Latest / The Nadia Chapman Show / The Cost of Dreams: Navigating Finances, Guilt & Growth in Figure Skating

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The Cost of Dreams: Navigating Finances, Guilt & Growth in Figure Skating · The Nadia Chapman Show

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  Hey everyone, it's Nadia. Welcome back to the Nadia Chapman Show,
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  the figure skaters edition.
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  Ooh, today, today, today, today's episode is going to be an interesting one.
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  We're diving into something that every skating family feels,
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  but a few talk about this openly. It is, drumroll, the cost of dreams.
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  Figure skating is beautiful. It's inspiring. It's life-shaping.
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  It's also extremely expensive.
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  Ice time, lessons, travel, dresses, choreographies, coaching fees,
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  competition fees, it all, I mean, skates, blades, there's so many.
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  It all adds up, as you know. And behind every talented skater is a parent or
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  a family making many, many sacrifices most people will never see.
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  But the real conversation today isn't just about money. It's about the emotional
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  weight that comes with it.
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  The guilt, the pressure, maybe the resentment that you can quietly feel building
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  beneath the surface if we don't acknowledge it once in a while and handle it with care.
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  Today, we're going to be talking about how to navigate all of that with awareness.
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  Lots of love always, and balance, so the pursuit of a dream doesn't come at
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  a cost of peace, connection, or joy for you and your family.
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  Let's start by naming what's real, shall we?
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  Skating families often live in a delicate dance between devotion and depletion, and
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  Parents give so much, there's so much time involved and energy,
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  finances and weekends away and vacations or sabotage.
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  And even sometimes part of our
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  own identity as parents can be affected for the sake of a child's dream.
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  And the skaters, even when they're very grateful, often feel that pressure deep
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  down. And let's be real for a second.
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  Figure skating is not just emotionally demanding, it's financially demanding
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  too. According to the U.S.
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  Figure Skating and the Aspen Institute's Project Play, the average cost for
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  a competitive skater can range anywhere from $10,000 to $50,000 a year.
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  And maybe you spend even more than that.
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  Obviously, depending on the level, the location, and how much travel,
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  choreographies, you know, everything that's involved.
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  It's a huge commitment. And when you're putting that kind of money into a sport,
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  into something, it's totally normal to have this moment where you're thinking, is this worth it?
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  Or what if it doesn't lead anywhere? But here's the thing I want you to hear,
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  and I want you to trust me when I say this.
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  Research show that kids involved in goal-oriented long-term sports like figure
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  skating develop stronger self-discipline, emotional regulation,
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  time management skills than their peers.
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  They also tend to report higher in self-confidence and better academic performance.
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  So if you zoom out for a second, you start to realize this isn't just about
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  financial expenses. It's character building.
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  You're literally investing not only on your child's physical health,
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  but you're investing in their mindset and their resilience and their identity.
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  So the lessons that they're learning right now will serve them for a lifetime.
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  Ask me, ask anybody who grew up skating.
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  The lessons they're learning will last long after they hang up the skates.
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  Now, practically speaking, this is where I encourage families to build what
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  I call a family vision budget.
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  So not just a guilt budget, but a vision budget.
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  So instead of tracking every single cost, every expenses with stress.
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  Link that spending with your shared value, soul, growth, discipline,
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  joy, and talk about it openly with your skater.
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  Seriously, let them see that this dream is a conscious family choice,
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  that everybody's involved, a shared journey, not just a silent sacrifice.
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  We're all going to benefit from this. That kind of transparency that you can
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  have just by communicating with your skater builds gratitude instead of guilt.
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  And don't forget to balance, guys. You need to protect your financial and emotional
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  energy the same way that you protect your child's physical health.
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  Boundaries don't limit the dream. They sustain it.
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  And I know some amazing families that are doing things right.
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  And I know some families that are not doing things right.
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  But when a family is grounded in peace, every single dollar,
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  every hour at the ring, every weekend away from home, every 5 a.m.
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  Drive, stop feeling like pressure and start feeling like partnership because
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  that's what it is at the end.
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  And I'm not here to tell you how to raise your kid, obviously.
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  Some things that work for us might not work for you and vice versa.
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  But you need to make sure that the thought that the child will have about like,
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  well, this costs a lot of money, so I better make it worth it.
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  That thought, even when never say out loud, can quietly become a sense of owing
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  to the parents instead of just receiving.
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  So there's a fine line there. And that's the guilt that kind of creeps in from both sides, really.
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  The parents might think, am I doing enough?
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  Can we really afford this? Or what if this doesn't even pay off?
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  And then the skater might think, I have to make them proud. They're giving me
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  so much. I can't let them down.
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  And before you know it, if things are not balanced and there's no communication,
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  something that started from love becomes tangled with pressure,
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  guilt, and exhaustion. So first...
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  Let's take a deep breath because none of this means anyone is doing anything wrong.
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  It means that we are human, that we care, and that we are all emotionally invested
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  in this. And that's really a beautiful thing.
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  But awareness is what prevents love from turning into resentment.
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  We don't want to feel resentment. And here's a truth about sacrifices.
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  Here's a perspective that I often share when I talk to parents.
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  There's a difference between sacrifice and resentment.
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  And the sacrifice says, I'm choosing this consciously because it aligns with my values.
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  And resentment says, I'm giving more than I can sustain. And I feel unseen.
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  They're very different.
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  The first one comes from empowerment and the second one from depletion.
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  Sacrifice become resentment when we start losing the connection to choice.
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  So one of the healthiest thing that you can do as parents or supporter is to
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  reclaim that sense of choice and remind yourself, I'm choosing to invest in this dream, right?
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  I'm choosing. And it's a privilege to support it and to give yourself that permission
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  to create boundaries and balance so you can sustain that love over the long term.
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  What you need to do is change your perspective. You need to have a perspective
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  shift. Investment versus transaction.
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  When we view skating purely as a financial transaction, like we're paying,
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  so there must be a return, it creates invisible pressure on the child.
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  But when you view it as an investment, investment in growth,
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  in discipline, in joy, in becoming a great athlete, it changes everything.
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  Your child might not become a world champion, but they will become resilient.
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  They'll become focused.
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  They'll learn how to concentrate, how to fall and get up. They'll become emotionally
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  intelligent. That is huge.
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  I remember when my daughter was little and she was learning little wall jumps.
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  And I told myself, oh my God, if she really falls in love with skating,
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  she's going to learn so much more than just jumps and spins.
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  Skating is the school of life.
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  They'll learn how to work hard, how to handle pressure, how to set goals, how to persevere.
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  Lessons that compound over a lifetime.
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  That's your investment, parents. So instead of asking, oh, is it worth it?
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  Ask yourself, what are we all learning through this?
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  How is this experience shaping your character as a family, right?
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  And that's where peace lives, okay? And remembering that your return on investment
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  as a skating parent isn't always in medals.
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  It's in who your child becomes and who you become along the way.
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  What a beautiful journey. Let's talk about the parent side for a second.
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  You, parent, I know, carry a lot. Logistics, finance, emotions, expectations.
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  Some of you move out of state for your child's skating. That's crazy.
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  I get it. I understand. I'm not judging.
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  Sometimes you're the cheerleader, the chauffeur, the chef, the financial planner,
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  all at once. And here's a few mindset tools that I recommend for you.
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  I'm going to give you three of my favorite ones.
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  My first one is check in with your own energy, not just with your bank account.
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  So ask yourself on a regular basis, can I sustain this space mentally and emotionally?
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  If the answer is no, you need to pause, reevaluate, and reset.
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  My second one is open communication over silent worry. And this means if finances
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  feel tight, don't carry it in silence.
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  Okay, so create an age-appropriate conversation, maybe about choices, trade-offs.
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  It's okay for your skater to understand that this dream requires effort from
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  everyone, not just her or him on the ice.
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  And number three, celebrate contribution and not comparison.
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  So your family's journey doesn't need to look like everyone else's.
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  Whether you're training five days a
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  week or two giving what you can with love is
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  truly enough okay remember that your child's worth is not measured in points
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  and middles and placements neither is yours all right if you are a skater and
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  you're listening I know sometimes it feels like there's this invisible pressure kind of hanging over you.
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  You see all the sacrifices your parents are doing and your siblings.
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  Maybe your siblings are stuck at home when you're on the road with your mom or your dad.
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  And maybe you overhear conversations and budgeting and you sense tension.
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  I hope it's not the case, but maybe it is. So here's the truth.
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  Your parents don't want you to feel guilty. They want you to feel grateful and responsible.
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  That was always my intent, raising a daughter who's a figure skater.
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  And there's a big difference between guilt and gratitude.
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  And guilt says, oh, I owe them. You know, they're doing so much for me. I owe them.
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  And gratitude says, I appreciate all they do. I appreciate them and I'm going to do my best.
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  So your job isn't to repay your parents. Your job is to grow,
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  is to work hard, is to give your best effort and to remember that this journey
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  is a huge gift, but it's not a burden.
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  And the best way to honor your parents' sacrifices is by showing up with passion,
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  respect, and self-awareness.
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  Okay? Not perfection.
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  You shouldn't be expected to be perfect out there.
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  And I'm going to tell you, most of the emotional tension in skating families
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  come from one thing, and it's unspoken expectations.
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  So let's make them spoken.
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  All right? Capiche? Parents, share your values, and skaters,
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  share your feelings. It's that easy.
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  Have honest conversations all the time. When communication is open,
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  resentment has no place to grow.
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  Before I wrap this up, I'm going to give you a few grounding reminders,
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  both for you, parents and skaters, that this dream is a shared experience.
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  Your progress is emotional as much as it is technical.
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  And you'll realize that, maybe not now, but as you grow into an adult,
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  as you move through life,
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  you'll realize that your progress and everything that you did on the ice was
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  more than just learning technical skills.
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  Balance keeps passion alive.
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  And peace in a home matters more than perfection on the ice.
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  Always. When you prioritize your emotional balance, you create this really nurturing
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  environment where everyone can thrive, where the rink becomes a place of learning, of love,
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  not tension or tallying sacrifices that your parents are doing.
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  If you ever catch yourself thinking, oh my God, this is too much,
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  or no one appreciates how much I give, you need to pause before guilt takes over.
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  Resentment is a signal. It's not a flaw.
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  So if you feel that way, perhaps it's your system's way of saying,
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  you know what? I need a rest.
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  I need clarity or appreciation. So it's not a sign that you're failing.
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  It's a sign that you're human. We're all human. So instead of pushing through
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  it, just acknowledge it, talk about it, and adjust things.
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  Dreams are not meant to break you. They're meant to expend you.
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  And that expansion will require you to rest sometimes and totally recalibrate everything.
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  So give yourself a little bit of self-compassion, okay?
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  Skating is amazing. Skating is beautiful. But at the end of the day, every dream has a cost.
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  It has a cost of time, of energy, of money, of emotion.
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  But when the cost is paid with awareness and love and gratitude,
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  it becomes an investment in who we are becoming, who your skater is becoming,
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  and you, who you are becoming in their journey.
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  So whether you are a parent or a skater, take a moment right now and ask yourself,
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  how can I pursue this dream with peace instead of pressure?
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  Thank you so much for showing up with heart, courage, and honesty for yourself and your skater.
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  And remember that you're not just funding
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  a sport you're fueling a life you're building an incredible person with so many
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  tools they will use forever i always say it i wouldn't be the person that i
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  am today if it was not for figure skating go figure so.