Latest / Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler / Baby Daddy’s Weekend with Elle King

Transcript

Baby Daddy’s Weekend with Elle King · Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Oh, good morning Catherine, Good morning Chelsea. It's not morning,
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: is it morning? I don't know what time frame I'm on.
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: I've decided that time zones do not exist. I just
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: flew in. I was in New York for thirty six hours,
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: and now it's in my new Vegas residency. By the way, God,
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: I'm so excited. Chelsea at the Chelsea at the Cosmopolitan Theater.
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: Tickets go on sale.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: Pre sale starts Saturday, and my first date is September first.
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: For Labor Day weekend. And I have four more.
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: Dates that I announced in September and October for Vegas,
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: and then we also added a whole other bunch of
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: shows for my Little Big Bitch tour. It's all the same,
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: so you know, whether you come there, you come to Vegas,
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: or come twice.
• 0:45
  Speaker 3: We love to come twice.
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: Yes, everyone likes to come twice. That's what I'll name
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: my next tour.
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: That'll be that.
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: Every time I name a tour, I put some bad
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: word in it, Like last tour was vaccinated, so it
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: got flats. Anytime someone forwarded it it would be like flagged.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: And this time it was a Little Big Bitch, which
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: is also a problem putting bitch in a title. It's
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: like I don't know how to do anything. And I
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: remind her that I'm coming to the Santa Barbara Bowl,
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: which I'm so excited about.
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: And the King's Theater in Brooklyn. I cannot woo.
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: So yeah, that's the other. I'm playing some venues that
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: I've wanted to for a long time.
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Santa Barbara Bowl I.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: Played once before and it was epic. It's such a
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: beautiful spot.
• 1:23
  Speaker 4: Love it.
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: And then no, I've never played the King's Theater in Brooklyn,
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: and so that's exciting. Yes, I had a great time,
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: and I went. I saw Juliana Marguli's, you know, our
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: co host. She's great. She got a haircut and so
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: her hair was looking very she was looking very sexual.
• 1:40
  Speaker 3: Lest I mean, like still curly though right now straight.
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: It's been straight for a while.
• 1:45
  Speaker 3: I missed the curls.
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: I know, I know, but maybe it's been up.
• 1:51
  Speaker 5: I know.
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: You have to respect her and her privacy, which is
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: what I'm not doing.
• 1:56
  Speaker 3: Right now by outing her for having straight hair.
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: I'm also coming to Dallas, Texas, Austin, Texas, sugar Land, Texas,
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: all in November fifteenth, sixteen seventeenth, and I'm coming to
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: New Orleans and Atlanta, Georgia at the end of December,
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: so please get your tickets right before New Year's Eve?
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: What will I do this year for New Year's E?
• 2:15
  Speaker 3: What will you do?
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: Celebrate that? My house will fucking be done? Sorry, sorry, guys,
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: I hate to get aggressive.
• 2:21
  Speaker 3: That's okay. We had a little incident with the little
• 2:24
  Speaker 3: ol lady who runs the studio this morning.
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: Were dated on the floor like Doug did when we
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: shot the promos for Vegas.
• 2:30
  Speaker 3: Basically we headed out this morning and so I'm very
• 2:34
  Speaker 3: glad that we'll be at your podcast studio, which is.
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: Mon Oh you did.
• 2:36
  Speaker 3: You got to do it with her, and you know what,
• 2:38
  Speaker 3: Like it feels so fun when you're like totally justified
• 2:41
  Speaker 3: to be like back the fuck up, as you would say.
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, back the duck up. According it depending on
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: who you're talking to.
• 2:49
  Speaker 3: But you know, there's always something when we come in
• 2:51
  Speaker 3: because somebody has changed a setting or locked out or whatever.
• 2:54
  Speaker 3: And she had the audacity to call me a pain
• 2:55
  Speaker 3: in the ass. And I went back and I said,
• 2:56
  Speaker 3: don't talk to me like that. And it was amazing.
• 3:00
  Speaker 3: I was joking as I said I know you were joking,
• 3:01
  Speaker 3: but don't talk to me like that. I don't appreciate it.
• 3:03
  Speaker 3: This is the workplace. I mean it just it felt
• 3:05
  Speaker 3: so good. Yess it felt.
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: I'm right wearing your Dear Chelsea hat. By the way,
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: merch is available at Chelseahandler dot com. Right where you
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: buy all your tickets from my shows. You can also
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: get merch for Dear Chelsea. I had a really really
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: meaningful conversation or exchange i should say, with this woman
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: at the airport the other day. Yes, I don't know
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: where data is, okay, so I just came straight from
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: the airport, so it could have been this morning, I'm
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: not sure, but about the podcast. And she was telling
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: me about an episode that really impacted her and how
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: much she loved it. It was really sweet, and I
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: was like, oh, She's like, thank God for your podcast,
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: thank you and such great advice. I was like, really,
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: I sometimes I forget I even have a podcast, and
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: then I'm like, that's so wonderful.
• 3:46
  Speaker 3: I don't. I'm like, please let me pin you down
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: for like an hour so we can record.
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: I know, I know we have.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: We just signed a new deal for our podcast. Guys,
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: so we're being here for a long time, that's right,
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: going into going into another two seasons.
• 3:58
  Speaker 3: Oh fabulous hearing that.
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: That's exciting, and so yes, I'm very grateful to all
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: of our listeners.
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: Do we have a call to action?
• 4:05
  Speaker 3: Karen, Karen, Karen, Karen, Karen in your life.
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: Karen, my old assistant, is back in my life, you guys.
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: Karen was my assistant. She was an intern on Chelsea Lately.
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: You could tell that I just had a caffeine pack.
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: I can't drink coffee, you guys, because I don't. It
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: makes me sweat. And I just got off a plane
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: from New York, which I'm already sweating because of how
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: gross that is, even though I took a shower and
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: then I took a wet white shower when I got here,
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: like a like a horse bath, which I'm not opposed
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: to at all.
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: But yes, Karen was an intern.
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: On Chelsea Lately, and then she became like an assistant
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: to my assistant, and then she became my main assistant,
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: and then she wanted to go work in the music business,
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: and now she's back in my life.
• 4:47
  Speaker 3: I'm thrilled. She is an awesome lady.
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: She's the best. She is the best.
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: It's so nice to be reunited with someone in your
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: life that you care so much about.
• 4:57
  Speaker 3: And someone who just like facilitates things and it's like pleasant.
• 5:00
  Speaker 3: I mean, it's just she's great. I just think she's wonderful. Yes,
• 5:03
  Speaker 3: not as opposed to anyone else other than maybe the
• 5:04
  Speaker 3: lady from this morning.
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: Pleasantry is always nice, pleasant behavior.
• 5:11
  Speaker 3: We have a guest who's gonna be in studio today, Chelsea.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: Oh yes, I love this s girls music. I love
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: I love her attitude. I like everything about her. She's
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: got a new single out called Baby Daddy's Weekend and
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: her name is el King.
• 5:24
  Speaker 5: This is my first time. I never get to say
• 5:26
  Speaker 5: that anymore.
• 5:28
  Speaker 4: Wow.
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: Doug, Oh, Doug, dog, it's going down on our gust.
• 5:32
  Speaker 4: It's already going so well.
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, I'm so sorry.
• 5:37
  Speaker 4: He just please know each other.
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: Please welcome Doug Handler and el King.
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: They arrived together in studio and Doug was just got
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: caught between her legs. Okay, now he's lying down, el King.
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: I want to talk about it. First of all, I'm
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: a huge fan.
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: Of your music. I love you. Would you consider yourself
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: a country music artist?
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, I would good because I shouldn't be categorizing
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: any sort of music.
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: Okay, so you're a country musician.
• 6:00
  Speaker 4: Yeah, now I make country now, yes.
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: As opposed to earlier when you did it make country?
• 6:06
  Speaker 6: Well.
• 6:07
  Speaker 5: When I first started, I was making alternative rock and
• 6:11
  Speaker 5: it crossed over into pop. So I was in that
• 6:14
  Speaker 5: kind of whole world for a while. And then I
• 6:18
  Speaker 5: sang a duet with this big country his named Dirk Spentley,
• 6:21
  Speaker 5: and i'le him, I know him, okay, sick, yeah, great,
• 6:24
  Speaker 5: great guy, thank you, chiseled Abs, And I was like,
• 6:30
  Speaker 5: Country's more fun.
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: Country does that? Country is more fun?
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: But it also feels like country is broader than it
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: used to be.
• 6:38
  Speaker 5: And it still is evolving and changing in a lot
• 6:40
  Speaker 5: of different ways. And they haven't well, they tried to
• 6:43
  Speaker 5: kick me out, but I'm holding on for dear life.
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: How did they?
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: I mean, first of all, I want to comment on
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: all of your tattoos, because you're the first woman that
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: I've sat this close to with a.
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: Necked up do I think?
• 6:52
  Speaker 6: Oh?
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, and I've never I've never seen what is
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: that a snake? A serpent? Yeah? Yeah, a serpent? Yeah?
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: My favorite? Really fucking hate snakes. I don't want to
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: like hold one, but you want one on your neck?
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah right, Okay, So when they first tried to kick
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: you out, what happened?
• 7:09
  Speaker 4: No, they didn't try to kick me out for a while.
• 7:11
  Speaker 5: I feel like Country was pretty like warm and welcoming
• 7:16
  Speaker 5: to me, and they still are. I think a lot
• 7:18
  Speaker 5: of the people in the country world are rebels in
• 7:21
  Speaker 5: a lot of ways, which I kind of related to.
• 7:25
  Speaker 5: And my family's from Ohio, and so I felt kind
• 7:28
  Speaker 5: of at home in that space where I felt very
• 7:31
  Speaker 5: not at home or comfortable in the pop world because
• 7:35
  Speaker 5: I was like this thick bitch and people were kind
• 7:38
  Speaker 5: of mean and drinking green drinks and I was.
• 7:41
  Speaker 4: Like, I like getting shit fazed.
• 7:43
  Speaker 5: So yeah, and a lot of people just didn't really
• 7:47
  Speaker 5: vibe with me. And then Country was like, we drink
• 7:51
  Speaker 5: and have fun and it's cool and we also like
• 7:54
  Speaker 5: play arenas, and I was like, oh, that's sick.
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: I know, it's funny to think that, like a certain
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: genres of music for certain types of behavior. Yeah, like
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: rap is one category and then country. But pop stars
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: aren't allowed to be fucked up or drinking or smoking.
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: Why I don't know. I mean, that's the problem.
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: Is that they should be drinking and smoking, like out
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: in the open so it doesn't become such a problem.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: You know, like a little bit of this and a
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: little bit of that goes a longer way than most
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: people think, rather than putting up guardrails and saying no,
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: you can't do this. Yeah, that usually backfires. So what
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: age did you start to become pretty successful?
• 8:29
  Speaker 5: I'd say like around twenty six I got signed. I
• 8:33
  Speaker 5: mean I've been playing shows and touring since I was
• 8:36
  Speaker 5: like fifteen years old.
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: And did that mean you missed out on high school?
• 8:40
  Speaker 5: Oh my gosh. I went to so many different schools.
• 8:43
  Speaker 5: I got kicked out of every school that I went to.
• 8:45
  Speaker 5: I was very bad in school. I didn't give a shit.
• 8:48
  Speaker 5: And I don't know, but like teachers from all the
• 8:51
  Speaker 5: schools I went to would like come to my shows,
• 8:53
  Speaker 5: and my mom would like help me get into bars.
• 8:55
  Speaker 5: She didn't care I had a fake ID or anything.
• 8:57
  Speaker 5: And I got signed around like twenty two, twenty three,
• 9:00
  Speaker 5: and then slept with a lot of people, wrote x's
• 9:03
  Speaker 5: and no's and I was probably around twenty six, And
• 9:08
  Speaker 5: that song kind of just blew up.
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: A lot of things you're saying. Remind me very much
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: of my own experience. Okay, yeah, yeah, I wrote My
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: first book was about sleeping with a lot of guys,
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: and that put me on the map in books.
• 9:20
  Speaker 4: I mean, there's money in hoeing.
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: There is, and there weren't enough.
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: You know what the thing is is there weren't enough
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: women talking about it because we're only now experiencing women
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: being proud of being able to say, yeah, I sleep
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: around a lot and I actually enjoy that.
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I enjoy multiple lovers in my life.
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: That is a goal of mine and I have accomplished
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: it and I'm very happy about it.
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you have a son.
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: I do because one of your songs is Baby Baby
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: Daddy's Weekend.
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah right, and that's about your baby's daddy. Yeah.
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: So how does that play into your lifestyle? How does
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: that play into touring? What do you do with your son?
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: How old is he?
• 9:56
  Speaker 4: He's two and a half.
• 9:57
  Speaker 5: Oh, he's yeah, he's like like have like a kid.
• 10:01
  Speaker 5: He's so cute, he's so cool. He's traveled all over
• 10:04
  Speaker 5: the world with me. He's like hugged kangaroos in Australia
• 10:08
  Speaker 5: at two years old. Like, that's pretty cool. And he's
• 10:12
  Speaker 5: I don't know, he's my little road dog.
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: And how does you just take him everywhere you go?
• 10:17
  Speaker 4: I take him everywhere I go.
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: And how many days a year are you touring? Like
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: how many shows a year do you do?
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: Typically?
• 10:22
  Speaker 4: Probably like one hundred and fifty two hundred.
• 10:25
  Speaker 5: Oh yeah, last year we did a lot and the
• 10:27
  Speaker 5: baby was with me, I mean everywhere that I went.
• 10:30
  Speaker 5: Now he's getting a little bit older, and I because
• 10:33
  Speaker 5: I co parent, he'll come with me on my weeks.
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: Right, So tell me about the music, like the industry,
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: and your experience as a woman, and your experience with
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: other women who've helped you like along the way or
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: men who have helped you along the way.
• 10:48
  Speaker 5: I mean, I've had like a lot of great people
• 10:51
  Speaker 5: that I've met along the way.
• 10:53
  Speaker 4: A lot of men never.
• 10:54
  Speaker 5: Really knew what to do with me because they either
• 10:57
  Speaker 5: like didn't like me because they weren't attracted to me,
• 11:00
  Speaker 5: or they hated me because they weren't attracted to me.
• 11:02
  Speaker 5: But they knew that I was a good singer, and
• 11:04
  Speaker 5: so like I had like a lot of like weird
• 11:07
  Speaker 5: experiences of like having to push to that.
• 11:09
  Speaker 4: But I also grew up like like a.
• 11:11
  Speaker 5: Fat girl, so I had to be really funny, and
• 11:15
  Speaker 5: I was always in trouble and I could talk my
• 11:17
  Speaker 5: way like I've never been arrested, Like believe it or not.
• 11:20
  Speaker 5: I know, neck tattoo is shocker, but like I've talked
• 11:23
  Speaker 5: my way out of handcuffs because I can.
• 11:24
  Speaker 4: Make some I could make guy laugh, you know.
• 11:27
  Speaker 5: But I saw a lot of weird things in Hollywood,
• 11:31
  Speaker 5: and it was like kind of weird to me, and
• 11:34
  Speaker 5: nobody seemed very happy. But I loved music and I
• 11:38
  Speaker 5: was a very emotional teenager and a really really sensitive
• 11:41
  Speaker 5: and emotional child, and when I started playing music, it
• 11:45
  Speaker 5: was like the only thing that I could like put
• 11:49
  Speaker 5: my emotions down. And it's like this cathartic thing to
• 11:52
  Speaker 5: like write songs, you know. So I got like my
• 11:56
  Speaker 5: first residency in Brooklyn when I was like sixteen years old,
• 11:59
  Speaker 5: and people just started hearing me and I went by
• 12:02
  Speaker 5: my mom's last name and just kind of took off
• 12:06
  Speaker 5: from there. And then the people who helped me are
• 12:08
  Speaker 5: like a lot of friends. Like I was laughing with
• 12:11
  Speaker 5: my friend today of fifteen years she was like, yeah, bitch.
• 12:14
  Speaker 4: Your first help myself, West, I fucking gave you money
• 12:17
  Speaker 4: to buy fucking clothes. And I don't know. I feel
• 12:20
  Speaker 4: very blessed.
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: I always think like, no success is your own, you
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: know what I mean, It belongs to all of the
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: people who helped.
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: You achieve it.
• 12:26
  Speaker 3: Totally.
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: I always get asked that question about women because when
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: I was coming up, women were like, you weren't on
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: each other's side. There wasn't room for a lot of women,
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: and so like now that just seems to be melting
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: away where people are like, oh no, we can actually
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: celebrate the success someone. You know, blowing somebody else's candle
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: out doesn't make yours brighter. There's a room for everybody.
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: But that feels more recent that vibe. Yeah, unfortunately.
• 12:51
  Speaker 5: Yeah, my candle is usually like behind and like a
• 12:54
  Speaker 5: dumpster or something, or under your car. Yeah, under my
• 12:57
  Speaker 5: car fucking just got towed. So so do you like touring?
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: Do you like being on the road?
• 13:04
  Speaker 4: I do. I feel like I'm better at that.
• 13:06
  Speaker 5: You're either made for touring or you're not, and you
• 13:09
  Speaker 5: find out real fucking quick. I'm definitely made for it.
• 13:12
  Speaker 5: I don't do well sitting in one place for a
• 13:15
  Speaker 5: long time. I go totally nuts. I'm kind of kooky,
• 13:20
  Speaker 5: I guess in a lot of ways, but like I
• 13:22
  Speaker 5: actually crave schedule and routine, and also like my touring family,
• 13:29
  Speaker 5: like my band. Most of them have been with me
• 13:31
  Speaker 5: for like over eight years, so they're my longest relationship
• 13:35
  Speaker 5: and they're incredible human beings and they're the most talented musicians.
• 13:40
  Speaker 5: They've taught me everything that I know, and they've stuck
• 13:43
  Speaker 5: by me through like a lot of bullshit.
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: What you're just saying about structure, you know, with personalities
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: that are very creative. Because I don't like everything you're saying.
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: I can't I agree with so much. I don't like
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: to be stuck in one place. I don't like to
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: be tethered. I don't like someone to say I have
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: to even be anywhere for like six unless it's my
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: choice and I'm skiing because I could do that for
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: six weeks, but I don't like that. And when when
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: structure is provided, even in like you know, as you're
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: wandering around the world, but there's a structure to it,
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: you're able to actually let your creative juices fly in
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: a much more Yeah, you know, because you do have
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: the structure. Without the structure, you'd be a fucking hot mess,
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: Like I would be a mess. I need some sort
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: of parameters.
• 14:24
  Speaker 5: As long as I'm in control and no one is
• 14:26
  Speaker 5: telling me what to do, that's great.
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: That's great. Yeah, exactly.
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: Have you had any major blow ups with men in
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: this business? You don't have to name names, but where
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: you really had to lay into a man, because I
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: did that recently and it felt great.
• 14:41
  Speaker 3: Oh.
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: My friend was listening outside because I was just retelling
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: the story this weekend and my friend was listening outside
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: and when I came out of the room that I was,
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: you know, reading him in, she said, how did you
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: learn how to talk to men like that? And I
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: was like, oh, I'll teach you. Yeah, you got to
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: stand up for yourself, girl.
• 14:57
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I've had like a lot of moments, and I
• 15:00
  Speaker 5: mean probably too many that I can't even be like, like, let.
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: Me just sift through and see not any particular ones
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: that you're very proud of the way you handled yourself.
• 15:09
  Speaker 4: Never that's a hard, no.
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: Good answer.
• 15:17
  Speaker 5: Yeah, but I think it from their perspective, because you know,
• 15:21
  Speaker 5: I hate this about myself, but like, I try to
• 15:23
  Speaker 5: see from both sides.
• 15:25
  Speaker 4: But I don't know, I grew up around a lot
• 15:28
  Speaker 4: of actors, and.
• 15:29
  Speaker 5: Like it's just weird that like people get mad at
• 15:33
  Speaker 5: you because of who your parents are. And I don't
• 15:37
  Speaker 5: know if my son is gonna want to be a singer.
• 15:40
  Speaker 5: I don't Maybe he wants to be an actor, you know,
• 15:42
  Speaker 5: no offense, but I hope not a comedian, and like
• 15:45
  Speaker 5: I don't want him to be like, well fuck me,
• 15:47
  Speaker 5: like my mom is. Like the drunk country singer.
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: You know, you had a bad experience right where you
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: were performing somewhere and you got in trouble for being
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: drunk on stage.
• 15:56
  Speaker 3: Yes, I've also been there, Okay, and what happened.
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: I didn't really get into trouble, but I did it,
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: and like it was, it was a big show with
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: thousands of people. Yeah, and I just was embarrassed. I
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: wasn't like a news item, but I've done.
• 16:11
  Speaker 3: It, Chelsea. Was it in like the time before everything
• 16:14
  Speaker 3: was picked apart on social media?
• 16:16
  Speaker 5: Yeah?
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah yeah yeah.
• 16:17
  Speaker 4: Oh that's so nice.
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah that's great. That's what Yeah.
• 16:20
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm okay, So this is my first time actually
• 16:24
  Speaker 5: talking about it.
• 16:25
  Speaker 4: Okay, that was really crazy.
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: Tell us what happened?
• 16:30
  Speaker 5: All right, Okay, Okay, So I did a big no. No,
• 16:37
  Speaker 5: I not only cussed on stage, hammered at the Grand
• 16:43
  Speaker 5: ol Opry, but it was Dolly Parton's birthday and it
• 16:46
  Speaker 5: was the Opry was doing a Dolly Parton tribute. I
• 16:51
  Speaker 5: haven't spoken about it because one I.
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: Had to just chill.
• 16:56
  Speaker 4: It was a big deal. There were two shows that night.
• 16:59
  Speaker 5: I know, in in like stand up comedy, like a
• 17:02
  Speaker 5: lot of times, there's two shows a day, so there
• 17:04
  Speaker 5: was an early show and then a late show. I
• 17:06
  Speaker 5: had been going through something very heavy and traumatic in
• 17:10
  Speaker 5: my life at the time, and that day was a
• 17:14
  Speaker 5: really big day dealing with what I was going through,
• 17:16
  Speaker 5: and then I'm still going through and I suffer from
• 17:19
  Speaker 5: like severe PTSD.
• 17:21
  Speaker 4: That day.
• 17:22
  Speaker 5: I hadn't eaten, I hadn't slept in days, and I
• 17:25
  Speaker 5: was really overwhelmed. I was like a shell of myself.
• 17:30
  Speaker 5: And they called me and there was a big snowstorm
• 17:32
  Speaker 5: that day, and this other singer who's supposed to be
• 17:35
  Speaker 5: the headliner backed out like three hours before, and they
• 17:38
  Speaker 5: asked me if I would sing, if I would be
• 17:40
  Speaker 5: the headliner and sing Joeline. I was like, great, I
• 17:42
  Speaker 5: know that song, first show, fucking perfect. I take one
• 17:48
  Speaker 5: shot too many and I'm just not there in my body,
• 17:51
  Speaker 5: I'm not there. I don't remember it all I remember,
• 17:54
  Speaker 5: I don't even remember what I said.
• 17:56
  Speaker 4: I know now what I said.
• 17:58
  Speaker 5: I said, I'm milking and I'm fucking hay, and I
• 18:01
  Speaker 5: got the curtain dropped on me and then like I
• 18:05
  Speaker 5: just get like flashes of this and I was totally
• 18:08
  Speaker 5: disassociated and I just cut to like the dressing room,
• 18:13
  Speaker 5: me like on the floor.
• 18:14
  Speaker 4: Just like sobbing, like what have I done?
• 18:18
  Speaker 5: And then the next day it was like everywhere everywhere,
• 18:25
  Speaker 5: and I was mortified, and I hand wrote an apology
• 18:28
  Speaker 5: letter to the opry, and I hand wrote an apology
• 18:33
  Speaker 5: letter to Dolly, and Dolly called me a couple days later,
• 18:37
  Speaker 5: and she's just like literally, she's like proof that angels exist.
• 18:42
  Speaker 5: She just gave me really kind words and told me.
• 18:46
  Speaker 4: Well, dollar's not mad she why should the world be?
• 18:48
  Speaker 5: And made me laugh and like like that's the kindness
• 18:52
  Speaker 5: from women, you know, Like that's that's the stuff that
• 18:56
  Speaker 5: I've received that I'll never forget ever. Because I wanted
• 18:59
  Speaker 5: to fucking die and I don't know, I had to
• 19:05
  Speaker 5: like remove myself from the population for a while because
• 19:09
  Speaker 5: it just it wasn't getting any better.
• 19:12
  Speaker 4: It's like, you know, if I had a dick, would
• 19:15
  Speaker 4: it be different? I don't know.
• 19:16
  Speaker 5: But I also didn't want to even put any energy
• 19:18
  Speaker 5: into that because one, regardless of what I was doing
• 19:22
  Speaker 5: in my life and what was happening to me, that
• 19:25
  Speaker 5: I don't feel like I owe to anybody in the
• 19:28
  Speaker 5: fucking world to try and explain. And I also don't
• 19:30
  Speaker 5: think that it does excuse the fact that maybe I
• 19:34
  Speaker 5: shouldn't have fucking been drinking. You know, this is like
• 19:36
  Speaker 5: a sacred stage, and I fucked up. And so for
• 19:39
  Speaker 5: all the people who are asking for an apology from me, Hey,
• 19:43
  Speaker 5: if you were there that night and I didn't get
• 19:45
  Speaker 5: a chance to say I'm sorry to you, I apologize.
• 19:47
  Speaker 3: And I saw like your posts from around that time
• 19:50
  Speaker 3: as well, and the fact that you were like, to
• 19:52
  Speaker 3: everyone you know who was there, I love you and
• 19:54
  Speaker 3: I'm sorry, And to everyone who's just being a dick
• 19:56
  Speaker 3: to me on the internet, I love it and I'm sorry.
• 19:58
  Speaker 3: That was more of your exact words. But I thought
• 20:00
  Speaker 3: that was like very big of you, because people are
• 20:02
  Speaker 3: kind of just nasty all of the time about anything
• 20:05
  Speaker 3: on the internet these days.
• 20:06
  Speaker 5: People were telling me to surrender my child, that I'm
• 20:09
  Speaker 5: an unfit mother, and that I should off myself.
• 20:14
  Speaker 3: And like, which is crazy.
• 20:15
  Speaker 5: Maybe I did have a little like aggression built up
• 20:18
  Speaker 5: of that, and it's like the people who were sending
• 20:20
  Speaker 5: me these messages weren't at the show, and like I feel,
• 20:24
  Speaker 5: you know, Doll even said it, like no one is
• 20:27
  Speaker 5: going to be harder on me than me, Like I
• 20:29
  Speaker 5: I was very very hard on myself, and I'm mortified, Like.
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: Yes, and that's it, and that's it. That's all you
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: can do, is like you we all make mistakes like that,
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: Everyone makes mistakes, whether they're that kind of mistake or
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: different kind, it doesn't matter.
• 20:43
  Speaker 5: So but I will say like that was me hitting
• 20:46
  Speaker 5: a massive brick wall, and I made changes in my
• 20:50
  Speaker 5: life and I feel like I'm becoming a stronger person
• 20:53
  Speaker 5: because of it, and I'm not grateful for it. But
• 20:56
  Speaker 5: at the same time, like I can find a silver
• 20:59
  Speaker 5: lining and literally anything, and like I'm gonna choose to
• 21:03
  Speaker 5: use this as a tool to not defeat me, but
• 21:06
  Speaker 5: to make me hopefully a better person, and I can
• 21:08
  Speaker 5: learn from my mistakes. Now, I don't drink before I
• 21:11
  Speaker 5: go up and sing. And they're the best shows I've
• 21:13
  Speaker 5: ever played. And I'm proud to say that, you know.
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I still drink before I perform I can't
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: announce that, so I don't want anyone.
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: To get their hopes up. That's something different is gonna
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: happen for me. Okay. On that note, we're going to
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: take a break and we'll be right back.
• 21:28
  Speaker 3: If you need advice from Chelsea, write into Dear Chelsea
• 21:31
  Speaker 3: Podcast at gmail dot com. You can ask about your
• 21:34
  Speaker 3: biggest dating conundrums, the cheating scandal that's rocking your friend group,
• 21:39
  Speaker 3: the funniest marital disagreements you need Chelsea to weigh in on,
• 21:42
  Speaker 3: or anything else that's Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com.
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: And we're back without back.
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: We're back with olkid Catherine and questions from callers.
• 21:52
  Speaker 3: So many questions. We actually have some very fun and
• 21:55
  Speaker 3: specific ones from people who are in music. So okay, great,
• 22:00
  Speaker 3: first question, We're gonna go to a caller first. She's
• 22:03
  Speaker 3: about to go on stage in London, so we'll get
• 22:06
  Speaker 3: her on her merry way. So Fie is thirty two
• 22:09
  Speaker 3: and her subject line is love on tour, Dear Chelsea.
• 22:14
  Speaker 3: I'm a touring musician who's on the road about seven
• 22:16
  Speaker 3: or eight months out of the year. I've had trouble
• 22:19
  Speaker 3: keeping relationships alive when I'm gone so often that I've
• 22:21
  Speaker 3: given up and then spent a good year and a
• 22:23
  Speaker 3: half exploring myself and had a great time hooking up
• 22:26
  Speaker 3: all over the world. But now I have a boyfriend
• 22:29
  Speaker 3: that I truly love, and I want to ensure that
• 22:31
  Speaker 3: our relationship survives the ups and downs of tour life.
• 22:34
  Speaker 3: He doesn't have a visa to visit America. We live
• 22:36
  Speaker 3: in Mexico and he's from Mexico City, so he can't
• 22:39
  Speaker 3: just up and visit me in the States or Europe
• 22:41
  Speaker 3: when I have time off. So, besides communication and trusting
• 22:44
  Speaker 3: the process, as a fellow touring entertainer, what advice do
• 22:48
  Speaker 3: you have to keep things exciting and to not let
• 22:50
  Speaker 3: your fears and anxieties creep in. I'm really great at
• 22:53
  Speaker 3: self sabotaging, and I'd really like to see this relationship
• 22:55
  Speaker 3: survive the next three months. Stint, I'm gone for fie.
• 23:00
  Speaker 4: Hi, Effie, Hi, how are you?
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: Oh?
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: We're good, thank you. We have our special guest, al
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: King is here today. She's gonna help give us advice.
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: Yes, you're talking to two people who tour for a living,
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: So that's perfect.
• 23:12
  Speaker 7: Exactly perfect, That's exactly what I need.
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: Would you like to go first.
• 23:16
  Speaker 5: I'd love to go first. I feel like as a
• 23:19
  Speaker 5: touring musician, any relationship you're in is a long distance relationship,
• 23:23
  Speaker 5: so you have to have a very strong, firm foundation
• 23:27
  Speaker 5: of trust. Otherwise there's no there's nothing to build on.
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: They also don't sound like they've had enough time to
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: build a foundation on.
• 23:36
  Speaker 4: How long have you been together?
• 23:37
  Speaker 7: Seven months?
• 23:38
  Speaker 6: And that's two and a half of those months I
• 23:41
  Speaker 6: was on tour back in November and December, so it's
• 23:45
  Speaker 6: like we've only really been together three and a half
• 23:48
  Speaker 6: four months.
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: Well, that's enough to build some sort of foundation. Yeah, Also,
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: are you concerned about his.
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: Behavior while you're away? Whose behavior are you concerned about? Yours?
• 23:58
  Speaker 6: I'm I'm not even I'm not even really concerned about
• 24:01
  Speaker 6: the behavior is just well, I've had boyfriends who have
• 24:05
  Speaker 6: cheated in the past, wrong them away because they just
• 24:08
  Speaker 6: use that as an excuse to go to other people.
• 24:12
  Speaker 6: So I think I'm just I just have my own
• 24:15
  Speaker 6: mental stress and struggles about Like, you know, I trust
• 24:20
  Speaker 6: him and I love him very much, but it's just
• 24:22
  Speaker 6: the communication that's really hard, especially now I'm in England
• 24:25
  Speaker 6: and he's in Mexico, so there's an eight hour time difference,
• 24:28
  Speaker 6: and I don't expect him to talk to me all
• 24:31
  Speaker 6: day every day.
• 24:32
  Speaker 7: I just I need something.
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: Are you checking in? Are you texting at all?
• 24:37
  Speaker 7: Oh? I text all the time. I'm one of those
• 24:39
  Speaker 7: annoying multiple bubble kind of texts.
• 24:41
  Speaker 4: Yeah, me too.
• 24:42
  Speaker 7: But he's just inherently not a phone person. And you know,
• 24:48
  Speaker 7: he's just he doesn't look at it.
• 24:50
  Speaker 4: He doesn't think you know that flag is Rojo.
• 24:54
  Speaker 7: It's so I know, it's so annoying.
• 24:57
  Speaker 6: He's like that even when we're together, like if somebody's
• 24:59
  Speaker 6: text sim he just he doesn't look at the phone.
• 25:02
  Speaker 6: When we're together one on one, I am priority, which
• 25:05
  Speaker 6: is awesome. Like we never touch our phones unless we're
• 25:08
  Speaker 6: playing like a little game together.
• 25:09
  Speaker 7: So I love that very much about him.
• 25:12
  Speaker 6: So I understand why he's not constantly on his phone
• 25:15
  Speaker 6: to text me. But when I think of him, I'm like, hey,
• 25:18
  Speaker 6: I hope you're having a great day. And it just
• 25:19
  Speaker 6: seems like I have to like pool that out.
• 25:23
  Speaker 7: Of him, you know, and it is fucking annoying.
• 25:26
  Speaker 5: Have you communicated to him that you would crave like
• 25:31
  Speaker 5: a faster response, because I'm a rapid texter and if
• 25:34
  Speaker 5: I don't get like immediate gratification.
• 25:37
  Speaker 4: We have a problem.
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: I'm like that as well.
• 25:40
  Speaker 6: Yeah, I like texting, Yeah, I like texting, and God,
• 25:43
  Speaker 6: I would rather choke on a needle than FaceTime or call,
• 25:48
  Speaker 6: like on the phone. I have a social anxiety about that,
• 25:51
  Speaker 6: even if it's people I love. But yeah, actually, just
• 25:54
  Speaker 6: yesterday because I was at the airport waiting to board
• 25:57
  Speaker 6: my flight to London, so I had many and I
• 26:01
  Speaker 6: finally texted him and I said, Hey, you know, officially
• 26:05
  Speaker 6: right now, things are going to get really hard and
• 26:07
  Speaker 6: I need for you to be better and be a
• 26:10
  Speaker 6: little bit more aware of what's going on with our
• 26:13
  Speaker 6: relationship and it's it's going to be hard.
• 26:15
  Speaker 7: And I don't think he's really processed that yet.
• 26:18
  Speaker 4: Has he responded?
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: Oh?
• 26:20
  Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah he did, Yeah.
• 26:24
  Speaker 4: He did. Yeah what did he say?
• 26:27
  Speaker 6: It was actually better than I anticipated. I thought he
• 26:30
  Speaker 6: was going to kind of get on my case about
• 26:31
  Speaker 6: being needy or being annoying, but he said, I know
• 26:36
  Speaker 6: that I need to be better, and I know that
• 26:37
  Speaker 6: you know, I'm not a phone person, but when it
• 26:40
  Speaker 6: comes to love and reassurance, it needs to be more often.
• 26:44
  Speaker 7: So I'm sorry. He apologized, and I appreciate that.
• 26:47
  Speaker 4: This is I mean, I feel like you.
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like you already solved your problem before
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: you called.
• 26:53
  Speaker 7: I know, but I think it's my like, how do
• 26:56
  Speaker 7: you not stifle That's not the right word, but so like,
• 27:00
  Speaker 7: how do you kind of put your.
• 27:02
  Speaker 6: Own anxieties at ease? Like I'm just a naturally anxious
• 27:05
  Speaker 6: person all the time. Yeah, so my mind immediately goes
• 27:08
  Speaker 6: to like the darkest place possible. And with relationships where
• 27:13
  Speaker 6: I've had experience that and really badly because they get
• 27:18
  Speaker 6: bored that I'm not home, or they have their own jealousy,
• 27:22
  Speaker 6: or they have their own insecurities. It's just I want
• 27:25
  Speaker 6: to make sure that I tread carefully and correctly to
• 27:30
  Speaker 6: make sure that this lasts.
• 27:31
  Speaker 5: Can I say something what I heard and what I
• 27:34
  Speaker 5: took from everything that you just said. It sounds like
• 27:39
  Speaker 5: maybe there's some inner work that you can do to
• 27:42
  Speaker 5: find calm and peace within you and trust yourself and
• 27:46
  Speaker 5: your own gut and your own intuition that will only
• 27:49
  Speaker 5: help fuel a loving relationship outwardly if you start inside
• 27:54
  Speaker 5: first and calm that. And I think with that kind
• 27:58
  Speaker 5: of self love and self trust and like all of
• 28:02
  Speaker 5: that comes, you know, leaving a lot of the other
• 28:07
  Speaker 5: past traumas from other relationships and not being carried into
• 28:10
  Speaker 5: the next one. That's what I don't do that personally,
• 28:14
  Speaker 5: but I feel like that could maybe be helpful for you.
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you know what else, I think you definitely need
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: to do that. You have to start having a different
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: conversation with yourself because it's like you're letting your negative
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: thoughts overpower your positive thoughts. And with distance in time
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: like there, you cannot control what another person is gonna do. Okay,
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: So that's one thing, and I understand you think you
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: can by facilitating getting closer while you're gone. You've communicated
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: to him that you're gonna need more attention via text
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: or whatever that means. And even if it's texting, like
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: that's that's kind of like a relief to a lot
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: of people, Like you don't have to get on the phone,
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: you don't have to face time, you just have to text,
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: like keep up the communication. That's something that he could
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: do for you to assuaze your fears. But what you
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: can do to assuaze your fears is also if you
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: sit down and think of the worst possible scenario, which
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: would be to what that he cheated on you, right,
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: think of that, Think of that actually happening. You find
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: out he cheated on you, and then you break up
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: and then you're you like it's you're gonna be fine
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: no matter what the fuck happens.
• 29:17
  Speaker 2: Do you know what I'm saying?
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: Like, so you break up, Yeah, you're heartbroken or whatever,
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: You're gonna survive that too. Like, so all of this
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: worry and you're doing, like worrying to what availed? Do
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: you think you're gonna die? Like, You're not gonna die.
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: You're worried about someone cheating and you're worried about communication
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: Like that can't be your driving attitude, you know what
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: I mean? Your driving attitude has to be way more
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: focused and centered on what you're doing in your present
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: moment than occupying yourself with the negative possibilities. So that's
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: a conversation, like she said that you have to keep
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: having with yourself, and also a therapist or a like
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: guided meditation something that's gonna teach you how to calm
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: down and to breathe out your nerves. You know when
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: you have when they overcome you. Because if you see
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: with it and you think, Okay, I'm having this feeling
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: I'm worried he's gonna cheat on me, then sit with it.
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: Go Okay, well what if he did cheat on me?
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: What would happen? Then well we would have to break out.
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: That would suck, but you would still be alive and
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: you would still survive. It's like it's even the worst
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: possible scenario. Isn't that bad?
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: It just sounds you know what I'm saying.
• 30:18
  Speaker 7: Yeah, it sounds worse than it will be, you know.
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: And then if you go through all those feelings, it's
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: almost like you extinguish. You're like, Okay, yeah, that would
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: really suck. Now let me get on with the rest
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: of my day.
• 30:28
  Speaker 7: Wow, Yeah, I agree. I agree with all that. Me
• 30:31
  Speaker 7: and Hill are both like down yeah up, No, I
• 30:36
  Speaker 7: mean I totally I totally agree.
• 30:38
  Speaker 6: And I'm doing this like journaling process called the Artist's Way,
• 30:43
  Speaker 6: and it's basically just a journaling Like every day you
• 30:46
  Speaker 6: wake up and you do three pages of just like
• 30:49
  Speaker 6: conscious streaming, just letting out all of your stuff. And
• 30:53
  Speaker 6: I'm like finding myself aggravated because all of my writing
• 30:56
  Speaker 6: is just like Okay, I gotta like think about this
• 30:58
  Speaker 6: relationship and why it is happening, and I'm angry about this,
• 31:02
  Speaker 6: and I'm like, it's seriously taking over like my brain
• 31:05
  Speaker 6: and it's unhealthy.
• 31:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you're obsessing.
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: You're obsessing over your relationship, and it's you got to
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: like figure out a way to internally dial that back
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: because that's not serving you. So you have to start
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: thinking about all the other things in your life that
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: you're grateful for, and start thinking about that and journaling
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: about that every morning to get your mind a little
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: bit more balanced. You know, talk about the thing, what
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: are you grateful for? Your family, what your job, your life?
• 31:30
  Speaker 6: Yeah, my job, music, travel, you know, all the all
• 31:34
  Speaker 6: the things that I get to do because the music
• 31:36
  Speaker 6: is incredible, So I'm very grateful for all of that.
• 31:38
  Speaker 2: You're getting on stage soon to perform in front of
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: a live audience, right, yeah, like forty minutes, So fucking
• 31:44
  Speaker 2: focus on that.
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: Focus on enjoy love and sunshine into everyone who's there
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: to see, who you're performing with and everybody's on stage.
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: Like emanate the love and like happiness that you want
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: to feel. Just do that on stage tonight and be
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: focused only on that you're there in front of all
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: these people.
• 32:03
  Speaker 2: Go serve it up to them.
• 32:05
  Speaker 7: Yeah, I agree, with that. Thank you.
• 32:07
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and once you get all of the anxiety out
• 32:09
  Speaker 3: of the way, As someone who is married to a
• 32:12
  Speaker 3: touring musician, I will say, a tasteful nude goes a
• 32:14
  Speaker 3: long way.
• 32:17
  Speaker 4: Also, just like FaceTime sex is like.
• 32:20
  Speaker 2: Do you have sex on FaceTime? I'm on the road
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: all the time, I've never done that.
• 32:25
  Speaker 7: Well, I've ever done that.
• 32:26
  Speaker 2: You're welcome.
• 32:27
  Speaker 3: No.
• 32:28
  Speaker 6: And also like he he is definitely like he has
• 32:31
  Speaker 6: no game whatsoever, Like I can't even imagine what trying
• 32:34
  Speaker 6: to like get a nude from him would be.
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: Like, let's not focus on that. Let's just focus on
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: the previous advice. Okay, you can deal with your news
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: on your own time. Yes, we can't counsel on that.
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: It's illegal.
• 32:47
  Speaker 2: Okay, Well I have a great show tonight.
• 32:51
  Speaker 7: Thank you so much. I appreciate you guys. Thank you.
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, thanks bye. Seriously, it's like I'm upset. First of well,
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: FaceTime sex FaceTime, Like it's not really You're just masturbating
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: on FaceTime?
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: Is that what it is?
• 33:06
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it's great. Can't get pregnant.
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: You can't get pregnant on FaceTime. You want to make
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: a bet somebody will get pregnant on face time.
• 33:13
  Speaker 4: I'm not a doctor.
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: TIF talk will happen first, But somebody's gonna get pregnant online.
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: That's what's gonna happen next.
• 33:19
  Speaker 3: I mean, Chelsea gets people pregnant on this show.
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: I get you'll get your period when you leave here,
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: and you'll get pregnant. Oh my gosh, I'm very powerful.
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: I have a very powerful female energy. Okay, great, yes,
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: well our next question. It comes from me, says dear Chelsea.
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: I'm a straight woman who started a new job this
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: year and immediately hit it off as friends. The gay
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: male coworker. Not to stereotype, but he's pop culture savvy,
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: very stylish.
• 33:44
  Speaker 3: Gently spoken, and just overall adorable. I recently learned, after
• 33:49
  Speaker 3: forming a solid friendship over the past five months, that oops,
• 33:52
  Speaker 3: turns out, he dates women. This threw me for a loop.
• 33:56
  Speaker 3: Thinking that he was into men made it much easier
• 33:58
  Speaker 3: to have a friendship with him. Now that I know
• 34:00
  Speaker 3: what might be possible, I can't stop thinking about him
• 34:02
  Speaker 3: while trying to get my work done. He makes me
• 34:04
  Speaker 3: laugh every day that we work together. On the days
• 34:07
  Speaker 3: I know we'll both be in office, I feel giddy
• 34:09
  Speaker 3: and excited to get to work. I have butterflies around him,
• 34:12
  Speaker 3: and we vibe together. The problem is, I'm married. I've
• 34:16
  Speaker 3: been with my husband for a long time and honestly
• 34:18
  Speaker 3: feel very satisfied in our relationship. We still have deep conversations,
• 34:21
  Speaker 3: we laugh together, have a great sex life, and overall
• 34:24
  Speaker 3: profound connection. So it's not as if I'm not getting
• 34:27
  Speaker 3: my needs met and therefore seeking them out elsewhere.
• 34:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I bet you are getting your knees Matt. I'm
• 34:32
  Speaker 2: fucking greedy, Jesus.
• 34:36
  Speaker 3: I think it's just the fact that these feelings are
• 34:37
  Speaker 3: new and therefore exciting. How do I work with this
• 34:40
  Speaker 3: person and avoid getting too close? How do I eventually
• 34:43
  Speaker 3: get over this crush? How do I keep myself from cheating?
• 34:46
  Speaker 3: I can't imagine actually doing that, but the fantasy is there. Mia.
• 34:50
  Speaker 2: Nah, First of all, you better shut the fuck up.
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: Okay, you have a great husband, who you're having sex with,
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: who you're having deep conversations with, and who you laugh with.
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: You're busy worried about your crush. Remember that a crush
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: is a crush. It doesn't mean anything, and you can
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: control yourself because you're an adult woman. Yeah, so try
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: not to fuck your coworker. Okay, you can do it.
• 35:12
  Speaker 4: That's that's kind of me. I get it.
• 35:15
  Speaker 5: But also like if you have a good husband who's
• 35:18
  Speaker 5: making you laugh and fucks you like and is nice, like,
• 35:20
  Speaker 5: don't fuck that up?
• 35:21
  Speaker 2: Yes exactly, Yeah, don't fuck it up.
• 35:23
  Speaker 4: I mean you thought this guy was gay for like
• 35:25
  Speaker 4: five months and now you like want to fuck it
• 35:27
  Speaker 4: because he made you laugh and like.
• 35:29
  Speaker 5: Talks about fucking the housewives. Like, no, just stick to
• 35:32
  Speaker 5: your husband and like, have a fucking work crush, please.
• 35:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, welcome the crush. It's fun to have a crush.
• 35:39
  Speaker 4: You're gonna fucking blow it for you and for everybody.
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: Thank you. That's enough. Set on that topic.
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: Let's leave it to leave it on that note perfectly sad,
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: all right.
• 35:49
  Speaker 3: Our next color is Jenny. She is in New York.
• 35:54
  Speaker 3: Dear Chelsea. I opened a music venue with my husband
• 35:57
  Speaker 3: almost a year ago now, and it's going as expected.
• 35:59
  Speaker 3: Lat It's of joy and also stress. I've worked in
• 36:02
  Speaker 3: restaurants and jazz clubs for decades now, and I've always
• 36:05
  Speaker 3: enjoyed talking with guests and creating a warm and welcoming
• 36:08
  Speaker 3: environment for people to have a good time, a place
• 36:10
  Speaker 3: to leave their worries behind and fill up on all
• 36:13
  Speaker 3: of the good vibes I've worked so hard to curate,
• 36:15
  Speaker 3: but when attention is given directly to me, I'm filled
• 36:18
  Speaker 3: with anxiety. I'm terrified of going up on stage, taking
• 36:22
  Speaker 3: a mic, or being on camera. My husband, who's a musician,
• 36:25
  Speaker 3: is very entertaining on the mic and has been the
• 36:28
  Speaker 3: one to MC most nights to introduce players and groups.
• 36:31
  Speaker 3: He's going to be on tour over the summer, and
• 36:34
  Speaker 3: since I'm the other face of the joint, I should
• 36:36
  Speaker 3: be the one getting up to MC. How can I
• 36:38
  Speaker 3: overcome this fear? I want to talk to the crowd
• 36:41
  Speaker 3: of people as if I were talking to them one
• 36:42
  Speaker 3: on one, and make the room ready for a night
• 36:44
  Speaker 3: of music and fun. It's a beautiful club that I'm
• 36:47
  Speaker 3: so proud of. It's more fulfilling than I could have imagined,
• 36:51
  Speaker 3: and I'd love to have confidence everywhere in the club,
• 36:53
  Speaker 3: especially on the stage that I built.
• 36:55
  Speaker 4: Jenny Jones, Oh, Jenny, that is so wholesome and sweet.
• 37:00
  Speaker 2: You're so wholesome.
• 37:01
  Speaker 5: I am no oh yo yo yo.
• 37:06
  Speaker 2: What's up?
• 37:07
  Speaker 7: Hi?
• 37:07
  Speaker 2: HIHI king our special guest today. Hi hi hi Hi.
• 37:13
  Speaker 2: Nice to see you guys.
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: Nice to see you too, Okay, Building confidence well, first
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: of all, what I would say is take a beta blocker.
• 37:19
  Speaker 4: Because that's what I was gonna say too.
• 37:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's gonna help your nerves.
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: As far as like how you're gonna be in terms
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: of speaking publicly, I mean, you just.
• 37:28
  Speaker 4: Gotta go through it. You gotta do it.
• 37:30
  Speaker 5: And you know what, I have bad shows and they
• 37:32
  Speaker 5: make the great shows fucking great.
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: It's kind of a learning curve, like in order to
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: get good at you, you have to start doing it.
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: So you can't just like become a great public orator
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: or speaker out of nowhere. You're just gonna have to
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: go up and just I would say, like when you're
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: going up there, I would definitely get a prescription for proparamolol.
• 37:49
  Speaker 2: That's what it's called from your doctor. That's one of them.
• 37:52
  Speaker 4: I don't know if you knowed it. For one.
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: And when you're going out on stage and you're going
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: ready to getting ready to do it, I would just
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: really try to really lead with the right high vibes,
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: you know, like fun, Like I want to have fun.
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: And if you're having fun, other people are gonna have fun.
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: It's contagious.
• 38:09
  Speaker 5: And and don't try to be anyone that you're not
• 38:12
  Speaker 5: just it's it feels weird to say sometimes, but like actually,
• 38:16
  Speaker 5: just be yourself and you'll be surprised by how accepting
• 38:21
  Speaker 5: an audience is if you are your true, authentic, yes
• 38:25
  Speaker 5: person self.
• 38:27
  Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah, I just get I get nervous and I
• 38:30
  Speaker 7: get stuttery, and.
• 38:31
  Speaker 2: Well the proprietla will help that.
• 38:33
  Speaker 3: You'll get that and it won't make you feel loopy either.
• 38:36
  Speaker 4: No, no, no, that's a faster you get off stage. Yeah.
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: And also, you know, you can have a drink if
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: that's gonna calm you down. Not five probably, but like one,
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: you know, just to like calm your nerves. And just
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: if you're feeling nervous and you're feeling jittery, it's okay
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: to like lean into it and be like, oh, guys,
• 38:52
  Speaker 1: this is my first time on stage. Like hopefully I
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: don't screw this up, you know, like be yourself. You
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: don't have to like be.
• 38:57
  Speaker 2: The best at it all of a sudden out of
• 38:59
  Speaker 2: the gate. Yeah yeah, I mean I did try doing
• 39:02
  Speaker 2: a shot one night.
• 39:02
  Speaker 7: I got up and I think it made me more nervous.
• 39:06
  Speaker 2: Okay, so don't do that. Don't do that. Don't do that.
• 39:09
  Speaker 5: I recently started going on stage stone cold sober, and
• 39:13
  Speaker 5: I always felt like I messed up more when I'm sober,
• 39:17
  Speaker 5: because I'm like a like a severely anxious person myself.
• 39:21
  Speaker 4: But like I trip and I fumble and I say
• 39:24
  Speaker 4: stupid shit.
• 39:25
  Speaker 5: But at the end of the day, like I still
• 39:27
  Speaker 5: would rather be me and be experiencing it at the moment,
• 39:32
  Speaker 5: and you'll.
• 39:33
  Speaker 4: You'll find your flow.
• 39:35
  Speaker 5: And I feel like I just have a feeling you're
• 39:37
  Speaker 5: gonna end up loving being up there and you're gonna
• 39:40
  Speaker 5: tell your husband like, no, I'm fucking handling it tonight.
• 39:43
  Speaker 4: I want to be up there on stage.
• 39:45
  Speaker 7: I like that.
• 39:46
  Speaker 3: I'm also gonna just put this out there too. If
• 39:49
  Speaker 3: you really hate it, even though you're the face of
• 39:52
  Speaker 3: the place, maybe get your most like Hammy bartender to
• 39:55
  Speaker 3: do it, you know what I mean, Like you can
• 39:57
  Speaker 3: be the gal who's like mingling in the crowds, because
• 39:59
  Speaker 3: I know you said it's sort of like a safe space,
• 40:01
  Speaker 3: you know everybody there sort of thing.
• 40:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm comfortable on that.
• 40:05
  Speaker 3: Right, Like when you're on the floor, you're comfortable, right, yes, yeah. Yeah.
• 40:08
  Speaker 3: So like if you really hate it, after trying it
• 40:10
  Speaker 3: out a few times, get your most like whoever's the
• 40:13
  Speaker 3: biggest ham who works for you.
• 40:14
  Speaker 2: Have them do it.
• 40:15
  Speaker 7: Yeah, thank you.
• 40:17
  Speaker 3: Yeah, any other confidence advice scals.
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: I think confidence is just you really have to lean
• 40:23
  Speaker 1: into it and act like it's.
• 40:25
  Speaker 2: Like faking it until you make it. It's true. It is.
• 40:29
  Speaker 1: I mean, I was so full of shit for so
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: many years, and guess I'm still all my bullshit. Me too,
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: I'm still full of shit too, but it all came true.
• 40:36
  Speaker 2: So just act like you know.
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: It's the opposite of what I said ten minutes ago,
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: which was lean into your short leading into your nervousness. Yeah,
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: this isn't making sense anymore, this podcast where it's time
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: for it.
• 40:46
  Speaker 2: Okay, it's time where we have to go now.
• 40:49
  Speaker 5: I like that. I like this.
• 40:50
  Speaker 7: Thank you.
• 40:50
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna give it a shot.
• 40:52
  Speaker 4: You're gonna do great.
• 40:53
  Speaker 1: If one of the pieces of advice don't work, try
• 40:55
  Speaker 1: another piece of Yeah.
• 40:59
  Speaker 2: Take care.
• 41:00
  Speaker 1: Jenny feels to me like she really wants to get
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: up on that stage.
• 41:04
  Speaker 4: Yeah right, I mean.
• 41:06
  Speaker 2: Even though she's nervous. No, I think she wants to
• 41:08
  Speaker 2: be good at it.
• 41:09
  Speaker 4: Like yea, she does.
• 41:10
  Speaker 2: I think she's got to love it, but she's gonna Yeah.
• 41:12
  Speaker 5: But anxiety is weird. It can just totally take over
• 41:16
  Speaker 5: all of you.
• 41:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I realized.
• 41:18
  Speaker 1: I mean, my friend was talking about anxiety the other
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: day and I was like, oh, I go, yeah, I
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: guess I do have anxiety. I always like to go
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: around saying I don't have anxiety, but like being anxious
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: to go to an event, or knowing you have to
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: do something and it weighing on you all week or
• 41:31
  Speaker 1: like for a couple of days.
• 41:31
  Speaker 2: I hate, that's anxiety. That's anxiety.
• 41:33
  Speaker 5: Yeah, Like I don't go out, you know, I'm like,
• 41:36
  Speaker 5: even though I'm like, but I've been a party girl
• 41:39
  Speaker 5: my whole life, Like, I actually am a very socially
• 41:42
  Speaker 5: I'm an awkward human being and I'm socially.
• 41:47
  Speaker 4: Awkward and weird and have social anxiety.
• 41:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 41:50
  Speaker 1: Well I would never be able to tell that just
• 41:51
  Speaker 1: sitting next to you, because I'm faking it, I know.
• 41:53
  Speaker 2: And you're doing a great job.
• 41:55
  Speaker 4: Thank you.
• 41:55
  Speaker 2: Okay, we're going to take a break and we're going
• 41:57
  Speaker 2: to be right back, and we're back.
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: We're wrapping up with el King, who, By the way,
• 42:05
  Speaker 1: I want to thank you for sharing your story earlier.
• 42:08
  Speaker 2: Thank you for sharing that. I think that's going to
• 42:09
  Speaker 2: be really helpful to a lot of our listeners because
• 42:12
  Speaker 2: I've been there. It's in my new book.
• 42:15
  Speaker 1: I have a chapter about some older celebrity calling me
• 42:17
  Speaker 1: out on my bad behavior at a party where I
• 42:20
  Speaker 1: did what you're talking about, you know, something similar when
• 42:22
  Speaker 1: I was in my twenties, and I was like, I
• 42:25
  Speaker 1: will never ever have that woman speak to me again,
• 42:28
  Speaker 1: Like she's never gonna have to talk to me again,
• 42:30
  Speaker 1: because I will fix the problem. Yeah, And so I
• 42:32
  Speaker 1: think it's so it's another example of sisterhood of women,
• 42:36
  Speaker 1: showing up for women and being graceful when somebody fucks up,
• 42:39
  Speaker 1: like that is a great quality to be able to
• 42:42
  Speaker 1: give to someone else, or it's not a quality, but
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: it's a great gift you can give someone else when
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: someone in your life does fuck up, like to be
• 42:48
  Speaker 1: graceful to them about it, you know, like, Okay, I understand,
• 42:52
  Speaker 1: you know you made a mistake.
• 42:53
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to crucify you for this.
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: And when they fuck up fifteen more times, no, yeah,
• 42:57
  Speaker 1: and you say fuck off.
• 42:58
  Speaker 5: I think my biggest take from everything that happened is, Okay,
• 43:03
  Speaker 5: next time I see somebody going off the rails or
• 43:06
  Speaker 5: doing something crazy or like, you know, maybe acting poorly.
• 43:10
  Speaker 5: I now understand first and foremost as a mother, but
• 43:13
  Speaker 5: also having gone through that, Okay, I have no idea
• 43:17
  Speaker 5: what's going on behind the scenes. Obviously this is stemming
• 43:21
  Speaker 5: from a place of hurt, fear, something that's going on
• 43:24
  Speaker 5: that's really big.
• 43:25
  Speaker 4: Maybe.
• 43:25
  Speaker 5: So it's taught me a lot of empathy and grace
• 43:28
  Speaker 5: and like humility, and I don't know, I'm not happy
• 43:33
  Speaker 5: for it, but what I've learned from it is like
• 43:37
  Speaker 5: just I mean, I'm still every day learning yet have
• 43:40
  Speaker 5: a panic attack in the car though.
• 43:42
  Speaker 2: I love your hands. They're so cute. Oh, thank you nice.
• 43:45
  Speaker 1: And I like your nails that they're short, and your
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: jewelry and your tattoos.
• 43:48
  Speaker 2: Very cute hands.
• 43:49
  Speaker 1: We'll have to showcase those on my Instagram feed when
• 43:51
  Speaker 1: the episode comes out.
• 43:52
  Speaker 2: We'll just show her hands. Thank cute hands. Thank you
• 43:55
  Speaker 2: alk for being here. Thank you, hey, guys, so for
• 44:02
  Speaker 2: stand up.
• 44:02
  Speaker 1: We added a second show in Sydney, and we added
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: a second show in Prior Lake, Minnesota, which is now
• 44:08
  Speaker 1: going to be May twenty fourth. We added the Santa
• 44:12
  Speaker 1: Barbara Bowl, which is so fun. I performed there last year.
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: That's August seventeenth. The Santa Barbara Bowl. We added a
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: second show at Santa Rosa on August second, and we
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: added two dates at Hawaii. Guys, I'm coming to Hawaii
• 44:28
  Speaker 1: on July nineteenth to CA Who Louis. I'm gonna be
• 44:33
  Speaker 1: at CA Who Louis, and then I'm coming on July
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: twenty at to Honolulu. And I just added another date
• 44:40
  Speaker 1: on August first, Auburn, Washington. So and all my Australia
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: and New Zealand dates are up, and I will be
• 44:48
  Speaker 1: announcing a European tour shortly and May third, which is
• 44:53
  Speaker 1: my mother's birthday, Norman, Oklahoma, so come.
• 44:57
  Speaker 3: If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email
• 44:59
  Speaker 3: at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be
• 45:02
  Speaker 3: sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited
• 45:05
  Speaker 3: and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Katherine Law and
• 45:09
  Speaker 3: be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot
• 45:11
  Speaker 3: com