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The Emotional Prison So Many People Never Escape · Groove with Portia

0:06
Speaker 1: Welcome to Group Porsche, the podcast that uncovers the hidden
0:09
Speaker 1: treasures within grief. I'm your host, Porsche the Producer, and
0:13
Speaker 1: I'm inviting you to join me on a transformative journey
0:15
Speaker 1: where we were exchange laughter, of course the best medicine
0:18
Speaker 1: of them all, reflect on cherish memories, Remember that time
0:21
Speaker 1: that the little boy grabbed my hand instead of his
0:23
Speaker 1: mother's at the amusement park yikes, And of course, discover
0:26
Speaker 1: gratitude while navigating one of life's hardest challenges lost. So
0:31
Speaker 1: get ready to gree with me, Porsche the Producer, let's
0:35
Speaker 1: dive in. Hello everybody, and welcome back to Groogle Porsche.
0:47
Speaker 1: I am your host, Porsche Booker, and as always, don't
0:49
Speaker 1: forget to like, share and subscribe to keep up with
0:52
Speaker 1: all things grew with Porsche. One of the things that
0:56
Speaker 1: I think that I brought up many times is during
1:00
Speaker 1: my TV career, I felt like I was a prisoner
1:03
Speaker 1: in that situation for a certain period of time. You know,
1:07
Speaker 1: the light at the end of the tunnel wasn't there,
1:10
Speaker 1: But there was this deep knowing in my heart that
1:14
Speaker 1: there was something bigger than the current seat of occupancy
1:19
Speaker 1: that I had during that time. Let that sink in.
1:22
Speaker 1: So today I'm joined by a remarkable woman who also
1:27
Speaker 1: is no stranger to being incarcerated literally, but she's found
1:31
Speaker 1: a way to not only pay it forward and help others,
1:36
Speaker 1: but also help them to break free from the incarcerated
1:40
Speaker 1: mindset that continues to sometimes stay with people even though
1:44
Speaker 1: they've never been behind bars. So welcome to girul Portia,
1:48
Speaker 1: Miss Mattildey Iris Hernandez. Hello, Matilda, how are you today?
1:52
Speaker 2: I am well. Thank you for having me. I love
1:55
Speaker 2: the introduction, Thank you, thank you.
2:00
Speaker 1: It's an honor. I knew when I first saw your story,
2:02
Speaker 1: matil Day, how it could relate to so many people,
2:06
Speaker 1: and before we dive into obviously your book, the work
2:10
Speaker 1: that you're currently doing today, I want to take a minute,
2:13
Speaker 1: Matilday to honor your story. What do you want people
2:19
Speaker 1: to understand about Matilday before you were incarcerated and how
2:25
Speaker 1: that became part of your story?
2:27
Speaker 2: Thank you? Thank you for asking that people sometimes cannot
2:33
Speaker 2: remove the past you and that sometimes when you are
2:42
Speaker 2: evolving to your best you in spite of what you've experienced.
2:49
Speaker 2: I'm no longer hurt and I was chosen to go
2:52
Speaker 2: through that walk. I didn't see it when I was walking,
2:56
Speaker 2: so he allowed me to walk it so I could
2:58
Speaker 2: walk people through it, and walking them through it is
3:01
Speaker 2: helping them know that the story doesn't end. The story
3:07
Speaker 2: doesn't end, and who I am today has been a
3:13
Speaker 2: lot of healing, a lot of removing the shame, a
3:18
Speaker 2: lot of forgiveness. And again, people still try to talk
3:23
Speaker 2: to the old Matilda, which she's no longer there anymore.
3:28
Speaker 2: And what I've learned also in my journey of growing personally,
3:34
Speaker 2: physically and emotionally, is that you have to give yourself
3:37
Speaker 2: time because healing takes time. And certain people don't recognize
3:42
Speaker 2: you when you're healing because they're doing their work too. Remember,
3:45
Speaker 2: they only know the old you. They only know the
3:47
Speaker 2: story that they perceived of you, because no one knows
3:53
Speaker 2: the real story when you become incarcerated or when you're
3:56
Speaker 2: going through the process. They only know that this happened
3:59
Speaker 2: to you. So the people that I am encountering and
4:04
Speaker 2: the people that God is putting in my path, they
4:06
Speaker 2: see this bright person because that's how I feel every morning,
4:10
Speaker 2: in spite of what I got going on. I want
4:13
Speaker 2: to be the light for others because I know what
4:16
Speaker 2: it looks like when you're feeling depressed, going through it,
4:18
Speaker 2: not knowing what's next. So the Matilda you've seen today
4:22
Speaker 2: is God's opportunity for a second chance.
4:25
Speaker 1: Matilda. I love how you reiterated that healing is not
4:30
Speaker 1: one day you wave a magic wand and you're all better, kumbaiya.
4:34
Speaker 1: It is a multiple step journey and sometimes you have
4:39
Speaker 1: to go back to step one, right. And I'm curious, Matilda.
4:43
Speaker 1: I don't know if anybody's ever asked you this, but
4:46
Speaker 1: you brought up how people like to keep you in
4:49
Speaker 1: the same lens that they met you. Sometimes, when did
4:53
Speaker 1: you start finally introducing yourself as Matilda who has been
4:59
Speaker 1: healed and no longer Matilda as this person who is incarcerated.
5:05
Speaker 2: Thank you for that question. That's a deep one now,
5:07
Speaker 2: because again, when we're working on ourselves as a daily walk,
5:11
Speaker 2: environments everything, sometimes you can go back to the old
5:14
Speaker 2: people and start to slide back and do a you know,
5:21
Speaker 2: let me turn it back, because you want to be
5:22
Speaker 2: comfortable and you want to make people feel comfortable of
5:25
Speaker 2: who you are becoming, and they're not accepting that, right,
5:28
Speaker 2: So it took me a while. I gotta be quite honest,
5:31
Speaker 2: with you started peeling more to the next level. After
5:35
Speaker 2: my separation in twenty fifteen, I knew who I was,
5:39
Speaker 2: but I still was allowing the shame to cover. So
5:43
Speaker 2: I allow people say there are little words and this
5:46
Speaker 2: and that and the third. But I I had to
5:49
Speaker 2: stop that in twenty twenty when I went into myself
5:52
Speaker 2: and said, you know what, you got to keep on
5:55
Speaker 2: showing up. I had to keep on showing up, and
5:58
Speaker 2: even today, I still have to keep on showing up
6:01
Speaker 2: because you have a thousand million thoughts that come in.
6:04
Speaker 2: You still hear negative comments of what you've seen. But
6:08
Speaker 2: I have to introduce people to I am because a
6:11
Speaker 2: lot of people, when you're growing, you make them uncomfortable.
6:14
Speaker 2: So I didn't have to really really introduce myself. I
6:18
Speaker 2: really have to continue my growth. And as I continue
6:21
Speaker 2: my growth, those people that I so called had to introduce,
6:24
Speaker 2: I didn't because they fell off. But the people that
6:26
Speaker 2: I'm coming to connect with, they see me. I don't
6:31
Speaker 2: really have to even share a story. They see who
6:33
Speaker 2: I am today, and like I said, it's a daily
6:38
Speaker 2: walk for me because sometimes you get in your head
6:41
Speaker 2: you're like who am I? You know who am I?
6:44
Speaker 2: To say? I do this and this and that and
6:45
Speaker 2: the third. But I know I'm called, and I know
6:48
Speaker 2: that no one gets on a mic, and no one
6:50
Speaker 2: gets on a podcast, or no one starts to write
6:53
Speaker 2: a book. Knowing everything, you still have some hiccups here
6:58
Speaker 2: and there, still getting your head. But daily I have
7:02
Speaker 2: to tell myself you used to have to show up.
7:03
Speaker 2: I'm not in a race, because once again, sometimes you
7:06
Speaker 2: have to explain to people, well, I don't do this,
7:08
Speaker 2: I don't do that. No, I have a plethora of certificates,
7:12
Speaker 2: a plethora of books and things and education and classes
7:16
Speaker 2: because I invest in me. Because the reason being is
7:18
Speaker 2: I know that I'm going to meet that next girl
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Speaker 2: that's five months or a week behind me, and I
7:23
Speaker 2: don't want to let her know she doesn't have to
7:24
Speaker 2: struggle because I have the tools for her to become
7:27
Speaker 2: as well, and I'll be cheering her on.
7:30
Speaker 1: Well, when you're leading to Matilda by example, you're showing
7:34
Speaker 1: others that, yeah, being incarcerated was a part of my story,
7:39
Speaker 1: but it's not the end.
7:40
Speaker 2: That's correct.
7:41
Speaker 1: I can incorporate it and show you that there's other options, Matilda.
7:47
Speaker 1: One of the things that I also thought about you
7:50
Speaker 1: were separated from your children when you were incarcerated, and
7:55
Speaker 1: I'm sure that there was probably a lot of shame,
7:59
Speaker 1: a lot of guilt. What are people thinking? I'm curious
8:03
Speaker 1: what was that experience like for you and how did
8:07
Speaker 1: you maintain a relationship with your children then and what
8:14
Speaker 1: is it like now? Because so many people when they're incarcerated,
8:17
Speaker 1: they become alone.
8:19
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, Well for me, I wasn't alone when I
8:23
Speaker 2: was incarcerated. I did miss my kids a lot. I
8:28
Speaker 2: want to say it. God was already preparing me for
8:32
Speaker 2: this walk, because I had a dream prior to everything happened,
8:37
Speaker 2: and when it happened, I truly was ready. And I
8:41
Speaker 2: think one of the things was because I was such
8:43
Speaker 2: a people pleaser. I wanted everybody to win in this
8:47
Speaker 2: walk that he put me through. It was him and I.
8:50
Speaker 2: He said, you won't be able to call home. You're
8:52
Speaker 2: not going to be doing this. I don't care if
8:53
Speaker 2: you have a business. It's going to be you and I.
8:56
Speaker 2: When you're an incarceraate, you know, you go in the
8:59
Speaker 2: process of being in r and there's a whole process,
9:02
Speaker 2: even mentally and emotionally. You get wrecked because a lot
9:06
Speaker 2: of things get strict from you, but I knew who
9:08
Speaker 2: I was. I knew who I was, and yes I
9:13
Speaker 2: was sad leaving my kids behind, but I knew that
9:16
Speaker 2: my mom's there has siblings as well. But through that process,
9:21
Speaker 2: people show who they are, right. My kids knew me already,
9:27
Speaker 2: we did things. They missed me. When they were able
9:31
Speaker 2: to visit. It broke me because it took a while.
9:35
Speaker 2: It took a while for them to connect with me.
9:37
Speaker 2: One when you are shifting from the jail system into
9:41
Speaker 2: the prison system, it takes a while and they don't
9:44
Speaker 2: share where you're at, so people got to go look
9:46
Speaker 2: for you. And it took a while for my family
9:48
Speaker 2: because I'm the one that's always trying to put things
9:51
Speaker 2: in order and the one that fights and put you know,
9:54
Speaker 2: asserts itself. That was an experience for me. But when
9:58
Speaker 2: I did it was eleven months. And when I first
10:03
Speaker 2: saw my kids the first time, it broke me, especially
10:06
Speaker 2: my mom. It tore me to pieces. And one my
10:11
Speaker 2: son was like a thing six and he was like,
10:13
Speaker 2: when you're gonna come home? We don't watch this And
10:15
Speaker 2: then I said soon, and you know, they tell them,
10:18
Speaker 2: you know, oh, she's in school. I'm like, well, my
10:20
Speaker 2: daughter and I had a very great, great connection because
10:22
Speaker 2: I told her from day one, there's no secrets. I
10:25
Speaker 2: am me and I explained to her, and I said,
10:29
Speaker 2: you know, I'll be home soon and just be there
10:33
Speaker 2: for your brother. Do the things you need to do
10:35
Speaker 2: do grade in school. We had a connection, and my
10:37
Speaker 2: family came every week. And as they came every week,
10:40
Speaker 2: I said, you ain't gonna be in their face every week.
10:43
Speaker 2: So I have people that I connected they're with and
10:45
Speaker 2: that never had visitation. So I shared my family with
10:48
Speaker 2: them so they can experience visitation. So I knew, like
10:52
Speaker 2: I said, I was able to do a lot of
10:54
Speaker 2: different things in there, help translate because I'm Hispanic, and
11:00
Speaker 2: I didn't feel like I wasn't doing anything. It was
11:02
Speaker 2: god an eye in this walk. So it was a
11:04
Speaker 2: very beautiful experience. He molded me, so he planted me there,
11:10
Speaker 2: He prepared me, and now he's given me a different
11:13
Speaker 2: perspective of life. When people are incarcerated, it's never a facility,
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Speaker 2: is an actual mindset.
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Speaker 1: And until they we talked a little bit about that
11:24
Speaker 1: before we started how being incarcerated. Some people have never
11:28
Speaker 1: had handcuffs on them, never been behind bars. The only
11:31
Speaker 1: time I've ever been in a police cruiser was when
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Speaker 1: I was little and our car had broke down on
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Speaker 1: the freeway and they brought us home. That's the only
11:40
Speaker 1: time I've ever been in the back of a police car.
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Speaker 1: Other than that, I've never ever had that experience. But
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Speaker 1: there's so many people walking around today who are incarcerated
11:51
Speaker 1: by the limiting beliefs. They have, the thoughts that were
11:55
Speaker 1: implanted in them young of you're not going to be
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Speaker 1: anything when you grow up. I've shared this story about
12:03
Speaker 1: a teacher that I had in middle school that said
12:06
Speaker 1: only people with a's would be successful in life, and
12:10
Speaker 1: I was a B student, and that did something to me.
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Speaker 1: For a period of time. It hindered me from seeing
12:18
Speaker 1: that success was possible. And I'm curious, miuntil the for
12:22
Speaker 1: audience who's tuning in, because you confirmed the incarceration is
12:27
Speaker 1: not just a physical edifice, it's a mindset. How can
12:32
Speaker 1: people begin to break free from that and really start
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Speaker 1: living the life that they truly want and not the
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Speaker 1: life that they see other people have. As far as
12:46
Speaker 1: success from a social media standpoint, from the standpoint of
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Speaker 1: you go to school, you graduate, you get the white
12:55
Speaker 1: picket fence house you live the American dream.
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Speaker 2: That is an amazing question. Yes. So it starts with forgiveness,
13:05
Speaker 2: forgiving yourself because you can be the one that's walking
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Speaker 2: around and still in prison because you never stopped and
13:14
Speaker 2: say I'm sorry. You didn't forgive yourself because you didn't know.
13:20
Speaker 2: So it starts with forgiveness. Once you start forgiving yourself
13:24
Speaker 2: is really asking yourself who in your circle will be
13:31
Speaker 2: able to keep you accountable, to help you in your
13:34
Speaker 2: growth journey. One of those voices that you're hearing that
13:40
Speaker 2: are keeping you second guessing you yourself. Like I had
13:44
Speaker 2: so many people with comments, oh you you're always energetic,
13:47
Speaker 2: Oh you like to do this. I allowed a lot
13:51
Speaker 2: of that to really hinder me, and I was like,
13:55
Speaker 2: if they only knew that I'm going through it, if
13:57
Speaker 2: they only knew I was clinically depressed diagnos else with that,
14:01
Speaker 2: I'm just a functional person that knows that I'm gonna
14:03
Speaker 2: get through it. I'm gonna get through it. And it
14:07
Speaker 2: starts with that. It's knowing from the core who you are,
14:10
Speaker 2: forgiving yourself, allow yourself to be who are you? When
14:16
Speaker 2: you know who you are, it doesn't matter what people say. Yes,
14:20
Speaker 2: they labeled me and say you're sentenced to this amount
14:23
Speaker 2: of time, and yes you have a felony, and yes
14:25
Speaker 2: I have allowed it for so many years to keep
14:28
Speaker 2: me silent. Shame is one of the biggest things that
14:31
Speaker 2: will keep you silent in rooms that you know you
14:34
Speaker 2: belong in. So it's doing the inner work, is getting
14:39
Speaker 2: a therapist, considering a therapist. A lot of people have
14:42
Speaker 2: stigmas around it. I have therapy once a week because
14:45
Speaker 2: it's for my wellness journey. Because I can easily go backwards.
14:50
Speaker 2: Guilt can creep in. Allow yourself to be like you
14:52
Speaker 2: know what, No, I deserve this time. I deserve to
14:55
Speaker 2: live again. Investing yourself if you can't get mentors, you know,
15:01
Speaker 2: follow a YouTube channel, someone that you really look up to.
15:04
Speaker 2: But environment is everything because you can be free on paper,
15:08
Speaker 2: but not emotionally, not mentally, or even physically, because if
15:16
Speaker 2: you do not have boundaries for yourself, you allow anything
15:19
Speaker 2: to come in because you don't even see yourself. And
15:22
Speaker 2: it took me a while. I knew I was the gift,
15:26
Speaker 2: but I didn't want to confront people because all I
15:28
Speaker 2: heard is, Oh, you're so confrontational. No, you don't like
15:30
Speaker 2: for me to check you because you're being disrespectful. But
15:34
Speaker 2: it really starts with us forgiving ourselves, allowing us ourselves
15:39
Speaker 2: to be ourselves and whatever that looks like, you know,
15:42
Speaker 2: finding the root of the cost. If it was childhood,
15:45
Speaker 2: it's no longer happening to you right now. And the
15:48
Speaker 2: stories we tell ourselves, we just have to rewrite them
15:51
Speaker 2: every day. Rewrite it. Just like God said, renew your
15:54
Speaker 2: mind daily. We have to renew ourselves daily. That's what
16:00
Speaker 2: I walk into dating and when I feel something different,
16:04
Speaker 2: I have to shake it up, like, no, we're not
16:06
Speaker 2: doing that. We're not doing that. We've come too far
16:10
Speaker 2: so audience to know that they are able to do
16:14
Speaker 2: whatever it is that they want. Just forgive yourself and
16:19
Speaker 2: find you an amazing community, and if you don't have one,
16:22
Speaker 2: I'll be more than happy to allow you to come
16:24
Speaker 2: to mind and we can grow and heal, because healing
16:28
Speaker 2: takes time. Growth us too, but we.
16:31
Speaker 1: Have to start and you reinforced the It takes village,
16:36
Speaker 1: It takes and we've kind of broken that system down
16:41
Speaker 1: a bit, even though we're so connected on social media
16:45
Speaker 1: everywhere across the globe, but yet they're still at the
16:49
Speaker 1: same time, this level of disconnect Matilda before we continue
16:53
Speaker 1: the conversation. If our audience wants to connect with you,
16:57
Speaker 1: if they want to get a copy of your book,
17:00
Speaker 1: if there's any upcoming speaking engagement, how can our audience
17:03
Speaker 1: connect with you, whether it's on social media or website
17:05
Speaker 1: or your book.
17:06
Speaker 2: Thank you. My website is there to Lift It. That's
17:10
Speaker 2: d A. R. E. The number two Lift it dot com.
17:15
Speaker 2: I'm on Instagram at there to lift It and I
17:19
Speaker 2: don't have any upcoming speaking engagements s yet, but I
17:23
Speaker 2: am working on a thirty day challenge for growth and
17:30
Speaker 2: I am a John Maxwell speaker coach and trainer. So
17:33
Speaker 2: I do offer on my website. There's a free assessment
17:37
Speaker 2: and then you can book a free discovery where we
17:39
Speaker 2: can go through a disassessment and I can help you
17:43
Speaker 2: go ahead and get a roadmap for your first healing
17:47
Speaker 2: and wellness journey. And that's mind, body and soul and
17:50
Speaker 2: it won't cost you anything. So definitely, if you'd love
17:54
Speaker 2: to follow me for upcoming events and just staying connected,
17:58
Speaker 2: I am here for you.
18:00
Speaker 1: Excellent. So for our audience, you can visit Matilda's website
18:04
Speaker 1: theretolift it dot Com. Also on social media, There to
18:09
Speaker 1: lift it. Also, don't forget Google and AI are your friend.
18:12
Speaker 1: They can find us and anything that we may not
18:15
Speaker 1: even know about ourselves. Right, Matilda, let me say this.
18:19
Speaker 1: I knew this conversation was going to be worth the wait,
18:22
Speaker 1: and I thank you so much for sharing your storing,
18:26
Speaker 1: your vulnerability, what you've overcome, and being honest about what
18:31
Speaker 1: this road looks like, this messy middle to reaching a
18:35
Speaker 1: healed space. Before we conclude, Matilda, I have one last
18:40
Speaker 1: question for you. As me and you both know being
18:43
Speaker 1: women of color, being incarcerated comes with a heavier stigma.
18:48
Speaker 1: It comes with the stigma regardless, but for people of
18:51
Speaker 1: color it holds a heavier one. And I'm curious for
18:55
Speaker 1: our audience today, how can we begin to start to
19:01
Speaker 1: see people who have been incarcerated for who they are
19:07
Speaker 1: and not the label that has been placed on them
19:10
Speaker 1: based on whatever prompted them to land in that physical
19:15
Speaker 1: place in the first place.
19:18
Speaker 2: There is a big stigma with people that have been incarcerated.
19:21
Speaker 2: Once they know that you're incarcerated, you're labeled, You're placed
19:24
Speaker 2: in a box. And one of the things is giving
19:27
Speaker 2: people an opportunity because when a person is not incarcerated,
19:31
Speaker 2: not everybody is really incarcerated for that typical crime, there's
19:37
Speaker 2: a plead. So if we're judging the person that've been incarcerated,
19:41
Speaker 2: I'm not saying someone that's on death road or something
19:43
Speaker 2: like that. But there's a lot of things that happen
19:46
Speaker 2: when you are on the journey to being sentenced. Giving
19:50
Speaker 2: the person an opportunity for a second chance. Where are
19:52
Speaker 2: they today from when they were incarcerated, What are they doing?
19:58
Speaker 2: I think we're not getting the opportunity to really show
20:02
Speaker 2: who we are today. And it starts with that opening
20:06
Speaker 2: doors for people that have had that experience, because no
20:10
Speaker 2: one's extempt to go on that side of the fence.
20:13
Speaker 2: Some of us just haven't got caught. And the ones
20:16
Speaker 2: that have got caught, they had to walk through it.
20:19
Speaker 2: And if they didn't walk through it and had any assistance,
20:24
Speaker 2: that's why they go back in the system. They go
20:27
Speaker 2: back in the system because there's no community once they
20:31
Speaker 2: get home. It's very difficult because you can't even some
20:36
Speaker 2: jobs say they do give you second chances, but it's
20:39
Speaker 2: a really, really hard journey at times. So I really
20:43
Speaker 2: love when I do speak to people to help them
20:46
Speaker 2: guide them to become an entrepreneur to write their story,
20:51
Speaker 2: to create something that whatever happened to you, there's someone
20:54
Speaker 2: out here that would love for you to coach them
20:57
Speaker 2: because you didn't go through it alone. But I definitely
20:59
Speaker 2: will love to see more companies or people in general
21:04
Speaker 2: giving us a second chance because together we can work
21:09
Speaker 2: with those people that are repetitive going in and out
21:12
Speaker 2: to find a solution and that is community.
21:17
Speaker 1: One hundred percent and reduce the rescindive was it going
21:22
Speaker 1: back into the system, the pipeline all over again? Right?
21:26
Speaker 1: We and I've said this before Matilda, that we are
21:30
Speaker 1: our brothers and sisters keeper and it's our fault the
21:33
Speaker 1: reason why these things keep happening. So many of us
21:37
Speaker 1: want to be a bystander when we need to be
21:39
Speaker 1: a by doer. Nope, and everybody, that was miss Matilda
21:46
Speaker 1: Iris Hernandez that you heard from today on grou with Portia.
21:50
Speaker 1: And that concludes our conversation and until next time, everybody
21:54
Speaker 1: piece and har Greece everyone, thank you once