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5-MINUTE FRIDAY: A Long Overdue Apology · Hurdle with Emily Abbate

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  Speaker 1: Hey Hurdlers, Emily Abadi here bringing you another installment of
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  Speaker 1: five Minute Friday from Hurdle. What a week. That feels
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  Speaker 1: like such an understatement, and I feel like I'm saying
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  Speaker 1: that every single time I come into the feed on Fridays,
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  Speaker 1: but I mean it because the past three weeks of
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  Speaker 1: Hurdle have been the biggest three weeks of Hurdle ever,
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  Speaker 1: not just because of the amazing individuals I've had the
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  Speaker 1: opportunity to speak with, but because of you, the listener,
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  Speaker 1: the hurdlers, as I love to call you. If you're
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  Speaker 1: new to the podcast, welcome, Thank you so much for
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  Speaker 1: giving me your time and your energy and for just
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: coming to my little corner of the internet. If you're
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  Speaker 1: new to five Minute Friday podcasts, articles, books, cool things,
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  Speaker 1: whatever it may be. This week for five Minute Friday,
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  Speaker 1: I am talking about making a few apologies, and not
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  Speaker 1: just regular apologies, what I like to call later apologies,
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  Speaker 1: a personal word I made up earlier this week. I
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  Speaker 1: did something that meant a lot to me and I
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  Speaker 1: made a as I like to call it, later apology
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  Speaker 1: or a regretful acknowledgment of an offense or failure well
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  Speaker 1: after the fact to be specific to a friend of mine.
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  Speaker 1: We were quite close when she lived in New York City.
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  Speaker 1: I actually introduced her to her now husband, and earlier
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  Speaker 1: this year, her and her lovely husband they had a
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  Speaker 1: beautiful baby girl. And after spending some time with a
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  Speaker 1: good friend of mine and her new baby, I was
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  Speaker 1: thinking about this other friend and I realized that I
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  Speaker 1: owed her an apology. When she had her baby back
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  Speaker 1: in February, I was certainly wrapped up in my own circumstance,
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  Speaker 1: wrapped up in my own chaos, and of course, although
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  Speaker 1: I reached out to her when she had the baby,
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  Speaker 1: I definitely didn't do or give the situation enough attention.
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  Speaker 1: I didn't send a card, I didn't send a gift.
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  Speaker 1: I didn't check in on her in the weeks that followed.
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  Speaker 1: I just didn't do the things that I would hope
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  Speaker 1: that someone that cares about me would do after I
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  Speaker 1: go through such a big, big life event. And so
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  Speaker 1: having recognized this, I knew I wanted to do better,
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  Speaker 1: and I did better, And so I reached out. And
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  Speaker 1: it started with me buying a card and a small gift.
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  Speaker 1: And I'm in the area not too far from her home,
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  Speaker 1: and I offered to come visit, and so I did
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  Speaker 1: in a socially distance way, and I gave her the
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  Speaker 1: card in a small gift bag, and of course, upon
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  Speaker 1: opening it, she said, you didn't have to do this.
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  Speaker 1: And in the card, I said, I'm sorry I wasn't
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  Speaker 1: there for you sooner. I want you to know that
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  Speaker 1: I'm here for you now. I'm proud of you. I
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  Speaker 1: feel very lucky to have you in my life, and
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  Speaker 1: I want to do better going forward. And I meant
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  Speaker 1: every single word of that. And now granted, as I mentioned,
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  Speaker 1: although I physically showed up and brought something with me,
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  Speaker 1: that's not what's important here. What's important here is, as
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  Speaker 1: I called it, the later apology. The words are what
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  Speaker 1: are important and now later apologies. There's something that I've
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  Speaker 1: gotten into later in my life and something that I've
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  Speaker 1: come to really appreciate as i've gotten older. But this concept,
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  Speaker 1: really it first came on my radar last year. A
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  Speaker 1: friend reached out to me to extend me a later apology.
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  Speaker 1: We were super close in my early New York years.
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  Speaker 1: We worked out together, we went out together, we explored
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  Speaker 1: the city together, we texted constantly. It was like a
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  Speaker 1: female friendship that I really, really, really valued and at
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  Speaker 1: the time when we were friends, I was dating someone
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  Speaker 1: that we both knew. Dating is a gracious term. I'd
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  Speaker 1: say we were spending some time together. I really liked
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  Speaker 1: this guy. It didn't work out, and, of course, as
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  Speaker 1: girls do, when it fell apart, I went to her,
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  Speaker 1: I talked to her, I confided in her, I cried
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  Speaker 1: with her, I did all the things. A couple weeks later,
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  Speaker 1: she let me know that the two of them were
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  Speaker 1: then spending some time together. That was really hard to
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  Speaker 1: deal with. It's so underst I never really talk about
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  Speaker 1: my super personal life on here, but when I do,
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  Speaker 1: I always have a moment of pause. And it was
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  Speaker 1: almost like I had to split up with someone a friend,
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  Speaker 1: and that was so much worse than splitting up with
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  Speaker 1: someone that I dated. I felt like I trusted her
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  Speaker 1: and she kept things from me, and because of that,
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  Speaker 1: I didn't feel like I could continue our friendship at
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  Speaker 1: that time when we had our separate ways. And so
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  Speaker 1: this woman last April, I was totally shocked when she
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  Speaker 1: reached out to me and offered me a really beautiful apology.
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  Speaker 1: I won't go into the details of that apology, but
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  Speaker 1: what I will say is that I definitely didn't expect it,
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  Speaker 1: and I felt really grateful that she thought that it
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  Speaker 1: was important, even years and years later, to say something
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  Speaker 1: to me and to wreckt recognize how I may have felt,
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  Speaker 1: how she made me feel at that time. After she
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  Speaker 1: offered me this apology, we went our separate ways, living
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  Speaker 1: our separate lives as we had been doing. And this
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  Speaker 1: wasn't like a I'm going to apologize and now we're
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  Speaker 1: going to be best friends situation. It was just her
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  Speaker 1: doing what I would say was the right thing, and
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  Speaker 1: at the time, again, it made me feel really validated.
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  Speaker 1: I never thought she was a bad person. I just
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  Speaker 1: thought that she did a bad thing. And I think
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  Speaker 1: that's the thing about apologizing, right. It's admitting that you
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  Speaker 1: did something wrong. It doesn't make you an inferior human.
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  Speaker 1: It means that you're just that you're human, period. It
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  Speaker 1: means that you want to express or regret for something.
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  Speaker 1: You may not be proud of. Any apology no matter
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  Speaker 1: when it happens. It means that you're willing for just
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  Speaker 1: a moment to maybe put your ego to the side
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  Speaker 1: and have a conversation and get real. Her actions they
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  Speaker 1: made me evaluate my own I wondered who should I
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  Speaker 1: be apologizing to in my life, and at that moment,
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  Speaker 1: I actually made a list, and I've offered since many
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  Speaker 1: heartfelt later apologies, and sometimes they go well, and sometimes
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  Speaker 1: it's clear that the person on the other side is
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  Speaker 1: like completely unfazed, or maybe what I feel the need
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  Speaker 1: to apologize for didn't impact them as much as it
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  Speaker 1: impacted me. Maybe my later apology just isn't enough. Whatever
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  Speaker 1: happens in this situation, you can't be making this gesture
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  Speaker 1: to want anything in return. Rather, it's just because, again,
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  Speaker 1: you feel like what you're doing is the right thing
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  Speaker 1: to do. And in my eyes, it's never really too
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  Speaker 1: late to do the right thing. It's never too late
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  Speaker 1: to have a genuine conversation, regardless of who's involved. And
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  Speaker 1: I tell you this story this week because I do
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  Speaker 1: feel that it's pretty relevant consider everything that's going on
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  Speaker 1: in our world, between the pandemic and the fight for
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  Speaker 1: racial justice. I think a lot of us are confronting
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  Speaker 1: things that have happened in our past, and sometimes our
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  Speaker 1: ego it prevents us from offering the words that are
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  Speaker 1: so necessary that can be such a big part of progress. Right,
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  Speaker 1: what I don't want to do by talking about this
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  Speaker 1: is to preach that everyone should just start apologizing profusely.
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  Speaker 1: That is not the answer at all. But what I
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  Speaker 1: will say is, just as I have come to appreciate
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  Speaker 1: the art of the later apology, I also feel strongly
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  Speaker 1: about not saying I'm sorry just to say it. It's
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  Speaker 1: something that I, as well as many people that I know,
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  Speaker 1: certainly get into the habit of. I encourage you own
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  Speaker 1: your power, like you own your flaws, and own your
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  Speaker 1: mistakes like you own your victories. Or remember again, it
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  Speaker 1: is never too late to say that I'm sorry. You've
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  Speaker 1: just got to make sure that it comes from the heart,
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  Speaker 1: and you've got to make sure that it's real. So
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  Speaker 1: for this week's thought prompt, I'm asking you who would
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  Speaker 1: you offer a later apology too? And why? Again, who
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  Speaker 1: would you offer a later apology too? And why? Highlights
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  Speaker 1: of the week. As always, links to everything I talk
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  Speaker 1: about here will be included in the link with the
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: description to this episode in the show notes. First up,
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: no surprise here the Michelle Obama podcast. Listening to Michelle Obama,
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: it honestly feels like I'm hanging out with one of
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: my best friends, which signifies to me that this is
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: a solid podcast. It launched this week, it's a Spotify exclusive,
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: and it is so so, so so well done. For
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: episode one, surprised to no One, she sat down with Barack.
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: They talk about the importance of community and values, and
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: I'm just so so excited to see where it goes
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: from here. Next up and Oldie but a Goodie making
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: Oprah from WBEZ. So it's been over thirty years now
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  Speaker 1: since Oprah first greeted a national audience. And I was
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: randomly sitting in my hometown the other day at Starbucks,
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  Speaker 1: drinking coffee outside naturally, and I have this thought to
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  Speaker 1: myself that I didn't know much about Oprah's beginnings, which
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: is a totally normal thought to have to yourself while
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: you're sipping coffee outside of your hometown Starbucks. And so
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: I looked into the Apple podcast store and found this
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: podcast and it has a three part series about how
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: Oprah gotter start, and I found it so so interesting.
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  Speaker 1: I listened to all almost three hours three different episodes
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  Speaker 1: on my drive up to Rhode Island, where I'm spending
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  Speaker 1: my week this week. And I mean, there were so
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: many things in this three part series that were super fascinating,
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  Speaker 1: but I love listening learning about what they called the
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: Oprah effect, which is basically, I mean kind of what
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  Speaker 1: influencers I think do today, which is when whenever Oprah
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: would talk about a product or a thing on our show,
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  Speaker 1: it would instantly sell out almost everywhere. So it's just
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  Speaker 1: so interesting to see how much influence one person can
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  Speaker 1: have and just how hard she worked despite so many
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  Speaker 1: odds being against her to get to where she is today.
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  Speaker 1: Ten out of ten would recommend next highlight of the
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  Speaker 1: week this cheeseburger chopped salad with dill pickle vinaigrette from
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: How Sweet Eats. I've never included a recipe in my highlights,
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  Speaker 1: but I've been doing so much cooking in this full
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  Speaker 1: sized kitchen up here in this home, and it has
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: been Oh, it's been so nice to have some space. Anyway,
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: I've been following this blogger, Jessica Merchant for years and years.
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: She's probably the first blogger I ever followed, right when
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: I was fresh out of college, and I love her style.
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  Speaker 1: Every single recipe I've ever tried from her has been remarkable.
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: And I found this one when I was looking for
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  Speaker 1: some sort of burger salad last week. What I love
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: about it, aside from how good the dil vinaigrette is,
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  Speaker 1: is that it's not like you're putting a burger patty
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  Speaker 1: in the salad. It's just the ground meat and it
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  Speaker 1: just all mixes together perfectly, and it's just the perfect
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: summer thing. Next up, details on my cycling kit. This
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: week for Hurdle Moment, I talked up some more lessons
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  Speaker 1: I've learned on the bike, and in response, I got
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: a lot of inquiries asking me about the gear that
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: I'm using on the regular to get out there. So
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: details on that. My typical kit in clues and kit
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: is like a fancy word for cyclers where they talk
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: about what they wear my lu Lemon City to Summit
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  Speaker 1: Cycling Jersey, my lu Lemon City to Summit Cycling short
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: bombas cycling socks and a helmet and shoes from Specialized
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: and that's the whole thing. All the details again to
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: all of those items, links, et cetera will be in
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: the show notes. One thing I will say about cycling
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: gear is that it definitely gets to be expensive, but
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: you have to think about how much use you're going
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  Speaker 1: to be getting out of these items. If I only
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: every single day reached into my closet and picked the
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: exact same sneakers to go running in, I would certainly
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  Speaker 1: certainly spend more money on them. And so that's just
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: kind of something to think about and wrap your head
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: around when it comes to looking at the cost of
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: a lot of these items. And last, but not least,
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: I have a big win or do announce The winner
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: for this week's Whoop giveaway is Jen Butler. Congrats, Jen,
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: so excited for you. I do want to take a
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: second to say wow to all of you. If you
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: missed the Whoop giveaway, I laid it out in the
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: Weekly Hurdle. If you've yet to subscribe to the newsletter
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: again link in the show notes, please do so. In
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: order to win the Whoop. I prompted hurdlers to answer
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: last week's five Minute Friday prompt, and this prompt asked,
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: what is the last time that you had to hype
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: yourself up to get something done and how did you
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: feel after you did it? And I was blown away
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: by the responses that came in from the community. And
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: that is something I can't stress enough, is that I
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: firstly am just so honored that you're willing to share
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: with me. And secondly, I think it's really special the
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: opportunity that we have to connect with each other. Over
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: in the Weekly Hurdle there's a comment section. You can
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: press hurt or like if you like what you're reading,
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: So please please not only subscribe, but engage over there.
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: I loved seeing all of you talk to one another
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: when it came to the answers that you were putting
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: in there, and wow, just such strong responses and you guys,
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  Speaker 1: just you gave me all of the feels. Wow. You
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: know my dad, he does this two minutes to Better
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: Advertising segment. He actually owns his own advertising and marketing
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: company back where I'm from, and it's called two minutes
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: to Better Advertising, but it's actually three minutes every week.
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  Speaker 1: And I said to him that it's okay because I
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: called this segment on Hurdle five Minute Friday. But without fail,
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: it's at least ten minutes every week. So a huge
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: thank you to all of you. All the hurdlers are
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: sticking with me. If you like what you're listening to,
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: please please please do not hesitate to rate and review
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: Hurdle in the iTunes store. I have a personal goal
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: of getting another two hundred ratings before August thirty first,
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: and I would appreciate you the most if you helped
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: me get there. Other than that, share this on social
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  Speaker 1: media by tagging at Emily a Body and at Hurdle
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: Podcast and enjoy your weekend another hurdle conquered. Catch you
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: guys next time.