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Reclaiming Holiday Joy In Blended Families · Start Your Comeback: Rebuilding after Divorce, Empty Nest, and Loss of Spouse

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Is there a major life transition pinching you?
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: I know you may be asking, what's next?
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: What's my purpose?
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: What if?
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: Because I've asked those two.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Start Your Comeback Podcast.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Tony Thrash, a certified life coach, and I want to share the tools and practical steps to help you create a winning game plan to move into your new adventure.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: Today we're jumping into week two of our series on blended families during the holidays.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: And this week, ooh, it's a big one.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: Let's talk about traditions.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: You know the glue that holds the holidays together, and sometimes the gasoline that lights the fire.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: Because you know the truth, and I'm not going to sugarcoat it.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing exposes the tension in a blended family faster than the question.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: So what are we doing this year?
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: One house is always open gifts on Christmas Eve.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: The other house says that's borderline sacrilegious.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: One house has matching pajamas.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: And the other said no to pajama photos in 2015 and they're sticking with it.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: One house has grandma's cinnamon rose, and the other one has store-bought cinnamon rose and the dog that eats half the icing.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: Traditions can bring joy and they can have competition, comparison, and a whole lot of stress.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: But today we're taking the competition off the table and reclaiming the heart of traditions.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: That is your connection.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: That's the most important thing is our connection.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: So let's break a myth right here at the beginning.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: There is no perfect holiday in a blended family.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, there's no perfect holiday if you're in a traditional family.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, whatever that means.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: Let me say that again for the people in the back.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: There is no perfect holiday.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: There are beautiful holidays and there are meaningful holidays.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: There are holidays you survive with dignity and maybe a piece of leftover pie.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: But perfect?
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: Perfect is not our goal.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: And here's why.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: When families blend, you're not just merging people, you're merging histories and rhythms, emotional defaults, traditions and expectations.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: You're blending we always do with we never do.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: You're blending this matters to me with I didn't know that that mattered to you.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: You're blending my childhood memories with their childhood memories.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: And that plan, man, it takes time.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: It takes a lot of grace.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: It takes honest conversations.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes it takes accepting that the other house will do things differently.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: And different doesn't mean better, and different doesn't mean worse.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: It just means, well, different.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: And if you can settle that in your heart, then the traditions that you want to build are easier.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: One of the biggest traps blended families fall into is trying to replicate old traditions exactly as they were before the family changed.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: But we know the truth to that.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: Your family's not the same, and so your traditions probably shouldn't be either.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: That doesn't mean you throw everything out.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: Or we always watched Elf with mom.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: We always went to grandma's on Christmas Eve.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: And now always has turned into sometimes or every other year.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: Or every third winter when the planets aligned and the custody schedule works out.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: So instead of trying to duplicate the old, maybe try this.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: Honor what was, celebrate what is right now in this moment, and then build toward what can be.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: Ask all the kids, what old tradition still matters to you, even in our new framework?
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: Listen to it.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: Honor it when it's possible, and when it's not, explain with some kindness and not guilt.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: Because you're not erasing their past.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: You're simply making room for what is right now the present.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: Let me give you a coaching strategy that might save your holiday sanity.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: Choose one new tradition that belongs only to your blended family.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: Not ten new ones, not twelve, not a Pinterest board's worth, just one.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: Make it simple.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: It could be silly or surprisingly meaningful.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: A Christmas Eve pancake night.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe opening one funny gift before bed, like a white elephant gift exchange.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you watch a movie.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you do an ornament exchange.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you serve together somewhere at a homeless shelter.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: Making a holiday playlist as a family.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: Having hot cocoa and driving to look at lights.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe a gingerbread house competition.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: Although this may test your sanctification.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: And let me just tell you, this would be not good for me because, well, I hate to lose.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: But trying that one new tradition might become the new anchor in your new framework.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: Because kids don't need a dozen perfect moments.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: They need one consistent thing they can count on.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: And here's the kicker.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: That one tradition will matter more than the perfectly curated holiday schedule because it's unique and it's yours.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: And now it's the beginning of the heartbeat of your home.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: Let me lovingly but clearly call this out.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: Holiday comparison will steal every ounce of joy from your home.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: Let me say it again.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: Holiday comparison will steal every ounce of joy from your home.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: I've coached families who felt discouraged because, well, the other house bought bigger gifts.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: The other house decorates like it's a Hallmark movie set.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: The other house has more money.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: The other house took them on a Christmas trip.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: The other house lets them stay up till 3 a.m.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: and drink Santa-shaped sugar bombs.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: Listen to me.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: Kids don't measure love the way adults fear they do.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: What they remember is how did it feel?
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: Who was there?
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: Who was patient?
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: Who listened?
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: Who showed me they cared?
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: Who made space for me without pressure?
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: And who made them feel safe?
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: Your job isn't to outperform the other house.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: Your job is to nurture the emotional climate of your home.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: They don't need fireworks, they need your warmth, they don't need perfection, they want peace and harmony.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: And peace doesn't come from winning the competition, it comes from ending it.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: So stop comparing.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: If you're a step parent, I want to chat with you for just a second.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: Because you often feel like the outsider in these moments, like you're walking into someone else's Christmas play halfway through the performance.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: But hear me out.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: You bring something powerful to the holiday table.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: You bring creativity.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: You bring fresh eyes.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: You bring new ideas that don't carry old baggage.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: You bring the ability to say, hey, what if we try this?
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: without stepping on grandma's 30-year-old Christmas dish tradition.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: You give kids another adult who loves them.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: You give your spouse support.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: And you give your home stability.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: Don't underestimate the quiet influence you bring into a loud season.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I have a fun way for you to eliminate conflict and give everyone a voice.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: Everyone gets to choose one tradition for the season.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: Here are the rules.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: No vetoes, no eye rolling, no passive-aggressive commentary.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: And if someone wants to watch Home Alone 2 for the 14th year in a row, well, congratulations.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: Put on your PJs and grab the popcorn.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: Because what this teaches your kids is that they matter, that their input counts, their traditions have space, and their voice is welcome.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: And it teaches us, the adults, that we don't have to control everything.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, people, we don't have to control everything.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: Shared ownership builds unity.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes the simplest things create the strongest memories.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: I have a couple of questions I want to ask you to dwell on and think about and process through for the next few days to see if this will help you create a more peaceful environment.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: The first question is: where am I comparing my home to the other home?
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: And how can I let go of that?
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: That's such a tough one.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: It's so tough.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: And then what tradition from my own childhood am I holding on to tightly?
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: It may be time to let it go, or it may be time to adjust it.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: Just think about those two questions this week.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: And let me close with this.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: Traditions don't make the family, it's the people who do.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: And holidays don't create unity, but your intentionality does.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: And blended families, they're not less than or second best.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: They're layered, they're rich, they're real, they carry both history and possibility.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: Your family may not have the same last name or the same memories, but you're building something beautiful right now in real time with real love.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: The traditions will come, unity will come, and connection will come.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: And it won't be because you forced it, but it will be because you showed up consistently and created a space for everyone to belong.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: And really, that's what in all any of us ever want is to feel heard and to be seen and to belong.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: Next week we will wrap up how to keep the peace when things go sideways.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: And let's be honest, things always go sideways.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: We're talking conflict, disappointment, maybe some boundaries, and a whole list of resources to help your blended family thrive.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: Until then, pick that one new traditions and start laying the bricks of something that lasts.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'll see you next time.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, thanks for listening.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: I don't take it for granted that you're here.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: You didn't listen by mistake.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: If you want to reach out, you can DM me on Instagram at Tony Thrash.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: Until next week, remember, there's still time left on the clock.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: Let's get you off the bench to start your comeback.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_00: I want to give a special shout out to Country Club for the original music.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: You can find them on Instagram at Country Club.