Latest / Start Your Comeback: Rebuilding after Divorce, Empty Nest, and Loss of Spouse / Symphony of Parenting- Co-Parenting with a "Disneyland Parent

Transcript

Symphony of Parenting- Co-Parenting with a "Disneyland Parent · Start Your Comeback: Rebuilding after Divorce, Empty Nest, and Loss of Spouse

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Is there a major life transition benching you?
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: I know you may be asking what's next?
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: What's my purpose?
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: What if?
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: Because I've asked those too.
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Start your Comeback podcast.
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: I'm Toni Thrash, a certified life coach, and I want to share the tools and practical steps to help you create a winning game plan to move into your new adventure.
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: Hi, welcome back.
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: You're listening to Episode 74.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: In the last few episodes, I have been dedicated to navigating the choppy waters of co-parenting.
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: Today, we're doing a deep dive into a topic that resonates with many the Disneyland parent.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: Now, before we go any further, let's clarify what we mean by this term.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: A Disneyland parent isn't necessarily a bad person.
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: They're often a parent who, for various reasons, focus primarily on fun, excitement and indulgence during their time with their children, often leaving the less glamorous aspects of parenting, like discipline, routine and emotions, to the other parent.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: This dynamic can create a whirlwind of emotions for you, the other parent, the one left picking up the pieces after the sugar rush fades.
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: We're going to explore those emotions today, understand why some parents fall into this pattern and, most importantly, discuss strategies for coping and creating a healthier co-parenting environment.
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: Let's start by acknowledging the emotional roller coaster this situation can create.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: If you're the parent left managing homework battles, bedtime tantrums and the everyday struggles of raising kids, while your co-parent is the fun one who swoops in with gifts and adventures, it's natural to feel a whole range of emotions.
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: Resentment is a big one.
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: You may feel like you're doing all the hard work while your co-parent gets all the credit.
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: This, by the way, is true.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: There can be anger at the perceived unfairness of this situation.
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: You might feel like your co-parent is undermining your authority or creating unrealistic expectations for your kids.
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: And let's not forget the guilt.
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: You might question whether you're doing enough, whether you're fun enough compared to the exciting experiences your kids have with their other parent.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: And let me just say this this all goes back to the first episode in this series on consistency.
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: I promise you, if you just remain consistent, it will prove to be a home run.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: But it's important to remember that these feelings are valid, that you're not alone in experiencing them, that these feelings are valid, that you're not alone in experiencing them.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: Now let's delve into some of the reasons why a parent might become a Disneyland parent.
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: I've identified five common motivations.
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: Number one guilt.
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: This is the biggest one.
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: Some parents, especially those who don't have primary custody might feel guilty about the limited time they spend with their children.
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: So then they try to compensate by making that time extra special, filled with fun activities and gifts.
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: Number two they do it because they want to do it, because they desire to be liked.
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: Let's face it, it's easier to be the fun parent than the one who sets boundaries and enforces rules.
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: Some parents might prioritize being liked by their kids over the more challenging aspects of parenting.
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: Number three it could be their lack of parenting skills.
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: Not everyone comes equipped with innate parenting skills.
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: Some parents might struggle with the day-to-day management of raising children and find it easier to focus on the fun stuff.
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: Number four trying to win affection.
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: In some cases, the co-parent might consciously or unconsciously try to win their children's affection by showering them with gifts and experiences, potentially as a way to compete with the other parent.
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: And finally, number five just avoiding conflict, because dealing with difficult emotions or behavioral issues can be tough.
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: Some parents might avoid these situations altogether, opting for a more carefree approach to parenting.
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: Now, understanding these motivations doesn't excuse the behavior, but it can help you approach the situation with a bit more empathy and find constructive ways to address it.
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: Now let's talk about some strategies for dealing with a Disneyland parent.
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: I have five for you to think about and consider.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: Number one communication is key.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: This might seem obvious, but it's crucial to have open and honest conversations with your co-parent.
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: Express your feelings and concerns without resorting to blame or accusations.
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: This is very difficult.
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: Matter of fact, just do it, but don't blame or accuse.
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: Focus on the impact their parenting style has on your children and your co-parenting relationship.
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: Number two establish clear boundaries.
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: Work together to create consistent rules and expectations for your children, regardless of which parent they're with.
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: This includes things like bedtime, homework, screen time and discipline.
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: A united front will benefit your children and reduce some confusion confusion.
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: Number three focus on your parenting.
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: Don't get caught up in trying to compete with the fun parent.
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: Instead, focus on being the best parent you can be.
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: Provide your children with the love, the support, stability and consistent guidance.
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: These are the things that truly matter in the long.
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: Number four seek professional help.
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: I've said it a million times and I'll say it a million more If communication breaks down or if you're struggling to cope with the situation, then please make an appointment with your therapist, with some tools and strategies for navigating this challenging dynamic.
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: Plus, they'll also help you deal with the anger, the resentment, the bitterness that go along with being the other parent.
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: Number five remember your worth.
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: Don't let your co-parent's actions make you feel inadequate or question your own parenting abilities.
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: You're doing a great job and your love and support are invaluable to your children.
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: My children are grown and I still struggle to prove I can create these fun moments and do fun things.
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: It is a real struggle.
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: I still want to be the one to take them on a fun vacation just to prove to them and everyone around me that I can do this.
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: It really is a struggle in real time and sometimes it affects my self-worth.
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: Finally, let's outline three actionable steps that you can start to take to address this situation.
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: Number one schedule a calm conversation.
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: Choose a time when you both are calm and available to talk.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: Avoid bringing up the topic in front of your children or during heated moments.
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: Number two make sure you have some specific examples.
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: Think of those specific instances where your co-parent's actions have caused concern or created challenges.
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: This will help you communicate your points clearly and avoid generalizations.
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: And finally, number three focus on the solutions.
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: Don't dwell on the problems, but brainstorm solutions together?
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: How can you create more consistency?
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: How can you ensure that both parents are involved in all aspects of raising your kids?
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: The truth is, they may not heed anything you've said and go right back to doing their own thing.
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: But this is the point where you have to pick your battles and not fight because your own ego is hurt, because you know you could never do any of those things.
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: Co-parenting with a Disneyland parent can be challenging, but it's not impossible.
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: By understanding the underlying motivations, communicating effectively and focusing on your own parenting, you can create a healthier environment for your children and yourself.
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: Remember, you're not alone in this, this journey.
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: Join me next time as we talk about manipulation and triangulation in the divorced parenting realm.
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: And then we've got one more week after that to finish up this series on parenting you won't want to miss.
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: I'll see you next time.
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: Hey, thanks for listening.
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: I don't take it for granted that you're here.
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: You didn't listen by mistake.
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: If you want to reach out, you can DM me on Instagram at Tony Thrash Until next week.
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: Remember, there's still time left on the clock.
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: Let's get you off the bench to start your comeback.
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: I want to give a special shout out to Country Club for the original music.
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: You can find them on Instagram at Country Club.
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: Thank you.