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Why 'Finding Yourself' After Motherhood is Actually Impossible · Your Utmost Life

• 0:00
  Speaker 0: The self-help industry tells you to find yourself, but you can't find what was never lost.
• 0:04
  Speaker 0: What I'm talking about today will challenge everything you've been told about rediscovering who you are after motherhood and, honestly, I might upset you at first, but stick with me, because what I'm about to share could save you years of searching in all the wrong places.
• 0:19
  Speaker 0: Plus, I'm going to give you three specific things you can do this week to start reconnecting with who you really are.
• 0:25
  Speaker 0: Have you ever looked in the mirror, barely recognizing the woman staring back at you?
• 0:29
  Speaker 0: That woman who used to have dreams, passions and a sense of purpose beyond taking care of everyone else?
• 0:34
  Speaker 0: As moms, we often lose ourselves in the endless cycle of being everything to everyone.
• 0:39
  Speaker 0: The overwhelming feeling of disconnection from who we truly are.
• 0:42
  Speaker 0: The struggle to find balance, the deep longing to feel confident and worthy again.
• 0:47
  Speaker 0: Hi, I'm Misty Uccelli.
• 0:48
  Speaker 0: Welcome to your Utmost Life.
• 0:50
  Speaker 0: Each week, we have real, honest conversations about rediscovering yourself, building unshakable confidence and reconnecting with the joy that lights you up Through practical strategies and transformative insights.
• 1:01
  Speaker 0: We will explore what it means to move from feeling lost to living fully, because here's the truth You're not just someone's everything, you are someone, and it's time to embrace your utmost life, y'all.
• 1:12
  Speaker 0: I need to be honest with you about something that's been bothering me for years, and maybe it's bothering you too, but you can't quite put your finger on it yet.
• 1:20
  Speaker 0: Everywhere we turn Instagram, pinterest, self-help books, well-meaning friends everyone's telling us the same thing you just need to find yourself again.
• 1:29
  Speaker 0: Like you're lost, like you're some lost keys that fell behind the couch cushion during the toddler years.
• 1:35
  Speaker 0: And here's the thing you've probably tried.
• 1:37
  Speaker 0: Oh, my goodness, if you were anything like me.
• 1:39
  Speaker 0: You have tried thing after thing to find yourself.
• 1:42
  Speaker 0: You've taken those personality tests, you've journaled about your dreams, you've maybe even signed up for that pottery class or tried meditation, or changed your hair and got new clothes.
• 1:52
  Speaker 0: But underneath it all, you're still thinking what's wrong with me?
• 1:55
  Speaker 0: Why isn't this working?
• 1:57
  Speaker 0: Why do I still feel so lost?
• 1:59
  Speaker 0: But get this.
• 2:00
  Speaker 0: What if the problem isn't you?
• 2:02
  Speaker 0: What if the problem is the advice itself?
• 2:05
  Speaker 0: Here's the deal you can't find what was never lost, and that's exactly what I spent years trying to do.
• 2:12
  Speaker 0: I was searching outside of myself for an identity that was inside me all along, just buried under years of roles and responsibilities and putting everyone else first.
• 2:21
  Speaker 0: Let me ask you this If you lost your wedding ring, would you start by completely changing who you are?
• 2:26
  Speaker 0: Would you get a new personality, new interests, new values?
• 2:29
  Speaker 0: Of course not.
• 2:31
  Speaker 0: You'd retrace your steps to where you last had it, but when it comes to finding ourselves, we've been told to do the exact opposite.
• 2:38
  Speaker 0: We're told to try new things, become someone different, discover brand new parts of ourselves.
• 2:44
  Speaker 0: And here's what's absolutely insane about this advice when you lose your keys, do you go shopping for a completely different house?
• 2:51
  Speaker 0: When you can't find your phone, do you throw out everything you own and start over?
• 2:55
  Speaker 0: No, you'd say wait, I know I had it yesterday and you will look for what was already yours.
• 3:01
  Speaker 0: So why in the world do we think that reconnecting with ourselves after motherhood requires becoming someone completely different?
• 3:09
  Speaker 0: I read this fascinating study where they found that people who try to reinvent themselves often end up more lost than when they started.
• 3:16
  Speaker 0: A light bulb went on after reading that, because here's what happened to me.
• 3:20
  Speaker 0: I had spent so many years trying to find myself.
• 3:24
  Speaker 0: I read book after book, I did study after study, and one new thing after another.
• 3:29
  Speaker 0: Oh, my goodness, the money that I spent.
• 3:32
  Speaker 0: And you know what happened.
• 3:34
  Speaker 0: What I discovered was that I felt emptier, less confident and less like myself.
• 3:39
  Speaker 0: I was treating myself like a stranger that I needed to meet, instead of a friend I needed to reconnect with.
• 3:45
  Speaker 0: It wasn't until I was sitting in my car after yet another retail therapy session where I felt empty, foolish and guilty.
• 3:52
  Speaker 0: That is when it hit me.
• 3:54
  Speaker 0: I was looking for someone who never left.
• 3:57
  Speaker 0: She was just quiet.
• 3:58
  Speaker 0: She was buried.
• 3:59
  Speaker 0: She was waiting.
• 4:00
  Speaker 0: She was waiting for me to remember her, not discover.
• 4:04
  Speaker 0: That night, I did something completely different.
• 4:07
  Speaker 0: Instead of asking who do I want to become, I asked who was I before?
• 4:11
  Speaker 0: I learned to dim myself and y'all.
• 4:13
  Speaker 0: Everything changed.
• 4:15
  Speaker 0: Here's what I discovered through my research and lived experience.
• 4:18
  Speaker 0: You don't need to find yourself.
• 4:20
  Speaker 0: You need to reconnect with yourself.
• 4:22
  Speaker 0: There is a huge difference.
• 4:25
  Speaker 0: Finding implies you're lost.
• 4:27
  Speaker 0: Reconnecting implies you're just disconnected, and disconnection that has a solution.
• 4:33
  Speaker 0: When you disconnect from Wi-Fi, you don't throw out your computer and buy a new one.
• 4:37
  Speaker 0: You troubleshoot the connection, you figure out what's blocking the signal, and that's exactly what's happening to you.
• 4:45
  Speaker 0: Something is blocking your signal to yourself.
• 4:47
  Speaker 0: Maybe it's exhaustion, maybe it's guilt about focusing on your own needs, and maybe it's fear that your family won't recognize or love this version of you.
• 4:54
  Speaker 0: But underneath all that interference, you're still there, all of you your sense of humor, your values, your way of seeing the world and your unique strengths.
• 5:04
  Speaker 0: They didn't disappear when you became a mom.
• 5:07
  Speaker 0: They got buried under everyone else's needs and society's expectations of who you should be and, if we're being honest, they got pushed aside and silenced by your own belief that you don't matter unless you're producing, pleasing or performing.
• 5:21
  Speaker 0: I want to give you three specific ways to identify what's blocking your connection.
• 5:26
  Speaker 0: First is the energy audit.
• 5:28
  Speaker 0: For just three days this week, I want you to notice when you feel most drained versus when you feel most alive Not happy, but alive, because there is a difference.
• 5:39
  Speaker 0: You might feel alive when you're problem solving, or when you're problem solving, or when you're organizing something, or when you're cooking, or when you're having a deep conversation.
• 5:47
  Speaker 0: Pay attention, those moments of feeling alive.
• 5:50
  Speaker 0: That is your signal getting through.
• 5:52
  Speaker 0: And second is the values clash detector.
• 5:55
  Speaker 0: When you feel that pit in your stomach, that feeling that's usually your true self, bumping up against something that doesn't align with who you are.
• 6:03
  Speaker 0: Maybe it's saying yes when you mean no, or being asked to be someone you're not.
• 6:08
  Speaker 0: Start tracking these moments.
• 6:10
  Speaker 0: They're breadcrumbs leading you back to yourself.
• 6:12
  Speaker 0: And third is the old you evidence hunt.
• 6:15
  Speaker 0: Look for proof of who you were before.
• 6:18
  Speaker 0: Motherhood consumed everything, not to go backwards at all, but to remember what was true about who then.
• 6:25
  Speaker 0: That's still true now.
• 6:26
  Speaker 0: Remember you were the friend who always asked the deep questions.
• 6:29
  Speaker 0: Maybe you were the one who noticed when someone needed help, or maybe you were the one who was curious or decisive or had a way of making people laugh.
• 6:37
  Speaker 0: Those core traits they're still there Now.
• 6:40
  Speaker 0: I know what you're thinking.
• 6:41
  Speaker 0: This sounds great, but I feel guilty even thinking about myself.
• 6:46
  Speaker 0: This much Isn't this selfish.
• 6:48
  Speaker 0: Did you know that children actually feel more secure when their mothers have a clear sense of identity, not less?
• 6:55
  Speaker 0: Because here's the thing when you know who you are, you're not constantly looking to your family to validate your worth.
• 7:01
  Speaker 0: You're not putting pressure on them to be your entire source of fulfillment.
• 7:05
  Speaker 0: You can love them freely instead of needily.
• 7:08
  Speaker 0: And about the exhaustion that you're feeling, that bone deep tiredness that sleep doesn't fix, a lot of that comes from living in disconnection from yourself.
• 7:17
  Speaker 0: It's exhausting to be someone you're not all day long.
• 7:20
  Speaker 0: And when you start reconnecting with your authentic self, you actually have more energy, not less.
• 7:25
  Speaker 0: So here's how to do this without overwhelming your already full life.
• 7:28
  Speaker 0: I want you to start with just five minutes a day.
• 7:31
  Speaker 0: Seriously, just five minutes of paying attention to yourself can tremendously transform your life.
• 7:36
  Speaker 0: And here's what's amazing.
• 7:37
  Speaker 0: Researchers found that women who spend those five minutes daily in authentic self-reflection not writing goals or planning their day, but genuinely checking in with their internal experience they showed measurable improvements in energy levels within just two weeks.
• 7:53
  Speaker 0: Who couldn't use more energy?
• 7:55
  Speaker 0: You can do this while folding laundry, while driving or while you're drinking your morning coffee.
• 8:00
  Speaker 0: You're not adding one more thing to your to-do list.
• 8:03
  Speaker 0: You're just paying attention differently.
• 8:06
  Speaker 0: And if that guilt creeps in, I want you to remember this you cannot give what you don't have.
• 8:11
  Speaker 0: If you don't know who you are, how can you teach your children to know themselves?
• 8:16
  Speaker 0: And if you don't value yourself, how can you model self-worth for them?
• 8:20
  Speaker 0: I know this might sound too simple, but I want you to start looking for familiarity, not novelty.
• 8:26
  Speaker 0: Not what new things should I try, but what feels like me.
• 8:31
  Speaker 0: When you hear a song that makes you smile, pay attention.
• 8:34
  Speaker 0: That song you loved in college that still makes your shoulders relax, or the book that makes you feel like home.
• 8:40
  Speaker 0: Pay attention to the way you laugh at something ridiculous when no one's around, or when you catch yourself laughing at something in a way that feels authentically you.
• 8:49
  Speaker 0: I want you to notice it.
• 8:51
  Speaker 0: When you have an opinion that feels strong and true, even if it's something small like how you like your coffee, I want you to honor it.
• 8:59
  Speaker 0: Those are breadcrumbs, not toward a new you, but toward the real you.
• 9:04
  Speaker 0: You don't need to become someone else.
• 9:07
  Speaker 0: You need to come back to someone sacred.
• 9:09
  Speaker 0: You're looking for the real you that's been there all along.
• 9:13
  Speaker 0: If you are ready to start reconnecting not reinventing I made something that can help.
• 9:18
  Speaker 0: It's called your Most Life Alignment Check-In.
• 9:21
  Speaker 0: It's gentle, powerful and grounded in everything we have talked about today.
• 9:25
  Speaker 0: You can grab it for free at the show notes or at your utmost selfcom.
• 9:29
  Speaker 0: Forward slash alignment check-in.
• 9:32
  Speaker 0: Here's the thing.
• 9:32
  Speaker 0: I know that this might go against everything you've been told.
• 9:36
  Speaker 0: You might even be thinking, but isn't self growth about change?
• 9:39
  Speaker 0: It's a total mindset shift from everything you've been believing and that is okay.
• 9:44
  Speaker 0: I want you to sit with it.
• 9:46
  Speaker 0: I want you to see how it feels Next week.
• 9:48
  Speaker 0: We're talking about something that might sting a little.
• 9:50
  Speaker 0: We're diving into the real reason.
• 9:52
  Speaker 0: You feel invisible in your own life and no, it's not because you gave too much or because your family doesn't appreciate you.
• 9:58
  Speaker 0: The truth is going to surprise you and it might be exactly what you need to hear, but until then, try those three things I mentioned the energy audit, the values clash detector and the old you evidence hunt.
• 10:09
  Speaker 0: Just notice, just pay attention and before we go, I need you to hear this you are not lost, broken or behind.
• 10:16
  Speaker 0: You're not failing at life or doing motherhood wrong because you feel disconnected from yourself.
• 10:22
  Speaker 0: You're just ready to come home to who you really are.
• 10:25
  Speaker 0: No drama required, you're just remembering who you've always been.