Latest / Donald Drumpf Theatre radio show / Donald Drumpf Theatre 298: The Testosterone President Tries To Blame Communists
Transcript
- 0:00SPEAKER_02: Previously on the Donald Trump Theater radio show.
- 0:03SPEAKER_03: The president announced a new plan to impose a 20% toll on cargo shipped through
- 0:07SPEAKER_03: the Strait of Hormuz,
- 0:08SPEAKER_03: even though he does not control the Strait of Hormuz,
- 0:11SPEAKER_03: and a toll would make everything more expensive and, oh, I'm sorry, wait a second.
- 0:16SPEAKER_03: That sounds like typing.
- 0:17SPEAKER_03: I think the president is writing a social media post and let me just check here and,
- 0:22SPEAKER_03: oh, would you look at that?
- 0:23SPEAKER_03: He already canceled it.
- 0:24SPEAKER_03: All right.
- 0:32SPEAKER_00: We are controlling transmission, if we wish to make
- 0:37SPEAKER_01: it louder.
- 0:57SPEAKER_02: For your consideration, a nation,
- 1:27SPEAKER_01: Held hostage by the fragile ego of a man-baby president.
- 1:30SPEAKER_01: You were trapped with...
- 1:31SPEAKER_01: In the Twilight Zone.
- 1:49SPEAKER_00: You're beautiful, oh, beautiful than me.
- 2:05SPEAKER_02: It's very important to understand that left-wing political terrorism seeks
- 2:11SPEAKER_02: as its ultimate end the overthrow of our system and form of government.
- 2:16SPEAKER_02: And we've seen this has taken place many times in many places throughout the years and
- 2:35SPEAKER_02: It always becomes a gulag.
- 2:37SPEAKER_02: It always becomes the mass imprisonment of political enemies,
- 2:41SPEAKER_02: the stripping of their rights and freedoms,
- 2:45SPEAKER_02: inflicting immense pain,
- 2:46SPEAKER_02: humiliation, suffering, in order to establish complete and total control.
- 2:53SPEAKER_02: Control through psychological and physical and actual terror.
- 3:03SPEAKER_00: We'll be right back.
- 3:30SPEAKER_02: This is an international network.
- 3:32SPEAKER_02: Antifa, as an example, operates in dozens of countries all throughout the world.
- 3:37It's
- 3:42a sign of the times.
- 3:46It's a sign of the times.
- 3:51SPEAKER_00: You're sharpening stones, walking on calls, to improve your business at
- 3:58SPEAKER_00: When the leftists...
- 4:24SPEAKER_02: Who does not believe in freedom,
- 4:25SPEAKER_02: who does not believe in civil rights,
- 4:27SPEAKER_02: who does not believe in any ordered notion of justice,
- 4:30SPEAKER_02: protest that we are violating his rights,
- 4:32SPEAKER_02: understand that he is lying to try to persuade people who are not closely following
- 4:39SPEAKER_02: the political scene.
- 5:07SPEAKER_02: It demonstrates how deeply the cancer has begun to infest your society,
- 5:12SPEAKER_02: where people have created an internal rationalization structure
- 5:16SPEAKER_02: to justify unsanctioned violence against the state and state actors to achieve
- 5:22SPEAKER_02: a political end.
- 5:39SPEAKER_01: Consuming McCarthy
- 5:41SPEAKER_00: Consuming McCarthy Consuming McCarthy
- 6:12SPEAKER_00: I can no longer sit back and allow communist infiltration,
- 6:18SPEAKER_00: communist indoctrination,
- 6:21SPEAKER_00: communist subversion,
- 6:24SPEAKER_00: and the international communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all
- 6:31SPEAKER_00: of our precious bodily fluids.
- 6:33SPEAKER_02: Today, the average teenager in this country As 50% of the sperm count,
- 6:40SPEAKER_02: 50% of the testosterone is a 65 year old man.
- 6:43SPEAKER_02: For men in 1970, men had twice the sperm count as our teenagers do today.
- 6:50SPEAKER_02: Male sperm counts I think in this country are down 50% for teenage males.
- 6:56SPEAKER_02: I read the other day that teenage males today have less sperm than
- 7:00SPEAKER_02: the average 65 year old American man.
- 7:03SPEAKER_03: Why is a cabinet official talking about testosterone and sperm counts in the Oval Office?
- 7:28SPEAKER_02: I'm authorizing a new screening program for testosterone deficiency
- 7:33SPEAKER_02: for our service members,
- 7:34SPEAKER_02: ensuring you have the right testosterone levels to operate at your absolute best.
- 7:40SPEAKER_02: Warfighters age 30 and older are going to be tested annually as part
- 7:45SPEAKER_02: of their periodic health assessment.
- 7:47SPEAKER_02: Those under 30 can voluntarily choose to get the test as well.
- 7:52SPEAKER_02: If treatment is recommended,
- 7:54SPEAKER_02: it's entirely your choice To receive testosterone replacement therapy.
- 7:59SPEAKER_02: Tell me, when did you first become, well, develop this theory?
- 8:06SPEAKER_00: Well, I first became aware of it, Mandrake, during the physical act of love.
- 8:16SPEAKER_00: Yes, a profound sense of fatigue, a feeling of emptiness followed.
- 8:23SPEAKER_00: Luckily, I was able to interpret these feelings correctly.
- 8:28SPEAKER_00: Loss of essence.
- 8:31SPEAKER_00: I can assure you it has not recurred mandrake.
- 8:36SPEAKER_00: Women sense my power and they seek the life essence.
- 8:41SPEAKER_03: Cool, cool.
- 8:41SPEAKER_03: What about the war in Iran?
- 8:46SPEAKER_03: Is testosterone
- 8:51SPEAKER_03: Is testosterone gonna fix the war?
- 8:54SPEAKER_03: The war has made gas more expensive.
- 8:57SPEAKER_03: So today, we're also unveiling a new program to fill your car with testosterone.
- 9:01SPEAKER_03: Not only is it cheaper, but your Kia Optima will start to grow muscles and facial hair.
- 9:08SPEAKER_03: And when you honk, just beware.
- 9:09SPEAKER_03: It gets really angry.
- 9:12SPEAKER_03: Get the out of my way!
- 9:15SPEAKER_00: Have you never wondered why I drink only distilled water or rainwater?
- 9:22SPEAKER_00: And only pure grain alcohol?
- 9:25SPEAKER_00: Well, it did occur to me, Jack, yes.
- 9:29SPEAKER_00: Have you ever heard of a thing called fluoridation?
- 9:32SPEAKER_00: Fluoridation of water?
- 9:35SPEAKER_00: Yes, I have heard of that, Jack, yes.
- 9:38SPEAKER_00: Well, do you know what it is?
- 9:40No.
- 9:41I don't know what it is now.
- 9:43SPEAKER_00: Do you realize that fluoridation is the most monstrously conceived
- 9:50SPEAKER_00: And dangerous communist plot we have ever had to face.
- 9:53SPEAKER_03: It's insane this is what the military is focused on right now,
- 9:56SPEAKER_03: while the U.S. wages a war that's spiking prices with no end in sight.
- 10:00SPEAKER_03: But don't worry,
- 10:01SPEAKER_03: unlike Pete Hegstead,
- 10:02SPEAKER_03: the president is focusing on our actual military capabilities,
- 10:06SPEAKER_03: like our aircraft carriers.
- 10:07SPEAKER_03: And I'm sure he's talking about them in very sane, very normal ways.
- 10:12SPEAKER_01: One of the first things I went to see was the Ford aircraft carrier.
- 10:15SPEAKER_01: It was way over budget,
- 10:17SPEAKER_01: and it had It had things on it that you didn't need,
- 10:22SPEAKER_01: like it had magnets to lift up the elevators with 10 and 12 planes on them.
- 10:30SPEAKER_01: Think of it.
- 10:31SPEAKER_01: It had all sorts of modern-day things that were all,
- 10:36SPEAKER_01: instead of using steam for the catapults, they used electric.
- 10:40SPEAKER_01: Let's have an electric catapult.
- 10:42SPEAKER_01: And I said, I want to meet the catapult there.
- 10:44SPEAKER_01: And the man came over along with four of his assistants.
- 10:47SPEAKER_01: And I said, what's better?
- 10:49SPEAKER_01: Electric catapult or steam?
- 10:51SPEAKER_01: He's been there for 25 years.
- 10:53SPEAKER_01: He said, steam is better, sir.
- 10:55SPEAKER_01: We can fix it with a hammer and a blowtorch.
- 10:57SPEAKER_01: When the electric goes bad, I have to send to MIT to get geniuses over here.
- 11:02SPEAKER_03: Trump is talking about the catapults that launch fighter jets into the air.
- 11:04SPEAKER_03: He loves the old ones that use steam and hates the new ones that are electric,
- 11:08SPEAKER_03: and he really,
- 11:09SPEAKER_03: really hates the new ships that use magnets for reasons that,
- 11:14SPEAKER_03: brace yourself, don't make, like, a ton of sense.
- 11:16SPEAKER_01: When a little water touches the magnets, it doesn't work anymore.
- 11:19SPEAKER_01: You're in the Atlantic Ocean with waves that are 60 feet high,
- 11:24SPEAKER_01: and the Pacific Ocean with waves that are 70 feet high,
- 11:28SPEAKER_01: and they're talking about magnets.
- 11:30SPEAKER_01: It makes you want to get sick.
- 11:35SPEAKER_01: I
- 11:41SPEAKER_01: hope I'm not boring anybody, but It's all common sense.
- 11:45SPEAKER_01: This isn't exactly part of my speech,
- 11:46SPEAKER_01: but I got to tell you,
- 11:47SPEAKER_01: you know,
- 11:48SPEAKER_01: I'm getting it all out now and all the anger I have when I hear
- 11:52SPEAKER_01: about electric catapults.
- 11:53SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you have a weird amount of anger about this.
- 11:56SPEAKER_03: You might want Pete Hegseth to check your testosterone levels, you know?
- 12:00SPEAKER_03: Of course, none of this stuff matters to most Americans, the catapults, the testosterone.
- 12:04SPEAKER_03: People just want to know when this pointless and costly war with Iran is going
- 12:08SPEAKER_03: to end because things are escalating and there's no plan,
- 12:11SPEAKER_03: even though Drumpf keeps claiming that a deal is near.
- 12:14SPEAKER_01: They want to settle so badly they don't like what we're doing.
- 12:18SPEAKER_01: And they do want to settle.
- 12:19SPEAKER_01: We'll find out whether or not we settle with them or we just finish it off.
- 12:22SPEAKER_01: They're nasty people, but they want to make a deal.
- 12:25SPEAKER_01: I can tell you they want to make a deal.
- 12:27SPEAKER_03: You've claimed a deal is closed no fewer than 38 times.
- 12:30SPEAKER_03: Not a joke.
- 12:30SPEAKER_03: Then you signed a deal that lasted like three weeks and then said it was over and
- 12:34SPEAKER_03: then went back to fighting them.
- 12:35SPEAKER_03: And now you're saying they want to make a deal again.
- 12:37SPEAKER_03: You know what you should do?
- 12:38SPEAKER_03: You should send RFK Jr. in there to talk about sperm counts.
- 12:40SPEAKER_03: They'll surrender in like five minutes.
- 12:42SPEAKER_01: Hello, Vladimir.
- 12:43SPEAKER_01: Donchik.
- 12:44SPEAKER_01: Long time no speak, where you been hiding?
- 12:46SPEAKER_01: I'm not hiding, I'm saving my skin.
- 12:48SPEAKER_01: It's very hot summer and drone index is off of charge.
- 12:52SPEAKER_01: Those FPV rays are crazy.
- 12:54SPEAKER_01: Speaking of which, you wanna end the war in Ukraine?
- 12:55SPEAKER_01: Still no.
- 12:56SPEAKER_01: Still no.
- 12:57SPEAKER_01: Listen to you, always with the no.
- 12:58SPEAKER_01: Can't stop, won't stop.
- 12:59SPEAKER_01: You ever try yes?
- 13:00SPEAKER_01: Okay, with me it's always yes.
- 13:02SPEAKER_01: Is Strait of Hormuz open or closed?
- 13:04SPEAKER_01: Yes.
- 13:05SPEAKER_01: That's not...
- 13:06SPEAKER_01: Hold on, I got another call.
- 13:07SPEAKER_01: Hello?
- 13:07SPEAKER_01: Donald, it's Zelensky.
- 13:08SPEAKER_01: Are you helping Putin or helping me?
- 13:11SPEAKER_01: Yes.
- 13:13SPEAKER_01: Donald, BB again.
- 13:15SPEAKER_01: I need you to start bombing.
- 13:22SPEAKER_01: You know what, actually, with you, I'm not so sure I want to say yes again, to be honest.
- 13:28SPEAKER_01: Donald, are you trying to save NATO or destroy it?
- 13:30SPEAKER_01: You're so stupid.
- 13:31SPEAKER_01: Yes.
- 13:32SPEAKER_01: Goodbye.
- 13:33SPEAKER_01: Anyway, Vladimir, you see what I mean?
- 13:35SPEAKER_01: The art of yes.
- 13:36SPEAKER_01: I think I get it now.
- 13:37SPEAKER_01: Great.
- 13:37SPEAKER_01: So, are you going to keep giving me a run around or are we going to do a deal?
- 13:40SPEAKER_01: Hmm...
- 13:42SPEAKER_01: By the way, congrats to World Cup championships.
- 13:44SPEAKER_01: Spain, España, clearly the best team in this year's tournament.
- 13:48SPEAKER_01: And they celebrated receiving the World Cup trophy with a trophy hoist,
- 13:52SPEAKER_01: which is traditionally, it's a moment that is shared really only by the players.
- 13:56SPEAKER_01: It's a special moment that is only for the players.
- 13:59SPEAKER_01: It is really... What the f*** are you doing on the stage?
- 14:02SPEAKER_01: It's for the players.
- 14:04SPEAKER_01: God damn!
- 14:08SPEAKER_01: Why?
- 14:09SPEAKER_01: Must everything be tainted by the overinflated ego of Cancels Muldoon?
- 14:17SPEAKER_01: Why?
- 14:19SPEAKER_01: Why?
- 14:19SPEAKER_01: Spain is a wasted cause.
- 14:22SPEAKER_01: We don't want to do any trade business with Spain anymore, by the way.
- 14:24SPEAKER_01: I'd like you to cut it off.
- 14:26SPEAKER_01: Spain is a terrible partner in NATO.
- 14:30SPEAKER_01: I don't want anything to do with Spain.
- 14:31SPEAKER_01: Cut off all trade with Spain, please.
- 14:34SPEAKER_01: Including visits.
- 14:36SPEAKER_01: We don't have to trade with them.
- 14:37SPEAKER_01: I don't want to do any more trade with them.
- 14:38SPEAKER_01: All right?
- 14:39SPEAKER_01: Take it immediately.
- 14:41SPEAKER_01: Don't even talk to them.
- 14:42SPEAKER_01: They're hopeless.
- 14:43SPEAKER_01: Bad people.
- 14:51SPEAKER_03: If you're surprised he's up there, you forgot the first rule of drumpf.
- 14:55SPEAKER_03: Everything goes out the window if gold is around.
- 14:57SPEAKER_03: They probably had him prepped and everything.
- 14:59SPEAKER_03: Now, just remember, Mr. President, you don't like Spain.
- 15:01SPEAKER_03: Don't like him at all.
- 15:02SPEAKER_03: They're hopeless.
- 15:03SPEAKER_03: They're bad people.
- 15:04SPEAKER_03: Hopeless man got that.
- 15:05SPEAKER_03: Hold up.
- 15:07SPEAKER_03: Is that gold?
- 15:10SPEAKER_03: Less than a month ago,
- 15:11SPEAKER_03: he said no more visits in Spain,
- 15:12SPEAKER_03: and now Spain is in America holding the world's most coveted trophy
- 15:16SPEAKER_03: while Drump stands next to them, like Forrest Gump during the history montage.
- 15:23SPEAKER_03: You're not on the team, dude.
- 15:25SPEAKER_03: We did it, guys, all of us together.
- 15:28SPEAKER_03: Want to hear something crazy?
- 15:29SPEAKER_03: When I was a baby, Messi gave me a bath.
- 15:34SPEAKER_03: Now, as you might have guessed, Drumpf was not supposed to be standing there.
- 15:39SPEAKER_03: In fact, the head of FIFA ran over and tried to get him off the stage before the celebration.
- 15:45SPEAKER_03: The head of the most corrupt organization on Earth was like, this is a bad look.
- 15:53SPEAKER_03: But Drumpf insisted on standing there either because he wanted the attention
- 15:57SPEAKER_03: or he forgot where he was because he's 80 and his brain is smoother than
- 16:01SPEAKER_03: a soccer ball.
- 16:03SPEAKER_03: It doesn't seem like many people wanted DRUMF at this event.
- 16:07SPEAKER_03: For example,
- 16:07SPEAKER_03: he walked onto the field for the trophy presentation after the game,
- 16:11SPEAKER_03: and he didn't get the best reception.
- 16:18SPEAKER_03: So the president got booed in public again, but, hey,
- 16:20SPEAKER_03: at least this means we can add it to our rolling montage of DRUMF getting booed
- 16:24SPEAKER_03: at sporting events.
- 16:25SPEAKER_03: Donald DRUMF ventured out from his Bedminster Golf Club just to get booed
- 16:30SPEAKER_03: at today's FIFA Club World Cup final in New Jersey.
- 16:36SPEAKER_02: The president decided he wanted to attend Sunday's men's singles final.
- 16:40SPEAKER_02: The president of the United States was booed.
- 16:45SPEAKER_03: Football fans could be heard booing President Drumpf during his appearance at
- 16:49SPEAKER_03: the Lions and Commanders game.
- 16:51SPEAKER_03: He was there to swear in new military members.
- 16:53I am seeing your name.
- 16:59SPEAKER_02: The crowd loudly booed when Drumpf was shown on the jumbotron
- 17:03SPEAKER_02: at Madison Square Garden in New York City.
- 17:09SPEAKER_02: Drumpf.
- 17:10SPEAKER_02: And Infantino were booed as they arrived to hand over the trophy.
- 17:19SPEAKER_01: I'm starting to get the sense that this administration is not as competent.
- 17:27SPEAKER_01: Stay with me.
- 17:29SPEAKER_01: Not as competent as we've been led to believe.
- 17:34SPEAKER_01: And it's not just the pool or the diarrhea.
- 17:39SPEAKER_01: They promised no more of the woke bullshit that had held this country down for so long.
- 18:07SPEAKER_01: We will terminate every diversity, equity, and inclusion program.
- 18:12SPEAKER_01: DEI is a cancer.
- 18:14SPEAKER_01: It's a cancer that destroys merit.
- 18:16SPEAKER_01: We want the most competent people.
- 18:17SPEAKER_01: They have to be at the highest level of genius.
- 18:21SPEAKER_01: A meritocracy.
- 18:23SPEAKER_01: Isn't that a beautiful word?
- 18:26SPEAKER_01: Meritocracy.
- 18:27SPEAKER_01: It is a beautiful word.
- 18:29SPEAKER_01: Where the is it?
- 18:32SPEAKER_01: Where is this meritocracy?
- 18:35SPEAKER_01: We have seen no evidence of it.
- 18:38SPEAKER_01: None.
- 18:41SPEAKER_02: I think we're off to a great start, and President Trump's gonna bring back the golden age.
- 18:46SPEAKER_01: Yes!
- 18:49SPEAKER_01: But unfortunately,
- 18:50SPEAKER_01: DEI had a greater stranglehold on the levers of our government
- 18:53SPEAKER_01: than we had originally thought.
- 18:54SPEAKER_01: The first quarter, surely Biden... Oh, all right, well...
- 19:00SPEAKER_01: The first quarter then, Q2, that ends in April.
- 19:03SPEAKER_01: So April is when our best and brightest, finally, it's coming and it's coming now.
- 19:08SPEAKER_01: And I tell you what, it feels great.
- 19:16SPEAKER_01: Enough about your Epstein testimony.
- 19:19SPEAKER_01: What about the economy?
- 19:21SPEAKER_02: In the not too distant future, I think we will be back to firing on all cylinders.
- 19:30SPEAKER_01: So may?
- 19:32SPEAKER_01: Over the next three months.
- 19:36SPEAKER_01: So the economy will be fixed by our meritocracy, three months, by August of 2025?
- 19:43SPEAKER_02: I think we're gonna really pick up in the fourth quarter.
- 19:51SPEAKER_01: So no later than December of 2025.
- 19:55SPEAKER_02: I think we are at the cusp of the liftoff in 2026, 2027.
- 20:04SPEAKER_01: That is a long liftoff.
- 20:07SPEAKER_01: Generally a liftoff is 10, 9, 8, not January.
- 20:17SPEAKER_01: February!
- 20:18SPEAKER_01: March!
- 20:19SPEAKER_01: Well, you know what?
- 20:20SPEAKER_01: If this ever-competent administration can't turn this woke-laden economy around,
- 20:25SPEAKER_01: they still have options.
- 20:27SPEAKER_01: Well, maybe the children will have two dollars instead of 30 house, you know?
- 20:32SPEAKER_01: And maybe the two dollars will cost a couple of bucks more than they would dog live.
- 20:36SPEAKER_01: See, that's what the competence has gotten us.
- 20:38SPEAKER_01: That's what the meritocracy has done for us.
- 20:41SPEAKER_01: The economy is going to boom in a month.
- 20:43SPEAKER_01: In a year, in two years, you know what?
- 20:45SPEAKER_01: How many dolls do you people need?
- 20:48SPEAKER_01: Just get two and cut them into pieces.
- 20:51SPEAKER_01: Now you got 16.
- 20:52SPEAKER_01: Older kids get the tops, younger ones get the bottoms.
- 20:57SPEAKER_01: Up and down this administration, we were promised meritocracy.
- 21:01SPEAKER_01: We got ideologues and talk show hosts who,
- 21:03SPEAKER_01: as we reignite a new war with Iran to reopen the strait that they closed because
- 21:07SPEAKER_01: of our original war, throw out shit like this.
- 21:11SPEAKER_02: Today, I'm authorizing a new screening program for testosterone deficiency
- 21:16SPEAKER_02: for our service members,
- 21:18SPEAKER_02: ensuring you have the right testosterone levels to operate at your absolute best.
- 21:24SPEAKER_02: That's right.
- 21:26SPEAKER_01: Hey, you can't spell meritocracy without more tea.
- 21:32SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's right.
- 21:34SPEAKER_01: Watch out, Iran.
- 21:35SPEAKER_01: We just declared war on these nuts.
- 21:52SPEAKER_02: Thanks for the songs for this week's episode from Golden Earring, R.E.M.
- 21:56SPEAKER_02: and Walter Egan.
- 21:57SPEAKER_02: And thanks for the clips and excerpts from Jon Stewart,
- 22:00SPEAKER_02: Jon Oliver,
- 22:01SPEAKER_02: Stephen Miller, Jack D.
- 22:03SPEAKER_02: Ripper and Lionel Mander from Dr.
- 22:05SPEAKER_02: Strangelove,
- 22:06SPEAKER_02: Seth Meyers, Robert F. Kennedy Jr., Pete Hegseth, GZERO Media, and Howard Lutnick.
- 22:13SPEAKER_02: Tune in next week for episode number 299 of the Donald Drum Theater radio show.
- 22:18SPEAKER_02: If the new Red Scare doesn't take us off the air first.
- 23:54SPEAKER_00: I'm stepping into the twilight zone.
- 23:58SPEAKER_00: This is a madhouse.
- 23:59SPEAKER_00: Feels like being blown.
- 24:01SPEAKER_00: My feet can't move.
- 24:02SPEAKER_00: I'm the moon and star.
- 24:03SPEAKER_00: Where am I to go now that I've gone to war?
- 24:07Oh, I'm stepping into the twilight zone.
- 24:13SPEAKER_00: This is a madhouse.
- 24:15SPEAKER_00: Feels like being blown.
- 24:17SPEAKER_00: My feet can't move.
- 24:18SPEAKER_00: I'm the moon and star.
- 24:21SPEAKER_00: Where am I to go now that I've
- 24:28SPEAKER_00: We'll be right back.
- 25:04SPEAKER_00: When the bullet hits the ball.
- 25:07SPEAKER_00: When the bullet hits the ball.
- 25:13SPEAKER_00: When the bullet hits the ball.
- 25:17SPEAKER_01: When the bullet hits the ball.