Latest / I Do, Part 2 / The Plastic Bag Theory: Why Dating That “Easy Going” Guy Is Complicated

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The Plastic Bag Theory: Why Dating That “Easy Going” Guy Is Complicated · I Do, Part 2

0:09
Speaker 1: Hey there, everybody. It is Saturday, April fourth, and there
0:13
Speaker 1: is a new theory out there that might explain a
0:17
Speaker 1: lot for women who are confused because yes, we all
0:21
Speaker 1: say we want to be with someone easy going, but
0:24
Speaker 1: according to the plastic bag theory, we actually don't.
0:28
Speaker 2: And with that everyone, welcome to Amy and TJ.
0:31
Speaker 3: Who said that's what women want. What'd you say? They said?
0:34
Speaker 2: Someone easy going?
0:35
Speaker 1: I think we all think a lot of times as
0:37
Speaker 1: women that we just want a guy to just go
0:39
Speaker 1: with the flow, easy going, non confrontational.
0:42
Speaker 3: Does that sound good? I mean, as we sit here now,
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Speaker 3: like women listening right now, does that it sounds pleasant?
0:48
Speaker 2: Does it sounds peaceful.
0:49
Speaker 1: In theory, yes, And I think they say, especially women
0:52
Speaker 1: maybe who have come out of a previous relationship with
0:56
Speaker 1: something that felt toxic or exhausting or combative, and so
1:01
Speaker 1: they just want a guy who's like, yes, dear, yes.
1:05
Speaker 3: Dear, yes, dear, So beyond a chill demeanor. It's one
1:08
Speaker 3: thing somebody could just be a little more laid back,
1:10
Speaker 3: but it's beyond that. It's someone who is not going
1:12
Speaker 3: to confront a yes man. Yes, Okay, that sounds bad.
1:16
Speaker 1: Though exactly, but this is what women if you ask
1:20
Speaker 1: them what they want, a lot of folks, a lot
1:23
Speaker 1: of women might just say, I want somebody who's just
1:25
Speaker 1: easy going, who's a go with the flow kind of guy.
1:29
Speaker 3: Okay, th will sound great. What I'm saying this sounds
1:31
Speaker 3: like it puts it in a different category, easy going,
1:33
Speaker 3: go with the flow versus we'll do what I want
1:37
Speaker 3: and won't put up resistance.
1:38
Speaker 2: Part of yes, part of the example.
1:40
Speaker 1: So here is what the This is how a plastic
1:44
Speaker 1: bag man is described.
1:46
Speaker 3: That sounds awful.
1:47
Speaker 2: I know it does sound awful.
1:49
Speaker 3: Plastic bag came up.
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Speaker 1: With this term that's basically doing like bananas on social media.
1:55
Speaker 3: Everyone's talking always Okay, some man came up with a
1:58
Speaker 3: theory for what women want. We should stop the episode.
2:01
Speaker 2: Now, yes, this is a guy on social media.
2:05
Speaker 1: He has brought this back to light and now several
2:08
Speaker 1: news articles have been written about it because it's.
2:10
Speaker 2: All over social media.
2:12
Speaker 1: But they're talking about basically low maintenance men who don't
2:16
Speaker 1: This is how it's described. They don't initiate or plan anything.
2:20
Speaker 1: They go with the flow, wait for the partner to
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Speaker 1: make all the plans in the relationship. They don't argue
2:26
Speaker 1: or overreact, go along with whatever you want.
2:29
Speaker 2: But here's the deal. This is what.
2:33
Speaker 1: Was described, not my words, someone else, is that a
2:35
Speaker 1: plastic bag man has the spine of a flaccid plastic
2:40
Speaker 1: bag just going down the river has.
2:43
Speaker 3: The spine of I hear you say that, right, yeah, okay,
2:46
Speaker 3: I want to go through your list again. Low maintenance.
2:48
Speaker 3: That doesn't sound bad, right, not at all? Do you say,
2:51
Speaker 3: don't plan ahead, don't plan anything? Wait? Right?
2:55
Speaker 1: So from where we're eating tonight, what we're ordering in tonight,
2:58
Speaker 1: where we're going on vacation, who we're hanging out with any.
3:01
Speaker 3: So, all right, I'm so sorry. And folks, if you
3:03
Speaker 3: don't know, we do these sometimes on the weekend. I
3:05
Speaker 3: don't get a heads up about what these new trends are.
3:08
Speaker 3: So I'm learning about it as we go and as
3:10
Speaker 3: you all go along. I want to go through your list.
3:12
Speaker 3: They describe it low maintenance was the first one. What
3:14
Speaker 3: was the next thing?
3:15
Speaker 2: Low maintenance. They don't initiate or plan anything, okay, all right?
3:20
Speaker 3: And that was the next one.
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Speaker 2: They don't argue or overreact.
3:24
Speaker 3: Don't argue okay, okay, all right. That was the next one.
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Speaker 2: Goes along with whatever you want.
3:30
Speaker 3: That was the last one.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, they were even giving examples like, say you are dating. Well,
3:34
Speaker 1: I'll get into the red flags in a moment, but
3:35
Speaker 1: there are some very funny red flags that I think
3:37
Speaker 1: might resonate with some women, like oh wow, yeah, I've
3:42
Speaker 1: been there, done that, that happened for you.
3:44
Speaker 3: As a woman, dating low maintenance is not something that
3:46
Speaker 3: turns you off to somebody you're dating, not at all. Okay,
3:49
Speaker 3: don't initiate or plan anything. It's not the end of
3:52
Speaker 3: the world, you know. You tell me then, is that
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Speaker 3: it's so?
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Speaker 1: Initially it doesn't sound bad because it sounds like, okay,
3:58
Speaker 1: well I can steer the ship I'm.
3:59
Speaker 3: Okay with that doesn't overreact to things, doesn't.
4:02
Speaker 2: Anger that's amazing.
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Speaker 3: Yeah, that's great, right, and goes along with whatever you want.
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Speaker 2: It can be annoying, but it sounds good in theory.
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Speaker 3: Yes, it looks like at least three out of the
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Speaker 3: four things. And maybe even this doesn't sound like a bad.
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Speaker 2: Guy to date exactly. It actually kind of sounds perfect
4:19
Speaker 2: for especially.
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Speaker 1: Look, a lot of us women know that generally speaking,
4:24
Speaker 1: a lot of us like to be in control of
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Speaker 1: our house, in control of the social calendar, kind of
4:29
Speaker 1: in control of what we do and how we do it.
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Speaker 1: This is a lot of what women do. We nest,
4:34
Speaker 1: we kind of like to be the matriarchs of our family.
4:37
Speaker 1: So yes, in that sense, if you're looking for a
4:39
Speaker 1: man whose husband material, who you want to be with,
4:42
Speaker 1: this seems like it would be the perfect partner, the
4:46
Speaker 1: perfect mate. But here is why it doesn't work. And
4:51
Speaker 1: this is when it gets really interesting, because the point
4:54
Speaker 1: being that a lot of women are allured to this
4:58
Speaker 1: type of man, to this type of relation and ship
5:00
Speaker 1: for all the obvious reasons we just stated. But here
5:03
Speaker 1: is why a lot of times and most of the
5:06
Speaker 1: time it's being argued it doesn't work because easy going
5:10
Speaker 1: actually can just be another way of saying not caring,
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Speaker 1: like completely detached. So what could look like someone who
5:19
Speaker 1: is easy going and passive actually is just detached and removed.
5:23
Speaker 2: Oh, you're never going to get the connection you're looking for.
5:25
Speaker 3: Oh I want to stay with that. But is it possible?
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Speaker 3: How does it describe easygoing and what and not caring?
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Speaker 1: Oh?
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Speaker 3: But can easy going just be that easy going?
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Speaker 1: They say that there are examples of men who are
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Speaker 1: like that, but oftentimes it's a symptom of something much deeper.
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Speaker 3: That you need to be aware of easy going and
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Speaker 3: could that be nonchalance is what I kind of Yes,
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Speaker 3: that's also going with the flow. All those things could
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Speaker 3: be described as. But it could also be described as indifference,
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Speaker 3: which is a.
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Speaker 1: Cool exactly, and so that is what women don't think
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Speaker 1: about or and look, this could be men or women,
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Speaker 1: but in these articles it's pretty much all directed at men.
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Speaker 1: But yeah, for just not caring, for being indifferent, for
6:08
Speaker 1: being detached, and that actually can be one of the
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Speaker 1: most isolating, lonely experiences in any relationship. So it seems
6:15
Speaker 1: like it's all great on its face, but you dig
6:17
Speaker 1: a little deeper, and there's a problem.
6:20
Speaker 2: The other issue the workload.
6:23
Speaker 1: Then, because it does become work, even if it's planning
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Speaker 1: vacations or planning the next meal or planning whatever you do,
6:30
Speaker 1: suddenly completely falls on one person for booking every reservation,
6:35
Speaker 1: initiating every conversation about what we're doing, where are we going?
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Speaker 2: And so they say, you've got your partner.
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Speaker 1: He's like a plastic bag merely drifting along merrily. Sorry,
6:47
Speaker 1: not merely merrily drifting along. I started seeing a plastic
6:52
Speaker 1: bag when the wind whips up, and it's just floating
6:55
Speaker 1: and flying and just going wherever the wind takes. Yes,
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Speaker 1: And they're saying the other partner is because the other
7:01
Speaker 1: person now is basically they can just sit back, relax
7:06
Speaker 1: and the other person is steering the ship and directing
7:08
Speaker 1: it and getting it through the tough waters, and they
7:10
Speaker 1: don't feel.
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Speaker 3: Like they have a partner, which is exactly what you
7:13
Speaker 3: just said. You want it right and you want to.
7:14
Speaker 1: Control exactly Okay, But there's a difference between chill and detached,
7:20
Speaker 1: having a chill partner and a detached person a partner,
7:23
Speaker 1: having a easy going partner and a completely indifferent partner.
7:27
Speaker 1: You end up feeling more alone in these relationships oftentimes
7:31
Speaker 1: than you do as a team. And that's where people.
7:34
Speaker 1: Women miss calculate, they miss judge, And if any woman
7:38
Speaker 1: has been in a relationship like this, you will say,
7:42
Speaker 1: oh my god. In fact, they say, give it a
7:45
Speaker 1: couple of years in your marriage and all of a sudden,
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Speaker 1: this perfect person that you thought was just going to
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Speaker 1: be the easiest person to hang out with and go
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Speaker 1: through life with suddenly.
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Speaker 2: Is so you don't even know who they are.
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Speaker 1: And I think so when you don't stand for anything,
8:00
Speaker 1: you fall for everything. You just end up losing respect,
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Speaker 1: You end up losing patience, and you end up really
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Speaker 1: actually resenting this person after you.
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Speaker 3: Get the exact man you want it, who had all
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Speaker 3: the characteristics you had on your list exactly, who was
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Speaker 3: low mainance, didn't like to plan or ask anything, he
8:14
Speaker 3: never overreacted, and he went along with everything I wanted.
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Speaker 3: That guy your guy.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, and now you're miserable and now you're unhappy. But this,
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Speaker 1: I think this is so interesting to think about because
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Speaker 1: I never considered this, But anyone who's out there dating,
8:27
Speaker 1: anyone who's in a relationship, you might not what seemed
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Speaker 1: like a good thing, what seemed like the draw towards somebody,
8:35
Speaker 1: may end up actually being the exact reason why you
8:37
Speaker 1: shouldn't get in a relationship with someone like this.
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Speaker 3: Is I have a lot of questions. I'm not sure
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Speaker 3: if this is the right time for it. But is
8:44
Speaker 3: there any suggestion that there are some women and some
8:46
Speaker 3: personalities that do match well.
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Speaker 1: With this Uh, it didn't seem to suggest suggested.
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Speaker 2: This is a cautionary tale and a trap.
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Speaker 1: Not that these men are necessarily trapping women into these relationships,
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Speaker 1: but you almost you trapped because you think you want
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Speaker 1: something and it turns out to get that thing you want,
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Speaker 1: you actually lose so much of what you need in
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Speaker 1: a relationship.
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Speaker 3: But nobody knows what they need in a relationship, right,
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Speaker 3: That's why we end up with partners we end up
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Speaker 3: with because we pick the thing we want, or our
9:16
Speaker 3: mom says she want it.
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Speaker 1: According to my therapist, we all are working out our
9:20
Speaker 1: childhood issues with our parents with the partners we choose,
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Speaker 1: and it's all subconscious and we don't even know we're
9:25
Speaker 1: doing it. So maybe you need to go through one
9:27
Speaker 1: of these relationships to work some things out in your
9:31
Speaker 1: in your previous, in your childhood so that you can
9:33
Speaker 1: become a better human.
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Speaker 3: So what you're working out in this relationship that's from
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Speaker 3: your childhood.
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Speaker 2: Oh that's a whole other episode, babe.
9:39
Speaker 3: Is it a race thing? Okay?
9:42
Speaker 1: Now, so how about this? I love that you have questions.
9:45
Speaker 1: Would you have another question for me?
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Speaker 3: I got tons of questions. There are all kinds of
9:48
Speaker 3: notes here. Nobody suggest you swing back the other way. Right,
9:51
Speaker 3: What if it's the guy who has a woman who
9:54
Speaker 3: is low maintenance, doesn't plan anything, doesn't overreact, and gets
9:57
Speaker 3: along with whatever you want, goes along with whatever is
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Speaker 3: there any suggestion, and you're deep diving into this, that
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Speaker 3: that works better in some way or because it is
10:06
Speaker 3: those traditional roles where the guy is leading everything, they
10:09
Speaker 3: could work better. Any suggestion that a guy would be
10:13
Speaker 3: good with a plastic bag woman.
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Speaker 2: I don't know. You'd have to answer that. Does that
10:18
Speaker 2: sound good to you?
10:19
Speaker 3: I've been looking for my whole life. I'm just obviously
10:26
Speaker 3: kidding Steel Cage. No, that's not the case. But I'm
10:34
Speaker 3: just who wants I don't know. It's why we think
10:37
Speaker 3: about there's some business sometimes and oftentimes bosses and managers
10:40
Speaker 3: they hire people to because they want them to all
10:44
Speaker 3: get along, because things seem like it's going easier. So
10:47
Speaker 3: sometimes maybe for a guy or somebody in a relationship,
10:50
Speaker 3: is it easier she just goes along with everything. This
10:53
Speaker 3: is easier, This works, not what I need. I might
10:56
Speaker 3: get annoyed later, but I don't know to heat his
10:59
Speaker 3: in her own I was just wondering if there are
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Speaker 3: plastic bag women and maybe guys might not find the
11:06
Speaker 3: same challenges.
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Speaker 2: That's funny.
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Speaker 1: This was not discussed in any of these articles about
11:11
Speaker 1: this particular theory. It was related to men, but that
11:14
Speaker 1: is an interesting thought. I don't know how many women
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Speaker 1: out there are plastic bag women.
11:20
Speaker 2: And I would imagine that.
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Speaker 1: The same thing that ends up being true for women
11:25
Speaker 1: in these types of relationships, I would think would be
11:27
Speaker 1: see the same for men, because eventually, at a certain
11:30
Speaker 1: point you start you start questioning, like, what.
11:32
Speaker 2: Is going on in their heads?
11:34
Speaker 1: What are they thinking about, who do they care about,
11:37
Speaker 1: what do they care about, what motivates them? You feel
11:40
Speaker 1: so detached and you don't know who they are, and
11:43
Speaker 1: so it's hard to build a relationship with someone that
11:47
Speaker 1: you would want to love and respect.
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Speaker 2: And they're even saying like.
11:50
Speaker 1: It's better to have somebody who stands their ground, who
11:53
Speaker 1: has a different opinion than you. When you're in a relationship,
11:56
Speaker 1: and this is a lifelong relationship that you're trying to
11:58
Speaker 1: enter into, you want to be with someone who challenges you,
12:02
Speaker 1: who who opens your mind, And eventually those are the
12:06
Speaker 1: kinds of things that create a bond when you can
12:08
Speaker 1: go through and learn from one another versus just one
12:11
Speaker 1: person saying whatever.
12:13
Speaker 3: Well, it doesn't this the plastic bag man theory here,
12:17
Speaker 3: doesn't that to some degree go better? Along with what
12:21
Speaker 3: we are seeing in a new and upcoming different generation
12:25
Speaker 3: of women, who have do have more power, who do
12:28
Speaker 3: have more say, who are encouraged to speak their mind
12:30
Speaker 3: and to be independent. It seems like partnerships there are
12:33
Speaker 3: anti partnership partnerships. People get into marriages because of what
12:37
Speaker 3: it can do for them, not because they want to
12:40
Speaker 3: enter into something and lose a part of who they are.
12:42
Speaker 3: I'm saying, do we have a different generation of young
12:46
Speaker 3: women who oftentimes are now the theory, don't compromise at all.
12:51
Speaker 3: You don't have to compromise or change a single thing
12:54
Speaker 3: of who you are, right, That's what they're being told.
12:57
Speaker 3: So my question there, does this plastic bag man kind
13:02
Speaker 3: of work with a mindset I guess we've seen.
13:05
Speaker 1: More of I think the answer is initially yes, Okay,
13:09
Speaker 1: they do think that might be why this is being
13:11
Speaker 1: discussed now, because what you just described is absolutely true,
13:15
Speaker 1: and women think this is what they want, they think
13:17
Speaker 1: this is what they need because now they're in complete
13:20
Speaker 1: control and they can handle it all. But what ends
13:23
Speaker 1: up happening is, wait a couple of years, get into
13:25
Speaker 1: that relationship, and you're going to end up with a
13:28
Speaker 1: major problem, a much bigger problem than you would have
13:31
Speaker 1: had had you not had someone who is equally invested.
13:34
Speaker 3: Because our parents to that point that, okay, you're the
13:36
Speaker 3: reason is being talked about now is because yes, a
13:38
Speaker 3: lot of women are making it our Can you imagine
13:40
Speaker 3: our parents' generation, my mom wanting a plastic bag guy.
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Speaker 1: No, no, of course, Yes, this is a new phenomenon
13:50
Speaker 1: that is being talked about now because it is something
13:53
Speaker 1: that I think a lot of women think they want
13:57
Speaker 1: and think they need. So when we come, we're going
14:01
Speaker 1: to tell you the red flags that would indicate you
14:05
Speaker 1: might be with a plastic man and what you can
14:08
Speaker 1: do about it.
14:19
Speaker 3: All right, we continue here on this plastic man version
14:22
Speaker 3: of Amy and TJ. If y'all didn't catch that, it's
14:24
Speaker 3: not like a bunch of Ken dolls out there, it's
14:27
Speaker 3: not what we're talking about.
14:28
Speaker 1: You're like, babe, you just said plastic man instead of
14:31
Speaker 1: plastic bag man. My apologies. Was not trying to imply
14:35
Speaker 1: that you all are Ken dolls. But actually maybe that
14:38
Speaker 1: is a little bit of what they're employed. It's a
14:40
Speaker 1: plastic bag man.
14:41
Speaker 3: But if you say a plastic woman, you would have
14:43
Speaker 3: conjured up a different image.
14:46
Speaker 1: Yes I won't, Yes, that's another episode, but here are
14:50
Speaker 1: the red flags that you might have a plastic bag man?
14:54
Speaker 2: Does your guy never take initiative?
14:59
Speaker 3: Never take initiative? Huh okay.
15:01
Speaker 1: And I will tell you that I have said this
15:04
Speaker 1: to you plenty of times, and I think I've said
15:06
Speaker 1: this on different episodes of our podcast. Definitely talking about
15:10
Speaker 1: it with my mom last week when we saw her.
15:12
Speaker 2: It's one of the sexiest things about you.
15:14
Speaker 1: You are a leader, You take initiative, you do steer
15:18
Speaker 1: the ship, and strong men are out there.
15:22
Speaker 2: I know, but.
15:26
Speaker 1: This has been a an eye opening relationship for me
15:31
Speaker 1: with you because you are the opposite of a plastic
15:33
Speaker 1: bag man.
15:34
Speaker 3: I will say, which would be what what's the label?
15:37
Speaker 3: What cute label does social media have for the opposite
15:40
Speaker 3: of a plastic bag man? I'm trying to fresh direct
15:44
Speaker 3: bag full of groceries man.
15:47
Speaker 1: Yes, you're a I don't know, it's someone who what's
15:51
Speaker 1: what would I how.
15:52
Speaker 2: Would I describe that?
15:53
Speaker 3: No idea? A guy who's not just floating in the
15:56
Speaker 3: wind and going with it what? I don't know? The
15:58
Speaker 3: opposite of that.
15:59
Speaker 1: You're a steel rod man, but maybe somewhere on that
16:02
Speaker 1: level where you've got a strong spine and you can
16:05
Speaker 1: handle tough situations.
16:08
Speaker 3: The name I don't think we should go with that though,
16:10
Speaker 3: add too much in window in the title.
16:13
Speaker 2: All Right, maybe we'll come up with it. We'll do
16:15
Speaker 2: another episode on it, because.
16:18
Speaker 1: I think I've just now spawned off three separate episodes
16:22
Speaker 1: from this one conversation the other red flags that are
16:25
Speaker 1: out there. He subtly forces you, and it's like a
16:29
Speaker 1: passive aggressive way to carry the mental load of deciding,
16:34
Speaker 1: planning and caring about everything.
16:37
Speaker 3: Wait a minute, he suddenly was subtly.
16:39
Speaker 1: Subtly, he's like passively saying like and sometimes it can
16:43
Speaker 1: be as easy as as easy as agreeing, like hey,
16:49
Speaker 1: you know, would you be willing to go for a weekend?
16:52
Speaker 2: Like can we do a weekend getaway? And you say sure?
16:55
Speaker 1: And then you never once ask a follow up, never
16:57
Speaker 1: book anything, never say where do.
16:59
Speaker 2: You want to go?
17:00
Speaker 1: Just the trip never gets booked unless you the woman
17:02
Speaker 1: starts nagging about it. Hey, you said you wanted to go.
17:05
Speaker 1: But just basically it's like eh, meh about everything. So
17:09
Speaker 1: if you're realizing, wow, I am the only one who
17:13
Speaker 1: tries to get us out places or going out to
17:16
Speaker 1: meet friends or creating a vacation, or if you just
17:19
Speaker 1: realize and there is a mental load to that that
17:22
Speaker 1: starts to weigh on a person. And they're saying that
17:25
Speaker 1: easygoing can easily cross over to a voidance. Here's another
17:28
Speaker 1: red flag. He doesn't have his own opinions. It's whatever
17:33
Speaker 1: you say he agrees with. And they were even pointing
17:35
Speaker 1: out and this one really struck a nerve with me.
17:39
Speaker 1: Imagine somebody you are dating who says, oh, I hate
17:42
Speaker 1: the city or I would never move here. Suddenly you
17:44
Speaker 1: get a job in that city and they're happy to go.
17:46
Speaker 1: It's just like, wait, what so kind of uncompromising. It
17:51
Speaker 1: sounds flexible, it sounds wonderful, but at a certain point
17:56
Speaker 1: it starts to just get strange because that's not something
18:01
Speaker 1: that's attractive to be with someone who doesn't have their
18:03
Speaker 1: own opinions, even if they're different than yours. They're like,
18:06
Speaker 1: it's better if someone actually says no, here's why I
18:09
Speaker 1: think it's this way, and even if you disagree with them,
18:11
Speaker 1: at least you're having a healthy conversation and a healthy interaction.
18:15
Speaker 3: Stents aren't a lot of people. Women will be relieved
18:18
Speaker 3: to not have to fight with their partner over where
18:20
Speaker 3: they should move or when they should move in big decisions.
18:24
Speaker 3: Like that being me. Doesn't that sound Some women might
18:26
Speaker 3: be listening now and say, wow, that sounds like a dream.
18:29
Speaker 1: And that's why this whole theory is out there, because yes,
18:32
Speaker 1: it does sound great, it does seem wonderful, but in actuality,
18:37
Speaker 1: keep going on, that's not it is not. So.
18:40
Speaker 2: Yes, they say, you want.
18:42
Speaker 1: Someone who has thoughts of their own, like, think about that.
18:45
Speaker 1: You're not there to dat a reflection of yourself. I mean,
18:49
Speaker 1: I know some people might think that sounds great, but
18:52
Speaker 1: truly that doesn't lead to a happy relationship and it
18:55
Speaker 1: doesn't lead to a happy life.
18:56
Speaker 2: So you want someone who has thoughts of his own.
18:58
Speaker 3: That had to be opposites.
19:00
Speaker 2: Yes, independent, exactly.
19:02
Speaker 1: This is how it was, but not in an uncompromising way,
19:05
Speaker 1: but in a grounded, I have a backbone way. I
19:07
Speaker 1: wonder how many men out there are now raised around
19:11
Speaker 1: seeing these women who are powerful, strong, financially independent, and think, well,
19:16
Speaker 1: if I want to keep a woman, or I want
19:18
Speaker 1: to I want to get a woman, I want to
19:19
Speaker 1: keep a woman, I should probably just say what she
19:23
Speaker 1: says and agree with her and then it'll all be good.
19:26
Speaker 1: I wonder if, on one hand, we're raising women like
19:29
Speaker 1: this and that's leading to men making choices to act
19:33
Speaker 1: much differently.
19:34
Speaker 2: Perhaps in their fathers and their grandfathers.
19:36
Speaker 3: They still tell that joke at weddings that toasts where
19:39
Speaker 3: some idiot always gets up. I'm sorry, I shouldn't say that.
19:42
Speaker 3: Somebody out there. I'd be listening actually did this just
19:46
Speaker 3: you know, some guy because of the two the most
19:48
Speaker 3: important words in your marriage. Yes, dear. If they still
19:51
Speaker 3: do that, I think so okay, so that it does
19:53
Speaker 3: get in your mind that whatever she wants goes. And
19:57
Speaker 3: then at the same time we talk about guys always
19:59
Speaker 3: being in charge of household and trad wives and all
20:02
Speaker 3: this stuff. So I don't know which way we're going,
20:04
Speaker 3: but it seems like that has been a I don't know,
20:07
Speaker 3: we talk about marriage or something less than a partnership,
20:10
Speaker 3: and I know it's supposed to be funny and jokes
20:13
Speaker 3: were made and pop culture, but it really the difference
20:17
Speaker 3: is in all this world is just a partnership. This
20:19
Speaker 3: is not complicated stuff. It's just a partnership and respect
20:25
Speaker 3: in a partnership that you are now a part of,
20:27
Speaker 3: which means you do have to compromise, which do mean
20:30
Speaker 3: does mean that you wanted to go for seven nights
20:34
Speaker 3: on that trip and end up being five because you
20:36
Speaker 3: had to negotiate your way. That's just it. Everybody gives
20:39
Speaker 3: a little something. We always do these things. It's this
20:44
Speaker 3: or that, it's all or nothing, and marriage and relationships
20:48
Speaker 3: are dead center between steel rod guy and paperbag boy
20:55
Speaker 3: or whatever.
20:55
Speaker 2: It is, plastic plastic brand. Okay, see it's hard.
21:00
Speaker 1: I actually it's funny enough. I wrote paperbag too, and
21:02
Speaker 1: I was like, wait, no, it's plastic bag. I'm so confused.
21:05
Speaker 1: But I do think you make a very good point
21:07
Speaker 1: that a lot of us, when we watch these relationship shows,
21:10
Speaker 1: people go into relationships wanting what they want to get
21:13
Speaker 1: out of it. What am I going to get out
21:15
Speaker 1: of this? How is my life going to be improved?
21:18
Speaker 1: How am I going to feel safe and happy and loved?
21:22
Speaker 1: When in actuality, when you're entering into a marriage or relationship,
21:26
Speaker 1: it is about putting the greater good of the whole
21:29
Speaker 1: above your own individual needs.
21:31
Speaker 2: And that is hard, that.
21:33
Speaker 1: Is tough, that is complicated, and so if you're looking
21:36
Speaker 1: for somebody who just says yes all the time, you're
21:38
Speaker 1: going to end up most likely in a very unhappy,
21:42
Speaker 1: imbalanced relationship period. And it sounds great when you're the
21:46
Speaker 1: person who's getting everything they want, but it actually isn't
21:49
Speaker 1: great when you live in that environment because it's not
21:53
Speaker 1: a relationship.
21:56
Speaker 3: You said, But I know every show our watch says,
21:58
Speaker 3: need to accept me for who I am. This is
22:00
Speaker 3: me I am, take it or leave it, but you
22:04
Speaker 3: don't love me enough if you don't. That's what I
22:06
Speaker 3: see on all of these shows is that someone needs
22:09
Speaker 3: to be fully accepted and does not have to compromise
22:12
Speaker 3: a single thing, a single moment, a single friendship, a
22:15
Speaker 3: single night. I don't this is me, take it or
22:18
Speaker 3: leave it. I thought that's how we were all Now.
22:20
Speaker 1: I do think that is how a lot of folks
22:23
Speaker 1: see it. And then if you are invested in the relationship,
22:26
Speaker 1: you might start to evolve and grow.
22:28
Speaker 2: That is the hope.
22:29
Speaker 1: Just encourage anyone if you want to learn more about this.
22:32
Speaker 1: It's Alessandro for Sally. He's the one who kind of
22:35
Speaker 1: brought this back into the forefront end. Yeah, it's true,
22:38
Speaker 1: and his theory has taken off.
22:40
Speaker 2: But he is a men's coach.
22:43
Speaker 3: This is the coach men.
22:43
Speaker 2: His mantra is.
22:44
Speaker 1: I help men become better husbands. Yeah, he's telling them
22:47
Speaker 1: to have a backbone. He's telling them to have an opinion.
22:50
Speaker 1: He's telling them not to be a plastic bag man.
22:54
Speaker 1: That women ultimately don't want that they think they do,
22:58
Speaker 1: they say they do, but in the end, that is
23:02
Speaker 1: not who we want to be in a relationship.
23:04
Speaker 3: So this was by a man and four men all
23:08
Speaker 3: of this. So we're getting together and manipulating how we
23:11
Speaker 3: are now going to go further tell women what to do,
23:16
Speaker 3: and we're just doing it now in a subtle way.
23:18
Speaker 3: So we're putting this thing out and letting you know
23:21
Speaker 3: the type of man you don't want, and then we're
23:24
Speaker 3: gonna flood the market with guys who now know you
23:28
Speaker 3: don't want that. This is some perfect male shit. I
23:31
Speaker 3: didn't know. I thought this was at the coach women
23:33
Speaker 3: in some way, it's not even what this is.
23:34
Speaker 1: Ah. You know what's funny is, folks, the writers who
23:38
Speaker 1: have then taken some of this and what they've seen
23:40
Speaker 1: on social media and put it out there have all
23:41
Speaker 1: been female.
23:42
Speaker 2: Writers hilariously talking about this.
23:45
Speaker 1: But I do think it resonates there are enough of
23:47
Speaker 1: us women who have been in relationships like this that
23:50
Speaker 1: know it doesn't work.
23:54
Speaker 3: Huh. It's just that's wild.
23:56
Speaker 1: You know.
23:57
Speaker 3: One of the funniest thing A R. Bernard over in
24:00
Speaker 3: in Brooklyn Church here we love faster Bernard. One of
24:03
Speaker 3: the funniest things I've ever heard him say. And a
24:05
Speaker 3: man said it, and I was in the room with
24:07
Speaker 3: thousands of people. He said, we know what women want.
24:11
Speaker 3: Everybody's sitting up. Men have figured out we know what
24:16
Speaker 3: women want. Everybody's own. He said, Oh, you want me
24:20
Speaker 3: to tell you? Yeah, yea, yeah, they don't know.
24:27
Speaker 2: We know what we don't want.
24:29
Speaker 3: That's it. And he gave a million examples. You say
24:31
Speaker 3: to your woman, Hey, you want to go to a
24:33
Speaker 3: movie tonight? Yes, what you want to see?
24:35
Speaker 1: Ah?
24:35
Speaker 3: Whatever's cool? All right, Hey, here's a new horror movie.
24:37
Speaker 3: I don't want to see that. That'll immediately. What do
24:40
Speaker 3: you want for dinner tonight?
24:41
Speaker 1: Ah?
24:41
Speaker 3: Pick anything, I'm cool. What about Mexican? Well, I don't
24:44
Speaker 3: want that. You won't say what you want, but you
24:47
Speaker 3: will clearly identify and are clear about what you don't want.
24:51
Speaker 3: And it might be paper bags floating around in the wind,
24:58
Speaker 3: as we've already determined as men in our secret tribunal
25:01
Speaker 3: that's going on with Alejandro.
25:05
Speaker 1: His name is Anyway.
25:09
Speaker 2: So I just This was an interesting conversation.
25:12
Speaker 1: It is something to think about in terms of wondering
25:15
Speaker 1: not just right now what I think I need, but
25:17
Speaker 1: what do I actually need or want in a lasting
25:20
Speaker 1: relationship with a partner who I can actually have interesting
25:25
Speaker 1: communal conversations about. And most importantly, we want we do
25:29
Speaker 1: want a partner who is engaged, a partner who is invested,
25:36
Speaker 1: a partner who has some skin in the game and
25:39
Speaker 1: and isn't afraid to voice their opinion, not in a.
25:44
Speaker 2: In an aggressive way or in.
25:45
Speaker 1: A confrontational way, but in a way that we can say, wow,
25:50
Speaker 1: he's got a backbone.
25:52
Speaker 3: And remember, ladies, if you aren't sure, if it's not clear,
25:56
Speaker 3: if you're still figuring out what it is you want
25:58
Speaker 3: in a man, just ask man. We will have the answer.
26:03
Speaker 3: I'm with that. Can I believe this all was because
26:06
Speaker 3: of men talking amongst the men.
26:10
Speaker 2: And with that, everyone, thank you so much for listening
26:13
Speaker 2: to us. I made me robot alongside TJ. Holmes. We
26:15
Speaker 2: will talk to you soon.