Latest / Hurdle with Emily Abbate / 223. Taylor Townsend, Pro Tennis Player

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223. Taylor Townsend, Pro Tennis Player · Hurdle with Emily Abbate

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: You can evolve, you can grow, you can become a
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: better version of yourself.
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: Hey, everybody, Emily Abadi here.
• 0:22
  Speaker 3: You are listening to episode two hundred and twenty three
• 0:25
  Speaker 3: of Hurdle, a wellness focused podcast where I connect with
• 0:28
  Speaker 3: everyone from your favorite athletes to top experts and industry
• 0:31
  Speaker 3: CEOs about their highest highs, toughest moments, and everything in between.
• 0:36
  Speaker 3: We all go through hurdles in life, and my goal
• 0:39
  Speaker 3: through these discussions is to empower you to better navigate
• 0:42
  Speaker 3: yours and move with intention so that you can stride
• 0:45
  Speaker 3: towards your own big potential and of course have some
• 0:49
  Speaker 3: fun along the way. For today's episode, I cannot wait
• 0:55
  Speaker 3: for you to listen to my chat with Taylor Townsend.
• 0:57
  Speaker 3: She's a pro tennis player, new mom, and I would
• 1:02
  Speaker 3: argue that she is an advocate for body acceptance. Taylor
• 1:07
  Speaker 3: and I have a really, really beautiful conversation about what
• 1:11
  Speaker 3: that has looked like for her, not just since having
• 1:15
  Speaker 3: her son Aiden, but in her time as a professional
• 1:19
  Speaker 3: tennis player. She gets really open and honest about the
• 1:22
  Speaker 3: challenges that she's had with her body, sharing stories about
• 1:26
  Speaker 3: her time early in the sport when the USTA recommended
• 1:33
  Speaker 3: she take some time to work on her fitness.
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: I wish that I was making this up. At the time,
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: she was the.
• 1:39
  Speaker 3: Number one ranked junior tennis player in the world.
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: I know, I know. We talk all about that.
• 1:46
  Speaker 3: She gives us some insight as to what it felt
• 1:48
  Speaker 3: like to stand up for herself, and then we bring
• 1:51
  Speaker 3: it to the now. We talk about her comeback, and
• 1:55
  Speaker 3: yes it is a comeback because Taylor is playing so
• 1:59
  Speaker 3: so well now, just eighteen months after having her baby Aiden.
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: She was recently in the doubles final at the US Open,
• 2:09
  Speaker 3: which I had the good fortune of being there for.
• 2:12
  Speaker 3: Taylor talks about how that felt. She also gets very
• 2:15
  Speaker 3: candid about where she hopes to go in the future,
• 2:19
  Speaker 3: and I adore the dialogue we had about her choice
• 2:22
  Speaker 3: to wear a bomb bomb is an understatement cat suit
• 2:27
  Speaker 3: at the Open, both in honor of Serena as she
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: played in what could be her last ever match, and
• 2:35
  Speaker 3: to honor herself and the progress that she's made, not
• 2:39
  Speaker 3: just again since having the baby, but in accepting her
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: body and embracing all that it has to offer her
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: strength and so much more. Really really love this combo.
• 2:51
  Speaker 3: So happy to bring it to you. A huge thank
• 2:53
  Speaker 3: you to Taylor for making the time.
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: If you're not following.
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: Along with Hurdle on social media yet, please go on
• 2:59
  Speaker 3: over And so it's over at Hurdle podcast. I am
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: over at Emily a body and with that, let's get
• 3:07
  Speaker 3: to hurdling.
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: Today.
• 3:26
  Speaker 3: I am sitting down with Taylor Townsend. She is a
• 3:29
  Speaker 3: pro tennis player. How are you doing today, Taylor?
• 3:33
  Speaker 4: I'm amazing. How are you?
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: I feel like giddy.
• 3:38
  Speaker 3: At the opportunity to talk to you because I feel
• 3:40
  Speaker 3: like I was just I hate using.
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: The word fangirling, but it gona. I'm gonna withdraw.
• 3:45
  Speaker 3: I was just so hyped to see you play in
• 3:47
  Speaker 3: the Open. I'm still on a high from that. How
• 3:50
  Speaker 3: are you feeling after that?
• 3:52
  Speaker 4: Well, to be honest, like I'm back to reality, Like.
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: You know, I'm off of the cloud, and like, you know,
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: it's crazy because, like you know, you make a final
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: of a Grand Slam, You're playing in the final US Open.
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: You know, last day, unbelievable atmosphere, environment, feelings. You know,
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: I've kind of enjoyed myself for a few days in
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: New York, came back home.
• 4:14
  Speaker 4: Then my dad's like, hey, we need help.
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: With the yard sale, and hey, I need to do this,
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: and oh, got to get the baby, and oh I
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: need to unpack. Oh back to practice and fitness and
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: all of the regular normal things. So definitely when I
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: got back home, it was a bit of welcome back
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: to reality. But I definitely did take a couple of
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: days like after and just really enjoyed myself in New York.
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: And it was definitely kind of a life changing experience.
• 4:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah, making it to that final. What an amazing accomplishment?
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: Is that? Really where you thought you'd.
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: Be Definitely not you know, I really set high goals
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: for myself, like when I started this whole process, like
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: about a year ago, a year and a half ago,
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: and I really did set high markers. But to be
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: in the finals of a Grand Slam, like it doesn't
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: matter for me if it's singles or doubles, Like, it's
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: still such an amazing accomplishment because, like, you know, I
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: played a lot of people who have been playing while
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: I've been out, So for me to be able to
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: come back and like play at a very high level
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: and compete, like, it's just amazing. So but I think it,
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: you know, I did it before, like when I was
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: pregnant with Aiden, I was three months pregnant with him,
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: and I made the semi finals of the twenty twenty
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: US Open, So that kind of showed like, Okay, I
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: can do it. But then to be able to go
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: one step further and like get to the finals, you know,
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: it means it means a lot to me, But it
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: also kind of cemented like okay, like you can do this,
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: like you belong in this place. And doubles always helps
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: with my singles game, so I know that it's just
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: a matter of time before you know, things start to
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: merge in a line.
• 5:55
  Speaker 3: Things start to merge in a line. What an impressive
• 5:58
  Speaker 3: story though truly pregnant in the semis then post baby
• 6:04
  Speaker 3: in the finals. I mean when you hear that, does
• 6:08
  Speaker 3: it even feel real?
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: Well for me, it does because I just know all
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: of the shit that I went through to go like
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: to get to that point, and so it's like it's amazing,
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: but like I truly believe that I deserve to be
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: there because I worked my asshole to get back to playing,
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: to be able to just walk out on the court
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: and to compete and trust my body again, Like I
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: worked so hard to get back to this place. So
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: it's just like Honestly, I'm not gonna say it's surprising,
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: but I just know, and I'm very confident in like
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: all of the.
• 6:43
  Speaker 4: Work that I put in to get to this place,
• 6:45
  Speaker 4: and like.
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: I could personally say for myself, like I've never had
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: to do anything this hard. So it's given me a
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: ton of strength and confidence, like within myself because I've
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: never been tested or challenged in this way, like in
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: playing professional tennis or you know, even though I've had
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: adversity in other ways, but being pregnant, having a child,
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: like having major surgery, like having a c section, and
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: then having to come back, like it's just it's something
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: that I never had to do. Like before I struggled
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: with losing a little twenty pounds and I had to
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: go and I had to lose like eighty so and
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: went beyond that.
• 7:23
  Speaker 4: So, like, you know, it just really put a lot
• 7:26
  Speaker 4: of things in perspective for me.
• 7:28
  Speaker 3: Let's bring it back to the twenty pounds. Let's bring
• 7:31
  Speaker 3: it back to as you mentioned, the adversity. You're not
• 7:34
  Speaker 3: new to this game, you've been in it for a minute,
• 7:36
  Speaker 3: but you have been facing challenges within tennis for some time.
• 7:41
  Speaker 3: So why don't we start by talking about first getting
• 7:44
  Speaker 3: in to tennis as a young woman from the South
• 7:49
  Speaker 3: side of Chicago who didn't see a lot of people
• 7:52
  Speaker 3: that looked like her at the court. Talk to me
• 7:55
  Speaker 3: about what that was like for you starting out.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: The amazing thing was like when I was growing up,
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: like I had my older sister, She's two years older
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: than me, and so she started playing and I used
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: to just crash her lessons and I would be really
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: mad because like I wasn't playing, but like she was
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: having a lesson but I wasn't. So then I would
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: like go in the court and like throw balls and
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: try to make her trip or like just just distract
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: her because I was like I wanted to be out there,
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: and so I was like, if she's doing it, I
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: can do it, you know. So I mean it was great,
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: like I had that person, and then we grew up
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: playing together. So obviously the Williams sisters were always two
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: people that we looked up to and tried to emulate
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: because we were both playing at a high level throughout
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: the juniors and like we're kind of tracking with each other. Unfortunately,
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: like my sister got had a really really bad knee
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: injury later in her career, and then she took the
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: college route, which was amazing because you know, she tore
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: all the ligaments in her knee and had nerve damage
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: in her foot and still rehabbed, came back and was
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: able to get a scholarship to school, and just her
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: story is amazing just for her, like in that in alone,
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: it just gives me so much, you know, inspiration when
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: I'm down or I'm not feeling you know, confident, I
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: can talk to her about that.
• 9:08
  Speaker 4: But yeah, just being young.
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: Like I had a lot of people even from four
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: years old, like telling my coaches at the time, like, oh,
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: she's too fat, like she's not gonna make it, you know,
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: just kind of like putting labels on me because I
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: wasn't like the normal.
• 9:24
  Speaker 4: I wasn't I.
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: Didn't play like everyone else, Like I didn't look like
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: everyone else, Like I didn't have that build or anything
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: like that. And you know, so I remember that like
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: people telling me, oh, yeah, you know, she's not she's
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: not gonna like she she'll be good, but like not
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: good enough to go pro and like just putting those
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: labels on me. So it's amazing that like people can
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: say that, even like about a four year old or
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: five year old, which is like insane, especially for me
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: being a parent, Like how could that even be possible?
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: And honestly, just think about it like makes my stomach boil,
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: and if that ever happened, like I'd probably fight if
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: that was like my kid, just because like I just
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: I went through it, so I would just would and
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: tolerate that in any way, shape or form. Honestly, it
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: wasn't so much about like who was around, but I
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: think seeing like being a sin Serena playing like really
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: made me feel as those possible and just to kind
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: of tie that in, which is one of the reasons why,
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: like I put on my Instagram when I found out
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: this Serena was retiring, and I put up kind of
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: like an appreciation post. I was just like, you know,
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: you struggled so we didn't have to, and you know,
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: those are the moments that I think about where I
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: saw them on TV and like going through adversity, people
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: not accepting them, people you know, talking bad about them,
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: and no one's excited about being a Sinserena being.
• 10:37
  Speaker 4: Out on the core.
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: It was more of the opposite, like hoping for the
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: worst and then to think of where we are now
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: like seeing Coco myself, Madison Ky Sloan like so, and
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: a lot of up and coming like junior players like
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: for them to be have the crowd support and the
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: fans support and people truly excited to get their autograph
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: and take a picture, Like just look at how much
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: things have changed over the years. So you know, the
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: representation of just being able to see it done once
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: is so powerful and yeah, I'm really thankful for that.
• 11:07
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and so it's so great to hear that from
• 11:11
  Speaker 3: a young age, like you had this positive role model
• 11:14
  Speaker 3: within your sister, and then as the both of you
• 11:17
  Speaker 3: came up, then you had other individuals to look toward.
• 11:20
  Speaker 3: But when we go back to that discussion of perhaps
• 11:24
  Speaker 3: the parents are on the court criticizing your abilities, do
• 11:28
  Speaker 3: you think that was because purely of your Wii or
• 11:31
  Speaker 3: do you also feel like the color of your skin
• 11:33
  Speaker 3: had something to do with it.
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: Most of the people who are judging me at the
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: time looked like me, which is crazy. I think it
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: was more so. Tennis is a very like visual sport.
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: Aesthetics are a lot. Aesthetics mean a lot. So we've
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: seen that when it comes to endorsements, we've seen that
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: when it comes to you know a lot of different
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: things both on and off court, who people support, who
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: they're into, you know, all of that stuff. So it's
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: very much a visually driven sport. So you know, it
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: might not have been anything to do with my weight.
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: I mean, I'm sure like at that age, like hey,
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: how much do you weigh? Like people aren't doing that.
• 12:07
  Speaker 4: I didn't even know how much I weighed, But it
• 12:09
  Speaker 4: was just about.
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: How I looked and that I didn't have the typical
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: look of everybody else and I haven't had the typical
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: look and I don't have the typical look, and you know,
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: even still like my post baby body, like it's not
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: like everyone else's, but it's way better than what it
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: was before, which was the goal that I set for myself.
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: And I'm like so comfortable in my skin, and of
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: course I have my insecure moments because of what I've
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: gone through within this tennis world. But like you know,
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: it was a big kind of jump for me to
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: like wear the cats are at the Open because I
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: was like, I'm making a statement and I'm going to
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: do this person arena, but also like I feel like
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: I just want to show all of the work that
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: I've done and like that I feel good and like
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: my skin and who I am. So yeah, Like I
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: just think it was more so of what people saw
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: and immediately they put the label on that, and I
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: think that that's in I think it's ignorance in a way,
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: because you know, you're not giving things a chance to
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: flourish or really giving a person the chance of the
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: benefit of the doubt. It's really like you putting them
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: in this box from just what you see maybe in
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: a few seconds or a few minutes. So honestly, like,
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: I'm glad that it happened because it's made me who
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: I am and it's kind of put that fuel in
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: my fire to continue to like prove people wrong. And
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: I've done that many times, and now I'm at the
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: place where I'm like proving things to myself, like what
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: can I do? And how can I show me? How
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: can I show up for me? Like all the time?
• 13:40
  Speaker 3: All the time? A couple of things to double click on.
• 13:42
  Speaker 3: The first thing, do you remember earlier on, maybe not
• 13:47
  Speaker 3: at four or five, but as you were coming into
• 13:49
  Speaker 3: your teenage years, how some of those criticisms made you feel.
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: Oh, for sure, Like I used to take things like
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: so personally, because like I just tried so hard for
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: people to love me and like me, and you know,
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: I just always have been cognizant of like how I
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: treated people and what I said and what I did
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: and how I acted.
• 14:11
  Speaker 4: So it was just like I.
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: Couldn't like I never gave anyone a reason to talk bad,
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, these people don't even know me, like
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: you've never met me, Like how can you say that?
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: So I used to really take things very personally, especially
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: when I was younger, and like social media just started
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: kind of like coming out, you know, and so I
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: for several times I remember taking like long breaks from
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: social media just to be able to like breathe and
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: not have to worry about like if I lost getting
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: bombarded with those messages or people like spamming all of
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: my pictures and like putting really disgusting comments under my stuff. Yeah,
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: I remember, like it made me feel terrible, and honestly,
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: like I took it personally because I was just like.
• 14:57
  Speaker 4: I'm not out here tanking, like I'm trying.
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: You know, And it always sucked because anytime that I lost,
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: it wasn't because I was having a bad day or
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: I played bad or my opponent played really well. Like
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: every time that I lost, it was always tied to
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: like some way shape or form my body image and
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: my fitness and conditioning, and that was always a topic
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: of discussion, which became very annoying after a while. So yeah,
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: like it was just it was a tough time. It
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: still happens, but like I just don't care anymore, and
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: I've learned how to deal with it. And I've learned,
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: like I'm kind of like a bird to have like
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: that oil where the water just slides off, Like I
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: have that where it just like it literally just rolls off,
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: and I just have like an incredibly efficient system of like.
• 15:43
  Speaker 4: Block report, block reports. I'm really good at that.
• 15:49
  Speaker 3: You're like, this is a skill I have also improved
• 15:51
  Speaker 3: since my young years as I started playing kindness. You know,
• 15:54
  Speaker 3: it's really hard to do that, right, It's really hard
• 15:58
  Speaker 3: to get to a place where I won't even say
• 16:02
  Speaker 3: that you feel so confident in your skin, not that
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: you don't, but to get to a place where you
• 16:08
  Speaker 3: truly can just let it go.
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: Because it doesn't.
• 16:12
  Speaker 3: Matter how quote unquote good you are at doing that,
• 16:15
  Speaker 3: that doesn't mean that there aren't still going to be
• 16:18
  Speaker 3: moments where you see something that comes up and it
• 16:20
  Speaker 3: doesn't feel good.
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean the key is, just like you said,
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: letting it go, and like, I think that's the essence
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: of life. But also the sport that we play, tennis
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: is a game where you like win and lose literally
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: like you win points and lose points. I mean imagine
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: like Rafa or Alpaaz where they're playing five hour matches
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: or like three and a half hour matches and you're
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: winning and losing points off and on for the duration
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: of like three and a half hours. Like you have
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: to let shit go. If you don't, it's going to
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: be fast. It's gonna be a quick match, Shake hands,
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: and you're out of there. So, like, you know, it's
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: it's a skill that you have to learn, and you
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: have to learn how to apply it in different aspects
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: and areas, and like how long does it take for
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: you to let things go? You know? And I think
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: that that's a skill that it takes honing in on.
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: It takes attention because it's not easy and it forces
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: you to have to kind of like face those ugly
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: issues or those feelings that you might not want to address.
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: You just it's easy to kind of put it to
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: the side, but you don't know how it's affecting you
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: or you know how things are lingering around.
• 17:33
  Speaker 4: Because you didn't let it go.
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: So I just think that that's so symbolic of just,
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: you know, life and the things that we go through
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: on a daily basis, but also tennis just in general,
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: because it's like a total one ninety nine point nine
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: to nine percent mental game.
• 17:47
  Speaker 3: You speaking about it definitely impacting you, especially when you
• 17:52
  Speaker 3: were younger twenty twelve, number one ring junior tennis player
• 17:56
  Speaker 3: in the world. How does someone at that age learn
• 18:00
  Speaker 3: to let shit go?
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: Well, I I remember like crying because I just got
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: off the phone with the person who at the time
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: was like head of women's tennis, and they're saying, hey, Taylor,
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: you know you need to come back and train for
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: ten to twelve weeks no tournaments. And I was like, well, wait,
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: like I'm gonna miss the US Open and they're like yeah,
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: and I was like what, Like I was just so
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: excited about getting a wild card because I was like
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: for sure, like why like why would it not? And
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: so I remember like back in my hotel room, I'll
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: never forget I was in Vancouver, Canada, and I was
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: in my room just crying, and I was just like,
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: what the heck? And then as things progressed and I realized, oh,
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: like I'm really not going like they were serious, like okay,
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: everyone's gone and I'm only I'm the only one here
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: down in Boca, Like, oh, this is really happening. And
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: you know, I took it upon myself, and you know,
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: several people really helped me to be able to get
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: me there, and I ended up making it to the
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: round of sixteen or quarters in singles, won the doubles
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: that year. And I remember saying to myself, Okay, how
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: do I want to handle this? Like I can either
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: give them the power or I can take the power.
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: But it's all in how I deliver this message. And
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: so I was just like, you know, I just tried
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: to take control of the situation and not allow the
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: situation and what happened and the person the people involved
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: to have any power at all. So I just totally
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: just redirected it to like I'm here, I'm playing. It
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: doesn't matter what's happening. I'm here.
• 19:56
  Speaker 4: Look you know what I mean, Like you want it?
• 19:58
  Speaker 4: You didn't want me to be here, but.
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: And then just try to turn every negative thing into
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: a positive, like, yeah, you know, they didn't want me
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: to come, but I'm here.
• 20:08
  Speaker 4: You know, I.
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: Didn't get a wild card, but I'm I'm I still
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: have a junior ranking, I'm number one, so I'm here.
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: You know, that didn't stop me from being able to
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: get into the tournament. So I remember just trying to
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: really take control of like the narrative and being able
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: to just redirect people to a more positive place because,
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: like I one of the big things that I can't
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: say and is like blaming. So I was like, I'm
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: not gonna give them the power to be able to
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: say that this is the reason why things derailed or
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: I didn't do whatever people thought was I was gonna do,
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: or my career didn't happen the way people thought it
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: was gonna happen, and it be because of this sole thing, Like, no,
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: I'm not doing that. So yeah, like it was a
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: it was a very like mature decision that I made.
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: At the time, I didn't realize that it was that,
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: but honestly just didn't want to give like that organization,
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: the people within the organization or the lost opportunity, any
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: power that it was going to stop me from doing
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: what I wanted or needed to do to continue to
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: move forward.
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Wow.
• 21:13
  Speaker 3: So going to that tournament anyway, without the support from
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: the association, it felt in a way something that you
• 21:22
  Speaker 3: were really proud to do. You were happy to step
• 21:25
  Speaker 3: into your power. But what happened after that.
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: Well, it was it was a little bit rocky. It
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: was definitely weird because I was down in Florida by myself.
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: So then like after, you know, we get back and
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: I'm just like, ooh, what do I do now? You know,
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: you're around adults and business people and everything, and like
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: obviously a lot of people had very bad tastes in
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: their mouth.
• 21:50
  Speaker 4: So you know, I just I tried to navigate it
• 21:53
  Speaker 4: the best way that I could.
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: But like I said, I just knew that I could
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: control what I could control and I wasn't going to
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: like it just wasn't gonna I'm just wasn't gonna allow
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: it to stop me. So I'm just like, you know, what,
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: whatever is thrown at me, which I didn't know what
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: was gonna happen at the time, whatever is thrown at me, Like,
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: I'm just gonna keep like putting one foot in front
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: of the other, like I'm gonna keep my head down
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: and I'm just gonna.
• 22:13
  Speaker 4: Keep working, and like.
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: It wasn't easy, but in my path once I turned pro,
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: because after that year in twenty twelve was you know,
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: twenty thirteen, this was my first year pro, And I
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: would easily say the first four to five years of
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: my pro career like weren't anything like.
• 22:36
  Speaker 4: My peers or the people that I was playing.
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: Against, like in the juniors, Like it wasn't typical in
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: any way, shape or form. But again, like I wouldn't
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: change it because it made me who I am, and
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: it taught me a lot of like learning lessons about
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: many things, you know, scheduling, coaching, you know, trust, self belief,
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: where to go, team members, people, your circle, how important
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: your circle is, and the people that you put around you,
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: like who you let in your ear when it comes
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: to your game. Mental you know, I experienced like so
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: many things and it was it that some of it
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: was okay, some of it was good, a lot of
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: it wasn't so good, but it was it taught me
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: how to navigate those different areas and like it was
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: just I would just call it growing pains, but like
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: now being an adult, like I'm able to kind of
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: decipher those things a lot better now and not make
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: those same mistakes. And I'm very confident that I could,
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: you know, guide someone else in that way. And it's
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: also like kind of a full circle because those lessons
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: that I learned, it just doesn't apply for tennis or
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: like my career, Like these are life lessons. So it's
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: made me such a more well rounded individual. So like
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: I know that I can pass these lessons along to
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: my son, and I know that, like I can tell
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: him a story and associate it with a feeling that
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: I felt before, so then I can say, hey, like
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: I know what that feels like, so I can either
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: relate or help guide him to where it's like, Okay,
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: you don't have to make that mistake because I did, so,
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: like I said, I wouldn't really change it for anything,
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: because it's been kind of a blessing in disguise.
• 24:16
  Speaker 3: I cannot even imagine how it must have been told
• 24:19
  Speaker 3: by the USTA that your quote unquote not fit to play.
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: I use that like loosely here.
• 24:27
  Speaker 3: Still wanting so badly to work so hard to be
• 24:31
  Speaker 3: good based on their standards like that's so frustrating to me.
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: For you, Yeah, and it was frustrating too because I
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: was just like I just at some point I was
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: just like I don't even understand, like what else I
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: could do?
• 24:43
  Speaker 4: And I hit that wall several times.
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: It's just like I literally don't know, Like there's nobody
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: here who's playing in the juniors that did what I did,
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: that has done what I've done, Like I'm basically topping
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: myself and you're still not saying that it's good enough.
• 24:55
  Speaker 4: And so he's just like constantly.
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: Searching for that like approval and acceptance and like you said,
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: just continuing to work and work and work, And I'm like,
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: well what else? Like it just you ask that question,
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: and you ask that question of yourself. I wasn't brave
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: enough to ask that question to them, but you know,
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: I was asking it through like my work ethic, like
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: what else can I do? What else can I do?
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: What else can I do? But eventually, you know, it
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: just becomes too much. But yeah, it was incredibly frustrating.
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: But a lot.
• 25:26
  Speaker 3: Of time has passed since, like this particular incident that
• 25:29
  Speaker 3: we're talking about, do you feel as though you've been
• 25:32
  Speaker 3: able to have progressive conversations within the sports specifically that
• 25:37
  Speaker 3: will hopefully You mentioned a lot of the big names
• 25:41
  Speaker 3: in the arena right now, so many strong, powerful, other
• 25:45
  Speaker 3: woman of color. Do you feel as though the conversation
• 25:48
  Speaker 3: is a lot more let's say, compassionate and progressive or
• 25:53
  Speaker 3: do you think that we're still kind of dealing with
• 25:54
  Speaker 3: some of the same issues that you were dealing with
• 25:57
  Speaker 3: ten years ago.
• 25:59
  Speaker 4: I don't think we're dealing with the same issues.
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: It could be the same issues, just different circumstances, but
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: I personally wouldn't say that we've that. There have has
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: been more progressive conversations around like body I'm not gonna
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: say body positivity, but body image and how it affects
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: you because there was nobody else, none of my counterparts
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: were dealing with that, Like there were no other people.
• 26:26
  Speaker 4: Like even to this day, like Coco was this tall.
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: Lengthy, like skinny, really long legs, really long arms, like
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: she's thirteen, but like that was her, Like it's the
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: total opposite spectrum of like what I was dealing with.
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: So it was more so like she's got to fill out,
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: she's got to get more muscle, she's got to get stronger,
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: she's got to put on weight. Da da da da,
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: And it's like for me, it's at fifteen, it's, oh,
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: you got to lose weight, you gotta do this, and
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: you know, but to whose standard?
• 26:55
  Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying.
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: So I think that there's been more of an acceptance
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: that there are people who look differently. But I think
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: that there's still the stigma of like it's still the
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: visual and like the visual aesthetic like matters, you know. Yeah,
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: So I don't I personally don't believe that, like in
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: terms I'm not gonna say, I don't want to call
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: it body positivity because there have been a lot more
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: conversations around body positivity and like being comfortable in your
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: own skin. But I don't think that really people have
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: like dove into like this part of it, of like
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: this side of the spectrum.
• 27:35
  Speaker 3: I feel that as though it's more body acceptance than
• 27:39
  Speaker 3: body positivity.
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but if you've never gone through that, or you
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: haven't had people like criticize your body, like, you know,
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: I don't feel like you can.
• 27:48
  Speaker 4: Really.
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: I feel like everyone has that, like especially as women,
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: like our bodies change constantly, right, so there's a kind
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: of a relating factor in that way. I mean you
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: can literally fluctuate ten pounds, you know, from your side
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: goals to not to like you know, things changed constantly,
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: but like in terms of it being tied directly to
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: your performance and like your self image, your performance, your results,
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: your opportunity, Like how often has that really happened. I
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: don't think that's happened like a lot, and I have
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: I personally can just speak for myself. I haven't had
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: those conversations with like other people, but I know that
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: I've had conversations where it's like we know your story
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: and we didn't do certain things because of what you
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: went through. So even though like we're not necessarily having
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: those conversations, my story and my experiences have been able
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: to help in some way, shape or form for other
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: people to like avoid those pitfalls. So I feel as
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: though like it's it's a win, you know, like even
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: though I had to go through it, like it allowed
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: other people to navigate better so that they didn't have
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: to go through certain things or like we're able to
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: avoid certain pitfalls, So like I think that's good.
• 29:00
  Speaker 4: And then just obviously.
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: The conversation around like the mental health side as well.
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: I think that's kind of taken more of a front
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: seat because you know, mental health kind of encompasses that
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: whole you know, body image, body awareness, by like body acceptance.
• 29:19
  Speaker 4: You know.
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: I think mental health kind of it's like an umbrella
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: of those things because it's like, you know, how you're
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: feeling about yourself, how you're in, how is that tied
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: to your game, how is it tied to you know,
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: all these different things. So I think mental health has
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: kind of like umbrella that and and that is being
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: talked about more. And I think that a lot of
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: people and different players have specific and unique stories of
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: mental health, and as we continue to talk about it,
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: we will see and be able to connect with each
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: other more, maybe not the same exact experiences, but in
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: terms of how it made us feel and how it
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: made us move, navigate, how it changed us, how it didn't,
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: how did it empower us, how did it break us down?
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: Like I feel like once we get to the knitting
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: gritty of like those different topics, I feel like there
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: are some things that will overlap. So I just think
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: that we have to continue to talk about it, and
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: people have to be willing to like be vulnerable and
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: make have those discussions.
• 30:22
  Speaker 3: You know, yeah, going back to what you said before
• 30:25
  Speaker 3: about playing after having your baby, like and knowing that
• 30:31
  Speaker 3: it wasn't the criticism was still going to be based,
• 30:34
  Speaker 3: like on your body depending on how your performance went.
• 30:37
  Speaker 3: I think about that so often as someone who, let's say,
• 30:41
  Speaker 3: over the last year, I've maybe gained something like ten
• 30:44
  Speaker 3: or fifteen pounds and I love running.
• 30:47
  Speaker 2: I feel so good when I'm running.
• 30:49
  Speaker 3: I'm gearing up for a marathon and it'll be my
• 30:53
  Speaker 3: eleventh marathon, and I still think about or worry a
• 30:57
  Speaker 3: little bit thinking about what the result will be, and
• 31:01
  Speaker 3: what someone's feedback on that result will be, and if it.
• 31:04
  Speaker 2: Will be based on my body.
• 31:06
  Speaker 3: I am so in a great place knowing that whatever
• 31:11
  Speaker 3: the outcome of my next marathon is, I am going
• 31:14
  Speaker 3: into it excited to run for the feeling of loving
• 31:18
  Speaker 3: running like that is literally my only.
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: Mo going out there.
• 31:22
  Speaker 3: But I do wonder and think about in the back
• 31:26
  Speaker 3: of my head, like who's going to have something to
• 31:28
  Speaker 3: say about this?
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: But it's the work that we do, and it's the way.
• 31:32
  Speaker 3: That we visualize those conversations, and it's how we choose
• 31:35
  Speaker 3: to move forward and react to our feelings that is
• 31:38
  Speaker 3: within our own control. It goes back to what you
• 31:41
  Speaker 3: were saying, like I now know what I can do
• 31:45
  Speaker 3: to react or what is not worth reacting to at all.
• 31:50
  Speaker 4: And that's amazing.
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: Like I don't want to say congratulations, but like congratulations
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: for like getting to that place, because it's not easy.
• 31:58
  Speaker 4: Like I think about that all the time.
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: This extra five pound's gonna make you know, it's gonna
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: make me slower, like is it? Like it just constantly
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: like a thing that unfortunately like has been seared into
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: my brain and I have to kind of keep it
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: in perspective and I have to, like I have to
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: check myself a lot of the times, because, like you said,
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: it's a mental and emotional baggage that we carry, that
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: we kind of put on ourselves and that we decide
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: to continue to carry along even though it's not you know,
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: even though you only need to carry on, you might
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: not even need that.
• 32:31
  Speaker 4: You might you might just you might just need a perse.
• 32:33
  Speaker 3: I was literally just gonna say, like, even though you
• 32:36
  Speaker 3: chose to check your bag on this flight, somehow you're
• 32:38
  Speaker 3: still bringing along a carry on for shits and giggles, carry.
• 32:42
  Speaker 4: On, backpack, perse personal.
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: Item like the whole you know, the whole thing, like
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: every piece of luggage that you're able to bring on
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: the flight, like you bring it. So like sometimes we
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: have to have those hard conversations with ourselves and just
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: be like stop, you know, like whatever that thing is
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: that you kind of have to shake yourself out of it.
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: But sometimes, you know, you don't get to that place,
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: and then you get into whatever the thing is that
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: you're doing and it's affecting you and you have to
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: either deal with it in that moment or you deal
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: with it, you know after, but you have to really
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: be honest with yourself of like mentally, where was I
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: Like was I one hundred percent here or were there
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: other anchors that I was like that I had that
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: were making me sink to the bottom. So like it's uncomfortable,
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: but especially like for me, Like I wouldn't say uncomfortable,
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: it's more frustrating for me because I'm like, why do.
• 33:34
  Speaker 4: I still think like this, like what are you doing?
• 33:36
  Speaker 2: You know?
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: I'm just like you literally are just have knocked out
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: the park. Like every business test that I've done in
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: the past, like eat the weight all that stuff, like
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: you weigh less, your body, fats less or this or
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: that or this or that, like you're much more fit,
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: you're much more in shape. But like I asked myself, Okay,
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: what is it gonna take for me to get rid of,
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: like to to really stop this? And so sometimes it's
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: frustrated because it's just like why, like my god, you
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: know it gets old, like really, you know, it still
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: comes up. So but I think, like you said, being
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: able to let it go. And I think the mental
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: power is being aware that the thing is happening, but
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: then being.
• 34:16
  Speaker 4: Able to like how long does it last?
• 34:18
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: And I think that that's what I'm getting better at,
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: like accepting that Okay when it comes or when I'm
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: having these feelings like that's fine, but I'm not going
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: to let it linger on and on and on, like Okay,
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: I'm feeling this way, I'm dealing with it, and I'm
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: moving on and just let it go and just and
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: let's let's keep going.
• 34:37
  Speaker 4: So it is a superpower, but I think that it's power.
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: You know that you have to be able to kind
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: of like control the length of time that we let
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: those things like bother us and affect us mentally that
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: could potentially affect our performance with whatever we're doing. Whether
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: it's work things physical, you know, tennis, whatever, sport, or
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: just being able to mentally be one hundred percent there
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: with whatever you're even if it's a corporate thing like this,
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: This applies to all facets of life.
• 35:05
  Speaker 3: Right, So after let's bring it back a little bit.
• 35:09
  Speaker 3: You went through this whole thing situation. I mean I
• 35:13
  Speaker 3: would almost call it like on the national stage you
• 35:17
  Speaker 3: spoke out about how it ultimately took a toll on
• 35:19
  Speaker 3: your mental health and you left the association.
• 35:23
  Speaker 2: M Hm, how was that for you?
• 35:26
  Speaker 4: Well, it's crazy because I didn't leave like on my own,
• 35:29
  Speaker 4: Like I was kind of forced to and was then
• 35:31
  Speaker 4: shoveled into another situation that wasn't great.
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: But that's a whole like another thing, honestly, I'll be
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: real with you, Like, I was really scared because being
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: down in Florida where I was there for three and
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: a half years, so much experience, so many things, accomplished,
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: so many things, like accomplished things that I had never
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: accomplished before. Then realizing and pulling back and saying, oh,
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: like I'm in this place and I have fitness, nutrition, coaching,
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: you know, mental like I have physio, you know anything,
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: body work, recovery, Like I have all of these things
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: taken care of in this one place, and now I
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: have to go and like allocate people for each individual
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: thing that I've had kind of like umbrella over the
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: last three and a half years and within the transition
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: of like my pro career. So then I as I
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: was pro and I was getting those things. So then
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: now like, Okay, I'm going to have to find these
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: people fund this stuff to be because I know that
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: this is an investment. I need this for me to
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: be able to perform my best. So that was really difficult,
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: but I was I was really scared because I just
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: didn't know where things were going to end up. I
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: didn't know where things are going to end up. I
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: didn't know where I was going to end up, if
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: the situation that I was going in was going to
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: be better. Like, I just didn't know, because you know,
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: I was kind of tied, not necessarily tied to the association,
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: but felt kind of like very grateful and somewhat indebted
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: because I was afforded opportunities that I wasn't and wouldn't
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: have been able to have if I was at home
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: or any you know, like being able to go to
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: Australia and go to Paris, and even though my ranking
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: was there, like if I was home, I wouldn't have
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: been able to go to those tournaments, like my parents
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: couldn't afford that, you know, So just like I think
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: in a way, yes, indebted, like as a teenager, feeling like,
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: you know, you kind of owe them something. So it
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: was scary, but I knew that it was necessary, and like,
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: you know, I kind of left with the understanding that,
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: you know, things aren't going to be the same, but
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: excited about being away and kind of separated from that
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: and kind of creating my own identity outside of being
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: tied to that association and as tied to that story.
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: Like I was kind of excited to just kind of
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: create my own knew like who am I, you know,
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: and just being able to shape that and really show
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: kind of like the quote unquote bounce back like yes,
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: this happened, but I'm leaving this and I'm moving on
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: and this is who I am now. So it was
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: it was scary, but like it was exciting at the
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: same time.
• 38:12
  Speaker 2: So refresh us with a dateline on like when all
• 38:15
  Speaker 2: of this is taking place.
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: So I left post us open of twenty thirteen. So yeah,
• 38:24
  Speaker 1: like so probably September time of twenty thirteen was when
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: I left actually like left us.
• 38:29
  Speaker 2: Too, Okay, September twenty thirteen.
• 38:31
  Speaker 3: And so you're saying that you felt like you had
• 38:34
  Speaker 3: this opportunity to bounce back.
• 38:36
  Speaker 2: For you was the bounce back what you envisioned the
• 38:39
  Speaker 2: head shake.
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: You But honestly, like looking back on you know, where
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: I was, like so many great things came out of that. Like,
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: you know, I won my first pro tournament, you know,
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: made the third round of the French Open. Like, so
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: it's not it wasn't all bad, Like it definitely it
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: was great. Like it was really good. You know, had
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: my first break inside the top one hundred. So I'm
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: not going to say that I'm not going to say that.
• 39:06
  Speaker 4: It was bad. It was just a lot of drama.
• 39:09
  Speaker 4: So it was just a lot of drama.
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: But like in the interim of that, like I met
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: my best friend, you know, really created some amazing relationships
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: off court, and so I started to kind of become like,
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: you know, more of an adult, started to like got
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: my first credit card, you know, opened up my own
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: you know, just started to create more independence for myself
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: and like kind of trying to step into that role
• 39:34
  Speaker 1: of like being more of an adult and having control
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: of my own things. So yeah, like it was, it
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: was the bounce back was definitely interesting. But I think
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: that like it proved to me that I didn't need
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: to be there or be directly tied to the association
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: to make it like I was good on my own,
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: you know, and like all the fears that I had
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: of like losing out or feeling like I wasn't going
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: to get the same opportunity like it was Nolan void.
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: So I think it showed me that, like, no matter
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: where I am, like, just let your racket talk and
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: everything else will take care of itself.
• 40:11
  Speaker 3: Everything else will take care of itself. So let's fast
• 40:13
  Speaker 3: forward a little bit. Now, I relatively still new mom.
• 40:18
  Speaker 3: How long does someone say that, like how long are
• 40:20
  Speaker 3: you a new mom for?
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: I have no idea, honestly, because I was just like
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: people ask me and I'm like, how old is he?
• 40:27
  Speaker 4: I was like eighteen months and I used to talk
• 40:29
  Speaker 4: about people so bad.
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: So I'm like, why don't you just say a year
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: and a half and now look at me like I'm
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: doing the same thing. No, I have no idea I
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: think it's both new every day because it's just new
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: shit that comes up every single day. So it's just
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: like literally it's a new day every day.
• 40:45
  Speaker 2: All right.
• 40:45
  Speaker 3: Well, you had your son Aiden in April twenty twenty one,
• 40:49
  Speaker 3: and you are now back on the scene.
• 40:53
  Speaker 2: Before we talk about this whole different.
• 40:56
  Speaker 3: Kind of comeback, so to speak, talk to me a
• 40:59
  Speaker 3: little bit about what it was like for you when
• 41:03
  Speaker 3: you found out you're pregnant.
• 41:04
  Speaker 2: You said that you played what was it at three
• 41:06
  Speaker 2: weeks or three months?
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: Well, I was playing the whole time because I was
• 41:11
  Speaker 1: Actually I found out I was pregnant when I was
• 41:14
  Speaker 1: in the middle of my WORL Teme tennis season in
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: twenty twenty. So we were playing and I was just like,
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: oh my god, I feel terrible, like something not right.
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: So I was just like, oh, I told my friend.
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: I was like, can you bring me up pregnancy test
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: for me just to make sure that like I'm just
• 41:33
  Speaker 1: gonna rule it out, Like I was like, there's no way.
• 41:36
  Speaker 1: And so, yeah, I was in the middle of playing
• 41:39
  Speaker 1: Worlding Tennis I found I was pregnant.
• 41:41
  Speaker 4: Literally like just started valling crying, like oh my god,
• 41:44
  Speaker 4: like this is my biggest fear.
• 41:46
  Speaker 5: Ever, really, I don't know what I'm like too, Like
• 41:48
  Speaker 5: I was just so I was just so terrified, and
• 41:51
  Speaker 5: then I had again had to reflect and say, okay,
• 41:58
  Speaker 5: why is this bad?
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: And then I was like, well, my tennis, my tennis,
• 42:04
  Speaker 1: my tennis, and so everything kept pointing towards tennis, tennis, tennis.
• 42:10
  Speaker 1: But then when I looked and I pulled back, I
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: was like, well, what else, Like what about you that
• 42:14
  Speaker 1: won't affect me like negatively, like as a person, it
• 42:17
  Speaker 1: would actually make me grow. Well will it affect me,
• 42:21
  Speaker 1: you know financially? Hell yeah, what are you going to do?
• 42:25
  Speaker 4: You know?
• 42:25
  Speaker 1: Like so it was, you know, having to have those
• 42:27
  Speaker 1: like very real conversations with myself and with my partner,
• 42:30
  Speaker 1: and I was just.
• 42:31
  Speaker 4: Like this is like, this is real.
• 42:35
  Speaker 1: So first it was like devastation, my world's ending, and
• 42:39
  Speaker 1: then it was acceptance, Okay, this is happening, and then
• 42:43
  Speaker 1: I became excited because I was just like, honestly, truly
• 42:47
  Speaker 1: in that moment when I was like all right, I'm
• 42:51
  Speaker 1: it is what it is, I'm going with this, I
• 42:53
  Speaker 1: felt so light, Like I just felt like all of
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: the pressure that I put on myself to perform and compete,
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: not compete, because I'm always a competitor, Like I'm always
• 43:05
  Speaker 1: going to be like foaming at the mouth for competition.
• 43:08
  Speaker 1: Like even when I was out an age, I'm breastfeeding
• 43:11
  Speaker 1: aj like at three am and I'm watching tennis. I
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: was like salivating to want to like I wanted to
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: play so bad, like I'm just I'm a natural competitor.
• 43:22
  Speaker 1: But it allowed me to let myself just be and
• 43:29
  Speaker 1: I just felt so free and I was just like, oh,
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: this is amazing, Like why can't I be like this
• 43:34
  Speaker 1: all the time, Like it was just so freeing because
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: I just stopped putting those handcuffs on myself and I
• 43:44
  Speaker 1: just allowed myself to just be, to just play, and
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: I truly accepted, like whatever happens happens because I know
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: that I'm at I'm not going to say a disadvantage,
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: but like I'm severely have a handicap in compare into
• 44:00
  Speaker 1: like my competition. So I was just like truly like
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: having a good time out on the court. And like
• 44:08
  Speaker 1: I remember because the twenty twenty US Open, I went there,
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: I was nine weeks pregnant.
• 44:15
  Speaker 4: I left and I was.
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: Twelve and because it was a three week because Cincinnati
• 44:20
  Speaker 1: the Western Southern Open they had at the US Open
• 44:23
  Speaker 1: site that year because they wanted to keep everyone in
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: the bubble. So played that and then played US Open
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: singles and doubles and we made it to the Semis
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: that year, and I remember like telling Asia, like I
• 44:34
  Speaker 1: brought her to my room and I was like, dude, pregnant.
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: She was like we both were.
• 44:40
  Speaker 4: Like starting crying, and she was like, are you serious?
• 44:42
  Speaker 4: And I was like I know. She was like I
• 44:44
  Speaker 4: was like I was struggling. I didn't know if I
• 44:46
  Speaker 4: should tell you guys, like I owed it to you
• 44:48
  Speaker 4: to tell you, because like.
• 44:50
  Speaker 1: I'm not gonna be like I'm gonna eat help, you know,
• 44:53
  Speaker 1: like I get tired, you know, like things just happened
• 44:56
  Speaker 1: that you don't even know, Like you every day it's
• 44:59
  Speaker 1: a different day, literally, so you know. And it was
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: just so amazing. So when we were playing together, we
• 45:05
  Speaker 1: just had such like this clear understanding and like just
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: it was so fun. It just felt I think the
• 45:11
  Speaker 1: word that he was just like fluid, like I was
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: just just playing. So it was amazing and I just
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: felt like so proud of myself and I literally said
• 45:21
  Speaker 1: I was like I'm good with leaving like this, like
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: I'm good with stepping away here, you know, yeah, Like
• 45:31
  Speaker 1: and I was just so at peace. I was so content,
• 45:34
  Speaker 1: like did what I had to do. Left and I
• 45:37
  Speaker 1: was like I'll be back. I'm not leaving for good,
• 45:40
  Speaker 1: but like I'll be back. But like I was just
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: so at peace with like the place and the space
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: that I was like stepping away from the game.
• 45:48
  Speaker 3: Did you know for certain when you went to have
• 45:53
  Speaker 3: your baby that you would definitely come back to tennis.
• 45:57
  Speaker 1: I mean I had it on paper, and I had
• 46:00
  Speaker 1: it in my notebooks and I had conversations about it,
• 46:04
  Speaker 1: but I mean there's no guarantee.
• 46:06
  Speaker 4: And like I mean I had a whole.
• 46:10
  Speaker 1: Natural, holistic water birth birth plan that I had, like
• 46:17
  Speaker 1: it was going to be so amazing and like mother
• 46:20
  Speaker 1: earth ish and like I had a great pregnancy, like
• 46:25
  Speaker 1: no issues, no complications. I was playing literally the day
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: two days before I had AJ, Like I was out
• 46:31
  Speaker 1: on the court playing points with my sister, like playing
• 46:36
  Speaker 1: and so all of a sudden, then I just had
• 46:40
  Speaker 1: like this bleeding and I went and then they're like, no,
• 46:42
  Speaker 1: you have to have a c section, And like that
• 46:44
  Speaker 1: was like a total shock for me because that was
• 46:46
  Speaker 1: like worst case scenario for me. I've never think, thank goodness,
• 46:49
  Speaker 1: like I've never had any surgeries. I've never had any
• 46:52
  Speaker 1: major injuries like take me away from the game for
• 46:54
  Speaker 1: a long time. So it was really scary because I'm like,
• 46:56
  Speaker 1: that's major surgery. Like I didn't know how I was
• 46:59
  Speaker 1: going to recover. I didn't know how long it was
• 47:02
  Speaker 1: gonna take for me to even be able to not
• 47:06
  Speaker 1: like just get back to normal, to be able to
• 47:08
  Speaker 1: do like normal things. And I think that was like
• 47:11
  Speaker 1: the scariest part because it just kind of threw a
• 47:14
  Speaker 1: monkey wrench and like what we were doing, what I
• 47:17
  Speaker 1: had planned. But I think it was a blessing in
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: disguise because it forced me to have to relax and
• 47:23
  Speaker 1: like sit down and like really enjoy and bask and
• 47:27
  Speaker 1: like the new like being a new mother, because like
• 47:30
  Speaker 1: I literally physically like couldn't do things for myself, like
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: I needed help with everything. So like I was literally
• 47:36
  Speaker 1: tied to like the little rocking chair, like if I
• 47:39
  Speaker 1: needed to go to the bathroom, I needed help, and
• 47:40
  Speaker 1: so it was it was hard for me mentally, but
• 47:43
  Speaker 1: I think it was a blessing in disguise because it
• 47:45
  Speaker 1: made me appreciate. Like I was like, literally I was
• 47:49
  Speaker 1: running on Sunday, I was like just remembering. I'm like, dude,
• 47:54
  Speaker 1: you couldn't even walk a year and a half ago. Yeah,
• 47:57
  Speaker 1: like you couldn't even go up the steps, or like
• 47:59
  Speaker 1: I couldn't even walk to like the end of the
• 48:01
  Speaker 1: block in my neighborhood. Like so it just kind of
• 48:04
  Speaker 1: made me like cause I started judging myself a little bit,
• 48:07
  Speaker 1: and then it like that thought made me stop because
• 48:10
  Speaker 1: I'm like, you couldn't do this a year ago, You're good.
• 48:15
  Speaker 2: It's that perspective.
• 48:16
  Speaker 3: It's taking the moment to be grateful for the journey
• 48:19
  Speaker 3: and where you've come from and all that you're capable of,
• 48:22
  Speaker 3: and just because like tomorrow what I do may not.
• 48:26
  Speaker 2: Be quote unquote as good as something I did.
• 48:30
  Speaker 3: Two weeks ago, a year ago, two years ago. The
• 48:32
  Speaker 3: bigger question is how does doing that thing make you feel?
• 48:37
  Speaker 3: How does doing that thing make you feel? And move
• 48:40
  Speaker 3: from there or do what feels good?
• 48:43
  Speaker 1: Yes, And I think a lot of people don't even
• 48:45
  Speaker 1: know what feels good to them, Like what do you
• 48:47
  Speaker 1: really want?
• 48:48
  Speaker 2: What do you really want? What do you really want?
• 48:50
  Speaker 3: So you are forced to be a little bit down
• 48:54
  Speaker 3: and out after having your C section major surgery. As
• 48:58
  Speaker 3: you articulated, what's it like as you get back into
• 49:03
  Speaker 3: the game.
• 49:03
  Speaker 2: I'm sure it had its fair share of challenges.
• 49:06
  Speaker 4: Oh for sure.
• 49:08
  Speaker 1: A lot of tears, It's a lot of h the
• 49:13
  Speaker 1: baby I was like, damn, my feet hurt, Like.
• 49:15
  Speaker 4: I'm mom heavy, Like I'm not used to moving all
• 49:18
  Speaker 4: this weight around.
• 49:21
  Speaker 1: But it was like it was very like it was
• 49:23
  Speaker 1: very different because my journey was kind of broken up
• 49:27
  Speaker 1: into two parts.
• 49:28
  Speaker 4: The first part was like.
• 49:31
  Speaker 1: Getting back into shape and navigated getting back on court,
• 49:35
  Speaker 1: but I'm still breastfeeding. And then the second part was
• 49:39
  Speaker 1: like while still trying to lose weight, drop weight, all
• 49:42
  Speaker 1: that stuff. And then the second part was like after
• 49:46
  Speaker 1: I was stopped breastfeeding, then what was happening with my body?
• 49:50
  Speaker 1: What changed the mental and the psychological changes that I
• 49:53
  Speaker 1: was kind of going through of like the acceptance of
• 49:56
  Speaker 1: feeling as though I was kind of losing an attachment
• 49:59
  Speaker 1: to my son. Like so it's a lot of like
• 50:02
  Speaker 1: mental and emotional kind of like highs and lows. But
• 50:06
  Speaker 1: it was it was very challenging, like because I think
• 50:11
  Speaker 1: I messed myself up because I had expectations and I
• 50:16
  Speaker 1: think like things would go really well and then i'd
• 50:20
  Speaker 1: kind of hit a wall. And like when I would
• 50:22
  Speaker 1: hit those walls, I would struggle a little bit because
• 50:24
  Speaker 1: I was just like I'm getting I'm getting off track,
• 50:28
  Speaker 1: you know, like you know, I got it. I have
• 50:30
  Speaker 1: to keep on this path, like I have to keep
• 50:32
  Speaker 1: But it was a perspective whereas like as long as
• 50:36
  Speaker 1: one foot's going in front of the other and you're
• 50:38
  Speaker 1: taking it day by day, like it's progress, whether it's
• 50:41
  Speaker 1: elite or whether it's a very very tiny, tiny step,
• 50:46
  Speaker 1: it's still going in the direction that you wanted to go.
• 50:49
  Speaker 1: And that's was a very hard lesson for me to
• 50:52
  Speaker 1: like learn and accept, and I still struggle with it now. Yeah,
• 50:55
  Speaker 1: most recently twenty twenty two US Open, like my expectation
• 51:00
  Speaker 1: for myself how I wanted to perform in my singles
• 51:03
  Speaker 1: versus how I actually performed. I was very disappointed in
• 51:07
  Speaker 1: like how things went, and you know, I had to
• 51:11
  Speaker 1: kind of accept that, like, Okay, this wasn't what I wanted,
• 51:14
  Speaker 1: but like I'm still in the tournament, and I just
• 51:17
  Speaker 1: tried to go out and just do the best that
• 51:20
  Speaker 1: I can and continue to get better, like both in
• 51:22
  Speaker 1: practice and in each match that I played, like in doubles,
• 51:25
  Speaker 1: and look what happened. So, like you said, just keeping
• 51:29
  Speaker 1: the perspective of like, you're good, you know, like it's fine,
• 51:34
  Speaker 1: even though it's not what you wanted in that particular moment.
• 51:36
  Speaker 1: It might not have been your time, it might not
• 51:38
  Speaker 1: have been what was meant for you in that particular
• 51:41
  Speaker 1: moment in time. But that's not to say that it's
• 51:43
  Speaker 1: not going to happen, you know, Like I've never been
• 51:47
  Speaker 1: able to call myself a Grand Slam finalist in the
• 51:50
  Speaker 1: ten years that I've played on tour and the year
• 51:55
  Speaker 1: that I come back after having my son, and you know,
• 51:58
  Speaker 1: all the things I've gone through, Like now I can
• 52:00
  Speaker 1: say and I have a title to my name that
• 52:02
  Speaker 1: I didn't have in any of the year's prior.
• 52:04
  Speaker 4: So like, you know, again, you're good. You're moving in
• 52:08
  Speaker 4: the right direction.
• 52:09
  Speaker 2: You're moving in the right direction. I love that.
• 52:11
  Speaker 3: I love that you made a reference to the cat
• 52:14
  Speaker 3: suit that you wore for that final earlier in our convo.
• 52:18
  Speaker 3: Do you want to just describe it for anyone who
• 52:20
  Speaker 3: missed the visual.
• 52:23
  Speaker 4: Oh, it was a moment, no ad, it was a
• 52:27
  Speaker 4: moment I had.
• 52:28
  Speaker 1: I had three I had blue, had orange on black,
• 52:31
  Speaker 1: so I was kind of rotating them between matches, but
• 52:34
  Speaker 1: like blue is my favorite color, and I was just like, yeah,
• 52:36
  Speaker 1: this is the one.
• 52:37
  Speaker 4: But yeah.
• 52:37
  Speaker 1: It was literally just like a one piece like body
• 52:40
  Speaker 1: suit that I felt like was kind of a statement
• 52:44
  Speaker 1: and again like a tribute to Serena.
• 52:46
  Speaker 4: Like I told her like, hey, I'm wearing catsuits.
• 52:48
  Speaker 1: I remember so vividly, like when she wore the Puma
• 52:51
  Speaker 1: cat suit at the US Open and I was just
• 52:53
  Speaker 1: like I saw it on mine. I was like, oh,
• 52:55
  Speaker 1: I'm definitely getting this, so and she was like do it.
• 52:59
  Speaker 1: Wear it? And I was like I'm nervous though, and
• 53:01
  Speaker 1: she was like, no, do it. She was like I'm
• 53:03
  Speaker 1: nervous every time that I put on like stuff, and
• 53:06
  Speaker 1: like whether it's like something like you know, regular, or
• 53:10
  Speaker 1: like I'm making a big statement. She was like, I'm
• 53:12
  Speaker 1: nervous about my outfit this year. And I was like why,
• 53:16
  Speaker 1: Like you're Serena. William was like why would you be nervous?
• 53:20
  Speaker 1: And I didn't know what she was wearing because she
• 53:23
  Speaker 1: hadn't played yet, but she was like, no, do it.
• 53:25
  Speaker 4: Do it.
• 53:26
  Speaker 1: So I was super empowered, but yeah, it was it
• 53:29
  Speaker 1: was just an absolute moment, and you know, I think
• 53:33
  Speaker 1: that I'm trying to decide if I'm gonna stick with
• 53:35
  Speaker 1: it honestly because I kind of was, I'm feeling it,
• 53:37
  Speaker 1: you know.
• 53:38
  Speaker 2: Was it freeing for you?
• 53:40
  Speaker 4: Absolutely?
• 53:41
  Speaker 1: Because I was super self conscious, Like I was super
• 53:43
  Speaker 1: like I was super nervous to wear it because I
• 53:46
  Speaker 1: was just like, this is just showing everything, you know, Like,
• 53:50
  Speaker 1: and I've always used clothes as a way to hide
• 53:53
  Speaker 1: like how I was feeling, whether it was like wearing
• 53:55
  Speaker 1: baggy stuff or whatever, or even if I'm confident, like
• 53:58
  Speaker 1: you know, would wear things more tighter, But clothes were
• 54:01
  Speaker 1: always something that I would use, like not as a statement,
• 54:04
  Speaker 1: but as kind of like a blanket, you know. So
• 54:07
  Speaker 1: it was like I was kind of like a I'm
• 54:10
  Speaker 1: letting it all hang out with this. You can't hide
• 54:13
  Speaker 1: damping literally everything shows. So yeah, but it was freeing,
• 54:19
  Speaker 1: Like I felt great. Like I remember like the first day,
• 54:21
  Speaker 1: like when I was going to warm up and like
• 54:24
  Speaker 1: I took off my jacket and I was just like
• 54:26
  Speaker 1: here we go. And I remember like when I walked
• 54:28
  Speaker 1: out on the court started warming up, like I was like, yeah,
• 54:33
  Speaker 1: like it felt great. Actually, like when I actually because
• 54:35
  Speaker 1: I was like, I'm committed to it now, and I didn't.
• 54:38
  Speaker 1: And I I purposely didn't pack any other clothes because
• 54:42
  Speaker 1: I was like, I'm not gonna like chicken out and
• 54:45
  Speaker 1: like let that old tailor come out of like no,
• 54:49
  Speaker 1: you have to hide, like noah.
• 54:51
  Speaker 4: So I literally packed no other match clothes. So this
• 54:55
  Speaker 4: is all you got.
• 54:56
  Speaker 1: So you're committed and you just gotta roll with it
• 54:58
  Speaker 1: and whatever they say, they say whatever people have, Like
• 55:01
  Speaker 1: some people, a lot of people have things like not
• 55:04
  Speaker 1: great to say. But I was like, I know I
• 55:06
  Speaker 1: look good, So you guys say whatever you want.
• 55:08
  Speaker 2: To see you later, see yeah later.
• 55:10
  Speaker 3: How does it feel to you now knowing that, yes,
• 55:14
  Speaker 3: some people had some sort of an opinion, but really
• 55:17
  Speaker 3: you were a source of inspiration, something to be seen
• 55:22
  Speaker 3: for so many other people that may feel some kind
• 55:26
  Speaker 3: of way about their body. They looked at you and
• 55:28
  Speaker 3: they thought, if she can do this, if she can
• 55:31
  Speaker 3: put herself.
• 55:31
  Speaker 2: Out there like this, then I can too.
• 55:35
  Speaker 4: That's what I'm just trying to do.
• 55:36
  Speaker 1: I'm just like, at this point, I feel like my
• 55:41
  Speaker 1: one of my paths is to inspire people to know that, like,
• 55:45
  Speaker 1: you don't have to lose yourself because you had a kid,
• 55:49
  Speaker 1: or because you've even faced like tough situations, you can evolve,
• 55:54
  Speaker 1: you can grow, you can you can become.
• 55:56
  Speaker 4: A better version of yourself.
• 55:58
  Speaker 1: I just am trying to embody that the best way
• 56:00
  Speaker 1: that I can, and like show people that things aren't
• 56:03
  Speaker 1: always glamorous, things aren't always great, things aren't always pretty,
• 56:07
  Speaker 1: But that doesn't mean that you can't grow or that
• 56:10
  Speaker 1: you have to give up a part of yourself. Because
• 56:13
  Speaker 1: motherhood you're forced to be very selfless.
• 56:16
  Speaker 4: And give, give gives.
• 56:17
  Speaker 1: So it was so difficult for me to like create
• 56:22
  Speaker 1: that separation to be able to say, no, I need
• 56:25
  Speaker 1: to do this for me, Like I need to do
• 56:28
  Speaker 1: this for me because I know that I'm going to
• 56:30
  Speaker 1: get better.
• 56:31
  Speaker 4: And this is going to help me.
• 56:33
  Speaker 1: So it's like like I had to really shift my
• 56:36
  Speaker 1: mind into thinking about aiden to like thinking about what
• 56:39
  Speaker 1: does what does Taylor need?
• 56:41
  Speaker 4: What do I need? What do I want? So yeah,
• 56:43
  Speaker 4: I'm just trying to inspire people.
• 56:44
  Speaker 1: And I was like, I want to show people like
• 56:46
  Speaker 1: you can look fire after you have a kid, even
• 56:49
  Speaker 1: though I got some rolls and some dimples and some
• 56:53
  Speaker 1: divots and stretch marks and whatever, but that's not stopping anything.
• 56:57
  Speaker 1: And like That's what I was nervous about. But it
• 57:00
  Speaker 1: was just like I wanted people to know, like this
• 57:03
  Speaker 1: while poot right here, like it is what it is,
• 57:07
  Speaker 1: and but that's not going to stop me from wearing
• 57:09
  Speaker 1: this catsuit. And y'all can be mad about it if
• 57:11
  Speaker 1: you want, but you're gonna have to see here. You
• 57:13
  Speaker 1: could be mad while you sit here and watch me
• 57:15
  Speaker 1: play on ash How about that?
• 57:17
  Speaker 2: Well? How about that? How about that? Well?
• 57:21
  Speaker 3: Right now, someone goes to your social media, they see
• 57:25
  Speaker 3: a pro tennis player, Aiden's mom over thirty seven thousand followers.
• 57:29
  Speaker 3: When you look in the mirror, what is it that
• 57:31
  Speaker 3: you see looking back at you?
• 57:34
  Speaker 4: Oh, I don't know, I just I see.
• 57:40
  Speaker 1: I think if I could say one thing I said,
• 57:42
  Speaker 1: I could say that I see the person that I want,
• 57:45
  Speaker 1: that I've always wanted to be. I see the person
• 57:49
  Speaker 1: developing that a person that is developing and that has
• 57:55
  Speaker 1: developed that the younger me wanted to be but didn't
• 58:00
  Speaker 1: know how to attain, didn't know what needed to happen
• 58:05
  Speaker 1: in order for me to get to that place. But
• 58:08
  Speaker 1: I could say that, like when I look in the mirror,
• 58:10
  Speaker 1: like I'm proud of who I am.
• 58:12
  Speaker 4: I'm proud of the.
• 58:13
  Speaker 1: Things that I've endured and the fact that I'm here
• 58:17
  Speaker 1: is still standing and being able to have these types
• 58:20
  Speaker 1: of conversations with you where I'm able to share my
• 58:24
  Speaker 1: story and empower people.
• 58:26
  Speaker 4: And just be a voice and to show that like.
• 58:30
  Speaker 1: It like your adversity isn't finite, Like it doesn't it
• 58:34
  Speaker 1: doesn't define who you are. You can go outside of
• 58:36
  Speaker 1: those lines and be able to create your own, your
• 58:40
  Speaker 1: own path, like your own lane, whatever that is, whether
• 58:43
  Speaker 1: it's straight up and down or whether it's got curves,
• 58:45
  Speaker 1: like it is what it is, that's your lane, and
• 58:48
  Speaker 1: like you can choose, you can create that, you can
• 58:50
  Speaker 1: identify it, you can label it. But like you're in
• 58:54
  Speaker 1: control of those things. And like I'm just trying to
• 58:57
  Speaker 1: embody that. And I would just say, like I would,
• 59:00
  Speaker 1: I'm looking at the person that I've always wanted to
• 59:02
  Speaker 1: be but didn't know how to become, and now I'm
• 59:07
  Speaker 1: embodying and stepping into fully that person in all of
• 59:13
  Speaker 1: the ways, like becoming a well rounded individual. Where this
• 59:17
  Speaker 1: is authentically and truly who I am, not who I
• 59:21
  Speaker 1: want to be or who I'm trying to be. And
• 59:23
  Speaker 1: then you're acting as that. No, this is like really
• 59:27
  Speaker 1: who I am, and I'm really proud of that.
• 59:30
  Speaker 2: You should be really proud of that.
• 59:32
  Speaker 3: Right now, you have an opportunity to offer yourself a
• 59:36
  Speaker 3: piece of advice looking back on that truly difficult Hurtle
• 59:41
  Speaker 3: moment when you had to step away from USTA, when
• 59:44
  Speaker 3: you were in the thick of feeling as though your
• 59:48
  Speaker 3: body was just everybody's problem. You have an opportunity to
• 59:51
  Speaker 3: offer yourself a piece of advice. Knowing what you know.
• 59:54
  Speaker 2: Now, what do you tell yourself.
• 59:59
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna actually I'm going to steal a little bit
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 1: of what Lizo said said. I wish that I had
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 1: a person to look up to that that I had,
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 1: that had these struggles, that had these issues, that went
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 1: through this. But I would tell myself that it's gonna
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 1: have to be you. You're gonna have to struggle, you're
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 1: gonna have to go through these things, but you're gonna
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 1: be that person that people are looking at to inspire
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 1: them and wear that cap proudly because this is a
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 1: superpower that you have. And you know, a thing that
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 1: you felt like was a curse has turned out to
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 1: be like an ultimate blessing, not only for me but
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 1: for other people as well. To inspire them and to
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 1: show that it's possible. So again that representation. But I
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 1: would say, girl, it just has to be you, just.
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 2: Has to be you.
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 1: Yo.
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 2: I am lit right now.
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 3: I'm like, well, I made it, ready to take on
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 3: the world, ready to go, like talk to myself in
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 3: the mirror. I'm so so happy that we were able
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 3: to make this happen, truly like a late Taylor. How
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 3: do the hurdlers follow along with you? How do they
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 3: keep up with you if they don't know of you
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 3: until now? Tell us the details?
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 1: Yes, well, you can follow me on Instagram at Tay
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 1: Underscore t Townsend. You know, that's where it's at. Unfortunately,
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 1: my TikTok is private. Everyone complains about that, so I
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 1: might make it public. You guys will know and Taylor
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 1: town at Taylor Townsend on Twitter and yeah, you know,
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 1: thank you guys for listening, and thank you Emily for
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 1: this amazing conversation.
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 4: I've had so much fun.
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 2: I had so much fun too.
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 3: I'm over at Emily a Body and at Hurdle Podcast
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 3: Another Hurdle Conquered.
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 2: Catch you guys next time.