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Transcript

S3 E17 - Steve and Jeff Do Their Taxes (or is it Tariffs?) · The Steve & Jeff Show

0:00
SPEAKER_03: Welcome to the Steven Jeff Show, the number one comedy podcast at Steve Mono House.
0:07
SPEAKER_03: That is be sure and follow or subscribe to the Stephen Jeff Show wherever you listen to the podcast.
0:15
SPEAKER_03: Write us a review while you're there too.
0:18
SPEAKER_03: And now, here's Stephen Jeff.
0:23
SPEAKER_04: Well, hey, Johnny, thank you again.
0:25
SPEAKER_04: And Jeff, what a great time to be back in the studio.
0:28
SPEAKER_04: Things are things are so exciting, aren't they?
0:30
SPEAKER_02: It is exciting.
0:32
SPEAKER_02: It's good to get back in the swing of things.
0:33
SPEAKER_02: You know, I keep saying that every week, and I think at some point, you think maybe by April I'll feel like I'm actually back into the swing of things.
0:41
SPEAKER_02: By April you ought to be swinging.
0:42
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
0:43
SPEAKER_02: I mean, I don't recall it.
0:44
SPEAKER_02: But yeah, it's been kind of a slow start for me.
0:46
SPEAKER_02: So what's been going on with you?
0:48
SPEAKER_04: Kind of a slow start with me too.
0:49
SPEAKER_04: But actually, I I got some big news.
0:52
SPEAKER_04: Uh I heard about my second cousin.
0:54
SPEAKER_04: Uh we call him Uncle Phil.
0:55
SPEAKER_04: I mean, he's really my cousin.
0:56
SPEAKER_04: We call him Uncle Phil.
0:57
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
0:58
SPEAKER_04: And you know what, you know, my family.
0:59
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah.
1:00
SPEAKER_04: But but I digress.
1:01
SPEAKER_04: Well, it turns out I didn't know this.
1:03
SPEAKER_04: We don't stay in touch much.
1:04
SPEAKER_04: He's a congressman in the ninth district now.
1:07
SPEAKER_04: Really?
1:07
SPEAKER_04: Boy, I am so proud of Uncle Cousin.
1:10
SPEAKER_04: Although, unfortunately, I mean, that's the good news.
1:14
SPEAKER_04: The bad news is that as a result of the election, stuff came out that you know wasn't so great and actually caused some problems in the family.
1:21
SPEAKER_02: I think the election caused problems in every family.
1:24
SPEAKER_04: But what happened with yours?
1:26
SPEAKER_04: Well, with us, in addition to all the regular stuff, as part of running for office, cousin, I mean uncle, cousin Phil, he had to release his tax returns for the last couple of years.
1:38
SPEAKER_02: Oh, so he's a Democrat because he he had to he had to give up his tax returns.
1:42
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, otherwise, oh yeah.
1:43
SPEAKER_04: Well, otherwise he could have just ignored the rules, you know.
1:46
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, that makes sense.
1:47
SPEAKER_04: So anyway, my other cousin, who we don't call Uncle, see, it's a little confusing, but you know my other cousin Bart noticed that Uncle Phil had actually made quite a bit of money, and that's of course why he got elected to Congress.
1:59
SPEAKER_04: Uh Bart noticed that Phil hadn't given any of it to charity, to any charity ever, you know, and and Bart actually runs a charity, so he figured he'd ask Phil uh for the donation.
2:09
SPEAKER_02: Now I'm really confused.
2:11
SPEAKER_02: So he doesn't give money to any donation, so he's a Republican.
2:15
SPEAKER_04: Well, it it is confusing.
2:17
SPEAKER_04: Hey, he's actually a libertarian, which you know that's that's like a Republican without the compassion, you know.
2:22
SPEAKER_04: But I digress.
2:23
SPEAKER_04: So the cousin Bart calls Uncle Phil, who's also my cousin.
2:27
SPEAKER_02: You know, your family is very complicated.
2:30
SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah.
2:30
SPEAKER_04: Oh, and don't even get me started on little Stevie when she started.
2:33
SPEAKER_02: But I'm still waiting for a a gym to pop up.
2:37
SPEAKER_04: Oh, little Stevie is learning some new words, and oh boy, we gotta have her back on one of these days.
2:42
SPEAKER_04: But but anyway, good.
2:44
SPEAKER_04: So so he calls Uncle Phil and says, Hey, I run a I run this charity, we do a lot of good work.
2:49
SPEAKER_04: Uh, you know, maybe you'd like to make a thousand dollar donation or so.
2:53
SPEAKER_04: Oh, Uncle Phil, he gets so mad, and he says, You think I have money just sitting around to give to any charity?
3:01
SPEAKER_04: Were you aware?
3:02
SPEAKER_04: Did you know that last year my father lost his house in a fire and everything he owned along with it?
3:10
SPEAKER_04: Bart had Bart had no idea.
3:11
SPEAKER_04: Bart didn't stay in touch with him either.
3:12
SPEAKER_04: Nobody really likes the guy, to tell you the truth.
3:14
SPEAKER_04: But I said, No, no, I didn't know that.
3:16
SPEAKER_04: He felt kind of bad, you know.
3:17
SPEAKER_04: So Uncle Phil keeps going.
3:19
SPEAKER_04: It's like, and did you know that my daughter got into a horrible car accident last year and she has medical bills several times her annual wages?
3:27
SPEAKER_04: So Bart.
3:28
SPEAKER_04: Now he feels even worse.
3:29
SPEAKER_04: I said, Oh gosh, no, I I no, I'm so sorry.
3:32
SPEAKER_04: I had no idea.
3:33
SPEAKER_04: He said, And did you know that my sister had her husband walk out on her, leaving her penniless with three children?
3:39
SPEAKER_04: Now Bart's beside himself, you know, which is which is kind of a neat trick if you think about it.
3:44
SPEAKER_04: Just sit beside yourself.
3:46
SPEAKER_04: But anyway, so he's he says, Well, I I had no idea.
3:49
SPEAKER_04: So so then Phil says, and listen, Bart, if I didn't give any money to any of them, why would I give any to you?
3:55
SPEAKER_04: So there you go.
3:57
SPEAKER_04: You know, when I heard that story, it made me think how how lucky we are that we're doing so well.
4:02
SPEAKER_04: I mean, we really had a good 2024, Jeff.
4:05
SPEAKER_04: You know, it also reminded me though, that's kind of kind of like with my uncle Phil, you know, that's the good news.
4:09
SPEAKER_04: We had a good 2024.
4:11
SPEAKER_04: Bad news is uh, you know, you know what time of year it is?
4:14
SPEAKER_04: It's the time for my dad's annual parole hearing, right?
4:17
SPEAKER_04: Well, it is, you're right.
4:19
SPEAKER_04: And good luck on that one, Jerry.
4:21
SPEAKER_04: But it's also tax time.
4:23
SPEAKER_04: We got to do our taxes.
4:25
SPEAKER_04: And you know, I was thinking, gosh, since they they legalized drugs in Illinois, you know, you you gotta pay taxes on all that stuff now.
4:32
SPEAKER_04: You probably gotta you're gonna give the 1099 for all that, right?
4:35
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I have no idea, but I I think you're right.
4:38
SPEAKER_02: Things are changing so quickly in this world.
4:40
SPEAKER_02: You know, I just wish that it was the the good old days, you know, when it was simpler times when you know you would get some pot and you would cut it, and I mean package it, and then you would take it to the corner of Broadway and Halstead and you'd sell it.
4:54
SPEAKER_02: But now I I gotta go to a dispensary and get it, and then I have to cut it, and then I have to go, you know, and package it, and then I have to go to the corner of Broadway and Halstead to sell it, and now I have to pay taxes on it.
5:06
SPEAKER_02: That just doesn't seem right.
5:08
SPEAKER_02: Really, that really cuts into it, almost makes it not worth doing.
5:12
SPEAKER_04: I feel you're paying because you know, for me, I've been, you know, I've been selling those loose Girl Scout cookies, kind of like some people sell loose cigarettes.
5:18
SPEAKER_04: You know, I sell loose Girl Scout cookies, and uh selling those has gotten a lot harder.
5:24
SPEAKER_04: I just don't make the kind of money I used to.
5:26
SPEAKER_04: Uh you know, of course, they raised the price to$25 a box for number one.
5:31
SPEAKER_04: That's for starters.
5:32
SPEAKER_04: And I think they're made in Canada too, so that's really gonna mess things up.
5:36
SPEAKER_02: But well, and Steve, I am literally selling drugs to pay for Girl Scout cookies.
5:41
SPEAKER_02: That's how expensive those Girl Scout cookies are.
5:42
SPEAKER_04: Oh, you're well, absolutely.
5:44
SPEAKER_04: And you know, unfortunately, now that we have the number one, let's face it, Jeff, we have the number one podcast in the world, millions listen to it.
5:51
SPEAKER_04: Uh, we're gonna have to start paying Uncle Phil.
5:53
SPEAKER_04: I mean, oh, Uncle Sam.
5:55
SPEAKER_04: He's not my cousin.
5:56
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's funny that you say that.
5:58
SPEAKER_02: I just got a a note from Uncle Phil and and at Edna the other day, and they said they want their money like today, like by you know, like immediately.
6:06
SPEAKER_02: I think Ed Edna Edna needs a new hip, and you know, I don't know how they're gonna pay for that.
6:12
SPEAKER_02: So you know as soon as this as soon as this podcast's over, I think we you know, I probably need to go down there and uh do a little extra selling to see if I can come up with some of that money.
6:21
SPEAKER_02: When do you do you have any idea when your new shipment of cookies are coming in?
6:26
SPEAKER_04: Well, it's supposed to come in Wednesday, and I am so excited.
6:29
SPEAKER_04: He asked for extra thin mints, but unfortunately, I really just kind of get what they can get off the truck.
6:35
SPEAKER_04: So my luck, the way it's been going, I'll probably get a bunch of those lemon cookies.
6:40
SPEAKER_04: Boy, nobody buys those.
6:41
SPEAKER_04: I I can't so I can't give those away, but I'll see what I can do.
6:44
SPEAKER_02: You were talking about having to pay taxes, and you know, and now that we're wildly profitable.
6:50
SPEAKER_02: It's I don't even know, Steve.
6:51
SPEAKER_02: Were we a non-for-profit last year?
6:54
SPEAKER_04: We were an involuntary non-for-profit, you know, like an incel.
6:57
SPEAKER_04: We were like an in non-prof.
7:01
SPEAKER_04: It's a little different, it's but it's kind of the same kind of I I just think it's so exciting that we're in a tax bracket.
7:07
SPEAKER_04: I feel so I feel hugged, I feel warmed because I'm in a bracket.
7:12
SPEAKER_04: I mean, we were never in a tech, we were never in a bracket before, you know.
7:15
SPEAKER_02: I know, and I you know, I used to feel kind of guilty.
7:17
SPEAKER_02: You know, we would call our accountants uh HR Brock and you'd ask them to come out, but we really wasn't a lot for them to work on.
7:25
SPEAKER_02: Now there's gonna be a lot.
7:27
SPEAKER_04: That's exactly why I actually took a little initiative here and I invited Harry Brock to come to the studio, just the other side of that glass.
7:35
SPEAKER_04: He's right here in the studio, he's gonna go over the changes that uh, you know, because taxes change every year.
7:40
SPEAKER_04: You know, they're always new, new things, new credits, new amounts, and all this stuff.
7:44
SPEAKER_04: And so it's hard to keep track of.
7:46
SPEAKER_04: So he's gonna help us do that.
7:47
SPEAKER_04: Not only can he inform us and maybe inform some of the millions, let's face it, Jeff, the millions of listeners about some good tax breaks, but hey, maybe he can actually do our taxes during the show here.
7:58
SPEAKER_04: And you know, if he does it during the show, I think we can claim there's a deduction.
8:03
SPEAKER_04: Might even give him a commercial, maybe.
8:05
SPEAKER_04: I don't know.
8:05
SPEAKER_04: I know we'll see.
8:06
SPEAKER_04: But if we can do this, Jeff, we're gonna make out like Republicans.
8:09
SPEAKER_04: I mean, well, you know, bandits.
8:11
SPEAKER_02: That's some good thinking.
8:12
SPEAKER_02: Paying taxes is is not something you want to take lightly anyway.
8:15
SPEAKER_02: You know, my uncle, I think Uncle Sai, he's still in Joliet with my dad, and you know, he didn't pay taxes for 25 years in a row.
8:24
SPEAKER_04: Wow.
8:25
SPEAKER_04: You know, interesting that he's in Joliet.
8:27
SPEAKER_04: I didn't know they sent tax dodgers to Stateville.
8:30
SPEAKER_02: Oh, no, no, he didn't get sent there for tax evasion.
8:34
SPEAKER_02: He killed Aunt May, his wife.
8:36
SPEAKER_04: So well, no, that makes sense.
8:38
SPEAKER_04: Okay, but but I'm thinking he might get pardoned too.
8:40
SPEAKER_04: So hey, make it a federal crime, and I guarantee you he'll get pardoned.
8:44
SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah, yeah.
8:45
SPEAKER_04: Why don't we get started on taxes that Harry Brock, Harry, thank you for coming onto the show.
8:50
SPEAKER_04: You ready, ready to get started?
8:52
SPEAKER_00: Hey, both of you.
8:53
SPEAKER_00: Uh, thanks for for having me.
8:54
SPEAKER_00: Uh, how you guys been?
8:56
SPEAKER_00: Uh oh, doing great.
8:57
SPEAKER_04: Had a great 2024, better than any year you've done our taxes before.
9:02
SPEAKER_04: I gotta tell you, you're gonna be so happy.
9:04
SPEAKER_01: I I was just so happy when I got the call from Steve, and he said that you wanted to see if you could do your taxes on the air.
9:09
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and I thought maybe help your audience with some uh tips and tricks, which uh should be so different uh when it comes to 2045 and and this year.
9:19
SPEAKER_04: So oh yeah, oh absolutely.
9:21
SPEAKER_04: A lot of new things, a lot of new tax items are happening this year, aren't they?
9:25
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
9:26
SPEAKER_01: Uh and again, normally my partner uh Ross is the one that kind of helps you guys out.
9:31
SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah, yeah, is he okay?
9:32
SPEAKER_01: Is Ross already?
9:33
SPEAKER_01: Well, um he he's been on uh vacation for a whole I mean a bit until it's uh uh six and six months and three years.
9:44
SPEAKER_01: Um hopefully sooner, you know, with with good uh behavior.
9:48
SPEAKER_01: But until then I I'll I'll be your point person.
9:51
SPEAKER_02: Wow.
9:52
SPEAKER_02: Well that's good.
9:52
SPEAKER_02: You know, he was always really good to work with, but I did notice that he would come to meet with us every year in a new car.
9:58
SPEAKER_02: And I always wondered about that.
10:00
SPEAKER_02: I I don't know.
10:02
SPEAKER_01: He he he always loved to keep appearances up.
10:05
SPEAKER_01: Uh that's good old Ross.
10:06
SPEAKER_01: And no one ever kept track of exactly where they came from all the time, but you know, he was resourceful, is what we would call that resourceful, resourceful Ross.
10:17
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and if there's one thing I've learned in life lately is that you need to look like you have money exactly if you don't really have money, right?
10:25
SPEAKER_02: You know, that's important for people to believe that.
10:28
SPEAKER_02: So I I I I like that strategy.
10:30
SPEAKER_01: You dress dress for the job you want, not for the job you have.
10:34
SPEAKER_01: Oh, absolutely.
10:35
SPEAKER_01: And again, he won't have that job for another three to six, but um still we'll go ahead and start off with some uh basic information.
10:43
SPEAKER_01: Okay, uh so Steve, you still live in Omaha at uh 1313 Mockingbird Lane, and your social security number is 218370871.
10:54
SPEAKER_01: Is that correct?
10:55
SPEAKER_04: Well, well, very I guess so, but I remember this is going out to millions of people.
11:00
SPEAKER_04: I mean, that's that's shouldn't that information be kept private?
11:02
SPEAKER_04: I mean, that's just everybody's hearing this.
11:05
SPEAKER_01: Okay, well, okay, that's one of the other big changes in 2025 because you know, now that Elon is helping the country out, all the the private information will now be shared with everyone that he wants to share it with.
11:15
SPEAKER_01: So you don't really have to worry about keeping it private because trust me, it won't be.
11:21
SPEAKER_01: Oh uh again, you can learn a lot from people about what you know they claim of their taxes, you know, like uh for instance, oh look, uh I I just got shown this one.
11:31
SPEAKER_01: Uh there's a gentleman, uh Herbert Benson in Stillwater, Oklahoma.
11:35
SPEAKER_01: I mean, it's$875 for toothpaste.
11:38
SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
11:40
SPEAKER_01: Like, really?
11:41
SPEAKER_01: And then there's like uh Myra Breckenridge of Estrogen Falls, Missouri.
11:45
SPEAKER_01: I mean,$100 checks made out to cash.
11:48
SPEAKER_01: I mean, come on.
11:51
SPEAKER_01: Jeff already knows where this is going.
11:53
SPEAKER_01: Like it's clearly a payment to a drug dealer, you know.
11:56
SPEAKER_04: Well, and then and and this is all in some of the now public information from the from the treasury, right?
12:01
SPEAKER_01: Oh uh, I have a direct line to the the guy who used to be called Big Balls.
12:06
SPEAKER_01: You know, yeah.
12:07
SPEAKER_01: That that's a 19-year-old kid, but he's got quite a head on his shoulders.
12:10
SPEAKER_01: So I must, yeah.
12:13
SPEAKER_01: Oh, okay, another one.
12:14
SPEAKER_01: You'll find this one funny, especially considering the climate.
12:17
SPEAKER_01: William Debbahurst of uh Sheboygan, Michigan.
12:22
SPEAKER_01: He he always wonders why you know he has health problems because again, he included that on his taxes for some reason.
12:28
SPEAKER_04: It's like oh that's skinny information somewhere that you know helps.
12:32
SPEAKER_01: If you're making you're making obelets out of Cadbury eggs, it's not a surprise that you got diabetes, you know what I mean?
12:38
SPEAKER_01: It's not really hard to figure that out, but again, um and those don't taste good with cheese at all.
12:45
SPEAKER_01: Not at all, not at all.
12:46
SPEAKER_01: You you can you can put salsa on it and you can kind of get a Wayvo Frencheros type shit.
12:52
SPEAKER_04: So that'd be kind of good.
12:53
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, it's that's sweeten the sweeten the heat is what they call it.
12:56
SPEAKER_01: So it's just so nice.
12:57
SPEAKER_01: Uh and then, oh, one final one.
12:59
SPEAKER_01: Uh Larry Lipschitz of uh Pinesall, California.
13:04
SPEAKER_01: Okay, he's deducting Canadian whiskey as a medical expense.
13:09
SPEAKER_01: I mean, that's that's a heck of a term, but but here's the problem it's you really can't do that anymore.
13:13
SPEAKER_01: It's gonna be called freedom sauce now, and it's not deductible, okay?
13:17
SPEAKER_01: And then the tariffs aren't gonna be deductible on it either.
13:20
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
13:20
SPEAKER_04: Oh, I would think not.
13:22
SPEAKER_04: Boy, that that stuff's all good to know.
13:24
SPEAKER_04: And it's good to know that whatever we do on our taxes here, everybody's gonna hear about that.
13:30
SPEAKER_04: You know, in some ways, it kind of takes the pressure off.
13:32
SPEAKER_04: Just don't have to worry about the information going out because it is exactly, exactly.
13:37
SPEAKER_01: Uh, so uh getting back to it.
13:38
SPEAKER_01: Uh Jeff, you still live in that split little house at 422 Clinton Way in Berwin, Illinois, and your social is 319-347679.
13:48
SPEAKER_02: It is, that's me.
13:50
SPEAKER_02: Great, I'm proud to say.
13:52
SPEAKER_01: Fantastic.
13:53
SPEAKER_01: Uh, so we don't have to worry about that form then to change address.
13:56
SPEAKER_01: You guys are still golden.
13:57
SPEAKER_01: So then uh, besides the uh Girl Scout cookies and selling drugs from what you mentioned earlier.
14:03
SPEAKER_01: Do either of you have any more additional income to report?
14:06
SPEAKER_04: I don't.
14:07
SPEAKER_04: That's about it for me and Jeff.
14:09
SPEAKER_02: No, you know, we were gonna start that puppy business, that rent a puppy for the weekend business.
14:14
SPEAKER_02: We never really got that going, and so I don't really have anything else really working.
14:18
SPEAKER_02: I know Kathy leaves at night for three or four hours every night.
14:22
SPEAKER_02: I'm not exactly sure where she goes, but I don't think it's to make money.
14:26
SPEAKER_02: I I I think it's for other reasons.
14:29
SPEAKER_01: Okay, no worries.
14:30
SPEAKER_01: In talking about what you did this year, we'll we'll talk about what's happening next year.
14:34
SPEAKER_01: So uh so starting with the big one.
14:36
SPEAKER_01: So from now on, or at least you know for the next four years, uh, no one will pay taxes anymore.
14:42
SPEAKER_01: Wow, not a dime.
14:44
SPEAKER_04: Wow, no taxes, that's amazing.
14:48
SPEAKER_04: What exactly you know, Harry, that that sure is gonna make things great again.
14:52
SPEAKER_01: Uh they and and then for the sake of of my brother's upcoming parole hearing, I I want to state I have total confidence in our fearless leader, Mr.
15:02
SPEAKER_01: Bus.
15:03
SPEAKER_02: Sure, yeah, we do too.
15:04
SPEAKER_02: And oh yes, and one more thing about sharing that private information.
15:08
SPEAKER_02: I think the lesson here is that the place where money is is not coming in is with poor people that will be sharing all of their information, not the billionaires, but you know, but that's where we need to get the money back from people who don't have money, right?
15:25
SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
15:26
SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
15:26
SPEAKER_01: And again, it's a lot of the thing with with with billionaires and millionaires, they've got so much of it, it's kind of hard to keep track individually where each dollar is going, right?
15:35
SPEAKER_01: You know, and it's just so many gateways and and so many extra, you know, back end deals and things of that nature.
15:42
SPEAKER_01: And again, I don't know how many times you know you can take a certain person and how many mistresses have those dollars been going through year after year.
15:49
SPEAKER_01: It's just it's it gets just too much paperwork, and again, people being charitable and and stuff like that, it's it's very hard uh to figure that out.
15:56
SPEAKER_04: So I think it really takes somebody who has generationally in his family for several generations has exploited working people to really understand how taxes can work for the working people.
16:08
SPEAKER_04: I mean, I you know, we just haven't had this before.
16:11
SPEAKER_01: Exactly, exactly.
16:12
SPEAKER_01: So, so no taxes, uh, but instead of taxes, we will be using a new system of tariffs uh to generate income.
16:20
SPEAKER_01: You know, our our great leader, he really loves he really loves those tariffs, and and and some of the tariffs might be kind of steep.
16:25
SPEAKER_01: Uh, but the good news uh for Steve, uh, because he lives in uh Nebraska, he will get what we call the uh red state discount.
16:33
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
16:34
SPEAKER_01: Uh so that's real good for you.
16:36
SPEAKER_01: Jeff, unfortunately, uh, you did live in Illinois and you've made that choice uh for the previous year.
16:44
SPEAKER_01: So you're gonna have to pay a little more than Steve.
16:46
SPEAKER_01: More like 75% more.
16:50
SPEAKER_01: You know, it's not a not a huge amount.
16:55
SPEAKER_02: That is that's bad luck for me, but it's a free country, and I I guess the good news is I'm I'm I can always move to Indiana and get rid of that.
17:03
SPEAKER_02: Is that is that correct?
17:05
SPEAKER_01: That would be the the first one.
17:06
SPEAKER_01: I was I was gonna suggest that.
17:07
SPEAKER_01: That'd be the first kind of obvious thing, um, is move moving down to an Indiana, but you know, uh it it it but this new structure is not a one size fits all kind of deal.
17:16
SPEAKER_01: You can bring tariffs down by simply just doing a few basic things for next year, uh, and we can just see how easy that change is uh comparing to to you know what you did this year, and we can just kind of move that over.
17:28
SPEAKER_02: Like what?
17:29
SPEAKER_02: What kinds of things are we talking about?
17:31
SPEAKER_01: There's lots of things to get credits, okay?
17:33
SPEAKER_01: And the good news is uh, Steve, you might want to pay attention as well, because even in the red states, these credits can apply, okay?
17:39
SPEAKER_01: So so you can even get money back that you didn't even pay, okay.
17:43
SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh.
17:44
SPEAKER_01: Do you want to go over some of the things here?
17:47
SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah.
17:47
SPEAKER_04: Let's go over the credits and and you listeners at home.
17:50
SPEAKER_04: Oh, you listeners at home, take notes because this is really gonna help people's taxes.
17:55
SPEAKER_04: Jeff, we're givers, Jeff.
17:56
SPEAKER_04: This is how we give.
17:57
SPEAKER_00: Okay, anyway, go ahead, go, Harry.
17:59
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
18:00
SPEAKER_00: So I heard about a little Stevie.
18:01
SPEAKER_00: Uh, just want to make sure.
18:02
SPEAKER_00: Uh, did you go to school at all?
18:04
SPEAKER_04: No, well, it's the she and she's she's in some sort of pre-nursery.
18:10
SPEAKER_04: I some people would call it counseling, some people would call it school.
18:14
SPEAKER_04: Okay, but yeah, no, not really.
18:15
SPEAKER_01: So we should ask it this way, then.
18:17
SPEAKER_01: Did uh that school uh erase or amend anything to exclude uh we'll just bring up some certain topics here, uh, slavery, the civil war, Martin Luther King, uh anything of that nature?
18:30
SPEAKER_04: Oh, oh, she's only like two years old.
18:32
SPEAKER_04: I guarantee you they didn't mention any of those things.
18:35
SPEAKER_01: Okay, fantastic.
18:35
SPEAKER_01: Then you can get a Black Lives Don't Matter credit, so that's perfect.
18:38
SPEAKER_01: Beautiful.
18:39
SPEAKER_01: Oh, wow.
18:40
SPEAKER_02: Congrats, Steve.
18:41
SPEAKER_02: You're doing great.
18:42
SPEAKER_01: Just checking you're still going to Illinois, right?
18:45
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, unfortunately.
18:47
SPEAKER_01: So I'm sure they're still talking about Barack Obama because they can't seem to give up about that.
18:52
SPEAKER_01: So I don't think that credit's going to apply.
18:54
SPEAKER_01: Have either of you gone to a casino in Gaza yet?
18:58
SPEAKER_04: No, but I am so excited.
19:00
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, well, that might be that might be easier in a couple more years, so that's not a bad idea.
19:04
SPEAKER_04: And you want to go in a couple years because by three years they'll be bankrupt.
19:08
SPEAKER_01: Exactly, exactly.
19:09
SPEAKER_01: Either of you have breast implants.
19:11
SPEAKER_02: Personally, no, but no, but you know, I think Kathy's open, you know, for that kind of stuff.
19:18
SPEAKER_02: So is that would that help?
19:20
SPEAKER_01: So I do want to ask.
19:21
SPEAKER_01: Uh, again, it's gonna be a situation.
19:23
SPEAKER_01: She I'm assuming she's uh under 30 years of age.
19:26
SPEAKER_02: Uh she'll tell you that.
19:28
SPEAKER_01: I don't think sure.
19:29
SPEAKER_01: Well, if she can lie to a tax attorney well enough, uh okay, make sure she goes for that 38 double D though.
19:34
SPEAKER_01: I mean she was larger.
19:36
SPEAKER_04: Sure.
19:36
SPEAKER_04: She was under 30 at some point.
19:38
SPEAKER_04: Does that count?
19:39
SPEAKER_04: Absolutely.
19:39
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
19:40
SPEAKER_01: That'll work.
19:41
SPEAKER_01: That'll work.
19:41
SPEAKER_01: Uh it's because it's known as the back problems credit, and I think that will work.
19:46
SPEAKER_01: Um perfect.
19:48
SPEAKER_01: So again, obviously, you guys have this great studio.
19:51
SPEAKER_01: I'm sure you're using a bunch of energy.
19:53
SPEAKER_01: Um, so again, we do have an energy tax credit.
19:56
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
19:57
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's it's kind of a steep one, too.
19:58
SPEAKER_01: It's it's five thousand dollars.
20:00
SPEAKER_01: Wow.
20:01
SPEAKER_01: If you waste energy, okay, so it's gonna be have to be like fossil fuels, you know, none of those like solar panel kind of stuff.
20:08
SPEAKER_01: None of that.
20:09
SPEAKER_04: You can do that, Steve.
20:10
SPEAKER_04: Can I do that?
20:10
SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah, specifically, they're they're all fossil fuels here.
20:14
SPEAKER_04: They're there are a bunch of fossils, in fact, too.
20:16
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
20:16
SPEAKER_01: It's one of the few things in Home Depot, they've got a lot of coal, uh, a lot of the charcoal briquettes.
20:21
SPEAKER_01: You got folks just outside burning them all.
20:22
SPEAKER_01: So yeah, that's great.
20:24
SPEAKER_01: It's great.
20:25
SPEAKER_01: I'm assuming you aren't defending any criminal in a civil case or for or anything like that from sexual assault.
20:31
SPEAKER_04: Would it pay if I did?
20:33
SPEAKER_01: You absolutely would be.
20:35
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
20:36
SPEAKER_04: I could start.
20:37
SPEAKER_04: I could start, I could find one.
20:39
SPEAKER_04: I'll find one.
20:39
SPEAKER_04: I'll find one.
20:40
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely, absolutely.
20:41
SPEAKER_01: Just I'm I'm sure you could probably throw a dead cat around and find uh a person accused of sexual assault.
20:46
SPEAKER_01: So just defend them and and you'll be great for that.
20:48
SPEAKER_01: Cool.
20:49
SPEAKER_01: Um do you uh employ any minorities?
20:53
SPEAKER_02: No, Claire's not a minority.
20:55
SPEAKER_02: Well, does does German count as a minority?
20:58
SPEAKER_01: Oh no, not not anymore.
21:00
SPEAKER_01: Um that is actually one of the okay, that is one of the 37 ones.
21:07
SPEAKER_01: So I would say uh hire a couple and fire a couple, and you can get a quick tax credit on that.
21:12
SPEAKER_01: It's called the uh unequal opportunity credit.
21:15
SPEAKER_01: So it's wow.
21:16
SPEAKER_02: So it's and do we have to we have to do that before April 15th?
21:19
SPEAKER_02: Is that uh the way it works?
21:21
SPEAKER_02: So if we do that now, we can kind of take that credit from last year.
21:24
SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
21:25
SPEAKER_01: Get on the feeling, I have a feeling that credit might roll over.
21:28
SPEAKER_01: So good.
21:30
SPEAKER_01: We have that.
21:31
SPEAKER_01: So again, uh guns.
21:33
SPEAKER_01: Anybody own any guns?
21:35
SPEAKER_01: I'm open to it.
21:36
SPEAKER_02: Weren't we gonna get a gun to like shoot the rats in the I we yeah, we we did.
21:41
SPEAKER_04: I got I got like a little it's like a little pellet gun type thing.
21:44
SPEAKER_04: It's not you know just a gun per se, you know.
21:47
SPEAKER_01: But I mean I need a minimum of five guns, just make sure it's five firearms.
21:52
SPEAKER_01: If you can if you can get that up to double if they're semi automatic and uh triple if they're fully automatic.
21:58
SPEAKER_04: So and again, I think.
22:00
SPEAKER_01: Like that credits, that credit's gonna be one of those kind of hot and cold ones because uh in a little bit, everyone's gonna have enough to the point where you're not really you know getting a lot of credits on that.
22:09
SPEAKER_01: So uh I would say hit that hit that iron while that iron's hot.
22:13
SPEAKER_01: Uh likewise if you buy Tesla, use Twitter or PayPal, unrelated to anyone.
22:18
SPEAKER_01: Uh, but I'd just say if you if you got those, if you got a Tesla and you use those, I would say go ahead and definitely uh keep doing that and let everyone know that you're using it and tell them how great it is.
22:28
SPEAKER_01: Then the other one, uh, do you guys have any pets?
22:31
SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah.
22:32
SPEAKER_02: Uh yeah, in Illinois.
22:35
unknown: Yeah.
22:35
SPEAKER_02: Illinois.
22:38
SPEAKER_01: Sure, sure.
22:39
SPEAKER_01: Have you eaten any pets?
22:41
SPEAKER_04: Uh no.
22:43
SPEAKER_04: Lately.
22:43
SPEAKER_04: Okay.
22:44
SPEAKER_04: I've eaten with the pets, I've fed the pets.
22:47
SPEAKER_04: Sure, sure.
22:48
SPEAKER_01: I would say this one's probably going to be more for Jeff.
22:50
SPEAKER_01: Jeff, if you can move to Ohio instead of Indiana, okay.
22:54
SPEAKER_01: If you can prove you've eaten a pet uh in the previous year, you can go ahead and get a credit on that.
23:00
SPEAKER_01: Uh likewise, hey, for the entrepreneurs listening, if you open up a restaurant and uh you serve domestic animals, um, you will absolutely get a credit.
23:09
SPEAKER_01: And by serve, I you mean feeding them to people, not just feeding the animals.
23:14
SPEAKER_01: Right.
23:14
SPEAKER_04: Not you don't have cats eating in your restaurant.
23:16
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
23:17
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
23:17
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, exactly.
23:18
SPEAKER_01: Well, you have the cats eating in the restaurant and then have restaurateurs eat those cats.
23:22
SPEAKER_01: Then I think you're you gotta well self-system.
23:25
SPEAKER_04: The cats eat the rats and the rats eat the cats.
23:27
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, no, I can't.
23:27
SPEAKER_04: Exactly.
23:28
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, no, I get out of those.
23:29
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah.
23:29
SPEAKER_01: So so then uh also just to make sure here, how do you feel about public lands and turning them into dumps?
23:35
SPEAKER_04: There's a tax break in it.
23:37
SPEAKER_04: I yeah.
23:38
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely, absolutely.
23:39
SPEAKER_01: Uh, and again, that's one that's gonna be one that's not everybody's gonna be able to apply for.
23:42
SPEAKER_01: So that's that's good.
23:43
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, uh, entertainment credits.
23:45
SPEAKER_01: I'm sure you guys enjoy a lot of stuff.
23:47
SPEAKER_01: So I want you to make sure when you are investing in real entertainment, I want you to invest in real American entertainment, okay?
23:54
SPEAKER_01: And actors, you know, real, real obvious great American actors like Mel Gibson and Kevin Sorbo, uh, or even a Russell Brand, if you can handle how much he talks.
24:05
SPEAKER_01: Um, but that's definitely every every dollar you put on that one, it's gonna go to the one up top.
24:10
SPEAKER_01: Oh, wow.
24:11
SPEAKER_01: Obviously, uh you get a tariff exemption for billionaires approved by the administration.
24:15
SPEAKER_01: So if you can give the good graces to them, you know, you don't have to pay anything at all.
24:19
SPEAKER_01: That's that's really uh easy.
24:21
SPEAKER_01: And again, unearned uh income tax credit.
24:24
SPEAKER_01: You can get zero tax on money stolen from childhood cancer charities.
24:27
SPEAKER_01: Uh again, wow, you can call shake a hand and no one's gonna know.
24:32
SPEAKER_01: Uh Medicaid recipients, they're very slow.
24:34
SPEAKER_01: You can usually outrun them.
24:35
SPEAKER_01: Uh, so that's pretty easy to pull off.
24:38
SPEAKER_01: Uh, likewise, credit for returning, personally returning Mexicans to Mexico.
24:43
SPEAKER_01: And hey, you get double if they're actually illegal.
24:46
SPEAKER_01: So um, I would say that's more trash.
24:48
SPEAKER_01: Wow.
24:49
SPEAKER_01: That's that's more like fishing with a net.
24:50
SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
24:51
SPEAKER_01: You just throw it out, yeah, you're gonna get a couple of boots, but you're gonna be able to get a lot more on there.
24:56
SPEAKER_01: So, and again, you with the bureaucracy, you might as well just double check that.
25:00
SPEAKER_01: So, that's not a worry.
25:03
SPEAKER_02: They think of everything.
25:04
SPEAKER_02: They don't know, nothing left to chance.
25:07
SPEAKER_02: I do have a question.
25:08
SPEAKER_02: My son, he's in law school, and I was wondering if there's a tax write-off there.
25:13
SPEAKER_02: He goes to the Southern Poverty Law Center, which they say is one of the the best law schools in in the South.
25:20
SPEAKER_04: Is that right?
25:22
SPEAKER_04: That might be a penalty, Jeff.
25:24
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, uh, you are educating on law.
25:27
SPEAKER_01: So again, is he handling any cases of sexual assault or anything like that on the defendant side of it?
25:33
SPEAKER_02: No, but there's no quota system and they don't allow any minorities.
25:37
SPEAKER_01: Okay, well, that's gonna give you a couple there.
25:38
SPEAKER_01: So that's if you can word that correctly.
25:42
SPEAKER_01: Um again, there's also a uh a trans credit, um, which means if you can sell a Pontiac uh transam to a real man or woman, uh, you do get a credit for that.
25:53
SPEAKER_01: However, if it's later found out that the person you sold it to was not a real man or woman and instead was a trans woman, uh, you will get a penalty for that.
26:03
SPEAKER_01: You kind of have to figure that out.
26:04
SPEAKER_01: Uh it's a 37% penalty, so it's a high risk, high reward, or you can really kind of double check.
26:10
SPEAKER_01: Uh so if you start noticing a lot of auto dealers that have dressing rooms, uh, that's probably why.
26:16
SPEAKER_04: Um man.
26:18
SPEAKER_04: So figuring out.
26:19
SPEAKER_04: I understand.
26:20
SPEAKER_04: I wonder what who changes clothes at the car dealer.
26:22
SPEAKER_04: You know, I wondered.
26:23
SPEAKER_04: But there you go.
26:25
SPEAKER_01: It it happens sometimes, and then also uh there's an accelerated appreciation on uh oh, just several items for like wilderness survival, like uh bear spray, bats, uh anything you know that you might be needing for say a polite demonstration.
26:42
SPEAKER_01: Or day of law to day of lawful uh unrest, so that's fine.
26:45
SPEAKER_01: Um yeah, but you know, you just kind of got to plan that in the head.
26:49
SPEAKER_01: So uh I think I got a couple of markdown by you guys, so I think we're on a good start.
26:53
SPEAKER_02: Oh, that's wow.
26:54
SPEAKER_02: These credits are are amazing.
26:56
SPEAKER_02: I am a little concerned.
26:58
SPEAKER_02: Uh are there enough besides me paying taxes in Illinois?
27:02
SPEAKER_02: Are the is there enough revenue coming in?
27:04
SPEAKER_02: I know they're not taxes, they're tariffs, but is there enough revenue coming in to you know kind of balance the books?
27:11
SPEAKER_02: I mean, what about the rich people?
27:13
SPEAKER_02: If they're not paying taxes, you know, I mean, how do how do we make that up?
27:18
SPEAKER_01: This is so funny you you think that.
27:20
SPEAKER_01: Uh, but you're aware that the super rich people have never paid budget taxes already, you know.
27:25
SPEAKER_01: And keep in mind, some of them will still, you know, pay tariffs, like George Soros, who will be in the uh 99.9% bracket.
27:33
SPEAKER_01: Uh, plus uh let's not forget, anyone who upsets our uh fearless leader will have additional tariffs uh based on at uh any time.
27:42
SPEAKER_01: You know, we are definitely able to control ourselves, and again, with the brilliant decision making of our leaders, we seem to be expanding uh where America is, and the more people we expand to, obviously, the more people that are going to be feeding into the pot.
27:57
SPEAKER_01: Um again, I don't think there's a lot of billionaires in Greenland, you know what I mean?
28:01
SPEAKER_04: Oh, oh, red, red, white, and blue land.
28:04
SPEAKER_01: Oh, thank you, thank you.
28:05
SPEAKER_01: Yes, yes, doing that.
28:06
SPEAKER_01: And again, uh, I'm waiting for the countries that are right now, currently near the Gulf of America, uh, you know, your Hades, your Cubas.
28:14
SPEAKER_01: Uh they're right there.
28:15
SPEAKER_01: I mean, half of them are already coming this way anyway, so we can just send them back and then take over the land.
28:19
SPEAKER_01: Um, you just have to kind of figure that out.
28:23
SPEAKER_01: Uh and I know that it will be a long list, as as always, but so as we should so it should work out fine, you know.
28:30
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
28:31
SPEAKER_01: And again, and again, just for the record, I love what they're doing with the taxes.
28:34
SPEAKER_01: I I mean, I mean tariffs.
28:36
SPEAKER_01: What they're doing with the tariffs.
28:37
SPEAKER_04: Oh, Harry, I do too.
28:39
SPEAKER_04: I am so excited.
28:40
SPEAKER_04: This and I want to thank you so much for coming on the show and really educating all our listeners and helping us get our taxes done so early.
28:47
SPEAKER_04: Boy, this is exciting!
28:48
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, absolutely.
28:49
SPEAKER_02: Thank you, Harry.
28:50
SPEAKER_02: This has been enlightening, and I've made copious notes, and I think that there may be enough credits to offset the blue tax or the I'm sorry, the blue tariffs that are coming.
29:01
SPEAKER_02: I don't know what we would do without you.
29:03
SPEAKER_01: You would certainly be someplace else.
29:05
SPEAKER_01: Um, I I will I will I will drop off the uh the information with Claire.
29:11
SPEAKER_01: Um I'm sure she will get you guys to sign off what you need to sign off on, and you will uh definitely uh be able to do this.
29:18
SPEAKER_01: I do thank you.
29:20
SPEAKER_04: Thank you so much.
29:21
SPEAKER_01: I absolutely uh and again uh I'll I'll send your your love uh to my brother.
29:27
SPEAKER_04: Hopefully he's gonna be okay, you know.
29:29
SPEAKER_01: Oh well, I'm optimistic, you know.
29:32
SPEAKER_01: Uh the good news is that although he is he has never met it to the Capitol, he was he was one of the fake delegates ready to serve his country and our previous leader.
29:39
SPEAKER_01: He's a patriot.
29:40
SPEAKER_01: He was a patriot.
29:41
SPEAKER_04: So I smell a pardon.
29:45
SPEAKER_01: That should help with the pardon and uh hopefully the newly appointed judge.
29:49
SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah.
29:50
SPEAKER_04: Well, you know, Harry, we're we're just about to get kicked out of eccentric Lady Alien Studios here, but I I wanted you to know that while we were doing our taxes, Johnny put that commercial together for you.
30:00
SPEAKER_04: So, Johnny, take us out of the show with that commercial for Harry.
30:04
SPEAKER_04: So I read this part, just read it.
30:07
SPEAKER_04: Okay, right, Steve.
30:10
SPEAKER_04: Hey, isn't your name Johnny?
30:12
SPEAKER_04: Oh, okay.
30:14
SPEAKER_04: Hi, hi, this is Ross Brock, partner with my brother Harry in the most progressive tax preparation business in the Metro.
30:22
SPEAKER_04: And even though I am currently in prison, we are fully up to speed on the switch to tariff, and we can't wait to be your go-to tariff credit store.
30:32
SPEAKER_04: We can get you more money back than you spent, or even more back than you made.
30:37
SPEAKER_04: Hey, I'm in prison.
30:38
SPEAKER_04: That could tell you how much we fight for your tariff.
30:41
SPEAKER_04: I mean tariff credits.
30:44
SPEAKER_04: We know you'll join all the Metro insane rock rock.
30:49
SPEAKER_04: So I read this part too, right?
30:51
SPEAKER_04: Okay.
30:52
SPEAKER_04: This has been a shell game production in association with plain old con media.
30:57
SPEAKER_04: Hey, I know those guys.com.
31:04
SPEAKER_04: This is Johnny speaking.
31:06
SPEAKER_04: Hey, wait, wait, I'm not Johnny.
31:08
SPEAKER_04: I'm not reading this part.
31:09
SPEAKER_04: I'm not no, no, no.
31:10
SPEAKER_04: Hey, hey, if I were Steve's mom, I'd smack you.
31:13
SPEAKER_04: Hey, I can make sure you get no tariff credits, Johnny boy.
31:17
SPEAKER_04: You just wait until I'm party.
31:19
SPEAKER_04: Oh boy.