Latest / Sober Readings / Emotional Balance
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- Scott Hayes: Good morning and welcome back to Sober Readings. My name is Scott. I am glad you are here with me today. It is Saturday, the 5th of September. Let's get started today with the Serenity Prayer. God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, courage to change the things we can, and wisdom to know the difference. Today's reading from Daily Reflections made direct amends to such people wherever possible. And that's from page 83 of Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. When I survey my drinking days, I recall many people whom my life touched casually, but whose days I troubled through my anger and sarcasm. These people are untraceable, and direct amends to them are not possible. The only amends I can make to those untraceable individuals, the only changes for the better I can offer, are indirect amends made to other people. Whose paths briefly cross mine. Courtesy and kindness regularly practiced help me to live in emotional balance at peace with myself. Today's reading from 24 Hours a Day. September 5, AA Thought for the Day. One of the mottos of AA is First Things First. This means that we should always keep in mind that alcohol is our number one problem. We must never let any other problem, whether of family, business, friends, or anything else, take precedence in our minds over our alcoholic problems. As we go along in AA, we learn to recognize the things that may upset us emotionally. When we find ourselves getting upset over something, we must realize that it's a luxury we alcoholics can't afford. Anything that makes us forget our number one problem is dangerous to us. So ask yourself today, am I keeping sobriety in first place in my mind? The meditation for the day. Spiritual progress is the law of your being. Try to see around you more and more of beauty and truth, knowledge and power. Today try to be stronger, braver, more loving as a result of what you did yesterday. This law of spiritual progress gives meaning and purpose to your life. Always expect better things ahead. You can accomplish much good through the strength of God's Spirit in you. Never be too discouraged. The world is sure to get better in spite of setbacks of war, hate, and greed. Be part of the cure of the world's ills rather than part of the disease. And today's prayer for the day. I pray that I may keep progressing in the better life. I pray that I may be a part of the forces for good in the world. And for today's final reading, since the first two readings out of Daily Reflections and 24 Hours a Day both dealt with emotions, I thought I'd read a chapter out of Living Sober, and this is chapter 24, and it's titled Steering Clear of Emotional Entanglements. Falling in love with your doctor or nurse or a fellow patient is an old romantic story. Recovering alcoholics are susceptible to the same fever. In fact, alcoholism does not seem to bring immunity from any known human condition. Sorrow is born in the hasty heart, an old saw goes. Other troubles, including an alcoholic bout, can be too. During our days of bottles, cans and glasses, many of us spent a lot of time concerned about intimate personal ties. Whether we wanted temporary partnerships or a long term meaningful relationship, we were often putting up Preoccupied with our deep involvement or non involvement with other people. A great many of us blamed our drinking on lack of affection, saw ourselves as constantly in search of love, drinking as we prowled from bar to party. Others of us apparently had all the emotional ties we needed or wanted, but drank anyhow. Either way, alcohol certainly did not ripen our comprehension of mature love. Nor our ability to enter into and handle it if it did come our way. Rather, our drinking lives left our emotional selves pinched, scraped, bent, and bruised, if not pretty firmly warped. So, as our experience shows, the first non-drinking days are likely to be periods of great emotional vulnerability. Is this an extended pharmacological effect of the drinking? Is it a natural state for anyone recuperating from a long and severe illness? Or does it indicate a deep flaw in the personality? The answer doesn't matter at first. Whatever the cause, the condition is one we have to watch out for, because it can tempt us to drink faster than the eye, head, or heart can realize. We have seen such relapses happen in several ways. In the early relief and delight of getting well, We can whip up enormous crushes on new people we meet, both in AA and outside it, especially when they show genuine interest in us, or seem to gaze up at us in admiration. The giddy rapture this can bring makes us highly susceptible to a drink. An emotional opposite can also be the case. We may seem so numb both physically and emotionally that we are almost immune to affection for a while after stopping drinking. Physically, clinicians tell us it is common for people to have little interest or ability regarding sex for many months after stopping drinking, a problem that is often alleviated as overall health returns. Until we are assured that the numbness will pass, however, going back to drinking can appear an attractive remedy which leads to even worse trouble. Our shaky emotional condition also affects our feelings toward old friends and family. For many of us, these relationships seem to heal promptly as we pursue recovery. For others, there arrives a period of touchiness at home. Now that we're sober, we have to sort out how we actually feel about spouse, children, siblings, parents, or neighbors, then re examine our behavior. Fellow workers, clients, employees, or employers also require such attention. Often our drinking has had a severe emotional impact on those closest to us, and they too may need help in recovering. They may turn to Alanon family groups and Alatine, see your telephone directory. Although these fellowships are not officially connected with AA, they are very similar and they help non alcoholic relatives and friends to live more comfortably with knowledge about us and our condition. Over the years, we have become strongly convinced that almost no important decisions should be arrived at early in our sobriety unless they cannot possibly be delayed. This caution particularly applies to decisions about people, decisions with high emotional potential. The first uncertain weeks of sobriety are no time to rush into major life changes. Another caution: tying our sobriety to someone we are emotionally involved with proves. Flatly disastrous. I'll stay sober if so and so does this or that, puts an unhealthy condition on our recovery. We have to stay sober for ourselves, no matter what other people do or fail to do. We should remember too that intense dislike also is an emotional entanglement, often a reversal of past love. We need to cool any overboard feeling, lest it flip us back into the drink. It is easy to consider yourself an exception to this generalization. Newly sober, you may earnestly believe that you have at long last found real love, or that your present attitude of dislike, persisting even into sobriety, means there always was something fundamentally wrong about the relationship. In either instance, you may be right, but just now it's wise to wait and see whether your attitude will change. Again and again we have seen such feelings change dramatically in only a few months of sobriety. So using first things first, we have found it helpful to concentrate first on sobriety alone, steering clear of any risky emotional entanglements. Immature or premature liaisons are crippling to recovery. Only after we have had time to mature somewhat beyond merely not drinking, are we equipped to relate maturely to other people. When our sobriety has a foundation firm enough to withstand stress, then we are ready to work through and straighten out other aspects of our life. And again, that was chapter twenty-four out of the book Living Sober, and it was titled Steering Clear of Emotional Entanglements. And so let's talk about first things first and how it ties into this question from the book Twenty-Four Hours a Day. That question was: Am I keeping sobriety in first place in my mind? First things first reminds me that no matter what else is happening in my life, my sobriety has to remain at the top of the list. Work. Relationships, school, running, money, and all other responsibilities of life can feel urgent, but none of them will matter if I lose my sobriety. When I keep recovery first, I give myself the foundation I need to handle everything else. That means making time for meetings, staying connected with other people in recovery, being honest about what's going on in my head, and continuing to work on myself even when life seems to be going well. For me First things first is also a reminder not to become complacent. I know how easy it can be to gradually allow other things to take priority until recovery becomes something I assume will simply take care of itself. Sobriety needs my attention whether I'm struggling or having the best day of my life. I don't have to make recovery complicated or worry about staying sober forever. I just have to remember what comes first today. If I practice my sobriety one day at a time, everything else in my life has a much better chance of falling into place. So I'd love to hear from you. What does first things first mean to you? And how do you answer this question? Am I keeping sobriety in first place in my mind? You can send me an email at soberreadings with Scott at gmail.com, or you can go to my website, soberreadings.com, and fill out that form. And while you're there at the website, if you'd like to drop a dollar in the virtual donation basket for today's readings, just scroll down a little bit and find that donate button. So thank you so much for listening today. Stay sober, keep reading, and I'll catch you in the next episode. Until then, take care of yourselves and each other, and remember, just for today, don't drink, go to a meeting, and keep coming back. Have a great day, everyone, and as my friend Larry says, best day ever.