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The Art of Kissing: How to Make It Count (And Save Your Dating Life) · The Diva Details

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Welcome to the Diva D-Town. Welcome to the Diva D-Town.
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Where bold, confident women embrace life unapologetically.
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From love and sex to wellness and reinvention. We keep it raw, real and powerful.
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Well, hello. This is Diva Mia. Today we're going to talk and dive a little bit
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deeper into kissing and the art of kissing.
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I think over the years, kissing for some people kind of dwindles as you're in a relationship.
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It's kind of sad because it's such an important part of dating.
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Before sex, before commitment, before you say I love you, there's that first kiss.
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A bad kiss can end your connection instantly.
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So I don't think people take kissing seriously enough, especially men.
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But if you blow it on your first and second kiss, good luck dating this person.
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And the trick of it is some people like to be kissed different ways.
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Some people like the deep, passionate kisses.
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Some people like having their tongue sucked. We'll get into that a little bit
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later. Some people like little sweet little pet kisses.
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So you kind of got to figure out the person. Once you connect with the person,
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you can read their body language to see if they're enjoying it or not.
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Today, we're going to talk about why most people don't know how to kiss and
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how it might be killing your dating life.
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We're starting a brand new dating series. This is part two of the dating series
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where we're talking about kissing.
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It's something that is deeply intimate.
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It's something that when you know how to kiss, you create immediate intimacy.
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You create an immediate connection.
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Sometimes it's awkward at the beginning because you don't really know when to make the.
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I know with a lot of men, they don't know when to make the right move.
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Even some women will make the first move. It's not taught how to do it.
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But it is incredibly powerful because here's the truth.
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A kiss creates instant chemistry. If you guys were bonding well,
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if you look like you had a connection when you had your discussion on your date,
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if you kiss someone, there's going to be instant chemistry or you're going to
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be instantly turned off.
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But a kiss can also deepen your emotional bonds. If you find someone you really
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like to kiss, the more kissing you do, the more emotional your bond is.
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I can tell you when I've dated men that were good kissers, I kept dating them
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for much longer because I really enjoyed kissing them.
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A kiss can tell you everything you need to know whether you're going to be sexually
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compatible or not. If you don't like kissing the man, you may not be sexually compatible.
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If they turn you off when you kiss, you may not want to have sex with them ever.
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And a bad kiss, it can shut the door before it ever opens. So men,
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if you can get really good at kissing, you're going to have much better dating prospects.
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But let's talk first about who should make the first move. I personally believe that a man should.
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However, I have, in certain instances, stepped in and given a little pet kiss.
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And what will then happen is the man then instigates a deeper kiss typically.
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But there is a huge emotional connection. The first date kisses,
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they're very electric. They're fun. Because there's usually a
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an emotional rush behind it. Let's say you went on a date and it wasn't going well.
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I don't recommend kissing the person. If the date didn't feel like it was vibing
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right, I recommend just give them a hug.
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Then you can set up a second date if you want to because otherwise it's going to feel a little forced.
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And you really don't want to have a first kiss feel forced.
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There's no reason not to move in for your first kiss because you can really feel it out.
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So if you went on a coffee date, let's say, and you sat down and you three hours
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later, you guys are still talking and you're walking to the car.
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A first kiss is fine. I have had it where a guy kind of acts a little nervous.
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There's a dance that kind of happens when you're going in for a kiss.
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Typically what happens is the guy will step in for either a hug or a kiss.
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If the woman steps back, guys, that's usually a sign she doesn't want to be kissed.
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If the woman stays or looks up, that's a good sign she might I want to be kissed.
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If she moves forward, then that's another sign. So think about it as kind of a dance.
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It's such an emotional connection. If you can get to the first kiss,
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things will get easier as well.
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So let's say you had a connection. And we're only going to talk connection because
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if you don't have a connection, why are you even kissing the person?
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But let's say you had a really strong connection.
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Emotionally, you're talking to the person and you think she feels safe.
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You got to walk her to her car.
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She didn't seem anxious. If she's standing out by her car for a little bit,
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that's an invitation, guys.
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If you step up to her and she steps back, then of course you can back away.
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But if she's standing out by her car talking to you, she probably wants to be
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kissed. Just so you guys know.
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Don't hold back. Just step in. She can step in.
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What happens is if a guy steps too close and stays there for too long,
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it'll be uncomfortable.
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You're either going to have to hug her or you're going to have to kiss her.
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Now, I think first dates are okay for kissing. Second date's the perfect opportunity. Okay.
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But if you don't kiss her on the first date, then move in on the second date.
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But she's going to hug you.
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If you step in, she steps in, and she stares at you for too long,
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she'll just give you a hug. Because it'll make it awkward.
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You need to know what you're doing. You need to know how to do it.
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But make sure that you've got the emotional connection first,
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that there's safety and trust.
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And there's a way to look at a woman that signals that you're going to give
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her a kiss, too. If you look down and you tilt your head down.
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Well, if she's shorter than you, obviously, that's also a body language sign
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that you're going to kiss her.
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Remember, kissing is a gateway to intimacy.
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When you kiss someone, it just signals that you're attracted to them,
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that there's a physical escalation or a physical attraction.
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You've got to look for a sign of permission, though, because you don't want
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to be going up and kissing people that don't want to be kissed.
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I've seen people do it and they might get slapped. If there's no chemistry and
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you're not feeling any vibe, I don't recommend kissing.
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You've got to have that sign of permission as well. Then the signal of attraction
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is when she steps forward or looks up at you or holds your hand if you step close to her.
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That's a sign that you're able to give her a kiss.
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Now, if she steps up and you don't and you just hug her, that's fine too.
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But if she steps up, you do have kind of an open door to go ahead and give her
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a kiss, okay? And it is a sign that she's attracted to you. So let's say you're vibed.
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You step in. You look down. She steps in.
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She looks up and that's a sign she's attracted to you.
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That's an open door for the ability to kiss her.
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It is also a little bit of physical exclamation because you might have only
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been talking or maybe even hold hands during your first date.
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Who knows? But physical touch is a big thing for men and for women.
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I think the sooner you can get the first kiss over, the better.
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If you get the first kiss over and it goes well, that's opening for a second date.
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Because if you kiss her very well, she's definitely going to be open to a second
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date. Men will often test kissing to see if they have chemistry.
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Women, I think, want to see if they have chemistry, but we also tie a little
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bit of an emotional attachment to it.
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Men do it to express desire and move things forward.
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They might even be doing it to build momentum towards sex. Now,
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I'm not talking about having sex on a first date.
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If that's your choice, that's fine. I'm talking about just ending it with a
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kiss. For many men, it's the first physical contact.
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They may have not held hands with you or they may have, but it's definitely
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an emotional contact for men as well.
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Women, if they allow you to kiss them, it means they're connecting with you emotionally.
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That means they feel like they're aligning with you a little bit.
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It also gives a sign that they feel safe and they're trusting of you because
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for a woman to receive a kiss or to allow herself to, because she's got to feel
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a little safe with you, otherwise she's not going to kiss you.
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It's also kind of interesting because women lately have been tying a lot to
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the first kiss, whether or not they want to have a second date with the guy.
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They get kissed well they're going to feel desired they're
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going to feel it's going to be a feeling of desire mixed with
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tenderness depending on how a person kisses and it's
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a way that you can make a woman feel chosen because you're
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there with her and you're present and when women kiss it's to feel chemistry
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we want to connect we want to we want to emotionally connect with you and when
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it also tests whether or not you are attentive and paying attention to them
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we do feel desired and very feminine when a man kisses us, especially if they kiss us the right way.
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Most women, it's emotionally first and then physical second, but.
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I will say, as we get older, I think that the mechanics of the kiss are just
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as important as the emotions of the kiss.
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But the connection definitely matters, for sure.
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When someone kisses, a man is usually leading.
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Now, I have kissed a guy first before. I usually just give a pet kiss,
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and then they come in for more.
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But a man usually leads with his energy.
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And the woman has to be inviting and accepting. So she has to invite it in.
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If she's not inviting in, a man may be scared to kiss her. or maybe the man's
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just nervous and he wants to wait till the second date anyway.
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But most women prefer the man to initiate the first kiss. We really do.
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We want a man to take charge because if they're not gonna lead on a first kiss,
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then how are they gonna lead you as a partnership?
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Once a man feels confident, calm, and attuned to you, they're gonna make the first move.
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A lot of men, I will say, ladies, on their first date, they're scared.
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They're nervous, they're not calm. Maybe they're not even confident about the
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date. They don't know what they're doing.
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So they may give you a hug. Don't take it if they don't kiss you as you're in
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the friend zone, because I've had that happen before.
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And on the second date, they kissed me and it was amazing.
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Don't worry about it if you don't get a kiss on the first date.
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Some men are also very respectful, so they don't expect to kiss a woman on the first.
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Some men won't kiss a person until the third date. There is that too.
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But most men prefer to have clear signals. If you're open, if you're giving
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signals, if you have the fireplace going, or if you turn off the lights,
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I mean, those are signals to men.
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Hey, I'd like to be kissed, if you sit next to them, if you hold their hand,
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if you look at them, those are signs that you can be kissed. They're clear signs.
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Most people will pick up on those. Most people will read into those signs.
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Some men don't, though, ladies. Sometimes you have to just say,
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hey, I'm ready, or you have to make the first move. I don't like making the
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first move on the kissing because when I do, it just feels like I take away from the moment.
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But if a man can make the first move, it's a wonderful thing.
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So for a man, a clear sign of openness is if you're making eye contact with
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him, if you're sitting close, if you have a lingering pause,
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if he makes a joke, if you smile back and then you're moving closer,
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those types of things will help with them understanding that you're ready to be kissed.
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Because men don't want to kiss you if you're not ready to be kissed.
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A man moves in and there's a hesitation, it can cause him to feel insecure.
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And a lot of times the hesitation is on their part.
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If they're forceful, it's really nice for a man to like pull you in closer,
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but if they're really forceful or grabby or hurtful or too rough,
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that's going to ignore consent and it's also going to kill your attraction.
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Men, don't overthink the moment. Just go with the woman.
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If she seems open, then you can always go in for a pet kiss and you can always
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go in for a cheek kiss. You don't have to do a lip kiss the first time.
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But don't worry about it so much. I think a lot is put on kissing,
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but I think it's better to get it out of the way in the beginning anyway.
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That way you know whether you're having an attraction, if there's anything physical,
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if you could see that eventually there could be a relationship.
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A kiss says a lot. Here is the ideal first kiss for ladies and men.
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Both of you need to be making eye contact.
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You can't be looking away because that shows insecurity and nervousness.
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But you make eye contact. If you're dancing around, doing other things,
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wandering around, pacing, doing anything else but making eye contact,
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you're too nervous to kiss.
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The woman will pick up on that, so she won't step forward. She'll just stand
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there and wait for you to calm down. If you don't, then maybe it's just a hug moment.
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If you pause in your communication, but you're staring into each other's eyes
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and you pause, that's great.
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If one of you takes a step forward or leans in, that's also a sign that you're
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both into kissing. If both of you lean in, there's no reason to not kiss her.
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If you're pacing, you're going to make her nervous and she's not going to know what's going on.
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Realize that there's a dance that goes on again, that you have to make sure
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that each of you are moving together in synchronicity.
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Then you can also let her meet you halfway.
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This is one of the things that's been happening more and more.
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Now, if you step up and hug her, she'll hug you back probably.
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But if you step up and look her deep in the eyes,
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she will probably either lean in or step
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forward as well and there you go she's ready to
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go and then it's up to you but a good kiss I will tell you the best kisses do
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not feel taken they feel invited they feel like I'm open to receive I'm open
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to be kissed that's the best kisses you will ever have sometimes truthfully
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ladies second date kisses are better than first date kisses because then you
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build a little bit of anticipation and
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It also feels more intentional and not impulsive. So it's okay if they don't
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kiss you on the first date.
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I prefer first date kisses so I can see if I want to spend the time for a second
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date. But it's okay if they don't, especially if you're really connected with the person.
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But by the third date, I mean, I personally, it feels a little slow for me.
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If somebody waits till the third date and we're in our 50s to give me a kiss, I don't know.
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It's perfect for emotional connection-focused daters, but it's really not good
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for people that really want to make sure that this is not just wasting my time.
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And so if you wait to a third date kiss, you may not get a third date because
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a person may think you just move too slow.
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But you don't have to kiss based on date number. You can kiss based off flow or vibe.
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It's got to be a mutual desire, right? When you kiss someone,
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are you mutually desiring each other? Do you have comfort?
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Because the comfort has to be there as well when you kiss someone.
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Remember that if you don't have the comfort, it's not going to be a good kiss.
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Men tend to kiss when there's a little bit of pressure, but also,
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you know, when they also want to show their assertiveness.
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They will kiss typically a little faster. I have had to kind of slow down the
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kisses sometimes with men.
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They also try to stick their tongue in really early on a kiss. Here's the thing.
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You don't need to French kiss someone on the first date. You can just do a pet
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kiss. But if you are, don't jam it down your woman's throat.
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Also, don't lick your lips before and don't slobber on their face.
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I would say probably 95% of the women out there don't want that wet kiss,
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that slobber all over my face, that tongue down my throat.
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It's a turnoff. If you can't.
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Realize it's a turnoff, then you need to go back to the drawing board with your kisses.
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I will say the earlier kiss, the more physical engagement you get.
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You may come into an embrace like a kiss and then hold each other as well.
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But men, I will say they kiss how they want to be kissed.
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So when a man kisses you, that's how he wants to be kissed back.
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So if you are kissing a man and you don't like the way he kisses,
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ladies, just realize that's what he wants.
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It may not be a good connection just because of the kissing.
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I can't stress enough, at least to those who find kissing and intimacy and sex
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to be important parts of their lives, the kissing is going to be a strong part.
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So once you know if they're a good kisser, everything else should flow.
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Okay? When a woman kisses, she wants it a little bit softer.
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She doesn't want your face smashed into her face. She wants it to be a little
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bit softer, especially at first.
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It should be a soft, gentle kiss. It shouldn't be like very aggressive.
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And typically women want a slower pace. If you're going to French kiss a woman.
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They don't want your tongue stiff down their mouth. They want a more soft kiss
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and a slower pace with your tongue.
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They'll be more responsive too. They also want you to respond when they kiss.
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I would say less tongue is better for a woman, whereas men want more tongue
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early, but women really want less tongue initially.
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Just a couple pet kisses are perfect. Two or three pet kisses are perfect for a first kiss.
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You can go back later and kiss more deeply later, but that's perfect for a first date or a second date.
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I will say that women find more emotion and rhythm in kissing, so there's like a flow.
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It's like a dance when they kiss. Women kiss in a rhythmic way.
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And when they kiss, there's some nuances to it. They're often gentler.
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And you might do a deep pet kiss that it's just kiss and you hold it.
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And you kiss and you hold it again.
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There was a report out that says if you kiss someone for six seconds,
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so it's only six seconds, you'll create a tighter bond and a tighter connection.
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If you're going to kiss someone, you need a six-second kiss.
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So just realize that as well.
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A six-second kiss will be better for you long-term. women
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will kiss mostly based on connection not conquest
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we kissed only when we're ready to connect with
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someone here's where things go wrong i have kissed
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somebody where we do a pet kiss and then i their tongue is right in my mouth
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and it's it's too much women don't like that i don't want you sticking your
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tongue down my throat i don't want you forcing your tongue into my mouth i don't
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want you to have a really wide tongue sticking in my mouth because it's just
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it's like getting kissed by a pit bull. Honestly, it's not fun.
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I don't want to be kissed by a pit bull. Sticking his tongue down your face
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or down your throat is not not fun.
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Don't be a pit bull when you kiss. Don't come out aggressive.
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Don't go super fast. Don't don't stick your tongue all the way down her throat.
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It's not fun. And if you kiss someone and they're not responsive or they're
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staring at you, ladies, men, shut your eyes when you're kissing someone.
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It's just I don't know if I kiss someone and I after I kiss him,
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I open my eyes and they're like staring at me and then I they do
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it again it's like you can feel someone staring at you i don't
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know i don't think it's appropriate to be kissing someone and having
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your eyes open anyway but pacing also matters like if if you're like a drive-by
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quick quick quick quick quick fast pace kisser and you're kissing a woman who
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likes a slower pace that's going to ruin the kiss as well if you don't respond
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or you like have dead fish lips when someone kisses you.
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That's terrible, guys. Think about this. If you kiss someone and you're not
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responsive and there's no emotion behind it, why would someone want to kiss you again?
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And then the big one is always make sure you have good smelling breath.
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You could be the best kisser in the world, but if your breath smells like doo-doo,
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no one's going to want to kiss you.
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I will say men tend to have worse breath than women. So men, chew some gum.
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And it's okay to kiss while you're chewing gum, by the way. It's not a faux
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pas. some people are chewing gum or just had breath mints right before they kiss, that's okay.
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It's better to have breath mints and chewing gum than to have nasty, stinky breath.
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It's not fun. It also shows like a hygiene and lack of taking care of yourself.
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So remember when you're kissing, make sure your breath is amazing.
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If you're kissing someone, and let's say you waited until the second day and
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you gave a few pet kisses, then on the third day you go on for a deeper,
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more meaningful kiss, you need to pause every once in a while.
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Come up for breath, as they say, because if you keep pushing yourself onto someone,
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especially a woman, and you don't pause, it's going to get awkward real fast
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because the woman's going to need to pull back for some air and some breathing room.
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It's amazing to make out with someone and kiss nonstop, but even then,
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we're doing pauses every once in a while.
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It's a dance, but it's also more of a dance and more romantic than a performance.
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And some people turn it into such a show that it's uncomfortable.
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Kissing should be like, you move, I move, you move, I move, in a very respectful
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manner and like a couple's dance.
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And it's elegant if you kiss the right way.
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But you have to remember that each person's going to like a little bit different.
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But read the other person's body language.
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If you shove your face into some woman and she backs up.
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That's a sign she's not enjoying it. If you pull her closer when she's backing
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up, that's also not good.
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Don't force your kisses on someone because it's going to ruin the relationship
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before it even gets started.
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Here's different types of kissing. The first one is a soft closed kiss. It's like a lip kiss.
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It's very tender. It's very affectionate. I love soft closed lip kisses for
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first dates because it's not invasive.
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It's very sweet. I will say often if I've kissed someone at the end of a date
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and I give a nice soft close lip kiss, I then feel like men then take it as
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an invitation to do more.
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So, ladies, this is the other reason why you should let men drive the kiss,
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the first kiss, because sometimes if you do the first kiss, then they think,
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oh, she's ready to go. And then it turns into a makeout session.
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So just realize that and you may not want that. So just realize sometimes it's
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way better to let the man do the first kiss, especially if he does a nice soft-closed lip kiss.
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It's really nice. And it will make you have desire for more.
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The other thing is, so we've got the soft-closed lip kiss. And when you do this kiss, you can linger.
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And lingering kisses are more emotionally deep. This is type 2.
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And it creates a level of desire and need.
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So if you do a nice soft lip, soft closed lip kiss, but you stay there on their
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lips for a second, you close your eyes and you just open your soul to them and
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you give them a nice soft lip kiss,
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you will find that you have a deeper emotional connection and it will create immediate desire.
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And that's what I think everybody wants, men and women, in a relationship.
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Desire and love and trust and partnership and connection and alignment.
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A lingering kiss starts that process. It really does.
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So it's kind of a, I like the combination between it's closed lip,
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it's closed lip kiss, but it's also lingering.
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You can also do a slow open mouth kiss. Now this adds some sensuality and curiosity.
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You can do it on the first date, but if you're moving at a slower pace,
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I'd recommend the second date or possibly the third.
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But a slow, open-mouthed kiss, it invites someone to think, could I kiss them more?
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Is this good? And then we have the French kiss, which I think by now everyone
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that's in their 50s, 40s, 50s, and 60s should understand what a French kiss
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is. A French kiss is very passionate.
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There's a lot of sexual chemistry with a French kiss. And sometimes it's hard, sometimes it's soft.
22:09
It depends on if you're aroused and if you're taking it that way.
22:12
You need to communicate with your partner when they kiss you, if you enjoy it.
22:17
I was with a person, my personal story, where they weren't the best kisser and I told them.
22:22
And then they got offended, which should have been a red flag for me,
22:25
but it wasn't at the time.
22:26
If a man won't modify the way he kisses for you, ladies, they're not mind readers.
22:31
Sometimes they read body language. Sometimes they don't. But if a man won't
22:35
modify the way he kisses you for the way you like it, then he's probably not
22:39
going to modify the way he does anything for you.
22:42
Because the one I was with, whenever I told him I didn't like the way he kissed,
22:45
then he would never want to kiss me at all.
22:47
It just, it would never work because of that. So when you have a woman that's
22:51
expressing what she does like and what she doesn't, you have an emotionally
22:55
mature woman that is willing to open up.
22:57
If you're a guy and you don't receive that or ignore it, then that's on you.
23:01
But this will definitely let you figure out exactly what you're looking for.
23:06
The next kiss is a neck and jawline kiss. Now, this is going to create a little
23:10
bit of arousal and dominance from a man's perspective.
23:13
It kisses you on the cheek and then moves to your ear or to your jawline.
23:16
Realize that when a man kisses you on
23:19
your neck and jawline that it is going to
23:22
create more arousals this is probably not
23:25
a first date kiss could be i mean it
23:28
depends if you're sleeping with a person on the first date it wouldn't be a
23:31
first date kiss for me but it's it's very dominating and it's very a woman really
23:36
gets to submit during this too because it's a very attractive kiss you can intermix
23:41
this in with multiple dates you can have it on your second date third date but.
23:46
Or you could just have this every day once you start dating the person.
23:49
A forehead or a cheek kiss is also very respectable on a first date.
23:54
If you're a man and you're nervous to kiss, but you really like this person
23:59
and you want a second date, giving her a kiss on the forehead or on the cheek
24:02
gives her a sign that you care for her and that you want to make her feel safe.
24:07
This is a good way to go if you're too nervous to kiss her and you don't want
24:11
to hug her because the forehead kiss, it is very relaxing for a woman.
24:14
Then the next thing is just like a kissing, a playful kissing tease.
24:19
A lot of women are good at this. Like they'll nibble on the person's lower lip.
24:23
They'll slightly and then go away and then come back for a little bit more.
24:26
It's very flirtatious to have playful, playful teasing kisses.
24:30
And then there's the deep intimate kiss, the one that's super emotional.
24:34
It's going to be very bonding when you do a deep, physical, intimate kiss.
24:39
So just realize that's how it works when you're looking for someone to spend your life with.
24:45
Kissing is kind of the second step right after the flirting.
24:49
If a person is a great kisser, they'll know when to use each different type
24:53
of kisses. So I just went over eight types of kissing.
24:55
If you're a great kisser, you'll know when to use it. It's just, it's going to flow.
25:00
Sometimes it's pet kissing, and that might be in passing or you're saying goodbye to someone.
25:05
Sometimes it's a deep, intimate kiss. I personally love deep intimate kisses.
25:10
I could do those all day long, but that is a great way to kiss someone.
25:14
Women and men perceive kissing completely different.
25:18
Women notice when they kiss someone, are they present? Are they connected with you?
25:22
That's a big part of it, because when they are, you feel a little safer if it's a strong man.
25:26
They also will look into the gentleness. And when I say strong man,
25:30
ladies, it's just strong emotionally, not necessarily strong physically.
25:33
Women also like the gentle kisses. So if it's a nice, gentle,
25:37
sweet kiss, we're going to like it more than a really aggressive kiss.
25:40
Now, don't get me wrong. If you're in the heat of passion, a strong kiss matters as well.
25:45
The breath and the rhythm are very important tools as well as being emotionally
25:49
in tune. A woman notices whether or not you have the right rhythm with her,
25:53
whether you're emotionally in tune to her, and whether you are confident without
25:57
forcing yourself on her.
25:59
But a woman will judge a man by his emotional intelligence or his emotional IQ, sexual potential.
26:05
So when we kiss a man, a lot of times we can determine whether they'll be any
26:09
good at oral sex or whether they'll be good in bed.
26:11
Kissing has a huge impact on your future love life and life in general.
26:16
A woman also will judge you to see if you respect her when you kiss her.
26:21
If you're disrespectful or you're kissing in front of other people,
26:24
just to make your point, a woman's going to take that as you're just being disrespectful.
26:27
And that's not a good way to be. The other thing a woman will judge is whether
26:31
or not you can calm her down when you kiss her, because that's a masculine energy
26:35
thing, if you can calm a woman down when you're kissing her.
26:37
Then men also will notice that if a woman is enthusiastic, if she's responsive,
26:43
if there's chemistry, if there's passion, I think those things,
26:46
like even warmth from the woman, matter because they want to know this is a
26:50
woman they want to spend time with.
26:52
Kissing will do that. Kissing will allow for you to show the man that you're
26:56
passionate and that you're a warm person so that you can spend more time together.
27:00
Ladies, you've got to get good kissing as well, not just the men.
27:03
But men will associate kissing with, you know, sexual compatibility.
27:07
And if you're not a good kisser, they're not going to want to date you most
27:11
likely because they're going to think that you're not sexually compatible.
27:14
When you kiss someone, the desire is one of the core things. Desire is huge.
27:19
Also, openness. Who are you open to? Who are you listening to? Who are you watching?
27:24
What makes the best sense for you? But kissing is essential to all relationships. It really is.
27:29
Because what happens when you kiss is you get bonded with the other person.
27:33
You're going to release oxytocin, which is the bonding hormone.
27:35
Remember that it's part of your emotional intimacy. There's emotional intimacy.
27:40
There's sexual. There's physical.
27:43
Kissing covers a lot of that. Once you kiss someone, you're going to be connected
27:46
to them in other ways. It will make you desire them.
27:49
If you haven't kissed your partner for a while, go give them a passionate kiss and see what happens.
27:54
It'll turn them into desiring you. And here's the thing, ladies.
27:57
I think, I know a lot of women go through menopause and their libidos go up.
28:01
But if you can find a man that's a really good kisser, you can finally find
28:05
a partner that will desire you the way you want to be desired.
28:08
Especially if you're single or divorced or...
28:13
Have a widower, which is happening a lot to women our age. Keep that desire
28:17
alive in your relationship because it's important.
28:20
Sexual health is important for mental health. It's important for physical health.
28:24
It's even important for spiritual health. Keep that desire alive so that you
28:28
can feel a connection with your partner.
28:31
One of the other things is that if a man kisses you well, he's going to create
28:35
a sense of immediate attraction that is driven by you feeling safe and affectionate.
28:42
Men realize if you can create that safe feeling, that's what a woman really desires is to feel safe.
28:48
But most women think kissing equals feeling love, whereas most men think kissing
28:53
is about just desiring someone else or feeling desired.
28:58
Women find it loved and men find it, oh, if you kiss me, you want me or do you desire me?
29:03
Remember, if you can get back to your relationship and kiss your spouse today.
29:08
Go and make a nice, passionate kiss with your spouse or your boyfriend or your
29:13
girlfriend and make it really passionate because it really will revive a relationship.
29:17
I say this because kissing sometimes is one of the first things to go over time with relationships.
29:23
There's many things. I mean, you have children, you're stressed out,
29:27
and those two things, if you're stressed and you're overworked,
29:30
kissing may not be right on your list.
29:33
Maybe you have a routine that's blocking you from kissing someone,
29:36
or you've gotten into such a rut that you guys just don't kiss anymore.
29:40
That's not a good way to be.
29:41
Because what will happen is there'll be resentment created, and that resentment
29:45
will grow and fester over time.
29:47
Some people say it's because they.
29:50
There's a lack of novelty, or there's a lack of newness to it,
29:53
or we're parenting right now, or we're emotionally disconnected.
29:57
Well, if you're not kissing, you are kind of emotionally disconnected.
30:00
When kissing stops, though, however, its intimacy erodes very quickly.
30:05
Things kind of just go from colorful to black and white, honestly,
30:09
because if kissing stops, there's nothing there now.
30:12
You're still going to want to be with that. It's a really rough place to be.
30:15
Some men also need physical touch during the kiss in order to feel grounded or bound to you.
30:21
Remember that some men like to have their back rubbed or their arm while they're
30:25
kissing or even touch their face. If a man touches a woman's face to draw her
30:31
in, that's a very sexual kiss.
30:32
If a woman can touch the cheeks of a man, men like that too.
30:36
Sometimes just touching their face or their shoulders while you're kissing them,
30:40
that extra touch is what men are looking for. Kissing, I believe,
30:44
is so crucial for men and women because women will feel unseen when the kissing fades.
30:49
If you've slowed down kissing your partner, she doesn't feel valued or seen
30:53
anymore, and she's not going to feel loved because it's a sign of affection when you kiss someone.
30:58
If you're not kissing your partner, she's going to feel unseen,
31:02
unloved, unwanted, and it'll create a huge emotional disconnect in your relationship.
31:06
So if you're going through this right now, men, remember, you need to kiss your
31:10
ladies because she might feel disconnected and need the bonding touch of a kiss
31:15
and the way a woman kisses in order to bond with that woman.
31:19
You both need it. I don't care who instigates it in relationships.
31:22
If you're past the first kiss and it's starting to die down,
31:25
someone needs to instigate it so you can rebond and reconnect.
31:28
It's a way to be affectionate with each other and feel secure.
31:32
It is truly emotional foreplay for sex as well.
31:36
It's not just physical, though. There's such a connection with the oxytocin.
31:40
And when you kiss the right person, it almost feels like your souls are connecting.
31:44
It's a beautiful thing. And good kissers are...
31:48
Are really hard to come by sometimes because I don't think a lot of people put
31:52
as much focus on kissing anymore.
31:55
Kissing should be romantic. It should be playful. It should be affectionate.
31:59
You should want to kiss your partner all the time. If you're not there,
32:02
maybe take a step back and talk to each other and find out which ways you guys
32:06
like to be kissed and work it out together.
32:08
Because if you're with a partner and you guys have lost that momentum or that
32:12
drive to kiss each other, there's got to be a reason for that.
32:15
You can work it out together and figure out a good way to kiss.
32:19
Now, there is a myth that good kissers are always good at oral sex and that
32:23
bad kissers are always bad at oral sex.
32:26
I know for a lot of women, oral sex is very important.
32:29
If you kiss a man and you think they're a great kisser, so they'll be really
32:33
good at oral sex, it's not always true.
32:34
At the same time, if you kiss a man and they're a terrible kisser,
32:38
they may be incredible at oral sex. It just depends.
32:40
It does show a.
32:43
A reflection of attentiveness. So when you kiss a person and there's a real
32:46
connection and they're attentive to your needs when you're kissing them,
32:49
then yes, they may be a bit more attentive to your needs when you have oral sex.
32:53
But presence matters more than technique, I will say.
32:56
And responsiveness is important too, because if they're responsive,
33:00
it's going to predict whether you're going to be sexually compatible with them.
33:03
That's why kissing is so very important for women and for men.
33:06
They're related, but there's no guarantee. But a good kisser will read your feedback.
33:10
He will flow with you. He will match your moves. He will, he.
33:15
If you're kissing a man, he will move as you move.
33:18
You're not bumping noses. You're not bumping heads.
33:20
You're not biting each other's lips so they bleed.
33:23
You're not, I mean, it's just a, it's just a sweet movement.
33:26
And be playful with your kisses. Try different things too, and then get feedback.
33:31
I mean, hopefully you're attuned enough to the other man to actually read his
33:35
feedback, and he's attuned enough to read yours.
33:36
But if not, Sometimes people need to have things explained.
33:39
But adjust as things evolve and see what people like, and then ask them what they like.
33:44
Is it okay that I nibble on your bottom lip? Is it okay that I suck on your tongue a little bit?
33:49
I mean, it depends on how deep you want to go with this kissing, but get some feedback.
33:54
If they're a really good kisser, though, I will say it shows that they care
33:56
about pleasure. It may be that they're going to be amazing with real sex.
34:00
Who knows? But it definitely shows that they're emotionally present.
34:03
That's for sure. But people who don't know how to kiss, there's a lot of reasons for that.
34:09
And the people that don't know how to kiss, no one taught them.
34:12
No one taught them the dance of stepping in close to give a kiss.
34:15
I really think the dance, I actually have worked with people and shown them
34:19
how to do the initial dance because that's just as important.
34:22
And stepping in close into someone's body and reading their body language is
34:26
very important on a first kiss.
34:28
That needs to be taught. Honestly, I think that needs to be taught to,
34:31
like, late teenagers, 16, 17. By the time they start kissing, they need to know.
34:36
How to read someone's language, because you don't want a man or a boy forcing
34:41
a kiss on a woman that's not wanting it.
34:43
You have to teach it to a kid because they don't understand. They don't know.
34:46
Lately, I think some of the teenagers, if you have teenagers,
34:49
they're so confused by kissing and what a woman wants and what a woman doesn't
34:54
want, they don't know how to read it.
34:56
I actually had a teenager tell me one time, I don't want to step in to kiss
34:59
someone because I don't want to be accused of sexual assault.
35:01
I go, if you step in and they step in, you're not going to get accused of sexual
35:05
assault, because then it's willing that you step in and they step back,
35:08
then don't go in for the kiss.
35:10
So that's what I've kind of advised them to do. People, I think a lot of time,
35:14
copy movies or porn, and kissing is not like that.
35:18
You're not rough and aggressive, forcing your face on someone else with kissing.
35:23
It should be more romantic and sweet and subtle. Then I think a lot of times
35:27
when people get nervous, it overrides their awareness to your body language.
35:31
So if somebody's really nervous on a first date and they really want to impress
35:35
you or they're just a little nervous, they're not going to read your body language
35:39
or they'll talk themselves out of it or they'll overthink.
35:42
So realize that may happen as well. Sometimes they just stumble because they're so nervous.
35:46
But if you can get a good kisser, it's all worth it. Ego sometimes,
35:50
though, will block feedback.
35:52
Like I said, I had a person that I was with that every time I told him what
35:56
I liked and what I didn't like, he would get offended and take it personally that I wasn't into him.
36:01
If you're going to take it that deeply, your ego is blocking feedback.
36:05
You should be able to discuss with your partner what you like physically,
36:08
what you like sexually, and how you like kissing.
36:10
If they're not willing to be open to it, you're not with an emotionally mature
36:14
person. If they get very offended by anything you tell them and take it all
36:18
offensively, you're not with
36:20
a mature person. You may want to rethink that whole relationship anyway.
36:23
But a bad kiss, I will say, ends attraction instantly.
36:26
Some people, they're like, ah, it's okay, I'm still attracted to the person.
36:30
But other people, they just walk.
36:32
I'm one of those people, if the kisses aren't good, I'm kind of done.
36:36
I'm in my 50s. I'm looking for somebody that has that emotional attraction,
36:40
that has that instant attraction.
36:43
And you don't get it with somebody that's a bad kisser. It's going to create
36:46
discomfort and awkwardness. And you might pull back.
36:50
I don't know. If somebody has a very wet kiss in my face, I have to wipe my
36:54
face after kissing them.
36:56
I'm sorry. I'm not into that. or if they bite my lip and it bleeds or if they
37:01
force their tongue in my mouth, it's not a good kiss.
37:04
I don't care how passionate they are, it's not a good kiss.
37:06
It creates a lot of discomfort for women, it really does. It's a definite sign
37:11
that we're not compatible, that we're not connected, that we're not aligned,
37:14
that we're not gonna be a good fit together long-term.
37:16
So why do I wanna waste any more time doing it?
37:19
I think one of the big things is if you wanna practice kissing,
37:23
because kissing's important, so important.
37:25
The first thing you have to realize is you need to slow down and use less tongue.
37:28
First kisses, again, lingering kisses are nice. Kisses on the foreheads are fine.
37:33
Or just a closed, slightly open mouth, but not fully open. Pet kiss.
37:39
Where it's just a nice, and now when I say peck, it's not, you're not pecking
37:42
them like a bird or a duck or a chicken.
37:45
Don't peck like a chicken because a peck kiss should be a nice slow kiss and
37:50
then you pull away. So slow down.
37:52
Don't go in like firing squad on these kisses because if you are pecking,
37:56
pecking, pecking, that's going to turn a woman off too. Speed matters.
38:00
Slow down for kissing a woman. Use less tongue.
38:03
Don't stick your tongue down their throat, but focus on their lips first.
38:07
I've had a person that I know that I kiss that.
38:10
Man, I could just stare at his lips all day long. He had nice, beautiful lips.
38:13
But when I kissed him, I focused on his lips and it was nice and slow.
38:18
And if you find a person like that, you'll end up kissing them more and more.
38:22
Kissing, I will say, is such a good sign of intimacy.
38:25
It really is. But you're going to have to match their pressure and rhythms.
38:28
If a guy comes in and squishes your face, if you don't like it, pull back a little.
38:32
If a guy, if you want more pressure, you can pull it, go in a little bit more.
38:36
But try to match their rhythm. And women, we're better at matching rhythm than men are, I believe.
38:41
I think men a lot of times don't even know what they're doing,
38:44
and we have to kind of guide them.
38:46
But at the same time, we have to match to them. If you match them and it's not
38:50
what you like, let them know.
38:51
And say, look, I'm just not into
38:53
going to a car wash every time I kiss somebody. It's a little awkward.
38:58
Or if they force their tongue in their mouth. Like, look, slow down, relax.
39:02
You can say that too. You do need to breathe through your nose.
39:04
Do not breathe through your mouth when you're kissing. I think a lot of people
39:07
don't realize that, that you need to make sure you're breathing through your nose.
39:10
If you have a sinus infection or a cold, it's probably not.
39:13
Well, you shouldn't be kissing anyone anyway. But if you have something going
39:16
on with your sinuses and you try to kiss someone, it's not going to be comfortable
39:19
because you need to breathe through your nose.
39:20
If you are kissing someone and it seems awkward, just pause and then re-engage.
39:26
Because you can stop kissing and take a breath and then re-engage. But be present.
39:31
Don't be performative. Don't act like this is a big joke. Don't turn it into
39:35
a comedy show or tip the woman back on your first kiss and then end up dropping her or something.
39:41
Don't do a performance with the first kiss. It should be romantic,
39:45
sweet, and nice. Make it as innocent as possible.
39:48
Possible. Make it intentional, but don't have an agenda with the first kiss. And ask for feedback.
39:54
I mean, I think a lot of times we don't ask enough for feedback in our relationships
39:57
or ask the other people how they feel.
39:59
The more you can do, the more you will find that they will be willing and open
40:03
because that shows that you care about their opinions, all right?
40:07
But you got to practice this affection daily. I mean, I think when you're in
40:11
a relationship, if you're with your partner, every time you see them,
40:14
they should be greeted with a kiss, just like a dog comes to a door every time their owner comes home.
40:20
Why don't you walk up to your person and give them a kiss?
40:23
I don't care if you're married. I don't care if you see the person every day. It doesn't matter.
40:27
A kiss should be the initial greeting to say hi. Even if it's just a pet kiss
40:31
or a forehead kiss or a cheek kiss, it should always be an initial greeting
40:35
when you're dating someone.
40:37
It's definitely a first and the last thing. But a kiss is a communication.
40:40
It's a way of talking to people. It says, I see you.
40:43
It may say, I love you. It may say, I want you. it definitely says I'm here
40:47
for you. I got you. You're seen.
40:49
It is the way to connect with people, truly deeply connect.
40:53
And if you want a deeper intimacy, you'll know after your kisses.
40:57
If you want better chemistry, this is going to help with that.
41:00
If you want to have lasting desire in your relationship and a really true deep.
41:05
Connected relationship, you need to master kissing. People don't realize how very important it is.
41:11
Now, if you're a smoker, a lot of people don't like that. Be aware of that.
41:14
You may want to cut out the smoking or at least cut out while you're kissing someone.
41:17
Just remember, breath matters as well. But learn how to kiss.
41:22
I've gone over so many examples today on how to kiss, but when you move in for
41:27
a kiss, it should be comfortable. It should be relaxing.
41:30
It should be one of the nicest connections you have. Because when you master
41:34
kissing, everything in your relationship is going to become easier.
41:38
Dating will become easier. That's the goal. I think the goal is to be able to
41:42
date people, have a good kiss, see if there's more connection.
41:45
But if you're a terrible kisser, and I would say most people like similar things,
41:50
but if you go in, you're sticking your tongue down their throat or making them
41:53
all wet on their face, people aren't going to enjoy that.
41:56
So just cut that out, be present, read their body language, and I think you'll be just fine.
42:02
So again, once you master kissing, everything else becomes easier.
42:06
I hope this helped a little bit to those who have started dating,
42:10
have been in relationships. It's kind of across the gamut that if you want to
42:15
learn how to kiss, you're going to have to work over time with your partner. I hope this helps.
42:20
I'm going to sign off for now. This is Diva Mia signing out.
42:23
You have a wonderful week and get lots of kisses.
42:28
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