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Mark interviews comedian Jackie Martling. · The Mark Simone Show

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Marks the Moons on WR Well, Hey, Jackie Martlin, Jackie
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: the joke Man, the great comedian. By the way, if
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: you're in Long Island tonight, he'll be at McGuire's Comedy Club, Bohemia,
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: Long Island, and millions of jokes. Also he does a
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: Q and A afterwards. That's tonight at seven point thirty.
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: We got a lot of listeners in Florida. He'll be
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: there April eighteenth, vent to Reno's Estero, Florida, and he's
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: with us right now. Jackie Martling, how you doing.
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm doing good. Mark. Everything is fine. It looks
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: like the rain might stop within the next couple of weeks,
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: so that's exciting.
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: You know, stops already. Hey, I got to ask you something.
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: And you're gonna ask me anything, all right.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: I'm going through the Epstein files. Apparently Epstein, you're in there.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: Nothing bad, nothing bad. But apparently this guy was a
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: huge fan of yours.
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: What you know what? He was on my joke Land
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: email list and every month I used to send ten
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: or fifteen pages of filthy jokes to about twenty five
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: thousand people. So these poor guys that are going through
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: the Epstein files I guess every once in a while,
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: I'm going to hit on this oasis of ten pages
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: of filthy joke. So I up. They're enjoying themselves.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: But they tell us about He apparently was a huge
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: fan of comedians, you and Gilbert Godfried, a lot of
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: Nick DePaulo.
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: You. No, he'd liked comics, but he loved jokes, like
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: a lot of smart people love jokes, especially dirty jokes.
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: I know if dere would tell you, Albert Einstein's favorite
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: joke is a true story, Albert Einstein. I heard this
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: from a guy whose grandfather was good friends with Albert Einstein,
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: and because he was a famous canter at the turn
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: of the century. He said, Albert Einstein's favorite joke was
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: my penis isn't that long? But I love every foot
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: of it. How great is that? I love the fact
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: that they loved dirty jokes. You know, everybody loves them.
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: But tell us about Epstein. Though you go to his house,
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: he had these big dinners with the comedians or lunches.
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: I went to one dinner there with the guys, and
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: it was just great. This is long before yeah, long
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: before anything was going on. You know, it was like
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: April of twenty fifteen, so nobody really knew anything about him. Hey,
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: I'm a comedian. A free dinner with a bunch of
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: other comedians. You know, you couldn't keep me away from that,
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: you know.
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: And you know this guy Bobby Slayton, the comedian, he's
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: a friend, yes, apparently he is. Epstein was a huge
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: fan of his. Used to give him an apartment whenever
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: he came to New York.
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: And well, you know, no comedian is ever going to
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: turn down a free of free lunch. You know the
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: story about a famous I'm not going to say it was,
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: but a very famous you know, singer, composer, songwriter, and
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: they said they were thinking they're using one of his
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: songs in a movie, and it was a really rich guy.
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: So they went to the rich guy's house and the
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: rich guy served him a really incredible meal and it
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: was wonderful, and then they watched the movie and they said, well,
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: what do you think you want to put one of
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: your songs in this movie? Says, you know, I really
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: don't know. I think I need to see it again.
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: So they came back the next night and had another
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: huge dinner, and then he said no, and his friend
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: said you never intended on letting the music music, he said, no,
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: But man, those dinners were great. That tells the whole story.
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: He put it out. Every star, comedian, celebrity when they're
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: on the road, every town they got some rich guy
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: who's a big fan, who takes you out.
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: It never fails, and they are always great people, and
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: you know you cannot lose.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: All.
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  Speaker 2: Right, on to the jokes. So two girlfriends running into
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: each other. First one says, you should see the guy
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: I'm seeing. He's got a ferrari, a beach house, and
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: he's tampton. He buys me the old guys a jewelry. The
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: other girl says, all the guy I'm seeing as an eriction.
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: It sticks out so far twelve canaries can perch on it.
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: So then the next week they run into each other
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: and the first girl says, you know, I got to
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: tell you I exaggerated last week. My guy doesn't have
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: a ferrari to dodge dart, and his beach house is
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: a little house in Leathertown with an inflatable pool. The
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: only thing he's ever given me is a few beers
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: to get me in bed. The second girl says, well,
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  Speaker 2: I exaggerated a bit too. The twelfth canary has to
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: stand on one foot. He's a class. That's a classic.
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: So a guy because the part I can't take it.
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: I can't take it. My wife walks around all day
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: and crotchless panties. The part that this is crotchless panties.
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: Oh that sounds hot as hell. The guy says, yeah,
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: the only problem is they weren't crotchless when she bought them.
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: So three nuns, here you go. Three nuns are standing
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: on the street corner when a flasher walks up and
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: he opens up his raincoat. The first nun has a stroke,
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: second one has a stroke, and the third nun doesn't
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: touch him.
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: I can't say that.
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: Here the push again?
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: Truck A truck driver goes into a brothel and he
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: hands the man of a thousand bucks. He says, I
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: want you rub to this woman and a baroney sandwich.
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: She says, for a thousand dollars, you can have my
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: prettiest girl and surf and turf. He says, look, lady,
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: I ain't horny. I'm homesick. So old lady pushes her
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: car to a gas station. The mechanic says, what's the matter.
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: She's that conked out. He opens the horden. In a
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: few minutes, the car's pouring like a kitten. She says,
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: what's the story. The mechanic says, grapping the carburetor. She says,
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: how often I got.
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: To do that? Now, Jackie. Yeah, it's a two weeks
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: till spring. You're in Bayville, Long Island. It's right on
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: the beach. This must be the best time of year.
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: Like you're just getting ready to take advantage of the weather.
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: It's the way all the snow is melted. Another month
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: will be in the water. It's it's just fantastic. A
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: big show tonight out in Bohemia, and then I got
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: the rest of the weekend to hang with the family
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: and you know, starting trying to get the yard put
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: back together after you know, the winter blows everything all
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: over the place and the place is a mess. But
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: now it's going to be beautiful again. I just love it.
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Jackie martinly gonna be at McGuire's Comedy Club tonight, Bohemia,
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: Long Island, seven point thirty. And then you're going to Florida.
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm going to Florida see an old friend. I'm
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: going up there Stero to work at Venturinos in a Stero.
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: I never heard of that town before, but I but
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: the guy's got a great comedy club down there, so
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna go down and give it a shot. You know,
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: it's nothing like a trip to Florida in the winter.
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: You know, it's always fun.
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: Was it easier to get people to laugh in Florida
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: or in the Ark?
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: Don't make you know, it's the same people, Mark now Florida,
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: Florida is just Queen's with palm trees. Hey, So guy
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: walks in from workings a stranger start naked with his
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: wife on the living room floor. The guy says, glory,
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: and what are you doing. She turns to the stranger
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: and says, I told you he was stupid. Oh, here's
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: one of those questions for you. What would you call
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: a guy with no arms? So a guy London nor hooker.
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: And she's got an incredible set of jugs, big huge hooters.
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: He says, Hey, lady, how much to kiss those? She
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: says a hundred bucks, takes them by the hand, leads
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: them into an alley. She takes the top off. The
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: guy puts his nose down between her boobs starts nuzzling,
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: and it keeps nuzzling. She says, well, you're gonna kiss
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: him or not? He says, I'd love to, lady, but
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: I can't afford it. Now, that's pretty stupid. I love them.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: Though, No, they're great. So hey, everybody, also get the documentary.
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: I love that documentary on you. It's on Amazon Prime, right.
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and one more people are noticing it. You know.
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: I keep getting emails from people, and there's a lot
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: of stuff in there. People have no idea about me,
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: which is really fun, you know, and it's great. And
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: out here I've been doing ads for a pot dispensary.
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: It's like, I guess I am never going to grow up, Mark.
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: I guess that's you know.
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: I don't see who as the pot type. But okay,
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: I'm kidding. I'm kidding. So but watch this documentary. It's
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: called Joke Man. It's on Amazon Prime. You love it.
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: So I've been doing a million of those comics. Do
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: you do those? Do you do cameos?
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: No?
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: Oh, well you don't need the money, but you know,
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: I don't even need I just love doing them because
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: I sit there and do five minutes worth of jokes.
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: It's like a warm up for anything, you know, and
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: I get paid for doing it. And you know, people say, oh,
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: my mother, you know, she loves potty jokes and she
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: hates my father and they live in Florida. And I
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: just go down the list and do ten jokes about
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: those topics or whatever they want, you know, and I
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: get tips and I get good write ups. You know,
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: it's it's made for an idiot like me. You know,
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: all these jokes are sitting there going to waste and boom.
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: You know, just go to cameo dot com slash Jackie Martling.
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: Hey was just by out of time, give us one more.
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: So. Two guys are sitting in the bar and a
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: pretty girl walks in. The first guy says, wow, she's
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: an eight second. Guys is at one. Another pretty girl
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: walks in. The first guy says, wow, she's an eight
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: five second. Guys as one. Then a really stunner, a
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: beautiful girl walks in. The first guy says, my god,
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: look at her. Nine to five second guys, is may
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: be it? Two first guys? Wait there, wait a minute.
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: Those first two girls were really pretty, but this last
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: girl's incredible. How the hell could you give her a
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: two on a one to ten scale. Second guy says,
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: I don't use that old one to ten scale. I
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: used the Budweiser system. The first guy says, the Budweiser system.
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: What's that? He says, that's how many Clydesdales had. Take
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: the ripper off my face. Hey, hello, the boys at
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: Bayville Seafood. They are so excited because it's spring and
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: they're gonna sell so much stuff. And then I'm gonna
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: steal some shrimp out the back door. And it's that simple.
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: I said, have a great show.
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: You soon, Jackie Martlin Tonight McGuire's Comedy Club Bohemia. Who'll
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: be there tonight seven thirty Jackie Martlin, thanks for being.
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: With us, Smart, I'll talk here thick here. Uh.
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: Hey, don't forget Bucking Clay at noon today, right after
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: the news. Uh. And remember Curtis Sleewas starts Monday. This Monday,
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: he'll be joining the morning show. It'll be Curtis and
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: Larry every morning six to ten right here on WR
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: starting Monday,