Latest / Inner Work With MaryAnn Walker: Life Coach for People Pleasers / 105: Authentic Living, Personal Healing & Breaking Free of Limiting Beliefs with Gina Strole

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105: Authentic Living, Personal Healing & Breaking Free of Limiting Beliefs with Gina Strole · Inner Work With MaryAnn Walker: Life Coach for People Pleasers

• 0:20
  Well, hello and welcome back.
• 0:22
  So I was recently interviewed by Gina stroll on her podcast, intuitive healing connection.
• 0:27
  And we had such a wonderful conversation that I wanted to share it here with you as well.
• 0:33
  We explored so many ideas.
• 0:35
  You guys explored about authentic living.
• 0:38
  What does self care look like?
• 0:39
  Personal boundaries, limiting beliefs.
• 0:41
  We explored so many ideas.
• 0:43
  So yes, this episode is a bit longer than what I usually put out here on the podcast, but I just could not decide what to cut.
• 0:49
  because I loved every minute of it.
• 0:51
  So I hope that you enjoy it as much as I did.
• 0:54
  So, all right, here we go, my interview with Gina stroll.
• 0:57
  Hello, and welcome to the intuitive healing connection.
• 0:59
  I'm so excited today.
• 1:01
  I have an amazing guest and I'm so excited to have MaryAnn Walker with me here today.
• 1:07
  And I'm going to let her introduce herself really quick before we dive into this awesome podcast because her and I have so much in common and I think it's going to be a great conversation today.
• 1:16
  So welcome MaryAnn.
• 1:19
  Well, thank you so much for having me on Gina.
• 1:21
  I have been so looking forward to this conversation.
• 1:23
  I just love everything that you're putting out into the world.
• 1:27
  And I think that our audiences have a lot to learn from each other and there's a lot of overlap.
• 1:31
  So I'm so excited to be here and yeah, just by way of introduction, my name is MaryAnn Walker and I'm the life coach for the helpers, healers, and people pleasers.
• 1:40
  And so I work a lot with, with self care, with relationship issues, with a whole lot of things, which I know that you also address.
• 1:47
  So I am just really looking forward to today's conversation.
• 1:50
  That's so awesome.
• 1:51
  I know you and I do.
• 1:52
  We overlap so much in our work and, you know, we have a mutual friend, which is how I found you really, you know, and so it's just been really fun to watch you blossom and grow this last year in your business.
• 2:04
  And, I love your energy.
• 2:05
  That is one thing that I've always, I'm like, Oh my gosh, I love your energy.
• 2:09
  I, I could like sit here and work with your energy forever.
• 2:12
  So I am so glad.
• 2:14
  Thank you so much.
• 2:15
  Yeah.
• 2:15
  I'm so glad you agreed to be here today.
• 2:17
  Cause I, yeah, we do have very similar, audiences and, yeah, today's going to be an awesome conversation.
• 2:24
  So.
• 2:26
  To dive in.
• 2:26
  Let's talk about self care because let's just start there.
• 2:29
  I was like, let's just start with that because today I think we're kind of going to be, we're going to cover a few areas I think, and it's going to be awesome.
• 2:37
  So let's just start with self care because I hear so many people like, Oh my gosh, you just need to do self care and go get a pedicure.
• 2:43
  And that's good enough.
• 2:44
  And like, and, And I kind of giggle, you giggled too, because that's why, because there's so much more to it than that.
• 2:53
  So let's just start there.
• 2:56
  Let's just talk about taking care of ourselves on a much deeper level than this.
• 3:01
  I mean, that's important.
• 3:02
  Don't kid me.
• 3:02
  Like I love to go get a pedicure as much as anybody does, but let's talk about your definition of self care.
• 3:08
  Where do you go with all of that?
• 3:11
  Yeah.
• 3:11
  Well, like you, my definition of self care has really changed a lot over the years because I used to think the same thing that, okay, well, I just need to go get a pedicure or take a nap, a hot bath.
• 3:21
  And my definition has completely changed where now I think that self care is really actually identifying your personal needs and fulfilling it.
• 3:29
  And sometimes that does look like going and get a pedicure.
• 3:32
  Other times it looks like really digging deep and doing the healing work.
• 3:35
  And it might not look really pretty on the outside.
• 3:38
  It might look like really allowing space and creating a safe space for feeling and processing deep emotions.
• 3:46
  I mean, it can look like so many different things, but I really think it's coming to know yourself well enough to identify, okay, what is my actual need right now?
• 3:55
  And how can I fill that need rather than just boxing ourselves in that, Oh, I'm going to go get a pedicure and call it self care, but, but really asking yourself those questions.
• 4:05
  What is it that I actually need?
• 4:06
  Am I needing connection?
• 4:08
  Am I needing space for healing?
• 4:09
  Am I needing to be heard?
• 4:10
  What is it that I actually need?
• 4:12
  And then taking those steps proactively to really meet those needs is how I would define it.
• 4:17
  Okay.
• 4:17
  I absolutely love that.
• 4:18
  And I agree with you 100%.
• 4:20
  There's so much more to it.
• 4:21
  And you're right.
• 4:22
  Some days it is, I need a pedicure.
• 4:24
  Some days I need a freaking bag of M& M's and I'm going to emotionally eat today and it's going to be okay because I understand that this is part of my process.
• 4:31
  Like, um, other days you're right.
• 4:35
  It is messy and it's sloppy and it's, Journaling all day.
• 4:39
  And it's crying all day.
• 4:41
  And it's, you know, really processing and giving yourself the space to do it and not beating yourself up for being in that space.
• 4:48
  My gosh.
• 4:49
  And those I find with my clients, that's really hard for them to do.
• 4:52
  That's the days that most of them message me and say I'm a hot mess today.
• 4:56
  Um, can you fix me?
• 4:57
  And it's like, no, you'll be better in 24 hours or so.
• 5:00
  Um, here's what we're going to do.
• 5:01
  Like, here's the plan.
• 5:03
  Yeah.
• 5:04
  And that is what I experienced too in my practice is seeing so many people that they, they assume that because I'm experiencing a negative emotion, it's bad.
• 5:12
  Like just make the negative feeling go away.
• 5:14
  And it's like, no, this is what healing looks like.
• 5:16
  Yeah.
• 5:17
  Like life is 50, 50.
• 5:18
  You're going to have some hard And learning how to navigate them is what's going to bring the happiness because we're actually compounding our negative emotions just by thinking, I shouldn't be feeling this.
• 5:30
  Well, and I tell my clients to the moment that you will step into them and say, you know what?
• 5:34
  It's okay.
• 5:35
  It's okay for me to feel this.
• 5:36
  It's amazing.
• 5:37
  That shift that happens inside of our body in that moment of acceptance, like the key right there.
• 5:44
  It's like just allowing yourself to, you know what, I don't have to be, I don't have to Why do we have to be perfect every day?
• 5:48
  Why does it have to be positive every day?
• 5:51
  Um, the state there's no, there's nothing that says that's what we have to do, but we have been taught not to deal with these negative emotions and, you know, heaven forbid, we're angry one day or heaven forbid, we're mourning the loss of what we, whatever it is that we're going through.
• 6:06
  Or, you know, a lot of times we mourn the loss of our childhood, why we're healing or more than the loss of what we thought life was supposed to be.
• 6:12
  And, you know, we don't allow ourselves to step into that place.
• 6:18
  Yeah.
• 6:18
  I think that was beautifully said that.
• 6:19
  Yeah.
• 6:19
  It's about just radically accepting that.
• 6:22
  Okay.
• 6:22
  Yeah.
• 6:22
  Like I can experience this grief.
• 6:24
  I can experience this negative emotion and I can love myself through it.
• 6:28
  And for some reason we have an easier time doing that for other people, right?
• 6:31
  Like if our friend is having a hard time, it's like, Oh, I got you.
• 6:34
  Let me sit with you.
• 6:36
  Let's cry about it.
• 6:37
  Let's eat ice cream.
• 6:38
  We're there for it.
• 6:39
  But when it's ourselves, then we judge it.
• 6:42
  And it's like, no, everybody else is allowed to have these emotions except for me.
• 6:46
  But really coming to just radically accept that, no, like this is what self-love is, is really showing up for myself through all of it, just like you would your friend.
• 6:54
  Absolutely.
• 6:54
  I, one of the sayings that I have said many, many times over the course of my work is you've got to learn to become your own best cheerleader.
• 7:02
  Yeah, absolutely.
• 7:03
  You have to step into that play.
• 7:05
  I believe this is just one of the biggest things with doing our work and healing our work and personal development and any whatever you want to call it.
• 7:12
  Like, yeah, it's really learning to be your own cheerleader and being okay to, to not be okay.
• 7:18
  It's okay to not be okay.
• 7:20
  Yeah.
• 7:20
  I did not feel like you got all your ducks in a row.
• 7:22
  Like, so what?
• 7:24
  My ducks are all over the place and I appreciate being all over the place.
• 7:29
  Yeah.
• 7:29
  Yeah.
• 7:30
  And if I met anyone with all their ducks in a row, I'd think, okay, what, something must be wrong here.
• 7:34
  Right.
• 7:34
  Because we have this vision, the perfection that no, our ducks should be in a row.
• 7:38
  And it's like, no, like the ducks are going to do what the ducks are going to do.
• 7:40
  That's authentic living.
• 7:43
  Exactly.
• 7:43
  Right.
• 7:44
  I love that.
• 7:44
  I love that.
• 7:45
  That is exactly right.
• 7:46
  Because there is no perfectionism is such a false sense of, you know, that's just us trying to control the world and it doesn't really, it never works that way.
• 7:56
  It just is so exhausting to think that it even possibly could work that way.
• 8:01
  So true.
• 8:03
  So, well, since we're going to talk about, since we're going there, let's talk about perfectionism for a minute.
• 8:08
  So where, what is your, where do you think perfectionism comes from?
• 8:12
  That's a good, cause I hear this a lot.
• 8:14
  It's like, no, it's just the way I am.
• 8:15
  And I'm like, let's talk about that for a minute.
• 8:18
  Cause yeah.
• 8:20
  Um, so.
• 8:21
  You give me your take on perfectionism.
• 8:24
  Cause I'm sure we're in the same, I'm sure that we're right in the same line.
• 8:27
  So, yeah, well, I think that for me, like my perfectionistic tendencies came through my fear that I wouldn't be loved and accepted by other people.
• 8:36
  Like it was about that fear of inadequacy and.
• 8:39
  I really had to work through that.
• 8:40
  I really had to dig deep to recognize my own worth and create that internal validation.
• 8:46
  So I wouldn't be so dependent on the external validation.
• 8:49
  And in fact, like I have a podcast too, and it was interesting to observe myself as I launched it.
• 8:55
  I didn't tell anybody about it.
• 8:57
  I recorded, I prerecorded seven episodes before I told anybody.
• 9:01
  Anything about it, because I knew I didn't want to be negatively impacted by other people's perceptions.
• 9:06
  I had to gain that evidence for myself that, okay, things are going to get better over time.
• 9:11
  I'm going to improve over time.
• 9:13
  I'm going to show up consistently.
• 9:15
  I knew that I had to work through my perfectionistic tendencies and really kind of embrace essentially B minus work.
• 9:22
  Okay.
• 9:23
  Consistency is going to beat out perfectionism every time.
• 9:27
  But for me, it was really about.
• 9:28
  Identifying that, okay, this is really coming through that fear of insecurity and fear of abandonment from others was really what limited me.
• 9:36
  But what about for you?
• 9:37
  What, what's your definition of perfectionism and how has it shown up for you?
• 9:40
  My gosh, in so many ways, I agree with what you just said.
• 9:44
  Mine has come through definitely with trying to prove myself to the world.
• 9:48
  That's like having to prove myself and be, and I tell people all the time too.
• 9:54
  And just like you're saying with your podcast, to me, Owning a business and going out in the social media world, especially talking about spiritualistic, crazy woo woo garbage that, you know, a lot of people think are just garbage, which I absolutely do not think it's garbage, but I wouldn't be sat here today, but it was really, I'm like you, I had to step out of myself and realize that, you know, what?
• 10:19
  Some people weren't going to like it and that's okay.
• 10:23
  Um, but it was going to be okay.
• 10:25
  And really putting myself out there in the world was, was tough because I couldn't control what was going to go on on the outside.
• 10:33
  But just like you, I tell people, if you want to, if you want to test your perfectionism, You know, start owning a business, start doing things, start writing emails.
• 10:43
  I remember the first time I sent an email that had the big old major typo in there.
• 10:46
  And I about had a freak out because I couldn't take it back, you know, but it was like, I can't even bring that back.
• 10:52
  I can't even undo it.
• 10:53
  And now I'm like.
• 10:54
  Oh, well, you know, it's because I've done that work.
• 10:57
  I've had to set with myself and realize that, you know, it doesn't matter.
• 11:01
  Nobody is perfect.
• 11:03
  Nobody's going to do everything perfect.
• 11:05
  Not every link is going to work.
• 11:06
  Not every day is going to be a perfect hair day.
• 11:09
  Yeah, it's okay.
• 11:09
  Showing up to me is way more important.
• 11:12
  Then any of that.
• 11:13
  So yeah, I hear you like, Oh, true.
• 11:16
  And the podcast is hard.
• 11:17
  Cause I see my first ones that I recorded and I was like, Oh, yikes.
• 11:24
  Yeah.
• 11:25
  And it's so true.
• 11:26
  Putting yourself out there, especially when you are the face of your business, it is terrifying.
• 11:31
  Right.
• 11:31
  And it's like, well, what are people going to think?
• 11:33
  But it's so interesting too, that.
• 11:35
  Bottom line is people don't want perfection.
• 11:37
  They want real, they want authentic.
• 11:39
  And it's interesting that some of my, you know, content that has taken off the most was just the stuff where I was just being real and it wasn't super polished, it wasn't super clean, but it was honest and that's what resonates with people and that.
• 11:53
  But just recognizing that helped me so much to just let go of that perfectionism where I was like, you know what?
• 11:58
  Like if they don't like it, they're not my people.
• 12:00
  And that's okay.
• 12:01
  Exactly.
• 12:01
  That's what I say too.
• 12:02
  I'm like, everybody, I'm not going to be everybody's cup of tea.
• 12:05
  Yeah.
• 12:06
  Maybe they're peppermint.
• 12:07
  I'm spearman.
• 12:07
  I don't know.
• 12:08
  You know, it's okay.
• 12:10
  Like it's okay.
• 12:11
  It doesn't matter.
• 12:12
  I don't want to be everybody's cup of tea.
• 12:15
  If we're being honest, like, you know, I want the people who can really, just like you're saying, I show up authentically too.
• 12:21
  I just believe.
• 12:22
  One hundred percent.
• 12:23
  percent and really speaking from the heart.
• 12:26
  And I share things on social media that probably I just do because I think I want people to see that, you know what, it's not just about living the perfect life, it's about living the messy life and still showing up.
• 12:41
  It's about things it's yeah, it's going through hard things and still showing up, you know, this last year, since we're going to talk, well, the last five months, I don't know if you know, I was in a biking accident back in November and it has been a rough five months.
• 12:58
  I won't lie.
• 12:59
  Like, but I, I remember thinking last year.
• 13:04
  The last five months have been messy.
• 13:05
  We just won't even, we just won't even go there.
• 13:07
  Like my business has been messy.
• 13:09
  My life feels messy.
• 13:10
  Um, I completely, um, messed up my, my knee.
• 13:15
  And so I, I went to a doctor to begin with and he just told me I needed physical therapy and it'd be okay.
• 13:21
  And that was not the case.
• 13:22
  There was a ton of damage.
• 13:25
  So I ended up having surgery after being already down for two and a half months.
• 13:29
  Then I went in and had total knee reconstructive surgery.
• 13:32
  And, and I've been through all that for these last few months.
• 13:34
  And so, um, it's been really interesting because my definition of what life looks like Has completely done a one 80 in these last five months, what I thought I wanted business to look like, what I thought I wanted my life to look like it's all completely changed.
• 13:54
  And it's been messy.
• 13:55
  You want to know those ducks?
• 13:56
  I don't even know where the damn ducks are.
• 13:58
  Like I couldn't even tell you where my ducks are.
• 14:00
  I put food out.
• 14:01
  There's water.
• 14:02
  They got a pond.
• 14:03
  They're happy.
• 14:04
  Like, because there is no such thing.
• 14:07
  As having your ducks in a row and, and I've realized that like these last, it really just has been a total do over, honestly, like, and, but I think we go through things like this to realize that, Oh my gosh, you know what?
• 14:24
  It's okay.
• 14:25
  And I still showed up.
• 14:26
  I still did.
• 14:28
  I just took time off as well, but I still showed up.
• 14:31
  I still did my business.
• 14:32
  I still did what I needed to do and thank God for a team.
• 14:36
  That's what I'll say of people who were there to support us because it's amazing.
• 14:41
  Um, the changes and things that we go through.
• 14:45
  You know, when we have these major things happen to us in our lives and it's okay.
• 14:50
  Yeah, that is so true.
• 14:51
  And I love how you said it's, it's that life is messy, but we just work through the messy and we keep showing up through the messy.
• 14:57
  And when we have those big experiences, like your accident, how much that shifts our perspective about.
• 15:04
  Okay.
• 15:04
  Let me rethink what perfection looks like.
• 15:06
  Let me rethink what self care looks like.
• 15:09
  Let me rethink what authenticity looks like.
• 15:11
  What I mean, even my definition of how would I show up as my a hundred percent self today, because your version of a hundred percent is going to shift so much depending on what's going on in your life.
• 15:20
  So that was a beautiful example that kind of combines all of that.
• 15:23
  The perfectionism, the self care, the authenticity.
• 15:25
  All of it.
• 15:26
  Yeah.
• 15:27
  This was one time in my life that I really had to get up every day and decide where does my energy, where do I want to put my energy today?
• 15:35
  Because there was only so much to get like, so it was like, what do I have today?
• 15:39
  I have an email.
• 15:40
  That's it.
• 15:41
  Okay.
• 15:41
  We have an email, like that's it.
• 15:43
  That's more than, you know, or, you know, whatever it was for the day.
• 15:47
  So it's amazing.
• 15:49
  Yeah.
• 15:49
  We get these different perspectives in life that are just, I think it's a gift.
• 15:54
  People are like, how can you look at this as a gift?
• 15:56
  I'm like, no, the last five months have been a gift.
• 15:59
  It's been a true gift.
• 16:01
  Yeah.
• 16:01
  And even thinking, as you talked about, okay, well today, all I can do is send that email.
• 16:05
  What a beautiful form of self care to recognize what is my capacity today.
• 16:09
  And I'm going to love myself that I showed up and I sent the email and I'm going to stop guilting myself for all of the other things that I could do when I was at a hundred percent, right?
• 16:18
  Because my.
• 16:19
  100 percent is just different today and what a gift to yourself, but to really have to learn through that struggle.
• 16:25
  Oftentimes it does take a struggle for us to learn that.
• 16:28
  Um, but yeah, what a beautiful experience, you know, it happened again yesterday.
• 16:31
  I have, I have, I'm doing extensive physical therapy and I came home yesterday, exhausted from physical therapy.
• 16:37
  And I was like, Oh my gosh, I still had a list of things from work to do.
• 16:40
  And I was like, You know what?
• 16:43
  Tomorrow's a new day.
• 16:44
  It's like, it will just wait.
• 16:47
  And I think we have to get to this place in life.
• 16:49
  You know, sometimes I think, do we have to go through these hard things to get to that place?
• 16:54
  I think sometimes we do.
• 16:55
  You know, sometimes we need that, that little readjustment is what I call it.
• 17:00
  Like, it's not that I was doing anything wrong before, but it's like, this has taught me on so many levels.
• 17:05
  It's such a deeper level of how to take care of myself and what I really want to do every day and how I want to show up and what I want to look like to the world.
• 17:13
  And it's made me reconsider so many things.
• 17:16
  And so, you know, whoever's listening out there, don't think that, you know, it's bad to go through these type of things.
• 17:22
  I don't think it is.
• 17:23
  I think it's a gift.
• 17:25
  Yeah.
• 17:26
  Well, and how much it broadens your own perspective and your own personal level of empathy and how much that actually improves your gifts as a healer.
• 17:34
  When you have that perspective and that empathy, I, it really is a gift that you have those experiences.
• 17:40
  And oftentimes we dismiss them, but yeah, I was remembering talking with somebody where they said, yeah, I was listening to this new young bride talk about how the worst day ever was when her washing machine flooded.
• 17:49
  And she thought, Oh, honey.
• 17:50
  Me, what a blessed life you have, if that's the worst day you've ever had and, and how it does limit our ability to connect with other people.
• 17:58
  But it can be hard when we're in the struggle to see the gifts of the struggle.
• 18:01
  Sometimes you don't see them until hindsight, but to see that, wow, okay.
• 18:05
  Even if the only gift that I have is more empathy for other people that have been through a similar thing, what a beautiful gift.
• 18:12
  You're right.
• 18:13
  I, I remember when I was younger and I would think that the day that the washer flooded or, you know, the, the water heater went out or those were just terrible days.
• 18:22
  And now I'm like, we had money to go buy a new one.
• 18:24
  Who cares?
• 18:28
  We got the mess, you know, the carpet got cleaned.
• 18:31
  Hallelujah.
• 18:32
  You know, it's like, So, yeah, it's a different perspective of life for sure.
• 18:37
  And I, I think the older we get, hopefully that perspective changes just a little bit.
• 18:42
  And we realize it's okay.
• 18:44
  It's just life.
• 18:45
  It's just life.
• 18:48
  It's okay to roll with it.
• 18:49
  Yeah.
• 18:51
  So, um, where should we go next?
• 18:54
  Um, let's talk about creating compassion for ourselves because a lot of people don't, I know in my work, this is one that we have to work a lot on.
• 19:03
  You know, they've been taught to suck it up.
• 19:04
  Just keep going, just get over it.
• 19:06
  Put your big girl panties on.
• 19:07
  I used to say that too, a long time ago.
• 19:09
  I don't say that anymore.
• 19:10
  I never tell myself to put my big girl panties on.
• 19:14
  It's like, no, there's no reason to put any big girl panties on.
• 19:17
  Like it is what it is.
• 19:19
  So let's talk about creating compassion for ourselves.
• 19:23
  Um, how do you think that happens or how do we go about working through that?
• 19:27
  Cause it's a, to me, it's kind of a mountain.
• 19:29
  It's kind of seems like a mountain for a lot of people.
• 19:32
  Yeah, for sure.
• 19:33
  Well, I think it's similar to what we were talking about before.
• 19:35
  It's really coming to that place where you can be your own best friend, where you can show up for yourself through that place of compassion, recognizing when you have those thoughts coming in that you should be showing up differently, that life should be any different than it is.
• 19:48
  And.
• 19:48
  You know, oftentimes we really should on ourselves a lot, especially through the transitions.
• 19:53
  And I can't tell you how many times I've been in session with somebody and they've really been shooting on themselves that, but this should be easier and this should be resolved by now.
• 20:00
  And I'm so upset that I'm still feeling this.
• 20:02
  And I was like, okay, hold up.
• 20:03
  Like, this is just what transition looks like and just shifting it from, I shouldn't be feeling this way to, Oh, maybe this is exactly what healing looks like.
• 20:13
  Maybe this is exactly what transition looks like.
• 20:16
  Like maybe that's okay.
• 20:17
  It's not going to be this way forever, but maybe this is just what it looks like.
• 20:21
  And I can just have some love and compassion towards that.
• 20:24
  But yeah, after I've been in an accident, I'm not going to be able to do some of the things that I have usually wanted to do, but maybe this is just what recovery looks like, but really just.
• 20:32
  Loving yourself where you're at.
• 20:33
  And, oh, isn't that interesting that when I, I'm going to keep using your accident as an example.
• 20:40
  Yeah.
• 20:40
  I mean, it's just such a beautiful metaphor for any kind of healing, but when it's like, okay, yeah.
• 20:44
  Like I am not where I want to be right now, but But I can love myself where I'm at.
• 20:49
  I can meet myself exactly where I'm at.
• 20:51
  I wouldn't have these expectations of anyone else around their healing timeline.
• 20:55
  So why am I holding myself to a different standard to just let it go and recognize, no, like this is just what healing looks like.
• 21:02
  I think can bring so much self compassion.
• 21:05
  Absolutely.
• 21:05
  You know, as you're saying that I'm like, I have actually thought those thoughts during because I've had so many people go, well, I had an ACL replacement and it wasn't that bad.
• 21:12
  And I was like, I want it.
• 21:13
  There've been days where it's like, Oh, I thought it was the rope, the chair, you know, and yeah, it's like the whole comparison, but the ACL wasn't that bad.
• 21:23
  I don't know why it's taking so long, you know, and it's like.
• 21:27
  Oh my gosh.
• 21:27
  Well, let's do the ACL, the PCL, the LCL, let's, you know, let's do all the L's and then we'll talk about that's not even the fractures and all the other, it's been really hard to like, except the fact that this is just going to take a while, like it's going to take time.
• 21:41
  And so as you were saying that, I was like, Oh my gosh, I've actually had those thoughts lately.
• 21:45
  It's like, wow.
• 21:46
  Why is this so long, you know, but it really, it is, it's reminding myself and coming back to the fact that we don't have to compare ourselves to anybody.
• 21:54
  I don't have to be, you know, it's like, we just get to be, we just get to do, we just get to show up and do the very best that we can do.
• 22:01
  And that is it.
• 22:02
  Like, yeah.
• 22:04
  Well, it's so interesting because when you are able to like recognize when you are making those comparisons and just.
• 22:10
  Acknowledge.
• 22:10
  Oh, I'm comparing right now.
• 22:12
  It helps us to let go of that judgment because looking at any situation, every person's divorce is different.
• 22:17
  Every person's parenting experience is different.
• 22:20
  Everybody's struggle with addiction, either their own or a loved one is completely different.
• 22:24
  And we like to assume that, oh, because my experience was similar, it's the same, but that prevents us from having that.
• 22:31
  Compassion and that connection with other people.
• 22:34
  And so recognizing when we're comparing ourselves to others, or, you know, if we're comparing our situation to somebody else's situation, recognizing that, Oh, I can see some things that are similar, but also comparing, but what else is different, you know, maybe just your age is different and that's going to impact your recovery from your accident, but what things are different, how is this going to be impacting things?
• 22:56
  Um, Yeah.
• 22:58
  It's so interesting what we choose to compare and what we choose to ignore when it comes to our personal healing timelines.
• 23:05
  Yeah, absolutely.
• 23:06
  That is 100%.
• 23:09
  So true.
• 23:10
  And we do.
• 23:10
  Yeah.
• 23:10
  And stepping out of that, I know now as the healer, I'm like, Oh yeah, we can't do this.
• 23:15
  today.
• 23:15
  That's not okay.
• 23:16
  Like you're you and they're them.
• 23:18
  And then you get to take your path and they get to take yours and whatever that looks like and however that feels like and whatever that seems like it's all okay.
• 23:26
  Like in any situation, accidents are not like there is no need to compare anywhere because you're right.
• 23:34
  No divorce is the same.
• 23:35
  No things are the same.
• 23:37
  We can relate with people when we've been through things like that, but it doesn't mean that ours is the same as theirs.
• 23:43
  Yeah.
• 23:44
  Well, and I'm sure it's similar in your practice, but I know oftentimes I'm asked, yeah, but how long, how long do I have to feel this way?
• 23:50
  How long do I have to allow these negative emotions?
• 23:53
  How long are my, is my situation going to be like this?
• 23:56
  And it's like, it's just different for everybody, right?
• 23:59
  They want to know the magic number.
• 24:01
  Of when it's all going to be okay, it's like, you know, it could be a week.
• 24:04
  It could be a couple of years, but you don't have to worry about it.
• 24:06
  All you have to do is worry about today.
• 24:08
  What is your capacity today?
• 24:10
  And recognizing it's going to have up and downs.
• 24:12
  It's going to come in waves.
• 24:14
  Some days will be harder than others.
• 24:15
  Some days will be easier, but all you have to do is just really.
• 24:19
  Meet yourself in the present.
• 24:20
  I think that also limits our self compassion is when we're either living in the past of thinking, Oh, well, it's always been this way.
• 24:26
  And here's all the evidence or worried that it is always going to be this way and hearing for the future, but just be present with it.
• 24:33
  Yeah, absolutely.
• 24:34
  Absolutely.
• 24:35
  I know I've had a really hard time.
• 24:37
  We're leaving on, we're headed out of the country.
• 24:40
  So before I knew that I was having surgery, we went ahead of the trip.
• 24:44
  Out of the country.
• 24:45
  And so that's been another thing, you know, here that we're talking about this, because I'm like, Oh my gosh, we have a timeline.
• 24:50
  I have a deadline.
• 24:52
  I need to be able to walk.
• 24:55
  So, you know, you're, you're talking about how long is it going to take?
• 24:57
  I'm like, you know what?
• 24:58
  Hurry up.
• 25:00
  We got things.
• 25:01
  But then you have to remember, you know what?
• 25:03
  It's going to look like, even my husband said to me the other day, do you know, it's going to look like whatever it looks like.
• 25:08
  Yeah.
• 25:08
  Like, just let it be, just let it be, like, whatever that looks like, whatever given day looks like, it's going to be fine.
• 25:14
  Like, and I think we need to remember that in life as well.
• 25:18
  It's not about these deadlines and it's not about, it's just being present.
• 25:23
  I love how you said that being present in our body, being present in the moment.
• 25:27
  Being present here and just allowing ourselves to be, and let go of this future garbage and let go of the past.
• 25:35
  And just it's the here and now it's right here in those moments.
• 25:37
  Yeah.
• 25:39
  And when we are able to be present with it, that's what helps to expand our psychological flexibility, right?
• 25:44
  We are more adaptable in the moment, but if we're clinging to the past or to the future, we're less flexible.
• 25:50
  We're less willing to bend with what is because we haven't accepted what is.
• 25:55
  And so really like.
• 25:56
  expanding that and all it takes is just practicing that presence.
• 26:01
  I love that.
• 26:02
  You're so right.
• 26:04
  Um, I want to redirect this for a minute because I actually had a client reach out to me this morning and she, she messaged me and she's like, she asked me how I was doing and I was Great doing fabulous.
• 26:14
  How are you?
• 26:15
  And she said her message to me this morning was so awesome.
• 26:18
  And I was like, we have to, cause it's been on my mind all morning and I was like, Marianne and I are going to talk about this today because she said my mind is quiet for just a moment.
• 26:29
  And I was like, Oh, I said, isn't it lovely when you get to that place?
• 26:35
  And she's all, I won't say that it's completely quiet, but it's, but it's quieter.
• 26:40
  And I love it when we get to those places in our life where our mind settles, where we've, I know when I do enough healing work with people and they're finally able to like see.
• 26:50
  I'm going to be talking about how to really settle out of the anxiety and settle out of the fears a little bit, like let some of that go.
• 26:55
  And really settle into our mind.
• 26:58
  So let's talk a little bit about your feelings on our mind chatter.
• 27:03
  And how that works.
• 27:05
  Cause.
• 27:08
  I know in my practice, this is, I tell people a lot.
• 27:10
  Your mind doesn't speak your truth.
• 27:12
  You know, our minds, our fears, our mind speaks, our traumas, our mind speaks, the things that we've been through.
• 27:18
  And to me, this is really what healing is all about is really listening to that chatter and where is it coming from?
• 27:23
  And.
• 27:23
  And, and learning to quiet the chatter.
• 27:25
  So what's your, what's your take on all of that?
• 27:27
  Let's talk about where you go, wherever you want with it.
• 27:30
  Cause this is kind of a, this is a, yeah, this one's kind of big, but I was like, we need to talk about this.
• 27:35
  Cause I think it's, yeah, well, this is my jam.
• 27:38
  I do a significant amount of thought work and I love that you piggybacked this with the presence, because what I really work with people on and coach people on is we have 60, 000 thoughts every single day.
• 27:50
  They're just everywhere.
• 27:51
  Where they are.
• 27:52
  And so really what I work with people on a significant amount is just slowing down our thoughts enough to identify, okay, pick the one thought.
• 28:00
  Every single thought that we have is going to create an emotion and every one of those emotions, that's how we show up in life.
• 28:08
  We're very emotional beings.
• 28:09
  We're showing up through an emotion, be it confidence, insecurity, whatever, but it all stems from our thoughts.
• 28:15
  And when we have 50 million thoughts happening at the same time, it can make it harder for us to even identify, okay, why am I feeling anxious right now?
• 28:22
  You know what, what is happening for me?
• 28:23
  But when you're able to slow it down and identify those individual thoughts, then you can really break it down and recognize, okay, the brain is just going to talk.
• 28:32
  It's like this roommate that won't shut up.
• 28:35
  Exactly.
• 28:35
  But when you're, when you Slow it down and see, Oh, isn't that interesting?
• 28:40
  Like right now I'm currently believing that, um, so and so just made a crusty face at me.
• 28:46
  It's like, okay, well, why do I think that?
• 28:47
  Like what's coming up for me?
• 28:49
  Why am I assuming that because they made a face that it means something negative about me?
• 28:53
  Isn't that interesting?
• 28:54
  Maybe they smelled something stinky.
• 28:56
  Maybe they're remembering something horrible that happened at work earlier in the day.
• 28:59
  Maybe, you know, like we have no idea what's happening for them, but oftentimes we have all of these thoughts.
• 29:06
  And of course, if I'm thinking.
• 29:07
  Somebody just made a crusty face at me.
• 29:09
  How am I going to show up?
• 29:10
  I'm going to be showing up really negatively, kind of guarded and defensive.
• 29:13
  It's not going to be creating what I want.
• 29:15
  Whereas if I just think, Oh, they made a face, like I don't have to make it mean anything about me.
• 29:21
  Then I can show up confidently.
• 29:23
  I can show up feeling secure.
• 29:25
  Um, and so it's really just.
• 29:27
  Slowing it down.
• 29:28
  And the more you slow it down, the more you can find what your client talked about.
• 29:31
  Those quiet pockets of peace where it's like, no, I'm just going to slow it down.
• 29:35
  I know I have 50 million thoughts happening and I'm just going to adjust the volume on the ones that aren't serving me and just find that peace and that presence with self.
• 29:46
  I love that.
• 29:47
  I love how you said adjust the volume on the ones that aren't serving me.
• 29:49
  Cause that's really, that's really where it comes in.
• 29:52
  And I know for me a lot in my work and what I do with people is I, you know what?
• 29:57
  Let's dissect those thoughts too.
• 29:59
  We can slow them down.
• 30:01
  Let's pick out this one.
• 30:03
  Let's pull it apart.
• 30:04
  Is it your truth?
• 30:06
  Is it really your truth?
• 30:08
  I love how you say, isn't that interesting?
• 30:10
  Cause I say the same thing.
• 30:12
  Isn't that interesting?
• 30:13
  I'm like, I've heard you say that.
• 30:15
  And I'm like, Oh my gosh, I say that interesting.
• 30:20
  And that's what I do with thoughts too.
• 30:22
  And I say isn't that interesting that that is a thought that's coming up?
• 30:27
  Where is that coming from?
• 30:29
  And is that really your truth?
• 30:31
  The answer is no, it's not.
• 30:33
  It's not our truth because it's usually something negative about us.
• 30:37
  Just like thinking that these people, you know, why am I feeling that because they looked at me that way, I somehow assume now that it's all about me.
• 30:44
  Like, this is when we're going back to those, like, now I'm assuming that that's all about me.
• 30:48
  That's not okay.
• 30:49
  It wasn't about me.
• 30:50
  I had nothing to do with me.
• 30:52
  What their day is like, who knows what there's going through, but I don't have to put it back on myself.
• 30:56
  But why am I putting it back on myself?
• 30:59
  Right.
• 30:59
  I pulled that apart.
• 31:01
  And right about that, like seriously.
• 31:03
  Yeah.
• 31:04
  And recognizing that all thoughts are optional, right?
• 31:07
  So why are we choosing those ones?
• 31:08
  Cause we're going to have these two thought models.
• 31:10
  You know, I was coaching somebody recently where it was, they were telling me, okay, well, they must think that I'm trying to buy their affections, that I'm manipulative, that I'm doing all these things, but I know that I'm a nice person and a kind person and I'm showing up with generosity and love.
• 31:24
  And it's like, yeah, you have these two thought models happening at the same time.
• 31:27
  And you get a pick, you get a pick.
• 31:29
  And the reason why we cling is we think, well, they should be thinking nice thoughts about me.
• 31:33
  And they're not thinking nice thoughts about me.
• 31:35
  And so we hyper focus on that one, but it's like, but I don't even believe anything that they're saying.
• 31:40
  So isn't that interesting?
• 31:41
  I'm focusing on all of those things.
• 31:43
  Instead of just focusing on.
• 31:45
  Look, I am showing up in love and kindness.
• 31:47
  I gave this gift with no expectation of anything being returned.
• 31:51
  Like I'm showing up in genuine love and authenticity and, and feeling at peace with that.
• 31:56
  Cause we're going to have all these thought models, but all of them are optional.
• 32:01
  So picking which one do I want to believe on purpose?
• 32:04
  But like you said, it has.
• 32:05
  Helps to just unpick those where it's like, as I've believing right now that maybe I am showing up in these manipulative ways, but it's like the, really, when I think about it, I'm really not, that wasn't my motive or intention at all.
• 32:16
  Nope.
• 32:17
  Nope.
• 32:17
  And people are going to think what they want to think.
• 32:19
  And so we can choose.
• 32:20
  So worry about this is more of the control.
• 32:23
  This is more of the control side.
• 32:24
  We can choose to worry about what people are going to think or what we think they're going to think.
• 32:27
  That's what I say.
• 32:28
  We, we think they're going to think about what we think they're going to think about, like, but it really has nothing to do with any of that, like, and even if they blatantly said, Hey, you're acting really selfishly and manipulative right now.
• 32:41
  It still is just words.
• 32:43
  It doesn't make it true.
• 32:44
  You know, that would just be something, it's words, somebody said, and it doesn't mean anything until we have a thought about it.
• 32:51
  And we could think anything we want about it.
• 32:53
  We could think, isn't that interesting that they're so judgmental or we could think, Oh, what does this mean about me?
• 33:00
  Absolutely.
• 33:01
  Absolutely..
• 33:02
  I love what you said about all our thoughts because I, that's, it's so true.
• 33:07
  It's like really stepping into this place of this mindfulness and really learning to choose our thoughts.
• 33:14
  I think it's so important.
• 33:15
  I know one thing that I do on my phone, my phone goes off all day long and it looks like I have all of these things, but I have reminders on my phones of the things that I want to think about, the things that I'm manifesting in my life, the things that I want to, you That I'm all the things literally, like, I think I have a dozen reminders on my phone every day because in fact, one just popped up.
• 33:36
  Right.
• 33:36
  Right.
• 33:36
  It was, we were talking because to me, it is so important to remind myself to think about the things that I want to think about and really focus on those things because we can get caught up in so many stories.
• 33:48
  We can get caught up in our day.
• 33:50
  We can, and it doesn't have to stay that way.
• 33:53
  So yeah.
• 33:54
  I, I love our, I love, I love talking about the thoughts because it's so important.
• 34:00
  Yeah.
• 34:01
  And once we're able to identify them and recognize that they are optional, I think that's the most empowering thing that we can do.
• 34:08
  It's easy when we aren't in control of our thoughts to assume the victim role, because then life is happening to us.
• 34:13
  We're believing all these stories.
• 34:15
  All these people are against us.
• 34:16
  It makes us the victim.
• 34:17
  But once we're able to identify I can choose to think whatever I want to think about this.
• 34:22
  It is so empowering and really helps that victim energy to loosen its grip.
• 34:27
  Absolutely.
• 34:28
  Absolutely.
• 34:29
  Yeah.
• 34:29
  And yeah, the, the being in that victim role is so.
• 34:36
  I don't know if that is such a hard place to be.
• 34:38
  I love working with people though, that are in that place.
• 34:40
  I'm like, Oh, let's talk about it, baby.
• 34:42
  Because we can work through all of that because we, I don't believe that we're just here and life is just happening to us.
• 34:50
  And I, I probably in my younger years, I would say, I probably did believe that because it was like, Oh my gosh, we think that we're so powerless and we're just a little ant, you know, in this whole big ocean and we're trying to swim in it.
• 35:03
  But then you realize for me, it was like, as I got older, I realized, you know what, that simply isn't true.
• 35:08
  Cause I get to make choices and I get to do the things and I get to decide what I'm doing every day.
• 35:12
  And I get to decide how I want to feel.
• 35:14
  And I get to decide how I want to be around.
• 35:16
  And I, there's so many things that I get to decide and.
• 35:20
  I don't get to choose for other people, but I sure as hell get to choose for myself and I'm going to do what feels really yummy to me.
• 35:28
  So yeah.
• 35:29
  What's your take on all of that?
• 35:32
  Yeah.
• 35:32
  I mean, I think that that is key.
• 35:34
  I mean, we all want to step into that role of conscious creator, right?
• 35:37
  That life isn't happening to us.
• 35:39
  We can make whatever.
• 35:40
  We want, and I love how you talked about even the manifestations, right?
• 35:44
  Where it's like, no, like this is me choosing to be a conscious creator of my life instead of staying in that victim energy and telling myself all the reasons what will let me convince you of all the reasons why this person's in the wrong.
• 35:56
  And it's like, okay, but what can you do?
• 35:58
  Like, how can you step out of that?
• 35:59
  How can you stand in your own power?
• 36:01
  Like it really activates that conscious creator that is so empowering.
• 36:06
  Yes.
• 36:06
  I love manifestation stuff.
• 36:08
  I've been working on so much over, well, pretty much my whole life.
• 36:11
  I didn't even realize it.
• 36:12
  Like I was a manifestor before I even knew I was a manifestor.
• 36:15
  Like I didn't realize it.
• 36:16
  Yeah.
• 36:17
  It's like, Oh, I was doing all of this and didn't even realize what I was doing.
• 36:21
  Like, um, yeah.
• 36:23
  So talk to me about your take on manifesting.
• 36:25
  What's something that you have manifested that you're like, Oh my gosh, I did it.
• 36:31
  Yeah.
• 36:31
  I mean, so many things, right?
• 36:33
  Sometimes I just look at my life and I go, huh, I would have never guessed never guessed that I'd have my own podcast.
• 36:42
  No, the me of like 10 years ago, there's no way that I would have put myself out there.
• 36:46
  There's no way I would have started my own business.
• 36:48
  There's no way I would have done all of these things, but it's really interesting to just be like, no.
• 36:53
  I did it.
• 36:54
  I, I set my mind out to do it.
• 36:56
  I think it's all about just aligning our thoughts and our actions, right?
• 37:00
  We can, we can use our actions and we can work towards something, but if our mind isn't in it, if we're still thinking, oh, this isn't actually going to work, guess what?
• 37:08
  It's not going to work.
• 37:09
  But when your thoughts and your actions are in alignment.
• 37:13
  Like that is a sweet spot.
• 37:14
  That is where the magic can happen.
• 37:16
  It opens us up to possibility, which I think is the excitement behind the manifestation, right?
• 37:22
  It's just, Oh, I'm just so excited at what might happen.
• 37:25
  This is what I want.
• 37:26
  How could I possibly create it?
• 37:28
  And when we're asking those questions, our brain is going to fill in the answers.
• 37:31
  Our brain wants to help us look for evidence for whatever it is we're thinking about.
• 37:35
  So if we're thinking of all the ways that this isn't going to work, your brain is going to show you all the ways it's not going to work.
• 37:40
  But if you're thinking, Oh, I really.
• 37:42
  They want this thing.
• 37:43
  And I wonder what's going to happen to make it possible.
• 37:46
  Your brain is going to come up with so many ideas of how you can get to where it is that you want to go.
• 37:51
  And it is awesome.
• 37:53
  And once you step into that energy, it is like, it's a brilliant, like it's brilliant.
• 37:58
  And you feel yourself step out of that energy.
• 38:00
  Once you know, once you know what that feels like, this is why I love your energy.
• 38:03
  Cause I'm like, I could sit here and this energy all day.
• 38:05
  This is what I love.
• 38:06
  Like, but yeah, once you step into that, I know just a couple of, you know, It's been just a few weeks ago and it was really interesting because we went to see my financial, our financial guy, my husband's retired.
• 38:17
  So we had to go do the, the year planning thing.
• 38:20
  And we were sitting in the meeting and I said, you need to get some money out.
• 38:23
  We're going to buy a new airplane.
• 38:25
  Now my husband's got his pilot's license and he had gotten his pilot's license just a few months ago.
• 38:30
  My husband looks at me like, what are you talking about?
• 38:32
  And I said, no, seriously, like you need to set some money aside.
• 38:36
  You need, I'm just giving you a heads up.
• 38:38
  Because it's going to happen.
• 38:40
  It was two weeks later, almost to the day that Robert, my husband, he comes and he's like, look, I found this plane, check it out, like check out what, and I was like, there you go.
• 38:51
  And he's like, I think it's a scam.
• 38:52
  And I was like, it's not a scam.
• 38:54
  If you're playing, oh, get the damn thing.
• 38:59
  So it was really interesting.
• 39:00
  Like, you know, and so he did, he called the financial guy and he's like, well, that was quick.
• 39:03
  And he's like, Gina wasn't kidding.
• 39:05
  Was she, I mean, he had, hadn't really, we had kind of been looking, but not really like, so it's interesting to me how it works out when you, and I did that with his first plane too.
• 39:15
  I was like, no.
• 39:16
  This is all going to work out.
• 39:17
  You need to get your pilot's license.
• 39:19
  He's wanted to do that forever.
• 39:20
  And so it was really interesting because it kind of, that one just fell into our lap too.
• 39:24
  And to me, this is how it works.
• 39:26
  It's like, you just set your mind to what you want.
• 39:28
  What do you want it to look like?
• 39:30
  Be very specific and know that it's happening.
• 39:33
  And it freaking does, like, it's just like, yeah.
• 39:36
  Funny how it just, we'll just like all of a sudden we're doing podcasts and we're doing things that we wouldn't have ever considered before.
• 39:43
  Like, cause I'm with you, 10 years ago, you wouldn't see me sat in this seat for nothing.
• 39:47
  Like now I can't imagine anywhere else.
• 39:52
  Like, yeah.
• 39:54
  And I love that you said that his first thought was no, it's gotta be a scam.
• 39:58
  Like how often, and if he had followed that thought, He wouldn't have the plane, right?
• 40:04
  We're going to have those thoughts that come in, but to decide it might be a scam, but what if it isn't just opening ourselves up to what if opens up all those possibilities.
• 40:15
  And I'm trying to rack my brain.
• 40:16
  I know that I've manifested a lot of things.
• 40:17
  And as you said, Oh yeah.
• 40:18
  And he said, Oh, it's probably a scam.
• 40:20
  I can't even remember what it was, but recently I had the same experience with my husband where he's like, no, there's no way that's gotta be a scam.
• 40:26
  And it wasn't a scam, you know?
• 40:28
  And it's like, no, like, this is just, Life happening.
• 40:32
  And I remember one other time when a girlfriend of mine, there was a local competition for a ceramics class.
• 40:38
  And I entered on Facebook and I won and, and I'm like, and I told her about it.
• 40:43
  I'm like, Hey, we should do this together.
• 40:44
  You should apply and see what happens.
• 40:47
  And I asked her later.
• 40:48
  So did you apply to, did you enter the contest?
• 40:50
  And she said, well, no, because I never win those things.
• 40:54
  And I said, but you just guaranteed it.
• 40:56
  Like how, like what is happening in your mind where it's like, if you aren't willing to put yourself out there, if you aren't willing to experience disappointment, it's so limiting.
• 41:05
  But what's interesting is when we don't put ourselves out there, we're just experiencing the disappointment ahead of time.
• 41:11
  Absolutely.
• 41:12
  You might win, you might not, but you've just guaranteed the disappointment and not winning.
• 41:17
  Right?
• 41:17
  Absolutely.
• 41:18
  And how many of us stay in that scared place of, no, I will never do that because I don't want to experience disappointment.
• 41:24
  I think this is one of the big, the big parts of healing in life is really understanding that I saw a quote this morning and it said, we don't heal to heal the traumas we heal so that we can step into joy again.
• 41:34
  And, and I loved that.
• 41:36
  I was like, Oh my gosh.
• 41:37
  Like the fireworks went off in my head.
• 41:39
  I was like, that is so right.
• 41:41
  It's not about the traumas.
• 41:43
  It's stepping out of that garbage and stepping into the fact that we can be happy.
• 41:47
  We can have, we can win the ceramics contest.
• 41:49
  We can do all these things that we want to do.
• 41:51
  Whatever you set your mind to do.
• 41:53
  If you decide you're going and doing it, you will do it just like you said, airing your seat now.
• 41:58
  Like, you know, It's like deciding, no, I'm showing up deciding no, the life is going to, life is going to, and I'm not going to worry about the disappointment.
• 42:07
  So what?
• 42:08
  Yeah.
• 42:09
  Yeah.
• 42:09
  But it's interesting to the, um, how we, we try to prevent ourselves from experiencing any disappointment, but it also limits our capacity for joy, but when we're willing to step into.
• 42:20
  Okay.
• 42:21
  I might, I might not experience disappointment.
• 42:23
  I might experience disappointment, but if you're willing to experience a disappointment, then you're also opening yourself up to experience joy.
• 42:30
  But you, we cannot selectively number emotions.
• 42:32
  We think if I can just pretend that all the bad stuff and all the negative stuff doesn't happen, it'll be okay.
• 42:37
  So we numb ourselves of all the emotion, but then we're also numbing our ability and our capacity.
• 42:42
  So you to experience that joy.
• 42:43
  So I love that you tie that into the healing, but yeah, the healing is about increasing your capacity for joy where, yeah, it's going to be uncomfortable.
• 42:49
  You have to allow yourself to feel the yuck, which will increase your capacity to embrace and embody the joy.
• 42:57
  That is beautiful.
• 42:58
  I love that so much.
• 42:59
  I'm so glad that you shared that.
• 43:00
  Yeah.
• 43:01
  I noticed this a lot with my clients.
• 43:03
  A lot of them are afraid to do their healing work because they don't want to go down that negative path.
• 43:06
  And it was like, yeah, going down that negative path is what's going to open you up for all the beautifulness that you've been avoiding all these years.
• 43:13
  Yeah.
• 43:14
  And you know, we forget these things along the way.
• 43:17
  Like we just think that, you know, well, I'll just stay focused and this is just how life is.
• 43:21
  And we put our blinders on it.
• 43:22
  Let's start going.
• 43:23
  It's like, no.
• 43:24
  Yeah.
• 43:24
  I remember when I first started doing healing work, I was like, step out of your box.
• 43:29
  We limit ourselves by staying in the box.
• 43:32
  And stepping out of the box is a little scary because it means we have to embrace the good, the bad, the ugly, the ducks all over the place, the messiness, all of the things that we've been talking about.
• 43:42
  But it also gives you a whole new view.
• 43:45
  And now instead of being inside the box with the lid closed, now we're outside it's open.
• 43:50
  It's beautiful.
• 43:50
  The sun's shining and we're like, Oh my gosh, why have I locked myself in the box for so long?
• 43:55
  Like, Um, and so, yeah, I, I love what you're saying about the disappointment and feeling all the emotions.
• 44:01
  It's okay.
• 44:02
  And it's okay if it doesn't always work out like we want it to.
• 44:05
  That's okay, too.
• 44:05
  It doesn't mean it doesn't mean anything about anything unless we make it about something.
• 44:10
  Right.
• 44:11
  Yeah.
• 44:11
  And even as you're talking about the box, what's interesting is Gina, it's a self made box.
• 44:17
  We boxed ourselves in, we created it with all of our"shoulds" and all of our self expectations.
• 44:23
  And it's like, okay, I made this box.
• 44:26
  I'm just going to bust it up.
• 44:28
  I'm going to bust it wide open.
• 44:30
  It is.
• 44:30
  So we like to think that everybody else is building this box and that we're boxed in because of everybody else, but we have accepted those things.
• 44:37
  We have allowed them to box us in it's self created, but that also means that we can bust it up.
• 44:44
  And it's totally okay.
• 44:46
  And nobody cares.
• 44:47
  That's just it.
• 44:47
  It's like, nobody cares.
• 44:48
  It's us that is holding ourselves back from stepping out of the box.
• 44:51
  Like, I remember I, I wrote a book when I first, it's been, it was a 2017, I think when I wrote a book and that was the thing that I talked about in there was like stepping out of the box.
• 45:03
  It was time to step out of your box and embrace spirituality, embrace healing, embrace whatever parts of you that you want to embrace, whatever you're choosing to embrace.
• 45:12
  Because we really do, we keep ourselves small by thinking that this is how we have to think this.
• 45:16
  I call it the small minded thinking like we've just decided that whatever we've been taught, whatever we've culturally society, whatever, all of these things that we've been taught is just how we are.
• 45:28
  And that is true.
• 45:30
  That is such small minded thinking.
• 45:33
  Um, yeah, it is small minded thinking.
• 45:35
  And as we break out of the box, it might upset some people, but the people it's going to upset are the people that are still in boxes, right?
• 45:43
  It's the other people that broken free that like, yes, welcome.
• 45:45
  I'm so glad that you were here.
• 45:47
  And so we tend to limit ourselves due to that small minded thinking of other people and their judgments.
• 45:53
  But why are we allowing them to dictate our capacity for growth?
• 45:58
  No, I remember when I was stepping out of, You know, religious beliefs and cultural beliefs and really deciding for myself what works for me.
• 46:05
  That was one thing that I was terrified of is like, what are people going to think?
• 46:09
  You know, and, and we can stay there and I did stay there for a while and it's okay because we have to work through that little by little and we have to let ourselves feel safe in doing the box and we have to let our box get a little bigger and a little wider and pretty soon we don't need the box anymore.
• 46:24
  It's not part of who we are.
• 46:26
  We've busted all those old things and realize, Oh my gosh, just because.
• 46:31
  Mom and dad said, this doesn't mean that it's my truth today, or just because we were taught that society, this was the way we had to act.
• 46:37
  Doesn't mean that that's the way that I have to act.
• 46:39
  I get to choose, get to decide for myself.
• 46:43
  It's such an empowering place to be for sure.
• 46:47
  Yeah.
• 46:48
  And it really has me thinking as you're talking about your experience that oftentimes we build that box.
• 46:52
  It's in order to help us to feel safe, it feels safe in the box and, and then the box is very familiar.
• 46:59
  We know exactly what the four walls look like and the unfamiliar can feel unsafe, but just because it's unfamiliar, it doesn't mean it's not safe there.
• 47:07
  It doesn't mean there's not good there, but we tend to think, no, this is safe.
• 47:11
  This is safe because it's familiar and we build it thinking now I'll be safe, but how limiting that can be for our growth.
• 47:19
  Oh my gosh.
• 47:19
  It is so limiting.
• 47:20
  I know exactly what you're saying.
• 47:22
  We do have to create, I think we have to learn to create our own safeness too, as well as we're coming out of the box.
• 47:28
  That's where coaching comes in.
• 47:30
  That's where healing comes in.
• 47:31
  That's where all these things come in, where we can allow ourselves to start, you know, At least lifting the lid up and looking out and going, Oh my gosh, there is a life out there.
• 47:40
  One that I didn't even know existed.
• 47:42
  Like, am I ready to go out there?
• 47:44
  Maybe not today, but I'm going to start taking little walks and I'm going to start experimenting.
• 47:50
  To me, it's just like you doing a podcast or you stepping out.
• 47:53
  It's the same dang thing.
• 47:55
  You know, getting out on social media, we do it little bits at a time.
• 47:58
  I don't know about you, but I did it little bits at a time.
• 48:01
  We're not, it doesn't feel safe to just go jump out there and burn the box down.
• 48:06
  We want to, the more that we do it, then you realize, Oh yeah, we're ready to burn the box, like burn the damn box.
• 48:12
  I'm out of here.
• 48:12
  But, um, yeah, I think there's a, they're kind of, we need some safety and security and reminding ourselves that it's safe to do that.
• 48:20
  It's safe to think our own thoughts.
• 48:22
  It's safe to decide what works for us and not works.
• 48:24
  What everybody is about.
• 48:26
  Everybody else is about us.
• 48:28
  Yeah.
• 48:29
  Well, and that safety piece is so huge.
• 48:31
  And I think that that's why, you know, working with coaches and healers, why that's so important is finding people that can be that safe space.
• 48:38
  You know, we might have people in our immediate proximity where it's not safe to talk with them about our journey.
• 48:43
  In fact, I was coaching somebody recently where they're really wanting to fix the problem.
• 48:46
  Yeah.
• 48:47
  Right.
• 48:47
  Like, well, what do I do and how do I be proactive?
• 48:49
  And how do I show up authentically here?
• 48:51
  And I'm like, okay, hold up.
• 48:52
  Like right now you're in fight or flight right now.
• 48:54
  Your top priority is safety and security.
• 48:56
  You need to keep yourself safe.
• 48:58
  And once you feel safe and you feel regulated, then we can start to address those other things.
• 49:03
  But that safety and security piece, especially as we're breaking free of those boxes is key.
• 49:09
  If we don't feel safe.
• 49:11
  What is there?
• 49:12
  Right.
• 49:12
  We have to acknowledge the safety and security piece first before we can move forward through that.
• 49:18
  Yeah, absolutely.
• 49:19
  Even in relationships and every part of our lives and money and whatever it is, whatever you're manifesting, whatever you're doing, whatever you're working through, you've got to fill that safety and security.
• 49:30
  And you're right.
• 49:30
  That's to me where.
• 49:32
  Killers and coaches and people come in that are on our team because not everybody can be on your team and help you feel safe in doing that.
• 49:39
  Not everybody.
• 49:40
  Yeah.
• 49:41
  Not everybody is going to be okay to be on your team while you're stepping out and checking out all your beliefs and doing all changing your thing.
• 49:47
  They're, they're just not, they don't have the capacity to hold that for you.
• 49:51
  Right.
• 49:52
  And acknowledging that their capacity doesn't mean anything about you, right.
• 49:56
  They're still going to be like we talked about before.
• 49:58
  They're still going to be Making those comparisons and saying, no, but you should be thinking this and you should be feeling this and you should still be in this box, right?
• 50:05
  They're going to be adding to our box rather than helping us to break it down.
• 50:09
  And so it is such a gift to have those people, to have those safe spaces that can just ask you those questions, help you to identify those limiting beliefs rather than, you know, talking to the same people that we've talked to for.
• 50:20
  20 years that are going to see us in that same very narrow view.
• 50:24
  And they want us to stay in that narrow lane because they feel safe, right?
• 50:28
  If we're changing, what does it impacts their level of safety and security in their mind, even though it doesn't, it's actually showing them what's possible, but it can be really hard.
• 50:37
  And so, yeah, so I, it's beautiful to have those safe spaces to, to have those people that you can go to in those times of need, where you can feel safe, where you can just process emotions, where you can actually explore and poke holes in those limiting beliefs.
• 50:51
  I love that poke holes in it because that's exactly what we're doing.
• 50:53
  It's like, no.
• 50:54
  Yeah.
• 50:55
  And it's okay.
• 50:56
  You know, I have a lot of people ask me, well, what if my husband doesn't think the same way that I do, or what if in relationships it's okay, because we don't have to think the same way.
• 51:05
  The thing is, is that the more you open up, the more you expand, I promise.
• 51:09
  If your relationship is able to get to handle that, it depends on where you're at, of course, in the relationship.
• 51:14
  And a lot of times they just follow along because it's like, Oh my gosh, really?
• 51:18
  We can really, we can do that.
• 51:20
  It's okay.
• 51:20
  Okay, great.
• 51:21
  Like, yeah, yeah.
• 51:24
  We are showing people what's possible because we're raising our vibration.
• 51:27
  Then they either have the opportunity to raise to our level or.
• 51:30
  Yeah.
• 51:31
  They'll fall out of our lives basically, but we are showing people.
• 51:35
  Yeah.
• 51:36
  And it can be hard when some people choose to not come along, but those that are really in it, they will come along with you.
• 51:42
  They will raise their vibration with you.
• 51:44
  You're showing them a new and higher path.
• 51:47
  Absolutely.
• 51:48
  I love that.
• 51:51
  Well, I have enjoyed our talk today so much.
• 51:54
  Do you have any final, this has been lovely, like, I'm like, oh my gosh, I don't want it to end.
• 51:59
  Do you have any final thoughts or anything that you want to add in here today?
• 52:04
  Yeah, this was just such a delicious and juicy conversation and I just absolutely loved it.
• 52:10
  Um, yeah, we definitely need to do this again.
• 52:12
  It's just so fun to explore ideas and I love connecting with you.
• 52:16
  I just love the energy that you put out into the world and I can really feel how much you really love those that you really nurture and serve.
• 52:23
  So thank you for allowing me to, yeah, to join your community and be a part of it.
• 52:27
  I really appreciate it.
• 52:28
  Well, you are very welcome and I appreciate you being on here today too.
• 52:32
  It is it's nice to collaborate and it's nice to collaborate with other people who have the same visions and the goals and and we're here to help people.
• 52:39
  We're here to help people raise up and that's Yeah.
• 52:42
  What we're gonna do.
• 52:43
  So thank you for showing up for your audience, for your people too, and for being here today.
• 52:48
  So I appreciate this conversation so much.
• 52:52
  So yeah, for sure.
• 52:53
  And we'll do it again.
• 52:54
  So thank you so much, MaryAnn for being here today.
• 52:58
  Yeah, for sure.
• 52:59
  And can I tell people how to find me?
• 53:01
  Absolutely.
• 53:01
  Thank you.
• 53:02
  Cause I was just about absolutely please do that.
• 53:07
  Yes, you can find me on, I'm on Facebook, Instagram, and Tik TOK at@maryannwalker.Life.
• 53:13
  And then I also have my own podcast inner work with MaryAnn Walker where, yeah, I shared tips and tricks for helpers, healers, and people pleasers and, and yeah, I'm looking forward to having more discussions with you and having you on my podcast as well.
• 53:24
  Let's do it.
• 53:25
  Thank you for doing that too.
• 53:26
  I was like, Oh my gosh, thank you for reminding me.
• 53:29
  My brain went.
• 53:30
  So yeah.
• 53:31
  And you do want to go.
• 53:33
  Marianne has got a lot of cool videos.
• 53:34
  If you haven't been on her TikTok channel, you want to go watch.
• 53:37
  Isn't that where they're I'm like, that's where it's at, right?
• 53:39
  I'm like, they're all over.
• 53:41
  That's where it's at.
• 53:41
  Yep.
• 53:42
  That's where it's at.
• 53:42
  I'm like, that's where the action is.
• 53:46
  So you'll want to go find her on there.
• 53:47
  You can find her work.
• 53:49
  Do you have a website?
• 53:50
  By the way.
• 53:51
  Yes.
• 53:51
  It's maryannwalker.life yeah.
• 53:53
  Okay.
• 53:54
  We'll just make sure we get that out there and it'll all be in the show notes.
• 53:57
  So, um, we'll put all that in there.
• 53:59
  We'll have all MaryAnn's information in there so that you know where to go find her and go follow her.
• 54:03
  So thank you so much for being here today.
• 54:05
  And I loved our conversation.
• 54:07
  So awesome.
• 54:08
  Well, thank you so much.
• 54:09
  I also loved it so much.
• 54:11
  So thank you.
• 54:11
  Thank you.
• 54:12
  You're welcome.
• 54:12
  Thanks for sharing your insight today and we will see you all again very soon.
• 54:16
  Thank you so much.