Latest / The Career Mentor Podcast with Fexingo: Finding Mentors, Sponsors, and Career Advisors / How to Find a Mentor as a New Manager
Transcript
- Lucas: So you've just been promoted to manager for the first time. You're probably thrilled, maybe a little terrified, and definitely wondering who you can turn to for honest advice now that your old peer group has become your direct reports. Luna: And the people you used to vent to about your boss — well, you're the boss now. That changes everything. Lucas: Exactly. It's one of the most isolating transitions in a career. You go from being a star individual contributor to suddenly responsible for other people's output, their career growth, their performance reviews. And you're expected to just know how to do it. Luna: Most companies give you maybe a half-day training on 'having difficult conversations' and then set you loose. Lucas: Right. So the question becomes: where do you find mentorship when your old mentors are now one or two levels above you, and your new peers are also figuring it out? I think the smartest approach is to build a multi-layered support system, not just one mentor. Luna: Multi-layered — like, different people for different needs? Lucas: Yes. Let's break it into three buckets. First, a peer mentoring group — other first-time managers inside or outside your company. Second, a senior mentor who can coach you on leadership skills. And third, a sponsor who advocates for you when you're not in the room. Luna: I love that. Let's start with the peer group. I've seen that work really well at a mid-size tech company I know — they set up a 'new manager circle' that met biweekly for six months. Lucas: What was the format? Luna: Six first-time managers from different departments. They'd bring real problems: how to handle an underperformer who used to be a friend, how to delegate without micromanaging, how to push back on unrealistic deadlines from above. The facilitator was an HR business partner, but the solutions came from each other. Lucas: That's smart because you get diverse perspectives. A problem in engineering might look different in marketing, but the underlying dynamics are similar. And there's no fear of looking weak in front of your own boss. Luna: Exactly. One participant told me the group saved her from quitting in the first three months. She was overwhelmed and thought she was failing, then realized everyone else was struggling too. Lucas: So that's bucket one. Bucket two: a senior mentor who's been a manager for years. This isn't your boss — ideally someone two or three levels above, in a different part of the organization, so there's no reporting line. You want them to be brutally honest without any political risk to you. Luna: How do you find that person? Cold emailing a senior VP feels intimidating. Lucas: It is, but it works if you're specific. Don't say 'will you be my mentor?' Say 'I'm a new manager in product, and I'm trying to learn how to balance strategic planning with day-to-day team management. I saw you speak at the all-hands about that — could I buy you coffee for twenty minutes to ask two specific questions?' That's low friction, high signal. Luna: So you're essentially auditioning them for a longer relationship. Lucas: Exactly. If the first conversation clicks, you can ask for a second. Over time, that becomes mentorship. But you have to come prepared. New managers often make the mistake of asking vague questions like 'how do I be a good leader?' Instead, bring a concrete scenario: 'My team has two top performers who both want to lead a project, but I can only pick one. How do I decide without demotivating the other?' Luna: That's the kind of question an experienced manager loves to sink their teeth into. Lucas: Right. Now bucket three: a sponsor. This is different from a mentor. A sponsor is someone with organizational power who puts your name forward for stretch assignments, promotions, and high-visibility projects. They stick their neck out for you. Luna: And a sponsor usually emerges after you've proven yourself. You can't really ask someone to sponsor you — it's earned. Lucas: True, but you can position yourself to attract sponsors. Deliver results, speak up in meetings, volunteer for cross-functional projects. When a senior leader notices that you solved a problem that saved the team time or money, they start seeing you as someone worth investing in. Luna: So the order matters: peer group for survival, senior mentor for skill-building, sponsor for advancement. Lucas: Exactly. And don't neglect the mentor outside your company. Industry associations, alumni networks, even LinkedIn can connect you with experienced managers who aren't in your org. They can offer perspective without any internal politics. Luna: I'd add one more thing: be open to reverse mentorship. New managers often have younger team members who are savvier about certain tools or trends. Learning from them builds trust and shows humility. Lucas: Great point. That's actually a theme we touched on in episode 13 — your best mentor might be ten years younger. It's especially relevant when you're new to management because you need credibility with your whole team. Luna: So if someone is listening and they just became a manager last month, what's the one action they should take today? Lucas: Identify one peer in a similar role — maybe from a different team — and schedule a thirty-minute coffee chat. No agenda, just compare notes. That's the seed of your peer group. Luna: And if you're six months in and still feeling lost? Lucas: Then you need that senior mentor. Reach out to someone you admire who's two levels above, but in a different department. Use the specific-question approach. The worst they can say is no, and most people say yes because they remember how hard that transition was. Luna: It's true. I've never met a senior leader who didn't want to help a new manager — if asked the right way. Lucas: Before we wrap, I want to touch on something that often trips new managers up: the shift from being a doer to being a multiplier. Your value is no longer your own output — it's how well you enable your team's output. Luna: That's a hard mental flip. Especially when you're used to being the one who fixes things. Lucas: It's the single biggest reason new managers fail. They keep doing the technical work because it's comfortable, and they neglect coaching, planning, and removing blockers. A good mentor will call you out on that. Luna: Speaking of mentors who call you out — that's exactly the kind of value listeners get from this show. If we've helped you think through a career move or decision, and you'd like to support the ad-free work we do here, you can buy us a coffee at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. It's a simple way to keep these conversations going. Lucas: Yeah, it genuinely helps us keep the show independent and focused on practical advice, not commercials. So if that's something you're inclined to do, we appreciate it. Luna: Alright, back to the topic. One more thing I want to highlight: the importance of setting boundaries with your mentor. As a new manager, you might be tempted to lean on them for everything, but a good mentor will teach you to fish, not give you the fish. Lucas: Right. You don't want to become dependent. A mentor should help you frame the problem, not solve it for you. If you find yourself asking 'what should I do?' every time, step back and try to bring a proposed solution first. Luna: That also signals to them that you're growing. They'll be more willing to invest time if they see you applying their advice. Lucas: Exactly. So to recap for anyone stepping into management: build a peer group for reality checks, find a senior mentor for skill-building, earn a sponsor for advancement, and always come prepared. The first year is hard, but you don't have to navigate it alone. Luna: And remember, the best mentors often come from unexpected places — cross-department, outside the company, even from your own team. Stay open. Lucas: Next time, we'll talk about what to do when you've outgrown your mentor — how to recognize it and how to move on gracefully. Until then, keep leading.