Latest / The Career Mentor Podcast with Fexingo: Finding Mentors, Sponsors, and Career Advisors / How to Ask a Mentor for Help Without Feeling Awkward
Transcript
- Lucas: There's this moment that a lot of us know well — you have a mentor, or someone you think of as a mentor, and you genuinely need their input on something. Maybe it's a career decision, maybe it's feedback on a proposal. And instead of reaching out, you freeze. You worry you're being a burden, or that you're asking for too much. Luna: Right, the 'I don't want to be that person' feeling. I've definitely been there. Lucas: Exactly. And the irony is, research shows that most mentors actually want to help — but they can't read your mind. So today I want to talk about a specific technique called the micro-ask. It's a way of framing your request that makes it almost painless for both sides. Luna: Micro-ask — I like that. So it's like a tiny, low-stakes favor? Lucas: Exactly. The idea comes from Adam Grant's work on how asking for advice actually increases the asker's perceived competence. But the key is scale. Instead of asking for a 30-minute coffee chat or a review of your entire presentation, you ask for something that takes less than two minutes. A one-sentence opinion. A quick link. A two-sentence email response. Luna: And that's less intimidating for the mentor too — they can say yes without it costing them a lot of time. Lucas: Precisely. And here's the counterintuitive part: when someone does you a small favor, they actually like you more. It's called the Ben Franklin effect. Franklin said, 'He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another than he whom you yourself have obliged.' Luna: So by letting them help you in a tiny way, you're strengthening the relationship, not draining it. Lucas: Right. Now, how do you actually do this in practice? Let me give you a real example. I spoke with a product manager at HubSpot who wanted advice from a senior VP she'd never met. Instead of asking for a meeting, she sent a LinkedIn audio note — 15 seconds — saying she admired his work on a specific feature launch and asked if he had two minutes to share one piece of advice for someone moving into product leadership. Luna: And he responded? Lucas: He did. He sent back a five-sentence voice note. That was it. But six months later, when she applied for an internal role, he remembered her and offered to be a reference. The micro-ask created a connection without any pressure. Luna: That's a great example. But I think a lot of people also worry about the flip side — what if the mentor says no? Or worse, what if they just ignore you? Lucas: That's a real fear. And I want to be honest: sometimes people are too busy or not interested. But a no is actually useful information. It tells you to move on and find someone else. And a micro-ask is so small that a no doesn't feel like a rejection of you personally. It's just a 'not right now.' Luna: Plus, if they ignore you, you haven't invested much. You can follow up once politely, then let it go. Lucas: Exactly. The other piece is reciprocity. If you're going to ask for micro-help, you should also be looking for ways to offer value back. It doesn't have to be equal — but it should be genuine. Maybe you share an article they'd find interesting, or you offer to introduce them to someone in your network. Luna: That's smart. And it keeps the relationship from feeling one-sided. Lucas: Right. So here's a concrete script you can use today. Say you're at a large company like Microsoft or JPMorgan, and you want advice from a senior leader. You send a short email or LinkedIn message that says: 'Hi, I've been following your work on. I'm facing a decision about. If you have 30 seconds, I'd love your quick take on whether you'd lean toward option A or option B. Thanks either way.' Luna: Thirty seconds — that's the micro-ask. And it frames it as a quick opinion, not a huge favor. Lucas: Exactly. And you'll be surprised how often people respond. Because it's easy, it's flattering, and it shows you've done your homework. Luna: One thing I'd add: make sure you actually follow up and say thank you. And if they give you advice, circle back later and let them know how it turned out. That closes the loop. Lucas: Absolutely. That's the difference between a one-off ask and a real mentoring relationship. People remember when you take their advice and report back. Luna: And speaking of taking advice — I think a lot of listeners have been with us for a while, and we've covered a lot of ground on mentors and sponsors. If this show has helped you think through a career move or a tough conversation, you might have wondered how we keep it going without ads. Lucas: Yeah, it's a good question. The honest answer is that a small group of listeners chips in monthly through buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. And that literally funds us making episodes like this one. No corporate sponsors, no listener data sold — just people who find it useful and want to keep it ad-free. Luna: It's not a big thing, but it means a lot. And it lets us stay independent and focused on what actually helps you. Lucas: Right. So anyway, back to the micro-ask — another angle I want to hit is the difference between asking for advice and asking for a favor. Advice is collaborative. A favor feels transactional. Always frame it as advice. Luna: Good distinction. 'Can I get your advice on something?' is very different from 'Can you do this for me?' Lucas: Exactly. And when you ask for advice, you're implicitly saying you respect their judgment. That's a compliment. Most people like being seen as wise. Luna: One last thought — what about the timing? Is there a best time to send a micro-ask? Lucas: Tuesday or Wednesday morning tends to work well. Avoid Monday mornings when people are catching up, and Friday afternoons when they're wrapping up. And if you're sending a LinkedIn message, morning in their time zone is ideal. Luna: Good practical tip. So to sum up: micro-asks are small, specific, and framed as advice. They build relationships rather than drain them. And if you get a no, it's not personal. Lucas: And you can always try again with someone else. The key is to start. Most people never ask. That's the biggest missed opportunity in mentoring.