Latest / Reformed Thinking / A One-Woman Man: Interpreting “Husband of One Wife” for Trustworthy Eldership

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A One-Woman Man: Interpreting “Husband of One Wife” for Trustworthy Eldership · Reformed Thinking

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Welcome back to Reformed Thinking.
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I'm your host and I am here with my good friend and fellow
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student of the Word. It's good to be back.
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We are, as always, just two friends who hold to the
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Westminster Confession, love the Scriptures and really enjoy
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taking a massive stack of theological articles and trying
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to extract the core truth for you.
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And looking at the table between us, we certainly have quite the
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stack today. I think this might be the
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heaviest pile of books we have ever brought into the studio.
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It is precarious. Yeah, we've got commentaries,
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lexical studies, historical surveys, and a few pastoral
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theology handbooks here. A lot to get through.
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For sure, today we are looking at a phrase that gets, you know,
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thrust down in church committee meetings and ordination councils
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constantly. It is a phrase that sounds
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simple in English, but it carries a massive amount of
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theological weight. We are talking about the
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qualification for an overseer or elder found in First Timothy 3.2
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and also in Titus 1.6. The requirement is that he must
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be the husband of one wife. It sounds so straightforward on
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the surface. I think most people hear that
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and their mind immediately goes to a checklist.
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They think, OK, check the box. Is he married?
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Yes. Does he have only one wife?
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Yes. Great.
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Let's move on to the next question.
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You are right, it often gets treated as a bureaucratic
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necessity. You know, just something to get
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past so you can look at the guy's leadership skills or his
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preaching ability. But looking at the research we
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have called for this deep dive, that approach is actually, well,
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it's dangerous. It really is.
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This isn't just about filing paperwork or meeting a quota.
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This is about the safety of the flock and the credibility of the
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gospel itself. The stakes are incredibly high
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here. We have all seen the headlines.
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It seems like every month there is another story.
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When a shepherd falls, the sheep stumble.
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And the world sneers. The name of God is blasphemy.
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So our mission today is to move way past that surface level.
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Is he married question. We're going to look at the Greek
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precision Paul uses, the covenantal theology behind it,
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and the very practical application of what it means to
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be a one woman man. I love that phrase.
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One woman, man. It really changes the texture of
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the discussion. Doesn't.
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It it does, it moves it from legal status to character.
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So let's unpack this. We need to start with the text
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itself. We have to look at the literal
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translation because, you know, English smooth things out a bit.
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It does. So open your Greek New Testament
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or just listen closely. The phrase in Greek is MIAs
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ginnaikos Andra. MIAs ginnaikos Andra.
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If you translate that literally word for word, it comes out as
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one woman man. OK, let's stop right there,
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because the word order in the Greek is apparently very
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significant. In English, we usually stick to
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a strict subject verb, object order.
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But Greek is more flexible, right?
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Greek is very flexible authors. They often use word order to
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indicate emphasis. If you want to stress a point,
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you move that word to the front of the sentence.
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And that's what's happening here.
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That is exactly what is happening here.
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Paul places the word MIAs, which means one, at the very front of
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the phrase. It is in what we call the
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emphatic position. So he isn't just mentioning a
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number casually. He's not just saying, oh, by the
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way, make sure it's one. Not at all.
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He is stressing singularity. It is almost like he is shouting
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the word 1 before he even tells you what the one thing is.
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Wow. It is a direct attack on divided
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affections. The issue isn't just about a
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legal marital status. It is about the exclusivity of
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the man's heart. It is confronting the idea of
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having a divided heart or a wandering eye.
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So the emphasis is on the oneness that leads us to this
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other interesting grammatical detail that was mentioned in
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almost every scholarly article we read.
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The Inarthritis construction. Now, for those of us who aren't
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professional linguists, what does that mean and why does it
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matter? It sounds super technical, but
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it's actually quite helpful for understanding the nuance here,
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and Arthrus simply means there is no definite article.
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The word the. Exactly the word the so Paul
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doesn't say the husband of the wife.
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OK, so why is that missing word such a big deal?
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When you drop the article in a Greek construction like this, it
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often shifts the focus from a specific identity, like a legal
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title, to a quality or a character trait.
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Can you give us an analogy that's a little abstract?
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Sure, Think of it like calling someone a man of honor.
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You aren't pointing to a specific instance of honor or a
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specific badge he is wearing. You are describing the fabric of
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his being. So you're saying he's an
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honorable man through and through?
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Precisely in the same way Paul is saying an elder must be a one
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woman man, it describes his character, not just his legal
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standing. That is a crucial distinction,
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yeah, because theoretically a man could be legally married to
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one woman. So he passes the status test for
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the identity test, but in his heart he is a many women man.
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And then that is the danger. That's what this phrase is
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designed to prevent. He could be flirting with Co
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workers, consuming pornography, or emotionally entangled with
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someone else. Legally he is the husband of one
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wife. He has the certificate.
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Right, he can show you the paperwork.
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But morally, character wise, he's not a one woman man.
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The text demands that the character matches the status.
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That is heavy. It really strips away the
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ability to just hide behind a marriage license.
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It forces us to look at the interior life of the candidate.
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It has to now. Let's look at the specific words
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used. Paul uses the word Andra right?
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Andra is the accusative form of an anner, which means an adult
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male. It is distinct from the other
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common Greek word anthropos. Which is more of a generic term
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for human or person? Exactly.
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And this has implications for the gender of the office,
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correct? It does.
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You cannot really get around it textually in the context of
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First Timothy 2.1, where Paul talks about authority within the
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church assembly. The use of an anner here
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supports the complementarian structure of the church.
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The elder is to be a man. So it explicitly rejects the
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modern push for egalitarianism in the pastor.
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It it does. And there's another boundary
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here regarding the definition of marriage itself, isn't there?
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Yes. Because the word for wife is
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gynecos woman, it obviously precludes homosexual unions.
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You cannot be the husband of one husband.
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So the text assumes a creation order marriage between one man
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and one woman. It is built right into the.
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Grammar, right? It's it's a very specific
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creation order boundary. Now, there was one more grammar
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point that I found fascinating, the verb tense.
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We often overlook tenses, but here it seems vital.
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It is the key to interpreting some of the harder cases we are
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going to discuss later. The governing verb for this
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whole list in First Timothy 3 is day I, which means it is
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necessary. It is necessary.
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And that's linked with the verb ini, which means to be, and it
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is in the present tense. So it's about who he is now, not
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who he was or who he will be, but who he is at this moment.
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Correct. The core question is not who was
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this man 20 years ago? The question is who is he right
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now? Is he currently a one woman man?
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This becomes very, very important later when we talk
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about things like past sins or divorce.
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It sets the stage for distinguishing between
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forgiveness of the past and fitness in the present.
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That's a great way to put it, forgiveness versus fitness.
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OK, so we have the linguistic foundation.
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It is a character requirement. It is about present singular
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devotion. But let's move to the why.
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Why does God care so much about this specific trait for a church
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leader? I mean, it cannot just be an
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arbitrary rule. No, and this is where we get
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into the deep theology of it. We have to view the Elder as a
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covenantal guardian. A covenantal guardian?
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That sounds weighty. How does that connect to the
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broader picture of Scripture? Think about the connection
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between Christ and the Church in Ephesians 5.
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It's the central metaphor for God's relationship with his
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people in the New Covenant. Christ is the Bridegroom, The
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Church is the bride. Exactly.
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Christ has only one bride, and he is singularly devoted to her.
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He doesn't have a mistress. He is not window shopping.
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He is entirely focused on his church.
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And the elder is supposed to represent Christ to the flock.
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That is the terrifying part of the office.
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The elder is an under shepherd. He is a living, breathing
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picture of the chief shepherd. So if the elder has a divided
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heart, if he is chasing other women or porn or whatever, he is
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effectively telling a lie about Jesus.
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Wow, he's acting out a heresy with his body.
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He nailed it. That is exactly what it is.
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He is saying Jesus isn't actually satisfied with his
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bride. He is slandering the gospel with
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his life. That puts it in a completely
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different light. It is not just don't break the
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rules, it is don't slander the nature of Christ's love.
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Precisely. And this aligns perfectly with
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the Westminster Confession, specifically Chapter 24, which
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is about marriage. Right of marriage and divorce.
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It says marriage is for mutual help and for preventing
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uncleanness. The elder needs to exemplify
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that. He needs to show with his life
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that God's provision in a single wife is sufficient for
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satisfaction. He's a living testimony against
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the world's constant cry for more.
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It is a rebuke to the idea that we always need more, that we're
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entitled to novelty. And it connects to redemptive
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history to think about it. In the Old Testament, we saw God
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tolerating polygamy. David Solomon.
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They had many wives and the Bible records it, usually
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showing the chaos and heartbreak it caused.
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Right. It never repeats it as a good
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thing. It's always a source of strife.
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Always. But God tolerated it due to the
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hardness of heart. That's the biblical phrase.
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But the New Testament changes the standard.
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It raises the bar back. Up it shifts back to the ideal.
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The times of ignorance are over. The Church is returning to the
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identic ideal of 1 flesh, so the elder stands as a rebuke to the
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Pagan polyamory of the Roman world and the polygamy of the
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ancient world. He is a living billboard for
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God's original design. A.
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Living billboard. I like that.
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So we know what it means and we know why it matters
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theologically. Now let's talk about what it
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excludes The negative bounds. Obviously, the first thing is
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polygamy. Right, that is the most literal,
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straightforward application. No harems.
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That one's easy. But most elders in our circles
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aren't, you know, trying to bring his second wife to the
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session meeting. The sources we read talk about
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something they call functional polygamy.
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This is the modern context. And this is where the rubber
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meets the road for us today. You can be a functional
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polygamist while having only one legal wife.
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So what does that look like? While the sources point to
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pornography as a primary example, one writer called it a
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digital harem. A digital harem that is a
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visceral image. It is accurate though, isn't it?
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If a man is consuming images of dozens or hundreds of women, he
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is not a one woman man. He has divided his sexual
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interest among a multitude. That is a direct violation of
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this character qualification. It's a complete betrayal of that
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singular devotion we were talking about.
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Completely, and it also mentions emotional affairs and the
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phenomenon of work spouses. That's a huge one in our
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culture. It is very common in the
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workplace. A man might not be sleeping with
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his secretary or his colleague, but he is sharing his heart with
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her. He is confiding in her.
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He is getting his emotional needs met by her.
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He's keeping secrets from his wife.
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Yes, text calls this out if you have private compartments in
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your life regarding other women, you are not a one woman man.
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You have divided your covenantal intimacy, one of the.
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Sources mentioned the idol of novelty as the root sin here
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that. Really struck me.
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The human heart, especially the male heart, loves variety.
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We get bored. The sin often starts with just
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wanting something new, a new thrill, a new affirmation, a new
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ego boost. So the.
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Requirement for an elder is that he has put that idol to death.
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He has. Killed it, or at least he is
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actively killing it. He excludes any cultivation of
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romanticized friendships. He refuses to use his authority
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or his position to gain admiration from women that.
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Is a subtle 1 using authority to gain admiration.
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It is not necessarily sexual in the act itself, but is
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absolutely sexual in its IT is. It is using women to feed an ego
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need that should be met in Christ and in His covenant
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marriage. It's a form of spiritual
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adultery. Now whenever.
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This topic comes up. There were always two big
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controversies that seemed to dominate the conversation. 1 is
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about single man and the other is about divorce.
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Let's tackle the single this question first.
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The text says husband of one wife.
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Does that mean a man must be married to be an elder?
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It is a common misconception, but the answer is a clear no.
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This is not a mandate for marriage.
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How do we know? That for sure.
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Well, the. Strongest argument is the author
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himself, the Apostle Paul. He wrote this letter and he was
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single. It would be very strange for
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Paul to set up a qualification that would disqualify himself
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from leadership. That would be pretty.
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Awkward. Yeah.
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Also you. Look at First Corinthians 7.
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Paul actually speaks of singleness as an advantage for
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ministry because a. Single man can be undistracted
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in his devotion to the Lord that's his.
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Argument He's not burdened with the cares of a family and can
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give himself wholly to the work so how do.
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We interpret husband of one wife.
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If the guy has no wife, we go back.
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To what we established at the beginning, it's a character
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trait being a one woman man. If he is married, he must be
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faithful to that one woman. If he is single, he must still
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be a one woman man in his character.
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What does that look? Like for a single guy it means.
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He is chased. It means he treats older women
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as mothers and younger women as sisters with all purity.
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As Paul says elsewhere, he isn't a player.
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He isn't known for dating around loosely or leaving a trail of
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broken hearts. His character is marked by
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sexual integrity and self-control.
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That makes perfect sense. It's about sexual focus and
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purity, not just having a ring on your finger.
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Exactly. And on the flip side, this text
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is also a strong polemic against the Roman Catholic requirement
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for mandatory clerical celibacy. Right, because the.
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Text assumes marriage is normal and good, that is.
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Correct. Paul says an overseer can be the
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husband of one wife. He assumes it is a holy and good
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thing for a leader to be married.
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In fact, he goes on to say he should manage his own household
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well, which is. Hard to do if you don't have
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one, right? And then later in First Timothy
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4, Paul actually calls forbidding marriage a doctrine
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of demons, that is. Incredibly strong language.
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Yeah, it is. The home is meant to be a model
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of covenant life. It's a proving ground for
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ministry and not a distraction from it.
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So the text cuts against both the idea that you must be
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married and the idea that you must not be married.
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OK, now we. Have to wade into the deepest
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water, the hardest case, divorce and remarriage.
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This is where. Sessions and elder boards lose
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sleep. It is without a doubt the most
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debated aspect of this qualification, the.
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Sources make a big, big distinction here between
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forgiveness and fitness. Can you explain that it is?
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Absolutely vital a man can be fully forgiven by Christ for a
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past sin, including a sinful divorce, and be a full member of
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the church loved by God heading to heaven, but that does not
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automatically mean he is above reproach for the office of elder
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because the. Office isn't a right, it's not
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something you're owed, correct? It is a stewardship.
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It is a specific role with specific qualifications designed
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to protect the flock. You can be fully forgiven for
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robbing a bank, but you probably shouldn't be the church
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treasurer next week. That is a.
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Fair and very clear analogy. So how do we interpret husband
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of one wife regarding a guy who has been divorced?
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We have. To avoid 2 extremes on one side
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is a hard legalism which says. If you have.
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Ever been divorced for any reason?
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You were disqualified forever. That goes beyond what Scripture
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teaches and turns a past event into a permanent mark of Cain
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and the other. Extreme sentimentalism, which
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says. Well, he's so gifted and he's
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sorry, and Grace covers all, so let's just pretend the past
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didn't happen. That minimizes the seriousness
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of the office and the potential for reproach.
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So what is the middle path? Where does wisdom lie?
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It is. The present character test we
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talked about earlier Does his life now display singular
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devotion? And crucially, does his past
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create a barrier to his public reputation?
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Is he above reproach the. Article suggests an assessment
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grid for navigating this. Let's walk through the points
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first. Pre conversion versus post
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conversion. This matters.
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A great deal. Did the divorce happen when he
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was lost before he came to Christ?
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Paul says in Corinthians, such were some of you.
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The gospel makes things new. If a man had a messy life before
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Christ and now has a 20 year track record of faithfulness in
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a new marriage, that is a testimony of grace, not a strike
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against him. But.
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Reputation takes time to rebuild it takes.
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Time and the elders have to be wise about that.
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You wouldn't put him in office the year after his conversion.
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OK then. There is the innocent versus
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guilty party distinction, yes. The Westminster Confession, in
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line with Scripture, allows for divorce in cases of adultery or
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willful desertion. If a man was the victim, if his
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wife abandoned him or committed adultery, he is not the covenant
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breaker. He isn't the one who violated
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the one woman man principle. So in that case.
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He might be eligible. He might be.
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But even then, there is caution, right?
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Because even an innocent divorce can leave a man with a lot of
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baggage, bitterness, or ongoing chaos, especially if there are
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children involved. You have to look at the man's
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heart and life now. How has he handled that trauma
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that leads? To the reproach factor, this
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feels a bit more subjective. It is.
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Subjective, but it is biblical. An elder must be above reproach.
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If appointing a certain man, even if he is technically
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biblically free to remarry would cause a massive scandal in that
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specific community or cause widespread confusion about the
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sanctity of marriage, it might not be wise to appoint him so
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it's. Context dependent it is.
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The witness of the church in that town at that time matters
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and. Finally, looking at his current
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marriage, is it a? Model of stability and grace.
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If his second marriage is rocky, or if it looks like he just
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traded up for a trophy wife, that raises serious questions.
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The bottom line the sources give is this If appointing him
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requires the church to constantly explain or defend his
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past, he may not be above reproach.
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That's a. Fantastic rule of thumb.
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The focus shouldn't be on the elder candidates resume.
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The goal is to. Protect the flock and the
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Church's public witness not to validate the man's personal
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recovery story you have. Nailed it.
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OK, let's shift gears slightly to how this qualification works
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in the heart of a believer. The law gospel dynamic this is.
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Classic reformed theology. First we have to talk about the
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first use of the law. It acts as a mirror.
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So when? We read husband of one wife or
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one woman. Man, it should crush us.
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It absolutely. Should who among us is truly a
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one woman man in the deepest recesses of his heart?
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Nobody. If we.
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Use Jesus standard in Matthew 5 that lust is adultery in the
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heart. This text condemns every single
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man. It shows us we are not the
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shepherds we ought to be. We all have wandering eyes and
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divided hearts to some degree, and that failure that.
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Conviction drives us to Christ. It has.
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To it points us to the only true, faithful husband, Jesus
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Christ. He is the only the only one who
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has never cheated on his bride, the church.
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He's the only one with singular, perfect, unbroken devotion.
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He is the standard we fail to meet.
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But then for the. Believer, for the man who is in
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Christ, there's a third use of the law, right?
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It becomes a guide. It isn't just condemnation
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anymore. Now it is a map for gratitude.
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The elder obeys this. He fights lust, he guards his
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eyes. He cultivates love for his wife,
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not to get saved, but because he is saved.
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I love the quote. From one of the sources, which
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is really just paraphrasing Paul, How can I join Christ to a
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prostitute that is from. 1st Corinthians 6 It is the logic of
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union with Christ. If I am one with Jesus, my body
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is a member of his body. I cannot take his body and join
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it to sin, whether that's physical adultery or a digital
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harem. So the fight.
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For purity is actually a fight to honor that union.
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It's an. Expression of love for the one
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who bought you. So we have.
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The theology. Now let's get intensely
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practical. The sources break this down into
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head, heart and hands. Let's start with the head.
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This is the theological conviction part.
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This is. About what you believe.
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You have to be convinced intellectually that private
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purity is a public trust. You have to believe that
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infidelity isn't just a mistake or a lapse in judgment.
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It's a heresy. It is acting.
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Out a theological lie about Christ.
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If you don't believe that in your bones, you won't fight hard
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enough. When temptation comes, then the
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heart. This is about our affections,
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right? You cannot just fight sin with
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willpower. It doesn't work.
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You have to fight it with a superior pleasure.
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You have to cultivate a pleasure in Christ and in the gospel that
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is stronger and more compelling than the fleeting pleasure of
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sin. Thomas.
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Chalmers expulsive power of a new affection.
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That's it exactly. And part of that is loving your
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wife, but not. Just out of duty, no.
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Loving her out of a heart that is truly satisfied by God.
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If you are satisfied in Christ, you don't need to look for
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satisfaction in a work spouse or on a screen.
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Finally, the. Hands these the concrete
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safeguards. The sources were very direct
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about this, mentioning things like the Billy Graham rule or
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the. Modesty rule.
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It is simply wisdom. Don't meet alone, dine alone or
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travel alone with a woman who is not your wife, people.
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Mock this today. They call it Mike Pence's rule
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or whatever they say it is. Sexist or old fashioned, they
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do. But the sources argue that it's
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armor. It's not about feeling women.
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It's about fearing sin and loving your wife, your sister in
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Christ and the church so it protects.
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Everyone involved it protects. The woman from predation or
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false accusation. It protects the man from
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temptation and from suspicion. It protects the Church from
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scandal. It isn't legalism.
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It is just being smart about the reality of indwelling sin.
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Another one. Is digital hygiene.
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This is a modern necessity. Accountability.
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Software, Covenant eyes, things like that, and the sources are
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pretty blunt here. If a leader refuses transparency
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on his devices, it suggests either pride or that he is
21:59
hiding something that makes. Sense.
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I mean, if you have nothing to hide, why lock the door and
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refuse to give anyone the key that is the?
22:05
Ticket A man who wants to be above reproach should welcome
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accountability, not run from it. And then?
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There are counseling protocols. This is a big one for pastors.
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Huge. Pastors deal with vulnerable
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women often the recommendation is to use the Titus 2 model
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refer women to mature older women for the heavy lifting of
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emotional counseling rather than the male pastor handling it all
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alone in a closed room week after week, that seems.
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Like such a healthy and obvious safeguard, yet so many churches
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ignore it. They do.
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And that is so often where the trouble starts.
22:35
It begins with a desire to help and ends in an emotional or
22:39
physical affair. We are coming.
22:41
Down to the wire here, but we need to address the modern
22:44
errors. Why do churches get this so
22:47
wrong so often? I think.
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It comes down to one word, pragmatism.
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It works. So we do it.
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The ends justify the means exactly.
22:56
We want CEO's, we want vision casters, we want dynamic
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speakers who can grow the church.
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We look at a guy and say wow, he can draw a crowd.
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He's a great leader and we intentionally ignore the fact
23:08
that he is arrogant or has a wandering eye.
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The Crooked. Stick argument comes up here a
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lot. I hear it all the time.
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Oh yeah, people say. Well.
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God uses crooked sticks, Yeah, meaning God uses flawed people.
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And that is absolutely true. God is sovereign.
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But the source makes a great point.
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God uses crooked sticks, but the church shouldn't appoint them to
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rule. That is a.
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Mic drop moment right there it is.
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Just because God can use a man despite his sin doesn't mean we
23:31
should ordain him in his sin. If a man brings in the numbers
23:35
but isn't a one woman man, he is disqualified.
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Period. The character qualifications are
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not suggestions, so let's finish.
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With the assessment grid for elder boards, what should they
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actually be asking when they vet a candidate first?
23:48
Don't just ask has he avoided public scandal?
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That is a terribly low bar. You can avoid scandal just by
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being sneaky. So what should?
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They ask instead ask. Is he transparent?
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Does he welcome accountability? Is he humble and teachable?
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And, crucially, ask his wife. You cannot.
24:05
Assess if a man is a one woman man without asking the woman it
24:09
seems. So obvious, but it is often
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skipped. Is she cherished?
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Is she honored? Does she feel safe with him?
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Or does she feel like a prop for his ministry and the time?
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Test. This was another key take away
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Haste. Is the ally of hypocrisy.
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That is a great line from one of the books.
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If you rush a guy into leadership, you don't have time
24:26
to see the cracks. A1 woman man is a proven
24:29
character trait and character takes time to prove we have.
24:32
Covered a massive amount of ground, from the Greek MIAs
24:35
Gainaikos Anodra to the theology of the Covenantal Guardian, all
24:39
the way to the digital habits of a modern elder.
24:42
It is. A dense and incredibly relevant
24:44
topic. So if we had.
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To summarize the main point for our listener today, what is it
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the. Qualification is a mercy.
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It can feel like a restriction, like a high bar, but it is a
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mercy from God to His Church. A mercy.
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How so it? Ensures that the leaders are
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safe, steady and trustworthy. It protects the sheep from
25:03
wolves, and honestly, it protects the wolves from
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themselves by keeping them out of a position where they can do
25:08
the most damage. I love.
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That it is about safety, the safety of the flock, and it is.
25:14
About the Gospel, the world says follow your heart.
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Christ says keep your vows. The elder must embody that
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contrast. He shows the world that there is
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something better, more solid and more joyful than self
25:25
indulgence, and that is covenant faithfulness that is.
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A perfect place to land for everyone listening, whether you
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are an elder aspiring to be 1 or just a member of the flock.
25:35
Praying for your leaders. This matters.
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Deeply encourage the men in your church to aspire to this
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holiness and pray for. Them.
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It is a spiritual battle and no one is immune.
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Absolutely. Well, that wraps up this deep
25:47
dive. We hope this has been helpful,
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challenging, and clarifying for you indeed.
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A lot to think about. Until next.
25:53
Time on reformed thinking.