Latest / The Ben Maller Show / The Fifth Hour: Maller Report Card, Murder by Clipper

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The Fifth Hour: Maller Report Card, Murder by Clipper · The Ben Maller Show

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Cutbooms.
• 0:02
  Speaker 2: If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: of the old republic, a sol fashion of fairness. He
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: rich pill poppers in the penthouse. Wow to the Clearinghouse
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: of hot takes, break free for something special. The Fifth
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: Hour with Ben Mahller starts right now in the.
• 0:29
  Speaker 3: Air everywhere The Fifth Hour with Me, Ben Mahler and
• 0:34
  Speaker 3: Danny g Radio.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: It is now Saturday.
• 0:38
  Speaker 3: You can listen whenever you want, obviously, but this is
• 0:40
  Speaker 3: being recorded early in the morning, on the twenty sixth
• 0:44
  Speaker 3: day of July, a Saturday morning, and on this podcast
• 0:50
  Speaker 3: that we hope to cover all the basis, including the
• 0:55
  Speaker 3: big performance last night, the random Mexican wrestler, and a
• 0:59
  Speaker 3: bunch of other stuff in the Malor Palooza postgame extravaganza.
• 1:04
  Speaker 3: But I thought we would begin since we're doing this
• 1:07
  Speaker 3: the morning after there was a historical performance getting a
• 1:11
  Speaker 3: fair amount of attention from the baseball hard Oh's because
• 1:14
  Speaker 3: in Houston last night somebody named Nick Kurtz of the Athletics.
• 1:20
  Speaker 3: I think that's a baseball team, but not a good one.
• 1:24
  Speaker 3: Nick Kurtz hit not one, not two, not three, but
• 1:27
  Speaker 3: four home runs in one game.
• 1:31
  Speaker 4: At least pause between his first and last name.
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: I know, I know, right, you gotta be careful with that.
• 1:37
  Speaker 3: But anyway, they got the break out the Champagne and
• 1:40
  Speaker 3: Sacramento for these seven A's fans that are left. Rookie
• 1:44
  Speaker 3: Nick Kurtz the newest face of the Athletics. You think, now, Danny,
• 1:48
  Speaker 3: you were an A's fan back when they were in Oakland.
• 1:51
  Speaker 3: You know, you were younger and you go to A's games.
• 1:53
  Speaker 3: You've told the stories here back in the glory days
• 1:56
  Speaker 3: of the A's when they had Ricky Henderson and Jose Canseeko,
• 2:00
  Speaker 3: people like that. And now they've got this Nick Kurtz guy,
• 2:02
  Speaker 3: the twentieth player in baseball to do it. The part
• 2:06
  Speaker 3: of the story which annoys me and I'm gonna be
• 2:09
  Speaker 3: that guy, Danny is while four home runs, only twenty
• 2:15
  Speaker 3: people have done it in baseball history. There has to
• 2:17
  Speaker 3: be an asterisk on the fourth home run, the fourth
• 2:20
  Speaker 3: home run, that last majestic moonshot by Nick Kurtz of
• 2:25
  Speaker 3: the Athletics.
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: You know who it came against? Who do you think
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: came against.
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: Well, do you think it came against Nolan Ryan or
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: you think it came against you know, any other great
• 2:33
  Speaker 3: astro pitch. No, it came off a position player Houston cheating.
• 2:39
  Speaker 3: Asstros had given up, they waved the white flag. I
• 2:44
  Speaker 3: guess the trash cans weren't working in that game last night.
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: The buzzers must have been broken, so they essentially forfeited
• 2:50
  Speaker 3: at the end of the game, and they sent in
• 2:52
  Speaker 3: some young left fielder I've never heard of who had
• 2:56
  Speaker 3: a faint pulse and you know, one of the you know,
• 2:59
  Speaker 3: lobbing up some sixty eight mile an hour meatball, and
• 3:03
  Speaker 3: you know, it was like a beer league softball situation.
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: And so he hit his fourth home run.
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: But you've got you've got to put an assus on
• 3:13
  Speaker 3: that that's not against a.
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: Big league pitcher. And this is now.
• 3:16
  Speaker 3: Dave Roberts loves doing this, the Dodgers manager. How many
• 3:19
  Speaker 3: times have the Dodgers either been up by ten runs.
• 3:22
  Speaker 4: He sends out Kei k Hernandez gl Rojas guys like that.
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah, he loves doing that. He loves doing that. And
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: so listen to me, that's a three and a half
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: home run.
• 3:33
  Speaker 4: Game, the last home run came off of a lollipop
• 3:37
  Speaker 4: pitch like the one you threw in Bakersfield.
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: Well, no, the pitches that I that's a bad take
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: by you. The pitches that I throw, Danny, are unhittable.
• 3:47
  Speaker 3: And that is a legitimate that's called an ephis pitch,
• 3:51
  Speaker 3: that's a legitimate pitch that has been proven successful over
• 3:57
  Speaker 3: seventy years in baseball, last seventy.
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: Years, very successful.
• 4:01
  Speaker 3: So yeah, yeah, not exactly, Babe Ruth calling a shot
• 4:06
  Speaker 3: last night in in Houston a bit tarnished. We also
• 4:10
  Speaker 3: had a trade. There were a couple of trades. The
• 4:13
  Speaker 3: one I got a couple of emails. I guess i'll
• 4:15
  Speaker 3: address this year so I don't have to talk about
• 4:17
  Speaker 3: it when I come back to work on.
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: The radio show on Sunday night.
• 4:20
  Speaker 3: The New York Yankees made a trade yesterday. They got
• 4:25
  Speaker 3: Ryan McMahon, who now I'm actually happy about this, Danny.
• 4:29
  Speaker 3: I was worried that Dodgers were to get Ryan McMahon
• 4:31
  Speaker 3: from the Rockies, so I'm glad.
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: That he's going to the to the Yankees.
• 4:36
  Speaker 3: And another player that Brian Cashman has picked up who
• 4:41
  Speaker 3: looks like an All star because the Rockies have to
• 4:44
  Speaker 3: have an All Star and another guy that is just
• 4:47
  Speaker 3: a mirage when he leaves Coors Field, so good luck
• 4:50
  Speaker 3: on that. When he's playing in Denver, Ryan McMahon, he
• 4:54
  Speaker 3: looks like Juan Soto and when he's lead. When he's
• 4:57
  Speaker 3: outside Denver, he plays like Nick Punto, so good luck
• 5:01
  Speaker 3: with that. And if he was a Mexican wrestler, Ryan
• 5:04
  Speaker 3: McMahon outside of Colorado would be l Stinko.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: And now he is a New York Yankee.
• 5:10
  Speaker 3: And there were rumors the Yankees were gonna go out
• 5:13
  Speaker 3: and get O'Neil Cruz, who's got the razzle dazzle.
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: Even though he's batting like two point fifteen.
• 5:18
  Speaker 3: Or Gino Suarez of the Diamondbacks, and instead they got
• 5:24
  Speaker 3: Ryan McMahon. Ryan McMahon is who they got, so good
• 5:29
  Speaker 3: defensive player who can't hit Other than that, you know,
• 5:34
  Speaker 3: whoo pee Dando, congratulations.
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: Way to go, way to go on that.
• 5:40
  Speaker 3: And what else do I am into the nfl PA story, Danny,
• 5:44
  Speaker 3: I think that's a pretty good story.
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: That the NFL Players Association.
• 5:49
  Speaker 3: How many stories have we seen over the last couple
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: of years, these self righteous chest pounding protectors of the
• 5:59
  Speaker 3: players you know, come off as total douchebags. And apparently,
• 6:04
  Speaker 3: if this report is accurate, they have had their hand
• 6:09
  Speaker 3: not just in the cookie jar, they have been elbowed
• 6:12
  Speaker 3: deep in.
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: The cookie jar.
• 6:14
  Speaker 3: This is not some little accounting error, if you know
• 6:18
  Speaker 3: where I'm going with this. It's not some just slight misuse.
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: Of union funds. It's major personal enrichment.
• 6:28
  Speaker 3: Like this is a massive story, and the FEDS are
• 6:31
  Speaker 3: now investigating this. And there are some people who scream
• 6:38
  Speaker 3: about player rights and it's not fair, you know, safety protocols,
• 6:44
  Speaker 3: all this stuff, and the union that the same people
• 6:49
  Speaker 3: that preach all that stuff, if this story is right,
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: are siphoning money from the players while they are preaching
• 7:00
  Speaker 3: and they're giving sermons about it's not fair and all
• 7:04
  Speaker 3: this stuff, trying to protect the players, they're out there
• 7:07
  Speaker 3: taking money, which is just outstanding when you think about
• 7:12
  Speaker 3: all the times we've seen quotes about player empowerment and
• 7:16
  Speaker 3: they want transparency and all this stuff.
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: And it turns out.
• 7:21
  Speaker 3: The only thing the union's empowered has been their bank accounts.
• 7:27
  Speaker 3: That they've been powered up on that, and so every
• 7:31
  Speaker 3: time they send out some story ripping the owners. There's
• 7:34
  Speaker 3: a three part docu series with the dramatic violins and
• 7:38
  Speaker 3: the slow motion shots of NFL executives walking around, and
• 7:44
  Speaker 3: yet I don't get the same vitriol for this particular story.
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: Are you seeing that? I'm not seeing that, Danny. It
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: doesn't seem to.
• 7:51
  Speaker 3: Be the yin to the yang here that I know.
• 7:55
  Speaker 3: Why that is is we don't really know who the
• 7:58
  Speaker 3: union people are.
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: I have no idea what these people are.
• 8:01
  Speaker 3: And we're not getting the sermons about bad optics in
• 8:06
  Speaker 3: the NFL and all that stuff.
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: But that's a terrible story.
• 8:10
  Speaker 3: If the players are sending money in and the people
• 8:13
  Speaker 3: running the union are taking that money and shaving a
• 8:17
  Speaker 3: little off the top so they can buy Porsches and
• 8:19
  Speaker 3: BMW's and god only knows what Ben.
• 8:22
  Speaker 4: We've been hearing about how dirty this union has been
• 8:26
  Speaker 4: for years, and stories about how they're in bed with
• 8:29
  Speaker 4: the league and they're not really there for the players.
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, no, it's it's wild.
• 8:33
  Speaker 3: I mean, this is over the top, and the fact
• 8:36
  Speaker 3: that the people could go to jail now, so it's
• 8:40
  Speaker 3: just listen. I don't want to hear about the slogans
• 8:43
  Speaker 3: and the hashtags and the rally around the players, the
• 8:48
  Speaker 3: player empowerment speeches when the books are being cooked like
• 8:54
  Speaker 3: a barbecue on the beach in late July, sell me
• 8:59
  Speaker 3: a little. I did want to get to the Mallard
• 9:03
  Speaker 3: Palooza twenty twenty five post game show as advertised. As advertised, Danny,
• 9:08
  Speaker 3: this past week we had the biggest event in overnight
• 9:12
  Speaker 3: sports radio.
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: We save this for the Saturday special. It's time.
• 9:17
  Speaker 4: I saw so much traffic on Twitter about this event,
• 9:21
  Speaker 4: and I had fomo because you know, I sleep during
• 9:24
  Speaker 4: those hours, and I was pissed off that I missed everything.
• 9:27
  Speaker 4: I just saw all the reactions.
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: Well, it was polarizing, Danny. Now we're going in the
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: hot top time machine.
• 9:32
  Speaker 3: We're gonna go down memory lane looking back at the
• 9:34
  Speaker 3: Malar Paluza twenty twenty five. A spectacle. Now, we have
• 9:39
  Speaker 3: heard from those working the dreaded day shift, like you, Danny,
• 9:43
  Speaker 3: that a lot of people will stay up late, they'll
• 9:48
  Speaker 3: miss work, or go into work late, or you know,
• 9:51
  Speaker 3: sudden they wake up groggy because they stayed up too
• 9:55
  Speaker 3: late to hear the Malor Palooza. And the question that
• 9:58
  Speaker 3: is often asked was it worth it? And like most
• 10:02
  Speaker 3: events on the Overnight Show, it depends on who you ask,
• 10:07
  Speaker 3: Like I thought this year's mall be I'll be completely
• 10:10
  Speaker 3: transparent here. I thought the twenty twenty five Mallard Palooza
• 10:14
  Speaker 3: was flat. It was like a bottle of PEPSI left
• 10:17
  Speaker 3: open on the counter. There was not enough fizz. There
• 10:21
  Speaker 3: was no real pop there. And it wasn't all terrible
• 10:25
  Speaker 3: like there were things that I loved. Inca terror outstanding
• 10:29
  Speaker 3: judge back from New York there, classically trained musician. I
• 10:35
  Speaker 3: think it is really good at that. Ohio Al, who's
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: a big part of this podcast, great wonderful. Bennett the
• 10:43
  Speaker 3: comedian Kid stayed up, had his younger sister Valerie take
• 10:48
  Speaker 3: part in his comedy bit Tony from the Bay Area.
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: Tony's always good.
• 10:53
  Speaker 3: Just Josh and Jay Scoop absolutely killed it all right.
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: We had the pig Squeeler, who I believe was on.
• 11:01
  Speaker 3: When you were doing it, Danny, remember the guy that
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: called he's been around for years.
• 11:05
  Speaker 4: That's a favorite.
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a fan favorite.
• 11:07
  Speaker 3: Andre from the Commonwealth brought his dog WILLISFF so.
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: That was kind of cool.
• 11:13
  Speaker 3: So we did have an actual canine contestant and that
• 11:18
  Speaker 3: was pretty cool. And to me, that's the kind of
• 11:21
  Speaker 3: act if there's one act that defines what the Ben
• 11:26
  Speaker 3: Mahler Show and the Mallard Palooza should be. It's weird,
• 11:32
  Speaker 3: unexpected authentic, right, weird unexpected authentic, like a man and
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: his dog.
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: Just barking at.
• 11:43
  Speaker 3: Three in the morning. You know, That's that's what we're
• 11:45
  Speaker 3: looking for. That's Malard Palooza magic. That's overnight radio with
• 11:49
  Speaker 3: the callers, and it's like the perfect theater of the absurd. However,
• 11:55
  Speaker 3: the end of the d Danny and I do not
• 11:58
  Speaker 3: say this with much joy in my heart. The twenty
• 12:01
  Speaker 3: twenty five Malapluza had way too many peaks and valleys right,
• 12:06
  Speaker 3: way too many valleys, like.
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: We hit a wall a wall, and.
• 12:12
  Speaker 3: Doing the retrospective, the post mortem, the autopsy, every want
• 12:15
  Speaker 3: to say it like there's you never know what you're
• 12:19
  Speaker 3: gonna get with these things. I thought there was like
• 12:21
  Speaker 3: a quality control issue. Now I have realized, and this
• 12:27
  Speaker 3: is not meant to offend, but merely an observation that
• 12:33
  Speaker 3: we have a lot of people that listen overnight in
• 12:37
  Speaker 3: the Malad Militia that genuinely believe.
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: In their heart that they're funny.
• 12:46
  Speaker 3: They believe they've got amazing material that they should be
• 12:51
  Speaker 3: appearing at the improv. They believe they know how to
• 12:55
  Speaker 3: deliver a punchline. Spoiler alert, they can't. There were comedy
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: routines that felt like they were written on the back
• 13:07
  Speaker 3: of a receipt at a waffle house within the last
• 13:11
  Speaker 3: twenty minutes before the bed like we kept waiting, we
• 13:16
  Speaker 3: kept waiting to laugh, Danny like nothing was.
• 13:18
  Speaker 4: It at least good bad?
• 13:20
  Speaker 3: No, no, it wasn't even good bad. It was just
• 13:22
  Speaker 3: bad bad, not even good bad. Like you cannot create
• 13:25
  Speaker 3: comedy in a vacuum. It's almost impossible to be funny
• 13:30
  Speaker 3: without people laughing and reacting. Like even to me, the
• 13:34
  Speaker 3: greatest comedian that I ever saw was a guy named
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: George Carlin.
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: Old radio guy became a comedian.
• 13:40
  Speaker 3: George Carlin, if he came back across the Pearly Gates
• 13:43
  Speaker 3: would have struggled with some of these setups. Right and listen,
• 13:48
  Speaker 3: I'm sorry, I'm not sorry. Telling a knock knock joke
• 13:52
  Speaker 3: in a deadpan monotone delivery at four in the morning
• 13:58
  Speaker 3: on Cape cod is not performance Art's. It made me feel,
• 14:03
  Speaker 3: Danny like I had been taken to Was it Alligator
• 14:08
  Speaker 3: Island or Guantanamo Bay or it was like torture.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: So enough.
• 14:15
  Speaker 3: I know everyone thinks they're funny, and you're probably really
• 14:18
  Speaker 3: funny and all that stuff.
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: But it just doesn't It does not work.
• 14:22
  Speaker 4: Okay, I downloaded that episode to my Apple page and
• 14:28
  Speaker 4: it's in my cue. I've already been looking forward to
• 14:32
  Speaker 4: hearing it, and now what you just said, instead of
• 14:35
  Speaker 4: driving me away, it makes me want to listen that
• 14:38
  Speaker 4: much more.
• 14:39
  Speaker 3: Well, good luck. Now that's one problem. Okay, so that's
• 14:45
  Speaker 3: the first problem. The bigger issue now we are going
• 14:49
  Speaker 3: to get to the three headed fire breathing dragon in
• 14:53
  Speaker 3: the room.
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 14:54
  Speaker 3: The big issue here that the overnight show has gotten
• 14:58
  Speaker 3: so popular and we've done so well that the Mallard
• 15:02
  Speaker 3: Palooza has gotten pretty big.
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: The show's gotten as much as.
• 15:06
  Speaker 3: An overnight show can get big, and so the Mallard
• 15:08
  Speaker 3: Palooza has become contaminated with what your friend and our
• 15:13
  Speaker 3: former colleague, lay.
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: Travis, who says the mind virus.
• 15:16
  Speaker 3: Now, when I say the mind virus, we have the
• 15:19
  Speaker 3: same problem that the NBA Slam Dunk contest has. We
• 15:22
  Speaker 3: have the same problem that the Major League Baseball home
• 15:24
  Speaker 3: run derby hash.
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: And what is that problem?
• 15:29
  Speaker 3: It is the it's a slow decline brought on by
• 15:33
  Speaker 3: one very painful truth. Some of our biggest stars in
• 15:37
  Speaker 3: the Malard militia don't want to play ball. They don't
• 15:41
  Speaker 3: want to be part of the Mallard palooza. They've got
• 15:44
  Speaker 3: much lofty status.
• 15:46
  Speaker 4: Danny, I'm not here to apologize about nothing, big bend.
• 15:50
  Speaker 3: We listen, Ohio's not a bench guy, and just Josh
• 15:53
  Speaker 3: and Jay scoops of these other guys. But there were
• 15:55
  Speaker 3: a lot of like, where's that guy? I want to
• 15:58
  Speaker 3: see that guy? Like for right now, I'm not gonna
• 16:01
  Speaker 3: name names. You know, I'm not gonna I'm not I'm
• 16:04
  Speaker 3: not gonna name names. But if I was gonna name names,
• 16:07
  Speaker 3: I'd be like, where's weed Man, Hippie, where's Hollering James,
• 16:10
  Speaker 3: Where's Jed?
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: Who fled? I need Blair in Maine?
• 16:13
  Speaker 3: How I would even take Marcel in Brooklyn doing food picks,
• 16:17
  Speaker 3: like random food picks like these are for us the
• 16:20
  Speaker 3: show heyl Tani, the Tani not in the home run
• 16:24
  Speaker 3: derby this year. That was a buzzkill. Anthony Edwards and
• 16:27
  Speaker 3: this he's never done the slam dunk contest. I don't
• 16:29
  Speaker 3: believe from the Timberwolves like for us, like we don't
• 16:32
  Speaker 3: have Anthony Edwards or Otani. We've got weed Man, Hippie
• 16:36
  Speaker 3: and angry Bill. And we were supposed to have Mark,
• 16:39
  Speaker 3: the full name guy, and then he had They couldn't
• 16:41
  Speaker 3: perform because he was gonna blow into a harmonica and
• 16:45
  Speaker 3: then he's like his roommate or whatever's gonna wake up,
• 16:48
  Speaker 3: and so he had to tap out. But at least
• 16:50
  Speaker 3: he called up and said I can't do it. But
• 16:53
  Speaker 3: those are the callers. Again, I didn't name anybody weed Man, hollering,
• 16:57
  Speaker 3: James Jed who fled Blair Marshall.
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: I didn't name him Danny.
• 17:00
  Speaker 3: But those are the people that often the other listeners
• 17:03
  Speaker 3: tune in for.
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: These are the guys that you build the card around.
• 17:07
  Speaker 3: And it's kind of like you go to a boxing
• 17:09
  Speaker 3: match and you don't have a headliner or you know,
• 17:11
  Speaker 3: or you don't.
• 17:12
  Speaker 4: Have yeah, you know what. It's like a festival concert,
• 17:15
  Speaker 4: like a Saturday and a Sunday. You had the Saturday
• 17:17
  Speaker 4: performers but not the Sunday headliners.
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we just were lacking some of that stuff.
• 17:23
  Speaker 3: And and those are the people that you tune in
• 17:25
  Speaker 3: for and all that stuff, and they a lot we
• 17:27
  Speaker 3: need them to show up and we don't want to
• 17:30
  Speaker 3: hear I do not want to hear about caller burnout or.
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: I just need to take the year off. It's radio.
• 17:37
  Speaker 3: It's all you're doing is talking. This is the show
• 17:40
  Speaker 3: that never sleeps. We're always on in the middle of
• 17:43
  Speaker 3: the night. You don't load, manage your phone call, you
• 17:48
  Speaker 3: show up, You deliver, or at least you try. And
• 17:51
  Speaker 3: you can't be ghosting the mal or to lose like
• 17:56
  Speaker 3: it loses some of its soul. Right, that's the recipe.
• 18:01
  Speaker 3: We need characters, we don't need now. There's always there's
• 18:05
  Speaker 3: always room for the open mic amateur, a few of
• 18:08
  Speaker 3: those guys. But you can't have every other performance be
• 18:14
  Speaker 3: that and Jed crashing his own segment mid call. I
• 18:17
  Speaker 3: would be like, Okay, that's good. You know Jed talking
• 18:20
  Speaker 3: to another crackhead out in the swamp plant of Florida. Uh,
• 18:24
  Speaker 3: you know, weed man hippie asking for rent money, pay
• 18:28
  Speaker 3: we pay gmail me money or whatever.
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: I would have.
• 18:31
  Speaker 3: Taken there, and because you know, that's what makes the
• 18:35
  Speaker 3: Malard Polsea sing and it's it's not cringeworthy comedy.
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: It's not that you know.
• 18:43
  Speaker 3: Now that said credit where it's due. I thought the
• 18:48
  Speaker 3: music was pretty good. I thought it was pretty good.
• 18:53
  Speaker 3: Ohio Jayscoop, some of these other guys were solid.
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: So what's next. So I'm looking ahead.
• 19:01
  Speaker 3: I'm projecting ahead Danny to the Malard Palooz at twenty
• 19:05
  Speaker 3: twenty six, and we clearly need some kind of better filter.
• 19:11
  Speaker 3: And when I was doing the post mortem, when I
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: was doing the autopsy, because of some scheduling issues on
• 19:18
  Speaker 3: my end, we didn't really get a firm date early enough.
• 19:22
  Speaker 3: I think we just have to pick a firm date
• 19:25
  Speaker 3: and stick with it. I think that's part of the problem.
• 19:28
  Speaker 3: There really is no vetting process. I don't think we
• 19:31
  Speaker 3: can have a vetting process. It's not like you say, well,
• 19:34
  Speaker 3: send in a sample of what you're going to do
• 19:37
  Speaker 3: and then we'll see if you're worthy. It's like we
• 19:40
  Speaker 3: don't have a blue ribbon panel. There's no Malard Tribunal,
• 19:44
  Speaker 3: there's no Tzar of performance that.
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: There's none of that.
• 19:48
  Speaker 3: And so we just need some people to bring the heat.
• 19:52
  Speaker 3: We've got to em embress, we've got to embrace the weird.
• 19:57
  Speaker 4: Well, I feel like a cash prize would also be
• 20:00
  Speaker 4: for the winner.
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: Well, that's the thing.
• 20:01
  Speaker 3: I mean, we actually have a prize here, our buddy
• 20:05
  Speaker 3: from Houston, mister Irrigation, has provided another Mallor ring.
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: I don't know if you were on the show when
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: we last got rings. I don't know.
• 20:13
  Speaker 3: This is several years back, but big fan of the
• 20:16
  Speaker 3: show and he's got.
• 20:18
  Speaker 4: You know he was working on a Ben Mallar ring.
• 20:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, he had sent that. Maybe he had left
• 20:22
  Speaker 3: the show by then, and then he's made another one.
• 20:25
  Speaker 3: So this is a second Malord show ring. This is
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: how big a fan and how big a supporter mister
• 20:31
  Speaker 3: Irrigation is. Which I just love Danny because he lives
• 20:35
  Speaker 3: in Houston and I'm not real popular as we've talked
• 20:38
  Speaker 3: about on this show in Houston.
• 20:40
  Speaker 4: Oh oh, you remember back in the day, I brought
• 20:42
  Speaker 4: him to your show. I introduced him to you and
• 20:45
  Speaker 4: the rest is history. So I'm glad there is a prize.
• 20:49
  Speaker 4: Did it go to Jay Scoop? Well, he made a
• 20:52
  Speaker 4: bunch of rings.
• 20:52
  Speaker 3: Like the original plan was we were going to send
• 20:55
  Speaker 3: the top four or five people rings.
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: I guess we'll still probably end up doing that.
• 20:59
  Speaker 4: Okay, I see that was a.
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: Really nice thing to do, very generous. We have no budget.
• 21:04
  Speaker 3: They don't give us anything to give away on the
• 21:06
  Speaker 3: Overnight show. So we need listener It's like public radio.
• 21:10
  Speaker 3: We need listener donations. It's a listener supported broadcast in
• 21:14
  Speaker 3: many ways on the Overnight. So again, looking ahead for
• 21:19
  Speaker 3: the love of Fats from Philadelphia, who famously during the
• 21:23
  Speaker 3: COVID draft one of the great moments in show history.
• 21:25
  Speaker 3: During the COVID NFL Draft on Zoom, Fats was so
• 21:30
  Speaker 3: excited in his kitchen he lit himself on fire.
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: Hell yeah, lit his chest on fire and screamed, Ben Mahler.
• 21:40
  Speaker 3: That would have won going Away, all right, Danny, that
• 21:44
  Speaker 3: would have won going Away Mallard Palouoza this year, because listen,
• 21:50
  Speaker 3: the truth is the malar Palooza brand, if there is
• 21:54
  Speaker 3: such a thing, is not about being polished. It's not
• 21:58
  Speaker 3: about being America's idol or what. It's about the community
• 22:05
  Speaker 3: that's at the malther militia, the long distance misfits that
• 22:10
  Speaker 3: keep us all company from the Witching Hour and beyond and.
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: All that stuff.
• 22:14
  Speaker 3: And so again, I don't I know this is a
• 22:18
  Speaker 3: dated reference, but there used to be this thing called
• 22:20
  Speaker 3: public access back in the day, and that was like
• 22:24
  Speaker 3: YouTube before YouTube, and it wasn't good.
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: So you know what I'm saying, I mean you watched
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: Public Access.
• 22:32
  Speaker 4: Right, Oh that it was like what was the Southern
• 22:35
  Speaker 4: California DJ who used to walk around the beach?
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: Oh the por was it? The poor Man poor Man?
• 22:41
  Speaker 4: Yeah?
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah. He was like weed man hippie, except he
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: had a job. I love you The poor Man, right?
• 22:51
  Speaker 3: And he hosted love Line. I mean that guy was
• 22:54
  Speaker 3: quite the character. I think he don't sue me. I
• 22:57
  Speaker 3: as I understand it, I might be wrong.
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: I think he sued.
• 23:00
  Speaker 3: I mean that was his his intellectual property, love Line,
• 23:04
  Speaker 3: and he hosted it with doctor Drew ad k Rock
• 23:08
  Speaker 3: and then they got rid of him and they, you know,
• 23:10
  Speaker 3: obviously had Adam Corolla and a bunch of other people
• 23:13
  Speaker 3: hosted that.
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: So but I think, yeah, yeah he was and he
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: didn't he buy time on local TV. The poor Man, Yeah,
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: go around?
• 23:27
  Speaker 3: And I remember watching it when I was younger because
• 23:28
  Speaker 3: it was like he'd just interviewed hot chicks and bikinis,
• 23:31
  Speaker 3: Like who doesn't want to watch that?
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: You know? I mean that's uh.
• 23:36
  Speaker 4: I just remember anytime his face would come on the TV,
• 23:39
  Speaker 4: my mom would say turn the channel please.
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: Not very mom friendly.
• 23:45
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I remember him going around like Venice Beach or
• 23:49
  Speaker 3: Santa Monica and he'd be interviewing or Huntington Beach and
• 23:53
  Speaker 3: he'd be interviewing in my head like these really scantily clad,
• 23:56
  Speaker 3: you know, college girls and asking the dumb question the
• 24:00
  Speaker 3: world just because he wanted to show him on camera.
• 24:03
  Speaker 3: You know, I didn't even care what they said. He
• 24:05
  Speaker 3: was trying to, you know, get the the clicks. Uh So, yeah,
• 24:09
  Speaker 3: that's that's it. And I want more variety, like I
• 24:13
  Speaker 3: feel like in years past on the Mallard Paluza, we
• 24:17
  Speaker 3: just had a little more variety, you know what I mean, Danny,
• 24:20
  Speaker 3: you know a little more. And it's difficult because we can't.
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: Show you it's radio.
• 24:26
  Speaker 3: But there's gotta be unique acts like a how about
• 24:30
  Speaker 3: a good whistling act, something like that, a whistle act.
• 24:35
  Speaker 3: We had the Boston Burper, wonderful act, the Boston Burper,
• 24:40
  Speaker 3: and we love that he could burp out our names
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: and talk and burp.
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: That was good.
• 24:47
  Speaker 3: How about a high powered fart, a person that could
• 24:50
  Speaker 3: fart on command. That would do very well in future
• 24:53
  Speaker 3: malle Losers. Now anyway, listen, it wasn't terrible the comedy. Again,
• 24:58
  Speaker 3: I felt like I needed to go to an island
• 25:00
  Speaker 3: surrounded by alligators because it was a little tough, a
• 25:05
  Speaker 3: little tough, but.
• 25:05
  Speaker 4: I feel like I need a Mallord report starr In
• 25:07
  Speaker 4: on this.
• 25:09
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I would give the malar palooza on the I
• 25:13
  Speaker 3: would give it.
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: A C minus, like right in the middle. It's a
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: passing grade. It's a passing.
• 25:19
  Speaker 3: Grade, but not not near the top.
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: And you know, I'm barely passing, barely.
• 25:27
  Speaker 4: Passing an eight to nine NFL record.
• 25:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's Jeff Fisher. It's the old Jeff Fisher coach coaching.
• 25:34
  Speaker 3: All right, we'll get out on that, Danny. We've got
• 25:36
  Speaker 3: the mail bag tomorrow. Anything else you want to yap about.
• 25:39
  Speaker 3: Promote a Saturday. I've got the honeydew list today. That's
• 25:43
  Speaker 3: what I'll be doing. Yeah.
• 25:45
  Speaker 4: You know, well, my wife is going to be packing
• 25:48
  Speaker 4: all day because I have to work next week, just
• 25:50
  Speaker 4: like you. But her family once a year they meet
• 25:53
  Speaker 4: up for a camping trip in Moro Bay.
• 25:56
  Speaker 3: I love morib It's beautiful. There's a nuclear power plant
• 25:59
  Speaker 3: right there.
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: It's great.
• 26:01
  Speaker 4: The stacks, the three stacks in a rock. Yeah, And
• 26:04
  Speaker 4: so she's going to be spending all day packing because
• 26:07
  Speaker 4: she's going to take the kids to go see her family,
• 26:10
  Speaker 4: and they're going to camp for a couple of days. Myself.
• 26:13
  Speaker 4: I guess I'm gonna help in all that and then
• 26:15
  Speaker 4: see them off, which means I'm going to have the
• 26:17
  Speaker 4: house to myself for a couple of days. Women, Fifth
• 26:22
  Speaker 4: Hour podcast party over here at the crib.
• 26:24
  Speaker 3: Nice Party's back in his bachelor days this week.
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: Boys.
• 26:29
  Speaker 4: Hey, yeah, me and the Burbank butt sniffer are back.
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: I saw that.
• 26:36
  Speaker 3: I'm glad they keep letting him out so he can
• 26:39
  Speaker 3: sniff sniff more ass.
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: That's good.
• 26:41
  Speaker 4: Yeah, watch out if you are in a Barnes and
• 26:44
  Speaker 4: Nobles anywhere near California, beware, I watch.
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: But what's worse, Danny, real quick, toss up? All right,
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: what's worse?
• 26:52
  Speaker 3: The sniffer that goes around sniffing ladies tushes or.
• 26:58
  Speaker 4: The if you're really quick, If you don't know who
• 26:59
  Speaker 4: we're talking about, there's this guy in southern California. He
• 27:02
  Speaker 4: got caught sniffing female's butts in public. They threw the
• 27:07
  Speaker 4: book at him, but he got out on bail. While
• 27:09
  Speaker 4: he was out on bail, he got hot inside of
• 27:12
  Speaker 4: Barnes and Nobles doing it again. So this guy just
• 27:16
  Speaker 4: can't help himself.
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: This is what he loves. This is his love. What
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: is worse that?
• 27:21
  Speaker 3: Or the Clippers assistant coach who was rubbing his tookis
• 27:29
  Speaker 3: and then rubbed.
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: And wiped it on the hotel. I think that's actually worse.
• 27:35
  Speaker 4: Oh, that's worse.
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: That's worse. We agree, right, And it looked like.
• 27:38
  Speaker 4: He didn't even give a ship.
• 27:42
  Speaker 3: Literally, I literally gave a ship, Danny, he donated the ship.
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: He did give a ship.
• 27:49
  Speaker 4: I mean, he was so nonchalant about it. Nasty. I mean,
• 27:54
  Speaker 4: obviously he didn't know he was being filmed on this camera.
• 27:58
  Speaker 4: That's really a gross That's that's worse. I think, can
• 28:01
  Speaker 4: you imagine actual who involved?
• 28:04
  Speaker 3: Do you imagine when he's likely been he's that didn't
• 28:08
  Speaker 3: look like his first rodeo doing that, like he just.
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: Kind of casually did it.
• 28:12
  Speaker 4: First of all, my law would have smacked the ship
• 28:15
  Speaker 4: out of us if we put our hands anywhere and
• 28:17
  Speaker 4: down in our pants like that. So to number one,
• 28:21
  Speaker 4: put your hands in there like that, I don't understand that.
• 28:25
  Speaker 4: But two, to then get something out of there and
• 28:28
  Speaker 4: then wipe it on a wall, what kind of animal
• 28:32
  Speaker 4: are you?
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: That's a neanderthal? That's that's tough. That is a that
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: is a tough one.
• 28:38
  Speaker 4: Yeah. Well, so I was just going to tell you
• 28:40
  Speaker 4: about Cola really quick. Makes him seem tame for that
• 28:44
  Speaker 4: camping trip. The wife, he was a little bit worried
• 28:47
  Speaker 4: about him and his long dreadlocks. He hasn't had a
• 28:51
  Speaker 4: haircut yet, so we had to make that very hard
• 28:53
  Speaker 4: decision whether or not to get the baby his first haircut.
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yikes.
• 28:59
  Speaker 4: I'm gonna send you a couple of quick pictures right now,
• 29:01
  Speaker 4: one of him in the chair with a lollipop. We
• 29:04
  Speaker 4: thought that that would pacify him.
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: Wrong.
• 29:07
  Speaker 4: For maybe five seconds, he was okay with that lollipop,
• 29:11
  Speaker 4: and this kid screamed, bloody murder. It was like somebody
• 29:16
  Speaker 4: was trying to kill him. It scared the shit out
• 29:22
  Speaker 4: of the couple of people out of the other customers
• 29:24
  Speaker 4: that were inside this salon. And you see the after
• 29:30
  Speaker 4: was not easy getting to that after photo there. So
• 29:33
  Speaker 4: his baby, his baby hair is gone. Now.
• 29:36
  Speaker 3: It does look though, like he's got a capeon, like
• 29:38
  Speaker 3: he's a superhero, Like he's a child super man.
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: You know, he's gonna be in a Marvel movie or
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: something like that. That's pretty good.
• 29:46
  Speaker 4: I have not heard screaming like that since the time
• 29:51
  Speaker 4: I was at the LA Memorial Coliseum as a little
• 29:53
  Speaker 4: kid and a raider fan stabbed a security guard.
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: Wow, that's good.
• 30:01
  Speaker 3: Uh And he looks He looks good in the in
• 30:04
  Speaker 3: the after photo, looks very professional, like he's ready to
• 30:08
  Speaker 3: do the animal Thunderdome.
• 30:10
  Speaker 4: It could be his LinkedIn photo.
• 30:12
  Speaker 3: Yep, yep, yep, for sure, that's great. You think through
• 30:15
  Speaker 3: the eyes of a child. Though he's never had a haircut,
• 30:17
  Speaker 3: has he watched any anyone else in the house get
• 30:20
  Speaker 3: a haircut?
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: Or has he ever seen that before?
• 30:23
  Speaker 4: She's tried before to like trim his hair herself. Yeah,
• 30:27
  Speaker 4: and when the scissors come near him, he freaks the
• 30:30
  Speaker 4: f out. So we knew that this was gonna be hard.
• 30:33
  Speaker 4: And sure enough. He doesn't like being held down. He
• 30:35
  Speaker 4: doesn't even like being in a car seat. Imagine what
• 30:38
  Speaker 4: his first trip to the dentist is going to be. Like. Yeah,
• 30:41
  Speaker 4: good luck on that, Danny. Yeah, he's gonna need a
• 30:44
  Speaker 4: damn straight jacket.
• 30:45
  Speaker 3: Are you working that, dam I'm sure your wife will
• 30:47
  Speaker 3: enjoy that. Yeah, all right, Well that's good man. He
• 30:51
  Speaker 3: looks Listen, he does look like a superhero in that
• 30:53
  Speaker 3: top photo.
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: That I'm looking.
• 30:56
  Speaker 4: I'll post this on my Twitter today at Danny G Radio.
• 30:59
  Speaker 3: All Right, very good, and we'll get out on that
• 31:03
  Speaker 3: and the mail bag tomorrow. Have a great Saturday. Like
• 31:05
  Speaker 3: I said, I got the the honeydew list. My brother
• 31:10
  Speaker 3: in not this next week, but in a couple of weeks.
• 31:14
  Speaker 3: My older brother is going to be in town, so
• 31:16
  Speaker 3: I'm going to take a couple of days off from
• 31:18
  Speaker 3: work and hang out with him.
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: But he's going to stay at the Malor Mansion, so
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: we have to clean it up.
• 31:22
  Speaker 3: You know, we don't normally have guests at the Mallor Mansion,
• 31:25
  Speaker 3: so we have to clean it up.
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: And my wife.
• 31:27
  Speaker 3: Has informed me it's like a two week process of cleaning.
• 31:32
  Speaker 3: I didn't realize I was a slum lord, but apparently
• 31:35
  Speaker 3: it takes two weeks to clean the house. So well,
• 31:38
  Speaker 3: I'm sure i'll talk more about that when we go
• 31:39
  Speaker 3: forward later on. I have a great Saturday. We got
• 31:43
  Speaker 3: the mail bag tomorrow and see you then later.
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: Skater my Folaca