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36. Uncommon Tips for Sleep: The MOST Important Factor in Your Divorce Journey Self Care · Dear Divorce Diary: A Fresh Approach To Healing Grief & Building A Life Of Confidence After Divorce

• 0:53
  Speaker 1: Hi, love, this is Dawn and you're listening to Dear Divorce Diary with my coach, dawn, where we explore the post-divorce life and you, the woman who lives it.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: We cover everything from trauma during and after divorce to feeling like a stranger in your own life and the new frontier of life as a single woman.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: We're cozy in for the conversations we've been longing to have about this new life.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: Hi, love, welcome back.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: I am thrilled to be talking to you today about my current struggle that I know you can relate to.
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: So today let's talk about sleep, and I bet you can even hear it in my voice I am so tired today And yet I wanted to honor my commitment to this and to showing up, And so I'm here.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: But I was like, lord, have mercy, i cannot talk about the thing I had planned to talk about.
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: I'm going to talk about the thing I am experiencing in real time, because that's alignment, right, that's authenticity, that's like, hey, here I am struggling, the struggle, and that's real, and I'm human too And yeah, so let's see how this flows.
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: So, loves, i'm really tired because, starting mid last week, i had family in town because my daughter's birthday was this weekend And so all the family came friends birthday party, and then my husband and I went to a concert last night a couple hours out of town and we drove home the same night.
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: So it was just like layers of things that took their toll over time.
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: I wonder if you can relate to when people are staying at your house even though it's wonderful to host that, it takes extra bandwidth, extra energy to kind of share space right With people that you don't necessarily always share space with.
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: It switches up the routines, it just is different, and so things aren't quite as balanced as they could be.
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: And then birthday parties, planning, having people all of that for me tends to be I'm one of those extroverted introverts.
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: So while I love talking with people and connecting, sometimes for me too much is too much, and I think that today is a really good example of that.
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: And the concert I went to last night was so amazing And it was all the things that I wanted it to be And I felt so connected and so alive, but I'm exhausted.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: So this has been such a highlighted example of something that I talk about a lot, which is the importance of sleep and consistent sleep, and I know you're in a season where consistent sleep isn't exactly the thing that you have all the time, but I really want to emphasize how consistent sleep really is the foundation for all of the other changes you want to make in your life.
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: So oftentimes we work so hard on so many fronts when we're in a transformational process to get better right, to shed, to heal, to grow, to just get the results we're looking for, to feel happy, right, but I want to tell you, if you are not consistently getting good rest, then, love, you're shooting yourself in the foot, and I don't want that for you.
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: And so the thing about sleep, though, is that it can be tricky, meaning there can be many different things that cause it to be elusive.
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: You know, and truly, the core issue around sound, consistent sleep is central nervous system regulation.
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: Have you watched a couple of reels or TikToks on that lately?
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: Because it's like all the rage on TikTok right Central nervous system regulation.
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: When we are dysregulated in our central nervous system which is the case when you've experienced historical, complex trauma or relationship distress or financial distress or right like anything that rattles your sense of security, safety or well-being in the world, causes central nervous system dysregulation.
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: So we know that that's you So at the core of a difficult time sleeping?
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: now it could be.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: Are you one of those people who this was me in the past just couldn't stop thinking and I couldn't sleep unless there was some ambient noise in the background to distract my brain so that it wasn't actively trying to solve problems while I was trying to sleep?
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: And so that's no longer the case for me, and I am really grateful for a combination of things like EMDR, journaling, reiki, body movement that really was plus melatonin a really good melatonin.
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: That's my secret sauce for having healed my central nervous system enough that I can just fall asleep at night.
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: Now take my melatonin.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: I can fall asleep without any other outside stimulation distraction and I'm not overthinking And I just kind of I'm noticing my breath and floating off into dreamland, and so that's what I want for you.
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: But the thing is it takes some curiosity and some patience and some persistence to really hack into what's going to be your secret ingredients, right?
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: So know that if you're an overthinker, there's definitely some trauma processing that needs to be done, and you know I had some of the most meaningful conversation this weekend about you cannot think yourself out of trauma, and and that, i think, is a really valuable thing to say here, because even the people, even the people in my inner circle, sometimes are resistant to the idea that they need more help, right, even the people who know me so well And I clearly preach this stuff all the time, i live it out loud, but even so, we tend to be so self reliant like, no, i can figure my way out of this.
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: I can figure my way out of this pain, i can think myself into a solution, and unfortunately that's just not it.
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: You know, i made this analogy to someone this weekend.
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: Like if you had a bone that was broken and it needed to be set, you wouldn't say like, oh, i'm going to take an Epsom salts bath and it'll be better.
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: You wouldn't say like, oh, i'm going to go get a massage, or I'm going to, you know, get a facial, or I'm going to even go to Reiki, right, like, none of those would be appropriate solutions for a broken bone.
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: And it's the same thing with trauma and applying the appropriate therapies right, unless we apply the appropriate treatment to the problem, that's like a key in a lock It solves the things.
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: And so I really want this to be just that gentle reminder that if you've been lately saying, like I can figure this out, i'm going to figure it out.
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: It'll get better when this is your gentle, loving reminder to refocus on being really efficient in your solutions and just doing the thing that works from from get go.
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: You know, because sleep is foundational to every other.
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: It's the first domino in the chain of well-being And so even if you're doing all the things that I advocate for, like EMDR and raking and body movement, but you're not sleeping, you're not going to get better nearly as quickly as the person who is sleeping.
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: Now I have learned and I have lived out loud this weekend that my peace is really reliant upon living a life in balance, and that is tricky because it means protecting my energy a lot.
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: Right, i'm not a busy body, i'm a homebody and I say no more than I say yes these days, and I feel like that's a gift that has come as a result of awareness and a gift that has come as a result of healing, because before I did this healing work, i was a busy body.
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: I was a busy body and I would have you ever seen that Pinterest?
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: I think it's Pinterest right.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: Wine until coffee until wine, right.
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: Like how many of us have lived that cycle that you get up in the morning and you coffee until wine to kind of cope with the symptoms of living right, and I'm so grateful that that's not my life anymore And now I am very content kind of just doing things at home on the weekends and in the evenings and not go, go going.
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: And living a life of balance is a rich life for me And I don't know that I would have advocated for that a number of years ago.
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: I think I would have said no, i love adventuring And I do love adventuring right, but I also love the feeling of peace and wellbeing and ease.
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: Those things are delicious to me now And how I feel today is like I really just want to rest and take some salt bath And that's totally okay.
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: And I'm so grateful also for having lived in more balance leading up to this moment, because I probably had some reserves in the tank, right.
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: I never melted down this weekend and I am still feeling quite positive today, even though all the things pulled at me right, all the things that would historically have been triggers, they didn't get.
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: I didn't get triggered this weekend, even though I was surrounded by all the family and so many little kids and not a lot of sleep, right?
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: So I want this to be a beacon of hope for you that this was where it leads to.
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: It leads to you can get pulled in all the directions and say like, okay, it's time to rest now, without getting triggered, without feeling like you need to book an extra therapy session, without losing your shit, you know.
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: So I want you to notice how your relationship with sleep looks these days And I want you to notice where you may have an opportunity to improve that so that you can really get better results in all other domains of life.
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: I also want you to notice I'm a huge advocate of melatonin.
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: That's me.
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: It's a natural supplement, and oftentimes when I talk with people about supplements, they say I don't like pills.
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: I wonder if you relate to that.
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: A lot of folks struggle to kind of kind of take on board something that maybe they're not familiar with or they don't know how it's going to affect them, and I really respect that And I definitely recommend you running it by some trusted, trusted medical professionals and finding what feels good for you.
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: That I just want you to.
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: I want to encourage you.
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: If you have that kind of reflexive reaction to something that's like, oh, i don't do that.
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: I want you to get curious about where that's coming from And just notice, maybe jot a couple of sentences down about how it feels to do something outside of your comfort zone, something that might be supportive right, i'm always interested when it's a supportive remedy and people are like, no, i don't do that.
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: You know, brad Yates has I'm sure there are many tapping videos for sleep, but Brad Yates has one on his YouTube channel.
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: There's so many great apps out there with content for sleep.
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: I like Insight Timer, but there are so many and they're really beneficial.
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: And I love how there are so many great resources for us anymore to help us heal our central nervous system, and I love that, as a community, that awareness is growing because oh, my word love.
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: That is the core of all of this healing right, emdr, journaling, eft, tapping sleep It's all healing the central nervous system, which is what leads to a reduction in panic, a reduction in anxiety, a reduction in depression and racing thoughts and insomnia.
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: So all the solutions are on their way to you right now And I just want you to like open, open, open, open, open to notice and then to act on them.
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: And if you're feeling tired, oh, let me hug you because I get it right now.
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: I get it, i get it.
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: And there are so many times in life where, even when I'm wanting to protect my peace, sometimes life just lines up where we're spent, right, like that's just how it lined up this weekend And I wouldn't have changed anything and it's all okay.
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: But then I want you to give yourself enough grace to also rest right, to give yourself permission to leave the dishes or not return the phone calls or just go to bed early, not do the extra things today, so that you can catch up, because you are worthy of that.
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: You are completely worthy of rest.
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: I'm so glad that life created the opportunity for us to have this conversation, because I really think that life's timing is more magical than we sometimes think, and so I am imagining that the conversation we're having today about sleep is exactly what you needed to hear Exactly at this time, and it's exactly what I needed to express And even practicing just being in alignment.
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: Coming to you today and saying, oh my goodness, i am not as smart today as I sometimes can be is really really good feeling right To not try to do better than I'm able to do today.
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: It's a really good feeling.
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: So thank you for being with me in this moment, and thank you for seeing me and for getting it.
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: I love you so much.
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: Peace brings it to life.