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Discover The Wisdom Of Prioritizing Time And Activities Through Purposeful Choice, With Linda Shively · Speak In Flow

0:02
Melinda Lee: Welcome to the speak in flow Podcast. Today I
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have an amazing expert who helps professionals with a growth
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minded perspective that has overwhelmed and stress to bring
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more joy into their lives. It's Linda Shively, welcome, Linda.
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Linda Shively: Thank you. I'm excited to be here. Melinda,
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Melinda Lee: yay, you are a special friend. You are you're
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doing so many things you have been on Wall Street Journal,
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your best selling author, your award winning speaker all over
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the nation globally. You're a neuroscience expert, mindset
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expert. And you help people bring joy into their life.
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You've been on television shows. And so I'm so glad you're here
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today to share your expertise with us. Thank you. I'm excited
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to be here. Before we go into what joy means and how this can
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help people bring abundance help people really improve their
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health of their lives. I wanted to I know you have a personal
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story of how you have gotten here. And so would you mind
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sharing that with the audience.
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Linda Shively: Back in 2005, I had to make a difficult
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decision. I had to decide how to get out of an abusive marriage
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with my severely handicapped three year old daughter Jessica.
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Jessica, bright eyed happy little girl who love to go to
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preschool love to read loved her toys and stickers. In her
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animated eyes, I cannot move my eyebrows like she can move her
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eyebrows. And she brought me so much joy. She also had a
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condition called spinal muscular atrophy, which affected her
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ability to crawl, walk, swallow and breathe. And with the
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strength of her little index fingers, she would zoom around
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in a power chair to get wherever she wanted to go and express
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herself with her communication device. And in contrast, my
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marriage kept me on high alert. Yeah, I was always feeling like
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I was walking on eggshells. I never knew. I thought I would do
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the right thing. And I'd still get yelled at everything was
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just on edge. And it wasn't a healthy environment. For me, it
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wasn't a healthy environment for her. And I didn't know how to
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get out. I was like, What do I do? I mean, this kid needs
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everything. And after a lot of planning, I figured out how to
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attempt to make that happen. And to create a preschool one
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Tuesday, when she got home. I looked at her nurse and I said
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do you pack all of her medical equipment. I'm gonna pack all
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her clothes on her toys. And as soon as Jessica wakes up from
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her nap, we're going to escape. And we had this flurry of
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activity. And as soon as Jessica woke up, we left. And exactly
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two weeks after that. I held Jessica in my arms as she took
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her last breath and died.
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I was so devastated. What remained though, was a numbness
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and that numbness lasted for years. But I realised that
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Jessica's Joy was still inside me. And somehow I had to figure
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out how to get it back and somehow had to be able to
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transform everything that had happened. And that joy is really
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the essence of everything. And once I was able to tap back into
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it, I've been able to share it with other people and even write
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a book about it called getting the joy. Yes, because it's not
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easy to have happiness after something like that happens. And
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you're right. So that's, that's how Joy continues to be a part
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of my life. And that's how I continue to keep Jessica sharing
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her joy with other people.
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Melinda Lee: Oh, that is so beautiful. How special is that?
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Like she's here. She She may be physically not here. But she is
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her joy is present with us. And this also brings me back to my
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mom who had passed away 2016 It's like I love that you're
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able to carry her legacy on for for many years after that, and
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then now spread it to others. And so with that, you know
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horrific experience that transformed you that change you
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now you're You're helping others with so many with this
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inspiration with this this process. So tell me about what
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joy having gone through that with joy means to you. And why
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is it important for people?
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Linda Shively: Well, I think we, as a culture have this idea of,
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oh, let's just be happy everything he and you know,
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plaster on this smile and like fake it, fake it till you make
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it, right? Yeah, that happiness is often external, like, oh,
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when this happens, you're like when I get the job or when I
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meet the person or when this event happened, then I can be
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happy. But that doesn't work. We're out of control with that.
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And so to take ownership of it and actually internalise it.
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That is the joy that the joy kind of comes from within. And I
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talked about true joy, like that essence of who we are deeper
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than that superficial level of like, okay, yeah, I'm, I'm
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feeling happy. I'm feeling joyful, but no, like, really,
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and it can combine with the hard things in life, you can still
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have the joy even if something bad happens.
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Melinda Lee: I mean, can I have to write I mean, because life is
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hard. And whether it's a small things such as someone just cut
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us off on the road or something big traumatic just happened,
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you're talking about still having true joy, in the midst of
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all the challenges that we face? And and what does that feel
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like?
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Linda Shively: Well, sometimes it can be difficult. And
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sometimes we can forget that. And there are all sorts of
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obstacles that can come up. And I I've kind of coined terms for
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them, and I call them my joy stealing dragons, right? Because
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we find ways to get in our own way to keep the joy from being
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present, then there are ways to navigate and tame those dragons
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so that you can deal with them. But are there key ones that take
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away or joy? Well, the the ones that I talked about are second
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guessing Sally, who like makes you second guess every decision
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that you have? No good Nancy, who makes you believe that?
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You're not good enough. But no matter what you do, it's like,
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no, you can't do it. Even if you do it. Right. I could have done
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it better and No, just that constant negativity. And then
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the the perfectionist, you know, perfect, Paula, who wants
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everything to happen exactly the right way. And if it doesn't
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happen, then you know, forget it. And judging Jenny who is
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like judging you judging other people, and that constant
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criticism or comparing and feeling like, well, they can
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have everything but I can't have everything, you know, it just it
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doesn't work well. And then oh, overwhelmed Ophelia. She She
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wants you to have your schedule packed and your to do list
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that's like a mile long, and you can never get everything done.
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And that need to feel busy that so many people have, like, Oh,
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I'm busy. Like it's a badge of honour, like, Oh, I'm so
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special, because I'm busy. And, you know, and all of those work
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against us?
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Melinda Lee: Totally,
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Linda Shively: and figuring out like, what do you do about it to
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not have them be in control and actually figure out how to
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control? You know, how to manage them. Right? Before we go into
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how to manage them? How have you seen if people don't manage it?
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And it just keeps on going? What usually ends up happening? The
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joy is taken, what are what other? Yeah, symptoms, I mean,
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then their joy is taken, they tend to find problems, wherever
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they look, they're not feeling resourceful. They don't have
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ways to maybe they're struggling financially and they can't see
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ways to get out of it. Right? Their relationships aren't
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working the way that they want them to or they're not taking
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care of their health are themselves and you know, so it's
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like whether eating poorly not exercising, you know, all of the
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things that we do to solve it, oh, I'll just have that extra
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doughnut or all just, you know, stay up really late and I get
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the sleep I need and it becomes a vicious cycle.
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Melinda Lee: Wow. I can see and I can see how just having just
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understanding the pure understanding of those Joy
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stealing dragons. I could see it. I have had that I felt that
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before I felt the judging, I felt that perfectionism but just
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knowing those and having just being more aware is so powerful.
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Linda Shively: Yeah, because the awareness is the first step,
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right? If you're, if you don't have any awareness of it, you
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can't do anything.
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Melinda Lee: Yeah. And then you'll keep going. You're like,
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why am I eating another donor? And why am I keep on? You know,
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doing the self sabotage? Yeah.
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Linda Shively: Why do I keep arguing with this person? Right?
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Why do we keep having the same discussion? You know, it's like,
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Oh, yeah.
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Melinda Lee: Yeah. I mean, brings me back to a moment that
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you did help me you helped me with some things. And it was
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very helpful to be able to overcome, I had a bad habit, you
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know, I didn't want to drink as much I didn't want to, I was
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wanting to cut down on my drinking. You don't need to see
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that pattern. And it does all right to see when am I going
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into spiralling into some, some negativity, some perfectionism,
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and then the overwhelm of feeling that I needed to be
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perfect all the time. You know, created this, okay, I need to
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just relax, okay, it's just a weekend, let me drink another
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year and have another drink or another glass. And now it's
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like, I think need to do that I feel so much more balanced. I
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feel I have connected back to the joy. And, and so it's really
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helpful. It was really helpful to get my life back. And I feel
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more energised.
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Linda Shively: That's great. I thank you for sharing that.
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Because it's like, once, once you're not at the effect of
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everything that's happening, and you're taking that ownership of,
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you know, it's like, oh, well, I can control this I can be at
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cause for what it is that's happening in my life. And, you
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know, it's not to say that you can't relax and enjoy some wine
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or whatever. But it's not that you have to, right. Yes, yes.
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And to get help when I needed it. Exactly. I mean, oh, my
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goodness, you know, it's like recognising that, like, I can't
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do it on my own everybody. Oh, well, Linda, you, you figure
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this all out on your own. I was like, really? You know, I need
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to get to where I am today,
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Melinda Lee: having the accountability on things like
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this, right? And so what are the strategies that that you can
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share or man or techniques that you can share to help the
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audience?
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Linda Shively: Well, one of the the first one is to live a
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better story. And what do I mean by that is our story, a story
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has meaning. And the meaning is what we make it. And so often in
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our, like, an event happens. But what do we define that event to
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mean in our lives? And sometimes, it's, you know, we
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make it mean something awful, or sometimes we make it mean
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something amazing, you know, it's like, okay, for example,
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somebody loses a job, is that a good thing is that a bad thing?
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Is a, you know, somebody breaks their leg is that a good thing?
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Or is a bad thing, you know, they're, it's part of it may be
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good part of it may be bad, you know, it's like, okay, if you're
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going constantly, and you never take a break, and then, you
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know, our body sometimes makes us sick. And then when we have
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that opportunity, we actually get rest. You know, and so it's,
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it's like, there is a, but how you tell your story. And like
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how I tell my story, I used to let my story tell me and kind of
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get sucked into the victim part of it. And now I tell my story
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in an empowered way. And everyone has that opportunity,
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you get to define your story, you get to tell it, and live it
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the way you want it to be. And as you do that, things start to
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change. And not to be at the mercy of it. The next one is to
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tell time what to do. And what I mean by that is not to just be,
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you know, subject to your schedule, and figuring out you
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know, it's like, oh, I don't need to do that. Now. I'll get
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to it later. And then, you know, decisions that you're like, Oh,
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I'll put off that decision. It could be putting off a decision.
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Oh, like, maybe your roof is leaking. And you're like, Yeah,
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I'll deal with it later. And then there's a huge storm that
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comes in the roof caves in you know, and that is like your way
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of making that decision that okay, I really now have to deal
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with the roof. Instead of doing it It preventatively or, you
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know, as women, sometimes people are like, well, we'll all wait
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to have kids. And then time makes the decision of like,
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well, biological clock stops ticking. And, you know, that
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isn't an option in that way. And being empowered with how you use
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your time. So that if you're saying, Oh, well, I never have
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time to do what is most important. Well, who was who was
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making that decision for you? And what can you do differently?
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To look at it? Because maybe there is something you can take
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out? Maybe you're spending time doing something that is a waste?
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And, you know, or maybe everything is important? Well,
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really, what? How do you prioritise and then choose your
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voices? We have all the external voices around us that are
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saying, oh, yeah, Melinda, you need to do this, or you need to
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do that. And oh, pay attention to me over here. And, and then
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we have these voices in our head. Nobody likes to talk about
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the voices in your head. But we all have them. And depending on
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how loud they are, or they might not even be yours. Yeah, it
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might be like a parent's, they might be a teacher from like,
16:33
grade school, maybe a class bully, you know, like, they
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might not be the nice voices that are stuck there. And not to
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say that your parents aren't nice, but you know, like, but if
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you have somebody that was negative in your life, that's
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just like, oh, you need to do this, and blah, blah, blah,
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blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. That doesn't help. And so you
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get to choose which voices to listen to? And how much time to
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spend on them and change the narrative. We we tend to be so
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hard on ourselves. And what what would it be like if we actually
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talk to ourselves, the way we talk to a beloved friend of a
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beloved, intimate partner, a child, you know, we're going to
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talk in a more caring manner. What would that be? Like, if you
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did that for yourself?
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Melinda Lee: Right? I'm thinking about that right now.
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Linda Shively: And it's like, Huh, what was a lot of stuff I
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said that, you know, it's like, So just being aware that you
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have choices in the voices, that you literally, you know, are
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listening to, or the ones that are spinning around in your
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head, and even how you speak. And so it's like shifting those
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things can help. significantly. Yeah, I can see how each piece
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builds upon each other, right, like listening and
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understanding, first of your stories. How do you see those
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experiences? And how, what story are you playing in your head
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about those experiences? And then I love how you're bringing
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in time and because time is confined, we only have certain
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amount. And so where I love that you're bringing joy, how do you
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bring joy? Because joy, you we don't have that much time. So
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with everything that you do, I don't think people really think
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through each other actions. And does that bring them joy? Right?
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Like that old thing that they just published. Sometimes
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there's just surviving. Exactly. So really being intentional
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about bringing in the activities, that we only have a
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certain amount, 24 hours to do of time and bringing those
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activities to fill in and bring you joy. Right? I can see how
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this all translates into our work and into our thoughts into
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like, people are telling us to do things and we also have our
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own thoughts. But then if we're really intentional about what
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brings us joy, we can start to communicate express in a way
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that is more positive versus everybody's telling me to do
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this and I'm negative. And is that how that goes? Exactly. I
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mean, very basic. But yeah, I mean, it's a very high level.
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Yeah. High level. Yeah, level. That's amazing. Right. And I
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love how you mentioned, you know, are we talking to
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ourselves like we would talk to our kid our child's? Yeah.
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Melinda Lee: Yeah, I don't think I do that.
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Linda Shively: You're not alone.
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Melinda Lee: Do that. That's great. And, and so yeah, were
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you gonna say something?
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Linda Shively: Well, I was just gonna say, you're being
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intentional. You know, we get to choose how we show up and what
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we think about and we think, Oh, but I can't choose that. It's
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just happening. You know, start being aware of what you can make
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a choice. It's I mean, you gave the example for yourself. It's
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like, how do you choose to relax? How do you choose to show
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up in the world? And what a difference that choice makes?
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Yeah. What do you think out of this whole, you know, high level
20:20
process that you walk your clients through? What do you
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think is the most challenging for clients? Realising that,
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just because you make a change, at one point, doesn't mean it's
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forever, you know, it can be that shift. So the paradigm
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shifts so that you never go back to the way you thought before.
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Yet it continues to take practice. You know, it's just
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like, every day, we get hungry, and we need to eat, you know,
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every day, we need to be intentional about how we're
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living. So it's not like you can just forget to pay attention to
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life, and have everything work the way you want it to, you
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still need to put in that intention. And that this is
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where all of your tools in your toolkit, your NLP, neuroscience,
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yoga practice yoga, laughter yoga practitioner, all of your
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tools, you're bringing them on, like, Okay, what problem? What
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obstacles are you facing? And then you bring them on to help
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and support your clients. Exactly, exactly. I can see
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that. I mean, it's, it's a it's a, it's a journey. It's a
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journey. It's a transformational journey. And so can you share a
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client's test a story where we're, she's one way, and then
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working with you has helped her to bring more joy in? Well, so I
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have a client who she came to me at a place in her life where she
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lost a spouse, she was a caregiver, and had been for
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years. And so everything was focused about everyone else. And
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she basically forgotten herself. And as we've worked together,
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she's recognised, like how to retell that story and live it in
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a better way. And so that, and manage her time in a way that
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works for her, and letting go of some of the negativity that had
22:21
been there, so that she can enjoy her life. And now, she's
22:25
vibrant and healthy and thoroughly enjoying who she is,
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she's figured out who she is, and is really loving it. And
22:34
being able to make decisions for her career and make decisions
22:39
about relationships. And, you know, all of that has been part
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of the work that we've done together. And, you know, it's,
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it's just amazing to witness Yes, and see that that shift,
22:52
and that that joy that comes from within, that other people
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are starting to notice and react to. That's amazing. That's so
23:01
beautiful. I mean, how many of us, either are giving away
23:05
ourselves to work or to family to other relationships and, and
23:10
connecting back to ourselves again, to find the joy and how
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we want to live and decide that for ourselves. And so
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congratulations to you and to her. That brings me joy to
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listen to that story. Operational? Oh, my goodness.
23:27
And so what do you have going on? How would clients or how
23:31
people, how would people get to know you or want to if they want
23:36
to reach out to you what's the best way? Well, so what we were
23:41
talking about earlier about the joy ceiling dragons, I have a
23:45
quiz that you can take to find out like which of those dragons
23:50
is most active in your life right now today and what to do
23:54
about it, some specific tips that you can use to do that, and
23:59
that you can find joy stealing dragons.com. And if you want
24:03
more information about me, you can go to lynda shively.com. And
24:08
there are events that are coming up. I have a retreat coming up
24:13
in September, which it's a fabulous way to get away from
24:17
everyday life and reconnect to yourself and be in the community
24:22
and have an incredible restart to your life. And I do those
24:26
throughout the year. So if whenever you're listening to
24:30
this, if it happens, check and see what my next one is.
24:35
Melinda Lee: Yeah, if you're in the middle of overwhelm and
24:38
stress like this is the retreat to go to to read. I've seen some
24:42
of the testimonials I've seen. It's pure magic. There is pure
24:46
magic. And it's important that we give ourselves this and so so
24:51
that we could be for others. Right. It's gonna break down
24:54
and, and so I really appreciate thanks I'm sharing the
24:58
assessment. I think that I'm going to take that too, because
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I feel like I have all four.
25:04
Linda Shively: Yeah. And then if I want help figuring out like,
25:07
well, now what do I do now that I know that this dragon Yeah,
25:11
station about that?
25:12
Melinda Lee: Right. Right. Right. And and so I really
25:15
appreciate that what is the one? What is some advice or one key
25:19
advice that you would give leaders who may be struggling
25:23
with their voice, what is what is an advice that you can get to
25:28
help them unleash that voice inside,
25:30
Linda Shively: when you connect to yourself and your joy, then
25:35
you have that base, then you can share it with others. And even
25:41
in a corporate setting, you can still have joy, you can still
25:47
you know, people react to how you are being. And so if you can
25:54
connect to that positivity within yourself, and knowing and
26:00
showing up as you are, then others have the permission to
26:05
show up as they are. It's powerful.
26:09
Melinda Lee: It's so powerful, because I know corporate people
26:12
are overworked, they're tired, they're overwhelmed. And you
26:15
could be that person, that inspiration of joy that they see
26:19
in and therefore you become someone that they want to talk
26:22
to someone they want to work with someone that has more opportunities.
26:27
Linda Shively: Exactly, exactly. Because people talk about, they
26:31
stay at jobs for the people, and they leave jobs because of the
26:36
people. And so being the best version of yourself, and help,
26:42
everyone. That's
26:45
Melinda Lee: right. I love that. Thank you, Linda. Thanks for all
26:48
you do, and your experiences and all the work that you put into
26:53
to create this amazing business that not just just a business,
26:57
but it really does support people to bring more joy into
27:01
their lives and to the community and to help make more positive
27:05
difference in the world and really appreciate you thank you
27:09
so much for being on the show.
27:11
Linda Shively: Well, thank you so much for having me, Melinda.
27:16
Melinda Lee: We'll do it again.
27:18
Till next time