Latest / The Delicious Culture with Jon Francois / Ryan Gosling Is Delicious w/ Matt O'Neill

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Ryan Gosling Is Delicious w/ Matt O'Neill · The Delicious Culture with Jon Francois

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when I got super upset and anxious and worried
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as you did too about possibly losing your job
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and my wife possibly not being able to walk that
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can inspire some action. So it's not that they're
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all bad. It's just that they don't feel good,
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but they get bad when we stay stuck in them.
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If we stay stuck in anxiety, then we live in
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anxiety. Or if we stay stuck in depression, then
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we live in depression. Or if we stay stuck in
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perfectionism, then we live with this guilt and
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this heaviness on us. Delicious. Grab a plate
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and feast on the delicious culture. I'm your
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host, John Francois. We are feasting on food,
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pop culture, and lifestyle with the host of the
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Good Mood Revolution podcast, Matt O 'Neill.
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Matt, so much of a pleasure to have you on the
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show. I'm based in Vermont. Where are you? Charleston,
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South Carolina. Nice. Now, is that where? No.
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How close are you to Myrtle Beach? Because I'm
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thinking of like the summer tourism that starts
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to come around this time of year. We are two
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hours from Myrtle Beach. Like Myrtle Beach is
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like the ugly stepchild of Charleston. Really?
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Oh, it's not as great as the brochures make it.
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Yeah. No, Charleston is like super high class.
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Myrtle beach is the beach town that that's a
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little bit not as high class. I see. So is it
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like, would you say it's like the Jersey shore
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of South Carolina? Yeah, it's totally Jersey
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shore. Yeah, it's Jersey shore of South Carolina
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and nothing wrong with Jersey shore. Like I watched
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a ton of like, if we were talking on this show
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six years ago, I would have been all about Snooki
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and GTL. I was that one lame kid back in college
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that was just not into Jersey Shore. I just remember
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like back in the early 2010s when it was hitting,
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everybody was watching it. And I was just like,
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eh, no, these just seem like really annoying
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self -involved people that I don't want to get
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involved with. They are. And that's what made
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it so great. Yeah, right. Exactly. Now I watch
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Love is Blind with my wife and it's the same
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kind of people, but I don't know. I guess I just
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have a... My buddy was on Love is Blind. Really?
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Yeah. And so he couldn't, his name is Mike. I
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can't remember his last name, but Mike got made
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fun of a bunch on that show for being in like
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this millionaires group. And they're like, yeah,
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we, we sacrifice one person who's poor every
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year. Like that was like all like he got a ton
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of stuff. What season was this? I think I just
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might recent one, the most recent one that came
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out or maybe it was the one previous. So I went
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surfing with him last summer in Nicaragua. So
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while we were surfing, he's like, yeah, man,
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I can't really say what happened because the
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show hasn't come out yet. And then we watched
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the show and she said no when he proposed. Okay.
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So is the, uh, so which, which state were they
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in for the show? I don't remember. Okay. Cause
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they're most recent season. I think, I think
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Mike is from, um, Colorado. Okay. Yeah. Denver,
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Denver. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Mike love is like from
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Denver. I was surfing with him. Yeah. I'm literally
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looking it up right now. Okay. Well, is he Mike
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Brockway? Is that his name? Yeah. Mike Brockway.
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Yep. Okay. Yeah. I sort of remember him. It's
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all these people kind of blended together. Once
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you watch like enough love is blind seasons.
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But, um, okay. Yeah. Uh, what I forgot what his
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storyline was. You're saying his storyline was
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like sort of like a millionaire sort of thing.
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Yeah, right. He's a super successful guy and
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like, and, and he was very smooth and suave on
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the show. And Uh, but then he got rejected on
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proposal day. Okay. Yeah. It's all coming back
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to me. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. So you guys are friends.
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Um, were you friends before you ever got involved
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in love is blind? No. So I just, I went surfing
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with some guys and he was one of the guys I spent
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a week with him surfing. He's actually a super
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cool dude. Yeah. Just a happenstance. Just you,
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you just, okay. Interesting. And, and of course
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he had to keep it secret. Like, Oh, I can't tell
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him a thing about the show until it comes out.
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And, um, Yeah, I mean, that makes sense that,
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you know, maybe the representation of Mike that
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you get in person is not what they reveal in
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the final edit. Of course, dude. You have to
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have an angle, right? They've got to have an
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angle. And so they've got hours and hours and
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hours of conversations and yet they want to,
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they want to pigeonhole each person as a certain
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type of person. And so they cut out the stuff
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that doesn't fit that narrative. And then they
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make them this narrative. Right. Right. Exactly.
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And anything to get those those viewership numbers
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that Netflix refuses to release. But they but
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they tell us they just they claim to tell us
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that it's one of the top 10 shows. So we'll just
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believe them. I think it is, man. I think the
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show is cool. Like my wife's way into it. So
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the other show that my wife's really into is
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Below Deck. I've heard of that. Yeah. Yeah. Remind
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me what the show is about. It's a reality TV
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show on a yacht. And it's just about the people
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that work on the yacht. It's about the people
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that work on the yacht. Yeah. So they all hook
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up. They all party. They all think the guests
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are rude. Like that's the whole show. Oh, okay.
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Yeah. My only, I think my only frame of reference
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for that show, I don't know if you're familiar
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with the lost culture recess podcast with Matt
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Rogers and Bowen Yang, but Matt Rogers, I believe
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is dating. I think his name is Frazier from below
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deck. I don't know if you're familiar with a
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guy named Frazier on that show, or am I thinking
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of another reality show? But it's in that it's
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a Bravo show, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
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Yeah. So, so that's, that's, that's literally,
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I interviewed for my own Bravo show and we got.
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We got super far and I just wasn't spicy enough.
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What was the show about? I went to like three
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rounds of interviews. We created a pilot and
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everything with Bravo and then it didn't get
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picked up. Uh, the show was called million dollar
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listing Charleston. Okay. And it's about, I own
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a real estate company here in Charleston, South
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Carolina. So we were going to make the luxury
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old school Charleston real estate reality show.
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And I had different agents that were going to
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be competitors of mine and like staging fights
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and all that stuff. I went, I mean, I went for
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it. I was going to be, if they had picked it
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up, I was going to totally be that reality TV
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star. So how does that kind of relationship start?
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Do you? guys like reach out to the Bravo people
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and say, Hey, we have an idea or Bravo just saw
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something in Charleston where they were like,
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Oh, we might be able to make a show out of this.
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They wanted to do something in Charleston. The
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show Southern charm. Southern charm is a reality
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TV show in Charleston. This was, they reached
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out to me before that show launched and they,
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it wasn't Bravo didn't reach out to me, but talent
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agency did. And they said, Hey, we want, we think
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the networks want to create a reality TV show
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about Charleston at the time. Million dollar
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listing New York was really big with, um, with
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all those guys that I can't, I can't think of
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their names right now. Frederick anyway. Yeah.
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So we, we interviewed, we created a pilot, we
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shopped it around to a bunch of networks. We
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didn't get picked up. Then that must've sucked.
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I would have imagined to hear that news. No,
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no, man. I mean, yeah, it would have been, it
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would have been great for fame, but like you
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have to, you have to play the part, right? So
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do you really want to be fake? They make you
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play the part. Even though it's reality TV, you've
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got to play up that you're super offended or
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upset at somebody and that there's this big beef
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and all this stuff is going on. When there's
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really not, like that's not who I am. I don't
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have big beef and a bunch of upset feelings at
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people. Right. A lot of reality is usually boring
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and not eventful. So even though they call it
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reality TV, the producers still have to craft
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some kind of storyline. and craft some kind of
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character in you to make it interesting for the
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audience to see. Yeah. So I just was too not
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that way and didn't get picked up. Yeah. Yeah.
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They probably wanted to give you like some kind
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of like bitchy real estate, like thrifty greedy
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investors treat you some shit like that. Totally.
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Yeah. And I just didn't, I just didn't play that
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energy up enough, which, which I think ended
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up being a good thing for me. Yeah. Yeah. I would
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imagine. I listened to a recent episode of your
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Good Mood Revolution podcast. It was the one
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that you had a guest on and you guys were talking
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about like negative thoughts and the impact that
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they can have on us. And that really moved me
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because it kind of reminded me of the therapy
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sessions that I would go through where my therapist
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would, yeah, essentially remind me that those
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negative thoughts that pass through in your head.
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uh, they are not true. You don't need to give
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thoughts power. They could just be a thought.
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You can let it come and go. You don't need to
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let it dictate your life and your decisions.
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And that's something that I'm still learning
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is just remembering that's like, oh, like whether
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it be how I did with this acting performance
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or how I did with this podcast interview or how
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I said this to that friend that I haven't seen
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in a while. Like, sure, you could beat yourself
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up about it. You could say all the terrible things
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in your head about it, but, um, you know, doesn't
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define who you are. It's just a thought. Provide
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evidence. I remember when you said provide evidence.
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That's, that's something that my therapist would
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always say to me is just like, what, what is
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the evidence for that thought? Nine times out
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of 10 you find out that is it is that does that
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thought have any basis in reality? Do we have
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real evidence for it? That is such a good way
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that is such a good thing to go to I I we were
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just spiraling in my household this morning.
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Oh, really? Tell me. Tell me more. So we we're
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going we're going on this massive trip. My wife's
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niece is getting married in Spain and we're flying
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out Saturday. And my wife is playing tennis yesterday
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afternoon and hurts her knee bad. She calls me
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from the kids practice and she's like, I can't
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walk. Like I'm not going to be able to walk off
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the tee ball field. And I'm like, oh man, do
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I need to come pick you up? She's like, no, I
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think I can get myself home. That night she's
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in excruciating pain. Next morning she's like,
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man, I can't even bend this thing. And that was
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this morning. And I'm like, Man, I'm just picturing
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myself pushing her through Spain in a wheelchair.
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And we've got four kids, man. They're all coming
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with us on the plane and like, this is, and this
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is a huge trip. It's just like the worst time
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to break your kneecap. Yeah. And I've got like
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worst case scenario thoughts spinning. And to
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your point, show me the evidence. Her knee was
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so hurt that she couldn't stand, right? That's
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the evidence, but I didn't have evidence from
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like a doctor that this thing is. that we need
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surgery. We have to cancel the trip. Like I was
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just thinking like, all right, we're going to
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have to go get this thing cut into. She's going
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to have this giant thing down her leg, crutches,
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all of it. And she ends up getting in to see
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a physical therapist today. The physical therapist
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said, Oh no, the knee's fine. And it gave her
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a belt, tighten the belt up. All of a sudden
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she's walking without pain. Oh my God. Isn't
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that funny, right? But that's the point of these
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negative thoughts. The negative thoughts are
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always going to go to the worst case scenario.
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And as I'm crashing out, I'm short with my daughter.
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Then I said something mean to my wife, the one
11:06
who's in pain. And then my daughter looks at
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me and she's like, dude, you got to do better.
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Kids sometimes know better, man. I don't blame
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her. I'm like, she's the one in pain and I'm
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stressed about it. And so that I'm the one that's
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crashing. But these negative thoughts weren't
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even true. That's how all of them are. All of
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our negative thoughts, if we choose to believe
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them, will make a spiral. But they're never like...
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They're never all the way true. Yeah, I've had
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so many examples and it's part of why like I
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decided to get back on any depressants earlier
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this year was to just sort of like level my mind
11:43
out but I remember like, because I'm an Uber
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and Lyft driver, and that's how I pay the bills.
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And Lyft had this thing where they wouldn't let
11:55
me like go online for a certain period of time
11:57
because they were like background checking me.
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And I was getting very anxious and worked up
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about it. Like, oh my God, what's going on? What's
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going on? I can't get in. If I can't get in,
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then I can't pay my bills. If I can't pay my
12:06
bills, then I'm behind and I'm in debt and blah,
12:09
blah, blah, blah, blah. And I, this is like on
12:11
a Sunday night that I'm spiraling and my poor
12:13
wife is just why. watching this as like we're
12:16
trying to have a good time in front of the TV,
12:19
like watching TV and eating our dinner. Um, and
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I'm just so all consumed with this thinking that
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it's the end of the world, blah, blah, blah.
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And really all it took was to just. breathe and
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maybe wait till the next day when a support person
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would likely be available to fix the issue. And
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after, you know, a few childish temper tantrums
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and realizing that like, oh yeah, this is not
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going anywhere. I'm going to have to just wait
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until the next day to figure this out. I figured
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this out with support on the phone and it's that
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thing of much like what you said with the physical
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therapist, you know, within the snap of a finger,
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it's like, oh yeah, yeah, it's, it was just this
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and you just had to. set us a new version of
13:02
your registration and, and boom, now you're back
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on. And moments like that is when you're just
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reflecting, you're just like, Oh my God, like
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what did, did I need to let those negative thoughts
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that I need to let that spiral affect me? No,
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I did not. I could have just, you know, notice
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what I was thinking and provide the evidence
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of whatever anxiety I was feeling like, Oh my
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God, I'm never going to drive again. I'm never
13:24
going to pay my bills again. Like But no, I was
13:26
just so caught up in like, oh, this is, this
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terrible thing is happening in this moment because
13:30
of this terrible thing happening, it'll lead
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to that terrible thing and that terrible thing.
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And, you know, so I totally get what you mean.
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Yeah, they're there to help you. So those thoughts
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were there to help you because you have to provide
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for your family. And so your, our brain will
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go and freak ourselves out because it wants us
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to do something to help ourselves. My brain was
13:48
freaking out about what are we going to do? Because
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it's like, man, we've got this huge trip we've
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all been so excited for. We don't want it to
13:55
be ruined. So freaking out about it, or maybe
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my, like, I was having thoughts like, man, maybe
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she'll never walk right again the rest of her
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life. That's how far I took it. But my brain
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was only trying to help me come up with some
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solutions to help, right? To help the family.
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Yeah. That's what your brain, that's what your
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brain was doing too. It's like, man, I'm going
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to give you the worst case scenario. So you take
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action and you call support and you figure this
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out. Same thing, right? So we, this morning.
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It prompted us to beg a physical therapist to
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let us in the same day when they were completely
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booked. But because of our intensity and the
14:34
desire that we had, they're like, yeah, I'm going
14:36
to fit you in. The physical therapist is like,
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I won't take a lunch break so I can see you.
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But if we hadn't had that kind of like urgency
14:44
about us with the way that our emotions were,
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she probably wouldn't have been moved to do that
14:50
for us. Our brain is trying to help us. Can I
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ask if you told that physical therapist that
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like, oh yeah, we have a wedding coming up. Okay.
14:59
So they got the urgency. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, and
15:01
she's a, she's a friend. Like she, she's a friend
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that helps. That's cool. Maybe we totally went
15:06
on this toll like huge, like we've navigated
15:10
all through, but I want to, I want to circle
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this back to the reality TV show. And you were
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like, man, I must have sucked when you didn't
15:16
get it. A lot of times like The thing that we
15:21
wanted didn't happen. Like you could have really
15:23
been kicked off a lift forever or a year. Like
15:25
that could have happened. Or my wife could literally
15:27
need knee surgery today. Sometimes the thing
15:30
doesn't just work out with a snap. And so when
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we really wanted to get that reality TV show
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and we didn't, like there's that disappointment.
15:39
I'm not a reality TV star, but if I was, maybe
15:44
I wouldn't have written a book. with the time
15:47
that I had. Maybe I wouldn't have started my
15:49
own podcast. So instead of being this TV star
15:53
on reality Bravo TV with fake fights, instead
15:57
I got to use those same creative juices that
15:59
I would have used in that to create all this
16:02
other media about how to be happy. Yeah, absolutely.
16:05
Now I... I think you had mentioned on the very
16:08
last episode of your podcast that you were ending
16:09
it. I think you had ended it like last summer.
16:12
Can you explain like why you did that? Yeah,
16:15
man, I studied. So I had a weekly show just like
16:18
you for three years. It was every week for three
16:21
years. I didn't miss a week. And I interviewed
16:23
all the biggest happiness stars in the world
16:26
about how to be happy. And after three years,
16:29
I realized that I needed to live the lessons
16:33
that I had been teaching. The biggest lesson,
16:37
so if you could boil happiness down to one thing,
16:39
if there's only one thing that would move the
16:41
needle, it's relationships. And my kids are 13,
16:45
just about 13, just about 11, almost nine, almost
16:48
five. They're all turning this summer into these
16:51
ages. And I don't have a whole bunch of time
16:53
left to continue to pour into these relationships.
16:56
So while we're like, okay, it's only a once a
16:57
week episode, you know, I want to find a great
17:00
guest. So that takes time. Yeah. And then I want
17:03
to prepare. Like I want to be ready with the
17:05
right questions. I want to know who this person
17:07
is. That takes time. And then once I create it,
17:09
then I want to advertise it. So it's not just,
17:12
I'm just recording this episode. It turns into
17:14
quite a few hours in a week if you want to do
17:16
a great show. And I just wanted those hours back
17:18
for relationships. Yeah. I, you know, and that's
17:22
Kind of the, uh, the, the conversation that I
17:25
wish I could have with any aspiring podcasts
17:27
or like, yeah, I mean, when you listen to it,
17:29
it can sound very fun, like just having casual
17:32
conversations with a variety of people and, and
17:34
certainly can be rewarding, but the actual recording
17:37
of the conversation and the having of it, like
17:39
that's only like half the battle. The other half
17:41
of it is the prep that goes into it. Now granted
17:45
anybody could just, you know, wing it, like they
17:48
press record conversation and then just put out
17:50
whatever they put out. or whatever they recorded
17:53
raw. That's fine. You could do that if you so
17:56
choose to do, but a good number of podcasters
17:59
who enter this space want to put out a very professional
18:03
polished product. And to do that, as you said,
18:06
it does take quite a bit of time. So I really...
18:09
You don't get a following like you've got without
18:11
a lot of intentionality. I don't have much of
18:14
a following. I don't know what you're talking
18:15
about. Dude, your show is crushing. I mean, so...
18:19
I will, I will take pride in that, like where
18:23
I was as a podcaster in 2020 versus now, like
18:25
I've certainly like learned a lot and improved
18:28
along the way. Um, but yeah, no, I mean, I, in
18:31
terms of following, I'm just all over the place
18:33
and I'm, I'm like one of the many 99 .9 % that
18:36
is struggling to find an audience. Cause it's
18:38
a, it's such a saturated market right now that
18:41
to be ambitious enough to beyond that top 200
18:46
Spotify podcast list that I look at like every
18:49
single day. You're in the top half a percent
18:52
of all podcasts. Oh, is that something that like
18:54
Spotify for creators told you on my rap thing
18:57
or something? I find that hard to believe. Oh,
19:00
your listen score is a 50. If you go to listen
19:03
notes and look up the delicious culture, your
19:09
podcast has a bigger following than 99 .5 % of
19:12
all podcasts. I mean, that's, I, I take, I will
19:18
say thank you for that kind information. Um,
19:22
and I will just keep doing the work. That's,
19:26
that's what I will do. I know that evidence of
19:29
me really having an effect on this is when I
19:32
start to get paid for doing it once I start to
19:35
get. Yeah. It's like, I know, and it's like all
19:38
superficial stuff, right? But like, um, I just,
19:42
I just put the, I just put the link in the show
19:44
notes. You should be really proud of what you're
19:45
doing. Thank you. I appreciate that. That, that,
19:47
that means a lot. That means a lot. I, I put
19:49
a lot, I put as much work and passion as I can
19:52
into it, but I also know that there's still a
19:54
lot more work left to be done. It's like, you
19:56
know, it's like, um, I always wanted to be like,
20:00
okay, if I could just get to 15 ,000 a week,
20:04
I could get to 15 ,000 a week. I could get all
20:07
of my production costs covered and then some.
20:11
And that's like, we're talking about everyone
20:13
that shoots a basketball says, man, if I could
20:15
just get to the NBA, if I could just be one of
20:19
the 10 guys that gets drafted in the top 10,
20:22
because those are the only ones that stick in
20:23
the NBA. We're talking about 10 people a year
20:25
get to that level. You know, and then you've
20:29
got like, then you got super great college stars
20:32
and you've got other, you know, there's all these
20:34
other piece aspects that maybe didn't, weren't
20:37
one of the top 10 drafted NBA players, but they
20:40
also are making an impact in the sport. And that's...
20:45
Yeah. I totally get what you mean. And on the...
20:49
Numbers conversation. I think what stuck with
20:51
me. I don't know if you're familiar with The
20:54
people have bus proud they have this fantastic
20:56
Sort of like oh how to be a podcasters sort of
20:59
podcasts that they do and I think it's only available
21:00
to listen on like Apple podcasts for some reason
21:02
They're not on Spotify But I remember them telling
21:06
me about like oh, yeah The easiest thing to do
21:09
as a podcaster is to like obsess about numbers
21:11
like, you know What are your listener numbers
21:12
social media numbers blah blah blah and it can
21:15
be a very sort of dangerous and meaningless thing
21:20
to focus on that, because even if you get to
21:22
your goal, say if you want to get to a thousand
21:25
listens, then what's the natural next thing?
21:30
It's like, oh, let me get to 10 ,000. Oh, I got
21:32
to 10 ,000. Let me get to 20 ,000. So it's like,
21:34
I think what I've been learning for the past
21:37
year or so is to just focus more on putting out
21:42
the best work that you can, work that you feel
21:45
good about. and just allow whatever happens to
21:49
happen in terms of what audience wants to be
21:51
involved in that. So, yeah, I don't know. I think
21:55
I'm having a healthier relationship with numbers
21:57
than I used to have, if that makes any sense.
21:59
It totally makes sense. It totally makes sense.
22:03
I just wanted to give you a pat on the back,
22:05
though, because there are 99 % of the other podcasts
22:09
that wish they could be you right now. Isn't
22:13
that crazy? So why don't we compare ourselves?
22:17
We don't want to compare ourselves to the 99%.
22:20
We're like, no, no, I want that 0 .0001%. I'll
22:23
compare myself to that person. Right now, I'm
22:28
going to say that I'm being reminded of what
22:30
I've been trying to learn in therapy, which is
22:32
being comfortable with compliments. The natural
22:36
inclination is for me to be like, eh, no, I'm
22:39
not doing it as well as you think I do. But my
22:41
therapist always trains me to say, just say thank
22:44
you. Just say thank you. You can always leave
22:46
it at that. Can you talk about the delicious
22:50
meal that you had lately? Just Sunday, my friends.
22:55
invited us to the nicest steakhouse in Charleston.
22:59
It's called Hall's Chop House. And it was me
23:02
and the four kids and my wife and my buddy and
23:06
his wife and their two kids and then our other
23:09
friend and, and then there are three kids. So
23:12
15 people. It's just giant long table for Sunday
23:16
brunch. And it was so fricking cool, man. Like
23:20
at first the kids were all shy. and not talking.
23:24
And then by the end of the meal, they're like
23:27
best friends and they're running around the restaurant
23:29
and getting candy from each other. There was
23:31
a jazz group playing like Sunday gospel jazz
23:35
as we're eating. And I got a, I got an eight
23:39
ounce filet medium rare. And so did my eight
23:42
year old daughter. And she finished that whole
23:45
fricking thing. And I'm like, all right, you're
23:47
not going to finish the steak. And then I not
23:48
finish it. So. Oh, it was great, man. I think,
23:53
you know, of course the food was delicious, but
23:56
to me, the best meal is one that's shared with
23:59
great people. And when you got great conversation,
24:02
that's what really makes a meal. Oh my God. Yeah.
24:05
I mean, I think about... And I've mentioned this
24:07
on the podcast a couple of times before, but
24:10
just having Indian food with my friend who's
24:13
a DJ, Craig Mitchell, who's also been on this
24:15
podcast recently. And yes, like the food was
24:19
delicious, but just as delicious was being able
24:22
to talk with him about how delicious it was,
24:25
and also catch up with various things going on
24:27
in our life, whether it be his music, my podcasting
24:31
and acting work, and the politics in our world
24:35
today. There is something about great community,
24:39
great companionship, great conversation amongst
24:41
others that does amplify the taste of what you're
24:45
eating. So that's great. Um, I am so intimidated
24:50
by steaks. I, uh, I mean, I mean, I'm sure eight
24:56
ounce, what would you say medium rare filet mignon
24:59
steak that probably isn't that big, uh, compared
25:02
to other ones, but. I get anxiety going into
25:05
looking at a steak because I'm like, Oh my God,
25:07
like how chewy is it? Like how much do I have
25:09
to like dig my fork and knife through it? Like
25:12
do I need to have like mashed potatoes and gravy
25:14
with it or ketchup on it to make it better? Like
25:16
I just, I don't know man. It was brunch. So we
25:18
had, I had three eggs over medium to go with
25:21
it. Wow. So it was wrapped in a piece of bacon,
25:25
but I got the bacon on the side because I'm cutting
25:28
weight. When you eat all that, I mean, personally,
25:31
I would probably be in a sweaty food coma within
25:34
minutes, but, but you, uh, you, it seems like
25:38
you have the stamina for, for all that cholesterol
25:40
and protein and whatnot. Yeah. Yeah. Like the,
25:44
you know, I'm, I'm on a, I'm on a fitness journey
25:48
right now and learning a lot about calories and
25:51
that kind of thing. And it's a filet is actually
25:54
one of the leanest cuts of meat. So an eight
25:56
ounce flay is only 500 calories. And there are
26:00
so many things that are more than 500 calories,
26:02
like a cheeseburger. You just go to any restaurant
26:06
and try to order a main entree, like a burger
26:09
and fries, and you're looking at 1200 calories.
26:11
So you're telling me a single cheeseburger alone
26:13
is more calories than the steak? No, I'm saying
26:16
if you got like a meal, right? You get the Coke,
26:19
you get the fries, you get the cheeseburger.
26:20
It's a 1200 calorie meal. Right, right, right.
26:23
So I eat this eight ounce piece of filet, which
26:26
is a lean cut of meat, but very tender. And then
26:28
three eggs. And the three eggs are going to be
26:31
in that like 150 calorie range. So it's 650 calories
26:35
and then some fruit. So total, but the quality
26:38
of them too, because I'm not eating this fried
26:40
and there's no cheese and all the fats that go
26:42
with it. So the quality is really, quality is
26:44
really clean. Yeah. So where does this kind of
26:48
meal fit into your daily diet, so to speak? Would
26:51
this fit under like, oh, I'm gonna... have a
26:55
special occasion meal that sort of fits within
26:57
my dietary restrictions, or is this literally
27:00
kind of a part of what you would eat every day?
27:03
Am I often going to see you eat eggs and steak,
27:06
or is it more so like, oh, this is special, but
27:09
this is still kind of what I'm eating? Every
27:11
day. I'm having eggs and protein every single
27:14
day right now. I've been working with a fitness
27:17
coach, and like I said, just learning. I never...
27:21
It's like man. I don't want to think about that
27:22
stuff I want to think about every calorie that
27:24
goes in my in my body. It seems like too much
27:26
work But then you can get there's all like I
27:29
think there's a season of life where you start
27:31
to learn different things And so I'm just fascinated
27:33
with I'm fascinated with muscle growth and fat
27:36
content and that kind of thing right now It's
27:38
just just one of the things I'm learning about
27:40
right now. Gotcha. Gotcha. That is that is very
27:43
profound and I strive to be someone like you
27:47
and it can be tough because like, you know, what
27:49
do you have like all the work and podcasting
27:52
and acting stuff that I do. It's like, oh, whatever
27:54
free time I get, I just want to kind of lay on
27:55
the couch and have a pint of Ben and Jerry. I
28:00
like to casually jog whenever I have the energy,
28:02
but the energy has not been there. And I just
28:05
have to get it from out of my head to like, no,
28:07
we're going to get the weather's nicer. John,
28:09
we're going to get back into jogging. We're going
28:11
to buy the bike that we've always said we want
28:13
to buy. Like, Oh God. And you probably have so
28:15
many like losers like me that always tell you
28:17
like, Oh, I want to do all the things that you
28:20
do, but I just have to stop thinking about it
28:22
and start doing it. I, so accountability has
28:28
been big help for me and the guy that we were
28:32
at the steak restaurant with, I meet him at the
28:35
gym at six in the morning on Mondays and Wednesdays.
28:38
So every Monday and Wednesday, I know I'm getting
28:41
the workout in because I'm not going to stand
28:43
him up. There we go. And vice versa. Now, if
28:47
he's out of town, less likely to go. If I'm out
28:49
of town, he's less likely to go. But when we're
28:52
both in town, We don't miss because we have each
28:55
other that we're meeting up with. That feels
28:59
like a healthy version of codependency. I like
29:01
that. Totally. It is a healthy codependency for
29:04
sure. We got to get into this movie that you
29:08
want to talk about so much this delicious piece
29:10
of pop culture Of course is you know TV show
29:12
movie book play just anything in the culture
29:14
I remember you mentioning that you watched Project
29:18
Hail Mary with Ryan Gosling and you also read
29:20
the book that the movie is based on Please inform
29:24
me about both the book and movie because all
29:27
I've seen is like little Hollywood reporter headlines
29:30
that are like, Oh my God, project mail Harry
29:32
broke this box office record. Yeah. And Ryan
29:36
Gosling, I saw his SNL episode when he was promoting
29:38
the show and he's a naturally funny and charming
29:40
guy. Um, and I've seen him of course in other
29:43
things like the notebook and Barbie and remember
29:45
the Titans. I mean, he's a great actor. He has
29:47
nothing to prove there. Uh, but speak more on
29:49
project Hail Mary for me. Why did it touch you
29:51
so much? Okay. So I love side. I love it. Sci
29:55
-fi is my favorite genre. And when the book came
29:59
out, I did an audio version of it, but I was
30:04
looking for, I was looking for a fun audio book
30:07
and it said it was written by the same guy who
30:10
wrote The Martian with Matt Damon. I don't know
30:13
if you ever saw the movie The Martian, but it
30:16
was awesome. So Matt Damon gets stranded on Mars
30:19
and he's going to die. And then he's got to figure
30:22
out how to not die. And so the author of The
30:25
Martian, the book, The Martian wrote this book,
30:28
Project Hail Mary, and Ryan Gosling's face is
30:30
on the front of the audio book. And it says,
30:33
the movie is going to come out within the next
30:35
year with Ryan Gosling. Is that the only reason
30:38
why his face was on the audio book or was he
30:40
narrating? No, he didn't narrate it. It wasn't
30:43
the author who narrated it. They had a voice
30:45
actor who narrated it, who killed it. The voice
30:47
actor was awesome. Like he was very, very good
30:50
because there's a lot of different people and
30:51
he has different voices for all of them. Um,
30:56
so the book totally nerds out on science, which
31:01
I absolutely loved. You like it starts out in
31:06
this science teacher is on a spaceship in the
31:09
middle of space and he has no idea why he's there.
31:12
And that's Ryan Gosling. That's how the movie
31:13
starts out. He's on a ship. He doesn't know why
31:15
he's on a ship. He doesn't know where he is.
31:18
And he's trying to figure out all the pieces.
31:20
So he has complete amnesia and the book is unfolding.
31:24
And then it goes into flashbacks about what happened,
31:27
but the earth is dying. And project Hail Mary
31:30
is he's got to save the earth and he's the only
31:32
one to do it, but he's a science teacher. And
31:35
the book was phenomenal. If you love sci -fi,
31:38
if you're just like... just the suspense of saving
31:40
the world and having to be a hero. Well, a really
31:44
great hero's journey is a vulnerable hero who
31:48
doesn't think that they have what it takes because
31:51
that's all of us. It was, it was you and me just
31:53
talking a minute ago about how great your podcast
31:55
is going. And you're this vulnerable hero that's
31:59
like, doing these great things and topping all
32:03
the charts. And yet you still don't think that
32:06
you're the one that is changing the world, but
32:09
you are. But that's all of us. And so Ryan Gosling
32:12
is that character and he does a wonderful job.
32:16
The movie though, just pulls on your heartstrings.
32:20
You're rooting for him. You're rooting to save
32:22
the world. I won't give it away. Earth dies.
32:29
Okay. You just did, but, but thanks. I could
32:33
still probably just go see it. I think what I'm
32:34
fascinated by is I'm like trying to put myself
32:37
in the shoes of Ryan Gosling's character. So
32:41
as you had mentioned, the science teacher who
32:44
has amnesia. wakes up from the amnesia and figures
32:49
out that he's in space. He doesn't know how he
32:51
got there. His memories are coming back through
32:53
the whole book about what is happening and how
32:56
he ended up here. Oh, and am I able to get a
33:00
little bit of a hint as to how he found out how
33:03
he got to space? Or is that going to spoil like
33:05
literally the entire? No, no, it just, he just
33:07
starts getting flashbacks. So the, so, uh, I
33:10
mean, I'm not giving anything away with this.
33:13
The, uh, they induced a coma. for him to go into
33:16
space so that he could travel further and live
33:19
longer. Since he's a science teacher, who's day?
33:24
The people that sent him into space. Okay. Because
33:28
again, I haven't read the book and seen the movie.
33:30
I guess what I'm trying to figure out is, oh,
33:31
how does a random science teacher out of nowhere
33:34
get chosen to be put into space? Right. Right.
33:38
So in the backstory, you learned that he had
33:41
a theory. and wrote a paper in the science community
33:45
and then was a laughing stock in the science
33:47
community because nobody believed him and they
33:49
said, you're crazy. But he said, he didn't think
33:51
that life needed water to survive. Oh, that was
33:54
his theory. And that was the theory of his character
33:57
and he had published his paper and he thought
33:59
he was right. And then the whole science community
34:01
says, you're absolutely stupid. And then instead
34:03
of being this renowned scientist, he became a
34:06
science teacher. But it was that theory that
34:08
had all the scientists in the world so excited
34:10
that maybe he could be the one that would say.
34:12
earth and that's how he was selected. The guy
34:14
who said that you don't need water to survive
34:16
was selected by the time. Life doesn't need water.
34:19
But that life doesn't need water to survive.
34:21
So I wonder what about that did the science community
34:23
say oh yeah this is the guy that's gonna save
34:24
us from everything I thought that that would
34:26
get enough pushback from the science community
34:28
where they wouldn't want to trust them with anything.
34:30
Now you're gonna have to watch the movie because
34:31
I can't give any more away. I know I know I'm
34:35
basically telling you to narrate the whole thing
34:37
from beginning to end but wow this really It's
34:40
intriguing, man. The whole thing is intriguing.
34:43
It's fun when a movie is unfolding really slowly.
34:46
And that's really like the best, the things we
34:48
get the most invested in. That's why you think
34:50
about all the TV shows that you get super addicted
34:52
to. You want to know what happens next. You want
34:55
to solve the mystery. All the best shows are
34:58
a mystery. And this movie is a mystery. And it's
35:01
unfolding for you. And you just can't wait to
35:04
figure out what happens. Yeah. Well, whenever
35:07
project Hail Mary is available on streaming,
35:09
maybe it is now that I definitely have to take
35:10
a look at it I guess I'm putting myself in the
35:13
shoes of Ryan Gosling's character of like, all
35:15
right, you wake up from amnesia You're in space
35:18
and you're like, what the fuck? I mean, first
35:21
of all, I get anxiety about being in space because
35:23
of the fact that there's no air there So there's
35:26
that I know that you I know you could still have
35:28
like the astronauts suit to breathe in a blah
35:30
blah blah But like just that complete total airless
35:32
darkness. I'm just like what the hell and then
35:35
on top of the anxiety of being up in space to
35:38
be informed that, oh, Earth is dying and it's
35:41
up to you to save it. It's like, that's double
35:44
anxiety off of double anxiety. Yeah, that's crazy.
35:47
Because when he's waking up from amnesia, he
35:48
doesn't even remember that Earth is dying. He's
35:52
like back in this science teacher mode and had
35:55
totally blanked the last couple of years where
35:58
they were preparing him for this mission. Why
36:00
is Earth dying? And that's not really giving
36:04
Anything away either. Um, the sun is losing power
36:09
Yeah, so earth will turn earth will turn into
36:12
an ice age and everyone on it will die All the
36:16
crops will die. That's a very morbid the way
36:19
you're putting it out there. But wow, that's
36:21
uh So like what is just polar bears that survive
36:23
or will like literally everybody on earth including
36:25
the polar bears I mean, maybe some people would
36:28
survive an ice age. The dinosaurs didn't though.
36:30
Yeah, wait what did I'm so stupid when it comes
36:33
to science that we actually have an ice age at
36:35
one point in our past. Yeah. So I mean, that's
36:37
the, that's the big theory is that a giant crater,
36:41
like giant crater, the size of New York city
36:43
hit somewhere in the Gulf of Mexico. And the,
36:48
the, um, something happened where like all this
36:53
lava and smoke and magma came up because of that
36:56
crater's impact was so severe that we had so
36:59
much. smoke cover around the entire atmosphere
37:02
that sunlight couldn't get through and The entire
37:05
temperature of earth fell and everything was
37:08
covered in ice Wow, that's that's how the dinosaur
37:11
and they like science has proven that we had
37:14
that ice age and Yeah, it was around the same
37:17
time that the dinosaurs became extinct and this
37:20
was way before humans Existed millions of years
37:23
ago So then there was another movie that came
37:27
out in the 90s you know, I don't know if you
37:31
remember with Steven Tyler's daughter and Bruce
37:35
Bruce Willis and there was that giant asteroid
37:38
that was the same size as the one that killed
37:41
the dinosaurs was coming towards earth and Bruce
37:43
Willis had to go up in his spaceship and save
37:46
it. I've not seen that movie. No, what's it called?
37:49
I can't remember. Okay. I got a look into that
37:52
Bruce Willis and Steven Tyler's daughter. Yeah,
37:55
you know what? We got the internet right here.
37:58
Let me look at that movie that you're talking
38:00
about. Armageddon. Armageddon, that's it. Yeah.
38:04
1998. There you go. Another movie that is iconic.
38:07
Spoiler on that one, Earth Lives. Okay, that's
38:10
good. Good news finally, and the Earth is dying,
38:13
Earth is living. sort of complex. Wow. Project
38:17
Hail Mary. All right. Now I'm getting an indication
38:19
as to why this movie made as much money as it
38:21
did. Ryan Gosling is fun, man. You've seen him
38:24
on... I love Saturday Night Live. It's one of
38:25
my favorite shows, for sure. And he is so freaking
38:30
funny, man. He's hilarious. He's that for anything,
38:33
man. He's that perfect guy for work. He's a guy's
38:35
guy. Of course, all the women think he's beautiful,
38:38
but he's also a guy that you'd want to have a
38:40
beer with. Yeah. Great sense of humor. Handsome,
38:44
talented at what he does. Um, yeah, no, I'm just
38:47
thinking of like that sketch where in his recent
38:50
SNL episode where he was like in this really
38:52
like loud red cowboyish outfit at a wedding and
38:57
he was I don't know. I think his funny thing
38:59
was like he was just making weird noises or he
39:01
was like tapping his glass in a really quirky
39:03
way and interrupting the wedding proceedings.
39:06
And yeah, no, he, he, he knows how to throw down
39:08
when it comes to making people laugh. And, and
39:10
Barbie, I mean, I can't say enough about his
39:12
performance and Barbie, uh, just being this,
39:15
uh, this vision of this sort of, you know, uh,
39:21
macho, try hard, sensitive masculinity, you know,
39:25
the kind of guy that would sing a Matchbox 20
39:28
song by the fire to serenade his woman. Like
39:31
it was just, it was great. I mean, I love everything
39:34
about Ryan Gosling. He's wonderful. So I took
39:36
my kids to see Project Hail Mary and my daughter
39:39
leans in and she's like, dad, that's Ken. I'm
39:46
like, that's Ken. You're right. Yep. Yep. Oh
39:48
God. He's great. Can't say enough about Ryan
39:50
Gosling and he's married to Ava Mendez who I
39:54
haven't seen in a while I mean she used to pop
39:56
up like quite a bit in the 2000s with like movies
39:58
like hitch with Will Smith and I think she did
40:00
some kind of crime movie with Joaquin Phoenix,
40:02
but I think that she wanted a more private family
40:06
-focused life and it seems like she's just been
40:09
more in the background supporting Ryan Gosling
40:11
and raising the children and Yeah, so one of
40:14
the few Hollywood marriages that seems to work
40:18
Let's go. Let's go. I want to see, I want to
40:20
see them make it. Yeah, right. Yeah. There's
40:23
not, there's not a lot of them that make it.
40:25
It's, it's great. Like it's great to see one.
40:28
Ava recently on the tonight show. And I think
40:30
Ryan Gosling surprised her with like some kind
40:32
of birthday thing on the tonight show with Jimmy
40:33
Fallon. And I was like, Oh wow. Y 'all are a
40:36
great couple. Y 'all keeping the spark alive.
40:38
That's great. Yeah. I love that. What is a delicious
40:43
thing that's happened in your life lately? Tell
40:45
me something positive that's happening in your
40:46
world that you want to share. My theme for this
40:49
year. I like to have a theme for the year. My
40:52
theme for this year is help my kids develop.
40:54
Okay, talk more about that. My daughter is trying
40:57
out for the high school cheerleading team as
41:02
a middle schooler. She's at tryouts right now.
41:07
Wow. I'm picking her and her two friends up.
41:11
And, um, and then she, she just, she's on a competitive
41:14
cheerleading team. That's not the high school
41:16
team. It's like, there's like private studios
41:19
that compete against each other. And she wanted
41:22
to move, she wanted to move up a level. And,
41:25
um, man, I don't know a lot about cheerleading.
41:30
Me neither. I mean, there are two things that
41:32
I know about cheerleading that seem very different
41:34
from each other. Like, the cheerleading that
41:37
we get in the pop culture, like, from stuff like
41:39
Bring It On, you know, you get the impression
41:43
that, like, oh, the cheerleading stereotype,
41:45
they're preppy, they're all about being popular
41:48
and good -looking and looking great when they're
41:50
cheerleading. But then you also get, like, that
41:53
Netflix show that was hot a while ago about competitive
41:55
cheerleading, and you really get through a show
41:59
like that... that it's a sport to be taken seriously.
42:02
Like they really are really intense about the
42:05
specificity of the choreography and what they
42:07
have to do. Um, so those are the two things that
42:10
I know about cheerleading is that it could be
42:12
both a, you know, big popular girl pep rally
42:16
sort of superficial thing, but it could also
42:18
be just a very competitive, serious thing. Like
42:22
any, any other sport out there, like a basketball
42:24
or a football or whatever, you know? Both are
42:27
true. Both are true. Both things are true. Two
42:31
things can be true. Both are true. And they work
42:36
their brick and tails off. Like, you know, she's
42:39
12, about to turn 13 and she's about to do a
42:42
standing backflip. Like just crazy that a child
42:47
can condition themselves to do this type of movement.
42:51
But when she got into this gymnastics cheerleading
42:55
thing, when she was... Six and by the time she
42:58
was eight she could beat me in a plank competition
43:01
and I'm like I'm like this little eight -year
43:03
-old girl wants to Out muscle me and then she
43:06
would and I'm like shaking and sweating and about
43:08
to fall and she's like man I could go forever.
43:11
She did an eight -minute plank that day What
43:13
remind me what a remind me what a plank competition
43:15
is? When you just you just stand straight like
43:18
you're gonna do a push -up, but you don't go
43:20
you don't do the push -up You just keep keep
43:22
yourself in a board. Oh, yeah. All right. All
43:25
right Try to hold that for eight minutes. is
43:31
making me sweat just thinking about it. Wow,
43:33
that's intense. I can't, I can't. I dropped it
43:35
four minutes. She doubled my time when she was
43:37
eight years old. But it's because they work these
43:42
cheerleaders like crazy. Their core has to be
43:45
so strong. They got to be really, really strong
43:47
kids to do this type of work. So that's the piece
43:50
of that you're saying that they work really hard
43:53
and they take it really serious. And then the
43:54
other piece is they want to be really popular
43:56
and they want to be seen. That's also part of
43:59
cheerleading, it just is. So I got this, this
44:02
one wants to be really, really a top cheerleader.
44:06
That's like her thing. And I'm like, all right,
44:08
how can I support you? So I'm driving her to
44:10
private lessons. I'm helping her stretch. I'm
44:13
like, every day she's like, all right, here,
44:15
I'm going to show you these poses. And like,
44:18
we get this air track in the backyard. She's
44:20
like, Hey, can you spot me on these different
44:22
things? So that's. My goal, the theme is to,
44:25
is to help my kids develop. My next one, she,
44:28
um, man, she got benched from the basketball
44:30
team. Oh no. And she was a starter and then she
44:34
got benched and I'm like, and she's crying. She's
44:37
on the bench. Not the, the coach just wouldn't
44:40
put her in the whole game. And she's just crying
44:42
on the bench. She's like, she didn't understand
44:44
the coach didn't talk to her and say, Hey, you
44:46
started every game and today you're not going
44:48
to play. There was zero conversation. It was
44:50
just, she just didn't put her in and this happened
44:52
three games in a row. And so I talked to that
44:55
daughter and I'm like, Hey, um, there's only
44:59
one thing you can do. Like you can't control
45:01
if the coach is going to put you in, but the
45:03
one thing you can do is you can get so fricking
45:04
good that other coaches won't want you on the
45:09
bench. And so her and I started working on her
45:12
shot, working on different moves in the, in the
45:14
backyard. We were just playing basketball last
45:16
night. And I got super intense on helping her
45:18
become a better basketball player. Well, then
45:21
I got another daughter and she was doing cheerleading,
45:24
but she's like, man, I kind of like tennis. So
45:26
we went to a tennis competition here in Charleston
45:29
and the head coach of a big tennis star named
45:33
Emma Navarro was there. And my buddy knows this
45:37
coach and I'm like, Hey, would you introduce
45:39
me? So he introduces me to this coach and I introduced
45:42
my eight -year -old daughter, Kelly to him. And
45:45
I'm like, she wants to get really good at tennis.
45:47
And he said, I've got a clinic coming up. You
45:49
should come try out. And we took her to that
45:52
clinic just a few weeks ago, and then she got
45:54
into this program. So I'm helping all three kids,
45:58
right? Progress. Well, to me, that's the goal
46:00
of the year. On my birthday, which is May 1st,
46:03
they all made me a handmade card. And all of
46:06
them in marker, crayon, had written some really
46:09
nice things. One of them was super funny. So
46:11
she was giving me a hard time about how old I
46:13
am. But all of them in the card said, dad, I
46:16
really want to thank you for being so invested
46:19
in helping me grow. And man, I was just crying
46:22
because like all I want, man. All I want is like
46:26
help these kids become all they can be. And it's,
46:29
it was super cool that in their own words, they
46:31
recognized it and it made an impact on them.
46:34
I love that. Um, I guess what's going through
46:36
my head, you know, you're helping your three
46:38
daughters develop well in these sports. So that
46:42
along with the workout regimen that you implant
46:44
for yourself, I mean, that is quite a bit of
46:47
physical and mental activity that you're doing
46:49
on a regular basis. And I wonder if you've ever
46:52
had a burnout moment, do you sense that? might
46:54
be coming or is there just a certain way that
46:57
you're able to maintain that energy to do all
47:00
that for your kids and both yourself? That's
47:03
a great question. One of the quotes that I heard
47:06
at a Tony Robbins conference like 15 years ago
47:10
was from Bruce Lee. And Bruce said, the more
47:13
energy I expend, the more energy I get back.
47:18
And to a certain extent, that's right. but you
47:24
can overdo it. So I was lifting six days a week
47:27
and playing basketball too. This was eight workouts
47:30
in a week. And I was depleting myself. And so
47:35
I pushed it too far. I went too far. My body
47:39
was actually like, was not responding and giving
47:43
me more energy. So I took one of the workouts
47:45
out. and my energy improved. So I think it's
47:49
true to a certain point. If you go from not exercising
47:52
to exercising three days a week, you actually
47:54
get more energy because you're exercising three
47:56
days a week. So that physical activity actually
48:00
improves the amount of energy that you have.
48:02
Oh, all right. Well, good to know. And this is
48:09
so weird, but like I... How are each of your
48:12
daughters different in how they approach getting
48:15
better developing at a sport? Because they're
48:18
their own human beings. So I just wonder if there
48:20
is like any like distinct characteristics that
48:23
differentiate each one. Like when this one does
48:26
tennis, they're going to approach it in this
48:28
way versus how that one approaches cheerleading
48:30
or how that one approaches basketball. Like what
48:33
are those key differences that you see, if that
48:35
makes any sense? Yep. The basketball player does
48:38
not want any negative criticism. or any constructive,
48:42
no constructive criticism at all. Complete shut
48:46
down. So that's interesting. And it's understandable
48:52
at that age. I mean, cause she's how old? She's
48:57
almost 11. Yeah. I mean, it's, I'm sure that's
49:00
a very sensitive time for a kid. The other two
49:02
are, and I'm not saying criticism. I'm saying,
49:04
Hey, we could do it this way and you would have
49:07
better results. Just some feedback. She can take
49:10
no feedback. So I need to be very gentle with
49:14
the way that I'm approaching things with her
49:17
and not in a feedback sense. It's more like,
49:20
I'm just like, okay, is this something worth
49:22
me pointing out or do I think she's going to
49:24
completely shut down? And then can I do this
49:28
in kind of a sly way where I'm like, all right,
49:30
let's turn this into kind of a game where we're
49:33
going to try to use our left hand or something
49:35
like that. Um, and then my youngest daughter
49:39
is just the happiest, go luckiest person you've
49:42
ever met. She's so, she's the tennis player.
49:44
She is so happy and so excited about anything.
49:48
So she just wants time and you could be like,
49:51
Hey, you're doing that wrong. And she's like,
49:52
sweet, how are we going to do it? So she's just
49:58
like, nothing phases her. She just wants to be
50:01
out and doing it. And she's passionate about
50:03
tennis. She's like really, really passionate
50:05
about it. So she's super easy to coach. And then
50:09
my oldest daughter is kind of the cheerleader.
50:12
She's a little bit too cool to be coached. So
50:15
she's, you know, almost that teenager. And so
50:18
she kind of has to invite me in. She has to be
50:20
like, Hey, do you want to take a look at this
50:23
routine I'm working on? And then I got to be
50:25
like, Oh yeah, that'd be, that'd be cool. Okay.
50:30
Not be so overbearing like, yeah, I've been waiting
50:32
for you to say that. So that's the three different
50:36
ways. Then obviously the youngest one's the easiest
50:40
because she just wants all the feedback and all
50:42
the time. Yeah. I could definitely relate to
50:45
the basketball player, the one that you said
50:48
that is just very tough with criticism. I mean,
50:51
I've certainly gotten better with it, but I still
50:54
can. work on taking constructive criticism, constructive
50:58
feedback less sensitively, because I am very
51:06
hard on myself as it is. So to have that voice
51:12
on, to have that very kind, constructive voice
51:16
on top of the negative voice that I have, it
51:18
could be like a lot. Uh, so you would think that
51:22
the answer is like, oh yeah, just have someone
51:24
that gives you like positive reinforcement mixed
51:26
with kind constructive criticism. Yes, that's
51:28
great. Um, but even with the positive reinforcement,
51:32
sometimes I struggle with like, no, no, no, you're
51:34
just saying that to be nice. And I really did
51:35
terrible. So like, I, uh, definitely relate to
51:39
the basketball player in terms of like having
51:41
to work more on like, you know, Hey, like, you
51:44
know, if this person is giving you feedback suggestions,
51:46
they're coming from a kind place. They want you
51:48
to get better. They usually believe that you
51:51
already are doing good stuff. Here are just some
51:53
ways that you could step your game up. So. That's
51:57
the same with her. She's so hard on herself and
52:01
she demands perfection from herself that any
52:05
tweaking that I'm giving her is just like she's
52:09
already got under so much pressure internally
52:11
that she just can't take any more pressure. And
52:16
in a way that's super cool. because ma 'am will
52:19
she push herself to be great and you too, right?
52:22
Like I'm telling you how amazing your podcast
52:24
is doing and you're like, oh, it's not good enough.
52:27
So that internal drive will push you to the highest
52:32
heights. That's the only way. Otherwise if you
52:35
would just be content when you get to a decent
52:38
spot, but like the two of you will only be content
52:42
when you're the best of the best. Yeah. Yeah.
52:44
Still got stuff to work on, but I am doing better
52:46
with like Okay. So I'll edit the podcast and
52:49
then I'll listen to the final, final product.
52:52
And even if there's like stuff that I find like,
52:55
oh God, like rather than like beat myself in
52:58
the head, I will say, okay, that is something
53:00
to be worked on. And that is the great thing
53:02
about this podcast doing it weekly is that it's
53:04
an opportunity to just keep learning and growing
53:06
and growing and growing. So, um, and also, um,
53:10
I remember, I don't even know who it was, but
53:13
someone I saw said, that like, all right, imagine
53:17
you being the ultimate success that you want
53:20
to be. Where do you go from there? Like you'll
53:23
be at the top of the ladder and you could stay
53:26
up there. Yeah. But one could argue that it's
53:30
much more thrilling invigorating to fail, fail,
53:34
fail, because you're, you're always having something
53:36
to learn. You're always having something to improve
53:39
on the way up. So I think that. you know, being
53:42
able to appreciate the process of making stuff
53:44
more rather than the outcome has allowed me to
53:47
be kinder to myself with what I put out there.
53:52
I don't even know. I feel like I'm speaking gobbledygook.
53:54
No, you nailed it. You nailed it. Happiness is
53:58
progress, for sure. And that's what we always
54:03
want to be growing and progressing because that's
54:05
when we're happy. We're seeing ourself grow and
54:07
progress. And like, if you... Like, I love that
54:11
idea. Like, oh, imagine you just were the most
54:13
successful version that you could possibly imagine
54:16
and that you had millions upon millions of dollars
54:18
and that you never have to work another day.
54:20
Depression sets in. Unless you set a new thing
54:24
to grow and strive for. If you suddenly just
54:27
had everything you thought you wanted and you
54:29
didn't need to grow anymore, depression would
54:33
completely set in. So I really like that thought.
54:36
I think it's great. How many stories have we
54:38
heard of like, you know, oh, this big time Hollywood
54:42
celebrity, they set a goal, like I'm going to
54:45
get to this place in my career. And they got
54:48
there thinking that that's all that they needed,
54:50
but then they still felt that same emptiness
54:53
that they felt before they... They got there.
54:57
And, um, yeah, I don't know. I think it's just
54:59
a lesson and, um, you know, learning, growing,
55:04
making goals. It can be a thing that can last
55:08
throughout your life. It doesn't have to be like,
55:10
Oh, I'm going to get to this point. And then
55:13
that's it. I'll just coast like, no, like from
55:16
the time that you're born to the time you'll
55:18
die. Life is just sort of this interesting. roller
55:21
coaster of a journey where you keep learning
55:23
and proving, adjusting and growing. So that's
55:26
beautiful. Hopefully you and I both. Yeah. If
55:29
we want the happiest life possible, we will continue
55:32
to grow until we die. Yeah. To close out this
55:34
conversation, so I know you're not doing the
55:36
Good Mood Revolution podcast anymore, although
55:38
I wish you would because I think it's fantastic
55:40
from what I listen to. Oh, thank you. I remember
55:43
when you had introduced me on the, the pod match
55:46
.com website. That's how we, you know, match
55:49
together. Uh, it's, I mean, this is essentially
55:51
a dating service for podcasters. I love it. It's
55:53
like, you just, you just get to match with people
55:55
like you're meeting them on a date. But I remember
55:58
your opening line was like, Hey, John, like,
55:59
you know, nice to meet you. I'm Matt O 'Neill
56:01
and I tend to deal with emotional resilience
56:04
and personal responsibility. You had mentioned
56:07
that there was a book and you were kind enough
56:09
to send me a copy of your book. Can you talk
56:10
more with the listeners and watchers about that
56:13
book and if it does have anything to do with
56:15
the emotional resilience and the personal responsibility
56:17
that you're talking about? Yes. And I was thinking
56:19
about chapter two for you. Putting me on blast.
56:24
All right. What's chapter two about? The book
56:26
is about the journey from the, there's eight
56:31
primary negative emotions that plague all of
56:34
us. I got wrapped up in them this morning, as
56:38
I just said. So we'll never not experience the
56:41
eight negative emotions, but each chapter is
56:45
about each of the eight negative emotions. The
56:48
second one is the emotion of guilt, which is
56:51
perfectionism. And in this idea that I need to
56:56
put more pressure on myself to perform at a higher
56:59
level. And that is good to an extent. All of
57:03
the eight negative emotions have a positive aspect
57:06
to them. Like I said, this, when I got super
57:09
upset and anxious and worried as you did too
57:11
about possibly losing your job and my wife possibly
57:14
not being able to walk that can inspire some
57:16
action. So it's not that they're all bad. It's
57:19
just that they don't feel good, but they get
57:21
bad when we stay stuck in them. So you're working
57:24
on getting unstuck from the perfectionism. But
57:28
I have exercises in each chapter about how to
57:31
not be stuck in that emotion, because if we stay
57:34
stuck in anxiety, then we live in anxiety. Or
57:36
if we stay stuck in depression, then we live
57:37
in depression. Or if we stay stuck in perfectionism,
57:40
then we live with this guilt and this heaviness
57:42
on us. So that's the first half of the book is
57:44
what how to get out of each of those. And then
57:47
the second half of the book is how to live more
57:49
in each of the eight positive emotions. One of
57:52
those eight positive emotions is personal responsibility,
57:55
but each emotion stacks on the next one. So once
57:58
we learn how to not be a perfectionist, then
58:00
we have to then go conquer the anxiety. Then
58:03
we have to conquer the anger and we have to conquer
58:05
the pride. And then finally we get to the positive
58:07
emotions, but they all build on each other too.
58:10
So one of the earliest foundational positive
58:13
emotions is personal responsibility, where we
58:16
realize, yeah, sometimes some really shitty things
58:18
happen and sometimes they happen and I feel like
58:22
a complete victim about it. It wasn't my fault.
58:24
It happened to me. I'm not going to take that
58:27
away from anyone. Of course, bad things happen
58:29
to all of us and we didn't. prompt them to happen.
58:32
But we start to grow into a more positive person
58:35
when we say, even though it happened to me, it's
58:37
my responsibility and no one else's to figure
58:40
this thing out. And from that point, then we
58:43
can move into other positive emotions like confidence,
58:45
like a real lasting confidence. And confidence
58:48
doesn't come from being the best at something.
58:51
It comes from knowing who we are and what our
58:53
values are and knowing that we stick to those
58:55
values, even when things get tough. And that's
58:57
confidence in our character. And that's like
58:59
a super great confidence. Then we move into some
59:02
really good feeling emotions. Like how could
59:04
I live grateful every day rather than entitled?
59:07
Because that's a big thing for me is I'll be
59:09
like, man, I feel like I'm kind of entitled to
59:11
things. Like my body working correctly, my children
59:14
being alive, the sun showing up every day. Well,
59:17
we just talked about how there was an ice age.
59:19
We're really not entitled to the sun showing
59:21
up every day. It stays up every day and we're
59:24
not in an ice age by the grace of the universe
59:26
and the grace of God. So we should just say,
59:29
thank you. Thank you that we're not in an ice
59:31
age right now and the earth isn't dimming and
59:33
we don't need Ryan Gosling to go save us today.
59:38
Some women would wish that though. Yes, absolutely.
59:43
And then the highest three emotions are love.
59:47
It starts with that. So to the extent that we
59:50
can find love for everyone and everything is
59:53
the extent that we can feel joy. And joy is one
59:56
of the highest emotions we can feel, but it's
59:58
a true joy. Joy comes from love. It just does.
1:00:02
And then the final and ultimate emotion we're
1:00:04
all looking for is a pervading sense of peace.
1:00:08
So that's the book. It's the journey from the
1:00:10
negative feelings to the highest positive feelings.
1:00:14
Can you tell us the name of the book and where
1:00:15
we can find it? Yeah. It's called Good Mood Revolution
1:00:18
and it's on Amazon. That's perfect. It's the
1:00:22
same name as your podcast. So people can like
1:00:24
look for both the podcast and the book under
1:00:26
the same title. And it all blends in by Matt
1:00:28
O 'Neill. Awesome. Thank you for asking me about
1:00:30
that. Yeah. Obviously you can tell I'm super
1:00:33
passionate about that project. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
1:00:36
And I share that passion with you, if that makes
1:00:40
any sense. I just think that what you're doing
1:00:42
is really profound in the journey that we call
1:00:46
life. Matt, how can people follow you on social
1:00:51
media? Do you have a website? Like, how can they
1:00:53
reach out to you if they want to get in touch?
1:00:55
Yeah, the best place really is to connect with
1:00:57
the book. But I do have a website. It's my name,
1:01:00
mattoneal .com, and you can connect with me there.
1:01:03
All right. Perfect. Love that. Mattoneal .com.
1:01:06
As for the Delicious Culture, you can listen
1:01:08
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Follow us at The Delicious Culture. Subscribe,
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comment, like, share, all that good stuff. Matt,
1:01:41
this was great. We got to do this again, man.
1:01:43
I wish, man, I wish your podcast was still going
1:01:46
so I could say have me on it. I certainly would,
1:01:49
man. Yeah. You, you have got such a great presence
1:01:53
about you. It's just been an honor. Thank you.
1:01:55
Thank you, man. Likewise, likewise. This was
1:01:58
such a great conversation. For all of those listening
1:02:01
and watching, let's deliciousness ring.