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Season 2 | FOUNDATIONS | Sasquatch & Sourdough Podcast · Sasquatch & Sourdough

• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: Well, welcome back to Sasquatch and Sourdough.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: I am your host Christina and this is the foundation episode of season two.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: I am so excited to be back with you guys after a long summer break and a lot of prayer.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: Like I said in the kind of teaser video on Instagram, I'm excited to see what God is doing with this podcast.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: But as you can see, I'm in a different space, and I wanted to take this foundational episode to give you a background of the significance of this room.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: This is actually not my kitchen, it's my mud room.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: And something incredible, the most incredible encounter I've ever had, happened right here.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: So to give you a little backstory, um, I thought it would be the best to give you guys kind of an understanding of my testimony.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: I've shared it on a lot of other uh paranormal and supernatural spiritual podcasts, a whole bunch.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: Um, when I was kind of getting my feet and under me of podcasting and kind of understanding exactly what I wanted this space to be.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: And until I gave it over to the Lord, I really didn't know what the direction was gonna be.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm excited to see where he's gonna take it.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: But I've never actually gotten on here and told you my testimony before.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: So I grew up a classic 90s kid, goth girl, loved the X-Files, loved the occult section in the bookstore, and I was hungry for anything supernatural or spiritual.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I think as I look back, that probably came about because even though there was God in our life growing up, it was a really bad version of the character of God and a lot of really bad theology.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: My grandmother used to tell us that if we didn't eat our food or finish our plates, that God would punish us.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: And her direct quote would be the good Lord will punish you if you don't eat this food.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: And that was kind of my understanding of God's character, right?
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: Like you go to church and you pray, and the Zeus in the sky may or may not answer your prayer, depending upon how good you might be.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: That's just not the God of the Bible, and that's just not Jesus.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: It took me a long time to figure out that what I had been given as a character reference of God was in fact not his truth.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: So, how did I get here?
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: How did I get to finding the Lord in this mud room?
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: Um it's a classic cliche, right?
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: It was a dark and stormy night.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: I had had enough.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: I was basically on my hands and knees right here, crying out to something.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I think my quote was angels, something, I don't know what you are, if you're even real, but I need you.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: I can't do this on my own anymore.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: And that's where the journey began because he met me right here.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um, he met me in my complete brokenness.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: I had had uh really bad depression and anxiety after I had my son.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I think the attack on my identity and who I was pretty much started when I was seven.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um I always felt like I wasn't good enough.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: I always felt like I didn't fit in.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that's a lot of people's stories, but my story got exacerbated, I think, from trying to fill that God-sided void with a lot of occult, esoteric, anything witchy and weird, all of that stuff.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted to find something to connect with.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I connected with that.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: I loved the darkness, I loved listening to The Smiths in the Graveyard, I loved all of that sort of romantic dark imagery of Victorian gothic novels.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: If you guys have been around here for a while, you know that in my storytelling by now.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but there was still something missing, and I tried to do it all on my own.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: I tried to fill it with yoga, I tried to fill it with witchcraft.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: And when I say that, I think I always have to tell a little bit of truth that I wasn't actually in covens and doing like dark, occult, sick things.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: It was more like being a kitchen witch and white magic, but none of that stuff ever fills the void because none of it is the living God of the Bible, none of it's Jesus.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: So for a long time I tried to fill that hole.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: I tried to fill up what only God could put in my heart, and that was a desire for him and for his kingdom.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: I did it with tarot cards, I did it with Sage, I did it with every single supernatural book that I could find at any single you come up with the name Bell Book and Candle New Age shop.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: None of it filled the void.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: And as I got deeper into my depression, I think I got so fatigued from like what most people that come out of those places call the um, it's like the spiritual high would just leave off.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: Like you were always looking for the next spiritual high.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: You're looking for the next fix, the next thing, the next fad.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: It was such a pyramid scheme.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: Um, yoga definitely felt like that to me, where it was like I can never learn all of these positions and poses.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: And like, what am I even doing here?
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: Who are these gods?
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: Trying to understand that.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: How can I have an intimate relationship with thousands of gods?
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: It just didn't make any sense.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what I was looking for.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: I remember I had this kind of epiphany one day.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: I was listening to this band, this guy called Satsong.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: And actually, he just released a Christian album.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: I'm pretty sure he found the Lord.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: His album title is like Elohim.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: So come on, give me a break.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: But I was listening to him, and that's what that means.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: Satsong.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: It means spiritual community.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: I was looking for spiritual community and I couldn't find it anywhere.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: I couldn't find it in the tarot card circles.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: I couldn't find it, you know, in the yoga mat floor, whatever in those circles either.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: I was just perpetually lost.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: My husband was sick and tired of me.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: I was creating terrible atmosphere in my home because there was just darkness around me.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: I was drinking way too much.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: And then I would just kind of be in the kitchen and want to like listen to really depressing music, drink a lot of red wine, and then I started seeing things that I knew were not there.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, in some of my journals, I go back and I look at them.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: And there are times where I mark that I was hearing things that I knew was not from me.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: I knew that it wasn't me.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't like a separate voice.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: It was just something telling me something that I knew was not who I was.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: And then I started seeing the shadow figure.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: Um, this thing would come pretty much anytime I conjured that whole kitchen witch vibe.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: I would see it out of the corner of my eye.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: I think I even saw it when we were in our old house.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: It was just this thing that would kind of keep always following me.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: I always knew this presence was there, but I never really saw it.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: But then as I got worse and worse in my depression, and I think personally, um, I mean, I don't even know how you can clarify this.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: I'm pretty sure I had an oppression at that point.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: As I got darker and darker into those times, I definitely started seeing a manifestation.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: And that manifestation on those types of nights would always end up in this room.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: I would always be standing at the kitchen counter, and then to my right, I could see it, and I would talk to it and I would tell it, you have no authority here.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: You're not welcome in my home.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: You're not getting my family.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: But that was like going into the ether.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: Like it didn't matter.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: I had no spiritual authority myself because if you're not working, if you're not walking with Christ, you are an empty vessel.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: And pretty much anything can come in.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: That's where I was.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: And so that one night, that dark and stormy night, I had just had enough.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: I was rock bottom.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: I was going to take my own life.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: I was going to lose my husband, my child, everything.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: And I was depressed and I didn't know what to do.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: So I did what I always do at that time, and I would just get drunk.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: So I was in the mud room, or I was in the kitchen, and I remember like just rains coming down, thunder, lightning, all of that's happening.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I just remember being like, I can't do this anymore.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I give up.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: You win.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I went into this mud room.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what compelled me.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: I guess it was like I was facing my fear, right?
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: Like I was facing the demon.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I opened the door and I came out and the rain was pouring down.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I just got down on my hands and knees and I said, I don't know who you are.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: I think at that time I was probably talking to whatever entity I thought was in here.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know who you are.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what you want.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if you're an angel.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what you are.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: I don't even know if you exist, but I need you.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: I can't do this on my own anymore.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: Jesus, I need you.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: And that was it.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: And that's where he met me.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: He met me right here in this room, dark and stormy night, super cliched, on my hands and knees, crying out to him.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: And there's actually a really beautiful scripture that I wanted to read to you guys.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: It is in the book of Psalms.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's Psalm 34.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: I sought the Lord and he answered me and delivered me from all of my fears.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: That is exactly the character of God that I was always missing.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: I was too stubborn and too goth to ever admit to him.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: But he's a gentleman and he didn't chase me down.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: He pushed me down and applied some pressure for sure.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's why he let me experience all the crazy things that I experienced.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: That that I just told you right now is the tip of the iceberg.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't make sense to sit and like tell a linear story.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: I have a feeling that I'll be a little bit more inclined to pepper those through the episodes as we go forward from here.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but that's his character.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: I saw the Lord and he heard and he answered, and he delivered me from all of my fears.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I just wanted to be bold today and say that to you.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: If that's you, and maybe you're in like a weird space like I was, I don't know what your story is.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: Cry out to him.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: Don't be afraid and don't be stubborn anymore, because he will answer.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: And that's his character.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: So that's the really brief summary, like I said, the foundational episode, I think, of this season.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't want to do a full-blown episode because I thought I kind of had one prepared, but I thought, no, I want to lay the foundation out.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: Like, let's just get it all on the table.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: So that's what I want to do.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: I want to continue to tell you guys weirdly encouraging stories.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: I would love to hear your stories.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you can always send those in to me.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: But I want to redeem this place for God's glory and for his kingdom.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: So I hope that you will continue to follow along.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: If you've been here since the beginning, I'm so glad.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're new, welcome.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: But this is kind of the foundation of this podcast and season two, and I am so excited.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so if you guys want to connect, you can find me on Instagram.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: I do most of my chatting there.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: You can send me an email at sasquatchandsourdough at gmail.com.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I still have the website that you can check out, sasquatchandsourdough.com.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: So until next time, guys, remember the truth is out there.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: God is with you, and everyone always ends up in the kitchen or in the mud room.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.