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16 | Schrödinger's Hatchback · You Didn't Ask For This

• 0:00
  Matt: You remember the diner in college?
• 0:02
  Matt: How they o how it and I feel like most this applies to most diners.
• 0:06
  Matt: You know how they had those toothpicks at the end at the counter, like when you checked out?
• 0:10
  Eric: Do I remember Towson Diner?
• 0:13
  Matt: Yes.
• 0:14
  Matt: Do I remember their toothpicks?
• 0:16
  Matt: I meant specifically the toothpicks.
• 0:18
  Matt: I I assumed you remember the diner.
• 0:20
  Matt: I remember them well.
• 0:22
  Matt: I do you agree that this is sort of a mainstay of diners that they're and older restaurants in general, that there's always toothpicks at the end?
• 0:30
  Eric: There's always toothpicks at the end, and I'm always most excited to see toothpicks when I see them in a diner.
• 0:35
  Matt: With that little dispenser where it has like a little spring drawer.
• 0:39
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 0:40
  Eric: Oh yeah.
• 0:41
  Eric: Or the twirl ball.
• 0:42
  Eric: That's how you know it's fancy.
• 0:43
  Eric: You're like, all right, I will get exactly one toothpick.
• 0:46
  Matt: That's how you know you are in a bougie diner.
• 0:49
  Matt: Bougie as hell.
• 0:50
  Matt: But here's a follow-up question.
• 0:52
  Matt: Who are those four?
• 0:54
  Matt: Because I feel as though when I was, you know, 20 and in this diner, I would get the toothpicks and walk away from the diner with that toothpick, picking it probably nothing in my teeth.
• 1:06
  Eric: Yeah, you'd have to make like a production of it.
• 1:09
  Eric: Like you get a you get a toothpick, you're like, yeah, it's running.
• 1:11
  Eric: I got some.
• 1:12
  Eric: I ate such a fine meal that I pick shit out of my teeth.
• 1:17
  Eric: That's how much food I ate.
• 1:18
  Matt: I am now playing the role of toothpick man.
• 1:23
  Eric: Oh yeah.
• 1:23
  Eric: And it it is a certain breed that that can be a toothpick person.
• 1:29
  Matt: I don't think I was right for the role of toothpick person.
• 1:33
  Eric: It's you get weird windows of it in your life.
• 1:36
  Eric: I feel like from like 16 to like 25, that's toothpick territory.
• 1:44
  Eric: But from 25 to like 49, you're outside of toothpick territory.
• 1:51
  Matt: Right.
• 1:51
  Matt: I feel like if I got a something stuck in my teeth now at a diner and I got the toothpick, I'd kind of hide it.
• 1:57
  Matt: I'd be like, oh shit, I'm sorry.
• 1:59
  Matt: Excuse me.
• 1:59
  Eric: I'm so sorry.
• 2:00
  Eric: Gotta feel so gross right now.
• 2:02
  Matt: I gotta get this out of here, but also I don't want you to see me actually use a toothpick for its real purpose, other than pretending that I'm you know the the air traffic controller in airplane who picked the wrong day to stop sniffing glue.
• 2:18
  Eric: Yeah, like it if you were if you were a young tough from 16 to 25, I feel like that's that's what that describes, that age range.
• 2:28
  Eric: A young tough is 16 to 25.
• 2:30
  Eric: And then but then later you're like an old salt.
• 2:34
  Eric: When you're 50.
• 2:35
  Eric: You can do it again?
• 2:37
  Eric: You can do it again.
• 2:38
  Eric: Because they're like, ah yes, he's he's reliving his the days he was young tough.
• 2:43
  Matt: So are you saying that it the are the young toughs doing it inappropriately, say, like almost like I'm I'm I'm projecting above my station by having this.
• 2:56
  Eric: No, no, it's like it like it's the tough guy thing.
• 3:00
  Eric: Like like you you feel badass when you have a fucking toothpick in your mouth.
• 3:05
  Matt: Yeah.
• 3:06
  Matt: And let me just ask why.
• 3:08
  Matt: I don't know.
• 3:09
  Matt: I don't I'm not saying I don't.
• 3:11
  Matt: I'm not saying like when I pick up the toothpick, because it's true, when you pick up the toothpick, you do feel like you should be like manning a uh army turret in World War II.
• 3:21
  Eric: Or at the very least, you're from Brooklyn.
• 3:23
  Matt: Or at the very least, you're from Brooklyn.
• 3:25
  Eric: Which I I know Brooklyn.
• 3:27
  Eric: I will say, um I once interned for a guy at uh like I was his gopher at a theater fest.
• 3:35
  Matt: Yeah, you said intern.
• 3:37
  Matt: Yeah.
• 3:37
  Matt: That's a little work abuse joke.
• 3:39
  Matt: Continue.
• 3:41
  Eric: But he was telling me stories about how like when he like he this dude was like in his 60s almost a decade ago.
• 3:50
  Eric: And he was telling me about like well how one of his close friends, like when they were growing up, he would always have a toothpick in his mouth just in case he needed to take it out and stab someone in the fucking eye with it.
• 4:01
  Eric: Oh my god.
• 4:02
  Eric: That's why I'm like, yeah, that guy, that's toothpick guy.
• 4:05
  Eric: Yeah, okay, but that that could be a legitimate concern for you.
• 4:09
  Matt: And let me ask you that, yeah, you that means you roll with a a certain brand of human if you think it's realistic enough that you there's a non-zero chance you're gonna encounter the wrong end of a Tommy gun if that is your life.
• 4:24
  Eric: Like you know what I mean?
• 4:25
  Matt: Right.
• 4:26
  Matt: In 2021.
• 4:27
  Eric: In 2021.
• 4:28
  Matt: So let me ask a follow-up question about this guy.
• 4:31
  Matt: So it did you ever see him with a toothpick?
• 4:34
  Matt: Did you ever see him armed?
• 4:36
  Matt: No, I never saw him armed.
• 4:38
  Matt: Well with the toothpick, is what I meant.
• 4:40
  Eric: Actually, he probably did have a toothpick, because I I'm trying to think of any situation where it would be appropriate to tell me that story where it where like, you know, he didn't have a toothpick in his mouth.
• 4:49
  Matt: That's what I'm saying.
• 4:50
  Matt: Yeah.
• 4:50
  Matt: Like, but he's uh unless he was saying, like, oh, in my rugged days of youth, I had I rolled with a toothpick always.
• 4:58
  Eric: I think it's when we were getting our boxed lunches.
• 5:01
  Matt: Yeah.
• 5:02
  Eric: They came with a little toothpick, you're like, ah yeah.
• 5:04
  Eric: Like, it was this is his moment to like pass some wisdom to me.
• 5:07
  Eric: He's like, yeah, I guess I better teach you.
• 5:09
  Eric: This is the wisdom he passed?
• 5:10
  Eric: Yeah, man.
• 5:11
  Eric: Fucking carry toothpick, stab someone in the fucking eye with it.
• 5:14
  Matt: Have you carried a toothpick since?
• 5:16
  Eric: Hell no.
• 5:16
  Eric: I'd forgot like me immediately.
• 5:21
  Eric: Yeah.
• 5:23
  Eric: Now I kind of want a fucking toothpick.
• 5:25
  Matt: Wouldn't we look cool though in this zoom window?
• 5:27
  Eric: We both got these little I I apparently I'm smoking the toothpick like a cigarette.
• 5:35
  Eric: Yes, me too.
• 5:51
  Matt: And welcome back to another edition of You Didn't Ask For This podcast where we answer all of life's least pressing questions.
• 6:00
  Matt: My name is Matt Shea.
• 6:01
  Eric: My name is Eric Poach.
• 6:03
  Matt: Episode 16, baby.
• 6:05
  Eric: Here we go.
• 6:06
  Eric: Here we go.
• 6:07
  Eric: Sweet 16, Matt.
• 6:09
  Matt: Sweet 16.
• 6:10
  Matt: We're getting a car, maybe.
• 6:13
  Eric: Speaking of which, uh, they were we may maybe getting I did not get a car for my 16.
• 6:19
  Eric: I I never I was I was not given a car by my parents.
• 6:23
  Matt: I I I don't think I I'm having trouble remembering.
• 6:27
  Matt: I didn't get a I don't think I got the car outright at age 16, but I did basically inherit my mom's car.
• 6:36
  Matt: No, it was pretty immediate.
• 6:37
  Matt: I don't think it was like well, there was no like, it's your 16th birthday, here's the car.
• 6:41
  Matt: But I did get uh my mom's Chevy Malibu as my first vehicle.
• 6:50
  Matt: So you didn't have a car mostly to yourself?
• 6:52
  Eric: Uh no.
• 6:53
  Eric: Well, well, my mom would let me use the CRV, uh, you know, often as needed.
• 6:59
  Eric: But I also worked within biking distance.
• 7:04
  Matt: Well, you had that karate van too.
• 7:05
  Eric: Yeah, well, yeah, but they didn't let me take it home.
• 7:08
  Matt: They didn't let you, but you did.
• 7:10
  Eric: But I could have if I wanted.
• 7:12
  Eric: Who's gonna stop me?
• 7:13
  Eric: My own disciples?
• 7:14
  Matt: Who these children?
• 7:16
  Eric: I know.
• 7:17
  Eric: This will be your final test when you can wrestle the van from my grip.
• 7:21
  Matt: Oh man, yes, indeed.
• 7:24
  Matt: And Eric, you you've had a rough week, right?
• 7:27
  Matt: You had uh you got your shot?
• 7:29
  Eric: Oh, I got my shot.
• 7:30
  Eric: Got dose one, baby.
• 7:32
  Matt: Yeah, and it f it fucked you up a little bit.
• 7:34
  Eric: If it it it fucked me up bad.
• 7:36
  Matt: Well, you know, uh I had uh uh a coworker of mine also had well, she got the second shot, but she had the uh uh immune she had a little bit of an immune response to it.
• 7:47
  Matt: She she has a very uh active immune system, you know, a sensitive immune system.
• 7:51
  Matt: So she was down for like a couple of days.
• 7:53
  Matt: But what I said to her is what I'll say to you, it's a good that just says to me it's the it's a good thing you got it, because if you if you got that from the little sample size of COVID, the real thing would have fucked you up.
• 8:04
  Eric: You know what's making me realize?
• 8:05
  Eric: My immune system, toothpick guy.
• 8:07
  Eric: He is he is stabbing into the eye.
• 8:10
  Matt: Oh shit.
• 8:10
  Matt: Toothpick right now.
• 8:11
  Matt: Yeah, he's stabbing you in the eye.
• 8:13
  Eric: Oh yes, yes.
• 8:14
  Matt: Well, I got my second shot next week, so we'll see if I I uh how I do.
• 8:18
  Matt: But the important thing is, of course, that we both are getting the shot.
• 8:21
  Eric: Get the vaccine.
• 8:22
  Matt: Get the vaccine.
• 8:25
  Matt: Anyway, now that we've preached to you, uh, should not that I think this is preaching, I think this is basic uh civil service, actually.
• 8:33
  Matt: Not getting vaccinated is unAmerican! Uncle Sam wants you to be vaccinated.
• 8:39
  Matt: He needs your help.
• 8:41
  Matt: He but he actually does it.
• 8:43
  Matt: But he actually does.
• 8:44
  Eric: We all actually do.
• 8:46
  Eric: Don't don't do it for me.
• 8:48
  Eric: Don't do it for Matt.
• 8:49
  Eric: Don't even do it for yourself.
• 8:52
  Eric: Do it for Tony Fauci.
• 8:54
  Eric: Anthony Fauci is a fucking toothpick guy.
• 8:57
  Matt: Do it for fucking Tony, okay?
• 8:59
  Eric: Tony Fauci.
• 9:01
  Matt: Do it for Tony Fauci.
• 9:02
  Eric: Why was he not given a toothpick?
• 9:05
  Eric: I feel like everyone would have taken him 10,000 times more seriously if he had a fucking toothpically like if Tony Fauci went up there.
• 9:12
  Matt: I don't know why I'm making him sound like this when it does not sound like this.
• 9:15
  Eric: But see, that's a testament to the energy he's giving.
• 9:18
  Matt: But if he got up there with a toothpick and said, Listen, wear your fucking masks, people.
• 9:24
  Matt: Yeah, I would have said, Fucking look at this toothpick trust him.
• 9:28
  Matt: He he comes up, he's like, We got a vaccine.
• 9:32
  Eric: Don't worry about where it comes from.
• 9:34
  Eric: You're gonna get it, you're gonna feel great.
• 9:37
  Matt: Both of these are terrible Anthony Fauci impressions, but the spirit is correct.
• 9:42
  Matt: The spirit is there.
• 9:43
  Matt: And you know what, Eric?
• 9:44
  Matt: This talk of vaccines would go away under the premise of our first an excellent segue.
• 9:54
  Eric: That's very good.
• 9:55
  Matt: I think it's time for our first question, which is a question I've been pondering for a few weeks now.
• 10:02
  Matt: What are the consequences of immortality?
• 10:07
  Eric: Right off the bat, uh-huh.
• 10:09
  Matt: When we say immortality, I think this is one where we need to uh establish ground rules.
• 10:17
  Eric: Yes.
• 10:17
  Eric: Yes.
• 10:18
  Eric: Uh there's there's two kind of flavors here.
• 10:20
  Eric: Flavor one is functionally immortal, you know, like the elves of Lord of the Rings, where uh provided you don't get stabbed, you can live forever.
• 10:30
  Eric: Correct.
• 10:30
  Eric: Uh then there is immortal as in impervious, and you you physically are incapable of dying.
• 10:39
  Matt: Yes.
• 10:39
  Matt: So I when I think of immortal beings, I think of, as you put it, the elves from Lord of the Rings, who are perhaps more accessible to uh the greater populace, vampires.
• 10:51
  Matt: Yeah.
• 10:52
  Matt: I realized that you know, in thinking about this, that I think when you become immortal is a question we need to tackle.
• 11:00
  Matt: But like in vampire lore, when they become immortal, they are the age, they are the physical body they were from that point on, yeah, until they are killed by external means.
• 11:14
  Matt: Because being able to not die is invincibility, not immortality.
• 11:21
  Eric: Yes.
• 11:22
  Matt: I would like to discuss immortality.
• 11:25
  Eric: I agree.
• 11:26
  Eric: Also, can we talk about how fucking stressful of a window that is, like calling that shot when you're when you're the vampire and you're made immortal?
• 11:35
  Matt: Yeah.
• 11:36
  Eric: You're like, okay, this gonna be me.
• 11:39
  Eric: Forever.
• 11:40
  Matt: Yeah.
• 11:41
  Matt: What is the best time, do you think?
• 11:44
  Matt: The best age to become immortal.
• 11:47
  Eric: I've my my my my my gut says like 27.
• 11:52
  Matt: I was gonna say 25 to 27.
• 11:57
  Matt: I in I think that age window, because you're a little bit older than then you you're you're uh wasted youth, you know.
• 12:08
  Matt: You're past the like let me just do dumb shit for the sake of doing dumb shit phase for the most part, but you haven't yet reached everything hurts all the time.
• 12:19
  Eric: Yeah.
• 12:20
  Eric: And it's not weird if you're like there's no party you can go to when you're 27 that like you feel weird being at.
• 12:27
  Matt: Yeah, you you feel equally appropriate at Phil's retirement party.
• 12:34
  Matt: Phil's retirement party as you do uh a graduation party.
• 12:39
  Eric: Yeah, like I don't feel yeah.
• 12:41
  Matt: Although to all the 25-year-olds to 27-year-olds listening right now, if you're gonna go back to a college party, you will feel weird.
• 12:49
  Matt: You will feel so weird, and that's good.
• 12:52
  Matt: That means you've grown.
• 12:53
  Matt: That means you've grown.
• 12:54
  Matt: But let me tell you something.
• 12:55
  Matt: If you are listening to this and you hear me say these words, and you say, I am 25 and I've been to a college party this year, shame on you, it's COVID.
• 13:04
  Eric: Shame.
• 13:04
  Matt: But I've been to a college party this year and I didn't feel weird.
• 13:08
  Matt: I've got news for you.
• 13:10
  Matt: Everybody else did.
• 13:11
  Matt: Yep, everybody else did.
• 13:14
  Matt: Okay?
• 13:15
  Matt: Nobody wants you there.
• 13:17
  Matt: No, no, no.
• 13:18
  Eric: They're like, who is this?
• 13:19
  Eric: Who is this almost 30-year-old?
• 13:22
  Matt: Yeah, yeah.
• 13:23
  Eric: Who is this guy who's old enough to be my adjunct professor?
• 13:29
  Eric: Immortality.
• 13:31
  Eric: Immortality.
• 13:32
  Eric: So when we become immortal, so we agreeing like 25, 27.
• 13:35
  Matt: I do think a mid-20s is a good age.
• 13:37
  Matt: Yeah.
• 13:38
  Matt: Because you don't want to be stuck.
• 13:40
  Matt: I would I'll I'll use my own body as an example.
• 13:44
  Matt: I don't know that I if I got in if I became immortal today, my one of my first thoughts would be this couldn't have happened before I herniated a disc in my back.
• 13:56
  Matt: Yeah.
• 13:57
  Matt: But this couldn't happen before I was stuck with these daily stretches.
• 14:01
  Eric: On the other end, uh I I am I picked 25-27 kind of coming from the other way.
• 14:09
  Eric: I didn't stop growing until I was like 22.
• 14:12
  Eric: I'm not convinced you'd have stopped.
• 14:14
  Eric: I probably haven't.
• 14:15
  Eric: So, like from ages 15 to 22, those were some ouchy times for my bones.
• 14:21
  Eric: My bones hurt real bad.
• 14:25
  Matt: Well, let me let me just say this, because when I was looking at the uh Wikipedia article for um immortality, I discovered a fact that I think will if you if you haven't thought about this yet, it may shock you.
• 14:42
  Eric: Okay.
• 14:43
  Matt: And I'm I'm prepared to be shocked.
• 14:45
  Eric: Hold on, let me get my let me get my water ready for my spit take.
• 14:48
  Matt: Well, there's a lot of electronics around you.
• 14:50
  Matt: I don't know that I recommend that.
• 14:51
  Matt: But I am just going to say the facts that I learned that didn't surprise me but also shocked me.
• 14:58
  Matt: And I think everyone is gonna be able to guess this as I say it.
• 15:01
  Matt: So I'm just gonna say it nice and slow.
• 15:04
  Matt: Okay.
• 15:05
  Matt: Scientists have been working on a way to make humans immortal.
• 15:12
  Matt: I really thought you were gonna jump on me there on scientists.
• 15:16
  Matt: Yes, yes, and again, not surprising.
• 15:19
  Matt: Like, of course, that's something humans have been trying to do.
• 15:22
  Eric: I want it, I want the key to immortality to be the dumbest shit on earth.
• 15:26
  Eric: Like something that's like is like, oh yeah, sand crabs.
• 15:29
  Eric: Turns out it was sand crab venom.
• 15:31
  Matt: So there is the anti-aging movement that this article references, life extension technologies promise a path to complete rejuvenation.
• 15:39
  Matt: Cryonyx holds out hope uh that the dead can be revived in the future following sufficient medical advancements.
• 15:46
  Matt: Again, Red Flag City.
• 15:48
  Matt: While as shown with creatures such as the Hydra and the Plan Iranian worms, it is indeed for a it is indeed possible for a creature to be biologically immortal.
• 15:59
  Matt: It is not known if it will be possible for humans in the near future, but at the very top of this article, go to Wikipedia, there you'll find it.
• 16:06
  Matt: At the very top of this article, it says that certain scientists, futurists, and philosophers have theorized about the immortality of the human body with some suggesting that immortality may be achievable in the first few decades of the 21st century.
• 16:31
  Matt: That's this one.
• 16:39
  Matt: And then you have the then you have the debate with yourselves, right?
• 16:43
  Matt: Because now it's not a vaccine to get rid of a uh a superflu that's killing the whole planet that it's common sense to be getting.
• 16:50
  Matt: It is now a question of whether or not you live forever.
• 16:56
  Matt: Because in a way, I see the argument.
• 16:59
  Matt: This could be this could be a controversial statement, but if it is possible and safe and all that stuff, hypothetically, it's proven that it is safe and it will make you immortal.
• 17:10
  Matt: Is isn't not getting the vaccine suicide?
• 17:14
  Matt: Yeah, yeah, right, yeah, like allowing oneself the ability to die.
• 17:21
  Matt: Yeah, I know it's not killing yourself necessarily, but it kills you.
• 17:23
  Eric: No, it's not like active, yeah, it's not like trying to take your own life.
• 17:28
  Matt: And then you have the debate like, what if you're in a relationship and one of you doesn't want to be immortal, but the other one's like, hey, wouldn't this be fucking cool?
• 17:38
  Matt: Bye.
• 17:39
  Matt: That's it.
• 17:40
  Matt: That's as easy as it is for you.
• 17:41
  Matt: Sam says she wants to be immortal.
• 17:43
  Matt: You're not gonna you and you don't?
• 17:46
  Matt: Well, first of all, would you want to be immortal?
• 17:48
  Eric: Oh, fuck yeah.
• 17:48
  Eric: Oh, I I'd get on my bus.
• 17:50
  Matt: I didn't need to ask you.
• 17:51
  Matt: I knew.
• 17:51
  Matt: I'd get on that bus.
• 17:52
  Matt: I knew.
• 17:53
  Matt: I I sort of want if anyone's gonna be immortal, I feel like I want you to be the lone immortal.
• 17:58
  Eric: Aww, thanks, Bill.
• 17:59
  Matt: Can you imagine what a fucking legend you'd be?
• 18:02
  Eric: Oh my god.
• 18:02
  Eric: I and that's the thing, too.
• 18:04
  Eric: Like, I wouldn't do the whole like from the shadows, you know, changing identities every few decades, right out the repate.
• 18:13
  Matt: I'm like, what's up?
• 18:14
  Matt: And we did ask people on Instagram for tangential questions about immortality.
• 18:19
  Matt: Alex Kafarakis did provide one, of course, he did, uh, which was to say, would we tell people if we were immortal?
• 18:27
  Matt: 100%.
• 18:28
  Eric: I could not keep my mouth shut about that.
• 18:29
  Matt: I think 100%.
• 18:32
  Matt: I have you we are actors.
• 18:35
  Matt: Yeah.
• 18:35
  Matt: Trying to be noticed for the better part of our lives.
• 18:40
  Matt: You don't think I'm putting on my resume EMC points can juggle is immortal.
• 18:48
  Matt: Physical appearance will not change.
• 18:51
  Matt: Yeah, it's it's oh man.
• 18:54
  Matt: And and I feel like we're at a good acting age to be immortal.
• 18:58
  Eric: Oh, absolutely.
• 19:00
  Eric: Uh I mean, but you know what I feel like would be awkward?
• 19:03
  Eric: Tell me, please.
• 19:05
  Eric: Well, a couple things.
• 19:06
  Eric: Uh I think more than a couple, so go ahead, go right ahead.
• 19:09
  Eric: First, let me start with I wouldn't just like go around talking like I'm immortal.
• 19:13
  Eric: Uh what I would do is I would just make it so fucking obvious that I was immortal, like hinting at it so heavily that people are just like eventually like, poacher, like, are you immortal?
• 19:26
  Matt: And I'm like, what is this what's happening with Paul Rudd?
• 19:30
  Matt: You know how Paul Rudd never ages?
• 19:32
  Eric: Dude never ages, he's got those Keanu jeans.
• 19:34
  Matt: Yeah, and we all every every couple of months somebody makes a new meme about about him never aging.
• 19:39
  Eric: And he's just waiting for someone to like get it.
• 19:41
  Matt: He's just waiting for someone to figure it out.
• 19:44
  Eric: Someone just say the punchline.
• 19:45
  Matt: Yes.
• 19:45
  Matt: I, Paul Rudd, am immortal.
• 19:47
  Matt: I have been immortal.
• 19:48
  Matt: Thank you.
• 19:49
  Matt: I didn't want to be the guy who came right out and said it.
• 19:52
  Matt: Yeah.
• 19:52
  Matt: Oh my god.
• 19:53
  Eric: Here's what can be awkward though.
• 19:56
  Eric: So you become immortal.
• 19:57
  Eric: The first few decades.
• 20:00
  Matt: Yeah, you just age well, quote unquote.
• 20:02
  Eric: You just age well, and like people come to you, like, oh my god, you're immortal.
• 20:06
  Eric: You must know so much.
• 20:08
  Eric: You must have so much wisdom.
• 20:10
  Matt: Like, no, it does come with the expectation of wisdom.
• 20:14
  Matt: Because age does too, right?
• 20:16
  Matt: Because everybody, you know, that's I, you know, I feel as though, you know, the respect to your elders thing is based on like, oh, well, they may be wise.
• 20:26
  Matt: But it turns out, as uh when I was a kid, I believed that, you know, oh, everybody who's got gray hair is smart.
• 20:33
  Matt: And it turns out that that's not true.
• 20:36
  Eric: No, not even a little bit, not even close.
• 20:38
  Eric: Not even, not even a little bit.
• 20:40
  Eric: So that was a lie.
• 20:42
  Eric: And you know what's gonna piss me off when I'm immortal?
• 20:46
  Eric: Like 900 years from now, yeah, there's gonna be me, right?
• 20:50
  Eric: Oh, there you are.
• 20:52
  Eric: With my knowledge, whatever I've decided is worth remembering over the let's just assume I can remember whatever I want, but like, you know, or you know, like a normal human if I devote time to it.
• 21:05
  Matt: If you've turned immortal at this age, your memory recall is the same quality.
• 21:12
  Matt: But it after 900 years, you are gonna lose some details.
• 21:16
  Eric: But it's gonna suck because like 900 years from now, I'm gonna have to get into arguments with historians who majored in my timeline.
• 21:26
  Eric: And they're gonna be right, and I'm gonna have to look like an asshole.
• 21:29
  Eric: I'm like, I'm immortal.
• 21:31
  Matt: No, listen to me.
• 21:32
  Matt: These book smart assholes coming from Brown, they they come up to your tower because I assume you're gonna be I have a tower, Matthew.
• 21:43
  Eric: Of course I have a tower.
• 21:45
  Matt: Here's how I think like this is what I'm thinking about.
• 21:48
  Matt: I'm gonna use the tragic real life example that Sam has chosen not to be immortal.
• 21:53
  Matt: Okay.
• 21:54
  Matt: At some point in time, the two of you are gonna part on this mortal coil.
• 21:58
  Eric: Go down our separate paths.
• 22:00
  Matt: Except her path goes into the ground and your path goes into a tower in the sky.
• 22:07
  Matt: Because let me ask you this.
• 22:08
  Matt: How do you proceed?
• 22:09
  Matt: How do you proceed with your life?
• 22:10
  Matt: Because let's say normal life, you know, congratulations, you Sam, together.
• 22:15
  Matt: 100 years.
• 22:16
  Matt: Hundred years, I'm giving you.
• 22:17
  Eric: Yeah.
• 22:17
  Matt: You've hit Asia 100.
• 22:19
  Matt: Now what?
• 22:20
  Matt: All your friends are also either dead or off.
• 22:24
  Eric: Okay, this yeah, this is the lone immortal uh approach.
• 22:27
  Matt: This in this in this instance, we're talking about a lone immortal.
• 22:31
  Matt: I do think there are more consequences for herd immortality.
• 22:35
  Eric: Yeah, oh yeah, that's that's a whole other the fucking holy wars that will be fought over the this it's essentially gonna shake out to the plot of Dune.
• 22:46
  Eric: Ugh.
• 22:47
  Eric: Ugh.
• 22:48
  Eric: But what do I do?
• 22:50
  Eric: What's your day to day, baby?
• 22:52
  Eric: My day-to-day?
• 22:54
  Eric: Like, do you still have to work?
• 22:56
  Eric: That's the sh that's what would fuck with me.
• 22:59
  Eric: I'm like, do I have to pull a fucking check?
• 23:03
  Matt: Certainly, after a certain point, as you said, people are gonna catch on.
• 23:10
  Matt: People are gonna sh say, hey, you it's gonna stop being, wow, you look really good for 50.
• 23:16
  Matt: Wow, you look really good for 60.
• 23:18
  Matt: It's gonna be, how are you 90?
• 23:21
  Matt: You don't, you don't, you're lying.
• 23:23
  Matt: You're now gonna get to a point where people are lying.
• 23:25
  Matt: It's gonna take a couple of centuries before people are like, nah, this guy's for real.
• 23:30
  Eric: Like, all right, we're pretty, we're pretty confident.
• 23:32
  Matt: Don't you think you're getting sponsorships up the wazette?
• 23:37
  Eric: But like, what the fuck can anyone offer?
• 23:40
  Eric: Like, who's gonna sponsor me?
• 23:42
  Eric: Like L'Oreal, like, ah, oh yeah, my face cream that I don't need because I'm fucking immortal.
• 23:48
  Matt: Yeah, it doesn't need to be L'Oreal.
• 23:50
  Matt: You don't need to be worth it.
• 23:52
  Matt: It it would be, you know, FUDRUCKERS.
• 23:56
  Eric: Yeah.
• 23:57
  Eric: Or actually, when you think about it, I uh I have like the ultimate selling line for anything, which is like, look, man, I've been doing this for 900 years.
• 24:05
  Eric: I haven't found a better toothbrush yet.
• 24:07
  Matt: I've been doing this since before your great-great granddaddy was born.
• 24:12
  Matt: I would I was doing this back when the kids were TikToking.
• 24:17
  Eric: I never want children.
• 24:19
  Eric: But if I was immortal, I'd be going Genghis Khan, son.
• 24:23
  Eric: Like, consensually.
• 24:24
  Eric: Consensually.
• 24:25
  Eric: Like I would just I would I would eventually want to sire an entire planet.
• 24:30
  Eric: If I just keep at it, eventually the entire planet will be descended from me.
• 24:35
  Matt: I guess, yeah.
• 24:36
  Matt: If that's the plot line you want to write for your.
• 24:39
  Eric: I mean, if I've got a tower, that's kind of the way this is going.
• 24:43
  Eric: Like, I'm gonna that's gonna be my day job.
• 24:46
  Eric: Like, if I become immortal, I'm going super villain.
• 24:48
  Eric: Like, I'm I'm going Wow.
• 24:50
  Eric: I'm I'm going super villain, but you know, I can take my time with it.
• 24:53
  Eric: I don't have to rush anything.
• 24:55
  Matt: Does that mean if I become immortal, I am obligated to be the Yang to your Yin?
• 25:02
  Eric: Yep.
• 25:03
  Eric: I'm gonna be the I'm gonna be the Kurgan to your McLeod.
• 25:06
  Matt: And I'm going to have to be the one who takes the high road, because you wanted to be the villain.
• 25:13
  Eric: Yeah.
• 25:13
  Eric: I'm gonna be played by Clancy Brown.
• 25:15
  Matt: Can hold the fucking phone.
• 25:18
  Matt: You get Clancy Brown?
• 25:19
  Eric: I'm the Kurgan! If this is Highlander, yeah, that was played.
• 25:23
  Eric: The bad guy played by Clancy Brown! You're telling me there's a world in which an evil immortal isn't played by Clancy Brown?
• 25:31
  Matt: I wouldn't be surprised if Clancy Brown himself is immortal already.
• 25:34
  Matt: And props to him, he should be.
• 25:36
  Matt: He's an American and national treasure.
• 25:38
  Eric: Yes.
• 25:39
  Matt: But that said, I also want to be played by Clancy Brown.
• 25:44
  Eric: I feel like you'd be played by uh um, oh, what's his face?
• 25:49
  Matt: Yeah, it is a bad casting for me.
• 25:50
  Matt: I just love Clancy Brown.
• 25:51
  Eric: No, dude, Clancy Brown's fucking dope.
• 25:54
  Eric: Um oh, uh, you'd be played by Tim Robbins.
• 25:58
  Eric: You think?
• 25:59
  Eric: I think you'd be played by Tim Robbins.
• 26:01
  Eric: Oh, yeah, you'd be the playboys.
• 26:02
  Eric: Uh you give me such Tim Robbins vibes.
• 26:04
  Eric: Thanks.
• 26:06
  Matt: I feel I'm getting rid of it.
• 26:07
  Eric: But like with more emotion, you're like Tim Robbins, but they installed the extra emotion chip in you.
• 26:11
  Eric: How dare you, I went from being honored to angry in the blink of an eye.
• 26:17
  Eric: Hey man, he's a master of understatement.
• 26:20
  Matt: Yes, he is.
• 26:21
  Matt: It's called being a good subtle character actor.
• 26:24
  Matt: We're losing the plot again.
• 26:25
  Eric: We're losing the plot.
• 26:26
  Eric: Immortality.
• 26:27
  Matt: Immortality.
• 26:28
  Eric: So, okay, so the so I would also start posing in as many obscure, like as many, as many Outlook hotel style photographs as I possibly could, like going around to like giant, like where there's any any photo being taken where there's like 200 people standing around and make sure like I'm in a very distinct corner.
• 26:49
  Eric: Yeah, so like hundreds of years from now, when some like teenagers are like, I think this fucking guy's immortal, and like they're going through like the old archives and they're like, Holy shit.
• 26:59
  Matt: But don't you think you'd be known already?
• 27:01
  Matt: Like, don't you think it'd be it?
• 27:02
  Matt: I don't think this guy's immortal.
• 27:04
  Matt: Don't you think it'd be like, oh my god, I think poaching Oh no, yeah.
• 27:07
  Eric: The initial discovery of me being immortal will be like some fucking boxcar kids, you know.
• 27:12
  Eric: Oh, this is the initial discovery.
• 27:14
  Eric: The initial kids on bikes are like this guy's fucking immortal, and they're like and like the entire time I'm mocking like I am immortal, who the fuck's gonna believe you?
• 27:23
  Eric: It's only been 40 years since I was born.
• 27:26
  Matt: I get you, I get you.
• 27:27
  Matt: That's what I'm saying.
• 27:28
  Matt: There is a waiting period before it becomes believable.
• 27:32
  Matt: But after that, once it's clearly as everyone's like, You're immortal, I'm like, Yeah, what's up?
• 27:36
  Matt: Yeah, then I think you because you got you know you're writing some books or at least some ghostwriter is for you.
• 27:42
  Eric: Over the next thousand years, I just want people discovering me in fucking photos and like going just fucking goddamn.
• 27:49
  Matt: And then I I sort of like the idea though that you'll retreat to some tower like the once ler uh in the Lorax, and people would maybe come pay pilgrimage to you, and you just have a nice big parlor where you greet them.
• 28:04
  Eric: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 28:05
  Eric: Like fucking dread throne and shit, and like yes.
• 28:08
  Eric: And then they they ask you for wisdom.
• 28:11
  Eric: Yeah, and I'll just make shit up.
• 28:13
  Eric: That's the cool thing about arguing with historians, though.
• 28:16
  Eric: They might actually know more than I do, but I'll always be able to play the well I was there card.
• 28:21
  Eric: Well, I was there.
• 28:22
  Eric: I could just make shit up.
• 28:24
  Matt: Do you know when I was born?
• 28:26
  Matt: Yes, we do, Eric.
• 28:28
  Matt: I've written your biography.
• 28:31
  Matt: Now that okay, so then I would just spend the centuries fucking with people.
• 28:36
  Matt: And fucking people, it sounds like.
• 28:38
  Matt: Oh, absolutely.
• 28:39
  Matt: But uh how what you gotta think of the emotional consequences, though.
• 28:43
  Matt: Because if you're by yourself, if this we're still talking about the situation where you're immortal by yourself.
• 28:49
  Matt: Everybody around you that you care about dies.
• 28:52
  Matt: Yeah, fuck blues, man.
• 28:53
  Matt: Except for you, man.
• 28:54
  Matt: How do you get it?
• 28:55
  Eric: I'm gonna have a lot of cats.
• 28:56
  Eric: I'm gonna fill that tower with a cat guy.
• 28:59
  Eric: Oh, I'm gonna be a cat guy on a scale unheard of, man.
• 29:03
  Matt: Alright, I feel I see that for you, but all your cats are gonna die too.
• 29:06
  Eric: Matthew.
• 29:07
  Matt: I'm just telling you.
• 29:08
  Matt: This is what I'm talking about.
• 29:09
  Matt: This is these this is the real consequence.
• 29:12
  Matt: You have everlasting life, and everybody else.
• 29:14
  Matt: What is the use of everlasting life if all you can do with it is watch everyone else's like?
• 29:25
  Eric: Like, like, what do you want me to tell you?
• 29:29
  Eric: I'll work through it.
• 29:31
  Eric: Infinite, you know, everyone around me.
• 29:33
  Eric: I I trust me, I have time to get over it.
• 29:36
  Matt: Oh my god.
• 29:37
  Eric: I know.
• 29:38
  Eric: I'm already like I'm I'm bracing myself for finding out I'm immortal.
• 29:42
  Eric: You are not.
• 29:44
  Eric: Well then.
• 29:45
  Matt: Let's I hate to put a damper on the second.
• 29:49
  Eric: I know.
• 29:49
  Matt: Let's talk about the possibility.
• 29:51
  Matt: Let's talk about the situation where these mass immortality, these scientists develop a immortality vaccine, and we all get it, and everybody's immortal now.
• 30:04
  Matt: The species human be the homo sapiens are now immortal by default.
• 30:12
  Eric: I can't think of a faster, like a a better fast track to the fucking apocalypse.
• 30:19
  Matt: Now here's a question: how does that work for babies?
• 30:22
  Eric: That yeah.
• 30:23
  Eric: There are so many things like we would immediately have to make breeding illegal.
• 30:29
  Matt: Or or if it is it not something that becomes I feel like it would though.
• 30:35
  Matt: I feel like natural selection would make it humans would start naturally secreting whatever it is that causes one to be immortal.
• 30:43
  Matt: Because the baby question is if it's the shot that makes you immortal, you just wait till a certain age and then you just Oh, but like a baby comes out and it's like well, yeah, that's how like elves did it.
• 30:52
  Eric: Like once they hit a certain age, they become immortal.
• 30:55
  Matt: Uh okay.
• 30:56
  Matt: So that's how you think it works.
• 30:57
  Matt: Like once you hit age 25, you become immortal, but other than that, you could get a disease and die when you're seven?
• 31:03
  Eric: Pretty much.
• 31:04
  Matt: Wow, that's bleak.
• 31:06
  Eric: I don't know.
• 31:07
  Eric: Um, yeah, uh there.
• 31:11
  Eric: Oh man.
• 31:12
  Eric: So I feel like one eternally bored person is fine.
• 31:16
  Eric: Yeah.
• 31:16
  Eric: A planet of eternally bored person, just hunger games, lord of the flies, fucking Thunderdome.
• 31:24
  Matt: We are humans are already very good at finding ways to kill each other.
• 31:28
  Matt: Oh.
• 31:29
  Matt: I don't know that they need the excuse of immortality to come over.
• 31:34
  Eric: No, no, yeah.
• 31:35
  Matt: We will, god damn, we will find new ways to just uh So I would say to those scientists out there that are trying to make immortality a thing for humans, perhaps this is something that we can file under the category of you were so busy asking yourself if you could.
• 31:57
  Matt: You didn't stop to consider if you should.
• 32:02
  Matt: And when in doubt, listen to the only person who maybe, other than Eric Poach, should be immortal, and that is Jeff Goldblum.
• 32:11
  Eric: I fucking ho if I could give it to anyone.
• 32:14
  Matt: If you could give it to anyone, right?
• 32:16
  Matt: Wouldn't you want that cheery soul?
• 32:18
  Matt: 100%.
• 32:20
  Matt: 100%.
• 32:21
  Eric: So And I'm jealous because he's like, how old is Jeff Goldblum now?
• 32:25
  Eric: Like 60?
• 32:26
  Eric: He's gotta be sure.
• 32:27
  Eric: And he still looks like if he became immortal today, he'd have no regrets.
• 32:31
  Matt: Jeff Goldblum is Jeff the Infinite.
• 32:36
  Matt: Jeff the Infinite is currently 68.
• 32:40
  Eric: He's almost 70! He looks that fucking good.
• 32:42
  Eric: Genius.
• 32:43
  Matt: He looks good, man.
• 32:44
  Matt: He looks good.
• 32:47
  Eric: So that is the consequence of immortality is we shouldn't we shouldn't really be focusing on the consequences of immortality.
• 32:57
  Eric: We should be thinking about the world we want to leave behind for Jeff Goldblum.
• 33:01
  Eric: That's right.
• 33:02
  Matt: That's right.
• 33:03
  Matt: Think about the world we're leaving for Jeff Goldblum.
• 33:07
  Matt: Alright, well, thank you for the question.
• 33:10
  Matt: Me.
• 33:11
  Matt: Now let's move on to uh an actual question from a listener.
• 33:16
  Matt: Uh this comes from our dear friend Steve underscore Baroga on Instagram.
• 33:23
  Matt: And he writes, Did the genie make an entire populated sovereign state just so his master could impress a girl?
• 33:32
  Matt: And if so, where are these people now?
• 33:36
  Eric: Yeah, it kind of always fucked with me that you know genie's like, oh, I can't make someone fall in love with you.
• 33:42
  Eric: I can't bring people back from the dead, but I can imbue life.
• 33:47
  Eric: I can he made people.
• 33:50
  Matt: Now, just just well, okay, before we get to that point, let's just make clear.
• 33:55
  Matt: I believe we're talking about Aladdin and the genie's wishes to Aladdin in the musical number Prince Ali Fabulous He Alium.
• 34:06
  Eric: Face the gallery! Like that's my favorite part.
• 34:11
  Eric: My favorite fucking part.
• 34:14
  Eric: Yeah.
• 34:14
  Eric: Uh we can't.
• 34:15
  Eric: We'll send those golds to their lords.
• 34:17
  Eric: Uh, toothpick guy, right there.
• 34:18
  Eric: That's a toothpick guy.
• 34:19
  Eric: That's a toothpick guy.
• 34:20
  Eric: That's a toothpick guy.
• 34:21
  Matt: If you can hold a sword, you can hold a toothpick in those chompers.
• 34:25
  Matt: Now, uh, what I think the first question is did he make these people, or are they the sit and sins of Agrabah?
• 34:35
  Eric: Oh, like were they were they just like mind-wiped?
• 34:39
  Matt: Yes, were they, and this is this is uh potentially a spoiler alert.
• 34:44
  Eric: For anyone who hasn't seen Aladdin.
• 34:47
  Eric: Sorry?
• 34:52
  Eric: Matt, everyone at the show.
• 34:54
  Matt: Not Aladdin.
• 34:56
  Matt: This is a spoiler alert for WandaVision, perhaps.
• 34:59
  Eric: Oh, yeah, I haven't watched any of that.
• 35:00
  Eric: Don't you see?
• 35:01
  Matt: Oh, then I guess I'll just stop fucking talking then.
• 35:03
  Matt: My god, I thought we were living in the 21st century.
• 35:08
  Eric: You're trying to go toothpick on me?
• 35:10
  Matt: It's very good.
• 35:11
  Matt: You should watch it.
• 35:11
  Matt: Anyway.
• 35:12
  Matt: Oh, oh yeah.
• 35:13
  Matt: Anyway, all put that aside.
• 35:15
  Matt: But yes, I'm saying, like, did he just like mind control a segment of these citizens?
• 35:21
  Matt: Or did he are these not even real?
• 35:23
  Matt: Are they just figments of the genie's magical abilities?
• 35:27
  Eric: Okay.
• 35:28
  Eric: So I think we can eliminate the is he mind controlling?
• 35:32
  Eric: Because very clearly his I can't make someone fall in love with you thing, that is like he's like, I can't fuck with free will.
• 35:40
  Matt: Okay.
• 35:40
  Matt: Yeah, sure.
• 35:41
  Matt: That's true.
• 35:42
  Matt: Actually, I believe he says something about that.
• 35:44
  Eric: Yeah.
• 35:45
  Eric: Uh, so he can't mess with free will.
• 35:48
  Eric: So I I would buy like these are essentially like illusions of people that are like programmed to behave like people.
• 35:57
  Matt: They are about shadows on the wall of Galileo's Plato's cave.
• 36:02
  Matt: It's people, it's neither of those people.
• 36:05
  Eric: No, no, that works.
• 36:06
  Eric: That works.
• 36:07
  Eric: Oh, cut that whole thing.
• 36:08
  Eric: No, I'm oh, I'm keeping that.
• 36:09
  Matt: No, cut it, cut it.
• 36:10
  Matt: I demand that you cut.
• 36:12
  Matt: If you don't cut it, I'll cut it.
• 36:13
  Eric: With the sh with the shadows on on Schrdinger's on his on this hatchback.
• 36:23
  Matt: I don't know.
• 36:23
  Matt: Don't make it better.
• 36:24
  Eric: Tell me Schrdinger's hatchback is not a kick-ass name for the big thing.
• 36:32
  Eric: Is it a sedan or an SUV?
• 36:35
  Eric: It's both.
• 36:38
  Eric: So he can't bring people back from the dead.
• 36:45
  Eric: It is, Play-Doh.
• 36:46
  Eric: Yeah, you did it so good.
• 36:49
  Eric: This is an emotional roller coaster, man.
• 36:52
  Eric: God damn.
• 36:53
  Eric: I was like, oh, it was wrong.
• 36:54
  Eric: I was like, I'm pretty sure I got that right.
• 36:56
  Eric: Oh man.
• 36:56
  Eric: Now I have to keep it in, just so I can show everyone how smart you are.
• 36:59
  Eric: Nice.
• 37:00
  Eric: Um brag about my co-host Matt.
• 37:02
  Matt: I don't know that that's what this shows.
• 37:05
  Matt: Schrdinger's hatch back.
• 37:06
  Matt: Schrodinger moving on.
• 37:09
  Matt: I oh man.
• 37:10
  Matt: But what's funny is when you say that, I just think about those little decals on the back with the family.
• 37:15
  Eric: Yeah.
• 37:15
  Eric: Oh, oh yeah.
• 37:17
  Eric: Are they being ironic?
• 37:19
  Matt: Which I will never get thanks to season four of Dexter.
• 37:21
  Matt: Moving on.
• 37:22
  Eric: Oh, where like they was there a killer who was using that to determine how many victims he had?
• 37:27
  Matt: Uh well, yes.
• 37:29
  Eric: Okay.
• 37:29
  Eric: Um, anywho.
• 37:30
  Eric: Yes.
• 37:31
  Eric: So he can't bring people back from the dead.
• 37:35
  Eric: I think it then stands to reason that he cannot create actual life.
• 37:41
  Matt: That's some good ass logic you got there, Poach.
• 37:44
  Eric: So I would guess, I would guess that he has created an illusion, but even if it is an illusion, I have so many because he clearly like he came up with an entire mythos.
• 37:58
  Matt: Yeah.
• 37:58
  Eric: Like on the spot.
• 38:00
  Eric: There, it's kind of we're getting into Blade Runner territory.
• 38:04
  Matt: And he does control these people too, because like, for example, when when he throws all those people on top of uh a Pooh, the elephant version, and they like go on top of Aladdin, you know, like they bury him, and he's like the uh the strength of ten regular men, you know, that moment, and he lifts them all up.
• 38:24
  Matt: He doesn't just lift them up in a pile.
• 38:26
  Matt: Aladdin lifts them up and they form this like star formation.
• 38:31
  Eric: Yeah, so they have they have choreography.
• 38:33
  Matt: They have choreography, they have programming.
• 38:36
  Matt: And you you have to think that the genie is putting them in in in in show form.
• 38:42
  Matt: Yeah, yeah, like they have been given directives in this fucking Agribaz Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade that's happening.
• 38:50
  Eric: This is just quickly becoming like eventually, or like a Westworld scenario where like the illusions are so good, like when the illusion is so good that it's indistinguishable from a person, right?
• 39:02
  Eric: What's the point of like the the difference doesn't matter anymore?
• 39:06
  Eric: It's unfortunate because we never got to see them like have a conversation with one of these like they say things, like they cheer, and oh, and like you know, they're like make way for Prince Holly.
• 39:19
  Matt: And if I remember correctly, at the end when he goes into the uh into the the palace, we don't see them after that, right?
• 39:27
  Matt: No, like after that number, we never see them again.
• 39:31
  Matt: Yeah, they're yeah, exactly.
• 39:33
  Eric: Or even at the end of the song.
• 39:35
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 39:36
  Matt: Right.
• 39:36
  Matt: It's not like he's standing there with all these people and he's like, check out all my people.
• 39:40
  Eric: So we're dealing with either either the genie like erased his save file or he committed genocide.
• 39:50
  Matt: Yeah, one of those two things.
• 39:52
  Matt: No, or those are our only options.
• 39:54
  Matt: Or no Okay, no, because if they're essentially like a projection, like a physical projection, but a projection nevertheless.
• 40:02
  Eric: Like he's projecting his consciousness in every single one of them and like making them do things?
• 40:06
  Matt: No, no, no, no.
• 40:07
  Matt: I'm saying like if these are pe if they're not even real people, like they're hollow people.
• 40:14
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 40:14
  Matt: Like as soon as Genie whips.
• 40:16
  Eric: There's a Star Trek for that, buddy.
• 40:18
  Eric: Are holograms people?
• 40:19
  Matt: Well, if they stop existing when the genie says so, but until that point you can go up and shake their hand or whatever.
• 40:28
  Matt: Oh, yeah.
• 40:28
  Matt: Then I don't know that he he erased his save file, as you say.
• 40:33
  Matt: I think he just sort of is like he just cleared it, he just deleted the file.
• 40:36
  Eric: There's a there's a documentary on this I want you to watch.
• 40:40
  Eric: It's called Star Trek Voyager.
• 40:42
  Eric: Okay.
• 40:42
  Eric: Um, yeah.
• 40:43
  Eric: Now like Star Trek every season of Star Trek explores whose people.
• 40:48
  Eric: Like in TNG in TNG, it was, you know, is an Android a person?
• 40:55
  Eric: In in DS9, it was, you know, is an amorphous shapeshifter a person?
• 41:00
  Eric: In fucking uh Voyager is a hologram a person.
• 41:04
  Matt: So the to get back on track.
• 41:09
  Eric: Yeah, to get back on track.
• 41:11
  Eric: So what we're getting is just because someone else made them does that dictate the level of responsibility we owe to these, you know, uh subjects.
• 41:25
  Eric: These these these I hesitate to say fictional people because they're they were clearly real, like they existed.
• 41:32
  Eric: Right.
• 41:33
  Eric: But you know, what what are they owed in terms of equity and like you know, do they possess natural rights?
• 41:42
  Matt: I that's what I'm saying.
• 41:43
  Matt: If they've only existed to be a a walking, talking picture for a hot second, do they deserve anything?
• 41:52
  Eric: Well, now we're getting into like Well, let me tell you this, Matthew.
• 41:58
  Eric: Me and my tower.
• 41:59
  Matt: You and your tower.
• 42:00
  Eric: 7,000 years from now, as I sit atop my tower, human beings at that point will will essentially be like their lives will be like fireflies to me, Matthew.
• 42:08
  Matt: Of course, yeah, you're gonna be able to do it.
• 42:09
  Eric: Bursting in and out of distance.
• 42:10
  Eric: And I wouldn't say that that any of you matter less.
• 42:14
  Eric: Oh, okay, good.
• 42:16
  Eric: In the grand scheme, until I've had time to re-evaluate.
• 42:21
  Matt: Interesting.
• 42:22
  Matt: Okay, yeah.
• 42:22
  Matt: So you wouldn't say we mattered less.
• 42:25
  Eric: So but yeah, that's like like so.
• 42:28
  Matt: Oh, so you're saying you also would say that we can't use the things don't matter less.
• 42:32
  Eric: Yeah, like we can't use like amount of like because that's all relative.
• 42:36
  Eric: I'm like, to the genie, no one on the in this movie matters.
• 42:40
  Eric: He's uh over at least 10,000 years old.
• 42:44
  Matt: Right.
• 42:44
  Matt: Yeah, he's old.
• 42:46
  Matt: He's elderly for sure.
• 42:47
  Eric: Also, who the fuck was his previous master 10,000 years ago?
• 42:52
  Eric: Was it a caveman?
• 42:55
  Eric: That's a I've never thought about that.
• 42:58
  Eric: That's a good one.
• 42:59
  Eric: Never thought about that until right now.
• 43:02
  Matt: That's a fucking good question, my boy.
• 43:04
  Eric: Where were we?
• 43:05
  Eric: Hold on.
• 43:06
  Eric: Where were we 10,000 years ago?
• 43:08
  Eric: See, this is why I'm gonna be fucking furious like 7,000 years from now, because I'm gonna be like, oh, I'm gonna be really embarrassed about all the shit that I don't know.
• 43:16
  Matt: But I don't even know where Aladdin ranks in terms of because it's not 10,000 years from now, it's 10,000 years from you know, like a couple hundred years ago.
• 43:26
  Matt: I think.
• 43:27
  Eric: Okay, okay, okay, okay.
• 43:29
  Matt: Actually, I have no idea.
• 43:30
  Matt: When does Aladdin take place?
• 43:32
  Eric: Dude, there was like fucking dude, 10,000 years ago is like mammoths and shit.
• 43:36
  Eric: Yeah.
• 43:37
  Eric: Dinosaur times, right?
• 43:39
  Eric: Yeah, it's a Paleolithic period.
• 43:40
  Eric: So not dinosaurs, but god damn.
• 43:43
  Eric: Alright.
• 43:44
  Eric: Alright.
• 43:45
  Eric: Let me let me let me we haven't even invented agriculture yet.
• 43:49
  Eric: How the fuck were we making lamps?
• 43:52
  Eric: That's a that is a oh man, and let now fuck.
• 43:59
  Eric: This is where Going down several, several, several tangential wormholes here.
• 44:03
  Eric: Who made the lamp?
• 44:05
  Eric: What did the genie make the lamp?
• 44:07
  Eric: Or is the genie imprisoned in the lamp?
• 44:09
  Eric: I believe the genie is imprisoned in the lamp.
• 44:12
  Eric: And we could how he got there, whole other story.
• 44:15
  Eric: Was he the immortal for his timeline?
• 44:18
  Eric: Matt, am I gonna become a fucking genie eventually?
• 44:22
  Matt: Now the this says, and now this is from Quara, which means you can't believe it.
• 44:26
  Eric: Well, that means it's very reliable source.
• 44:30
  Matt: The traditional tale of Aladdin takes place in a Muslim area of China from about 10th the 10th century common era to about the 14th century common era.
• 44:41
  Matt: So not 10,000 years ago.
• 44:44
  Matt: But but the g does the genie not say that he has been been ignorant.
• 44:55
  Matt: Yeah, yeah.
• 44:56
  Matt: Uh yeah, he does say that shit.
• 44:59
  Matt: Yeah.
• 44:59
  Matt: Yes, he does.
• 45:00
  Eric: So it is so it takes place, or sorry, it takes place like before we even get into quadruple digits in the common era and then minus 10,000 years.
• 45:09
  Eric: Yes, a hundred percent.
• 45:11
  Matt: Let me see.
• 45:12
  Eric: We were still fighting saber-toothed tigers for our children.
• 45:16
  Eric: And we had lamps?
• 45:18
  Eric: How?
• 45:19
  Eric: Who would bring who the fuck made a lamp?
• 45:24
  Matt: Here's what I think I'm learning.
• 45:26
  Matt: I think the genie is a liar.
• 45:30
  Matt: I think the genie didn't have any other master.
• 45:34
  Matt: Or maybe he got himself stuck in there.
• 45:39
  Matt: Oh.
• 45:41
  Matt: And he's been covering this whole thing with this elaborate story.
• 45:45
  Matt: Is he just embarrassed that he got stuck?
• 45:48
  Matt: You think that you're gonna come out here and just because you can sing a kick-ass song, you think that we're just going to gloss over as I have since 1992, that you said you've been in this lamp for 10,000 years.
• 46:05
  Matt: How the fuck do you think you're getting away with this, Jeannie?
• 46:09
  Eric: Oh, you've oh man.
• 46:13
  Eric: Well, here's the other angle.
• 46:15
  Eric: I just remembered.
• 46:17
  Eric: Have you ever read like the fan theory about Aladdin?
• 46:20
  Matt: A witch.
• 46:22
  Matt: I the As if there's one, as if there's one common theory about a Disney.
• 46:30
  Eric: The fan theory that Aladdin is actually like a post post post post post post-apocalyptic.
• 46:37
  Eric: Oh like way in the future.
• 46:38
  Eric: It's way in the future.
• 46:40
  Eric: That's why the genie can make like Disney references and like very modern references.
• 46:45
  Matt: That's why he can reference 10,000 years in the past.
• 46:48
  Eric: Yeah.
• 46:48
  Matt: Because he's me.
• 46:50
  Matt: Am I the genie?
• 46:52
  Eric: Eric, you're the genie.
• 46:55
  Eric: I get to be Robin Williams.
• 46:58
  Eric: You get to be the Robin Genie.
• 47:01
  Eric: Oh fuck yeah, dude.
• 47:03
  Eric: Okay, so remember how remember how you are remember very long ago when you were asking me how I cope with Lava Dying?
• 47:11
  Eric: I think I think now I become a genie.
• 47:14
  Eric: I think I can.
• 47:15
  Eric: I think I sleep at night.
• 47:17
  Matt: Oh my god.
• 47:18
  Matt: So not only do so, first of all, we did get a little bit sidetracked from the original question about these people that were invented.
• 47:28
  Matt: But I think they were invented the answer is simple.
• 47:31
  Matt: They were invented by the genie.
• 47:33
  Matt: They are whether or not they do have uh humanity about them can be debated, I think, but ultimately they are a uh a vision.
• 47:43
  Matt: They are a projection.
• 47:45
  Eric: If you'd written Frankenstein, it would have been like 10 pages long.
• 47:49
  Matt: They are they are, but what I'm saying is they're basically a hologram.
• 47:58
  Matt: They're basically a hologram except you can touch them.
• 48:01
  Matt: And then when he turns off the projector, they're gone.
• 48:04
  Matt: Yeah.
• 48:05
  Eric: They're basically holograms except you can touch them.
• 48:07
  Eric: That's what I'm saying.
• 48:08
  Matt: So what the fuck am I?
• 48:10
  Matt: You're just Eric.
• 48:11
  Matt: Listen to me.
• 48:13
  Matt: You're not, you're not paying attention.
• 48:15
  Matt: The genie, I'm saying the genie is just creating this facade in front of us.
• 48:20
  Matt: It's just a facade that we can happen to touch.
• 48:22
  Matt: And then when he turns off the lights again, they're gone, and we were none the wiser.
• 48:27
  Matt: That's why the doors closed in the palace, and if you open them again, there wouldn't be anybody there.
• 48:32
  Matt: He'd just be like, I'm done.
• 48:33
  Matt: I'm taking five.
• 48:35
  Eric: All right.
• 48:35
  Eric: All right.
• 48:36
  Eric: Matt, no, I'll tell you this.
• 48:38
  unknown: Yeah.
• 48:38
  Eric: I ain't never had a friend like you.
• 48:40
  Matt: Ah, same here, buddy.
• 48:44
  Eric: We have fun.
• 48:44
  Matt: We'd have fun on this podcast, do we not?
• 48:47
  Matt: Well, thank you for the question, Steve Baroga.
• 48:49
  Matt: But I think the better question is, what's the deal with the genie?
• 48:53
  Matt: And I think you are right.
• 48:54
  Matt: I think it is more plausible that what we have uncovered is that Aladdin takes place far in the future.
• 48:59
  Eric: I I am I am inclined to agree with the far in the future.
• 49:02
  Eric: And I I take it back.
• 49:03
  Matt: The genie's not a fraud.
• 49:04
  Eric: The genie's not a fraud.
• 49:06
  Eric: He's me! He's you.
• 49:08
  Eric: You would play the shit out of Jafar.
• 49:11
  Eric: You'd be a good Jafar.
• 49:13
  Matt: Oh man, thank you.
• 49:16
  Eric: Who voiced Jafar?
• 49:17
  Eric: It wasn't Jeremy Irons, was it?
• 49:19
  Eric: No.
• 49:19
  Matt: No, Jeremy Irons voiced Scar.
• 49:22
  Eric: He was Scar.
• 49:23
  Eric: Okay.
• 49:23
  Eric: Hold on, I got Sweet Marry Me.
• 49:26
  Eric: I feel like I I feel like if I wasn't.
• 49:29
  Matt: Oh yes.
• 49:29
  Matt: Jonathan Freeman voiced um Jafar.
• 49:34
  Matt: And he also, I believe, was, if I'm not mistaken, he was Jafar in the Aladdin musical.
• 49:39
  Matt: Yes, he was.
• 49:40
  Eric: Hell yeah, good for him.
• 49:42
  Eric: His little hat.
• 49:45
  Eric: This little Jafar hat.
• 49:46
  Matt: With his Gilbert Gottfried.
• 49:49
  Eric: Oh my god.
• 49:51
  Eric: Who would you want to be?
• 49:53
  Matt: I mean, I wanna say genie.
• 49:55
  Eric: Oh, well, yeah, everyone wants to be a genie.
• 49:57
  Eric: Um I I feel like I feel like I'm like fucking I'm resigned to one of the guards.
• 50:04
  Matt: I do feel like I would be easily cast as one of the guards.
• 50:08
  Matt: But or uh you know who you could be?
• 50:11
  Matt: Who?
• 50:12
  Matt: It it doesn't match body type.
• 50:15
  Matt: I if you're about to say the fucking sultan.
• 50:17
  Matt: The sultan.
• 50:19
  Eric: I fucking knew you were gonna say the sultan.
• 50:21
  Eric: You would be so funny as the sultan.
• 50:26
  Eric: That's what I'm saying.
• 50:28
  Eric: You're too tall and gangly as a assault.
• 50:31
  Eric: The second the word said it wouldn't match, but I was like, if this motherfucker says sultan, because I was thinking sultan for myself.
• 50:39
  Matt: Because the sultan has the has the shape of a gum drop.
• 50:44
  Matt: So I had to point out he is.
• 50:48
  Matt: He's like a child with facial hairs.
• 50:51
  Matt: Yeah, he's like a walking puddle that's been put up on a hanger.
• 50:55
  Matt: He's like a bag of milk.
• 50:57
  Eric: He's like a bag of milk that someone put a fake beard on.
• 51:03
  Matt: He's like a bag of milk.
• 51:05
  Matt: Oh god, that is that is funny.
• 51:08
  Eric: Speaking of which, uh God, I could go on several rants about the salt.
• 51:13
  Eric: Like, like, what the fuck does he even do?
• 51:16
  Matt: No, there's some problematic uh uh characteristics about the Sultan for sure, but we don't have time to get into all that.
• 51:23
  Matt: And in fact, I think even though we've only had two questions, I wait, we don't have time to get into all that.
• 51:30
  Eric: I don't buy that.
• 51:35
  Matt: Uh so at any rate, uh if we don't have time to get into all that, we don't have time to get into a third official question.
• 51:43
  Matt: But but lately, uh we can transl translate, I was gonna say, we can we can transition now into uh our our closing segment, which I think we could do a little round robin, because recently, much to my surprise, uh we have started getting some personal questions on the Instagram on our daily prompts.
• 52:06
  Matt: So I put it out there.
• 52:07
  Matt: I said, What what personal questions do you have for us?
• 52:11
  Matt: And we got some.
• 52:12
  Matt: Well, why don't we pull a couple out here, Eric?
• 52:14
  Matt: You didn't ask for this, but now it's personal.
• 52:17
  Matt: Now it's personal.
• 52:19
  Matt: Uh so let's do this.
• 52:21
  Matt: Let me take a quick look.
• 52:22
  Matt: So the first one that we have is from EAP the Druid, who writes, What is your wildest fantasy?
• 52:34
  Matt: Huh.
• 52:36
  Matt: Talk about personal.
• 52:38
  Matt: I don't even know.
• 52:39
  Matt: To be honest, I don't know what to say for that.
• 52:41
  Eric: I love the phrasing.
• 52:43
  Eric: Like, not why what is your like what is like what is your wildest fantasy?
• 52:49
  Matt: Yeah, because I feel like it's easy to read that as like sexual fantasy.
• 52:53
  Eric: Yeah, no, no, no.
• 52:54
  Eric: Yeah, that's way too boring.
• 52:55
  Eric: Um, I want I agree.
• 52:58
  Eric: I want like fucking wildest.
• 53:02
  Eric: Um I dream about the apocalypse a lot.
• 53:05
  Eric: I dream about the apocalypse a lot.
• 53:08
  Matt: I it's not one of my push, but I think about it, you know, like what would we do?
• 53:14
  Matt: How would I function?
• 53:16
  Matt: Uh, you know, how quickly would be Oh like what what would your job be?
• 53:19
  Eric: Like, put it's it's the it's we're Mad Max.
• 53:22
  Matt: There's something I find very comforting about the like whenever like and part of this is I'm in the middle of playing The Last of Us 2, but in any of these circumstances, right?
• 53:33
  Matt: Any Walking Dead scenario, you know, whatever.
• 53:36
  Matt: Uh I I find a certain comfort in the like structures of man having been demolished.
• 53:44
  Matt: And there is no fucking stock market and insurance.
• 53:48
  Matt: And it is just getting up and surviving.
• 53:51
  Matt: Maybe you're farming or whatever, and maybe you don't need to worry anymore about you know your legacy and where your career is and the fact that you're already 31 and nothing that you thought you'd accomplished by now has even come close to happening.
• 54:07
  Matt: I'm having a little bit of a breakdown on this side of the mic.
• 54:10
  Matt: You're having a breakdown.
• 54:11
  Matt: I turn 31 tomorrow.
• 54:13
  Eric: Oh my god, is that true?
• 54:15
  Eric: May 2nd, baby.
• 54:17
  Eric: I I didn't get you anything.
• 54:20
  Eric: Well, buddy, you don't I don't expect you.
• 54:22
  Eric: I I I do.
• 54:23
  Matt: I know what I'm doing after I get off of this.
• 54:25
  Eric: Oh my god.
• 54:28
  Eric: Don't make a fuss.
• 54:29
  Eric: Uh but uh yeah, so what would your job be?
• 54:33
  Eric: What would your what would your what would your role be?
• 54:36
  Eric: What trope, what who would you be in the in the wastes?
• 54:40
  Matt: It's tough.
• 54:41
  Matt: You know, I want to say something cool, but I don't know that that'd be the case.
• 54:45
  Eric: You know, everybody likes to think- This is your wild this is your fantasy.
• 54:50
  Matt: No, hold on, hold on.
• 54:51
  Matt: I'm not saying that that is my wildest fantasy.
• 54:53
  Matt: That's something I think about.
• 54:55
  Matt: What is your so how do you answer that question?
• 54:57
  Matt: Because that's where I'm still.
• 54:58
  Matt: Oh, bro, like if it's not sexual related, because that's that's not.
• 55:02
  Eric: I thought you were asking me like what my if uh post-apocalypse what my job would be, I would be the MC of the Murder Dome.
• 55:10
  Eric: I'd be the guy who's like fucking like like rent like the porter.
• 55:14
  Eric: Oh no, no, no, no, no, no.
• 55:16
  Eric: Like very fli like long flowing coat, fingerless gloves.
• 55:19
  Eric: I'm like, it's on my pretties.
• 55:23
  Eric: Like fucking, like people chill like, I'm like it's card.
• 55:30
  Matt: That's your catchphrase in the wastelands.
• 55:33
  Eric: Oh, I lifted that right from Dan Harmon, but yes.
• 55:36
  Eric: Um, yeah, fucking.
• 55:37
  Eric: I'm the guy who like who like when with when the when they come in with like cages full of folks they've caught out in the waste, and they're like, oh yes, it'll do fine in the pit.
• 55:47
  Eric: Like, that's gonna be me.
• 55:49
  Matt: Okay, I see that for you.
• 55:51
  Matt: Yeah.
• 55:52
  Matt: But what is your wildest fantasy?
• 55:54
  Eric: My wildest fantasy.
• 55:56
  Matt: Do you have one?
• 55:56
  Matt: Do you have one that you like think about a lot?
• 55:59
  Eric: Oh man.
• 56:00
  Eric: Um wildest fantasy?
• 56:05
  Eric: That's the question.
• 56:06
  Eric: Okay.
• 56:07
  Eric: Wildest fantasy.
• 56:09
  Eric: Um oh, wildest fantasy.
• 56:11
  Eric: I uh so like transhumanism shit, like, as soon as pro like when prosthetics become indistinguishable and if not better, then he would like, dude, give me all the robot limbs.
• 56:24
  Eric: Like, give me bionic everything.
• 56:27
  Matt: I've thought about that kind of thing before.
• 56:30
  Eric: Yeah.
• 56:30
  Matt: I I would be lying if I said I was I hadn't given some thought to like, oh man, how cool would it be to just have you know that winter soldier arm?
• 56:41
  Matt: Oh.
• 56:42
  Eric: Yeah, I'm I'm trying to think of like what the wildest mod I would get.
• 56:46
  Eric: I'd want cheetah legs.
• 56:48
  Matt: Okay.
• 56:49
  Eric: I want a cheetah modification.
• 56:51
  Eric: So like someone snatches my bag, my satchel, I can just go like Do you just mean speed, or do you mean literally?
• 56:58
  Eric: Oh, like I they they they turn into like I press a button and like I get down on all fours, and now like my my arms are and legs are bending in opposite directions, so I cheetah.
• 57:08
  Matt: So your wildest fantasy is you want to be half an anamorph.
• 57:13
  Matt: Precisely robot anamorph, thank you.
• 57:18
  Eric: Oh man, that's I'm not trying to get stuck as a hawk.
• 57:21
  Matt: Man, that I bet that was loud just now.
• 57:23
  Matt: I know.
• 57:24
  Matt: Uh the uh yeah, okay.
• 57:28
  Matt: So you're a half anamorph leopard person.
• 57:31
  Eric: Yep.
• 57:31
  Matt: Uh Cheetah, excuse me.
• 57:33
  Eric: Thank you.
• 57:34
  Matt: I don't know.
• 57:35
  Matt: Uh I really I I guess I do think I do find myself daydreaming about like the apocalypse.
• 57:42
  Matt: I do find myself daydream.
• 57:43
  Matt: I used to daydream at work a lot about like I'd be in the middle of a meeting.
• 57:47
  Matt: This is true.
• 57:48
  Matt: Like uh what back when I didn't work from home, and I worked from home before it was cool, okay?
• 57:53
  Matt: Uh the when I worked in an office environment and I was in some meeting that sucked, I would sometimes think about like, what if that building across the street just blew the fuck up?
• 58:05
  Matt: You know, if you were like suddenly in a crisis.
• 58:08
  Matt: Suddenly in a crisis.
• 58:09
  Eric: The world is presently ending.
• 58:11
  Matt: And doesn't that speak to what it is to be an American?
• 58:15
  Matt: Yeah.
• 58:16
  Matt: To think anything of that nature is possible, which of course it is.
• 58:21
  Eric: It is, but also speaks speaks to like where the the emotional bar is set for our generation.
• 58:28
  Eric: When I often think about like, I'm like, all right, if worlds started ending, nukes started dropping, there's a lot of stuff I just have to not worry about anymore.
• 58:35
  Eric: That's pretty swell.
• 58:36
  Eric: I know, right?
• 58:38
  Eric: That's what I'm saying.
• 58:38
  Eric: I feel so much.
• 58:40
  Matt: I feel like what I'm I I've realized in this moment is that my wildest fantasy is getting away from the shackles that humans have built for themselves metaphorically.
• 58:52
  Matt: Uh so thank you for the question, EAP the Druid.
• 58:56
  Matt: Uh, we have another question.
• 58:58
  Matt: Um hopefully this might be a little bit more bright and sunshiny.
• 59:02
  Matt: It is, of course, from Alex Kafarakis.
• 59:04
  Matt: And he asks, I just realized I haven't done it yet.
• 59:07
  Matt: What hobbies have you started since COVID?
• 59:11
  Eric: Matt, I've picked up a hobby uh since COVID start started, and I haven't talked to you about it.
• 59:17
  Matt: Oh, oh, oh, I do feel a bit of a sting of betrayal, but it was fairly recent.
• 59:23
  Eric: It was it was it was like uh I got it as an early early birthday present.
• 59:27
  Matt: Oh early birthday.
• 59:30
  Eric: I want you to let's play a fun game.
• 59:31
  Eric: I want you to guess.
• 59:32
  Eric: Have you picked up well actually have you picked up any hobbies?
• 59:35
  Matt: Uh podcasting.
• 59:36
  Eric: Oh, well, yeah.
• 59:38
  Eric: Well, obviously, this one is I'm sorry.
• 59:42
  Matt: That's not uh that's not a hobby, that's a profession.
• 59:45
  Matt: Have I picked up a hobby?
• 59:47
  Matt: I don't know that I actually have picked up a a new, hadn't been doing it before.
• 59:54
  Matt: I have embraced fully other hobbies that had fallen.
• 59:59
  Eric: Is there anything that you've like been able you were doing but have been able to like do harder now that it's COVID?
• 1:00:04
  Matt: Uh since 20 since 2021, this hasn't been as true, but I did do a lot more reading than I had been doing before.
• 1:00:13
  Matt: That I was ple that's something I was pleased about.
• 1:00:16
  Matt: That's always something making it through a lot of older TV shows that I hadn't gotten around to.
• 1:00:21
  Eric: Okay.
• 1:00:22
  Eric: Okay.
• 1:00:22
  Matt: That sort of thing.
• 1:00:23
  Matt: But no, I don't think I uh, you know, Lindsay has started cross-stitching in in COVID.
• 1:00:29
  Matt: I don't think really that I have.
• 1:00:33
  Matt: Okay.
• 1:00:33
  Matt: But you have recently tell me about it.
• 1:00:37
  Eric: Can you guess what it is?
• 1:00:38
  Matt: Woodworking.
• 1:00:39
  Eric: That I've been doing.
• 1:00:41
  Matt: Um you have been practicing voodoo.
• 1:00:48
  Eric: God, I wish.
• 1:00:49
  Eric: Fun fact, Tony Morrison, one of my favorite fucking authors, uh, voodoo priestess.
• 1:00:55
  Eric: Like, like legitimately inducted, fucking laid face down with a snake skin on her back for three days.
• 1:01:01
  Eric: It was fucking wild.
• 1:01:02
  Matt: Whoa.
• 1:01:03
  Matt: She writes about it.
• 1:01:04
  Eric: She wrote an article about it.
• 1:01:06
  Eric: It's really good.
• 1:01:06
  Matt: Okay.
• 1:01:07
  Matt: So I no, I don't know.
• 1:01:10
  Eric: I have started learning how to play the piano.
• 1:01:17
  Eric: Piano.
• 1:01:18
  Matt: Piano, you did tell me about this off mic not too long ago.
• 1:01:22
  Eric: Okay.
• 1:01:23
  Matt: Well then.
• 1:01:23
  Matt: I remember it now.
• 1:01:24
  Matt: I remember it now.
• 1:01:25
  Eric: So I can almost play the opening theme from Ocarina of Time.
• 1:01:29
  Matt: Can you almost write us uh an opening theme?
• 1:01:32
  Eric: Oh, I'll write us the best, shittiest opening theme ever, my man.
• 1:01:36
  Eric: It might sound a lot like the opening themed Ocarina of Time with some notes transposed.
• 1:01:41
  Matt: Yeah, but you gotta make up lyrics to go along with it.
• 1:01:43
  Eric: Oh yeah.
• 1:01:45
  Eric: You didn't ask for this.
• 1:01:50
  Matt: That's all theme.
• 1:01:51
  Matt: That's all you've got so far.
• 1:01:53
  Matt: The lyrics are just the name of the show.
• 1:01:56
  Matt: It's true.
• 1:01:57
  Matt: I didn't really.
• 1:01:58
  Matt: I mean, I guess I did say Eric Pooch.
• 1:02:02
  Matt: We should hire a songwriter.
• 1:02:04
  Matt: Questions.
• 1:02:06
  Matt: Questions.
• 1:02:07
  Matt: We should get it.
• 1:02:08
  Matt: This is why uh people hire professionals.
• 1:02:10
  Eric: Yes, correct.
• 1:02:11
  Matt: Uh well, uh, so uh so it's coming along.
• 1:02:15
  Eric: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:02:16
  Eric: It's very relaxing.
• 1:02:17
  Matt: That's nice.
• 1:02:18
  Matt: I would like to hear a serenade from you.
• 1:02:20
  Matt: I I have a keyboard that's somewhere in my parents' house under a bed that I bought to get into the piano, and then of course I did not.
• 1:02:28
  Eric: Yeah, so it's it's it's one of those things I've wanted to do forever, and like I reached one and I was like, I need something to do during the COVID times, or I'll go crazy.
• 1:02:36
  Matt: If I could go back in time, I would probably choose piano instead of trumpet as my fourth grade selection.
• 1:02:45
  Eric: We can form we can form like an eighth of a ska band.
• 1:02:49
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:02:50
  Matt: And then I think as long as you have the eighth, the rest just come when you start playing.
• 1:02:54
  Matt: Yeah, yeah, they manifest themselves like genies shadows.
• 1:02:59
  Matt: Oh that's right.
• 1:03:03
  Eric: That's good.
• 1:03:04
  Matt: Well, that'll do it for our first batch of personal questions.
• 1:03:08
  Matt: If you have personal questions or any other question about anything, you can submit them to us at you didn't ask pod on Instagram or Twitter.
• 1:03:18
  Matt: That is the letter you didn't ask pod, or spell it out at you didn't ask for this.com and send us a message that way, or you didn't ask for this at gmail.com.
• 1:03:29
  Matt: We are on all the podcasting platforms, as you already know.
• 1:03:32
  Matt: If you have been listening this, if you're listening right now, you know that.
• 1:03:37
  Matt: So do us a favor.
• 1:03:39
  Matt: If you're listening on uh the old uh Apple podcasts there, just scroll down on your screen there a little bit.
• 1:03:44
  Matt: You see those stars?
• 1:03:46
  Matt: Drop us a review, just review us, why don't you?
• 1:03:50
  Matt: Give just give us a review.
• 1:03:52
  Eric: Just give us the old Rotten Tomatoes, you know.
• 1:03:55
  Eric: Just give us, just give us.
• 1:03:56
  Eric: I have we talked about Citizen Kane on Rotten Tomatoes.
• 1:04:00
  Matt: I know.
• 1:04:01
  Eric: I heard this is the I I love that everything surrounding that film is just the pettiest shit on earth.
• 1:04:06
  Matt: Um I mean, I do love Citizen Kane.
• 1:04:08
  Matt: Yeah, but it is funny that Paddington 2 has a higher Rotten Tomatoes score than Citizen Kane.
• 1:04:13
  Matt: That is humorous.
• 1:04:15
  Eric: 80-year-old review.
• 1:04:18
  Eric: Um, all some petty shit.
• 1:04:19
  Eric: I will never forget.
• 1:04:20
  Eric: I said this to you while we were in college.
• 1:04:23
  Eric: I remember I remember once saying, Oh, yeah, it's like the citizen cane of our generation, and you just turned to me and you said, Citizen Kane is the citizen cane of our generation.
• 1:04:35
  Matt: I will tell you this.
• 1:04:36
  Matt: It uh that is that is not a statement that I remember saying, but it is certainly on brand.
• 1:04:43
  Matt: And it is true.
• 1:04:46
  Matt: So, uh, for all of us here from You Didn't Ask for This, my name is Matt Shea.
• 1:04:53
  Eric: My name is Eric Bowge.
• 1:04:55
  Matt: And listen, you didn't ask.
• 1:04:58
  Matt: But who dares disturb my slumber?
• 1:05:01
  Matt: We'll see you back here in two weeks.
• 1:05:03
  Matt: Bye-bye.
• 1:05:04
  Eric: Bye.
• 1:05:05
  Eric: Bye, bye.
• 1:05:06
  Eric: I love that his response to that, to being talked to by an actual fucking sand dune, is to just go, it is I, Aladdin.
• 1:05:14
  Eric: Like that's a normal thing to be asked by a sentient dune.
• 1:05:19
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 1:05:19
  Eric: Hi, geography.
• 1:05:20
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:05:21
  Eric: Oh, hello, sand shaped like a fucking Bengal tiger.
• 1:05:28
  Eric: Your eyes are tiger.