Latest / The Strength In Numbers Podcast / EP 56: Tex McQuilkin | Building True Team Captains

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EP 56: Tex McQuilkin | Building True Team Captains · The Strength In Numbers Podcast

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What I've experienced is when they are assigned captain role
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or they just are seniors now I'm in charge, they default to what
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they know or experience leadership to be.
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They're falling to the margins of their experience.
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This is leaning into one of the lessons teaching the captains.
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It's it's three TS for your communication, tone, target, and
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timing. They only try to lead when
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something is wrong versus that guide that made an awesome play.
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I'm going to go pat him on the back.
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Give him a high 5. Why can we not reinforce awesome
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attitudes, efforts and behaviors?
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It's it's the conditioning for a lot of their other sport and
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leadership experiences is they only step in when something goes
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wrong. Every athletic career ends, so
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who are we developing to go out into the real world and kick ass
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if it's all about wins and losses?
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And that's our perspective. There's this big fall off of
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identity of who these these kids believe that they are.
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Welcome to the Strength in Numbers podcast.
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I'm your host, Jon Bloom, and today's guest is Tex Mcquilkin.
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Tex is the founder and leadership strategist of
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Captains and Coaches. Along with working with teams on
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leadership development and team dynamics.
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He also runs the Captains and Coaches podcast and coaches
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middle school and high school lacrosse.
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Tex breaks down how he approaches team leadership
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development and how that looks different if he's contracted for
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a short period with the program versus with the team all season.
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We also dive into teaching athletes how to productively
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call out their teammates, how to create an environment that
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empowers and inspires belief, and what makes a true captain
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beyond just age or position. Tex also shares his really
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coolest perspective on long term athletic development from both a
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physical and psychological standpoint, along with his
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advice to parents and athletes navigating the landscapes of
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club sports and recruiting. If you're getting value from
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these conversations, give the show a follow and leave a
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review. It helps us continue to reach
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and impact more coaches. Let's get into today's episode
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text. Man, I'm, I'm pumped to get a
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talk to you early this morning for both of us.
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But you know, like I was mentioned before this, you know,
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you know, love, love the captains and captains and
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coaches podcast. You do love all the work you're
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doing, really enjoyed when we got to be on Dan Bronze, Dan
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Bronze round table podcast together.
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But man, I'm just pumped to get to, you know, dig a little
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deeper into what you're doing and learn from you today.
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Yeah. Good morning, told you I was
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doing coffee chugs and push ups to get ready for this so let's
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block. Let's do it for people that
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don't know you. Could you just tell them a
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little bit, you know, captain and coaches like what are you?
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What are you doing with that? What do you have going on?
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Yeah, so essentially an education platform and
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opportunity. I have the podcast in which I
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get to travel to best coaches all over the world, or best
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researchers, sit them down and learn from them.
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What tools are they applying to develop young men and women?
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Then I aim to distill those down into to lessons to either hand
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off to my team captains. I'm still coaching high school
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lacrosse or package it up and deliver and present it to to
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everyone through the the podcast to do online courses that I
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deliver. But it's, yeah, I mean, it's,
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it's a journey to understand this dynamic thing we call
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leadership. And I want people to understand
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every athletic career ends. So who are we developing to go
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out into the real world and kick ass if it's all about wins and
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losses? And that's our perspective.
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There's this big fall off of identity of who these these kids
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believe that they are. And I mean, similar trap to
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military. Once you retire or medically
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retire, you get out. It's who are you.
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So the aim is to help people understand that sports don't
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teach lessons, coaches do and help develop this identity of
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leader. I am a leader that just so
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happens to play football or basketball or lacrosse, then I
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can enter in the real world and truly apply those tools because
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that's who I am. And that that's that's the big
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picture, that's the aim. So fortunate.
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Lots of great relationships that have opened a lot of doors and
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LSU baseball, Notre Dame football and countless more.
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So continue to grow that genealogy, that network, and
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then hand off the lessons to everyone.
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Yeah, no, I really love that. You know, as you're talking
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about that those those kinds of your mission, like do you feel
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that it's gotten, it's shifted further and further away from
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that where it is less about, you know, building the character and
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the leadership. It's become more with just
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social media and recruiting and and rankings and and all these
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club sports that it's that all that's pushed it further and
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further away from maybe what the heart of sports used to even be.
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Yeah, I mean, I'm glad you brought up club sports
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recruiting. So how I look at those are those
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are those are they're tapping into negative human
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characteristics and behaviors to try to sell.
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And then that school or that that club is is being selfish
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and taking away. So if it's club, they're selling
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fear. Hey, if you don't participate in
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this travel ball at 10 years old, your son's going to fall
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behind in baseball. If you don't do this for
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volleyball, your daughter is definitely not going to get
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recruited. So you got these people that are
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selling fear and they're mostly selling a spot on the bench
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because a lot of them offer scholarships to get the best
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people in there if if they can't afford that particular club.
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So then somebody's paying just to to travel and have friends.
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And those are not developmental. Club is not developmental.
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You maybe have 1-2 practices that you get your reps in, but
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then you're going to tournaments and playing in games where
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you're getting one or two runs, a few at bats, maybe call it 12
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at bats at that day that I play three games.
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That's 12 hacks versus how many can I get in practice in
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development. So then they're selling FEAR.
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And then now with recruiting, it is reinforcing entitlement.
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It's reinforcing Pat Riley, big Pat Riley fan.
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I got him on my wall of fame here when he called the disease
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of me the disease of more. So what are you going to do for
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me? What are you going to what's all
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about my playing time? And then dude, at the college
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level, it's it funny, walk arounds at universities, they
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give you the, the strength coach gives you the pitch, the sport
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coach gives you the pitch and they're always promising
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something. Fortunately, the strength coach
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is promising them opportunities and hard work.
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And if you do this, then it's going to put you in the
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position. But sometimes the sport coach is
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promising playing time, which is never guaranteed.
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Then the kid goes there and expectations don't match the
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reality. And now that's where we get the
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entering the transfer portal. So they're now they're even more
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entitled. They're even more resentful
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against coach. Coach doesn't like me and all of
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these negative things, they're going to catch up to them when
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they're 20-30 and they're into the real world of my professor
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hates me, my boss doesn't like me.
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It's like, no, they don't like your behaviors and how you're
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acting at certain times or the product that you're producing
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with in exchange for the money. That's what they don't like.
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So I call this level setting on skill set.
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I don't like club ball recruiting is nasty.
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I want you to find I would reverse engineer what do you
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want to study? Where do you want to live?
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Then find a school within that region that's going to put you
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in the best position that you get a good coach.
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They can truly mentor you for 1234 years hopefully and then go
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into the real world. So the it's all centered around
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these negative human behaviors that they're trying to press to
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then just fill their pocketbook, unfortunately.
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Yeah, yeah. And I feel like it creates kind
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of this, this mindset of like I'm always trying to for the
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parents because I'm always trying to find the place where I
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can get something from the situation versus like I'm going
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to find a team where I can give to that team or program.
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Yeah, which obviously like is reverse of what we want for
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teams and leaders. You know, you know, as you talk
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about that advice for OK finding, you know, reverse
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engineering where you want to be.
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If, if you are a, a parent or a high, you know, high school,
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middle school parent, parent of a, a child.
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They're like, what I've seen with some of these parents is
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like they see some of these negatives and they understand
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that. But then there's also the fear
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in their mind of like being left behind and, OK, you know,
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everybody else's doing all these things or travelling around.
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They're going to be, you know, way better than my kid If, if
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they don't do these things and, and we're not going to get
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recruited if we don't, you know, get on all the, the club
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tournaments and travel and everything.
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Like what, what, what would you tell those parents to those
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fear? Because some of those, you know,
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the, I understand those like those fears.
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There's, there's some real stuff there.
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But how do we find a balance of not falling into the trap and
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negatives of those things too? Yeah.
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If the goal is to improve my skill club ball in certain
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scenarios, that's not where it's going to happen because the lack
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of opportunity you're, you are going to travel, Hopefully you
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got a good group of of friends and you're going to get tight
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knit and friends. I'm not saying it's all
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negative. That's a good experience.
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If my my goal is skill, then I need an individual coach or
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group training with my teammates that I will be playing with at
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the at the high school level. That is going to be infinitely
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more valuable. If it's got three people working
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together on a line work and then having individual coach focus on
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our skills, then we're getting an opportunity to get closer
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together. We're getting 100 plus quality
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reps with feedback and a coach that is then going to translate
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when we go to practice. And then we get now have an
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opponent versus just working together.
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And that's where we solidify all the lessons that we learned from
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our small group training. So small group training with the
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people you will actually be playing with and developing a
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relationship. That's where the magic is going
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to happen. Now, if my goal is recruiting
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and this is this is guidance that I got from Ryan Wellner,
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he's the Notre Dame defensive coordinator for the lacrosse
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team. His guidance go to the camps,
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whether it's basketball, lacrosse, football, all of these
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schools have volleyball, all of these schools have specific
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camps that then the athletes on the team get to work during the
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summer. So you will be coached by
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current team members, you will get guidance advice, you'll get
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to see the culture from the sport coaches and then you get
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to walk around campus and experience it.
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So then you, you can tell, OK, I'm going to get along with
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these guys. I understand the culture.
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I understand the fit. I know who the coaches are.
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I heard them speak. And guess what the bonus is?
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I get to walk up and introduce myself and say, hey, Coach
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Bloom, my name is Tex Mccoolkin. I'm from, you know, Katy, TX.
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And you now put a name to the face and they're going to watch
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you during your individual skills and drills.
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They're gonna watch you be a good teammate.
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They're gonna watch you do all the intangible things.
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Because we're gonna spend 99% of our time at the college level
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practicing, not playing any games, practicing.
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So talking about practice. So now that develops a
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relationship, it's not going to these very expensive travel
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trips, fingers crossed, hoping that that college, that coach
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from that college that I want to go to is going to be watching at
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that moment in time. These tournaments are all day.
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There's hundreds of games. The likelihood of my coach from
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my school watching me that I want to go there is is is very
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low. So if I want to increase the
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opportunity for me to actually go and get recruited by a
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specific school, I got to put a face to the name character first
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T be a great teammate and that is going to put me on the big
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board. If my skills are there.
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I've done that. I've coached Division 3 lacrosse
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down the recruiting road. And in those are long days, it's
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long summers and you got this big white board in the head
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coach's office and you're writing up names and you're
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erasing them. If somebody had film on
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somebody. But then I go and watch and we
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watch them how they treat their parents, how they treat their
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teammates and that we don't want them.
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They're erased no matter what. So that's the guidance that I
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would give and that's a message from the top.
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You're talking about two time national champion number one
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team in the country. Very often that's the guidance
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that they're looking for. Character first, develop a
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relationship from the camps. And as I mentioned to improve
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those camps, you're getting a lot of practice reps and you're
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playing in scrimmages and games that are going to translate.
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You're going to get more high intensity reps than you would
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travel into some beautiful destination that you're paying a
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lot, your parents are paying a lot of money for.
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Yeah, no, no, I I love that advice.
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So I want to dive into now when, when you're going to work with
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the team, OK, they're bringing you into work on lead for
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development team dynamics. Like what does that process look
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like for you as you start to work with them?
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22 approaches to this and one is if I'm a contractor coming in
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there or if I'm a part in leading the team.
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If I'm a contractor coming in there, then I, I got to go in
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tough. I got to put on this
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personality, this, this leadership, this ethos to gain
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buy in real quick, 'cause everybody coaches kids,
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everybody's got an ego. So who can I be to present?
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So this is where I, I model a great representation of a great
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teammate, a great leader. And I'm in there for 1-2, three
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day a week, not long. So I got to put the hammer down
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and be this, this model of what a A-Team captain and a great
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teammate is. So I'm, I'm talking trash.
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I'm, I'm teasing guys back and forth.
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Lots of candor. If I see somebody that is.
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And I'm going to use lacrosse a lot because this is where the
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most opportunities come from me. If somebody's lazy leaning on
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their stick when they're should be standing at attention, just
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call them out for it. So I'm I'm calling out all the
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little intangible behaviors. I'm teasing, I'm poking fun at
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guys to help to get that connection quicker.
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And then standing up to coaches. So acknowledging their
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accomplishments, standing up to them if I see something or hey,
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have you thought about this and pushing back a little bit so we
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can accelerate their relationship.
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And then I mentioned it earlier, level set on skill set so we can
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get on the same page and we can start helping them communicate
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better and connect with their teammates so they can take them
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where the the kids can't take themselves that they want to go.
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That's a Martin Rooney quote. So for for coaching, that is
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fun. I get to to turn it on and be
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this big personality, but now with my guys and I'm an
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introvert now with my guys, it's a it's a slow boil getting in
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there. I've been fortunate.
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I've been a part of three high school teams and I have my
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system of athletic development to install into the warmups.
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Fortunate, unfortunately or fortunately, we don't have
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access to weight room. Texas football does not allow
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us. It doesn't acknowledge us as a
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real sport, so won't let us in the football.
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So now I have all these manual resistance tools and tricks.
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Well, finally found a way to gradually install this stuff to
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develop trust with the guys. If I'm a contractor, this, this,
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this is a big, this is big personality.
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This is big money we're spending on this.
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We're more willing to listen. Now on my teams, they just a
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guy. A lot of my athletic
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accomplishments, a lot of my professional accomplishments.
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Who cares? I've been, I mean, you and I
16:58
could nerd out. I've been fortunate to sit down
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at a table and interview Louis Simmons for a podcast.
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Fred Hatfield, Doctor Squat, Boyd Epley, you name the Mount
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Rushmore. I've been very fortunate to sit
17:11
down and interview them for a podcast.
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They don't know who those guys are.
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Jay Cutler is the closest to what these guys are and that's
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solely based off TikTok and his quad stomp up on the Mr. Olympia
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stage. That's as close as I can get to
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who I love, admire, interview and learn from and who they
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stand. So it's got to be a slow boil.
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And then my my objective, it always starts with a warm up.
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So teaching them how to lead, and I'm not trying to overpower
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them and tell them, hey, this is how it's going to be.
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This is the new system. Day one to practice and this is
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day one year, one day one to practice.
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I just observed their warm up. What were they doing before?
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It's usually garbage. You get some freshman or
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sophomore who was told to lead it or who is a great leader.
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They step up and they do some form of dynamic warm up that
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they did with their personal trainer or private coach or that
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they did. It's usually not what they do in
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football because football is static stretch count to 10 stuff
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for the most part. So I observe and then install.
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So day 2 now I get them in a big circle and I lead.
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I teach them, OK, hey, this is what coach finished yesterday's
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practice with. The big message.
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That's what I want to lead Day 2 with.
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So whatever coach said to finish practice day before, now we're
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going to lead into it so we start to learn skill on skill
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and sport. Coach doesn't get pissed off.
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My biggest pet peeve is coach gets pissed off and makes him
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run because I have a running program and the the running is
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dog shit versus like intentional speed and you get it.
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So yeah, now I establish a big circle and and start to install
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it. So first thing is the
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communication and the leadership.
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OK, This is what how we're supposed to talk in a huddle.
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It's not just a group of guys together.
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No, we're in a circle. Why?
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Because no one is greater than the other.
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So we circle it up and then send offense and defense in different
19:23
directions for big lap. And then we high 5 at the other
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end zone as we're crossing each other.
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High 5, High 5, High 5, high 5, high 5.
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And then they just meet me at the the 50 yard line and I have
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them set up 10 yards apart, 15 yards apart, 10 yards on game
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day. And then now we get into our
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dynamic warm up. So we have our sticks nice and
19:46
neat behind the line. So I make them put their sticks
19:51
and gloves nice and neat right behind the line, not over the
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line because we're changing direction.
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If I don't want my laziness or my lack of awareness to cause
20:01
somebody to, to roll an ankle. So make sure that we're nice and
20:04
neat, very clean with our sticks and gloves behind the line.
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Then we are crossing alleys. We're going forward like this,
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doing our lunges, doing our steps, doing our skips, all of
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this just going across meeting at the opposite line and always
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even exercises. So we finish right between grab
20:24
our sticks. And then I go right into a
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conditioning. So I got speed days, I got tempo
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days, I got change direction days, so agility days.
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So all the good stuff that we know is strength and
20:37
conditioning professionals. So I lead that, but it's got to
20:43
be installed. I can't just throw a bunch of
20:46
exercises they'd never heard of and have them watch me do it.
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So gradual install during our huddle, it's coach's message and
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one to two new movements that I'm going to coach.
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So over the course of the fall, just like we'd install an
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offense or a defense, I establish my movement language
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and then this is fall install. During the spring I got
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different, different phases 'cause we can't do the same
21:13
dynamic warm up every single day 'cause then our chili doesn't
21:17
get hot. Injuries are more likely.
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It's got the less effect, the law of accommodation.
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So I'd have just different phases of warm up.
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And then phase three I just drift away.
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Phase 2I drift away from the circle, Phase 3I drift away from
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the warm up and then just let them go.
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Exercise is stuck. What are they like?
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Do they follow my flow of ground up, gradual into into speed?
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And then if it's off, if it's just random, then I just shape
21:48
it and I hand off the responsibility to the captains
21:53
in respect to leadership and and the warm up.
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I take back overcome game days or playoffs just so I make sure
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that they're hitting everything that they need to before it so
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that it's a gradual install. That's my approach before and
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give them some autonomy. I ask him, hey, what?
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What do you need today? One or two things, hips, ankles
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is the other challenge. Last thing I'll say is spring
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football is a sport. It's a season.
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You got 6:00 AM weights. Then after school they got 7 on
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7 and then they come to lacrosse practice.
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My goal next year is to put one of the, the, the speed trackers,
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the distance trackers, you know what I'm talking about on the
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football, lacrosse guys and just see how much work they really
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do. I want to study that.
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So then I ask them one or two things that they want and then I
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installed I, I run that into the warm up so they don't feel like
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I'm overwhelming them or this is stupid.
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There's too much that no, I hate.
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Here's my professional expertise.
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What do you need? OK, I'll get a creative movement
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in there. So you feel better.
23:05
Yeah. Fortunately, knock on wood, this
23:08
season we had no major injuries. Shin splints were no longer a
23:11
problem because we were actually taking care of ankles.
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And. And yeah, So if you, my
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recommendation is to do the opposite of what I would do if I
23:21
was a contractor. If it's my team, I can't full
23:25
change that culture, immediate, gradually turn up the heat and
23:29
then year 2 they're gonna forget about last year.
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Now year 2 it can be all my way or the highway.
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So 'cause they won't know any different, they forgot all the
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old bad habits, all the old ways.
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And they just know the the formation, the specific, the
23:45
shells of leadership, the shells of the warm up.
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That's all they know anymore. And hopefully they start to do
23:51
that on their own. But yeah, that's a big win if if
23:54
they they take it themselves. So.
23:56
Yeah, yeah. No, I love that breakdown of
23:59
the, you know, install and can gradually shift more and more
24:03
autonomy and ownership to them. I want to go back to the the
24:06
contracting situation. So I guess with with that, you
24:10
know, you talked about maybe it's like 1-2, three days.
24:12
Are you typically returning at a, you know a couple months
24:16
later for another couple days or is it more of usually just a one
24:19
off with a? Program for that depends on the
24:22
opportunity yeah. So what I do now is lead
24:26
workshops within schools just to lead the captains.
24:30
So at universities, it's just bring me in for a, a three hour
24:34
workshop. And that's, that's a great time.
24:37
I love it. I love the, the college
24:38
atmosphere and energy. And then at the, the prep school
24:41
level, what I've been doing is now come season, season sports.
24:47
So I have a trip for fall, winter and spring to start it
24:52
out 'cause those, those captains change and I get the whole
24:55
school's leadership team. So no matter the sport,
24:59
football, if it's spring, it's probably going to be football,
25:02
cross country, soccer. So now I'm leading all these
25:07
teams leaders and putting them through workshop.
25:11
I teach them conflict resolution on how to approach your peers,
25:15
to call them out without damaging your friendship and
25:18
relationship and then help create and shape their identity
25:22
as leader. I, I LED off with that.
25:25
So that's, that's a three hour workshop.
25:27
I apply at the college and the prep schools, but at the same
25:30
time, the prep schools, they've been bringing me back seasons.
25:34
So the leaders are sometimes the same person, sometimes they're
25:37
not. But the guys that get to attend
25:40
for the 2nd and on some occasions the third time, there
25:43
are three sport captain. They're awesome individuals.
25:47
Then they just, they dive deeper.
25:49
It's the same lesson, but they have more experience and more
25:52
problems, more awareness that they bring to the same lessons.
25:57
And I now have a rapport and a relationship with them so we can
26:00
dive deeper into it. So it's, it's the same model
26:05
whether we're college and prep, same model whether I'm doing it
26:09
one time or one 2-3 times. It's just the higher awareness
26:12
deeper we can go. And high school, I have
26:15
conflict, high school age appropriate conflicts in
26:20
college, college age appropriate conflicts because I mean,
26:24
there's just more, more temptation, more stress, more
26:27
responsibility out there for them.
26:30
So we we got to get real. Yeah, when when the touch
26:34
points, whether it is 123 times per year, either way, it
26:38
obviously it's much lower than when you're working with your
26:40
team. How do you think about leaving
26:46
an impact and, and influence in, in those sessions that sustains
26:51
when you leave right versus OK, we, we did this awesome thing
26:55
and now we're all the teams all focus on it.
26:57
You know, the first week or two after you leave and then you
27:00
know, it's gets further and further away from when you've
27:02
been there and we kind of just shift back towards, you know,
27:05
what we were doing before you came.
27:07
As it becomes kind of in the past, how how do you try and
27:10
build a a sustaining influence on those programs?
27:15
That, that's a great question. And I would, I'm, I'm going to
27:19
default to David Yeager's research.
27:22
He was part of Carol Dweck's mindset growth mindset team and
27:26
now he's the University of Texas professor.
27:29
So I've been fortunate. Local here.
27:31
I got him on the podcast. I'd recommend his book 10 to 25.
27:34
Oh no, we got some exciting news for you.
27:37
We're going to talk about that towards the end.
27:40
But he establishes now a growth mindset for the the teacher, for
27:44
the coach. And I'll, I'll break down his
27:47
three mindsets for the coach where we have an authoritarian,
27:52
I forget the exact term that he uses, but it's authoritarian
27:55
where it's high expectations and then low support.
27:59
Then you have an individual who is high support but low
28:04
expectations. Some parents fall into into that
28:07
category where they over help their kid and have really low
28:12
expectations for their kids unfortunately.
28:15
So now what we want to be as a mentor, as a coach, as a teacher
28:20
is high expectations and high support.
28:23
So now I go in with high expectations to these
28:26
situations. I try to teach them as much as
28:29
they can and learn about their scenarios.
28:32
There's their challenges that they're facing during the block
28:37
of conflict resolution in this. And that's going to tell me so
28:41
much about that. And if they're not sharing
28:43
during that hour too, then I didn't do a good enough job in
28:47
hour 1. So hour 1 of this is I teach
28:51
them captains workouts, how to lead a captain's workout.
28:56
And I, I'm sure you see it in the news every single year some
28:59
captain leads a workout and somebody dies.
29:02
There was a Tufts University sent 5 dudes to the, the
29:06
freaking hospital with rhabdomaleosis.
29:09
Wild. So now teach them workouts, but
29:13
I'm also observing where they go when they get stress.
29:17
And it's not crazy workouts, it's a lot of pillars, isometric
29:22
holds, nothing that's going to kill them.
29:24
But it's hard. And I start to see where they go
29:27
during this. So now that's when get to break
29:32
them down, build, buy in. And now can they bring the real
29:35
situations to me in that conflict resolution, that second
29:39
hour that's going to set us up for for hour 3.
29:43
So now that hour 2, if it's session one in the fall, maybe I
29:50
get something out of them or they're still trying to be big
29:53
tough guy football player. But then we see him again in the
29:57
winter or the spring if they're a football lacrosse guy.
30:00
And now we've finally broken through When they realized that
30:04
the tools that they've been using for themselves that they
30:08
believe work, that they're they're taught by a coach or it
30:11
felt natural or it was taught by a parent that then failed them.
30:16
That's when they're now in a position to learn.
30:19
So I, I aim to, to cite everything, give references,
30:23
books and then have specific podcasts.
30:26
So what I do is for the high support, I have high
30:29
expectations for high support. When I leave is I give them all
30:33
the lessons that I'm giving my guys in real time.
30:37
So now I, if I teach my captains a lesson, I just turned it into
30:41
a podcast lesson and then reference the, the, the
30:44
research. So then I aim to, to give them
30:47
those same categories and blocks.
30:48
And guess what? It's, it's always growing.
30:51
There's always something new coming up.
30:54
So just put them into a, a bank for them to continue to grow
30:59
themselves. And then open thread of
31:02
communication. If you got a problem you feel
31:04
you can't solve, dude, reach out.
31:07
No shame, no shame in this. If you don't feel comfortable
31:10
going to your sport coach, which I get because the at the prep
31:13
level, their teachers and sport coaches, that's a lot.
31:17
And the same time at college, the fear of playing time
31:22
sometimes gets in there. So now, OK, well, I don't want
31:24
coach to know about this. This kid is is doing this on
31:28
their extra time. I don't want to call them out.
31:32
I don't want to rat them out to coach.
31:33
OK, bring it to me. I'll I'll speak to you real of
31:36
of potential problems. And then if you do need to
31:38
escalate it to coach, I'll let you know.
31:41
So it's, it's continued support, but at the same time giving them
31:45
the tools, at least teaching the tools in person.
31:50
They got to go get the reps applying those tools.
31:52
The tools that I do give them are not preparing them or they
31:56
don't have the confidence or they just like anything in the
31:59
weight room or skill on sport that needs shaping and coaching
32:02
the skills then I'm happy to continue that that development
32:07
with them. So yeah, it's, it's ever
32:09
changing. Yeah, fortunately been doing
32:11
this a long time. So you can develop rapport and
32:13
trust quickly. And it's, it's just easier with
32:16
that ethos, the guy coming in than the just a guy on the staff
32:21
that I need to develop a trust with over time.
32:24
So two different scenarios and I've can't approach in the same
32:28
way for. Sure.
32:29
And, you know, you mentioned one thing in there of, you know,
32:33
when maybe a teammate sees another teammate doing
32:36
something, they need to call out.
32:37
And even I, I want to take it even like in a, a, a lesser more
32:41
micro where it's not something outside of the sport or maybe in
32:44
a, a workout or a practice. And you know, you'll see this
32:48
especially with, you know, high school guy, you know, one of the
32:51
teammates is messing up and all the guys start getting on to him
32:53
or yelling. Like, how do you think about
32:56
teaching the way to call out teammates but really call them
33:01
up versus just yelling at them and putting them down and kind
33:04
of finding that balance between their.
33:06
Dude, the, the, I'm writing that down because I like it.
33:09
It's call them up versus calling them out.
33:11
And that's, that's a beautiful way to put it.
33:14
So now what I've experienced is for young men, when they are
33:21
assigned captain role or they just are seniors now I'm in
33:25
charge, they default to what they know or experience
33:29
leadership to be, which is usually dad at home or football
33:33
coach. How do football coaches act?
33:35
They MFU, they yell, they think they got to be this giant
33:39
personality that calls you out for everything and shames you.
33:43
And then at the same time, when we're in our warm up stretches
33:48
or walking between the, the field house and the school, like
33:52
pound around and talking about this and it's like, I don't know
33:55
who you are. Are you going to be my friend or
33:57
are you going to yell at me for 'cause you had a bad day?
34:01
I, I don't know. So that confuses kids.
34:04
So guess what the high schoolers default to?
34:05
Oh, that is leadership. They're falling to the margins
34:10
of their experience. To quote Greg Glassman, the
34:14
founder of CrossFit. That's a good quote by him.
34:16
So their only experience in leadership is being yelled at.
34:21
So then they default to yelling at the freshmen, at their
34:25
teammates for for, you know, stepping short of the line or
34:29
not running through the line or whatever it is, forgetting water
34:32
could be anything. So then they just jump down
34:35
their throat. They got they go from friend to
34:39
10 of anger. And that's that's not
34:42
leadership. So now it's helping them
34:44
understand that there are levels to this game and there are
34:48
infractions that require a 10 and then there's everything
34:52
else. So now this is leaning into one
34:54
of the lessons teaching the captains.
34:56
It's, it's three TS for your communication, tone, target and
35:00
timing tone for a young man to understand is, is incredibly
35:04
difficult. Even when they are sincere and
35:07
want to pay a compliment to a teammate, a friend or a young
35:11
lady. It's monotone, it's direct and
35:14
usually just a downturn to negative.
35:17
Even though it's, they had a great intention with their
35:20
words. What is the impact?
35:23
Typically negative. So helping them understand that
35:25
they can control the volume of their voice.
35:27
It can go up, it can go down, whatever it may be.
35:31
So now tone target and timing tonality is a real thing.
35:37
Target is do my words match the the outcome if I am over the top
35:43
and yelling at them, OK, well that that's a little off target.
35:46
So I need my my words to match the, the expectations, the
35:50
outcome and provide a solution. What I do not like doing is
35:56
having kids just yell at each other without giving them a
35:58
correction. For the younger coaches on staff
36:01
I'm working with, they have a default to hey, don't, don't do
36:05
that. And that's the end of the
36:07
coaching. It's like, OK, we'll give them a
36:10
solution. Tell them what to do.
36:12
So I asked them, don't tell them what not to do.
36:16
Tell them what to do. It's same, same sentence, same
36:20
energy, same breath, but they're not focusing on the the negative
36:24
so that there would be another representation of target.
36:28
Tell them what the correct behavior that you're expecting
36:30
them to do is Touch the line, run through stop short bad
36:35
coaching. Hey, run through the line, touch
36:37
the line over the line and then finally timing.
36:41
This is going to be a big one, especially for high schoolers
36:43
because our timing if I'm if if Bloom did not touch the line and
36:50
I don't say anything, but then go and after practice is over,
36:54
go tell coach, Hey, Bloom didn't touch the line or go talk in my
36:59
friend circle. Bloom never touches the line.
37:01
He always does this and I don't tell you and I it's, it's maybe
37:06
I tell you a week later in where something else happened where I
37:10
blow up and be like, well, you never touched the freaking line.
37:14
Well, that was a week, 2 weeks ago.
37:16
And finally during an argument, you're bringing that up.
37:19
That's that's poor timing. So if you see something, say
37:22
something immediately. So the the three TS there.
37:27
But I, I say this every single day as leadership takes reps.
37:31
So now it's not just when somebody messes up that I need
37:35
to apply the three TS. I want my guys to pay each
37:38
other's compliments, to be proud of each other, to acknowledge,
37:42
to get celebrate. So the tone, target and timing
37:45
can also apply to celebrating and just getting excited for my
37:51
team mates. If they make a great play, pass
37:54
a test, whatever it may be, can we apply that to get celebrated?
37:59
Because now, and this is a lot of football experiences, they
38:03
only try to lead when something is wrong versus that guide that
38:09
made an awesome play. I'm going to go pat him on the
38:11
back, give him a high 5. Why can we not reinforce awesome
38:17
attitudes, efforts and behaviors?
38:19
It's, it's the conditioning for a lot of their other sport and
38:22
leadership experiences is they only step in when something goes
38:27
wrong. And I can speak to football, I
38:29
can't speak for for home for a lot of these guys, but a lot of
38:33
these habits they they default to their experiences growing up
38:37
and now they're in a senior or a captain position.
38:41
And then I see everything that they've experienced play out in
38:45
real time when they got power, more or less so.
38:49
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, then I got to jump on that
38:51
and now it's tone, target and timing for me to get ahead of
38:54
this so it doesn't fester and and destroy a whole season.
38:57
Yeah, now I love those three TS and you know, I know we're
38:59
talking about kind of athlete to athlete communication, but I
39:02
feel like a lot of coaches, all of us need to hear that a lot
39:07
more too. Because, you know, I think, you
39:09
know, I've seen a lot where, you know, a coach could do a
39:12
one-on-one film session, then do such a great job of, you know,
39:15
here's what you're doing, here's what we need to do XY and Z.
39:19
But then maybe in the, in the actual session, like you're
39:22
saying, it's like they see something wrong.
39:24
And it's like this generality of don't do that, but not, OK,
39:29
here's what you, you need to do XY and Z to actually change
39:32
that. And it's, it's, it's, it's a
39:35
huge disparity. I think a lot of times between
39:38
actual coaching there and just yelling.
39:40
And sometimes it's like the obvious thing they know, then
39:44
they know they're not supposed to miss the layup or whatever.
39:46
And it's like, that's not helping them.
39:47
Let's actually, you know, talk about what we need to do and
39:51
then how we're delivering that versus just these generalities
39:54
that just might push them further into a mental hole after
39:56
that mistake. Yeah, dude, you said film room
39:59
and I had Vietnam flashbacks to high school.
40:02
That's funny. OK, so I had, I had this one
40:05
coach when I was in high school that I would go work with a
40:08
couple of times a week and I would, I would drive like 45
40:11
minutes to go work with him. And you know, I can, I can
40:15
vividly remember like, and it'd be late at night.
40:18
I remember, I can remember the feeling driving home.
40:22
You know, sometimes it's like 840, five 9:00 during the week
40:26
night, you know, high school or driving home feeling like on top
40:30
of the world from working with him in the, the, the confidence
40:37
he gave me, the just feelings of who I could be as an athlete in
40:42
that environment of him coaching.
40:45
Like how, how do you think as coaches, we can create those
40:48
environments for our athletes where they have those types of
40:52
feelings and where they where they want to come back and where
40:56
they want to continue to working with you and they feel like they
40:58
can become some someone greater than they are in that moment.
41:03
That that's the challenge. And this is something called the
41:07
Pygmalion effect where it's our expectations of people.
41:11
They, they, it's like a self fulfilling prophecy.
41:14
So if I have a kid that is not talented, he doesn't work hard.
41:20
Or maybe he works hard, he's just not talented.
41:22
He didn't get the athletic gene. He's showing up.
41:25
And my thoughts will then dictate their, their execution.
41:30
So I need to have high expectations and high support
41:34
'cause if I have low expectations, well, whether I
41:38
like it or not, my biases, my body language, my communication,
41:42
my coaching will fall to those low expectations.
41:46
And I'll have low support and low expectations.
41:50
And it costs us nothing to believe in somebody.
41:54
And if they put in enough effort, we got four years to
41:59
develop them into a varsity athlete.
42:02
We're not talking about college athletes, just somebody that is
42:05
competent and confident on a varsity line.
42:09
Doesn't have to start, can be second team, can be scout team.
42:13
But if they know who they are and where they're going, they
42:16
can accomplish something. The unfortunate reality and trap
42:19
for coaches is you want to coach the really talented guys and you
42:25
neglect everybody. Can you increase your bandwidth
42:29
and spread it across everybody? It is hard.
42:33
And I fall into that trap also because I want to freaking win
42:36
the games that I'm coaching. So now I'm in charge of subbing
42:40
and I put the best people out there to succeed.
42:42
So now it's establishing an expectation of effort, attitude
42:48
within practice. And then come game time and I
42:51
got a rule. You don't ask me for playing
42:53
time. You don't tell me you can go in.
42:55
Nope. Let me manage the game and then
42:58
during practice time really aim to pour into everybody.
43:03
So how I aim to accomplish this in and avoid just defaulting to
43:09
the the rock stars and only coaching them up is organizing
43:13
our practice drills to position where everyone gets coach.
43:17
So within every drill you have two coaches, you have a
43:20
conductor who's keeping the reps going, blowing the whistle and
43:25
making sure we can get as many reps as we can within the the 8
43:29
minute practice block. Then you got the coach person
43:33
who's watching every Rep and then kid finishes up, he goes to
43:37
the back of the line, he gets one piece of feedback that he
43:40
can apply to the next drill. Now every single person is
43:45
getting some form of feedback, acknowledgement, acceptance,
43:50
opportunity to improve versus saying, hey, go do that on your
43:54
own. You improve outside of practice
43:56
on your own. Well, they're going to give you
44:00
less effort, worse attitude outside of practice on their own
44:04
than they are right in front of you.
44:06
So can we bring that enthusiasm to it and help them improve?
44:10
Can I just, it's not faking it. It's just knowing with enough
44:14
time and reps that they can develop this skill And what I I
44:19
tell the guys often to keep them encouraged.
44:22
I didn't find the lacrosse until I was 16 years old, so I played
44:27
for 18 months and was able to go play in college.
44:31
So there's a lot of time within there where these guys have
44:35
started before me. They're going to have more
44:38
running and they can certainly go and play at the Division
44:40
Three level. Just being a great teammate.
44:44
Again, you'd be second string, be scout team, be a part of an
44:47
awesome team and have a have a great time.
44:49
Nothing wrong with that. So now it's helping them
44:52
understand if they're starting to compare themselves to the the
44:57
the All Star, the rock star on the team.
44:59
And then as a coach, I equal and reinforce the attitude, the
45:04
negative bias that they have inside themselves, Then of
45:07
course they're going to not feel good, not have fun at practice.
45:12
This sucks. Why am I even here?
45:14
But then the moment we need them, we try to either fake it
45:18
or like, ah, crap, he he's got to go in.
45:22
OK, good luck. Then they don't do anything.
45:24
So yeah, I encourage people Google the Pygmalion effect.
45:29
It's how our biases can we truly like act like we believe and
45:35
that will help the the person we're leading believe in
45:38
themselves, even though it may not may not be real.
45:42
So I watched last night project Hail Mary.
45:45
I don't know if you've seen this.
45:46
Yeah, yeah, I saw that was really good.
45:48
Dude, yeah, went to IMAX on the the last last showing before it
45:51
leaves the theater. But that's that's the same
45:54
thing. You see the Ryan Gosling's main
45:56
character Grace, his attitude and self limiting beliefs.
46:01
And even though the whole universe is relying on this man
46:06
and people did truly genuinely believe in him, he had to, to, I
46:11
mean, overcome to believe in himself.
46:15
Like that's real. And we face it every single day
46:17
without the, the whole weight of the world on our shoulders.
46:20
So now that that's part of that expectation, it, it cost us
46:24
nothing to believe in somebody. Can you consistently help them
46:30
understand that who they are is it's much greater than their
46:34
current athletic skill at this moment in time?
46:37
Yeah, that's that's really good tech.
46:38
And that reminds me too of like, you know, the the study people
46:41
talk about a lot with, you know, telling, OK, these people are
46:44
good at math and they're gonna get put in the good math class
46:46
and they do really good. And then the opposite version
46:48
there too. You know what?
46:51
What makes a true captain beyond just the because you know, if
46:56
they're the quarterback or if they're the senior on the team,
46:58
like what's what's what's a great captain actually look
47:00
like? I.
47:01
I Simply put it as you're doing the right thing at the right
47:05
time, even when it's hard. So that could be conversations,
47:09
it could be attitude, effort, belief.
47:12
If if we're losing big time, are we aiming to try to steer the
47:17
energy up? Because every sport is a game of
47:20
runs. You just got to survive the dip.
47:24
So can we start to manufacture belief when the majority of the
47:28
team starts to get down? If the the team is upset about
47:31
something, can I be willing to listen and then go have the hard
47:35
conversation with coach? That's gonna hurt.
47:39
What is even more difficult is peer-to-peer leadership and
47:43
calling out my friends for not being you know who they said
47:48
they are not? Their behaviors are not matching
47:51
their goals and who they set out to be at the beginning of the
47:55
season. So that that that's the
47:58
difficult thing is do the right thing at the right time, even if
48:02
it. Hurts, you alluded to it
48:03
earlier, but I've, I've got a, I've got a baby girl coming in
48:08
in a month, our first kid. And with with all of your
48:13
background and, you know, child and youth development
48:15
mentorship, what do you feel that I should be thinking about
48:19
that most parents, adults are not thinking about in that
48:23
situation? I.
48:24
Feel you understand long term athletic development.
48:28
So you're going to be in a position to help guide along the
48:31
way of of helping her select what sports and activities she
48:36
wants to be a part of. But also then pushing her to do
48:40
swimming, gymnastics, hand eye sports, foot eye sports, so you
48:46
can help guide all these things that she can at least try until
48:51
she finds the one that she absolutely just falls in love
48:55
with the sport, the team, the the coach, just something.
48:59
So helping her develop athletically along the way.
49:04
And then what I'd encourage you to do.
49:06
And I pulled out some books from my shelf.
49:09
And so for those who may not know, I was the manager of
49:13
learning and development for a franchise called Kid Strong.
49:17
Took the my understanding of long term athletic development.
49:20
But then I also deep dove into the social emotional development
49:24
of kids. And that's, that changed my
49:26
whole trajectory as a coach and seeing them develop as
49:30
individuals, but then interpersonal skills, being good
49:34
teammates and, and when they start to see that there's other
49:37
people in this world and then helping them accelerate through
49:41
that, that that was an awesome, awesome time.
49:43
So child development. This was a recommendation from
49:47
Louis Simmons, a book of children and sport training.
49:52
So the author is Drabik DRABIK. So in respect to the physical
49:58
development, this, this is a solid 1 all right now in terms
50:04
of brain development in stages. And this is going to be how you
50:08
you lead her. You got to understand where her
50:11
brain is, 'cause you can't treat a kid like an adult.
50:15
You can't treat a teenager like an adult.
50:18
That's a trap that we all fall into.
50:21
So then this is Piaget. It's pronounced.
50:24
I got a couple of his books here, but he's got different
50:27
phases and stages of learning. He has four.
50:31
And this is from the 60s, people have jumped on it, but in a good
50:36
understanding of the stages of development.
50:39
Piaget, PIAGET, how your child thinks.
50:43
This also helps me coach teenagers because there's this
50:47
swing in this regression in age when they're tired or they're
50:53
hungry or, you know, things didn't go their way, they revert
50:57
down into lower levels of Piaget's stages.
51:02
So now I'm I can't MF and yell at them if they enter into this
51:07
child like state, it's like, well, OK, how can I lead them?
51:12
So we're for a long time I was was against joystick coaching
51:17
basically me from the sideline telling them, hey, go set a pic
51:20
cut, go go go and telling them what to do.
51:23
I was against that because then I I took responsibility for not
51:26
teaching them the game, but also now understand that the
51:30
expectation where they set them free.
51:32
That's Stage 4. But when the going gets tough
51:34
and they're tired and the game's on the line and the stress and
51:37
we're tense, they go back down to concrete thinking, which is
51:42
Stage 3. It's difficult for them to see
51:45
past this moment in time. Stage 4, guys, they can think 2
51:49
passes ahead. They can remember, oh, you know,
51:53
in the first inning he threw this pitch.
51:55
Now I'm in the 4th. I can, I'm going to look for
51:58
that and I'm going to sit on that.
51:59
That's stage 4. Stage 3 is right in front of me.
52:02
So now if I know we're tired, we've been playing defense for
52:06
three minutes, I can help joystick that because we're in
52:08
concrete mode. We just got to survive this.
52:11
Then I'll get your ass on the field and you can get some
52:13
water. So now that's helped me
52:16
determine certain times that I'm going to coach in stressful
52:19
situations. That's game time.
52:22
In practice, I want to hammer them and try to force them to
52:26
have clarity when the the heart rate is jacked.
52:31
Piaget really cool. And then I mean, you're going to
52:33
see that those stages, playoff stages 1 and 2 are basically
52:39
like 0 to 2 and then two to seven or four, I can't remember
52:44
exactly. But the the the concrete
52:47
thinking that's like a A7 to 11 year old.
52:51
And when a teenager reverts back to that, OK, I got to I got to
52:56
manage that last one. And this is going to be my
52:58
biggest recommendation. It's called Thrivers.
53:02
We don't want kids to survive. We want them to thrive.
53:06
And so this this is Michelle Borba.
53:08
And she takes a lot of lessons from Piaget, but also another
53:12
man, if you want to deep dive the research, his, his name's
53:15
Ericsson. He's got these 8 stages of
53:19
development. So then how I use Ericsson?
53:23
And this is for my, my, my team captain.
53:25
So I'm getting my doctorate right now in organizational
53:29
leadership, but focusing on peer-to-peer leadership cause
53:33
most of the stuff out there is like top down.
53:36
But how do I call my friends out for, for being assholes.
53:39
So now within Ericsson, there's these 8 stages of development in
53:44
my experience, where, and this is the, the cool thing of
53:48
understanding child development and then coaching teenagers
53:51
during these 8 stages, kids have conflict, parents get divorced,
53:55
they move, you know, someone dies.
54:00
So there is this, this fission, this, this ruffling in their
54:04
brain at particular stages. And then sure, they pass school,
54:09
they got the same friends, but something changes.
54:12
And then when they're 16171822, that lack of lesson and
54:18
experience, life experience, it shows up.
54:22
They, they, they put walls up. Now all of a sudden they get
54:27
defensive. They're a great person, but now
54:29
they just refuse to listen to friends.
54:31
They refuse to listen to coaches or I.
54:34
I talked about interpersonal skills, being good friends and
54:38
teammates. Something happens when now I
54:41
just start being an asshole at practice, start being a jerk.
54:43
I start picking fights and it's just not consistently just one
54:47
random practice. This starts to happen.
54:50
So they missed this lesson. And then when going gets tough
54:55
or school or life or girlfriends, whatever just
54:59
triggers that stress, they express it at practice.
55:04
And we would usually punish that kid for acting out.
55:08
They're just they're they're pushing and reaching for a
55:11
boundary for a mentor, somebody to step in and it's a call for
55:16
help. And at both college and high
55:19
school have had kids show up to practice drunk.
55:22
That does not sound fun at all. They don't need more discipline.
55:28
They are they need a a mentor and a leader at that moment.
55:33
So, yeah, before diving into all of this, I would be the be the
55:39
freaking hammer against these guys.
55:40
But that's, that's not what they need.
55:42
And now, OK, well, let's explore.
55:46
But I got to ask questions, clarifying questions in the the
55:49
beauty of of coaching high school and youth.
55:53
You see these kids, you meet their families and you watch
55:56
them develop for for more than four years and you can
55:59
understand what's going on behind the scenes to help you
56:02
lead and guide them 'cause that too, 46 hours that we had with
56:08
them a week. It's got to fight against all
56:11
the hours at home, all the hours of school that seems and feels
56:15
to them to be working against them.
56:18
And you mentioned that coach that you would drive 45 minutes
56:21
just to work with them. Yes, it was the, the, the
56:24
athletic benefit, but at the same time, man, I could, I've
56:30
now feel like I can take on the freaking world and all the
56:34
tools, no matter what's going on at home or school or in, you
56:38
know, relationships or friendships.
56:41
I just rocked it for an hour and now believe that I can take on
56:45
anything. I mean, that's, that's what
56:48
coaching needs to be. That's, that's the fuel and the
56:51
opportunity that we're presenting.
56:53
It doesn't matter wins and losses.
56:55
Who cares? You're never going to remember
56:56
your record in 20 years. Who gives a shit?
57:00
But if you still have the bonds, the friendships, the
57:02
relationships, whether it's with your teammates or your coach
57:06
man, then then sport to accomplish something.
57:09
No doubt. I mean that that's powerful,
57:11
that that's really, really powerful.
57:12
You know, that was kind of, you know, very interesting when you
57:14
talk about those different stages and reverting in those
57:17
times of stress in games and and how you're dictating your
57:20
coaching style. I've never heard that before.
57:22
That's really cool. You know, the last thing I want
57:24
to talk about shifting gears a little bit and you know, you
57:26
kind of talking off here a little bit about hosting
57:29
podcasts and different mistakes and and then things there, but
57:32
how do you prepare yourself mentally as you're about to step
57:37
in and host a podcast? Mentally, that's a good
57:41
question. So my, my big thing is have a, a
57:45
relationship with the guest that's going to go a lot
57:48
farther. And my goal is 85% of podcasts
57:52
in person because we lose 93% of our communication over over zoom
57:58
on the line. So I feel just much richer
58:03
conversations and I've been very fortunate hosted a thousand 1000
58:08
episodes. So that's a lot of interviews.
58:11
So now with with captains and coaches podcast, trying to do
58:15
85% in person. So now if I don't have a, a
58:19
rapport in a, in a relationship, then it's deep diving into the
58:25
research. So then it's it's listening to
58:29
different interviews and trying to find an angle that has not
58:33
been hit. What makes this person
58:36
interesting? What have they accomplished?
58:39
And then how did somebody not what have they not covered?
58:45
So the theme that I I try to hit with new guest is entry level
58:48
leadership. What do they mess up the first
58:52
time that they stepped into a leadership role and think about
58:56
the team captain in any team that's entry level leadership
59:01
your first time where you're leveling up from being just one
59:04
of the boys to crap. I got responsibility.
59:07
You're going to make every mistake in the book and my I
59:12
mean, my growth as a man was really accelerated during that
59:15
time. I had a fortune.
59:17
I was three-year captain with my college team and year one super
59:21
quiet, lead by example kid with some great personalities, great
59:27
dudes that were seniors that I mean, they took the most of the
59:31
the the conversation. Then they graduated and it's
59:34
like crap, I have to speak. So then learned how to speak the
59:38
second year and finally, like embraced and embodied the
59:42
essence of that position and had a lot of fun.
59:45
So diving into people's entry level leadership and exploring
59:51
that. And I mean that that represents
59:55
so much like we can, we can talk about facts, we can talk about
59:58
like what somebody studied or what they applied from different
1:00:02
studies. Awesome.
1:00:05
But now if we're talking about their, their, their presence.
1:00:09
Their failures, their emotional quotient, what they really
1:00:14
believed in and then realized, well, that's not going to work.
1:00:18
That's what I'm I'm interested in.
1:00:21
Spent a lot of time with that and probably one of my most
1:00:24
recent and favorite interviews was Jay Johnson, the head
1:00:28
baseball coach for LSU 2 championships in the last four
1:00:32
years. And him talking about his
1:00:34
mistakes leading up throughout his career as a player into his
1:00:39
beginning years as a coach, all the way up to the number one
1:00:42
team in the country. And like that.
1:00:46
That's fun to explore. And a lot of the people that
1:00:50
have interviewed Jay that I read like they were beat writers.
1:00:54
They're sport writers, not podcast hosts.
1:00:58
So they're, they're talking about the team, they're talking
1:01:00
about the individuals and the competition and this and that
1:01:03
versus the journey that it took Jay to get there.
1:01:07
So that's that, that's what I love about podcasting is we can
1:01:11
explore this whole career and this journey.
1:01:14
And then to each listener at their stage that they're at,
1:01:19
they can meet this guest where they're at, pick up that nugget.
1:01:23
And then if they go back and listen a year later, well,
1:01:27
they're a different person and maybe they pick up on something
1:01:29
else. So we can cover so much more and
1:01:32
read. There's a lot of value in re
1:01:33
listening to certain people that you feel connected with.
1:01:37
That's how I listen to most podcasts is find an interesting
1:01:40
guest and then just go listen to multiple interviews of them.
1:01:45
That's just how I consume content.
1:01:47
And then, you know, if they got a book, dive into it.
1:01:50
If they got a podcast, maybe I explore that a little bit to see
1:01:54
their interview style. But for the most part, it's
1:01:57
learn as much as I can from one person and then find more people
1:02:01
to, to, to learn from. And if they're if I'm so lucky,
1:02:06
I can reach out and have a conversation with them as well.
1:02:09
Yeah. Yeah, dude.
1:02:10
So it's if if I don't have a rapport, aim is to build a
1:02:15
rapport and then establish a relationship.
1:02:18
So then you know, maybe Part 2 of the podcast or interview too,
1:02:23
If it's not in person the first time, then it is we're seeing at
1:02:27
a conference or go to a go to a game and, and just give him a
1:02:31
hello. Yeah.
1:02:32
So that that's it, man. It's just establishing
1:02:35
relationships and, and you know, as well as anybody in the
1:02:38
strength industry, it's all about who you know.
1:02:42
And that's, that's not for us to, to get ahead or to get
1:02:45
anywhere. It's to just continue to fill
1:02:48
our cup. And if we have a problem with an
1:02:51
athlete or athlete has a problem for us that we can't solve,
1:02:55
there's no new problems. Let's find somebody in our
1:02:58
network that's been there and they can mentor us to then
1:03:01
mentor the the kid and then they can go off and, and succeed and,
1:03:06
and win it at sport and life. Yeah.
1:03:08
And I, I love the part about the, you know, the early
1:03:11
leadership experiences for them. And that's like the, the book I
1:03:16
wrote where I got a bunch of different input from, you know,
1:03:18
over 100 coaches. And then some of the questions
1:03:20
were their failures, their early jobs.
1:03:25
And, you know, some of these people are, you know, legends.
1:03:27
And it's like getting to hear kind of where they were mortal
1:03:31
and where they were starting out.
1:03:33
And it's like, OK, like it makes it, it makes your failures or
1:03:37
your, your mistakes and, and gross early on.
1:03:40
Like, OK, like they, they, these people all went through that
1:03:42
too. They're not these superheroes
1:03:44
that are so far removed from where I am.
1:03:48
Once, once guys are gonna young coaches understand that, then
1:03:54
that that's when they can truly start to network.
1:03:56
It's not just looking at these people at a conference, it's
1:03:59
going up and introducing yourself, much like they're
1:04:02
recruiting. To tie it all back.
1:04:04
If a kid approaches a a well known head coach who's been on
1:04:07
TV and they watch them on TV and they shake their hand, look them
1:04:11
in the eye, that kid more likely is going to get recruited.
1:04:14
So if you're a young coach and there's somebody you want to go
1:04:18
meet or you learn something from on a podcast or from a book, go
1:04:23
tell them, introduce yourself. And you never know that where
1:04:26
that may lead which and this is the beauty of being in the
1:04:30
industry. You know this, I'm in 16, you're
1:04:34
16. All the coaches that are now
1:04:37
heads at all these universities, they were once lowly assistance
1:04:41
with me. So now I just shoot him a text
1:04:45
and then go and sit down at XYZ university, check out their
1:04:50
weight room and go to A and be a guest at a football game or a
1:04:53
baseball or a basketball game. It's awesome.
1:04:55
Yeah, yeah. No, I love it, man.
1:04:57
Text this. This has been awesome.
1:04:58
This has been incredible conversation, diving into some
1:05:02
really cool things that are so important, but I feel like also
1:05:05
not always talked about enough compared to some of the maybe
1:05:09
more XS and OS and, and things of of whatever profession people
1:05:12
are in. You know, people for sure you
1:05:15
need to go listen to Texas podcast.
1:05:18
Really, really awesome stuff on there.
1:05:19
Where else should they go if they want to check out what
1:05:22
you're doing and everything you have to learn from?
1:05:25
Podcast is the easiest Instagram as well.
1:05:27
So at my last name a Quilkin MCQUILKIN or at captains and
1:05:34
coaches. And then like I mentioned, I'm
1:05:36
putting out all the lessons that I I write in real time for my
1:05:41
team captains, for my high school lacrosse team.
1:05:44
And then any presentation that I do, I'm recording it and then
1:05:47
turning it into a lesson. And all of my presentations are
1:05:51
connected to the emotional quotient in developing that as a
1:05:55
skill as a coach. Programming is easy.
1:05:59
I'll quote Brett Bartholomew here.
1:06:01
Programming is easy. People are heart.
1:06:04
So now I dive into how to relate, how to lead individuals,
1:06:08
the mental and emotional state of individuals, which then puts
1:06:11
you in a position to lead the mental and emotional state of a
1:06:14
team. And that's that's what we're
1:06:16
talking about. Yeah.
1:06:17
With that is that simple as my favorite course is
1:06:22
listen.captainsandcoaches.com for that.
1:06:25
And yeah, more to come. There's also one on punishment,
1:06:29
reframing discipline at practice versus just run, get away from
1:06:33
me. Yeah, man.
1:06:34
So have a lot of fun in my my presentations.
1:06:37
And yeah, it all stems from from practice and and learning in
1:06:41
real time. I'm still in the trenches
1:06:44
learning the language of the youth.
1:06:47
Bet rizzes out. Can't use that one anymore.
1:06:50
Bet's still cool. My favorite word I picked up
1:06:53
this year is VAR instead of varsity.
1:06:57
They're they just say yeah. I wear that on var.
1:07:00
I'm like, I guess you're too busy.
1:07:03
But yeah, Var, hey, Var needs this.
1:07:07
I never even thought of that, but I love it.
1:07:09
And now I'm not going to. I can't not say it and laugh.
1:07:13
And yeah, I was making fun of him for it, but now, like, OK,
1:07:17
makes sense. Yeah, yeah, dude.
1:07:20
So yeah, continuing to learn and have fun and apply is the big
1:07:24
thing. I'm not just sitting on a high
1:07:26
horse talking at anybody. I'm down there seeing it in real
1:07:30
time and yeah, man. And diving into the research
1:07:34
alongside the doctorate, which is a lot of cool, which, yeah,
1:07:39
man, excited for to continue. And whatever comes out of that
1:07:43
and over the next few years, be excited for that.
1:07:46
Yeah, no, that's incredible. Yeah, I know.
1:07:48
Everybody go check out all those things you just talked about
1:07:51
text. Thank you again for doing this,
1:07:52
man. This is awesome.
1:07:53
Thank you. If you enjoyed this conversation
1:07:55
and want to go deeper, check out my book Strengthen Numbers,
1:07:58
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1:08:01
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