Latest / Giving Pain Purpose with Lyndsay Soprano / Reclaim Your Power Through Creativity with Deborah Weed
Transcript
- Lyndsay Soprano (00:02.929) always wanted to be Christine Daia in the Phantom of the Opera. I studied classical opera from a young age, competed in many prestigious opera competitions, mostly in California and Los Angeles and so because that's where the entertainment industry is big time, right? Outside of New York. I received college scholarships to amazing opera programs around the United States. Well, I mean, now it's not so United, but you know what I mean. But instead of pursuing my voice, and that gift that was given to me. I chose my high school sweetheart and I stayed home. How do you think that turned out, guys? Well, I am not Christine Dye, that's how, but I still do sing every single day and I use the gift that my source gave me on the daily. Not quite the same thing, singing at parties and weddings and dabbling in fronts as being fronts for bands, but it is here now in this place. doing this show where my voice is now truly being used. And now this is a beautifully safe place where I can merge my voice, my life experiences, creativity, my empathy, my God, my empathy, I swear, and humor, of course, to give pain purpose. So today is gonna be fun. We are going to chat with the sweetest voice you will ever hear about how to reclaim the power. when we've given it away. How to reinvent yourself after grief, trauma, and loss. How creativity is your superpower and a life force. And how building a Broadway dream with no budget and all heart is at your fingertips and much, much more. So without further ado, I would like to introduce you today to my guest, Deborah Weed. My darling, it is so lovely to see your smiling face. Deborahweed@mac.com (01:58.686) Lindsay, you are such a love and I got to hear your voice. It is spectacular. Lyndsay Soprano (02:06.043) Thank you, I appreciate it. It is pretty darn good, I'm not gonna lie. But it is sad that there are days where I'm like, man, I really wish I was up on that stage. was watching Chicago, we're listening to Chicago this morning, the musical, because we're having a great Gatsby party at our home in a few weeks. And I was just belting out and all that jazz. And it was just perfect timing for today, because you are all that jazz. We are both wearing paisley, and you will understand why in a few minutes. But let me bring it in real quick. So Deborah is a creative force. Is she nothing else than that? founder of the Self Worth Initiative. From once being bedridden to producing a Broadway scale musical, Paisley the musical, a metaphorical journey of reclaiming self worth. Deborah's story is one of transformation, resilience and empowerment. Formerly in high powerful and high profile, repeat that, formerly in high profile roles with Citibank and Kia Motors and Disney and all the things, a personal health crisis led her to redefine her value. and dedicate her life to helping others do the same. She's the author of The Luckiest Penny and her latest book, if only, creator of the Quill Power Movement and a dynamic speaker who blends fun, heart and healing into everything she does. And we're gonna get right into it today. So I am rolling out the red carpet for you, babe. I would like to start, if we could, about how you were left bedridden for three years after being misdiagnosed with like a bagillion different things. and how that helped lead you to share your transformative adventure and soul story. And let's take it from there. All right, let's do it. Deborahweed@mac.com (03:41.452) You got it. Okay. So, so I was that kind of kid who was extra sensitive and an empath. And I, as when, when I grew up, I was like, you know, I want to be an artist, but, but as I was growing older, there was that challenge of you're too sensitive. You're too sensitive. So I was, so I was like, I'm going to show you, I'll show you. Lyndsay Soprano (04:04.26) I've heard that. Deborahweed@mac.com (04:08.802) I'll go from art, something I love, and I'll go into business. And that's exactly what I did. I ended up as the Director of Development for Citibank, 19 branches in Florida. And I also worked on a $26 million pavilion for Kia Motors with Disney and Universal Consultants. And a pavilion, Lindsay, just so you know, is kind of like when you go to Disney World and you see Lyndsay Soprano (04:15.183) Yep. Deborahweed@mac.com (04:38.35) It's a small world after all. That's the pavilions, a ride show. It's a whole big thing with the engineers and creative people. And I got to work on one of those, which was amazing. But anyways, so I am flying. So I think my ego thinks that I've got it all under control until I get a health challenge and not just any health challenge, but the kind of health challenge where the pain felt as though Lyndsay Soprano (04:47.407) That's cool. Yeah. Lyndsay Soprano (04:54.993) You Deborahweed@mac.com (05:07.98) I was giving birth every day. felt so the pain was like every time I had to go to the bathroom, was like, I mean, I was screaming pain type. The kind where I would tell my husband, take me to a hospital parking lot and let's sit there because if I die, I wanna know that you can get me at least in there and maybe I've got a chance. So I did what any girl's gonna do, right? I went to doc. And the first doctor says to me, I think you have MS. And the second doctor says to me, I think you have Lou Gehrig's. And the third doctor says to me, it's all in your head. Now, so here is somebody who's sensitive and empath, a career woman on the top of the world being questioned, my integrity? Are you kidding me? Lyndsay Soprano (05:50.209) It's right. the worst. Deborahweed@mac.com (06:07.34) During that time period, also, another thing that happens to people like us who have gone through health challenges is my family was really with me until I'm getting different answers from different doctors. So they're thinking, like my husband who's a lawyer, it's like, well, if they're all saying something different, something's off. Maybe it is all in your head. And you start to get that from more and more and more people. So I ended up in bed for three years. Three years just literally holding on, not knowing what was wrong, feeling like I was dying, being told all kinds of things, wanting to die. Because not only was the pain horrific, but also there was a lot of shame associated with that. because I didn't know what to tell people. I had no voice until, I heard about a penny and this penny, it could be worth a million dollars. It's a 1943 pure copper penny. Usually pennies have steel inside and there was only 15 of them that got away or through the process with no steel inside. And that's what made them so rare. They were made by mistake. And I'm thinking, hey, if a penny's worthless and hardly anybody could pick it up, then what could I do with that? So I'm in bed feeling like my life is over, but still creativity, the artist in me, the gift, who I really was was still very much alive. So no health, no friends, no family, creativity, creativity. Lyndsay Soprano (07:32.345) Interesting. Hmm. Deborahweed@mac.com (08:01.1) So I decided, well, do what I've always done. I've done shows ever since I was 16 because my mom had a talent agency. So it was like second nature to use my imagination. Let me create a musical and a book called The Luckiest Penny. And it's gonna be about two pennies. One penny is Alistair. He's perfect, never been touched. He's in the case and he knows he's worth a million dollars. And then there's Henry and Henry was like me and maybe so many of us. Henry's been in the garbage can. Henry's been in somebody's lucky penny. He's been on the street alone. He's been in the washing machine. He's had a lot of experiences and adventures. And the whole thing of the story is who's worth more and why? What are they going to find out at the auction? Is it the one that's never been touched perfection perfect? Or is it the one who's tarnished and it's had so many experiences? So that kept me busy, kept me going. And what I, you know, I created all that. And then I find out after three years that a genius doctor who should, all the doctors should have figured it out like this. He said, I checked your iron and your iron is between a three and a six. You know, one day it was a three, one day a six. He says, I don't even know how you're alive. Your iron is supposed to be a 15. Lyndsay Soprano (09:01.509) Yeah. Deborahweed@mac.com (09:27.02) That's how you live. That's how you survive. But everybody during this time said, look good. We've all heard that, right? You look, but you look, but you look. Lyndsay Soprano (09:34.801) You look fine. Everything's going good. They're like, no, she looks terrible. Deborahweed@mac.com (09:40.778) I know, I know. was like, but, and then what they found is they found a tumor the size of a grapefruit that had been hidden behind my uterus. And this was during the time period where they didn't have ultrasound for the inside of you. was only on the outside. That's how they missed it. So I had been bleeding out for all that, all that time. Lyndsay Soprano (09:57.061) Right. Yeah. Deborahweed@mac.com (10:03.374) And when I had gone to a gynecologist, they had said, well, it's just perimenopause, just heavy periods, even though I was literally, you know, that's exactly, exactly, exactly. No, that's exactly what was happening. And it was like, so that's when I learned this is, I know it's a long story, but we're getting to the end of it. That's where I learned. Lyndsay Soprano (10:13.201) emerging 24 hours a bloody day. no pun intended. Lyndsay Soprano (10:21.489) Yeah. Lyndsay Soprano (10:29.209) No, you're doing great, you're doing great. Deborahweed@mac.com (10:30.956) That's where I learned that self-worth, my self-worth was nil. Zippity doo dah. And I set out for the rest of my life to make a difference for others. So coming back from that, I founded the Self-Worth Initiative and The Luckiest Penny was the first book and musical where we performed in New York. We performed in Miami for so many kids and so many parents and the backtalk. after this story where the kids were talking about what they believe about self-worth made this amazing. Lyndsay Soprano (11:06.431) wow. Yeah, you you think about it. When we first spoke about the penny thing, my sweetie and I have a penny thing. We have a big jar of pennies that we've had over the years we've collected because every time when we first started out, we were actually, he was married and I was married. So I know, sorry guys, but it is what it is. Life happens. And we fell in love instantaneously. And every time we would get together, our secret little soirees and wherever we would do our thing. Even just like going to lunch. Every time we would show up wherever we would go, there would be a penny in the parking lot or there would be like at the change on the table, there would be like $5 and one penny. Like it just started coming to be our thing. And in fact, we just recently finished some construction in our home and we created an entire bar area with this penny tile behind it and we've named it the Penny Bar. and we have the penny lounge that sits right in front of it. And so it's something that it's something so insignificant. Like you say, it's it's not, why don't they get rid of the penny? My mom actually said that to me a couple of weeks ago, randomly. I'm like, you gotta keep the penny. Like this one, I know, I know she almost had a heart attack guys. We got you alive. We're keeping you alive. Don't die on my show, damn it. But these little insignificant things that are, when you build them all up, they turn into millions. Deborahweed@mac.com (12:25.486) That is, and that's what I, you know, this little penny started this whole thing for me that went from corporate, which I could have just jumped back into and really owned that. Because how else do you tell a child how much they're worth? And how much do we tell, how do we even tell ourselves? Like we can hear it all the time, but if you think, my gosh, you mean there could be a penny in my pocket or a purse right now. Lyndsay Soprano (12:29.349) Yeah. I love it. Lyndsay Soprano (12:41.136) Yeah. Deborahweed@mac.com (12:54.092) right this very moment that's worth a million dollars. Lyndsay Soprano (12:54.353) be worth a million bucks. Well, a million dollars to a kid, well, a million dollars to anybody is a lot of money unless you're, you know, the billionaires, but a million dollars to a kid is like, you gotta be kidding me. Like that's nuts. I mean, we think about like the tooth fairy and all of that. Like when we got like a quarter under, I think parents now give like a hundred dollar bill for a tooth or something ridiculous. That is crappy parenting by the way, if you're doing that to your kid. Deborahweed@mac.com (13:03.206) Yeah. Yeah. Deborahweed@mac.com (13:17.292) Ha ha Lyndsay Soprano (13:22.309) But what's so interesting, in fact, I just was recording an episode right before this in regards to our inner child and how we heal our inner child and how the first seven years of our development in our brain is so much of this programming. We're downloading all of this information and we're forming our views of the world and we're forming the views of the people that are around us in our lives and who we want our friends to be like. And we're watching our parents and we're watching our dogs or our hamsters or whatever it is that we're doing and we're going to school and. Maybe we're getting bullied or maybe we don't have friends or maybe we're the most popular in class. And do you know how hard it is to be popular? It's almost as hard as it is to be bullied because we're bullied too. I was very popular in high school so I can speak to that. But I was also a bully, but I was also bullied even being popular. Like there's so many things that we don't realize are happening when we're kids that we bring into our adulthood that we have no idea what's happening. So being able to give these kinds of lessons at such a young age and being able to touch these children one penny at a time, it was such a beautiful thing. So how, so you started the Penny, I'm calling it the Penny Project right now. Started the Penny Project and you're in bed, you're bedroom, now we've got this musical in Miami and in Florida and in New York and all of these things, you're meeting all of these children. What was going on with your health at this point now? Deborahweed@mac.com (14:28.11) That's okay. Deborahweed@mac.com (14:41.346) Well, I got a hysterectomy. As soon as I got the tumor out, I was restored. I was restored, you know? it was like, when you're in those positions, you're like, don't understand. I would sit there and go, I have so much to give. Why am I sidelined? I don't get it. And I really didn't think I was gonna make it. I sincerely hand on heart. And there were times where I didn't want it. Lyndsay Soprano (14:49.783) Unbelievable. Deborahweed@mac.com (15:11.252) it. I just wanted to check out. But when I look back in retrospect, I really feel as though that was a prime time to rearrange, reinvent, go back to who I was. And I learned so much. I learned that self-worth and self-esteem are totally different. I never knew that before. I don't think most people know that. Lyndsay Soprano (15:11.921) sure. Lyndsay Soprano (15:38.379) No, agreed. I think they are definitely separate. And it's like pain came for you in its own weird diabolical way. Well, that's how I feel too with this show because I wouldn't have started this show and I wouldn't have met you and all these amazing people that I have met, not just the guests that have been on the show, but the octopus of people that have come through, all the tentacles of people that have come into my world that have helped with healing. Deborahweed@mac.com (15:44.782) Yes. Yeah! Lyndsay Soprano (16:05.041) just by doing this, I wouldn't be sitting here doing this if I was pain free. I mean, I will once I get, once I'm out of pain, I'm 100 % gonna keep doing this, but I wouldn't have started this. I wouldn't have started all this new business that I've started on the side, which I'm not telling you guys about, because it's a surprise. It's like, how is this possible that I have this amount of pain and I'm starting to create and... and mold and shape and learn and reinvent and invent all of these things all the same time. It's so powerful. So can you talk to me about a little bit about how, what your feelings are about how creativity just makes, is a superpower? Yeah. Deborahweed@mac.com (16:45.076) It really is because I figure it this way. I figured that when we have trauma or pain, it really is kind of like a boulder. I don't know about you, but my whole life I learned how to put it down, hide it, hide it so that I could look good or divert so that I didn't have to feel it. But creativity is almost like the rain. Lyndsay Soprano (16:57.349) yeah. Lyndsay Soprano (17:04.74) Yep. Deborahweed@mac.com (17:07.67) It's almost like it's guidance from above comes through us. And if we let it out, it's like it washes away that trauma. I don't know how it does that, but I do truly have come to believe that we are so like one of our addictions is trying to solve problems, right? It's like you have a problem. It's like, let me fix it. What can I do? And then you're. Lyndsay Soprano (17:29.553) Well, it's definitely a man thing for sure. Deborahweed@mac.com (17:31.998) Yes, but it's also when I, I mean, I don't know, can't even imagine. How many times did I sit there going, if I could be healed, then I can do this. So let me solve the problem of healing instead of just doing that. Anyways, it was always, let me solve this to get over there. It doesn't work, but creativity is an energy force. It is a superpower. It's the thing that moves you. Lyndsay Soprano (17:44.219) Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Deborahweed@mac.com (17:58.944) And when it moves you, all the chemicals in your body start to change. All the feel good chemicals start to come in. And all of a sudden, you're not even thinking about the problem because your imagination has like gone, it's on fire. It's ready to go. Lyndsay Soprano (18:15.729) Absolutely. everything to kind of settle down so that I can do what I want to do. Give me a break. I've got somebody drilling outside of my window right now and I'm like, all right, we're still doing the thing, right? Or I could say, I'm not going to do this today because there's too much noise or there's too many people who are, or my dogs are barking. I'm like, I'm over it. I'm totally over it because this is more important what you and I are doing right now. This conversation is more important. Our creativity, our juices. I just absolutely love for today. I really just can't stand it. my gosh. So, okay. So. We've got our little penny. And now can we hop into your children's musical about an empathetic porcupine for a moment please, because that's where the real magic is starting to begin. Deborahweed@mac.com (19:27.528) Yes, absolutely positively. had another health challenge. Health challenge seemed to start these things for me. But what came out of that, what came out of this one, the next one was how often I gave away my power. How often do we give away our power? So I needed a protagonist, something that would really showcase that whole idea of giving one's power away. And for me, that ended up being a porcupine. Lyndsay Soprano (19:29.508) Yes. Lyndsay Soprano (19:34.276) Interesting. Deborahweed@mac.com (19:57.666) And the reason why is because when you think about it, porcupines, put up their quills to protect themselves. They put their backs to the world and then that's what keeps them safe, right? But for this porcupine, I needed her to give her quills away. So what better world than the fashion world? I imagine this little porcupine by the name of Paisley who would take her... Lyndsay Soprano (20:07.824) Right. Deborahweed@mac.com (20:22.04) porcupine quills and be forced, maybe forced, because in the animal fashion world, Zavana is the couture diva. She rules, she rules the fashion forest. But porcupines are seen as pin cushions. They must give away their quills to her to pin up her couture over the top designs. But the animals in this world, They go through everything from body positivity to how they feel and what they're wearing, just everything that we as women go through. And they're not comfortable in these couture outfits. Like, Zivana is creating glow worm and gold finch gowns for a tiger and the tiger's like, get me out of here, I wanna roar. What have you done to me? And so here comes sweet little Paisley. Lyndsay Soprano (20:57.54) Yeah. Deborahweed@mac.com (21:11.086) taking her quills, making everything right, rearranging so that Tara and or all the animals feel better about themselves. But she's giving away a piece of herself every single time. And then when she's down to her last quill, who stands up for her? Where does she reclaim her power? So I wrote and illustrated a book called Paisley's Last and it got all five stars. The little girls who were reading it, they fell in love with Paisley. The moms, my gosh, they came back to me and they were so excited. But you know what they said, Lindsay? They said, forget about our kids. This is for us. Right? Kind of like that. Kind of like that, you know? Lyndsay Soprano (21:57.059) Screw the children! Lyndsay Soprano (22:02.673) It's funny, my last interview too, she just put a children's book out and she was like, the adults got more out of it than the kids. It's because that little girl inside of us, those children inside of us, I feel like maybe we should stop reading so many self-help books and just start going to the children's book section. Yeah. Deborahweed@mac.com (22:19.534) It's so true. they so after COVID when I had to put down the live shows that I had been doing with this self-worth initiative and after another health challenge, I think that sometimes in life when you hit so much and you're in I'm in chronic pain everybody every day, but people you know would never know. I don't think that's how we roll. But on the other hand, Lyndsay Soprano (22:28.625) That's right. Lyndsay Soprano (22:40.815) Right, because that's how we roll. Deborahweed@mac.com (22:45.974) It's like when you've been down for the count so many times, why not go for that big over the top dream that's just like out of the box? mean, like if you're gonna die or call a celebrity and say, hey, can you help me? Which looks worse, okay? So I decided to go for my big over the top dream, take Paisley and turn it into a full scale musical to the scale of wicked, if that's even possible. Lyndsay Soprano (23:00.475) Yeah. Deborahweed@mac.com (23:14.254) Because the storyline of magical realism and what I know this journey will leave with the patrons of the theater and also the songs. I know for me songs like they sing to my soul. You we have songs that we sing when we're happy, when we're sad, when we're this, when we're that. Well, what about songs to reclaim our power? and know who we are. What about songs, like one of the characters, Ikru, she's a plus size model with a plus size heart. I mean, you know, so it's got like that country vibe. I mean, how about that kind of stuff that we're singing and we see the journey and is experiential. And when I shared the musical so far that I'm preparing and creating to my close set of friends, they were crying in the first song. So it leads me to believe that I am going all the way for, you know, Broadway. Lyndsay Soprano (24:17.297) love it. Well, and if there's anybody right now that I believe that could do it, it's you. The energy that you have and the passion that you have for it is one of the things that I just love you. Like I said in the beginning, I just absolutely love your sweet voice. And I've got this like low raspy voice, even though I say I'm a coloratura. So I sing super, super high. But man, was just like, cause I'm doing back to back recordings today cause I'm batching like crazy. And I'm like, oh my gosh, I have to find something paisley in my closet. I did not know. that I had so much paisley stuff in my closet, actually. And so I had to choose and pick and I was like, my God, it's perfect for her. And it's it's your timing for coming into this show and the things that we're talking about and the energy that you bring and the re reminding me how important using my creativity and using the gifts that have been given to me. that not necessarily that I've taken advantage of, but that I kind of put on the back burner because I was sick and I was tired and I lost my voice for like two years. I couldn't sing. It was like, my God, I'm gonna cry. It was devastating. I'm like, I sing all the time. I did not know how much I actually sang all day long, but I sing like from the second I wake up to the second I go to bed. might sing in my sleep for all I know. And I had no voice. I couldn't even barely speak and... With Lyme disease, because I have Lyme as well, because why not? Let's just throw that into the bag. With Lyme, it attacks a lot of vocal cords. In fact, Shania Twain went through the same thing. She lost her voice. And you have a lot of these incredible singers. mean, you look at that talk about health issues. You've got Celine Dion. You've got Sound of the Music. Sound of the Music, what's her name? Julie Andras. Yeah, these wonderful voices, these people that we remember growing up with and that are part of our everything. You lose your voice. It's like, Deborahweed@mac.com (25:53.058) Yeah. Julie Andrews. Lyndsay Soprano (26:06.757) my God, where's my voice? And so it kind of was a representation of not only did I lose my singing voice, I was like, I'm losing my actual voice in this world and I gotta find it and I gotta find it quick. And so by doing the show and finding people like you, I am singing like I haven't sung in about a decade. And I am like, holy moly, we are back baby. Paisley, Paisley's coming for me. Deborahweed@mac.com (26:30.51) Watch out! Yeah, watch out because... Lyndsay Soprano (26:35.183) conditioning for Broadway with you, baby. Deborahweed@mac.com (26:37.686) want you to, hey, that's not even a joke. I have on my website that I am gonna be looking for singers, dancers, producers, writers, bring them, bring, bring, you never know, bring it on because. Lyndsay Soprano (26:48.826) my gosh, I would love to audition. is a roll call. Lindsay is now paisley. Oh my gosh, that would be amazing. and that's something that's so amazing about creativity. I remember as an insomniac, I've been an insomniac since I was a little girl, and so my parents were like, I don't know what the hell to do with you. And my parents gave me freedom to do whatever I wanted to within the four walls and the ceiling and the floor of my room. They were like. Deborahweed@mac.com (27:05.57) Ooh, that's the worst. Lyndsay Soprano (27:16.017) Do you want to paint your room? Paint your room. want to, you whatever you want to do. And so my parents would come in at like two o'clock in the morning. I'm like painting my ceiling. My dad would be so cool. He would help me like repaint it. And then I'd paint again. My little boyfriends in high school would help me paint stuff. always, I was always either painting or singing or moving furniture from one side of the room to the other and color coding and everything. didn't know what else to do with myself. So really good things came out of that. I'm super organized. OCD came out that. I don't know if that's great, but So many wonderful things with the creativity part of me that the sadness of getting ill and losing my voice and feeling like it was going to be gone forever was very, very depressing. It wasn't depressed per se, but it was just depressing and heavy. I'm like, I ever going to be able to sing again? And here we are. Deborahweed@mac.com (28:03.648) my gosh, Lindsay, you know, and I think that that's so how so many people feel when, when we have a physical challenge. It's the loss of voice. It's reclaiming the voice. have this thing quills up, quills up everybody quills up. I'm doing the quills up movement. And essentially all that is, is hashtag quills up, take your power back because I truly believe we don't get stuck because of fear. Lyndsay Soprano (28:18.147) love that! Quills up! Lyndsay Soprano (28:26.832) I love it. Deborahweed@mac.com (28:32.684) but because we have given away our power, our quills, quill by quill, and we, you know, we do it because we want to be loved, because we want to fit in, because we want to be heard. Sometimes it's because we're so desperate that a doctor who can potentially save us can hear us and they, yeah, and they can't. So it's like that loss of voice, that loss of creativity is, it feels like a disconnection from Lyndsay Soprano (28:49.489) Air quotes. Deborahweed@mac.com (29:02.392) God because that creates whatever you feel like God is to you because that is the gift we that were was buried in us and if we can't express it it's almost like we wither. Lyndsay Soprano (29:08.667) Right. Deborahweed@mac.com (29:20.567) or way. Lyndsay Soprano (29:22.161) Yeah, and I think a lot of listeners can identify with that. mean, you, your little girl and everyone's like, okay, what do you want to be when you grow up? You know, the standard issue thing. Everybody wanted to be a doctor or a lawyer. I think I wanted to be a veterinarian when I was little and I didn't have dogs or anything because my parents wouldn't let me have any animals except for a hamster and a turtle. But anyway. You know, this just the the the patriarchal kind of like you're going to do this, you're going to do that, you're going to be that you're going to be a lawyer or doctor, you know, or stay at home mom, or you're going to have your kids, you're going to get married. It's like all these order of things. It's like if you don't follow that, then you're not you're not doing the right thing. And then you've got all these creatives that are like, well, bite me. I'm going to go do my own thing. And I ended up doing what you did. I ended up saying instead of going down my creative route, I said. I'm gonna go the business route. And so I started my marketing agency and I did that for 24 years up until this past October where I said, I'm done. I'm full time doing this show and anything that comes up from it, whether it's auditioning for a musical on Broadway, whether it's painting my ceiling, I am not gonna be stuck doing something I don't wanna fricking do anymore. And it wasn't that I didn't have good opportunities within the corporate structure, within the environment of working in business. It just still, like I got my creativity out and my marketing stuff, but it still wasn't my voice. know, I still, every morning woke up and although I was good at what I did and I was powerful and successful and all that stuff, my voice was squashed. And so here we are, no squashing no more. Quills up. Deborahweed@mac.com (31:01.47) And that's a good t-shirt too. No squashing no more. I like that one. There we go. We got it. Quills up, no squashing no more. Drop the mic. Lyndsay Soprano (31:03.254) Squashing no more! my. Lyndsay Soprano (31:13.709) my gosh, I'm tired of squashing dreams. Exactly, drop the mic. I'm tired of squashing dreams and it's like you said, I'm gonna wait until I can do that. There's no more waiting. There's no more waiting. There's none. That's all I have to say about that. Well, I actually have plenty more to say about that, but for right now. Deborahweed@mac.com (31:32.206) Yeah, because I think that's that's the probably the most huge thing for all of us, right? My dad, my dad, amazing, amazing wisdom that he gave me. told me that disappointment is the worst quasi emotion we can possibly have because we get so excited, right? I'm going to do this. I'm going to sing. I'm going to do my musical, whatever it is. We hit it. We hit an obstacle. Lyndsay Soprano (31:53.766) Mm-hmm. Deborahweed@mac.com (31:56.406) and we feel horrible, but we're not thinking that we're a chemical factory and that what really happened, slow it down, is that all the feel-good chemicals in our body dissipate. The adrenaline, the endorphins, everything's gone. And so what we feel is bad, but we don't realize that. So we try again, right? We're like, okay, I'm gonna try again, hit the wall, and it happens again. Lyndsay Soprano (32:21.041) Mm-hmm. Deborahweed@mac.com (32:24.438) And he told me, please, Deborah, most people in life after disappointment, they stopped trying ever again. It's almost like the thermostat. They don't want to get up and change it because they're comfortable sitting and they're used to that. And so he said they flatline and he said, please, please don't flatline. And can I tell you how many times I have almost flatlined? because of disappointment, because of illness, because of pain, because of whatever it is. But I hear him in my heart, basically saying that the only solution to this is to understand it and keep on trying because it's the path. It doesn't reveal itself. You have to take the step first and then it becomes more evident. But we're so afraid of failure. We're so afraid of the depletion of those chemicals that we don't wanna take that step. And yet that step, it might not even lead us to where we thought we were gonna go, but it will lead us somewhere. Lyndsay Soprano (33:32.593) Yeah, well, he just something I've been sitting on the couch watching Netflix all day. I can tell you that much right? my gosh, and we all need those days though I mean we all need to hunker down and I would just interview someone she's like just before my divorce I was like I'm done with this guy and I was always on top of the everything he wanted I did for him one day he came home from work and I was sitting on the couch smoking weed watching a movie Deborahweed@mac.com (33:36.558) Right. Deborahweed@mac.com (33:42.434) Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Lyndsay Soprano (34:00.777) It was like she was like, I'm done because I am completely depleted of everything that I've ever wanted to do or everything I've ever wanted to be because all I've been doing is people pleasing, taking care of other people. I completely I identify with this all day long. I always make sure everybody is taken care of before I take care of me. And everybody that listens to this show knows I say this all the time. I'm getting better at it by doing this right now with what we are doing today, because this is not just about you and me. It's about the listeners. And it's about who they are listening for too. Because like a lot of men listen to this show for their wives, their sisters, their moms, their daughters, you know, whatever. And I get a lot of feedback from that and email and Instagram, you know, DMs and stuff. And I appreciate you guys always doing that and taking care of your women because we need it. We need you. But man, the creativity part of this, no more squashing it. We can't. We cannot do it. No more squashing it. Deborahweed@mac.com (34:56.736) No more squash, no more squashing it no matter. And if there's anybody listening right now, gosh, now I'm going to be in tears. If there's anybody listening right now who's in bed, stuck, feels like their life is over, feels like I've seen everything, I've done everything, I give up. Let me tell you, you have not seen everything. You have not experienced everything because your soul, whatever you want to call that, is recording everything that's going on. You might not see that your significant other is in the other room, you know, making you a specialty because you're in so much pain, but you just gave that person an opportunity to shine their soul. You know, it's so, so just hang in there because everybody does have a gift. They really do. Lyndsay Soprano (35:34.705) Mm-hmm. Lyndsay Soprano (35:38.982) Yeah. Lyndsay Soprano (35:45.817) Absolutely, and it does take a village. It doesn't need to be a big one, but we do, small villages are fine. And I have my village of people and I'm very grateful and very fortunate that I have an incredibly loving group of friends and family. It's small though, because I had like, okay, you've got, we don't need that many friends. Like, you know what I mean? Like the close friends, the people that you share your intimate stuff with where you tell them everything they know when you go to the bathroom in the morning because you're talking to them on Instagram or whatever. Deborahweed@mac.com (36:05.486) Yes, yes, yes. Lyndsay Soprano (36:14.981) You know, you've got your tight-knit group that you can tell everybody to, you can be ugly, you can tell them about how scared you are of dying. You can tell them how scared you are that this is how you're gonna live for the rest of your life. You can share those things. But then when you can come out of those and do what you're doing, that's amazing. And thank you for doing what you're doing because you've brought a lot of light into my life, that's for sure. And certainly for our listeners, you guys are just gonna die. Just even going to her website alone will make you just be like, my gosh, it's just beautiful. Everything is, it makes life look beautiful even in those dark and twisty forests, you know? Because you have to get through some dark and twisty forests. It reminds me of the Princess Bride, you know? You gotta go through and you gotta... Deborahweed@mac.com (36:55.244) Yes. Lyndsay Soprano (37:02.837) beat off the warthogs and you've got to get through all the twisty vines and you got to fall down a slope and you got to do all these things to shine up and become the princess, you know? Yep. Deborahweed@mac.com (37:11.158) Yep, absolutely. I mean, that's how I see Paisley. Paisley is an autobiography, really. I mean, you know, here she is. She means well. She's trying to fit in, do what's right, giving away a piece of herself, not realizing at the end of the day when she has one quill left, it's on her to kind of figure out what's inside. Lyndsay Soprano (37:23.003) Yeah. Lyndsay Soprano (37:30.971) Yeah. Deborahweed@mac.com (37:34.946) the magic that's always been there. It's kind of like, you know, the Dorothy thing, you know, where she's clicking her heels and it's like, there's no place like home. But in this instance, it's kind of like that creative explosion, if you will, of like, I never really gave my power away. Not really. I just thought I did. Lyndsay Soprano (37:41.957) Yep, yep, there's no place like home. Lyndsay Soprano (38:02.143) grow their quills back. Deborahweed@mac.com (38:03.486) Yes, they do. You know. Lyndsay Soprano (38:07.753) that I was prepared to ask you, but actually I don't prepare for questions at all. I just kind of go with it with you people because I just don't like that kind of thing. But man, I just was curious because I'm like, great, she's got one left. What are we gonna do? Because I'm thinking about her playing the violin with it. Like I've got all kinds of ideas for her. Deborahweed@mac.com (38:22.542) Yeah Well, know what, you're so smart that you even came up with that. That's it. Maybe I'll have a contest for, you know, uh, kids. mean, this is for adult version, but that, you know what? had to research that before because I didn't want, I didn't want Peta coming after me going. I know. know. Lyndsay Soprano (38:35.471) Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lyndsay Soprano (38:43.003) wrote this whole thing about a porcupine and doesn't even know about what porcupines do with their quills, really. Well, we've all learned something today about the animal kingdom. Deborahweed@mac.com (38:54.402) fact, you know, didn't want to be people did people have they really have been traumatized by this sort of like, like, how could you, you know, you strip this poor pork, like, mean, naked, how could you what kind of a person are you? But yes, they do. Thank you. They grow back. Lyndsay Soprano (39:06.705) of bald porcupines running around. Lyndsay Soprano (39:12.881) my gosh. They grow back. They grow back, which is great because that just, there is, I love that because that, I mean, that actually shows that you can get your power back, right? I mean, in its own way, growing it back by feeding your soul with the creativity and the love and the soul, I call it my soul food, right? So when I'm singing or I'm writing, because I do a lot of writing, so maybe one day this book will be finished, I'm writing. Deborahweed@mac.com (39:19.714) There's actually a song. There's actually a song. Deborahweed@mac.com (39:27.918) Yes, exactly. Lyndsay Soprano (39:44.059) exhausting. But man, jumping back into some of these passion projects that I've had that have just been folders sitting in a file cabinet for so long and starting to weed through them, we recently moved into a new home and I was like going through all of these boxes. I'm like, my God, I totally forgot about this. And it's a book I wrote like 10 years ago and I don't have it anywhere in digital form. And I thought it was gone forever. And I just recently found it. Deborahweed@mac.com (40:06.957) Wow. Deborahweed@mac.com (40:13.208) Lyndsay Soprano (40:13.763) I haven't had the guts to read it, because I have no idea if it's just total shit or not, but at least I found it. And it kind of it kind of fired me up again, not unlike you speaking with you about your musical and all of the creative work that you've done, the adversity that you've gone through. And I just absolutely adore you. I mean, this is just wonderful. Deborahweed@mac.com (40:33.766) I you too. And you know what? I'm thinking as we're speaking, my inner dialogue is going, isn't this interesting? Look at how alive, vibrant, dynamic Lindy is, even though this is happening to her. And look at yourself, like what you project out in the world, and look at some of your closed circle people who are going through some really hefty challenges. Lyndsay Soprano (41:01.307) Mm-hmm. Deborahweed@mac.com (41:02.402) What is it that makes them almost, I don't wanna say shine brighter, that's unfair, but it's almost as if the I don't care anymore attitude just says I am gonna be authentically me. I am going to be all me and I'm gonna get out there and no longer worry about pulling back, shrinking. Lyndsay Soprano (41:18.34) Yep. Deborahweed@mac.com (41:29.922) to help somebody else feel good about themselves. You know, it's fascinating in a way. Lyndsay Soprano (41:36.177) It's incredibly fascinating. And like I mentioned, the flow of every single one of these episodes during the season is like nutso with the people that are coming into my world. I've been doing all of this manifestation stuff, right? Okay, you're gonna manifest your destiny. Okay. So I hopped a little bit more into the woo-woo world than I ever have been, and I love that world. And I have been doing so much manifesting, and I'm like, whoa, slow down! so much coming out me like really good stuff, including this weekend, I wore flip flops, which is very hard for me to do. And I walked to the end of San Clemente Pier and back. For those of you that are in Orange County, know the pier I'm talking about. It's not an easy truck. It's all just it's falling apart. Like it looks like the pier's about ready to fall down and everyone's fishing and I am just. Deborahweed@mac.com (42:18.926) Wow, wow. Lyndsay Soprano (42:31.025) hoofing it to the end of the pier and back and I kept walking after that so longest I've walked in seven years. Deborahweed@mac.com (42:38.606) my God. I get it. I get it. You know what? That's the funniest thing that's happened to me of all. I remember being in it. No, no, no, no. Being in bed and thinking to myself, my God, please, this is my prayer. This is you're overhearing me. You're flying along. Please God, let me be able to walk. All I want to do is walk. Please God, all I want to do is cook. I hate cooking. Please God, all I want to do is cook. I want to be able to cook for my husband. Lyndsay Soprano (42:39.909) Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Lyndsay Soprano (42:45.283) Listening to me walk about the pier. Lyndsay Soprano (43:05.969) later too. Deborahweed@mac.com (43:08.302) Please God, and then I start to get a little bit better. Please God, all I want is a Broadway kid. I mean, and often a higher cook. Lyndsay Soprano (43:15.557) Yeah. And also to never cook. Lyndsay Soprano (43:21.541) Hire a cook, there we go, that's what I do. I don't go to the supermarket, my husband does all of that, my sweetie, it's weird, I recently started calling in my husband on the show, but my sweetie, he does all the supermarket shopping, he does most of the dinner stuff. We're on our own for breakfast and lunch in this household, but I don't eat a ton, so he's like, what do want for dinner? like, what do you think I want for dinner? Nothing, I don't love food all that much, so for me, cooking is not a joy. Deborahweed@mac.com (43:28.704) you Lyndsay Soprano (43:49.103) It's a creative thing, but for me, it's just not. And a lot of the reason is it got harder and harder for me to stand for long periods of time. And so when you're cooking, it's like, my gosh, like I need a stool. I can't sit on a stool the whole time. So I started ending up like having a different relationship with food and cooking and all of that. And I'm really trying hard to shift on that, but that's so funny. I'm praying that I can cook again. I don't like to cook. I'm with you, girl. I'm with you. Deborahweed@mac.com (43:55.202) Yeah, right, right. Deborahweed@mac.com (44:10.254) But, but, but that's how, but look at that. Look at that. It's probably all about, you know, those people who have had serious health challenges. It's like, well, I used to pray just to be able to function, but now I'm to go for that big over the top dream. That's like almost impossible. Let's do that. Let's do that instead. Exactly. Lyndsay Soprano (44:16.921) Right. Lyndsay Soprano (44:28.155) That's right. Right, right. I'm gonna find a voice in Southern California named Lindsay somewhere. And I'm gonna find a beautiful Deborah in Florida somewhere. And we did! It is crazy. And I mean, we're just like kindred spirits and I love that about the both of us. Deborahweed@mac.com (44:41.602) I know, know, it's crazy though when you think about it. Lyndsay Soprano (44:50.147) I am so excited to hear the full musical and hear all, mean, I've heard bits and pieces of things and I'm just, I'm so proud of you for pushing through and not being driven to a parking lot in front of a hospital so you could die. And also for you just sharing this incredible story and about being an empath, because being an empath is truly a blessing and a curse. And the too sensitive, da da, you're a woman, you're too sensitive, all of that. Deborahweed@mac.com (44:59.192) Thank you. Deborahweed@mac.com (45:03.502) you Lyndsay Soprano (45:19.601) Um, it's, and to hear you're making it up, it's all in your head. Women get that often and it drives me absolutely bonkers and it's not in your head. I mean, it might be in some people's heads, but big picture. It's not, you know, we've got, we have so much to offer this world for the, the bit of time that we're here and whether you believe in past lives or not, I'm like on my 780,000 life. So I'm exhausted. Deborahweed@mac.com (45:31.118) It's not in your head. Lyndsay Soprano (45:46.437) But we've got to do the best that we possibly can with what's been given to us. And when we feel shrunken down and sad and alone and desperate, especially when we're challenged with health issues, and it's not just for those that are challenged with health issues, there's also people that just feel that way. Whether it comes from their upbringing, their parents never gave them the tools to be strong or didn't give them the hugs that they needed and all that. Okay, okay. There's plenty of things that didn't happen to me when I was a kid and plenty of things that shouldn't have happened to me when I was a kid. And I'm still showing up and I'm still bringing it unless I'm in the hospital, which is why I had to reschedule with my beautiful one here. And you know, those things happen, but that can't be it. I just refuse to believe that this is it for my body, right? No chance and walk in the pier and singing while I was doing it. Hell yeah, baby. Deborahweed@mac.com (46:42.862) I love it. And I need to put an exclamation mark on something you just said from the standpoint of so many times when you have something and somebody doesn't believe you and you don't know what you're in, they say that it's all in your head or even worse, you manifested this. You manifested this. Lyndsay Soprano (47:05.028) Mm-hmm. Deborahweed@mac.com (47:07.278) My experience in life has been every person that has said that kind of thing to me, when they've had a challenge that doesn't even, even touch what I've experienced, they flip. So anybody out there listening who's going through something, just realize that nobody can understand until you've walked that walk, unfortunately. but it doesn't mean that you're not experiencing that and you don't have to spend your time proving anything to anybody else. Just be your Magnificent You. Lyndsay Soprano (47:48.273) Hmm. Well, that's where we're gonna end this one because that is exactly the message of today be as magnificent as you possibly can and Thank you so much for that as a I was gonna ask what you wanted to say to leave and I'm not gonna ask that question now Okay, well she's got all kinds of things that are going on clearly I'm gonna put all of it in show notes and in the email marketing and in social media and all of that, but where it we've got to go to paisleysfashionforest.com. That's the first place I want you to go. First, take a look at the beautiful work that she's done. It's colorful, it's gorgeous. just, makes you, it makes you want to go play dress up. I mean, it does. It makes you want to go hunt for Paisley in your closet, which I did today. Come to find out I like Paisley more than I thought I did. my gosh. Well, thank you so much, Deborah, for your time today with us. And I will definitely be sending you my resume and my voice samples, which I know you already have. Deborahweed@mac.com (48:48.28) you Lyndsay Soprano (48:49.301) my gosh, well also her book, before I forget too, we've got Paisley's Last Quill and she also has the book, Only. We've got the pennies, we've got, we've got, we also have learned about the porcupine today and that they grow their quills back. This is a full holistic show here, guys. Thank you so much again for your time and my love to your husband. know he's got some health challenges as well right now. Tell him that we love him. You got it. You are exclusively invited to share this paisley powerful quilled up VIP pain journey together. Let's get to the heart of how to heal with you by my side. Please follow the pain game podcast wherever you digest your podcast content. We will be there. Deborahweed@mac.com (49:14.114) Thank you, Lindsay. Thank you so much. Lyndsay Soprano (49:32.473) visit us at thepayinggamepodcast.com and follow us on all the socials. Thanks for listening, my little VIPs. Catch you on the other side. Deborahweed@mac.com (49:44.79) I am blown away.