Latest / Stuff Mom Never Told You / Happy Hour #165: The Family Balancing Act
Transcript
- 0:05Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha.
- 0:06Speaker 2: I'm welcome to stuff. I never told your prediction by
- 0:08Speaker 2: her radio.
- 0:18Speaker 3: And welcome to another unhappy hour because this is an
- 0:22Speaker 3: unhappy hour.
- 0:23Speaker 1: So I apologize for in advance.
- 0:27Speaker 3: If you are drinking anything or doing any adult partaking
- 0:31Speaker 3: of things, do so responsibly, you know, take care of
- 0:34Speaker 3: yourself and others around you. This is not sponsored currently
- 0:38Speaker 3: by anything that we talk about. I don't think. I
- 0:40Speaker 3: don't actually I say that without knowing what you're drinking
- 0:43Speaker 3: or what you're are partaking in any are you are
- 0:46Speaker 3: you drinking anything?
- 0:48Speaker 2: I've kind of a hot toddy situation.
- 0:50Speaker 4: Oh, we don't really say brands.
- 0:53Speaker 2: That's when we have to be very specific.
- 0:56Speaker 4: If it is a brand we know is sponsoring us,
- 0:59Speaker 4: then we have to or else that we'll be fined.
- 1:01Speaker 3: So maybe we're calling out to say we like a
- 1:04Speaker 3: brand and if you want us to do an ad
- 1:07Speaker 3: and get sponsors, please please have some contact.
- 1:09Speaker 1: I don't know who's listening.
- 1:10Speaker 3: Maybe someone from marketing of those different brands who knows.
- 1:15Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you know, you know all of those things.
- 1:17Speaker 3: Anyway, Yes, I am slipping on some bubbly water getting
- 1:22Speaker 3: myself hydrated because I've been feeling a little awf lately,
- 1:25Speaker 3: Like I feel like every morning I've been waking up
- 1:26Speaker 3: with a little bit of a headache that feels like
- 1:29Speaker 3: it's almost like a hangover headache, which is weird because
- 1:31Speaker 3: I'm not drinking. And also like I've been doing like
- 1:34Speaker 3: I drink a lot of water now because I feel
- 1:36Speaker 3: like I'm really dehydrated because I'm coughing constantly now because
- 1:40Speaker 3: I feel like I'm just breathing in dust particles all
- 1:43Speaker 3: the time, like it feels like it's just laying on
- 1:44Speaker 3: my throat and tonsiles and such. So I feel like
- 1:47Speaker 3: I need to be drinking water constantly.
- 1:50Speaker 1: Stupid pollen. It's raining today, so maybe you'll wash a
- 1:53Speaker 1: little bit of a way. Maybe maybe we're just growing
- 1:56Speaker 1: more things. Who knows, But yes, this.
- 2:00Speaker 3: Is an unhappy hour because yeah, I'm I'm, I'm I'm
- 2:04Speaker 3: gonna have a moment. So I had another moment in
- 2:08Speaker 3: which I asked myself, how do I deal with this
- 2:11Speaker 3: situation with my family for the next four years foreseeable stuff?
- 2:17Speaker 3: Because I see a like a giant difference, like you
- 2:20Speaker 3: and I talked about this any the other day because
- 2:23Speaker 3: I had an incident which I want to kind of
- 2:24Speaker 3: go into a little bit I think a little bit
- 2:26Speaker 3: later down the road, but with the idea of like, Okay,
- 2:31Speaker 3: we're here, this is not a good place.
- 2:34Speaker 1: I really had seen such.
- 2:36Speaker 3: Good changes for a little while, and it was definitely
- 2:39Speaker 3: by what was being influenced, what administration was being talked about,
- 2:44Speaker 3: you know, things that were happening in the country or
- 2:45Speaker 3: whatever whatnot, And it felt like there was there's some
- 2:49Speaker 3: upswing to things where we were having good conversations and
- 2:52Speaker 3: it was making sense and everybody seemed to be okay
- 2:56Speaker 3: for a minute, and then we're now back to here
- 2:59Speaker 3: with the administration really pushing forth a lot of misinformation,
- 3:04Speaker 3: a lot of lies, trying.
- 3:06Speaker 1: To really prove that they are in the right.
- 3:09Speaker 3: Like this whole administration feels like just a narcissistic administration
- 3:13Speaker 3: that's saying I can't be wrong, so I'll never admit
- 3:16Speaker 3: I'm wrong. Instead, I'll make up more scenarios to make
- 3:19Speaker 3: you think maybe.
- 3:21Speaker 1: This is true.
- 3:22Speaker 3: And it's really disheartening to see because the people that
- 3:27Speaker 3: I consider family, people who I have a lot of
- 3:30Speaker 3: loyalty to, are falling for those lies, are falling for
- 3:36Speaker 3: red pill content, minisphere content without knowing that they are,
- 3:40Speaker 3: and I don't know what to do because I've had
- 3:43Speaker 3: many of almost falling outs with my parents, who I
- 3:46Speaker 3: love and adore and appreciate so much. So like that
- 3:50Speaker 3: level of relationship is there, and when we're not talking
- 3:54Speaker 3: about really heated political ideals or conversations, we're doing great.
- 4:00Speaker 3: They would support me momentarily emotionally. If I needed help
- 4:04Speaker 3: with anything, they would be here. I feel the same
- 4:07Speaker 3: way about them, like this is the same thing. And
- 4:09Speaker 3: they've gone through a lot of health crisis and they
- 4:10Speaker 3: are getting older, which is a whole different conversation in itself,
- 4:13Speaker 3: because aging is a in that it's inevitable and it's
- 4:21Speaker 3: hard not to notice, and when it comes upon you
- 4:23Speaker 3: rapidly with things like sicknesses and different things that could
- 4:27Speaker 3: affect you at a young age, and it still would
- 4:30Speaker 3: cause a lot of complications and fears. Seeing that in
- 4:33Speaker 3: my parents today is really scary. But with that, I'm
- 4:38Speaker 3: also trying to balance and maintain my peace. Our family
- 4:41Speaker 3: is not a family that we can and we don't typically.
- 4:45Speaker 1: Talk about politics to each other.
- 4:47Speaker 3: Because they know I'm very different, they know my opinions
- 4:49Speaker 3: are very different. Again, we have had a few crash
- 4:52Speaker 3: outs in our conversations to the point that I'm like,
- 4:55Speaker 3: I don't think I can go home for a year.
- 5:00Speaker 1: And I'm getting there again.
- 5:01Speaker 3: I'm getting there again because this conversation that we had
- 5:04Speaker 3: in which one of my Famite members just out of
- 5:06Speaker 3: the blue decided they wanted to use their religious ideals
- 5:09Speaker 3: to put a very archaic and really sexist ideal about
- 5:14Speaker 3: women existing for men only. And I was just like,
- 5:18Speaker 3: what the hell is happening because it came out of nowhere.
- 5:20Speaker 3: It came out of nowhere, There was no reason to
- 5:22Speaker 3: even bring it up, but you could tell it's in
- 5:24Speaker 3: bubbling in their minds, and I feel like, this is
- 5:26Speaker 3: only more things to come. And when they sent me
- 5:29Speaker 3: their evidence quote unquote, and I say this in quotes
- 5:33Speaker 3: because it was just like, here, watch this video and
- 5:35Speaker 3: you'll understand what I'm saying. And as I look through
- 5:37Speaker 3: the rest of the video, they have people prominent from
- 5:40Speaker 3: the right winged white supremacist circle being featured in those
- 5:44Speaker 3: videos that I was like, Okay, this absolutely actually verified
- 5:47Speaker 3: my suspicions about where you're getting this content, and again like,
- 5:54Speaker 3: we can't this is not one of those that I
- 5:56Speaker 3: can change their minds. This is not one of those
- 5:57Speaker 3: where we can have a peaceful conversations. I feel like
- 6:01Speaker 3: you know, as much as we've all talked about being
- 6:04Speaker 3: good examples and really talking to our families, you also
- 6:06Speaker 3: have to read the room and understand what's going to
- 6:09Speaker 3: destroy things. So it's a pick and choose of where
- 6:13Speaker 3: do you want to go with this? Do you want
- 6:15Speaker 3: to go where you cannot communicate any longer? Because I
- 6:19Speaker 3: will tell you about hell am. I ten years ago,
- 6:24Speaker 3: I did have a conversation with my mother and my parent,
- 6:28Speaker 3: my father about this is where I am in life.
- 6:30Speaker 3: It's turned very different. They cried, They're very upset, they're
- 6:34Speaker 3: very disappointed in me because I said, religion is not
- 6:36Speaker 3: my thing anymore, like going teenager, it's not a thing.
- 6:40Speaker 3: But like that, I really had done some searching and
- 6:43Speaker 3: understanding and this is not making sense to me anymore.
- 6:46Speaker 3: And I can't do this. And I want you to
- 6:48Speaker 3: know where I'm coming from because I don't want you
- 6:50Speaker 3: to be confused, and I don't want to lie to
- 6:51Speaker 3: you about these things. Oh, it was not a good conversation.
- 6:56Speaker 3: We've had it back and forth. We've had many a
- 6:58Speaker 3: back and forth since then. We've had many back and
- 7:00Speaker 3: forth about the queer community, because you know, we have
- 7:03Speaker 3: some queer family members and they are very unhappy to
- 7:05Speaker 3: hear about this again. They were very scared that I
- 7:08Speaker 3: was a queer person as well, and we had to
- 7:10Speaker 3: have that conversation. Was like, why is that a big deal?
- 7:12Speaker 3: I need you to calm down. I did do some controlling,
- 7:15Speaker 3: which is probably not the best tactic, but whatever. So
- 7:19Speaker 3: I've had these moments and now, like you know, twenty
- 7:21Speaker 3: years later, it's still ask when in circles and it's
- 7:24Speaker 3: gotten worse again. Trump has really done a number in
- 7:28Speaker 3: people's mindsets. And I don't think it's so hard to
- 7:31Speaker 3: see in boomers, especially religious boomers, especially religious boomers, that
- 7:34Speaker 3: religion is based off of feeling rather than understanding and education.
- 7:50Speaker 1: So I try to find some things.
- 7:53Speaker 3: I was like, please help me boogle anybody, somebody tell
- 7:55Speaker 3: me what to do. I did find this from very
- 7:57Speaker 3: wellmind dot com. It says, if you have a love
- 8:00Speaker 3: one who says or does racist things, unfortunately, chances are
- 8:03Speaker 3: high that they've always held these beliefs. That means that
- 8:06Speaker 3: it isn't probable that you will change their minds. Suddenly
- 8:09Speaker 3: know this and be clear about it before you approach them.
- 8:12Speaker 3: I think that's the best thing. Like out of all
- 8:14Speaker 3: the things, they gave you a one to one through
- 8:15Speaker 3: ten step process. I was like, I've been there, I've
- 8:18Speaker 3: done that. This is not working, this is not working.
- 8:20Speaker 3: And this again the faltering is back to where a
- 8:24Speaker 3: Project twenty twenty five where the White Supremacess has really
- 8:27Speaker 3: done a number. Read the Minisphere and Red Pill have
- 8:31Speaker 3: really done a number in coming back, coming back full
- 8:34Speaker 3: circle to this ideal of morality and wholesome family, which
- 8:39Speaker 3: was a lie to begin with.
- 8:40Speaker 1: It was a lie.
- 8:41Speaker 3: People were miserable, women were miserable, women were dying, women
- 8:44Speaker 3: are still dying. Like it's just a constant, and I
- 8:48Speaker 3: think for me it's right now trying to find a
- 8:50Speaker 3: balance on what to do because again, my parents' health
- 8:54Speaker 3: is declining. They're not they're not bad, they're they're better
- 8:58Speaker 3: off than most. Let me say that this way. But
- 9:00Speaker 3: my parents did have a baby health scare with like
- 9:03Speaker 3: a pretty giant diagnosis, and I was like, oh my god,
- 9:06Speaker 3: what are we gonna do. Lost a lot of aunts
- 9:10Speaker 3: and uncles throughout the last five years, like really really
- 9:13Speaker 3: tragic stuff that I really am trying to get a
- 9:16Speaker 3: grasp on this because I don't want to have regrets.
- 9:18Speaker 3: I will feel guilty if things were to come and
- 9:21Speaker 3: any you made a really great point when we were
- 9:23Speaker 3: talking about this. You're like, it doesn't matter no matter what,
- 9:26Speaker 3: even if you do have a good relationship and everything's
- 9:29Speaker 3: patched up, that death is gonna have a lot of
- 9:32Speaker 3: hurt and.
- 9:33Speaker 1: Regret no matter what.
- 9:34Speaker 3: And I'm like, yeah, you're right, You're right, so either way,
- 9:38Speaker 3: and then I want, yeah, either way, it sucks.
- 9:41Speaker 1: And but like in the on the top of that is.
- 9:42Speaker 3: Like the guilt that I will hold and feeling like
- 9:46Speaker 3: I didn't try my best or I didn't care about
- 9:49Speaker 3: them as much because I didn't agree with them. Not
- 9:51Speaker 3: that that's the case, but it is this balance also
- 9:54Speaker 3: not seeing them often. But I'm all like having that
- 9:57Speaker 3: interaction really like only kind of solidified my reasoning, Like
- 10:05Speaker 3: this is I cannot have this because this is gonna
- 10:07Speaker 3: make our relationship worse. Like there's nothing for me to
- 10:10Speaker 3: say here, because not only is ingrained in this level
- 10:13Speaker 3: of victimization, it's ingrained in religion, which you cannot fight
- 10:18Speaker 3: against feeling and faith like literally being told if you
- 10:21Speaker 3: believe this way, you're not doing godly ways, or that
- 10:25Speaker 3: you're you don't have faith, like that's the basis of
- 10:28Speaker 3: the whole thing, and there's nothing really to do that.
- 10:31Speaker 3: And I chose not to go home for East Europe
- 10:33Speaker 3: because I did have family over and and the fact
- 10:38Speaker 3: that like it was just too much I did not
- 10:40Speaker 3: I could not stand in front of them holding hands
- 10:42Speaker 3: praying about how God had forgiven them after Jesus rose
- 10:45Speaker 3: from the dead to forgive them of their sins, and
- 10:48Speaker 3: then as the next breath talking about how they were
- 10:50Speaker 3: glad people are being sold to El Savador and getting
- 10:53Speaker 3: out of here and not getting their jobs, and when
- 10:55Speaker 3: none of these people, like a very minute number of
- 10:57Speaker 3: people are actually quote unquote criminals, which by the way,
- 11:00Speaker 3: way again may have every basis on just being the
- 11:02Speaker 3: fact they are here in the US making them criminals,
- 11:05Speaker 3: which is really really extreme ideal to send them to
- 11:08Speaker 3: an encampment out of the country where they have no
- 11:11Speaker 3: rights to being enslaved into a work camp. Also for
- 11:17Speaker 3: the fact that there's no actual like due process. Again,
- 11:21Speaker 3: all those things goes over their head. And I know this,
- 11:24Speaker 3: but that level of hypocrisy I cannot stomach. I cannot
- 11:28Speaker 3: stomach that level. So I'm trying to really figure out
- 11:31Speaker 3: what to do. What am I to do for the
- 11:33Speaker 3: next four years with this rhetoric only getting worse and
- 11:36Speaker 3: watching that it for my point to be proven right.
- 11:41Speaker 3: But he is not a good person and he is
- 11:43Speaker 3: not here for the betterment of people. Is for them
- 11:47Speaker 3: to go through and suffer the consequences. A mean all
- 11:50Speaker 3: of us will, but even more so as an older
- 11:53Speaker 3: person that is based on the benefits of the country
- 11:57Speaker 3: that was in place at one point in time.
- 11:59Speaker 1: It's kind of still in place.
- 12:00Speaker 3: The fact that we're about to lose all kinds of
- 12:03Speaker 3: any kind of guidelines and rules and or like overseeing
- 12:07Speaker 3: of I don't know, chemicals and products and all of that.
- 12:09Speaker 3: Like I'm hearing things about milk, and I'm like, well,
- 12:11Speaker 3: what the hell am I going to do about that?
- 12:13Speaker 3: You know, like all these things for me to prove
- 12:17Speaker 3: my point, which I don't want him, is to have
- 12:19Speaker 3: the find out portion of people have been saying happen, And.
- 12:23Speaker 1: That feels even worse.
- 12:26Speaker 3: I don't want to see people suffer, no matter how
- 12:28Speaker 3: ignorant they are. That hurts me too, you know. And
- 12:37Speaker 3: we're still a part of the find out situation. Do like,
- 12:39Speaker 3: it's not like we're benefitting anything from this at all.
- 12:41Speaker 3: I hell no, hell no. So it's just it's just
- 12:45Speaker 3: a lot of conversations through my head and like with
- 12:48Speaker 3: my partner, who he's been amazing and trying to help decipher,
- 12:53Speaker 3: and I think they like they love and respect him,
- 12:55Speaker 3: like he's come in pretty heavy swinging and being like
- 12:59Speaker 3: this doesn't make sense, your rationale doesn't make sense.
- 13:02Speaker 1: You need to think about it this way.
- 13:03Speaker 3: And they've been like, oh yeah, okay, but I feel
- 13:05Speaker 3: like those days are gone because they are so infiltrated
- 13:09Speaker 3: by this new administration that once upon a time where
- 13:12Speaker 3: the people they would once say, you know, maybe it's
- 13:14Speaker 3: not so much they you know, they just want to
- 13:16Speaker 3: love people.
- 13:17Speaker 1: Okay.
- 13:17Speaker 3: I get it to know that they're pushing it in
- 13:20Speaker 3: our faces, in which I'm like, so you're watching news
- 13:24Speaker 3: that keep telling you about these people, which they don't
- 13:26Speaker 3: have to. If they just left them alone, you wouldn't
- 13:29Speaker 3: hear about it. You wouldn't know anything about it, and
- 13:32Speaker 3: it would be fine. I don't understand how this is
- 13:37Speaker 3: other people's agenda to push it on you. No one
- 13:40Speaker 3: wants you to be gay.
- 13:41Speaker 1: They'll be gay. Stay with you people. We want you
- 13:44Speaker 1: to stay in your corner too.
- 13:45Speaker 2: Likes.
- 13:45Speaker 1: It's not a thing.
- 13:48Speaker 3: Anyway, it's just it's knowing that we are regressing to
- 13:52Speaker 3: this point. I was having this conversation with another woman
- 13:55Speaker 3: when I was She was like, I cannot believe we're
- 13:58Speaker 3: going backwards. I'm like, We're not going backwards. This is
- 14:00Speaker 3: this is a cycle and we've seen it. Unfortunately, this
- 14:03Speaker 3: cycle has made it all the way to the one
- 14:05Speaker 3: eighty of the nineteen fifties. Like we are all at
- 14:09Speaker 3: the opposite point of where we were before.
- 14:11Speaker 1: It feels like.
- 14:13Speaker 3: As the Supreme Court is listening to some of the
- 14:19Speaker 3: anti trans rhetoric and have made a lot of really dangerous,
- 14:24Speaker 3: dangerous footnotes to what's happening in that conversation. But if
- 14:29Speaker 3: Trump doesn't have to listen to the Supreme Court, why
- 14:32Speaker 3: do we He's already proven that he's not. He's going
- 14:36Speaker 3: He's not going to so them people's I'm just kidding.
- 14:42Speaker 3: But yeah, Like, there's a lot of dangerous rhetoric happening,
- 14:45Speaker 3: and I don't know what to do at this point,
- 14:48Speaker 3: other than not that I would want this. The thing
- 14:53Speaker 3: that saved us from the first Trump administration was literally
- 14:58Speaker 3: the pandemic, and I did not have to see my
- 15:00Speaker 3: family for three years, you know what I mean for
- 15:05Speaker 3: two to three years because everybody was sick and we
- 15:08Speaker 3: didn't know what this was and everybody was being cautious.
- 15:10Speaker 3: I was very glad. I hated that moment. Don't get
- 15:14Speaker 3: me wrong, I don't want another one of those. That's
- 15:16Speaker 3: not what I'm saying. But what I'm saying is like,
- 15:18Speaker 3: that's the difference now is that I can't not face them.
- 15:22Speaker 3: It feels like without feeling guilty for not spending time
- 15:25Speaker 3: with them, and if something goes down, all those things,
- 15:31Speaker 3: it's a lot. I am not happy. Maybe this is
- 15:35Speaker 3: a part of my headache.
- 15:38Speaker 1: Could be And.
- 15:40Speaker 3: I know, and I know I don't I'm not the
- 15:42Speaker 3: only one.
- 15:43Speaker 1: I know. I'm not the only one. I know.
- 15:45Speaker 3: A lot of people have gone to the point that
- 15:46Speaker 3: I like, no, I have to have no contact, I
- 15:49Speaker 3: have to like not see them.
- 15:50Speaker 1: This is this is breaking me. And I understand that.
- 15:53Speaker 3: I understand that I'm hoping to hear more stories as
- 15:56Speaker 3: we had talked about in the previous happy hour of
- 15:58Speaker 3: like good news of people coming round yeah, to be
- 16:03Speaker 3: like oh no, this is bad it's just that's just
- 16:05Speaker 3: not my family yet.
- 16:08Speaker 1: If ever, that would be nice. It would be nice,
- 16:12Speaker 1: That would be nice.
- 16:13Speaker 2: I mean, we're still kind of screwed, but that would
- 16:16Speaker 2: be nice.
- 16:17Speaker 1: Right right.
- 16:17Speaker 3: I mean, what is in places in place in the
- 16:21Speaker 3: larger scale, but for my minute family, intimate circle, it
- 16:26Speaker 3: would be absolutely to be able to kind of bond
- 16:28Speaker 3: with them, to be like, Okay, see this is not
- 16:31Speaker 3: this is not the way to go.
- 16:33Speaker 1: Mm hmmm.
- 16:33Speaker 2: I did have a friend that happened for and.
- 16:35Speaker 4: It's very nice for her, and I'm very happy about it.
- 16:39Speaker 1: So hopefully I love that. I love that for her.
- 16:42Speaker 1: I wish it was me.
- 16:43Speaker 3: I will say again, my partner's family has been kind
- 16:47Speaker 3: of a breath of fresh air because they aren't and
- 16:51Speaker 3: we are more on the same page, and so being
- 16:53Speaker 3: there and having moments with them and being kind of
- 16:56Speaker 3: envious that it's not my family, but having people that
- 17:01Speaker 3: I can count on us family as well. Doing this
- 17:04Speaker 3: it does feel like, you know, a nice pause to
- 17:09Speaker 3: what feels like an innertartarm oil when it comes to
- 17:13Speaker 3: my finding my identity and family.
- 17:15Speaker 1: Mm hmm.
- 17:18Speaker 3: Yeah. Anyway, I'm sorry, y'all. I hope is better for y'all.
- 17:23Speaker 3: If you do have the good stories, send them with me, yes.
- 17:26Speaker 3: Or if you have suggestions about how I should.
- 17:29Speaker 1: Deal with my family, please let me know.
- 17:32Speaker 4: Yes, all all of those please send our way. You
- 17:36Speaker 4: can email us at Hello, at Stephenever Told You dot com.
- 17:39Speaker 4: You can find us on Blue Sky at momsa podcast,
- 17:42Speaker 4: or on Instagram and TikTok at stuff.
- 17:43Speaker 2: I Never Told You for us on YouTube.
- 17:45Speaker 4: We have a tea public store and we have a
- 17:47Speaker 4: book you can get wherever you get your books. Thanks
- 17:49Speaker 4: as always start a sup producer Christine or executive ducer
- 17:52Speaker 4: My and.
- 17:52Speaker 2: Our Contrbutter Joey.
- 17:53Speaker 1: Thank you.
- 17:54Speaker 2: Let me see you for listening stuff Whenever Told You.
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