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Sober Talk SA - Mary · Sober Talk SA

• 0:01
  Hi, my name is Mary and I'm very grateful, sober alcoholic.
• 0:05
  One day at a time, this world, like say hi to Dennis.
• 0:08
  And what a great job you doing here, really good?
• 0:13
  Thank you for allowing me to share my story, today about how
• 0:15
  it was, and what happened, and how it is.
• 0:18
  Now, yells born into a family with two alcoholic parents.
• 0:25
  My dad was a ex-servicemen, who was much older than my mother.
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  I just remember a lot of fighting in, you know, being
• 0:36
  left alone in the house and things like that.
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  By the time I was five, I had a four-year-old sister and a
• 0:45
  three-year-old sister, my dad suicided while he was drunk and
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  the house So we've been, you know, that left mum to look
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  after us, who was 25 years younger than Dad and all the
• 0:59
  sudden she's got, all these kids on her own and she's an
• 1:02
  alcoholic and pill-popping drug addict.
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  One night, she left us in the house alone.
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  It was more than one night. It was a few days, apparently.
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  So the records State and neighbors called the police and
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  two who were taken removed from the house and taken into care
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  and made Ward's of the state after that.
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  We ended up because that Dad was returned Soldier.
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  We were Legacy children. So we went into a legacy
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  Children's Home and that's where I spent the next 15 years in
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  care. I never drank some take drugs.
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  I just there was no alcohol in our you know life and that
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  Legacy home, we weren't exposed to alcohol but some little did I
• 1:53
  know that it was sitting there just waiting biding its time.
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  So I ended up running away from there after my two younger
• 2:02
  sisters had already run away and I living on the streets and some
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  killed her in Melbourne. My second youngest sister ended
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  up dying from the drug overdose 17.
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  You know, and that's that triggered me to start using
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  drugs, which is quite strange. You think it would have the
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  opposite effect but it didn't. So, for the next four years, I
• 2:24
  used heroin ultimately, I got into a lot of trouble with the
• 2:29
  police, and I had warrants out for my arrest.
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  And I was looking at doing for years jail, time minimum for
• 2:35
  trafficking so, I jumped on a plane and flew up to kind of
• 2:40
  Nara in Western Australia because I figured that was the
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  first place from Melbourne, you know, and that day was the last
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  day that I ever used heroin. But it was also the first day of
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  a picked up a drink. I went out with some people
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  admitting coming era that night to the sports carbon and drank
• 3:00
  and I really enjoyed, you know, the first few drinks and I was
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  required excited because I thought, wow, you know, this is
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  makes me feel how I want to feel and you know, doesn't makes me
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  feel like I fit in and made me feels, you know, it wasn't shy.
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  I was afraid I just loved it and it was illegal.
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  It was actually legal to take So, you know, the next morning,
• 3:27
  if you want me to tell me how much fun I'd be then, you know,
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  they all had a ball with me, and I'd hardly remember my sweating
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  to black out, the first time I got drunk and I felt like, I was
• 3:38
  home. I really loved it.
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  You know, just gave me that feeling that I've been chasing
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  for years and years. Anyway, I went on to having a
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  couple of children and getting married in coming our to another
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  alcoholic. You know, by now, you know, I
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  wasn't the life of the party anymore.
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  I wasn't people wouldn't even invite me to their, to their
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  parties because I've become a aggro, nasty drunk, not
• 4:11
  happy-go-lucky, Mary that I started off as being I managed
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  to stay in that marriage for about a year and you know, the
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  going got tough. So Mary got going and I took off
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  again, took off to Perth and moved in with another drug user.
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  you know, and the The kids were just shattered, but some sort of
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  managed to tame it for a little while.
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  I got a job working for the Commonwealth government's, that
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  I bluffed my way into in a managerial position opinion,
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  bumbry, near Perth and stayed there for many, many years.
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  So you can, the kids had a really nice home and went to
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  really good schools. And the problem was, you know, I
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  wasn't emotionally available for these.
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  These children. I was that mother that used to
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  go to the You know, there's there's Sports carnivals, all
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  the concerts at school and awards nights and stuff with
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  wine in US, drink bottle and just drill that sort of stuff
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  that that I was doing. And you know, thought I was
• 5:26
  bluffing everyone, but he is later.
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  I found out that everyone actually knew I was doing it.
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  It's funny to look back on now. Yeah.
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  Of course, they knew. So you know it's basically as
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  soon as the kids what old enough they fled from home and went on
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  started their own lives which gave me open slather to pretty
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  much drink how I wanted to. So there was again back,
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  drinking full-on. I mean, if this stage, I drink
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  daily anyway from the first drinking coming out, I drink
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  daily, even drinks through my pregnancies, which I'm really
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  ashamed of, but, you know, thank goodness.
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  My children didn't suffer any damage from that.
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  Yeah, that that's just shocking. That was So the kids have gone
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  from home and I'm still working at this job and I was taking
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  more and more days off because my drinking was escalating and
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  what's coming up with excuses. It was so pathetic, you know,
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  same with dog. Got run over.
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  My mum died. Twice your friend, it works.
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  It's me. Mary said that last year that
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  your mother died and you know, I thought it was funny at the time
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  but it's not really funny at all.
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  So that you know, when you work for the Commonwealth
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  government's really hard to get the sack basically.
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  You know, you have to steal from them well in advance so they
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  could they sort of couldn't get rid of me.
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  So this is my take on it anyway. So they offered me a redundancy
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  package saying that my role as the office manager had become
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  redundant in the company. So I got a huge payout but a lot
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  of money and I thought well this is great.
• 7:01
  You know I can my plan was to go on a cruise first and then take
• 7:08
  a year off and just drink because you know, why not?
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  That's perfect. And I went on this cruise that I
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  went to New Zealand for 14 day cruise and I hardly remember any
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  of it, you know. I remember being carried up to
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  my room. One, one night by two of the
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  guys that worked on the ship to little Filipino, guys trying to
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  carry me and there's another guy on the ship, he was an
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  Australian guy and he wasn't he sang?
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  In one of the bars, he played guitar and sang and nice to go
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  in there. And I remember him singing a
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  song about Marie. And I thought, wow, look, I'm
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  special. Someone sort of pulled me aside
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  and said, you know, he's singing Here Comes the boat drunk, so
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  taking the Mickey out of me and so, that was my cruise.
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  I'm so sick when I got back anyway.
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  Apart myself up in the lounge room in this house and every
• 8:00
  morning you know watching the clock would get up and watch the
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  clock and soon as it was like 5 to 8 or jump in my car and raced
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  down to the bottle shop and grab a couple bottles of wine.
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  And, you know, this went on and on for He waits until you know
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  the way that I used to come off alcohol when I wasn't drinking,
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  I had massive panic attacks and and you know, Jitters and, you
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  know, such an odd shake until I couldn't even hold a pen.
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  I could even hold the bottle of wine, you know, end up drinking
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  with two straws. I'd stick together and put the
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  wine on the floor and suck it up that way so I couldn't drive
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  anymore. So one morning, I got a taxi to
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  the Bottle Shop. And I asked this Taxi Driver if
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  you wouldn't mind going for me every morning, you know how
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  could it come get the money off me and then dog pick up the
• 8:48
  booze and bring it back to me. So that happened, we had this
• 8:51
  little Arrangement going on for quite some time.
• 8:55
  You know, my morning, he's rocked up to pick up the money
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  and he I didn't feel crash hot, I didn't feel well, I knew
• 9:03
  something was sort of up. He said to me, you know, I was
• 9:08
  gay. When to give him the money and
• 9:09
  he said, Nyah You guys you look like you know shit.
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  Basically we said I'm going to take you, take out to the
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  hospital, you know, I'm not going to get you a drink and you
• 9:20
  get checked out at the hospital. So he's driven me up to the
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  hospital, which wasn't far. It wasn't far from my home and
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  I've got out of the taxi and apparently, I just fell onto the
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  ground and my heart stopped. They had to revive me in a car
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  park and all this sort of stuff, and I was going into liver
• 9:38
  failure. Really, really nice that day.
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  It was a fundraiser like a regional town, it's not very
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  big. They don't have a lot of
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  Specialists doctors there. But on that day, they just
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  happened to be a hepatologist who was visiting, that's a liver
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  specialist and the guy saved my life and you know, I'm still in
• 10:00
  contact with him today. That's where the name sort of
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  started Miracle Mary from him because he didn't think I'd make
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  it no one thought I'd make it. No, I went into a coma and they
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  called my family aside and said she's either going to end up
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  dead palliative care or respite, you know.
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  We're going to start making choices what to do with her
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  because she can't just something's going to give
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  anyway. I started I had they'll love
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  time. I sort of was it was a little
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  bit conscious I could but I couldn't walk.
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  I had no money in your own skills.
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  I couldn't made no hand-eye coordination.
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  So couldn't feed myself, you know, I had water.
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  It's called Hydro Encephalitis. I had water on the brain which
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  is the fat Korsakoff's, which is a yeah we know what that is.
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  And I was very, very sick, you know, very sick.
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  And I was, I started off in a wheelchair and in the hospital
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  and then I was on a sort of stand up.
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  Sit down Walker for a while. And then I was Jean, just a
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  walker. And I was in hospital for over
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  two months. And my sister who was at this
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  stage living in New South, Wales had no been sober for nearly 16
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  years in the fellowship, and she was my Saving Grace.
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  She's she came over and flew over and sit with me and
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  showered me and, you know, between her and my daughter,
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  they just, you know, looked after me and I, when I was ready
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  to be released from the hospital, they would only
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  release me on the condition that I went into a medically
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  supervised rehab. So still so sick.
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  So my sister flew back to New South Wales to Freeman house in
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  armidale. And the only reason I was
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  allowed in there was because it was officer to hospital.
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  Visiting doctors, into the rehab and stuff.
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  And from that rehab, I went to my first meeting.
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  My first AA meeting. It's supported, it supported a
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  a, but it didn't have any house meeting.
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  So, you had to put your hand up if you wanted to go and I did I
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  wanted to go So off, I went and my first meeting I thought, I
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  hope there's not too many people there and I knew this that they
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  asked to sort of talk and stuff and I was in the Lord and
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  husband and I walked in and it was like, there would have been
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  50 people there. I nearly dropped dead.
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  You don't know. I was the second person I asked
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  to share it, and I can't remember what I said, but I
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  remember my feet was shaking. I still, I'm still shaking from
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  my illness as well but my feet It was shaking them all.
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  I could think all those people looking at my feet and yeah, so
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  you know I stayed in that rehab for three months and I still you
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  know, looking back I thought I was really well, I thought I
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  wasn't physically spiritually emotionally.
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  Well I thought I had it all and looking back.
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  I was so so sick still, I am was in the rehab for just over three
• 13:16
  months. And, you know, left there left
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  there with some guy from the rehab.
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  Someone said to me Right now. Mary would you go to the
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  junkyard to buy a new car? Of course, that that didn't
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  work. And, and I got a year up.
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  I've got a year out that I had the party and I had the cake,
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  and children was so excited for me and proud of me.
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  And, and, you know, the doctor said to me, no, uncertain terms
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  that if I drank again, I would die and I drank again, I picked
• 13:49
  up all that just went straight out the window because You know,
• 13:54
  I hadn't accepted Step 1. I still thought somewhere, in my
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  silly mind, that I could control my drinking because I had
• 14:04
  controlled it for this year. I hadn't picked up a drink.
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  So surely I could control having one or two.
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  That's how I thought it would work.
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  And, of course, you know, a week after drinking.
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  I had no one talking to me. Again, my kids were just
• 14:19
  devastated. It was all really awful.
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  It was worse than when I I when I was drinking in that Lounge
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  room on my own, I was so isolated and lonely and I felt
• 14:28
  like such a failure, isn't? He was really awful but I ended
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  up picking myself, up dust himself off and got off the pity
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  potty and went back to my home group and admitted that I'd
• 14:43
  picked up and they just welcomed me back with open arms as as we
• 14:48
  do it. you know, that was a hard time for me but I got through it
• 14:54
  and and then I think another year and a half went by and I
• 15:00
  picked up a drink. I had a couple of drinks in a
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  are in one afternoon so, you know, I went on a bender for
• 15:09
  half a day again, and then after that, I just thought.
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  And even that even the half a day, everything went straight
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  back to shit. I didn't, I had a job at this
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  stage and I didn't go to work for five days after it was my
• 15:21
  nervous system automatically shot again.
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  I was physically so sick. All the people around me weren't
• 15:27
  talking to me and I still to this day.
• 15:30
  Don't know exactly what I did. There.
• 15:32
  Two kinds of to tell me I think, but I know I made a lot of phone
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  calls, and I rang up my daughter apparently, 2:00 in the morning.
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  To tell her I loved her while I was drunk.
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  Just broke her heart. You know?
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  She's apparently, she was asking me.
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  You've been drinking mom? And I said no, and she said to
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  me, she had a, my first grandchild who I adore.
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  Just it's me. Mum.
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  She'd never ever pushed me away, but she said to me this day,
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  Mom, you cannot be part of our Lives.
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  You cannot be around my son. Being heard her, son, my
• 16:08
  grandson. Why you drink sorry, but no, and
• 16:13
  hung up on me. And I just that, that was, that
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  was my rock bottom. You know, that was just like
• 16:21
  someone had hit me in the face. I just was shocked.
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  So I, you know, I cried for a few days and decided that I was
• 16:31
  going to go in and do this properly and I was going to
• 16:34
  throw the towel in and I was going to really admit that I
• 16:37
  couldn't drink anymore and really accept the fact that I
• 16:39
  wasn't going to drink anymore. And, you know, once I got to
• 16:43
  that point of bit of Serenity came over me a few weeks later,
• 16:47
  you know, I've sitting down at the beach one day and I thought,
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  wow, now this is what I want. This is what I really want my
• 16:54
  life. I want this piece, this piece of
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  mind and this guilt, free living, and And it's like that.
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  And I know I haven't picked up since it's been four years, and
• 17:08
  I'm happy to say that. You know, I don't have to cringe
• 17:12
  every time I see alcohol anymore, I don't have to worry
• 17:16
  about, you know, being triggered by other people drinking.
• 17:20
  I don't think about drinking anymore.
• 17:23
  You know, one day at a time, I do this gig and and just got
• 17:27
  back from more in the last couple of weeks of traveling
• 17:31
  around Australia for 12 months and had an absolute ball.
• 17:35
  You know, went from meeting to meeting to meeting met new
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  people, just had a ball and you know, All this stuff wouldn't I
• 17:42
  wouldn't have been able to just stopped in and see my my
• 17:44
  daughter and she's now got a second child stopped in to see
• 17:47
  my son who said his first child, it was just an amazing and I
• 17:50
  wouldn't be able to do that without the help of, you know,
• 17:54
  the toll steps and a a and the people in it.
• 17:56
  They've been magical and you know I and absolutely as I said
• 18:01
  the start of so grateful, I must be the most grateful alcoholic.
• 18:04
  I know my life's just beautiful, I mean, you know, there's still
• 18:08
  days that I have have hiccup. What's below?
• 18:11
  You know I've got a little cliche as you know, this too
• 18:13
  shall pass. All these little things have
• 18:15
  helped me along the way, the Serenity Prayer.
• 18:17
  You know, that we use that. Like, like I used to use
• 18:20
  alcohol. It's just been wonderful.
• 18:23
  I've met so many lovely people in the fellowship and I plan to
• 18:27
  stick around for a long, long time, one day at a time, and
• 18:31
  yeah, thanks for listening to me.