tired.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_01: We need to pivot.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, you know, this person has been saying this, or their heart rate has been like a little bit high for too long, or there's just attention to details, I think, um, which has been fun.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_03: Where are you at now if you're running today 2026?
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_03: Today.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_03: As we talked today.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_01: Well, today I ran 30 minutes.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_01: My legs didn't work.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_01: Um, yeah, I mean, honestly, my number one goal is to get healthy because I can't do anything without that, right?
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_01: Like, so basically, I've been going on these like 10 days cycles.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe I feel pretty good or I start to feel good, and then maybe I have like a week where like I can barely move, you know?
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_01: So, um, and a lot of that has to do with um like medication I'm on and um trying to like kill these infections inside of me.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_01: Um and so, you know, I talked to my doctor recently and you know, we're like, okay, do you want to like keep on this path?
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_01: And like, because like basically, like, transparently, I'm on two anti uh sorry, I'm on two um antibiotics and two anti-malarial drugs.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_01: And I had to get once I got on two of them, that was like the end of my like training, like my like pseudo-training, right?
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_01: Like I was, I was doing like it was, I was like, wow, I could, you know, I was starting to like do workouts.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_01: They were not great workouts, but they were like workouts.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and then I had to change my medication.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_01: And like since then, since January, like there, there have been there has been like no training, no workouts.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but it's like something that I had to do to like get better.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm just like trying to plow through it.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, come on, yeah, trying to plow through it as much as I can.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so I run, I run.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I hope to get back to running every day, you know, soon in the next week.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but I just have to go with the flow.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, for sure.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_03: Do you feel healthier now, like you're improving and moving in the right direction with all the doctor stuff and everything?
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_01: Um, yeah, I do.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_01: I do.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_01: Um, yes.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like crazy, you know, and that now I have like friends who have gone through the same thing.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and it's just like you have to get so much worse to get better.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_01: And it takes a long time.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_01: So um, I'm just like trying to be patient and I just I want to get up back out there so bad, and I miss it so bad.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_01: And I just like it's it's it's so hard.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_01: Um, especially like with Boston coming up and um, you know, seeing my training partners still training and bitching, it's really hard to hear people bitching.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_01: Um that's the hardest part.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, like, I like you don't okay, you know, and so nine around here and someone's like a mid-breakout.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_01: Like I'm like, in enjoy, please enjoy.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_01: Um so so yeah.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_03: Little FOMO with Boston, huh?
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I just I just miss it.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_01: I just miss I miss training, I miss racing.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_01: Um so yeah.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_03: How do you stay so like present and like positive about it?
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_03: You know, like you're even smiling now as we're speaking, and like, you know, you're dying to get back out there, you're seeing all this running.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_03: Like, how do you stay like in tune and so uh positive about it?
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, there's no I don't really have any choice, you know, like life keeps going and um I I'm I think like basically I think I can obviously like I I like I have this like understanding now of like how much things like this can change you for the better and impact you and teach you.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, I've always asked for that my whole life.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_01: My whole life I've been trying to like find myself and be my most genuine self, and um I could never get there.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I tried therapy, I read, I journal, I do all these things.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I could never get there.
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_01: There's always something that was like, I just like I was not confident.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_01: I had low self-esteem.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_01: And um, you know, I didn't get it.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't know why.
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_01: Um and like, you know, honestly, I think it could have been because of these infections.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's just so neurologically damaging.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_01: Like the neurological symptoms you have are out of control.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so I think that was part of it.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_01: But anyways, finally I'm here.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_01: I am, you know, like the physically the worst I've been, but like mentally probably the best I've ever been.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_01: So, you know, I'm just I take it day by day.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_01: There are some times where I'll get really angry if I have like a another big setback.
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_01: Because it's like, you know, two steps forward, nine million steps backwards.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes I'll get angry and it's very fleeting when I'm angry, like very fleeting.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but you know, I'm so lucky.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_01: I have amazing opportunities still, ultra sponsored me.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, I mean, come on, like I haven't performed in three years.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I have amazing family, I I have amazing friends here.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I live in an amazing place.
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_01: Like, it's like I I I have trouble feeling bad for myself.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_01: I don't throw pity parties.
• 27:27
  SPEAKER_01: That's just like not my style.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so yeah, that's kind of how I how I stay optimistic is um like I know it was for a reason, and I know I'll be the best I can ever be that I wouldn't have been able to be without this happening.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_03: You mentioned that recently signing with Ultra.
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_03: What's that represent for you?
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_01: Um, yeah, that was really cool.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, I didn't obviously expect to be signed.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_01: Um and that's not entirely true.
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_01: Like I know my value in the running community, and I believe in my value and I believe in myself.
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but I didn't expect it to be like immediately right when I got dropped by Nike, you know, it was like very it was like immediate.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_01: It was like, oh, like, okay, you know, I was kind of like sad, obviously, to like not be with Nike and not be a sponsored athlete.
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_01: And um, but I I wasn't scared, like I always like, well, I'll just run well and get another contract.
• 28:37
  SPEAKER_01: Like, yeah, but um, yeah, like Ultra, you know, came in and I talked to them, you know, and they were I asked them like when they approached me, I was like, okay, well, you know, I'm gonna be like very transparent and very honest.
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_01: Like, here's my situation, you know, like I haven't been able to perform.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_01: I'm doing my best.
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_01: I believe, like, I'm still I'm still planning on competing.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but I said, What are you looking for in an athlete?
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, they're trying to get into the road scene.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_01: I'm local, you know, they're right, their headquarters are in Denver, and I'm like a mile away.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and they're like, you know, we want product of help with product development.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_01: So like someone with experience and um who can be tested, someone whose like fits are like gritty and tough, like kind of um uh image.
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_01: They said a couple other things, and I was like, okay, yeah, like I I do.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_01: I I can, you know, yeah, like someone part of the community, you know.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, yeah, I fit those.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_01: I I I love that.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_01: Um they sent me their shoe, their new super shoe.
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and it's awesome.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_01: I tried it, I loved it.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so that was really exciting.
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_01: They're like building, they're like putting so much energy and resources towards um towards like making an amazing super shoe.
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_01: I'm really excited to be part of that.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_01: Like I love the the people are amazing.
• 30:13
  SPEAKER_01: Like, so I was also like, I had already like been working for like months on this project with Renegade.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like 13 BIPOC runners were two for two years, we're supporting all of their travel, we're supporting all their gear.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_01: I'm coaching all of them.
• 30:34
  SPEAKER_01: Um, we're like, whatever they need, we're we're there.
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_01: We're trying to like support these athletes.
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_01: And on is sponsoring it.
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_01: So, you know, it's all on gear.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_01: Um, all the meetings we've had is with on and renegade and me.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_01: And so I told them, I'm like, well, I have this two-year deal with on.
• 30:55
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 30:55
  SPEAKER_01: And it's not directly through on, like, it's not me and on.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_01: I'm getting paid through Renegade, uh, but it is an on team.
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_01: And so um, I was like, I I just have to let you know, like I'm part of that, and I will be like representing that while I coach.
• 31:09
  SPEAKER_01: And they were like, that's so cool.
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_01: Like, we want the best for you, and what an amazing project.
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_01: And like that's we can work around that, which is like unheard of, you know, like not many, yeah, not many, not many companies are like, yeah, you can work with a different shoe brand too, you know.
• 31:28
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so I I just like I thought that was amazing.
• 31:33
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I just I love their ethos.
• 31:36
  SPEAKER_01: I love them.
• 31:37
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like a I'm obsessed now, so it's cool.
• 31:40
  SPEAKER_03: No, it's exciting.
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_03: Uh and hell, I appreciate you sharing all that because that's some hella insight right there.
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, okay.
• 31:47
  SPEAKER_03: That's how all this went down.
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_03: New shoes for Ultra.
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_03: Um, you know, I'd be remiss if I didn't ask you this.
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_03: I kind of thought of it when you shared about the shoe.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_03: Um at an elite level, what does it take to basically compete at that level?
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_03: You know, you have that experience.
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_03: Um for what does it take to like go out there and and win, say, a Boston or like be first American and so on and so on?
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_01: Um yeah, I mean, you know, this is kind of like what Renegade and I were talking about.
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_01: Like, there's so many talented runners out there who have no um support.
• 32:28
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and it's you can't really get any.
• 32:32
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, like I kind of talk about like I have a training partner who's like 90 seconds slower than me in a marathon, and she's like, she just like cannot get sponsored and like can barely get into these races.
• 32:45
  SPEAKER_01: Like she really can't get it, she can't get into the majors.
• 32:48
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, I am extremely lucky and I finished well at Boston in the right times, you know.
• 32:58
  SPEAKER_01: I I just like I was in the right places, you know.
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_01: I won grandma's, I mean, yeah, I I did well, like, but to so like I have tons of support and I'm so grateful.
• 33:14
  SPEAKER_01: A step down for me, like, you know, I talked to my training partner someone, she's like, no one cares about, no one cares.
• 33:21
  SPEAKER_01: And so, like, if you keep showing up and no one cares, or like you have a PR and no one cares, and like you're just like, it's really hard to be consistent and it's really hard to keep showing up, especially like on those hard days.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_01: And like, so like you see a lot of these people just be like, I I can't, I can't do it.
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_01: I see people move to Boulder and leave all the time, you know?
• 33:44
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so I think like momentum is really important.
• 33:49
  SPEAKER_01: The sun just like came blazing through.
• 33:52
  SPEAKER_01: Um momentum is really important, you know, like support, like a support team.
• 34:01
  SPEAKER_01: I'm so lucky to have my dad, which is like, you know, someone that I'm like, hey, I need to do my workout at this day at this time.
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_01: And he's like there with hit his car, his video camera, and like water, you know what I mean?
• 34:15
  SPEAKER_01: So like I think it takes tremendous support from not only like your coach, um, but you know, you do need to have bodies.
• 34:27
  SPEAKER_01: Like, and and it can't like, you know, that's expensive.
• 34:32
  SPEAKER_01: Like body work's expensive.
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_01: You're gonna pay tons of money for that.
• 34:36
  SPEAKER_01: You need to have time to recover, you know, like you can't like do a big workout and then go work, you know.
• 34:45
  SPEAKER_01: Most of all, you need to believe in yourself because if you believe in yourself, you'll make the right decisions and you will not accept anything less from anyone else, you know.
• 34:59
  SPEAKER_03: As far as like the discipline and all that, what separates you know those who who make it versus don't like, you know, like the boulder.
• 35:05
  SPEAKER_03: I moved to boulder, I'm with all the elites, I'm running fast, and then they move.
• 35:11
  SPEAKER_01: You need a big breakthrough.
• 35:13
  SPEAKER_01: Like you need a you need to do well at a big race.
• 35:17
  SPEAKER_04: Got it.
• 35:17
  SPEAKER_01: You need to do well at Boston, Chicago, um, like yeah, a major marathon, um, or a USATF championship, maybe like if you do well at one of if you win one of those.
• 35:33
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but that that's the difference.
• 35:37
  SPEAKER_01: Because then once again, momentum.
• 35:40
  SPEAKER_01: Someone will sponsor you, then you can get into races, everything's not like a struggle, you know.
• 35:49
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, big breakthrough.
• 35:51
  SPEAKER_01: You need a big breakthrough.
• 35:52
  SPEAKER_01: You do, and there's no getting around it.
• 35:56
  SPEAKER_01: There's no getting around it, unfortunately.
• 35:59
  SPEAKER_03: So you can't just power through, you kind of have to like, you know, go all guns blazing.
• 36:04
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you do, yeah.
• 36:06
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, yeah.
• 36:08
  SPEAKER_03: What kind of body work are like are you suggesting?
• 36:11
  SPEAKER_03: Like like chiropractor, massage, all of it.
• 36:16
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, as a coach, like I want all of my athletes to like have, you know, a PT that knows their body well, you know, that they trust, that help them, that they like.
• 36:31
  SPEAKER_01: And if that PT is happens to be like a chiropractor, fine.
• 36:35
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
• 36:36
  SPEAKER_01: Like, if it's a chiropractor, that's fine too.
• 36:39
  SPEAKER_01: Um, everyone works well with someone different.
• 36:41
  SPEAKER_01: Obviously, I wish I wish all my runners could get massages every two weeks.
• 36:47
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I get a massage every two weeks.
• 36:49
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I'm lucky though.
• 36:51
  SPEAKER_01: I coach um one of one of my athletes is like the best massage therapist in the world, and we trade.
• 36:58
  SPEAKER_01: So um I'm like I'm I'm like that's like amazing.
• 37:02
  SPEAKER_01: Um and yeah, I mean it's in running, it's like not if you're gonna get injured, it's like win.
• 37:11
  SPEAKER_04: Win, yeah.
• 37:12
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so you're gonna need a PT on hand.
• 37:17
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 37:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 37:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 37:20
  SPEAKER_03: Uh no, if someone's going through it right now, like running wise, fighting an injury, um, feel a little lost, trying to come back to it, like what would you tell them?
• 37:31
  SPEAKER_01: Uh let's see, what would I tell them?
• 37:38
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I would honestly tell them that like this is like completely part of the process.
• 37:47
  SPEAKER_01: This is not like this is not this is not like something that happened and what is like, oh, this, oh, I can't believe this happened.
• 37:58
  SPEAKER_01: I'd say like, no, this was this is part of it.
• 38:01
  SPEAKER_01: Like, this is as much part of it as the running part of it.
• 38:04
  SPEAKER_01: This is as much part of it as the succeeding part of it.
• 38:08
  SPEAKER_01: Like you have to you have to go with with the waves and you have to learn and get stronger from it and um understand that like if you come back, you'll come back stronger.
• 38:22
  SPEAKER_01: But and it's okay to be sad about it, yeah.
• 38:26
  SPEAKER_01: But don't throw yourself a pity party.
• 38:28
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, because you tell I I grew up with like my mom's like a hard ass, you know.
• 38:33
  SPEAKER_01: She's like, Cool, Nell, I don't care.
• 38:36
  SPEAKER_01: What are you gonna do about it?
• 38:37
  SPEAKER_01: That's kind of like unfortunately, that's like my mentality.
• 38:40
  SPEAKER_03: Um, yeah, I grew up two migrant parents from Dominican Republic.
• 38:44
  SPEAKER_03: There you go.
• 38:44
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you're just came over.
• 38:46
  SPEAKER_03: Like uh, I remember some things to this day.
• 38:49
  SPEAKER_03: My dad used to just walk in the room like, you see this?
• 38:51
  SPEAKER_03: This is mine already.
• 38:52
  SPEAKER_03: I'm done here.
• 38:54
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, I did my part.
• 38:56
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, exactly.
• 38:58
  SPEAKER_03: I could definitely uh relate to that.
• 39:01
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 39:02
  SPEAKER_03: Hell, I'm appreciative for it, to be honest with you.
• 39:05
  SPEAKER_03: For me, I think it's uh needed more.
• 39:07
  SPEAKER_03: I'm just happy I got it.
• 39:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no, I agree.
• 39:10
  SPEAKER_01: I agree.
• 39:11
  SPEAKER_01: I think I'm I'm I'm grateful for um, you know, I'm I'm I'm really grateful that I can not wallow in my sorrows.
• 39:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, for sure.
• 39:28
  SPEAKER_01: Because that would be miserable.
• 39:32
  SPEAKER_03: No, I know health is priority right now, but what's the rest of the year look like for you ideally?
• 39:38
  SPEAKER_01: Ideally?
• 39:40
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 39:41
  SPEAKER_01: Um ideally, you know, let's see, it's April.
• 39:47
  SPEAKER_01: Um you know, ideally by June I can start training at like a level.
• 39:58
  SPEAKER_01: Um and like, you know, maybe maybe there's like a half marathon by the end of the year.
• 40:11
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 40:12
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 40:13
  SPEAKER_01: I doubt there's a marathon.
• 40:15
  SPEAKER_01: Um, because I want to do this, like, I don't, like every time I put a timeline on it, I just get crushed.
• 40:22
  SPEAKER_01: No, literally, I was feeling so good five weeks ago.
• 40:26
  SPEAKER_01: I was feeling so good.
• 40:28
  SPEAKER_01: And I was supposed to run cherry blossom this weekend.
• 40:33
  SPEAKER_01: And the race director who I'm good friends with, you know, he emailed me and he's like, now like I need to know if you're cut, like, I need to know by tomorrow.
• 40:43
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, I think I can do it.
• 40:45
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, I was like, no, I think I can race.
• 40:48
  SPEAKER_01: And like I literally have run like 10 days in the last five weeks.
• 40:54
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm like, oh, okay, like, thank goodness that I didn't, I didn't like tell them I could race.
• 41:00
  SPEAKER_01: And um so so yeah, I mean, I I have to take it day by day.
• 41:06
  SPEAKER_01: You know, every day I remind my I wake up and I'm like, you know, like for me, like I I'm like a I wanna be, I just wanna be working, I want to be doing stuff.
• 41:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I remind myself every day, like, okay, like what can you do today to make yourself healthy, to like get healthy?
• 41:26
  SPEAKER_01: And the answer is usually slow mornings, like take naps, get a lot of sleep, um, low stress.
• 41:39
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I have like tons of recovery equipment in one of my rooms that I just like spend time in, like my hyperbic chamber and my compression boots, and um go on walks with my dog.
• 41:53
  SPEAKER_01: And I hate it.
• 41:55
  SPEAKER_01: I hate it.
• 41:57
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, today I was thinking, I was thinking, I was like, so before this happened, you know, my ex-boyfriend, like he had a completely different lifestyle.
• 42:08
  SPEAKER_01: Like he didn't, he wasn't like, he didn't have like something, like he wasn't like passionate like me, like something that he was working towards and like super like into.
• 42:18
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 42:19
  SPEAKER_01: But I like, you know, at the time I like loved him and I wanted to stay with him.
• 42:23
  SPEAKER_01: So like I was like, I'll quit running, like I'll I'll be like, you know, like I'll just whatever, you know.
• 42:30
  SPEAKER_01: And so I always like had in my mind that like like I had to like redo my mind that running isn't bad and what I'm doing isn't bad.
• 42:40
  SPEAKER_01: But now, like today, I was like, oh my god, like I just miss, like I will never have that thought in my head again that like I would like the life of without running.
• 42:55
  SPEAKER_01: Because obviously there's a lot of sacrifices, like obviously, like I can't go out and drink and like you know, and I'm like, that's not worth it.
• 43:06
  SPEAKER_01: Like, you know, because now I'm just hanging out.
• 43:08
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just hanging out, you know, and I'm like, this isn't fun.
• 43:12
  SPEAKER_01: I don't like this, but I'm gonna try to like it, you know, and yeah, so basically that's um that's it.
• 43:20
  SPEAKER_03: No, that's uh I think a great lesson for everyone like you know, those moments which we all have, you run, oh my god, it's too cold.
• 43:28
  SPEAKER_03: Like, oh my god, this aches.
• 43:30
  SPEAKER_03: Don't take them for granted because we we can easily miss those or tell even when we get older, we may miss those.
• 43:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, totally.
• 43:38
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 43:40
  SPEAKER_01: Um, which is hard, you know.
• 43:42
  SPEAKER_01: I get it, I get it.
• 43:43
  SPEAKER_01: It's hard.
• 43:44
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but yeah, I think a lot of amateur runners also have like, you know, they're like, why am I doing this?
• 43:49
  SPEAKER_01: Like, why do I spend so much money and time doing this?
• 43:52
  SPEAKER_01: Like, it's can I justify it, you know?
• 43:54
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like, yes, because like it gets you up just like me, it gets me up every day, and like I have meaning and purpose, and like I'm so excited about it, and you're working towards a goal, and that's so such an amazing thing to have.
• 44:14
  SPEAKER_03: No, thank you.
• 44:15
  SPEAKER_03: I appreciate you uh for coming on the podcast.
• 44:19
  SPEAKER_03: Um, it's a great takeaway for everyone.
• 44:21
  SPEAKER_03: Like, cherish those moments and and and have fun with running.
• 44:24
  SPEAKER_03: This has been the People Run podcast.
• 44:26
  SPEAKER_03: Until next time.
• 44:27
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks for having me.