Latest / Stuff Mom Never Told You / SMNTY Classics: Mental Positivity

Transcript

SMNTY Classics: Mental Positivity · Stuff Mom Never Told You

0:05
Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and welcome to stuff
0:08
Speaker 1: I've never told you production of I Heart Radio. We're
0:20
Speaker 1: gonna be straight with you listeners. We've gotta internet issue
0:25
Speaker 1: going on right now, so there's a massive delay, but
0:29
Speaker 1: we're going to do our best. We're gonna do our best,
0:31
Speaker 1: and you know, it's kind of fitting because the episode
0:34
Speaker 1: we're bringing back today is about mental positivity. Because I
0:37
Speaker 1: think it's fair to say, Samantha that you and I
0:40
Speaker 1: have been struggling, as have a lot of us lately,
0:46
Speaker 1: and I have been trying to find small things to
0:52
Speaker 1: cheer me up or to help me not get so
0:57
Speaker 1: lost in my negative thought. So with that being said,
1:03
Speaker 1: I know we talked about this a lot, but is
1:04
Speaker 1: there anything that you've done or have been doing to
1:07
Speaker 1: kind of just like a small thing that gives you
1:10
Speaker 1: comfort or brings you a bright spot in your day?
1:14
Speaker 1: You know, for me, imagining a happy place has been interesting.
1:20
Speaker 1: So we're going to talk about the fact that I
1:24
Speaker 1: have hit a crisis point and one of the things
1:27
Speaker 1: that I do now is look at beautiful beach resorts
1:31
Speaker 1: that I wish I could be yet, So it is
1:33
Speaker 1: like double way of like, oh, the pain of not
1:36
Speaker 1: being able to go to their or not want to
1:39
Speaker 1: support a system that might really disenfranchise the community or
1:42
Speaker 1: the local residents. But at the same time, looking at
1:45
Speaker 1: how pretty it is, it makes me fairly happy. Yeah,
1:49
Speaker 1: And You've been sending those pictures to me, and I've
1:51
Speaker 1: been getting secondhand like wishful happiness of what if we
1:57
Speaker 1: went to there? Yeah. Yeah, I mean I've got a
2:01
Speaker 1: lot of the like same things I've always talked about,
2:03
Speaker 1: which is, you know, fan fiction and um, stretching. I've
2:07
Speaker 1: gotten into stretching, but I've also like recently tried to
2:11
Speaker 1: take like I've really tried to do the moment where
2:15
Speaker 1: you like the candles and you just sort of like
2:17
Speaker 1: relax in your body and think for a minute. And
2:21
Speaker 1: that's been helpful. It's hard to do. It's hard to
2:25
Speaker 1: like make the time for it and not have that
2:28
Speaker 1: moment turned into panic. But I've been really working on it,
2:33
Speaker 1: and I think that it has been helping me because
2:35
Speaker 1: there's a lot going on right now and it's a
2:38
Speaker 1: lot of stress and we can acknowledge that and that
2:41
Speaker 1: probably most of you listening are feeling it as well.
2:44
Speaker 1: But yeah, that's been something that I've been trying to
2:47
Speaker 1: do and I think it's working. I work. Coming up
2:50
Speaker 1: on quarantine universary, as I said, or will say, depending
2:53
Speaker 1: on when you listen to this. March thirte is my
2:56
Speaker 1: quarantine anniversary, so I've been like taking went to reflect
3:02
Speaker 1: all these past two years. I love it. Yeah, I
3:05
Speaker 1: guess ours was probably similar to you yours the Quarantine anniversary.
3:10
Speaker 1: I have now just gotten back out into the world,
3:13
Speaker 1: so that is kind of nice, meaning like I have
3:16
Speaker 1: finally gone to my little dance classes with my friends
3:20
Speaker 1: that I love that I missed. I don't see but
3:22
Speaker 1: at those classes, um, and then yeah, actually going to restaurants,
3:28
Speaker 1: yeah has been nice. I don't go often and that
3:31
Speaker 1: space it out, but it's been nice. But yeah, this
3:34
Speaker 1: whole level of centering is a new concept. But you know,
3:39
Speaker 1: I do also want to come back because this is
3:41
Speaker 1: a little different with a mental positivity, because that is
3:44
Speaker 1: something that we do need, but we also want need
3:47
Speaker 1: to talk about toxic positivity. And it kind of reminds
3:50
Speaker 1: me of that trying to be happy and not being
3:52
Speaker 1: able to be happy. So you're frustrated that you're not happy, right, No, Yeah,
3:58
Speaker 1: that's a great point, and that's something I feel like
4:02
Speaker 1: we try to make that that point often, but like,
4:06
Speaker 1: if you it's okay to feel those days, if emotions
4:10
Speaker 1: like that's it's okay. If you're not okay, that's that's
4:13
Speaker 1: absolutely understandable. Still, you know, hopefully there's somebody you can
4:18
Speaker 1: reach out to or something you can do to help
4:22
Speaker 1: you through that. But it's absolutely, like I think even
4:25
Speaker 1: healthy to sit in that and be like, Okay, I
4:30
Speaker 1: feel this way. Why do I feel this way? But
4:34
Speaker 1: it is okay, It's okay. Yeah, we welcome back to that.
4:41
Speaker 1: But in the meantime, we have this classic episode for
4:44
Speaker 1: you on mental positivity. Hey, this is Annie and Samantha
4:53
Speaker 1: and welcome to stuff I never told you production of
4:55
Speaker 1: I Heart Radios. How stuff works. For today's episode, it's
5:08
Speaker 1: kind of a follow up on on one that we
5:11
Speaker 1: did recently on body positivity. UM and before we get
5:14
Speaker 1: into it, trigger warnings at the top for very brief
5:17
Speaker 1: discussions of sexual assaults, UM and suicide. And yeah, we
5:22
Speaker 1: recently did an episode on body positivity, and you need
5:26
Speaker 1: suggested that we do a companion episode on mental positivity,
5:31
Speaker 1: which is a broad term that I think we coined,
5:33
Speaker 1: are coining? Are we coining it right now maybe, and
5:39
Speaker 1: we just said it because it is a language but linkage.
5:41
Speaker 1: But it's more of like mental health, mental health, yes care,
5:45
Speaker 1: mental health in mental care yes, um, and we'll yeah,
5:50
Speaker 1: well it's a pretty broad term, but we're gonna we're
5:55
Speaker 1: I guess talking about this in part because there is
5:57
Speaker 1: a lot going on in the world and in our
6:00
Speaker 1: personal lives, and it does seem like, um, there's a
6:05
Speaker 1: lot of mental health issues impacting women, and UM, how
6:08
Speaker 1: we take care of our mental health something that is
6:10
Speaker 1: always good to discuss, um, and how we can support
6:13
Speaker 1: each other, right. I mean, it's been a rough few
6:15
Speaker 1: years for many non binary and female identifying population and
6:19
Speaker 1: whether it's due to situations or just overall physical and
6:21
Speaker 1: emotional taxation due to the environment. Um, I've seen more
6:25
Speaker 1: and more of my really close and dear friends suffer
6:27
Speaker 1: without considering enough about their mental health. And when they do,
6:31
Speaker 1: and when I do, oftentimes, UM, we add on more
6:34
Speaker 1: guilt for actually taking care of ourselves. And I say
6:38
Speaker 1: that again as I'm one of those that does this.
6:40
Speaker 1: And of course I'm not trying to make this a
6:42
Speaker 1: self help podcast necessarily. I'm not about bad I'm not
6:46
Speaker 1: a licensed therapist in any way. But I think there's
6:48
Speaker 1: something to be said to making sure you are friends
6:51
Speaker 1: in this minty world and those around remember to give
6:54
Speaker 1: themselves or ourselves permission to care for ourselves and not
6:57
Speaker 1: forget that there is a lot of biological and mental
7:00
Speaker 1: reason as to why sometimes things just feel like it's
7:02
Speaker 1: too much. Yeah, absolutely, And um, one thing we wanted
7:06
Speaker 1: to discuss in this um is depression, right, So that's
7:11
Speaker 1: going to be kind of the linkage. So when we
7:12
Speaker 1: say mental health, UM, I'm doing a broader We're talking
7:15
Speaker 1: about a broader term of depression, just an overall overwhelming
7:19
Speaker 1: feeling as well as with anxiety. But I'm kind of
7:21
Speaker 1: linking it more to depression the sadness, um, the giving up,
7:25
Speaker 1: the hopelessness. So that's what we're gonna focus on today.
7:28
Speaker 1: And there are many different types of depression. It's not
7:31
Speaker 1: just the simple I'm depressed, although you know you don't
7:34
Speaker 1: have to say anything other than that to ask for help.
7:36
Speaker 1: That that's just a good term and it is what
7:38
Speaker 1: it is. But it's helpful to have a definition and
7:41
Speaker 1: understanding of what maybe an underlying issue that we should
7:44
Speaker 1: be talking about. So out of the many and plethora
7:48
Speaker 1: of I'm sure identifications and actual titles. Here are a few,
7:53
Speaker 1: um some of the ones that are gonna be more
7:54
Speaker 1: familiar and probably a little more used, um in the
7:58
Speaker 1: public world as opposed to the private world. Do you
8:01
Speaker 1: know what I mean? Major depressive disorder, which is a
8:04
Speaker 1: severe form of persistent depression. There's a feeling of loss
8:07
Speaker 1: of interest in activities or a general depressed mood which
8:10
Speaker 1: has to be part of the diagnosis. So there are
8:11
Speaker 1: several symptoms in several criteria that has to meet, and
8:14
Speaker 1: that's one of the big ones that people know. It's
8:17
Speaker 1: very severe in its diagnosis. The persistent depressive disorder is
8:21
Speaker 1: used to be known as the dysthymia or a low
8:24
Speaker 1: grade persistent depression, whichould lasts two years or longer, so
8:27
Speaker 1: it's persistent but not as severe as major. And then
8:30
Speaker 1: you have the postpartum depression or depression due to infertility
8:33
Speaker 1: or pregnancy at the same time, so it's kind of
8:35
Speaker 1: all that linkage with that hormone um or the lack
8:38
Speaker 1: of Then you have the premistral disporte disorder which is PMDD,
8:42
Speaker 1: which is pretty severe and I know we use some
8:44
Speaker 1: types of birth control to control that as well, UM,
8:47
Speaker 1: seasonal effective disorder. You all know what that is. You
8:49
Speaker 1: get sad in the wintertime. Atypical depression which is not persistent,
8:53
Speaker 1: but a pattern of depressive symptoms. So things can happen, UM,
8:57
Speaker 1: and you just constantly feel depressed here and there, is
9:00
Speaker 1: not necessarily persistent. And sometimes when you have a good
9:02
Speaker 1: thing happened, you're like, hey, everything's fine now, but then
9:04
Speaker 1: you hit right back to and then you have the
9:07
Speaker 1: situational depression or stress response syndromes, not necessarily a psychiatric diagnosis,
9:12
Speaker 1: but can occur due to stressful life events or situations.
9:15
Speaker 1: I know that's pretty common for a lot of us,
9:18
Speaker 1: and as we're going through many of things, yea many
9:21
Speaker 1: of things, UM, I think that's something to keep in mind.
9:24
Speaker 1: It's also important to know that people may have varying
9:27
Speaker 1: forms of depression, which can be diagnosed based on timing,
9:30
Speaker 1: types of symptoms, and an actual chemical and biological differences
9:33
Speaker 1: in an individual. And multiple types of depression can actually
9:37
Speaker 1: be diagnosed simultaneously, so you could have major depressive disorder
9:40
Speaker 1: and persistent depressive disorders. Is can be a dual thing.
9:44
Speaker 1: You can have his partum with major depressive so there's many,
9:47
Speaker 1: many linkages that we can't just say it's just just this. UM.
9:51
Speaker 1: I'll also remember hormones and thyroid issues can cause major
9:54
Speaker 1: roles in depression and mood as well. And we do
9:58
Speaker 1: have some statistics from Mental Health America for you, and
10:02
Speaker 1: estimated twelve million American women suffer from clinical depression annually,
10:06
Speaker 1: about one in eight will develop it at some point
10:08
Speaker 1: in their lifetimes. And yeah, all kinds of things go
10:11
Speaker 1: into depression. Genetics, hormones, reproduction, biological factors like premnstrual syndrome
10:16
Speaker 1: and fertility, childbirth, menopause, and societal factors like work, stress,
10:19
Speaker 1: family responsibilities, sexual assaults, and poverty. And interesting in left,
10:23
Speaker 1: just because we were talking recently about the daughter syndrome
10:26
Speaker 1: UM dutiful daughter syndrome rather and females being the main caregivers,
10:30
Speaker 1: actually they are high risk for depression just on top
10:33
Speaker 1: of that. But even so, on top of that, if
10:35
Speaker 1: you're UM caring for a person who has dementia, it's
10:37
Speaker 1: twice as likely that you will be diagnosed with depression
10:40
Speaker 1: because at that stress level and the likelihood of isolation
10:43
Speaker 1: and in itself and just not able to cope and
10:46
Speaker 1: not being able to care for oneself, So I thought
10:48
Speaker 1: that was interesting to throw out there too. Write over
10:51
Speaker 1: fifty of women believe depression is a normal part of
10:54
Speaker 1: aging and menopause and do not seek treatment for it,
10:57
Speaker 1: and that's where they think, um, their depression is coming
11:00
Speaker 1: all right. And actually depression in women could have a
11:01
Speaker 1: misdiagnosed rate as high as fifty percent. So that's and
11:05
Speaker 1: I thought that was fascinating just to know that women
11:08
Speaker 1: in general can still be misdiagnosed, even though we may
11:10
Speaker 1: be a little more vocal than the opposite sex, um,
11:13
Speaker 1: but it's still misdiagnosed often UM and as any stage earlier.
11:17
Speaker 1: Half the women who are diagnosed don't even seek treatment.
11:21
Speaker 1: Over women think that depression is totally normal for two
11:24
Speaker 1: weeks or longer after giving birth, and that is one
11:26
Speaker 1: of the number one reasons people and those identifying as
11:29
Speaker 1: female oftentimes don't seek treatment. They believe it will pass,
11:32
Speaker 1: or it would be better, or just to it's just
11:35
Speaker 1: better to wait it out. And oftentimes films will not
11:37
Speaker 1: recognize suppression as being clinical. I think the term mass
11:41
Speaker 1: depression is a reference to not feeling normal or like themselves,
11:44
Speaker 1: but not want to identify it. As depression or being depressed,
11:48
Speaker 1: and there is a likelihood like myself, I don't realize
11:51
Speaker 1: I'm going through a depressive episode until the physical signs
11:55
Speaker 1: actually come out. So my physical signs are fatigue and
11:58
Speaker 1: even muscle pains and over excessive need for sleep because
12:02
Speaker 1: a constant tiredness, which is fatigue. And it was noticed
12:05
Speaker 1: sometimes that the actual feeling of sadness may not always
12:07
Speaker 1: be present, so I don't sometimes know that I'm sad.
12:10
Speaker 1: I just know my body slowly shutting down. I have
12:13
Speaker 1: done this a lot, and even recently, after a concern UM,
12:16
Speaker 1: after the many of health concerns that I've had, you know,
12:19
Speaker 1: all the web and d times I've told you about UM,
12:22
Speaker 1: I realized that I was depressed. And I've done this
12:24
Speaker 1: throughout my life. This is something that I can look
12:26
Speaker 1: back on hindsight and realize, oh, that what was happening.
12:31
Speaker 1: I still sometimes can't even catch it until I'm in
12:34
Speaker 1: the middle of it, UM, which is quickly accompanied by
12:37
Speaker 1: my guilt because there's nothing really wrong happening in my life,
12:40
Speaker 1: which is why I can't recognize why I'm feeling this
12:44
Speaker 1: fatigued and tired, and I don't nothing nothing makes sense somebody,
12:48
Speaker 1: am I getting too much caffeine? I not getting enough caffeine.
12:50
Speaker 1: And I think that happens a lot of people don't
12:53
Speaker 1: see symptoms, or don't recognize it, or don't want to
12:56
Speaker 1: know it too. Yeah, I think the exhaustion is the
13:02
Speaker 1: one for me. If I'm suddenly like it's tired and
13:05
Speaker 1: I don't want to do anything, that's a pretty good sign.
13:09
Speaker 1: So we do have some more for you listeners. But
13:11
Speaker 1: first we're going to pause for a quick break for
13:13
Speaker 1: a word from ore sponsored and we're back, Thank you sponsor.
13:30
Speaker 1: And we're back with something that I found out has
13:33
Speaker 1: an actual name, kind of it. It's called the not
13:37
Speaker 1: as Bad as fallacy. And we have talked about this
13:41
Speaker 1: before for sure, and I've met a lot of you
13:43
Speaker 1: don't even really need actually find it, but it's generally
13:48
Speaker 1: when you you feel like someone has it worse. So
13:52
Speaker 1: what right have you to to voice your problems? Are?
13:56
Speaker 1: Are complain um? I used to say to a friend
14:00
Speaker 1: who always felt bad complaining about quote heavy quote minor
14:03
Speaker 1: things when he knew I had so much quote major
14:06
Speaker 1: stuff to complain about. And I used to always tell them,
14:08
Speaker 1: it doesn't make your problem less legitimate. Are your feelings
14:11
Speaker 1: less valid? Don't get trapped in that comparing game. Comparing
14:17
Speaker 1: problems is not healthy or productive, although I can see
14:20
Speaker 1: some use for putting things in perspective now and again,
14:23
Speaker 1: but not like dismissing it or disminishing diminishing it. And
14:27
Speaker 1: we did talk about this a little bit in our
14:28
Speaker 1: trauma episodes. How women frequently don't report sexual assault because
14:32
Speaker 1: they feel their experience was not as bad as other women's.
14:36
Speaker 1: Um it's almost the opposite of one upping. For instance,
14:40
Speaker 1: if someone who has clinical depression compares their situation and
14:44
Speaker 1: their relatively quote lighter problems to someone who doesn't have
14:47
Speaker 1: depression and is managing better despite having quote heavier problems,
14:51
Speaker 1: they might not seek help, and they might internalize that
14:54
Speaker 1: in a negative way. They might experience all sorts of
14:56
Speaker 1: negative outcomes. And many of us get our self worth
14:59
Speaker 1: and art from perceived strength and resilience, which might keep
15:04
Speaker 1: us from admitting that we need help or might make
15:07
Speaker 1: ourselves worth take a massive hit. And that's absolutely me.
15:10
Speaker 1: I want to be like I'm the strong one. I'm
15:12
Speaker 1: okay and stable. It's all good. I don't need any help. Yeah,
15:17
Speaker 1: I need a lot of help. Well, we're we're gonna
15:20
Speaker 1: get through this together. I'm the same way, and it's
15:22
Speaker 1: good to have friends that know that about you. Right.
15:25
Speaker 1: We all handle problems in different ways, and they impact
15:28
Speaker 1: us in different ways. There is no absolute scientific method
15:31
Speaker 1: for measuring emotional suffering or pain. Yes, some problems are
15:36
Speaker 1: clearly worse than the scale of things, but we all
15:38
Speaker 1: know that, and that doesn't mean we should dismiss the
15:40
Speaker 1: smaller things. Being sensitive and a where about timing is important.
15:45
Speaker 1: But yeah, I don't. I don't see any problem. It
15:49
Speaker 1: just does it. We all do it, and it's frustrating
15:53
Speaker 1: when you see someone else do it, then you do. Well,
15:56
Speaker 1: it's not as bad as that, right, But in the
15:59
Speaker 1: end there's there's plenty of space where everybody have issues
16:03
Speaker 1: and need to fix it. M oh absolutely, And for
16:06
Speaker 1: for my recent experience with my dad dying, I didn't
16:09
Speaker 1: want to burden other people, especially if I knew they
16:12
Speaker 1: were dealing with their own things, and I didn't want
16:13
Speaker 1: to ask for help and or bother or upset anybody. Um.
16:17
Speaker 1: I have a friend who used to say that by
16:19
Speaker 1: trying not to create problems by asking for help, I
16:24
Speaker 1: created my own bigger problems and needed more help. I
16:27
Speaker 1: think that that was one of the things I kept
16:29
Speaker 1: telling you. I'm like, you need to understand we want
16:31
Speaker 1: to help you. Those who really care about you want
16:33
Speaker 1: to help you, and when you don't talk to us,
16:35
Speaker 1: it makes us feel just like how you're feeling about
16:39
Speaker 1: the fact that you couldn't come to us, and we
16:40
Speaker 1: would much rather be with you than not and wonder
16:43
Speaker 1: what we could do. And that's that's one of the
16:45
Speaker 1: big things for everyone's realize. I mean, I'm talking to
16:47
Speaker 1: myself too, because in my head I grew up with
16:50
Speaker 1: and this is something we talked about with the trauma stuff,
16:52
Speaker 1: not wanting to be in people's way, or not wanting
16:55
Speaker 1: to be a burden, or not want a feeling like
16:57
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be rejected, all of those different things. But
17:00
Speaker 1: in actuality, those who love you and care for you
17:03
Speaker 1: would much rather be there with you than not know
17:06
Speaker 1: what happened and come back to, oh my gosh, what
17:08
Speaker 1: happened to you? Why couldn't have done this? And I
17:10
Speaker 1: think when we talk about like suicide, race and those
17:12
Speaker 1: who have taken their own lives, I know those who
17:14
Speaker 1: remain have that excess guilt of what could I have done.
17:18
Speaker 1: I didn't know um and not everyone, but there's this
17:22
Speaker 1: level and not that hopefully it's not on We're not
17:27
Speaker 1: gonna victim blame anybody. But the truth of the matter is,
17:30
Speaker 1: in any situation, we would rather be there for someone
17:33
Speaker 1: than to wonder what we could have done. And that
17:35
Speaker 1: goes for everything. Just someone who's going through any tragedy
17:38
Speaker 1: and it are able to be coming, able to come
17:40
Speaker 1: out of it, to be able to be hopefully, I
17:42
Speaker 1: would think in my group of friends, they want to
17:46
Speaker 1: be a help and they would love to be a
17:49
Speaker 1: part of that, and it makes and I don't know
17:52
Speaker 1: if it's karma whatever, but just insentionally like it. It
17:55
Speaker 1: helps them too. It is a part of that as well.
17:57
Speaker 1: And I think when we were talking about you would
18:01
Speaker 1: not want to tell people, you would not want to
18:02
Speaker 1: tell people who had gone through similar things I've done.
18:05
Speaker 1: I'm like, what are you doing? Like I don't want
18:09
Speaker 1: to unstend anybod I'm like, but no, this is not
18:11
Speaker 1: about them. This is about you needing help, and that's
18:14
Speaker 1: for everyone and anyone. I get that as a social worker.
18:17
Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't want to think I've gone through
18:19
Speaker 1: my own things. I can't project this onto you. But
18:22
Speaker 1: there's a difference than being in time of need and
18:25
Speaker 1: knowing who you can trust and know you can talk
18:27
Speaker 1: to and not having to worry about that. Right, yes, yes, um,
18:32
Speaker 1: And that's something I have experienced doing during this whole thing. Um,
18:38
Speaker 1: people expressing to me that they feel bad complaining about
18:40
Speaker 1: insert whatever problem here, when when you've gone through such
18:43
Speaker 1: a loss and it's kind of drying it, it's because
18:46
Speaker 1: sometimes you might have forgotten about it, or you weren't
18:48
Speaker 1: thinking about it for a second, and then it's it
18:50
Speaker 1: comes zooming back, and I totally get the instinct. I've
18:52
Speaker 1: done it too, um, But I don't see anything wrong
18:55
Speaker 1: with talking about something else right, right. And I'm not
18:59
Speaker 1: sure why. When we were researching this, I just started
19:01
Speaker 1: wondering why it's so ingrained in us to dismiss our
19:05
Speaker 1: own problems um to our own like stressors and anxieties.
19:09
Speaker 1: Why do you think that is? I think that from
19:12
Speaker 1: many females and those who identify, and especially those who
19:15
Speaker 1: are marginalized marginalized females, the idea of survival and persistence
19:19
Speaker 1: means strength in oneself and the desire to not ask
19:22
Speaker 1: for help, to be the solution and not to cause
19:25
Speaker 1: problems to not be seen, as I said earlier, a burden.
19:29
Speaker 1: There's also this whole secrecy versus a tention seeking and
19:32
Speaker 1: I think and also a major part of this is
19:35
Speaker 1: being ignored a bit um So when I talk about
19:38
Speaker 1: being a tention seeking or being secrecy, think about the
19:40
Speaker 1: Appellation family that kind of became a social They're a
19:43
Speaker 1: group in itself, and there is keep it in the
19:46
Speaker 1: family that idea, and part of it keeping in the
19:48
Speaker 1: family is not to talk to people, including therapists or
19:51
Speaker 1: anybody else about whatever situation is wrong with you. So
19:54
Speaker 1: if you're depressed, put on the happy face, don't not
19:56
Speaker 1: like anything's wrong, because you're going to bring shame uh
20:00
Speaker 1: blah blah blah to the family or whatnot. So it's
20:02
Speaker 1: supposed to be internalized and and supposed to be um
20:05
Speaker 1: quiet or the attention seekings, like if I ask for help,
20:08
Speaker 1: it looks like I'm just asking for attention, And I
20:10
Speaker 1: think there's this fear that you're that person, especially for females. Oh,
20:13
Speaker 1: she's just an attention horror type of mentality, and it's like, Mmm,
20:17
Speaker 1: can we just go ahead and push that off the table. Altogether, UM,
20:20
Speaker 1: and I think again, as I was talking about being ignored,
20:23
Speaker 1: we already talked about previously, and I know the episodes,
20:26
Speaker 1: many many episodes of not believing women, UM, doctors not
20:29
Speaker 1: believing women in general. As we stated earlier, women are
20:32
Speaker 1: misdiagnosed when it comes to depression again, up to fifty
20:35
Speaker 1: percent at the time. So that may be a problem
20:38
Speaker 1: as well if you actually do feel like there's something
20:40
Speaker 1: wrong and you just can't put a finger on it.
20:42
Speaker 1: A k A. I'm tired on this and this, but
20:45
Speaker 1: it's not necessarily if it's physical as much as mental
20:48
Speaker 1: health stuff, and it's not being believed that you're actually
20:50
Speaker 1: tired kind of personality. You know, perhaps that's one of
20:54
Speaker 1: the reasons you don't want to talk about it, because
20:55
Speaker 1: it's I'm just imagining things once again. Or we can
20:59
Speaker 1: talk about religion. I know we brought this up and
21:01
Speaker 1: the idea that the suddenalo neis to be handled through
21:04
Speaker 1: faith in prayer. I was actually told that growing up, UM,
21:07
Speaker 1: I had attempted suicide at the age of twelve, I think,
21:13
Speaker 1: And at that point in time, I think I told
21:16
Speaker 1: the story where I went to a friend of mine,
21:18
Speaker 1: my friend of mine reported to ARCTS school counselor. I
21:20
Speaker 1: had to sit down school counselor report to my family.
21:22
Speaker 1: My family put me into um a room and yelled
21:26
Speaker 1: at me about how I embarrassed them, and then how
21:30
Speaker 1: I could I not come to them into the church,
21:32
Speaker 1: and and how we have you really been praying about this?
21:35
Speaker 1: That was the question I was asked, UM, And I
21:38
Speaker 1: was going through a lot of issues, identity issues. I
21:41
Speaker 1: still am, and but this put this whole level of
21:43
Speaker 1: shame that I didn't understand growing up. UM. And because
21:47
Speaker 1: I was really really into religion up until past college years,
21:53
Speaker 1: I felt like I was failing if I was not
21:56
Speaker 1: content and happy and satisfied. And and then the whole
22:01
Speaker 1: other part with that was, um, why isn't Jesus enough
22:04
Speaker 1: for me? And please don't get me wrong once again,
22:07
Speaker 1: I think religion can be beautiful, and I think faith
22:10
Speaker 1: is beautiful, and I think people need it as a
22:12
Speaker 1: way of coping, and people believe it, and that's fantastic.
22:15
Speaker 1: But when it comes in overshadows other things such as
22:19
Speaker 1: getting medical help or get you know there's a problem,
22:22
Speaker 1: there's a problem there, and and being taught that makes
22:25
Speaker 1: you want to ignore it because you don't want to
22:27
Speaker 1: bring shame on yourself because you don't have enough faith.
22:31
Speaker 1: And then I think also there's this whole fear of
22:33
Speaker 1: being UH listed or being labeled as crazy, so going
22:39
Speaker 1: to a therapist, taking medication, going doing any of these things,
22:42
Speaker 1: if you have a mental health disorder, then you are crazy.
22:47
Speaker 1: And that's not true. I mean even now when we're
22:49
Speaker 1: talking about the shootings that have happened, and the first
22:51
Speaker 1: thing they label our mass shooters mental health issues and
22:56
Speaker 1: that's the only thing you really here as a defense
22:58
Speaker 1: mechanism uh or a defense Rather for them, it becomes
23:02
Speaker 1: this whole stigma they were crazy, you know. And don't
23:06
Speaker 1: get me wrong, I'm sure there's mental health in there.
23:07
Speaker 1: I'm sure there's a like many, many, many issues for
23:10
Speaker 1: anyone and everyone, anyone and everyone who feel like they
23:13
Speaker 1: have the right to take lives or any of that,
23:15
Speaker 1: or have the right to get something. There's some other
23:18
Speaker 1: problems we know this, But that label in itself, I
23:21
Speaker 1: think deters people with actual problems like this to not
23:25
Speaker 1: want to be labeled. And I think those are some
23:28
Speaker 1: of the things. I'm sure twenty thousand more reasons could
23:31
Speaker 1: come about UM and I know, there's tons of research.
23:33
Speaker 1: As I was reading through it, a lot of it
23:35
Speaker 1: was like, all right, yeah, you may they may deny this,
23:38
Speaker 1: this and this and this isn't this, but on the
23:41
Speaker 1: reality it is now what do you what can you do?
23:44
Speaker 1: I think that's the next part of the columns that
23:46
Speaker 1: I've seen when you read through why to how or
23:50
Speaker 1: or in um And I thought it was also fascinating
23:53
Speaker 1: that again, men there was a whole comparison to men
23:58
Speaker 1: versus women who handles what and how have they hand all?
24:00
Speaker 1: How whatever? But it's still the fact that women also
24:04
Speaker 1: may not have the time to seek out help. Again
24:08
Speaker 1: kind of going back to the caregiver's part. But when
24:10
Speaker 1: you're trying to quote unquote do it all and take
24:13
Speaker 1: care at all, take care of it all, when do
24:16
Speaker 1: you have the time? Yeah, you know, yeah, that's true.
24:19
Speaker 1: I remember I think I filled this around the podcast.
24:21
Speaker 1: Before the first time I went to therapy, the therapist
24:23
Speaker 1: said to me, I think you don't have time for
24:27
Speaker 1: therapy and it will stress you out more. And I
24:28
Speaker 1: was like, agreed because I didn't want to go. But
24:32
Speaker 1: I always thought that was kind of strange. It's it's
24:35
Speaker 1: almost like there's a level of gaslighting ourselves, like we
24:40
Speaker 1: don't We're so ready to not believe ourselves. And I
24:42
Speaker 1: do think it's interesting that we do it to our
24:44
Speaker 1: past selves too, Like what was that complaining about at eighteen?
24:47
Speaker 1: I didn't know anything, and there is some again perspective there,
24:50
Speaker 1: but we're so ready to just dismiss um. It's kind
24:54
Speaker 1: of like a reminder that hormones are changing pretty fast
24:58
Speaker 1: in those times. And so even though yes, drama queen
25:03
Speaker 1: is the term that oftentimes happened to these teenagers or whatnot,
25:07
Speaker 1: which is unfortunate, you do need to take the time
25:09
Speaker 1: to listen autely because there's a lot I think that's
25:11
Speaker 1: when I started cutting. Yeah, it was when in teenage
25:14
Speaker 1: years and it kind of became a coping mechanism. And
25:16
Speaker 1: I don't say I'm not a severe cutter, but let
25:18
Speaker 1: me put that out there. I guess we need put
25:20
Speaker 1: this on top two um. But like just the harming
25:24
Speaker 1: indoor without realizing when I'm gripping myself, you know, like
25:27
Speaker 1: in that way learned it as a teenager. So there's
25:31
Speaker 1: a lot of habits that begin there as a coping
25:33
Speaker 1: mechanism that you need to recognize and go ahead and
25:36
Speaker 1: talk to your kids or talk to the kids around
25:38
Speaker 1: you about if you see that as a concern. Yeah,
25:41
Speaker 1: it's a really volatile time. Um. For some reason, when
25:45
Speaker 1: we mentioned we were going to do this, the first
25:47
Speaker 1: thing I thought of was this Seinfeld episode where they's
25:51
Speaker 1: a coworker Elaine I think her name was Toby. She
25:54
Speaker 1: loses her pinky toe, and Elaine feels something like jealousy
25:58
Speaker 1: about the amount of sympathy and I think she gets promotion, um,
26:02
Speaker 1: which a lame thinks is because of the pinky toe,
26:06
Speaker 1: because she lost her pinky toe. And um. One of
26:10
Speaker 1: the behind the scenes like commentary and by the way,
26:14
Speaker 1: that the toe does get reattached if you're concerned. Spoiler.
26:18
Speaker 1: Sorry that didn't even come out of my head. Um,
26:25
Speaker 1: but what In the commentary, one of the writers said
26:29
Speaker 1: the inspiration for the story came from a woman working
26:32
Speaker 1: on a neighboring show who had lost her baby and
26:34
Speaker 1: allegedly or coworkers were jealous of the attention their boss
26:37
Speaker 1: gave her. Yeah. Wow, this is strange, mind blowing, Oh Seinfeld.
26:45
Speaker 1: The thing is, if none of us, all seven billion
26:49
Speaker 1: plus people on this earth, never discussed our problems because
26:52
Speaker 1: someone out there has it worse. We would never talk
26:55
Speaker 1: about the things that bother us, all of us, but
26:57
Speaker 1: one person who drew the most terrible, terrible straws. We
27:02
Speaker 1: wouldn't be able to have open and honest conversations about
27:05
Speaker 1: what was going on in our lives. I wonder who
27:07
Speaker 1: that persone would be, goodness, I don't even want Yeah, no, no, no, no.
27:14
Speaker 1: And this is actually important in the context of policy, like, um,
27:18
Speaker 1: sure the US has internet censorship, but China has it worse.
27:21
Speaker 1: Like I've heard that, um, which is true, but it
27:24
Speaker 1: doesn't mean we don't have a problem, right or Americans
27:28
Speaker 1: men's rights activistsy point to women in other countries who
27:32
Speaker 1: deal with more sexism. So what are you complaining about, ladies?
27:36
Speaker 1: So we see this on bigger, like a larger scale.
27:39
Speaker 1: And then there's the when I was your age thing
27:42
Speaker 1: stopped complaining. Um. But yeah, kind of getting away from
27:45
Speaker 1: the original point. No, but you're right, I think, Um,
27:47
Speaker 1: that's exactly kind of where I started thinking about this
27:51
Speaker 1: whole idea. UM. I had a conversation with one of
27:54
Speaker 1: my good friends recently where she felt her crashing point
27:57
Speaker 1: was silly and ridiculous. Reason Um, even to the point
28:00
Speaker 1: that her parents asked if something else happened that triggered
28:03
Speaker 1: all of these issues and she felt so weak and
28:06
Speaker 1: that that she just couldn't understand why she, as an
28:08
Speaker 1: individual who has a great job and has a good
28:10
Speaker 1: family at home and everything seemed to be okay, why
28:14
Speaker 1: she felt like this and why she was being like this.
28:16
Speaker 1: And the truth of that is it is not necessarily
28:18
Speaker 1: the issue in itself, but it's what the depression is
28:22
Speaker 1: hanging itself on. That's the statement that I wanted to
28:25
Speaker 1: make sure was said and heart that I know this
28:28
Speaker 1: sounds very self help ish. Depression in itself is its
28:32
Speaker 1: own monster, and sometimes we can't explain why it's there.
28:35
Speaker 1: It makes sense with like death or loss in tragedy,
28:39
Speaker 1: but outside of that, the monster will use whatever weakness
28:42
Speaker 1: it may find in an individual to bring them down.
28:45
Speaker 1: And that's kind of the reminder. Depression exists and haunt
28:48
Speaker 1: some of us all the time, at all times, and
28:50
Speaker 1: that's just how it is, how it's going to be
28:52
Speaker 1: forever um And then that for some it's situational or again,
28:57
Speaker 1: as we talked about, a typical these things happens. You
29:00
Speaker 1: may just be a sad person in yourself. I think
29:03
Speaker 1: I'm more sad and cynical than anything else. Um, and
29:06
Speaker 1: I have to pretend and play happy and bubbly when
29:10
Speaker 1: I have to play that role, and I can go,
29:11
Speaker 1: I can get it. But typically I just wanted to
29:13
Speaker 1: be at a house and just silently stare at the
29:15
Speaker 1: screen and hug my dog. Just the whole idea of
29:19
Speaker 1: shaking it off or just letting it go, it's not
29:21
Speaker 1: a reasonable option. Just like any element, there's not always
29:25
Speaker 1: a cure. And I think you need to be remember
29:29
Speaker 1: every day can be different. So one day is gonna
29:31
Speaker 1: be rough, next day may be okay, the next day
29:33
Speaker 1: may be All of these things happen, and we have
29:36
Speaker 1: flare ups, and sometimes it's a great day, and sometimes
29:39
Speaker 1: it's an awful day. And sometimes you don't have a
29:41
Speaker 1: flare up, but you have a flare up every day,
29:44
Speaker 1: or you don't have one for months at a time.
29:47
Speaker 1: And I think that's the reminder that I want to
29:48
Speaker 1: talk about, is because we beat ourselves up so often
29:53
Speaker 1: because of A, B, C, and D. And it can
29:58
Speaker 1: be as easy as someone who has gone through hell
30:01
Speaker 1: and back coming back and saying I've been blessed because
30:03
Speaker 1: I'm here and ignoring that tragedy kind of like thor yeah,
30:08
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. You know I did that
30:12
Speaker 1: for you. I brought that, I brought that back for you. Um,
30:14
Speaker 1: the idea that you know, oh yes, I lost all
30:16
Speaker 1: of these people, I've lost my pretty much planet planet,
30:22
Speaker 1: he lost all of this stuff, but but I'm still here.
30:26
Speaker 1: It's okay, and I'm gonna keep fighting for another day.
30:28
Speaker 1: And what happened he became a gluten alcoholic. It's okay.
30:32
Speaker 1: The idea that you can find any reason to say
30:35
Speaker 1: I'm doing this wrong or I shouldn't be doing this.
30:38
Speaker 1: But those are the time so that when you start
30:39
Speaker 1: ignoring things, bigger issues happen. And I think for me,
30:43
Speaker 1: the idea trying to hold it together and then you
30:47
Speaker 1: fall apart and you see only one solution, which is
30:50
Speaker 1: by the way, sometimes haunts you as a person who
30:53
Speaker 1: have suicidal tendicities at times, and I have to check myself. Um,
30:59
Speaker 1: it's always kind of there and and this is super serious,
31:03
Speaker 1: and I apologize. I know this is one of those
31:06
Speaker 1: things that I'm like, I think it's necessary. It's always lingering.
31:10
Speaker 1: So having a breaking point, even though you have to
31:12
Speaker 1: remind yourself and hopefully you're in a good meddle state
31:15
Speaker 1: to say tomorrow will be different. Things do change, it
31:18
Speaker 1: will not always be like this at that moment. You
31:21
Speaker 1: may not remember that, you know what I mean, And
31:24
Speaker 1: I think I just it needs to be a reminder
31:27
Speaker 1: that depression is an entity in itself, and it's not
31:31
Speaker 1: just because it's not necessarily just because something is happening,
31:35
Speaker 1: and so you need to be careful and be able
31:37
Speaker 1: to talk and have your support system and be able
31:39
Speaker 1: to do all these things, which we're gonna talk about
31:41
Speaker 1: more later, but I did want to bring that out
31:43
Speaker 1: that it is a thing. Depression is a thing. It
31:46
Speaker 1: is a categorical thing that is not necessarily seen, but
31:49
Speaker 1: definitely felt and definitely there in existence on its own.
31:53
Speaker 1: It's like you, you come in with the m CU
31:56
Speaker 1: reference and then I come in with the Harry Potter
31:57
Speaker 1: and yeah, it's just yes, and it clings to everything,
32:03
Speaker 1: negativity of your life, everything. Alright, alright, I love how
32:09
Speaker 1: our positivity episodes are always a bummer. But we do
32:13
Speaker 1: have some advice for you. But first we have one
32:16
Speaker 1: more quick break for word from our sponsor, and we're back.
32:33
Speaker 1: Thank you sponsor. Okay, so, advice. Yeah, yeah, I think
32:39
Speaker 1: that's this is so the beginning. The first part for
32:42
Speaker 1: us is to define it and let you know so
32:44
Speaker 1: you can recognize it. Sometimes having a title. It's nice
32:47
Speaker 1: about being able to name it's very right. So that's
32:52
Speaker 1: why we came at the beginning and reinforcing the fact
32:55
Speaker 1: that just because not everything is falling apart doesn't mean
32:58
Speaker 1: you may not be feeling that. So now come back with, hey,
33:01
Speaker 1: here's some things maybe could be helpful. And I hope
33:04
Speaker 1: that you know that you're not by yourself, right, because
33:08
Speaker 1: this advice is actually primarily for other people in your life.
33:13
Speaker 1: So if you're going through something, um, if you're in
33:16
Speaker 1: the midst of a trauma, grief, or some other massive loss, um,
33:21
Speaker 1: this is more for the other people because it's it's
33:24
Speaker 1: hard when we detect stress and people that we care
33:26
Speaker 1: about because we often feel it too, and we want
33:28
Speaker 1: to fix it, and it cannot necessarily be fixed, and
33:32
Speaker 1: sometimes it can't even be made better um. And it
33:34
Speaker 1: makes you feel powerless and useless, and no one likes
33:38
Speaker 1: those things. It makes you face the randomness of life
33:42
Speaker 1: and your own lack of control, and that's why we
33:44
Speaker 1: feel so uncomfortable and an adequate or are a lot
33:48
Speaker 1: of us feel that way, I would imagine. I think
33:50
Speaker 1: it also makes you feel incomplete. Um, you don't feel
33:54
Speaker 1: whole anymore. And when you lose a loss of self,
33:56
Speaker 1: a loss of a bit of who you wish you are,
33:58
Speaker 1: who you once were, there the whole identity crisis in that,
34:03
Speaker 1: so that that people need to recognize that even though
34:06
Speaker 1: you're like, but what about but there's still that whole
34:09
Speaker 1: trying to piece it back together. So you have to
34:11
Speaker 1: be careful in dismissing all of those things from other individuals.
34:17
Speaker 1: And if you feel like you don't know what to
34:20
Speaker 1: say or do, don't let that stop you from reaching out.
34:23
Speaker 1: I everyone, almost everyone feels that way, right And this
34:26
Speaker 1: is one of those moments where you just come in
34:28
Speaker 1: and say what do you need? It's okay to ask
34:32
Speaker 1: and they may not give you a straight answer, but
34:34
Speaker 1: sometimes that non answer helps too, And I think that's
34:36
Speaker 1: the best way you can do it. Just come in
34:37
Speaker 1: and say, I don't know how you're feeling, I don't
34:40
Speaker 1: know how you handle, and I don't know what your
34:42
Speaker 1: coping mechanism is, but what is it? Let me see
34:44
Speaker 1: if I can help you? What what do you need
34:46
Speaker 1: from me right now? What can't I do? And listening
34:50
Speaker 1: is always a good one. Don't avoid the subjects if
34:53
Speaker 1: it comes up. UM, don't force someone to talk about
34:56
Speaker 1: it either. Get comfortable with silence. Get prepared, be prepared
35:01
Speaker 1: to witness pain and having no solution for it. UM,
35:05
Speaker 1: And don't really try to offer one because again they're
35:08
Speaker 1: not necessarily You can give like tomorrow will be better.
35:12
Speaker 1: You can do things like that. And I say this
35:15
Speaker 1: as someone who's in the midst of grief. Grieving folks
35:18
Speaker 1: can be a little weird, UM, and they're all different,
35:21
Speaker 1: so you might feel unappreciated because the other person doesn't
35:24
Speaker 1: have the energy to contribute to the relationship in the
35:27
Speaker 1: same way. UM. I feel like I was just kind
35:30
Speaker 1: of wandering around aimlessly and I would just forget. I'd
35:33
Speaker 1: be in the middle of a conversation, I would just forget. UM.
35:38
Speaker 1: Be prepared for stuff like that. UM. Maybe don't say
35:42
Speaker 1: things like it's God's plan, she or he is in
35:45
Speaker 1: a better place. You need to move on, like at
35:46
Speaker 1: all you have to be grateful for you should do
35:48
Speaker 1: whatever is her here. They've lived a long life. Things
35:52
Speaker 1: like that. UM. Also, maybe don't tag posts with deceased
35:56
Speaker 1: on Facebook or XES or something like that. Right, it's
35:59
Speaker 1: it's you need to be very careful. You need to
36:01
Speaker 1: get permission. One. This is not necessarily about you, And
36:05
Speaker 1: I say that of course if they are your significant
36:07
Speaker 1: other and do what you need to do to grief
36:09
Speaker 1: and such. Um. But if you're a friend of a
36:13
Speaker 1: friend who you did like them, be careful. Yeah, I
36:17
Speaker 1: would also say, um. With all of these things, validate
36:21
Speaker 1: the feelings of an individual. So instead of saying God
36:25
Speaker 1: has a plan for you, just listen and just say,
36:28
Speaker 1: oh my god, you know, so, how are you feeling?
36:30
Speaker 1: What do you What do you feel about this? Okay,
36:32
Speaker 1: again coming back with what can I do? Whatever, We're
36:34
Speaker 1: just sitting with them and ask how are you feeling
36:37
Speaker 1: about this? And then listen. Because if maybe that person
36:43
Speaker 1: is religious and they say, yeah, I appreciate the time
36:46
Speaker 1: and they're in a great better place, celebrate that with them.
36:49
Speaker 1: That's fantastic. Go ahead and with that. But again, not
36:52
Speaker 1: everyone grieves this way either. And that's the same thing
36:56
Speaker 1: for anyone who's going through depression and it has no
36:58
Speaker 1: trauma or tragedy in it, there's no reason they have
37:02
Speaker 1: to have a reason, just ask what can I do again? Listen,
37:06
Speaker 1: sit and listen. Of course, it's always nice to hear
37:09
Speaker 1: you love them. Yes, I'm sure they'll take that in
37:12
Speaker 1: anyway because I would love that being appreciated. It is
37:14
Speaker 1: always always nice. Absolutely um checkens Chickens are great for
37:20
Speaker 1: the long haul too, especially on big days if we're
37:22
Speaker 1: talking about something like all days, anniversary's birthdays. I found
37:26
Speaker 1: this quote grief last longer than sympathy. Uh And in
37:29
Speaker 1: those first weeks months, people usually don't know what they want,
37:32
Speaker 1: our need. So by the time they've figured it out,
37:35
Speaker 1: people have stopped asking a lot of times. And I
37:37
Speaker 1: can tell you I am afraid, like I'll wake up
37:39
Speaker 1: at night. I'm like one day people check it off.
37:44
Speaker 1: So very important, very important. Well, and with that, I
37:48
Speaker 1: would add, it's not about you. So just because you're uncomfortable, sorry,
37:55
Speaker 1: you need to deal with it now. Of course it
37:56
Speaker 1: is something because you have PTSD and you have trauma.
37:58
Speaker 1: Of course, take care of yourself and look look to
38:01
Speaker 1: yourself and see what you need to do is well.
38:03
Speaker 1: But if you're someone that has good friends, you should
38:06
Speaker 1: also be a good friend and not everyone and everyone's
38:09
Speaker 1: going to experience something sometimes right, and some things may
38:13
Speaker 1: be uncomfortable, and I think I dealt with that with
38:15
Speaker 1: my own PTSC triggers and sexual assault stuff. And and
38:18
Speaker 1: of course obviously we're gonna hear we're hearing so much now,
38:23
Speaker 1: so many things today. But one of the things that
38:26
Speaker 1: shut me down real hard with a couple of friends
38:27
Speaker 1: of mine is just them dismissing me or be saying
38:30
Speaker 1: there uncomfortable or saying that I'm being inappropriate when it's
38:34
Speaker 1: my own experience. You don't, please don't be that people.
38:38
Speaker 1: Please don't because I'm sorry it makes you feel bad
38:41
Speaker 1: because you've never dealt with that, But you need to
38:44
Speaker 1: take the time to think what can I do to help,
38:46
Speaker 1: and not oh my god, how do I avoid this? Right? Um?
38:51
Speaker 1: And one that you've been a good piece of advice
38:54
Speaker 1: that you brought up a couple of times is offer
38:56
Speaker 1: practical helpful things like getting groceries, food, taking care of air, ends,
39:00
Speaker 1: covering something at work. And yeah, don't depend on the
39:03
Speaker 1: person to call you because they probably won't offer concrete
39:06
Speaker 1: things with times, and make sure to ask. Things become
39:10
Speaker 1: very precious in grief. Um. Something might look like trash
39:14
Speaker 1: or laundry to be washed, but it might be a
39:15
Speaker 1: precious item of the dead or an x UM. Be
39:19
Speaker 1: sure to check also for the long haul, your help
39:22
Speaker 1: might be even more valuable later. Run interference. Yes, that
39:28
Speaker 1: was so nice. When someone is going through something, everyone
39:31
Speaker 1: wants to help and it's well intentioned but exhausting, So
39:34
Speaker 1: having someone there to be like the gatekeeper is really helpful. Um. Yeah,
39:39
Speaker 1: I understand what this can look like, what grief can
39:42
Speaker 1: look like, what depression can look like, and then it
39:44
Speaker 1: can look different for everybody, and that it does involve
39:46
Speaker 1: a lot of extremes. Um. And when you are going
39:50
Speaker 1: through something that's situational something A lot of things I
39:53
Speaker 1: read said to watch out for signs of depression. In
39:55
Speaker 1: the long term, they don't go away. I also learned
39:58
Speaker 1: that apparently recovery day eighteen twenty four months on average.
40:02
Speaker 1: What I swear this was Samantha's suggestion. And I feel
40:06
Speaker 1: like it's very selfish because I'm like, an, he needs
40:09
Speaker 1: all of this health right now, please check check in
40:12
Speaker 1: on her. But it was your idea. It was this
40:14
Speaker 1: is my idea. UM. And take care of yourself too, Yeah,
40:19
Speaker 1: don't lose sight of your own your own needs. UM.
40:24
Speaker 1: Not doing so you can't be there for other people
40:27
Speaker 1: in your life. Um, and there's I found this really
40:31
Speaker 1: cool thing called the Ring Theory about the circles of
40:35
Speaker 1: comfort from Susan Silkinberry Goldman. It was article from the
40:39
Speaker 1: l A Times, but it just shows how like you
40:44
Speaker 1: need to even if somebody is going through something terrible
40:49
Speaker 1: and you can, you've got to take care of them.
40:51
Speaker 1: But then you've got to find something else to take
40:53
Speaker 1: care of you. And I think I'm going to come
40:56
Speaker 1: back with as we're talking about people who are struggling
40:58
Speaker 1: through depression and just any level of depression, whether it's
41:02
Speaker 1: situational worship, whether it's atypical, whether it's postpartum, whether it's
41:06
Speaker 1: um major depressive disorder. As I said, I think you
41:09
Speaker 1: have to be able to recognize other people need you,
41:13
Speaker 1: and sometimes those are the strongest, they're the ones that
41:16
Speaker 1: needs you the most. And I think that's kind of
41:19
Speaker 1: been one of those selfish things for me as well,
41:22
Speaker 1: because I do this as a living a social worker
41:25
Speaker 1: and um, my coworker. She is the strength of her family.
41:31
Speaker 1: I am. I'm in awe of all the things she
41:33
Speaker 1: does and and she needs to be checked up on
41:36
Speaker 1: and I know for her if she listens to this UM,
41:41
Speaker 1: she is willing to take the help, but doesn't ask
41:45
Speaker 1: for it. She tries to distance herself. But it's hard
41:47
Speaker 1: when it's maybe family, or when maybe it's just your
41:50
Speaker 1: job and you have to deal with it. If you're
41:52
Speaker 1: struggling with emotion or lack of relationship, or because of
41:56
Speaker 1: a relationship, these are so many things. Those who seem
41:58
Speaker 1: to be the strongest that do all these things, make
42:01
Speaker 1: sure you're checking in on them, because there's also the
42:04
Speaker 1: same people who need that help, and sometimes you never
42:06
Speaker 1: know what's happening with our lives. They may be the loud,
42:09
Speaker 1: genuinely kind, you know, bubbly people, but there's so many
42:12
Speaker 1: things that they're struggling with that you don't see. The
42:14
Speaker 1: same thing with anybody you know actually has depression and
42:19
Speaker 1: you just don't see them for a while. Check in,
42:21
Speaker 1: please check in UM for those of you who are
42:24
Speaker 1: struggling and you see the signs for yourself. You know
42:27
Speaker 1: your body, that's the good news. Listen to your body.
42:31
Speaker 1: Listen to your body when you know that you need
42:33
Speaker 1: some help. Listen to your body when you know that
42:36
Speaker 1: there's something not quite right and we're not talking once again,
42:38
Speaker 1: not necessarily about situational things, but just things that are
42:42
Speaker 1: happening internally that you don't realize is happening. Um Again,
42:46
Speaker 1: we're talking about what's happening today with all of the
42:50
Speaker 1: sad videos and all of the things that are happening
42:53
Speaker 1: around our country, all of the things that we're having
42:55
Speaker 1: to continue to fight about. Recognize that you may be
42:59
Speaker 1: taking on more than you know, especially those who have
43:01
Speaker 1: higher levels of empathy. You're taking on a lot more
43:04
Speaker 1: than you know. Those who have high levels of anxiety,
43:07
Speaker 1: and jobs such as nonprofit jobs that go and work
43:11
Speaker 1: in a really high stress area. UM. Some of law
43:14
Speaker 1: enforcements as well as emergency responders, all of those people
43:18
Speaker 1: they really need to be checked up on as well.
43:21
Speaker 1: We talked about nine one one operators. That's someone that
43:24
Speaker 1: doesn't get talked to a lot. You're talking about teachers
43:27
Speaker 1: who are coming in that you may not understand what's
43:29
Speaker 1: happening in their lives right now, but be aware, be
43:32
Speaker 1: aware of what's around you as well as again, listen
43:34
Speaker 1: to your own body. This is a really rough time.
43:39
Speaker 1: We're upbeat on the show. We are, but the good
43:42
Speaker 1: news is on top of that that it is being
43:44
Speaker 1: more accepted. There are things out there that you can
43:47
Speaker 1: do UM just going and beyond you know, just therapy,
43:50
Speaker 1: which is costly and very privileged UM abilities. There's a
43:54
Speaker 1: lot of organizations out there we talked about previously that
43:57
Speaker 1: help funding fund for therapy as well as there's organizations
44:00
Speaker 1: that work with young children who have lost family members
44:03
Speaker 1: or parents. You have organizations that work with that's with
44:07
Speaker 1: the doggies, service dogs. Oh my goodness, y'all service animals.
44:11
Speaker 1: That's with doggies. But I just saw a video about this.
44:13
Speaker 1: It was fantastic. UM. But all these things and there
44:16
Speaker 1: are resources out there. Get your good turn off your
44:19
Speaker 1: brain movies, find those find those times with your good
44:22
Speaker 1: friends when you're sitting and doing nothing inventing about whatever.
44:25
Speaker 1: You need to find the times to be with your
44:27
Speaker 1: family that if you have a good relationship, just get
44:30
Speaker 1: a good hug. It's nice to have a nice hug.
44:34
Speaker 1: I have some really good friends that are really good huggers,
44:38
Speaker 1: like I will personally like seek the belt, like I
44:40
Speaker 1: need a hug right now. And that's just a few
44:42
Speaker 1: people who just I think, squitch you really well. But
44:44
Speaker 1: just stuff like that. There are things accessible and just
44:48
Speaker 1: being kind and to yourself into another. I think that's important.
44:52
Speaker 1: I'm done now be kind kind Um. Yeah. I think
44:56
Speaker 1: this brings us to the end of our episode on
44:59
Speaker 1: Men's Little Positivity. Uh yeah. For anyone out there who's
45:03
Speaker 1: listening and this is something that resonates with them, I
45:07
Speaker 1: just know that you are not alone. You're not alone, Nope,
45:09
Speaker 1: and you are loved. You are um and we would
45:12
Speaker 1: love to hear from you. Oh yes, we would love
45:15
Speaker 1: to be loved. Yes we would. You can email us
45:18
Speaker 1: at Stuff Media, mom Stuff at iHeart media dot com.
45:21
Speaker 1: You can find us on Twitter at mom Stuff Podcast
45:24
Speaker 1: or on Instagram at stuff I've Never Told You. Thanks
45:27
Speaker 1: as always to our superproducer Andrew Howard. Andrew, we love YouTube,
45:31
Speaker 1: and thanks to you for listening Stuff I've Never Told You.
45:34
Speaker 1: His prediction of Iheartradios how stuff works. For more podcasts
45:36
Speaker 1: from iHeartRadio is the ihar radio app, Apple podcast, or
45:39
Speaker 1: wherever you listen to your favorite shows.