Latest / Gospel Tech with Nathan Sutherland / Five Cautions for Giving a Smartphone

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Five Cautions for Giving a Smartphone · Gospel Tech with Nathan Sutherland

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Speaker 1: Purposely, your life, God's purpose. More podcasts at purposely.com. Okay,
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Speaker 1: moms and dads, your child has asked for a smartphone
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Speaker 1: and you want to know, is this a good gift
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Speaker 1: to give now? That is our conversation for today. We're
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Speaker 1: going to be digging into specifically when should we give
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Speaker 1: our kids a smartphone and what does it look like
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Speaker 1: to give this as a good gift? Starting off, we're
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Speaker 1: looking at Luke 11.11 as our foundation from Scripture for
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Speaker 1: what it means to even give a good gift. Jesus says,
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Speaker 1: I love this as our picture when we're thinking through
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Speaker 1: Scripture on what it means to even give a good
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Speaker 1: gift because there is this image of good gifts help
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Speaker 1: the person you're giving them to. which on its face
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Speaker 1: seems like a no-dust statement, but oftentimes as parents, we
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Speaker 1: love to give our kids both good gifts and gifts
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Speaker 1: they really want. So if a child comes up to
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Speaker 1: us and says, Mom or Dad, can I have this
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Speaker 1: new album that's coming out, or this toy, or this game,
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Speaker 1: or this time with friends, or a smartphone, we want
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Speaker 1: to say yes. And we generally look around and go, well,
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Speaker 1: I don't know, what's everyone else got? Yeah, they all
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Speaker 1: seem to be doing it. Let's jump on in. We
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Speaker 1: must pause and ask, is this a good gift? Is
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Speaker 1: it an egg? that is going to provide nutrition and
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Speaker 1: strength for my child? Or is it a scorpion? Is
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Speaker 1: it something that could hurt my kid or someone around
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Speaker 1: my kid? Now, there are absolutely ways to give your
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Speaker 1: child a scorpion. It's not necessarily a hateful gift writ large.
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Speaker 1: In Jesus' example, it is. But let's say you could
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Speaker 1: remove the stinger. Well, okay. Is the scorpion a good gift? Now, like, maybe. Maybe.
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Speaker 1: But there are some boundaries we're going to put around this.
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Speaker 1: So with Jesus talking about good gifts, by the way,
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Speaker 1: knowing that we can always go to our Heavenly Father
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Speaker 1: and receive only the good gifts, that he will give
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Speaker 1: us both what we are asking for and what we
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Speaker 1: need from what we're asking for. If we ask selfishly,
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Speaker 1: he lovingly denies it. If we're acting to see our
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Speaker 1: kingdom come and our will be done, no is the
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Speaker 1: loving answer the Lord gives us because he's giving us
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Speaker 1: a good gift. And a no is the most loving
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Speaker 1: gift in that scenario. And When we go with our needs,
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Speaker 1: the Lord provides. He says yes, and he sees his
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Speaker 1: kingdom come and his will be done in us and
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Speaker 1: then through us while his Holy Spirit is doing his
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Speaker 1: will here on earth. And we get to participate in
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Speaker 1: that through prayer and through action because we're children of God,
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Speaker 1: saved by grace, through faith, and for good works that
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Speaker 1: God has prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.
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Speaker 1: Is a smartphone a good gift is really the question
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Speaker 1: we're asking. We'll get into like, but when after this,
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Speaker 1: but let's just talk about this. There's five cautions. When
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Speaker 1: you talk about a smartphone, we need to make sure
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Speaker 1: we understand what we are talking about. And there are
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Speaker 1: five areas. We're going to look at apps and social media.
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Speaker 1: We're going to look at strangers, pornography, and video games.
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Speaker 1: And at the end of this, we will be able
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Speaker 1: to answer, is this a good gift and set some
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Speaker 1: framework around it? Because the goal is not to go, well,
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Speaker 1: I can't be sure it'll always be good. So we'll
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Speaker 1: just never engage it. Most of the adults listen to this.
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Speaker 1: We have smartphones. I have a smartphone, but I promise
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Speaker 1: if you look at my smartphone, it's a pretty dumb
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Speaker 1: smartphone because it's smart enough to do what I need
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Speaker 1: and dumb enough to do what I say. And this
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Speaker 1: is what we're going to be talking through. First, let's
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Speaker 1: start off with apps. App delivery is a major feature
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Speaker 1: for smartphones, and a vast majority of the apps we
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Speaker 1: download are apps designed to help us consume rather than create.
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Speaker 1: Most of what your young person is asking for when
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Speaker 1: they ask for a smartphone is drool tech. Drool tech
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Speaker 1: is technology designed to help you consume. It helps take
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Speaker 1: your time, your focus, and your money. It is really
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Speaker 1: good at helping you accomplish certain things, but it always
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Speaker 1: comes with a goal of its own. That's compared to
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Speaker 1: tool tech, and tool tech helps you create something It's
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Speaker 1: all about your goals and your time, and it will
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Speaker 1: wait forever without ever bothering you or following up on you.
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Speaker 1: A beautiful example of this would be look at Microsoft Word.
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Speaker 1: Microsoft Word, you could use it once a day, once
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Speaker 1: a week, once a year. It will never follow up
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Speaker 1: with you. None of you has ever received a text
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Speaker 1: at 11 p.m. while setting down your $ 1, 000 alarm clock
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Speaker 1: on your bed stand, and a text comes through, and
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Speaker 1: you click on it. It says, hey, I haven't seen
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Speaker 1: you in a while, and it's Microsoft Word. and it
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Speaker 1: wants to write a haiku with you, or it says
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Speaker 1: it knows that you started your manuscript for that book
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Speaker 1: you've been trying to write, and here's an excerpt from
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Speaker 1: someone down the street who's doing way better than you.
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Speaker 1: Word doesn't do that. It has no premium on the
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Speaker 1: number of words you can type in a day, or
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Speaker 1: medals if you write a certain number, and then you
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Speaker 1: can go through tiers, because it's not built around engagement.
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Speaker 1: It's built around helping you accomplish your goals. You can write,
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Speaker 1: you can share, you can save, you can edit, and
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Speaker 1: then you can walk away because these are all things
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Speaker 1: you want to do. Compare that to something like, and
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Speaker 1: I'll just call it out because many of you are
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Speaker 1: viewing it on this right now, YouTube. You will watch
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Speaker 1: this video because you want to know about parenting, kids,
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Speaker 1: and tech. And then YouTube will suggest more videos for you. Now,
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Speaker 1: good chance you'll just click and walk away, but there
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Speaker 1: are two and a half billion monthly users for YouTube.
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Speaker 1: And if they can just get one in 10 of
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Speaker 1: the viewers that watch in a month to stay one
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Speaker 1: time for 60 seconds. they will gain more than 170,000
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Speaker 1: extra days of viewing. This is important because that is
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Speaker 1: the business model. The model is to keep you a
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Speaker 1: little longer than you intended and to cost you a
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Speaker 1: little more than you wanted to pay. That is drool
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Speaker 1: tech in its essence. And whether it's Duolingo or YouTube
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Speaker 1: or other things that help us with our goals, but
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Speaker 1: also come with a goal of their own, keep in
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Speaker 1: mind most of what's being delivered to a smartphone is
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Speaker 1: drool tech. It's tech designed to help you consume. This
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Speaker 1: is important because as we think about what kids are
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Speaker 1: doing with tech, the research tells us, Twenge et al
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Speaker 1: all the way back in 2019 started raising the alarm
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Speaker 1: that kids are spending something like eight hours a day
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Speaker 1: on drool tech. This is not, um, learning specific programs.
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Speaker 1: This isn't them being on Teams calls or collaborating on math.
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Speaker 1: This is specifically entertainment tech. This comes from a 2023
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Speaker 1: review of Common Sense Media for the national consumption of
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Speaker 1: technology by kids. This is entertainment technology. It's social media
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Speaker 1: and video games and streaming services and music. And there's
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Speaker 1: a lot of it going on and it's consumption focused.
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Speaker 1: Keep in mind, this would not be possible without a smartphone.
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Speaker 1: Kids would not be getting to eight hours a day
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Speaker 1: of entertainment technology. unless they were constantly in contact with
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Speaker 1: it because they're carrying around in their pocket. Jonathan Haidt,
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Speaker 1: who wrote the book, Anxious Generation, said it this way,
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Speaker 1: the great rewiring of childhood in which the phone-based childhood
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Speaker 1: replaced the play-based childhood is the major cause of the
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Speaker 1: international epidemic of adolescent mental illness. We'll come back a
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Speaker 1: little bit to the mental health side of this, but
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Speaker 1: just know smartphones are really, really good at training behavior
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Speaker 1: and childhood has pivoted from play-based to phone-based And that
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Speaker 1: this is showing a correlation and, in Height's research, a
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Speaker 1: causal link to smartphones and the introduction of social media
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Speaker 1: to young minds. All right, which brings us to social media.
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Speaker 1: We're going to focus on three parts of social media.
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Speaker 1: The time, the mental health aspect, and the safety. The
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Speaker 1: time is simple. Average U.S. teen is spending 4.8 hours
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Speaker 1: a day on social media. Now, I referenced that Twenge
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Speaker 1: et al. research study from 2008. I said 2019. It
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Speaker 1: might go all the way back to 2017. I apologize.
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Speaker 1: We can include a link to that because I don't
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Speaker 1: have it right in front of me. 4.8 hours, though,
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Speaker 1: is the American Psychological Association from 2024. Twenge's research was
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Speaker 1: at two hours a day, the likelihood of a child
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Speaker 1: experiencing depression or what was described as self-harm ideation goes
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Speaker 1: up more than 20% for that child to spend two
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Speaker 1: hours a day, up to five hours a day on
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Speaker 1: this entertainment technology, it goes over more than 60% more
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Speaker 1: likely to experience these negative outcomes with mental health compared
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Speaker 1: to their peers. So kids have it at an average rate.
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Speaker 1: It's anywhere between 4% and 8% of teens will just
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Speaker 1: have these long bouts of sadness or loneliness or considering
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Speaker 1: unsafe actions against themselves. But the increased time on social
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Speaker 1: media specifically, that number goes up drastically. So 4.9 hours
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Speaker 1: a day is now our average. So we're averaging the
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Speaker 1: worst side of that study for our young people. And again,
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Speaker 1: this would not be possible without a smartphone. They could
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Speaker 1: not get that much access to social media in those numbers.
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Speaker 1: Some kids would, but not in the numbers we're seeing
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Speaker 1: that that's our average without carrying these devices and having
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Speaker 1: constant contact with the internet. If you want to know
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Speaker 1: what we're thinking about when we're specifically looking at some
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Speaker 1: of the training of the Dural Tech, think of things
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Speaker 1: like notifications and like buttons. Those are things that push
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Speaker 1: your behavior because they remind you, hey, you haven't looked
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Speaker 1: at this in a while. Or reward you because you
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Speaker 1: posted food and someone else had posted food and you
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Speaker 1: got 50 and they got five. So you're literally 10
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Speaker 1: times more valuable for pictures of food now. The like
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Speaker 1: button allows us to now direct traffic and attention based
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Speaker 1: on what will cause engagement because engagement creates traction and
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Speaker 1: traction creates revenue. So people don't have to like what
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Speaker 1: you post as long as they engage it because that's
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Speaker 1: going to generate more conversation, more eyes and more time
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Speaker 1: on the platform. which is how we're making our money.
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Speaker 1: All right. That brings us to mental health though. So
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Speaker 1: in 2023, the CDC reported that three out of five
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Speaker 1: teen girls felt persistently sad or lonely. They said one
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Speaker 1: in three of those teens considered harming themselves or becoming unalive.
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Speaker 1: And I have to say it that way in the podcast,
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Speaker 1: because when these go on YouTube, YouTube cares about that.
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Speaker 1: So I do apologize for the awkward phrasing. That's important
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Speaker 1: because just recently, like in the last couple of weeks, Meta,
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Speaker 1: the parent company of Facebook, and Instagram paid out $ 17. 1 billion.
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Speaker 1: And I read the heading from this, uh, from the
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Speaker 1: report for exploiting kids with intentionally addictive social media platforms
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Speaker 1: and quote, uh, this is an August 26th, 2026, um,
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Speaker 1: from the, uh, Attorney's General's office. So this is the
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Speaker 1: largest state consumer protection settlement in history outside of the
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Speaker 1: big tobacco settlements in the 1990s. This is really important
10:29
Speaker 1: because this calls back to a 2025 report that said, hey,
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Speaker 1: internal memos show us that Meta knows young people who
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Speaker 1: struggle with their own body issues are being fed more
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Speaker 1: content about disordered eating. That was concerning, but it wasn't
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Speaker 1: new because actually the quote is, teens who reported frequent
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Speaker 1: body dissatisfaction after viewing posts on Instagram saw about three
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Speaker 1: times more body focused or eating disorder adjacent content than
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Speaker 1: other teens. So that's from a Reuter report in 2025.
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Speaker 1: So you go on there and show symptoms of unhealthy
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Speaker 1: views of yourself and you feel worse about yourself because
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Speaker 1: you're on Instagram. Instagram was more likely to feed you
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Speaker 1: this content because again, It's all about engagement. That goes
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Speaker 1: back though to 2021 when the Wall Street Journal reported
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Speaker 1: that Facebook knows Instagram is toxic and Facebook used to
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Speaker 1: be the parent company meta, or sorry, of, sorry, Facebook
11:22
Speaker 1: used to be the parent company of Instagram and then
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Speaker 1: they made another company to, anyway, meta is now the
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Speaker 1: company's name. Knows Instagram is toxic for teen girls, shows
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Speaker 1: inside reports, showing that they knew that they were harming
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Speaker 1: the mental health and the wellbeing of these young ladies.
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Speaker 1: All right, so that's the mental health. Let's go to safety.
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Speaker 1: Six out of 10 teen girls say they've been approached
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Speaker 1: online by a stranger in a way that made them
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Speaker 1: feel uncomfortable. To put this in context, if I told
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Speaker 1: you that that would happen to teen girls who go
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Speaker 1: to a park or to your local YMCA or to
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Speaker 1: your church or to school, Like we would have words
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Speaker 1: and we would take action. If six out of 10
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Speaker 1: of our teen girls were experiencing this, we would be
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Speaker 1: really upset enough to actually act on it. This is
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Speaker 1: sort of just the lay of the land. We almost
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Speaker 1: are numb to it because it's so bad. And just
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Speaker 1: keep in mind, this is only possible because of smartphones.
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Speaker 1: These unsafe strangers would not have access to six out
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Speaker 1: of 10 teen girls unless young people were going in
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Speaker 1: droves to the internet. and going to an internet that
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Speaker 1: is not designed with their safety in mind. So let's
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Speaker 1: drill down a little bit on the unsafe strangers part
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Speaker 1: of this. 43% of teens admit to sharing nudes with
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Speaker 1: someone they haven't met in real life. That's a big number,
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Speaker 1: four out of 10. This just means we need to
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Speaker 1: be open with these conversations about talking to our children
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Speaker 1: about safe and unsafe pictures, safe and unsafe strangers, and
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Speaker 1: what it means to get our kids validation and our
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Speaker 1: celebration from others. And there's right and wrong ways to
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Speaker 1: garner support online. In 2024, 35% of minors age nine
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Speaker 1: to 17 had what the study calls, this is a
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Speaker 1: Thorne study from 2025, online sexual interactions. Now, I need
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Speaker 1: to break that down for you because the study is
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Speaker 1: very specific. Nine to 17 year olds This includes someone
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Speaker 1: sent me sexual messages. That's an online sexual interaction. Or
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Speaker 1: asked me to send a nude. Or asked me to
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Speaker 1: go on cam with a nude. Or shared a nude
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Speaker 1: photo or video with me of themselves. Or shared a
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Speaker 1: nude photo or video of another kid with me. So
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Speaker 1: these are the five that go into what is an
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Speaker 1: online sexual interaction. And if you're like me, you read
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Speaker 1: that and you go, okay, like those are really bad,
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Speaker 1: but it's nine to 17 year olds. Like this has
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Speaker 1: to be. So it's 35%, one in three, this is 15, 16,
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Speaker 1: 17 year olds for sure. So I broke down the
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Speaker 1: data and no, it's not just that. Nine through 12
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Speaker 1: year olds who go online, 27%, one in four, have
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Speaker 1: had one of these five or more than one of
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Speaker 1: these five happen to them. That's very concerning. When we
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Speaker 1: talk about unsafe strangers online, if it's a reality for
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Speaker 1: one in four kids ages nine through 12, And this
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Speaker 1: is what's showing up on a survey, and surveys in
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Speaker 1: this area can be notoriously low on reporting because people
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Speaker 1: feel a lot of shame about this, and they're not
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Speaker 1: willing to say it even if they believe it's going
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Speaker 1: to be anonymous. Just keep this in mind. That is
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Speaker 1: a startling number that one in four is the reality,
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Speaker 1: and it reminds us that these strangers only get access
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Speaker 1: to our kids because they're on devices that allow them
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Speaker 1: to connect. It wasn't just young ladies. One in four
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Speaker 1: boys under 12 believed the person they were talking to
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Speaker 1: was over the age of 18. So in the survey,
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Speaker 1: they were actually given the option, was the person you
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Speaker 1: were talking to under 18, were they a minor as well,
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Speaker 1: or were they over? One in four of those sub-12
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Speaker 1: kids said, no, I thought it was an adult. This
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Speaker 1: is only possible with smartphones. Then we need to address
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Speaker 1: pornography as our fourth caution about smartphones. We've talked about apps,
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Speaker 1: social media, unsafe strangers. Pornography, three in four teens have
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Speaker 1: seen it. 58% of them saw it on accident. And
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Speaker 1: most of them are seeing it through social media. This
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Speaker 1: is really, really important because, again, smartphones are what are
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Speaker 1: providing social media to our young people, and social media
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Speaker 1: is what's providing unsafe strangers and pornography directly to their
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Speaker 1: minds and hearts. We must be deliberate about thinking through
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Speaker 1: what does it look like to give them ample opportunity
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Speaker 1: for growth and for digital experiences and connection and appropriate
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Speaker 1: levels of safety. Which brings us to number five, video games.
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Speaker 1: The short version of this is just know that your
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Speaker 1: smartphone when you deliver that is a full AAA gaming platform.
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Speaker 1: Every major game from Minecraft to Call of Duty to
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Speaker 1: Roblox to Fortnite, like all of these games can be
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Speaker 1: played on a smartphone. Now, not all of them are
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Speaker 1: available through the App Store, although Epic Games is like
15:59
Speaker 1: kind of working through that, but they can at least
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Speaker 1: be played. They has the graphics potential to play these
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Speaker 1: games and the cross platform ability, meaning you could play
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Speaker 1: Call of Duty and you could play with people on
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Speaker 1: your smartphone but those people are playing through their PC
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Speaker 1: or console. Or similarly, you might be able to play Minecraft,
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Speaker 1: but you can be playing with people that aren't just
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Speaker 1: on a smartphone. So just know that this idea of
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Speaker 1: cross-platform gaming is here. It's a big deal. And that
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Speaker 1: smartphone is not just playing, you know, Centipede like we
16:29
Speaker 1: did back on our TI-83 calculators. These are full-on gaming consoles.
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Speaker 1: And just know that going in. Because it brings us
16:37
Speaker 1: to the question of, is a smartphone a good gift?
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Speaker 1: And this is an important question for us to bring up.
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Speaker 1: The first thing, is it good in terms of it's
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Speaker 1: an egg? It's more helpful than it is harmful in
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Speaker 1: terms of design. And the answer is no. For a
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Speaker 1: young child, a smartphone is inherently unsafe. It is a scorpion. Yes,
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Speaker 1: there are times and places to give them to our children. Yes,
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Speaker 1: we want to raise them up in the way they
17:01
Speaker 1: should go, which involves giving them the opportunity to build
17:05
Speaker 1: the digital disciplines they need. And by design, that thing
17:09
Speaker 1: is a scorpion. It will take intentional action to make
17:12
Speaker 1: it safe enough for a child. So what can we do?
17:16
Speaker 1: George Fox University is a university that focuses on academic
17:19
Speaker 1: excellence in raising young people who know and love God.
17:22
Speaker 1: They have nationally accredited programs in nursing, education, and engineering.
17:26
Speaker 1: 97% of their students from the 2025 academic year who
17:30
Speaker 1: say that this university helped these students grow in their
17:33
Speaker 1: relationship with Jesus. 100% of their staff are professing Christians
17:36
Speaker 1: and 100% of their students get financial aid and scholarships
17:39
Speaker 1: wherever you look at for universities. Make sure George Fox
17:42
Speaker 1: University is on that list. Check them out at georgefox.edu.
17:46
Speaker 1: Sign up for a visit day and get a $ 1, 000
17:47
Speaker 1: visit scholarship right off the bat. And then pray to
17:50
Speaker 1: wherever the Lord is leading you because George Fox University
17:53
Speaker 1: may just be a part of that dream. One, wait.
17:56
Speaker 1: You do not need to rush this. There are no
17:58
Speaker 1: children turning 18 going, oh no, I have no idea
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Speaker 1: what's happening online. How will I be an adult in
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Speaker 1: this world? There is a caveat for a child who
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Speaker 1: has been faithful with little things, is healthy in real life,
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Speaker 1: and has asked for the opportunity. That child needs to
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Speaker 1: get that, and we'll talk about what that looks like
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Speaker 1: in a moment. So just hear that. First, though, we
18:17
Speaker 1: can wait till at least 15 years old. There is
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Speaker 1: no child under the age of 15 that needs a
18:22
Speaker 1: full-blown smartphone, if you really need one. go with a
18:26
Speaker 1: dumb phone, a gab phone, or a bark phone. These
18:29
Speaker 1: are phones that have an app on your device, so
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Speaker 1: the parent needs a smartphone, that can then lock down
18:34
Speaker 1: the child's phone to, say, only be able to send
18:37
Speaker 1: and receive text messages from an accepted list that you've
18:40
Speaker 1: built beforehand. Accountability is baked right into those. The app
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Speaker 1: stores can be shut down, browser can be shut down
18:45
Speaker 1: just from the parent's phone, and they can't just be
18:48
Speaker 1: circumnavigated by downloading an app or something. Like, they are
18:51
Speaker 1: legitimately safe options to allow your child some level of
18:55
Speaker 1: real-world independence because now they can text you when they
18:57
Speaker 1: need to get picked up or whatever. I get it.
18:59
Speaker 1: But we're talking smartphone. You do not need one before 15.
19:02
Speaker 1: If you want to get a dumb watch that can
19:05
Speaker 1: send and receive texts, cool. Just make sure you're having
19:08
Speaker 1: loving conversations about that. Then we need a hedge built
19:11
Speaker 1: around that device and around your network because if your
19:13
Speaker 1: child gets digital independence, they need a loving safety net
19:17
Speaker 1: so that they're not the only ones having to report
19:19
Speaker 1: when things go sideways. And you need to make sure
19:21
Speaker 1: your child is producing good fruit in the real world beforehand.
19:24
Speaker 1: So it was wait till 15. Make sure you have
19:27
Speaker 1: some kind of a safety net around it. Again, the
19:29
Speaker 1: Bark phone comes with that because it has Bark installed
19:31
Speaker 1: on the device. Third is when they're ready. Make sure
19:34
Speaker 1: they're producing fruit like love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness,
19:39
Speaker 1: self-control in real life. Because if they aren't doing it yet,
19:43
Speaker 1: the odds of them magically aspiring to that because they're
19:46
Speaker 1: now on the internet are low. I think very few
19:49
Speaker 1: of us see the best of people because they're on
19:52
Speaker 1: the internet. Instead, there's a lot of hiding your brokenness
19:56
Speaker 1: so that you look shinier or just crashing out with
20:00
Speaker 1: your brokenness because it gets clicks or you're really feeling
20:03
Speaker 1: it right now. We want to make sure our children
20:05
Speaker 1: can receive feedback, for example, or follow instructions or Follow
20:09
Speaker 1: through on their yeses and keep to their no's. Let's
20:13
Speaker 1: make sure that our children know how to produce love, joy,
20:15
Speaker 1: and self-control in the real world, that they're 15, that
20:19
Speaker 1: we have hedges on these things. And then three years
20:21
Speaker 1: is plenty of time to learn how to use a device.
20:24
Speaker 1: This is where I was talking about the young people
20:26
Speaker 1: and if they've asked for this. If you have a
20:27
Speaker 1: 15-year-old who is kind to siblings and respectful for feedback
20:32
Speaker 1: and the kind of child that you can give a
20:35
Speaker 1: direction and expect them to follow through. Or if you
20:38
Speaker 1: remind them, they will apologize and correct their behavior. Awesome.
20:42
Speaker 1: And they're 15 and you have a hedge on there.
20:44
Speaker 1: Go ahead and start rolling some of this out. Let's
20:46
Speaker 1: start finding, does this produce good fruit in you? And
20:49
Speaker 1: if it does, great. And if they're asking for more opportunities,
20:51
Speaker 1: you have a real conversation like, man, I just don't
20:53
Speaker 1: like that game. What about this one? right? Like this
20:55
Speaker 1: makes me, I would be willing to compromise on this
20:57
Speaker 1: or man, that app just by itself is unsafe. Let's
21:01
Speaker 1: maybe go with a safer version. You can't use TikTok.
21:03
Speaker 1: What about WhatsApp? You can still connect with your really
21:05
Speaker 1: good friends, but you don't have a toxic feed. Just
21:08
Speaker 1: shotgunning terrible content at you all the time. Maybe those
21:11
Speaker 1: are the conversations you have. What we don't want to see.
21:13
Speaker 1: is a child turn 18 who for three years has
21:15
Speaker 1: been faithful in little things and asking for the opportunity
21:18
Speaker 1: of digital independence. And you out of fear have said, no,
21:22
Speaker 1: I'm going to not trust you even though you've shown
21:24
Speaker 1: yourself trustworthy because I'm more scared of this technology. And
21:27
Speaker 1: now you just kind of have to figure it out
21:28
Speaker 1: when you're 18 with no support from me because you're
21:30
Speaker 1: mad at me. And I have proven myself as unwilling
21:33
Speaker 1: to trust you. That is a point of concern and
21:35
Speaker 1: something you need to prayerfully dig into. Now, I'm not
21:38
Speaker 1: saying that your child is 17 already committed a felony.
21:41
Speaker 1: I get asked this a lot, but what felony? A
21:43
Speaker 1: young man that I met who was 14, got his phone,
21:46
Speaker 1: immediately committed a felony by getting nude pictures from another
21:49
Speaker 1: minor and then proliferating them to the internet. That is unsafe, unfair,
21:53
Speaker 1: and unkind. He was unrepentant and asking for a smartphone.
21:56
Speaker 1: His statement was, when I turn 18, I'm going to
21:58
Speaker 1: do this anyway. Okay. First of all, believe him. Second
22:01
Speaker 1: of all, know that at that point when he's 18,
22:02
Speaker 1: that's between him the US government, and God. You do
22:06
Speaker 1: not have to be party to that. And he doesn't
22:08
Speaker 1: need more practice doing that before he turns 18. But
22:12
Speaker 1: if we have a young person who's asked for the
22:13
Speaker 1: opportunity and shown faithful, you can put reasonable boundaries and hedges,
22:17
Speaker 1: help this young person walk through it. There's still accountability
22:19
Speaker 1: to make sure that they're Choices go well. And if
22:22
Speaker 1: they make a mistake, you draw down, not because you're mad,
22:25
Speaker 1: not because you're trying to teach them a lesson, not
22:27
Speaker 1: because you won the I told you so argument, but
22:29
Speaker 1: rather because you love them. And you realize this is
22:32
Speaker 1: a bad gift. I said I would give you an egg.
22:34
Speaker 1: It's clearly a scorpion. It hurts you and or others.
22:39
Speaker 1: So it's going away. And we're going to work our
22:41
Speaker 1: way back up to that. And maybe there will come
22:43
Speaker 1: a day where I can start releasing a Okay, you're repentant,
22:48
Speaker 1: your behavior has changed, and we're going to put something
22:50
Speaker 1: like Custodio on this device now. Custodio is as close
22:54
Speaker 1: to policing as I'm willing to get as a parent
22:56
Speaker 1: because if you need Custodio all the time, there's a
22:59
Speaker 1: good chance you shouldn't be in digital spaces. It might
23:02
Speaker 1: be one of those things you have to cut off
23:04
Speaker 1: and gouge out because it's just unhealthy for you and
23:06
Speaker 1: you can't manage it well. That is a real option
23:09
Speaker 1: for some of us because the goal is not to
23:11
Speaker 1: get as much digital independence as possible. The goal is
23:14
Speaker 1: to look more like Jesus. And we are going to
23:17
Speaker 1: use all the tech that produces that good fruit. And
23:19
Speaker 1: if it regularly causes us and allows us, it empowers
23:23
Speaker 1: us to make harmful and sinful mistakes, then it becomes optional.
23:28
Speaker 1: So as we look at parenting our kids, we remember
23:31
Speaker 1: that there are five cautions. As we go through this,
23:33
Speaker 1: we remember we're going to look at them as app
23:35
Speaker 1: delivery systems with social media and access to unsafe strangers
23:39
Speaker 1: and the number one way kids get on pornography and
23:41
Speaker 1: full-blown gaming platforms. And then ask, is this a good gift?
23:45
Speaker 1: And if our child is 15, and we can put
23:47
Speaker 1: hedges around it, and they're producing good fruit in line
23:50
Speaker 1: with faithfulness, awesome. Let's give them this opportunity and watch
23:53
Speaker 1: them grow. And if and when it goes sideways, we
23:56
Speaker 1: come back to that conversation and say, hey, is this
23:58
Speaker 1: harming who you are? We can look at those relationships, emotions, sleep, enjoyment, time.
24:03
Speaker 1: A reset is perfect for that. And if there's little
24:06
Speaker 1: adjustments we can make, hey, we're not going to use
24:07
Speaker 1: it on weekends. We're going to make sure it's out
24:09
Speaker 1: of your bedroom. We're going to not allow that game,
24:11
Speaker 1: but we will allow this one. Cool. Or maybe we
24:14
Speaker 1: just need to take three months, six months, a year
24:16
Speaker 1: off and try again. When we've grown a little, we've
24:19
Speaker 1: had more established real world responsibilities and friendships. And we're
24:22
Speaker 1: going to try this again to make sure it's as
24:23
Speaker 1: healthy as possible for everyone. And it's truly a good gift,
24:27
Speaker 1: not a scorpion. So I hope this is encouraging to
24:29
Speaker 1: you and helpful to you. If it was, would you
24:31
Speaker 1: share it with others? Would you talk to your kid
24:33
Speaker 1: about the aspects of a smartphone that are important for
24:36
Speaker 1: us to make sure that we are managing well? Because
24:39
Speaker 1: it's more than just the thing we use to make calls.
24:42
Speaker 1: It is, in fact, a full-blown entertainment and amusement escape
24:46
Speaker 1: and has some unsafe individuals involved in that. And then
24:49
Speaker 1: let's raise our kids up to use the best tech well.
24:51
Speaker 1: Let's put our own safe boundaries, have the hard conversations,
24:54
Speaker 1: and make sure we're giving them the good gifts. I
24:56
Speaker 1: hope this is an encouragement and a blessing to you.
24:58
Speaker 1: God bless and Godspeed.