Latest / Ambitious Podcast / EP.66: Doing vs. Being: What Every High-Achieving Woman NEEDS to Hear Right Now w/ Kelly Adams | The Ambitious Podcast

Transcript

EP.66: Doing vs. Being: What Every High-Achieving Woman NEEDS to Hear Right Now w/ Kelly Adams | The Ambitious Podcast · Ambitious Podcast

• 0:00
  If the thought of slowing down to speed up feels painful, then
• 0:04
  this episode is probably for you.
• 0:07
  When was the last time you actually left?
• 0:09
  When was the last time you just had fun?
• 0:12
  As someone who's like a recovering high masculine girl,
• 0:15
  I will say that I didn't realize how much I was hiding in the
• 0:19
  doing because to your point, I was absolutely terrified to be.
• 0:24
  It was only when. I had a huge identity crisis
• 0:27
  starting over at 39 that I was in divided into this concept.
• 0:31
  I was challenged to sit still for two minutes and I was like
• 0:34
  this is torture, who wants to slow down?
• 0:37
  That is bad. How do you feel about yourself
• 0:39
  if you weren't making X amount of money?
• 0:41
  How would you feel about yourself if you didn't have the
• 0:44
  house that you live in and like actually starting to assess, is
• 0:47
  your confidence directly correlated to the achievement?
• 0:51
  Your work isn't in what you produce, it's who you become.
• 0:55
  Today we are talking about the difference of being versus
• 0:59
  doing. And I have talked about this on
• 1:00
  other episodes and you were like, OK, well I wanna
• 1:03
  understand more of like, what does that mean?
• 1:05
  We talked about masculine and feminine, but now we wanna go a
• 1:08
  little deeper. What does it mean to really be
• 1:10
  versus doing? So today we are unpacking all of
• 1:13
  that. We are going through the
• 1:15
  difference between being versus doing and really defining that
• 1:18
  for you and giving you examples. How to recognize the signs that
• 1:21
  you are someone who's overworked and potentially burnt out.
• 1:24
  The role of your childhood conditioning in understanding
• 1:28
  your work patterns and how you operate.
• 1:30
  How to transition from doing to being more in a state of being,
• 1:33
  to have more harmony and flow in your business and in your life.
• 1:37
  And practical exercises that you can do for your nervous system
• 1:40
  regulation to really start to tap into.
• 1:43
  More of a being state and constantly not being in the.
• 1:46
  Go, go, go. I'm so excited today to be
• 1:48
  joined by Kelly Adams because she is the go to to be able to
• 1:52
  speak to all. Things on this topic Kelly Adams
• 1:55
  is a dedicated mindset coach who specializes in empowering women
• 1:58
  to achieve personal and professional fulfillment.
• 2:01
  She has a background in elementary education and
• 2:03
  psychology from Indiana University, and she initially
• 2:06
  ventured into event planning, founding her company Ace Party
• 2:09
  and Event Management in 2006. But through her experience,
• 2:12
  Kelly recognized there was a profound impact of living
• 2:15
  beliefs and emotional obstacles that were really impacting
• 2:18
  people's lives. This realization was what led
• 2:21
  her to develop her R3 framework, Release, Reset, and Rewire, A
• 2:24
  comprehensive approach to a mindset transformation for any
• 2:28
  entrepreneur. Drawing from over her two
• 2:30
  decades of experience in breath work and L P/E FT, psychology,
• 2:35
  subconscious rewiring, and more, Kelly now dedicates herself to
• 2:38
  guiding clients toward lasting success and personal growth.
• 2:41
  Through her coaching, she empowers women to break free
• 2:44
  from limiting beliefs, align their energy with their desires,
• 2:47
  and build sustainable strategies for success, all while providing
• 2:50
  unwavering support throughout the transformation journey.
• 2:54
  I am so excited for you to dive in today because this was, for
• 2:57
  me, such a good conversation, but also just so insightful that
• 3:01
  actually had tactical things that you could tune into for
• 3:05
  yourself to really see your state.
• 3:08
  Shift. As a result of what we're going
• 3:10
  to talk about today. So I can't wait for you to learn
• 3:12
  from Kelly and I can't wait for you to execute some of the
• 3:14
  different exercises and things she mentions.
• 3:16
  So without further ado, let's get into today's episode.
• 3:27
  Hello, everybody, and welcome back to Ambitious.
• 3:29
  I am so excited for today because if you listen to our
• 3:33
  masculine versus feminine episode, you guys heard us talk
• 3:36
  a lot about the concept of being versus doing.
• 3:38
  And in today's episode with today's guests, we're literally
• 3:42
  going to be unpacking this in such a clarifying and tactical
• 3:45
  way that I feel like today's going to kind of be like almost
• 3:47
  like a master class in the understanding of doing versus
• 3:50
  being. And so, so excited to introduce
• 3:53
  today's guest, Kelly. So excited to have you here and
• 3:56
  to have you on Ambitious. I'm so excited to be here.
• 3:59
  I'm excited to dive in and give these ladies some huge aha
• 4:03
  moments and takeaways. Yeah.
• 4:05
  Well, I was saying obviously in the intro you guys that Kelly
• 4:08
  has been the mindset coach, the only mindset coach inside of all
• 4:12
  of our programs for any of our clients for years now.
• 4:16
  And we've known each other in the space even outside of that
• 4:18
  for years. And she works with a lot of
• 4:20
  different types of entrepreneurs and her business of all
• 4:23
  different levels and stages. So she genuinely has seen it all
• 4:27
  when it to mindset. And so I was like, who better to
• 4:29
  come on and talk about really the unpacking of doing versus
• 4:32
  being. So Kelly, I will say that, you
• 4:35
  know, obviously, you know me and known me for years.
• 4:38
  Because of that, I have a lot of clients and listeners who are
• 4:41
  very much either current me or old me who are very much wired
• 4:45
  the same way. And if you guys are not
• 4:47
  watching, she's she's grinning right now.
• 4:49
  She's exactly what I'm talking about.
• 4:51
  I feel like I'm still like a butterfly and I'm still trying
• 4:53
  to like understand my wings right now.
• 4:55
  But I definitely was like hardcore masculine in business.
• 4:59
  And really I will say didn't really appreciate as much of
• 5:03
  mindset side and the impact that had on business until probably I
• 5:06
  want to say like the last two years.
• 5:08
  And I actually just this year was kind of having this concept
• 5:13
  of doing versus being put into my ether or put into my life.
• 5:18
  And I was going through a lot with some massive life changes.
• 5:22
  And someone said to me, you know, I think what you need to
• 5:23
  do is just be. And I remember looking at her.
• 5:27
  I mean, what the fuck does that mean?
• 5:29
  Like, I don't know how to just be.
• 5:31
  I don't know what that means. And so I want to now I
• 5:35
  understand what it means. I'm curious with the person
• 5:37
  who's thinking, maybe even pressing play on this episode,
• 5:40
  like OK, doing versus being. I don't know if I get it.
• 5:43
  What really to you? How do you distinguish or
• 5:45
  define, I guess, the difference between someone who's doing
• 5:49
  versus someone who's being? Yeah, I want to just back this
• 5:53
  up just slightly because the reason I'm so passionate about
• 5:58
  this is because the first time around I built a company, I was
• 6:01
  completely and the masculine. It was only when I had a huge
• 6:05
  identity crisis starting over at 39 that I was invited into this
• 6:09
  concept. I was challenged to sit still
• 6:12
  for 2 minutes and I was like, this is like torture.
• 6:15
  Sit still for two minutes and that's when all the like I would
• 6:20
  say your ego is not your amigo. That's when all these like
• 6:23
  really bad, scary thoughts started popping up in my head.
• 6:26
  I was like, who wants to slow down?
• 6:28
  That is bad. So I think like even if you're
• 6:33
  just tuning in and just identifying here's here's like a
• 6:36
  first red flag. It should be a green flag
• 6:39
  awareness. If the thought of slowing down
• 6:42
  to speed up feels painful, then this episode is probably for
• 6:47
  you. Goodness, how I started my
• 6:50
  journey was I was called to slow down for 30 days, start at 2
• 6:55
  minutes and see if I could get my way up to 30 minutes.
• 6:57
  And it was like I never in a million years thought I could do
• 7:00
  it. So I see you and I understand
• 7:03
  you. No matter where you're at in
• 7:04
  this journey, I think the the goal to ultimately get to is the
• 7:09
  duality of knowing when to balance the masculine and the
• 7:13
  feminine. You also always hear me say it's
• 7:16
  the difference between go, go, go and flow, flow, flow, flow.
• 7:19
  You have to have both because the masculine energy and
• 7:23
  business is a structure, gives us strategy and allows us to
• 7:28
  execute. But a part of business that I
• 7:31
  see a lot of high achieving women set aside or not pay
• 7:35
  attention to is that femininity, that feminine energy where it's
• 7:39
  like creativity, intuition, like your magnetism, like the thought
• 7:45
  of what if you get to have it all and business gets to be
• 7:48
  easier by you focusing on you and becoming a money magnets.
• 7:53
  Do you know what I mean? When you feel and exude
• 7:56
  confidence and exude, I'm gonna say sexiness because I always
• 8:00
  talk about go do a sexy girl walk, begin practicing, tap into
• 8:04
  that feminine energy. So I think you need both to be
• 8:08
  successful, but most high achievers overuse their
• 8:12
  masculine because again, slowing down doesn't feel safe slowing
• 8:16
  down. And we're addicted to the
• 8:18
  validation, We're addicted to the praise.
• 8:21
  And so I guess I would love to dive in and start by giving you
• 8:27
  some things to almost like self check yourself.
• 8:31
  Like here's a checklist. We're going to give you a series
• 8:33
  of things. If you check more than three to
• 8:35
  four, you automatically need to maybe practice or move into
• 8:40
  doing some of this work. Yeah.
• 8:42
  Well, I, I think like even to your point there about the
• 8:45
  aspect of starting to channel that I think for me in my
• 8:50
  journey of kind of like masculine, feminine, it felt
• 8:53
  like when someone would talk about like intuition or any of
• 8:56
  those things, it felt so non tangible that I struggled to be
• 9:02
  able to see like what it would impact or how I would do it or
• 9:05
  am I doing it right or am I doing it wrong?
• 9:07
  And I kind of think about what we're talking about today almost
• 9:10
  in the context of like meditation, because with
• 9:13
  meditation, when you meditate, there isn't a goal.
• 9:17
  It's not like if you have thoughts that come into your
• 9:19
  mind when you're meditating, you're wrong.
• 9:21
  It's part of the process. Just like to your point, you're
• 9:24
  going to have aspects that are masculine.
• 9:25
  That's part of the process. But it's really just overall
• 9:28
  tuning into the experience. And that's kind of, for me, an
• 9:31
  analogy that helped me to understand the feminine, which
• 9:34
  is really the fact that there's not really a way to do it right
• 9:37
  or wrong. And there also is a spectrum of
• 9:40
  how intense you want to be within your feminine energy and
• 9:42
  your business. But I will say as someone who's
• 9:45
  like a recovering high masculine girl, I will say that, you know,
• 9:49
  I didn't realize how much I was hiding in the doing because to
• 9:54
  your point, I was absolutely terrified to be.
• 9:58
  And I actually had a, one of our private clients who had said
• 10:01
  this to me. She sat and I said, I just want
• 10:03
  you to sit with your journal. No noise, no podcast, no TV, no
• 10:06
  distraction by yourself in your room, set a timer for 40
• 10:09
  minutes. And I want you to just sit.
• 10:12
  And she's like, I within 10 minutes was bawling and my
• 10:14
  journal was filled because I was just actually having to sit in
• 10:18
  my body or sit in my thoughts. And I realized how much I don't
• 10:21
  do that. So yeah, I think for her, she
• 10:24
  didn't even realize to your point of like kind of helping
• 10:26
  people to self diagnose. Is this me?
• 10:28
  She didn't even realize that she had an issue with being because
• 10:33
  she was. So go, go, go, do, do, do.
• 10:35
  And so, yeah, I guess to your point, what, what are some of
• 10:38
  the the things that someone might look for or signs to you
• 10:41
  that maybe someone is very much a doer but not great at being?
• 10:46
  Yeah, and let's even make this easier because some of these
• 10:49
  words and tuition, feminine energy, embodiment, those are
• 10:54
  kind of words that we use a lot in social media.
• 10:57
  But let's like bring this down a little bit.
• 10:59
  I want you to think of when was the last time you actually
• 11:01
  laughed? When was the last time you just
• 11:04
  had fun? Like I'm always inviting and
• 11:08
  playfulness and fun. My whole philosophy is the more
• 11:11
  fun you have, the more money you make.
• 11:13
  When was the last time that you just allowed yourself to do
• 11:17
  something that wasn't on your To Do List just because you know?
• 11:22
  And so that's like a really simple basic way to think about
• 11:25
  it. So let's dive in because the
• 11:27
  first thing that is, I don't know, I'm kind of having fun
• 11:31
  using green flag versus red. Flags.
• 11:34
  OK, cool, let's do it. Green flag.
• 11:36
  If you're constantly exhausted, it's almost like this deep
• 11:39
  heaviness. You feel drained and you're
• 11:42
  burnt out despite having achieved that goal and the next
• 11:48
  goal and the next goal because it's never enough.
• 11:51
  Like it's you're successful, but you don't feel successful
• 11:54
  because you're consistently raising the bar and so it's
• 11:58
  never enough. It's never enough.
• 12:00
  Like I was the girl who set a goal and my goals had goals.
• 12:05
  Like I'd hit the goal. I would elaborate myself to
• 12:07
  like, yes, you've done it for like 30 seconds. 30 seconds,
• 12:10
  yeah. Next.
• 12:11
  What's next? So it's like when you move into
• 12:16
  the being from constant exhaustion, what that is is I
• 12:20
  always say rest receive. It's actually a really powerful
• 12:23
  place because that's where you get to regenerate your power
• 12:27
  versus always pushing. Even if you like think I like to
• 12:30
  bring like real life analogies to things to make it make sense
• 12:33
  to people. If you're in the gym and you're
• 12:34
  building muscle, you know, you have off days, you go every
• 12:37
  other day, you know, you take time because your body has to
• 12:41
  regenerate, has to repower itself.
• 12:43
  And if you're constantly in a go state, it's never regenerating.
• 12:48
  You're actually living on a adrenaline, your cortisol
• 12:51
  through the roof. You're probably in fight or
• 12:53
  flight at all times because it's like if you slow down, I keep
• 12:58
  going back to then what? Because that's like, even if you
• 13:02
  stop working and maybe you've created a boundary, I'm going to
• 13:05
  stop at some obscene hour that you should have stopped at 5 or
• 13:09
  6 and you're like at 9:00, I'm going to stop and watch TV with
• 13:13
  my partner. And then you can't even do that
• 13:15
  because you have to get up, you have to clean the kitchen, you
• 13:17
  have to do laundry. It's just like you always have
• 13:20
  to be moving and shaking. So I feel like it's almost a
• 13:24
  constant exhaustion, but people don't even recognize it because
• 13:29
  we're more comfortable and chaos than calm.
• 13:32
  So I always think we're more comfortable with the devil with
• 13:34
  end than the unknown. So you're just so addicted to
• 13:37
  that feeling that anything else doesn't feel safe.
• 13:41
  And here's why I'm getting goosebumps because here's why
• 13:43
  it's a real issue because we're we're high achievers for a
• 13:46
  reason. You know, it's not that we're
• 13:49
  running towards pleasure. A lot of times you're running
• 13:51
  from pain, but you don't even maybe know what that pain is.
• 13:54
  It's like the pain of maybe not being good enough, not being
• 13:58
  wanted enough. You know, it's, it's different.
• 14:01
  Everyone has something different that they're moving through.
• 14:04
  So it doesn't matter what it is. But there's been some point in
• 14:08
  your life over the years that it didn't feel safe or you were
• 14:11
  wired to keep going. So now slowing down has a pain
• 14:15
  response associated with it versus pleasure.
• 14:18
  So you have to flip the script and you definitely can't like
• 14:21
  dive into the pool. This is baby steps because your
• 14:24
  nervous system do a lot of nervous system regulation with
• 14:27
  clients because your nervous system is conditioned.
• 14:30
  It's, it's equivalent to being addicted to cocaine that that
• 14:34
  dopamine that you're getting from being in that go state.
• 14:39
  So constant exhaustion. Can you relate to that or?
• 14:43
  Yeah, yeah. I mean, I feel like I was like,
• 14:46
  I thought it was, I thought it was the coffee.
• 14:49
  I was like, oh, maybe it's just, you know, I I have bad adrenals.
• 14:52
  I had all these these things. But to your point, I think
• 14:55
  there's so many people that get identity or validation out of
• 15:00
  more work, more hours. I'm thinking about that 9:00 PM
• 15:03
  and how many people are like, if I just I'm hustling, I'm
• 15:06
  building, I'm, you know, building this empire, creating.
• 15:10
  And so we often can create justifications to why the work
• 15:14
  has to be done or needs to be done that we don't really
• 15:17
  entertain another way of doing business, especially because
• 15:20
  hard work is so, you know, often times really glamorized.
• 15:23
  But I also, I also want to unpack something that you said
• 15:26
  there as well, which is the fact of where is it coming from?
• 15:30
  Because I think for me, the some of the biggest impact of mindset
• 15:33
  work. And you know, any person who is
• 15:36
  a therapist, mindset coach, NLP coach, it doesn't matter who you
• 15:39
  are, will tell you your childhood has a lot of Nuggets
• 15:43
  of wisdom for you to learn about who you are today.
• 15:46
  And I what I realized was it was only once I started to revisit
• 15:50
  my childhood, my upbringing, my beliefs, my quote UN quote
• 15:53
  programming that was in me that I realized, you know, why I'm
• 15:58
  working the way that I am. I wasn't working because the
• 16:00
  business actually required me to put in those hours.
• 16:03
  I've never worked less than I do today in the whole span of my
• 16:06
  business. But I think there wasn't an
• 16:10
  understanding at the time when I would be putting in so many
• 16:13
  hours as to the root of why I was working that much.
• 16:17
  And so I think to your point, running from pain, you may
• 16:21
  think, oh, I'm just working a lot of my business.
• 16:23
  Or there could be a deeper root, which is my entire upbringing.
• 16:26
  Money was always an issue within our home.
• 16:28
  And so I don't feel safe to not always have money in savings
• 16:32
  coming in. And any time that I feel I'm not
• 16:35
  working toward making money, I'm in a state of panic or fear or
• 16:39
  to your point, not safe. And that's what keeps you
• 16:42
  constantly pushing. So yeah, I so, so resonate with
• 16:45
  that. Yeah.
• 16:46
  And I, I was writing down as you were speaking because that that
• 16:49
  would be attached to a money story.
• 16:50
  And that's where a lot of people have a lot of get to do a lot of
• 16:53
  good work is around that story because at one point in time, as
• 16:58
  a little person and what you were speaking into, I do a lot
• 17:01
  of work 0 through 12. And the money story is created 0
• 17:04
  through 7 most of the time. And, and it's how we perceive
• 17:09
  these things as little people. And you know, we're not going to
• 17:13
  shame anybody here. We're going to say that
• 17:15
  everybody does the best they can with what they have access to.
• 17:18
  But as little people, we perceive things.
• 17:20
  And so that's a very common thing.
• 17:23
  It's like not to feel safe with money because it could be taken
• 17:27
  away at any given time. So you're trying to recreate
• 17:30
  that safety that was missing. And This is why it's powerful to
• 17:34
  do the work once you're a grown woman now is because the things
• 17:38
  that served you as a little person, you get to choose
• 17:42
  differently now. You get to choose to release the
• 17:45
  things that are no longer serving you, the outdated
• 17:47
  patterns, the outdated programming.
• 17:49
  And I always like jokingly say it's like confession.
• 17:52
  I have a pattern interrupt that I use for this all the time.
• 17:54
  It's like I feel blank, but I choose to feel this way and I
• 17:58
  also choose to let it go because when we were little, we didn't
• 18:01
  have all the tools. So it wasn't a choice.
• 18:03
  We we were like in our own survival mode.
• 18:06
  But now as an adult, you know, your foundational needs are met.
• 18:09
  You've got food in the fridge. Realistically, you're safe.
• 18:13
  But the body holds a book of stories.
• 18:15
  Everybody thinks the mind's in charge, body moves, mind
• 18:17
  follows. So This is why it literally has
• 18:21
  to be released through the body on an energetic or somatic level
• 18:25
  because your body, it's like a sonar beam or headlights.
• 18:28
  I love using the analogy of headlights in a car.
• 18:31
  You know you're seeing 3 feet out in front of you.
• 18:34
  So it's like your body is scanning always out for danger.
• 18:37
  So you know, if you don't have money, you're in danger.
• 18:40
  So guess what your body's telling you to do?
• 18:42
  Go, go get more. Do this, do that.
• 18:46
  So it's like you can find pretty much the root of all resistance
• 18:51
  and all facets. I always call them as invisible
• 18:54
  roadblocks or resistance. You can find the majority
• 18:58
  through going to the root of the resistance, and it's typically
• 19:01
  back in childhood. I call them in print.
• 19:03
  There's things that get stored in US that we need to release.
• 19:08
  Yeah. And to your I just for anyone
• 19:09
  who's not as familiar with it, the word somatic or somatic
• 19:12
  release or energetic release, what might that look like?
• 19:15
  Or if you were thinking like for anyone who's not familiar with
• 19:17
  the term, what, what does that look like?
• 19:19
  If they wanted to picture maybe an exercise or reality of what
• 19:22
  that could look like in practice.
• 19:23
  Yeah, anytime you're doing deep work or even you're journaling
• 19:28
  or you're in a therapy session or you're doing something deep
• 19:30
  with your coach, emotion is energy and motion.
• 19:35
  So I tell my clients at the end of a call, 20 minutes, you need
• 19:39
  to go put on your favorite music and dance.
• 19:42
  You need to go move your body, lift heavy, step, walk around
• 19:45
  and stop. You can even sit there and
• 19:47
  shake, you know what I mean? Shake your hands because it's
• 19:50
  like a boiling pot of water. It comes up, but it has to come
• 19:54
  out. And that's why most people, I
• 19:57
  wish as little people we knew how to properly process our
• 20:00
  emotions, but it's like sit there and look prettier, be
• 20:03
  there, be quieter, you know what I mean?
• 20:05
  We're we're conditioned to shut them down and so.
• 20:09
  There's power in just feeling, dealing and healing, so it's OK
• 20:15
  to feel it. The normal human experience is
• 20:17
  to feel a whole array of emotions, not just happiness all
• 20:20
  the time. Some of our biggest growth comes
• 20:23
  from those other painful things we need to feel.
• 20:26
  But they don't need to stay in your body because then your
• 20:28
  body, Those are like blockages. I call them energetic blockages
• 20:32
  because I think of our body as our ability to create, well, an
• 20:35
  energetic wealth container. So if you're walking around with
• 20:37
  heavy potatoes all the time, like imagine how much harder you
• 20:41
  have to push just for everyday things.
• 20:43
  So basically just think of it as anything that you're comfortable
• 20:48
  doing that is a release for you. Most of the time it's working
• 20:52
  out, walking, dancing around the house.
• 20:55
  You know, I don't know if you're in the Pilates, but thinks of
• 20:58
  that. So what comes up can actually
• 21:00
  come out. I was going to say the, the
• 21:02
  basis of all the work that I've done in the last year was
• 21:05
  actually around that motto. If it's coming up, it's coming
• 21:07
  out because I was notorious for when I started crying,
• 21:11
  especially if I was in front of people.
• 21:13
  I'm like, Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry.
• 21:14
  Like I don't, I don't know why I'm crying right now.
• 21:16
  I'm so sorry. Or like, I'd be like, oh, sorry,
• 21:18
  like just excuse me. And I would feel shame or
• 21:20
  embarrassment or frankly, to your point, not safe to cry.
• 21:25
  And I would always feel the need to cry and be like, I have to do
• 21:27
  go do something. I have to distract myself.
• 21:30
  I have to stop what I'm feeling. And that motto of like literally
• 21:35
  a mentor said to me, listen, if it's coming up, it's coming out.
• 21:37
  Meaning every moment that you don't let out what you and I
• 21:41
  both know is coming up inside of you is just something to your
• 21:45
  point, that is literally adding more pressure on that lid of
• 21:48
  boiling water and cranking up the heat to the point where it
• 21:50
  explodes at some point oftentimes.
• 21:52
  And moment or place where you don't want it to.
• 21:55
  So I think kind of to your point with some practices and with
• 21:58
  intention, which we'll talk about today.
• 22:00
  By building this into your routine or into part of your
• 22:03
  business, you will have tools to be able to regulate those in a
• 22:07
  way that feels safe for you, rather than having them
• 22:10
  necessarily always come up in a place where you don't feel safe.
• 22:12
  And something else I want to add, just in this in that moment
• 22:15
  when you said it, those feelings actually have a chemical
• 22:19
  response of about 90 seconds. It's a huge wave of emotion.
• 22:23
  So I tell people just like a wave at the beach a lot of
• 22:26
  times. You know, I use breath work all
• 22:27
  the time too. So it's like, breathe through
• 22:30
  it. You've survived 100% of your
• 22:32
  hardest day so far. You're not going to die.
• 22:35
  Although it feels like literally in that moment you're going to
• 22:38
  die, but breathe through it. It's not going to last forever.
• 22:41
  And literally, I used to tell people in the very beginning,
• 22:44
  set a timer for 90 seconds, breathe through it.
• 22:46
  Trust me, it can't stay forever. It's a wave.
• 22:49
  It comes in a high and then it it, it will leave, but it's like
• 22:52
  just being with it and that moment instead of being afraid
• 22:56
  of it and pushing it back down. Yeah, yeah.
• 23:00
  OK. Another key indicator is we kind
• 23:03
  of touched on this a little bit. So I won't take much time here.
• 23:06
  But filling unfulfilled just despite success.
• 23:10
  So outwardly, you always hear me say a public success and a
• 23:13
  private failure. That was what I always self
• 23:16
  confessed as what I was back in the day before we sold the
• 23:18
  business. Like everybody like on paper
• 23:21
  were like, Oh my God, you're killing here.
• 23:23
  You did this, you didn't. But I was also eating a fast
• 23:26
  food, fast lifestyle. I was nutrient deficient,
• 23:31
  blacked out, driving my daughter to school.
• 23:33
  And I mean burn out. Like it's like it looks really
• 23:37
  good. So it's like you can still feel
• 23:39
  a sense of emptiness or dissatisfaction regardless of
• 23:44
  any milestone or accolade or that you have.
• 23:49
  And that's really a disconnection from your higher
• 23:51
  purpose. And that is a huge green flag
• 23:54
  that you need to focus on being rather than doing.
• 23:57
  So the switch is, and we'll dive into some tips on this, but how
• 24:00
  can you move to an internal knowingness and know that you
• 24:04
  are worthy just because you were born, period, not because you've
• 24:08
  achieved XY? And so I use a lot with
• 24:11
  gratitude too, because it's like, be thankful for what you
• 24:14
  have while expecting more, but don't everything.
• 24:18
  And the more everybody puts all these business things up on a
• 24:21
  totem and then you get to the top and then, OK, where's my
• 24:25
  people? Where's my Yeah, like, you know,
• 24:28
  you got to take care of yourself and your people or you're by
• 24:31
  yourself at the top, and that's lonely.
• 24:33
  Yeah, I mean, I had that in my journey too.
• 24:35
  I remember like one of my biggest breakdowns was actually
• 24:38
  what I would consider to be like 1 of what at the time was my
• 24:41
  biggest goals was to have a 7 figure business.
• 24:43
  And I remember when we hit that number, I was like dry shampoo,
• 24:46
  like 3 coffees deep that day, hadn't eaten in my sweatpants
• 24:51
  sitting on the couch. And I'm like, who do I call?
• 24:54
  I've been up till three O clock in the morning doing this
• 24:56
  business. I'm so burnt out.
• 24:57
  I'm so uninspired. But yay, I hit this number.
• 25:00
  And I want to like, even to your point, I want to say like,
• 25:02
  obviously it's a privilege to say that because it it's
• 25:05
  something that of course, obviously is a massive amount of
• 25:08
  money. But the thing that I felt was
• 25:10
  like I was so focused on just do all the things to hit this
• 25:13
  target that I wasn't actually present and enjoying the process
• 25:16
  of the building. So then I was so destination
• 25:20
  focused that when I got there, I was like, this doesn't even feel
• 25:23
  good. And it's it's something I see
• 25:26
  with scaling clients all the time because everyone has this
• 25:28
  idea that when I achieve blank, when I do blank and what we
• 25:32
  know, even if it's not in the business context, like there's
• 25:34
  some people who are like, when I get married, when I have a kid
• 25:36
  and it's like, but then you have the kids and then they become
• 25:39
  seven and you're OK, well, what now?
• 25:40
  And then the midlife crisis happens, right?
• 25:42
  So there's always this destination of like destination
• 25:46
  happiness that happens. And that trickles into a lot of
• 25:49
  facets of life, but also business.
• 25:51
  And I think the tricky part for most people that I see is being
• 25:57
  able to say, are you happy with yourself?
• 25:59
  If I removed all of, to your point, your achievements or your
• 26:04
  accomplishments? Like how do you feel about
• 26:07
  yourself? If you weren't making X amount
• 26:08
  of money? How would you feel about
• 26:10
  yourself? If you didn't have the house
• 26:12
  that you live in? How would you feel?
• 26:13
  And like actually starting to assess are, is your confidence
• 26:18
  directly correlated to the achievement?
• 26:21
  And if you were to remove the achievement, do you like, it
• 26:23
  doesn't define me, I don't care. Like I could live in a shoe box
• 26:26
  and I'd be fine If you have that perspective or if someone took
• 26:31
  away those accomplishments, do you feel like you know who you
• 26:34
  are? And I realized when I hit 7
• 26:36
  figures, going for that goal took over my identity so much to
• 26:40
  the point that I didn't really, I didn't have hobbies, I didn't
• 26:42
  have friends. I removed everything else that
• 26:44
  didn't lead me to achieve, achieve, achieve.
• 26:47
  And then I realized I, yes, had achieved IE checked the box, but
• 26:51
  the process wasn't enjoyable and I had none of the things that I
• 26:54
  had seen in the vision because I was so just in the process of
• 26:58
  get the stuff done and I wasn't really looking up at any point
• 27:01
  to actually check in along the way.
• 27:03
  Oh my gosh, I'm getting flashbacks like I, I completely
• 27:07
  resonate. I remember when we sold our
• 27:09
  business, we sold our house. We were literally getting rid of
• 27:12
  everything we owned and taking off to Florida, but we had a
• 27:16
  huge house in Indiana. You know you need a big house
• 27:18
  because there's nothing to do, but I remember standing upstairs
• 27:23
  in my dream master bathroom looking at it.
• 27:26
  A 20 yard dumpster filled with anything in my house that we
• 27:30
  didn't donate or give it away. And I was like, I just worked my
• 27:34
  touch off for what? To fill up this huge house with
• 27:38
  all the stuff I just got rid of. And I mean, that was just one of
• 27:42
  the many aha moments when I I would say you're going on an
• 27:46
  unbecomed to become journey because I wouldn't change it for
• 27:49
  the world. I'm so happy, so fulfilled, But
• 27:52
  it's like seeing that was like whoa.
• 27:56
  And it was like, whoa, girl, what are you doing?
• 27:59
  Yeah. And I, I think that the thing I
• 28:02
  would also say for anyone listening is that it's something
• 28:04
  that if you again, are actually being and in tune with yourself
• 28:08
  and like your thoughts, your emotions, your body, I think
• 28:11
  that there is a way to not need to have that moment.
• 28:15
  Like for me even, it was when I moved and I had to live out of a
• 28:18
  suitcase for two months that that was another aha moment of
• 28:21
  me of like, oh, I don't care about this stuff.
• 28:23
  Like this stuff is irrelevant to me because I had like 3 pairs of
• 28:26
  pants and three shirts and a suitcase and I was like as happy
• 28:29
  as ever. And so I, I also want to say for
• 28:32
  the person who's listening, they're in kind of what we're
• 28:35
  talking about today of being and really tuning in.
• 28:38
  This is why this topic is so important because you don't
• 28:40
  necessarily have to get to a point where you go, holy crap,
• 28:43
  how did I get here? You there are that the alarms or
• 28:47
  the aha moments along the way that if you're tuned into them,
• 28:50
  will help you to be able to achieve the thing that you're
• 28:53
  going for it while also when you get there feeling such massive
• 28:56
  fulfillment in the process and obviously in the achievement as
• 28:59
  well. Yeah, and I noticed the more I
• 29:01
  did this kind of work because I always say it shows up in
• 29:04
  different ways, even outside of work.
• 29:06
  So like if I wasn't working all the time, then I would be
• 29:10
  shopping. That like really fulfilled me.
• 29:13
  It gave me a quick dopamine hat. But the more I did this work and
• 29:16
  began to switch the script, not that I don't love nice things I
• 29:19
  do, not that I don't want to make a lot of money, I do.
• 29:22
  But it's like they didn't. They didn't fulfill me anymore
• 29:26
  because I was trying to fill this empty black hole with stuff
• 29:30
  and work versus like I could still go buy all those things,
• 29:34
  but now I just I don't want to like it.
• 29:36
  Like it kind of took that that need to constantly self soothe
• 29:42
  myself away. Well, it's.
• 29:43
  It's interesting. Obviously anyone who watches
• 29:45
  this or listens to my stuff knows I basically wear neutrals
• 29:48
  all day, every day. And so I had a closet that was
• 29:50
  full of clothes. And when I moved, I remember
• 29:53
  looking at this thinking, I haven't worn 80% of these
• 29:55
  clothes. And so I went to my therapist
• 29:56
  and I was like, you know, it's so weird.
• 29:58
  They have all these clothes. I don't even wear them.
• 29:59
  Like I'm putting them all away. I'm shipping them from one house
• 30:02
  to the next. And I've never worn all these
• 30:04
  stupid clothes. They have freaking tags on them.
• 30:06
  And so anyway, and I'm packing it deeper.
• 30:08
  Literally that same thing came up, which was the fact that me
• 30:10
  having those clothes in my closet was not actually but the
• 30:13
  clothes at all, but actually about the fact that me knowing I
• 30:16
  had those clothes was assigned to me of achievement every day
• 30:20
  of like you bought all these things.
• 30:22
  Look at all the curation of your home and all the clothes that
• 30:25
  you wear. And really to your point of
• 30:28
  being so in the doing. I was so in the reps of shopping
• 30:32
  for something I did not need nor really even want.
• 30:35
  I was just doing it cuz I was bored.
• 30:37
  And then having this home of stuff that always had a project
• 30:40
  because I realized if I didn't have something to fix, work on,
• 30:45
  try to achieve, I had to just sit with myself and that was
• 30:48
  wildly uncomfortable. So obviously we've, you know,
• 30:52
  we've got the person who's constantly going for
• 30:54
  achievements, never happy with the achievements.
• 30:56
  What are some, you know, any other signs that you see with
• 30:58
  people that you work with inability.
• 31:00
  To relax or rest. But let me explain it in a
• 31:03
  little bit more so they can self identify.
• 31:05
  You will probably have 0 boundaries in your business.
• 31:08
  It's difficult to stop rest or take time off because you feel
• 31:11
  guilty or unproductive or lazy. And how this actually is just,
• 31:17
  this is a really easy example to give the audience.
• 31:19
  But I remember when I would be working on an e-mail and you
• 31:23
  know, there's certain things that you need to do during the
• 31:26
  business day, but you have this heavy resistance.
• 31:29
  But I would move through all resistance.
• 31:32
  I would sit there because I had to get it done.
• 31:34
  It was on my list. I had to get it done.
• 31:36
  It wasn't even like a 911, an emergency, but it was on my
• 31:40
  list. I had to get it done no matter
• 31:42
  what. And I can remember sitting there
• 31:44
  pushing through it and then it wasn't even good work.
• 31:47
  And so I always say heavy feelings equate to heavy
• 31:50
  actions. Light feelings equate to light
• 31:52
  actions. What I teach people to do now is
• 31:55
  chase the light feeling. If if you can't rest or relax or
• 32:00
  let something go, chase the light feeling.
• 32:03
  What is what would I'm going to say highest self, but say a
• 32:07
  relaxed self, what my highest self or a more calm version of
• 32:11
  myself do right now in this moment?
• 32:12
  Well, I might go on a walk. And so Long story short, and
• 32:15
  then after the walk, OK, what would be next?
• 32:18
  And then if you follow that light feeling, then few minutes
• 32:22
  later, 3060 doesn't matter. It's different for everyone.
• 32:26
  Your creativity, your inspiration comes through.
• 32:28
  You come back and you do that same task in about a two-minute
• 32:32
  window where I was sitting for an over an hour to try to write
• 32:35
  something. So it's like if you're in that
• 32:38
  heavy feeling, you have to do something to lighten it up.
• 32:41
  But learning how to relax is very hard because a lot of us
• 32:47
  have these stories that if you're relaxed, you're lazy.
• 32:51
  Yeah, so. So.
• 32:53
  Well, I also want to say how you relax because like the thing
• 32:56
  that used to just get under my skin just pissed me off was that
• 32:59
  people would say like, you just need to sit down and watch TV.
• 33:02
  And I'm like, I don't want to freaking sit down and watch TV.
• 33:04
  Like for me at least, it wasn't something that made me, to your
• 33:10
  point, feel relaxed. Like it, it wasn't something
• 33:13
  that made me feel fulfilled when I was done with it.
• 33:17
  So I think people just saying sit on the couch stop working.
• 33:21
  What I realized was relaxation to me wasn't enjoyable because I
• 33:26
  was trying to relax in the way that everybody else did.
• 33:29
  And so like even for me now it might be going and having a
• 33:32
  bath. To your point, going and having
• 33:33
  a walk, like to most people maybe going on a 5K walk is not
• 33:37
  something that is their version of relaxation.
• 33:39
  Relaxation. It could be just rot on the
• 33:40
  couch and like if so, like I love that for you.
• 33:43
  But I think what I realized was I was struggling to relax
• 33:46
  because I thought relaxation had to also look a specific way.
• 33:50
  And instead I wasn't enough focused on how do I feel after I
• 33:54
  have done whatever the relaxation thing is.
• 33:57
  So like I find for my, for example, for myself
• 34:00
  specifically, water has always been interesting because
• 34:03
  obviously, like if you're sitting in a bath, you literally
• 34:06
  have to be still and not doing something.
• 34:08
  So I used to be, again, when I was in my masculine, I would
• 34:10
  take a bath, but I would like answer DMS, right?
• 34:12
  Like be in my emails or whatever, like a crazy person.
• 34:15
  And so I was still never able to do it and just relax.
• 34:19
  So I had this kind of rule with myself when I was trying to flex
• 34:22
  this muscle of being able to relax, to say, OK, you have to
• 34:24
  go in the bath, no music, no TV, no book, no distraction, just
• 34:31
  be. And I remember sitting there
• 34:33
  staring at the ceiling and I'm like, this is so boring.
• 34:36
  But what I realized is over time by putting in the reps, I
• 34:39
  started to realize that it was actually the fact that I didn't
• 34:42
  enjoy my own company, IE my own mind, thoughts and emotions,
• 34:45
  that was the reason I wasn't enjoying it.
• 34:47
  And so I think it, even though the aspect for anyone listening
• 34:50
  who's like, I don't know how to relax, something I asked myself
• 34:54
  is in the things that I do when I'm done doing them or when I'm
• 34:58
  in the process even of doing them, how do I feel?
• 35:00
  And like another random one for me, even though I don't eat it,
• 35:03
  I give it away is baking. Like I bake not because I need
• 35:07
  to eat the muffin or because I even desire to have the brownies
• 35:09
  in my my kitchen more just like the actual process of just like
• 35:13
  being in the ritual of baking. It's such an enjoyable, relaxing
• 35:17
  thing for me. So like I randomly will bake for
• 35:20
  other people just out of something that again gives to
• 35:22
  that process for myself. That's so good and I can see why
• 35:25
  baking supports you that allow, that's a disconnection, but it
• 35:29
  allows the creativity to come through.
• 35:30
  You're still creating something. There's still a beginning and an
• 35:33
  end, but then there's that freedom of flow in the middle.
• 35:36
  But you said something so good that I want to touch on and
• 35:40
  every single thing like say you want money.
• 35:44
  What's the feeling that actually money will give you freedom.
• 35:48
  If you think about all the things that are showing up in
• 35:51
  your life and then think of the feelings associated with those
• 35:56
  and then do something that creates that feeling because
• 36:00
  that's what we're looking for. The body operates on feelings.
• 36:03
  So it's like, that's why some high achievers can't ever stop
• 36:08
  working because I want to feel safe.
• 36:09
  OK, So what else can you feel, see, hear or receive to give
• 36:13
  yourself that feeling of safety that's interdependent of work?
• 36:18
  And I also feel in a way that sometimes in the process of
• 36:24
  tapping into being safe, you have to put yourself in a
• 36:27
  scenario to feel uncomfortable. Yeah.
• 36:29
  And I, I think that's just, I would be curious.
• 36:32
  And I know I'm kind of pulling off course here, but I'm, I just
• 36:34
  feel like it'd be super helpful because I Remember Me being
• 36:36
  like, what the hell do you mean feel safe?
• 36:38
  Like, I do feel safe. Like my life's not being
• 36:40
  threatened. I was somebody who was so
• 36:44
  scared, for example, to like one of the aspects of being in the
• 36:47
  feminine is being vulnerable. And I was so scared to be
• 36:51
  vulnerable because now I understand that to be I didn't
• 36:53
  feel safe to do so. But what it actually had to
• 36:56
  happen was kind of like to my point of like the extreme of
• 36:59
  being in a bath. I had to be put in situations
• 37:02
  where I was like challenged or faced with flex, the muscle of
• 37:06
  being vulnerable. OK, so I want to take a quick
• 37:09
  little brief interruption from today's episode to let you know
• 37:12
  about something really exciting. And I want to 1st preface, there
• 37:14
  is nothing here that I have to sell you.
• 37:16
  This is about something that is entirely free that I think would
• 37:19
  be a massive support for you if you are someone who's loving all
• 37:22
  things Ambitious podcast. So we have created an absolutely
• 37:26
  incredible community that is called the Ambitious Network.
• 37:29
  This is really a place where coaching and masterminds meet
• 37:32
  high level networking of. Other women who were just.
• 37:35
  Like you, so a little bit of what you can anticipate.
• 37:38
  This is a place for you to grow, to connect, and ultimately to
• 37:40
  get the support that you need to elevate your business.
• 37:43
  And so some of the things you can anticipate inside #1 live
• 37:46
  Hot Seat Coaching. This is literally live coaching
• 37:48
  in the way that I would do inside of our masterminds, our
• 37:50
  different offers only inside of this community, entirely free.
• 37:54
  You'll also get the opportunity to get access to exclusive
• 37:56
  giveaways that are not available anywhere else.
• 37:59
  So these are things like giveaways of different books and
• 38:02
  resources that I'm obsessed with that have really helped me in my
• 38:05
  journey of business, but also things on a larger scale, like
• 38:08
  some of which have been six months of private coaching type
• 38:12
  of giveaways. So all of this to be said,
• 38:14
  massive, massive amount of resources being given inside and
• 38:17
  also trainings and resources, tools of frameworks and
• 38:21
  downloads and worksheets and master classes that are going to
• 38:24
  be things that will really help to take you and your business to
• 38:26
  the next level. Now, it's also not just about
• 38:28
  me. I have an incredible network and
• 38:30
  a community of other entrepreneurs who also want to
• 38:32
  give back to you if you've loved their interviews and their
• 38:36
  discussions on the Ambitious podcast.
• 38:37
  So we have guests that are also providing resources in the
• 38:40
  community that will only be available inside the ambitious
• 38:43
  network. But there's also the networking
• 38:45
  aspect. And this is a place for you to
• 38:47
  not Only Connect with other women about what's going on in
• 38:49
  your business, what's currently working or not working in
• 38:52
  today's current market. It's a place to share wins, but
• 38:55
  it's also a place to connect with me and get my feedback and
• 38:58
  support for you and your business.
• 39:00
  Now all of that to be said, this is a, as I said, mastermind
• 39:04
  meets networking. And I really have created this
• 39:06
  as a community that I want to be something you've never gotten
• 39:10
  anywhere else. It's not this low ticket
• 39:12
  membership that you feel like you're paying for.
• 39:14
  You know this. Graveyard of resources that the
• 39:16
  person has they don't know what to do with.
• 39:17
  And it's also not that Facebook group that you're inside of that
• 39:20
  you feel like you get tons of notifications, but you don't
• 39:22
  really want anything that's inside of it.
• 39:24
  It all feels surface level. We want to give you the ability
• 39:28
  to have mastermind meets high level networking all in one
• 39:30
  place, and the ambitious network is where you're going to find
• 39:33
  that. So how you can get inside?
• 39:34
  If you want to go to the show notes beneath, you can click a
• 39:37
  link to join, join us inside the Ambitious network.
• 39:39
  And if you also want to connect with me on Instagram, I'm also
• 39:42
  happy to chat with you about it. So if you DM me the word
• 39:44
  ambitious, we'll be sure to chat a little bit more about the
• 39:47
  network for you and give you the link to get inside.
• 39:50
  So all of that to be said, I don't want to take any more time
• 39:52
  away from today's episode with. So without further ado, let's
• 39:55
  get back into the show. So I'm thinking for someone
• 39:57
  listening who's like I really struggle to relax without
• 39:59
  thinking about work or being guilty about work.
• 40:02
  How do we kind of like kick start that process when maybe
• 40:05
  every time we do? We feel called to get out of it.
• 40:08
  Like we were like, Oh no, I don't want to relax right now,
• 40:10
  right? I tried.
• 40:11
  I just struggle with it. I can't.
• 40:13
  Like, do you believe in when it comes to, you know, again,
• 40:17
  creating that safety and creating that relaxation.
• 40:20
  Do you ever believe in almost like exposure therapy in the
• 40:22
  sense of like giving yourself surrender to it and
• 40:25
  acknowledging I'm going to hate this, but I'm going to do it
• 40:28
  Because for me, I had a friend in the midst of everything that
• 40:33
  happened with my breakup, and she asked me to go sit on a
• 40:37
  blanket in the middle of a field.
• 40:38
  And I was like, what are you talking about?
• 40:41
  I brought my laptop because I was like, listen to something or
• 40:44
  you doing something. It's like, no, I just want you
• 40:45
  to be. And I was like, what are you
• 40:47
  talking about? And that situation basically was
• 40:50
  my exposure therapy. And it broke me because it made
• 40:53
  me realize I was like, what are we doing here?
• 40:55
  She's like, I just want you to close your eyes and breathe.
• 40:56
  And I was like, like breath work.
• 40:58
  And I have like all these questions about what's the
• 41:00
  outcome? What are we looking to do?
• 41:02
  She's just like nothing. I just want you to feel the air
• 41:04
  on your face when you sit in this blanket and when you sit in
• 41:06
  the field. So I'm wondering for someone
• 41:09
  like past me who maybe has a really difficult time sitting
• 41:12
  still or, you know, trying to relax, do you ever believe in
• 41:16
  kind of like exposure therapy being a way to help someone to
• 41:19
  jolt themselves into that process?
• 41:21
  Yeah, I always say fear is false evidence appearing real and
• 41:26
  knowing that your ego is not your amigo, it's going to fight
• 41:29
  against anything that it feels is not safe.
• 41:31
  Like, for example, when I did transition to the online space,
• 41:34
  everyone thinks, Oh my gosh, how were you ever nervous to go
• 41:36
  live? I would start.
• 41:38
  I didn't have to go live in my quarter world.
• 41:41
  Like it wasn't. Yeah.
• 41:41
  So what I made myself do is go live every day for 30 days.
• 41:46
  And you know what? I had the hives all over.
• 41:48
  I couldn't even speak. I'm.
• 41:50
  It was like. But the only way is to feel the
• 41:54
  fear and do it anyway because I was retraining my body that I'm
• 41:57
  actually safe. You're trying to protect me.
• 41:59
  But I'm good here. I'm not going to die.
• 42:01
  If I go live on a, on a Facebook.
• 42:05
  It was Facebook back then. Yeah.
• 42:07
  But I would literally, it was ridiculous.
• 42:09
  Like, I would stand there, play the song, This girl's on fire.
• 42:12
  I would sway back and forth. I was too scared to speak.
• 42:14
  I have hives all over. But I felt the fear.
• 42:17
  I did it anyways. And by 30 days I was like, let's
• 42:20
  go, yeah, it's like, I absolutely believe in it.
• 42:25
  Because control's a big issue for high achievers too, because
• 42:30
  it, there's not a necessarily, we touched on this at the very
• 42:33
  beginning, a process to trust, a process to surrender, a process
• 42:39
  because. And so it's like the body
• 42:42
  doesn't know. I keep going back to the body
• 42:44
  because I just the body so important.
• 42:46
  The body doesn't know if you're going to be safe if you
• 42:48
  surrender, if you release, if you just go sit in a field, your
• 42:52
  body doesn't know if you're going to be safe.
• 42:54
  So it's trying to control things at all time.
• 42:57
  But I think you have to surrender to scale.
• 43:00
  You just have to because we can't be control in everything
• 43:03
  in our businesses or companies. We can't be in control in our
• 43:06
  life at all times because ultimately my personal opinion
• 43:08
  is we're not in control. So I'm we're just like here.
• 43:12
  And so if you realize you're not really in control and you're not
• 43:15
  really that important, like that's a huge thing.
• 43:18
  I love to say to high achievers, when they say I can't stop
• 43:22
  working, I'm like, girl, you're not, you're not that important.
• 43:25
  And then they're like, well, what do you mean?
• 43:28
  I'm not that far. You're not the president.
• 43:30
  You're not that important. You can rest.
• 43:32
  It's OK. But when you hear, when someone
• 43:34
  hears that, it might temporarily stink for a moment.
• 43:37
  But then on the other side, they're like, well, OK, I guess
• 43:40
  I'm not. It is OK to let somebody help me
• 43:44
  or go sit in a field for 40 minutes and not die.
• 43:47
  You know what I mean? Yeah.
• 43:48
  Well, I like the questions that helped me.
• 43:50
  Someone had said to me which were impactful were like, what
• 43:53
  would it look like if it was all easy?
• 43:56
  Or what would it look like if you could rest and be
• 43:59
  successful? Or what would it look like if
• 44:04
  rest was the reason you were successful?
• 44:07
  And I remember being like, well, no, because you know, I have to
• 44:10
  put these hours and I had all these excuses.
• 44:12
  But the interesting part for me was and maybe even present
• 44:14
  anyone listening who answers that question to themselves,
• 44:18
  hearing my justification as to why.
• 44:21
  Oh, well, it won't be easy or it can't work out or hearing me
• 44:25
  basically give a reason why I had to stay in this pattern was
• 44:30
  what I needed to hear of myself. I'm like, I feel like even
• 44:32
  therapy sometimes when someone's in therapy, your minds at work,
• 44:35
  just hearing yourself process, you go, Oh my God, I just say
• 44:38
  that. So in that moment, it made me
• 44:40
  realize, like, I'm also the one creating the resistance because
• 44:44
  to your point, I am. I'm not flowing with the waves.
• 44:48
  I am fighting every wave that comes my way and being like,
• 44:51
  look at me. Look how much I'm crushing.
• 44:53
  And you're like, yes, but everyone else is having a great
• 44:56
  time and is riding the waves because they're not so in the
• 44:59
  masculine, so in the doing or the aggression to kind of push
• 45:02
  through, but they're really just surrendering to your point.
• 45:04
  Yeah. Yeah, I mean, yes to everything
• 45:07
  you just said. Honestly, it's, it's just a
• 45:10
  huge. And just like you've mentioned
• 45:12
  cold therapy or exposure therapy, you know, I guarantee
• 45:15
  for anybody who does cold therapy, you didn't
• 45:16
  automatically get in and sit for two minutes.
• 45:18
  You know, you, you get in for 30 seconds.
• 45:21
  Like you have to you, you have to also realize that there's a
• 45:25
  real, a real resistance that the body has.
• 45:29
  So it's like dipping your toe in the pool and then you go a
• 45:32
  little bit deeper and a little bit deeper.
• 45:33
  You can't, your nervous system couldn't even handle you going
• 45:36
  from zero to now I'm going to be living to everything.
• 45:40
  I mean, like that's not even a realistic.
• 45:43
  So it's like it's slow, gradual changes that build upon each
• 45:47
  other to allow your body to begin to feel safer.
• 45:50
  One baby step at a time. It's, it's not an all or nothing
• 45:54
  here, all new high achievements. It's not an all or nothing
• 45:57
  mentality, is not black and white.
• 45:58
  You're you're entering into the Gray space, the unknown.
• 46:01
  And I think which is kind of to that point of all or nothing
• 46:05
  being in itself is not a goal, right?
• 46:08
  And I think that that's the hard part for me.
• 46:11
  I'm like, how do I know if I'm being?
• 46:12
  That's the main question that people ask is like, if I, if I'm
• 46:15
  someone who's always doing, how do I know if I'm relaxing?
• 46:18
  How do I know if I'm being? And the only way that I can
• 46:22
  explain that is like, you will know.
• 46:24
  And it's not a matter of like you hit this marker, you rest
• 46:27
  this many hours When I think that that's what most people try
• 46:30
  to do is try to put it in a box because they think if they hit
• 46:32
  the box, they've hit the relaxation.
• 46:35
  But you and I both know the massages that we've gone to that
• 46:37
  we're like, oh, I'm not enjoying this.
• 46:38
  My mind's going a mile a minute versus the massage that you went
• 46:42
  to and you feel like you fell asleep on the table because you
• 46:44
  were so relaxed. Both of them, you went to a
• 46:46
  massage for 60 minutes. Both of them had entirely
• 46:49
  different experiences because the state in which you went
• 46:52
  through it in. So I feel like being to me is
• 46:55
  almost kind of, to your point, less of of a goal in what you're
• 46:58
  doing or working toward. Again, doing versus being, but
• 47:02
  more a matter of like a state and experience that you go
• 47:05
  through. Yeah.
• 47:06
  And to the being like, I think a couple things you could think of
• 47:10
  as, are you being more aligned? Are you actually operating in a
• 47:14
  business and your business in a way that feels good to you?
• 47:17
  Are you being present? Are you doing a million things
• 47:20
  at once? Are you being present at work?
• 47:23
  And are you being present with your family or friends or
• 47:25
  whatever around you and just being more in tune with
• 47:29
  yourself? It absolutely does not mean
• 47:32
  stopping or quitting. It's just like this.
• 47:35
  It's like a song, it's like a a slow dance, you know what I
• 47:38
  mean? It's like it's flowing with
• 47:41
  life. It's trusting yourself and it's
• 47:44
  creating sustainable success without burnout.
• 47:51
  So if someone, is there any, I guess other things that you feel
• 47:55
  like are on your list of things that if someone's listening, OK,
• 47:58
  So like obviously there's someone who probably struggles
• 48:00
  with rest, they maybe have that all or nothing thinking, which
• 48:04
  probably resonates with a lot of entrepreneurs.
• 48:06
  You're somebody who really is super, you know, defined by
• 48:10
  achievement or maybe feels like achievement is kind of your only
• 48:13
  purpose. Is there anything else they
• 48:15
  would say is a major aspect for anyone who may think OK is this
• 48:18
  me? OK, I bullet pointed these an 8,
• 48:20
  so let me we'll let's summarize this for the for the constant
• 48:25
  exhaustion, feeling unfulfilled despite success, overwhelm and
• 48:31
  lack of being actually present. Disconnection not only from
• 48:35
  yourself, but from your others as well.
• 48:37
  Your inability to rest or relax chasing validation.
• 48:43
  My personal favorite and disconnection from intuition and
• 48:48
  creativity, like I really think like a huge green flag again is
• 48:53
  if I say, when was the last time you had fun or when was the last
• 48:57
  time you laughed. Most of high achieving
• 48:59
  perfectionist women cannot tell me.
• 49:02
  They cannot tell me because they kind of let that side go, that
• 49:07
  creativity, that just being. And if I say, well, what do you
• 49:11
  want? What do you like to do for fun?
• 49:13
  Like what you just mentioned earlier, they can't even tell
• 49:15
  me. So it's like in creativity, I
• 49:18
  mean literally I, when I was working on flexing that muscle,
• 49:22
  I'm not even like end up painting honestly, but I was
• 49:25
  called forward to get some watercolors and pay for and just
• 49:28
  pay and I'm like, OK, like what am I painting?
• 49:32
  And it's on just like just painting and it, it was just
• 49:36
  that act of like having fun and just being and bringing that.
• 49:40
  I always think it's bringing the inner child.
• 49:41
  It's bringing that little person inside of you.
• 49:43
  Think back to elementary school when you didn't have a care in
• 49:47
  the world and you're just coloring, you know what I mean?
• 49:50
  Or do you think of when you were little, how your imagination was
• 49:53
  like I played school all the time in my bedroom.
• 49:55
  It's like those types of things. Like how much of that are you
• 49:59
  letting in? So those are the 8 things that
• 50:03
  are the easiest to to self identify and guarantee you can
• 50:09
  if you're listening or tuning in.
• 50:11
  If you're hitting the green flag of at least 50%, then you've got
• 50:16
  some more. Got some work to do.
• 50:18
  So I guess obviously because I feel like again, like old me
• 50:21
  would be like, OK, definitely me because I again, even when I
• 50:25
  think about having fun, fun was like, where are we going?
• 50:28
  What are we doing? Like what are the, what are the
• 50:30
  things that we're going to go do instead of just like the
• 50:32
  experience of joy? And that's what I think would be
• 50:35
  the main distinction there is like the doing versus the actual
• 50:38
  feeling, the achievement versus the the experience of something.
• 50:42
  And if someone is listening to this and maybe they're like, I
• 50:46
  have 50%, I have 60, I have 99%. Where do we start to rewire
• 50:52
  this? Where do we start to kind of set
• 50:55
  a new script and set a new kind of process for ourself if we
• 50:59
  feel like this is something that we're resonating with?
• 51:02
  Well, when the first step I would want you to take is to do
• 51:05
  some shadow work, because I think shadow work allows you to
• 51:10
  bring up the parts of yourself that you're not consciously
• 51:13
  aware of. I don't think anybody that's a
• 51:15
  high achieving woman is even self identifying necessarily as
• 51:20
  that in the way that we're speaking about it.
• 51:22
  Because it's like, if you think back to your examples you shared
• 51:26
  are my examples, you're like, I'm working, I'm grinding, I'm
• 51:29
  hitting seven fingers, 7 fingers.
• 51:30
  You're not like, Oh my gosh, I'm working all the time.
• 51:34
  Something could be wrong with me.
• 51:35
  Maybe I should relax. Like you're not even aware.
• 51:38
  So I was thinking you can't solve a problem from the same
• 51:40
  level of consciousness that created it.
• 51:42
  So you have to do some, some work.
• 51:45
  Shadow work is my absolutely one of my favorite things to do.
• 51:48
  The framework I use is release, reset, rewire.
• 51:51
  So you have to release the beast.
• 51:52
  You have to know where you're stuck.
• 51:55
  No matter if it's in one of the things we just talked about.
• 51:58
  If you have a money story, it doesn't matter.
• 52:00
  Awareness is key because you can't clear what you can't see.
• 52:03
  But rewiring your beliefs. So rest isn't laziness, it's
• 52:07
  power. So you got to begin to flip the
• 52:10
  script. I use their so there's so many
• 52:13
  tools. Think of it as like, you just
• 52:15
  have to have lots of tools to choose from.
• 52:17
  If I'm going to go out back and build a fence, I need a hammer,
• 52:20
  I need some nails, I need this. If you want to begin to get some
• 52:23
  movement here, maybe you do some shadow work, maybe you do some
• 52:26
  breath work, maybe you begin scripting.
• 52:29
  You know, there's no right or wrong way to do this.
• 52:32
  It's just start with one step. But I love reframing thoughts.
• 52:37
  As high achievers, we're also conditioned to look for the
• 52:40
  worst case scenario. So very small tip is you're
• 52:44
  like, if I'm not working all the time, like here's the rival hole
• 52:47
  I would have went down. If I'm not working all the time,
• 52:49
  then I'm not going to have enough income.
• 52:51
  Then I can't pay my bills. Then I'm not going to have a
• 52:53
  house. Then I'm going to be homeless on
• 52:54
  the side of the street. Like it's like it does.
• 52:57
  So it's like the reframe is if I'm going to go to that polar
• 52:59
  opposite that negative belief, go to start going to the
• 53:03
  positive. What could happen if you just
• 53:06
  gave in a little bit or if you just decided to reframe the
• 53:10
  thought that rest isn't laziness, it's power.
• 53:13
  You get to rest to receive. I would say rest to receive
• 53:15
  revenue because it's like that's when the best ideas, the best
• 53:20
  downloads. Like in my rest, like every
• 53:24
  single morning I do 3 pages of long form free handwriting.
• 53:28
  Everyone always wants to know what my routine is because
• 53:30
  they're like, I'm so calm. Yeah, I work hard and all I do
• 53:34
  is I wake up, have make up a coffee.
• 53:36
  That's high achieving women. You've got a brain full of
• 53:39
  thoughts at all times. I don't want my brain to rule
• 53:42
  the day. I want to rule the day.
• 53:44
  So I get 3 pages. It has to be 3 pages.
• 53:46
  One page is way too easy. 2 pages start to stretch.
• 53:48
  By the end of three pages you're like, Oh my gosh, life is great.
• 53:51
  But it's like you're getting all the thoughts out on paper.
• 53:54
  Give yourself a fighting chance for the day, you know what I
• 53:56
  mean? So.
• 53:58
  I was going to say to that aspect of work and what it could
• 54:01
  look like if you were arrested. I think for me, when I thought
• 54:07
  about slowing down, I'm just going to be really transparent
• 54:09
  with everybody. I would see like the hermosies
• 54:11
  who were like, I get up at 2:00 AM or I'm up till midnight and
• 54:15
  like this is how you build a business and like this is how
• 54:17
  you hustle. And so after consuming everyone
• 54:20
  who's like lots of hours, lots of hours, lots of hours, I
• 54:23
  basically got programmed. To be like, OK.
• 54:26
  Hours equal success, got it. So I was like, OK, put in the
• 54:29
  hours, which meant at the time, you know, when I was in that
• 54:33
  first eight, 18 months to going to seven figures, I was
• 54:35
  literally, no word of a lie, working from 6:00 in the morning
• 54:37
  till 1:00 in the morning. And then I would quickly sleep,
• 54:39
  chug coffee and get right back at it.
• 54:41
  And I was, I found such achievement in that hustle.
• 54:46
  But what I, I struggled with when again, in working in
• 54:49
  mindset work and in doing therapy, what I realized was I
• 54:52
  had this belief that the whole idea like slow down to speed up,
• 54:55
  I never understood it because I was like, how are you literally
• 54:57
  going to have me working less hours, working less on the
• 55:00
  business, IE putting in less reps and somehow I'm going to
• 55:03
  make more muscle? It doesn't make any sense to me.
• 55:05
  Like it felt so contradicting. But to your point, I, I really
• 55:11
  realized that even now I work a lot less hours than I did in
• 55:16
  that phase and have achieved more and most importantly, have
• 55:20
  such a better process and experience of how I'm going
• 55:22
  through it because I was like the anti sleep club because I
• 55:26
  was like, OK, like hustle, hustle, grind, grind.
• 55:29
  But what I didn't really account for was like, great, but how
• 55:32
  productive are you? Great.
• 55:33
  How much are you getting done? There we go.
• 55:34
  And so I would, to your point with the e-mail, that's what I
• 55:37
  thought of when you said it. It would take me two hours sort
• 55:40
  of freaking e-mail that should have taken me 10 minutes.
• 55:43
  But because I had no capacity, I had no battery, I had no way to
• 55:47
  do it effectively, easily or in flow.
• 55:51
  And so now sleeping, call it 9 hours, which before to me was
• 55:54
  like, I don't sleep. I don't believe in it.
• 55:56
  I used to say so crazy to my coach a year ago.
• 55:59
  So this is very recent. I said sleeping is an
• 56:02
  inconvenience. I don't like sleeping.
• 56:04
  I find it very inconvenient. And he was like, OK, we got some
• 56:07
  work to do. And so now obviously, as I said,
• 56:10
  I sleep like 8-9 hours a night. And even some people, like I was
• 56:12
  listening to a podcast recently, LeBron James sleeps 13 hours
• 56:16
  sometimes a night and obviously is wildly successful.
• 56:19
  So I think it's also asking the question of even if you are
• 56:24
  doing, are you in that actually being efficient?
• 56:29
  And is it possible that you could work less hours and just
• 56:32
  be more present and more in tune and therefore achieve more?
• 56:34
  Oh, the answer is yes. You're a walking example.
• 56:37
  I'm an example. I basically, I work, I I still
• 56:41
  prioritize my kiddos even though they're getting older and don't
• 56:43
  need me that much. I only work Monday through
• 56:46
  Thursday, 9:30 to 3:30 and I make on my own without my
• 56:51
  husband three times what we've paid ourselves in the company.
• 56:56
  And I'm, I mean, I'm not even working.
• 56:58
  Like, I mean, we were working 40 hours.
• 57:01
  He was probably working 60-70 hours like crazy.
• 57:05
  So it's like piggybacking off what you just said, Rust feels
• 57:08
  creativity, magnetism, and you're sharper.
• 57:11
  You can make sharper, more quick decisions.
• 57:15
  Your worth isn't in what you produce, it's who you become.
• 57:19
  And then powerful leaders aren't rushing.
• 57:21
  They move with intention. So those are the three things,
• 57:24
  the bullet points that I had to kind of summarize what we just
• 57:27
  talked about that one piece. So the shift or the first
• 57:29
  question you can begin to ask yourself, what if slowing down,
• 57:33
  just just invite yourself into this expansive question.
• 57:36
  What if slowing down actually speeds up my success?
• 57:39
  And right then what? And just rewrite and see what
• 57:42
  comes through for you. You'll get some good insight on
• 57:45
  that. Amazing.
• 57:47
  The next thing I know you've done a lot of work around this
• 57:49
  too that I want to talk about is regulating your nervous system.
• 57:53
  This is such a big one because your body gets so it's like a
• 57:58
  dopamine hit. Everything, everything you know
• 58:00
  you're doing. It's like work becomes like
• 58:02
  biggest, but in our body, it's like you have to.
• 58:08
  So your body's addicted to the hustle.
• 58:10
  So you just have to know it's going to be uncomfortable at
• 58:13
  first. You're not going to like it.
• 58:15
  You're going to fight it. Just like, I mean, when I go to
• 58:18
  the gym or work out, like I literally, I don't want to do
• 58:20
  it, but I tell myself like go for 10 minutes and after 10
• 58:25
  minutes in and I'm like, OK, I'm already here.
• 58:27
  I got this. So set a timer.
• 58:29
  I love timers because as a high achiever, it gives you a
• 58:32
  beginning and an end. So you can, you can fight it,
• 58:35
  but you're like, OK, it's 2 minutes.
• 58:36
  I can do if you're a high achiever, work the system and
• 58:40
  make it work for you. Slow down.
• 58:42
  But be like, I'm only going to do it for 2 minutes And then
• 58:44
  you're going to be winning because you slow down for two
• 58:47
  minutes. So timers can give you a safety
• 58:50
  beginning or end. So, and it's going to make you
• 58:53
  feel like you're missing something or falling behind, but
• 58:57
  you have to realize the body is more comfortable with the devil
• 59:01
  within than the unknown. Resting is just unknown.
• 59:04
  So you got to work on your nervous system.
• 59:06
  So ways to rewire safety in the being?
• 59:09
  Breath work. Huge huge huge component of
• 59:12
  breath work. You can't breathe and focus on
• 59:14
  your BS at the same time. It's impossible.
• 59:17
  And I also think it's something everyone has access to.
• 59:20
  The thing that like I, I loved that it was passed on to me from
• 59:24
  a mentor, was that nervous system regulation has to be
• 59:26
  something that you can do without any tools space, like
• 59:30
  any, If you were stuck on an airplane, can you do it?
• 59:33
  And it means that like, if you're like, why regulate?
• 59:36
  But I have to like go to an ice bath.
• 59:37
  Well, guess what? If you're on an airplane, you're
• 59:39
  going to be a little bit up against.
• 59:40
  So it means in any tool that you're using, which I, I love
• 59:45
  breath work for that reason. It will change your state so
• 59:48
  fast. And most importantly, it's
• 59:51
  accessible to you. Always.
• 59:52
  Yeah. And that's a great thing because
• 59:53
  the three kind of things I wanted to bring forward all are
• 59:57
  already within you because exactly like what you just said,
• 1:00:00
  it can't be this big to do thing because it already feels heavy
• 1:00:06
  to even take the action. So then if you have to go gather
• 1:00:08
  all your stuff, prepare. Hair like it's like the path of
• 1:00:12
  least resistance here. So if you're just starting
• 1:00:15
  either box breathing, which would be a 4444 count, you're
• 1:00:20
  literally inhaling for a count of four.
• 1:00:22
  I'm so visual. So I imagine drawing a line for
• 1:00:25
  a box, holding your breath for four, releasing for four, and
• 1:00:30
  then holding again, or the four 7-8 method is highly effective.
• 1:00:34
  You're inhaling through the nose for a count of four, holding at
• 1:00:37
  the top for seven, and then you exhale for 8.
• 1:00:41
  The goal is with breath work. If you're going to be in it for
• 1:00:44
  even 60 seconds, 2 minutes, you can feel a difference.
• 1:00:46
  And again, this is key when you have that wave of emotion come
• 1:00:49
  up is you want the exhale to be longer than the inhale, which
• 1:00:54
  will activate the parasympathetic part of your
• 1:00:56
  body, which sends a signal to relax.
• 1:00:59
  We're safe. You can also to to relax
• 1:01:02
  quickly. You can hum that happy birthday
• 1:01:04
  song because it activates the vagus nerve and it will calm you
• 1:01:06
  down instantly. So things like that, you know,
• 1:01:09
  we have access to somatic work, literally tapping, tapping is so
• 1:01:15
  easy. We all have access to that EFT
• 1:01:17
  tapping sometimes. Like I'm literally just going
• 1:01:21
  like, oh, I guess nobody can see me.
• 1:01:23
  I'm squeezing little parts of my body and that's just an act of
• 1:01:27
  like placing my hands on myself to almost get present, get
• 1:01:30
  grounded or often a place my hand on my heart and say I am
• 1:01:35
  safe, I am calm and I choose to be here.
• 1:01:39
  I have the best $10,000 tip. This is like a game changer
• 1:01:44
  anytime you need to. I'm digressing for one second
• 1:01:46
  because this tip is so good anytime you need to blank out
• 1:01:49
  your mind. If you are in that state, here's
• 1:01:52
  what you do. So you literally say out loud,
• 1:01:55
  why do I feel so stressed? I have all this work to do.
• 1:01:57
  Start with the why question and just sit for 30 seconds and
• 1:02:00
  that's when all the voices pick up.
• 1:02:02
  Voice one. I'm stressed because you have
• 1:02:04
  this e-mail to send, you have this client to call, blah blah
• 1:02:06
  blah blah blah. So you're setting most of us,
• 1:02:09
  that's how we think we're thinking of what we're why we're
• 1:02:12
  stressed or what we have to do. Now, if you do this, this is
• 1:02:16
  like pressing CTLATL and delete on your computer system, which
• 1:02:20
  is going to calm your body instantly and give your your
• 1:02:23
  mind a chance to perform. Then if you say, why am I so
• 1:02:27
  stressed, take a deep breath and release.
• 1:02:29
  Here's the key. Shrug your shoulders say I don't
• 1:02:32
  know. So it literally is like pure
• 1:02:35
  magic. Your mind goes completely blank
• 1:02:38
  and you can feel it going like an instant calm down because the
• 1:02:43
  key is your body again is always looking for danger or why you
• 1:02:48
  can't slow down or why you're not safe to slow down.
• 1:02:51
  So if you ask it a question or you're just thinking through it,
• 1:02:53
  it's going to tell you all these reasons you're not safe.
• 1:02:56
  If you have a pattern interrupt and you ask the same question
• 1:03:00
  and say, I don't know, it confuses the heck out of your
• 1:03:03
  mind. It's like, well, I guess we
• 1:03:04
  don't know. So I guess we're going to be
• 1:03:06
  calm now. And it's like, instead, it's
• 1:03:08
  like the most calming thing you can do.
• 1:03:11
  I love. Sharon and I was just going to
• 1:03:13
  add to that. One of the things that has been
• 1:03:14
  like an addition to my world this year is to stop asking why.
• 1:03:17
  Yeah, because why is such a open-ended?
• 1:03:24
  Your brain gets a free for all to just be like, well, here we
• 1:03:27
  go. Let's give her all the
• 1:03:28
  information, even if it's not accurate.
• 1:03:30
  And so I also will say, just as a side note, just that popped up
• 1:03:33
  for me, as you said that as a business owner, as an
• 1:03:36
  entrepreneur trying to think about, and everyone always says
• 1:03:39
  this, so you've probably heard this before, like the questions
• 1:03:40
  you asked will determine the answers that you receive.
• 1:03:42
  And so if you're thinking about asking the question, why could
• 1:03:45
  you ask a more targeted question to say, you know, what in the
• 1:03:48
  day today has come up that I feel is causing stress within my
• 1:03:52
  body. That's a targeted container of
• 1:03:55
  reflection rather than just like, why am I so stressed or
• 1:03:57
  why do I feel so rushed? The why aspect creates a very
• 1:04:01
  wide open gap of what your brain can give you, which in turn
• 1:04:05
  causes more stress. So just as a side note for
• 1:04:07
  anybody who feels like you're asking all the time, why?
• 1:04:08
  Because I was notorious for that.
• 1:04:09
  I'm like, why is it not working? Why am I stressed?
• 1:04:11
  Why this? All the time.
• 1:04:12
  And that's why I brought that up because, you know, you're on the
• 1:04:15
  phone with a client or something.
• 1:04:16
  They're like, well, why am I still this?
• 1:04:18
  And that's what they're always asking.
• 1:04:20
  So then it's like, hey, girl, sit here, do this right now.
• 1:04:23
  Stop speaking. Do this right now.
• 1:04:25
  Shut down the monkey mind like, you know what I mean?
• 1:04:29
  You're not giving yourself a fighting chance.
• 1:04:31
  It's so it's like, that's great. So the other thing I wanted to
• 1:04:34
  say, the third kind of tip on this is time blocking.
• 1:04:37
  Schedule some white space. If you're a high achiever, you
• 1:04:40
  already love to crush off, check, mark your list.
• 1:04:42
  It makes you feel accomplished. So put in white space into your
• 1:04:47
  calendar and honor it like a meeting, but it's a meeting with
• 1:04:49
  yourself. And when you're in that meeting
• 1:04:52
  with yourself kind of a shadow work or a shift, you can ask
• 1:04:55
  yourself, what's the most aligned move I can make from a
• 1:04:59
  place of ease? And then like have some, you
• 1:05:03
  know, that's just a thought you could move with, but building
• 1:05:06
  the space to receive, to get those amazing thoughts to drop
• 1:05:10
  in, allow the creativity to flow, just be.
• 1:05:13
  And then how can you enter back into your day with an aligned
• 1:05:18
  move? What's the, what's the most
• 1:05:19
  aligned move I can take? Or who do I need to speak to
• 1:05:22
  specifically today? I'll ask that a lot.
• 1:05:24
  Who do I need to reach out to? Who do I need to speak to?
• 1:05:27
  Who's the most aligned person for that?
• 1:05:29
  And then just listen. Just listen because we're in
• 1:05:32
  such of the habit of giving orders, commanding and you got
• 1:05:36
  to practice listening. God gave us 2 ears and one mouth
• 1:05:39
  for a reason. We need to listen twice as much
• 1:05:41
  as we speak. Well, I think to your point
• 1:05:43
  about time blocking, it's huge. Like I'm definitely a nerd for
• 1:05:46
  my calendar in the sense of like I, you know, like I'm always
• 1:05:48
  like I got to send a booking for, there's a booking for that
• 1:05:50
  because if it's not on the calendar, it doesn't exist.
• 1:05:52
  But I will say one of the things that I actually learned from
• 1:05:55
  Craig Ballantine, he has a book on it, which is called like, I
• 1:05:58
  think it's like the perfect week or something like that.
• 1:06:00
  And basically what he starts with is that you have to focus
• 1:06:03
  with the things that are non business and put those in your
• 1:06:05
  calendar before anything else. And so literally for me, just
• 1:06:08
  to, you know, Kelly's point of like masculine loves a good
• 1:06:11
  container. I basically have set containers.
• 1:06:13
  So I have on my calendar, regardless of the week, like
• 1:06:17
  basically for the next three years, there's a recurring
• 1:06:19
  booking every day of start of day, end of day.
• 1:06:21
  It's literally a container. If it doesn't fit in there, it
• 1:06:24
  means it's not happening because it protects my mornings, it
• 1:06:26
  protects my evenings. And then what I realized I was
• 1:06:29
  notorious for is I would always over book my lunch because I
• 1:06:31
  realized that if I book on top of my lunch, I was like, oh, I
• 1:06:35
  have like a little hour and a half there.
• 1:06:36
  I can get stuff done. Now that time, like even our
• 1:06:39
  team knows you do not book over it because it's like, it's time
• 1:06:42
  to reset, change your energy, get in the sun, go for a walk.
• 1:06:45
  Like do something again to like TuneIn.
• 1:06:47
  So you're really charged for the second-half of the day.
• 1:06:49
  So I would actually say if you're looking for a tactic
• 1:06:52
  around this for anyone who's like, OK, like what do I do with
• 1:06:54
  it? I would block in What are you
• 1:06:57
  even going to allocate is your time and use that as a
• 1:06:59
  protective container. My start and stops are literally
• 1:07:01
  in red to like cue my brain don't do it.
• 1:07:04
  And so then in between there before I ever book anything
• 1:07:06
  business wise. And I always book in my breaks
• 1:07:08
  before the business because then basically each week I'm building
• 1:07:12
  the business around what I value, not putting my values
• 1:07:15
  after the business. Yeah.
• 1:07:17
  And if you are listening and tuning in, your energy is your
• 1:07:20
  most valuable asset. So like Kate was talking about
• 1:07:23
  you, you can't perform from an empty battery.
• 1:07:26
  So charge, charge more and work less.
• 1:07:30
  Yeah, that too. There's also strategy things if
• 1:07:33
  you're working too much, that's for sure.
• 1:07:34
  Yeah, yeah. So as you want to begin to
• 1:07:36
  embody this, I'm a huge advocate of embodying it.
• 1:07:40
  So stepping into the identity of the women who is.
• 1:07:44
  And this is where you might feel like you're faking it to make it
• 1:07:47
  at first. You know what I mean?
• 1:07:48
  You're faking that you feel calm or that you're actually
• 1:07:52
  comfortable releasing any form of control.
• 1:07:55
  But like, if you think of the woman that as it all.
• 1:07:58
  So another thing you want to do is spend more times in room
• 1:08:01
  where being is valued versus just all the doing.
• 1:08:04
  You're going to see how these people operate and it's
• 1:08:06
  completely different and they're probably making a lot more money
• 1:08:08
  than you even want to that you're making right now,
• 1:08:10
  honestly. So if you're listening or two to
• 1:08:14
  get so dress, move and show up as that level of youth.
• 1:08:19
  So one thing I this is such a small thing.
• 1:08:21
  Again, you need nothing else. To me, a woman that is perfectly
• 1:08:25
  balanced in the being and doing, she moves slow, she dresses
• 1:08:30
  well, she walks slow. So I would practice because I'm
• 1:08:33
  always like, I remember, like walk fast, you know, I would
• 1:08:36
  practice slowing down. I practice eating slower.
• 1:08:40
  I put everything away. So it's like because I like to
• 1:08:44
  tap into people that are older, wiser and look like they have
• 1:08:48
  what I want. So I like to see how they carry
• 1:08:51
  themselves, what they do, and they're not rushing around crazy
• 1:08:55
  with 900 things going on, putting out fires.
• 1:08:58
  They're calmed, they're poised, they're in the control, they
• 1:09:02
  speak well. So show up.
• 1:09:04
  That's a very easy thing you can do to begin to embody that speak
• 1:09:08
  and think like a woman that you desire to be balancing that.
• 1:09:12
  I always play this, not always, but I love to play this game
• 1:09:15
  with myself. Whereas like whatever I want to
• 1:09:17
  work on, say I want to release control.
• 1:09:19
  I like literally write the word control on a piece of paper, put
• 1:09:22
  it in the middle of the kitchen, my table.
• 1:09:24
  And then I think I'll fill up the chairs with people who I
• 1:09:26
  value how they show up in life. I'd be like, how would she
• 1:09:30
  respond? How would he respond?
• 1:09:31
  Because I'm practicing receiving like no one else is really at my
• 1:09:35
  kitchen table, but I'm just practically hearing different
• 1:09:38
  different perspectives because then I'm picking up on these
• 1:09:41
  different perspectives because sometimes we're like tunnel
• 1:09:44
  vision. We can only see it one way.
• 1:09:45
  So inviting in different perspectives is key.
• 1:09:48
  And then let go of over explaining, justifying or
• 1:09:51
  proving your. Yeah, well, I, I, I actually
• 1:09:55
  super quick before you into that, when you said the slow
• 1:09:59
  aspect and moving slow talking, slow, executing slow.
• 1:10:04
  What I was actually interesting is I was just recently listening
• 1:10:07
  to Diary of CEO, their podcast, and there was a behavioral
• 1:10:11
  analysis who came on and was talking about basically like he
• 1:10:14
  worked within like something like the CIA equivalent.
• 1:10:16
  I'm not sure if that was it directly, but his whole thing
• 1:10:19
  was literally assessing behavior.
• 1:10:21
  And he's like one of the key traits of those who are wealthy
• 1:10:25
  is the speed at which they move. And it's in anything like if you
• 1:10:28
  see someone who's like frantic walking into a room when you're
• 1:10:31
  at a convention versus the person who feels like they walk
• 1:10:34
  slow, they're confident in what it is that they're doing.
• 1:10:38
  The confidence and the level of correlation between speed and
• 1:10:43
  the wealth of the people that were in the room was directly
• 1:10:45
  correlated. So they had talked about when
• 1:10:48
  you like, they were talking about the context of how to
• 1:10:50
  basically create impact within a room or anyone listening to
• 1:10:53
  this, how to create impact on social media.
• 1:10:55
  If you're like frantic, go, go, go.
• 1:10:57
  Indirectly, what it says to the other person is number one,
• 1:11:00
  you're emotionally dysregulated. And #2 what it also means is
• 1:11:04
  that you're so frantic about basically performing that what
• 1:11:07
  you're just being is not enough. You're so in the doing.
• 1:11:11
  I've got to do this, this, this for it to be enough.
• 1:11:13
  So I find when people are really confident, and I found this even
• 1:11:18
  with mentors I've worked with, they were so almost unbelievably
• 1:11:23
  calm in a conversation. Like I would say, like about
• 1:11:26
  something. And they'd be like, I hear that,
• 1:11:30
  like, OK, like, I'm like, I wanted someone to play at my
• 1:11:34
  speed. And what I realized was because
• 1:11:38
  they were moving slower, because they did speak slower, because
• 1:11:42
  they did TuneIn, they had a deeper level of awareness of the
• 1:11:47
  person they were talking to, the information coming to their
• 1:11:49
  mind, the state of their feeling.
• 1:11:51
  And they were integrating it quicker because they were more
• 1:11:53
  in tune with it, because they were moving slower.
• 1:11:56
  So I just want to accentuate that for people because I think
• 1:11:59
  sometimes we're like all the time and you don't realize how
• 1:12:02
  fast you're moving. And it's actually 1 core.
• 1:12:06
  Like from a science perspective, behavioral trait of people who
• 1:12:09
  are very successful is that they move, talk, and basically
• 1:12:12
  execute in their day-to-day in a slower manner because they're
• 1:12:15
  more present and more in tune with themselves.
• 1:12:17
  And yet you and I, when we were jammed out before even getting
• 1:12:20
  on here, I'm like, yeah, I don't do stress, so we're fine for
• 1:12:24
  that. I'm like, I'm doing slow.
• 1:12:26
  I'm not doing stress. Like, yeah, I'd have a shift or
• 1:12:31
  like a shadow wear prompt to bring this part full circle.
• 1:12:34
  Is it if I trusted my success was inevitable, how would I move
• 1:12:38
  today? Kind of like you can almost have
• 1:12:41
  two lines draw a line down the middle of paper, right?
• 1:12:43
  How you your day looks like and operates.
• 1:12:46
  And then if you knew whatever your goal was, 2050 a $100
• 1:12:49
  million months, if you knew that was guaranteed, how would you
• 1:12:54
  then operate from a more embodied state of a woman who
• 1:12:58
  has it all? So that's, that's like a good
• 1:13:01
  little fun exercise you could do.
• 1:13:03
  And then I have a couple final truths I wrote down.
• 1:13:05
  And then, OK, so final truth. So doing less equals receiving
• 1:13:11
  more. The more you lean into being,
• 1:13:13
  the more magnetic you become. And you're, I mean, I know I say
• 1:13:16
  this all the time because I believe it, I preach it, I
• 1:13:20
  embody it every day, but your energy is your business card and
• 1:13:23
  it is your most precious asset. I literally probably work on
• 1:13:27
  myself 80% of the time and on my business 20% of the time.
• 1:13:31
  And like what I just shared with you above, it hasn't impacted my
• 1:13:34
  income at all. It's actually made my income
• 1:13:36
  skyrocket. The more you feel safe and
• 1:13:39
  stillness, the more aligned opportunities flow.
• 1:13:43
  This is a big one because I was so convinced of how I was going
• 1:13:47
  to get money, what it was going to look like, how I was going to
• 1:13:50
  do it. I was literally blocking out
• 1:13:53
  aligned opportunities. So it's like when you're in
• 1:13:57
  stillness and you feel safe and you have that internal
• 1:14:00
  knowingness that you're going to be successful, then things that
• 1:14:04
  you never even thought of or weren't even in your wheelhouse
• 1:14:08
  have the opportunity to come to you because you're open to
• 1:14:11
  receive. Says it's my way or the highway
• 1:14:15
  and this is how I'm going. And then the more you trust in
• 1:14:19
  yourself, the less you need to force success.
• 1:14:23
  That kind of comes back to you don't have to earn rest.
• 1:14:27
  You don't have to prove your worth.
• 1:14:28
  You are already enough just because you were simply born.
• 1:14:32
  Business is a bonus. Money is a bonus.
• 1:14:35
  You know, this life that we get to live is a bonus.
• 1:14:38
  So those are kind of the notes and things I wanted to jam out
• 1:14:41
  on today. Is there anything else you think
• 1:14:42
  that I didn't? Yeah, I mean, I, I think that
• 1:14:45
  the the aspect of alignment because I think for me, again,
• 1:14:52
  thinking back to like my very hardcore masculine self, when I
• 1:14:55
  would hear people talk about alignment, I'm like, I don't
• 1:14:57
  know what the heck you're talking about.
• 1:14:58
  I didn't mean it felt so high level.
• 1:15:01
  It felt like, OK, like I'm doing something I don't want to do and
• 1:15:03
  now I'm doing it. But I think what ends up
• 1:15:07
  happening when you slow down, when you're again regulated and
• 1:15:11
  you're in tune with your emotions and you're not in this
• 1:15:12
  like frantic emotional state when you feel like achievement
• 1:15:16
  is not the only marker for how you make a decision.
• 1:15:19
  It all has this massive domino effect.
• 1:15:22
  And I think if I could explain alignment and how being
• 1:15:25
  correlated to this to me, I didn't realize that I was on a
• 1:15:30
  treadmill when I had been running the business.
• 1:15:32
  Like, it was like I was going, going, going, going.
• 1:15:33
  And because I was going so much, I was making decisions very
• 1:15:38
  fast. I was, you know, saying things
• 1:15:41
  very quickly in the sense of like, OK, like, we're gonna do
• 1:15:43
  this, We're gonna do this. We're like recommending a
• 1:15:44
  strategy or even I'm thinking with clients, like if you're
• 1:15:47
  somebody who's not comfortable with stillness and space, I saw
• 1:15:51
  this come up with clients. If they weren't speaking, I was
• 1:15:55
  filling the space by saying something because I actually
• 1:15:59
  wasn't comfortable with just having space.
• 1:16:01
  And again, what came up or how this came up was I was working
• 1:16:04
  with a coach who spoke very slow in a sense of like, it was very
• 1:16:08
  calm and very centered and also allowed a lot of space.
• 1:16:13
  And I was kind of like, what the heck is going on here?
• 1:16:15
  Because it was so like very, very slow.
• 1:16:18
  And yeah, very, very slow and, and, and different paced than I
• 1:16:21
  was used to. But what I realized was when we
• 1:16:25
  talked about like alignment, this is also going to correlate
• 1:16:28
  into every aspect of your business.
• 1:16:29
  It could be impacting and even in your life, it could be
• 1:16:32
  impacting how you're interfacing with your clients.
• 1:16:35
  It can impact by not being regulated and not being present
• 1:16:39
  how you make decisions in your business of how you're going to
• 1:16:41
  grow or scale. And I also saw, interestingly
• 1:16:44
  enough, how this actually correlated in understanding
• 1:16:46
  being and being present, How it correlated even in friendships,
• 1:16:50
  IE not in business or like in interconnecting with other
• 1:16:54
  people. Because sometimes I found myself
• 1:16:57
  when someone was in a conversation again, when I was
• 1:16:59
  go, go, go when I was on the treadmill, they would say
• 1:17:01
  something and I wasn't even hearing them.
• 1:17:03
  I was already prepping what I was going to say next because my
• 1:17:05
  brain could not TuneIn. And so I also want to say for
• 1:17:10
  anyone listening today, like a lot of obviously what we talk
• 1:17:13
  about is not only applicable to business, but it's applicable to
• 1:17:16
  so many areas. Because if you're, I'm thinking
• 1:17:20
  even, you know, I know somebody that has, has a kid who's 8:00
• 1:17:24
  and basically they were like, you know, there's go, go, go and
• 1:17:27
  you're at the grocery store and I got to get this.
• 1:17:28
  And like, where is he? He's somewhere here.
• 1:17:29
  And like freaking out about go, go, go.
• 1:17:32
  But they said like, sometimes I just realized I put my phone
• 1:17:34
  down and I turned off the radio and I did again, like really
• 1:17:38
  slow, deep breath and I tuned into being like tuning into my
• 1:17:42
  family, tuning into, yes, they're here and they're around
• 1:17:45
  me. There's such a different
• 1:17:46
  experience of like being at the beach technically speaking
• 1:17:50
  versus experiencing the beach, being with your kids versus
• 1:17:53
  experiencing your kids, being with your business versus
• 1:17:56
  experiencing your business. And I think that's for me what
• 1:18:00
  has been the download of the doing versus being is.
• 1:18:03
  And This is why she had said, you guys, you can have the same
• 1:18:06
  business and literally make triple the amount of money and
• 1:18:10
  sometimes even less hours. And that's because I find when
• 1:18:14
  you're in a state of really knowing how to be and be present
• 1:18:19
  and be with yourself and be regulated, you literally see
• 1:18:22
  different opportunities, you see different pathways, you see
• 1:18:24
  different actions. You literally have an
• 1:18:26
  alternative reality that's happening in the exact same
• 1:18:29
  actions that you're taking today.
• 1:18:31
  And when I started to get a taste of that, that was actually
• 1:18:34
  what correlated for me. Whoa, this can be so much
• 1:18:38
  easier. Business can be so flow.
• 1:18:40
  Business can be fun. Business can be easy.
• 1:18:43
  It doesn't have to be so stressful and I was making it
• 1:18:46
  stressful just based off the fact that I liked achievement.
• 1:18:49
  And what I will say with a lot of women in their masculine is
• 1:18:53
  you create fires so you can put them out.
• 1:18:56
  Like you have this kind of achievement of creating a
• 1:19:01
  disaster so you can be the hero who fix the problem like.
• 1:19:04
  The hero mentality, that's what you're talking about.
• 1:19:06
  Yeah. Yeah, it's.
• 1:19:08
  Crazy. Yeah, yeah.
• 1:19:10
  So that's the only thing I would, I would just love to hear
• 1:19:12
  your thoughts on cuz I know you obviously work with so many
• 1:19:14
  women that are in that bucket. Yeah, So that's exactly right.
• 1:19:18
  It's like, that's why calm is so uncomfortable, because if
• 1:19:22
  there's other moments of calm, you're creating chaos because
• 1:19:26
  then you come and you're like, I saved the day.
• 1:19:28
  Not only did I clean the house, take care of the children, I
• 1:19:32
  signed 14 clients and made $8 million this month.
• 1:19:36
  It's like, so it's like Hooray. So it's like, it's like the hero
• 1:19:40
  mentality, but something you when you were speaking about the
• 1:19:44
  doing to being as a high achieving woman in recovery.
• 1:19:49
  And the goal is to you're never going to get rid of these things
• 1:19:53
  because some of these are your best assets in business.
• 1:19:55
  But it's about managing them. It's about managing them, not
• 1:19:59
  completely getting rid of them. Having the right tools.
• 1:20:01
  Like when I said build a fence, you need to have the right tools
• 1:20:04
  to manage yourself throughout the day.
• 1:20:06
  But it was something I had to do to begin to practice
• 1:20:11
  transitioning into different roles.
• 1:20:14
  I used a bracelet. This is a ring I use as a totem
• 1:20:18
  still to this day for something else.
• 1:20:20
  But I would get a piece of jewelry out and when I was going
• 1:20:24
  into mom mode or when I was going into my white space
• 1:20:28
  because the mind works off signals and stuff too.
• 1:20:31
  So I would take this bracelet out to wire in a signal to my
• 1:20:35
  mind. It's time to switch gears, you
• 1:20:38
  know, So I find that like some sort of visual representation or
• 1:20:43
  totem that you always have access to.
• 1:20:45
  If it's a ring you put on, if it's lip gloss, you know, it
• 1:20:48
  doesn't matter what it is, but something that's there because
• 1:20:51
  what that is, is that'll create a ping.
• 1:20:53
  It's like a new pathway. It's a new way of thinking in
• 1:20:56
  your brain. Imagine like a hiking trail, the
• 1:20:59
  way you're doing things right now, that trail, you can walk
• 1:21:02
  into the forest and jump on that trail.
• 1:21:04
  The way you're doing things are on autopilot now.
• 1:21:06
  So the very first time you create a new path, it's like the
• 1:21:10
  mind wants to go back to the comfortable path, but that's a
• 1:21:14
  totem that helps strengthen. Hey, I'm actually going to go on
• 1:21:18
  this path this time. So what you're doing is it's
• 1:21:21
  like you're X amount years old. I'm 45, almost 46.
• 1:21:24
  I operated this way until I was 39.
• 1:21:28
  So it took work to uncondition and unbecome.
• 1:21:31
  So I I had to use these little tricks and tips to retrain my
• 1:21:35
  brain, a new way of thinking and doing it because it was not
• 1:21:38
  natural. So that bracelet just came
• 1:21:40
  through as a really good example that helped me because it was
• 1:21:43
  really hard for me to turn off work and then all the sudden be
• 1:21:47
  like away cinema. Well, I think it also feels for
• 1:21:52
  some people in a way, and this is how I felt.
• 1:21:54
  It felt contradicting because the path of being is work, which
• 1:21:58
  is doing. So you start to think, OK, well,
• 1:22:00
  like now I feel like I'm doing because I'm working at being.
• 1:22:03
  And it feels like it's so contradicting.
• 1:22:05
  One of the things that I did to that point, and mine wasn't as
• 1:22:07
  much like a physical thing as much as it was a space thing.
• 1:22:10
  I am home a lot, obviously, and working from home.
• 1:22:13
  And what I found was, you know, in my previous space, I would
• 1:22:16
  work on the couch, I'd work at the kitchen table.
• 1:22:17
  I'd work again, as I said, I would answer emails in the
• 1:22:20
  bathtub, like I would work everywhere.
• 1:22:22
  And what I now have is kind of like one of my rules is like I
• 1:22:25
  don't work in bed and I don't work outside of the office
• 1:22:29
  unless absolutely necessary for whatever reason.
• 1:22:31
  Because what it means to me is when I close that door, it means
• 1:22:35
  I'm done with it and I'm moving on.
• 1:22:37
  And I also want to say for anyone who feels like you, I, I
• 1:22:41
  know a lot of women who have this in the sense of their
• 1:22:43
  phone, they're always on, they're on TikTok, they're on
• 1:22:46
  Instagram, they're seeing their DMS, all these things.
• 1:22:48
  I got so absolutely aggressive with my day.
• 1:22:54
  And when I go into certain apps And because of that, I basically
• 1:22:57
  at 6:00, I'm not on social media and I'm someone who creates a
• 1:23:01
  lot, but I don't consume a lot and I'm not on there a lot
• 1:23:04
  because I found that it was basically keeping me in the
• 1:23:07
  bucket of business because you can't consume social media
• 1:23:09
  without seeing the DMS come in. You can't consume social media
• 1:23:12
  without seeing so and so business person sharing their
• 1:23:15
  next milestone. You're like, crap, I need to get
• 1:23:17
  going on my business, right? Like it's you have to also
• 1:23:19
  create, I find to your point, give yourself a fighting chance
• 1:23:24
  of success at this by giving yourself space to succeed.
• 1:23:27
  Like if you know that you're a doom scroller or if you, if you
• 1:23:30
  know that your laptop's nearby, you're going to open it.
• 1:23:33
  Give yourself structure and space in whatever capacity that
• 1:23:36
  looks like to have success to say, OK, great, I'm not going to
• 1:23:39
  do that after this hour. And here's a habit that I'm
• 1:23:41
  going to start to integrate or a practice I want to integrate
• 1:23:44
  that helps me to center. So like, even for me, one of my
• 1:23:47
  rules is I don't touch business anytime before at 10 AM.
• 1:23:51
  And for me that structure has meant that even if it's like
• 1:23:54
  8:00 and I'm sitting there and I'm waiting, natural old me
• 1:23:58
  would be like fill the space, fill the space.
• 1:23:59
  But it's like, OK, what can I go for a walk?
• 1:24:01
  Should I maybe make myself a nice breakfast?
• 1:24:03
  Like do something that just tunes into yourself and again,
• 1:24:07
  increases joy, increases connection with your emotional
• 1:24:10
  being, tuning into your mindset, starting to give yourself
• 1:24:14
  structures to actually createspace for you to succeed
• 1:24:18
  with this. Instead of thinking you're just
• 1:24:19
  going to figure it out and it will kind of create itself, you
• 1:24:21
  can actually look to do in order to be.
• 1:24:26
  I feel so proud of you just hearing you speak like this.
• 1:24:28
  Thanks guys. Kelly knew old me.
• 1:24:31
  OK? It was not good.
• 1:24:32
  It was not good. It was very unbalanced.
• 1:24:35
  Still like, Oh my God, just seeing you and this like arena
• 1:24:38
  bow is like, Oh my God, just like game changer.
• 1:24:41
  But yeah, that's that's that's good.
• 1:24:44
  And Grace needs to be your middle name.
• 1:24:45
  As you guys are listening and making these changes.
• 1:24:48
  You've heard Kate say it was a series of a couple years.
• 1:24:50
  You heard me say it was a series of couple years.
• 1:24:53
  It's not like this instant overnight.
• 1:24:55
  It's not Amazon crime, it's not coming.
• 1:24:57
  It's not coming tomorrow. But it's like take a baby step,
• 1:25:01
  practice, play around with it. It doesn't need to be this big
• 1:25:05
  huge thing. Create the awareness, find
• 1:25:08
  what's your main core issues on why you don't feel safe or what
• 1:25:13
  you need to release, and then make an action step.
• 1:25:16
  Pick one action step, one thing you can bring into your life.
• 1:25:20
  I'd rather have you bring in small things and be 1% better
• 1:25:24
  than give up everything and try to be 90% better.
• 1:25:26
  So it's not about necessarily giving up all these ways of
• 1:25:30
  doing life and that you're conditioned to, but when you
• 1:25:32
  naturally start slowly adding in little things, you realize, Oh
• 1:25:37
  my goodness, this feels good. And then some of the other
• 1:25:40
  naturally begins to fall away. So it is a journey.
• 1:25:44
  It's not a. Sprint 100% All right, Well,
• 1:25:48
  obviously we covered so much. We covered the definition
• 1:25:50
  between doing and being. We've got symptoms for you to be
• 1:25:53
  able to analyze yourself and know if you are someone who's
• 1:25:56
  struggling with just being and being present.
• 1:25:58
  The core steps you need to follow in order to kind of start
• 1:26:01
  to get into the practice of tuning in and looking at ways to
• 1:26:04
  be better within being. Obviously, there's, there's so
• 1:26:08
  much to take away from today. And I want to say like, I also
• 1:26:10
  feel like, as she said, it is a, a prolonged practice.
• 1:26:14
  It's not something I love the Amazon Prime, It's not something
• 1:26:17
  that's going to be happening tomorrow, IE the first time I
• 1:26:19
  sat in the field, I hated every minute of it.
• 1:26:21
  Now, very different experience for anyone listening.
• 1:26:24
  We always try to end every episode with like a nugget from
• 1:26:27
  each person because every single person who's been on here has
• 1:26:29
  had a, you know, successful business, has had sometimes
• 1:26:32
  multiple businesses, many years in business.
• 1:26:35
  And so I'm curious if you have, you know, a nugget of advice.
• 1:26:38
  And it doesn't have to be about this topic specifically, but
• 1:26:41
  just anything that you would want to say to the person
• 1:26:43
  listening who really is somebody who is extremely driven, who's
• 1:26:47
  going for massive goals basically in every area of her
• 1:26:49
  life and just wants to crush in everything.
• 1:26:52
  Yeah. And really what anything that
• 1:26:54
  you've learned or maybe insights or take away along your journey
• 1:26:58
  that you feel like really is something that you either feel
• 1:27:01
  like you'd want to share with her or that maybe she needs to
• 1:27:03
  hear. I mean, this, this is the very
• 1:27:06
  first thing that intuitively comes up.
• 1:27:08
  So I'm just going to lean into that.
• 1:27:10
  You're never going to outperform how you feel.
• 1:27:12
  So your job is to feel as good as possible.
• 1:27:15
  And I love the quote, when you feel good, you play good and
• 1:27:18
  when you play good, they pay good.
• 1:27:20
  So you can still have fun. It gets to be easier and you can
• 1:27:25
  have so much fun in your business.
• 1:27:27
  Like we all have these businesses and we didn't start
• 1:27:31
  these businesses to become fine by working 24/7 and burning out.
• 1:27:37
  Been there, done that. So knowing that like there is an
• 1:27:42
  easier way, lean on people who've been there, done that and
• 1:27:46
  kind of jump on to their coattail and just learn from
• 1:27:50
  them because it's not, it gets to be easy, it gets to be fun
• 1:27:54
  and you're never going to outperform how you feel.
• 1:27:56
  So focus on feeling good and your business will take care of
• 1:27:58
  itself. I love it, I love it and I agree
• 1:28:02
  all yes to that. OK, Kelly, if someone wants to
• 1:28:05
  connect with you, they feel like today, maybe scratch the surface
• 1:28:08
  for them and they're like, I resonate with 99% of this or 50
• 1:28:11
  or 40% of it and I got some work to do.
• 1:28:14
  Where is the best place for them to connect with you and to kind
• 1:28:17
  of learn more about obviously this topic and chat with you
• 1:28:20
  more about it and obviously diving more into understanding
• 1:28:23
  their mindset as ACEO? Yeah.
• 1:28:25
  So you guys heard me bring this up quite a few times because I
• 1:28:29
  think awareness, this is key. So I created Five Days to an
• 1:28:33
  Unstoppable Mindset. The whole video series, there's
• 1:28:37
  visualizations in there, there's shadow work prompts.
• 1:28:39
  The whole point of this free experience is to create the
• 1:28:43
  awareness. That's step one because you
• 1:28:45
  can't clear what you can't see. So on my website, which is
• 1:28:50
  www.kellyadamscoach.com right at the tops pretty, you can't miss
• 1:28:56
  it. It'll say 5 day free challenge.
• 1:28:58
  Grab that, work through it, move it, create the awareness and
• 1:29:02
  it's up to you if you want to take action on your own.
• 1:29:04
  If you need support, you know where to find me and reach out.
• 1:29:07
  And I spend the majority of my time on Instagram, which is
• 1:29:10
  Kelly Adams coaching. Amazing.
• 1:29:12
  All right, guys, well, I feel like you have like doctor's
• 1:29:14
  orders, you have all the things you need.
• 1:29:16
  You've been diagnosed today and you've been given your
• 1:29:19
  prescription on how to go fix. So my only recommendation to end
• 1:29:22
  today is just go B and go start with some of the steps that we
• 1:29:26
  obviously talked about today and start to also use it as an
• 1:29:29
  opportunity to reflect and see if this landed today.
• 1:29:32
  There's a reason. And one of the the things that I
• 1:29:34
  will say from my journey, I'm sure Kelly can attest this as
• 1:29:37
  well. If you have, if you feel like
• 1:29:38
  something landed today and you feel like it kind of tickled in
• 1:29:41
  a way and you're like that feels like it kind of fits a little
• 1:29:43
  bit, it's your invitation to dive into it.
• 1:29:46
  And I think to her point earlier of the motto, if it's coming up,
• 1:29:49
  it's coming out, it really if something is coming up for you,
• 1:29:52
  there's something that needs to be processed here.
• 1:29:54
  There's something that you want to dive into.
• 1:29:55
  So whether it's on your own, like she's saying, going to the
• 1:29:58
  challenge of the resources or even getting coaching and
• 1:30:00
  support with her, whatever it may be, I think the one thing I
• 1:30:05
  will say as someone, as she said is a like a recovering masculine
• 1:30:07
  energy fanatic. I will say one of my biggest
• 1:30:10
  regrets in business was not doing this work a lot earlier
• 1:30:13
  because my business could have been more flow, more enjoyable
• 1:30:16
  and frankly more successful if I had.
• 1:30:17
  So I will tell you as someone who scaled a business, if I had
• 1:30:21
  done this earlier, my business and your business will be much
• 1:30:24
  easier. So all about to say you guys, we
• 1:30:26
  will see you next week. Thank you so, so much, Kelly for
• 1:30:28
  coming on. Today was so, so good.
• 1:30:30
  Thank you all. Right, guys, we'll see you on
• 1:30:31
  next week's episode. Until then, as always.