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if you feel like you're getting "worse", this is for you. · feel your feelings with Ethan Jewell

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  When I first started taking my healing journey seriously, there
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  was a period of time where things got worse.
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  I started therapy, journaling, boundaries, self-awareness, and
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  instead of feeling better like I expected to, everything started
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  feeling worse. I felt more complicated, painful
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  feelings than before. And there was a moment where I
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  thought to myself, did I make a mistake by opening this door?
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  Did I make a mistake trying to get better?
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  And the truth is, often things will feel worse while you're
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  trying to get better for a period of time because for the
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  first time in your life, you are allowing yourself to feel your
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  feelings. You are getting to know yourself
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  better and you are opening up the door towards healing.
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  My name is Ethan Jewell and welcome back to Feel Your
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  Feelings. If you're starting to take your
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  healing journey seriously, this episode is for you.
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  I want to remind you I'm not a doctor.
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  I'm not a professional in the mental health industry
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  whatsoever. I'm a normal guy who, like you,
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  has felt some big feelings. And I'm actively going through
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  my healing journey and documenting it and talking about
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  some of the feelings that I've dealt with over the years.
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  And today I'm going to be talking about the common
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  experience of feeling worse before feeling better.
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  This is something that when I first was healing, I, I didn't
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  know that this would happen. I was a total stranger to the
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  idea that opening myself up to healing, opening that door would
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  actually feel worse at first. When for years you've been busy
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  pushing everything down, refusing to feel the feelings
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  that you need to feel, refusing to process it feels much more
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  comfortable. Pushing it all down feels more
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  comfortable than actually feeling it and healing.
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  But there's a trap there. Because by pushing it down,
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  you're making those feelings stronger and they fester.
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  And before you know it, when you actually have to face them, as
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  we all do to heal, they are stronger than they ever were
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  Now. Feeling worse while trying to
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  heal doesn't just hurt, it makes people panic.
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  There's this thought of I was functioning before, why am I
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  struggling more now? There's a fear that you broke
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  something by becoming self aware.
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  There's so many questions whenever we start trying to heal
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  and we suddenly feel worse in our minds.
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  Healing is a beautiful, linear journey.
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  It involves sitting down and journaling, meditating, going
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  outside, talking to people, opening up.
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  And it's supposed to be this beautiful experience where you
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  come out of a cocoon and you form into a new person.
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  That is how we often see it in movies and TV shows and we hear
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  it talked about. But real healing, real healing
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  is hard. Real healing is difficult.
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  And real healing involves facing the feelings that you've been
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  pushing down for years. And that is not an easy task.
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  When suddenly you open up that door, when you open up the
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  floodgates, and you allow all of these oppressed feelings to
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  suddenly come surging out all at once, you will feel worse.
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  And it is incredibly uncomfortable.
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  And immediately there is a temptation to quit healing and
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  go back to numbing. When things feel worse, our
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  brain doesn't ask what's happening.
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  It asks, how do I make this stop?
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  Naturally, we want to protect ourselves and we want to feel
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  good as often as possible. And when it comes to feelings,
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  to avoid the difficult feelings, we often numb ourselves in order
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  to not feel those feelings, in order to not be uncomfortable,
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  in order to answer the brains need of how do I make this stop?
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  So we turn to substances, we turn to our phones, we turn to
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  unhealthy coping mechanisms To stop ourselves from feeling our
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  feelings, we avoid. When you begin healing, you're
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  not necessarily getting worse, you're just not avoiding
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  anymore. Before you start trying to heal,
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  your life is filled with distractions.
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  You're in survival mode and you're just pushing through.
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  Every single day is an effort to try to ignore the feelings and
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  push them behind you as quickly as you can.
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  You want to keep them under the surface.
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  You want to stay calm. You want to keep it together
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  because that is what you think you need to do.
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  You think you need to be strong. You think you need to have
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  constant control over these emotions and that you cannot let
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  them overpower you. You can't feel them.
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  You can't let them up from the surface.
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  You just keep going, day in and day out, pushing down the
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  feelings. Surviving, not living,
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  surviving. But the moment you start your
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  healing journey, you start noticing your emotions.
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  You notice your triggers, you notice your patterns, and
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  suddenly it hurts. It hurts because you're not
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  pushing it down anymore. You're not ignoring it.
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  You're not letting it fester and get worse and eat at you from
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  the inside. You are going through the
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  feelings, not around them. The same pain is there, there's
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  just less numbness. There's less of a mask.
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  You're not shielding yourself from those feelings anymore.
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  And that is the most crucial yet difficult part of healing is
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  directly dealing with the emotions that you've been
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  pushing aside. It's not easy because in the
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  moment, numbing feels easier, but in the long run, it will eat
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  you alive. It's like turning on the lights
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  in a messy room. The mess was always there, you
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  just couldn't see it because you were so busy pushing it down.
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  Feeling worse, feeling those intense feelings, suddenly
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  facing the mental illness that you've been silently dealing
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  with. It doesn't mean that you're
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  becoming worse. Instead, it means that you're
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  finally becoming present. That is the difficult part of
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  beginning your healing journey. Suddenly flipping that switch,
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  turning on the lights and seeing that messy room, seeing all of
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  the difficult to heal hurt parts of you in dealing with them head
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  on. That is the hard part of
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  starting, but continuing. Being in the middle of healing
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  is also incredibly difficult because as you heal, as you're
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  in that in between phase, you start to outgrow old coping
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  mechanisms, but you haven't exactly built new ones yet, so
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  everything feels so raw and unstable.
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  The things that you've been relying on to numb yourself out,
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  to ignore the feelings for years, suddenly don't work
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  anymore because you're facing those feelings for the first
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  time in your life. You're allowing yourself to
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  feel, you're allowing yourself to heal, but you've spent your
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  whole life coping like that, so you haven't established any new
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  mechanisms. So suddenly when things get bad,
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  you just feel lost and you just have to face those feelings, and
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  that's hard and that's scary. You have to learn what works for
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  you. This is often the stage where
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  people think healing just isn't working.
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  Other people do this better than me.
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  I should be further along than I am.
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  Often this middle stage of healing, it doesn't feel like
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  progress, it feels like failure. But in reality, it's a
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  transition. There is a very big distinction
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  to make between feeling worse and being worse.
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  Feeling worse means that your emotions are louder, more
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  noticeable. They're above the surface and
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  you actually have to go through them.
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  You actually have to feel them. You actually are addressing the
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  traumas that suddenly are at the surface.
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  Everything you've been suppressing for years is is
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  bubbling up, and it feels worse. But it doesn't mean that you're
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  doing worse. You're noticing patterns that
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  you didn't before. You're questioning instead of
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  numbing. You're uncomfortable because
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  you're honest. The fact that you're asking why
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  do I feel worse is proof that something is changing and it's
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  proof that maybe you are facing your feelings instead of
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  suppressing them. You are taking the time and the
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  energy to heal from the core and not just continue to push down
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  and numb those feelings. In this part of healing, This
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  self doubt, this questioning, it's scary.
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  It brings up questions and fears like what if this is permanent?
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  What if I never feel normal again?
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  What if this is who I am now? This anxiety about our healing,
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  this anxiety about who we are turns temporary states into
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  forever predictions. We have a bad day, a bad week, a
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  bad month, maybe even a bad year that happens in healing and we
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  think this is just how it is now, when in reality it's just a
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  stage in your healing process. You don't need to know how this
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  all ends, you just need to stay here long enough for it to
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  change. You are not a failure if you
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  start feeling worse while you're trying to heal.
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  And nothing is wrong with you. You're just finally facing
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  emotions that you've never faced before.
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  You're unearthing traumas that you've never dealt with before.
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  You're feeling feelings that you've never felt before, and
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  that is a normal part of the healing experience.
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  And you don't have to have it all figured out.
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  You don't have to know how this ends.
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  You don't even have to know the person that you're going to be
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  at the end of this. You just have to hold on until
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  one day you feel better. So stop measuring progress by
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  how you feel because feelings fluctuate.
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  Healing isn't feeling good, it's responding differently when you
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  don't feel good. So slowly, instead of monitoring
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  your feelings, you can monitor your actions.
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  You can monitor the way you deal with those feelings when they
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  come up. Another thing you can do?
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  You can lower the bar for yourself.
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  You can lower the bar for your mental health.
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  You can lower your expectations for your healing journey.
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  This isn't the time to optimize your life.
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  This isn't the time to do everything perfectly.
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  This isn't even the time to seek perfect stability.
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  This is the time to learn. This is the time to try to heal
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  in in a messy, imperfect way. Of course you're not going to
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  have it all figured out. This is your first time living.
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  This is your first time feeling those feelings.
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  Of course you're going to feel worse before you feel better.
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  But you don't have to do it perfectly.
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  You just have to do it. And you are perfectly capable of
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  doing that. So rest some more.
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  Give yourself more time, set fewer goals, have a simpler
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  routine, be kind to yourself, Have self compassion.
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  Talk to yourself differently. Instead of saying I'm getting
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  worse, say I'm going through a difficult time right now and
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  don't do this alone. I've been slowly healing for
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  years and there are still days where I feel like I'm back to
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  square 1 and I have no idea what I'm doing.
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  And I try my best to rely on others when that happens.
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  I reach out to friends or family.
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  I maybe listen to podcasts just like this.
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  I try my best to remind myself that I'm not alone, because you
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  are not alone. If you're in a phase in your
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  healing journey where it feels like you're getting worse, it
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  doesn't mean you failed. It might just mean you stopped
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  moving for a little bit. And learning how to stand still
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  with yourself takes time. Because you aren't getting worse
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  just because you feel worse. You are being brave and you are
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  dealing with the feelings that you've been suppressing your
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  entire life. I believe in you.
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  You are capable of feeling your feelings, you are capable of
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  facing this head on. You are capable of healing.
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  And remember, if it ever gets too heavy, there are people out
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  there who love you, there are people out there who care for
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  you, and there is always professional help if you need
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  it. Don't hesitate to reach out to
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  somebody. You matter.
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  This isn't the end of your story, it's just the
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  uncomfortable chapter where things are finally getting
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  honest. That's going to wrap it up for
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  today's episode. Thank you so much for being
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  here. If you want to support this
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  podcast, I recently released merch.
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  You can find it on ethanjewel.myshopify.com.
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  I'll link it in the description below.
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  Also, if you need help feeling your feelings during this
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  healing journey, you should check out my music on all
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  platforms under the name of Ethan Jewel.
• 12:38
  I almost guarantee it'll make you cry.
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  So thank you so much for being here.
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  Thank you for understanding that feeling worse does not mean you
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  are doing worse. And as always, thank you for
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  feeling your feelings. I'll see you next time.