Latest / Claymore: Become Who You Are / #432 I Believe In Love...A Letter to Danny

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#432 I Believe In Love...A Letter to Danny · Claymore: Become Who You Are

• 0:09
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Become who you Are podcast, the production of the John Paul Tour Renewal Center.
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: I'm Jack Rigert, your host, and I'm glad you're joining me today.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: Today's episode I Believe in Love a letter to Danny.
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: I'll tell you where this came from and I'm going to give a shout out to Lisa.
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: Lisa wrote me not long ago.
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: She said I just read Jack Rigert's latest article on the destruction of the family and I read his bio where he says that he had a dramatic encounter with Jesus Christ at his brother's bedside and then again at his funeral.
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: It's a possible to send me info or an article detailing these encounters he had?
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: I tried to look it up on YouTube but I couldn't find it.
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: I'd love to read about his encounters, thank you.
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: Well, I actually sat down and I wrote a letter to Danny.
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: I believe in love.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: That encapsulates just the highlights of this encounter.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: You know, so much happened during this encounter with God.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: It's amazing, and God wants to encounter all of us in this life.
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: I'm nothing special, that's for sure, and so these encounters are something we can expect.
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: You know, god wants to break into our lives and he has a plan for us, and so I sat down and I wrote this letter out today.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: I'm going to read it and again, thank you, lisa, for pushing me to do this.
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: I realized that I've told this story many, many times at parish missions and other venues, usually winding it into other stories.
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: But this time I'm going to do it as a standalone project and maybe I'll continue this later on, because this really led into a way and it really an adventure, an adventure with God.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: So God bless you.
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: Thanks, lisa, buckle up and get ready for today's episode.
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: I believe in love.
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: A letter to Danny.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: Dear Danny, I found a picture of you and I from Christmas Day 1971.
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: I was 14 year old, his brother.
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: Out of five of us, you were number four and at that time you were only five years old.
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: In it we're sitting on the floor playing what looks like a new game, with our Christmas tree Stunning, as it always was, all lit up behind us.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: I remember the year really well because my arm is in the sling in the picture.
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: I had had surgery from a sports injury.
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: In the picture I was looking down at the game, but you were looking up at me and your eyes and your smile at me.
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: And again, when I look at this picture.
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: I just see this.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: You're revealing your heart, as you always did so, full of affection and joy, looking at your older brother, huh.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: That picture somehow has become etched in my memory.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: My own heart aches as I try to recapture that moment and time, but I can't remember anything else about it, you know.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: Did we talk?
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: Did we laugh?
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: Did I return your affection and smile?
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: I hope I did.
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: You were a beautiful child, and as the years went by, you're a good looks, thick head of dark brown here.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: You're intelligent.
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: You're eager, warm smile.
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: Those became your trademarks.
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: Your best feature, though, was your huge, trusting heart that was open to everyone, especially if they were a bit down or needed a friend, you were always ready to listen.
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: Do you remember how excited you were to be an altar boy at our parish Then?
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: Then came the sexual abuse that you would experience at the hands of our pastor there, unbeknownst to the rest of us, he gained your trust and affection.
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: He groomed you for many months, and then he robbed you of your innocence.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: We would not learn of this very dark period of your life until you were in drug rehab and it contracted HIV AIDS.
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you.
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: Perhaps if I had taken more time to look down and see into your eyes, to see that they weren't as bright as they once had been, or your smile was not as quick or as often as before.
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: But by the time you were being abused, I had already moved away Just four years from that picture, at 18, I was gone.
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: You were just nine, going on, 10 years old.
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: I guess we get too busy with our own lives, I guess For that my stomach still feels ill to today.
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: I have since met many young men and women who were sexually abused as children.
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: You know, danny, today in our nation there are 60 million adults One in four girls, one in six boys who were sexually abused as children.
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: A staggering number of the walking wounded.
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: Many, I mean, are almost too ashamed to share their stories.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: How many of them carry this burden alone, like you did for so long?
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: Today, I look at faces.
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: Sometimes I could see it in their eyes.
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: As fate would have it, though, through drug rehab and your HIV diagnosis, you came back into the church that seemed to portray you.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: This time you found a faithful priest and a community that would be there for you as you grew too weak to attend mass, this humble priest from your parish in Orlando, florida, would come and bring the Eucharist and hear your confession.
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: Leaving your room one day after such a visit, the priest turned to Mom, who was there helping you as you got sicker and sicker.
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: And he said to Mom there's a little saint in the making in that room.
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: You had found your way back and soon you would lead me back too.
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: You know, I never told you about the time.
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: That same time that priest left your room, I was kneeling in prayer, about 1200 miles away.
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: You see how we were struggling in our marriage, jeannie and I, and it seemed like there was no hope to save this crumbling marriage.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: And with three young children in my back against the wall, I knelt in prayer for the first time in 20 years.
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: I said God, do you have a plan for my life?
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: You know, looking back at this, I think God must have smiled at me and said yes, jack, I have a plan for your life, only you're not following it very well.
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: When I got up from my knees, the phone was ringing.
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: It was Mom calling from Orlando to tell us that you were no longer responsive and your organs were shutting down Miraculously.
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: All four of your brothers made it to the airport and boarded the plane to Orlando with seconds to spare.
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: I was the first one through your door when we got to your house and I passed two hospice people on my right in the kitchen who said thank goodness, his brothers are here.
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: Danny's still alive.
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: They told us that you were unresponsive but we could go see you and that you were on the couch in the next room.
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: Then the unexpected Only minutes after you heard our voices, I looked down and I saw the tendons in your neck began to strain and what seemed like a tremendous internal battle going on within you, one eyelid opened, just ever so slightly.
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: I touched your arm and I said Danny, you can hear us, can't you?
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: We're all here.
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: Then, both of your eyes open, your head came up slightly and we helped you sit up just a little bit and you seemed to be looking past me at someone or something in the corner of the room behind me and then you said let's pray together.
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: Your mouth was really dry and I wanted to make sure I said.
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: What, danny, did you say?
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: Let's pray together?
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: Yes, yes.
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: You replied very clearly Pray to God.
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: You laid back down and closing your eyes and no longer straining for breath like you did before, became very peaceful.
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: You didn't attempt to pray with us, you laid back and I understood that this moment was for our sakes and that you were the messenger.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: What had you seen?
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: What had you experienced?
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: Something between this temporal space and the kingdom of heaven.
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: But anyways, you strained to make your way back.
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: Didn't you Visit us one more time?
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: So, with you laying back, I fell back on my knees and, with my brothers, with our brothers, a cousin, a handful of your friends looking on, I tried to pray, but nothing would come out and, awkwardly, I tried again Nothing.
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: Then the words of a prayer that I had learned as a child began to flow out and we all prayed together in that room Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name.
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: Thy kingdom come.
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us, and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: Amen, of course, the prayer that Jesus himself taught us to pray, this is the prayer that you came back.
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: Huh, the Holy Spirit wasn't going to allow us to say any prayer, he's going to say the prayer.
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: Huh, danny, your eyes, which had been opening and closing just slightly while we prayed, let us know that you were still with us.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: And then I felt that whatever you were looking at in the corner of the room was pressing in on us, pressing in on my back, especially A presence that, while there, it was an encounter with a thickness almost palpable.
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: But this presence was consoling, it was bringing peace.
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: I was thinking to myself wow, whatever that was, that presence that worked when another prayer came to mind.
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: But would I remember the words I started Hail Mary, full of grace.
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: The Lord is with thee.
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, jesus.
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death, amen.
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: It was during those final words pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death, amen.
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: That I knew that that presence in the room was God.
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: That evening before you passed away, on September 20th 1995, I sat in your kitchen with a pad and a pen.
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: I was going to try to put into words what had happened only hours before.
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: Among many other things, I wrote this.
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: Daniel lay very still while we prayed, his eyes opening and closing just slightly as a sign that he was with us.
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: Danny asked us to pray.
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: What a parting gift and what is a divine mystery.
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: Of course, I believe that the Holy Spirit was asked by Danny, while he was departing this temporal world, to arrange one last visit with his brothers so that he could leave us a simple and profound message let's pray to God.
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: This led to an encounter with Christ that would put me on a path where he would answer my initial question from days before Huh, god, do you have a plan for my life?
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: You wanted to be cremated, didn't you?
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: And so mom went over to the church and a memorial mass was scheduled in the chapel of your parish.
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: That was in 1995.
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: Well before cell phones and social media, and since we were operating on short notice before we had to fly back to Chicago, your brothers and I, we assumed that the hundred seats in the chapel would be plenty.
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: It was not.
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: Over 200 people came that morning.
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: Your coworkers, neighbors, your friends poured in, and then came the doctor and the nurses and this whole staff of 20.
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: They had been treating you.
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: Many others came, so many of them, strangers to us, shared stories about the impact you had on their lives.
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: You had touched so many.
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: I was allowed to speak at the memorial mass to people I had never met and relate a couple of stories and express our gratitude for them being there.
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: The grace of God and the love in that chapel was palpable.
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: And then another unexpected gift when I came close to the priest and he was extending his hand for me to receive the Eucharist, the same presence that was in your room pushed up against me again.
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: Only, this encounter was even more intense and I felt a rush through my body.
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: My knees became weak and I immediately began to cry.
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: The tears just flowed freely and I heard receive the body of Christ.
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: He was there in the bread given to me.
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: Later, I was trying to find the words to describe this encounter and I picked up a book.
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: I don't remember even where I got it from.
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: It was called Beginning to Pray, a beautiful book by Archbishop Anthony Bloom, published in 1970.
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: Anthony writes this of his own encounter with Christ.
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: He writes that up until my middle teens I was an unbeliever and very aggressively anti-church.
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: I knew no God, I wasn't interested and I hated everything that connected with the idea of God.
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: As I began to look for meaning in my life, though, I came to a time when I felt something intensely dramatic happening within myself, and everything around me seemed small and meaningless.
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: I heard a priest speak during this time.
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: I didn't intend to listen, but my ears pricked up.
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: I became more and more indignant.
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: While he was speaking, I saw a vision of Christ and Christianity that was profoundly repulsive to me.
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: Yet I hurried home to check the truth or falsity of what he had been saying.
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: I picked up the book of Mark, because that was the shortest gospel I figured.
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: I suddenly became aware as I was reading it, that on the other side of my desk there was a presence, and the certainty was so strong that it was Christ standing there that it has never left me.
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: This was the turning point, because Christ was alive and I had been in His presence.
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: I could say with certainty that what the gospel said about the crucifixion of the prophet of the Galilean was true, and the Centurion was right when he said Truly, this is the Son of God.
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: Well, it's getting late, brother.
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: I have much more I could write, but I'm going to save it for another time.
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: Thank you again for your parting gift.
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: Thanks for keeping me in your prayers and all of your brothers.
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: Huh, time is flying and, god willing, I am going to see you soon.
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: Life happens in the blink of an eye, doesn't it, brother?
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: I'm going to sign off with one of my favorite quotes from Benedict XVI.
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: He said being Christian is not the result of an ethical choice or some lofty philosophical idea.
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: It's an encounter with an event, it's an encounter with a person, and that encounter with that person will give your life a new horizon and a decisive direction.
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: Lobby Danny.