Latest / Go Wildly Podcast / Ep. 7 | The House Lesbian's Survival Guide: How to be Queer in the Middle of Nowhere. An Origin Story

Transcript

Ep. 7 | The House Lesbian's Survival Guide: How to be Queer in the Middle of Nowhere. An Origin Story · Go Wildly Podcast

• 0:00
  Let's take us gay into the. Meat what?
• 0:05
  Well, 'cause I would say, let's take us straight into it.
• 0:10
  God damn. And then into the.
• 0:13
  Into the meat are we gay? Into the meat.
• 0:16
  Are we going to be able to post this?
• 0:19
  IRA's going to love this shit. Certainly not getting able to
• 0:22
  monetize this in any way. I've turned into a conehead,
• 0:27
  yeah. Probably needed a hug.
• 0:30
  I did a tree instead. And hugged the tree.
• 0:32
  Probably needed to hug a person. Climbed a tree and hugged it
• 0:36
  instead. Yeah.
• 0:37
  Always an opportunity to make it gay.
• 0:39
  I feel really confident about being able to go out into the
• 0:42
  woods and find what I can eat. Like I know that I know I could
• 0:47
  survive for a few days at least. My take on Bigfoot.
• 0:50
  You know, I I go a lot of different ways with Bigfoot.
• 0:54
  I think that he could just be a a primate that exists all over
• 1:01
  the world. But I also think that
• 1:04
  interdimensional travel is not out of the picture completely.
• 1:08
  I don't think that's out of the question.
• 1:14
  Hey, howdy. Hi y'all, it's Heather.
• 1:15
  Welcome into the Go Wildly podcast.
• 1:17
  We are so happy that you are here and that you have found us.
• 1:21
  This is episode. Numero 7 and it goes a little
• 1:24
  something like this. She was raised Jehovah Witness,
• 1:28
  homeschooled, and surrounded by miles of Southern Oregon rural
• 1:32
  forest. Asia, AKA Emily's House Lesbian
• 1:35
  AKA Emily's Housemate joins us for a Pride Month special full
• 1:38
  of offbeat stories, hilarious tangents, a bunch of random ass
• 1:43
  singing, and some surprisingly tender moments as well.
• 1:45
  We taught queer identity growing up in the woods.
• 1:48
  And how to tap into your inner child?
• 1:50
  You're going to want to stick around to hear.
• 1:51
  This This is a wildly good episode.
• 1:54
  And here it goes. Well, should we do it?
• 1:57
  Should we know? Should we start it?
• 1:58
  You want to ask me questions? I guess so.
• 2:00
  Yeah. Do you know what you do?
• 2:01
  You know what she wants to talk about so you can?
• 2:03
  No. No, no, no.
• 2:04
  Because this is. Unscripted, but entire.
• 2:06
  Unscripted. No, OK.
• 2:11
  The live studio. And.
• 2:15
  The bees and the pine cones and the cherries and all these
• 2:18
  shticks. We got to redo that.
• 2:19
  Maybe we can redo that coming down.
• 2:21
  OK, we need to redo that. So I got to redo your shticks.
• 2:24
  Well, we just need to redo that little part.
• 2:26
  It's all over the place and choppy.
• 2:28
  I hate it. No, no, can we still stay?
• 2:31
  Can we still say shticks? Fuck yeah.
• 2:33
  OK, cuz people like that Yeah. Can we just keep that part and
• 2:37
  well, no, it's a it's a video, so.
• 2:39
  But we need the talking part. The shticks is good.
• 2:41
  The talking part. OK, sorry.
• 2:43
  Anyway, it's OK. Shticks behind the scenes.
• 2:47
  Hey, Asia. Hey.
• 2:49
  Emily and Heather. Nice of you to join us today.
• 2:52
  Thanks for taking time out of your busy busy life, your full
• 2:56
  busy woman life. Busy woman life too.
• 2:58
  Lesbian Life. Busy, busy.
• 3:00
  There's still a woman. Very.
• 3:02
  Yeah, yeah. I'm a lesbian woman.
• 3:07
  Yes, I see lesbian woman life. Any opportunity to tuck lesbian
• 3:11
  in there? I love it.
• 3:12
  I love that word. I say that all the time like
• 3:14
  this. There's a lot of people that
• 3:15
  don't enjoy the idea or the the place of being the token
• 3:20
  lesbian. I love it.
• 3:22
  You are the I love being the token lesbian.
• 3:24
  I. Don't really hang out with any
• 3:25
  other lesbian so. I don't anymore.
• 3:28
  It's been a while, yeah. Absolutely bisexuals.
• 3:31
  Bisexuals that are married now and.
• 3:33
  Yeah, wish they weren't. Oh, like that one song?
• 3:40
  Which one? Which one is that?
• 3:41
  The what? The one where she's talking
• 3:44
  about Like you're going to marry a man and you're going to regret
• 3:47
  it. You're going to miss me?
• 3:49
  What song is that? By who?
• 3:51
  Chapel Run. Oh, girl.
• 3:53
  It doesn't matter. We'll find it later.
• 3:54
  OK? Anyway.
• 3:56
  Anyway. Hey, hey, where was I?
• 4:01
  Yeah. So let's let's just dive right
• 4:04
  into who you are, where you came from talking.
• 4:06
  About me, yeah. You're the star of the show,
• 4:08
  You're the main character. Let's take us gay into the meat.
• 4:13
  To what? Well, cuz I would say let's take
• 4:16
  us straight into it. God damn.
• 4:21
  And then into the. Into the meat get through this.
• 4:25
  Fucking are we going to be able to post this?
• 4:29
  Ira is going to love this. Shit, certainly not going to be
• 4:31
  able to monetize this in any way.
• 4:35
  I've turned into a conehead. Yeah.
• 4:39
  What's going on? Well, this is all This is all
• 4:42
  very specific jokes for one of our main YouTube viewers and
• 4:47
  listeners who's. Gonna get a crack up at all of
• 4:50
  this. And also very on par with just
• 4:52
  the way that Emily and I interact with each other on
• 4:55
  every moment. Yeah, at every moment we have a.
• 4:58
  Bit where you know, so say you're driving down the road.
• 5:03
  This is our bit. Say you're driving down the road
• 5:04
  and the road's going One Direction, and then it goes
• 5:09
  another direction and it's winding curvy.
• 5:12
  As roads do as roads. Do and one might say we're gonna
• 5:19
  go we're gonna go straight and then we're gonna like curve turn
• 5:24
  and my bit now is up ahead we're gonna go gay we're.
• 5:28
  Gonna go gay. Instead of where you would go
• 5:30
  straight and then the opposite of going straight would be going
• 5:34
  gay. Well, and there's a lot of times
• 5:35
  that you use the word straight outside of talking about
• 5:38
  sexuality and, and in most of those times there is an opposite
• 5:42
  to whatever you're calling is straight.
• 5:46
  So you could there's always an opportunity to make make it gay,
• 5:48
  to make it gay, always an opportunity to make it gay.
• 5:50
  Yeah, whenever I say straight, my cousin says you mean forward.
• 5:57
  You mean? Forward.
• 5:59
  I like that now we just make it straight or gay like your hair
• 6:02
  is a little gay today. Yeah, actually it's it's.
• 6:06
  Pretty straight, Yeah, it's pretty straight today, but it's
• 6:08
  all the way gay all at the same time.
• 6:11
  Quantum physics. Quantum.
• 6:13
  Quantum physics, yes. OK, so Asia, who are you?
• 6:18
  Why are we here? Where'd you grow up?
• 6:21
  These are all the questions that that drive my existence.
• 6:25
  Who am I? Where did I come from?
• 6:27
  Why am I here? What am I doing?
• 6:30
  I am from here. This is my home.
• 6:33
  Literally. Here.
• 6:34
  Literally here I was born and raised in Grants Pass OR at the
• 6:38
  Josephine Memorial Hospital, which is no longer in existence.
• 6:42
  Let's go bro. That was great.
• 6:45
  Let's do that again. That was pretty gay, that.
• 6:47
  Was a little gay Heather. Actually it was pretty straight
• 6:49
  of her to not know how to DAP me up.
• 6:52
  Oh, is that what it's called? Yeah.
• 6:54
  Oh, I am so behind. Yeah.
• 6:56
  Trying to be cool. DAP, DAP we're.
• 6:59
  Millennials. Fucking DAP.
• 7:00
  No DAP DAP AP DAP me up, yeah. What does that even mean?
• 7:06
  I don't know OK kicking but. It's a Gen.
• 7:08
  Z term. Shut the fuck up.
• 7:10
  Yeah. Well, and it's.
• 7:11
  So I'm surprised that you guys don't know about it, though I
• 7:15
  do. Maybe it's just like skaters
• 7:17
  and. My son says.
• 7:18
  Skaters and stuff, yeah. I feel like it's like AI.
• 7:22
  Guess it is a Gen. Z term.
• 7:24
  I thought it was from like before the before times.
• 7:27
  No, we say, but pound it. Oh, pound it, yeah.
• 7:32
  Nux knucks I think we but. Pound It was first.
• 7:36
  Yeah, Pound. Yeah, Yeah.
• 7:38
  We still say pound it but but dat me up is is more prevalent I
• 7:42
  would say. Because knucks and pounded is
• 7:44
  specifically to just hitting knuckles but dat me up could be.
• 7:49
  This is a dab like that. Dat me up.
• 7:51
  OK, hold on with the doesn't. You don't have to wait.
• 7:55
  Like this? Let's make it gay.
• 8:01
  Yeah, we had. That was cute.
• 8:02
  Secret. Handshake.
• 8:03
  I was just thinking about this the other day, that we don't
• 8:05
  have a secret handshake and that's all right.
• 8:06
  We have one first. So we have to come up with one.
• 8:08
  Lucky you too. I'm just going to be over here.
• 8:14
  Oh goodness. Well, OK, this.
• 8:17
  Is a great episode. It's going to disassociate with
• 8:19
  the trees. Oh, you know, she's, she's,
• 8:24
  she's having a jealous moment. Finally, I live with her.
• 8:30
  Yeah. So I I don't, I'm always saying
• 8:32
  like I need to get myself the house lesbian.
• 8:35
  Yeah, I love that when she told me that term.
• 8:37
  I'm obsessed with that house lesbian.
• 8:40
  Love it. I did, yeah.
• 8:42
  I have way better than a housewife, let me tell you.
• 8:44
  Yeah. I'd rather be a house lesbian
• 8:46
  than a housewife. Yeah, and way better than a
• 8:48
  fucking house husband. Yeah, I don't do Jack shit.
• 8:52
  Well, Sean will never listen to this, but he does do a lot.
• 8:55
  I gotta give him like lots of credit.
• 8:57
  He just doesn't do a lot of house shit.
• 9:01
  You guys, the battery died, so we're gonna swap those out
• 9:04
  because even in the wild, we come prepared with fresh
• 9:06
  batteries and other really cool stuff.
• 9:09
  While we're locking that fresh energy in, go ahead and hop on
• 9:12
  over to our Instagram, TikTok and YouTube.
• 9:15
  That's where the trail or the river really gets twisty.
• 9:18
  The behind the scenes real time chaos, unfiltered detours.
• 9:22
  The pod is the story, but the socials, that's the wild ride.
• 9:27
  Meet us over there. Back to Asia, back to wire here.
• 9:31
  Go for you guys. We're here because, because this
• 9:37
  is my home, because this is where I'm from.
• 9:40
  I like I said, I'm born and raised to Grants Pass OR I grew
• 9:45
  up on Lois Lane in Grants Pass Favorite favorite St. in Grants
• 9:49
  Pass because it's such a fun little name.
• 9:52
  Superman's. Lady friend, Where's that?
• 9:53
  I feel like I know it. It's over by you.
• 9:55
  Yeah, it's near you. OK.
• 9:57
  Yeah, because we went, we went and saw my old house when we
• 10:00
  went to take care of your dogs. And then when I was 5, my
• 10:05
  grandparents moved here from Ohio.
• 10:08
  They had a farm in Ohio and they decided that they wanted to be
• 10:11
  in the same state as our family. And so we bought this property.
• 10:17
  I didn't, I was 5, but my parents and my grandparents
• 10:20
  bought this property together in 2004.
• 10:25
  And we are on the BLM land that runs through our 11 acres of
• 10:33
  wooded forest that we own and every last inch of reachable
• 10:41
  land around us. I have touched and interacted
• 10:45
  with in some way in my life and it's a really massive part of
• 10:52
  who I am and how I am and, and I love it here.
• 10:58
  I love everything about. Homeschooled so this was like
• 11:00
  your school at home and. Fully because I wasn't, I did
• 11:04
  online school, but so it wasn't like my mom, you know, with the
• 11:08
  with the books and everything. Like I had teachers.
• 11:11
  I had to go to class. How?
• 11:14
  When did that start? Was it all?
• 11:16
  From first grade until, yeah, I went to Madrona for kindergarten
• 11:20
  and then and then I got taken out of it.
• 11:23
  And that was partially my choice.
• 11:26
  Partially my mom felt like it was just not the vibe for me.
• 11:30
  And, and it turns out it wasn't like, I don't know what I would
• 11:34
  have been like if I was if I went to public school, but
• 11:38
  pretty, pretty stoked with how I am now.
• 11:40
  So I'm glad. I'm glad I was home schooled.
• 11:43
  Did you do anything like your mom put you in any like group?
• 11:46
  Like no like gym so you didn't get a lot of socializing.
• 11:50
  No, no, you're a great. Socializer now, so that.
• 11:54
  Yeah, I did that. I did that.
• 11:57
  Yeah. So I, that's another reason I
• 11:59
  spent so much time in the woods was because I was, I was also
• 12:02
  raised a Jehovah's Witness. So I was a little baby lesbian
• 12:05
  growing up as a Jehovah's Witness.
• 12:08
  Very strict and in my opinion fear based religion.
• 12:15
  And I was homeschooled so I had like my 2 best friends that I
• 12:20
  still have to this day that were raised in the same religion as
• 12:24
  me. And that's how I knew them.
• 12:26
  And those were my friends and this was my playground and my
• 12:32
  school and my home. And so I just spent all of my
• 12:36
  time outside. I literally spent all of my time
• 12:39
  outside. If I wasn't doing some other
• 12:44
  obligation, whether it was church or school or whatever, I
• 12:48
  rarely was. I barely graduated high school.
• 12:50
  Like I was barely doing the work that I needed to do for school
• 12:54
  because I was just outside all the time.
• 12:56
  What? Were you doing and?
• 12:59
  Like what's anything and everything I was, I was running
• 13:02
  around building forts with my, my best friend that is like my
• 13:07
  family. He's like my brother born months
• 13:10
  apart. Our moms were best friends when
• 13:12
  we were born. And a lot of the running around
• 13:15
  that I did here was with him. And we would run around and we'd
• 13:20
  pretend to be survivor man and we'd like build forts and, and
• 13:24
  bring our pocket knives and cut sticks with pocket knives and
• 13:28
  slash, you know, sticks together.
• 13:30
  And, and we try to see how long we could stay outside and see if
• 13:35
  we could build a, a Fort that was waterproof.
• 13:37
  Did you? Ever spend the night outside?
• 13:39
  I don't think we did. I don't think we did.
• 13:41
  We always, we always chickened out a little bit and came home
• 13:45
  before it got totally dark. But we would, yeah, we would do
• 13:49
  anything and everything. And as I got older, it became
• 13:53
  more like I started to find my niche things with nature and
• 13:59
  with hiking and what I was looking for, which ultimately
• 14:04
  became foraging and identifying plants and identifying what was
• 14:09
  edible, which I would say was greatly inspired by my OPA, who
• 14:17
  we've talked about a lot, who passed away in October of last
• 14:20
  year. And he's, he's one of my 2
• 14:25
  grandparents, my Omenopa who bought this property with my
• 14:28
  parents. And he would come out here with
• 14:31
  me all the time and be like crawling around on his hands and
• 14:35
  knees, you know, just like showing me things like look at
• 14:39
  this, like this is the difference between Moss and
• 14:41
  lichen and this mushroom is edible and this one is not.
• 14:44
  And like, he just knew so much. And it was so astounding to me
• 14:50
  that you could know so much about everything out here
• 14:54
  because to me, to my little brain, I was like, there's so
• 14:59
  much around us. Like, how can I even know all of
• 15:02
  this? And he seemed to know all of it.
• 15:05
  And I was like, OK, that's my goal.
• 15:08
  Like, I want to be like that. And of course, getting older and
• 15:13
  like, I love to cook. It is my greatest passion.
• 15:18
  I love that you love to cook. I love you cooking for me.
• 15:22
  And I love cooking for you and for us as well.
• 15:26
  But that that was a huge passion of mine also from early, early,
• 15:32
  early childhood. And so like, finding that
• 15:36
  intersection between the two things that I love so much, just
• 15:42
  like catapulted me into like where I am now, where like, I, I
• 15:49
  feel really confident about being able to go out into the
• 15:51
  woods and find what I can eat. Like, I know that I know I could
• 15:56
  survive for a few days at least just eating things in these
• 16:01
  woods, especially because I know them so well.
• 16:04
  Have you ever done a little quest I would love?
• 16:07
  To. I haven't yet I haven't.
• 16:09
  Yet put that on your To Do List. Yeah, 100%.
• 16:13
  It's something that I've that I have always wanted to do.
• 16:17
  And I feel like the summer is kind of a is a little bit more
• 16:20
  of a difficult time to do that because my my Forte is
• 16:23
  mushrooms. I do love identifying mushrooms,
• 16:28
  but it is something that I've thought about doing a lot,
• 16:31
  especially here because I am so comfortable here.
• 16:35
  I would have no problem spending several days alone out here, I
• 16:39
  don't think. But yeah, it's it's pretty
• 16:44
  incredible and there's a great deal of diversity.
• 16:49
  Here, I long for solo trips. Very soon they're gone for you.
• 16:56
  You know when you like you going on your little overnighter.
• 17:00
  I was like, I need that. Like I truly, truly need.
• 17:06
  That. It's so good for the soul.
• 17:09
  Yeah. And the just to reset in
• 17:13
  yourself, nobody else's agenda or needs or inquiries, just self
• 17:22
  what do I want to do right now? What what am I feeling?
• 17:27
  What do I need did? You just write a lot, or did you
• 17:29
  read like, what were your little activities that you did on your
• 17:32
  solo quest just yesterday? I.
• 17:37
  Swam I well, I had chimney with me so I made him swim a lot
• 17:42
  through the stick a lot. Mostly I just sat and I guess
• 17:47
  they call it Daydream. Just contemplated quiet
• 17:52
  contemplation of life and being and what's been coming up for me
• 18:00
  emotionally recently and watched.
• 18:06
  Watched a man fish watch the sun.
• 18:10
  Where were you at? Silent.
• 18:11
  Just for local E Contemplative. Yeah, just.
• 18:15
  Quiet contemplation and my back was really hurting.
• 18:19
  That was part of my like oh fuck, I gotta go, 'cause my back
• 18:23
  was blown out. What?
• 18:25
  Was that too or like because of? I think accumulation of the of
• 18:36
  the stressors that had been coming up for me around the
• 18:40
  hyper focus on pet peeves. I were participating in the To
• 18:46
  Be Magnetic money challenge this month.
• 18:49
  So blocks and emotions around my relationship with money and that
• 18:56
  can really manifest specifically in lower back pain is like money
• 19:01
  and financial support issues. So yeah, I was just, I was
• 19:08
  feeling my back telling me like, girl, you need a break, you need
• 19:12
  to slow down, you need to find some quiet.
• 19:15
  You need to not talk to anybody for at least a few hours,
• 19:20
  preferably 12. And did that help?
• 19:24
  Yeah. But kind.
• 19:25
  Yeah. And I spent time just like slow
• 19:28
  moving and being really intentional and thoughtful about
• 19:34
  how I was picking things up and putting things down and moving
• 19:36
  around and less just like, fuck, I got to move this thing.
• 19:39
  I got to do this. I got to go there.
• 19:40
  Like I noticed my my signs for when I know I need to start
• 19:46
  slowing down and take a break is I start dropping things a lot.
• 19:51
  I start like missing my footing. I fell down the stairs in the
• 19:57
  house as I was getting ready to leave.
• 20:00
  I stepped sideways on the stair and I fucking.
• 20:04
  Yeah, I did. Yeah, I was dropping my phone a
• 20:06
  lot on Thursday and Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.
• 20:10
  That's super interesting. And missing my footing and,
• 20:13
  like, misplacing my feet a lot and getting a lot quieter and
• 20:20
  like, more irritable, more snappy.
• 20:23
  And all of that was happening last week.
• 20:26
  Is that aligned with your period at all?
• 20:29
  No, I should be like ovulating fucking firing right now.
• 20:32
  Wow. Firing firing all cylinders.
• 20:36
  Let's go back to Asia. Love you so much.
• 20:39
  I just wanted to hear a little bit more about that just because
• 20:41
  that kind of segued into the, you know, little solo journey
• 20:45
  quests to go do and. The value of time alone in
• 20:49
  nature. Yeah, yeah.
• 20:51
  And I love that because. Because for one, we're both
• 20:55
  thought daughters. We are thought daughters.
• 20:58
  We stay thinking all the time. And that is that ties into what
• 21:05
  I also was going to say about myself.
• 21:06
  And like being in the woods so much is I do contribute that
• 21:10
  greatly to like the amount of growth and maturity that I feel
• 21:14
  like I've been able to achieve at my big age of 26.
• 21:20
  Because I did spend so much time alone.
• 21:22
  I didn't have a lot of friends. The friends I did have, I
• 21:25
  couldn't see all the time. I spent a lot of time with
• 21:28
  Mason, but but I spent the majority of my time alone and
• 21:34
  that has been true for me up until probably two to three
• 21:39
  years ago. I've spent the majority of my
• 21:41
  time alone and I think for a long time I thought that I liked
• 21:46
  that. And in a way I did, and I gained
• 21:49
  a lot from it. But I've found now that I don't,
• 21:55
  I don't enjoy being alone as much as I enjoy being with
• 21:58
  people that I love. And there are times, of course,
• 22:01
  that I need to be alone. I need it.
• 22:04
  But I can find those and I can. And I know, I know when I need
• 22:10
  to be alone and I can easily remove myself from whatever it
• 22:14
  is that I need to do to find that alone time.
• 22:16
  But in a lot of ways, I, I often just kind of feel like, yeah,
• 22:20
  I've been alone enough. I've been alone for enough time
• 22:24
  now. And now I just wanna connect
• 22:28
  like all the time. I feel that.
• 22:30
  I feel like I, I go in spirits where I'm like, oh, I really
• 22:33
  want like a bunch of stimulation.
• 22:35
  Like let's go to the like, let's go to a restaurant and just eat
• 22:38
  because I want to be around the like, just be out and around.
• 22:41
  I love it. But then like I find that like,
• 22:44
  oh, then I want to come home and just be by myself and like I
• 22:47
  feel like totally balanced and like recharge doing shit like
• 22:51
  that. Like, OK, I'm going to fill this
• 22:52
  cup and I'm going to fill my other cup up and it's going to
• 22:55
  like. Yeah.
• 22:57
  There's one girl, many cups. So true.
• 23:01
  One girl, many diva cups. Did it, did it trigger you at
• 23:04
  all when I said that I needed to go get alone time and I was
• 23:08
  going to leave you at home and not take you with me?
• 23:11
  It didn't, it didn't trigger me because it was coming from you.
• 23:16
  We so we talked about for a little bit of context, I got
• 23:20
  home the other day and Emily had left and she had so wonderfully
• 23:26
  cleaned the entire house like so spotlessly, like just beautiful,
• 23:30
  like no clutter anywhere, just just great.
• 23:33
  And our house is never dirty or like really even that cluttered
• 23:38
  at all. Like based on my idea of clutter
• 23:41
  and the way that I grew up, our house is spotless all the time.
• 23:45
  But it was just like so clean. And I walked in the door and I
• 23:49
  was like, oh, that's so nice. And then immediately, like my
• 23:52
  emotions started flooding and I was like nervous system
• 23:55
  reaction. And it was like, what the fuck?
• 23:58
  Like why is that happening? Because the house is clean.
• 24:03
  And then I realized that, like, that throughout my life, has
• 24:06
  been like an attack. It's been like, used as a tool
• 24:12
  to, like, prove something weird. Yeah.
• 24:14
  I cleaned the whole house while you were gone, that kind of
• 24:17
  thing. Like, yeah, I cleaned the house.
• 24:19
  Don't make a mess like. Just through your experiences
• 24:22
  with my. Parents, other living
• 24:25
  situations, Yeah. It's felt like more of an attack
• 24:32
  to, like, clean the house spitefully, you know?
• 24:37
  And then so I had to stand there and be like, OK, Aisha, you and
• 24:40
  Emily are the same person. If you were to clean the entire
• 24:44
  house because you were leaving for a day, what would your
• 24:48
  intentions be? And truthfully, like fully my
• 24:52
  intention would be, I can't wait for Emily to get home and have
• 24:56
  her alone time in the house and it's going to be so spotless and
• 24:58
  clean and she can just relax and not worry about anything.
• 25:02
  And I was. Like well, mine would be.
• 25:03
  I like to clean. And to.
• 25:05
  Come home, Yeah, to come home to the clean house, like you
• 25:08
  already cleaned out your mind on your trip.
• 25:09
  You don't want to come home and be like, oh fuck, I got to do
• 25:12
  all this. And I have to clean the house.
• 25:13
  I always love to clean the house before I leave somewhere.
• 25:17
  Yes. So that I can come home to it
• 25:18
  being clean. Yeah.
• 25:20
  And if I'm leaving the house clean for Emily, then I'm doing
• 25:23
  it because I'm like, she's going to be able to relax.
• 25:26
  I'm like, why am I stressed? Why am I scared right now?
• 25:29
  Like, why is the house being clean making me feel scared?
• 25:34
  Because this isn't the. First time that I've cleaned the
• 25:36
  house. No it's not.
• 25:37
  She cleans the house all the time, house cleaner, house
• 25:41
  cleaner, she's done it. As for the livings.
• 25:45
  But yeah, it was just it was. And so that's an interesting
• 25:48
  question of you leaving. Did it trigger me?
• 25:51
  You saying no, I'm going to go out by myself.
• 25:54
  That didn't trigger me. But then the combination of that
• 25:57
  and the house being clean, like really dead, and I was like, Oh
• 26:01
  my gosh, it's because like she's stressed because the house was
• 26:05
  really messy and it was my fault and it wasn't it.
• 26:09
  Was my fault that the house was messy?
• 26:11
  And it wasn't even that messy, but it was just this like,
• 26:14
  culmination of like, weird insecurities.
• 26:18
  And then I was like, Oh my gosh, that's not real.
• 26:20
  Chill the fuck out. None of that's real.
• 26:22
  Chill the fuck out. Yeah, chill the fuck.
• 26:23
  Shut the fuck up. Chill the fuck out.
• 26:25
  That's real. And Emily's, like, the one
• 26:28
  person that will communicate. Yeah.
• 26:30
  Could have a problem with it. Oh, my gosh.
• 26:31
  One of the only people I know that's going to be like, hey,
• 26:34
  check in. Like, you know.
• 26:36
  Yeah, like. Yeah.
• 26:38
  And you already have. Her have to do that, so it's
• 26:40
  like I know that if there was a problem she would tell me like
• 26:43
  the mango. Oh wait, what's the mango?
• 26:47
  We have had two points of contention since we've been
• 26:50
  living together. We've been living together since
• 26:53
  middle end of December. December 16th, my birthday.
• 26:56
  Yeah, she moved in on her birthday.
• 26:58
  Didn't tell me that it was her birthday till well after it had
• 27:01
  been her birthday. Yeah, but I think it was the
• 27:06
  first. The first point of contention
• 27:08
  was that she put a mango in the fruit bowl and I'm highly
• 27:15
  allergic to the oil on a mango skin.
• 27:18
  It's the same oil that it has is poison oak.
• 27:21
  So I can't touch a mango and I can't touch anything that a
• 27:23
  mango has touched. So I had to come to her and say,
• 27:26
  hey, when you are done with the mango, could you please clean
• 27:31
  the bowl and in the future not put a mango on anything that I'm
• 27:36
  going. To explain it to her, yeah.
• 27:38
  Yeah, yeah. But it was contention.
• 27:40
  It was our first. It was.
• 27:41
  It was a. That's that exactly.
• 27:43
  That is the. Level of contention that we've
• 27:45
  experienced in our. I feel like oh fuck I have.
• 27:49
  No idea, thank you for telling me.
• 27:51
  Yes, I will do it right now. Yeah, and that is exactly how I
• 27:54
  felt. It was like, Oh my God, I'm so
• 27:55
  sorry. Don't worry, the mangoes will be
• 27:58
  in their own bags from here on out.
• 28:02
  It's just an example of how easy our life is.
• 28:04
  So yeah, that's our point of contention.
• 28:07
  So. And I came to her pretty, pretty
• 28:10
  immediately. I mean I.
• 28:12
  Didn't let you, didn't do upon it.
• 28:13
  I do. I do remember saying I was
• 28:16
  trying to. Figure out how to bring the Subs
• 28:18
  to you on it. But she had no idea.
• 28:20
  I have to think about things and how I want to say it and how
• 28:25
  badly I want to say it before I say it.
• 28:27
  Yeah. And like, be super.
• 28:29
  Immediate yeah, because it comes off funky yeah.
• 28:31
  So that brings me to another hell.
• 28:34
  Hell yeah. That brings me to one of my
• 28:36
  things is like Roscoe's daycare. The gal wears so much perfume
• 28:42
  and I've kind of mentioned this to you and I'm like, I really
• 28:44
  want to bring it to her attention.
• 28:45
  But like, how do you bring that to your somebody's attention
• 28:48
  without it coming across as like a personal attack?
• 28:51
  I've tried so many ways. I was going to like print up
• 28:53
  some papers and like, I like, I, I was just going to go to her
• 28:57
  higher up and tell her I don't know, Like I still haven't said
• 29:00
  anything. But like one day I had like
• 29:04
  perfume in my mouth as I left. And I was like when you can
• 29:07
  taste. It this is such an endocrine
• 29:09
  system and like toxins like that chemicals, they really disrupt
• 29:13
  like your endocrine system and cause a bunch of shit that's
• 29:15
  linked to a bunch of shits chemicals.
• 29:17
  And I was just like, part of me wanted to turn around and go get
• 29:21
  Roscoe that day, but I was like, dude, I got to do work.
• 29:25
  Like I have shit to do. Like I can't just go get him.
• 29:27
  It's fine. One day.
• 29:28
  It's not like he's like overly exposed.
• 29:30
  Someday she's in the same classroom.
• 29:32
  Someday she's not. So I'm like, it's not usually
• 29:35
  she's not actually in that classroom.
• 29:36
  So I'm not like super hardcore, like, you know, it's like, OK,
• 29:41
  he's getting it once in a blue moon.
• 29:43
  Maybe it's conditioning a system a little bit overly like, you
• 29:46
  know, like you got to be exposed to like build up.
• 29:49
  Immunities. Immunities or whatever, but
• 29:52
  still I'm like how? I haven't said anything yet
• 29:54
  because I don't know how to say it properly.
• 29:57
  Not about you. Yeah, you have to make it about
• 29:59
  you. So that it's not an attack on
• 30:02
  them. It has to be hey, I've noticed
• 30:05
  this thing, it's affecting me in this way.
• 30:08
  I would feel better about my interactions here if this thing
• 30:13
  were to change. Yeah.
• 30:14
  And maybe it is better to go to like someone above her.
• 30:19
  Well, I just want to, I don't want to like, you know?
• 30:22
  And I know that she really cares about the kids and stuff.
• 30:25
  I'm like, she doesn't even know that that's a thing.
• 30:27
  Yeah, it's not good for her either.
• 30:29
  Exactly so. I'm like girl, I want to help
• 30:31
  your ass out like this has nothing to do with you.
• 30:33
  Your fucking perfume game is on point.
• 30:35
  Love it. Love that for you.
• 30:37
  But like, did you know? Yeah, yeah.
• 30:39
  Like maybe we need to, maybe you can switch it up and buy really
• 30:43
  nice perfume and have a collection full of perfume that
• 30:46
  has doesn't have those chemicals in it.
• 30:48
  I can just tell it's those chemicals.
• 30:50
  You just know. You just know.
• 30:51
  But it's hard to educate. It's hard to educate people who
• 30:55
  don't want to receive that education.
• 30:57
  Yeah, I walked into Ulta the other day to get one thing an
• 31:00
  instant headache. Like immediate.
• 31:02
  Like, I feel like I'm going to throw up.
• 31:04
  Yeah. That's how you know.
• 31:05
  Yeah, that's how you know it's no good.
• 31:08
  OK, back to Asia. Yeah, I don't even.
• 31:10
  I don't even know what I was talking.
• 31:11
  About we're talking about you're homeschooling, you're growing up
• 31:14
  in the woods, you're growing up outdoors.
• 31:16
  You're spending more time alone than with people, and now you're
• 31:20
  in a place in life where you are enjoying connecting with people
• 31:23
  more than being alone. Slight segue back to Heather.
• 31:27
  Well, my question with that is, do you have any like really
• 31:31
  interesting like stories from being out here, like any sort of
• 31:35
  close encounters with animals, any sort of like whoa, that was
• 31:39
  a like any core memories that really stand out little big
• 31:42
  whatever. I have a lot.
• 31:44
  Of course you have AI have a lot.
• 31:47
  What's the number one like core memory that comes back to you
• 31:51
  like an experience? So here on this, on this land,
• 31:56
  the immediate thing that comes to mind is this one experience
• 32:01
  that I had with my dog, who I also got very shortly after we
• 32:05
  moved here. I guess pretty shortly.
• 32:08
  We moved here when I was 5, I got her when I was 11 and I
• 32:12
  still have her to this day. And we were walking around up in
• 32:17
  the the roads up here where there's probably a foot of snow.
• 32:21
  And she was pretty young, She was probably like 4 years old.
• 32:26
  So I was, however, old 1314 and she had never had any kind of
• 32:36
  like fear out here. Like she's a very, very wild and
• 32:40
  free little doggie. And she would just run around
• 32:44
  all the time and had no, she was never scared of anything.
• 32:48
  And we were out here one time and there was, like I said, like
• 32:51
  a foot of snow. You could see out everywhere.
• 32:54
  Like there were no animals around, no sounds really.
• 32:58
  Everything was silent. And she just turned and just
• 33:03
  pointed in One Direction and her her hair went up and she started
• 33:07
  growling in this way I'd never heard before.
• 33:10
  And just without any warning at all, she just yelped super loud
• 33:16
  and just ran like really like scared yelping all the way and
• 33:21
  ran all the way home. And I was like, fuck, it just
• 33:24
  ran. Because I was like, I don't know
• 33:26
  what that is. That's my weirdest thing here on
• 33:32
  this land. That's very.
• 33:33
  You didn't come out for a little while.
• 33:35
  It did scare me. It did definitely scare me.
• 33:38
  And I was also in a moment where I was like really into the
• 33:41
  supernatural stuff and like I manifested my God manifested
• 33:47
  demons. Like yeah, like growing up as
• 33:50
  your host witness. Also, demons are like a big
• 33:54
  thing. Like, you're not supposed to be
• 33:55
  fearful of demons because that invites them into your home.
• 33:58
  But also you should be very aware of all of the ways that
• 34:00
  the other ways that you could invite demons into your home.
• 34:02
  Weird. Yeah, it's super weird.
• 34:04
  Weird. A lot of demon talk.
• 34:06
  Don't even give that energy. No, not at all.
• 34:09
  Not at all. Yeah, but yeah, that that was
• 34:15
  super weird. And I, I don't know what it was.
• 34:18
  It could have been like a cougar or something that was hidden in
• 34:20
  a tree or a cougar, or it could have been Squatch or whatever.
• 34:24
  Maybe it was something supernaturally?
• 34:28
  You think you think Bigfoot is supernatural?
• 34:32
  What's your take on Bigfoot? My take on Bigfoot.
• 34:36
  You know, I, I go a lot of different ways with Bigfoot.
• 34:40
  I think that he could just be a a primate that exists all over
• 34:46
  the world. But I also think that
• 34:50
  interdimensional travel is not out of the picture completely.
• 34:53
  Yeah, I don't think that's out of the question.
• 34:56
  Totes, yeah. Oh, that that we need to put
• 35:00
  somebody who's encountered Bigfoot.
• 35:02
  Oh Pod. Oh, I.
• 35:04
  Might, maybe we'll get Bigfoot on the I.
• 35:06
  Might know someone. Yeah, yeah, dude, have you seen
• 35:09
  those Bigfoot blogs? Yeah, I love the Bigfoot.
• 35:12
  Dude I just came across. When he made that blog.
• 35:14
  When he made that. Jesus, like fucking with big
• 35:17
  blogging? No, not with Bigfoot.
• 35:18
  Just like the AI like. Hey guys, I'm Jesus of Nazareth
• 35:22
  like. I'm gonna go in and talk to
• 35:24
  Ferrell. We're gonna have a meeting.
• 35:25
  Yeah, he said that we can't leave.
• 35:27
  Yeah, we're gonna leave anyway. Weird finally released us.
• 35:31
  The sea just opened up. We're totally like walking
• 35:34
  Moses, not Jesus. God, that was Moses, Yeah.
• 35:37
  That was Moses, but I see the Jesus I reposted.
• 35:39
  It did you oh, that's why I saw it.
• 35:41
  It was you That's cute. I love that it was, but I do
• 35:45
  have a lot I. Do know somebody who knows
• 35:47
  Bigfoot personally and we've talked about getting Bigfoot on
• 35:50
  the pod do. You know, wait, wait, wait,
• 35:53
  wait. Wait back here you.
• 35:55
  Keep. That from Bigfoot.
• 35:56
  Personally, I can't. Share too much on that.
• 36:00
  Personally. Knows this out.
• 36:01
  Edit this out. Jared has a Bigfoot costume.
• 36:05
  Book. Oh my God, we.
• 36:07
  Still need to get Smokey the bear.
• 36:09
  Yeah, let's put that on our This week.
• 36:10
  We'll try to hunt down Smokey. It's still fire.
• 36:13
  The beginning of fire. We don't.
• 36:14
  Want to hunt? The bear, We have a lot of smoke
• 36:17
  in here right now. Yeah, we're working on Smokey.
• 36:20
  We'll work on getting Sasquatch and Smokey the Bear as guests on
• 36:24
  the pod. Very important.
• 36:25
  Very important. Totally.
• 36:28
  Yeah. Well, I grew up.
• 36:30
  Oh, my goodness. Are you OK?
• 36:32
  I almost. Yesterday I wanna know.
• 36:36
  Yesterday. We were floating down up the
• 36:38
  river and this whole crazy interaction.
• 36:42
  Was such. I go to like yell at my dog and
• 36:45
  I just. Flipped.
• 36:46
  Totally backwards on the floating.
• 36:47
  On the on the like. In this muddy.
• 36:50
  Water. Yeah, like.
• 36:52
  Just. Oh my God, fully.
• 36:54
  Catapulted yourself, It was just.
• 36:57
  Maybe you had to be there, but it was pretty fucking.
• 36:58
  Silly. It was pretty funny and silly
• 37:00
  and just a, yeah, a wild interaction that we'll have to
• 37:02
  tell you about with the lady. That was just crazy, my Roscoe,
• 37:06
  my youngest, told me today. Mama's silly, Mama silly.
• 37:10
  I was like. Yes, Mama's so silly.
• 37:13
  Like, I love that. Thank you.
• 37:14
  Yes. What?
• 37:16
  What? Hello.
• 37:19
  Something's walking over there. Probably a deer.
• 37:23
  Probably a deer. Don't a deer.
• 37:26
  Go check jump up there, move that you see anything.
• 37:33
  I see nothing. We might have our first wildlife
• 37:37
  encounter on the pod. Wouldn't that be sick?
• 37:39
  We're we got a little ass cheek hanging out?
• 37:41
  I know, nice butt. Thank you.
• 37:44
  New shorts that fit. Shorts that fit.
• 37:48
  I see nothing but well, I heard something.
• 37:52
  Some burnt ass trees down here, yeah.
• 37:55
  So the so the biscuit fire actually burned through here
• 37:59
  when it burned. Oh wow, in 2002.
• 38:01
  Yeah, oh, look at, oh, a wildlife encounter, dear.
• 38:05
  I did hear don't move. Yeah, don't move your muscles.
• 38:09
  Look at that. Hi, buddy.
• 38:15
  But I want to get it on that camera.
• 38:17
  Oh, that's so special. It's OK, I can splice it in.
• 38:21
  He's got his little, his little velvet.
• 38:23
  My little deer. This little velvet, that was
• 38:25
  cute, that was adorable. So cute, Adorable.
• 38:28
  I heard it. I know I saw it.
• 38:30
  We may need to shift. Are you in the sun?
• 38:32
  Shade more. Are you in the sun?
• 38:33
  I'm starting to feel it over there.
• 38:35
  Yeah. Are you?
• 38:39
  Have you had any? Do you want to move?
• 38:40
  Right, Let's move when this battery dies.
• 38:43
  Back to Asia. Have you had any other long
• 38:45
  trip? Tell me some more Little.
• 38:46
  Ditties. Some more little ditties.
• 38:48
  Well, I can tell you some some really interesting human
• 38:51
  interactions that have that have been had out here.
• 38:54
  We are in Wilderville and I think that most of the people
• 38:59
  from Grants Pass or Southern Oregon, oh, he's on the move,
• 39:04
  have a pretty good concept of what Wilderville is like.
• 39:09
  We've got we've. Got this on Wild.
• 39:11
  Wild. We've got some walkers, you
• 39:13
  know, there's always people walking up and down Fish
• 39:16
  hatchery. Oh, I saw one.
• 39:18
  Yeah, yeah, you'll see. On the bridge every day on a
• 39:21
  laptop. It was super interesting.
• 39:24
  You just like really had a whole office set up on the bridge.
• 39:28
  Maybe not this guy, but I saw. Dre, he looked like he like he'd
• 39:33
  been walking for a while, is all I'll say.
• 39:36
  Yeah, Yeah, it looked like he had.
• 39:38
  An eaten in days. Yeah, emaciated.
• 39:42
  Yeah, yeah. Anyway, that's kind of the vibe
• 39:44
  of of the neighborhood. And there's also a lot of, you
• 39:50
  know, things going out and out in the woods, a lot of illegal
• 39:55
  growing operations, a lot of illegal cooking operations,
• 40:01
  methamphetamines. And we have had many a neighbor,
• 40:09
  an unwanted neighbor come up our driveway at all hours of the
• 40:14
  night. We had a lady that.
• 40:18
  Had a pack of feral dogs that she was not feeding that were
• 40:23
  like for a couple years, like tormenting the whole
• 40:27
  neighborhood, the whole community, and no one could do
• 40:30
  anything until they killed livestock.
• 40:32
  And they had only killed people's dogs up to that point.
• 40:36
  They killed our neighbor Gary's dog, another neighbor down the
• 40:39
  street that killed this little girl's dog.
• 40:42
  She's down at the bus stop. Like it was awful.
• 40:45
  And we like we had chickens. We I was a kid.
• 40:51
  They didn't. They didn't attack any humans.
• 40:53
  No but no my OPA like clubbed a bunch of these dogs to get them
• 40:59
  off of our neighbors dog Gary's dog and but they they didn't
• 41:04
  come after any of us. But that was obviously a a fear
• 41:07
  because I was a kid. My little brother was like
• 41:09
  probably 2 years old at that point, maybe 3.
• 41:13
  And so it was scary because we couldn't go outside.
• 41:18
  It was like, you can't be outside unsupervised, which was
• 41:21
  very normal for us as kids to be outside unsupervised.
• 41:26
  And eventually, you know, they killed one of our chickens.
• 41:29
  Animal control got involved, gave us the go ahead to protect
• 41:34
  ourselves if need be, and all of those dogs got taken away except
• 41:40
  for one. And this is actually my favorite
• 41:43
  little piece of lore about Wilderville.
• 41:47
  There was a dog named Seymour that was just like a
• 41:50
  neighborhood community dog that would go to the the Wilderville
• 41:54
  store all the time. He'd be down this pack of dogs.
• 41:57
  Come to find out he was part of this pack of dogs, but he was
• 42:01
  the friendliest dog ever. He would just, you'd see him
• 42:04
  alone all the time running up and down the road.
• 42:07
  He'd go into the Wilderville store and make friends with
• 42:10
  people all the time. Everybody knew his name and he
• 42:13
  was just like this little icon of the neighborhood.
• 42:16
  And it turned out that he was actually a dog that my aunt had
• 42:23
  shot at and had clipped and she never found him.
• 42:27
  She felt awful about that, that she had shot at this dog and
• 42:31
  not, you know, killed it because obviously it was coming after
• 42:35
  our livestock, our dogs. And she felt awful about it and
• 42:39
  tried to find this dog. And we realized that he had a
• 42:44
  little limp. And it was.
• 42:46
  That was Seymour. And he was the one dog that
• 42:49
  didn't get taken away when animal control finally took
• 42:52
  control of the situation. And he ended up rest in peace,
• 42:59
  Seymour getting shot by police because he was defending his
• 43:03
  mother and bit a cop. So, yeah, Seymour said.
• 43:12
  A cab and then and then you left and.
• 43:15
  Then the cop said I'll show you. Yeah, unfortunately, but yeah,
• 43:20
  it's like a super, super kind of crazy thing.
• 43:23
  Wild Dog Wild dogs out in Wilderville.
• 43:26
  Yeah, wild dogs and wild women. Because his owner, the woman
• 43:30
  that he was protecting when he died, actually shortly after,
• 43:34
  like us taking control of the situation of her dogs, killing
• 43:38
  our chickens, came up our driveway like in her truck in
• 43:42
  the middle of the night, like 2 in the morning, pack of dogs
• 43:45
  roaring up behind her. And like was shooting a shotgun
• 43:49
  in the air was like, I'm gonna kill you.
• 43:51
  I'm gonna kill all your grandkids, I'm gonna kill
• 43:53
  everybody, blah, blah, blah, blah.
• 43:56
  And ended up driving her truck back.
• 44:00
  Like my aunt and my dad, I think chased her off and we're like,
• 44:05
  get the hell outta here. Like we also have weapons like
• 44:09
  you're, you're not welcome here, get out of here.
• 44:12
  And she left, ended up crashing her truck into the ditch at the
• 44:17
  bottom of our driveway, was found by the cops like you know,
• 44:22
  few hours later hiding out in the woods and wasn't arrested.
• 44:28
  And she still lives around here. I think I see her sometimes but
• 44:33
  my OPA wouldn't. Duggar truck out of the ditch
• 44:36
  the next morning and and was like don't come and threaten me
• 44:40
  and my grandkids again. Yeah, what a kind man.
• 44:43
  I bet he did not. Yeah, I do too, Icon.
• 44:46
  Truly kindest, kindest person I think I've ever known in my
• 44:50
  whole life. But yeah, there's a lot of weird
• 44:54
  stuff. Somebody drove up here in a
• 44:55
  legitimate monster truck one time.
• 44:58
  Like, like, dead ass. Yes.
• 45:01
  Yeah, like like fully a monster truck.
• 45:05
  Legit what were they doing? I don't know.
• 45:08
  It was the middle of the night. They were just like, and my, my
• 45:11
  dad fully chased them like in his truck, like down like
• 45:15
  through town, like chased them. It was like, I'm going to find
• 45:18
  out who these people are. And he didn't.
• 45:21
  But he was like, that was a full on monster truck.
• 45:23
  Like, why are they here? Yeah, I don't know.
• 45:25
  Just going up random driveways. Yeah, here, that's what's.
• 45:28
  Super weird, but a very but a very eventful childhood.
• 45:32
  Very eventful, yeah. Living out in the woods, yeah.
• 45:36
  And it's crazy because I wasn't like, we didn't go camping, we
• 45:40
  didn't like me and my dad would go fishing sometimes, but like,
• 45:44
  I didn't go camping or rafting or do anything of the sort until
• 45:50
  I was a teenager. Or a hillbilly.
• 45:53
  Yeah, I was literally just a hillbilly until I until my mom
• 45:57
  got married and I had to move to the city.
• 46:00
  How old were you when your parents split up?
• 46:02
  They split up when I was probably like 11:50 because I
• 46:15
  think that my mom got me my dog in hopes of lessening the blow.
• 46:22
  Dog came before divorce. Divorce has was in the in the
• 46:28
  works before dog and I don't think that I was ever really
• 46:33
  torn up about it. I was kind of like you guys
• 46:35
  didn't make sense anyway. Good.
• 46:39
  Good. I'm glad.
• 46:39
  Yeah, it was. So you're like.
• 46:41
  It was a lot of peace. Yeah, yeah.
• 46:43
  Like why are you even together? Yeah, I didn't.
• 46:46
  I didn't understand. From a very young age I was just
• 46:48
  like. They both still practice Jehovah
• 46:50
  Witness. No, they don't.
• 46:52
  My mom, my mom left. I would say that my dad started
• 46:58
  to leave the religion and started to take part in things
• 47:02
  that were not acceptable to the religion earlier on.
• 47:07
  And as that happened and things unfolded, what are we we do
• 47:13
  batteries. I always.
• 47:17
  Like have a moment where I'm like, did I hit the record?
• 47:21
  I did, yeah. Very good.
• 47:23
  I'm glad that you did long ago. I'm I'm getting sun.
• 47:26
  You got it, OK. Do you want to scoot over?
• 47:28
  Can we please? Go down here.
• 47:29
  It's just normally I can sit in it for a while.
• 47:32
  But it is uncomfortable. 100° out I.
• 47:35
  Don't want you to be uncomfortable in.
• 47:36
  Me, I'm feeling great so. Because you're in the shade, you
• 47:40
  need to be. We need to go this way, but the
• 47:43
  camera will also need to be in the shade.
• 47:45
  So can it be if we're come like a little further here and then
• 47:53
  the camera can come here, OK? I like these open little little
• 48:03
  cheek cheek holders. Butt hand flaps.
• 48:06
  Yeah, I like that about it. Well, I'm kind of in a little
• 48:10
  bit of a funky. Spire we can keep.
• 48:12
  What if we keep scooching? Like that, how does it feel?
• 48:16
  Sit, sit and see. There we go.
• 48:19
  I think you'll be OK with that. Yeah, you OK?
• 48:23
  You feel. Safe.
• 48:24
  OK. You feel safe.
• 48:27
  You feel safe. You feel secure.
• 48:30
  Oh no, you good, baby. I just scratched it.
• 48:35
  I know I've made a mistake. That's a terrible, terrible
• 48:39
  mistake. You might need to tell it that
• 48:48
  it's OK. Do.
• 48:54
  You want me to do it? Sit your ass down, OK?
• 48:56
  Sit down. You're overheating.
• 48:59
  What are you doing? Kissing.
• 49:01
  See, I dropped the camera. Clearly I need a little bit
• 49:04
  more. Quiet.
• 49:05
  We need a lot. Of contemplation time.
• 49:07
  In the river, yeah. The rest of the day is what we
• 49:10
  need. I hear them in the summer.
• 49:12
  I find their little shells all over the place because it's just
• 49:15
  part of the year. Is it that there are batches of
• 49:17
  them? I think it's like every seven
• 49:20
  years there's like, it's like the main event, you know, like I
• 49:23
  think there's, yeah, there's probably batches.
• 49:25
  So like they're slowly trickling.
• 49:28
  Every year is a 7th year for. Somebody.
• 49:31
  Yeah, some batch of for. Some batch for.
• 49:34
  Some. I do remember one year was
• 49:36
  gnarly. Yeah, I remember.
• 49:37
  That was when I was a kid. Probably a like a big big batch
• 49:41
  of them. Yeah, coming out.
• 49:43
  Did you hit record, Heather? Big I did.
• 49:44
  Coming out, thank. You, yeah.
• 49:47
  The cicadas. Thank you for the position
• 49:49
  readjustment. I feel much cooler now.
• 49:52
  I'm good. Yeah, I'm so glad.
• 49:53
  Very cool. Now.
• 49:55
  OK, back to you. I think I was talking about my
• 49:58
  parents. Yeah.
• 49:58
  Your parents, your parents split.
• 50:00
  They they split when I was probably around 10 years old.
• 50:05
  It was. It took.
• 50:06
  A little while religion. My mom, well, my dad kind of
• 50:11
  left the religion, just kind of stopped going, started being
• 50:14
  involved with things that weren't really aligned with the
• 50:18
  religion and eventually was disfellowshipped, which is super
• 50:25
  strange thing in the Jehovah's Witness religion where if
• 50:30
  somebody breaks the rules, you say OK, you're out.
• 50:34
  Like now nobody can. Talk to you.
• 50:35
  You're shunned, no one can talk to you, no one can interact with
• 50:38
  you. And unfortunately, even though
• 50:40
  he was the one that got disfellowshipped, we were the
• 50:43
  ones that lost our community. And so we kind of like I had
• 50:50
  friends that not my two friends that I'm still friends with, but
• 50:53
  I had multiple friends that weren't allowed to hang out with
• 50:56
  me anymore that, you know, I couldn't interact with that
• 51:01
  whose parents thought that, you know, my house was a bad place
• 51:04
  to be. And so yet again, I I'm alone, I
• 51:10
  have no friends, and now we don't have our community through
• 51:15
  our religion. And so we kind of started to
• 51:18
  slip out of that as well. And by the time I was 14, my mom
• 51:23
  had met a man that she went to high school with in the Illinois
• 51:27
  Valley. And they fell in love and she
• 51:32
  was like, we're moving to Forest Grove.
• 51:34
  And I hated it. I hated the idea of that.
• 51:38
  I did not want to move. I didn't want to leave.
• 51:40
  Were you given a choice of stay with your dad here or come with
• 51:44
  Forest Grove? Or was it just Asia?
• 51:46
  You're coming with us. It wasn't.
• 51:49
  I think that the choice was available to me, but it wasn't
• 51:52
  really a choice to me at that point.
• 51:54
  My relationship with my dad was not good and there was a lot of,
• 51:59
  I held a lot of animosity and didn't want to stay with him.
• 52:04
  And so it just, it felt like I had no choice and I didn't
• 52:09
  really and I didn't want to leave.
• 52:12
  I didn't want to go live somewhere that I've never lived
• 52:15
  before. For some reason, the fact that
• 52:17
  his house had no carpet was really alarming to me.
• 52:20
  I was like, it's going to be cold.
• 52:21
  Like, I remember just having like a full blown breakdown
• 52:27
  about the fact that there was no carpet because I just thought
• 52:31
  I'm not gonna be comfortable. It's gonna be cold.
• 52:33
  It's gonna be different and. Did he live in Forest Grove?
• 52:36
  Yeah, yeah. So we moved there when I was,
• 52:42
  yeah, 14. And so I went all through high
• 52:46
  school there. It's a fine place to live.
• 52:50
  I never, I had one friend. I made one friend the entire
• 52:53
  time that I lived there five years.
• 52:57
  And I didn't really do very much.
• 53:00
  There wasn't a whole lot to do. It's like 45 minutes West of
• 53:10
  Portland. Yeah, 45 minutes West of
• 53:12
  Portland, and it's very, very small.
• 53:15
  It's a tiny little university town, Pacific University.
• 53:17
  Is there a lot of Mormons, a lot of retired people?
• 53:24
  Not the most fun. It's like even smaller than
• 53:27
  Grants Pass. It's like 1 St. essentially.
• 53:30
  It's like if G Street was all of Grants Pass.
• 53:33
  That is pretty much what Forest Grove is.
• 53:35
  It's like so. Still like, is it still very
• 53:38
  rural, outdoorsy because you were obviously stripped from
• 53:43
  your woods and taken to a different city, going to public
• 53:47
  school for your first time? No, still still online school
• 53:52
  all throughout high school. That's why I only made one
• 53:53
  friend at my first job. I got my first job living there
• 53:59
  and I hung out with my step siblings a lot.
• 54:01
  That was a a huge blessing that I have three-step siblings and
• 54:04
  that we all got along immediately, super well and
• 54:09
  still to this day and. They're.
• 54:10
  Your age. We are all slightly apart.
• 54:17
  My stepbrother is the closest in age to me.
• 54:19
  We're both 26. His birthday is in February,
• 54:23
  minds of December. And then I'm actually not
• 54:26
  totally sure how old my step sisters are.
• 54:29
  Apologies. I want to say like 28 and 30 are
• 54:36
  probably where they're at. So I only lived with Austin for
• 54:42
  an extended amount of time. My step brother, my step sisters
• 54:45
  had moved out by the time that I moved in, I think.
• 54:48
  But we. And then your brother also had
• 54:51
  moved with you. Yes, my little brother Josh also
• 54:54
  had moved with us. He had a harder time getting
• 54:58
  along, I think, but he was also just little and annoying little
• 55:03
  brother vibes. But we all got along really,
• 55:06
  really well. So that was great and helpful.
• 55:09
  But there wasn't really outdoor space.
• 55:12
  Like we had a yard. We lived in the suburbs.
• 55:15
  We had a nice yard, a garden, and there were places that I
• 55:19
  could drive to. Like I spent a lot of time at a
• 55:22
  lake out that way called Hag Lake.
• 55:24
  And I would go and park and again, just alone.
• 55:29
  Like as soon as I had my license, I would drive myself to
• 55:32
  Hag Lake and I would just walk around all day.
• 55:34
  Like I'd spend a whole day walking around this lake by
• 55:37
  myself. I would find every trail, I'd go
• 55:40
  fishing by myself. Like that was the main place
• 55:43
  that I could get that. But I was also coming back home
• 55:48
  a lot and I was coming back for like by the time I was in high
• 55:52
  school, like a month at a time, sometimes in the summer or two
• 55:55
  months at a time. And having a really, really
• 55:59
  difficult time leaving and going back to Forest Grove.
• 56:02
  And especially like it's very flat, like farmland and not
• 56:08
  having just being surrounded by mountains in every direction was
• 56:14
  so disconcerting to me though, like coming back here, that was
• 56:18
  the biggest thing that would just like pain me to leave was
• 56:23
  to not have the mountains. And so when I was 19 and I had
• 56:28
  graduated high school, graduated a year late, five year senior, I
• 56:33
  came home and I and I've been here ever since because I just
• 56:38
  can't bear. Yeah, she does.
• 56:41
  She lives up there with my stepdad.
• 56:43
  They're still together. My little brother still lives up
• 56:45
  there. He just had a baby.
• 56:47
  He just had a baby. My little brother's a father.
• 56:51
  So yeah, I and and that's telling because I am also like a
• 56:56
  very family driven person. Like, I do love my family and I
• 57:00
  wish that I was closer to them, but I can't live without this.
• 57:07
  At all Southern Oregon. Yeah, Yeah.
• 57:10
  Wow. This is.
• 57:11
  This is where your roots. Are.
• 57:13
  It is, it is but I in gaining my step family I gained so much
• 57:23
  more outdoor adventure. Sorry to bore you.
• 57:27
  No, it's not that. I'm just tired.
• 57:29
  Like to say that every time someone Ponce I'm just one of my
• 57:32
  punch lines. Oh, I'm not.
• 57:34
  I'm just. It's CP, It's warm.
• 57:38
  I got children and I woke up early.
• 57:39
  She's. A mother, she's working hard,
• 57:42
  work hard. She's been doing late nights,
• 57:44
  producing this podcast. Mama's in bed last night
• 57:47
  finishing up. So true.
• 57:49
  Mama CP. Yeah.
• 57:50
  Yeah, I am so sorry and this your.
• 57:54
  Voice is so peaceful. It is actually.
• 57:58
  Oh, thanks. You have sunglasses on?
• 58:00
  We won't be able to see your eyes if they close.
• 58:02
  We'll just notice that you got really quiet.
• 58:05
  And then I can't tell. Yeah.
• 58:10
  She started. Wow, she's really in shock about
• 58:12
  this story you're telling. Oh my gosh.
• 58:16
  OK, so step family introduced. So like I said, I'd I'd.
• 58:19
  Never gone camping. I had gone camping literally
• 58:22
  what, one time. Now she really is.
• 58:26
  She's scared. I really had.
• 58:28
  I had gone camping I think one time before I reached high
• 58:32
  school one time and I think it was for like one night with like
• 58:36
  some friends from church or something.
• 58:39
  So when I got inducted into the Brown, yes, when I got abducted,
• 58:47
  when I got inducted into my step family, the Brown family, who
• 58:51
  very much is like my core family group at this point, like I
• 58:56
  don't have nearly as much connection with my biological
• 59:01
  family. I was introduced to camping like
• 59:07
  all the time and going on guns or fireworks.
• 59:12
  That was definitely a gun. Definitely.
• 59:14
  A gun, guns or fireworks. That's all.
• 59:15
  That is a frequent question in Southern Oregon.
• 59:18
  Yes, yeah, that is that's my favorite game or truck
• 59:21
  backfiring. Yeah.
• 59:22
  Is it? Yeah.
• 59:23
  That was definitely a gun, though.
• 59:24
  Yeah, that was 100% a gun. I got a little bit worried when
• 59:26
  I was hiking up here earlier because I heard somebody up
• 59:29
  there like like really like I had a semi automatic and it was
• 59:34
  like. My Southern Oregon lore post.
• 59:36
  Will be disruptive what the gun or?
• 59:40
  Let's play a game. Guns or fireworks?
• 59:43
  Guns or fireworks? But anyway, I got, I got
• 59:46
  introduced to going on like week or 10 day long rafting camping
• 59:53
  trips and I was like, I've never done anything like this before,
• 59:57
  you know, like this is something that my step family has done.
• 1:00:01
  For years and years and years since my stepdad was a kid and
• 1:00:05
  almost every year, so they know it like front and back, they
• 1:00:08
  have it planned out. And so it was this really cool
• 1:00:12
  opportunity for me to get to go and just be with people that
• 1:00:16
  fully know what they're doing and are have are very well
• 1:00:20
  versed in like this specific trip.
• 1:00:23
  They go on the John Day pretty much every year.
• 1:00:25
  That's one that I've been wanting to do.
• 1:00:27
  It's. Just as like a.
• 1:00:28
  Float, you know, because it's more of just like a booze cruisy
• 1:00:31
  float. There's no like.
• 1:00:32
  Yeah, there's. Like class 1's, Class 2.
• 1:00:34
  Yeah, yeah, you can. I think the I'm not sure what
• 1:00:37
  the classes of the the biggest Rapids, Clarno is the the
• 1:00:44
  biggest set of Rapids and we usually will put in below that.
• 1:00:48
  Like there's anymore. I mean, I think that we've done
• 1:00:52
  it a couple times since I started going.
• 1:00:54
  We've started above Clarno and gone through those Rapids, but
• 1:00:57
  it's pretty chill and it's and it's super wild.
• 1:01:03
  Like there's no no humanity, no civilization for. 40 miles.
• 1:01:12
  Yeah I wanna do AI, wanna do a paddle board pack trip.
• 1:01:15
  Cool, wouldn't that be? Sick Well.
• 1:01:18
  We should go because you know that I've been trying to
• 1:01:20
  manifest the John Day trip. Girl, that'll be a really cool
• 1:01:23
  trip to make. When's the best optimal time to
• 1:01:26
  do the John Day? Well, usually we would be going
• 1:01:29
  next week. Are you not going this year?
• 1:01:33
  We are not going this year and I actually haven't been able to go
• 1:01:35
  for like two or three years, which has been a really like
• 1:01:41
  schedule summer. Yeah, it's we had a year, I
• 1:01:46
  think where we just picks the most, the most visible thing.
• 1:01:52
  Oh my God. We're gonna be on top of this
• 1:01:53
  log. I'm.
• 1:01:54
  Gonna pee on the I'm. Gonna get to the highest place
• 1:01:56
  that I can and then what's me? Like a God?
• 1:02:00
  Are you sure? Then girl, let it loose.
• 1:02:02
  Where's our on the? River, let it fly.
• 1:02:04
  We. I'm just standing there and just
• 1:02:06
  moving my bathing suit. To the side.
• 1:02:08
  Oh my. God she love it.
• 1:02:09
  She's so gross it's awesome. I love the feral.
• 1:02:14
  So Feral can't see you out we. Need to get a shiwiwi.
• 1:02:18
  A Shiwiwi. A shiwi or a shiwiwi?
• 1:02:20
  A shiwi. Yeah, Shiwi.
• 1:02:23
  That seems weird and gross. Like it would it?
• 1:02:25
  Seems like it'd be worse than just squatting.
• 1:02:27
  Yeah, you'd be more. Wet.
• 1:02:28
  Yeah, 'cause you're like. And then you have the thing that
• 1:02:31
  you. Have cupping it right So then
• 1:02:33
  like so then there's gonna be like piss like pooling up around
• 1:02:37
  like. Everywhere I was thinking too.
• 1:02:40
  All the outer places as well. I don't think that would be
• 1:02:42
  right. I think guess.
• 1:02:43
  We don't know until we try though.
• 1:02:45
  It's true. The little cloth that she has,
• 1:02:49
  the coolest, yeah, the coolest cloth is, is a game changer.
• 1:02:53
  Anyway, John Day. Amazing.
• 1:02:54
  John Day, we got to do it. 10 days I or how many days?
• 1:02:57
  A week to 10 days, yeah. And, and what can we do when
• 1:03:01
  we're doing that? I mean, we're spreading it out.
• 1:03:03
  Like we're really taking our time and enjoying and enjoying
• 1:03:06
  it. And yeah, totally.
• 1:03:09
  Like we will usually have like two or three campsites.
• 1:03:13
  So we're spending like multiple nights at one campsite, multiple
• 1:03:17
  nights at the next. And yeah, it's fucking awesome,
• 1:03:21
  dude. Cool.
• 1:03:22
  It's like totally phenomenal. I feel like that one's chilling
• 1:03:27
  up, too. Like if I wanted to, I could
• 1:03:29
  like bring the kids and the kids would be fine, yes.
• 1:03:32
  Family friendly. Absolutely all of my I want.
• 1:03:35
  To do girls stuff for real. Hell yeah, yes, girls trip about
• 1:03:39
  it. Let's plan it.
• 1:03:41
  It's been happen because I've missed it so much.
• 1:03:43
  I haven't been on the John Day and like, yeah, like I said,
• 1:03:46
  like 3 years, maybe 4 because I think the last river trip that I
• 1:03:50
  went on, we went on the Grand Ronde, which is also a
• 1:03:54
  beautiful, wonderful river to float.
• 1:03:57
  But in the same area. Yeah, Eastern Oregon, yeah,
• 1:04:01
  still doesn't have the same. It does.
• 1:04:05
  It hits different than the John Day for me, but John Day is like
• 1:04:08
  so near and dear to my heart and it's very high Desert Canyon
• 1:04:14
  like crazy, unbelievable rock scapes everywhere.
• 1:04:20
  Like, very very cool. Yeah, I want to explore more of
• 1:04:24
  that area for sure. Like I want to do the oi he and
• 1:04:27
  the snake eventually. Yeah, Snake River is on my list
• 1:04:31
  for sure. Very just I hear it's amazing.
• 1:04:33
  Yeah, Yeah, it is. It is and it's, yeah, there's
• 1:04:38
  just, there's nothing like that. There's nothing like just moving
• 1:04:43
  your way through this land slowly.
• 1:04:46
  And it's so much different than just going and camping somewhere
• 1:04:50
  for 10 days and being in the same spot.
• 1:04:52
  Like it's such a different kind of journey.
• 1:04:56
  And with my step family in particular, like these are
• 1:05:00
  people that like when I explain this to my friends or when my
• 1:05:04
  friends have met my step family, they're like, is this real?
• 1:05:08
  Like is this actually what it's like?
• 1:05:13
  Because they don't fight like they're not.
• 1:05:16
  Everyone just loves each other and loves spending time together
• 1:05:20
  and loves coordinating things together.
• 1:05:23
  And they're very, very good at coordinating things together and
• 1:05:26
  really good at working through little frustrations right as
• 1:05:29
  they happen. So there's never fighting.
• 1:05:31
  There's never like tension of any kind.
• 1:05:35
  It's just all love and peace and just hanging out out in the wild
• 1:05:41
  with your family. How opposite from your
• 1:05:44
  biological family fighting all the time and tension and
• 1:05:50
  disorganization and very much clutter and chaos.
• 1:05:53
  Yeah, and alcoholism and then every, you know, everything that
• 1:05:58
  can create tension existing within that, that family, which,
• 1:06:05
  you know, God bless them. But my step family like really
• 1:06:09
  showed up for me and was like, you're ours now.
• 1:06:12
  Like all of my aunts and uncles and grandparents on that side.
• 1:06:17
  Like it was instantaneous family acceptance.
• 1:06:21
  Yeah. Immediate acceptance, immediate
• 1:06:24
  family and. Your mom did good.
• 1:06:27
  Yeah, she, she, she really knew how to pick him.
• 1:06:30
  Yeah, like she. Learned how to pick him, She.
• 1:06:33
  Learned yeah, my dad is wonderful.
• 1:06:35
  I have a great relationship with my dad now, I should say, but
• 1:06:39
  they just weren't good for each other.
• 1:06:40
  It's because of your dad that we know each other.
• 1:06:42
  And yeah, in a roundabout way, yeah.
• 1:06:44
  We didn't tell the story of how. Yeah, we didn't tell that story,
• 1:06:46
  but my dad is the reason that I have a connection to Emily past
• 1:06:52
  knowing her or before I knew you.
• 1:06:56
  But yeah, that family connection and having that come into my
• 1:07:01
  life was huge at the time that it did, too, because I was in
• 1:07:04
  high school. I mean, that's like a very
• 1:07:06
  vulnerable, weird time. It is.
• 1:07:09
  And I was not out. I was not even clear on my own
• 1:07:14
  queerness at that point. And so like having a very safe,
• 1:07:20
  stable, loving family environment that, you know,
• 1:07:25
  maybe I didn't get all the time because we would have to travel
• 1:07:28
  to see that extended family when we lived in Forest Grove, just
• 1:07:33
  having that was a really, really big deal.
• 1:07:36
  Really, really big deal. And that ultimately is what
• 1:07:42
  leads me to my my moment in nature.
• 1:07:46
  Because you're starting to get in the sun again, and so am I.
• 1:07:50
  Now my my knee pits are sweating.
• 1:07:52
  We're bad. We're sun and hard.
• 1:07:53
  We're sun and hard now. So my pivotal moment, I've had
• 1:07:59
  so many in nature in my life, but this one particular is what
• 1:08:04
  came to mind when Emily was like, this is the structure now
• 1:08:08
  of the podcast. We're going to ask this
• 1:08:09
  question. I was like, this was the first
• 1:08:12
  thing that I. Thought well because Asia's
• 1:08:14
  we've done, we did a pilot episode with Asia, which is
• 1:08:16
  still a really cool conversation, but there was so
• 1:08:19
  superior niche of structure of what we were doing.
• 1:08:22
  It was just practice, no structures in place.
• 1:08:26
  That was the. First time that we used these.
• 1:08:28
  Chairs and we're in it rain yeah and we talked about human design
• 1:08:33
  and it was and it was fun that. That content will be behind a
• 1:08:37
  paywall. Or future, future service.
• 1:08:40
  You can pay for it. Yeah.
• 1:08:43
  Yeah. So I, this tale happens on the
• 1:08:47
  John Day. It was in 2022, I think that it
• 1:08:53
  was my second river trip ever. So I think I want to say I went
• 1:08:59
  on the first one. Maybe this was actually, this
• 1:09:04
  may have been the last river trip that I was on actually,
• 1:09:09
  because I, I haven't been on one in like 3 or 4 years would check
• 1:09:13
  out. So 2022 would have been the last
• 1:09:17
  one that I went on. And we'll change that soon.
• 1:09:20
  Yeah, very soon, very soon. And I was having a, a wonderful
• 1:09:27
  time. Like it was a fantastic trip.
• 1:09:29
  And by that point I had been on a few trips.
• 1:09:32
  So I felt well versed in in what we were doing, in the plan, in
• 1:09:37
  the execution of things. And like I was I, you know, I'm
• 1:09:41
  getting to man the boat for the first time that that trip and
• 1:09:45
  having a great time and like really loving learning
• 1:09:50
  everything about navigating the river.
• 1:09:52
  And I think it was like the second to last day.
• 1:09:56
  We were at our last campsite of the trip and we had been
• 1:10:01
  fighting up Canyon winds all day, like the whole day.
• 1:10:05
  Awful. We'd have we'd had to pull over
• 1:10:08
  multiple times and just like wait and see if it would stop
• 1:10:12
  and then it was like, well, now we're waiting too long.
• 1:10:14
  We're not going to get to camp in time.
• 1:10:16
  Like it's just the whole thing I've.
• 1:10:18
  Fought upstream wind by literally just getting in the
• 1:10:21
  river and swimming, holding my bow line and and swimming and
• 1:10:25
  that was down because I needed more.
• 1:10:28
  In the current, more in the water, yeah.
• 1:10:30
  And that was that was a solution that that we came to at a
• 1:10:34
  certain point or some of our boats did, because we it's a big
• 1:10:37
  group like it's multiple family units.
• 1:10:40
  So I think on that trip we probably had four, maybe 5 boats
• 1:10:44
  because that's. Not permitted that river.
• 1:10:46
  It is. Oh, you do have.
• 1:10:47
  But it's not. It's not a.
• 1:10:48
  Lottery like just put. In for it, yeah.
• 1:10:50
  Yeah, you just have to have your permit with you.
• 1:10:52
  Like just like register. Yeah.
• 1:10:56
  And so, you know, we're fighting these winds all day.
• 1:10:59
  It's hot. It's so hot.
• 1:11:01
  It's like 110° and windy and dry and we're all just like red and,
• 1:11:11
  you know, like crusted and just kind of miserable and ready to
• 1:11:16
  just have camp be done. And we finally have set camp up
• 1:11:22
  where we hit like this, this really fast bend in the river
• 1:11:28
  where it's really difficult to pull over.
• 1:11:30
  And we had lost a couple of people that couldn't pull over.
• 1:11:35
  So we're at a campsite that we ended up going to because we
• 1:11:38
  lost our two of our boats or whatever.
• 1:11:41
  And so we had to go further than we wanted to.
• 1:11:44
  And so we're at a campsite. We didn't intend them being at
• 1:11:46
  whatever and we're. No, like literally lost.
• 1:11:49
  Not lost, but just like. Plan B detached, detached and
• 1:11:53
  and you know, there was no coming back up the river at that
• 1:11:57
  point. So we were like, well, the rest
• 1:11:58
  of us can float further down and we'll get a campsite down
• 1:12:01
  wherever they ended. And so it wasn't like ideal, but
• 1:12:07
  we're all very like go with the flow people.
• 1:12:11
  And so we figured it out. We're getting camp set up and
• 1:12:14
  everything. And, and I was just feeling very
• 1:12:17
  over stimulated and overwhelmed and drained and all of the
• 1:12:21
  things and I get my stuff set up and again, it's like 110° and
• 1:12:28
  we're in the middle of the. OK, cute dramatic cut here.
• 1:12:33
  This episode is brought to you by Dead Camera Batteries.
• 1:12:36
  May we always have a few more in our backpacks.
• 1:12:40
  Enjoy. You got to, some of you got to
• 1:12:42
  change the angle, you know? Because it's sometimes you gotta
• 1:12:45
  adjust the angle. What's your favorite position?
• 1:12:49
  It's cool with me. It's not my favorite, but I'll
• 1:12:51
  do it for you. What's your favorite dish?
• 1:12:55
  I'm not gonna make it, but I'll order it from.
• 1:12:57
  Zonzibar. Very good.
• 1:13:01
  Do you know what we're referencing?
• 1:13:02
  It's Tenacious D, right? Yes.
• 1:13:04
  Excellent. Very good.
• 1:13:05
  I'm not that homeschool. OK, good.
• 1:13:07
  Oh my God, Recently I was just total sidebar on that song.
• 1:13:10
  Yeah, I found I was going through trying to edit my
• 1:13:14
  collection of photos and videos and I found video of me and
• 1:13:20
  Garrick Pettijohn singing Tenacious D and it's so cute.
• 1:13:25
  Who? Derek Pettijohn.
• 1:13:27
  What a name. Yeah, he has a great name.
• 1:13:28
  That's a fantastic name. Yeah.
• 1:13:30
  How's he doing? I think he's good.
• 1:13:32
  I haven't seen him in a while. He was supposed to come down and
• 1:13:36
  visit in April, but I don't think he did.
• 1:13:39
  And but hopefully he does again soon.
• 1:13:42
  He's living in Bend now. Yeah, he's living in Bend now.
• 1:13:46
  And he grows edible mushrooms. I love that.
• 1:13:51
  I think Josh and Mickey are really good friends with him.
• 1:13:53
  Or were and then I think still. Hopefully still, yeah.
• 1:13:56
  Yeah, yeah, because I used to hang out with Josh and Garrick
• 1:13:59
  and Willie and David. Mickey in there all the time.
• 1:14:03
  Mickey was with. Zach.
• 1:14:06
  Right. During that time, yeah.
• 1:14:07
  But Mickey and I never hung out. I didn't.
• 1:14:09
  I didn't think Mickey liked me. She does.
• 1:14:12
  Cut all of that. Cut Mickey.
• 1:14:13
  I never thought that Mickey liked me neither.
• 1:14:15
  And then I was. Wait, wait, wait.
• 1:14:17
  You guys, are you talking about like cool, cool tatted Mickey
• 1:14:19
  that worked at the bow? No, no, damn.
• 1:14:23
  Sorry. Too bad, Mickey.
• 1:14:24
  Girl, girl. Mickey girl.
• 1:14:25
  Yeah, she OK. I thought she didn't like me too
• 1:14:28
  in high school. And then we became in laws.
• 1:14:32
  Yeah. And she was like, no, I, I was
• 1:14:35
  just weird. I was.
• 1:14:36
  I was just weird. Yeah, no, I liked everybody
• 1:14:40
  fine. Oh, good.
• 1:14:41
  Yeah, that's good. Yeah, it'd be fun to.
• 1:14:42
  Try to Everybody's weird in high school.
• 1:14:44
  OK, John Day, we're back to the story.
• 1:14:46
  John Day I I'm not sure do we know where that you're?
• 1:14:49
  Setting. Yeah, you're setting up.
• 1:14:50
  Your setting up buff. You're overwhelmed.
• 1:14:53
  I'm over stimulated. My eyes hurt because like of the
• 1:14:57
  wind and the dust. And the sunrise and off the
• 1:15:00
  water into your eyes it's. Rough.
• 1:15:01
  It's rough. And so I'm exhausted.
• 1:15:04
  That's a really big part of the outcome of this story.
• 1:15:08
  But I am exhausted and just like really wanting to be around my
• 1:15:13
  family and loving that they're there, but also like I need to
• 1:15:17
  get away from you. Like I need this is a moment
• 1:15:19
  where I need to be alone and I know that.
• 1:15:22
  And so I'm going to seek that out.
• 1:15:24
  And we're in this, we're in this Canyon where like there's a
• 1:15:29
  Canyon wall and the river is like up against the Canyon wall
• 1:15:33
  and then kind of this big open Meadow kind of situation.
• 1:15:40
  And then the other side of the Canyon.
• 1:15:42
  And so we're in this Meadow and you can look down the Meadow and
• 1:15:46
  it just kind of continues down through this Canyon.
• 1:15:48
  And it's beautiful, like rolling yellow hills.
• 1:15:51
  And way off in the distance, there's just like one big tree,
• 1:15:55
  one like huge tree that's bigger than any other of the trees that
• 1:16:01
  you see out in the desert like that, like just didn't it looked
• 1:16:05
  out of place to me. And I was like, OK, I'm going to
• 1:16:08
  go to that tree. Looks like there could be shade
• 1:16:10
  under there. I'm going to go and just like
• 1:16:12
  hang out under this tree and I start walking and I'm like, you
• 1:16:16
  know, when you just are over stimulated and like the second
• 1:16:19
  that you get that aloneness, it just like starts hitting and I
• 1:16:24
  just kind of I'm walking and I'm starting to cry a little bit and
• 1:16:27
  I'm like, OK, like I just like get to this tree and then I can
• 1:16:31
  really let loose. And so I get to the tree and
• 1:16:35
  it's probably, I don't know, like a quarter mile away from
• 1:16:39
  camp. Like I can see camp from the
• 1:16:41
  tree, but people at camp probably can't fully see me.
• 1:16:47
  And I get to the tree and I'm sit down underneath it.
• 1:16:50
  And I remembered like looking up at the tree like this and just
• 1:16:54
  being like, that's a really good climbing tree like that.
• 1:16:57
  That'd be a really good tree to climb.
• 1:17:00
  And then I just kind of didn't take that thought anywhere else.
• 1:17:03
  And then I caught myself not taking that thought anywhere
• 1:17:06
  else. And I was like.
• 1:17:07
  Climb the. Fucking climb the.
• 1:17:08
  Tree, like, why can't you climb the tree?
• 1:17:11
  Just do it. Like I think I was 23 years old
• 1:17:14
  at this point. It's like, yeah, just climb the
• 1:17:17
  tree. Like why not?
• 1:17:19
  So I start climbing this tree and as I'm climbing the tree, I
• 1:17:23
  have just like this experience that I I have not had sense.
• 1:17:30
  And then I hadn't had before that where I just felt this like
• 1:17:34
  overwhelming presence of like my inner child.
• 1:17:39
  And at that point, like I had been to a lot of therapy.
• 1:17:42
  I had done a lot of work in therapy and had struggled a lot
• 1:17:48
  with the idea. Like we talked a lot about inner
• 1:17:51
  child healing and a lot about like feeling your feelings.
• 1:17:54
  And I was like, I don't know what that means.
• 1:17:56
  Like I, anyone that knows me now knows that I'm a very feeling
• 1:18:00
  person. But for a long time, I genuinely
• 1:18:03
  did not know what it meant to feel my feelings.
• 1:18:06
  Like I did not know how to not intellectualize my feelings.
• 1:18:12
  And so I'm just climbing this tree and I'm sobbing.
• 1:18:17
  I'm just full blown, literally, literally just like that.
• 1:18:25
  It's a really, really good example.
• 1:18:29
  That's like, perfectly. Academy Award goes to.
• 1:18:32
  Heather, all of the awards, great reenactment.
• 1:18:36
  That's exactly what was happening.
• 1:18:38
  And I get up to this branch and I'm just like, I'm probably 15
• 1:18:42
  feet off the ground and I can see my whole family out at this
• 1:18:45
  camp and I can see out just like down this Canyon.
• 1:18:49
  And it's just all too much. And I'm just sobbing and I
• 1:18:56
  realize as I'm sitting there that that is the first time that
• 1:18:59
  I ever felt connected to myself as a child.
• 1:19:03
  And I'm like holding on to the tree because I'm afraid I'm
• 1:19:07
  going to fall. And I I close my eyes and I
• 1:19:11
  don't know how to describe what happened, but it just was so
• 1:19:17
  visceral. I was abducted by my young child
• 1:19:20
  self and I just like it feels weird to talk about it like this
• 1:19:24
  but it's like I like I felt her hugging me.
• 1:19:28
  I'm hugging this tree and like trying not to fall out of this
• 1:19:30
  tree and sobbing and I just felt her like I just knew that that
• 1:19:37
  was me and. The tree was.
• 1:19:40
  You, the tree was me. And I was like, wow, like I
• 1:19:43
  think I said out loud like you would have loved this.
• 1:19:47
  And I thought, I do love this and I'm her and I'm me and I'm
• 1:19:52
  here and I do love this. And I just had this like
• 1:19:55
  overwhelming sense of gratitude for her and for Tiny.
• 1:20:01
  For Tiny. Tiny.
• 1:20:03
  Tiny me having had all of the experiences that she had here to
• 1:20:08
  then take that and be in this place that she would have loved
• 1:20:12
  that I love very dearly and to just be like, yeah fuck it,
• 1:20:17
  climb this tree and sob and freak out because that's what
• 1:20:22
  she needed all along. And I was like, wow, like I'm.
• 1:20:26
  Probably needed a hug. I did a tree instead and.
• 1:20:29
  Hugged the tree, Yeah, probably needed to hug a person.
• 1:20:32
  Climbed a tree and hugged it instead.
• 1:20:34
  Yeah. And that was like, I feel.
• 1:20:38
  Like such a profound moment. It was so profound and such a
• 1:20:41
  pivotal moment of me realizing what being in touch with that
• 1:20:47
  meant like that had not. I had not felt that up till that
• 1:20:52
  point. And now do you feel it regularly
• 1:20:55
  when you're out and about? You can kind of tap in, yeah.
• 1:20:57
  I feel so, so connected to my inner child and, and so
• 1:21:04
  connected to my joy in a way that I wasn't as a kid, like I
• 1:21:08
  was a very fearful child growing up in a very, very.
• 1:21:12
  But not fearful of the outside. Not fearful of the outside, but
• 1:21:15
  like I had a lot of anxiety and there was a lot of really
• 1:21:17
  anxiety inducing things going on in my life and in the people
• 1:21:21
  around these lives. And and I had a lot of really
• 1:21:25
  good reasons to be afraid and that was just so pivotal to be
• 1:21:31
  like I am experiencing this joy for her.
• 1:21:35
  Like cool, that's trees were what?
• 1:21:37
  Kind of brought you peace as young age.
• 1:21:40
  When I was fearful and I was afraid, I came outside and I and
• 1:21:44
  I ran away essentially. I think they're always there.
• 1:21:48
  We went. Back, yeah.
• 1:21:50
  So. Was this was this experience on
• 1:21:52
  the John day like kind of your first time reek also recommuning
• 1:21:57
  with trees since being removed from your forest?
• 1:22:03
  Not really OK because I because I still did have access to like
• 1:22:07
  Hag Lake and and going to different places and coming back
• 1:22:10
  home. First time climbing a tree
• 1:22:12
  since. In a long time, yeah.
• 1:22:14
  Years and years and years, like. And I think that was really what
• 1:22:18
  got me. Climb a tree today.
• 1:22:20
  Climb a tree. Today climb a tree I'm trying.
• 1:22:23
  To find the tree, I don't know if I'm going to where I'm going
• 1:22:25
  today is going to have a tree, but.
• 1:22:27
  But you never know if you see it.
• 1:22:29
  If you see a tree and you think that's a good climbing tree,
• 1:22:32
  climb it. Or even just has a branch that
• 1:22:34
  you can that you hang from. Grab it.
• 1:22:37
  Yeah. Or to a tree?
• 1:22:38
  Yeah. Hug the tree around, hug it, hug
• 1:22:41
  it, touch it. Hug the tree, feel it, kiss it.
• 1:22:44
  Go gay with the tree. Gay with the tree.
• 1:22:46
  Go superstar with the tree. Happy pride month.
• 1:22:48
  Go gay with the tree this pride month.
• 1:22:50
  Nature's gay as fuck. Yeah as fuck.
• 1:22:53
  Big time Yeah. Wow, that's.
• 1:22:57
  Really a really profound experience.
• 1:23:00
  Measure them down on the inside and I want to know.
• 1:23:03
  Like what happened kind of post the realization you coming down
• 1:23:07
  and reentering camp. Did you did you re enter camp in
• 1:23:11
  like a more like less weight on your shoulders and you could
• 1:23:15
  enjoy the evening? Very much so like.
• 1:23:17
  Anybody notice and be like hey you seem?
• 1:23:20
  Different no I well actually that's not entirely true and if
• 1:23:25
  he ever listens to this, which I I don't know that he will, my
• 1:23:28
  brother would probably fight me on that because I think when I
• 1:23:31
  came back like I, I was up in the tree for a minute OK, like I
• 1:23:34
  was up there for probably like probably 20 minutes just sitting
• 1:23:38
  up there and crying heavily and eventually, you know like it all
• 1:23:46
  passed and I got it all out and then I was completely calm and I
• 1:23:51
  just climbed down out of the tree and I went back to camp and
• 1:23:54
  everybody was probably kind of like oh, where were you and I
• 1:23:57
  was like oh I just you know having a profound life changing
• 1:24:01
  moment in that tree but I couldn't really say that at that
• 1:24:04
  time so like I don't know I'm I just had to go sit by myself for
• 1:24:07
  a while just got over stimulated and.
• 1:24:10
  What caused you to be over stimulated just.
• 1:24:12
  Just the the overtiredness of the day and and the sleep
• 1:24:17
  physical. Like, oh, I guess you do.
• 1:24:19
  You do I. Sleep great on the river.
• 1:24:22
  I sleep so good when I'm camping, like the best that I
• 1:24:24
  sleep and I sleep good anyway. It's just.
• 1:24:26
  Probably hot and a lot of people just constantly there having.
• 1:24:29
  A long day. It was just a long day and we
• 1:24:32
  were all working really hard in the wind and and I was just over
• 1:24:36
  stimulated. And I'm also sad that the trip
• 1:24:38
  was ending. That was another really big part
• 1:24:40
  of that was like, it was our last night on the river and I
• 1:24:46
  didn't want to leave and I never want to leave when I go on those
• 1:24:49
  trips. And always I always cry.
• 1:24:51
  I always, always, always cry. I'm always like, don't take me
• 1:24:54
  back. Don't make me go back.
• 1:24:57
  And for real. And that one especially like
• 1:25:00
  having gotten to do so many like have more autonomy on the trip
• 1:25:09
  that I had before because I knew how it worked and I like
• 1:25:12
  understood what needed to happen.
• 1:25:15
  I just, I didn't want it to end. I never want it to end either.
• 1:25:19
  Yeah, yeah, the the last day of a river trip Blues is a real
• 1:25:24
  thing, Very real. I.
• 1:25:25
  Feel like I had that on my camping trip.
• 1:25:27
  I feel like I have that in any like weekend where we're doing
• 1:25:30
  shit. I'm just like.
• 1:25:31
  Where you're having a great time and you're living your joyful,
• 1:25:36
  leisurely life and you're realizing, wow, this, this isn't
• 1:25:40
  what I get to do every day. I have to go back to this other
• 1:25:44
  created life. And but this is where I am most
• 1:25:48
  me, most at ease, most free, most experiencing what I want to
• 1:25:53
  experience in life. And now I have to go back to
• 1:25:55
  this second other thing. That we call life.
• 1:25:59
  Yeah, it's real. I have for sure last day of a
• 1:26:01
  river trip or an experience. Like I get I get irritable and I
• 1:26:05
  get like, OK, well if we're going to end it, let's just
• 1:26:07
  fucking go. Like, yeah, if we're done, we're
• 1:26:10
  done. Let's just because as soon as
• 1:26:12
  we're done, that means we're closer to the next time we get
• 1:26:15
  to get. Back out here.
• 1:26:18
  So true. Yeah, so true.
• 1:26:20
  See, it's been many years since I've been on the river.
• 1:26:22
  I just had to download right then.
• 1:26:24
  I I'm going to take myself maybe not next week, maybe the
• 1:26:27
  following week, but I'm definitely here within the next
• 1:26:29
  couple weeks. I'm going to take myself to my
• 1:26:32
  favorite Little River spa on the Illinois good.
• 1:26:35
  And I'm just by myself, bring all my things for the day.
• 1:26:39
  Just I'm going to just like drop Roscoe off and I'm going to go
• 1:26:43
  and I'm going to bring my journal and I'm going to bring a
• 1:26:45
  book and I'm going to I'm don't even know if I'm going to bring
• 1:26:48
  music, but I'm just going to do me on my little island in the
• 1:26:53
  sun. That's what it is.
• 1:26:54
  Listen to the sound of your own voice.
• 1:26:56
  Sing your own. Son, we plan and having fun.
• 1:27:00
  That's a good thing. It makes me and Lil Wayne's
• 1:27:04
  album just dropped and he doesn't.
• 1:27:07
  He does like a sample cover of that song.
• 1:27:09
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 1:27:10
  Oh my gosh, we have to listen to that.
• 1:27:11
  Yes, that's. Probably pretty good, yeah.
• 1:27:12
  Great, Great new album, Lil Wayne.
• 1:27:15
  I love it. Carter Six.
• 1:27:16
  Yeah, yeah, fantastic. Added one of those songs to our
• 1:27:20
  Our Song a Day playlist. I like it.
• 1:27:23
  Yep, I liked it. It was good.
• 1:27:25
  Yeah, shall. We cool, Yeah, hot as it's hot
• 1:27:28
  as all as fuck out here it. Is you want to do the last
• 1:27:30
  couple little questions here? Should we do?
• 1:27:33
  Thank you for that pivotal life changing story and for embracing
• 1:27:37
  your inner child that day and continuing on.
• 1:27:42
  I think that is something that we're experiencing, you and I
• 1:27:45
  are experiencing very deeply in our cohabitation is the
• 1:27:50
  nurturing of our inner child. And that's something that you
• 1:27:56
  are really bringing into our cohabitation is the playfulness
• 1:28:00
  and the whimsy and the joy of inner child fun and nurturing.
• 1:28:05
  And I'm very grateful for that. I'm so glad that I can do that.
• 1:28:08
  That's a wonderful thing to hear.
• 1:28:09
  We literally have a a playground in our front yard now because we
• 1:28:13
  are nurturing our inner children.
• 1:28:17
  So thank you for that and and all the things when your body
• 1:28:25
  expires and you no longer exist on this plane of existence, how
• 1:28:31
  would you like to be remembered? Well, I don't want to be buried.
• 1:28:39
  We talked about that. Yes, nobody talks about.
• 1:28:41
  That and we already had our moment of of realizing that we
• 1:28:44
  want to go out the same way, which is a vulture sky burial.
• 1:28:48
  We want to be eaten by vultures. Yep, pick clean and then you can
• 1:28:50
  come and get my bones and do something cool with them.
• 1:28:53
  Shout out loud. I mean, if we just like, should
• 1:28:56
  die on a hillside, yeah, let me. Nobody got to know.
• 1:29:00
  Nobody's got to know. How are they going to know?
• 1:29:03
  How are they going to know? Are they?
• 1:29:04
  She disappeared. We haven't found her.
• 1:29:07
  Yeah, and this is what they do. Hopefully they get to fucking
• 1:29:10
  because they can't. Well, hopefully the birds get to
• 1:29:13
  you by the time people find you, because you're missing.
• 1:29:15
  Yeah. Well, well, no, I'm I don't plan
• 1:29:18
  on like going missing and then being I plan on more like, OK,
• 1:29:22
  it's my time to die. This is where I'm going to go to
• 1:29:25
  die. Leave me there until my bones
• 1:29:28
  are clean kind of a thing. I hope that happens for you.
• 1:29:32
  I hope so too. I really really hope.
• 1:29:34
  That, that happens for all of us.
• 1:29:35
  Yeah, that's the rough. My dad's plan A was to just
• 1:29:38
  wander off into the desert with a bottle of Scotch.
• 1:29:40
  And same with mine. That didn't get to happen.
• 1:29:43
  We ended up on Plan Z, So yeah. I think that.
• 1:29:46
  It's good to have multiple plans, yeah.
• 1:29:47
  It is. It is.
• 1:29:48
  That's plan A. But I think that I would like to
• 1:29:51
  be remembered as someone that just cared deeply about like
• 1:29:57
  everything cool, because I do. I care deeply about everyone and
• 1:30:02
  everything. And yeah, I think I'd like to be
• 1:30:06
  remembered similarly to the way that I remember my OPA as like
• 1:30:12
  the kindest, most generous, most thoughtful, happy, just like a
• 1:30:20
  glowing beacon of like, just joyous life experience.
• 1:30:26
  Like, that is the way that I remember him.
• 1:30:27
  And I think that's the way that I would like to be remembered.
• 1:30:30
  And natural intelligence, you talk a lot about his his full
• 1:30:34
  brain of. Intellectual nature, Well,
• 1:30:39
  because he paid so much attention to everything.
• 1:30:42
  And that's something that I pride myself on noticing.
• 1:30:44
  Is is noticing? Noticing.
• 1:30:46
  Yeah, is big and, and just the like he was very sentimental in
• 1:30:52
  in all things. Like he was the kind of person
• 1:30:54
  that would walk down a street lined with trees and pick one
• 1:30:58
  out and be like, that's a really good tree and stand there and
• 1:31:01
  look at it for a minute. And like he instilled that in me
• 1:31:05
  from a very young age to really notice things and really pay
• 1:31:09
  attention to beauty. And that is so core to who I am.
• 1:31:15
  That is how I would like to be remembered.
• 1:31:17
  Beautiful. I will remember you.
• 1:31:20
  You want me to die before you? No.
• 1:31:23
  God no. No, I have no wishes for anybody
• 1:31:26
  to die in any order. I hope you die at the exact same
• 1:31:29
  time. Oh my God.
• 1:31:32
  I say that to all of my friends, like we have, like I can't live
• 1:31:36
  without you. Yeah.
• 1:31:38
  Do you want to be found? Do.
• 1:31:39
  You want to if people are interested in learning more
• 1:31:42
  about fighting with you. How would you like to be found
• 1:31:45
  and where? You can find me on my Instagram
• 1:31:48
  Asia Stinky or on my business Instagram, Instagram Eats and
• 1:31:54
  Greens. Sorry girl, just smack the fuck
• 1:31:56
  out of you trying to smack that bee away.
• 1:31:59
  My what is it eats. Under score eats, under score
• 1:32:04
  and under score greens. It'll be in the She knows it
• 1:32:06
  better than me in the. Bio.
• 1:32:08
  Yeah, the links will be there, but that's where I can be found.
• 1:32:11
  And I'm sure you will see more of Asia as she is.
• 1:32:18
  She's featured in my content. Yeah, frequently.
• 1:32:21
  I'm frequently featured frequently but.
• 1:32:23
  There's been a quite a few times where she's she's been on the go
• 1:32:26
  wildly. Red, yeah, there's clips in her
• 1:32:30
  in the intro video that we initially made and.
• 1:32:33
  I'm actually mentioned. Yeah, she's mentioned in every
• 1:32:37
  episode mentioned. Well she might be a reoccurring,
• 1:32:41
  maybe just for the hot tub hot takes.
• 1:32:43
  Yeah. And our meals when we when we
• 1:32:46
  have intermission meals between double recording days, that's
• 1:32:51
  nice. This is not the last time that
• 1:32:53
  you're going to see Asia. That's what I'm saying, yeah.
• 1:32:55
  And I'm here. We're going to keep it around
• 1:32:57
  with me. Asia's the lesbian mascot of the
• 1:32:59
  Go Wildly pod. You're talking lesbian, yes?
• 1:33:02
  I am the She's our podcast lesbian.
• 1:33:05
  Lesbian gone wild. Gone wildly.
• 1:33:09
  Yeah, lesbian gone wildly. Awesome.
• 1:33:12
  Thank you. Any final parting words or
• 1:33:16
  brilliant thoughts or pieces of advice or?
• 1:33:20
  What would be your advice to somebody that's one that I've
• 1:33:24
  been wanting to thank you to bring incorporate more into the
• 1:33:27
  pod is what is your piece of advice for somebody trying to
• 1:33:30
  seek maybe their inner child and more outdoor experiences maybe
• 1:33:34
  and they're scared to get out? Maybe they're gay and they
• 1:33:38
  don't. Maybe they're gay and they're
• 1:33:39
  trying to get out. Pay attention.
• 1:33:41
  Just pay attention. That's it.
• 1:33:43
  That's it. If it's if it's something that
• 1:33:45
  you're that you're confused about as far as internally, if
• 1:33:49
  you you're confused about sexuality or you're confused
• 1:33:53
  about even things that much less complex than that, pay
• 1:33:57
  attention. Pay attention to how things make
• 1:33:59
  you feel. Pay attention to the reactions
• 1:34:01
  of your body when you're outside and you're walking around and
• 1:34:05
  you see something that really catches your attention.
• 1:34:07
  Like go with that, follow that. Pay attention to the things that
• 1:34:12
  stop you that that catch you and follow that always that take
• 1:34:17
  your breath away. I was.
• 1:34:19
  Thinking I'm a lot of music into this episode.
• 1:34:22
  Today. You're welcome.
• 1:34:24
  She's a little A. Little theater girl.
• 1:34:27
  Yeah, awesome. Thank you.
• 1:34:28
  Yeah. Thank you so much.
• 1:34:30
  Thank you. Deep.
• 1:34:30
  Squat. And squat, please.
• 1:34:32
  Yeah, I'm a little sweaty. Oh God, just.
• 1:34:40
  Hey. Girl, hey, thanks.
• 1:34:46
  We don't have a. Secret handshake but.
• 1:34:48
  We have. Our secret is that we hug every
• 1:34:50
  day. Voting much?
• 1:34:53
  Every day, Asian eyes, primary love language is touch.
• 1:34:56
  And we've been living together for like at least three months
• 1:35:00
  probably, I want to say. And I came to her one day and I
• 1:35:06
  said, hey, I, I came very seriously, very seriously.
• 1:35:10
  I'm relaxing on the couch, I'm doing work on my computer, I'm
• 1:35:13
  listening to music, and I'm like.
• 1:35:15
  Hey, I have I have a subject to discuss.
• 1:35:19
  It comes. It's come to my attention that
• 1:35:22
  we haven't hugged in months. We need to change.
• 1:35:26
  That that's not how. OK, it will tell me.
• 1:35:28
  It will tell me what I said. I have something I'd like to
• 1:35:30
  discuss and I I immediately am like, Oh my God, what's
• 1:35:36
  happening? So I turn my music off and you
• 1:35:38
  go. Do you think that?
• 1:35:42
  Should we hug more? Like yeah, yeah, we should
• 1:35:48
  always hug more. And then now we hug every day,
• 1:35:51
  and sometimes we hug more. And then my.
• 1:35:56
  Princess Reddit film edited and produced by Heather White and
• 1:35:59
  Emily Brillant. The Go Wildly music is Rainmaker
• 1:36:02
  by Jared Masters. Special thanks to Asia Stanky
• 1:36:05
  recorded on location in Wilderville, Oregon.
• 1:36:08
  Thanks for listening. Please follow, like, subscribe,
• 1:36:11
  and of course, share. New episodes drop every Friday.
• 1:36:14
  Remember to rate and review. Find us at Go Wildly podcast
• 1:36:17
  everywhere.