Latest / Relatively Functional Dads / Episode 016 - This Won't Last Forever: Persevering Through the Seasons of Fatherhood
Transcript
- Audio: Reese, fatherhood is full of moments, man. Some of them that are so difficult, you're like, man, I don't know if this is ever gonna end, and I just need to get the freak out of here. Others are so great that you just kind of wish you had this moment for life. I think the prophetess Nicki Minaj said that at one point. Nope. Cut. Nope. We're not doing we're not keeping Nicki Minaj in the pod. Nope. Yep, that's a throwback. So, anyways, the truth is both these things are true. First take. Neither one Neither one lasts forever. The good and the bad. they're all just temporary. The sleepless nights, they're gonna end at some point. The tantrums, for the love of God, I hope, end at some point. The blowouts without any wipes or diapers in the bag will end at some point. but so will the contact maps. And that's what I'm grieving right now is Karis is five months old now and it's becoming less and less. the little voices asking, Will you play with me? or Daddy watch this or the bedtime. stories where you just get to snuggle in bed, all these things, all these things are also gonna end. So there's really kind of two truths that you reminded us this week, Reese. And it's when the seasons are hard, it's not always gonna be that way. But when the seasons are really good and the moments are really good, it's also not always going to be that way. Mm-hmm. The Boys And Audio: Hey, welcome to the Relatively Functional Dads podcast for fathers doing their best and learning every day. We're just three relatives walking through faith, fatherhood, and real life together. That was me. No experts here, just honest conversations about the wins, the struggles, and the moments that shape us as men and dads. Some days we've got it together, other days we're just trying to get to bedtime, but we keep showing up. And if you're dad... In the middle of it too, you're in the right place. Let's journey through this together. Audio: So today's all about perseverance. It's all about being present, through the good, the bad and the ugly of fatherhood and what does it look like to step into whichever season you're currently at. And whichever season you're currently at, welcome to the Relatively Functional Dads Podcast. We're glad you're here. Yes. Found on Instagram, YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, all the things at Relatively Functional Dads. so if you haven't already, go ahead and subscribe. Doesn't cost you anything. No, and about half of y'all aren't doing it. I've seen the numbers. And we've been we've there been polite. There have been murmurs. Yeah. In the Twitter sphere. Yeah. That y'all don't have the testicular fortitude. Yes. Some may call it that. To put some comments in our in our videos. You drop a comment. If I have to say it one more time, we were we were just talking beforehand. Just the guys. Just the guys. We're not getting any comments from y'all. And I know that y'all have opinions. so somebody ask a question. Some of y'all been texting me. Just comment. Just comment. Some of y'all been hitting me with video chats. Just comment. I don't want to hear unless it's on YouTube, Instagram, or you d DM us. Yeah. Don't don't let AI take over because otherwise I'm gonna have to start looking up questions. True. So we will. But this community's for you. Seriously, please engage, like, and subscribe so you can follow along and really tonight's extra extra special because none of the ladies are in the house. We got extra kids here. The big dogs are here. So our wives are at the women's conference with Traders Point. Roman's sleeping upstairs in the closet. My three kids, I got them to bed on time. Big dad energy. yeah. And the only thing that we need to ask before we really jump into this is do you have your monitor? Got got mine. I think we're good. Is the volume on? There there's a decent chance. The volume is not on. I will There's a decent chance in the next forty five minutes 'cause we gotta keep it under an hour. I know you got a prop bet for Penn State to to cover by seven against Northwestern right now. Through no particular sports book. Yeah. no free shout outs, but no free shout outs. But yeah, we gotta keep it under forty five minutes. So if one of us has to go tend to a crying child, next man up. I mean you just for sure. Yeah, we're not going to stop this thing. And that crying child might be Penn State versus Northwest. It might happen. We don't know. But we will find out. So next man up. You don't you didn't see Oregon crying when Dante Moore got knocked out. What happened? Dylan Riola. Dylan Riola, next man up, threw four touchdowns. So let's go. who's gonna be the Dylan Riola? Probably have to be Noah tonight. So that's right. Anyways. All right, cool. Anyways, Reese, let's have some fun. Let's do it. starting off with our fun segments for the win. Anything come to mind for you? Yeah, I'd never thought I'd say this, but soccer. Cut No Yeah, offend you two times already. Yeah, Naomi's got her last soccer game tomorrow morning. And we were on the fence because she d hasn't really shown a lot of interest in sports and the first practice and the first game kind of confirmed it was a terrible idea. But we kept going. She played ten seconds in her first. How you start and how you finish. Exactly right. Ex exactly right. And she went from being terrified of getting touched by anyone or knocked over or really doing anything by herself to she's upset when you take her out of the game. She's got some dog in her. She loves to run. She's high fiving kids. she loves it. Absolutely loves it. So I have heard she's been spending a lot of time in goal. Yeah, but absolutely not as a goalie. Not as a goalie. She runs from goal to goal. I call her the Grim Reaper because she'll steal your goal out right from the reap, bro. Just snatch your soul. I love it. not as the goalie, but as on offense, right? When you're about to score, boom, she just kicks it in last. So Listen, stats are stats. Yeah, yeah, that's exactly right. So she's she's had a couple cleanup goals and she's learned defense. She's learned it's a team sport 'cause everything's been individual to this point. She's like, Yeah, if I score, do we win? Or do I win? And I'm No, baby, it's w your team gets a a goal and So seriously, it it's been a great experience of listening to coaches, of you know, being out of your comfort zone, for us learning to show up places on time, all the things. How many games have you been thrown out of? Yeah. just four. So I'm just kidding. Those are rookie numbers. We gotta get those up. I was concussed for two of them. That's a different story. Yeah. May not have time on this podcast, but we'll find out. A special. We have not. No, yeah, we've I've hit my medical deductible since we last since we last recorded. On both fronts, maybe yeah. Maybe this year. Yeah. Family max out of pocket everything has been achieved in the gozi household. So yeah, but really soccer. So if I mean if you're considering getting your kids into sports, I'm not advocating for year-round travel, but sure getting them into some sort of activity. We knew either it had to be dance or soccer or something. And what do you know? Upward was a success. So praise God. Upward. Never thought I'd say it. What about you? Not gonna dive in on that. anyways. It's a Friday night, bro. We're gonna be loose. I've been taking Roman to the gym with me every Tuesday for several months now. but the past few weeks has been the first time that he has been completely mobile. and I have some awesome clients that are that work with me that are totally fine. They love having him there. They call it toddler Tuesdays. Let's go. But taking him to the gym has just been a ton of fun for me. It's a huge hassle too. It's like all the things at once. It's getting stuff ready the night before, making sure we get out the door on time or not on time, completely honestly. But we get to go to the gym. I get to let him kind of be around what I do. he's too young to understand. He's just over there drooling on all the dumbbells and stuff like that. Yeah. But But no, man, it's been awesome. It's like kind of like I get to involve him in what my day to day looks like. And God has been super good to me and him not having like a complete and utter meltdown every time that we every time that we go. Definitely a couple a couple hard moments, but for the most part, he's been just super awesome, super life giving, not just to me, but to people at the gym and stuff like that. Everybody just thinks it's so awesome that I'm bringing it bringing him in. So yeah, that's been my my win. You're stay at home dad at work. Stay stay at home dad at work. Amen. Yeah, it is funny whenever I get back to the neighborhood and I'm parking my car and just like 80 to 20 like women with their kids are walking around the neighborhood and watching me like unload my kid and get back in the house and stuff like that. And I'm like, all right, representing but yeah, that's my win. Yeah. Ready to dive into segment number two? Yeah, dad decisions. Dad decisions. Let's keep this rolling. This is a good pace. Yeah. Alrighty. Would you rather know when every quote unquote last time with your child is happening or never know. So essentially like last time, last contact nap, yeah. Type thing. Last temper tantrum. So good and bad things. Would you rather know when those last times, like in advance, like you you know that three months from now on this date is the last contact nap you'll ever get with your kid. or it could be something different. Those are just examples. but Or never know. Just kinda it's basically how you function right now. You might know some things that are ending. Sure. But you don't assume you don't know all of them. Like I told Melan we are sleep training our five month old when she turns five months, because she was ready and the doctor said, wait till she's five months. So you better believe we did. We got her out of our room, bro. She's in a crib. She's in a crib right now. I'm looking at her on the monitor. yeah. She's killing it. Third night in. See, I when you asked this, I was thinking, You're operating. You know why? Why? 'Cause you got the doctor to say exactly when it's time to start sleep training. Yeah. It's whenever I bring up it's time to start sleep training that questions start being asked. What do you know about sleeping? That's not me. That also happens to agree with me. D. D. Went to a lot of school. Hey, I I think really it comes down to I w 'cause the thing I didn't I didn't think about when you asked this, all the things that would be really hard actually knowing. I just thought about the sad things. You know, the last time you're walking your kid into preschool or you know, the last time that they're okay kissing you on the lips and, you know, not being like embarrassed and stuff like that. No, I'm not I'm just kidding. Tom Brady's like forty four, dude. so twenty seven. Yeah. So I I think I think that was the the thing of like, man, like I love I love my little baby girl and she's five and I'm already starting to see some of these things change and With Grayson, a lot of it's like a lot of new fun stuff. I haven't like seen him begin to grow out of stuff, but Naomi being five I am. Sure. I think I still think it would be never know. I think just just not knowing is helpful because Yeah, I th I think you would miss the moment if you knew the moment was right there. You'd almost like overthink it. I I definitely know my wife would. Like she'd be she'd absolutely miss any good moment known as the last one. Be talking about it for months in advance too. Like, my gosh, we only have as it's 27 days before this is over forever, processing that every night. And now that we've been like this is more than likely 99% sure this is our last biological kid. It's like, I mean, there's there'd be grieving everywhere. dude. So that's the nice thing, is like I'm kinda like, we got two others, but yeah, at a certain point, like we're gonna have our lasts with our last, you know, newborn, then baby, toddler, stuff like that, which is quickly approaching. Sure. What about you? Yeah, I put never never know. No, I put I'd be a sob fest. Yeah. And I was mostly thinking the good stuff. And then I just kinda put down to play devil's advocate. I definitely deal with I think almost most people do, but I can tolerate so much more when I know the end. so from a difficulty standpoint, that'd be a huge plus. Yeah. If I knew if I knew when the end of every difficult season was about to be or whatever difficult pattern is going on with my my kids, if I knew the end date, like we're starting potty training on this day and then if I know three months or three years from now, that's when it ends, it's almost like I can pace my energy. Yeah. or I kind of think about I can pace my energy. But I think the whole point is kind of God asking you to be like, I don't want you to game plan. Yeah. Like I I don't not that you he doesn't want us to plan, but like I don't want you to game plan your energy. I want you to use the energy that you think I'm asking you to and then trust that I'm gonna fill in the fill in the spots where you're like, I overspent. I overspent my energy. I need you. And now I need you bad. so yeah, I think I would choose to just continue operating the way I am now, just not knowing. So So an interesting thought on that is we are we're functioning at the in the place that we really don't know when when the lasts would be. And so I I would not want to know. But in theory, if you chose this and you knew, then that would just be a part of your normal like your normal understanding. Yeah. It's it's not like you you don't i by the definition of this question, you have known kind of at all points in time when the lasts will be. So I feel like it A, it comes with a perspective shift of there might be some that we miss making a deal out of and that would be a bummer. But how cool would it be to be able to know, okay, this is the last time we're going to the park. We're gonna go do a big we're going to work. This is the the last time that we are all going to sit around. Now that would be awful. This has already gotten sad. But like but to think about this is the this is the last time we might go To know in advance this is the last time we might go on a family vacation as just like little kids. We might swap in and out at a time. Or I remember my parents did a trip with us when it was the last time that it would just be the five kids. So like before I got married. that's something that they knew was coming up. They knew that there was going to be a last. Bring up a good point. There are some things if you're intentional enough, you can see coming and you can make a big deal about it if you choose to. And I d I just think that would be interesting to because obviously right now I would not want to know. But in theory, if I knew that that was kind of an expectation that I would know, how cool would it be to be able to know, okay, I've got time to be able to do this or I know this is coming. How can I prep for it? Yeah. I feel like there's a potential to be super overwhelmed because you see all of these last and you do have to pick like, okay, w what am I going to make a big deal out of? What am I not going to make a big deal out of? But I think that would be an interesting other piece to this that I I I wouldn't normally think about. This I can know, so let's let's do it big. Bro, my last diaper I change, you better believe, dude. I'm gonna be so party. Yeah. And we're gonna have a few probably few extras because you don't just like perfectly we're just burning them. We're having a diaper burning party. Cancer in the air, dude. It'll be crazy. I see so much disaster with the knowing option for me. Ellie and I would be fighting every every week because I would be so tired of going big for so many different things. I was just thinking about stuff that I actually do have time to plan for and do know about every year. Like her birthday and the anxiety that it gives me to try and pull off something big for that, let alone when her emotions are attached to or our emotions are attached to the last whatever it is with Roman. Yeah. And her being like, my gosh, we have to get this ready for this. And I'm like, it's been a long Monday. We gotta do all that and then, you know, then I gotta give myself the attitude check where I'm like, you know, this is a blessing, but yeah, nope. I I'm stick sticking sticking with it. But I think that the other option would be there would be certain really cool aspects of it as well. Well, praise God, we don't gotta worry about it. Yep. All right, this next one, you're gonna cause some marriage problems on this podcast. And we might have to edit It wouldn't be the first time. It won't. We can edit it out later if we need. we've never edited anything out. Never. Except for except for whatever the last episode. Like three parts, at least seven minutes. Disappointing, honestly. Reach out to me at resavoryhoffer at gmail.com if you want the details. All right. That's the question. That's the question. We gotta keep it under an hour. Yeah. Would you rather have a newborn again for six months or your wife interact with you the same way she did when she was pregnant for nine months? This question is unreal. I'll repeat the And then I walked out. No, you will be answering. I will I will repeat the question one more time. Would you rather have a newborn again for six months or your wife interact with you the same way she did when she was pregnant for nine months? This was an easy, easy answer. Okay, so hear me out. The only time my wife has wanted Of her own volition to go to Taco Bell was when she was pregnant. That's a good, that's a good I could get on that. There's a pro. There's a pro. Yeah. I'm gonna let you go first because I'm gonna see where you set the bar. I got two answers. One safe. Listen, you can call me a coward. I absolutely would take nine months with Ellie being pregnant again. Now I know not not all pregnancies are the same, so like not even just like between like If it's the same woman getting pregnant, the second pregnancy might not be like the first one. But if it was like Ellie's first pregnancy, dude, I put we were cooking. now she was cooking up something a baby, but we still relationally were cooking everything in the house. We we were we were dialed. The only thing that was rough is that anytime I wanted to cook any sort of meat, she needed to be out of state. Yeah, I made her chicken thighs once and she was like, Sorry, Elliot. Dude, beef, like ground beef, which this is during the period of time where I was eating the exact same thing four meals a day and it had ground beef in it. and and she was not loving the smell of ground beef. Yeah, you're in a season where you cooked way more meat than any human should. It was great, dude. I was thriving. I actually debated talking to her about getting back on No, back on my meal prep. okay. the simplicity of that. But did you have onions in that thing as well? Or was it just the cra I don't know you salted this mug, dude? No, sorry, did you just insinuate that I zero vegetables? Absolutely not. no, it was ground beef, whole grain, elbow mac. Macaroni for those who don't know. It was just elbow like pasta. It wasn't like smothered in cheese like macaroni and cheese. Yeah, but it's a macaroni noodle. It's a p it's the same thing if it was penne. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, okay, yeah, yeah. I got you. You just said mac like people know what an elbow mac is. I gotcha, I got you. Elbow pasta. I just want to make sure I sound sophisticated, you know. macaroni noodles with ground beef and then creole seasoning. Tony Satch. And some other I mean gas. And then a bunch of extra virgin olive oil. To get the macros. To hit the macros. Yep. So ideal. Ate that four meals a day, every day, and a protein shake. But how is your prostate health? It adapts. What was the thing I'm supposed to eat from my prostate health that Ellie said? flaxseed. Flaxseed. Where's the flaxseed? I didn't have any flaxseed, but I was Not not operating with the f with the flaxseed. You're young. You got plenty of time to keep the prostate healthy. Either way, no, Ellie and I were short of like the so like one thing with me is I we're all three of the sisters, like all of our wives, all verbal processors. Yeah, that's an understanding. Or you know what, we don't gotta dive into this. Either way, just yeah. I'm not a verbal processor. Ellie is we've learned to make it work. I would say that was probably the point of contention the most with pregnancy. It's just a lot of verbally processing how bad she felt. Yeah. And me struggling to process with her how bad she felt every day. Which you sound like just the worst human being, even maybe insinuating that that's a negative. Yeah, it wasn't a lack of empathy for how she was feeling. It's that my brain is not like good at the especially anything repetitive. Yeah. Like if you came up to me every Every time I saw you, if you came up to me and you were like, I really don't like my car. Eventually I'd be like, I need you to stop telling me that you don't like your car. I don't care. Like, I'm like, that stinks. I'm so sorry. But I need you to stop telling me how much you don't like your car. It's driving me insane. But what if that car is carrying your child? Yes, and that's why and that's why I didn't ever say, I don't care that you're having morning sickness. I was like, I'm so sorry. That sounds awful. Dry heaving every morning. No, thank you. That's what I'm saying. Like it is it is it is a A minimal challenge for the man. But you cannot say it, even hint at it. No. Because it's nothing compared to what they go through. Nope. So that's my answer. the first six months of Roman being born, I was about ready to Yeah. Lose my mind. Y'all had it y'all are down bad. So mine's the the exact opposite, but for different reasons. So I'm taking the newborn. Heck yeah. as a husband, you can help with a newborn. You can't do nothing for your pregnant wife. I mean, you can rub the feet, you can help, especially like with this last one. We had two other kids. I did more of the clean in so she could rest some in the evenings. middle of the day, she would take some naps sometimes, especially on the weekends. I'd watch the kids so she could do that. You know, there's some stuff you can do, but overall when she's pregnant, dude, like she's just going through it. And childbirth, you can't do nothing to help, dude. No. You can't do n I mean, you're just you're just there, like I don't know. Some of us are taking showers while seven nurses enter the room and sud start start birthing your child. My buddy went to go get his door dash about missed the birth of his child this week. So, you know, it's hard on the dads to Brutal. But yeah, you can't do much, but after the baby's born, you can obviously contribute a ton more. So yeah, it's i it is kinda hard just seeing your wife suffer and you're like, I don't really know what I can do. also you know your baby's safe. Well like you can look at your child breathing after they're born and be like, yeah, my kid's good. Like I can look at this monitor and see my five month old right now and like she's good. she's on a breathable mattress, she's healthy, she's had a good day. My my wife five months pregnant, like it's it's really hard on the mom because they feel everything, but it's it's hard on the dad too. You you worry and you carry that burden. So there's like a there's a mental tax. I think. So I would rather have a newborn, so that I guess control is the common narrative. I've kind of communicated. I feel like I'm in more control. Sure. Makes sense. Give me the contact naps. yeah. I will take the first six months because I I have a distinct memory of rocking Mason to sleep. He was around six months. And he was starting to just kinda like buck a little bit while I was trying to like rock him to sleep. Like I am in the probably handful of times left until I have to stop doing this stuff. I distinctly remember that at six months. And until that point, like I got to hold him, I got to rock him just to to sleep. And just this beautiful holding your kid while they're sleeping I think is one of the greatest things. Yeah. Ever. So yeah. The some or early early on, late nights and Nights and days are all the same. It's just the three hour cycle. That is annoying. But for the most part, I would take that just the joy of We didn't specify if Noah and I are having newborns for six months at the same time. Because Noah and I got a lot of video games in there at times. So I mean that might that could swing I could swing the answer a little bit if I'm like, hey, you up at two AM? Yeah, me too. My dog. Minecraft. Baby, let me let me take so you can get some sleep. Get my brownie points and my time. I'll take I'll take the midnight shift to four a.m. It's always nice when you can just, you know, double dip. Yeah. Double dip a favor with something that you actually enjoy doing. Yeah, I'm proud of you, man. Yeah. I'm learning. You figured out operating. Operating. Karis is like Probably a whole degree warmer than a baby should be. At first we were like, Why is she running like a ninety nine four temperature all the time? And that she's just a hot little kid. So these contact naps, dude. Let's not clip that dude, toasty. What'd you say? I said, let's not clip that. No. These contact naps, she was toasty, bro. So it would, it would make you extra sleepy too. And especially when she was real little, it's like don't fall asleep. And then they get a little older and it's like you can prop yourself up on the couch and be fine. But yeah, I feel you on that. Croman was great when you could have a contact nap with him, but he had so many gas issues that it was like most of the time if he is laying on you, it was screaming. Yeah. At least for me. Ellie may have gotten during maternity leave some more contact naps that were more chill, but it was most of the time if you gave him a bottle, like a three-ounce bottle, he was gonna be good for 45 minutes. Yeah. And then he was gonna be raising heck for. Anywhere between ten and an hour. Ten minutes in an hour. And you talk about every every woman's pregnancy experience is different. Every newborn in your fatherhood experience is very different too. I mean our ours is ours has been different with our newborns. And so are our our toddler experience and our preteen and I mean all all of it is I I've said it before, you don't get to avoid the hardship. It's just when does it hit ya, you know? yeah. So to decent transition, something to say, Noah? The fact I have not processed the fact that our children will all like pre-teen, early teens, just about the same time. Wild. I'm like, can you talk to her for me? It's not working. I'm terrified. Can you go over there and have this podcast? I'm gonna go over there and make it worse. Go home, Reese. Do you remember the bussing podcast where Taylor asks Will to talk to his daughter about Santa Claus? No. And he just like ruins it. He makes it way worse. That's exactly what I Reese. You've already started ruining it. You got them Karaoke machine. A single on karaoke machine. No. She tried to whip that out today while Karis was sleeping? I said absolutely no. No, no, hold on. No. Hold just hold all your horses. I had nothing to do with that. No way. You're throwing her under the bus. The karaoke machine. Have I ever bought a gift for anybody in this case? Now that's true. I believe it. Sorry, other than the adults. need to There's no shot you did not have. The karaoke machine? Are you kidding me? Dude. That all that does is make put a big bullseye on my back for you guys to send crap to my house that makes a bunch of noise. I literally my backpack's not in here. I brought headphones that could withstand the sound of a fifty cow because I get so overstimulated by kids running around screaming and everything like that. No, I do not need any of that going on. At my house. I had nothing to do with Your lack of involvement of blessing my kids with presents leads me to believe you're telling the truth. So So great job. I'm actually better at spontaneous gifts. This is true. I got that's very true. This is true. I got Mason a little baseball. Yes, you do. Baseball thing at Greater's ice cream. Yeah, yeah. No, for sure. You totally do. And it's good that you've said this and that I have it on a public record that you were not a part of that. I will not say the number of times Jordan and I have considered certain gifts for Roman and weighted against the loud. You gonna get got bro. It's fine. I'll be ready. Yeah. You're gonna get got. We got a trash can. Bro, I've thrown away many gifts before my kids have ever seen them. So okay, transitioning. So next. So yeah, you don't get to avoid the suck. It's it's gonna happen at some point. And hard seasons can convince us that It's always gonna be this way. You know, the three majors are always gonna act like three majors, the sleepless nights are always gonna be there, the preteens are always gonna be snappy back at us, whatever it may be. financial stress that comes with trying to raise kids and marriage struggles, work stress as you're trying to do work life balance, man. I know we've talked about that some and I'm feeling that right now. but a hard season can be can be a season and it can be hard, but it doesn't necessarily mean it's permanent. And actually it in fact it's not. So yeah, what's a parenting season? I know you're only well, fifteen months in, but could you say there's a a a part of the journey so far that it felt endless or like I don't know when this is gonna end while you're in it? The th honestly what I the the thing that immediately came to mind is something that I knew almost exactly when it was gonna end and it still felt yeah like this is I'm I'm not gonna get through this. And it was the it was the one to five month. period before we started sleep training. it was it you know, in the moment I think that I was I was pushing through it, but towards months like three through five. So like first three months kinda yeah. Kind of got through it. And then months three through five I was like, I don't know how I'm gonna keep doing this. Waking up in the middle of the night, feeding him, having him cry uncontrollably 'cause his stomach hurts. Me being able to do nothing about it. because I'm with you. Not being able to do anything about it stinks. Yeah. Like it's just I'm sitting there, I'm holding my kid, all I can do is love him, hold him, but he's just screaming and he I know he's in pain. I get to go online and spend money on gas drops that everyone says might not even work. Ain't gonna work. Yeah, that kind of stuff. So yeah, I would say it felt endless. I knew it was gonna end eventually, but Knowing it's gonna end, but not knowing how it's gonna turn out afterwards. Like I was told we could do sleep training at five months. I didn't have any idea if he'd take to it like well. Yeah. Which he did. he's a rock star. I mean, it took less than a week and he was ready to rock and roll with stud. It was as if he'd been he'd just been waiting, yeah, waiting to get left left in the crib for a little bit longer. Leave me alone, man. Yeah. so yeah, that was that was it for me. months one through five in the sleep. Not the deprivation. I've slept very little for years. It's the inconsistency in the schedule. Yeah. Yeah, we just hit the four month sleep regression for about a month with Karis and just cry hysterically from about eight to nine PM when you're trying to put her to bed. Right after we got the other kids down and I mean you're dead. You're you're toast at that point. She can't sleep. Her nap, she'd wake up after twenty minutes. And it's a developmental thing where they can't slip into a REM cycle or something's happening in their brain. And and I knew we get through it and we're we are. We're almost through it, it's looking a lot better. But, you know, that one's been tough for me. But really I joked about three majors already, but it was two years ago when Naomi was three and a few months old in October that I I looked at Madeline. I said, call your parents, they're watching the kids. We're gonna start books. We're gonna figure this out. Cause we just needed a better plan because it wasn't working for us of how to discipline, how to create a little more margin in our lives. We were just wildly overwhelmed because our daughter all of a sudden couldn't emotionally regulate, so everything went from like zero to a hundred and we were trying to on the fly figure out how to discipline and parent, be on the same page. And now so Grayson's almost exactly two years younger. So e exactly two years later, we're at this same place in the last about three or four weeks and So I'm here we go. It's about six months of really just, hey buddy, how are you feeling? Use your words. I need you to look at me when you t you know, it's just like repeating over and over and you're like, is this, is this even helping? And it does. I've seen it does because Naomi's far from perfect, but she's developed a lot. And so we're gearing up for round two of kind of that that three nature stage right now, which which is tough. It's a tough season. Yeah. Cause you just miss I mean, he's a sweet little boy. Yeah. It's just it's like he doesn't feel well. It's almost like he's just He's just not himself right now. No. His little brain's trying his best. But honestly, I can relate to it. Absolutely. I I act like a three major all the time. 30 three major. Somebody tells me that what my what I had expected is no longer happening. I'm not super thrilled about it. Yeah. Might not might not externally like put that out in the world quite as much, but man, it's it's happening inside me. So you you saw him tonight. He couldn't find his little rubber. That's exactly what I was thinking about. It it cost a dollar from the Dollar Tree my mom got today. And this kid lost it. I told him if you take it to the park, you're probably gonna lose it. And we couldn't find it. And dude, it was it was literally the end the world. And my com need to be compassionate to look for this thing. Where in the past I would have just been like, dude, get upstairs. It's we're past bedtime. And we never found it. Hey, you handled it well. I honestly was waiting for the moment where you're dude, it's time to go to bed. Get upstairs. Just get upstairs. So you and and you do, you put a at a certain amount of time, you know, hey, we can't do this anymore. But Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah, dude. The emotions for like the smallest things are just insane. Especially when you can't get it. You're just like Why why does this matter so much to you? Yeah, I get you. 100%. 100%. Well, what's something that you feel like used to consume your life that you don't really think about much now? Or substantially less? Yeah. so kind of in a positive is like not getting enough sleep. So that I was for about five years on and off, like I just feel like I'm not getting enough sleep. And We now like our our daughters, all our kids sleep through the night with exceptions. Someone's sick, someone's dreams or nightmares or things. So but most nights, like if I'm tired, it's because I didn't go to bed on time, you know, as of the last six weeks or so now that Karis is sleeping through the night. So and that used to consume me, man. I was a seven and a half hour night guy before I had kids. Like if I got six hours, like I'd like anxious of like I can't be stacking two sex six hours. day nights of sleep. And then you go through years of that as like a good night, you know. And so that kind of on the opposite of like and the good news is like this used to consume me of like, I don't know, I'm just I'm always sleep deprived and and while I'm I'm exhausted, don't get me wrong. It's more of a mental and a physical exhaustion, not like you know, if if I wanted to right after this, I could go get seven and a half hours of sleep tonight. So that's a blessing for sure. So a little bit of a different take, but I I thought that was worth It was a realization I had today. Kinda hard to get seven and a half hours of sleep when Reese's just in your living room screaming at football. Yeah, that's true. That's true. Yeah. It's really tough between getting up at four forty five to shoot deer, in the morning and then yeah, the I mean you gotta watch the ten PM kickoffs for at a few quarters, you know. I'm I I'm up till four forty five some nights. That's right. You catch me on the way out. So yeah, the man the fall will be tough because of my own choosing. No, I get you. Yeah. There's anyone who can relate to not getting enough sleep due to their own choosing. It's me. Last episode you said you haven't strung together a week of six and a half hours or what was it? I think it was a month. So a monthly average. I don't think I've ever strung together sorry, I know I have not strung together a month where I've averaged more than six and a half hours of sleep. That blew my mind. in I guess I guess since I started wearing this, which was over five years ago. Wow. So weeks definitely. Yeah. Like this week I've been pretty intentional about it. So I I'd be willing to bet that by Sunday I'll have averaged seven fifteen. Yeah. Something like that. proud of you. Thank you. Yeah. yeah, the decision to like go to bed instead of do something that I wanna do is Just a seemingly for a lot of people, not as difficult a decision as I feel like it is. For me, I'm like, well, I didn't have like time to do what I wanted to do, which is actually kind of what it the something that used to consume my life. Not that I barely think about now, but I think about substantially less is what am I gonna what am I gonna do with my time? I am always any time that I would be at work, school, whatever, all I would think about is what am I gonna do the second that I get done with? Yeah. Work or school or whatever my responsibilities and obligations are. I still think that way sometimes, but way less than I used to, mostly because of the person that I'm committed to being and the fact that it just doesn't allow for me to be constantly picking and choosing what I'm doing right after work because most of the time I'm going home to either just be with my family, help out with my family, things like that. and still making time for things that I need to be healthy and like community with the guys apart from the family and stuff like that. But yeah, I would say I was very much a what's the move kind of kind of person in high school and as a as a worker I'd have a set group of guys that it was just kind of an unspoken and eventually text in the chat, What are we doing when we get off work? type of thing. so yeah, I would say I think about that significantly less and try to 'cause if I don't, sometimes it can be almost discouraging. Yeah. Kind of cause discontentment. So and it's one of those things that, you know, you get to realize that's a classic that was for a season. Yeah. It was really fun. I enjoyed it. We've talked about grieving it. There were parts that honestly weren't great about it too, that I no longer have to worry about. You would never go back to for more than a day or two. No. You know what I'm saying? I mean, like, that's not true for me, but but I think about college, dude. Like I could never do it for more than couple days. I I'm closer to the couple weeks, couple months, and then I would be. I'd be out. no, I'd be like, I'm too tired. Y'all s y'all are dirty. Y'all are making me mad. I guess it depends on what season of of of pre pre marriage life we're talking about here, because I've had some that were more of that than others. So yeah. but like you said, I would get tired of it and I'd be like, this wasn't worth it. This was just one of those grass is always greener situations where I thought it would be where I thought it would be better, but it's not. So yeah, just learn to appreciate the season that I'm in. It's good. Yeah. It's good. We'll move. Unless you want to unless you got something on this one, I'm gonna move because we're gonna be yeah, we're gonna be here all night. Keep it on an hour. Okay. Perseverance doesn't mean ignoring how hard something is. Sometimes it's simply asking for help, taking the night or the next right step, apologizing, trying again, just continuing to show up and trusting God when you can't see the progress. you don't need strength for the next five Years, you need it for today, you need grace for today. kind of just viewing life more as a God says his grace or his mercy is sufficient for the day. And it's not that it's not sufficient for the next five years, but at least for me, thinking about the next five years, not in just like a being diligent in planning, but in a all the responsibilities and things that are gonna happen in the next five years, that's overwhelming to me and almost makes the process of starting to become the person that I wanna be more daunting. so I don't know if you can relate to that at all, but Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. And I think r really even understanding like just God has seasons for you intentionally for a reason and like at the end of the day he can only bless you where you currently are. I think Dallas Willard says that like it's just like if God wants to bless you exactly where you are, not where you want to be or wish you were you could have been. So stewardship is what it's all about. It's what he has given you. based on w some of it's what you've done. To get you to where you are in your efforts and your discipline. And some of it's honestly just from the grace of God. And we've talked a lot about comparison on this show, but yeah, that's that's a thing that can be really hard is instead of com comparing, just being faithful and and stewarding and I know we were gonna kind of go deeper down this path of what would it look like to to be present in this current season and stewarding that well. I I'd I'd like to jump ahead just a little something different in this episode, but I I do think it's worth circling back at some point of Yeah, it's it is so freaking easy to want to live a life that's not yours. it is. I mean we fantasy is is one of the sins of of our generation of this age. whether it's man, I w what could happen in, you know, if I would have you know, not gotten hurt in college ball all the way to if my boss wasn't treating me this way or escapism through different shows or social media or whatever. It's like, yeah. We just wanna imagine our life what it could be. And I've talked to a lot of guys about that. Like I I wanna imagine myself sitting in a deer stand, but I'm not I'm not in a deer stand. I'm I'm sitting at the dinner table with my kids. You know what I'm saying? Stuff like that. So faithfulness is being exactly where you are and being disciplined and and trusting God's form you in the heart and and the good seasons. So Sure. But let's let's let's kind of jump ahead to that, Reese. Please. the good seasons, like not the the hard seasons don't last forever, so be present, get the most out of it. But the flip side is the good seasons don't last forever. They're gonna end as well. So you know, this won't last forever. It it's not only encouragement during the suffering, but it's a sobering truth for for when things are beautiful and fun and you need to pay attention to it. So, like we've talked about, you probably won't know when the last time you give your Kid a Bible, a Bible, a bottle, the last time that you walk them to school. there's a lot of things that you know they're going to need your help with now that they'll never ask for or need your help again in the future. and I think the temptation is to be so desperate to get through a season that you forget to be present within it. So what's something your kids doing right now that you know you're gonna miss someday? And you need you gotta slow down and just be in it. Again, just you kind of just mentioned it, but being his immediate the thing he immediately seeks out in distress. like his comfort. Yeah. I saw it tonight when my my son pushed him over. Yeah. And you know, he did immediately seek me out and then when I went to pick him up, he just turned around and ran away and started crying the opposite direction. But you know, yeah. It's the initial thought that counts. Absolutely. And then eventually he came back. And then eventually he and then eventually he turned around and was like, All right, fine. Yeah. Pick me up, hold me, love me. Yeah, you know, all the things. But yeah, I I'll miss that. It'll I I hope to be the kind of dad that people or that my kids come to when they're adults whenever they've got an issue. So long as it's not undermining their their spouse. Sure. but It won't ever be the way that he's coming to me and coming to Ellie right right now. It's kind of like this I find complete peace in in you holding me and letting me know that everything's gonna be all right. it kinda makes me think of the way I relate to God whenever I'm kinda like at the end of my end of my rope. of like, hey, I've I've kind of tried everything to pacify myself and get to a place of peace and rest and I've just come up empty and I'm realizing all over again that it's it's just you. Like you're the only you're the only one that can I don't know, it's a great song, Calm the Storm Inside Me. sounds good. Yeah, sounds good. unfortunately I have no vocal talent whatsoever. But unless it's country music. But either way, Well 'cause anyone can sing anybody I mean, come on. but yeah, that that's it for me. What about you? Yeah, I relate to that. Reading bedtime stories. yeah. I now notice I didn't say putting my kids to bed. 'Cause I just did that for all three of them and the brushing the teeth and get your pajamas on and go to the bathroom and all all the things. My kids just they want to my two oldest wanna just wrestle right before bed, dude. It's insane. I'm and so they can't put their PJs on because one of takes their clothes off naked and the other one comes up and just shoves them over. It's kinda It's kinda hilarious. It's like a college dorm, right? That sounds like sounds like a guy. You're just so amped up. Like even this evening, like yeah, it was it was crazy. But whenever you get that individual time, it's actually very redemptive after sometimes there's tensions throughout the day. So, I mean my five month old, I just spend time slowly reading a book. She has no idea what I'm saying, and read the Jesus storybook Bible tonight and sp prayed over her and She didn't scream at me, which was great. And just took my time doing that. Crazy getting Grayson laid down, but once I did, just talked about the favorite parts of his day and I sing the same song to him over him every single night. Dude, same. Not to Grayson, but to my son. Thank you for clarifying. so you know, like there's these little things you have and then with Naomi it's usually if there was something hard we needed to revisit, that's that's just the time like her heart's like open. to revisit those things and to be honest and maybe even say sorry or I say sorry and we read Chronicles of Narnia for ten minutes every night and yeah, that's just it's a redemptive part of the day for me. That I know there will be a day where I just come in and, you know, all they want is a kiss on the forehead or even a good night as they walk up the stairs, you know. And that that day's coming sooner sooner than later, unfortunately. Sure. So slam door in the face. Yeah, yeah. I mean For real, dude. I hate I hate you. There's gonna there will there will be hurtful things our kids say and I'm just not ready for that. You know I gotta say, maybe there won't, because I don't ever remember saying that to my parents. Is there a season you've been tempted to want to rush through? Yes. This one. no, I'm just kidding. I mean, there is an aspect of it. Roman is completely mobile now, very confident in his ability to run around, but he can't talk. and it just is so difficult to communicate things. Yeah. I feel like I have to put the house on lockdown, like safety wise. Safety wise, which for me, if Honestly, if you want to sap me of my energy but watch me do nothing, which is maddening for some people, to like like you could sap me of all my energy and all I did was sit on the couch. But if I'm feel like I'm on, yeah like on call basically, and that's pretty much what it's like if I don't baby proof the whole house before I watch them on Tuesdays, which I normally do. so like I'm putting putting things in front of cabinets. We don't have the little things you don't have locks? No, every time every time I mention this, someone's like, you just need to get those things off Amazon. And I'm like, yeah, well, I haven't. So we've got rubber bands on the ones that have the little cabin things right next to each other. And those work fairly well. But then we've got some that there is no second handle to wrap a rubber band around. So it's just like he can get into them. Today he pulled, like I said, the lid off the Dutch oven, which weighs seventy seven pounds. It doesn't weigh seventy seven pounds. But it's yeah, he it would break his toe for sure if there wasn't six pounds of fat on his foot. But Reese, I need you to know that I am hardcore judging you for not grabbing some of those things. Yeah. Well, because you're gonna have to keep judging are a lifesaver. I mean that blows my mind. Yeah. And what's what amazes me, Ellie won't do anything with the house when she went. Nothing else is like hard stopped. If we clip that it's so bad. YouTube short for sure. When I say anything with the house, I mean when she watches him for the day, like on Thursdays and Fridays, if she's at the house with him all day, she'll leave doors wide open, she'll leave cabinets. Free range Roman. Free range Roman. But like she'll just kind of do it and deal with it. Me, I'm like every door except for The ones that I have chosen to leave open, which are really just his room, and then a playroom right next to there. Everything's closed. All the rubber bands are on the cabinets that we can do that with. And then I put two nightstands in front of the cabinets in the oven. There's no way that's simpler than this, dude. it's not at all. But it is right next to it's in a room that's right next to the stuff, or right next to the oven and everything like that. and we do have like the little things you put on the oven that he can't rotate the turn to. Turn the whatever the stovetop on or anything like that or open up the oven. But he loves to open the tray underneath and take all the baking pans out and it sounds like someone's just clanging gongs in my house. so either way, I have absolutely no idea what got us onto this, but it's like babyproofing the whole house is season you want to get through. Season I wanna get through. I'm tired of babyproofing the whole house. Yeah. and not being able to communicate. Yeah. You can't be taking the Dutch oven lid off of here because he thinks it's hilarious. Yeah. He looks at me and laughs. That's his mission. I he and my favorite, like everyone always told me that it would be really funny, but also like really it can be tough. Watching him almost like learn to be mischievous. Yeah. Dude, I mean it just cracks me up when he goes up. He he knows there's two cabinets. There's two cabinets he can get into. He will go up to those cabinets, hold on to the handle, and go. Yeah. And give me the little half smirk. Like, is dad watching me? And if he is, like if I make eye contact with him, he'll go, Like he'll just give a little giggle. And then he'll open it up and start just taking stuff out of the cabinets. And I'm like, my goodness gracious. You ever thought of just putting stuff in there he can take out? Joke's on you, bro. Go for it. We have put some things in there, but there's I don't there's enough stuff to take out and I will forget to put it away. And I like for the house to look somewhat in order on Tuesdays whenever Ellie gets home for the day. That's good. And she really doesn't like s whenever there's stuff on the countertops, which I don't either. so either way, he has some stuff, like we let him mess with all the strainers, like for whatever, the pasta and stuff like that. For all your elbow Mac. All my elbow Mac. That's right. So that's my long winded answer for Roman's body functioning fine but his brain operating at a zero out of ten. dude. Three three majors is gonna be crazy for you. Dude, I can't wait. At least at least I'll be able to argue with them. But you won't, because they advance and then they like regress back to that, but their body's so much bigger and stronger. I can't wait. You'll you will get some videos from me. I I legit am pumped. I'm nervous. Mason figured out today that he is strong enough to pick Campbell up. No. And it he's he's a tank, but he hasn't really tried to do this before. But I He's like he's trying to h help be helpful with Campbell. and I and I look down for something 'cause my sister was at the foot of the stairs and I look back and Mason's up there and he just has manhandled Campbell, like grabbed her under the armpits and is like carrying her over to me and I go, no. We're not gonna do that. Where's Thanks, buddy, for bringing her over here. But please don't ever do that again. They think they're being so helpful. They don't know their own strength. Grayson earlier today was playing with Roman and Basically did the equivalent of like slamming some guy up against the lockers that and taking taking his lunch money. Roman's like he's gonna toughen up real quick, dude. You're like, you're okay, buddy. And he's looking around like, Am I? I don't know. You need a lot of enthusiasm. my answer is three majors. I've already said it five times, so I won't say it another time. Sweet. So last question, I think. Yeah. What would you miss about your life today if this season ended tomorrow? And by the season I mean like The sea the tough season, not like your life. What would I miss about my life today? Yes. Hm. Think probably having my older two kids, how they interact with baby cares. You know what I'm saying? They do interact with littles. Because Grayson will come up in her face and like, hi. Like he does the baby talk as a three year old and his voice is already like really high and kind of squeaky. So, like if that ended tomorrow, if like we had to fast forward five years, their their friendship will look will be amazing, but friend of me's. Th they'll be frenemies, dude. And like the difference in age won't feel as different of like five, seven and you know, nine or whatever it ends up being depending on the time of year. But yeah, for now it just seems like they're they're so much older than her that they get to like baby her and love her and yeah. so I think just that interaction of how they interact with her would would be the thing. I just I love it, dude. When they're all three getting along. That's awesome. It's freaking awesome, dude. And and they do like I'm like, you all have the capabilities to actually help to show selflessness to be protective and caring and and stuff like that. So I definitely miss that. I think that's why we had a third kid. Kinda makes sense now. Yeah. Yeah. And the constant badgering from me, not from Absolutely. When are you having a third? Hey. Hmm. Anything for you? No. For you, you having twins? No. I literally was talking to my neighbor about vasectomies today. It was awesome. It's a good conversation. Yeah. for me, it would be, I know I just mentioned Roman being mischievous, but it would be him losing his innocence and the simplicity of like his joy. he kind of gets that he's not supposed to be getting into certain things, but once he can understand language, he'll really, whenever he's doing something he's not supposed to He'll fully know he's doing something he's not supposed to. and then there's consequences. Right now he kind of right now he kinda gets it, but also he almost thinks I'm playing a game with him. Yeah. so it's not like a f to hurt anyone. It's not like a full knowing disobedience. and I again I won't I won't think any less of my kid once he starts disobeying me or disobeying rules or others or anything like that. But there will be that aspect of innocence that just kind of like is not coming back like it's gone. So I think that that will be I think that that would be what I would miss. right now, he's just a little high energy, high joy. High emotion little kid who doesn't know right from wrong. Yeah. a lot of fun. Yeah. And it's just it's a it's really it's really a beautiful experience. Innocence is a great is a great word for it. So Reese, why don't you bring us home here in a second? Are we keeping it under an hour? Did we do it? Bro, let's freaking go. We gotta wrap this up quick. Dads, I know some of you guys have eight year olds, twelve year olds, fourteen year olds. different my thing, not yours. Differ different seasons of life. So yeah, that was amazing by the way. I I hope whatever season of life you're you're present, you're enjoying it. I hope hearing us really process through the things we absolutely love and the things we absolutely despise gives a little nuance for you to feel both of those, but feel both of them. I think that's my encouragement. It's just make sure you feel both of them. What what finishing thoughts do you got? Encouraging thoughts do you got for him, Reese? Stop living in the once. don't live in a space where you're like once this happens, then once work slows down, then yeah. I think that as humans, I tend to live live like that a lot of the times. We almost kind of push progress to the future or push growth to the future once things get easier. And it's kind of paradoxical, especially in in my own experience in my relationship with Jesus is just that he really wants you to step in in the now. and not because he not cause he needs you to, but because he wants you to step in with him and kind of be a part of your own growth. That he's that he's working in and through you, in a relational way. So yeah, I would just say stop living in the once this happens, then we'll blank. and I think that a couple of things that I wanted people to kind of think about throughout the week is what would faithfulness look like today if I knew that this wasn't forever, that good season or bad season? or maybe we don't gonna label it like that, but the season you're in that has things that are either has both. Yeah, has both. so what would faithfulness look like today? if you knew that this season wasn't forever? And then what am I experiencing right now? That I don't want to take for granted. Yeah. the hard moments are gonna deserve endurance and the beautiful moments are gonna deserve attention. but neither of them lasts forever. It's good. And our kids stay to sleep, man. I'm checking the monitors right now. Let me pray for us. Let's do it. Father, that you would bless us to be men that are extremely present. that we know that you are forming something in us and you're working through Our efforts, even in as we do these things imperfectly, that you would use that in a way that produces a lot of fruit, fruit that goes beyond what we could have done in our own strength. So for the listeners that they would just show up today, they would embrace the challenges as well as really just lean into the blessings and the joys that we would be surprised by grace, surprised by joy. That there would be things that were unexpected that we realize when they're given to us that they come from you and that we would make the most out of it. and that our efforts would then create more good fruit, which you love to bear within us. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen. Amen. Love y'all. Have a great week.