Latest / Adult Child of Dysfunction / E 269: Attachment Theory and Relationship Breakdown: A Path to Healing: Guest: Bryan Power

Transcript

E 269: Attachment Theory and Relationship Breakdown: A Path to Healing: Guest: Bryan Power · Adult Child of Dysfunction

0:47
Well,
0:47
hello,
0:47
everybody.
0:48
Welcome
0:48
back
0:48
to
0:48
another
0:49
episode
0:49
of
0:49
Adult
0:50
Child
0:50
of
0:50
Dysfunction.
0:51
Today
0:51
we
0:51
have
0:51
with
0:52
us
0:52
Brian
0:52
Power.
0:53
In
0:53
2024,
0:55
him
0:55
and
0:55
his
0:55
wife
0:55
would
0:56
go
0:56
from
0:56
having
0:56
a
0:56
pretty
0:57
good
0:57
relationship
0:57
to
0:58
a
0:58
completely
0:58
racial
0:59
complete
1:00
relationship
1:00
failure
1:01
that
1:01
culminated
1:01
with
1:02
a
1:02
restraining
1:02
order
1:03
his
1:03
wife
1:03
would
1:03
put
1:03
against
1:04
him
1:04
for
1:04
her
1:05
emotional
1:05
safety.
1:06
During
1:06
their
1:06
time
1:06
apart,
1:07
Brian
1:07
and
1:07
his
1:07
wife
1:08
would
1:08
work
1:08
on
1:08
themselves,
1:09
and
1:09
that
1:09
would
1:09
work.
1:10
And
1:10
that
1:10
work
1:10
would
1:11
ultimately
1:11
allow
1:12
them
1:12
to
1:12
put
1:12
their
1:12
relationship
1:13
back
1:13
together.
1:14
Now
1:14
Brian
1:15
shares
1:15
his
1:15
inspirational
1:16
story
1:16
and
1:17
teaches
1:17
others
1:17
how
1:18
to
1:18
use
1:18
the
1:18
integrated
1:19
attachment
1:20
theory
1:20
program
1:21
that
1:21
helps
1:21
save
1:22
his
1:22
marriage
1:22
and
1:22
provides
1:23
the
1:23
necessary
1:24
tools
1:24
to
1:24
continue
1:25
having
1:25
a
1:25
healthy,
1:26
happy
1:26
relationship
1:27
today.
1:28
Isn't
1:28
that
1:29
something
1:29
we
1:29
all
1:29
have
1:30
want
1:30
we're
1:30
not
1:31
want
1:31
to
1:31
have.
1:31
We
1:32
don't
1:32
all
1:32
have
1:32
that,
1:32
believe
1:33
me.
1:33
But
1:33
it's
1:33
something
1:33
that
1:34
we
1:34
all
1:34
want.
1:34
So
1:35
welcome.
1:35
Brian,
1:37
Tammy,
1:37
thanks
1:38
so
1:38
much
1:38
for
1:38
having
1:38
me
1:38
on
1:38
the
1:38
show
1:39
today.
1:39
Yeah,
1:39
I
1:39
think
1:39
it's
1:39
something
1:40
that
1:40
most
1:40
of
1:40
us
1:40
want.
1:41
I
1:41
don't
1:41
know
1:41
about.
1:41
All
1:41
right.
1:41
There's
1:42
probably
1:42
a
1:42
few
1:42
that
1:42
maybe
1:43
don't
1:43
care,
1:43
but
1:44
I
1:44
think
1:44
a
1:44
lot
1:44
of
1:44
us
1:44
want
1:45
that.
1:45
Right.
1:45
And.
1:45
But
1:46
we're
1:46
having
1:46
a
1:46
hard
1:46
time
1:46
doing
1:47
it.
1:47
And
1:47
the
1:47
question
1:47
is
1:48
why?
1:48
And
1:48
how
1:48
do
1:48
we
1:48
do
1:49
it
1:49
and
1:49
how
1:49
do
1:50
we
1:50
get
1:50
that
1:50
straightened
1:50
out
1:50
a
1:51
little
1:51
bit?
1:51
And
1:51
I
1:51
was
1:51
very
1:52
fortunate
1:52
to
1:52
learn
1:53
something
1:53
that's
1:53
been
1:54
able
1:54
to
1:54
help
1:54
me
1:54
kind
1:54
of
1:55
turn
1:55
it
1:55
around.
1:55
And
1:55
happy
1:56
to
1:56
share
1:56
that
1:56
story
1:57
and
1:57
some
1:57
of
1:57
that
1:58
stuff
1:58
that
1:58
I
1:59
learned
1:59
here
1:59
with
2:00
you
2:00
and
2:00
your
2:00
audience
2:00
today.
2:00
So
2:01
thanks
2:01
so
2:01
much
2:01
for
2:01
having
2:01
me.
2:02
Oh,
2:02
you
2:02
are
2:02
very
2:02
welcome.
2:03
I'm
2:03
going
2:03
to
2:03
just
2:03
jump
2:04
right
2:04
in
2:04
because
2:04
your
2:05
very
2:05
first
2:05
question
2:06
is,
2:06
and
2:06
I
2:06
love
2:07
this
2:07
because
2:07
it's
2:08
very
2:08
intriguing
2:08
and
2:09
probably
2:09
something
2:09
that
2:09
grabs
2:10
a
2:10
lot
2:10
of
2:10
his
2:10
attention.
2:11
Why
2:12
do
2:12
you
2:12
call
2:12
your
2:13
practice
2:13
make
2:14
your
2:14
relationship
2:15
fail?
2:16
Yeah.
2:16
Yeah.
2:17
I
2:17
mean,
2:17
it's
2:17
a
2:17
little
2:18
play.
2:18
Right?
2:18
Nobody
2:18
wants
2:19
to
2:19
make
2:19
their
2:19
relationship
2:20
fail,
2:21
obviously.
2:21
You
2:21
know,
2:22
we
2:22
all
2:22
want
2:22
to
2:22
make
2:23
it
2:23
successful
2:23
and
2:23
really
2:24
awesome.
2:24
But
2:24
it
2:25
does
2:25
unfortunately
2:26
happen
2:26
where
2:26
sometimes
2:27
it
2:27
takes
2:27
failure
2:28
to
2:28
actually
2:28
learn
2:29
how
2:29
to
2:29
do
2:29
this
2:29
stuff
2:30
and
2:30
actually
2:30
get
2:30
it
2:30
straightened
2:31
out.
2:31
And
2:32
my
2:32
whole
2:32
thought
2:33
is.
2:33
And
2:33
the
2:33
reason
2:33
I
2:34
love
2:34
that
2:34
is,
2:34
is
2:34
more
2:35
just
2:35
to
2:35
play
2:35
on
2:35
the
2:35
idea
2:36
that
2:36
let's
2:36
not
2:37
worry
2:37
about
2:38
failure.
2:38
Sometimes
2:38
we're
2:38
going
2:39
through
2:39
a
2:39
breakup.
2:39
It's
2:39
hard,
2:40
it
2:40
hurts.
2:41
We
2:41
don't
2:41
understand
2:42
it.
2:42
And.
2:43
But
2:44
sometimes
2:44
that
2:44
can
2:44
be
2:45
the
2:45
greatest
2:45
thing
2:45
that's
2:45
happening
2:46
to
2:46
us
2:46
and
2:47
turning
2:47
that
2:47
around.
2:48
If
2:48
you're
2:48
in
2:48
a
2:48
relationship
2:49
and
2:49
it's
2:49
broken
2:49
and
2:49
it's
2:50
kind
2:50
of
2:50
struggling
2:50
and
2:51
you're
2:51
at.
2:52
And
2:52
you
2:52
are
2:52
broken
2:52
up
2:53
and
2:53
that
2:53
relationship
2:53
is
2:54
failing,
2:54
there's
2:55
a
2:55
reason
2:55
it's
2:56
failing.
2:56
And
2:56
so
2:57
this
2:57
is
2:57
an
2:57
opportunity
2:58
to
2:58
change
2:58
it
2:58
and
2:59
to
2:59
learn
2:59
from
3:00
it
3:00
and
3:00
actually
3:00
grow.
3:01
And
3:01
sometimes
3:02
your
3:02
spouse
3:02
can
3:02
come
3:02
back
3:03
together
3:03
and
3:03
now
3:03
you
3:04
can
3:04
have
3:04
a
3:04
brand
3:04
new
3:04
relationship,
3:05
something
3:05
that's
3:06
really
3:06
fantastic
3:07
and
3:07
different,
3:08
that
3:08
actually
3:08
works,
3:09
or
3:09
you
3:10
can
3:10
learn
3:10
and
3:10
maybe
3:11
your
3:11
spouse,
3:12
you
3:12
know,
3:12
you
3:12
go
3:12
separate
3:13
ways,
3:13
but
3:13
at
3:13
least
3:13
now
3:14
you've
3:14
learned
3:14
from
3:14
this
3:14
experience
3:15
and
3:15
you
3:15
can
3:15
now
3:16
take
3:16
that
3:16
into
3:16
the
3:16
future
3:17
relationships
3:17
that
3:18
you
3:18
have.
3:18
So
3:18
I
3:18
feel
3:19
like
3:19
when
3:19
you
3:19
do
3:19
the
3:19
work
3:20
through
3:20
this
3:20
failure,
3:22
you
3:22
can't
3:22
lose.
3:23
It's
3:23
a
3:23
win,
3:23
win.
3:24
And
3:24
so.
3:25
But
3:25
it's
3:25
hard
3:25
to
3:25
do
3:25
that,
3:26
right?
3:26
It's
3:26
hard
3:26
to
3:26
embrace
3:27
that
3:27
difficult,
3:28
challenging
3:28
failure,
3:29
if
3:29
you
3:29
will,
3:30
at
3:30
that
3:30
time.
3:31
So
3:31
I'm
3:31
trying
3:31
to
3:31
change
3:31
that
3:31
mentality
3:32
a
3:32
little
3:32
bit
3:32
and
3:32
say,
3:33
hey,
3:33
let's
3:33
do.
3:33
Let's.
3:34
It's
3:34
okay
3:34
that
3:34
we're
3:35
failing.
3:35
It's
3:35
okay
3:35
that
3:36
that
3:36
happened.
3:36
Let's
3:37
make
3:37
the
3:37
best
3:37
of
3:37
it
3:38
and
3:38
turn
3:38
that,
3:38
Turn
3:38
that
3:39
around.
3:39
So,
3:39
yeah,
3:39
it's
3:39
a
3:39
little
3:39
bit
3:39
fun.
3:40
Fun
3:40
playing
3:40
that
3:41
it
3:41
is.
3:41
And,
3:42
you
3:42
know,
3:42
I
3:42
mean,
3:42
but
3:43
it
3:43
makes
3:43
total
3:43
sense.
3:44
And
3:44
sometimes
3:44
stepping
3:45
away
3:45
is
3:46
what
3:46
you
3:46
need
3:47
sometimes.
3:47
And
3:48
I
3:48
know
3:48
people
3:48
that
3:48
have
3:49
said,
3:49
I
3:49
just
3:49
had
3:49
a
3:49
podcast
3:50
the
3:50
other
3:50
day,
3:50
and
3:50
she
3:50
said,
3:51
yeah,
3:51
my
3:51
parents
3:52
broke
3:52
up
3:52
and
3:52
got
3:52
back
3:53
together
3:53
six
3:53
or
3:54
seven
3:54
times.
3:55
And
3:55
in
3:55
my
3:55
mind,
3:56
it
3:56
was
3:56
funny
3:56
that
3:56
you're
3:56
coming
3:57
on
3:57
now
3:57
to
3:57
talk
3:57
about
3:57
this
3:58
because
3:58
I'm
3:58
like,
3:58
in
3:59
my
3:59
mind,
4:00
you
4:00
don't
4:00
break
4:00
up
4:00
and
4:01
get
4:01
back
4:01
together
4:01
six
4:01
or
4:02
seven
4:02
times
4:02
without
4:02
at
4:03
some
4:03
point
4:03
saying,
4:03
hey,
4:04
I
4:04
need
4:04
to
4:05
look
4:05
at
4:05
my
4:05
part
4:05
in
4:05
this
4:06
and
4:06
just
4:07
go,
4:07
I
4:07
mean,
4:07
if
4:07
you
4:08
always
4:08
do
4:08
what.
4:08
What
4:09
is
4:09
it,
4:09
Henry
4:09
Ford?
4:09
If
4:10
you
4:10
always
4:10
do
4:10
what
4:10
you've
4:11
always
4:11
done,
4:11
you're
4:11
gonna
4:11
always
4:11
get
4:12
what
4:12
you've
4:12
always
4:12
got.
4:13
I
4:13
mean,
4:14
so
4:14
it's
4:14
like
4:14
you
4:14
step
4:15
away,
4:15
you
4:15
need
4:16
to
4:16
actually
4:16
look
4:17
and
4:17
try
4:18
to
4:18
grow
4:18
from
4:19
it.
4:19
Like
4:19
you
4:19
said,
4:19
what.
4:20
What.
4:20
What's
4:21
my
4:21
part?
4:21
What's
4:22
their
4:22
part?
4:22
And.
4:24
And
4:24
how
4:24
do
4:24
you
4:24
do
4:25
that?
4:25
So,
4:27
yeah,
4:27
I
4:27
mean,
4:27
you.
4:28
It
4:28
sounds
4:28
like
4:28
you
4:28
had
4:29
it
4:29
pretty
4:29
volatile
4:29
when
4:30
it
4:30
was
4:30
bad.
4:31
Yeah,
4:32
I
4:32
mean,
4:32
my
4:32
situation
4:33
was,
4:33
yeah,
4:34
I
4:34
got
4:34
pretty
4:34
critical.
4:35
Absolutely.
4:35
We
4:35
went
4:36
from,
4:36
like
4:36
you
4:37
said,
4:37
like
4:37
my
4:37
bio
4:38
a
4:38
little
4:38
bit.
4:38
You
4:39
know,
4:39
my
4:39
wife
4:39
and
4:39
I
4:39
had
4:39
what
4:40
I
4:40
thought
4:40
was
4:40
a
4:40
pretty
4:40
good
4:40
relationship.
4:41
And
4:41
yeah,
4:41
with
4:42
your
4:42
typical
4:42
fights,
4:42
a
4:42
little
4:43
bit
4:43
here
4:43
and
4:43
there,
4:43
disagreements,
4:44
but
4:44
never
4:45
anything
4:45
hypercritical,
4:46
if
4:46
you
4:46
will.
4:46
No
4:46
major,
4:47
you
4:47
know,
4:47
infidelity
4:48
or
4:49
financial
4:49
issues
4:50
or
4:50
anything
4:50
that
4:50
was
4:51
really
4:51
glaring,
4:51
if
4:52
you
4:52
will.
4:52
But,
4:52
yeah,
4:53
our
4:53
childhood
4:53
trauma,
4:54
coming
4:55
from
4:55
two
4:55
dysfunctional
4:56
childhoods,
4:56
if
4:56
you
4:57
will,
4:57
would
4:57
ultimately
4:58
play
4:58
out.
4:58
A
4:58
lot
4:58
of
4:58
our
4:58
childhood
4:59
trauma
4:59
was
4:59
now
5:00
kind
5:00
of
5:00
running
5:01
the
5:01
show
5:01
in
5:01
our
5:01
relationship
5:02
subconsciously
5:02
that
5:03
we
5:03
didn't
5:03
realize
5:03
was
5:03
happening.
5:04
And
5:04
that's
5:04
something
5:04
I
5:04
learned
5:05
a
5:05
lot
5:05
about,
5:05
is
5:05
how
5:06
the
5:06
subconscious
5:06
works.
5:07
But
5:07
ultimately,
5:08
yeah,
5:08
we'd
5:09
go
5:09
from
5:09
a
5:09
pretty
5:09
good
5:09
relationship
5:10
to
5:10
a
5:10
matter
5:10
of
5:11
a
5:11
few
5:11
months
5:12
where
5:12
she
5:12
would
5:13
actually
5:13
put
5:13
a
5:13
restraining
5:13
order
5:13
against
5:14
me
5:14
for
5:15
her
5:15
emotional
5:15
safety.
5:16
That's
5:16
how
5:16
much
5:16
we
5:16
were
5:17
emotionally
5:17
clashing
5:19
at
5:19
that
5:19
point.
5:19
Yeah,
5:20
at
5:20
that
5:20
point,
5:20
I
5:20
thought
5:20
it
5:21
was
5:21
over.
5:21
I
5:21
figured,
5:21
well,
5:21
this
5:22
relationship
5:22
is
5:22
over.
5:22
Couldn't
5:23
figure
5:23
it
5:23
out.
5:23
I
5:23
just
5:24
thought
5:24
it
5:24
was.
5:24
This
5:24
is
5:24
so
5:24
bizarre,
5:26
so
5:26
awful
5:26
that
5:27
nothing
5:28
I
5:28
could
5:28
do
5:28
but
5:28
move
5:28
on
5:29
and
5:29
learn,
5:30
you
5:30
know,
5:30
learn
5:31
something
5:31
new
5:31
and
5:31
try
5:31
to
5:32
figure
5:32
it
5:32
out.
5:32
I
5:32
was
5:32
fortunate
5:33
enough
5:33
to
5:33
come
5:33
across
5:34
the
5:34
integrated
5:34
attachment
5:35
theory
5:35
program
5:36
about
5:36
a
5:37
month
5:37
before
5:38
the
5:38
restraining
5:39
order
5:39
came
5:40
upon
5:40
us.
5:40
And
5:41
I
5:41
was
5:41
kind
5:41
of
5:41
kicked
5:42
out
5:42
of
5:42
the
5:42
house,
5:42
if
5:42
you
5:42
will.
5:42
But
5:43
that
5:44
program
5:44
was
5:45
fascinating
5:45
to
5:45
me.
5:45
I
5:46
was
5:46
kind
5:46
of
5:46
really
5:46
interested
5:46
in
5:47
learning
5:47
about
5:47
attachment
5:48
theory
5:48
and
5:49
how
5:49
that
5:49
kind
5:49
of
5:50
was
5:50
playing
5:50
out,
5:50
and
5:50
then
5:51
know
5:51
with
5:51
the
5:51
integrated
5:52
attachment
5:52
theory,
5:53
how
5:53
to
5:53
begin
5:53
to
5:53
fix
5:53
it
5:54
and
5:54
actually
5:54
kind
5:54
of
5:55
begin
5:55
to
5:55
get
5:55
more
5:55
tools
5:56
on
5:56
how
5:57
to
5:57
have
5:57
good
5:57
relationship
5:58
and,
5:58
you
5:58
know,
5:59
learning
5:59
the
5:59
differences
6:00
between
6:00
us
6:00
and
6:00
some
6:01
of
6:01
those
6:01
things.
6:01
I
6:02
was
6:02
fascinated
6:02
by
6:02
that
6:02
work.
6:03
So
6:03
I
6:03
just
6:03
kept
6:03
doing
6:03
that
6:04
work
6:04
and,
6:05
you
6:05
know,
6:05
as
6:05
God
6:05
would
6:06
have
6:06
it,
6:06
life
6:06
would
6:07
have
6:07
it,
6:07
you
6:07
know,
6:08
I
6:08
was
6:08
able
6:08
to
6:08
kind
6:08
of
6:09
use
6:09
that
6:10
information
6:10
I
6:11
was
6:11
learning
6:11
and
6:12
long
6:13
eventually
6:13
put
6:13
the
6:14
relationship
6:14
back
6:14
together
6:14
with
6:14
my
6:15
wife.
6:15
That
6:15
opportunity
6:16
presented
6:16
itself,
6:16
and
6:17
a
6:17
lot
6:17
of
6:17
that
6:17
work
6:18
kind
6:18
of
6:18
came
6:18
back
6:19
to
6:19
play.
6:19
And.
6:19
And
6:20
now
6:20
I
6:20
have
6:20
a
6:20
lot
6:20
of
6:21
tools
6:21
that
6:21
I
6:21
never
6:21
had
6:22
before
6:22
that
6:23
helping
6:23
us
6:23
to
6:23
have
6:24
a
6:24
continued
6:24
good
6:24
relationship.
6:25
Right.
6:25
So.
6:26
Well,
6:26
it's.
6:26
And
6:27
it's
6:27
not
6:27
by
6:27
coincidence.
6:28
And
6:28
whether
6:28
it's
6:29
God
6:29
or
6:29
the
6:29
universe
6:29
or
6:30
the
6:30
Buddha
6:30
or
6:30
the
6:30
Allah,
6:31
whoever
6:31
you
6:31
believe
6:31
in
6:31
it,
6:32
that
6:32
whole
6:33
attachment
6:34
theory
6:34
information
6:35
was
6:35
thrown
6:35
at
6:35
your
6:36
feet
6:36
for
6:36
a
6:36
reason.
6:37
Absolutely.
6:37
Oh,
6:38
yeah,
6:38
I
6:38
truly
6:38
believe
6:39
that.
6:39
Talk
6:39
about
6:40
what?
6:40
I
6:41
mean,
6:41
I
6:41
know
6:41
I've
6:41
mentioned
6:42
before
6:42
on
6:42
this
6:43
podcast,
6:43
attachment
6:44
theory,
6:44
and
6:45
talk
6:45
a
6:45
little
6:45
bit
6:45
about
6:46
that
6:46
to
6:46
begin
6:47
with.
6:47
Like,
6:47
let's.
6:48
Let's
6:48
start
6:48
there
6:48
for.
6:49
So
6:49
the
6:49
listeners
6:49
have
6:49
a
6:50
good
6:50
foundation
6:50
of
6:51
what
6:51
the
6:51
whole
6:52
episode
6:52
is
6:52
about.
6:53
Yeah,
6:53
yes.
6:54
Attachment
6:54
theory
6:55
has
6:55
been
6:55
around
6:55
really
6:56
since
6:56
the
6:56
60s
6:57
and
6:57
70s,
6:57
if
6:57
you
6:57
will,
6:58
and
6:59
it's
6:59
really
6:59
how
7:00
do
7:00
we
7:00
attach
7:00
in
7:00
relationships
7:01
to
7:02
our
7:02
spouse,
7:02
to
7:02
our
7:03
friends,
7:03
co
7:03
workers,
7:04
family
7:04
members,
7:04
stuff
7:05
like
7:05
that.
7:05
It's
7:05
really
7:05
just
7:06
how
7:06
do
7:06
we
7:07
now
7:07
act
7:07
in
7:08
relationships?
7:08
And
7:09
then
7:09
we
7:09
can
7:09
talk
7:09
about
7:09
it
7:09
mostly
7:10
about
7:10
our
7:10
spouse,
7:10
because
7:10
that's
7:11
the
7:11
one
7:11
we
7:11
typically
7:12
think
7:12
about
7:12
and
7:12
certainly
7:12
the
7:13
one
7:13
that
7:13
I
7:13
talk
7:13
about
7:13
most
7:14
Here.
7:14
But.
7:14
And
7:15
it.
7:15
What
7:15
they
7:15
found
7:15
is
7:16
there's
7:16
basically
7:16
four.
7:17
Four
7:17
different
7:17
attachment
7:18
styles.
7:18
Number
7:18
one,
7:19
you
7:19
have
7:19
a
7:19
secure
7:19
attachment
7:20
style.
7:21
These
7:21
people
7:21
are
7:21
very
7:21
emotionally
7:22
regulated.
7:23
They
7:23
really
7:23
are
7:23
pretty
7:24
good
7:24
communicators.
7:25
Know
7:26
how
7:26
to
7:26
set
7:26
boundaries.
7:27
They
7:28
just
7:28
really
7:28
know
7:28
how
7:28
to
7:28
kind
7:29
of
7:29
do
7:29
relationships.
7:29
Well,
7:30
the
7:30
relationships
7:31
are
7:31
important
7:31
to
7:31
them.
7:31
But,
7:31
you
7:32
know,
7:32
if.
7:32
If
7:32
you
7:33
break
7:33
up
7:33
or
7:33
we're
7:33
not
7:33
compatible
7:34
and
7:34
it's
7:35
just
7:35
not
7:35
going
7:35
to
7:35
work
7:35
out,
7:36
you
7:36
know,
7:36
they
7:36
kind
7:36
of.
7:37
It
7:37
hurts
7:37
a
7:37
little
7:37
bit
7:38
to
7:38
break
7:38
up,
7:38
but
7:38
they're
7:38
not
7:39
like
7:39
completely
7:40
destroyed.
7:40
They're.
7:40
They're
7:41
going
7:41
to
7:41
be
7:41
okay
7:41
and
7:41
move
7:42
on
7:42
with
7:42
their
7:42
lives
7:42
and
7:42
stuff.
7:43
And
7:43
it's
7:43
just.
7:43
It's
7:43
just
7:44
that
7:44
a
7:44
balanced,
7:44
you
7:45
know,
7:45
type
7:45
of
7:45
perspective
7:46
about
7:46
the
7:46
whole
7:47
situation.
7:47
And
7:47
they're
7:48
just
7:48
good
7:48
at
7:49
by
7:49
nature.
7:50
Or
7:50
again,
7:50
maybe
7:50
somewhere
7:51
they
7:51
learn
7:51
this
7:51
really.
7:51
But
7:52
that's
7:52
the
7:52
one
7:52
we
7:52
all
7:53
aspire
7:53
to
7:53
be
7:54
like.
7:54
Unfortunately,
7:55
a
7:55
lot
7:55
of
7:55
us
7:56
will
7:56
fall
7:56
into
7:57
one
7:57
of
7:57
the
7:57
other
7:57
three
7:58
categories.
7:58
Number
7:59
one,
7:59
you
7:59
have
7:59
an
7:59
anxious,
8:00
preoccupied.
8:01
These
8:01
people
8:01
typically
8:01
like
8:02
a
8:02
lot
8:02
of
8:02
connection.
8:03
They
8:03
really
8:04
love
8:04
being
8:04
in
8:04
relationships,
8:05
don't
8:05
like
8:05
being
8:06
alone
8:06
very
8:06
long.
8:07
If
8:07
they
8:08
meet
8:08
you
8:08
sometimes,
8:08
maybe
8:09
they
8:09
fall
8:09
in
8:09
love
8:09
very
8:09
quickly.
8:10
You
8:10
know,
8:10
two
8:10
weeks
8:11
later,
8:11
they're
8:11
already,
8:11
you
8:12
know,
8:12
talking
8:12
about
8:12
marriage
8:12
or
8:13
this
8:13
is
8:13
the
8:14
perfect
8:14
situation.
8:15
Everything
8:15
a
8:15
lot
8:16
of
8:16
communication
8:16
like
8:16
to,
8:17
you
8:17
know,
8:17
text
8:18
all
8:18
day,
8:18
call
8:18
all
8:18
day,
8:19
you
8:19
know,
8:19
just
8:19
really
8:19
kind
8:19
of
8:20
staying
8:20
connected.
8:20
Their
8:21
spouse,
8:21
unfortunately,
8:22
to
8:22
the
8:22
point
8:22
where
8:22
it
8:22
becomes
8:23
unhealthy.
8:23
And
8:24
a
8:24
lot
8:24
of
8:24
times
8:24
they
8:25
can
8:25
fall
8:25
into,
8:25
you
8:25
know,
8:26
bad
8:27
patterns.
8:27
Codependency
8:28
can
8:28
be
8:29
a
8:29
big
8:29
one
8:29
there.
8:30
And
8:30
it
8:30
just
8:30
becomes,
8:31
you
8:31
know,
8:31
towards.
8:32
A
8:32
little
8:32
too
8:32
needy.
8:33
Right.
8:33
A
8:33
little
8:33
bit
8:33
too
8:33
much
8:34
sometimes
8:34
because
8:34
of
8:34
the
8:35
wounds
8:35
that
8:35
are
8:35
driving
8:36
that.
8:36
On
8:37
the
8:37
flip
8:37
side
8:37
of
8:37
that,
8:37
you
8:38
have
8:38
a
8:38
dismissive
8:38
avoidant.
8:39
Somebody
8:39
who
8:39
really
8:39
isolates
8:40
a
8:40
lot,
8:40
really
8:41
craves
8:41
a
8:41
lot
8:41
of
8:42
independence.
8:43
They
8:43
usually
8:43
deal
8:43
with
8:44
their
8:44
emotions
8:44
alone.
8:45
They
8:45
don't.
8:45
You
8:45
know,
8:45
if
8:45
they're
8:45
emotional
8:46
at
8:46
all,
8:46
emotions
8:47
are
8:47
bad.
8:47
And
8:47
so.
8:48
But
8:48
if
8:48
I
8:48
feel
8:48
emotions
8:49
at
8:49
all,
8:49
I'm
8:49
gonna
8:49
go
8:50
ahead
8:50
and
8:50
isolate
8:50
and
8:51
stay
8:51
away
8:51
from
8:51
you.
8:51
Not
8:51
necessarily
8:52
try
8:52
connect
8:53
with
8:53
you.
8:53
Totally
8:53
opposite,
8:54
if
8:54
you
8:54
will,
8:54
from
8:54
the
8:54
anxious.
8:55
Right.
8:55
So
8:56
if
8:56
you.
8:56
You
8:57
see
8:57
these
8:57
two
8:57
in
8:57
a
8:57
relationship,
8:58
that
8:58
could
8:58
be
8:59
very
8:59
difficult
9:00
when
9:00
one's
9:00
trying
9:00
to
9:00
connect
9:01
and
9:01
the
9:01
other
9:01
one's
9:01
trying
9:01
to
9:01
pull
9:02
away
9:02
a
9:02
little
9:02
bit.
9:02
And
9:03
that's
9:03
where
9:03
a
9:03
lot
9:04
of
9:04
times
9:04
conflict
9:05
comes
9:05
in
9:05
there
9:06
because
9:06
we
9:06
don't
9:06
understand
9:07
the
9:07
other
9:07
side
9:07
of
9:07
that.
9:07
And
9:08
we're
9:08
not,
9:08
you
9:08
know,
9:08
we
9:08
think
9:09
they're
9:09
processing
9:09
the
9:09
same
9:10
way,
9:10
and
9:10
when
9:11
they're
9:11
doing
9:11
it
9:11
differently,
9:12
we
9:12
just
9:12
get
9:12
really
9:12
Frustrated,
9:13
and
9:13
it
9:13
just
9:14
hurts
9:14
in
9:14
different
9:14
ways.
9:15
In
9:15
between
9:15
there
9:16
is
9:16
what's
9:16
called
9:16
a
9:17
fearful
9:17
avoidance.
9:17
Some
9:17
people
9:18
call
9:18
it
9:18
a
9:18
disorganized
9:19
attachment
9:19
style.
9:20
Um,
9:20
and
9:20
that
9:21
one
9:21
typically
9:21
swings
9:22
between
9:22
both
9:22
sides.
9:23
It
9:23
can
9:23
be
9:23
very
9:23
close
9:24
one
9:24
week,
9:24
very
9:24
connected,
9:25
craving
9:25
that,
9:26
you
9:26
know,
9:26
connection
9:27
and
9:27
relationship.
9:28
But
9:28
then
9:28
maybe
9:28
next
9:28
week,
9:29
some
9:29
of
9:29
their
9:29
fears
9:29
come
9:29
out,
9:30
and
9:30
they
9:30
may
9:30
even
9:30
break
9:31
up
9:31
with
9:31
you
9:31
for
9:31
no
9:31
reason
9:32
or.
9:32
Or
9:32
at
9:32
least
9:32
maybe
9:33
causing
9:33
some
9:33
fights
9:34
or
9:34
pulling
9:34
back,
9:34
you
9:35
know,
9:35
just
9:35
for.
9:35
Again,
9:35
subconsciously
9:36
trying
9:36
to
9:37
protect
9:37
themselves.
9:37
And
9:37
so
9:38
they
9:38
may
9:38
swing
9:39
between
9:39
both.
9:39
Now,
9:39
depending
9:40
upon
9:40
their
9:40
partner.
9:41
You
9:41
know,
9:41
they
9:41
may
9:42
lean
9:42
a
9:42
little
9:42
bit
9:42
more
9:42
into
9:43
the
9:43
anxious,
9:43
or
9:43
they
9:43
may
9:43
lean
9:44
a
9:44
little
9:44
bit
9:44
more
9:44
into
9:44
the
9:45
dismissive
9:45
side,
9:46
again,
9:46
depending
9:46
upon
9:47
the
9:47
situation,
9:47
but
9:47
they
9:48
typically
9:48
will
9:49
kind
9:49
of
9:49
go
9:50
between
9:50
the
9:50
two.
9:50
So
9:50
those
9:51
three
9:52
attachment
9:52
styles,
9:53
unfortunately,
9:53
are
9:53
really
9:54
unhealthy
9:55
ones,
9:55
and
9:55
they're
9:55
really
9:55
causing
9:56
a
9:56
lot
9:56
of
9:56
problems
9:56
because
9:57
of
9:57
the
9:57
subconscious
9:58
wounds
9:58
that
9:58
have
9:59
been
9:59
developed
9:59
throughout
10:00
our
10:00
lives.
10:01
Absolutely.
10:03
So.
10:03
And
10:03
it
10:03
makes
10:04
total
10:04
sense,
10:04
though,
10:04
with
10:05
the
10:05
subconscious
10:05
programming
10:06
and
10:06
everything
10:06
else.
10:07
I
10:07
mean,
10:07
I
10:07
can.
10:07
I
10:07
know.
10:08
And
10:08
people
10:08
can
10:08
bounce
10:09
between
10:09
these
10:10
styles.
10:10
Like
10:10
you
10:10
said,
10:11
you
10:11
can
10:11
be
10:11
with
10:12
one
10:12
person,
10:12
and
10:12
oh,
10:13
my
10:13
gosh,
10:13
this
10:14
person
10:14
opens
10:14
me
10:14
up,
10:15
so
10:15
I
10:15
do
10:15
have
10:15
that
10:16
connection,
10:16
and
10:16
I
10:16
feel
10:16
that
10:17
connection.
10:17
But
10:17
oh,
10:17
my
10:17
gosh,
10:18
when
10:18
they
10:18
get
10:18
too
10:18
close,
10:19
bam,
10:19
I'm
10:20
out.
10:20
I
10:21
mean,
10:21
it's.
10:21
I
10:22
see
10:22
it
10:22
with
10:23
so
10:23
many
10:23
different
10:24
people,
10:24
and
10:24
I
10:24
can
10:24
see
10:25
it
10:25
in
10:25
my
10:25
own
10:25
life,
10:25
just
10:25
when
10:26
I
10:26
started
10:26
the
10:26
whole
10:27
relationship
10:27
thing.
10:28
So
10:30
how
10:30
do
10:30
you.
10:31
I
10:31
guess
10:31
I
10:31
could
10:31
say,
10:32
how
10:32
do
10:32
you.
10:33
How
10:33
do
10:34
you
10:34
know,
10:34
first
10:34
of
10:34
all,
10:35
which
10:35
one
10:36
you
10:36
are
10:36
or
10:36
which
10:36
one
10:37
your
10:37
partner
10:37
is?
10:38
Well,
10:38
well,
10:38
you
10:38
got
10:38
to
10:39
learn
10:39
about
10:39
a
10:39
little
10:39
bit
10:39
more,
10:40
and
10:40
then
10:40
you
10:40
can
10:40
start
10:41
to
10:41
see
10:41
yourself
10:41
in
10:42
certain
10:42
situations.
10:43
I
10:43
also
10:43
have
10:43
a
10:43
quiz
10:44
on
10:44
my
10:44
website
10:44
that
10:45
somebody
10:45
can.
10:45
You
10:45
can
10:46
get
10:46
a
10:46
pretty
10:46
good
10:46
feel
10:47
as
10:47
to
10:47
where
10:47
you
10:47
fall
10:48
into
10:48
that,
10:48
but
10:48
really,
10:48
it
10:49
is
10:49
a
10:49
little
10:49
bit
10:49
more
10:49
of
10:50
just
10:50
the
10:50
time
10:50
and
10:51
willingness
10:51
to
10:51
learn
10:51
and
10:51
listen
10:52
to
10:52
some
10:52
of
10:52
the
10:52
wounds
10:52
that
10:52
are
10:53
more
10:53
prevalent
10:54
here.
10:54
More
10:54
behaviors
10:55
that
10:55
are
10:55
over
10:55
here
10:55
compared
10:56
to
10:56
the
10:56
other
10:56
style,
10:56
if
10:57
you
10:57
will.
10:57
And,
10:57
you
10:58
know,
10:58
when
10:58
I
10:58
say
10:58
somebody's
10:59
clingy
10:59
or
10:59
somebody
10:59
who's
11:00
really
11:00
crazed
11:00
connection
11:01
and
11:01
loves,
11:01
you
11:01
know,
11:02
loves
11:02
a
11:02
lot
11:02
of
11:02
communication.
11:03
Some.
11:03
Some
11:03
people
11:03
are
11:04
like,
11:04
oh,
11:04
yeah,
11:04
that's
11:04
me.
11:04
Like,
11:05
I.
11:05
I
11:05
want
11:05
to
11:05
be
11:05
in
11:06
a
11:06
relationship.
11:06
I
11:07
love
11:07
a
11:07
lot
11:07
of
11:07
communication.
11:08
Talk,
11:08
you
11:09
know,
11:09
right
11:09
away,
11:09
kind
11:09
of
11:09
where
11:10
you
11:10
land
11:10
a
11:10
little
11:10
bit
11:10
sometimes.
11:11
But
11:11
there
11:12
are
11:12
some
11:12
ways,
11:12
again,
11:12
just
11:13
to
11:13
learn
11:13
a
11:13
little
11:13
bit
11:13
more.
11:13
Eventually
11:14
you'll
11:14
be
11:14
able
11:14
to
11:14
figure
11:15
it
11:15
out.
11:15
Sometimes
11:15
we
11:15
think
11:16
we're
11:16
one
11:16
thing,
11:16
too,
11:17
and
11:17
then
11:17
in
11:18
time,
11:18
as
11:18
we
11:18
learn
11:18
a
11:18
little
11:18
bit
11:19
more,
11:19
we
11:19
may
11:19
find,
11:19
okay,
11:20
maybe
11:20
I'm
11:20
not
11:20
as
11:21
anxious,
11:21
maybe
11:21
I
11:21
am
11:21
a
11:22
little
11:22
bit
11:22
more
11:22
in
11:22
that
11:22
fearful
11:23
or
11:23
disorganized
11:24
attachment
11:24
style.
11:25
And
11:25
so
11:25
sometimes
11:26
we.
11:26
We
11:26
just
11:26
kind
11:26
of
11:26
learn
11:27
a
11:27
little
11:27
bit
11:27
more.
11:27
I
11:28
think
11:28
the
11:28
key
11:28
with
11:28
this
11:28
is
11:29
with
11:29
the
11:29
attachment
11:29
styles
11:30
is
11:30
this
11:30
as
11:30
well.
11:31
I
11:31
always
11:31
say
11:31
it's
11:32
not
11:32
as
11:32
important
11:32
to
11:32
understand
11:33
what
11:33
your
11:33
attachment
11:34
style
11:34
is
11:34
as
11:35
it
11:35
is
11:35
to
11:35
understand
11:36
what
11:36
your
11:36
subconscious
11:37
wounds
11:38
are.
11:38
That's
11:39
really
11:39
more
11:39
important
11:40
than
11:40
what
11:41
attachment
11:41
style
11:42
am
11:42
I.
11:42
Okay.
11:43
Because
11:43
the
11:43
wounds
11:43
are
11:44
really
11:44
what's
11:44
driving
11:45
the
11:45
unhealthy
11:46
behaviors.
11:47
So
11:47
until
11:47
we
11:47
learn
11:48
that
11:48
the
11:49
attachment
11:49
style
11:49
is
11:50
just
11:50
a
11:50
way
11:50
to
11:50
kind
11:50
of
11:50
give
11:50
us
11:51
a
11:51
glimpse
11:51
in
11:51
a
11:51
category
11:52
that
11:52
we
11:52
can
11:52
maybe
11:53
focus
11:53
a
11:53
little
11:53
bit
11:53
on,
11:54
but
11:54
it
11:54
doesn't
11:54
necessarily,
11:55
you
11:55
know,
11:56
prove
11:56
valuable
11:56
until
11:57
we
11:57
learn
11:57
to
11:58
dig
11:58
into
11:58
that
11:58
and
11:58
really
11:59
begin
11:59
to
11:59
heal
11:59
the
11:59
subconscious
12:00
wounds.
12:00
And
12:00
some
12:00
of
12:01
these
12:01
other
12:01
things,
12:01
which
12:02
is
12:02
what
12:02
I
12:02
learned
12:03
from
12:03
thy's
12:03
Gibson.
12:04
Tyce
12:04
Gibson
12:04
created
12:05
what's
12:06
called
12:06
integrated
12:07
attachment
12:07
theory.
12:08
And,
12:08
and
12:08
it
12:09
is
12:09
a
12:09
program
12:09
that
12:09
allows
12:10
us
12:10
to
12:10
move
12:10
from
12:11
the
12:11
three
12:11
unhealthy
12:12
attachment
12:12
styles
12:12
into
12:13
more
12:13
of
12:13
that
12:13
secure
12:14
attachment
12:14
style.
12:14
And
12:15
that's
12:15
the
12:15
work
12:15
that
12:15
I
12:16
came
12:16
across
12:17
through
12:17
all
12:17
of
12:17
this.
12:17
And,
12:18
and
12:18
I
12:18
actually
12:19
really
12:19
love
12:20
and,
12:20
and,
12:20
and
12:20
try
12:21
to
12:21
help
12:21
people
12:21
learn
12:21
now
12:22
through,
12:22
you
12:23
know,
12:23
through
12:23
what
12:23
I'm
12:23
doing.
12:24
So.
12:24
And
12:25
that's
12:25
the
12:25
integrated.
12:25
That's
12:26
putting
12:26
them
12:26
all
12:26
together.
12:27
Everything
12:27
else.
12:28
So
12:28
talk.
12:28
Let's.
12:29
Let's
12:29
just
12:29
dive
12:29
into
12:30
that,
12:31
talk
12:31
about
12:31
it.
12:32
It's.
12:32
I
12:32
think
12:32
you
12:32
mentioned
12:33
that
12:33
there
12:33
were
12:33
four
12:34
basic
12:34
pillars
12:35
to
12:35
that.
12:36
There's
12:36
actually
12:36
six
12:36
pillars
12:37
of
12:38
attachment
12:38
theory
12:38
program.
12:39
Yeah.
12:39
So
12:39
the
12:39
six
12:39
pillars
12:40
are
12:40
as
12:40
follows.
12:41
Number
12:41
one,
12:41
it's
12:41
your
12:41
core
12:42
wound.
12:42
So
12:42
that
12:42
fear
12:42
of
12:43
abandonment,
12:43
fear
12:44
of
12:44
being
12:45
alone,
12:45
fear
12:46
of
12:46
not
12:46
being
12:46
good
12:46
enough,
12:47
fear
12:47
of,
12:47
you
12:47
know,
12:48
all
12:48
these
12:48
different
12:49
fears
12:49
that
12:49
we
12:50
can
12:50
talk
12:50
about
12:50
that
12:50
are,
12:51
again,
12:51
subconsciously
12:52
driving
12:52
that
12:53
train.
12:54
And
12:54
until
12:54
we
12:55
become
12:55
aware
12:55
of
12:55
our
12:55
subconscious
12:56
and
12:56
how
12:56
it's
12:57
working,
12:57
it's
12:58
really
12:58
hard
12:58
to
12:58
kind
12:59
of
12:59
fix.
12:59
Figure
13:00
this
13:00
out
13:00
and
13:00
fix
13:00
it
13:00
and
13:01
kind
13:01
of
13:01
move
13:01
the
13:01
needle.
13:01
Right.
13:02
So
13:02
sometimes
13:02
we're
13:02
stuck
13:03
in
13:03
that
13:03
cycle
13:04
because
13:04
we
13:04
just
13:04
haven't
13:05
figured
13:05
out
13:05
that
13:05
the
13:05
subconscious
13:06
is
13:06
running
13:06
the
13:07
show.
13:07
One
13:08
of
13:08
the
13:08
things
13:08
she
13:08
said
13:08
that
13:09
really
13:09
kind
13:09
of
13:10
fascinated
13:10
me,
13:10
she
13:10
said,
13:11
and
13:11
it
13:11
stuck
13:11
with
13:11
me,
13:11
and
13:11
it
13:12
still
13:12
does
13:12
today.
13:13
That
13:13
95
13:13
to
13:14
97%
13:15
of
13:15
our
13:16
decisions
13:17
in
13:17
life
13:17
are
13:17
made
13:17
by
13:18
the
13:18
subconscious
13:19
and
13:19
that
13:19
the
13:20
conscious
13:21
cannot
13:21
outwill
13:22
or
13:22
overpower
13:23
the
13:23
subconscious.
13:24
So
13:24
even
13:24
though
13:25
consciously,
13:25
I
13:25
may
13:25
think
13:26
one
13:26
thing,
13:27
subconsciously,
13:28
that
13:28
wound
13:29
is
13:29
actually
13:29
doing
13:30
things
13:30
differently
13:31
that
13:31
are
13:31
kind
13:31
of
13:31
driving
13:32
it
13:32
a
13:32
little
13:32
bit
13:32
differently.
13:33
And
13:33
until
13:33
I
13:33
become
13:33
aware
13:34
of
13:34
that
13:34
difference,
13:35
it's
13:35
really.
13:35
It's
13:36
really
13:36
difficult.
13:37
That's
13:37
the
13:37
first
13:37
thing.
13:37
So
13:38
the
13:38
core
13:38
wounds,
13:38
got
13:39
to
13:39
fix
13:39
those,
13:39
Got
13:39
to
13:39
begin
13:40
to
13:40
work
13:40
on
13:40
those.
13:41
Number
13:41
two,
13:41
it's
13:41
your
13:41
needs.
13:42
Really
13:42
understanding
13:43
what
13:43
are
13:43
my
13:43
needs
13:43
at
13:44
the
13:44
core.
13:44
Who
13:44
am
13:45
I?
13:45
What
13:45
do
13:45
I
13:45
really
13:45
need
13:46
in
13:46
life
13:46
to
13:46
be
13:46
happy
13:46
and
13:47
fulfilled?
13:47
And
13:47
then
13:48
I
13:48
have
13:48
to
13:48
learn
13:48
how
13:48
to
13:48
fulfill
13:49
those
13:49
needs
13:49
pretty
13:50
much
13:50
on
13:50
my
13:50
own
13:50
as
13:50
much
13:51
as
13:51
possible,
13:51
right?
13:52
So
13:52
that
13:52
I'm
13:52
not
13:53
outsourcing
13:53
my
13:54
needs.
13:54
If
13:54
I'm
13:54
outsourcing
13:55
my
13:55
needs,
13:56
I'm
13:56
going
13:56
to
13:56
be.
13:57
Have
13:57
a
13:57
hard
13:57
time
13:57
fulfilling
13:58
those
13:58
needs.
13:58
But
13:58
if
13:58
I
13:59
can.
13:59
If
13:59
I
13:59
can
13:59
control
14:00
my
14:00
needs
14:00
and
14:01
learn
14:01
to
14:01
fill
14:01
those
14:02
on
14:02
my
14:02
own,
14:02
I
14:03
can
14:03
feel
14:03
joy
14:03
and
14:03
happiness
14:04
and
14:04
pretty
14:04
good
14:04
every
14:05
day
14:05
on
14:05
a
14:05
daily
14:05
basis.
14:06
That's
14:06
awesome.
14:07
Number
14:07
three,
14:08
it's
14:08
our
14:09
emotions.
14:09
How
14:09
do
14:09
I
14:10
deal
14:10
with
14:10
my
14:10
emotions?
14:10
How
14:11
do
14:11
I
14:11
gain
14:11
knowledge
14:12
from
14:12
my
14:12
emotions?
14:13
I
14:13
always
14:13
say
14:13
that
14:14
emotions
14:14
are
14:14
really
14:15
just
14:15
information,
14:16
whether
14:16
they're
14:17
negative
14:18
ones
14:18
like
14:18
fear
14:19
or
14:19
anger,
14:19
or
14:19
whether
14:20
they're
14:20
positive
14:20
ones
14:20
like
14:21
joy
14:21
or
14:21
happiness
14:22
or,
14:22
you
14:22
know,
14:22
it's
14:23
fun,
14:23
right?
14:23
So
14:23
I
14:24
have
14:24
to
14:24
understand
14:25
what.
14:25
So
14:25
my
14:26
beliefs
14:26
lead
14:26
to
14:26
my
14:27
thoughts,
14:27
my
14:27
thoughts
14:28
lead
14:28
to
14:28
my
14:28
emotions,
14:29
and
14:29
then
14:29
my
14:30
emotions
14:30
will
14:30
ultimately
14:31
lead
14:31
to
14:31
my
14:31
actions.
14:31
So
14:32
I
14:32
have
14:32
to
14:32
just
14:32
backtrack
14:33
that
14:33
a
14:33
little
14:33
bit
14:33
and
14:34
say,
14:34
if
14:34
I'm
14:34
feeling,
14:35
let's
14:35
say,
14:35
fear,
14:36
what
14:36
are
14:36
the
14:37
thoughts
14:37
that
14:37
I'm
14:37
having
14:37
that
14:38
are
14:38
causing
14:38
the
14:38
fear?
14:39
Is
14:39
it
14:39
because
14:40
I'm
14:40
afraid
14:40
my
14:40
spouse
14:41
is
14:41
leaving
14:41
me?
14:41
Oh,
14:41
we
14:42
had
14:42
a
14:42
little
14:42
argument.
14:42
Now
14:42
my
14:43
spouse
14:43
might
14:43
leave
14:43
me.
14:44
That
14:44
fear
14:44
of
14:44
abandonment
14:45
comes
14:45
up,
14:46
all
14:46
right?
14:46
And
14:47
that's
14:47
my
14:47
core
14:47
belief
14:48
is.
14:48
My
14:48
core
14:48
belief
14:49
is
14:49
I'm
14:49
going
14:49
to
14:49
be
14:49
abandoned.
14:50
I'm
14:50
not
14:50
good
14:50
enough.
14:51
That's
14:51
what's
14:51
driving
14:52
this.
14:52
So
14:52
we
14:52
have
14:52
to
14:52
learn
14:53
a
14:53
lot
14:53
about
14:53
our
14:54
emotions.
14:55
Number
14:56
four
14:56
is
14:56
our
14:57
boundaries.
14:58
How
14:58
do
14:58
I
14:58
set
14:58
boundaries?
14:59
What
14:59
are
14:59
they?
14:59
How
15:00
do
15:00
I
15:00
set
15:00
them?
15:00
I
15:01
always
15:01
say
15:01
that
15:01
boundaries
15:02
are
15:02
like
15:02
the
15:02
fence
15:02
around
15:03
the
15:03
house.
15:03
We
15:04
are
15:04
the
15:04
house.
15:04
And
15:05
if
15:05
we
15:05
don't
15:05
have
15:05
a
15:05
fence
15:06
around
15:06
the
15:06
house
15:06
at
15:06
all,
15:06
then
15:07
we're
15:07
completely
15:07
unprotected.
15:09
Right?
15:09
If
15:09
I
15:09
have
15:10
a
15:10
huge
15:10
fence,
15:10
though,
15:10
then
15:11
maybe
15:11
nobody
15:11
can
15:12
get
15:12
in.
15:12
And.
15:12
And
15:12
I'm
15:13
going
15:13
to
15:13
isolate
15:13
forever
15:14
alone.
15:14
So
15:14
I
15:14
have
15:14
to
15:15
learn
15:15
how
15:15
to
15:15
build,
15:15
you
15:16
know,
15:16
put
15:16
set
15:17
healthy,
15:17
good
15:17
boundaries
15:18
into
15:18
my
15:18
life.
15:18
So
15:18
I
15:19
teach
15:19
people
15:19
how
15:19
I
15:20
want
15:20
to
15:20
be
15:20
treated
15:20
and.
15:21
And
15:21
that.
15:21
See
15:21
who
15:22
kind
15:22
of
15:22
respects
15:22
that
15:22
and
15:22
can
15:23
kind
15:23
of
15:23
go
15:23
there.
15:24
Number
15:24
five
15:24
is
15:25
our
15:25
communication.
15:26
This
15:26
is
15:26
a
15:26
huge
15:26
one.
15:27
How
15:27
do
15:28
we
15:28
communicate
15:28
in
15:28
a
15:28
way
15:28
that
15:29
actually
15:29
moves
15:29
the
15:29
needle.
15:30
Right.
15:31
I
15:31
always
15:31
talk
15:31
about
15:31
how
15:32
in
15:32
the
15:32
past,
15:32
my
15:33
wife
15:33
and
15:33
I
15:33
would
15:33
have
15:33
conversations,
15:34
and
15:35
she
15:35
would
15:35
always
15:36
try
15:36
to
15:36
tell
15:36
me
15:36
things,
15:36
or
15:37
we'd
15:37
kind
15:37
of
15:37
get
15:37
into
15:37
this
15:37
little
15:38
argument.
15:38
And
15:38
I
15:38
was
15:38
always
15:39
listening
15:39
to
15:39
defend
15:40
myself.
15:41
Right.
15:41
How
15:41
many
15:42
of
15:42
us
15:42
do
15:42
that
15:42
where
15:42
we're
15:43
not
15:43
listening
15:43
to
15:43
truly
15:44
understand
15:44
our
15:44
partner?
15:45
We're
15:45
listening
15:46
because
15:46
we
15:46
feel
15:46
attacked.
15:47
And
15:47
those
15:48
little
15:48
wounds
15:48
are
15:48
now,
15:49
you
15:49
know,
15:49
coming
15:49
at
15:50
me,
15:50
and
15:50
I'm
15:50
feeling.
15:50
Feeling
15:50
attacked.
15:51
So
15:51
I'm
15:51
going
15:51
to
15:51
listen
15:52
to
15:52
defend
15:52
myself.
15:52
And
15:53
so
15:53
we
15:53
have
15:53
to
15:54
learn
15:54
how
15:54
to
15:54
communicate
15:54
in
15:55
a
15:55
way
15:55
that
15:55
actually
15:55
begins
15:56
to,
15:56
you
15:56
know,
15:57
help
15:57
connect
15:57
us
15:57
more,
15:58
not
15:58
drive
15:58
us
15:58
apart,
15:59
and
15:59
actually
15:59
begins
16:00
to
16:00
solve
16:00
the
16:01
problems
16:01
that
16:01
we're
16:01
facing
16:02
together.
16:02
When
16:02
we
16:02
do
16:03
that,
16:03
that's
16:03
a
16:03
huge
16:04
bonus.
16:04
And
16:05
last
16:05
but
16:05
not
16:05
least
16:06
is
16:06
our
16:06
behaviors.
16:06
Right.
16:07
Number
16:07
six,
16:08
how
16:08
do
16:08
we
16:08
change
16:08
our
16:09
behaviors?
16:09
How
16:09
do
16:09
I
16:09
begin
16:09
to
16:10
act
16:10
in
16:10
ways
16:10
that
16:10
are
16:10
also,
16:11
again,
16:11
more
16:12
becoming
16:12
of
16:13
what
16:13
I
16:13
want
16:13
to
16:13
be
16:13
like?
16:14
Right.
16:14
I
16:14
don't
16:14
want
16:14
to
16:14
fly
16:15
off
16:15
the
16:15
handle
16:15
because
16:16
of
16:16
something,
16:16
you
16:16
know,
16:17
silly,
16:17
you
16:17
know,
16:17
you
16:18
know,
16:18
that's
16:18
not
16:18
really
16:18
that
16:19
important.
16:19
Right.
16:19
Maybe
16:20
I
16:20
can
16:20
learn
16:20
how
16:20
to
16:20
kind
16:20
of
16:21
handle
16:21
my
16:21
emotions.
16:22
Maybe
16:22
I
16:22
put.
16:22
For
16:23
me,
16:23
I'll
16:23
put
16:23
my
16:23
shoes
16:23
on
16:23
and
16:24
I'll
16:24
go
16:24
for
16:24
a
16:24
walk
16:24
for
16:24
an
16:24
hour
16:25
if
16:25
that's
16:25
what
16:25
it
16:25
takes,
16:26
so
16:26
that
16:26
I
16:26
can
16:26
come
16:26
back
16:27
in
16:27
more
16:27
emotionally
16:28
regulated.
16:28
And
16:29
now
16:29
I've
16:29
handled
16:29
myself.
16:30
I
16:30
changed
16:30
my
16:30
behavior
16:31
in
16:31
a
16:31
way
16:31
that's
16:31
more
16:31
becoming
16:32
of
16:32
who
16:32
I
16:32
want
16:32
to
16:32
truly
16:33
be.
16:33
And
16:34
now
16:34
you
16:34
can
16:34
look
16:34
on
16:34
and
16:35
go,
16:35
wow,
16:35
that's
16:35
a
16:35
guy
16:35
who
16:36
knows
16:36
how
16:36
to
16:36
handle
16:37
his
16:37
emotions.
16:37
And,
16:37
you
16:38
know,
16:38
I
16:38
have
16:38
a
16:38
lot
16:38
more
16:38
respect
16:39
for
16:39
that
16:39
as
16:39
compared
16:40
to
16:40
somebody
16:40
who's
16:40
maybe
16:40
just
16:41
kind
16:41
of
16:41
flying
16:41
off
16:42
the
16:42
handle
16:42
every
16:42
time
16:42
he
16:42
feels
16:43
his
16:43
emotions.
16:43
So
16:43
those
16:44
are
16:44
the
16:44
six
16:44
core
16:44
pillars,
16:45
and
16:45
I
16:45
really
16:46
love
16:46
those
16:46
because
16:46
each
16:47
one
16:47
allows
16:47
me
16:48
to
16:48
look
16:48
at,
16:48
you
16:48
know,
16:49
what
16:49
do
16:49
I
16:49
need
16:49
to
16:49
work
16:50
on
16:50
a
16:50
little
16:50
bit?
16:50
How
16:50
can
16:50
I
16:51
improve
16:51
here?
16:51
How
16:51
can
16:51
I
16:51
improve
16:52
there?
16:52
And
16:52
as
16:53
I
16:53
do
16:53
each
16:53
one
16:53
a
16:54
little
16:54
bit
16:54
more,
16:54
I'm
16:55
now
16:55
moving
16:55
the
16:55
needle,
16:55
and
16:56
it's
16:56
a
16:56
game
16:57
changer.
16:58
Yeah.
16:58
And
16:58
it's.
16:58
I'm
16:59
sure
16:59
that's
16:59
the
16:59
process
17:00
that
17:00
you
17:00
go
17:00
through
17:00
with
17:00
your
17:01
clients
17:01
and
17:01
to
17:01
get
17:02
them
17:02
to
17:02
going,
17:02
because
17:02
every
17:03
step
17:03
is
17:03
a
17:03
process,
17:04
too.
17:04
Like,
17:05
you
17:05
can't
17:05
do
17:06
number.
17:06
What
17:07
was
17:07
it
17:07
for
17:07
the
17:08
boundaries,
17:08
Unless
17:09
you
17:09
know
17:09
your
17:09
core
17:09
values
17:10
and
17:10
what
17:10
your
17:10
needs
17:10
are.
17:11
Like
17:12
you.
17:12
I
17:13
mean,
17:13
there's.
17:13
Everything
17:14
has
17:14
to
17:14
be
17:14
done
17:14
kind
17:15
of
17:15
in
17:15
a
17:16
way,
17:16
not
17:16
all.
17:17
Not
17:17
in
17:18
the
17:18
perfect
17:18
order.
17:19
There's
17:19
no
17:19
perfect.
17:20
There's
17:20
no
17:20
perfect
17:20
system
17:21
to
17:22
Healing
17:22
or
17:22
getting
17:22
better
17:23
or
17:23
whatever
17:23
it
17:24
is
17:24
anywhere.
17:25
But
17:25
yeah,
17:26
it's
17:26
like,
17:26
if
17:26
you,
17:27
if
17:27
you
17:27
don't
17:28
know
17:28
what
17:28
you
17:28
need,
17:29
how
17:29
do
17:29
you
17:29
set
17:29
a
17:30
boundary
17:30
around
17:30
it?
17:30
If
17:30
you
17:31
don't
17:31
know
17:31
what
17:31
you'll
17:31
tolerate
17:32
if
17:32
you
17:32
don't,
17:32
you
17:32
know,
17:33
and,
17:33
and
17:33
so
17:34
you
17:34
have
17:34
to
17:34
kind
17:34
of
17:34
do
17:34
all
17:35
of
17:35
these
17:35
individually,
17:36
which
17:36
is
17:36
nice.
17:37
I
17:37
mean,
17:37
it's,
17:37
it's
17:37
a
17:38
process.
17:39
It
17:39
is
17:39
a
17:40
process.
17:40
And,
17:40
and
17:41
yes,
17:41
everybody's
17:41
at
17:41
a
17:42
little
17:42
bit
17:42
different
17:42
point.
17:42
Sometimes
17:43
we
17:43
may
17:43
have
17:43
to
17:43
focus
17:44
on
17:44
getting,
17:44
getting
17:45
control
17:45
of
17:45
our
17:45
emotions,
17:46
maybe
17:46
more
17:46
so
17:47
right
17:47
away
17:47
than.
17:48
And
17:48
then
17:48
we
17:48
can
17:48
slowly
17:49
work
17:49
on
17:49
the
17:49
core
17:50
wounds
17:50
that
17:50
are
17:50
actually
17:50
driving
17:51
that
17:51
a
17:51
little
17:51
bit.
17:51
So
17:51
it
17:51
depends
17:52
where
17:52
we
17:52
are
17:52
a
17:52
little
17:53
bit.
17:53
But
17:53
yeah,
17:54
at
17:54
the
17:54
end
17:54
of
17:54
the
17:54
day,
17:55
I
17:55
love
17:55
the
17:55
idea
17:56
that
17:56
we
17:56
can
17:56
look
17:56
at
17:56
each
17:57
one
17:57
and
17:57
say,
17:57
oh,
17:57
yeah,
17:58
I'm
17:58
struggling
17:58
with
17:59
controlling
17:59
my
17:59
emotions.
18:00
I'm
18:00
struggling
18:00
with
18:01
understanding
18:01
what
18:02
my
18:02
needs
18:02
are.
18:02
I'm
18:03
struggling
18:03
with
18:04
knowing,
18:04
you
18:04
know,
18:05
having
18:05
any
18:05
boundaries.
18:06
Right.
18:06
Or,
18:06
you
18:06
know,
18:07
so
18:07
I'm
18:07
able
18:07
to
18:07
look
18:07
at
18:07
each
18:07
one
18:08
and
18:08
go,
18:08
yeah,
18:08
you
18:08
know
18:08
what?
18:09
I've
18:09
never
18:09
thought
18:10
about
18:10
that.
18:10
I
18:10
never
18:10
thought
18:11
about
18:11
exactly
18:11
what
18:12
are
18:12
my
18:12
boundaries,
18:12
what
18:13
are
18:13
my
18:13
needs?
18:13
You
18:14
know,
18:14
what,
18:14
what
18:15
are
18:15
my
18:15
emotions
18:15
telling
18:16
me?
18:16
You
18:16
know,
18:16
like,
18:17
so
18:17
I
18:17
just
18:17
love
18:18
that.
18:18
And
18:18
it
18:18
began
18:18
to
18:18
make
18:18
a
18:19
lot
18:19
of
18:19
sense
18:19
to
18:19
me
18:19
and
18:19
I'm
18:19
like,
18:20
wow.
18:20
I,
18:20
I'm
18:20
fascinated
18:21
by
18:21
this
18:21
program
18:21
and
18:22
the
18:22
work.
18:22
It's
18:22
like,
18:23
you
18:23
know,
18:23
it's
18:23
a
18:23
never
18:23
ending
18:24
process.
18:24
I
18:24
want
18:25
to
18:25
make
18:25
sure
18:25
people
18:25
know,
18:25
like,
18:26
I've
18:26
come
18:26
a
18:26
long
18:26
way.
18:26
But
18:27
of
18:27
course,
18:27
I
18:27
feel
18:28
like
18:28
this
18:28
is
18:28
a
18:28
lifelong
18:29
journey
18:29
and
18:29
it's
18:29
one
18:29
of
18:29
those
18:29
things
18:30
that
18:30
changes
18:30
over
18:30
time
18:31
because
18:31
we
18:31
change
18:31
too,
18:32
you
18:32
know,
18:32
Right.
18:32
As
18:32
I
18:33
get
18:33
older,
18:33
you
18:33
know,
18:33
I'm
18:33
gonna
18:34
have
18:34
different
18:34
needs,
18:34
I'm
18:34
gonna
18:34
have
18:35
different
18:35
bo.
18:36
Maybe
18:36
are
18:36
important
18:36
to
18:36
me
18:36
that
18:37
maybe
18:37
weren't
18:37
as
18:37
important
18:38
a
18:38
year
18:38
ago.
18:38
And
18:38
so
18:39
it's
18:39
always
18:40
going
18:40
to
18:40
be
18:40
a
18:40
little
18:40
bit
18:40
of
18:40
evolving
18:41
and
18:41
changing
18:41
there
18:42
too,
18:42
so.
18:43
Oh,
18:43
absolutely.
18:43
And,
18:44
and
18:44
also
18:44
understanding
18:45
kind
18:46
of
18:46
on
18:46
the
18:46
flip
18:47
side
18:47
what
18:47
your
18:47
partners
18:48
are.
18:48
So,
18:49
you
18:49
know,
18:49
if
18:49
your
18:50
partner
18:50
right
18:50
now
18:50
is
18:50
in
18:51
a
18:51
completely,
18:51
I
18:52
don't
18:52
want
18:52
to
18:52
say
18:52
emotionally
18:54
volatile
18:55
state,
18:55
but
18:55
if
18:56
they're
18:56
on
18:56
the
18:56
defensive,
18:57
they're
18:57
going
18:58
to
18:58
be
18:58
on
18:58
the
18:58
defensive.
18:59
So
18:59
wording
18:59
is
19:00
very
19:00
important.
19:00
How
19:01
you
19:01
word
19:01
things,
19:01
how
19:01
you
19:01
come
19:02
across
19:02
things.
19:02
Like
19:02
you
19:03
said,
19:03
the
19:03
communication.
19:05
I
19:05
can
19:05
think
19:05
of
19:05
a
19:05
million
19:06
different
19:06
instances
19:07
where
19:07
it's
19:07
true.
19:08
You
19:08
go
19:08
to
19:08
talk
19:08
and
19:08
it's
19:09
like
19:09
you
19:09
see
19:09
the
19:09
shackles
19:10
come
19:10
up
19:10
and
19:11
you're
19:11
like,
19:11
okay,
19:11
not
19:12
a
19:12
good
19:12
time,
19:12
like
19:12
defensive.
19:13
A
19:14
hundred
19:14
percent.
19:14
And
19:15
that's
19:15
our.
19:16
I
19:16
mean,
19:16
that's.
19:17
Especially
19:17
when
19:17
things
19:18
are
19:18
not
19:18
smooth.
19:19
That
19:19
is
19:19
a.
19:19
Such
19:20
a
19:20
natural
19:20
instinct
19:21
to
19:21
just
19:21
get
19:21
on
19:21
the
19:21
defensive.
19:23
So
19:23
it's
19:23
like
19:23
wording
19:24
and
19:24
flipping.
19:24
Things
19:25
are
19:25
so
19:25
important.
19:27
What
19:28
do
19:28
you
19:28
think
19:28
as
19:28
far
19:29
as.
19:29
If
19:29
you're
19:29
having
19:29
a.
19:30
I
19:30
know
19:30
you
19:30
talk
19:31
about
19:31
the
19:31
failure
19:32
and
19:32
finding
19:32
the,
19:34
the
19:34
good
19:34
out
19:35
of
19:35
it.
19:36
Why
19:36
do
19:37
you
19:37
think
19:37
sometimes,
19:37
or
19:38
do
19:38
you
19:38
think
19:38
sometimes
19:39
that
19:39
the
19:39
breakup
19:39
is
19:40
necessary?
19:41
Yeah.
19:41
I
19:41
mean,
19:42
think
19:42
about
19:42
it.
19:42
You
19:42
know,
19:42
so
19:43
many
19:43
of
19:43
us,
19:43
you
19:43
know,
19:43
we
19:43
see
19:43
a
19:43
little
19:44
bit
19:44
warning
19:44
signs,
19:44
but
19:45
you
19:45
know,
19:45
we
19:45
don't
19:45
really
19:45
pay
19:46
attention.
19:46
It's
19:46
not
19:46
really
19:47
critical.
19:47
You
19:48
know,
19:48
it's
19:48
like,
19:48
it's
19:49
like,
19:49
okay,
19:49
maybe
19:49
I
19:49
see.
19:50
I
19:50
always
19:50
equate
19:50
this
19:51
to
19:51
sometimes
19:51
to
19:51
like
19:51
our
19:52
car,
19:52
right?
19:52
It's
19:52
maybe.
19:53
Maybe
19:53
I
19:53
see
19:53
the
19:53
engine
19:53
light
19:54
on.
19:54
Check
19:54
engine
19:55
light.
19:55
Or
19:55
maybe
19:55
I've
19:55
got,
19:56
you
19:56
know,
19:56
something
19:56
going
19:56
off
19:57
a
19:57
little
19:57
bit,
19:57
but
19:57
I'm
19:58
like,
19:58
ah,
19:58
you
19:58
know
19:58
what?
19:58
The
19:58
car
19:59
seems
19:59
to
19:59
be
19:59
running
19:59
fine.
20:00
I'll
20:00
check
20:01
it
20:01
out
20:01
when
20:01
I
20:01
get
20:01
a
20:02
chance.
20:02
And
20:02
you
20:03
know,
20:03
we
20:03
just
20:03
kind
20:03
of
20:03
push
20:03
that
20:04
off
20:04
and,
20:04
and
20:04
that's
20:04
what
20:04
we
20:05
do
20:05
in
20:05
relationships.
20:05
It's
20:05
like
20:06
we
20:06
see
20:06
the
20:06
red
20:06
flag.
20:07
We've
20:07
maybe
20:07
struggled
20:08
through
20:08
a
20:08
situation
20:08
and
20:09
we
20:09
didn't
20:09
fix
20:10
it
20:10
per
20:10
se,
20:10
but
20:10
maybe
20:11
we
20:11
sweep
20:11
it
20:11
under
20:11
the
20:11
rug.
20:12
And
20:12
that's
20:13
why
20:13
a
20:13
lot
20:13
of
20:13
times
20:13
these
20:14
same
20:14
fights
20:14
and
20:14
arguments
20:15
repeat
20:15
themselves
20:16
because
20:16
we
20:16
never
20:16
really
20:16
did
20:17
fix
20:17
it.
20:17
We
20:17
just
20:17
kind
20:17
of.
20:18
Right.
20:18
You
20:18
know,
20:18
we
20:18
kind
20:18
of
20:18
swept
20:19
under
20:19
the
20:19
rug
20:19
for
20:19
a
20:19
little
20:19
while
20:19
and
20:20
then
20:20
it
20:20
comes
20:20
back
20:20
and
20:20
back
20:21
and
20:21
back
20:21
and
20:21
it
20:21
just
20:21
repeats
20:22
until
20:22
we,
20:23
until
20:23
we
20:23
do
20:24
kind
20:24
of
20:24
fix
20:24
it.
20:24
But
20:24
I
20:24
always
20:24
call
20:25
it
20:25
death
20:25
by
20:25
a
20:25
thousand
20:26
paper
20:26
cuts
20:27
is
20:27
really
20:27
what's
20:27
going
20:27
on
20:27
with
20:28
these
20:28
relationships.
20:28
It's
20:29
that
20:29
little
20:29
bit
20:29
of
20:29
frustration.
20:30
It's
20:30
that
20:30
little
20:30
bit
20:31
of
20:31
lack
20:31
of
20:31
communication
20:32
and
20:32
all
20:33
these
20:33
little
20:33
frustration
20:34
over
20:34
year
20:34
and
20:35
whatever
20:35
it
20:35
might
20:35
be
20:35
a
20:35
year,
20:36
two
20:36
years,
20:36
five
20:36
years,
20:36
10
20:37
years,
20:37
where
20:37
all
20:38
of
20:38
a
20:38
sudden
20:38
somebody
20:38
goes,
20:38
man,
20:39
I
20:39
just
20:39
can't
20:39
do
20:39
this
20:39
anymore.
20:40
I
20:40
feel
20:40
like
20:40
we
20:41
just
20:41
can't
20:41
make
20:41
this
20:42
work.
20:43
It's
20:43
just.
20:43
It's
20:44
not
20:44
moving
20:44
the
20:44
needle
20:45
and,
20:45
and
20:45
they
20:45
get
20:45
to
20:45
that
20:46
frustration
20:46
point
20:46
where
20:47
it's
20:47
just
20:47
like,
20:47
what
20:48
am
20:48
I
20:48
going
20:48
to
20:48
do?
20:49
I
20:49
don't
20:49
know
20:49
how
20:49
to
20:50
fix
20:50
this.
20:50
I
20:50
can't
20:50
live
20:51
like
20:51
this
20:51
anymore.
20:51
I
20:52
guess
20:52
there's
20:52
only
20:52
one
20:53
thing
20:53
that's
20:53
going
20:53
on.
20:54
I
20:54
have
20:54
to
20:54
end
20:54
this
20:55
relationship
20:55
and
20:55
maybe
20:56
move
20:56
on
20:56
and
20:56
maybe
20:57
get
20:57
a
20:57
new
20:57
relationships.
20:58
Maybe
20:58
it's
20:58
my
20:58
partner's
20:59
problem.
20:59
Maybe
20:59
it's
20:59
their.
21:00
Maybe
21:00
it's
21:00
them,
21:01
right?
21:01
So
21:02
and
21:02
so
21:02
we
21:02
just
21:02
naturally
21:03
think
21:03
it's
21:03
them.
21:03
The
21:04
truth
21:04
is,
21:04
we
21:05
have
21:05
to
21:05
look
21:05
at
21:05
ourselves.
21:06
And
21:06
that's
21:06
the
21:06
thing
21:07
I
21:07
learned
21:07
the
21:07
most,
21:07
is
21:08
we
21:08
can't
21:08
point
21:08
the
21:08
finger
21:09
at
21:09
everybody
21:09
else.
21:09
We
21:10
have
21:10
to
21:10
look
21:10
at
21:10
ourselves.
21:11
And
21:11
that
21:12
was
21:12
the
21:12
first
21:12
step
21:12
that
21:13
both
21:13
my
21:13
wife
21:13
and
21:13
I
21:14
had
21:14
to
21:14
realize,
21:14
is
21:15
we
21:15
need
21:15
to
21:15
look
21:15
at
21:15
how
21:16
we're
21:16
showing
21:16
up
21:16
in
21:16
this
21:17
relationship
21:17
and
21:17
what
21:17
we're
21:17
doing
21:18
wrong
21:18
and
21:18
how
21:19
our
21:19
perception
21:19
and
21:20
our
21:20
wounds
21:20
are
21:20
actually
21:21
causing
21:21
the
21:22
problems.
21:22
Um,
21:23
and
21:23
that
21:23
is
21:23
the
21:23
first
21:23
step.
21:24
And
21:24
I
21:24
always
21:24
say
21:24
this,
21:25
you
21:25
know,
21:25
yes,
21:25
it's
21:26
nice
21:26
if
21:26
both
21:26
partners
21:27
can
21:27
learn
21:27
that.
21:28
But,
21:28
you
21:28
know,
21:28
two
21:29
is
21:29
better
21:29
than
21:29
one,
21:30
but
21:30
one
21:30
is
21:31
better
21:31
than
21:31
none.
21:32
So
21:32
if
21:32
your
21:32
partner's
21:33
not
21:33
ready
21:33
to
21:33
make
21:34
the
21:34
changes
21:34
and
21:34
learn,
21:35
that's
21:35
okay.
21:36
So
21:36
long
21:36
as
21:36
you're
21:36
willing
21:37
to
21:37
learn
21:37
and
21:37
make
21:38
some
21:38
changes.
21:39
You
21:39
can
21:39
actually
21:39
move
21:40
the
21:40
needle
21:40
in
21:40
your
21:40
relationship
21:41
tremendously
21:42
by
21:42
learning
21:43
these
21:43
new
21:43
skills,
21:43
learning
21:44
a
21:44
lot
21:44
more
21:44
about
21:44
yourself,
21:45
and
21:45
you
21:45
begin
21:46
to
21:46
understand
21:46
your
21:46
partner
21:47
differently
21:47
and
21:48
how
21:48
to
21:48
communicate
21:49
to
21:49
them
21:49
and
21:49
kind
21:49
of
21:49
work
21:50
around
21:50
them
21:50
a
21:50
little
21:50
bit.
21:51
That
21:51
can
21:51
make
21:52
such
21:52
a
21:52
huge
21:52
difference
21:53
in
21:53
any
21:53
relationship
21:54
that
21:54
you
21:54
have
21:54
for
21:55
sure,
21:55
right?
21:56
And
21:57
like
21:57
you
21:57
said,
21:57
knowing
21:58
your
21:58
part
21:59
in
21:59
it
21:59
will
22:00
make
22:00
it
22:00
easier.
22:00
And
22:00
it's.
22:01
But
22:01
that's
22:01
the
22:01
hardest
22:02
part.
22:02
It's
22:03
so
22:04
easy
22:04
to
22:04
be
22:04
like,
22:04
you
22:05
suck.
22:05
I'm
22:05
out.
22:06
You
22:06
know
22:06
what
22:06
I
22:07
mean?
22:07
But
22:07
the
22:08
death
22:08
by
22:08
a
22:08
thousand
22:09
paper
22:09
cuts,
22:09
it
22:09
makes
22:10
so
22:10
much
22:10
sense
22:10
because
22:10
one
22:11
little
22:11
thing
22:11
happens,
22:11
and
22:12
like
22:12
you
22:13
said,
22:13
it's.
22:13
It's
22:13
that
22:14
stored
22:14
up,
22:14
you
22:15
know,
22:15
you
22:15
don't
22:15
really
22:15
say
22:15
anything.
22:16
You
22:16
kind
22:16
of
22:16
get
22:16
a
22:16
little
22:17
annoyed,
22:17
and
22:18
you
22:18
don't
22:18
say
22:18
anything.
22:19
And
22:19
then
22:19
next
22:19
time,
22:19
you're,
22:20
like,
22:20
a
22:20
little
22:20
bit
22:20
angrier.
22:21
And
22:21
then
22:21
by
22:21
the
22:21
time
22:22
you
22:22
actually
22:22
address
22:22
it,
22:23
sometimes
22:23
it's
22:24
so
22:24
big
22:25
when
22:25
it
22:25
was,
22:25
like,
22:26
literally
22:26
nothing,
22:27
but
22:27
it
22:28
just
22:28
builds
22:28
and
22:28
builds
22:29
and
22:29
builds.
22:29
And
22:29
eventually
22:29
those
22:30
paper
22:30
cuts,
22:30
you
22:30
know,
22:30
every
22:31
little
22:31
bit,
22:31
a
22:31
little
22:31
bit
22:32
of
22:32
salt
22:32
on
22:32
them
22:32
hurts
22:33
when
22:33
you
22:33
have
22:33
a
22:33
hundred
22:33
of
22:34
them.
22:34
Yeah.
22:35
And
22:35
I
22:35
always
22:35
say
22:36
it's.
22:36
You
22:36
know,
22:36
there's
22:36
nothing
22:37
more
22:37
painful
22:37
in
22:37
life
22:38
than
22:38
losing
22:38
the
22:38
person
22:39
you
22:39
love
22:40
simply
22:40
because
22:40
you
22:41
don't
22:41
have
22:41
the
22:41
tools
22:42
necessary
22:43
to
22:43
fix
22:43
it.
22:44
And
22:44
it's
22:44
not
22:44
like
22:44
we
22:45
don't
22:45
love
22:45
each
22:45
other.
22:45
A
22:45
lot
22:45
of
22:46
times.
22:46
We
22:46
love
22:46
each
22:46
other.
22:46
We're
22:47
married,
22:47
you
22:47
got
22:47
kids,
22:48
you
22:48
got
22:48
all
22:48
this
22:48
stuff,
22:48
and
22:49
you
22:49
both
22:49
have
22:49
this
22:50
dream
22:50
of
22:50
spending
22:51
a
22:51
wonderful
22:51
life
22:51
together.
22:52
But
22:52
over
22:52
time,
22:53
because
22:53
we
22:54
don't
22:54
have
22:54
the
22:54
skills,
22:55
we
22:55
don't
22:55
have
22:55
the
22:55
necessary,
22:56
you
22:56
know,
22:57
skills
22:57
and
22:57
tools
22:58
to
22:58
work
22:59
together,
23:00
it
23:00
begins
23:00
to
23:00
fall
23:01
apart,
23:01
just
23:01
like
23:02
your
23:02
car
23:02
will.
23:02
Right?
23:02
So
23:03
again,
23:03
I'll
23:03
come
23:03
back
23:03
to
23:03
the
23:04
car.
23:05
If
23:05
my
23:05
car
23:05
begins
23:06
to
23:06
fall
23:06
apart
23:06
and
23:07
I
23:07
don't
23:08
and
23:08
I,
23:08
but
23:08
I
23:08
do
23:08
have
23:09
the
23:09
skills,
23:09
I
23:09
do
23:10
have
23:10
the
23:10
tools,
23:10
I
23:11
know
23:11
how
23:11
to
23:11
fix
23:11
the
23:11
car,
23:12
then
23:12
I'm
23:13
going
23:13
to
23:13
be
23:13
okay.
23:14
But
23:14
if
23:14
all
23:14
of
23:14
a
23:14
sudden
23:14
my
23:15
car
23:15
begins
23:15
to
23:15
fall
23:15
apart,
23:16
it's
23:16
acting
23:16
weird
23:17
and
23:17
I
23:17
have
23:17
no
23:17
tools,
23:18
no
23:18
skills,
23:18
no
23:18
know
23:19
how
23:19
I
23:19
might
23:20
panic
23:20
a
23:20
little
23:20
bit
23:20
and
23:20
all
23:20
of
23:20
a
23:21
sudden,
23:21
man,
23:21
my
23:21
car
23:21
is
23:22
falling
23:22
apart.
23:22
What's
23:22
going
23:23
on?
23:23
Maybe
23:23
I
23:23
just
23:24
need
23:24
to
23:24
sell
23:24
this
23:24
thing
23:24
and
23:25
get
23:25
a
23:25
new
23:25
car
23:25
and
23:25
that's,
23:26
that's
23:26
what
23:26
we're
23:26
doing.
23:27
We've
23:27
never
23:27
been
23:27
taught
23:28
how
23:28
to
23:28
be
23:28
a
23:28
mechanic.
23:29
Why
23:30
would
23:30
you
23:30
think
23:30
you
23:30
know
23:30
how
23:30
to
23:31
fix
23:31
cars?
23:31
Right?
23:32
We've
23:32
never
23:32
been
23:32
taught
23:33
the
23:33
skills
23:33
to
23:33
have
23:33
a
23:34
good
23:34
relationship.
23:35
Why
23:35
do
23:35
you
23:35
think
23:35
you
23:35
know
23:36
how
23:36
to
23:36
have
23:36
a
23:36
really
23:36
great
23:37
relationship?
23:37
Like
23:38
what,
23:38
what
23:38
makes
23:38
you
23:38
the
23:39
expert?
23:39
Unfortunately,
23:40
a
23:40
lot
23:40
of
23:40
us
23:41
won't
23:41
humble
23:41
ourselves
23:41
enough
23:42
to
23:42
say,
23:42
yeah,
23:42
you're
23:43
right,
23:43
maybe
23:44
I
23:44
need
23:44
to
23:44
get
23:44
some
23:44
skills
23:45
and
23:45
learn
23:46
how
23:46
to
23:46
do
23:46
this
23:46
properly
23:47
so
23:47
that
23:47
I
23:47
can
23:47
be
23:47
a
23:48
good
23:48
partner
23:48
and
23:48
show
23:49
up
23:49
properly
23:50
and,
23:50
and
23:50
have
23:50
a
23:51
really
23:51
great
23:51
relationship
23:52
with
23:52
somebody.
23:53
Hopefully
23:53
my
23:53
spouse
23:54
currently.
23:54
But
23:54
if
23:54
again,
23:54
if
23:55
you're
23:55
single
23:55
or
23:55
whatever,
23:56
you
23:56
know,
23:56
the
23:56
idea
23:56
is
23:56
that
23:57
we
23:57
learn
23:57
the
23:57
skills
23:57
that
23:58
gives
23:58
us
23:58
the
23:58
ability
23:59
to
23:59
have
23:59
a
23:59
great
24:00
relationship
24:00
and
24:00
then
24:00
we
24:00
let
24:01
see
24:01
what,
24:01
you
24:02
know,
24:02
comes
24:02
into
24:02
our
24:02
life,
24:03
whether
24:03
it's
24:04
our
24:04
current
24:04
spouse
24:04
or
24:04
whatever
24:05
is
24:05
going
24:05
on
24:05
there,
24:05
you
24:05
know,
24:06
we'll
24:06
find
24:06
that.
24:06
But
24:06
yeah,
24:07
you
24:07
gotta
24:07
have
24:07
the
24:07
skills
24:07
necessary
24:08
to
24:08
do
24:08
it
24:08
right.
24:09
And
24:09
in
24:09
a
24:09
perfect
24:09
world,
24:10
we
24:10
deal
24:11
with
24:11
all
24:11
of
24:11
these
24:11
six
24:12
pillars,
24:12
or
24:12
we
24:12
know
24:13
about
24:13
these
24:13
six
24:13
pillars
24:14
before
24:14
we're
24:14
in
24:14
the
24:14
relationship
24:15
and
24:15
before
24:15
it's
24:15
problem,
24:16
you
24:16
know,
24:16
we
24:16
develop
24:17
some
24:17
emotional
24:17
intelligence.
24:18
So
24:18
the
24:19
first
24:19
time
24:19
someone
24:19
says
24:19
it's
24:20
something
24:20
at
24:20
us,
24:20
we
24:20
don't
24:21
blow
24:21
off
24:21
the
24:22
handle,
24:22
you
24:22
know?
24:22
Yeah.
24:23
Just
24:23
looking
24:24
at
24:24
them,
24:24
you
24:24
know,
24:24
we
24:24
set
24:25
boundaries
24:25
so
24:26
that
24:26
we
24:26
don't
24:26
get
24:26
pissed
24:26
off
24:26
when
24:27
they
24:27
get
24:27
crossed
24:28
time
24:28
after
24:28
time
24:28
after
24:28
time,
24:29
you
24:29
know,
24:30
so
24:30
it's
24:30
kind
24:30
of
24:30
like
24:31
that
24:31
kind
24:31
of
24:32
equates
24:32
if
24:32
you're
24:32
going
24:32
back
24:33
to
24:33
the
24:33
car,
24:33
it's
24:33
kind
24:33
of
24:34
like
24:34
doing
24:34
your
24:34
oil
24:34
changes,
24:35
you
24:35
know,
24:35
that's
24:35
the
24:36
preemptive
24:36
work
24:37
before
24:38
you're
24:38
at
24:39
crazy
24:40
situation.
24:42
So
24:42
if
24:42
you
24:42
are
24:43
in
24:43
the
24:43
crisis
24:43
situation
24:44
and
24:44
you
24:45
are
24:45
in
24:45
the
24:45
middle
24:45
of
24:45
this
24:46
breakup,
24:46
what
24:47
are
24:47
some
24:47
things
24:47
that
24:48
you
24:48
can
24:48
do
24:48
to
24:48
try
24:49
to
24:50
try
24:50
to
24:50
start
24:51
slowly
24:52
or
24:52
quickly?
24:52
If
24:53
that's
24:53
what
24:53
it
24:53
takes.
24:54
Yeah,
24:54
it's
24:54
challenging.
24:55
I
24:55
mean,
24:55
when
24:55
you're
24:55
in
24:55
the
24:56
throes
24:56
of
24:56
it
24:56
all,
24:56
that's
24:56
the
24:57
hardest
24:57
part.
24:57
Catching
24:58
Your
24:58
breath
24:58
and.
24:58
And
24:59
trying
24:59
to
24:59
have
24:59
some
24:59
hope
24:59
and
25:00
just
25:00
trying
25:00
to,
25:00
like,
25:00
you
25:00
know,
25:01
like,
25:01
where
25:01
do
25:01
I
25:01
go?
25:01
What
25:01
do
25:02
I
25:02
do?
25:02
How
25:02
do
25:02
I
25:02
learn?
25:03
You
25:03
know,
25:03
you
25:03
get
25:04
a
25:04
lot
25:04
of
25:04
people
25:04
telling
25:04
you
25:04
different
25:05
things,
25:05
too.
25:05
So
25:05
how
25:05
do
25:06
I
25:06
kind
25:06
of
25:06
deal
25:06
with
25:07
that?
25:07
The
25:07
first
25:08
thing
25:08
you
25:08
have
25:08
to
25:08
try
25:08
to
25:08
do
25:08
if
25:08
you're
25:09
in
25:09
that
25:09
emotional
25:09
state
25:09
is
25:10
get.
25:10
Get
25:10
some
25:10
emotional
25:11
control,
25:11
right?
25:11
That's
25:11
the
25:12
first
25:12
thing.
25:12
Catch
25:12
your
25:12
breath,
25:12
be
25:13
able
25:13
to
25:13
kind
25:13
of,
25:13
you
25:14
know,
25:14
work
25:14
through
25:14
that.
25:14
And
25:14
that
25:15
sometimes
25:15
is
25:15
learning.
25:15
Like,
25:16
maybe
25:16
just
25:16
like
25:16
I
25:16
like
25:17
to
25:17
do,
25:17
maybe
25:17
putting
25:17
my
25:18
sneakers
25:18
on,
25:18
you
25:19
know,
25:19
if
25:19
I'm
25:19
feeling
25:19
triggered,
25:20
if
25:20
I'm
25:20
feeling
25:20
emotional,
25:21
you
25:21
know,
25:21
force
25:22
yourself,
25:22
put
25:22
some
25:22
sneakers
25:23
on,
25:23
go
25:23
for
25:23
a
25:23
good
25:23
white
25:24
walk
25:24
or
25:24
hike
25:24
or
25:25
something.
25:25
Or
25:25
maybe
25:25
it's
25:25
yoga,
25:26
maybe
25:26
it's
25:27
some
25:27
meditation,
25:27
whatever
25:27
it
25:28
is,
25:28
that
25:28
kind
25:28
of
25:28
can
25:28
help
25:28
you
25:29
get
25:29
to
25:29
a
25:29
more.
25:30
A
25:30
little
25:30
bit
25:30
more
25:30
regulated
25:31
spot
25:31
where
25:31
you
25:31
can
25:31
think
25:32
a
25:32
little
25:32
bit
25:32
more
25:32
clearly.
25:33
And
25:33
then
25:34
at
25:34
that
25:34
point,
25:34
I
25:34
think
25:34
it's
25:35
just
25:35
literally
25:35
trying
25:36
to
25:36
find
25:36
what
25:36
works
25:36
for
25:36
you.
25:37
I
25:37
think
25:37
there
25:37
are
25:37
different
25:37
modalities
25:38
as
25:38
far
25:38
as,
25:39
you
25:39
know,
25:39
as
25:40
far
25:40
as
25:40
therapy
25:40
can
25:41
go,
25:42
find
25:42
what
25:42
works
25:42
for
25:43
you,
25:43
maybe
25:43
therapeutically.
25:44
For
25:45
me,
25:45
it
25:45
was.
25:45
I
25:45
had
25:45
a
25:46
therapist
25:46
and
25:46
I
25:46
had
25:46
this
25:47
program
25:47
here
25:47
with
25:47
the
25:47
integrated
25:48
attachment
25:48
theory
25:48
program.
25:49
That
25:49
combination,
25:50
for
25:50
me,
25:50
was
25:50
huge.
25:51
And
25:52
so,
25:52
yeah,
25:52
I
25:52
was
25:53
just
25:53
able
25:53
to
25:53
kind
25:53
of
25:53
put
25:53
that
25:54
together.
25:54
You
25:54
have
25:54
to
25:55
be
25:55
willing
25:55
to
25:56
fight
25:56
for
25:56
yourself
25:57
and
25:57
fight
25:57
for
25:57
this,
25:57
you
25:58
know,
25:58
to
25:58
get
25:58
out
25:58
of
25:58
that.
25:58
That
25:59
mess
25:59
and
25:59
that
25:59
problem,
26:00
that
26:00
situation.
26:01
And,
26:01
you
26:01
know,
26:02
I
26:02
think
26:02
once
26:02
you
26:02
find
26:02
something
26:03
that
26:03
begins
26:03
to
26:03
work,
26:03
you
26:04
get
26:04
a
26:04
little
26:04
bit
26:04
more
26:04
hopeful.
26:04
You
26:05
start
26:05
to
26:05
feel
26:05
a
26:05
little
26:05
bit
26:05
better,
26:06
and
26:06
it
26:06
does
26:06
begin
26:07
to,
26:07
you
26:07
know,
26:07
make
26:07
a
26:07
little
26:08
bit
26:08
more
26:08
sense.
26:08
And
26:08
for
26:09
me,
26:09
that's
26:09
what
26:09
happened.
26:09
Right?
26:09
I
26:10
went
26:10
from
26:10
feeling
26:10
like,
26:10
oh,
26:11
my
26:11
God,
26:11
this
26:11
is
26:11
the
26:11
worst
26:11
experience
26:12
of
26:12
my
26:12
life,
26:12
to
26:13
it's
26:13
still
26:13
horrible.
26:14
But
26:14
you
26:14
know
26:14
what
26:14
I'm
26:15
learning
26:15
from
26:15
this,
26:15
I'm
26:16
starting
26:16
to
26:16
grow.
26:16
I
26:16
know
26:17
I'm
26:17
going
26:17
to
26:17
change.
26:18
And
26:18
I
26:18
knew
26:18
that
26:19
life
26:19
would
26:19
somehow
26:20
work
26:20
its
26:20
way
26:20
out.
26:20
I
26:21
didn't
26:21
think
26:21
I'd
26:21
ever
26:21
get
26:22
back
26:22
together
26:22
with
26:22
my
26:22
wife,
26:23
but
26:23
I
26:23
knew
26:23
that
26:24
I
26:24
would
26:24
at
26:24
least
26:24
learn
26:25
from
26:25
this
26:25
and
26:25
be
26:25
a
26:25
better
26:25
person
26:26
from
26:26
it
26:26
and,
26:26
you
26:27
know,
26:27
and
26:27
then
26:27
go
26:28
from
26:28
there.
26:28
And
26:28
it's
26:29
hard
26:29
to
26:29
accept
26:29
that
26:29
sometimes.
26:30
It's
26:30
hard
26:30
to
26:30
accept
26:30
that
26:31
we've
26:31
kind
26:31
of
26:32
messed
26:32
things
26:32
up
26:33
and
26:33
we've
26:33
kind
26:33
of
26:33
made
26:33
these
26:33
mistakes,
26:34
but
26:35
that's
26:35
part
26:35
of
26:35
life,
26:36
and
26:36
we're
26:36
going
26:36
to
26:36
do
26:37
that,
26:37
and
26:37
we
26:37
have
26:37
to,
26:37
you
26:37
know,
26:38
forgive
26:38
ourselves
26:38
a
26:38
little
26:38
bit.
26:39
You
26:39
know,
26:39
unless
26:39
you
26:39
acted
26:40
from
26:40
pure
26:40
Malice,
26:41
you
26:41
know,
26:41
that's,
26:42
you
26:42
know,
26:42
I
26:42
mean,
26:42
but
26:42
most
26:43
of
26:43
us
26:43
are
26:43
really
26:43
just
26:43
doing
26:43
it
26:44
because
26:44
we
26:44
don't
26:44
know
26:45
any
26:45
better.
26:45
And
26:45
we're
26:45
trying
26:45
to
26:45
fight,
26:46
you
26:46
know,
26:46
these
26:46
things
26:47
and
26:47
trying
26:47
to
26:47
deal
26:47
with
26:47
life
26:48
and
26:48
we
26:48
care
26:48
about
26:49
our
26:49
partners,
26:49
we
26:49
just,
26:50
we
26:50
just
26:50
make
26:50
mistakes.
26:51
And
26:51
so
26:51
that's
26:51
just
26:52
the
26:52
way
26:52
it
26:52
works
26:52
sometimes.
26:52
But
26:53
yeah,
26:53
right,
26:54
and
26:54
where
26:54
do
26:54
you
26:55
think,
26:55
where
26:55
do
26:55
you
26:55
think
26:55
it
26:56
fits
26:56
in?
26:56
Where
26:56
people
26:57
sometimes
26:57
just
26:57
have
26:57
the
26:58
theory
26:58
that
26:58
like
26:58
some
26:59
people
26:59
have
26:59
this
26:59
attitude
26:59
that
27:00
people
27:00
come
27:00
and
27:00
go
27:00
out
27:01
of
27:01
their
27:01
lives
27:01
and
27:01
that's
27:01
just
27:01
part
27:02
of
27:02
the
27:02
cycle
27:02
and
27:03
it's.
27:03
Is
27:04
that
27:04
just,
27:04
you
27:04
think
27:05
because
27:05
they
27:05
just
27:05
don't.
27:06
That
27:06
person
27:07
isn't
27:07
their
27:07
person
27:08
or
27:08
do
27:08
you
27:09
think.
27:09
I
27:09
guess,
27:10
go
27:10
ahead.
27:10
No,
27:11
I
27:11
think,
27:11
I
27:11
think
27:11
most
27:11
of
27:12
the
27:12
time
27:12
it's
27:12
because
27:12
of
27:12
us.
27:13
Right?
27:13
It's,
27:13
it's
27:13
the
27:14
people
27:14
that
27:14
we're
27:14
picking
27:14
to
27:15
choose
27:15
to
27:15
be
27:15
in
27:15
our
27:16
lives.
27:16
And
27:16
again,
27:16
if
27:16
we're
27:17
not,
27:17
you
27:17
know,
27:18
acting
27:18
in
27:18
a
27:18
healthy
27:18
manner,
27:19
then
27:19
yeah,
27:19
you
27:20
know,
27:20
our
27:20
picker
27:20
is
27:20
broken.
27:21
Right.
27:21
So,
27:22
you
27:22
know,
27:22
if
27:22
I'm
27:22
an
27:22
anxious
27:23
type
27:23
of
27:23
person,
27:23
I
27:24
may
27:24
be
27:24
picking
27:24
dismissive,
27:25
avoidant
27:25
types
27:26
because
27:26
I.
27:26
And
27:27
a
27:27
lot
27:27
of
27:27
times
27:27
that's
27:27
what
27:27
happened.
27:28
We're
27:28
picking
27:28
somebody
27:28
who
27:28
is
27:29
a
27:29
little
27:29
bit
27:29
opposite
27:29
from
27:30
us
27:30
because
27:30
we
27:30
see
27:31
some
27:31
of
27:31
the
27:31
things
27:31
that,
27:32
you
27:32
know,
27:32
that
27:32
they
27:32
have
27:32
that
27:33
we
27:33
don't.
27:33
And
27:34
so
27:34
a
27:34
lot
27:34
of
27:34
times
27:34
we're
27:34
attracted
27:35
to
27:35
that.
27:36
But
27:36
yeah,
27:36
sometimes
27:37
again,
27:37
without
27:37
those
27:38
skills,
27:38
we
27:39
find
27:39
ourselves
27:39
back
27:39
into
27:40
maybe
27:40
a
27:40
heartbroken
27:41
spot.
27:41
I
27:41
mean,
27:41
unless
27:42
you're
27:42
happy
27:42
with
27:42
the
27:43
people
27:43
coming
27:43
in
27:43
out
27:43
of
27:43
your
27:44
life
27:44
and
27:44
doing
27:44
that.
27:44
But
27:45
if
27:45
you're
27:45
somebody
27:45
who
27:45
wants
27:46
to
27:46
hold
27:46
on
27:46
to
27:47
relationships
27:47
and
27:48
value
27:48
relationships
27:49
and
27:49
long
27:49
term
27:49
partnerships
27:50
and
27:50
stuff
27:50
like
27:50
that,
27:51
then
27:51
yeah,
27:51
it's
27:52
just
27:52
a
27:52
lack
27:52
of
27:53
your
27:53
own
27:53
skills
27:53
and
27:54
your
27:54
own
27:54
ability
27:55
to
27:55
kind
27:55
of,
27:55
you
27:56
know,
27:56
navigate
27:56
relationships
27:57
properly,
27:58
you
27:58
know.
27:58
And
27:58
so,
27:59
yeah,
27:59
it's
28:00
not,
28:00
it's
28:00
not
28:00
necessarily
28:01
the
28:01
next
28:01
person.
28:02
That's
28:02
a
28:02
lot
28:02
of
28:02
times
28:03
the
28:03
lie
28:03
that
28:03
we
28:03
think,
28:03
oh,
28:04
it's
28:04
maybe
28:04
it's
28:04
the
28:04
next
28:05
person
28:05
and
28:05
the
28:05
next
28:05
person.
28:06
But
28:06
then,
28:06
yeah,
28:06
four,
28:07
five,
28:07
10
28:07
years,
28:08
10
28:08
relationships
28:09
later,
28:10
same
28:10
pattern.
28:11
It's
28:11
not.
28:11
You
28:11
got
28:11
to
28:12
start
28:12
looking
28:12
inward,
28:12
you.
28:13
Know,
28:13
and
28:13
not
28:14
only
28:14
that,
28:14
but
28:14
I
28:14
mean,
28:14
when
28:15
you
28:15
said
28:15
like,
28:15
yes,
28:16
opposites
28:16
attract
28:16
kind
28:17
of
28:17
thing,
28:17
I
28:18
don't
28:18
know
28:18
if
28:18
I
28:18
like,
28:19
yes,
28:19
you
28:19
may,
28:20
that
28:20
may
28:21
kind
28:21
of
28:21
like
28:21
I
28:22
always
28:22
say,
28:22
like,
28:22
my
28:22
husband
28:23
is
28:23
more
28:23
of
28:23
a
28:23
stay
28:23
at
28:24
home
28:24
calm.
28:24
I
28:25
was
28:25
more
28:25
of
28:25
a
28:25
go
28:25
out
28:26
crazy.
28:26
And
28:26
I
28:27
say,
28:27
oh,
28:27
we,
28:27
we
28:27
make
28:28
a
28:28
perfect
28:28
fit
28:29
because
28:30
it
28:30
keeps
28:31
me
28:31
grounded.
28:32
But
28:32
in
28:32
reality,
28:33
if
28:34
I
28:34
want
28:34
to
28:34
look
28:34
at
28:34
it
28:34
that
28:35
way.
28:35
No,
28:35
it
28:35
keeps
28:35
me
28:36
bored.
28:37
So,
28:38
like,
28:38
I
28:38
mean,
28:39
I'm
28:39
just
28:39
being
28:40
hypothetical,
28:40
but
28:41
a
28:41
lot
28:42
of
28:42
times,
28:42
like,
28:42
I
28:42
feel
28:42
like
28:43
the
28:43
opposite.
28:43
Yes,
28:43
that
28:44
might
28:44
be
28:44
what
28:45
you're
28:45
right
28:46
off
28:46
the
28:46
bat,
28:46
but
28:47
I
28:47
feel
28:47
like
28:47
in
28:47
if
28:48
you're
28:48
talking
28:48
energetic
28:49
fields
28:49
and
28:50
what
28:50
people
28:50
like,
28:51
your
28:51
frequency
28:51
is
28:52
your
28:52
frequency,
28:52
and
28:53
those
28:53
should
28:53
attract
28:54
similar.
28:55
Well,
28:56
so.
28:56
So
28:56
when
28:56
I
28:56
say
28:56
that,
28:57
what
28:57
I
28:57
mean
28:57
is,
28:57
yes,
28:58
a
28:58
lot
28:58
of
28:58
times
28:58
in
28:58
the
28:59
beginning,
28:59
we're
28:59
attracted
29:00
to
29:00
that
29:00
very
29:00
thing
29:01
that
29:01
we
29:01
don't
29:01
have,
29:01
and
29:02
we
29:02
see
29:02
that
29:02
in
29:02
somebody
29:03
else,
29:03
and
29:03
we're
29:03
attracted
29:03
to
29:03
that.
29:03
But,
29:04
yes,
29:04
in
29:04
the
29:04
long
29:04
term,
29:05
those
29:05
very
29:06
things
29:06
that
29:06
we
29:06
fell
29:06
in
29:06
love
29:07
with
29:07
that
29:07
person
29:07
for
29:08
become
29:08
the
29:08
very
29:08
things
29:09
we
29:09
hate
29:09
about
29:09
that
29:10
person.
29:10
Right.
29:10
And
29:10
become
29:11
the
29:11
things
29:11
we're
29:11
frustrated
29:12
about
29:12
them.
29:12
And
29:13
so
29:13
that's
29:13
why
29:13
it's
29:14
very
29:14
important
29:14
that
29:14
we,
29:15
number
29:15
one,
29:15
get
29:15
ourselves
29:16
to
29:16
a
29:16
healthy
29:16
spot
29:17
so
29:17
that
29:17
we
29:17
can
29:17
choose
29:17
a
29:18
good
29:18
partner.
29:18
And
29:19
that's
29:19
where
29:19
dating
29:19
and
29:20
vetting
29:20
and
29:20
everything
29:20
else
29:20
is.
29:21
But
29:21
again,
29:21
if
29:21
we're
29:22
broken,
29:22
I
29:23
hate
29:23
to
29:23
say
29:23
broken,
29:23
but
29:23
if
29:24
we're
29:24
kind
29:24
of
29:24
coming
29:24
from
29:24
a
29:25
wounded
29:25
spot
29:25
ourselves,
29:26
we're
29:26
picking
29:27
somebody
29:27
else
29:27
who's
29:27
also
29:28
got
29:28
some
29:28
wounds
29:28
there.
29:29
A
29:29
lot
29:29
of
29:29
times
29:29
we're
29:30
ending
29:30
up
29:30
in
29:30
these
29:30
relationships
29:31
with
29:31
two
29:31
wounded
29:32
people
29:33
trying
29:33
to
29:33
navigate
29:34
a
29:34
relationship.
29:34
So,
29:34
yes,
29:35
we're
29:35
attracted
29:35
in
29:35
the
29:36
beginning,
29:36
those
29:36
things
29:37
that.
29:37
That
29:37
we
29:37
loved
29:38
about
29:38
each
29:38
other
29:38
become
29:39
the
29:39
very
29:39
things
29:39
we
29:39
now
29:40
hate
29:40
about
29:40
each
29:40
other.
29:41
But
29:41
those
29:41
are
29:42
the
29:42
things
29:42
we
29:42
need
29:42
to
29:42
learn
29:43
about
29:43
each
29:43
other
29:44
in
29:44
order
29:44
to
29:44
really
29:45
make
29:45
it
29:45
work.
29:45
And
29:46
until
29:46
we
29:46
learn
29:46
that
29:47
about
29:47
ourselves
29:47
and
29:48
our
29:48
partners,
29:49
we're
29:49
going
29:49
to
29:49
continue
29:50
to
29:50
struggle
29:50
and
29:51
continue
29:51
to
29:51
be
29:51
frustrated.
29:52
And
29:52
ultimately,
29:53
again,
29:53
if
29:53
you're
29:54
able
29:54
to
29:54
kind
29:54
of
29:54
stay
29:54
in
29:54
a
29:55
relationship,
29:55
you
29:55
may
29:55
be
29:55
able
29:55
to
29:56
stay
29:56
in
29:56
a
29:56
relationship
29:56
for
29:56
20,
29:57
30
29:57
years,
29:57
but
29:57
you're
29:58
not
29:58
fulfilled.
29:59
It
29:59
may
29:59
not
29:59
be
29:59
truly
30:00
happy,
30:00
and
30:01
you're
30:01
kind
30:01
of
30:01
like,
30:02
just
30:02
getting
30:02
through
30:02
it.
30:02
Well,
30:03
that's
30:03
not
30:03
a
30:03
great
30:04
way
30:04
to
30:04
go
30:04
either.
30:04
Right.
30:05
We
30:05
want
30:05
to
30:05
have
30:05
a
30:05
relationship.
30:06
To
30:06
me
30:06
at
30:07
least,
30:07
I
30:07
want
30:07
one
30:08
that
30:08
is
30:08
connected
30:09
and
30:09
fulfilling.
30:10
It
30:10
feels
30:10
good
30:10
to
30:11
have
30:11
a
30:11
partner
30:11
that
30:12
I
30:12
can
30:12
share
30:13
my
30:13
life
30:13
with.
30:14
They
30:14
respect
30:14
me,
30:15
love
30:15
me.
30:15
I
30:15
can
30:16
respect
30:16
and
30:16
love
30:16
them.
30:17
And
30:17
now
30:17
we're
30:17
able
30:18
to
30:18
kind
30:18
of
30:18
really
30:18
work
30:18
together
30:19
on
30:19
a
30:19
daily
30:19
basis.
30:19
And
30:20
it's
30:20
fun
30:20
and
30:20
it's
30:21
exciting,
30:21
not
30:22
just
30:22
kind
30:22
of
30:22
trudging
30:23
through
30:23
it.
30:23
Yeah.
30:24
I
30:24
always
30:24
say,
30:25
if
30:25
you're
30:25
here
30:25
and
30:25
you're
30:26
listening
30:26
to
30:26
this,
30:26
you're
30:26
a
30:27
warrior.
30:27
You've
30:27
survived.
30:28
Now
30:28
learn
30:28
how
30:28
to
30:28
actually
30:29
enjoy
30:29
life.
30:30
Yeah.
30:30
It's
30:31
funny
30:31
that
30:31
you
30:31
said
30:31
that,
30:31
because
30:32
I
30:32
Always.
30:32
I
30:33
always
30:33
say
30:33
that
30:33
about
30:33
my
30:33
first
30:34
husband
30:34
and
30:34
I'm
30:34
like,
30:35
man,
30:35
I'm
30:35
like,
30:35
the
30:36
stuff
30:36
that
30:36
he
30:36
loved
30:36
about
30:36
me
30:37
when
30:37
he
30:37
met
30:37
me
30:37
is
30:37
literally
30:38
the
30:38
stuff
30:38
that,
30:39
that
30:39
he
30:39
hated
30:39
about
30:40
me.
30:40
And
30:40
I'm
30:41
like,
30:41
he
30:41
knew
30:42
what
30:42
he
30:42
was
30:42
getting.
30:43
But.
30:43
Well,
30:44
sometimes
30:44
we
30:44
don't.
30:45
That's
30:45
the
30:45
thing.
30:45
We
30:45
don't
30:46
always
30:46
know
30:46
per
30:46
se.
30:47
And
30:47
that's
30:47
where
30:47
it,
30:48
it's
30:48
revealed
30:48
in
30:48
time.
30:49
And
30:49
that's
30:49
why
30:49
it
30:49
does
30:49
take
30:50
time.
30:50
Where
30:51
things
30:51
happen
30:51
over
30:51
time
30:52
and
30:52
then
30:52
as
30:52
they
30:52
are
30:53
being
30:53
revealed,
30:54
we
30:54
started
30:54
to
30:55
notice
30:55
things
30:55
that
30:55
are
30:55
a
30:56
little
30:56
bit
30:56
different
30:57
and
30:57
then.
30:57
But
30:57
now
30:57
we,
30:58
instead
30:58
of
30:58
embracing
30:59
and
30:59
loving
30:59
that
30:59
part
31:00
about
31:00
our
31:00
partner,
31:00
sometimes
31:01
we're
31:01
frustrated
31:02
about
31:02
that,
31:02
about
31:02
our
31:03
partner.
31:03
Right.
31:03
And
31:03
so
31:04
because
31:04
I
31:04
don't
31:04
understand
31:05
their
31:05
way
31:05
of
31:05
thinking
31:06
and
31:06
doing
31:06
things
31:07
and,
31:07
and
31:07
understanding
31:08
that
31:08
they
31:08
just
31:08
grew
31:09
up
31:09
differently.
31:09
They
31:09
have
31:09
a
31:10
different
31:10
perception
31:10
about
31:11
some
31:11
things.
31:11
They
31:11
have
31:11
a
31:11
different
31:12
coping
31:12
mechanisms.
31:14
So
31:14
until
31:14
I
31:14
really
31:15
understand
31:15
that,
31:15
it
31:16
may
31:16
frustrate
31:16
me
31:16
and,
31:17
and
31:17
I
31:17
may
31:17
feel
31:17
completely
31:18
like
31:19
alone
31:19
and
31:19
not
31:20
connected
31:20
to
31:20
my
31:20
partner
31:21
because
31:21
we're
31:21
so
31:21
different
31:21
at
31:22
this
31:22
point.
31:22
But
31:22
sometimes
31:23
it
31:23
does
31:23
take
31:23
some
31:23
time
31:23
to
31:23
kind
31:24
of
31:24
be
31:24
revealed,
31:25
right?
31:25
Yep,
31:26
absolutely.
31:26
And
31:26
so,
31:27
I
31:27
mean,
31:27
that's
31:27
really.
31:27
And
31:28
I
31:28
think
31:28
communication,
31:28
when
31:29
you
31:29
talk
31:29
about
31:29
that's
31:29
what
31:30
number
31:30
five,
31:30
the
31:30
communication,
31:31
that's
31:32
the
31:32
key
31:32
right
31:32
from
31:33
the
31:33
beginning.
31:33
Because
31:34
Otherwise
31:35
you
31:35
get
31:35
20
31:35
years
31:35
down
31:35
the
31:36
road
31:36
and
31:36
then
31:36
you're
31:36
like,
31:36
what
31:36
the
31:37
hell?
31:38
What
31:39
am
31:39
I
31:39
doing?
31:40
You
31:40
know?
31:41
Yeah.
31:42
Wow.
31:43
This
31:43
has
31:44
been
31:44
very,
31:44
very,
31:44
very
31:45
insightful.
31:45
I
31:45
took
31:45
a
31:46
lot
31:46
of
31:46
notes.
31:46
I'm
31:46
going
31:46
to
31:46
put
31:46
them
31:47
in
31:47
the
31:47
show
31:47
notes
31:47
and
31:47
give
31:47
them
31:48
to
31:48
people.
31:48
But
31:48
you
31:48
offer
31:49
a
31:49
couple
31:49
things
31:49
that
31:50
I
31:50
think
31:50
would
31:50
be
31:50
very
31:51
beneficial
31:51
for
31:51
the
31:51
audience.
31:52
What
31:52
were
31:53
those?
31:53
I'm
31:53
going
31:53
to
31:53
put
31:53
them
31:54
in
31:54
the
31:54
clip.
31:55
Thanks.
31:56
No,
31:56
absolutely.
31:56
If
31:56
anybody
31:57
wants
31:57
to
31:57
learn
31:57
a
31:57
little
31:57
bit
31:57
more
31:57
about
31:58
me
31:58
or
31:58
what
31:58
I
31:58
do
31:58
or
31:59
would
31:59
love
31:59
to
31:59
connect,
32:00
please
32:00
go
32:00
to
32:00
my
32:00
website.
32:01
My
32:01
relationship
32:02
fail
32:02
or
32:02
make
32:02
your
32:02
relationship
32:03
fail.
32:03
Either
32:03
one
32:03
will
32:04
take
32:04
you
32:04
to
32:04
my
32:04
website.
32:05
You
32:05
can
32:05
take
32:06
the
32:06
free
32:06
attachment
32:06
style
32:07
quiz.
32:07
Learn
32:07
what
32:08
your
32:08
attachment
32:08
style
32:09
is.
32:09
It
32:09
only
32:09
takes
32:10
a
32:10
couple
32:10
minutes
32:10
to
32:10
do
32:11
that.
32:11
That's
32:11
kind
32:11
of
32:11
fun
32:11
to
32:12
do.
32:12
And
32:13
beyond
32:13
that,
32:13
if
32:13
you'd
32:14
like
32:14
to,
32:14
I'd
32:14
be
32:14
happy
32:15
to
32:15
give
32:15
you
32:15
a
32:15
free
32:15
relationship
32:16
strategy
32:17
conversation
32:18
here
32:18
where
32:18
we
32:19
can
32:19
talk
32:19
about,
32:19
you
32:19
know,
32:20
what
32:20
you're
32:20
doing
32:20
and
32:20
maybe
32:21
kind
32:21
of
32:21
help
32:21
you
32:21
point
32:22
you
32:22
in
32:22
the
32:22
right
32:22
direction.
32:22
Kind
32:23
of
32:23
move
32:23
that
32:23
need
32:23
a
32:23
little
32:23
bit.
32:24
I
32:24
also
32:24
always
32:24
challenge
32:25
everybody.
32:25
If
32:25
you
32:26
really
32:26
want
32:26
to
32:26
learn
32:26
more
32:26
of
32:27
this
32:28
from
32:28
my
32:28
website,
32:29
you
32:29
can
32:29
join
32:29
Tyce
32:30
Gibson's
32:31
personal
32:31
development
32:31
School.
32:32
You're
32:33
going
32:33
to
32:33
get
32:33
the
32:33
same
32:33
good
32:34
price
32:34
that
32:34
they
32:34
offer
32:34
on
32:35
theirs.
32:35
But
32:35
if
32:35
you
32:35
go
32:35
through
32:35
my
32:36
website,
32:36
I'll
32:36
also
32:36
give
32:36
you
32:36
an
32:37
additional
32:37
free
32:37
session
32:38
strategy
32:39
session
32:39
with
32:39
that
32:39
as
32:39
well.
32:40
So.
32:40
So
32:41
join
32:41
the
32:41
Personal
32:42
Development
32:42
School
32:42
through
32:43
my
32:43
website
32:43
and
32:44
there
32:44
is
32:44
a
32:44
treasure
32:44
trove
32:45
of
32:45
really
32:45
great
32:45
videos
32:46
and
32:46
workbooks
32:46
that
32:46
you
32:47
can
32:47
begin
32:47
to
32:47
work
32:47
through
32:48
if
32:48
you
32:48
desire.
32:49
You
32:49
want
32:49
somebody
32:49
to
32:49
help
32:49
move
32:50
the
32:50
needle
32:50
with
32:50
you
32:50
and
32:51
kind
32:51
of
32:51
help
32:51
you
32:51
through
32:51
that?
32:52
Yes,
32:52
I
32:52
do
32:52
offer
32:53
some
32:53
coaching
32:54
sessions
32:54
as
32:55
well,
32:55
so
32:55
we
32:55
can
32:55
kind
32:56
of
32:56
help
32:56
move
32:56
the
32:56
needle
32:56
for
32:57
you
32:57
and
32:57
really
32:57
get
32:57
you
32:57
off
32:57
in
32:58
the
32:58
right
32:58
direction.
32:58
But,
32:58
yeah,
32:58
go
32:59
to
32:59
my
32:59
website,
32:59
My
33:00
relationship
33:00
fail
33:00
or
33:01
makeyourelationship
33:01
fail.com
33:02
and
33:03
you
33:03
can
33:03
take
33:03
advantage
33:04
of
33:04
those
33:04
two
33:04
things.
33:04
Also,
33:04
I
33:05
want
33:05
to
33:05
announce
33:05
this
33:05
too,
33:06
if
33:06
I
33:06
may.
33:06
I'm
33:07
going
33:07
to
33:07
be
33:07
starting
33:07
my
33:07
own
33:07
podcast
33:08
in
33:08
2026
33:09
called
33:09
My
33:10
Relationship
33:10
Fail.
33:11
And
33:11
we're
33:12
going
33:12
to
33:12
be
33:12
talking
33:12
with
33:12
guys
33:13
like
33:13
myself,
33:13
people
33:14
who
33:14
have
33:14
been
33:14
through
33:14
really
33:15
bad,
33:15
difficult
33:15
relationships,
33:16
if
33:16
you
33:16
will,
33:16
but
33:17
have
33:17
also
33:17
come
33:17
out
33:17
on
33:18
the
33:18
other
33:18
side,
33:18
what
33:18
they've
33:19
learned,
33:19
how
33:19
they
33:19
learn
33:20
to
33:20
change
33:20
their
33:20
lives
33:21
and
33:21
the
33:21
benefits
33:21
that
33:22
came
33:22
from
33:22
some
33:22
of
33:22
the
33:22
breakups.
33:23
I'll
33:23
also
33:23
be
33:24
talking
33:24
with
33:24
relationship
33:25
coaches,
33:25
therapists,
33:26
and
33:26
really
33:26
anybody
33:27
who
33:27
can
33:27
help
33:27
move
33:27
the
33:28
needle
33:28
in
33:28
this.
33:28
In
33:28
this
33:29
area
33:29
so
33:29
that
33:29
we
33:30
can
33:30
learn
33:30
how
33:30
to
33:30
have
33:30
better
33:30
relationships.
33:31
I'm
33:31
on
33:31
a
33:32
mission
33:32
to
33:32
save
33:32
as
33:33
many
33:33
relationships
33:34
as
33:34
I
33:34
possibly
33:34
can.
33:35
And
33:35
so
33:36
I'm
33:36
excited
33:36
to
33:36
begin
33:37
the
33:37
show
33:37
and
33:37
see
33:37
where
33:37
that
33:37
takes
33:38
us.
33:38
Well,
33:39
I
33:39
love
33:39
that
33:39
because
33:39
I
33:39
think
33:40
we've
33:40
made
33:40
it
33:40
too
33:40
easy
33:41
now
33:41
to
33:41
just
33:41
be
33:41
like,
33:41
meh,
33:42
it's
33:42
done,
33:42
and
33:43
move
33:43
on.
33:44
You
33:44
know,
33:44
I
33:44
mean,
33:44
it
33:45
used
33:45
to
33:45
be
33:45
like,
33:45
the
33:45
marriage
33:46
used
33:46
to
33:46
be
33:46
like
33:46
this
33:47
sacred
33:47
thing
33:47
and
33:47
you
33:48
held
33:48
on
33:48
to
33:48
it
33:48
no
33:49
matter
33:49
what,
33:50
and
33:50
you
33:50
worked
33:50
on
33:50
it
33:51
and
33:51
if
33:51
you
33:51
wanted
33:52
to
33:52
be
33:52
happy.
33:52
And
33:53
now
33:53
it's
33:53
just
33:53
so
33:54
easy
33:54
to
33:54
just
33:54
be
33:54
like,
33:55
it's.
33:55
Yeah,
33:56
it's
33:56
just
33:56
another
33:56
one.
33:58
It's
33:58
horrible.
33:58
I
33:59
agree.
33:59
I.
33:59
I
34:00
think
34:00
we
34:00
need
34:00
to
34:00
get
34:00
back
34:00
to,
34:01
again,
34:01
taking
34:01
personal
34:01
responsibility.
34:02
That's
34:02
the
34:02
key,
34:03
though,
34:03
the
34:03
first
34:03
step.
34:04
It's
34:04
so
34:04
easy
34:05
to
34:05
point
34:05
the
34:05
finger
34:05
outward
34:06
until
34:06
we
34:06
look
34:06
at
34:07
ourselves.
34:07
We're
34:07
really
34:07
just
34:07
going
34:08
to
34:08
just
34:08
continue
34:08
to
34:09
struggle
34:09
and
34:09
we're
34:09
just
34:09
going
34:10
to
34:10
not
34:10
have
34:10
great,
34:10
great
34:10
relationships
34:11
and
34:11
stuff.
34:11
So,
34:12
yeah,
34:12
absolutely.
34:13
I
34:13
mean,
34:13
I
34:13
know
34:13
people
34:13
that
34:14
are
34:14
not
34:14
willing
34:15
to
34:15
do
34:15
that
34:15
just
34:15
because
34:16
they're
34:16
not
34:16
willing
34:17
to
34:17
do
34:17
that
34:17
part
34:17
of
34:17
it,
34:18
and
34:18
they're
34:18
like,
34:18
it's
34:18
just
34:19
easier
34:19
to
34:19
start
34:19
over
34:20
and.
34:20
And
34:21
I'm
34:21
like,
34:21
it's
34:21
really
34:21
not
34:22
because
34:22
you're
34:22
just
34:22
going
34:22
to
34:22
literally
34:23
do
34:23
the
34:23
same
34:23
thing
34:24
the
34:24
next
34:24
time.
34:24
I
34:25
mean
34:25
it's.
34:25
Until
34:26
you.
34:26
Yeah.
34:26
Until
34:27
it's
34:27
all
34:27
about
34:28
introspect
34:28
and
34:28
it's
34:29
about
34:29
look
34:29
at
34:29
turning
34:30
the.
34:30
Turn
34:30
in
34:30
the
34:30
mirror.
34:31
Yeah.
34:31
Like,
34:32
I
34:32
know
34:32
it's
34:33
a
34:33
hard
34:33
thing
34:33
to
34:33
do,
34:34
but.
34:34
Oh,
34:34
wow,
34:35
this
34:35
has
34:35
been
34:35
very
34:36
insightful,
34:36
like.
34:36
And
34:36
I
34:37
will
34:37
send
34:37
people,
34:37
hopefully
34:38
people
34:38
will
34:38
grab
34:38
that
34:39
quiz
34:39
if
34:39
nothing
34:39
else.
34:40
And
34:42
your
34:42
coaching
34:43
services,
34:43
I'm
34:43
assuming
34:44
would
34:44
be
34:44
very
34:44
beneficial
34:45
as
34:45
well
34:46
for
34:46
people
34:46
that
34:47
aren't
34:47
at
34:48
the
34:48
crises
34:48
point,
34:49
that
34:49
just
34:49
want
34:49
to
34:50
learn.
34:50
And
34:50
like
34:50
you
34:51
said
34:51
this.
34:51
How
34:51
do
34:51
you
34:52
spell
34:52
the
34:52
Thais?
34:52
Gibson,
34:53
how
34:53
do
34:53
you
34:53
spell
34:53
Thais?
34:54
Thais
34:54
is
34:55
T,
34:55
H,
34:55
A,
34:55
I,
34:55
S.
34:56
Gibson
34:56
G,
34:57
I,
34:57
B,
34:57
S,
34:57
O,
34:57
N.
34:58
Yep.
34:58
Okay.
34:59
Thais.
34:59
Okay.
34:59
And
35:00
you
35:00
can,
35:00
you
35:00
can
35:00
YouTube
35:01
her.
35:01
She's
35:01
got
35:01
a
35:01
really
35:02
great
35:02
video
35:02
that
35:02
really
35:03
started
35:03
me
35:03
off.
35:04
And
35:04
she
35:04
did
35:05
about
35:05
an
35:05
hour
35:05
and
35:05
15
35:06
minute
35:06
podcast
35:07
on
35:07
the
35:07
Mel
35:07
Robbins
35:08
show.
35:08
And
35:08
so
35:09
you
35:09
can
35:09
look
35:09
up
35:09
Mel
35:09
Robbins
35:10
Tyce
35:10
Gibson
35:11
podcast.
35:12
And
35:12
for
35:12
about
35:12
an
35:13
hour
35:13
and
35:13
15
35:13
minutes
35:13
she
35:14
gives
35:14
a
35:14
really
35:14
great
35:15
explanation
35:15
about
35:15
the
35:16
four
35:16
attachment
35:16
styles.
35:17
And
35:17
that
35:17
really
35:17
got
35:17
me
35:17
hooked.
35:18
And
35:18
I,
35:19
when
35:19
I
35:19
listened
35:19
to
35:20
that,
35:20
I
35:20
thought,
35:20
man,
35:20
there's,
35:20
there's
35:21
some
35:21
really
35:21
interesting
35:22
stuff
35:22
here.
35:22
And
35:23
that
35:23
started
35:23
my
35:24
journey.
35:24
So,
35:24
yeah,
35:24
if
35:24
you
35:25
want
35:25
to
35:25
just
35:25
do
35:25
something
35:25
today
35:26
for
35:26
fun,
35:26
start
35:27
off
35:27
there
35:27
too,
35:27
you
35:27
know.
35:28
Yeah.
35:28
And
35:28
absolutely.
35:29
And
35:29
why
35:29
not
35:29
get
35:29
the
35:30
information
35:30
before
35:30
you're
35:30
in
35:31
crisis
35:31
mode?
35:31
Absolutely.
35:32
Yeah.
35:33
It's
35:33
great
35:33
if
35:34
you
35:34
can
35:34
do
35:34
that.
35:34
Right?
35:34
I
35:34
always
35:34
challenge
35:35
every.
35:35
That's
35:35
the
35:35
best
35:36
thing.
35:36
If
35:36
you
35:36
can
35:36
start
35:36
seeing
35:36
the
35:37
red
35:37
flags.
35:37
You're
35:37
saying
35:37
yourself,
35:38
yeah,
35:38
you
35:38
know
35:38
what,
35:38
my,
35:39
my
35:39
spouse
35:39
and
35:39
I
35:40
are
35:40
struggling.
35:40
We
35:40
do
35:40
seem
35:41
like
35:41
we're
35:41
having
35:41
the
35:41
same
35:42
arguments.
35:43
Don't
35:43
wait
35:43
until
35:44
it's
35:44
critical,
35:44
you
35:45
know,
35:45
but
35:46
yeah,
35:46
so
35:46
if
35:46
you
35:46
can
35:46
get
35:47
it
35:47
beforehand,
35:47
awesome.
35:48
But
35:48
yes,
35:48
if
35:49
you
35:49
do
35:49
get
35:49
to
35:49
the
35:49
critical
35:50
stage,
35:50
there
35:50
is
35:50
still
35:51
hope.
35:51
But
35:51
nobody
35:52
wants
35:52
to
35:52
get
35:52
to
35:52
the
35:52
critical
35:53
stage.
35:53
You
35:53
always
35:53
want
35:53
to
35:54
try
35:54
to
35:54
get
35:54
there
35:54
before
35:55
you
35:55
get
35:55
there.
35:55
Yeah.
35:56
Get
35:56
the
35:56
help
35:56
before
35:57
you
35:57
get
35:57
to
35:57
the,
35:57
to
35:58
the
35:58
rock
35:58
bottom
35:58
if
35:58
possible.
35:59
But
35:59
unfortunately,
35:59
like
35:59
I
36:00
said,
36:00
I
36:00
think
36:00
for
36:01
so
36:01
many
36:01
of
36:01
us
36:02
we
36:02
don't
36:02
want
36:02
to
36:03
take
36:03
ownership
36:03
until
36:04
it's
36:04
critical.
36:04
Until
36:05
the
36:05
pain
36:05
is
36:05
so
36:06
great
36:06
that
36:06
we
36:06
now
36:07
have
36:07
to
36:07
look
36:07
at
36:07
it.
36:08
That's
36:08
sometimes
36:08
when
36:09
we
36:09
will
36:09
ruin
36:10
the
36:10
change
36:10
and
36:10
do
36:10
all
36:10
this
36:11
work.
36:11
But
36:11
yeah,
36:11
at
36:11
that
36:11
point
36:12
it's
36:12
no
36:12
fun.
36:13
No.
36:13
And
36:13
like
36:13
I
36:14
always
36:14
say,
36:15
prevention
36:15
is
36:16
way
36:16
better
36:16
than
36:17
intervention.
36:18
Absolutely.
36:19
The
36:19
cost
36:20
is
36:20
so
36:20
much
36:20
less
36:21
for
36:21
sure,
36:22
in
36:22
any
36:22
way,
36:23
shape
36:23
or
36:23
form.
36:24
So
36:24
thank
36:24
you
36:25
so
36:25
much
36:25
for
36:25
coming
36:26
on.
36:26
I
36:26
really
36:26
appreciate
36:27
that.
36:28
The
36:28
audience
36:28
will
36:29
hopefully,
36:30
I
36:30
mean,
36:30
they
36:30
got
36:30
a
36:30
Lot
36:30
of
36:30
tips
36:31
and
36:31
tricks.
36:31
Just
36:31
those
36:31
six.
36:32
Just
36:32
writing
36:32
down
36:32
the
36:33
six.
36:33
Go
36:33
back,
36:33
listen
36:34
to
36:34
it
36:34
again,
36:34
guys.
36:34
Write
36:35
down
36:35
those
36:35
six
36:35
pillars
36:36
and
36:36
really
36:36
sit
36:36
and
36:36
think
36:37
on
36:37
them,
36:37
journal
36:37
on
36:37
them,
36:38
talk
36:38
about
36:38
them,
36:39
whatever
36:39
it
36:39
is,
36:40
because
36:40
they're
36:41
all
36:41
very
36:41
simple
36:41
concepts
36:43
put
36:43
into
36:43
action.
36:44
You
36:44
got
36:44
to
36:44
put
36:44
them
36:44
into
36:44
action.
36:45
You
36:45
got
36:45
to
36:45
put
36:45
them
36:45
into
36:45
action.
36:46
That's
36:46
right.
36:47
Absolutely.
36:47
Okay,
36:48
so
36:48
thank
36:49
you
36:49
so
36:49
much
36:49
for
36:49
coming
36:49
on.
36:50
But
36:50
before
36:50
you
36:50
leave,
36:51
if
36:51
you
36:51
could
36:51
give
36:51
the
36:52
listeners
36:52
one
36:53
big
36:54
round
36:54
of
36:55
wisdom.
36:56
Your.
36:57
Your
36:57
words
36:57
for
36:57
the
36:58
day.
36:58
My
36:59
big
36:59
thing
36:59
is,
36:59
again,
36:59
I
37:00
always
37:00
love
37:00
to
37:00
give
37:00
people
37:00
some
37:01
hope.
37:01
You
37:01
know,
37:01
I
37:01
feel
37:01
like
37:02
so
37:02
many
37:02
people
37:02
are
37:02
in
37:03
a
37:03
critical
37:03
stage.
37:03
I
37:04
deal
37:04
with
37:04
clients
37:04
all
37:04
the
37:05
time
37:05
now
37:05
that
37:05
are
37:06
like,
37:06
where
37:06
I
37:06
was,
37:07
where
37:07
the
37:07
relationship
37:07
was,
37:08
just
37:08
seemed
37:08
like,
37:08
you
37:08
know,
37:09
like,
37:09
was
37:09
never
37:09
going
37:09
to
37:10
be
37:10
able
37:10
to
37:10
get
37:10
fixed,
37:11
never
37:11
going
37:11
to
37:11
be
37:11
able
37:11
to
37:11
come
37:12
back
37:12
around.
37:13
And
37:13
that's
37:13
not
37:13
true.
37:14
I
37:14
want
37:14
you
37:14
to
37:14
understand
37:14
that
37:15
I
37:15
don't
37:15
care
37:15
how
37:15
bad
37:15
it
37:15
looks.
37:16
If
37:16
you're
37:16
willing
37:17
to
37:17
do
37:17
the
37:17
work,
37:17
if
37:17
you're
37:17
willing
37:18
to
37:18
humble
37:18
yourself
37:18
and
37:18
make
37:19
some
37:19
changes,
37:20
I
37:20
truly
37:20
believe
37:20
that
37:21
any
37:21
relationship
37:21
can
37:22
come
37:22
back
37:22
around
37:22
and
37:22
ultimately
37:23
can
37:23
be
37:23
saved,
37:24
but
37:24
improved.
37:25
And
37:25
that's
37:25
the
37:25
thing.
37:25
You
37:25
don't
37:25
want
37:26
to
37:26
go
37:26
back
37:26
to
37:26
the
37:26
same
37:26
old
37:26
broken
37:27
relationship.
37:27
You
37:28
want
37:28
to
37:28
have
37:28
something
37:28
new
37:28
that
37:29
actually
37:29
works.
37:29
So
37:30
if
37:30
you're
37:30
in
37:30
crisis
37:31
right
37:31
now
37:31
and
37:31
you're
37:31
going
37:32
through
37:32
some
37:32
pain,
37:33
catch
37:33
your
37:33
breath,
37:34
this
37:34
is
37:34
actually
37:35
going
37:35
to
37:35
be
37:35
a
37:35
blessing.
37:36
It's
37:36
hard
37:36
to
37:36
believe
37:37
that,
37:37
but
37:37
if
37:37
you
37:38
actually
37:38
get
37:38
through,
37:39
you
37:39
know,
37:39
work
37:39
through
37:39
this
37:40
and
37:40
you.
37:40
You
37:40
take
37:40
it
37:41
as
37:41
such,
37:41
this
37:42
can.
37:42
You
37:42
can
37:42
come
37:42
out
37:42
on
37:42
the
37:43
other
37:43
side,
37:43
and
37:43
this
37:43
will
37:43
prove
37:44
to
37:44
be
37:44
an
37:44
incredible
37:44
blessing
37:45
as
37:45
you
37:45
learn
37:46
how
37:46
to
37:46
have
37:46
better
37:46
relationships
37:47
and
37:47
come
37:47
out
37:47
on
37:48
the
37:48
other
37:48
side,
37:48
you'll.
37:48
You'll
37:49
have
37:49
some
37:49
things
37:49
that
37:50
are.
37:50
You'd
37:50
never
37:51
dreamed
37:51
of.
37:51
You
37:51
know,
37:51
again,
37:51
my
37:52
wife
37:52
and
37:52
I,
37:52
today,
37:52
we
37:53
have
37:53
a
37:53
relationship
37:53
that
37:53
is
37:54
a
37:54
thousand
37:54
times
37:54
better
37:55
than
37:55
what
37:55
it
37:55
was
37:55
before.
37:55
And
37:56
if
37:56
you
37:56
told
37:56
me
37:57
this
37:57
is
37:57
the
37:57
way
37:57
it
37:57
was
37:57
going
37:57
to
37:57
happen,
37:58
I
37:58
would
37:58
have
37:59
said
37:59
never.
37:59
But,
37:59
you
37:59
know,
38:00
like,
38:00
but
38:00
now
38:00
that
38:00
it
38:01
has
38:01
happened,
38:01
here
38:02
we
38:02
are
38:02
today.
38:02
So,
38:02
yeah,
38:03
just.
38:03
Just
38:03
hang
38:03
in
38:03
there
38:04
and
38:04
do
38:04
some
38:04
work,
38:04
and
38:05
this
38:05
thing
38:05
can
38:05
change
38:05
for
38:05
you.
38:06
So
38:06
don't,
38:06
don't
38:06
give
38:06
up
38:06
hope.
38:07
Sounds
38:08
great.
38:08
Well,
38:08
thank
38:09
you
38:09
again
38:09
so
38:09
much.
38:09
And
38:09
for
38:10
everybody
38:10
else
38:10
out
38:10
there
38:11
listening,
38:11
you
38:11
heard
38:11
it.
38:12
There
38:12
is
38:12
always
38:13
hope.
38:13
No
38:13
matter
38:13
where
38:13
you
38:14
are,
38:14
where
38:15
you're
38:15
at,
38:15
if
38:15
you're
38:15
in
38:15
crisis
38:16
mode
38:16
or
38:16
if
38:16
you're
38:17
not.
38:17
To
38:17
me,
38:17
that
38:18
is
38:18
the
38:18
biggest
38:18
thing
38:18
I
38:18
took
38:19
from
38:19
this
38:19
is
38:19
you
38:19
might
38:20
as
38:20
well
38:20
learn
38:20
these
38:20
skills
38:21
before
38:22
you
38:22
need
38:22
to
38:23
use
38:23
them.
38:24
Yeah,
38:25
I
38:25
recommend
38:25
that.
38:26
Yeah,
38:26
right.
38:27
So
38:28
you
38:28
all
38:28
have
38:28
a
38:28
blessed
38:29
week
38:29
and
38:30
go
38:30
hug
38:30
your
38:30
spouse.
38:31
Have
38:31
a
38:31
good
38:31
day.
38:32
Thanks
38:32
for
38:32
having
38:32
me.