Latest / Love You Moore with Willie Moore Jr. / “There Was No Saving My Marriage” | Christian Artist Eddy Puyol | Love You Moore Show

Transcript

“There Was No Saving My Marriage” | Christian Artist Eddy Puyol | Love You Moore Show · Love You Moore with Willie Moore Jr.

0:00
[SPEAKER_05]: His episode is brought to you by my friends at RX Outreach, a 4-to-Po-Poscription, Medication for anyone, no exceptions.
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0:19
[SPEAKER_05]: Bleed out.
0:19
[SPEAKER_03]: Next on the love of you, Morshe.
0:21
[SPEAKER_03]: When I knew that there was no saving of my marriage, I said, well, God, I'm gonna have to go ahead and see myself.
0:27
[SPEAKER_03]: I got to live at healthy, and I can't live at toxic.
0:29
[SPEAKER_03]: When I got my kids back, let me tell you something, Willie.
0:32
[SPEAKER_03]: That was probably the biggest win throughout the divorce.
0:36
[SPEAKER_03]: When she went low, I went high.
0:37
[SPEAKER_03]: That mean, I just wasn't about the business.
0:39
[SPEAKER_03]: The greatest thing that I found in my wife, Korean, is that we're best friends.
0:44
[SPEAKER_03]: Always want to be around each other.
0:45
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm constantly like where are you she like where are you?
0:47
[SPEAKER_03]: But she'll get up from the couch and just go to the bathroom and say, well, yeah, babe I just love you as a I watch your next to me.
0:54
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm right here with this constant I want you all the time around me Growing up with you, been parents was divorced and uncoupling something you saying often was this something like I have gotta walk this road alone
1:07
[SPEAKER_05]: Hey family, Willie Mojoong, you're here.
1:09
[SPEAKER_05]: Love you more, show.
1:11
[SPEAKER_05]: Family to Bible says this.
1:12
[SPEAKER_05]: And it says, love your neighbor as you love yourself, right?
1:16
[SPEAKER_05]: So in order to love your neighbor, your community, your church, whatever you're doing, you got to love you a little bit more.
1:22
[SPEAKER_05]: And so this is what this platform is designed for.
1:25
[SPEAKER_05]: You're actually here stories of people who have been through uncoupling.
1:29
[SPEAKER_05]: and their journey to loving themselves again, and today is no different.
1:33
[SPEAKER_05]: Now, to those of you who are in the Christian world, you probably have seen him on multiple different stages.
1:40
[SPEAKER_05]: Because he's Cuban, he's been able to have the best of both worlds.
1:44
[SPEAKER_05]: So he can do everything from the widest CCM stage to the hoodest black stage and everybody accepts him.
1:51
[SPEAKER_05]: I met him in 2012 and I was like,
1:54
[SPEAKER_05]: Who got some swag to him?
1:56
[SPEAKER_05]: Had no idea, later on, he would become a brother or friend and later a person who actually helped me walk through the divorce process without losing my mind.
2:04
[SPEAKER_05]: To many of you guys, you know him as raw serving.
2:08
[SPEAKER_05]: But for me, he's my brother, Eddie, who you're.
2:11
[SPEAKER_03]: What's going on, Chad?
2:11
[SPEAKER_03]: Doing the thing, baby.
2:13
[SPEAKER_03]: Happy to be here.
2:14
[SPEAKER_02]: I love you, boy.
2:15
[SPEAKER_02]: Show it.
2:15
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, man.
2:16
[SPEAKER_03]: Doing the thing, dig the crib.
2:18
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
2:18
[SPEAKER_03]: Shut up.
2:19
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
2:19
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, bounce back looks good on you, too.
2:21
[SPEAKER_03]: Man, thank you.
2:21
[SPEAKER_03]: You know what she love breathing out of you?
2:23
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, we're Eddie talk of you like, I'm doing okay.
2:27
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm doing okay, no man, I'm so grateful, you know, today, to those people who don't know your background as well as I do, talk a little bit about your musical success before we talk about, you know, you fighting for your children and doing exactly what a good father is supposed to do.
2:43
[SPEAKER_05]: Just give a little backstoor.
2:45
[SPEAKER_03]: Quick.
2:45
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, as an artist, I've been grateful to hit many different stages, you know, from the double wars to the story tour being a part of CCM, you know, places, hitting top 40 radio all that kind of stuff.
2:56
[SPEAKER_03]: But the coolest thing that I have in my catalog is being able to help the churches and the streets connect.
3:01
[SPEAKER_03]: So we created this whole hip hop worship thing back in the days and that helped, you know, people go, hey, wait, we can love God and love rap at the same time.
3:10
[SPEAKER_03]: So kind of helping put that into the Christian space has been real dope.
3:14
[SPEAKER_03]: And obviously now it's running.
3:16
[SPEAKER_03]: It's tons of artists that have taken on the torch and they're rolling straight ahead, man, I love it.
3:22
[SPEAKER_05]: Yes, indeed.
3:23
[SPEAKER_05]: You know, 2012, I meet you.
3:25
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm married and I have two children at the time.
3:29
[SPEAKER_05]: And of course you get married and of course you have two girls and you know later in life I literally see you say hey, man I got to make a different strong decision and as a Christian you know we are taught like hey, man You can't get divorced and so you kind of like I think even as a friend I'm just like hey, man, but what you're going to do to save it?
3:49
[SPEAKER_05]: What you're going to do to fight and you are the first man that I ever seen to be like bro I did everything I could bro like I'm I got to walk down this journey
3:56
[SPEAKER_05]: Right.
3:56
[SPEAKER_05]: Like how are you able as a Christian artist who's sitting on huge CCM stages, traveling on the story tour, people knowing you for a certain thing, working in churches, right?
4:08
[SPEAKER_05]: Like really standing in the stage and people playing you to be there at the church.
4:11
[SPEAKER_05]: And then having to break the hard news of this beautiful family that people have fallen in love with that I'm getting the divorce.
4:18
[SPEAKER_03]: It was tough.
4:19
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm real hard.
4:19
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, tell about a gut check,
4:26
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, when I knew that there was no saving my marriage, I said, well, God, I'm gonna have to go ahead and save myself.
4:36
[SPEAKER_03]: Because if I'm gonna have to go ahead and live life, I gotta live at healthy, and I can't live at toxic.
4:43
[SPEAKER_03]: And the relationship, I don't wanna talk too nasty about my kids' mom, but it was just a real toxic relationship.
4:49
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, I was mentally verbally abused, and I was just wasn't myself, wasn't the same.
4:54
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, bold man that people saw me back then as I was going through a lot of just issues, you know, at home.
5:02
[SPEAKER_03]: And it was tough.
5:03
[SPEAKER_03]: So knowing I had to pivot and make that move to get a divorce was one I had to table heavy.
5:10
[SPEAKER_03]: The hardest part though was not what the people were going to say about me.
5:14
[SPEAKER_03]: It was me not being able to see my kids every day.
5:17
[SPEAKER_03]: And that was probably the hardest decision, like knowing, hey, for the good of them, I've got to get healthy.
5:24
[SPEAKER_03]: So I've got to Chuck Duce's on this relationship and move on, and get healthy and then make a way for them to be able to follow suit.
5:33
[SPEAKER_03]: So...
5:35
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, man, I think it back now, that was a hard decision, but gratefully the bounce back is real and I am now found love again, so it was definitely worth the pivot worth the move, you know, and look my kids are better for it now
5:51
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, your beautiful daughters are amazing.
5:54
[SPEAKER_05]: Bro, I gotta, you know, I don't want to get to the minutiae of the relationship that you previously had.
6:01
[SPEAKER_05]: But I do want to talk about the process, you made the decision to walk away, right?
6:07
[SPEAKER_05]: Like so you filed and said, hey, I gotta get away from this.
6:10
[SPEAKER_05]: Only 31% of all men choose to make that decision.
6:13
[SPEAKER_05]: Season 9% of women out there, that the ones that say, hey, I'm running to the divorce court.
6:17
[SPEAKER_05]: Like as a man, knowing that 50% of your stuff
6:22
[SPEAKER_05]: It odds going, it's good that he's out like what was that thought process for you knowing the half of your stuff could be gone?
6:32
[SPEAKER_03]: I don't think I looked at it at all in a possession way.
6:35
[SPEAKER_03]: It was just my kids.
6:37
[SPEAKER_03]: That was the hardest part about it.
6:39
[SPEAKER_03]: I remember the day that I knew I was leaving, and I hug Eva and Olivia, and I just wept, man.
6:46
[SPEAKER_03]: I just cried, I'm controlled to be, because I just knew this was the last time that I was gonna be in the home, you know, like as far as that home was.
6:55
[SPEAKER_03]: So that process, I wasn't,
6:58
[SPEAKER_03]: I guess tabling much of everything else, just them.
7:02
[SPEAKER_03]: So my whole thing was really on the kids.
7:04
[SPEAKER_03]: I just knew it was a super unhealthy environment to raise the kids in, you know, and the world is fast and raising kids like you got to be quick with it.
7:15
[SPEAKER_03]: So I figured, hey, the kids are going to learn anyways.
7:19
[SPEAKER_03]: So now they're going to see two sides of life and pray that they choose the right one.
7:23
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
7:25
[SPEAKER_05]: As a Christian,
7:27
[SPEAKER_05]: We're taught the hey man, you got to stay in the fight.
7:31
[SPEAKER_05]: You got to submit and you just, hey, you said I do this was your thing.
7:35
[SPEAKER_05]: Like how do you table those thoughts knowing that?
7:39
[SPEAKER_05]: I believe God is not for divorce, but he's for the first people, you know, he's not mad at you, he's actually mad about you, right?
7:46
[SPEAKER_05]: But how do you table that in your head when you have been raised and taught and preached, right?
7:52
[SPEAKER_05]: Like you stick with your marriage or whatever,
7:56
[SPEAKER_03]: course and everybody even you encourage me on stick with us who went to counseling.
8:01
[SPEAKER_03]: I think we saw three therapists and by the third one, they all said the same thing and y'all ain't gonna make it.
8:08
[SPEAKER_03]: They were just like, you know, back to the Bible.
8:12
[SPEAKER_03]: How can two walk and let's say agree, you know, and it was like literally nothing that we agreed on.
8:17
[SPEAKER_03]: They just kept on just not working every which way possible.
8:21
[SPEAKER_03]: And, you know, there was a bunch, a bunch of different stories that we can go back in.
8:27
[SPEAKER_03]: But the bottom line is when, you know, you know, that the ship is sinking, you either going to try to fix the hole or you're going to jump off the boat.
8:35
[SPEAKER_03]: And if there's too many holes in the boat, and it's going to sink anyways, you might as well
8:42
[SPEAKER_05]: I remember sitting there when I had to make that tough decision that I had managed to just not work you right and I'm going to have to do something different.
8:52
[SPEAKER_05]: So what I decided to do is I took a year of
8:58
[SPEAKER_05]: Well, two years of therapy like, okay, I'm just gonna run myself since I'm in the problem most guys I'm in the problem I'm like, all right cool well I need to take it but what I discovered in therapy is that a lot of the stuff that I was dealing with was my inner child right and so I learned so much about myself.
9:15
[SPEAKER_05]: that I stopped really getting offended over some of the things that would be happening because I realized like, oh, you just ain't fixed, you know, fixture in a child.
9:23
[SPEAKER_05]: So when it comes to you, I mean growing up with Cuban parents was divorced and uncoupling something you saying often, or did, was just something like, I gotta walk this road along.
9:33
[SPEAKER_03]: We saw it at home worked out, and it was a mess at home.
9:37
[SPEAKER_03]: It was up down all the time.
9:38
[SPEAKER_03]: It was fights, arguments, but they just kept on living, kept on doing it.
9:42
[SPEAKER_03]: So it wasn't something that was modeled at home as far as divorce and kind of leaving.
9:48
[SPEAKER_03]: You stuck it out and worked it out.
9:51
[SPEAKER_03]: In my situation, even my folks were like, look at it, it's just not working.
9:55
[SPEAKER_03]: You know why?
9:56
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
9:57
[SPEAKER_03]: My dad's stung me man, he's done a plenty of times over, but one time he yoke me in a heart extra good, and he said, uh, son you deserve this.
10:09
[SPEAKER_03]: You deserve better.
10:11
[SPEAKER_03]: And that was when I was like, yo, my dad's a man a few words, you know, when it comes down emotional, he'll tell you a story all day and he'll be able to run the serve.
10:20
[SPEAKER_03]: He's a man just straight down the middle man.
10:22
[SPEAKER_03]: So when he told me that, I was like, okay, and, you know, of course my mom felt bad, you know, she's like, oh my Eddie, you know, you deserve better, same thing, same thing, same thing, same thing.
10:35
[SPEAKER_03]: the hopes of divorce is being able to find you and love you again.
10:41
[SPEAKER_03]: That's the hope.
10:43
[SPEAKER_03]: And I can definitely say I've got that back.
10:46
[SPEAKER_03]: So I found that my man.
10:47
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, your eyes definitely represent it.
10:50
[SPEAKER_05]: When you have small children and you know that you're going to have to know your former wife in some capacity.
10:57
[SPEAKER_03]: Oh yeah.
10:58
[SPEAKER_05]: for the rest of your life.
11:00
[SPEAKER_05]: Like, how do you navigate the arguments, the fights, the unfairness of some of the things that may be said, having to have them be over there, then coming over here.
11:09
[SPEAKER_05]: In your case, we'll talk later.
11:10
[SPEAKER_05]: Like, you actually got full custody of YouTube.
11:13
[SPEAKER_03]: I did.
11:14
[SPEAKER_03]: I did.
11:14
[SPEAKER_03]: I ended up getting the kids back.
11:16
[SPEAKER_03]: full time because the very reason why I divorced my ex, you know, finally came to light, you know, thank God for that.
11:23
[SPEAKER_03]: Her family actually came and said, hey, you're going to have to take the kids for a little bit, you know, why she gets it together.
11:28
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm like, oh, praise the Lord.
11:30
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, you don't want to go like, now you listen, you know, hey, but because they didn't leave all this time.
11:35
[SPEAKER_05]: Not a whole time.
11:36
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, whole time I was a beggar.
11:38
[SPEAKER_03]: I was a problem and I said, okay, so like your story, if I'm the bad guy, would I let me remove myself?
11:43
[SPEAKER_03]: And then we'll see what happens.
11:44
[SPEAKER_03]: And then when I did, the problem got worse.
11:47
[SPEAKER_03]: Well, a lot of was no police there.
11:48
[SPEAKER_03]: There was nobody monitoring.
11:49
[SPEAKER_03]: There was nobody going, hey, watch out.
11:51
[SPEAKER_03]: That lady, do you should do that?
11:52
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, come on, man, there was wasn't any of that.
11:55
[SPEAKER_03]: So once that was gone, then everything just crumbled.
11:59
[SPEAKER_03]: So when I got my kids back, let me tell you something, Willie.
12:03
[SPEAKER_03]: That was probably the biggest win throughout the divorce because it was like, look,
12:10
[SPEAKER_03]: I stayed in my head, not my heart.
12:12
[SPEAKER_03]: I didn't sweat the small stuff.
12:14
[SPEAKER_03]: When she went low, I went high, you know what I mean?
12:16
[SPEAKER_03]: I just wasn't, wasn't about the business.
12:18
[SPEAKER_03]: She was talking negative.
12:19
[SPEAKER_03]: I was talking positive.
12:20
[SPEAKER_03]: I didn't talk nasty about her around other people and all of a sudden, everybody started coming back to me.
12:26
[SPEAKER_03]: Yo, what she said, man, I don't see it like that.
12:29
[SPEAKER_03]: Now I see something different.
12:31
[SPEAKER_03]: And then getting the kids full time was like, everything that enemy stole from me.
12:36
[SPEAKER_03]: God paid back with interest.
12:38
[SPEAKER_05]: So it was kind of how do you prepare yourself as a man who has to go to work who has to take care of this house Right has to make sure everything is intact and now you have two not little boys They're girls girl.
12:51
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, we have to hear her done you're from closed.
12:54
[SPEAKER_05]: I don't know this stuff like
12:56
[SPEAKER_05]: Like, I mean, I'm just saying, like, there we are right now.
12:58
[SPEAKER_05]: Other side, like, wait a minute, bro, like, we can do that.
13:01
[SPEAKER_05]: Like, people see me out with my children in the airport.
13:04
[SPEAKER_05]: At that time, I got three little two, sometimes four.
13:08
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, and they just like, man, yeah, they're like, how you, like, how you move and like, I gotta be the greatest of that.
13:13
[SPEAKER_05]: So for you, for you, knowing that now I have full custody of two little girls.
13:18
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13:22
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14:01
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14:09
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I think that people perish because of that lack of knowledge, right?
14:13
[SPEAKER_02]: It's been long said that you have to have this type of credit score to buy a house.
14:17
[SPEAKER_02]: To be honest with you, if you're a hustler and you've got 20% credit score, it don't really matter.
14:21
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14:22
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14:35
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14:36
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14:44
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14:46
[SPEAKER_05]: Now back to the love you more show like people see me out with my children in the airport at that time I got three little two right sometimes for yeah, and they just like man Yeah, they're like how you like how you move and like I've got to be the greatest of that So life for you for you knowing that now I have full custody of two little girls No, keep it saying man.
15:06
[SPEAKER_03]: Three words we live on figure it out
15:11
[SPEAKER_03]: it's just one of those things man.
15:12
[SPEAKER_03]: I just had to figure it out and great, you know, great for me.
15:15
[SPEAKER_03]: My family is a tight knit one.
15:18
[SPEAKER_03]: So, you know, my well- I taught me families the main things.
15:20
[SPEAKER_03]: So, we'd like live that out and we're always together.
15:23
[SPEAKER_03]: And, you know, we have multiple businesses that were all part of one of his family on an operated preschool car garden learning center.
15:30
[SPEAKER_03]: So, yeah.
15:30
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, I learned about child rearing there big time because, you know, I was around the kids, you know, infants to five years old.
15:37
[SPEAKER_03]: So, that, you know, crucial time, those formative years, I was around a lot, a lot before I even had kids.
15:44
[SPEAKER_03]: So,
15:45
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, when I knew I had to do it, I just said, all right, well, here it goes.
15:49
[SPEAKER_03]: This is this is what I'm going to do.
15:51
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm just going to do it.
15:52
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm going to go all in.
15:53
[SPEAKER_03]: And, you know, I figured out how to brush hair.
15:55
[SPEAKER_03]: Of course, if you do the research on me, I had brazed back in the days, so I was with no strange at a long hair, you know.
16:03
[SPEAKER_03]: having girls is different than having boys because they're more delicate and fragile.
16:07
[SPEAKER_03]: So my parents in styles, like you like that, yeah, say what you mean to me.
16:13
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, 100% and just kind of, if you don't like the way I say it, sorry, tough.
16:17
[SPEAKER_03]: So I had to kind of learn that, but gratefully I had a great support crew with me, my family.
16:25
[SPEAKER_03]: And then when that,
16:27
[SPEAKER_03]: happened in my life, and I got the kids full of time.
16:31
[SPEAKER_03]: My now-wife Corinne, she kept on just beating my heart trying to get me to love again, and I was like, now I like you, and she was like, well, I love you, and I go, oh, I can't see those words.
16:41
[SPEAKER_03]: I could say, I like you, you know, of course, that wasn't cool in her book, but hey, that's just where I was.
16:47
[SPEAKER_03]: And she kept chipping at my stone cold heart, and just trying to let love be to again.
16:51
[SPEAKER_03]: And when I got the kids full of time, she goes, look.
16:55
[SPEAKER_03]: Even if you and I don't work out, I want to do something for your kids, and I saw what that she said.
16:59
[SPEAKER_03]: I want to show them what a healthy mother looks like and boy, but she said that it was like a jerry McGuire move, I'm like, you have me at a little baby, I got you, you know what I mean?
17:09
[SPEAKER_03]: And you got me, let's roll this thing.
17:10
[SPEAKER_03]: So, the kids benefited tremendously from that time to see a healthy mom around, you know, in their life.
17:19
[SPEAKER_03]: Not trying to replace their mom, but just trying to show them what a healthy mom looks
17:25
[SPEAKER_05]: Wow, so what I think I heard you said is that you had a very whole heart, because love didn't work.
17:32
[SPEAKER_05]: I do.
17:33
[SPEAKER_03]: Oh man, I don't want to go down that road again.
17:35
[SPEAKER_03]: I was good on that, like, nah.
17:37
[SPEAKER_05]: So what was some of the things that your wife now did to help you chip away all that hardness?
17:44
[SPEAKER_05]: Like, because someone ain't willing to really fight like, like, like, nah, I'm the prize.
17:48
[SPEAKER_05]: You should be chasing me and you send it like, hey, I just, but she like, nah, I want to, I want to help, like, what were some of those things?
17:55
[SPEAKER_03]: Well, I had the prize, the prize was the kids, for me.
17:59
[SPEAKER_03]: And something that I believe a lot of men and women,
18:05
[SPEAKER_03]: mess with the whole family dynamics, you know, not to have a science, you know, exam here and quiz people, but
18:14
[SPEAKER_03]: the kids come out of us first.
18:15
[SPEAKER_03]: You know what I mean?
18:16
[SPEAKER_03]: So why is the world trying to oust the men?
18:20
[SPEAKER_03]: And why are they trying to take men out of the home?
18:23
[SPEAKER_03]: What man need to be in the home and a part of the home as the head of the home because they're the starters.
18:29
[SPEAKER_03]: We're the quarterback, you know what I mean?
18:31
[SPEAKER_03]: So women are the receivers, y'all catch the ball, you know what I mean?
18:34
[SPEAKER_03]: So, right, let's, you know, again, keep it a PG.
18:38
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, not as you say.
18:39
[SPEAKER_03]: Anyway, so I just felt that,
18:43
[SPEAKER_03]: I was about standing up for miles.
18:46
[SPEAKER_03]: And when I was standing up for miles, I had everything I needed, but God had other plans.
18:52
[SPEAKER_03]: So she showed me that she wasn't a fire breathing dragon like she was, who she was and who she showed me.
19:04
[SPEAKER_03]: That was waiting on that.
19:05
[SPEAKER_03]: I kept on teasing her.
19:06
[SPEAKER_03]: So when was a fire breathing dragon who would come out?
19:07
[SPEAKER_03]: Like when do you swing or flip?
19:10
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, like when are you going to be that girl that is just, you know, everything I didn't sign up for, you know, after my head just putting me down talking nasty to me, telling me, you know, I ain't nothing, I ain't ever going, I'm out to nothing, I ain't ever be nothing, like just, you know, putting me down all the time, like when are you going to be that woman?
19:30
[SPEAKER_03]: Because that's what I was used to, or what I had.
19:32
[SPEAKER_03]: And when she said, hey man, that's not me, that's just not where I'm at.
19:37
[SPEAKER_03]: It changed my perspective, and she kept on chipping and showing me, look, I love you and that ain't going to change.
19:45
[SPEAKER_03]: Now if you don't want to let love in, I'm not going to stay here, but I know you do want to let love in, so.
19:54
[SPEAKER_03]: Finally I did, man.
19:55
[SPEAKER_03]: It was the greatest thing.
19:56
[SPEAKER_03]: I probably wanted a great decision other than accepting the Lord of my life, you know, marry my wife career and like she's revolutionized my heart, my mind, my swag.
20:06
[SPEAKER_03]: Like everything's just back.
20:07
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, you know, you heard me say it a hundred times over.
20:10
[SPEAKER_03]: We could bounce back.
20:11
[SPEAKER_05]: back.
20:12
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, all day.
20:13
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
20:13
[SPEAKER_05]: So you know, I get an opportunity to see this version of you and I don't think we've had an opportunity to really see um, just as brothers and partners in a while and like just to see like the refreshing is always good.
20:25
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm going to first time I met Kareem, um,
20:28
[SPEAKER_05]: She was kind to me, but she was so focused on the little girls.
20:32
[SPEAKER_05]: It was like, you know, you walk in Eddie's house and you walk in and it's a beautiful living room and you look out to the pool and to the right.
20:38
[SPEAKER_05]: It's this little table where the girls meet up and they were smaller than it probably bigger than it, right?
20:44
[SPEAKER_05]: And they were just, you know, there were just activities and there was a time and I think, A, but she was just having like a small breakdown.
20:50
[SPEAKER_05]: And I was just kind of waiting for like what I was used to, you know, like,
20:58
[SPEAKER_05]: And I think her being down and grab a chair one of those little chairs and just work with her and I remember over over a small little cocktail at the time I see
21:09
[SPEAKER_05]: I mean, you got you one right there.
21:12
[SPEAKER_05]: And that was just my moment that I just, I was just like, oh my God, like this is really, really cool to see.
21:17
[SPEAKER_05]: And I remember even wish for in the guy, like I was just like, got a prey that I have somebody that loves my children the way I've seen this woman come in.
21:26
[SPEAKER_05]: And then, you know, seeing you all grow, like I just say that they really, really gave me hope on the other side of this, that somebody could actually love my kids as they're on and getting love my children as their own.
21:38
[SPEAKER_05]: I was in the moment where I was just like you going through the voice and I was so emotional like it was just all about the children my therapist was saying out of all these years like because my divorce was a three year process one year separation two years in court you had the same story yeah like I was three to three year but I remember I called you and you don't probably remember this and I was like the lawyers man they call so much bro like it was $300 for email so those of you just want to run the goods court okay
22:07
[SPEAKER_03]: But if not pay attention what we got to say right here to love you more show and we go save you so I remember calling you and you was like yeah
22:18
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, in that baritone voice you said, man, listen, you told me how much you, I put something over here, I put something over there, I put something on there, but either you pay for it now, but you're gonna pay for it later.
22:30
[SPEAKER_05]: So you better pay for it now, because the decision is forever.
22:33
[SPEAKER_05]: Right, and I was spending money.
22:37
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, she's the best.
22:38
[SPEAKER_05]: Get the best, like, no, go ahead and pay that because later on in your life,
22:43
[SPEAKER_05]: For those children, man, they got to know that you are going to fight with them.
22:48
[SPEAKER_03]: That's the most important part of it.
22:50
[SPEAKER_03]: Like the kids, the voice sucks.
22:53
[SPEAKER_03]: It's hard no matter how you slice it.
22:57
[SPEAKER_03]: But again, the hardest part of the voice to me is the kids having to share the kids.
23:03
[SPEAKER_03]: And what the kids go through mentally and emotionally, there's just a lot.
23:08
[SPEAKER_03]: different house, different rules, stuff that one side says versus the other, you know, we live in an environment that we're constantly combating like what comes back, you know, on both sides, you know, my, my whitesics and mine, you know, and you're like, yo, come on, guys, and you've got to continue navigating those things and going through those waters, and it's tough, but, uh,
23:30
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm grateful that I spent the money early and I got what I call my divorce Bible and I've got everything that's written down there So we just stick to the script, you know, and focus on the kids and if there's anything that has ever said that is apart from the kids I ain't entertaining it, you know, if you want to go emotional I ain't with it If you're going to start saying this that and the other I'm not entertaining you know, but if you say something about even Olivia I'm all in, you know, and I've been
23:56
[SPEAKER_03]: had to teach my wife that same thing.
23:58
[SPEAKER_03]: If anything, ever gets talked about, you know, regarding what Mac and Harper need, that's what you entertain and talk back, you know, for and share whatever info, but if not, do this is making moving.
24:10
[SPEAKER_05]: So what kind of conversations as a couple, because you two are both in like a blend of family?
24:14
[SPEAKER_03]: Right.
24:15
[SPEAKER_05]: Right.
24:15
[SPEAKER_05]: So you have to become a father to her children.
24:18
[SPEAKER_05]: She has to become a mother to your children.
24:21
[SPEAKER_05]: So what kind of conversation do you have offline when the two other parents may not be abiding by the divorce Bible?
24:30
[SPEAKER_05]: Right.
24:31
[SPEAKER_05]: Because they want to talk a little bit with the he do this and do this in my wife.
24:34
[SPEAKER_05]: He's doing this this and this or you know you on your little plan house like she might like whatever that may be right.
24:40
[SPEAKER_05]: Like how do you all come together in the second time to make sure that the outside noise doesn't affect the inside intimacy?
24:47
[SPEAKER_03]: I told Corinne that because we both fell for the horse, she didn't, and as well as my eyes I did.
24:56
[SPEAKER_03]: I told her, look, the only way the enemy is going to get to us is through our access.
25:02
[SPEAKER_03]: My work good, we're Gucci, we're straight, they ain't going to be no issues between you and I.
25:07
[SPEAKER_03]: The only way the issues are going to bring is going to be brought here is just being brought by another person, you know, not by us.
25:14
[SPEAKER_03]: So I had to...
25:15
[SPEAKER_03]: really protect her heart and mind from that, because she's, you know, like the most women very emotional.
25:21
[SPEAKER_03]: And yeah, sweet.
25:22
[SPEAKER_03]: Just calm.
25:23
[SPEAKER_05]: You can gotta go if you got to be bad.
25:25
[SPEAKER_05]: She got to be.
25:26
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
25:26
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
25:27
[SPEAKER_03]: So, you know, the kids will come back and say something that my ex said about her.
25:32
[SPEAKER_03]: And of course, it's...
25:34
[SPEAKER_03]: It's terrible, you know, her mind's going, her heart's going, she's crush is crying, you know, and I'm like, babe, can't let the enemy win, you know?
25:41
[SPEAKER_03]: And I'm not that I'm saying my ex is the enemy, but, you know, she's definitely, you know, you're being used, you know what I mean?
25:48
[SPEAKER_03]: So I had to constantly encourage her and just go, look, it's not really even about you, you know, it's actually about,
25:58
[SPEAKER_03]: her and vice versa on the other side.
26:00
[SPEAKER_03]: Anytime I was targeted, I'm like, look at ain't about me.
26:04
[SPEAKER_03]: It's about him.
26:05
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, so I've had to come to grips with
26:10
[SPEAKER_03]: It is a blended family.
26:12
[SPEAKER_03]: My kids are my kids, her kids are her kids.
26:14
[SPEAKER_03]: However, I'm there to parent as well, her kids.
26:18
[SPEAKER_03]: Regardless of what their dad says about me or doesn't want me to do or say, I'm still going to do me.
26:24
[SPEAKER_03]: And I'm going to help my son and my daughter see what a real father looks like, a real man looks like.
26:31
[SPEAKER_03]: and have those hard conversations.
26:33
[SPEAKER_03]: Well, long behold, and doing that, my kids are constantly growing.
26:37
[SPEAKER_03]: Both mine and my stepkids.
26:39
[SPEAKER_03]: So they benefit a lot from you standing on your own too, and going, look, I'm gonna do me, and I'm gonna share what I need to share with the kids.
26:48
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm gonna treat them like they're my own, and discipline them, look like they're my own, and not hold anything back, you know?
26:54
[SPEAKER_03]: So I'm grateful because I'm a girl that.
26:57
[SPEAKER_03]: So I got a boy in the house, you know, but at the same time I look at him all the time and I go like, yo, why ain't she got you back straight and why aren't you doing this like that, you know, just different different things.
27:11
[SPEAKER_03]: And I go, wow, that ain't been modeled for you.
27:14
[SPEAKER_03]: I said, okay, well, I got you.
27:16
[SPEAKER_03]: So he pays close attention to me and I tell him all the time and I pay close attention to you.
27:20
[SPEAKER_03]: So there's something that you don't do, you know, that I got a little
27:24
[SPEAKER_03]: issue on, I'm gonna say, hey, men don't do that.
27:28
[SPEAKER_03]: We do this.
27:28
[SPEAKER_03]: So even teaching them how to open up the doors for his mom.
27:31
[SPEAKER_03]: We go to grocery store, grab the basket, go do this that any other for.
27:34
[SPEAKER_03]: Make sure you take care of your mom as well.
27:36
[SPEAKER_03]: Like showing that, you know what I mean?
27:37
[SPEAKER_03]: So it's been cool, we're definitely on the same page even more so, but we always have to go back and revisit it and go like, hey, you good?
27:45
[SPEAKER_03]: So I'm not gonna...
27:46
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm not gonna...
27:46
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm literally asking that, right?
27:48
[SPEAKER_05]: Because I got a, you know, you gotta know.
27:51
[SPEAKER_05]: Sometimes you feel like, will this ever get great?
27:56
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, okay.
27:57
[SPEAKER_03]: So that's a great perspective.
28:00
[SPEAKER_05]: I mean, specifically because you're doing, like, in your mind, you're doing the right thing.
28:03
[SPEAKER_05]: Like, I'm gonna keep on, you know, I'm a mush-bob, bro.
28:07
[SPEAKER_05]: So you know, I'm trying, like, I don't wanna crush you, but I wanna help you, but I don't wanna help you and then you,
28:14
[SPEAKER_05]: Crush me, you know what I mean?
28:16
[SPEAKER_05]: Like I don't want to see you lose like my heart is so That is done such an amazing job.
28:23
[SPEAKER_05]: We restore me right like just as a person.
28:27
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm not talking about the things
28:29
[SPEAKER_05]: I didn't never think that I would ever get my mind back.
28:32
[SPEAKER_05]: Like I didn't ever think that I would take my guard down again.
28:35
[SPEAKER_05]: I ain't never think that I could ever kick alcohol.
28:37
[SPEAKER_05]: I ain't never think that I could ever stop leaning on the stuff I was leaning on just to self-soup.
28:43
[SPEAKER_05]: And so now when something's come up, I'm doing my best not to hear it like in the tag.
28:49
[SPEAKER_05]: That's the one thing that steel plagued me.
28:53
[SPEAKER_05]: That it may be something simple like a text that had me like.
28:59
[SPEAKER_05]: All right, and it'll almost send me back down the spiral of like you own it again, but like what do you do in it?
29:07
[SPEAKER_05]: Like how do I get optimistic that that's not an attack on me.
29:10
[SPEAKER_05]: It's just a person that she may be at the time.
29:13
[SPEAKER_03]: Well, you know, take a play out of the book, man.
29:15
[SPEAKER_03]: Stay in your head, not in your heart, you know?
29:17
[SPEAKER_03]: You got to read through it.
29:19
[SPEAKER_03]: I almost read through every message with the lens of, is this about the kids or not?
29:26
[SPEAKER_03]: Is it a fan about the kids?
29:27
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
29:28
[SPEAKER_03]: I don't got to entertain it, you can say whatever you want, but don't matter, if anybody about the kids, those are, and that's what has saved my heart, my mind, and my energy that I'm not exerting energy, you know, for nothing.
29:45
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, I'm not going to sow into negativity, like it's just forget it.
29:48
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm going to keep it positive.
29:50
[SPEAKER_03]: So I think in terms of being great,
29:54
[SPEAKER_03]: I believe all that takes place in your mind and in your heart.
29:57
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, every day above grounds, another day for me to say thank you.
30:00
[SPEAKER_03]: So I'm grateful for that.
30:01
[SPEAKER_03]: So I think that every day that I'm living, I'm going to enjoy it to the fullest.
30:05
[SPEAKER_03]: So if I'm not enjoying it, something's wrong.
30:08
[SPEAKER_00]: More love you more podcast after this.
30:11
[SPEAKER_00]: Even to this day when I look at that picture, I literally don't know who's looking back at it.
30:17
[SPEAKER_00]: Why are the eyes so empty?
30:19
[SPEAKER_00]: What is that expression?
30:20
[SPEAKER_00]: And where did those lines come from?
30:22
[SPEAKER_00]: I actually realized I was in a crisis.
30:24
[SPEAKER_00]: Uh, I was in a crisis moment.
30:25
[SPEAKER_00]: It was something I had never experienced.
30:27
[SPEAKER_00]: I was not honest with myself that I needed help.
30:30
[SPEAKER_00]: I can't do it alone.
30:31
[SPEAKER_00]: I do need a team.
30:32
[SPEAKER_00]: The main realization that you have is I have lied to myself about who I am.
30:37
[SPEAKER_00]: I give, but I also learned I give so hard because I think I have to prove myself to be worthy for something to come back.
30:48
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, every day above grounds, another day for me to say thank you.
30:51
[SPEAKER_03]: So I'm grateful for that.
30:52
[SPEAKER_03]: So I think that every day that I'm living, I'm going to enjoy it to the fullest.
30:56
[SPEAKER_03]: So if I'm not enjoying it, something's wrong.
30:59
[SPEAKER_03]: Now, that means that problems don't come away now.
31:02
[SPEAKER_03]: There's issues all the time.
31:03
[SPEAKER_03]: But I do not allow the problems to trump my joy, and my love, like I won't allow it to trump that.
31:12
[SPEAKER_03]: I'll always let love and joy win in the end.
31:17
[SPEAKER_05]: So now that you and Corinna together, this guy blessed love the second time.
31:24
[SPEAKER_05]: The Bible says he who find it the wife find it the good thing in obtaining faith from the Lord.
31:29
[SPEAKER_05]: But you had already had a wife.
31:31
[SPEAKER_05]: Does the favor still come the second time?
31:33
[SPEAKER_03]: I think the favor never left.
31:36
[SPEAKER_03]: I got to be honest, I think the favor God never leaves, you know, the God always is into you.
31:41
[SPEAKER_03]: So he was always, you know, taking care of me.
31:43
[SPEAKER_03]: And when I say favor, I mean it in this, you know, God loves you with a love that won't go away and ain't nothing you could do about it.
31:51
[SPEAKER_03]: Nothing you could do is going to change that.
31:53
[SPEAKER_03]: He's going to love you forever and ever and ever and then something.
31:56
[SPEAKER_03]: So
31:57
[SPEAKER_03]: just that and alone is favor to be able to be loved in spite of the wrong that is in me like that's as big so always kind of had had that perspective but definitely with the Bible rings about finding a wife that favor let me tell you something that favor is another level because especially this one
32:18
[SPEAKER_03]: This one right here, when I found love this round, and she's all that and then some, makes me smile to no end.
32:26
[SPEAKER_03]: We always want to be around each other, always want to be together.
32:29
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm constantly like, where are you?
32:31
[SPEAKER_03]: She's like, where are you?
32:32
[SPEAKER_03]: She'll get up from the couch and just go to the bathroom and say, well, yeah, babe.
32:37
[SPEAKER_03]: I just left you as, hey, I want you next to me.
32:40
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm right here.
32:40
[SPEAKER_03]: We're sitting there watching the show.
32:41
[SPEAKER_03]: She on one side of the couch.
32:42
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm on the other side.
32:43
[SPEAKER_03]: I want you next to me.
32:44
[SPEAKER_03]: She said, baby, I'm right here.
32:45
[SPEAKER_03]: But it's constant.
32:47
[SPEAKER_03]: I want you all the time around me.
32:50
[SPEAKER_03]: And I think this round, the greatest thing that I have found in my wife, Korean, is that we're best friends.
32:57
[SPEAKER_03]: And we love each other to know and we always want to be together.
33:02
[SPEAKER_03]: So that's the most beautiful thing.
33:07
[SPEAKER_03]: The next, the kids that were blessed to raise is a joy.
33:11
[SPEAKER_03]: It's awesome, because they're going to be great kids in our world.
33:16
[SPEAKER_03]: And they're going to contribute and be, you know, lights in dark places.
33:20
[SPEAKER_03]: And they're going to be, well, diverse, because they're already going to see different size of the coin.
33:24
[SPEAKER_03]: Right.
33:25
[SPEAKER_03]: So, that's a great takeaway from divorce that if you hold your own in the end, the kids will know.
33:33
[SPEAKER_05]: kind of, you know, so in the, listen, um, man, you kind of, you kind of, you kind of choke me up right there though, I do got to ask this, did this you ever drop this year ever like, see the fire breathing dragon ever coming to fire the fire breathing dragon, nah, nah, man, never, and I'm grateful for that, you know, I can, I can deal with issues like.
33:57
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, one of those things about me is I just have that.
34:00
[SPEAKER_03]: All right, that's all you got, kind of thing.
34:03
[SPEAKER_03]: I'll let you put my back against the wall, I push back.
34:06
[SPEAKER_03]: You know what I mean?
34:06
[SPEAKER_03]: So I'm always in the mix of the game, never out of it.
34:09
[SPEAKER_03]: You know?
34:10
[SPEAKER_03]: So even if I have to take a step back and play a different position, okay, that's cool, you know?
34:17
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm minding that, but I'm always gonna be in the game and I'm paying attention.
34:20
[SPEAKER_03]: So my wife now, and I look at her all the time and I go,
34:26
[SPEAKER_03]: Hey, if there's something you ever want to say, you just say to me, and if there's an issue that we got, we ain't going to bed angry because you know, we go to bed angry, we're going to like it.
34:36
[SPEAKER_03]: Because the next day, we like a hall man, baby, I'm sorry, you know, so we just work it out.
34:40
[SPEAKER_03]: Hey, look, disagreement?
34:41
[SPEAKER_03]: It's all right.
34:42
[SPEAKER_03]: It's okay.
34:43
[SPEAKER_03]: It's all right to disagree.
34:45
[SPEAKER_03]: People always, you know, try to strong arm and choke somebody in the saying, you've got to see it, my view, what does make the world go around man, different views, you know, different
34:55
[SPEAKER_03]: I've growing a lot in that as well that I can go, you're right, I'm wrong.
35:01
[SPEAKER_03]: And that has helped our marriage a lot and there's time to show the same thing, you know, babe.
35:07
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm wrong and you were right.
35:09
[SPEAKER_03]: So we, we ain't trying to like, I'll do each other.
35:12
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, we just try to love.
35:13
[SPEAKER_03]: It's a marriage.
35:14
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
35:15
[SPEAKER_05]: And that's how bad it is.
35:16
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, almost like I'll love each other, but that ain't the word for it.
35:18
[SPEAKER_03]: Like we're just we're trying to, you know, love each other so much that we, uh, don't allow, just,
35:27
[SPEAKER_03]: the mundane and the nonsense of life to interfere with us.
35:32
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, hey, you forgot to do something.
35:34
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, my bad, I forgot.
35:35
[SPEAKER_03]: Instead of beat me up, you know, a hundred times over.
35:37
[SPEAKER_03]: You're right, babe.
35:37
[SPEAKER_03]: You know what?
35:38
[SPEAKER_03]: Let me write a note.
35:39
[SPEAKER_03]: You put something like, I got technology.
35:41
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm at that age.
35:42
[SPEAKER_05]: I didn't even remind.
35:43
[SPEAKER_03]: Harder for sin.
35:43
[SPEAKER_03]: Let me do that.
35:44
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, hey, I told you, I said, yeah, okay, you know.
35:47
[SPEAKER_03]: And then it's checking from time to time, like I said, I'm always on the phone with it whenever I'm out to.
35:52
[SPEAKER_05]: So I got as you this, when you propose to Karen, that things change with your ex, that or did things, that it gets, that it escalate crazier.
36:01
[SPEAKER_03]: So at that time, at that time, I think I, I think I had the baby's full time.
36:06
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, I mean, I'm privy.
36:07
[SPEAKER_05]: I didn't know.
36:09
[SPEAKER_05]: Right.
36:09
[SPEAKER_05]: Right.
36:09
[SPEAKER_05]: Full time.
36:10
[SPEAKER_03]: She got to act together.
36:11
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, praise God for that.
36:12
[SPEAKER_03]: So, you know, believing she's still, you know, healthy and whole.
36:18
[SPEAKER_03]: So, the things change once she came back into the kids' lives, knowing that they're gonna have a stepmom, and there's another woman in the home, oh yeah, like, definitely.
36:30
[SPEAKER_03]: And there was so many attacks on her, like, I don't even like to go there, but I guess, you know, you push it out of me.
36:38
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, stuff that was said, like,
36:41
[SPEAKER_03]: to my kids.
36:42
[SPEAKER_03]: Why didn't stroke your dad's ego enough?
36:45
[SPEAKER_03]: And that's why you left.
36:47
[SPEAKER_03]: And, you know, Corinne does that form.
36:48
[SPEAKER_03]: He needs somebody to do that form.
36:50
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, that's my kid just said to me.
36:51
[SPEAKER_03]: And I'm going like, come on, man.
36:54
[SPEAKER_03]: And I'm that guy like there's so many reasons of why I divorced your mom that right now you two young and I don't care to share it like that like you're we ain't gonna go there like I can I got the receipts baby trust me.
37:09
[SPEAKER_05]: It's them.
37:10
[SPEAKER_05]: Oh, he got receipts Yeah, me keep a receipts.
37:13
[SPEAKER_05]: You did keep every this
37:16
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, I guess it was like my divorce code.
37:18
[SPEAKER_05]: I was like, I just want my children.
37:19
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
37:20
[SPEAKER_05]: No, you need to worry about this, keep that.
37:23
[SPEAKER_05]: Don't do this.
37:23
[SPEAKER_03]: So I know you've never seen it.
37:24
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, got tons of them, you know.
37:27
[SPEAKER_03]: But I ain't like that, though.
37:28
[SPEAKER_03]: So I'm like, look, I'm about the babies.
37:30
[SPEAKER_03]: What do the kids benefit from knowing what a mess?
37:34
[SPEAKER_03]: it was.
37:36
[SPEAKER_03]: What is it benefit?
37:37
[SPEAKER_03]: No, it doesn't benefit me at all.
37:38
[SPEAKER_03]: What it does benefit is if you tell them what to watch out for them.
37:42
[SPEAKER_03]: And you say, hey, look, I'm going to help you navigate so you don't go through the same thing.
37:46
[SPEAKER_03]: I went through.
37:47
[SPEAKER_03]: And when you get to that stage where you love in and you think you won't, you know, settle down with this person.
37:53
[SPEAKER_03]: Well, for my kids, I'm like, look, that got to mean first.
37:56
[SPEAKER_03]: Oh, listen, I'm going to go.
37:58
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm going to go.
37:58
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm going to go.
37:59
[SPEAKER_05]: Hey, it struck me out and told you, I would be a very vocal pop.
38:03
[SPEAKER_03]: Paisy came in and makes you ready.
38:05
[SPEAKER_03]: I told you, I'm a Will Smith baby.
38:06
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, we're going to be at the door.
38:08
[SPEAKER_03]: We're going to be Martin Lawrence and Will Smith together, baby.
38:11
[SPEAKER_05]: I got to know.
38:12
[SPEAKER_05]: Even boys, I love them the same way.
38:14
[SPEAKER_05]: Right.
38:14
[SPEAKER_05]: Right.
38:15
[SPEAKER_05]: Right.
38:16
[SPEAKER_05]: I know what type of like I birthed you.
38:19
[SPEAKER_05]: I see your gaps.
38:20
[SPEAKER_05]: I need a woman to see your gaps to be able to serve.
38:23
[SPEAKER_05]: Right.
38:23
[SPEAKER_05]: Because you got to be able to serve her gap.
38:25
[SPEAKER_05]: Maybe like you're so faithful.
38:27
[SPEAKER_05]: She might be in fear.
38:28
[SPEAKER_05]: You can help her fear.
38:29
[SPEAKER_05]: Come here.
38:30
[SPEAKER_05]: You're not organized.
38:31
[SPEAKER_05]: She needs to be organized.
38:33
[SPEAKER_05]: Right.
38:34
[SPEAKER_05]: That big old booty and all this stuff.
38:35
[SPEAKER_05]: It go in the 70s and 80s.
38:37
[SPEAKER_05]: Right.
38:37
[SPEAKER_05]: That's 67.
38:38
[SPEAKER_05]: Well, 60s still pop in 90s.
38:40
[SPEAKER_05]: It got things that they can do.
38:41
[SPEAKER_05]: But I'm saying like,
38:43
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm I'm going to be there to give you my perspective and I hope that you okay my dad gave me his perspective.
38:48
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, he said I think you are way too young we this is the day of my wedding.
38:53
[SPEAKER_05]: Hmm.
38:53
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm back at home.
38:54
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm about a mile and a half away from the church.
38:58
[SPEAKER_05]: I kind of pulled away because I'm only like three minutes away from home.
39:00
[SPEAKER_05]: It's in a local church.
39:02
[SPEAKER_05]: And he said he he sent me outside.
39:04
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm talking to black and mouth.
39:06
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm trying to put it up because he coming and he's just like now you can keep on smoking I actually like the smell of it.
39:11
[SPEAKER_05]: I just don't smoke no more I mean like I like the smell of the moon the cheap sick off one time for the man He's like no good.
39:17
[SPEAKER_05]: He said it looks so I'd be less than a father if I don't tell you the truth He said I think I'm not saying nothing about the warm-up
39:25
[SPEAKER_05]: But I think you're making the wrong decision at this age.
39:28
[SPEAKER_05]: Cause you don't even know who you is.
39:31
[SPEAKER_05]: He said, now listen, the one thing is I don't want you to be mad at me for my coming.
39:36
[SPEAKER_05]: But I do want to be able to be your father and tell you, I'd be less than a man if I don't tell you the truth.
39:41
[SPEAKER_05]: And I was like,
39:42
[SPEAKER_05]: Well, you know a lot of people at the church now.
39:44
[SPEAKER_05]: So I just want to go ahead and do it.
39:46
[SPEAKER_05]: He said, man, if you just want to stay here, I stay here with you.
39:48
[SPEAKER_05]: But hey, if you want to go up there, I'm going to go up there with you too.
39:52
[SPEAKER_05]: And I said, well, I'm going to go ahead and go up with and send out these people.
39:55
[SPEAKER_05]: You know, like, I'm almost like true to my commitment.
39:58
[SPEAKER_05]: That's what you taught me.
39:59
[SPEAKER_05]: He was like, yeah, but this is marriage.
40:02
[SPEAKER_05]: You ain't committed to this.
40:03
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
40:04
[SPEAKER_05]: I said, yeah, that's true.
40:05
[SPEAKER_05]: He said, well, if you want to go with a girl, he said, but remember this.
40:07
[SPEAKER_05]: Marriage ain't like Jill.
40:09
[SPEAKER_05]: You need to get out.
40:11
[SPEAKER_05]: You can't.
40:11
[SPEAKER_05]: Ooh, now let's go out there.
40:13
[SPEAKER_05]: Let's go get married if that's what we doing today.
40:15
[SPEAKER_05]: If you're going to keep on smoking this black and mild, I'm sitting right on this point, which we laughed and we joked.
40:19
[SPEAKER_05]: I waited for 20 minutes, kind of watched my hands and put the stuff in my mind.
40:22
[SPEAKER_05]: And then we went and got married, but I'm glad that a father was able to insert.
40:28
[SPEAKER_05]: fatherhood in the midst of because that's a tough thing to say to yourself because it's like you could cut you could you can't just make it the worst decision in your life without saying you make it the worst decision in your life.
40:39
[SPEAKER_05]: I just wonder how long he wrestle with that through the preparation and throughout of that.
40:43
[SPEAKER_03]: My family had the same thing yeah they had the same thing they were they were
40:48
[SPEAKER_03]: I've been up in the beginning, you sure?
40:50
[SPEAKER_03]: Like man.
40:50
[SPEAKER_05]: You're sister there.
40:51
[SPEAKER_03]: Oh, everybody was like, man, this is going up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down.
40:55
[SPEAKER_03]: Y'all together, not to get up.
40:56
[SPEAKER_03]: And that's, it's constant.
40:58
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
40:58
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, but I was married to my ministry.
41:00
[SPEAKER_03]: So I figured, you know, well, if I could change, she can too.
41:06
[SPEAKER_05]: That was, I understand.
41:07
[SPEAKER_03]: So that's,
41:10
[SPEAKER_03]: That's was where I failed, you know, without knowing that I failed.
41:15
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, I was marrying the hopes of what my now ex could be, but she wasn't there yet, you know.
41:24
[SPEAKER_03]: So, hey, listen, the bounce back is real.
41:28
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm a witness to that.
41:29
[SPEAKER_03]: Okay, this one, I made sure that she was right before I even proposed.
41:34
[SPEAKER_03]: Before I even said, hey, baby, you want to get this thing together.
41:37
[SPEAKER_03]: I made sure I was right.
41:39
[SPEAKER_03]: And then I said, look, this is how I'm living my life.
41:41
[SPEAKER_03]: If you with it, this is the way.
41:43
[SPEAKER_03]: And she went on her own accord, man.
41:45
[SPEAKER_03]: I remember one Sunday, I was there sitting in my little chair.
41:50
[SPEAKER_03]: And I looked at the left, my double-pit and so, oh, Prince here.
41:54
[SPEAKER_03]: she was there and she said, yeah, no, I want to rock this way.
41:58
[SPEAKER_03]: And it was like little steps like that that I kept going.
42:01
[SPEAKER_03]: Oh, she's for real.
42:02
[SPEAKER_03]: She ain't just putting this thing on.
42:03
[SPEAKER_03]: But I stood and jumped right away.
42:04
[SPEAKER_03]: I made it.
42:05
[SPEAKER_03]: I said, man, look here.
42:07
[SPEAKER_03]: First what, first what a got me.
42:09
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm not getting out of here.
42:11
[SPEAKER_03]: I love it.
42:12
[SPEAKER_03]: They say the first one all you second one on me so I wanted to make sure that this next one was was definitely on me And I did it the right way.
42:19
[SPEAKER_05]: So yeah family listen here's the thing Today listen, I don't know where you are on the other side of this camera, but I do know that if you're watching this show That you learn something and I think what I learned from the conversation is that
42:33
[SPEAKER_05]: A lot of times we kind of hold ourselves in purgatory, hoping that somebody can become the person that we see in our heart and our head.
42:39
[SPEAKER_05]: And then we have to make hard decisions based upon the facts.
42:43
[SPEAKER_05]: But the best thing that you should do is make your decision on faith by looking at some of the facts that you actually see.
42:51
[SPEAKER_05]: growing up and seeing a mother and father who were married for 51 years, I just thought love was just love, but I didn't get a chance to see their building blocks, the opportunities that they fought through, the things that they had to do to have this beautiful love and relationship.
43:05
[SPEAKER_05]: The truth is, baby, you don't bent away too much.
43:08
[SPEAKER_05]: to keep on making wrong decisions.
43:10
[SPEAKER_05]: I always tell you that I'm not for divorce, but I'm totally for divorce people.
43:14
[SPEAKER_05]: So if you are in love for the second time and you've done the proper steps and you've gone through what you've gone through, I say, hey, celebrate love the second time.
43:25
[SPEAKER_05]: I see my brother who I've known for a while now since 2012 and to see the gleaming inside when he speaks about his wife,
43:34
[SPEAKER_05]: You know, he a man's man, so I couldn't get emotional like my other, like my other episodes because you know, it's my Cuban partner, you know, but to see that and now experience that for myself without fear, man, that is a feat for guys who love hard.
43:51
[SPEAKER_05]: You know, you put yourself in the position to be hurt, again,
43:58
[SPEAKER_05]: But God puts you in position to step out on faith again to be loved again, because I just believe that for men who have vision, for men who have a heart to serve people, for men who want to take over the world and any capacity, I believe that God has somebody there for you but your circumstances that happen before may make your heart so hard that you start to make decisions that are contrary to what you really want.
44:24
[SPEAKER_05]: Like you started just in Brown really mess with that no more like you know and you'll speak your way out of a real situation
44:31
[SPEAKER_05]: The power of life and death is in your tongues, what the Bible says, and I believe it says at the end of those who eat those words, will have those fruit, right?
44:39
[SPEAKER_05]: So you have to be careful with what you say.
44:41
[SPEAKER_05]: So deep on the inside, you may say, I want to compare you, but you speak indifferently about it.
44:45
[SPEAKER_05]: I can honestly say, after going through all of that crazy stuff and my brother met Korean, all I ever heard was, yeah, man, yeah, this is the one.
44:55
[SPEAKER_05]: Like, before they were getting married, like, not just the one.
44:58
[SPEAKER_05]: I had to go down and take a peep, like, uh, no, bro, she don't want.
45:02
[SPEAKER_05]: But he spoke those things that are not as though they were, and then I got a chance to see him have a gleaming desire because they've been married now for years and years.
45:09
[SPEAKER_05]: Um, not just bragging on his story.
45:11
[SPEAKER_05]: I believe the same thing can happen to you.
45:13
[SPEAKER_05]: So the question becomes, what do you want to speak?
45:16
[SPEAKER_05]: Over your situation right now, male to female.
45:19
[SPEAKER_05]: I want you to put that in the comments.
45:21
[SPEAKER_05]: Maybe you put in the comments, I deserve like, like, like, like, like, like, I believe in my future.
45:27
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm going to have a husband like this.
45:29
[SPEAKER_05]: I believe in my future.
45:30
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm going to have a wife like this.
45:31
[SPEAKER_05]: I believe that in my current situation with my wife, I believe that we can work this out, but it's going to be like this for the small microcosm of what you see, but take the time to get your love you more journal and write that thing out.
45:44
[SPEAKER_05]: Literally, I'm living in a place in this house that I put on paper three years ago.
45:51
[SPEAKER_05]: three years ago, I'm walking with a person in my life that I wrote her attributes down two years ago.
45:59
[SPEAKER_05]: It's something powerful about writing the vision making it playing and speaking the life over it.
46:04
[SPEAKER_05]: So God can bring it to fruition.
46:06
[SPEAKER_05]: Some people call it manifestation.
46:08
[SPEAKER_05]: I call it the favorite God in his time.
46:12
[SPEAKER_05]: And the moment that you become the version that God desires for you to be, everything in his will that you wrote now.
46:19
[SPEAKER_05]: Everything in this world that you spoke out, it's gonna come in the past.
46:24
[SPEAKER_05]: Take the journey and love yourself more.
46:29
[SPEAKER_05]: Flada.