Latest / The Parenting Podcast / What's wrong with my kid? Is this normal? (pt. 1) | Ep. 113

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What's wrong with my kid? Is this normal? (pt. 1) | Ep. 113 · The Parenting Podcast

• 0:06
  Welcome to the Parenting Podcast, where we're here to tackle the real challenges of parenthood right alongside of it.
• 0:14
  I'm Cheryl Lang, your host, and today we're diving into a question that's likely crossed every parent's mind, including my own.
• 0:25
  So what's wrong with my kid?
• 0:29
  Is this normal?
• 0:31
  From the daily struggles in the front seat to the nighttime battles at bedtime, we're here to shine a light on the common challenges That can leave parents feeling bewildered.
• 0:43
  Join us as we peel back the layers of children's behavior, offering practical tips and insights to help you navigate these hurdles with grace and understanding.
• 0:54
  So, grab a cuppa or press play during your drive.
• 0:59
  I invite you to join us on this journey of discovery and growth.
• 1:04
  Let's dive into the conversation together.
• 1:16
  Cheryl: I don't know if y'all know this about me, but my heritage in sports, I don't think that my mother ever saw a single sports game of any kind until she married my dad.
• 1:32
  Cheryl: And so he played for the University of Georgia.
• 1:37
  Cheryl: Go
• 1:37
  Carol: Dawgs
• 1:38
  Cheryl: in football.
• 1:39
  Cheryl: Is it the Bulldog?
• 1:40
  Ellen: Yes, it is.
• 1:41
  Ellen: Yeah, it was my, my father, my stepdad, had the Bulldogs.
• 1:46
  Ellen: Really?
• 1:47
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 1:47
  Ellen: I didn't know that.
• 1:47
  Ellen: Yeah, he's from West Virginia.
• 1:49
  Cheryl: Okay, but this is,
• 1:49
  Ellen: this is Georgia.
• 1:50
  Ellen: No, it's Georgia, so I don't know how they're related, but that was his, his school thing was the Bulldogs.
• 1:55
  Carol: Huh.
• 1:56
  Carol: Well, go Dawgs.
• 1:58
  Carol: And we owned a Bulldog, too.
• 1:59
  Carol: So because he loved football and I adored him, I used to sit and watch football with him and learn.
• 2:07
  Carol: So I really understood football.
• 2:09
  Carol: But then it kind of grew up and went on and didn't have any more time for football in my life.
• 2:13
  Carol: Or desire.
• 2:16
  Carol: Is that possibly true?
• 2:17
  Carol: Of course, NBA fan because the Oklahoma City Thunder, all right.
• 2:21
  Carol: I don't know if my dad could even begin to fathom what we just had recently with the Swifter Bowls.
• 2:30
  Christie: Oh man, yes, that is our life at our house right
• 2:34
  Cheryl: now.
• 2:34
  Cheryl: Isn't that something?
• 2:35
  Cheryl: Did all of your girls come watch
• 2:37
  Christie: the Super Bowl?
• 2:37
  Christie: Oh, all the, yes, we all watched it.
• 2:39
  Christie: It was, Taylor Bowl was one, of course.
• 2:44
  Christie: Yeah.
• 2:44
  Christie: Yes.
• 2:45
  Christie: We, I mean, I'm still watching post game content.
• 2:48
  Christie: All I can consume.
• 2:49
  Christie: I'm, I'm Travis the Tailor forever.
• 2:52
  Christie: Oh, you are a Swifty, huh?
• 2:54
  Christie: Well, I've become a Swifty.
• 2:56
  Christie: I, I'm a Swifty mom.
• 2:58
  Christie: I feel like that's a better category for me to be in at this point in my life.
• 3:03
  Cheryl: You know, my dad of course he's been gone a long time, but he would have no understanding of the entire
• 3:11
  Christie: concept.
• 3:11
  Christie: Right, yeah.
• 3:11
  Christie: Well, the, the, uh, biggest viewership in the history of the U.
• 3:18
  Christie: S.
• 3:19
  Christie: TV, I think, is what they're saying.
• 3:21
  Christie: We
• 3:22
  Ellen: went to my daughter's house, uh, to watch it there, and, um, her little girl, uh, is seven, and she's a swifty female.
• 3:32
  Ellen: And so she didn't want to, she didn't care about the game.
• 3:35
  Ellen: No.
• 3:36
  Ellen: So she'd be, she's so cute so she'd be like dancing for us and we're kind of, I could care less about the game, but I'm watching and she's dancing and stuff and I go, Taylor's on now, and she'd get all
• 3:45
  Cheryl: excited and she'd be
• 3:46
  Christie: like so cute.
• 3:47
  Christie: Well, for the first time ever, you know, we always watch the Super Bowl, make snacks and get together.
• 3:52
  Christie: But for the first time ever, we did what we needed to do on the commercials so that we could watch the game.
• 3:58
  Christie: Because it's usually the opposite.
• 4:00
  Christie: Usually we're doing whatever we need to do during the game so we can watch
• 4:03
  Cheryl: the commercials.
• 4:03
  Cheryl: Yeah, except it was Usher.
• 4:06
  Christie: Yeah, we did watch that show.
• 4:08
  Ellen: I love the Peppa Pig commercial.
• 4:10
  Ellen: Oh, I remember that one?
• 4:12
  Ellen: Oh, they were looking for a pig skin.
• 4:14
  Ellen: I can't remember.
• 4:14
  Ellen: Oh.
• 4:16
  Ellen: Was the cutest thing, so all these famous people are
• 4:18
  Cheryl: looking for this.
• 4:19
  Cheryl: Oh, oh, the one where they had like six or seven different celebrities.
• 4:24
  Cheryl: And he throws the
• 4:25
  Ellen: pigs.
• 4:26
  Ellen: And he goes, I just need a real pig ski.
• 4:28
  Ellen: And then you see the little cartoon of Peppa Pig.
• 4:30
  Ellen: And she goes,
• 4:31
  Christie: you mean me?
• 4:31
  Christie: That's
• 4:32
  Ellen: so cute.
• 4:33
  Ellen: That was the highlight
• 4:34
  Cheryl: for me.
• 4:35
  Cheryl: Well, it's always been the commercials.
• 4:37
  Cheryl: Yeah, they weren't that good this year.
• 4:39
  Cheryl: Yeah, I didn't
• 4:40
  Christie: think so.
• 4:41
  Christie: Yeah.
• 4:42
  Christie: I was
• 4:42
  Ellen: kind of disappointed.
• 4:43
  Christie: Yeah.
• 4:44
  Christie: I mean.
• 4:44
  Christie: Well, Taylor, I mean, they didn't need the muscles.
• 4:46
  Christie: Exactly.
• 4:47
  Cheryl: Exactly.
• 4:48
  Cheryl: That's so funny.
• 4:48
  Cheryl: Well, and Beyonce announced she's doing a new album.
• 4:52
  Cheryl: Do
• 4:52
  Ellen: you know, they have a college course in different colleges across the United States on Taylor Swift.
• 4:57
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 4:57
  Ellen: I think Harvard has one.
• 4:58
  Ellen: So.
• 5:00
  Cheryl: Like, if I were doing marketing, I would study what she's done.
• 5:04
  Cheryl: It's brilliant.
• 5:04
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 5:05
  Cheryl: Brilliant.
• 5:06
  Cheryl: Well.
• 5:07
  Ellen: So we're hoping for
• 5:08
  Christie: wedding bells.
• 5:09
  Christie: Yes, we are.
• 5:11
  Christie: A European proposal.
• 5:12
  Christie: That's what we're holding out for.
• 5:13
  Christie: Oh, really?
• 5:15
  Cheryl: I just think it's phenomenal.
• 5:17
  Christie: Well, there's so many heavy, hard things in life.
• 5:20
  Christie: Yes, that's just what I was going to say.
• 5:22
  Christie: That we can all enjoy.
• 5:23
  Christie: Exactly.
• 5:24
  Christie: We can all enjoy.
• 5:24
  Christie: And, you know, I mean, there's, There's always something to weigh the world down.
• 5:28
  Christie: It's nice when something lovely and light hearted comes
• 5:30
  Carol: out.
• 5:31
  Carol: That's exactly right.
• 5:32
  Carol: Uh, and that's a little bit sort of a segue into what we're going to talk about today.
• 5:38
  Carol: Because sometimes we do talk about heavier concepts or different things, uh, emotional health and so forth, and I thought it would be fun.
• 5:49
  Carol: And so, uh, a couple weeks ago, I contacted various parents that listened to the podcast and I said, Hey, send us send us the burning question.
• 6:00
  Carol: No, send us your answer to this burning question, okay?
• 6:04
  Carol: Okay.
• 6:05
  Carol: And so it's kind of a light hearted question, but it got them into things they really wanted to ask.
• 6:10
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 6:11
  Cheryl: And so the question is, what's wrong with my kid?
• 6:15
  Cheryl: Oh, that's
• 6:16
  Christie: good.
• 6:17
  Christie: I think we've
• 6:18
  Cheryl: all said that.
• 6:19
  Cheryl: I mean, have you ever gone to your spouse, or I would go to my, even my older or grown children and say, Are they crazy or am I crazy?
• 6:26
  Cheryl: Oh, absolutely, yes.
• 6:28
  Cheryl: Okay, that's what I meant by that question, sort of.
• 6:31
  Cheryl: And we've gotten, look at this.
• 6:32
  Cheryl: We've got a huge stack of
• 6:34
  Carol: questions.
• 6:34
  Carol: Of people saying, okay, this circumstance.
• 6:38
  Carol: What's wrong with my kid?
• 6:39
  Carol: Right.
• 6:39
  Carol: Okay, you want to jump in?
• 6:40
  Carol: Yeah.
• 6:41
  Carol: Alright, so here's one.
• 6:42
  Carol: Uh, it was bolded.
• 6:44
  Carol: Front seat competition.
• 6:47
  Carol: Oh, goodness.
• 6:47
  Carol: Oh, yeah.
• 6:48
  Carol: Bug! This is such a huge dynamic about who gets to sit in the front seat.
• 6:53
  Carol: And they said it's just the self absorption, dominance, and position shifting that just makes me crazy.
• 7:00
  Carol: Why is it such a big deal?
• 7:02
  Carol: I've even made an in car rotation, various guidelines, just to keep his craziness in check.
• 7:10
  Carol: Why must I spend my brain cells doing this?
• 7:13
  Carol: And then they said, what's wrong with my kids?
• 7:16
  Carol: So relatable.
• 7:17
  Cheryl: Oh, isn't it?
• 7:18
  Cheryl: Well, I think
• 7:19
  Ellen: they did all the right things.
• 7:20
  Ellen: they got it all going.
• 7:21
  Ellen: And my only suggestion would be if anybody complains that they didn't get the front seat even when it wasn't their turn or they tried to fight to get it, then they lose
• 7:32
  Christie: their turn.
• 7:35
  Christie: We always just did the oldest one in the car got the front seat.
• 7:38
  Christie: Yeah.
• 7:38
  Christie: Part of that was because You know, the car seat rules, where you have to be in a booster up until a certain point.
• 7:45
  Christie: But yeah, I just, I kind of felt like the oldest one was going to be driving soonest.
• 7:49
  Christie: They should be closer to the driver's seat.
• 7:52
  Christie: There's a lot of responsibility that comes with the oldest kids.
• 7:54
  Cheryl: Oh We have the rotating thing, you know, where you took turns, but that didn't eliminate the craziness.
• 8:01
  Cheryl: Because they all still want to sit in the front seat, you know,
• 8:05
  Ellen: my saying is always whiny children get nothing.
• 8:09
  Ellen: That was my motto.
• 8:10
  Ellen: So my kids knew in the minute they heard the word whiny, we're going to get
• 8:14
  Cheryl: nothing.
• 8:14
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 8:15
  Cheryl: So my question is, is why, why is this an issue?
• 8:18
  Cheryl: Someone who never had children, who didn't know anything, would say, this is ridiculous.
• 8:24
  Cheryl: You have children that argue about where they sit?
• 8:27
  Cheryl: Yes, every time we get in the car.
• 8:29
  Cheryl: Okay, so why?
• 8:31
  Cheryl: What do you think the motivation to help parents kind of understand what's going on with their kids, rather than say, just you know, Make them sit or whatever instead of just shutting it down.
• 8:42
  Cheryl: Why I'm not I'm interested.
• 8:43
  Cheryl: What do you think?
• 8:44
  Cheryl: What are your ideas for why?
• 8:46
  Cheryl: This happens,
• 8:48
  Christie: I have two answers.
• 8:49
  Christie: I think one is is a cynical answer.
• 8:52
  Christie: And one is kind of My cynical answer is tyrants wanting power and control over all things.
• 9:00
  Christie: Yes, but I think also the relational answer is It's to be close to you, you know, everyone's wants to be on your right, your right hand man until it's time to, you know, mop or fold laundry or something, but you know, just that one on one time, I think is what I saw in my kids wanting to sit up front with mom felt like I'm a little older, I'm, I'm more mature, I get to spend time with mom, I get to maybe
• 9:23
  Ellen: and the child,
• 9:25
  Cheryl: right?
• 9:27
  Cheryl: I like your two answers, but I think your first one's probably where I would say it's just a power thing.
• 9:35
  Cheryl: Adults do it all
• 9:36
  Ellen: the time too.
• 9:38
  Ellen: So it's just interesting because I just think it's in our nature to want to be first.
• 9:42
  Ellen: To want to get the lucky
• 9:43
  Cheryl: seat.
• 9:44
  Cheryl: Well, I can give you an example of that.
• 9:47
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 9:48
  Cheryl: I have two stools at my bar counter in my kitchen.
• 9:52
  Cheryl: And so, uh, when there are two granddaughters, it's happened with both sets.
• 9:59
  Cheryl: They're both finally able to sit at the counter in the chairs because it's safe.
• 10:03
  Cheryl: Every single time.
• 10:07
  Cheryl: Not this one.
• 10:08
  Cheryl: But this one is the coveted seat.
• 10:11
  Cheryl: I've even asked, why is this the coveted seat?
• 10:15
  Cheryl: And then you said last time I could sit there and it's oh no.
• 10:20
  Cheryl: It's no closer to me, it's nothing.
• 10:22
  Cheryl: I just think whatever it is.
• 10:26
  Cheryl: It's the struggle the minute someone else wants it.
• 10:29
  Cheryl: No, I think it's just the struggle of the human heart.
• 10:32
  Cheryl: Yeah,
• 10:34
  Ellen: she wanted that seat.
• 10:35
  Ellen: So therefore, it must be desirable.
• 10:36
  Ellen: Right, exactly the same.
• 10:38
  Cheryl: But so what would you put your recommendation to this parent be?
• 10:43
  Cheryl: Let's look at the parent's heart.
• 10:45
  Cheryl: What encouragement would you give that parent?
• 10:48
  Cheryl: I
• 10:48
  Christie: mean, I, it's all fair.
• 10:51
  Christie: I mean, I just, some things don't matter.
• 10:53
  Cheryl: Just, well, wouldn't y'all say this is very normal?
• 10:57
  Cheryl: Right.
• 10:57
  Cheryl: Oh, yeah.
• 10:58
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 10:58
  Cheryl: So, since it's totally normal.
• 11:01
  Cheryl: Just be prepared for it and choose to love your kids through it.
• 11:06
  Cheryl: And you know that thing of choosing not to let their actions mess with me?
• 11:10
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 11:11
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 11:11
  Cheryl: That, however they misbehave, be prepared to not let it bother you.
• 11:16
  Cheryl: Mm hmm.
• 11:16
  Ellen: And it sounds like they've already made A chart.
• 11:19
  Ellen: And I mean, they know how the flow goes, right?
• 11:21
  Ellen: You remind them before they walk out the door
• 11:24
  Carol: Oh, but if they just want the Instagram insta fix, you know, just what app can I get that will make my kids quit fighting over this?
• 11:33
  Ellen: And they're not, I mean, like I said, it's just part of being human, we fight over the stupidest things.
• 11:38
  Ellen: Well,
• 11:38
  Christie: you could, you could also always pair it with another privilege, like whoever got the front seat, the other one gets this, or that might be helpful too, there's lots of practical things
• 11:47
  Ellen: that you can do.
• 11:48
  Ellen: That's part of growing up.
• 11:49
  Ellen: This person, person A, gets the front seat today.
• 11:53
  Ellen: Person B gets it tomorrow.
• 11:55
  Ellen: That's life.
• 11:56
  Ellen: Because your boss isn't going to make special allowances.
• 11:58
  Ellen: Your friends aren't going to make special allowances when you get older.
• 12:02
  Ellen: You know, so it's kind of a learning
• 12:04
  Cheryl: thing.
• 12:05
  Cheryl: It's not a big deal.
• 12:07
  Cheryl: It's not a big deal.
• 12:08
  Cheryl: Sorry, parents.
• 12:09
  Cheryl: It's just one you gotta get through.
• 12:12
  Cheryl: It's just a minor
• 12:13
  Ellen: annoyance,
• 12:14
  Cheryl: right?
• 12:15
  Christie: Well, one thing I do remember, I had kind of forgotten until we're talking about this, is I went through a little phase of rewarding hearing the words, you first.
• 12:24
  Christie: Like if I heard anyone say you first, then I would reward that, that phrase.
• 12:30
  Christie: And so that was motivating, you know, to say you first gave you an opportunity for it.
• 12:35
  Christie: You knew mom was going to give you a special treat of some kind if you put the other person first.
• 12:39
  Christie: It reminds
• 12:40
  Ellen: me of like an old Looney Tune and it's like, you first, no, you first,
• 12:45
  Cheryl: There were two little animals.
• 12:46
  Cheryl: I don't know what they were.
• 12:48
  Cheryl: That's funny.
• 12:48
  Cheryl: Christy.
• 12:49
  Cheryl: I absolutely love that.
• 12:51
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 12:51
  Cheryl: Not just for this, but anywhere.
• 12:53
  Cheryl: What a great.
• 12:53
  Cheryl: tool to walk around
• 12:54
  Christie: with.
• 12:55
  Christie: And it wasn't something that I, you know, dangled or bribed or reminded on, but if I did hear, you know, after I explained to them, if I hear that I'm going to reward it, then sometimes they'd remember, sometimes they wouldn't.
• 13:06
  Christie: Where were you 40 years ago?
• 13:08
  Christie: I don't know.
• 13:08
  Christie: I wonder how long I actually stuck with that.
• 13:10
  Christie: I just remember it being a short phase of my parenting years.
• 13:14
  Christie: Wonderful.
• 13:15
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 13:15
  Cheryl: So that one was a little bit lighter and easier to deal with, okay?
• 13:20
  Cheryl: And this one, I really understand.
• 13:23
  Cheryl: It's not a quick fix on this one.
• 13:25
  Cheryl: Okay?
• 13:27
  Cheryl: Um, someone writes, Last fall, my husband took our 10 year old son on a hunting trip to Colorado.
• 13:33
  Cheryl: Epic trip, a coming of age experience.
• 13:36
  Cheryl: And for the entire week, he was so mature, so grown up, no whining, no complaining whatsoever.
• 13:44
  Cheryl: Not one little thing.
• 13:45
  Cheryl: He was a helper, acted like a young man.
• 13:49
  Cheryl: But as soon as they came back and got around his siblings and his mom, he started reverting back to his immaturity, selfishness, competition.
• 14:00
  Cheryl: What's wrong with this kid?
• 14:02
  Ellen: He's exactly like I am.
• 14:04
  Ellen: I'm usually really nice when I'm getting my own way and I'm having fun and everything is just.
• 14:09
  Ellen: You know, I'm just with my favorite
• 14:11
  Christie: person, not on a trip with all my girlfriends.
• 14:14
  Christie: I'm real polite to the server and lovely time at lunch.
• 14:18
  Christie: Yeah.
• 14:19
  Christie: Nothing bothers me.
• 14:20
  Christie: And then I get home to my own kitchen and they want to eat again,
• 14:25
  Ellen: clean the house
• 14:26
  Christie: before I got home.
• 14:29
  Cheryl: I agree.
• 14:30
  Cheryl: Also, and I was surprised though.
• 14:32
  Cheryl: Okay, like this is obviously a mom.
• 14:36
  Cheryl: I was surprised because I thought with freedom and fun that they would come back renewed, ready to jump back in and and they've had their tanks filled up.
• 14:50
  Cheryl: I just thought that tank filled up would spill over him.
• 14:54
  Christie: Yeah.
• 14:54
  Christie: Well, and I think you can be encouraged, too, to see that there's a glimmer of hope in his maturity that he is able to operate at this level when given the right circumstances.
• 15:06
  Christie: But he's still ten.
• 15:07
  Christie: But he's still ten.
• 15:08
  Christie: Yes.
• 15:08
  Ellen: Doesn't make him turn twenty.
• 15:10
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 15:10
  Ellen: Just that
• 15:11
  Cheryl: one trip.
• 15:12
  Cheryl: That's true.
• 15:12
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 15:13
  Cheryl: And also.
• 15:14
  Cheryl: It's something Bill really helped me and I've used the analogy before that maturity is not a universal, unidirectional growth.
• 15:25
  Cheryl: Right.
• 15:25
  Cheryl: Oh, yeah.
• 15:26
  Cheryl: Yes And like the example I've always used is our deck outback had, was wooden and it looked kind of fine, but worn, but what was happening, it was rotting out underneath.
• 15:38
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 15:39
  Cheryl: And so.
• 15:40
  Cheryl: It you could walk on parts of it, but then you could step on something and it would go down four inches.
• 15:45
  Cheryl: Okay, that wood would break and we always thought that's a good picture of what maturity is.
• 15:52
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 15:52
  Cheryl: Growing in our children.
• 15:54
  Cheryl: Definitely.
• 15:55
  Cheryl: That Wow, this is really great.
• 15:57
  Cheryl: They're like on a level six or eight.
• 16:00
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 16:00
  Cheryl: And then they step over here and they act level two because maturity is a process and not an event.
• 16:08
  Ellen: Right.
• 16:09
  Ellen: And it's not being tested on a trip where you're having fun.
• 16:11
  Ellen: Oh, that's true.
• 16:12
  Ellen: When you're with your siblings and you have regular life again, you have all the dynamics of those relationships rather than when you're having a really good time with one, one adult that you love.
• 16:24
  Cheryl: Right.
• 16:25
  Christie: Right.
• 16:25
  Christie: Wow.
• 16:26
  Christie: It would be really appropriate to have that conversation with him and explain all of these things about the processes of maturity and the way that it, it feels really easy to, you know, act like you're a little bit older when you're alone, but life circumstances make it more challenging.
• 16:44
  Christie: And so that he doesn't, he may be feeling like, dang, I blow it when I'm with my siblings.
• 16:49
  Christie: And, you know, I didn't, I didn't get in trouble at all when I was gone with dad.
• 16:52
  Cheryl: Probably the second one is what he's going to say is.
• 16:55
  Cheryl: Well, I didn't complain because Dad never corrected me, you know, all of that sort of thing.
• 17:01
  Cheryl: It was a wonderful circumstance, but you know, Ellen, you were describing me.
• 17:08
  Cheryl: I would say people that don't share my DNA, it's a lot easier for me to get along with them.
• 17:14
  Cheryl: And to give them a lot of grace and, and be thoughtful, even if I find them.
• 17:20
  Cheryl: You know, boring or irritating.
• 17:23
  Cheryl: I can be kind and just walk away, right?
• 17:25
  Cheryl: But you get to that core family and you're all just rubbing against each other all the time.
• 17:31
  Christie: Well, and dad was probably more likely to give some grace on things in that time, too, because the purpose of the trip.
• 17:37
  Christie: was relationship.
• 17:38
  Christie: Yes, true.
• 17:38
  Christie: And where, you know, on a Tuesday afternoon, mom's motivation and intention is to train some character issues or discipline or, you know, it may have been different when they're back home, dad and son on a Tuesday afternoon, it may be that the intention is different.
• 17:54
  Christie: Some character training and discipline needs to happen because we're not on our camping trip anymore to deal with these
• 18:00
  Cheryl: deeper issues.
• 18:02
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 18:02
  Cheryl: So the problem is, is everybody.
• 18:04
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 18:04
  Cheryl: You know, I'm
• 18:05
  Ellen: on vacation.
• 18:06
  Ellen: I'm usually in a really good
• 18:07
  Cheryl: mood, you know, and again, we talk about it all the time.
• 18:14
  Cheryl: Just the other day, Ellen, you were saying expectations.
• 18:16
  Cheryl: Yeah, that mom, and probably the dad had all these expectations, right?
• 18:22
  Cheryl: That their son was going to come back and just be this go getter helper, kind, responsive.
• 18:30
  Ellen: The 10 year old may have expectations to go.
• 18:33
  Ellen: I had such a great time with my dad, so when I go home, everything's going to be fine.
• 18:38
  Ellen: Oh, I forgot I have siblings, I have chores.
• 18:43
  Cheryl: Well, and back to what Krista was saying, and I thought my dad was so cool.
• 18:47
  Cheryl: Right.
• 18:47
  Cheryl: And he was really neat, and we just talked together, and he treated me like his buddy, and all that.
• 18:53
  Cheryl: And then we get home, and he goes, I meant for you to go take the trash out now.
• 18:58
  Cheryl: So, expectations just make everything messy.
• 19:01
  Cheryl: Definitely.
• 19:02
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 19:02
  Cheryl: So, would you say there's anything about this child that we should warn the mom about?
• 19:10
  Christie: No.
• 19:11
  Cheryl: It's all normal.
• 19:12
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 19:13
  Cheryl: So we'll just stamp this one normal.
• 19:14
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 19:15
  Cheryl: No need for
• 19:16
  Ellen: alarm.
• 19:16
  Ellen: You may be annoyed.
• 19:18
  Ellen: You know.
• 19:19
  Christie: There's nothing alarming.
• 19:20
  Christie: Right.
• 19:20
  Ellen: And everybody else's children look so much better when you're struggling with your own, you know, and they're like, How'd they get their kids to be like that?
• 19:28
  Ellen: But they may just be like that right that moment.
• 19:30
  Christie: In that
• 19:30
  Cheryl: moment, sure.
• 19:32
  Cheryl: I mean, it's the ideal, you know, this fantasy of how my children are gonna be and how I'm gonna be.
• 19:39
  Cheryl: Right.
• 19:40
  Cheryl: Oh, yeah.
• 19:41
  Cheryl: All right, let's do one more.
• 19:43
  Cheryl: We only have time for that.
• 19:45
  Cheryl: This is interesting.
• 19:46
  Cheryl: So our listener writes, my question is in the area of sleep.
• 19:50
  Cheryl: All my children play the same amount.
• 19:52
  Cheryl: We don't do a lot of screen time.
• 19:54
  Cheryl: They don't take in caffeine or anything like that.
• 19:57
  Cheryl: We have a regular bedtime routine.
• 20:00
  Cheryl: Everybody else easily goes to sleep and this one daughter just lies there for an hour almost every night not going to sleep.
• 20:09
  Cheryl: She doesn't get up.
• 20:10
  Cheryl: She doesn't complain.
• 20:12
  Cheryl: She just Can't get to sleep.
• 20:15
  Cheryl: What's wrong with my kid?
• 20:18
  Ellen: That sounds like me now.
• 20:21
  Cheryl: Maybe she's going through menopause.
• 20:23
  Ellen: I don't know.
• 20:24
  Ellen: Well, you know, it is true though.
• 20:27
  Ellen: Some kids are really great sleepers.
• 20:29
  Ellen: Once they get out of babyhood, but, you know, um, some children just don't sleep as well as other children and it doesn't matter what you do.
• 20:36
  Ellen: I've never been a really big sleeper.
• 20:38
  Ellen: That's right.
• 20:38
  Ellen: And so, you know, I don't think it's that unusual and I can remember having different children that at different phases in their life.
• 20:45
  Ellen: They couldn't fall asleep.
• 20:47
  Ellen: So they just had to stay in bed.
• 20:49
  Ellen: Till they got sleepy or read or whatever.
• 20:52
  Ellen: You know, so I think really helping our children develop.
• 20:55
  Ellen: sleep habits that help them go to sleep, because that's how I sleep now.
• 20:59
  Ellen: I have certain things I do before I go to bed that I try to be consistent that makes it easier, because then my brain goes, Oh, we're going to bed now?
• 21:07
  Ellen: Okay.
• 21:08
  Ellen: But,
• 21:09
  Cheryl: to be honest, you don't have very good sleep hygiene.
• 21:12
  Cheryl: You'd like to read.
• 21:14
  Cheryl: Well, that's good sleep hygiene for
• 21:16
  Ellen: me.
• 21:16
  Ellen: It means I fall asleep at two in the morning, but at least
• 21:19
  Christie: I'm in bed.
• 21:20
  Christie: Right?
• 21:21
  Christie: Well, yeah.
• 21:21
  Christie: I mean, that's what I'd say to this mom is count it a win that they're, you know, laying in bed, being well, being quiet and winding down for the day.
• 21:29
  Christie: It just takes them a little bit.
• 21:30
  Christie: I was a little bit like that as a kid.
• 21:31
  Christie: My brain would think a lot and it would take a long time and even different seasons in adulthood.
• 21:36
  Christie: I've been that way where I, you know, kind of have to stare at the wall or.
• 21:40
  Christie: Look at the ceiling and, and let my brain start winding down from the day and process all the thoughts.
• 21:45
  Christie: And I
• 21:46
  Ellen: would redecorate everything in my head, and I would make stories in my head and, you know, just because my brain was, wouldn't shut off.
• 21:55
  Ellen: Mm-Hmm.
• 21:55
  Ellen: Mm-Hmm.
• 21:55
  Cheryl: You know, I mean, actually These parents are doing a really good job with sleep hygiene, preparing their kids, they're doing everything.
• 22:04
  Cheryl: So if, you know, you're listening and you haven't done all these and your kids aren't going to sleep, well, listen to what these parents are doing.
• 22:14
  Cheryl: Because this is good stuff and I agree with you.
• 22:16
  Cheryl: I think it's maybe high energy it could be, this is a child with high metabolism, and just takes time to unwind.
• 22:26
  Ellen: I spent my high school years being interviewed by Johnny Carson.
• 22:29
  Ellen: In
• 22:30
  Christie: my bed.
• 22:32
  Ellen: My mother would come in and be
• 22:35
  Christie: like, who are you talking to?
• 22:36
  Christie: Just, just on the occasion that you ever needed to know how to respond to his questions, you were rehearsing.
• 22:44
  Cheryl: And that's what prepared you for the parenting podcast.
• 22:47
  Cheryl: All
• 22:47
  Christie: those interviews.
• 22:49
  Christie: Who knew we had a veteran guest with us.
• 22:53
  Christie: I know, my poor
• 22:54
  Ellen: mom.
• 22:55
  Ellen: And I had a four poster bed, so sometimes I'd stand up in front of the poster.
• 22:58
  Ellen: One of the posters, because it looked like a mic.
• 23:02
  Ellen: Oh
• 23:02
  Cheryl: my goodness.
• 23:05
  Cheryl: How hilarious.
• 23:05
  Cheryl: Too bad the top didn't come off.
• 23:07
  Ellen: I would have loved it, yes.
• 23:08
  Ellen: But I know my poor mom, I could hear her standing at my door.
• 23:12
  Ellen: And, you know, I, oh, my mom's standing there.
• 23:15
  Ellen: And I, she opened the door and she goes, who are you talking to?
• 23:18
  Ellen: That is hilarious.
• 23:19
  Ellen: I didn't want to tell her Johnny Carson, because I thought she would say, uh,
• 23:22
  Carol: we're taking you to the doctor.
• 23:24
  Carol: But actually, to update that to today, that would be a concern.
• 23:29
  Carol: Because see, I know other parents that have talked to me.
• 23:34
  Carol: What's happening is the kids are taking devices to bed.
• 23:37
  Carol: Right.
• 23:37
  Carol: That's a difference.
• 23:38
  Carol: Or they, one I remember recently said, It wasn't very old, maybe it was about a 10 year old, walked past the room and saw the light under the edge of the door, opened it, and they were just sitting there on, I don't remember what the device was, so that would be an area to be aware of, well, that's why you turn in
• 23:57
  Ellen: the devices at night and everybody gets their devices shut down because we only had one child that was in that device area who was, you know, it was the same thing.
• 24:05
  Ellen: I'd go by her room and what is she doing in there?
• 24:08
  Ellen: And she'd be messaging and texting her friends and I'd be, what are you doing in the morning?
• 24:13
  Ellen: To
• 24:13
  Cheryl: wind down the thoughts,
• 24:15
  Christie: idea too, to have her spend some time journaling.
• 24:20
  Christie: You know, working through some of those thoughts and putting them on paper might process them a
• 24:23
  Cheryl: little bit better.
• 24:24
  Cheryl: That's really good.
• 24:25
  Cheryl: Add to it.
• 24:25
  Cheryl: Here, take your journal.
• 24:26
  Christie: And if you really want to, I mean, go check out with the pediatrician.
• 24:30
  Christie: Make sure everything's good and see if they have any suggestions.
• 24:33
  Christie: Very,
• 24:33
  Cheryl: very good.
• 24:35
  Cheryl: Okay, so this was kind of fun.
• 24:36
  Cheryl: A little more light hearted than some of what we've done.
• 24:39
  Cheryl: And I guess our answer is no, this is normal.
• 24:42
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 24:44
  Christie: Kids are just weird
• 24:45
  Cheryl: sometimes.
• 24:46
  Cheryl: Okay, y'all, we have this huge stack.
• 24:48
  Cheryl: How about if we come back next time and do some more?
• 24:49
  Cheryl: Sure.
• 24:50
  Cheryl: Sounds good.
• 24:51
  Cheryl: So until next time, parents, remember, hang in there.
• 24:55
  Cheryl: Keep loving.
• 24:56
  Cheryl: Keep persevering.
• 24:57
  Cheryl: Because it's worth it.
• 25:04
  Thank you for listening to today's episode of the Parenting Podcast.
• 25:09
  We hope you found our discussion on the reality of parenting helpful and reassuring.
• 25:15
  We explored some common challenges that parents face, such as front seat competition and sleep difficulties, and provided insights to help you navigate them with confidence.
• 25:28
  Why don't you take a moment to reflect on how you handle sibling rivalry in your home?
• 25:35
  Are there patterns or triggers that seem to escalate conflicts?
• 25:40
  Now, kind of like that seat rotation chart, can you think of some planned preemptive steps to diffuse conflict and help promote cooperation?
• 25:53
  By being proactive and intentional in your approach to sibling dynamics, you can foster a more harmonious and supportive family environment.
• 26:02
  But what I'd really like you to take away from my discussion is the encouragement to hang in there.
• 26:08
  Through these trials of normal family life.
• 26:11
  Remember, every parent faces struggles, and it's okay.
• 26:15
  In fact, it's wise to seek support and guidance.
• 26:19
  If you have any questions or topics you'd like us to cover in future episodes, please don't hesitate to reach out to us on our website or social media channels, or text CONTACT at TheParentingPodcast.
• 26:32
  com.
• 26:33
  And be sure to tune in next time as we continue to answer that question.
• 26:38
  So, what's wrong with my kid?
• 26:42
  Until then, keep embracing the journey of parenthood with patience and compassion.