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Is My Child Transgender Because of Me? · Pastor John Piper's answers

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  One of the great anxieties that parents face is the fear of what our own
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  sins could do to corrupt our kids. It can be a paralyzing anxiety,
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  one that has come up on the podcast in many different forms over the years.
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  It's the fear of those who believe in God's judgment on generational sins,
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  sins of the past being visited on future generations. More commonly, it's the
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  fear of young men and women born out of wedlock or born into dysfunctional homes
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  who wonder if their past dooms their future family to a similar broken fate.
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  It's the fear of Christian parents of prodigals who are left wondering what they did
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  to mess up their children so badly. It's the fear of young men and
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  women awakened to the potency of sin in their own hearts and afraid to even
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  have chill because of what their own sins could do to corrupt those future kids.
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  In each of these scenarios, we find the same haunting question lurking behind
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  it all. Did my sin or will my sin ruin my child? In
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  our new APJ book, you can see these scenarios on pages one ninety two
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  to one ninety three, and the same question echoes in this heartbreaking email from
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  a broken dad. He writes an anonymously Bestor John. My wife and I
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  have four sons, ranging from twenty to eight. We recently found out our
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  twenty and fifteen year olds both claimed to suffer from so called gender dysphoria.
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  The twenty year old is walking with the Lord and knows it's wrong, fighting
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  his temptations and trying to dwell in God for strength, and attends a solid
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  Bible believing church. But he's in college two hours away and we are still
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  worried for him. Our fifteen year old is not a believer. He is
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  in a public school and we are now looking to move him into a private
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  Criser school setting and will continue to help to support him, but he has
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  been cold and not receptive. We have talked to our pastors, asked for
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  prayer, but we feel so broken and so alone, so helpless in this
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  season. What do we do to fight against the despair we face every day
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  as failed parents? How did we fail them? Please help us, Pastor
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  John. We are so torn and heartbroken as I have thought and prayed more
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  than usual about this question and the situation, which, by the way of
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  course, is multi blood ten thousand fold for Christian parents across the world.
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  Right, there are ten suggestions that I have for parents to consider, and
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  I just say consider when a child moves away from obedience to Jesus, might
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  be completely away, may be partially away, whatever form it takes. So
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  here they are. Number one, Grieve deeply, but not despairingly. Grieve
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  while holding fast to the sovereign goodness and wisdom of God. Be like job
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  who fell on the ground, tore his robe, shaved his head no doubt,
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  wept his eyes out at the loss of his children, and said,
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  the Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name
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  of the Lord. So grieve deeply, but not despairingly. Number two,
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  do not assume while your child lives, that he will not return to the
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  path of obedience. What is impossible with man, and it surely seems impossible
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  at times, what is impossible with man is possible with God Luke eighteen twenty
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  seven. Look to the God of the impossible. Number three, do not
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  assume that your imperfections as a parent were decisive in causing this disobedience in your
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  child. Don't assume that. Read Ezekiel eighteen. I'll sum it up.
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  Quote, Behold, all souls are mine. The soul of the father,
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  as well as the soul of the son is mine. The soul who sins
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  shall die. If a righteous father begets a son who is violent, a
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  shedder of blood, though the father himself has done none of these things,
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  that son shall surely die. His blood shall be upon himself. The son
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  shall not suffer for the iniquity of the father, nor the father for the
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  iniquity of the son. Close quote the father shall not suffer. The mother
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  shall not suffer for the iniquity of the son. In other words, we
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  cannot draw a straight line from our own parenting to our children's sin or righteousness.
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  The refrain running through the Bible is failing parents can have good children,
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  and good parents can have failing children. So repent of all remembered sin,
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  but don't assume that was the decisive cause of your child's disobedience. Number four
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  isis revolve to love your children on God's terms, not the world's terms.
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  That is, love them with a readiness to sacrifice your life while standing for
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  what God calls right and what God calls true, not what the world calls
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  right and true. The effort to be loving by forsaking God's way of truth
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  and righteousness, which many are trying to do today, is to fail in
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  love. You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free,
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  Jesus said, and johnate. God's truth is the path to love.
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  Number five, whether in person or in letters or emails, speak truth to
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  your child. Tell them what you believe, why you believe it, and
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  why you believe it's the path of love. Do not withdraw into self pity
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  or anger. Lean in, Lean in with truth. Speak to them.
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  Once this is done, then wait, don't nag, don't harass, but
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  be sure you have spoken to them. The fullness of the truth you believe
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  is the path of love. Number six. Communicate your love, the kind
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  of love that is willing and ready to go anywhere. Do anything at any
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  cost to your life for the sake of the life of your children. Now
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  they may think that the truth you embrace cannot be loving because it does not
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  affirm them in their sin. But they know in their heart when you are
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  ready to give your life for them, and that you are not selfish.
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  They know your commitment to the Bible has made you ready to die for the
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  good of others, especially your children. Communicate that readiness to them. Number
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  seven, Pray without ceasing in the confidence that God is sovereign and merciful,
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  slow to anger, abounding insteadfast love, and gather some friends, whether in
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  person or in other ways, and join in prayer for each other's children.
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  Trust him. Trust God as you pray that he will give good things to
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  those who ask, because that's what it says in Matthew seven eleven. If
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  you, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children,
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  how much more will your father in heaven give good things to those who ask
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  him? Expect him to give good things as you pray. Measure with prayer,
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  full Bible saturated wisdom. Measure how often to address the issue with your
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  child. I had said a moment ago, don't nag, don't harass.
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  Some will be utterly closed to any communication that's tragic but real, so rarely
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  intrude where you have been forbidden. Rarely. I didn't say never. Others
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  will be more open. God will give you discernment. That's what I trust.
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  God will give you discernment, wisdom from above. As James calls it
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  in chapter three of his letter. Sometimes you will just send a note of
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  affection. I love you. That's the text. I love you. Sometimes
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  notes mentioning something precious about the Lord Jesus that you just read in your devotions.
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  Maybe as a father pities his children, so the Lord pities those who
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  fear him. Let me just say that. Sometimes the note will simply say,
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  just thinking about you today. That's all Number nine. Periodically, make
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  the simple central gospel plane to the distant prodigal, the child who's moving away.
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  Make the central Gospel plain. In other words, from time to time,
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  God will make it plain. How often once a year, once every
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  six months, God will make it plain. From time to time. Remind
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  them there's always a way out, a way home to God and to you,
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  because there may come a point when they want out, they want out
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  of their disobedience, but Satan is blinding them to any hope that it could
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  happen, telling them there's no way out, there's no way back, and
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  they may need help remembering what they once knew so well and has become cloudy.
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  If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive our
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  sins. Since to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. And finally, number ten,
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  press on with your ordinary life with broken hearted but indombitable joy, and
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  deny Satan the triumph of paralyzing you in your path of righteousness because of your
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  child's path of unrighteousness. Satan would love to take out two people with one
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  bullet. Deny him that. Yes, your child needs to see that you
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  are not blithely indifferent to his disobedience. But just as important, he needs
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  to see that Jesus is your supreme treasure and that the solar system of your
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  life does not revolve around your child. He is not the sun in your
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  solar system. Christ is. He doesn't need you falling apart, retreating in
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  self pity, pouting. That's not helpful. He needs you weak and triumphant
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  in Christ. Now, there are so many other things besides these ten things
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  to say. When I finished them, I just kept thinking of others now
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  that, oh, get me, get to stop. But these are the
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  thoughts that come to me just now as I was praying and preparing for this.
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  So let's pray for each other, and may the Lord bring the day
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  when there is a tidal wave of grace that sweeps thousands of precious prodigals into
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  the arms of their parents. End of the Lord Jesus. Amen. May
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  it be deeply moving and yet hope filled as well. Thank you, Pastor
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  John for this response and for these seasoned words. On top of that new
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  APJ book we just published in pages one, two, one three. In
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  it, we have two other episodes in the archive speaking two parents of Prodigals.
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  If that's you apja's nine ninety one and ten eleven. Check those out
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  too at askpastor John dot com. Thank you for joining us. If this
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  episode is prompted in you new questions, you can ask Pastor John email us
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  at ask pstor John at Desiring Good dot org. Pastor John and I will
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  see you on Monday.