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Chapter XVII: If You Can Talk Well · Pushing to the Front

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Chapter seventeen of Pushing to the Front by Horizon Sweat Martin. This LibriVox recording
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is in the public domain, chapter seventeen, If you can Talk well.
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When Charles w Eliot was President of Harvard, he said, I recognize but
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one mental acquisition as an essential part of the education of a lady or gentleman,
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namely an accurate and refined use of the mother tongue. Sir Walter Scott
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defined a good conversationalist as one who has ideas, who reads, thinks,
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listens, and who has therefore something to say. There is no other one
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thing which enables us to make so good an impression, especially upon those who
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do not know us thoroughly, as the ability to converse well. To be
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a good conversationalist, able to interest people, to rivet their attention, to
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draw them to you, naturally by the very superiority of your conversational ability,
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is to be the possessor of a very great accomplishment, one which is superior
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to all others. It not only helps you to make a good impression upon
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strangers, it also helps you to make and keep friends. It opens doors
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and softens hearts. It makes you interesting in all sorts of company. It
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helps you to get on in the world. It sends you clients, patience,
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customers. It helps you into the best society, even though you are
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poor. A man who can talk well, who has the art of putting
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things in an attractive way, who can interest others immediately by his power of
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speech, has a very great advantage over one who may know more than he
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but who cannot express himself with ease or eloquence. No matter how expert you
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may be in any other art or accomplishment, you cannot use your expertness always
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and everywhere as you can the power to converse well. If you are a
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musician, no matter how talented you may be, or how many years you
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may have spent in perfecting yourself in your specialty, or how much it may
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have cost you, only comparatively few people can ever hear or appreciate your music.
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You may be a fine singer and yet travel around the world without having
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an opportunity of showing your accomplishment, or without any one guessing your specialty.
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But wherever you go, and in whatever society you are, no matter what
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your station in life may be, you talk. You may be a painter,
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You may have spent years with great masters, and yet unless you have
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very marked ability so that your pictures are hung in the salons or in the
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great art galleries, comparatively few people will ever see them. But if you
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are an artist in conversation, every one who comes in contact with you will
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see your life picture, which you have been painting ever since you began to
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talk. Every one knows whether you are an artist or a bungler. In
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fact, you may have a great many accomplishments which people occasionally see or enjoy,
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and you may have a very beautiful home and a lot of property which
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comparatively few people ever know about. But if you are a good converser,
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every one with whom you talk will fill the influence of your skill and charmed
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society leader who has been very successful in the launching of debutante in society always
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gives this advice to her proteges. Talk talk. It does not matter much
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what you say, but chatter away lightly and gaily. Nothing embarrasses and bores
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the average man so much as a girl who has to be entertained. There
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is a helpful suggestion in this advice. The way to learn to talk is
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to talk. The temptation for people who are unaccustomed to society, who feel
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diffident is to say nothing themselves and listen to what others say. Good talkers
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are always sought after in society. Everybody wants to invite missus so and so
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to dinners or receptions because she is such a good talker, she entertains.
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She may have many defects, but people enjoy her society because she can talk
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well. Conversation, if used as an educator, is a tremendous power developer.
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But talking without thinking, without an effort to express oneself with cleanness,
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conciseness, or efficiency, mere chattering or gossiping the average society's moall talk will
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never get hold of the best thing in a man. It lies too deep
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for such superficial effort. Thousands of young people who envy such of their mates
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as are getting on faster than they are, keep on wasting their precious evenings
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and their half holidays saying nothing but the most frivolous, frothy, senseless things,
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things which do not rise to the level of humor. But the foolish,
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silly talk which demoralizes one's ambition, lowers one's ideals, and all the
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standards of life, because it begets habits of superficial and senseless thinking. On
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the streets, on the cars, and in public places, loud, coarse
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voices are heard, in light, flippant, slipshod speech, in coarse slang
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expressions. You're talking through your heart, search me, you just bet well,
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that's the limit. I hate that man. He gets on my nerves.
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And a score of other such vulgarities we often hear. Nothing else will
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indicate your fineness or coarseness of culture you're breathing or lack of it. So
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quickly as your conversation. It will tell your whole life's story. What you
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say and how you say it will betray all your secrets, will give the
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world your true measure. There is no accomplishment, no attainment which you can
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use so constantly and effectively, which will give so much pleasure to your friends
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as fine conversation. There is no doubt that the gift of language was intended
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to be a much greater accomplishment than the majority of us have ever made of
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it. Most of us are bunglers in our conversation because we do not make
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an art of it. We do not take the trouble or pains to learn
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to talk well. We do not read enough or think enough. Most of
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us express ourselves in sloppy, slipshod English because it is so much easier to
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do so than it is to think before we speak, to make it effort
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to express ourselves with elegance, ease, and power. Poor converses excuse themselves
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for not trying to improve. By saying that good talkers are born, not
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made. We might as well say that good lawyers, good physicians, or
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good merchants are born not made. None of them would ever get very far
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without hard work. This is the price of all achievement that is of value.
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Many a man owes his advancement very largely to his ability to converse well.
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The ability to interest people in your conversation, to hold them is a
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great power. The man who has a bungling expression, who knows a thing
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but never can put it in logical, interesting, or commanding language, is
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always placed at a great disadvantage. I know a businessman who has cultivated the
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art of conversation to such an extent that it is a great treat to listen
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to him. His language flows with such liquid, limpid beauty. His words
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are chosen with such exquisite delicacy, taste, and accuracy. There is such
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a refinement in his diction that he charms every one who hears him speak.
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All his life he has been a reader of the finest prose and poetry,
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and has cultivated conversation as a fine art. You may think you are poor
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and have no chance in life. You may be situated so that others are
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dependent upon you, and you may not be able to go to school or
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college, or to study music or art. You may be tied down to
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an iron environment. You may be tortured with an unsatisfied, disappointed ambition.
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And yet you can become an interesting talker, because in every sentence you utter,
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you can practice the best form of expression. Every book you read,
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every person with whom you converse, who uses good English, can help you.
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Few people think very much about how they are going to express themselves.
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They use the first words that come to them. They do not think of
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forming a sentence so that it will have beauty, brevity, transparency, power.
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The words flow from their lips helter skelter, with little thought of arrangement
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or order. Now and then we meet a real artist in conversation and it
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is such treat and delight that we wonder why the most of us should be
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such bunglers in our conversation, that we should make such a botch of the
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medium of communication between human beings, when it is capable of being made.
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The art of arts. I have met a dozen persons in my lifetime who
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have given me such a glimpse of its superb possibilities that it has made all
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other arts seem comparatively unimportant to me. I was once a visitor at Wendell
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Philip's home in Boston, and the music of his voice, the liquid charm
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of his words, the purity, the transparency of his dick, the profundity
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of his knowledge, the fascination of his personality, and his marvelous art of
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putting things I shall never forget. He sat down on the sofa beside me
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and talked as he would to an old schoolmate, and it seemed to me
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that I had never heard such exquisite and polished English. I have met several
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english people who possessed that marvelous power of soul in conversation which charms all who
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come under its spell. Missus Mary A. Livermore, Julia Ward Howe and
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Elizabeth S. P Ward had this wonderful conversational charm, as has ex President
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Eliot of Harvard. The quality of the conversation is everything. We all know
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people who use the choicest language and express their thoughts in fluent, liquid addiction,
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who impress us by the wonderful flow of their conversation. But that is
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all there is to it. They do not impress us with their thoughts.
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They do not stimulate us to action. We do not feel any more determined
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to do something in the world, to be somebody after we have heard them
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talk than we felt before. We know other people who talk very little,
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that whose words are so full of meat and stimulating brain force, that we
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feel ourselves multiplied many times by the power they have injected into us. In
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olden times, the art of conversation reached to much higher standard than that of
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to day. The deterioration is due to the complete revolution in the conditions of
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modern civilization. Formerly, people had almost no other way of communicating their thoughts
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than by speech. Knowledge of all kinds was disseminated almost wholly through the spoken
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word. There were no great daily newspapers, no magazines or periodicals of any
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kind. The great discoveries of vast wealth in the precious minerals, the new
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world opened up by inventions and discoveries, and the great impetus to ambition have
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changed all this in this lightning express age, in these strenuous times, when
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everybody has the mania to attain wealth and position, we no longer have time
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to reflect with deliberation and to develop our powers of conversation. In these great
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newspaper and periodical days, when everybody can get for one or a few cents
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the news and information which it has cost thousands of dollars to collect, everybody
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sits behind the morning sheet or is buried in a book or magazine, there
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is no longer the same need of communicating thought by the spoken word oratory is
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becoming a lost art. For the same reason, printing has become so cheap
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that even the poorest homes can get more reading for a few dollars than kings
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and noblemen could afford in the Middle Ages. It is a rare thing to
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find a polished conversationist to day. So rare is it to hear one speaking
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exquisite English and using a superb diction, that it is indeed a luxury.
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Good reading, however, will not only broaden the mind and give new ideas,
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but it will also increase one's vocabulary, and that is a great aid
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to conversation. Many people have good thoughts and ideas, but they cannot express
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them because of the poverty of their vocabulary. They have not words enough to
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clothe their ideas and make them attractive. They talk round in a circle,
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repeat and repeat, because when they want a particular word to convey their exact
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meaning, they cannot find it. If you are ambitious to talk well,
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you must be as much as possible in the society of well bred, cultured
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people. If you seclude yourself, though you are a college graduate, you
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will be a poor converser. We all sympathize with people, especially the timid
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and shy, who have that awful feeling of repression and stifling of thought when
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they make an effort to say something and cannot. Timid young people often suffer
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keenly in this way in attempting to declaim at school or college. But many
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a great orator went through the same sort of experience when he first attempted to
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speak in public, and was often deeply humiliated by his blunders. And failures.
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There is no other way, however, to become an orator or good
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conversationist, then by constantly trying to express oneself efficiently and elegantly. If you
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find that your ideas fly from you when you attempt to express them, that
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you stammer and flounder about for words which you are unable to find, you
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may be sure that every honest effort you make, even if you fail in
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your attempt, will make it all the easier for you to speak well the
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next time. It is remarkable if one keeps on trying, how quickly he
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will conquer his awkwardness and self consciousness, and will gain ease of manner and
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facility of expression. Everywhere we see people placed at a tremendous disadvantage because they
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have never learned the art of putting their ideas into interesting, telling language.
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We see brainy men at public gathering when momentous questions are being discussed, sit
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silent, unable to tell what they know, when they are infinitely better informed
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than those who are making a great deal of display of oratory or smooth talk.
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People with a lot of ability who know a great deal often appear like
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a set of dummies. In company, while some superficial, shallow brained person
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holds the attention of those present simply because he can tell what he knows in
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an interesting way. They are constantly humiliated and embarrassed when away from those who
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happen to know their real worth, because they cannot carry on an intelligent conversation
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upon any topic. There are hundreds of these silent people at our national capital,
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many of them wives of husbands who have suddenly and unexpectedly come into political
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prominence. Many people, this is especially true of scholars, seem to think
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that the great desiteratum in life is to get as much valuable information into the
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head as possible. But it is just as important to know how to give
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out knowledge in a palatable manner as to acquire it. You may be a
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profound scholar, You may be well read in history and in politics. You
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may be wonderfully well posted in science, literature, and art. And yet
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if your knowledge is locked up within you, you will always be placed at
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a great disadvantage. Locked up ability may give the individual some satisfaction, but
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it must be exhibited expressed in some attractive way before the world will appreciate it
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or give credit for it. It does not matter how valuable the rough diamond
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may be. No explaining, no describing its marvels of beauty within, and
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its great value would avail. Nobody would appreciate it until it was ground and
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polished, and the light let into its depths to reveal its hidden brilliancy.
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Conversation is to the man what the cutting of the diamond is to the stone.
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The grinding does not add anything to the diamond, It merely reveals its
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wealth. How little parents realize the harm they are doing their children by allowing
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them to grow up ignorant of or indifferent to the marvelous possibilities in the art
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of conversation. In the majority of homes, children are allowed to mangle the
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English language in a most painful way. Nothing else would develop the brain and
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character more than the constant effort to talk well, intelligently, interestingly upon all
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sorts of topics. There is a splendid discipline in the constant effort to express
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one's thoughts in clear language and in an interesting manner. We know people who
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are such superb converses that no one would ever dream that they have not had
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the advantages of the higher schools. Many a college graduate has been silenced and
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put to shame by people who have never even been to a high school,
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but who have cultivated the art of self expression. The school and the college
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employ the student comparatively a few hours a day for a few years. Conversation
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is a training in a perpetual school. Many get the best part of their
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education in this school. Conversation is a great ability discoverer, a great revealer
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of possibilities and resources. It stimulates thought wonderfully. We think more of ourselves
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if we can talk well, if we can interest and hold others, the
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power to do so increases our self respect, our self confidence. No man
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knows what he really possesses until he makes his best effort to express to others
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what is in him. Then the avenues of the mind fly open. The
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faculties are on the alert. Every good converser has felt a power come to
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him from the listener which he never felt before, and which often stimulates and
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inspires to fresh endeavor. The mingling of thought with thought, the contact of
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mind with mind, develops new powers. As the mixing of two chemicals often
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produces a new third substance. To converse well, one must listen well,
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also hold oneself in a receptive attitude. We are not only poor conversationalists,
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but we are poor listeners as well. We are too impatient to listen instead
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of being attentive and eager to drink in the story all the information. We
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have not enough respect for the talker to keep quiet. We look about impatiently,
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perhaps snap our watch, play a tattoo with our fingers on a chair
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or a table, hitch about as if we were bored and were anxious to
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get away and interrupt the speaker before he reaches his conclusion. In fact,
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we are such an impatient people that we have no time for anything excepting to
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push ahead, to elbow our way through the crowd, to get the position
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all the money we desire. Our life is feverish and unnatural. We have
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no time to develop charm of manner or elegance of diction. We are too
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intense for epigram or apartee. We lack time. Nervous impatience is a conspicuous
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characteristic of the American people. Everything bores us, which does not bring us
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more business or more money, or which does not help us to attain the
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position for which we are striving. Instead of enjoying our friends, we are
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inclined to look upon them as so many rungs in a ladder, and to
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value them in proportion as they furnish readers for our books, send us patients,
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clients, customers, or show their ability to give us a boost for
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political position. Before these days of hurry and drive, before this age of
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excitement, it cited one of the greatest luxuries possible to be a listener in
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a group surrounding an intelligent talker. It was better than most modern lectures,
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than anything one could find in a book, for there was a touch of
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personality, a charm of style, a magnetism which held a superb personality,
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which fascinated for the hungry soul yearning for an education. To drink in knowledge
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from those wise lips was to be fed with a royal feast. Indeed,
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but today everything is touch and go. We have no time to stop on
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the street and give a decent salutation. It is, how do or a
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morning accompanied by a sharp knot of the head instead of by a graceful bow.
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We have no time for the graces and the charms. Everything must give
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way to the material. We have no time for the development of a fine
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manner. The charm of the days of chivalry and leisure has almost vanished from
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our civilization. A new type of individual has sprung up. We work like
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trojans during the day and then rush to a theater or other place of amusement
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in the evening. We have no time to make our own amusement or to
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develop the faculty of humor and fun making as people used to do. We
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pay people for doing that while we sitten laugh. We are like some college
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boys who depend upon tutors to carry them through their examinations they expect to buy
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their education ready made. Life is becoming so artificial, so forced, so
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diverse from naturalness. We drive our human engines at such a fearful speed that
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our finer life is crushed out. Spontaneity and humor and the possibility of a
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fine culture and a superb charm of personality in us are almost impossible and extremely
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rare. One calls for our conversational decline is a lack of sympathy. We
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are too selfish, too busily engaged in our own affair and wrapped up in
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our own little world, too intent upon our own self promotion to be interested
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in others. No one can make a good conversation list who is not sympathetic.
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You must be able to enter into another's life, to live it with
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the other person, to be a good listener or a good talker. Walter
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Boissant used to tell of a clever woman who had a great reputation as a
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conversation list. Though she talked very little, she had such a cordial,
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sympathetic manner that she helped the timid and the shire to say their best things
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and made them feel at home. She dissipated their fears, and they could
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say things to her which they could not say to any one else. People
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thought her an interesting conversationalist because she had this ability to call out the best
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in others. If you would make yourself agreeable, you must be able to
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enter into the life of the people you are conversing with, and you must
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touch them along the lines of their interest. No matter how much you may
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know about a subject, if it does not happen to interest those to whom
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you are talking, your efforts will be largely lost. It is pitiable sometimes
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to see men standing around at the average reception or club gathering, dumb,
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almost helpless and powerless. To enter heartily into the conversation because they are in
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a subjective mood. They are thinking, thinking, thinking, business, business,
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business, thinking how they can get on a little faster, get more
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business, more clients, more patience, or more readers for their books,
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or a better house to live in, how they can make more show.
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They do not enter heartily into the lives of others, or abandon themselves to
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the occasion enough to make good talkers. They are cold and reserved, distant,
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because their minds are somewhere else, their affections on themselves and their own
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affairs. There are only two things that interest them, business and their own
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little world. If you talk about these things, they are interested at once,
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but they do not care a snap about your affairs, how ye get
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on all, what your ambition is, or how they can help you.
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Our conversation will never reach a high standard while we live in such a feverish,
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selfish, and unsympathetic state. Great conversationists have always been very tactful,
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interesting, without offending. It does not do to stab people if you would
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interest them, nor to drag out their family skeletons. Some people have the
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peculiar quality of touching the best that is in us. Others stir up the
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bad every time they come into our presence. They irritate us. Others allay
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all that is disagreeable. They never touch our sensitive spots, and they call
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out all that is spontaneous and sweet and beautiful. Lincoln was master of the
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art of making himself interesting to everybody he met. He put people at ease
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with his stories and jokes, and made them feel so completely at home in
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his presence that they opened up their mental treasures to him without reserve. Strangers
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were always glad to talk with him because he was so cordial and quaint,
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and always gave more than he got. A sense of humor such as Lincoln
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had, is of course a great addition to one's conversational power. But not
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everyone can be funny, and if you lack the sense of humor, you
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will make yourself ludicrous by attempting to be funny. A good conversationalist, however,
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is not too serious. He does not deal too much with facts,
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no matter how important facts statistics. Weary vivacity is absolutely necessary. Heavy conversation
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bores too light disgusts. Therefore, to be good conversationalist, you must be
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spontaneous. Buoyant, natural, sympathetic, and must show a spirit of good
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will. You must feel a spirit of helpfulness, and must enter heart and
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soul into things which interest others. You must get the attention of people and
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hold it by interesting them, And you can only interest them by a warm
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sympathy, a real, friendly sympathy. If you are cold, distant,
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and unsympathetic, you cannot hold their attention. You must be broad, tolerant.
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A narrow, stingy soul never talks well. A man who is always
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violating your sense of taste, of justice and of fairness never interests you.
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You lock tight all the approaches to your inner self. Every avenue is closed
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to him. Your magnetism and your helpfulness are thus cut off, and the
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conversation is perfunctory, mechanical, and without life or feeling. You must bring
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your listener close to you, must open your heart wide and exhibit a broad,
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free nature and an open mind. You must be responsive so that he
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will throw wide open every avenue of his nature and give you free access to
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his heart of hearts. If a man is a success anywhere it ought to
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be in his personality, in his power to express himself in strong, effective,
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interesting language. He should not be obliged to give a stranger in inventory
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of his possessions in order to show that he has achieved something. A greater
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wealth should flow from his lips and express itself in his manner. No amount
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of natural ability, or education, or good clothes, no amount of money
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will make you appear well if you use poor English, and of chapter seventeen,
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if you can talk well. Recording by Luke Sartor, Brisbane, Queensland,