Latest / Reflect Reclaim & Liberate - with Sallyanne Hartnell / Why Job Hunting After Divorce Feels a Lot Like Dating - And How to Find the Right Fit

Transcript

Why Job Hunting After Divorce Feels a Lot Like Dating - And How to Find the Right Fit · Reflect Reclaim & Liberate - with Sallyanne Hartnell

0:00
SPEAKER_01: Welcome to Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate, a podcast covering all things relationships, separation and divorce.
0:09
SPEAKER_01: How to create healthy, happy, fulfilling relationships without sacrificing any part of yourself.
0:15
SPEAKER_01: Supporting anyone feeling challenged in their relationship or marriage, these are confidential conversations for you if you're navigating separation, divorce, or reorganising life afterwards.
0:26
SPEAKER_01: Decide whether to stay or leave a relationship or marriage, divorce with less drama, and consciously choose what's next for you.
0:36
SPEAKER_01: I acknowledge the traditional owners of the land on which this podcast is recorded, the Warren Tree people of the Kulin Nation, and pay my respects to their elders, past, present, and emerging.
0:45
SPEAKER_01: I acknowledge them as the original storytellers of this land.
0:53
SPEAKER_01: Welcome to this week's episode of Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate.
0:57
SPEAKER_01: Today I'm welcoming Annick Teshny, who is a career and life coach.
1:03
SPEAKER_01: She supports women over 35 through career and life transitions, especially during times of personal upheaval like divorce.
1:11
SPEAKER_01: Anick has a background in education and qualifications in both career development and life coaching.
1:19
SPEAKER_01: And she brings a compassionate, down-to-earth approach to helping women reconnect with who they are, what they value, and how they want to work.
1:29
SPEAKER_01: Anick believes that work and life are deeply connected because she's lived that truth herself.
1:35
SPEAKER_01: She works with clients who feel stuck, uncertain, or ready for something new, guiding them to make confident, aligned choices about their next chapter.
1:45
SPEAKER_01: Sounds a bit like me, right?
1:47
SPEAKER_01: She is a registered career development practitioner and serves on the Victorian Committee of the CDAA and is known for creating safe, supportive spaces where women feel heard, capable, and ready to move forward.
2:02
SPEAKER_01: I know that you'll enjoy this conversation with Annique Teshny.
2:06
SPEAKER_01: And we talk not only about career, but we talk about the similarities between searching for a job and dating.
2:15
SPEAKER_01: I bring you Anik Teshny.
2:18
SPEAKER_01: Anik, welcome to the podcast.
2:20
SPEAKER_01: Thank you for joining us.
2:22
SPEAKER_01: Thank you for having me, Sally Ann.
2:24
SPEAKER_01: You're so so welcome.
2:25
SPEAKER_01: Let's just launch straight in, right?
2:27
SPEAKER_01: So as a career and life coach, you work with women navigating personal and career shifts, and often they come at the same time, right?
2:37
SPEAKER_01: So can you share a little bit about what has drawn you to this work and why it's personal for you?
2:46
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, thank you.
2:47
SPEAKER_00: I think we are in such a tricky stage of life.
2:52
SPEAKER_00: So the mid-career woman going a lot of the time, my kids are small, my kids are growing up, my kids have left home, I'm going through perimenopause, my life has changed in many different ways, and I just saw a need for women to be supported in the space.
3:15
SPEAKER_00: And having changed careers myself, I was a secondary school teacher for 10 years and then retrained in the careers space and then completing my life coaching last year.
3:27
SPEAKER_00: I know how hard it is to kind of go, what am I doing?
3:31
SPEAKER_00: Everyone else has their life sorted.
3:36
SPEAKER_00: Why am I doing this to myself?
3:38
SPEAKER_00: Why?
3:39
SPEAKER_00: Because it's made me happy.
3:41
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
3:42
SPEAKER_01: I often still say, you know, I I don't quite know what I'm gonna do when I'm grown up, you know?
3:47
SPEAKER_01: What am I gonna do when I'm a grown up?
3:49
unknown: Yeah.
3:50
SPEAKER_01: Life's still changing and shifting around me.
3:52
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
3:53
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
3:53
SPEAKER_00: I was speaking to a 28-year-old yesterday and she's like, but I'm 28.
3:58
SPEAKER_00: And I said, and I'm like, look at me.
4:04
SPEAKER_00: She's like, yeah, but I said, yeah, but it'll land when it's ready to land with you.
4:10
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and I like I also often, or I have been known to tell particularly my kids who are in their early 20s, you know, you don't have to have it all figured out.
4:20
SPEAKER_01: You know, and you don't have to be the one thing all your life, you know, who you are at 20 versus who you are at 30 versus who you are at 40 versus who you are at 50, completely different.
4:31
SPEAKER_01: And that goes for relationships as well as your career and your work, right?
4:36
SPEAKER_01: Things shift and change.
4:37
SPEAKER_01: You're gonna want different things from your relationship.
4:40
SPEAKER_01: Doesn't mean you have to ditch the person or the relationship, but you're gonna want different things.
4:44
SPEAKER_01: And the same goes for your work and your career, right?
4:46
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, very much so.
4:48
SPEAKER_00: And I think in that space, just like your values, at the time, it might be where you are right now, money, cost of living, right?
5:00
SPEAKER_00: You may be in the sandwich generation, you know, that's really big in the space at the moment, understandably.
5:06
SPEAKER_00: I'm witnessing a lot of my friends going through it in really tough space.
5:11
SPEAKER_00: The other thing is, it's like, what am I doing with my time?
5:18
SPEAKER_00: What what hurt what am I meant to be doing things for my career and doing this and doing that?
5:24
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, no, you don't have to have it all figured out.
5:28
SPEAKER_00: It's where you are right now.
5:29
SPEAKER_00: It's okay for you to go, this is what I want now, or this is what I need to do now.
5:35
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, agree.
5:37
SPEAKER_00: Let's backtrack.
5:38
SPEAKER_01: Let's go back to young Anik.
5:41
SPEAKER_01: What lessons did you learn about love and relationships in your early years?
5:48
SPEAKER_01: And then maybe as an adult, what have you had to unlearn?
5:55
SPEAKER_00: Oh, you got me.
5:56
SPEAKER_00: It's if I could just hug that Anik, that 20, 30-year-old Anik, who was so scared, so scared at the time, and it was such a people pleaser.
6:09
SPEAKER_00: An absolute people pleaser to go, hey.
6:12
SPEAKER_00: I think when um for me, a lot of my friends were in relationships quite early on, married, kids, you know, they had their careers, they bought their house.
6:23
SPEAKER_00: I was just coming back from London, you know, having a great two years teaching over there.
6:30
SPEAKER_00: Um, but traveling every six weeks.
6:32
SPEAKER_00: I didn't have it.
6:34
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
6:35
SPEAKER_00: But you did have it.
6:36
SPEAKER_00: You had that awesome experience of when you're in it, you don't see it because, and again, that Anik had the kind of, you know, the uh family members in the ear.
6:50
SPEAKER_02: Yep.
6:51
SPEAKER_00: You go to those um family events.
6:53
SPEAKER_00: So, Anik, have you got a boyfriend yet?
6:56
SPEAKER_02: Yet.
6:58
SPEAKER_00: Um, no, and I'd get really angry.
7:00
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, you know what?
7:01
SPEAKER_00: What I've been through.
7:02
SPEAKER_00: And now I go to, I say to myself, I might, oh, yes, queen, put that crown on and on you go.
7:10
SPEAKER_00: Because well done.
7:12
SPEAKER_00: Well done.
7:13
SPEAKER_00: And it's yeah, that people pleasing, um, putting that to the side now has been so delicious.
7:20
SPEAKER_00: And I'm more intentional about who I hang around with, who's in my life, who's in my bubble.
7:26
SPEAKER_00: And it's the same when it came to dating, also.
7:30
SPEAKER_00: Not doing it because I had to do it to find that my prince charming.
7:34
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I love that.
7:35
SPEAKER_01: I love that concept of just being really intentional about who you surround yourself with, the energy.
7:41
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
7:43
SPEAKER_01: I'm quite discerning.
7:44
SPEAKER_01: I have been known regularly to say, um, my friendship bus is pretty full.
7:49
SPEAKER_01: So, you know, I probably have to kick someone off if I'm gonna welcome someone on.
7:54
SPEAKER_01: So, yeah, it needs to be really intentional.
7:58
SPEAKER_01: And that sounds like I'm being really mean and nasty.
8:00
SPEAKER_01: I'm not, I've just got this full, rich life and lots of beautiful connections.
8:04
SPEAKER_01: So, you know, I've I've squeezed you on the bus, you know that you're on the bus, but um yeah, anyway.
8:11
SPEAKER_00: Appreciate it.
8:12
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, just don't ask me to change a tire.
8:14
SPEAKER_00: But there we go.
8:16
SPEAKER_01: Sure, we can find someone else to do the tyres.
8:20
SPEAKER_01: Now we've talked about this off-air prior to recording, but I would really love you to unpack it a bit for our listeners.
8:28
SPEAKER_01: Why do you say that career change or job seeking are particularly after divorce or a breakup, but not necessarily just that?
8:36
SPEAKER_01: So careers, career change, job seeking is a lot like dating.
8:40
SPEAKER_01: What are the parallels?
8:42
SPEAKER_00: Green flag, red flag.
8:44
SPEAKER_00: So, in terms of that, it's a really interesting one because when we think about the green flags for where you're at, especially after divorce, you might say, I need to earn money.
9:00
SPEAKER_00: That's you know, that's your priority and your value at the moment.
9:05
SPEAKER_00: So, green flag for a job that allows not only pays out bills, but also may allow some flexibility if you have to pick up kids, care for a parent.
9:14
SPEAKER_00: You know, red flag is doing something that really you don't enjoy.
9:22
SPEAKER_00: Like dating sometimes.
9:23
SPEAKER_00: You don't always enjoy it.
9:25
SPEAKER_00: You show up and you do, but it just really pulls on those heart strings and go.
9:31
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes there's compromise in that space if you need the money.
9:35
SPEAKER_00: I think when the parallels of the two, um, it depends where you're at in your life and what you need right now.
9:42
SPEAKER_00: And I think as I said that earlier, you know, are you after that fun, exciting, take a chance kind of job?
9:50
SPEAKER_00: Same with dating.
9:51
SPEAKER_00: Do you want that fun, foot loose, fancy-free kind of relationship situationship, as it's called?
9:58
SPEAKER_00: So it it's a really tricky one to kind of give like a short answer to because everyone is so different.
10:08
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so I guess that comes back to knowing you've said values a few times, really knowing what you value at the moment in this season or this chapter of your life and what yeah, what you need, what you want versus what you need, you know.
10:24
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes they're a bit different.
10:26
SPEAKER_01: You might want the footloose, fancy-free, adventurous career path, but you might need stability, you know.
10:32
SPEAKER_01: You might want stability, but you might desire the footloose, fancy-free kind of situationship.
10:38
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so it comes comes down to really knowing and understanding what you want and what you need, right?
10:43
SPEAKER_00: Very much so.
10:44
SPEAKER_00: And I think when in the space that I work in, you know, people are like, oh, you might think bad of me.
10:49
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, this is not about me.
10:51
SPEAKER_00: I'm here to support you to go, okay, this is what I want, this is what I need, how can I get it?
10:59
SPEAKER_00: And just having someone as a sounding board to go, all right, let's try this, this, and this.
11:05
SPEAKER_00: And then if not, we revisit it.
11:06
SPEAKER_00: So it's the same, it's just like with the swiping left, swiping right, whatever it is.
11:11
SPEAKER_00: Like, yeah.
11:13
SPEAKER_01: But also being clear, like being clear, like what am I swiping left on?
11:17
SPEAKER_01: What am I swiping right on?
11:18
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
11:19
SPEAKER_01: What am I?
11:21
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I've just recorded a podcast that's titled Manifestation is bullshit.
11:29
SPEAKER_01: You know, and what to do instead.
11:30
SPEAKER_01: So, you know, but part of that episode is about actually knowing where you're headed two, five, ten years' time, whether that's a job, a relationship, just life in general post-divorce.
11:45
SPEAKER_01: And the manifestation bit is actually how you're going to get from where you are to where you where you want to be.
11:50
SPEAKER_01: Um takes aligned, intentional action, right?
11:54
SPEAKER_00: Very much so.
11:54
SPEAKER_00: It's like, you know, on the dating apps where you put the radius of how far you want to travel.
11:59
SPEAKER_00: Same with your job.
12:01
SPEAKER_00: Do you want to be stuck in Melbourne traffic going from north to south or wherever?
12:05
SPEAKER_00: Same with your dating.
12:06
SPEAKER_00: Your time's precious.
12:07
SPEAKER_00: But if you, you know, might not have the kids at the weekend or whatever it is, maybe you might have a bit more time.
12:14
SPEAKER_00: But what's what's again?
12:15
SPEAKER_00: I will always come back to that value.
12:18
SPEAKER_00: Is your time value valuable to you?
12:22
unknown: Yeah.
12:22
SPEAKER_00: Well, you don't have to extend those kilometres and you don't have to go for a job that is going to um have you pulling your hair out, traveling.
12:34
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
12:34
SPEAKER_01: I traveled into the CBD on Friday for a full day, like, I mean a full day event, which was awesome.
12:42
SPEAKER_01: But I was like, I'm so glad I don't have to do this every day.
12:46
SPEAKER_01: I would I would really struggle, having worked from home and in a flexible situation for such a long time and created life and business that I can I can run from home or run from anywhere, you know.
13:00
SPEAKER_01: And having done that intentionally pre-COVID, I would really struggle to commute.
13:06
SPEAKER_01: So yeah.
13:07
SPEAKER_01: And whether and that's whether that's for a date or a job.
13:13
SPEAKER_01: Um, I wanted to ask you, and again, this is something that we sort of spoke about in the lead up to this recording.
13:19
SPEAKER_01: You know, it's really tempting when you are either dating or job hunting to focus on what's out there rather than what's the right thing for me.
13:30
SPEAKER_01: How do you coach people to flip that?
13:34
SPEAKER_01: Um yeah, to flip from looking what's out there and trying to find their match to okay, what's right for me?
13:45
SPEAKER_00: I find this conversation the most empowering for individuals because it's the hardest question.
13:56
SPEAKER_00: A lot of the responses don't answer the question.
13:59
SPEAKER_00: I should be, I should, I but what?
14:04
SPEAKER_00: What do you want at this time in your life?
14:10
SPEAKER_00: And it comes back down to do I only want to work three days a week.
14:16
SPEAKER_00: So it's yes, we've got the job sites, the standard job searching sites, but you know, there's the hidden job market, there's utilizing tools like LinkedIn, social media now.
14:31
SPEAKER_00: There are so many ways in which you can make the connection of what's right.
14:36
SPEAKER_00: Find out about uh an industry.
14:39
SPEAKER_00: If you want to become a social media creator, talk to someone else who's got similar lived experience or maybe background as you.
14:46
SPEAKER_00: Find out more about it instead of feeling like this is what I need to do and I should have it all sorted.
14:52
SPEAKER_00: No, that's okay.
14:54
SPEAKER_00: Let's look at some other avenues where you're potentially not trawling through job sites where you are just feeling deflated and defeated, especially in the space, you know, if you are um going through a separation, divorce, who's got the time and energy for that?
15:15
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's a lot.
15:17
SPEAKER_00: It is so much.
15:18
SPEAKER_00: I don't know how people do it on their own.
15:21
SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, I I for me, I struggle to write a ret a resume on myself to talk about myself.
15:29
SPEAKER_00: So, and even though there's AI and all that now, we've got to also remember the humanness to a lot of things.
15:36
SPEAKER_00: So connecting with people out there.
15:40
SPEAKER_01: And yeah, I really like that you mentioned that hidden job market.
15:44
unknown: Yeah.
15:45
SPEAKER_01: Pity there's not the hidden dating market to match it, but you know, maybe it's there, we just haven't found it.
15:51
SPEAKER_01: Wow, yeah.
15:53
SPEAKER_01: Let's talk profiles.
15:55
SPEAKER_01: Um one of your superpowers is pulling apart and I was gonna say editing, that's not the right word, but pulling apart and making recommendations about LinkedIn profiles.
16:07
SPEAKER_01: Um how do you think your LinkedIn profiles like your dating profile and what should it reflect about you beyond just that, you know, skills list or resume of past relationships?
16:19
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so it's like it where are you right now, right?
16:24
SPEAKER_00: So talk about yourself right now.
16:27
SPEAKER_00: I sorry, I have to add this in.
16:29
SPEAKER_00: I don't know how many dates I went on and individuals spoke about their past relationships.
16:39
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's where they are right.
16:41
SPEAKER_00: Sorry, yeah.
16:41
SPEAKER_00: So common.
16:42
SPEAKER_00: It is so common.
16:44
SPEAKER_00: I just, you know, immediately I shut down.
16:47
SPEAKER_00: I shut down because I was like, mm.
16:50
SPEAKER_00: So the parallel to that in terms of LinkedIn, where am I right now?
16:57
SPEAKER_00: Cool, you've we've all got a backstory, fabulous.
17:00
SPEAKER_00: But who am I right now?
17:01
SPEAKER_00: What am I looking for?
17:03
SPEAKER_00: What are my key skills?
17:05
SPEAKER_00: What have I got to offer you?
17:07
SPEAKER_00: What makes me different to everybody else?
17:11
SPEAKER_00: Use a headshot that is not from 1992 that you have taken a screenshot of a Polaroid picture, just like on dating sites, it needs to be current.
17:26
SPEAKER_00: And there's no excuse now with everything that's out there.
17:29
SPEAKER_00: We've all got a phone.
17:31
SPEAKER_01: Zero excuse.
17:33
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
17:34
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
17:35
SPEAKER_00: So it's it's look, I think it's you being confident in telling your story.
17:42
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
17:43
SPEAKER_01: And that goes for a LinkedIn profile or a dating profile.
17:46
SPEAKER_01: Very much so.
17:48
SPEAKER_01: Sitting in your in your own confidence and being tapping into your power so that you can speak about yourself.
17:59
SPEAKER_00: Very much.
17:59
SPEAKER_00: And I think with that as well, okay, you may like to go fishing at the weekend on your dating profile.
18:06
SPEAKER_00: Fabulous, you do you.
18:09
SPEAKER_00: Can you put that on your LinkedIn profile?
18:11
SPEAKER_00: Maybe that might be a quirky kind of way, and it's not quirky for some, pardon me, but on your LinkedIn to show this is how, even though LinkedIn is a professional site, I think it also shows that again, that humanness to you, that you've got a hobby.
18:27
SPEAKER_00: This is how I decompress that work-life balance.
18:31
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, love it.
18:34
SPEAKER_01: Um, let's talk about gut, trusting your gut.
18:38
SPEAKER_01: So we sort of talked about being able to be confident to put yourself out there.
18:44
SPEAKER_01: Um, but in dating, as in job seeking, or you know, even when you're questioning your job or your relationship or your marriage, wondering whether to stay or go, we often, as humans, and I think I was gonna gender it and say I think it's more women than men.
19:01
SPEAKER_01: Don't know about that.
19:02
SPEAKER_01: Um, we sometimes override our gut and say yes to something, maybe because we're afraid nothing better's coming along, or or we we sit, we stay stagnant in something that no longer quite fits or fulfills us.
19:19
SPEAKER_01: What would be your advice to someone in that space?
19:24
SPEAKER_00: It's such oh I just think about it.
19:28
SPEAKER_00: Being in that space is really, it's daunting and and it's yuck.
19:34
SPEAKER_00: But at the end of the day, that's right.
19:37
SPEAKER_00: That's right.
19:38
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
19:39
SPEAKER_00: So, you know, if you go on a date and you know, they don't pay for you, right?
19:47
SPEAKER_00: And you like someone to pay for you.
19:49
SPEAKER_00: I know in this day and age you split bills, whatever, but if that's a value to you, same with your job to be paid for what you're worth, those types of things.
19:59
SPEAKER_00: So I think if you are thinking about it over and over, if it's the only thing you can think about, write it out, write it out.
20:11
SPEAKER_00: What's concerning you about it?
20:13
SPEAKER_00: And in this day and age, everyone likes their notes.
20:16
SPEAKER_00: I am, I've got a note pattern pen right next to me because I like to, yeah.
20:22
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's all I write it out so you can see it.
20:27
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, because again, what if it's in your head, you don't have to go through it, you don't have to settle.
20:37
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
20:38
SPEAKER_01: And that's it's true for life, you know.
20:41
SPEAKER_01: I know we're talking we're sort of paralleling relationships and dating with work, but it's it's true for a lot of a lot, all aspects of life, you know.
20:53
SPEAKER_01: If there's that thing that's niggling at you that doesn't feel quite right, listen to your gut, unpack it, write it out, talk it out with somebody, a coach, a therapist.
21:03
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
21:04
SPEAKER_00: Yep.
21:04
SPEAKER_01: Get it out of your head.
21:06
SPEAKER_01: And yeah.
21:07
SPEAKER_00: Clarity, clarity is key.
21:09
unknown: Yeah.
21:10
SPEAKER_00: And it's, you know, and we've got to be really, and I know a lot of people are leaning into AI, chat GPT, whatever it is, those forms at the moment.
21:19
SPEAKER_00: But be really careful when you lean into those when you're having an issue.
21:24
SPEAKER_00: Right?
21:25
SPEAKER_00: It we've got to remember, it is not a human.
21:29
SPEAKER_00: So that clarity, like you said, leaning on a professional in that space, yeah, is really important.
21:37
SPEAKER_01: All right, let's get a little bit more personal.
21:41
SPEAKER_01: Would you share with us a bad date or a bad ex story that perhaps might have been difficult or activating at the time, but maybe is less so, or you might even be able to laugh about it now.
21:56
SPEAKER_00: Well, as you saw the other week.
22:03
SPEAKER_00: I had my heart broken six years ago, and when I finally got over it, and I was like, I've got to start getting back on the apps.
22:15
SPEAKER_00: And I saw my ex on there, and he had pixelated my face.
22:22
SPEAKER_00: Pixelated my face.
22:25
SPEAKER_00: And I was so distraught.
22:27
SPEAKER_00: I I I cannot tell you how de and I deleted his number.
22:33
SPEAKER_00: I had no form of communication.
22:34
SPEAKER_00: I blocked him on social media to reach out to his sisters and say, you need to get him to take it down.
22:41
SPEAKER_00: Because I would walk around with my phone next to me and say to people and make people stare at the photo, and they go, Wow.
22:48
SPEAKER_00: And they're like, it's you.
22:50
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, yeah, it's me.
22:54
SPEAKER_00: Um I can laugh about it now.
22:56
SPEAKER_00: But have you been pixelated?
22:59
SPEAKER_01: No, I haven't.
23:00
SPEAKER_01: I've been cropped out.
23:02
SPEAKER_01: Oh.
23:02
SPEAKER_01: I think the pixelated.
23:05
SPEAKER_01: I think I think that trumps being cropped out.
23:09
SPEAKER_00: It's it's pretty funny, but the cropped out is so yep, just take a new photo.
23:16
SPEAKER_00: You've got you've got a camera in your back pocket, dude.
23:19
SPEAKER_00: Just take a photo.
23:21
SPEAKER_00: I know.
23:22
SPEAKER_00: And just make sure the angle's right, okay?
23:24
SPEAKER_00: And then if it's in the bathroom, put the toilet seat down.
23:27
SPEAKER_00: Come on.
23:28
SPEAKER_00: Well, you know, if they don't put the toilet seat down, then it I don't swipe.
23:32
SPEAKER_01: Like, oh yeah.
23:36
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
23:36
SPEAKER_01: All right.
23:38
SPEAKER_01: Let's circle back to divorce, separation, breakup.
23:43
SPEAKER_01: Um, like yours did, it can really, like mine did, can really blow up your life.
23:48
SPEAKER_01: So if someone listening feels like that's where they're at and they're starting from scratch in both career and love after a big life event or shake up, in terms of work, where's the very first place they should start?
24:07
SPEAKER_01: Me.
24:08
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, exactly.
24:10
SPEAKER_00: I'll be honest in saying it.
24:13
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
24:13
SPEAKER_00: And it's the last place you would think to kind of go to.
24:18
SPEAKER_00: One, I don't know you, I don't know what you have been through.
24:24
SPEAKER_00: I am kind of the kind of the background.
24:29
SPEAKER_00: Having someone who's not in it and can kind of go, right, what do you want?
24:34
SPEAKER_00: What do you need?
24:35
SPEAKER_00: What is most important to you right now?
24:40
SPEAKER_00: Your family and friends, as much as they mean well, don't always have your best intentions at heart, especially because there's a lot of emotion involved, huge amount of emotion involved.
24:55
SPEAKER_00: So I'd actually, if you know, again, depending where you're at, but there are um yeah, career coaches out there, postgraduate qualified career coaches out there who who can you can reach out to.
25:13
SPEAKER_01: You being one of the best in the biz.
25:16
SPEAKER_01: I also think with with friends and family, they don't have the capacity because that because they do know you personally, they don't often have the capacity to look at you beyond what they know and love about you.
25:30
unknown: Yeah.
25:30
SPEAKER_01: So whether that's who you're gonna date or a career shift or move, they don't have the capacity to see that like a professional does.
25:41
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
25:42
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
25:43
SPEAKER_00: Very much so.
25:43
SPEAKER_00: And I think, you know, now I can confidently say I'm I am in my career really solidly happy.
25:53
SPEAKER_00: Finally say that.
25:55
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, my relationships, you know, really solidly happy.
25:59
SPEAKER_00: And I've stepped into that and I have swum through it all.
26:04
SPEAKER_00: Hoy yoy.
26:06
SPEAKER_00: So I think as well, take a step back, take a step back.
26:13
SPEAKER_00: What do you need right now?
26:15
SPEAKER_00: Because emotions, gosh, and I you you know, you can't dismiss that.
26:19
SPEAKER_00: That's life, that's human.
26:20
SPEAKER_00: Welcome to being human and experiencing that.
26:24
SPEAKER_01: I wonder, and I'm gonna throw this at you because we haven't talked about this fair, and I haven't put it in the draft questions, so don't freak out.
26:34
SPEAKER_01: Um, where I start with all of my clients is okay, two, five, ten years' time, how do you want life to look and feel then?
26:44
SPEAKER_01: Is that something that you do with your clients too?
26:48
SPEAKER_01: The reason I do that is to get them out.
26:50
SPEAKER_01: Yes, I know that you you're in the you're in the shit right now, you're in the mess, you're in the weeds, it's awful, it's really hard.
26:58
SPEAKER_01: Um, but what I want them to do is really have a broad vision about where they're going so that small decisions or big decisions are made with regard to that future focus, that future vision that they have for their life.
27:13
SPEAKER_01: So I'm just wondering whether that's something that you do as well.
27:16
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, very much so.
27:17
SPEAKER_00: I think I kind of started in in a different way.
27:20
SPEAKER_00: I say, would Sally Ann last week have made the appointment or shown up to the appointment with the career coach this week?
27:32
SPEAKER_00: Where were you last week emotionally, or two weeks ago, or three weeks ago?
27:37
SPEAKER_00: Focus on the now.
27:38
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I did that.
27:39
SPEAKER_00: I showed up, and that is a gorgeous bit.
27:43
SPEAKER_00: Thing that I do, right?
27:45
SPEAKER_00: Think about in six months' time, you get this job.
27:49
SPEAKER_00: You've gone through it all.
27:51
SPEAKER_00: Visualize yourself, how are you going to feel in that time, in that space?
27:57
SPEAKER_00: Visualise what it feels like.
27:59
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yep.
28:00
SPEAKER_00: So yeah, I do, yeah, do something, something similar.
28:03
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
28:04
SPEAKER_00: It's really, it's it's really powerful to kind of go where I was, where am I now, and where where do I want to go?
28:12
SPEAKER_00: How do I want to feel?
28:14
SPEAKER_01: And even though you know I jokingly referenced that um podcast episode that manifestation is bullshit, I it's tongue in, I say that tongue in cheek, right?
28:25
SPEAKER_01: We all need, we all need to know where we're headed, what we want, how we want life to look and feel.
28:32
SPEAKER_01: Come back to where you are.
28:33
SPEAKER_01: What do you need to do?
28:35
SPEAKER_01: What do you need to do to create that and build that and make it your reality?
28:41
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I am so clear, like oh, I have a, and I've got so many notebooks everywhere, but I am so clear on what I want in now, not this is not everyone's cup of tea, in a partner, right?
28:57
SPEAKER_00: Clear, so clear, right?
29:01
SPEAKER_00: One thing I get clients to do also is what don't you want your job to look like or your workplace to look like?
29:10
SPEAKER_00: Because it's a lot easier.
29:12
SPEAKER_00: It's like if I say to people, what are your strengths?
29:14
SPEAKER_00: They go, Oh, I don't have any.
29:16
SPEAKER_00: Okay, all right.
29:16
SPEAKER_00: Well, what are your weaknesses then?
29:18
SPEAKER_00: But let's start with we'll start with the negative, right?
29:22
SPEAKER_00: Get it out the way because we're easier, you know.
29:25
SPEAKER_00: A lot of people find that easier.
29:27
SPEAKER_00: What don't you want?
29:30
SPEAKER_01: I like it.
29:31
SPEAKER_01: What don't you want in a life partner?
29:35
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
29:37
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
29:37
SPEAKER_00: I mean, there's always compromise, you know, those types of things.
29:40
SPEAKER_00: I know it sounds it can sound a little bit naff and you know, um, fairy tale, Disney princess, but I think if you were clear within yourself what you want for your life, especially after separation, what's the 2.0?
29:58
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I talk about it in terms of relationship, I talk about it in terms of defining the container.
30:05
SPEAKER_01: So, what is the container that this next relationship is going to yeah, what's the container that this relationship's gonna sit in?
30:14
SPEAKER_01: So it's not about okay, I want six foot two, um, blonde.
30:19
SPEAKER_01: It's not that.
30:20
SPEAKER_01: It's not, it's not describing the human being and their physical appearance.
30:26
SPEAKER_01: It is about how do I want to show up in a relationship with someone else?
30:30
SPEAKER_01: How do I want to feel in that relationship?
30:33
SPEAKER_01: What am I gonna bring?
30:34
SPEAKER_01: How am I gonna define the container that this relationship sits in?
30:38
SPEAKER_01: What and values come into it, what's important to me, you know, kindness, generosity, having your shit together, like willing to do the work, whatever, whatever it is.
30:50
SPEAKER_01: What?
30:50
SPEAKER_01: What what wanting to do the work?
30:53
SPEAKER_01: What not just rehashing all your past relationships and bringing to um yeah, so talk about defining the container rather than defining the human, you define the relationship that you're wanting to co-create with another human, which invites them to step into it, right?
31:12
SPEAKER_01: And they're not up for it, they're not up for it.
31:14
SPEAKER_01: That's okay.
31:15
SPEAKER_01: It doesn't make them bad or wrong, it just makes them not right for you.
31:18
SPEAKER_01: Same with a jaw, I reckon.
31:20
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I've just I did a LinkedIn post a few weeks ago about if the shoe fits.
31:25
SPEAKER_00: Right?
31:26
SPEAKER_00: It's not every shoe's going to be comfortable, the right size, and that's okay.
31:32
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's hard out there.
31:35
SPEAKER_00: The job market is hard, dating is hard, you know.
31:41
SPEAKER_01: Conserving your energy, build your team, scaffold, build your team.
31:46
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
31:47
SPEAKER_01: On that note, where can listeners find and connect with you?
31:51
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so you can find me at on LinkedIn at Anik Techni.
31:56
SPEAKER_00: And we might need to spell that out, maybe in the show notes.
32:00
SPEAKER_00: There'll be a link in the show notes.
32:02
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and my Instagram is at Anik Coaching.
32:09
SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much, Anik, for sharing your wisdom about life, career, love, dating with us today.
32:18
SPEAKER_01: Um and thank you for your help with my LinkedIn profile.
32:22
SPEAKER_01: I still haven't made the changes, but you know, I'll get there.
32:26
SPEAKER_01: So thank you so much for uh sharing your wisdom with us on the podcast today.
32:30
SPEAKER_01: Thank you for having me, Sally Anne.
32:32
SPEAKER_01: So good.
32:34
SPEAKER_01: Whether dating, relationships, or career shift change, looking for a new job, whatever, wherever you are, I hope you got something out of this conversation between me and Annick.
32:47
SPEAKER_01: You can connect with Anick via the links in the show notes.
32:51
SPEAKER_01: And I would really encourage you to reach out, follow her, particularly on LinkedIn and Instagram.
32:57
SPEAKER_01: She has awesome content and is an awesome resource for anybody questioning a career, a job, even a relationship.
33:07
SPEAKER_01: As always, thanks for being here.
33:08
SPEAKER_01: Until next time, bye.
33:11
SPEAKER_01: I'm Sally Ann Hartnell, divorce coach and strategist, and you've been listening to Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate.
33:17
SPEAKER_01: You can follow me on Instagram at Reflect Coaching, and if you can think of anyone who would love or benefit from listening to this episode, please share it with them.
33:25
SPEAKER_01: I'd also be so grateful if you would follow and review the podcast so we can get in the ears of a whole lot more people just like you who are ready to reclaim and liberate themselves in life and love.
33:36
SPEAKER_01: I hope you'll join me next week for another episode of Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate.
33:41
SPEAKER_01: Until then.