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On the edge of fear and anxiety · Creatures of the Wind

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: I'm afraid of heights.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know, it feels like an abject fear that I can't really overcome.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: We're at MacReath Island.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: What's going through your head right now?
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: Oh gosh.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: Just taking over by uh a little bit of nervousness.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: I'm it's just like giving into blind faith in a way.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: You see it?
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: What does it look like?
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's a long rock wall.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: How high up is it?
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's about, I don't know, 10, 12 feet.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what's under that water.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe 10.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I, for some reason, this year have started having like panic attacks while driving, which is deeply distressing, I must say.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'll be driving and I'll have intrusive thoughts, and my brain is like, you should be afraid right now.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: I just have to pull over.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: I am getting scared.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I have to kind of like try to reset because it can just be like all-encompassing.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: Like, oh it's almost like I'm dissociated in a way.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: If I get really nervous, then it starts to feel funny.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: Um like I'm not there anymore.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: Man.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I regret it if I jump.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: You want to go for it or no?
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: I want to, but I'm scared.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: What if I get pulled out to sea?
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: What if I jump and there's a shark?
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: Like I could go right in the shark's mouth.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: Or like a giant squid.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want that.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: The shirt's coming off.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: Let's let's just see what happens.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: Uh.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: Oh man, I almost plucked up the nerve there for a second.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: Do you want me to count you down?
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: I know.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: Five.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: Four.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: Three.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: Two.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: One.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: Feels like kind of a wall in front of me.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: My brain is firing so fast, I'm thinking about so many things all at once that it makes it so I can't do anything at all.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: It's like a low level hum all the time.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: You should be afraid of this.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if we can do it.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: I remember waking up in high school in a panic every day.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: Oh god.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: I was about to do it.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: I really was about to do it.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: I value my mind so much, but it's also my worst animate.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: Oh gosh.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my smart.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: I wonder why it's out to get me sometimes.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: Like, why is this the lot I've been drawing?
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I don't think I can do it.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: I just kind of like go through the motions enough times.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: Can't I can't convince myself to jump.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: Twelve, eleven, ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.