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🎯 Why New Year’s resolutions fail (and the identity shift that works 🧠 - from a Hypnotist) ✨ · The Hypnotist

• 0:05
  Welcome to The Hypnotist, the show that gives you inside
• 0:09
  access to cutting edge hypnosis with real clients facing genuine
• 0:13
  issues. Brought to you by the
• 0:14
  hypnotherapist, Demanded by celebrities, CEOs and even
• 0:18
  royalty. Adam Cox.
• 0:20
  These recordings took place live from Evans Clinic in London's
• 0:24
  world famous Harley Street, so get yourself comfortable and
• 0:31
  enjoy today's episode of The Hypnotist.
• 0:39
  Hi there. It's Adam here.
• 0:41
  And today is New Year's Eve, the 31st of December, and is
• 0:47
  probably the day that more people than at any other time of
• 0:54
  the year are thinking about making a change.
• 0:58
  And generally, New Year's resolutions tend to represent 2
• 1:03
  main different types of changes. It's either a habit change or
• 1:09
  it's a goal. Change.
• 1:12
  Now if it's a habit change, that might be to lose weight, quit
• 1:16
  smoking, to stop doing certain things.
• 1:19
  That are. Unuseful perhaps things like
• 1:23
  drinking too much, for example, and that's why you get lots of
• 1:27
  initiatives. Around.
• 1:29
  January, like dry January, for example, because people want to
• 1:33
  stop doing certain things, so they're reducing habits, but you
• 1:37
  also get habits of doing things and that might be going to the
• 1:42
  gym more, getting stronger. It might be doing something that
• 1:47
  would be positive, like eating well or going to the gym more.
• 1:52
  And generally, that's why you see gyms are so busy in January,
• 1:57
  because a lot of people are making a very similar resolution
• 2:04
  at exactly the same time. So the first type of change that
• 2:08
  people make when they think of resolutions are doing less of
• 2:11
  something or more than something.
• 2:14
  And generally, we can either call these habits or standards.
• 2:19
  Now the second. Type of change and it's much
• 2:21
  better than a habit based change is a goal or an outcome.
• 2:27
  Base change and something. Like this would be to, let's
• 2:31
  say, get a promotion. It might be to get a pay rise,
• 2:35
  it might be to lift a certain amount of weights, or it might
• 2:39
  be to have an income of a certain amount.
• 2:41
  That's a better goal than just saying I'm going to lose weight.
• 2:45
  It would be better for someone to say I'm going to get to a
• 2:49
  dress size of 10. If they're currently a 14,
• 2:54
  that's better. But these still have a high
• 2:58
  probability of failing. And mainly why these kind of
• 3:03
  resolutions fail is either because they are too ambiguous,
• 3:09
  they don't have the sufficient clarity.
• 3:12
  So losing weight, for example, is a very unclear goal, whereas
• 3:19
  getting to a certain dress size or a particular weight on the
• 3:22
  scales or a particular body fat percentage is a much clearer
• 3:27
  goal. So you can improve your odds
• 3:29
  just by having something clear and tangible, something
• 3:33
  specific. Now the other main reason that
• 3:37
  people don't achieve these is that they focus too much on the
• 3:42
  behaviour. Now the behaviour for example
• 3:46
  might be I'm going to go to the gym everyday or I'm only going
• 3:50
  to eat salads. And generally this is the trap
• 3:54
  that I see a lot of people falling into, that they hold
• 3:58
  themselves to an unrealistically high standard to make achieving
• 4:05
  the goal binary. And by binary, it means that
• 4:08
  they can either win or lose. And that's why, I don't know if
• 4:13
  you've noticed this, but a lot of supermarkets have very
• 4:18
  attractive offers on things like cakes and biscuits and chocolate
• 4:24
  in January because they hire people like me, psychologists,
• 4:30
  to figure out how they can stop people doing something that
• 4:35
  would affect their sales. So you get these buy one free
• 4:39
  offers, you get these discounts of things because what they
• 4:43
  figured out is most people have a binary approach to goal
• 4:48
  setting. And what that means is that they
• 4:52
  say, right, no more cakes, no more biscuits.
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  And then if they have one or they have some ice cream and
• 4:58
  their goal is to lose weight, well, effectively they've failed
• 5:03
  their resolution. And here's the interesting
• 5:05
  thing. If you fail a resolution and
• 5:07
  it's framed as binary so you can either keep to the resolution or
• 5:13
  fail the resolution, then there's a lot of relief.
• 5:17
  Of. Pressure and stress to some
• 5:20
  extent the moment you fail because it now gives you
• 5:24
  absolute permission to go back to the previous behaviour.
• 5:30
  Whereas if the goal is to say, right, I'm going to improve the
• 5:35
  quality of my food by a certain percentage.
• 5:40
  And let's say for example, it might be 4 or five nights a
• 5:43
  week, I'm going to have a salad with meals or I'm going to have
• 5:48
  more fresh vegetable juice or, you know, Whole Foods, less
• 5:52
  processed foods that can be winnable.
• 5:55
  It doesn't require perfection to make that goal achievable.
• 6:01
  So a lot of what goes on in the actual focus on the behaviour is
• 6:06
  based on what would it take to fail.
• 6:09
  And what I've seen is that the people that do get their goals
• 6:14
  and whether that's to lose weight, earn more money, get
• 6:18
  stronger, whatever it might be, is that they focus on the long
• 6:23
  term outcome. And they also focus on
• 6:26
  consistency rather than this burst of motivation and ultra
• 6:33
  high standards. And what's really interesting is
• 6:37
  that psychologists have looked at different types of change.
• 6:41
  And one of the types of change is revolutionary change.
• 6:45
  So this is a fad diet. This is most news resolutions
• 6:50
  where you have to have this ultra, ultra high standard, like
• 6:55
  everything you normally do is different.
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  But the nature of revolutions is that they're dramatic and
• 7:01
  there's a lot of change, but they tend to be temporary.
• 7:06
  Evolutionary change is very different.
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  Evolutionary change has the premise of subtle changes over a
• 7:15
  long period of time of incremental progress, and that
• 7:20
  tends to work and to stick. And it doesn't really matter
• 7:25
  what the change you're trying to make is, whether it's losing
• 7:29
  weight, earning more money, getting fitter.
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  Evolutionary change is much, much more likely to get you to
• 7:35
  the goal than revolutionary change.
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  But here's the number one reason why people fail to hit their
• 7:43
  resolutions or their goals for a new year, and it's because
• 7:47
  they're focusing too much on behaviour and not enough on
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  identity. If there's one thing you get
• 7:56
  from this episode today, it's this distinction.
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  Behaviour is what you do and identity is who you are.
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  And one of the best questions that you can answer to increase
• 8:10
  your likelihood of making the change of hitting that standard
• 8:15
  or achieving that outcome is not to ask yourself, what do I need
• 8:19
  to do? That's behaviour.
• 8:21
  It's who do I need to be to make this change, this outcome,
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  inevitable. And typically identity is linked
• 8:32
  to values and beliefs rather than actions at its core.
• 8:39
  When you get the identity right, the behaviour naturally.
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  Flows from the beliefs. That are aligned with the
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  identity. That means that it's a foregone
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  conclusion that you will achieve.
• 8:52
  That. Outcome and this idea came
• 8:55
  originally from someone called Robert Dilts.
• 8:58
  He was very influential in the early days of NLP and he created
• 9:04
  Dilts logical levels. At the bottom of this you've got
• 9:09
  environment and behaviour. So most people, they try and
• 9:14
  change their environment and what they do to make a change to
• 9:18
  their life. So all of those people going to
• 9:21
  the gym in January, instead of being on their couch in their
• 9:26
  lounge, they're now in a gym that's changing their
• 9:28
  environment. And instead of watching TV,
• 9:31
  they're now lifting weights or going on a treadmill that rarely
• 9:36
  lasts. The people that are in the gym
• 9:41
  all year round have certain beliefs about exercise or it's
• 9:45
  linked to their identity and therefore it doesn't matter if
• 9:50
  they missed your gym session because they will consistently
• 9:53
  go to the gym throughout the whole year.
• 9:56
  There are some people that have the identity of being a smoker
• 10:02
  and they try and quit, they try and change the behaviour but I
• 10:06
  want you to think of a non-smoker.
• 10:08
  How much discipline or motivation does a non-smoker
• 10:12
  need not to smoke? 0 because at the identity level,
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  it's simply something they simply don't want to.
• 10:20
  Do so if there's. One key outcome I would
• 10:24
  encourage you to look at to make the most out of making real
• 10:29
  progress in the next year, it's to focus on who you are at your
• 10:34
  identity, not on what you do. And here's the interesting
• 10:40
  thing, a lot of people when they focus on who they want to be,
• 10:46
  sometimes link it to very much behaviourable things.
• 10:51
  So it's kind of like I'm someone who goes to the gym, but it the
• 10:55
  kind of people who go to the gym a lot don't link it to their
• 10:59
  behaviour. It's just, you know, they have
• 11:03
  beliefs about what the gym is doing for their body and
• 11:07
  sometimes about their emotions too.
• 11:09
  Like the gym makes me feel good. You know, I love to exercise
• 11:13
  those beliefs and values are what really influences the
• 11:19
  identity. There's one final tip before we
• 11:22
  get to the hypnosis, and that really comes from spinning too
• 11:26
  many plates. I've done this a long time and I
• 11:29
  know that sometimes the tendency is on the end of one year.
• 11:34
  The beginning of a new is to think of every single thing you
• 11:39
  want to change. And you've probably heard the
• 11:42
  analogy of plate spinning, that if you spin too many plates,
• 11:46
  some are going to drop. This can happen with goals and
• 11:51
  habit changes. That if you decide that you're
• 11:53
  going to get a promotion, learn a new language, lose weight and
• 12:00
  make another change as well, you're now almost diluting your
• 12:07
  focus from one outcome to many outcomes.
• 12:12
  So for the hypnosis session, I'm going to encourage you to think
• 12:16
  of just one change. And that could be a change that
• 12:22
  is related to your health, to your finances, to your overall
• 12:28
  quality of life. But just one, and the best way
• 12:32
  to come up with what this one should be is to answer the
• 12:36
  question, what would be the single change in your life that
• 12:41
  would have the? Biggest.
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  Positive improvement in the quality of your life.
• 12:48
  Now for some people that might be their income, for some people
• 12:51
  it might be their profession. For some people, it might be
• 12:54
  their overall health and well-being and generally when
• 12:58
  you figure out what the. One thing is it.
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  Tends to enhance almost every other area of your life.
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  Whereas for some people, if one thing changes positively but it
• 13:12
  doesn't really make their life any better, all you're doing is
• 13:15
  you're focusing on a low priority items.
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  I would encourage you to think of what are the high priority
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  items and then focus on one of those that would make the
• 13:25
  biggest possible change. And by doing that, it gives you
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  the highest possible upside of making that change and then
• 13:33
  figuring out who do you need to be so that that change or that
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  goal is inevitable. Not it may happen, but is
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  inevitable. That kind of version of you
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  exists and probably isn't fully activated now because if it was,
• 13:54
  you wouldn't need to make the resolution that you're trying to
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  make. We need to release the old
• 14:00
  identity and step into the new identity where doing that thing
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  is almost a foregone conclusion. It's just inevitable now.
• 14:12
  This is a more generic session. Most of the hypnosis that I
• 14:17
  share is actually based on real client sessions, real people
• 14:21
  facing real issues. And I share the session but
• 14:24
  protect the confidentiality of the client.
• 14:27
  It's just my voice that gets recorded.
• 14:30
  This is different. There is no client.
• 14:32
  It's just being created for a resource.
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  So that if you do want to make a change going into the new year,
• 14:40
  this could be helpful in order for you to do it.
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  But I would encourage you to also consider that if you were
• 14:48
  to work with me directly, then maybe the ability to make more
• 14:53
  progress quicker. And here's the key question I
• 14:58
  want you to ask yourself to think of if it would be useful
• 15:02
  to work with someone that has helped over 1000 people make
• 15:07
  profound changes in their life. And that is, whatever this
• 15:10
  change is that you're intending to make, how many times
• 15:14
  previously have you already attempted and failed to get that
• 15:19
  outcome? And are you doing anything
• 15:22
  different now than the other times?
• 15:26
  And if this feels a bit like a Groundhog Day, if it feels like
• 15:30
  you're doing something that you've already done before and
• 15:33
  you're just setting the same intention, the same goal, then
• 15:36
  you may benefit from working with someone that has helped
• 15:41
  over 1000 other people to make a change that's actually stuck and
• 15:44
  lasted and helped them to become that identity that would enable
• 15:49
  them to keep that change. So if that's of interest, I
• 15:53
  would encourage you to look in the description of this episode
• 15:57
  to book a free consultation call.
• 16:00
  That free consultation call takes place over Zoom.
• 16:02
  We'll have a chat and who knows, we may end up working together.
• 16:06
  For now though, I would encourage you to find a quiet,
• 16:10
  comfortable place, the kind of place where you're not going to
• 16:12
  be distracted or disturbed to. Relax.
• 16:16
  And enjoy the session. Take a deep breath in, and as
• 16:33
  you breathe in, breathe in that. Resourceful feeling of.
• 16:37
  Calm and relaxation and as you exhale, feel a wonderful feeling
• 16:47
  of release, as if any tension, stress and worries are starting
• 16:54
  to leave your body. In your outward breath,
• 17:00
  breathing in relaxation and exhaling tension.
• 17:08
  Each breath takes you, the deeper and deeper relaxed.
• 17:19
  The deeper you breathe, the more relaxed you feel.
• 17:25
  And the more relaxed you feel, the deeper you breathe.
• 17:33
  And as your body relaxes, your imagination awakens.
• 17:42
  With your eyes closed, allow yourself to drift to a place
• 17:46
  within. The kind of place.
• 17:49
  Where powerful, profound changes can naturally take place.
• 17:58
  Continuing to breathe in relaxation and exhale tension.
• 18:05
  That's it. I want you to imagine a
• 18:10
  staircase leading down, leading down to your own private cinema.
• 18:20
  This is a cinema of the past and the future, breathing in
• 18:28
  relaxation, exhaling tension as you imagine standing there at
• 18:35
  the top of this staircase. Maybe it's wooden, maybe it's
• 18:41
  made of marble or carpeted, You decide.
• 18:47
  As I countdown from 12:50, you will imagine taking a step down
• 18:54
  each step of the staircase. When I arrive at 0, you will
• 19:02
  have left the staircase and you will be at a corridor that leads
• 19:08
  towards your own private cinema. Breathing in relaxation,
• 19:16
  exhaling tension. 10 taking the first step, That's it.
• 19:23
  Feeling deeper and deeper, relaxed.
• 19:29
  That's it, Nine. Another step down the staircase,
• 19:35
  releasing tension from your jaw, your forehead.
• 19:40
  That's it 8. Focus now on your neck and your
• 19:44
  shoulders as you take another step down the staircase.
• 19:49
  That's it. Feel that tension being released
• 19:54
  as eight becomes 7. Just imagine your arms all the
• 20:02
  way down to your fingers feeling.
• 20:05
  Comfortable. And relaxed.
• 20:10
  That's it. Almost like your arms.
• 20:14
  The limbs of A. Puppet with no strings.
• 20:18
  That's it as six turns to five. Now focus on your internal
• 20:24
  organs. Your heart is relaxing now.
• 20:32
  Your lungs are relaxing now. That's it.
• 20:39
  Stomach all the way down your digestive system into your gut.
• 20:43
  Relaxing now. All of your internal organs
• 20:48
  relaxed as five goes to four. Another step down the staircase,
• 20:53
  all the way down past your diaphragm, deep into the gut if
• 20:59
  the neck and the shoulders where some people hold on to stress
• 21:04
  and tension. The lower gut.
• 21:08
  Is where anxiety lives. So as you breathe in that
• 21:12
  relaxation, exhale that tension, feel it leaving your body, all
• 21:19
  the anxiety dissolving into vapor and leaving your body in
• 21:27
  your outward breath. That's it.
• 21:31
  As four turns to three, another step down the staircase.
• 21:35
  That's it. I want you to imagine your legs
• 21:40
  are getting limp, loose and relaxed initially, your thighs
• 21:46
  going down into your knees. That's it.
• 21:49
  Three goes to two, your calf muscles all the way down into
• 21:53
  your ankles, feeling effortlessly relaxed.
• 21:59
  Now that's it. Deeper and deeper relaxed down
• 22:07
  into your toes, so your legs. Like your arms also.
• 22:09
  Feel limp and loose and relaxed. That's it.
• 22:17
  And then one from the tips of your toes to the top of your
• 22:20
  head, all the way down to the tips of your fingers.
• 22:23
  Feel that ripple of relaxation as you are now down on the final
• 22:29
  step of the staircase. Feel your body relaxed,
• 22:34
  comfortable. That's it.
• 22:37
  And 0 You've now left the staircase, walking down that
• 22:42
  short corridor and going into your own private cinema.
• 22:50
  And I want you to imagine. Imagine taking a comfortable
• 22:55
  seat in your own private cinema. That's it, and I want you to
• 23:04
  imagine a movie is about to play.
• 23:11
  This is a short film about an attempted change.
• 23:19
  That doesn't last. When you focus just on
• 23:23
  behaviour, breathing and relaxation, exhaling tension, I
• 23:29
  want you to see your current identity as if you're a.
• 23:34
  Character an. Actor in a movie focusing.
• 23:40
  On trying to make. A change linked to what you do.
• 23:47
  Maybe see yourself trying to lose weight, to change a habit,
• 23:54
  to do less of one thing or more of something else.
• 23:59
  Maybe see yourself. Trying to attempt 7.
• 24:03
  Or 8 different. Goals all at the same time, and
• 24:08
  I want you to see how this current strategy plays out.
• 24:17
  What you do well, but what isn't quite right, and maybe this is
• 24:25
  a. Change that you've.
• 24:26
  Tried to make before, and if so, maybe see yourself as a little
• 24:32
  bit wiser able to. Do different.
• 24:36
  Things to increase the probability.
• 24:41
  This is your current identity trying to make a change, and I
• 24:48
  want you to learn everything you can by seeing this version of
• 24:53
  you and what your unconscious anticipates will be what happens
• 25:01
  when you try to make this change.
• 25:09
  I want you to get a sense that some things are good and some
• 25:13
  things could be improved, and I want you to keep replaying the
• 25:20
  movie each. Time you.
• 25:22
  See a mistake? An error.
• 25:27
  An area of improvement. Just allow yourself to see
• 25:32
  yourself making making a change that is evolutionary and then
• 25:41
  starting again, each time seeing yourself more likely to succeed.
• 25:52
  I want you to imagine that this can keep on happening until you
• 25:57
  get the best version of you trying to do the right thing.
• 26:08
  Let's rewind that and consider a different movie.
• 26:14
  I want you to ask yourself a question.
• 26:18
  What? Would be the single most
• 26:23
  impactful change. That you could take.
• 26:27
  Into the new year. Not 5, not 3, just one.
• 26:36
  What is the single thing that you could do differently that
• 26:42
  would positively impact your life?
• 26:49
  And then ask yourself an even more powerful question.
• 26:59
  Who do you need to be in order to make that change inevitable?
• 27:08
  Not what you need to do, but who you need to be.
• 27:14
  What qualities, What do you need to value?
• 27:19
  What do you need to believe? And then imagine seeing that
• 27:26
  version of you, the version of you that is the evolved
• 27:32
  identity. See that version of you making
• 27:38
  that change? And I want you to notice the
• 27:44
  difference. This evolved identity of you is
• 27:52
  living in a different way. It's less about.
• 27:57
  What you do and more about who you are, a vegan doesn't
• 28:06
  require. Discipline or self?
• 28:12
  Control not to eat meat because a vegan doesn't eat meat.
• 28:23
  I want you to imagine what your identity needs to be in order to
• 28:31
  align perfectly with this change.
• 28:41
  I want you to ask yourself what would need to follow the words I
• 28:48
  am in order for this change to naturally align with that
• 28:57
  version of you. Consider this the building
• 29:03
  blocks. And now imagine observing that
• 29:08
  future version of you there on that screen, in that identity,
• 29:17
  with that focus, with all of those values, beliefs, and
• 29:24
  qualities that would naturally align with that change.
• 29:30
  And then imagine playing. These two movies.
• 29:34
  Side by side so you can see the difference the.
• 29:38
  Version of you trying to. Do the right thing compared with
• 29:43
  you being the right version of you.
• 29:52
  Notice the. Distinctions the differences
• 29:55
  which one has more in a conflict and struggle, which one's more
• 30:01
  likely to fail, and if your. Unconscious accepts.
• 30:07
  That when you are aligned with an identity, the change becomes
• 30:14
  inevitable and I want you to imagine seeing that identity
• 30:20
  version of you. Making progress.
• 30:26
  Being consistent, doing what's required.
• 30:33
  Not with a burst. Of motivation or willpower.
• 30:37
  But through alignment, by being that version of, you see that
• 30:45
  version of you on that screen making.
• 30:48
  Progress. Small wins become bigger wins.
• 30:54
  That version of you doesn't look at success or failure, but
• 30:58
  everything is a feedback loop. If something doesn't go to plan,
• 31:03
  that version of you makes an amendment, a tweak, A
• 31:07
  refinement, and see yourself progressing.
• 31:11
  Until you have. Irrefutable evidence that that
• 31:17
  version of you has made the change or achieved the goal that
• 31:24
  you have determined would have the single biggest impact on
• 31:31
  your life. Breathing in, breathing out,
• 31:37
  feeling deeper and deeper, relaxed.
• 31:41
  And when you're convinced that that future version of you is
• 31:46
  aligned with an identity that would make it inevitable that
• 31:53
  you make that change, rewind it. And then imagine stepping into
• 31:58
  the screen and feel what it would feel like to wake up
• 32:04
  tomorrow being that version of you.
• 32:10
  Notice how the resources are different, the thoughts are
• 32:16
  different and the behaviour doing the right thing.
• 32:22
  Is not the. Intention, but now the side
• 32:26
  effect of being that version of you.
• 32:33
  I want you to notice that when there are setbacks or
• 32:36
  challenges, this version of you linked to the identity doesn't
• 32:43
  even perceive it as failure. It's just a.
• 32:48
  Pause for reflection, a feedback loop.
• 32:52
  You reassess and then continue. Not every day needs to be
• 32:57
  perfect in order for that version of you to be aligned
• 33:07
  with this goal or change. I want you to imagine now.
• 33:13
  It's a year from now and I want you to imagine you're now
• 33:19
  thinking back to what impact that change had on the quality
• 33:24
  of your life. Did it give you more freedom,
• 33:29
  More confidence? More courage.
• 33:34
  More feelings of. Pride or something else?
• 33:38
  And then imagine how different it feels to be a year from now,
• 33:45
  wanting to make another big change, but building on the
• 33:51
  foundation of having already made that change.
• 33:58
  And you can do that. You could imagine yourself one
• 34:01
  year from now, knowing what it would feel like to have already
• 34:07
  lived with that change, that it becomes so natural that it
• 34:14
  requires no effort. It's simply how you are living
• 34:20
  now. I want you to imagine leaving
• 34:25
  that cinema, walking back up the stairs.
• 34:29
  And starting to float. All the way back to your
• 34:32
  reality, but now with clarity. Clarity as to the change.
• 34:40
  A willingness to step into a new identity and a willingness to be
• 34:47
  consistent, even if it means pausing for reflection and then
• 34:54
  moving forward once again. Very soon I will count from 1:00
• 35:01
  to 10:00 to awaken you. So take a deep breath in through
• 35:05
  your nose and out through your nose.
• 35:09
  Wiggle your fingers. Wiggle your toes, connect and
• 35:13
  calibrate into the here and the now as I now count from 1:00 to
• 35:18
  10:00 to awaken the evolved identity.
• 35:24
  The version of you that can make that change feel inevitable, A
• 35:32
  foregone conclusion. It simply will be done.
• 35:40
  Starting to count 123 waking up. 456.
• 35:44
  More alert 7-8 open your eyes Open your eyes 910 Wide awake,
• 35:51
  Wide awake. Wide awake.
• 35:59
  Thank. You so much for joining me on
• 36:01
  today's episode of The Hypnotist.
• 36:04
  If you've enjoyed this episode or got some value from it,
• 36:07
  please give it a five star rating and review.
• 36:11
  And maybe, you know someone that would also benefit from this
• 36:14
  particular episode, in which case.
• 36:17
  Share the episode. With them so they can also get
• 36:19
  the benefit too. And if you would like to.
• 36:23
  Listen to this episode where it's just the hypnosis.
• 36:27
  So no intro, no outro, no explanation, just the hypnosis
• 36:31
  and completely ad free. There will be a link in the
• 36:34
  description where you can subscribe at a very low cost and
• 36:38
  only get access to the hypnosis O.
• 36:41
  If that's of interest, please check that.
• 36:43
  Out Thank you. Again for being a regular
• 36:47
  listener of the hypnotist and I'll see you again soon for
• 36:50
  more.