Latest / Overwhelmed Working Woman: Boost Productivity, Master Time Management, Overcome Overwhelm & Stop People Pleasing / #232| Why Instant Yeses Lead to Burnout (And What to Say Instead)
Transcript
- 0:00Michelle Gauthier: And then you walk away from the situation thinking, why did I just agree to that?
- 0:05Michelle Gauthier: You're listening to Overwhelmed Working Woman, the podcast that helps you be more calm and more productive by doing less.
- 0:17Michelle Gauthier: I'm your host, Michelle Gauthier, a former Overwhelmed Working Woman and current life coach.
- 0:22Michelle Gauthier: On this show, we unpack the stress and pressure that today's Working Woman experiences.
- 0:27Michelle Gauthier: And in each episode, you'll get a strategy to bring more calm, ease, and relaxation to your life.
- 0:34Michelle Gauthier: Hi, friend.
- 0:38Michelle Gauthier: If you ever find yourself saying, sure, or of course, before your brain has even had a chance to think about it, and then five minutes later you're wondering, why did I just agree to that?
- 0:48Michelle Gauthier: This is a great podcast for you.
- 0:50Michelle Gauthier: Today we're going to talk about why you might be saying yes automatically without even realizing it.
- 0:55Michelle Gauthier: One simple sentence that can stop that pattern instantly, and how this tiny change can improve your time management and reduce your overwhelm.
- 1:04Michelle Gauthier: So if you feel like you're constantly saying yes when you actually want to say no, or at least want to investigate if you want to say yes or no, this episode is for you.
- 1:13Michelle Gauthier: I think this has probably happened to everyone at some point.
- 1:16Michelle Gauthier: I can say for sure it's definitely happened to me.
- 1:19Michelle Gauthier: It's that situation where someone asks you for something, a favor or an extra project, or to volunteer for something, or to help with something.
- 1:27Michelle Gauthier: And before you even have time to think, you hear yourself say, sure, yeah, no problem, of course.
- 1:31Michelle Gauthier: And then later, sometimes immediately later, or maybe when the thing actually comes to fruition, your brain catches up and thinks, Wait, I already have too much on my plate, or I actually don't want to do that.
- 1:44Michelle Gauthier: And this happens because we're driven by wanting to be helpful and avoiding awkwardness and worrying about disappointing someone or worrying that people won't like you anymore.
- 1:53Michelle Gauthier: So instead of pausing to think, we respond really quickly and we say yes in the moment to make that moment comfortable.
- 2:00Michelle Gauthier: But the problem is that every automatic yes is adding something to your life: another task or another obligation or another piece of your time and energy that has to go somewhere else.
- 2:09Michelle Gauthier: And over time, that's how we end up feeling overwhelmed.
- 2:12Michelle Gauthier: Not because you made a bad decision, but because you almost didn't make a decision.
- 2:16Michelle Gauthier: Like the default answer just becomes yes.
- 2:19Michelle Gauthier: We talk a lot on this podcast about the power of the pause.
- 2:23Michelle Gauthier: And I want to say again, in order to break this habit, you will have to allow for that pause.
- 2:29Michelle Gauthier: And if this is not a habit, if you're used to just saying yes automatically, learning to pause and think about it and filling in what to say in that moment will feel uncomfortable and it will be different because you're practicing something new.
- 2:42Michelle Gauthier: The good thing is, you don't have to become someone who says no all the time.
- 2:45Michelle Gauthier: In fact, you might say yes.
- 2:47Michelle Gauthier: You don't have to suddenly become blunt or confrontational.
- 2:50Michelle Gauthier: All you need to do is pause and figure out what you actually really want to say.
- 2:55Michelle Gauthier: And that pause can come from one very simple sentence.
- 2:58Michelle Gauthier: And that sentence is let me check my calendar and get back to you.
- 3:02Michelle Gauthier: Or thanks for asking me, I'll get back to you tomorrow.
- 3:06Michelle Gauthier: Or appreciate the ask.
- 3:08Michelle Gauthier: I have to see if I have space for that.
- 3:10Michelle Gauthier: Just buy yourself some time with let me check my calendar and get back to you.
- 3:15Michelle Gauthier: And that's it.
- 3:16Michelle Gauthier: That little line does something really powerful.
- 3:18Michelle Gauthier: It gives your brain space.
- 3:20Michelle Gauthier: So instead of having to decide in the moment with emotions or pressure or awkwardness or worrying about what other people are going to think, you can actually ask yourself the two questions of the love and fit test.
- 3:31Michelle Gauthier: The first one of those, and I've done whole episodes on the love and fit test, but the first one of those questions is, do I absolutely love this idea?
- 3:39Michelle Gauthier: And if the answer to that is no, okay, good, note that.
- 3:42Michelle Gauthier: If the answer to that is yes, great.
- 3:44Michelle Gauthier: It doesn't really matter what the answer is, but take the time to figure out, do I absolutely love this?
- 3:48Michelle Gauthier: And then the second question is, does this fit?
- 3:52Michelle Gauthier: Does this fit not on my calendar, but into the type of life that I am trying to create?
- 3:58Michelle Gauthier: And for me, the type of life that I am trying to create always, I'm always creating a life that feels spacious and not overwhelming and where I can be present and where I can be intentional.
- 4:09Michelle Gauthier: So if something does not help me get closer to that goal, that's a no for me.
- 4:15Michelle Gauthier: So if it's a do I love this thing, no, does it fit into the type of life I'm trying to create is also a no, then the whole thing is a no.
- 4:22Michelle Gauthier: If it's both yeses, then it's a yes.
- 4:25Michelle Gauthier: If it's a mixed, a yes and a no or a no and a yes, then I have to think about it a little more.
- 4:29Michelle Gauthier: But my point is let me check my calendar and get back to you, or let me think about that a little bit and get back to you buys you the space to do this analysis and figure out what you actually want to do instead of just defaulting to yes.
- 4:43Michelle Gauthier: You shift from just reacting to choosing, from being reactive to what someone else wants you to do to choosing and being intentional with the way that you want to live your life.
- 4:54Michelle Gauthier: And the great thing about just asking for time and buying the pause is that you can still feel like you're being polite and professional and completely normal, and you don't have to worry that somebody's gonna be mad at you.
- 5:05Michelle Gauthier: If you're like, okay, today I'm gonna start.
- 5:07Michelle Gauthier: I'm gonna start doing the pause, I'm gonna start saying that thing.
- 5:10Michelle Gauthier: When you start doing this, first of all, you might forget to do it and all of a sudden you'll say yes and you'll be in that same situation again.
- 5:16Michelle Gauthier: Don't judge yourself.
- 5:17Michelle Gauthier: It's okay.
- 5:18Michelle Gauthier: It takes a little bit of practice.
- 5:19Michelle Gauthier: Just keep trying and you'll get it.
- 5:21Michelle Gauthier: But once you start using it, you'll learn to make intentional decisions about how to spend your time.
- 5:26Michelle Gauthier: Instead of saying yes automatically, you actually decide what belongs in your life.
- 5:30Michelle Gauthier: Everything that is on your calendar then is something that you have taken the time to think about if you want to do.
- 5:37Michelle Gauthier: And sometimes there are things that I don't absolutely love, but I do them because it's tied to the type of life that I want to create, like activities for my kids that I'm like, that really doesn't sound that fun to me to go sit at wrestling practice for three hours because it's 45 minutes away.
- 5:52Michelle Gauthier: True story.
- 5:53Michelle Gauthier: But I want to be able to create those opportunities for my kids.
- 5:57Michelle Gauthier: So then when I see that on my calendar, I don't feel like someone has tricked me.
- 6:01Michelle Gauthier: I feel like, yes, I intentionally chose that, even though I know it's not going to be the most fun thing for me.
- 6:06Michelle Gauthier: So your calendar is filled with intentional decisions and you're in charge of what gets on your calendar and how you spend your time and your energy.
- 6:15Michelle Gauthier: And that can be so powerful if you're going from yes all the time to actually evaluating it.
- 6:22Michelle Gauthier: And slowly your schedule fills up with only things that you want instead of your schedule reflecting what everyone else wants you to do.
- 6:31Michelle Gauthier: And your life starts reflecting your priorities and the overwhelm that you're used to feeling starts to lift.
- 6:38Michelle Gauthier: It's amazing.
- 6:39Michelle Gauthier: So, what we talked about is how people pleasing often shows up as an automatic yes when people ask you for things.
- 6:46Michelle Gauthier: Why that happens, the desire to be helpful, to avoid awkwardness, so people will like you.
- 6:50Michelle Gauthier: And then we talked about how when you take the pause and say, Let me check my calendar and give back to you, it's a simple answer.
- 6:58Michelle Gauthier: You can still feel like you're being polite, and then you can evaluate if you want to do it or not.
- 7:03Michelle Gauthier: And then the result is your calendar reflects the priorities that you have chosen for your life.
- 7:09Michelle Gauthier: As always, if you found this episode helpful, I would love if you would share it with a friend who might need this reminder or leave a rating and review for the podcast.
- 7:19Michelle Gauthier: As our podcasting continues to grow, I continue to hear, oh, my friends recommended this podcast to me, or my coworker, or I heard somebody in the office talking about it.
- 7:29Michelle Gauthier: So thank you so much to everyone who has done that.
- 7:31Michelle Gauthier: And please let's keep that energy going.
- 7:34Michelle Gauthier: Have a great week.
- 7:36Michelle Gauthier: Thank you for listening to the Overwhelmed Working Woman podcast.
- 7:43Michelle Gauthier: If you want to learn more about my work, head over to my website at MichelleGauthier.com.
- 7:49Michelle Gauthier: See you next week.