Latest / Classic Adventure Books Library / 06 - Robinson Crusoe - Daniel Defoe

Transcript

06 - Robinson Crusoe - Daniel Defoe · Classic Adventure Books Library

0:00
Chapter six, Ill and conscience stricken. When I came down to the ship,
0:07
I found it strangely removed. The forecastle, which lay before buried in
0:13
sand, was heaved up at least six feet, and the stern, which
0:19
was broken pieces and parted from the rest by the force of the sea.
0:23
Soon after I had left rummaging, her was tossed up, as it were,
0:29
and cast on one side, and the sand was thrown so high on
0:34
that side next her stern, that whereas there was a great place of water
0:41
before, so that I could not come within a quarter of a mile of
0:45
the wreck without swimming, I could now walk quite up to her when the
0:50
tide was out. I was surprised with this at first, but soon concluded
0:56
it must be done by the earthquake, and by this violence the ship was
1:03
more broke open than formerly. So many things came daily on shore, which
1:07
the sea had loosened, and which the winds and water rolled by degrees to
1:14
the land. This wholly diverted my thoughts from the design of removing my habitation,
1:21
and I busied myself mightily that day, especially in searching whether I could
1:26
make any way into the ship. But I found nothing. Must be expected
1:30
of that kind, for all the inside of the ship was choked up with
1:36
sand. However, as I had learned not to despair of anything, I
1:42
resolved to pull everything to pieces that I could of the ship, concluding that
1:48
everything I could get from her would be of some use or other to me.
1:55
May third, I began with my saw and cut a piece of a
2:00
beam through which I thought held some of the upper part, or quarter deck
2:05
together. And when I had cut it through, I cleared away the sand
2:09
as well as I could from the side which lay highest. But the tide
2:14
was coming in I was obliged to give over for that. May fourth I
2:19
went a fishing, but caught not only one fish that I durst eat till
2:24
I was weary of my sport. When just going to leave off, I
2:29
caught a young dolphin. I had made me a long line of some rope
2:34
yarn, but I had no hooks. Yet I frequently caught fish enough as
2:38
much as I cared to eat, all which I dried in the sun and
2:44
ate them dried. May fifth worked on the wreck, cut another beam asunder,
2:53
and brought three great fur planks off from the decks, which I tied
2:58
together and made to float on shore. When the tide of flood came in.
3:04
May sixth worked on the wreck, got several iron bolts out of her
3:09
and other pieces of iron work. Worked very hard, and came home very
3:14
much tired, and had thoughts of giving it over. May seventh went to
3:21
the wreck again, not with an intent to work, but found the weight
3:25
of the wreck had broke itself down, the beams being cut, that several
3:31
pieces of ship seemed to lie loose, and the inside of the hold lay
3:38
so open that I could see into it, but it was almost full of
3:43
water and sand. May eighth went to the wreck and carried an iron crow
3:51
to wrench up the deck, which lay now quite clear of the water or
3:54
sand. I wrenched open two planks and brought them on short or also with
4:00
the tide. I left the iron crow and the wreck for next day.
4:06
May ninth went to the wreck, and with the crow made way into the
4:13
body of the wreck, and felt several casts and loosened them with the crow,
4:18
but could not break them up. I felt also a roll of English
4:24
lead and could stir it, but it was too heavy to remove. May
4:30
tenth through fourteenth went every day to the wreck and got a great many pieces
4:36
of timber and boards or plank, and two or three hundred weight of iron.
4:43
May fifteenth, I carried two hatchets to try if I could not cut
4:48
a piece of the roll of lead by placing the edge of one hatchet and
4:55
driving it with the other. But as it lay about a foot and a
4:59
half in the water, I could not make any blow to drive the hatchet.
5:05
May sixteenth, it had blown hard in the night, and the wreck
5:11
appeared more broken by the force of the water. But I stayed so long
5:15
in the woods to get pigeons for food, that the tide prevented my going
5:20
to the wreck. That day, May seventeenth, I saw some pieces of
5:28
the wreck blown on shore at a great distance, near two miles off me,
5:32
but resolved to see what they were, and found it was a piece
5:36
of the head, but too heavy for me to bring away. May twenty
5:44
fourth. Every day to this day I worked on the wreck, and with
5:48
the hard labor I loosened some things so much with the crow that the first
5:55
tide several casts floated out, and two of the seamen's chests. But the
6:02
wind blowing from the shore nothing came to land that day, but pieces of
6:06
timber in a hogshead which had some Brazil pork in it, but the salt
6:13
water and the sand had spoiled it. I continued this work every day to
6:18
the fifteenth of June, except the time necessary to get food, which I
6:26
always appointed during this part of my employment to be when the tide was up,
6:31
that I might be ready when it was ebbed out. And by this
6:36
time I had got timber and plank and ironwork enough to have built a good
6:43
boat if I had known how. And also I got, at several times,
6:47
and in several pieces, near one hundred weight of the sheet lead.
6:55
June sixteenth, going down to the seaside, I found a large tortoise or
7:03
turtle. This was the first I had seen, which it seems was only
7:09
my misfortune, not any defect of the place or scarcity, for had I
7:14
happened to be on the other side of the island, I might have had
7:17
hundreds of them every day, as I found afterwards, but perhaps had paid
7:23
dear enough for them. June seventeenth I spent in cooking the turtle I found
7:33
in her three score eggs, and her flesh was to me at that time
7:40
the most savory and pleasant that ever I tasted in my life, having had
7:46
no flesh but of goats and fowls since I landed in this horrid place.
7:55
June eighteenth, rained all day and I stayed within. I thought at this
8:01
time the rain felt cold, and I was something chilly, but which I
8:07
knew was not unusual in that latitude. June nineteenth, very ill and shivering
8:20
as if the weather had been cold. June twentieth, no rest all night,
8:28
have violent pains in my head and feverish. June twenty first, very
8:37
ill, frighted almost to death with the apprehensions of my sad condition, to
8:43
be sick and no help. Prayed to God for the first time since the
8:52
storm off Hull, but scarce knew what I said or why, my thoughts
8:58
being all confused. June twenty second, a little better, but under dreadful
9:09
apprehensions of sickness. Killed a she goat, and with much difficulty got at
9:15
home and broiled some of it and ate. I would fain have stewed it
9:22
and made some broth, but had no pot. June twenty seventh, the
9:31
agu again so violent that I lay abed all day and neither ate nor drank.
9:39
I was ready to perish for thirst, but so weak I had not
9:43
strength to stand up or to get myself any water to drink. Prayed to
9:50
God again, but was light headed, And when I was not, I
9:56
was so ignorant that I knew not what to say. Only I lay and
10:01
cried, Lord, look upon me, Lord, pity me, Lord,
10:05
have mercy upon me. I suppose I did nothing else for two or three
10:11
hours till the fit wearing off, I fell asleep and did not wait till
10:20
far in the night. When I awoke, I found myself much refreshed,
10:26
but weak and exceeding thirsty. However, as I had no water in my
10:33
habitation, I was forced to lie till morning, and went to sleep again.
10:41
In this second sleep, I had this terrible dream. I thought that
10:48
I was sitting on the ground on the outside of my wall, where I
10:52
sat when the storm blew after the earthquake, and that I saw a man
10:58
descend from a great black cloud in a bright flame of fire in light upon
11:03
the ground. He was all over as bright as a flame, so that
11:09
I could not but just bear to look towards him. His countenance was most
11:16
inexpressibly dreadful, impossible for words to describe When he stepped upon the ground with
11:24
his feet, I thought the earth trembled, just as it had done before
11:31
in the earthquake, and all the air looked, to my apprehension, as
11:37
if it had been filled with flashes of fire. He was no sooner landed
11:43
upon the earth, but he had moved forward towards me, with a long
11:50
spear or weapon in his hand, to kill me. And when he came
11:56
to a rising ground at some distance, he spoke to me, or I
12:01
heard a voice so terrible that it is impossible to express the terror of it.
12:11
All that I can say I understood was this, Seeing all these things
12:18
have not brought thee to repentance, Now thou shalt die. At which words,
12:28
I thought, he lifted up the spear that was in his hand to
12:33
kill me. No one that shall ever read in this account will expect that
12:43
I should be able to describe the horrors of my soul at this terrible vision.
12:48
I mean that, even while it was a dream, I even dreamed
12:54
of those horrors. Nor is it any more possible to describe the impression that
13:03
remained upon my mind when I await and found it was but a dream I
13:11
had Alas no divine knowledge. What I had received by the good instruction of
13:18
my father was then worn out by an uninterrupted series for eight years of seafaring
13:26
wickedness, and a constant conversation with none but such as were like myself,
13:33
wicked and profane to the last degree. I do not remember that I had
13:41
in all that time one thought that so much as tended either to looking upwards
13:48
towards God or inwards towards a reflection upon my own ways. But a certain
13:56
stupidity of soul, without desire of good or conscience of evil, had entirely
14:05
overwhelmed me, And I was all that the most hardened, unthinking, wicked
14:13
creature among our common sailors can be supposed to be, not having the least
14:18
sense either of the fear of God in danger, or of thankfulness to God
14:26
in deliverance. In the relating of what already is pasted of my story,
14:33
this will be the more easily believed when I shall add that, through all
14:37
the variety of miseries that had to this day befallen me, I never had
14:43
so much as one thought of it being the hand of God, or that
14:50
it was a just punishment for my sin. My rebellious behavior against my father
14:56
or my present sins which were great, or so much as a punishment for
15:01
the general course of my wicked life. When I was on the desperate expedition
15:07
on the desert shores of Africa, I never had so much as one thought
15:13
of what would become of me, or one wish to God to direct me
15:20
whether I should go, or to keep me from the danger which apparently surrounded
15:24
me, as well as from voracious creatures as cruel savages. But I was
15:31
merely thoughtless of a God or a providence, acted like a mere brute,
15:37
from the principles of nature and by the dictates of common sense only, and
15:43
indeed hardly that when I was delivered and taken up at sea by the Portugal
15:50
captain, well used and dealt justly and honorably with, as well as charitably,
15:58
I had not the least thankfulness in my thoughts. When again I was
16:04
shipwrecked, ruined, and in danger of drowning on this island, I was
16:10
as far from remorse or looking on it as a judgment. I only said
16:15
to myself often that I was an unfortunate dog and born to always be miserable.
16:25
It is true when I got on shore first here and found all my
16:30
ship's crew drowned and myself spared. I was surprised with a kind of ecstasy,
16:37
and some transports of soul, which had the grace of God assisted,
16:41
might have come up to true thankfulness. But it ended where it began,
16:48
in a mere common flight of joy, or, as I may say,
16:52
being glad I was alive, without the least reflection upon the distinguished goodness of
17:00
the hand which had preserved me, and had singled me out to be preserved
17:06
when all the rest were destroyed, or an inquiry why providence had been thus
17:12
merciful unto me, even just the same common sort of joy which seamen generally
17:19
have after they got safe ashore from a shipwreck which they drown all in the
17:26
next bullet punch, and forget almost as soon as it is over. And
17:33
all the rest of my life was like it, even when I was afterwards
17:37
undue consideration made sensible of my condition. How I was cast on this dreadful
17:44
place, out of the reach of humankind, out of all hope of relief
17:49
or prospect of redemption, as soon as I saw but a prospect of living,
17:56
and that I should not starve and perish for hunger. All the sense
18:00
of my affliction wore off, and I began to be very easy, applied
18:06
myself to the works proper for my preservation and supply, and was far enough
18:11
from being afflicted at my condition as a judgment from Heaven, or as the
18:17
hand of God against me. These were thoughts which very seldom entered my head.
18:25
The growing up of the corn, as is hinted in my journal,
18:29
had at first some little influence upon me, and began to affect me with
18:33
seriousness as long as I thought it had something miraculous in it. But as
18:41
soon as ever that part of the thought was removed, all the impression that
18:47
was raised from it wore off. Also, as I have noted already,
18:52
even the earthquake, though nothing could be more terrible in its nature, or
18:57
more immediately directing to the invisible power which alone directs such things, Yet no
19:04
sooner was the first fright over, but the impression it had made went off.
19:11
Also. I had no more sense of God or his judgments, much
19:17
less of the present affliction of my circumstances being from His hand, than if
19:23
I had been in the most prosperous condition of life. But now when I
19:30
began to be sick, and a leisurely view of the miseries of death came
19:34
to place itself before me. When my spirits began to sink under the burden
19:41
of a strong distemper, and nature was exhausted with the violence of the fever,
19:47
conscience that had slept so long began to awake, and I began to
19:52
reproach myself with my past life in which I had so evidently by un common
20:00
wickedness, provoked the justice of God to lay me under uncommon strokes and to
20:07
deal with me in so vindictive a manner. These reflections oppressed me for the
20:14
second or third day of my distemper, and in the violence as well of
20:19
the fever, as of the dreadful reproaches of my conscience extorted some words for
20:25
me, like praying to God, though I cannot say they were either a
20:32
prayer attended with desires or with hopes. It was rather the voice of mere
20:37
fright and distress. My thoughts were confused, the convictions great upon my mind,
20:45
and the horror of dying in such a miserable condition raised vapors into my
20:52
head with the mere apprehensions, and in these hurries of my soul. I
20:57
knew not what my time might express, but it was rather exclamation, such
21:04
as, Lord, what a miserable creature am I? If I should be
21:08
sick, I shall certainly die for want of help, and what will become
21:14
of me? Then the tears burst out of my eyes, and I could
21:19
say no more for a good while. In this interval, the good advice
21:25
of my father came to my mind, and presently his prediction which I mentioned
21:30
at the beginning of the story, that is that if I did take this
21:34
foolish step, God would not bless me, and I would have leisure hereafter
21:41
to reflect upon having neglected his counsel, when there might be none to assist
21:45
in my recovery. Now said I aloud, my dear father's words are come
21:52
to pass. God's justice has overtaken me, and I have none to help
22:00
or hear me. I rejected the voice of Providence which had mercifully put me
22:04
in a posture or station of life wherein I might have been happy and easy.
22:11
But I would neither see it myself nor learn to know the blessing of
22:15
it. From my parents, I left them to mourn over my folly and
22:22
now I am left to mourn under the consequences of it. I abuse their
22:26
help and assistance, which would have lifted me in the world and would have
22:33
made everything easy to me. And now I have difficulties to struggle with,
22:38
too great for even nature itself to support. And no assistance, no help,
22:45
no comfort, no advice. Then I cried out, Lord, be
22:51
my help, for I am in great distress. This was the first prayer,
22:59
if I may call it so, that I had made for many years.
23:07
But to return to my journal June twenty eighth, Having been somewhat refreshed
23:15
with the sleep I had had and the fit being entirely off, I got
23:18
up, and though the fright and terror of my dream was very great,
23:22
yet I considered that the fit of the agu would return again the next day,
23:29
and now was my time to get something to refresh and support myself when
23:33
I should be ill. And the first thing I did I filled a large
23:37
square case bottle with water and set it upon my table in reach of my
23:42
bed. And to take off the chill or aguish disposition of the water,
23:48
I put about a quarter of a pint of rum into it and mix them
23:53
together. Then I got me a piece of the goat's flesh and broiled it
24:00
on the coals, but could eat very little. I walked about, but
24:06
was very weak, and with all very sad and heavy hearted, under a
24:10
sense of my miserable condition, dreading the return of my distemper. The next
24:15
day, at night, I made my supper of three of the turtle's eggs,
24:22
which I roasted in the ashes and ate, as we call it,
24:26
in the shell. And this was the first bit of meat I had ever
24:30
asked God's blessing to that I could remember in my whole life. After I
24:37
had eaten, I tried to walk, but found myself so weak that I
24:42
could hardly carry a gun, for I never went out without that. So
24:48
I went but a little way and sat down upon the ground, looking out
24:52
upon the sea, which was just before me, and very calm and smooth.
24:59
As I sat here, some such thoughts as these occurred to me.
25:03
What is this earth and sea of which I have seen so much? Whence
25:10
is it produced? And what am I and all the other creatures wild and
25:15
tame, human and brutal? Whence are we sure? We all are made
25:23
by some secret power who formed the earth and sea and the air and sky,
25:30
and who is that? Then it followed, most naturally, it is
25:37
God that has made all well. But then it came on strangely. If
25:42
God has made all these things, he guides and governs them, all and
25:48
all things that concerned them. For the power that could make all things must
25:53
certainly have power to guide and direct them. If so, nothing can happen
26:00
in the great circuit of His works, either without his knowledge or appointment.
26:07
And if nothing happens without his knowledge, he knows that I am here and
26:14
am in this dreadful condition. And if nothing happens without his appointment, he
26:19
has appointed all this to befall me. Nothing occurred to my thoughts to contradict
26:26
any of these conclusions, And therefore it rested upon me with the greater force
26:32
that it must needs be that God had appointed all this to befall me,
26:37
that I was brought into this miserable circumstance by his direction, He having the
26:42
sole power not of me only, but of everything that happened in the world.
26:49
Immediately, it followed, why has God done this to me? What
26:53
have I done to be thus used? My conscience presently checked me in that
27:00
inquiry, as if I had blasphemed and methought. It spoke to me like
27:03
a voice. Wretch, dost thou ask what thou hast done? Look back
27:11
upon a dreadful, misspent life, and ask thyself what thou hast not done?
27:18
Ask why is it that thou wert not long ago destroyed? Why wert
27:23
thou not drowned in yarmouth roads, killed in the fight when the ship was
27:29
taken by the sale man of war, devoured by the wild beasts on the
27:33
coast of Africa, were drowned here when all the crew perished. But thyself,
27:41
dost thou ask what have I done? I was struck dumb with these
27:48
reflections, as one astonished, and had not a word to say. No,
27:53
not to answer to myself, but rose up, pensive and sad walked
28:00
back to my retreat and went up over my wall, as if I had
28:04
been going to bed. But my thoughts were sadly disturbed, and I had
28:11
no inclination to sleep, So I sat down in my chair and lighted my
28:15
lamp, for it began to be dark. Now. As the apprehension of
28:22
the return of my distemper terrified me very much, it occurred to my thought
28:27
that the Brazilians take no physic but their tobacco for almost all distempers. And
28:34
I had a piece of a roll of tobacco in one of the chests,
28:38
which was quite cured, and some also that was green and not quite cured.
28:45
I went directed by, having no doubt, for in this chest I
28:51
found a cure both for soul and body. I opened the chest and found
28:57
what I looked for tobacco, and as the few books I had saved lay
29:03
there too, I took out one of the Bibles, which I mentioned before,
29:08
and which to this time I had not found leisure or inclination to look
29:15
into. I say, I took it out and brought both that and the
29:21
tobacco with me to the table. What used to make of the tobacco I
29:26
knew, not in my distemper or whether it was good for it or no.
29:30
But I tried several experiments with it, as if I was resolved it
29:36
should hit one way or another. I took first a piece of leaf and
29:41
chewed it in my mouth, which indeed at first almost stupefied my brain.
29:45
The tobacco being green and strong, and that I had not been much used
29:52
to. Then I took some and steeped it an hour or two in some
29:56
run, and resolved to make a dose of it. I lay down,
30:00
and lastly I burnt some upon a pan of coals, and held my nose
30:07
over it, over the smoke of it as long as I could bear it,
30:14
as well for the heat as almost for suffocation. In the interval of
30:19
this operation I took up the Bible and began to read, but my head
30:26
was too much disturbed with the tobacco to bear reading, at least at that
30:30
time. Only having opened the book casually, the first words that occurred to
30:37
me were these call on me and the day of trouble, and I will
30:44
deliver thee and thou shalt glorify me. These words were very apt to my
30:52
case, and made some impression upon my thoughts at the time of reading them,
30:57
though not so much as they did after, For as for being delivered,
31:03
the word had no sound. As I may say to me, the
31:07
thing was so remote, so impossible in my apprehension of things, that I
31:12
began to say, as the children of Israel did when they were promised flesh
31:18
to eat, can God spread a table in the wilderness? So I began
31:22
to say, can God himself deliver me from this place, And as it
31:30
was not for many years that any hopes appeared, this prevailed very often upon
31:36
my thoughts. But however, the words made a great impression upon me,
31:41
and I mused upon them very often. It grew now late, and the
31:48
tobacco had, as I said, dozed my head so much that I inclined
31:52
to sleep. So I left my lamp burning in the cave lest I should
31:56
want anything in the night, and went to bed. But before I lay
32:01
down, I did what I never had done in all my life. I
32:07
kneeled down and prayed to God to fulfill the promise to me that if I
32:14
called upon Him in the day of trouble, he would deliver me. After
32:20
my broken and imperfect prayer was over, I drank the rum in which I
32:25
had steeped the tobacco, which was so strong and rank of the tobacco that
32:30
I could scarcely get it down. Immediately upon this I went to bed.
32:36
I found presently it flew up into my head violently. But I fell into
32:40
a sound sleep and waked no more till by the sun it must necessarily be
32:47
near three o'clock in the afternoon the next day. Nay, to this hour.
32:52
I am partly of opinion that I slept all the next day and night
32:58
till almost three days after, for otherwise I know not how I should lose
33:06
a day out of my reckoning in the days of the week, as it
33:08
appeared some years after I had done. For if I had lost it by
33:15
crossing and recrossing the line, I should have lost more than one day.
33:21
But certainly I lost a day in my account, and never knew why be
33:27
that. However, one way or the other, when I awake, I
33:31
found myself exceedingly refreshed, and my spirits lively and cheerful. When I got
33:38
up, I was stronger than I was the day before, and in my
33:43
stomach better, for I was hungry, And in short I had no fit
33:47
the next day, but continued much altered for the better. This was the
33:53
twenty ninth. The thirtieth was my well day, of course, and I
34:00
went abroad with my gun, but did not care to travel too far.
34:06
I killed a sea fowl or two, something like a brand goose, and
34:10
brought them home, but was not very forward to eat them. So I
34:16
ate some more of the turtles eggs, which were very good. This evening
34:22
I renewed the medicine which I had supposed did me good the day before the
34:27
tobacco steeped and rum only I did not take so much as before, nor
34:32
did I chew any of the leaf or hold my head over the smoke.
34:37
However, I was not so well the next day, which was the first
34:42
of July, as I hoped it should have been, for I had a
34:46
little spice of the cold fit, but it was not much. July second,
34:53
I renewed the medicine all the three ways and dosed myself with it as
34:58
at first, and double the quantity which I drank. July third, I
35:05
missed the fit for good and all, though I did not recover my full
35:08
strength for some weeks after. While I was thus gathering my strength, my
35:14
thoughts ran exceedingly upon this scripture, I will deliver THEE, and the impossibility
35:22
of my deliverance lay much upon my mind, in bar of my ever expecting
35:27
it. But as I was discouraging myself with such thoughts, it occurred to
35:32
me that I poured so much upon my deliverance from the main affliction that I
35:40
disregarded the deliverance I had received. And I was, as it were,
35:47
made to ask myself such questions as these, That is, have I not
35:52
been delivered, and wonderfully too, from sickness, from the most distressed condition
36:00
that could be? And that was so frightful to me? And what notice
36:06
had I taken of it? Had I done my part? God had delivered
36:12
me, but I had not glorified him, that is to say, I
36:15
had not owned and been thankful for that as a deliverance. And how could
36:22
I expect greater deliverance? This touched my heart very much, and immediately I
36:32
knelt down and gave God thanks aloud for my recovery from my sickness. July
36:42
fourth, in the morning, I took the Bible, and, beginning at
36:45
the New Testament, I began seriously to read it, and imposed upon myself
36:52
to read a while every morning and every night, not tying myself to the
36:58
number of chapters, but long as my thoughts should engage me. It was
37:04
not long after I set seriously to this work that I found my heart more
37:09
deeply and sincerely affected with the wickedness of my past life. The impression of
37:16
my dream revived in the words, all these things have not brought thee to
37:22
repentance, ran seriously through my thoughts. I was earnestly begging of God to
37:30
give me repentance. When it happened providentially the very next day that reading the
37:36
Scripture, I came to these words, he is exalted, a Prince and
37:42
a Savior to give repentance and to give remission. I threw down the book,
37:50
and with my heart as well as my hands, lifted up to heaven
37:54
in a kind of ecstasy of joy, I cried out aloud, Jesus Thou,
38:01
son of David, Jesus Thou, Exalted Prince and Savior, give me
38:07
repentance. This was the first time I could say in the true sense of
38:15
the words that I prayed in all my life. For now I prayed with
38:22
the sense of my condition and a true Scripture view of hope founded on the
38:29
encouragement of the word of God. And from this time, I may say,
38:32
I began to hope that God would hear me. Now I began to
38:39
construe the words mentioned above, call on me, and I will deliver thee
38:45
in a different sense from what I had ever done before. For then I
38:51
had no notion of anything being called deliverance, but my being delivered from the
38:58
captivity I was in for, though I was indeed at large in the place.
39:04
Yet the island was certainly a prison to me, and that in the
39:08
worst sense in the world. But now I learned to take it in another
39:15
sense. Now I look back upon my past life with such horror, and
39:21
my sins appeared so dreadful, that my soul sought nothing of God but deliverance
39:28
from the load of guilt that bore down all my comfort. As for my
39:35
solitary life, it was nothing. I did not so much as pray to
39:40
be delivered from it, or think of it. It was all of no
39:45
consideration in comparison to this. And I add this part here to hint to
39:51
whoever shall read it, that whenever they come to a true sense of things,
39:57
they will find deliverance from sin, a much greater blessing than deliverance from
40:02
affliction. But leaving this part, I returned to my journal. My condition
40:10
began now to be, though not less miserable as to my way of living,
40:15
yet much easier to my mind, and my thoughts, being directed by
40:21
a constant reading the scripture and praying to God to things of a higher nature,
40:27
I had a great deal of comfort within which till now I knew nothing
40:30
of. Also, my health and strength returned. I bestirred myself to furnish
40:37
myself with everything that I wanted and make my way of living as regular as
40:43
I could. From the fourth of July to the fourteenth I was chiefly employed
40:50
in walking about with my gun in my hand, a little and a little
40:53
at a time, as a man that was gathering up his strength after a
40:59
fit of sickness. For it is hardly to be imagined how low I was,
41:05
and to what weakness I was reduced. The application which I made use
41:10
of was perfectly new, and perhaps which had never cured an argue before.
41:20
Neither can I recommend it to any to practice by this experiment. And though
41:24
it did carry off the fit, yet it rather contributed to weakening me,
41:30
for I had frequent convulsions in my nerves and limbs for some time. I
41:37
learned from it also this, in particular, that being abroad in the rainy
41:42
season was the most pernicious thing to my health that could be, especially in
41:46
those rains which came attended with storms and hurricanes of wind. For as the
41:53
rain which came in the dry season was almost always accompanied with such storms.
42:00
So I found that that rain was much more dangerous than the rain which fell
42:06
in September and October. End of Chapter six