Latest / Wait... What's Next? / 7 Years Together. 6 Months of Wedding Planning. 30 Days Until “I Do.” FT. Lauren Atkinson

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7 Years Together. 6 Months of Wedding Planning. 30 Days Until “I Do.” FT. Lauren Atkinson · Wait... What's Next?

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Lauren Atkinson, welcome to Wait What's Next.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: I'm really happy to be here.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for having me on.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: Of course, so a little bit of behind the scenes.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: The reason why I wanted to introduce you to the podcast.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: Well, one, it's because we have a great story to tell and we're gonna get into that later.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: But two, you are gonna be very involved in the behind the scenes and sort of the production of the podcast.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: But you've been helping me a lot.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: We're kind of like in a sort of pause because you are planning your wedding.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: Lauren is gonna be very involved, and I thought it was very special to be able to introduce you to our community so they can get to know the person that is behind the scenes and helping us out.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: And other than that, the reason why I also wanted to have a conversation with you is because we are in the 30-day countdown of your wedding.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: The big day for you is coming up, and I'm so excited to talk about all the things.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_01: It's been a crazy period, but it's been also really fun.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_01: We started working together on the product back in May, and it was so fun.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_01: It was right after I got engaged.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: I do want to address why we're having this conversation and who this conversation might be helpful for.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: So, definitely women in 20s and 30s that I would honestly then say 40s who are navigating love, commitment, and making the next step.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: There's four questions that I want us to keep in mind as we continue the conversation because then at the end I want to answer these questions for the women that are listening.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: One is for the single women who are wondering whether she's going to meet her person.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: Second one is dating someone seriously and asking herself, how do I know if this is the one?
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: There are somebody who's not been in a relationship.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: I think I fall in this one a little bit, and you are kind of going in through the transition of how do you go from dating this person to oh, I'm actually building a life with this person?
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: How do you navigate those transitions?
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: And lastly, the women that are engaged or already married and getting to know, not that you completely shift and change, but I do think there is an identity shift in who you are when you become married.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to keep those things.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: Those are some good questions.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: No, those are really good questions.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to keep those things because we want to answer those later as we continue the conversation.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: But before we get to the I do, Lauren, let's take us back and let's get to know a little bit about Lauren when she was single before you met Chris.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: What were you doing at the time?
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: What changes in your life were you navigating?
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: What was your transitions before you met Chris?
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_01: Oh gosh.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so maybe we should take it back to like when we met too, because that was Yes.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god, we haven't addressed how do we know each other?
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, let's let's take it back.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_01: So we met at UC Santa Barbara, our senior year, and we hadn't been friends before that.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_01: Like you and I met, and what what are the odds to find some Craigslist housemates and then become best friends with each other?
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: I think this is a very great follow-up of the episode that I got out of us coming back to our house, our Steven Deer house, because that's where you and me met.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: I'm actually talking about you in that episode where we were there because we were celebrating your bachelorette.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: It all came back to that moment when we met each other.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: Little do we know, 10 years later we were best friends.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't know, I did know the moment I saw you, we were playing reggaeton in the kitchen.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I saw Lauren, and I knew you spoke Spanish because I think you were recently coming back from Spain.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: It was and I was like, that girl is gonna be my best friend.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: I knew.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: I knew we're gonna have a special friendship.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_01: I kind of knew too.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_01: It was as all good friendships start with.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_01: We went to the bathroom together after hanging out and drinking in our kitchen, and we just started talking and realizing that we had fun things in common and living at that beautiful house with 12.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_01: How many other girls?
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_01: 11 other girls.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_01: 11 other girls.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, because we're one of 13 was just so special.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_01: We saw each other when I was in that period.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_01: I dated my senior year of college.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_01: I had a boyfriend for a period of time, nothing really lasting.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_01: And I feel like I was never the Was this your first boyfriend?
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_01: I'd only had three boyfriends before this.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: So one feel like I'm just getting to know this about finally, no, dude.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_01: Finally ask it.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_01: We're on the pod, so I can tell you about all my past relationships.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't really date a ton of people, I would say.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_01: Like I kind of found someone, and then I was you're my person right now.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_01: But after college, halfway through our senior year, I was single until the end of the year, which was really fun because we got to experience life together and just being with the house of so many of our friends and being by the beach at UC Santa Barbara.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_01: But then we graduated and we went into the real world.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_01: We were adults for the first time.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_01: I worked in Santa Barbara.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_01: You worked in Santa Barbara too.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_01: I was gonna say, like, that's probably a friendship year.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_01: Like we just we hung out with our friends.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: So I think we bonded our senior year, but at the same time, we were with so many girls.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: I think we all bonded.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: I think when we graduated, the few of us who stayed in Santa Barbara really got deeper into our relationships.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: Also had the opportunity to post summer of graduating, we were able to live in our sorority house, and that was amazing.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: I think that really consolidated our relationship.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's how we really bonded.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_01: We were roommates in our old sorority house and had a pretty cheap rent too, which is one of the things.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_01: It was amazing.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_01: It was amazing.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_01: It was such a fun summer.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_01: We kind of we dated some boys, we had fun.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we were going out.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_01: It was summer.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_01: We're going out.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_01: It was a summer in Santa Barbara, so it was a perfect place.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_01: But then, yeah, after that, we were in our first real-world adult jobs working full-time, and I remember kind of going on date.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_01: I would go on Hinge or another dating app, and I would be on there for maybe a couple weeks, and then it would weird me out.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: I want to highlight that dating apps back in 2017 were just starting to emerge.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: I know Tinder has been out for a while, but I remember just even in college, people would talk about Tinder, and it was this far removed concept that I never even tried or anything for all of us.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: We were surrounded by so many people and meeting so many people every day in college.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: Like for me, there was no time to be swiping on an app.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: And that concept, now that I think about it, was just so remote.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: And then I think after we graduated, obviously the meeting people slows down because you're working a nine to five, five days a week.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's when you start wondering like your community kind of becomes smaller, Santa Barbara.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: After university, it's very slow and very clicky, and everyone is with their own friends, and it's a very small community.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: So it's only you go out and you meet a ton of people, you go out with your friends, and that's it.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: So I think that really limits your ability to meet new people and dating.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: So I think that's when we both were the first time that we downloaded Hinge, and we were like, okay, this is what we're doing now.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_01: We had a friend come visit us, and Alexia, she's very honest and super blunt sometimes.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_01: We love Alexia for that.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_01: We love shout out to Alexia.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_01: I remember her telling me sometime, she was like, you just need to start getting out there, go on dates.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, I'm having a good time, I'm hanging out.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_01: And I didn't put pressure behind it because I think after we graduated, I really wanted to figure out who I was and what it was like to be on my own for the first time.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that space kind of helped me figure out what kind of relationship I wanted and just like slowly going on a date with a few people, not a ton.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_01: My family had bought a house in Ohio when I was still in college, and then they moved to Canada, but we still kept our place in that little town.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_01: So I was living at home, commuting an hour every day to go to Santa Barbara for work at the small little real estate company and in marketing.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_01: And then you were working at another company, the tech hub in Santa Barbara.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_01: Santa Barbara as well.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_01: So that was always fun because we could meet up for lunch, we could go out together, and we both really navigated what it was like to get our first corporate job, how to continue being young.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: Because I mean, we graduated when 23, 24.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, we're still so young.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: So I think it was really nice to have that transition until now we have kind of a serious job, but also we're still young, so we need to keep that up, right?
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: And it also to your point, I think it was very easy to stay comfortable in Santa Barbara because we had a group of friends, we had our houses.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: You were living in Ohio, we would come there all the time, and also we have our house in Santa Barbara with a bunch of roommates.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: To Alexia's point, if we didn't actually get out of our way to say, okay, I need to start meeting people, it was a very comfortable situation.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it's very easy to fall in that zone where you're like, oh, I'm fine.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: I don't need anybody.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: I have my friends, I have like my community, I have my job.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that it is nice to have that reminder.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: At some point, which it did eventually happen, everyone is gonna start building out their own careers, their own little groups of families and their partners.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: So I do like that we kind of did push ourselves out of that comfort zone to see what was going on, put yourself out there.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: And you mentioned about soul searching, which I do want to touch a little bit on that, because I think before you get to know the one, you need to know yourself enough to realize who can be the one.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: And you did a little bit of that.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember having fascinating conversations with you at the time.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: So you can tell us a little bit more about that.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe it was by nature of not living with anyone that I had a lot of alone time, which in some ways is really nice.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_01: I would go on solo hikes all the time, and I loved being out.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I still love being out in nature, but I had an hour commute.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_01: So at the end of the day, sometimes that was the only thing I wanted to do before I went to bed.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_01: It was a very peaceful time, and I would say early 20s, yeah, we went out, but we weren't, you know, going out all partying.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_01: It was more a little house parties or out for happy hour or downtown Santa Barbara.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_01: Living in that little town was so fun because, you know, right down the road, there was this the house of this famous Eastern teacher.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_01: His name was Krishna Murti.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember going to that library, meditating, and reading books, and really exploring my own mind and reflecting on things and just being open to the possibilities of what would happen in my near future, but really not knowing, you know, just trying to figure out who I was.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_01: That was an important period because I didn't want to just jump into a relationship.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_01: I wouldn't say I felt lonely.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_01: I kind of was I was really happy with our group of friends and all the activities we did together, but I just had this feeling that there was something coming up for me.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, maybe this is time for you to start really putting yourself out there.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_01: So I living in OHI, very small town, I didn't think, oh, there's probably there's probably nobody here that I would be.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: Also, to get people context, Ohio is so low-key that this is where celebrities at the time, I don't know if they still do this because I think Ohio is becoming a little bit more famous, but it's where people with high profiles would get real estate because it's kind of quiet and like nobody will find them there.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: So that is the level of how small the community it was for you to be okay, how do I find somebody here?
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_01: Like everything closes down at 9:30.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it goes down.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, which is quiet and really sweet.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_01: I love a small little town.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_01: I went on the dating apps after a while, and I think you did too at the same time.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, our friend Britt.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: I think she for me though, you and me have very different personalities.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: I think at the time, I'm very extroverted sometimes.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: I think I but I become more introverted with time.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: But at the time, I was always doing something, being out, activities, being active.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I think you were a little bit more.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: I can go and have fun with my friends, but then I have I need time for myself to get energy back.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: That's how you cultivate that energy with you.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: Like for me, I will get energy from other people.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: That's how I navigated my life.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: Later on in life, I was like, okay, I need to slow down.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: I noticed that I actually realized that I love being alone and being by myself and having a good night with my friends, but also taking two days to get back to myself.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: And so I never really had issues with dating apps.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: I know you didn't either, but I know you will get overwhelmed with them and you'll be like, okay, I need to delete this.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: And you will go back and forth.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: For me, I was like, I don't care, I'm just gonna have them and I open it up whenever.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: I never was super overwhelmed with it.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: And it's also what it was very, brand new concept.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: It was funny because in the beginning I wasn't meeting anybody.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: The whole concept of, oh my god, I'm about to just set up time with this stranger and then go somewhere and meet them.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: Safety zero.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_00: What if I show up is about to be so off court?
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: And now it's just so normal.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: But think about how weird that was at the time.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_01: And also, which was really funny is I mean, you still do this now, but you put your age parameters, you put your area.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember one time I matched with the same person that our friend Brittany did.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_01: And when we're we were joking about it, we're like, oh my gosh.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: Well, you and Brith had the same type of same type of outdoorsy kind of guy who yeah loves the beach or the mountains.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: I was always super different than you guys, but I know you and Brett were always kind of like on the same type.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, exactly.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_01: So when we matched with the same person, it was funny because we tried to mess with him, talk to him about the same event that we were both at, our vegan Easter party at the and he just I love Lauren that we had the kind of friendship where you both laugh about it instead of being like, oh, excuse me, like why do you know?
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_00: This is my guy that I've I love that that was the kind of friendship that we had.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: You guys want to let's mess up with this guy.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_01: Also, shout out to Scott.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_01: We're sorry for any trauma that you experienced, but we also thought it was super weird that your name was Scott and that was the name of our dad's.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_01: So we were never with you.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely not.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: Scott is still probably taking therapy sessions over there.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_01: Probably.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_01: So, like, I guess that kind of leads me to when I met Chris.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_01: I was still in Ohio, living at home, saving on rent because I did not make enough money to live in Santa Barbara.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_01: It was really funny because I was doing that thing where I'd be on for two weeks, off for two weeks, and then when I was on for two weeks, I remember it was like super rainy, and I had matched with him.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_01: I was on Bumble, and Chris had a very basic profile, but he had a question of you know, like, what do you like to do for fun?
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_01: He's like, I like to make smoothies, and so that was my pickup line to him.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, what kind of smoothies do you like to make?
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_01: So it's such a dork, but it was really it was funny, and then I just didn't want to be talking on the app that long.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_01: So we ended up meeting up.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: I love that, yeah.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: You know, and this is for anybody other.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like I hear a lot of people, I think now you have been being in an app for more than eight years at this point, or nine, even more.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I haven't been in an app since I met my boyfriend three years ago, probably longer.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: I think that a lot of people do get overwhelmed with apps, and something that I will say, I don't know what it's like now that people rely on apps literally to go on dates.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think people are meeting out there anymore as much.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: The majority of people are really utilizing apps.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_00: But for me, I would always say, don't spend time on the apps.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_00: Use it as a tool to be able to meet somebody.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_00: And if you have a conversation where you guys vibe, set a date.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: And if the guy is not setting up a date, move on to the next one.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_00: Don't stay on the apps because there is a level of intimacy that starts creating and building apps when you're texting with a stranger that is false, that is not real because you really don't know this person.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: That will be an advice that I give somebody who's going through it, who's looking to go on data of that is utilize the apps just to get that connection and then just get out of the apps as soon as possible.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, absolutely.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_01: We've all been on a date with someone where you're texting them and you're like, Oh, I hated it.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_01: Engaging and no.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_01: And you meet them in person and you're like, Oh, you're so different.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_01: It's love bumming yourself.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_01: It is because you build up a fantasy.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_01: So exactly definitely key dating advice.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_01: If if you have a good intuition about someone, you hit it off.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_01: A couple text, you meet up.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_01: But make the pink baby.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_01: It's been a while.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_01: Make the pain baby, continue learn.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_01: Chris and I matched, and he lived in Ohio or a little town right nearby.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_01: So it was really random too.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_01: I there are not that many people to pick from in that.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: What are the ads that two 20-something, 24, 25 something?
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we're a 24-year-old.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_00: Boy and girl, super attractive, live in these two little towns.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_00: I literally don't think that many people are on that profile.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_01: And also, Chris grew up in Ohio and he went away to school, out of state.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_01: He came back, and then he was living in the a converted garage behind a winemaker's house.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_01: It was a winemaker and his doctor wife really living the dream, having a beautiful little house, and then they converted this garage.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_01: So Chris had an outdoor kitchen, outdoor shower, and no bathroom attached.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_01: So he had to walk to the garage to go.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_01: So, yeah, not a girl's dream, but it was such a great place to be for the period of time that we've lived in nearby.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, now that you touch on that, I do really want to know.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: So tell us about the first day and what was it different about Chris?
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_00: Or when did you realize oh, this could be something?
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_00: By the way, Lauren kept this a secret for the longest time.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I knew something was up.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: Something's up with Lauren.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_00: And she didn't tell us for the longest time that you were actually dating somebody.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_01: This is my theory, and this is also advice to girls that are dating someone that you really like.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_01: Don't tell many people about it at first.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_01: Because if you really like someone, you don't want your friends' opinions about them.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_01: I used to do this all the time.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_01: I'd show photos, I'd tell my friends, my close friends, everything about them right away.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_01: And then I'd be all excited going on a date or maybe after the date, and I'd overthink things.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_01: So I think when I met Chris, I was just, I realized, oh, I need to figure this out.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_01: I need to just get to know him, not talk to anyone about it.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_01: So that's what I did.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_01: My sister actually lived at home with me at that time.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_01: Like she had moved back as well.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_01: She knew about Chris.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_01: It's kind of a funny first date story.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_01: So we ended up going to this little pizza place in this town right near Ohio called Miners Oaks.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_01: We were at this pizza place and it was kind of cold.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_01: It was February, seven years ago.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm, you know, we meet in the restaurant and then we go outside and sit on the patio.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_01: And Chris shows up in a short sleeved t-shirt, does not have a jacket.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_01: It's 50 50 degrees out.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_01: And so at first, are you cold?
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_01: You might get cold.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_01: You should go get a jacket.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_01: And he just said, No, I'm fine.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_01: I'm fine.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_01: And he showed up with his long hair and just, you know, like really out of a movie.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_01: Q, like maybe you have a fit.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_01: And I just was like, but he doesn't have a coat on.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_01: This is kind of funny.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, we sit down outside, and it's probably 10 minutes into the dinner, and he's like, I'm really cold actually.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_01: I think I'm gonna go get my jacket from the car.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_01: That's a good idea.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, he went outside, got his jacket, and he used to say that I grilled him with questions, but halfway through the dinner, he's like, I haven't asked her any questions.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_01: I am I being super rude, like what's going on?
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_01: And and then he realized it was because I was basically interviewing him for a job.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_01: I was I was asking him so much about his life.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_01: I think I was a little nervous that I also a girl has to be safe and know a thousand percent to you.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_00: But also, another point here don't use the dating as an interview.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_00: No, it's like that's a warning.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_00: Don't use the dating as an interview.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's however, I would give it to Chris how self aware he was, and he was like, Okay, listen, this is kind of an interview I'm be but at the same time, I need to ask this girl questions because we need to throw it back.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_01: I think he got like one or two questions in.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: And also, this is probably a ploy, but like guys often will put a photo of their dog.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, okay, if this guy has a cute dog and he seems nice, like how bad can he be?
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_01: You know, that's what I there were several photos of him and his dog Mango.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so yeah, like after dinner.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_01: Um, also, we got garlic fries at dinner, and that was funny because I was like, oh my gosh, why did I get garlic fries?
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_01: But he was also into that, so that was a good sign.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, oh, he's not like super weird about us.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_01: We're both gonna have bad breath, but it's gonna be okay.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_00: My god, Lauren, this is hilarious.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna lie.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_00: This is this is almost a testament of when you find the right person, many things can go really kind of off and it'll still work out.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes people are very hyper aware and hyper focused on oh my god, everything has to go perfect.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_00: I need to show up and be this perfect person and whatever, whatever.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_00: But at the end of the day, I think that is one sign where it's like, is this the right person?
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_00: Because many things can go wrong, things can get a little awkward, and with that right person, it just becomes funny rather than oh my god, he had bad breath, and it was kind of like an egg.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and I could tell as when you first meet someone, you have nerves, but it felt it felt more natural.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, it was easier.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_01: That was the beginning, and we started dating after that, and have been together for seven years.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I would say though, there is something beautiful to your point about keeping things secret to be able to do that because there's no pressure.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_00: You're both navigating each other in that relationship starting at the same time.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody else has in take, and you're not listening to other people's opinions.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_00: You're building up your own opinion based on the experience that you're having with this person, as much as we grow you after because you were not telling us and we have to get it out of you.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_00: But I think when you told us you were already kind of, no, this is gonna be a special guy.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I honestly I backed you up on that one.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_00: I think people should keep it more of a keep it to yourself until you already know.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_00: And also because going back to the love bombing, when you tell your friends and you tell other people, you almost put pressure on yourself.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, now this needs to work out.
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_00: Now I need to make this work because now people know about it.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_00: Now there's expectations, they're gonna be asking me.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_00: And then maybe if it's not the right person, you start losing boundaries and the things that you want on that person to be able to just make it happen because now you have this pressure on you.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_00: So I think there is something beautiful of keeping it in the love until you know.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_00: I got real too because I didn't tell anybody about my boyfriend for the longest time.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_00: And then my best friends here, they sat me down on a dinner.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_00: We were gonna get dinner, the three of us.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_00: And then it was an intervention.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_00: They were like, we need to meet this guy, because I also had the issue where I always kind of kept my dating life and my friends separated from each other.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_00: And at some point in life, I think that's part of being becoming more vulnerable and intimacy growing, is you are bringing this person into your life, and that's the only way it's gonna work out.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_00: So that for me was a big awakening, but I was the same.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_00: I think I wanted to really navigate that.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_00: Let's fast forward to you guys getting engaged.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_00: And also, little caveat over here.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_00: Lauren got engaged on March.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_00: On March, and she's planning a wedding in six months.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_00: And we're now in the countdown of 30 days to her wedding.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if you guys who have been brides or are brides to be, you know what it's like to plan a wedding.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_00: It's very stressful, there's a lot going on.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_00: And so we definitely want to talk about how this has been for you, Lauren.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_00: Tell us about, I want to know, there is this theory about the seventh year.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_00: And prior to you guys getting engaged, I think you only had a lot of conversations on engagement, on wedding, how to differentiate, where is where you want to get married from the social aspect of it, or you really this is like the next steps for you.
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_00: I did a little bit of research on the seventh year mark because you mentioned that every seven years there's like a change in your life or your chapter, or like something needs to kind of change and evolve.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_00: And while there's no scientific proof on that, or the psychological explanation, but this is not about a divorce.
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_00: And but also it can be taken as it's when I do think things need to evolve.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_00: I did ask for a couple of our friends when they got married, or if we fall in that seven-year mark.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_00: And for one of them, she mentioned that they actually got engaged when they're in the five-year mark and got married at the seven-year mark.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_00: And still waiting on the other one, but oh, she responded.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_00: She said, Oh, she said six.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_00: She said six.
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_00: So I think there is something about around that time where you either know whether it's gonna move forward or not, but I do want to navigate what was that transition for you, and when do you know, okay, I'm ready for the next chapter?
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_01: I've always felt every seven years things have shifted significantly.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_01: It's almost we're in our early 30s, so we haven't had that many critical milestones.
• 27:20
  SPEAKER_01: But think about it, you're 21, and then you're 28, and then move from there.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_01: So, well, it's kind of beautiful because Chris and I have been together since we were mid-20s.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_01: Chris turned 25 maybe a couple months after we met.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_01: That's actually how I found out that we were together in official because he accidentally called me his girlfriend on the phone.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, wait.
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_01: It was really cute.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_01: He was working a more technical software support, so he had to let his boss know, oh, it's my birthday and I'm gonna be out all day with my girlfriend.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_01: I overheard it.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, okay.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_01: I guess we when you asked.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, he didn't officially ask, but that day then we talked about it.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_01: And he's like, Oh yeah, I've been considering you my girlfriend for a while.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_01: So that was really sweet.
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_01: Chris and I we dated for about a year and a half, living in California.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_01: And then during COVID, we decided, I mean, because we were working at home and it was a perfect time to a lot of people were just picking up and moving because you know the world had shut down.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_01: So it was kind of open, everything.
• 28:27
  SPEAKER_01: If you had the ability to have a remote job, it was really easy.
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_01: Open opportunity, yeah.
• 28:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_01: So both of us just we had already talked about if we wanted to move anywhere, Colorado was on the list, and so we flew out here, visited, loved it, and then decided to move.
• 28:46
  SPEAKER_01: And that was us moving in together when I was 26.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_01: We were both like 26 years old.
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_01: So we had our first apartment together, had our dog with us, and have been in c in Colorado about six years now.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_01: So it's God, I can't believe we've been that long.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_01: It's almost, yeah, almost six years because we moved in on election day, November 20, November 3rd of 2020.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_01: I know, and then got winters for the first time and falls, and it was just really, really fun, and it's been beautiful.
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_01: Lived in a few different cities.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_01: Now we live in Denver and we have a little house that we bought.
• 29:29
  SPEAKER_00: I still need to visit you.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_00: I know I still need to visit.
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_01: I come back to California so much though.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_01: We see each other, but it's been a great place.
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_00: So tell us about what were your feelings towards marriage, and when did you decide, okay, I think I'm ready to get engaged.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_00: And also, of course, Chris is part of this conversation, right?
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_00: Not just yo, but both of us.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_01: I always felt like the relationship being good mattered more to me than being married.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_01: And so I was comfortable and actually really wanted to do big life things before we got married because I thought this is a real test of how we are as partners together in life, and how do we live together?
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_01: How do we grow together and just through job changes and life changes, just seeing each other through those big moments.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_01: And also, weddings are so expensive and a really big deal.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_01: So even when you find, at least for me, even when I knew I found my person, I didn't think this has to happen next before this happened or that happened.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_01: We bought our house, and that was a really fun period of life because you know, we were able to put a lot into house projects and to our garden in the back and just experiencing life together.
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I will say when I we did decide we wanted to get married, it was a tough time because Chris had lost his job.
• 30:52
  SPEAKER_01: He was laid off from a big company when they went through a re-org, and we we just knew that it wasn't gonna happen as fast because obviously a ring and a wedding area.
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, of course.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, timing.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_01: So in a lot of ways, I mean, I always believe things happen how they're supposed to happen.
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_01: So we were in this period of having our house together, living together, had a little life.
• 31:17
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, I think my marriage philosophy changed during this whole the length of my relationship.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_01: But then I remember talking to you and Brittany, and you were like, I thought you never wanted to get married.
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_01: And then I realized, oh yeah, I was kind of I was kind of open to not getting married.
• 31:33
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, I just with him the rest of the time.
• 31:35
  SPEAKER_00: Because that I think that was the conversation that you and me had.
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_00: Because I I actually felt and back then I think that I just have met my boyfriend too.
• 31:44
  SPEAKER_00: So I do think that as you get closer and more in-depth in your relationship, I do think that those things shift, which I wasn't a believer of that.
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's one of those things where people say, you know what being in love feels like until you actually fall in love.
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_00: And you kind of find all of those practices and what couples do awkward and weird if you don't understand from firsthand point of view.
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_00: But I do think that you do shift a lot.
• 32:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I do a lot of your beliefs change because I was with you.
• 32:13
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, oh yeah, I don't really care about getting married.
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_00: I just I'm really enjoying my relationship.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just happy in the fact that I met somebody who gets me, who I can feel really close to, who is my best friend, who really compliments me.
• 32:27
  SPEAKER_00: We are so different, but really compliments me.
• 32:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I know you felt in a similar way.
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_00: So I was, oh, we're the not marry girls.
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_00: We're just gonna go with the flow and see what happens.
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_00: At the time we were getting ready for Alexia's wedding.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_00: Our friend Brandy was engaged.
• 32:41
  SPEAKER_00: So a lot of marriage and engagements were happening around us, but I thought you and me were on the same page, and that was three and a half years ago.
• 32:49
  SPEAKER_00: So when I heard from, and actually I heard from somebody else, I was like, oh no, Lauren's ready.
• 32:53
  SPEAKER_00: I'm excuse me.
• 32:54
  SPEAKER_00: What?
• 32:55
  SPEAKER_00: What's going on?
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_00: Where where am I leaping here?
• 32:58
  SPEAKER_01: I think maybe seeing close friends get married really makes you realize, oh, how beautiful it is to say your vows in front of people and to be vulnerable in front of your friends and family and talk about your love and get people together and friends who've never been together before.
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_01: So some people say, Oh, you know, I just got to the point where I wanted to have a really big party and celebrate.
• 33:26
  SPEAKER_01: But marriage is so meaningful and a beautiful path, and like people get there in different timelines too.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_01: So I think that, you know, however you approach getting married or not getting married, because I I also know people who are have been together with their partner for years and years, have kids together, and just decided that they already know they're committed, and yeah, that is perfectly fine as well.
• 33:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I I think there's something beautiful to say about the people that might be either in a long-term relationship or looking for the person or transitioning into kind of getting out of the honeymoon stage and actually start dating.
• 34:07
  SPEAKER_00: Because I do think the dating part comes after the whole infatuation goes away, and then you start kind of putting your worlds together, family becomes part of the picture, all of your growing up experiences become part of each other's experiences.
• 34:25
  SPEAKER_00: But I do think that there's no pressure on just because our friends, it worked out this way, it has to be the same way for me.
• 34:36
  SPEAKER_00: I think the more authentic you live your relationship and you still celebrate other people of how they choose to live the relationship.
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_00: But if you chose your, if you choose your own timing, it's gonna be much more valuable for you.
• 34:51
  SPEAKER_00: And to your point, Lauren, I say the same thing.
• 34:54
  SPEAKER_00: I've been part of my friends' weddings, and it's so beautiful.
• 34:57
  SPEAKER_00: I get so emotional every time I'm there.
• 35:00
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes you're like, oh, this is gonna be a fun party and all of that.
• 35:03
  SPEAKER_00: But once you're there sitting and seeing your friend say the vows to the person they're committing to for the rest of their life, it does hit different and it does give you this kind of feeling, oh wow, this is different, right?
• 35:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's not just a party, it's not just a celebration, it's a commitment to each other, and it's beautiful.
• 35:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I do like to be part of that, but it also helps me stay more true to myself about oh, this is what I really want.
• 35:29
  SPEAKER_00: There is no timeline, there is no right order, prioritize what's important for both of you and move at your own pace, even when other people are doing different things than you.
• 35:41
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 35:41
  SPEAKER_01: And it it is kind of funny because our two friends who we were in their weddings, they like you said, they were together for a long time and six years and seven years or eight years.
• 35:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 35:54
  SPEAKER_01: And I think there's a confidence, like you don't have to be with someone that long to get married.
• 35:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 35:59
  SPEAKER_01: But it is kind of beautiful to see the stories come full circle, especially since those two friends met their partner for life in college, and so they kind of grew up together.
• 36:12
  SPEAKER_00: They grew up together.
• 36:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 36:14
  SPEAKER_00: It was yeah, very sweet.
• 36:15
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, in a way for you though, you also you didn't meet uh Chris in college, but you did meet him when you were in your mid-20s.
• 36:22
  SPEAKER_00: So I think, in a way, you guys still got to grow with each other and navigate your late 20s together, which I do think is a different type of situation than maybe me, because when I turned 30, I was single.
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_00: Thankfully, I was in a very good space in my life where I was.
• 36:38
  SPEAKER_00: I think I have done, and I told you, I've done soul searching for 10 years because I only had another really serious boyfriend.
• 36:44
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe some people are less or more, but when I knew that I met the person, I've been alone for a long time.
• 36:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I know 10 years sounds dramatically long, and a lot of people are not gonna be the same.
• 37:00
  SPEAKER_00: But I do think that you do need that time to be true to who you are as a single person, and then know when the person walks into your life that you're right.
• 37:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I do think that, and I can say that for you too.
• 37:15
  SPEAKER_00: When that person walked into your life, I think you were in a very good space, headspace, and you were not looking to cover something or run from something in your life.
• 37:27
  SPEAKER_00: That person just gave it complemented your life, and now you can say, like, oh, this person is part of my life and it's a huge, but it wasn't at the time when they came.
• 37:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's so important because it helps you keep your identity, it helps you keep your own hobbies, your own things that you what makes you you, even though you shift in a relationship, but it keeps that essence.
• 37:49
  SPEAKER_00: Why I think that I love all of my friends' relationships because I have seen that evolve over time, and it has shown me that I can experience that as well.
• 37:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, everyone's past have been very unique for each each of us and our our friend group.
• 38:05
  SPEAKER_01: And it's been beautiful to see things and just you know, like see relationships grow and blossom in different ways.
• 38:12
  SPEAKER_00: So okay, so now that we cover that, let's get to the fun part where we talk about what it's like to be planning your six-month wedding, Lauren.
• 38:21
  unknown: Yeah.
• 38:21
  SPEAKER_00: Tell us how you failed the transition, all the feels, and just skipping it real for all the girlies who are in the midst of planning a wedding.
• 38:29
  SPEAKER_00: I think six months is really fast.
• 38:31
  SPEAKER_00: We've seen our friends playing weddings for two years.
• 38:34
  SPEAKER_00: So tell us all how it is for you.
• 38:36
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like six months doesn't seem that long to me because my sister planned her wedding in three months.
• 38:43
  SPEAKER_01: So think about the timeline being that squished down.
• 38:48
  SPEAKER_01: But for me, I just know that working with a little bit of pressure can be nice, even though it is a little stressful.
• 38:57
  SPEAKER_01: I just knew that decision making would be easier if I had less time to plan which cater I wanted to get to, you know, which florist, all these things that you kind of you could spend a lot of time figuring out.
• 39:10
  SPEAKER_01: I just wanted to go with the basic, easy option because both Chris and I are very, very low maintenance.
• 39:17
  SPEAKER_01: I love going to weddings with all the tiny little details, but I just know for our wedding, we're we're fine with things being a little bit more DIY.
• 39:27
  SPEAKER_01: And so when I found out that we could get married on my family's farm, it was just venue was taken care of.
• 39:34
  SPEAKER_01: And then we thought about food, and we're just like, we're gonna find a local barbecue place for rehearsal dinner, and then we'll do something else for the main day.
• 39:45
  SPEAKER_01: And I think decision making has, I mean, there have been a lot of little tiny decisions to make, which is very stressful.
• 39:53
  SPEAKER_01: And I feel in the beginning I just looked at this mountain of to-dos and got overwhelmed and would try to do so many different wedding things every day.
• 40:03
  SPEAKER_01: Like even responding to emails can get exhausting.
• 40:07
  SPEAKER_01: I would recommend not doing that.
• 40:09
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe having two days a week where you do your wedding stuff the rest of the time, you just focus on doing your your job and then enjoying life.
• 40:18
  SPEAKER_01: That's the countdown.
• 40:20
  SPEAKER_01: About 30 days before I get married.
• 40:22
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 40:23
  SPEAKER_01: And there is still so much to do, but I'm kind of I'm more confident at this point because I know the most important stuff will rise to the top, and the stuff that doesn't matter can just fall off the list.
• 40:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 40:37
  SPEAKER_01: Like nobody is going to remember if your seating chart had a spelling error, or if something was messed up in the signage, or he didn't have the cutest flowers on the tables, whatever it is.
• 40:50
  SPEAKER_01: It's just about being with your family, your friends, celebrating love, and just really soaking it up because everyone I talk to says that the the day just goes by so fast.
• 41:02
  SPEAKER_01: And you're not going to remember every single little detail or decoration.
• 41:07
  SPEAKER_01: So from my point of view, I just because I had a shorter timeline anyways, I can't care about all that.
• 41:14
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 41:14
  SPEAKER_01: But I will say you can go down a rabbit hole of finding the cutest wedding decorations and details.
• 41:21
  SPEAKER_01: And if I had more time and if I could plan this again, I would maybe give myself a couple more months to figure out some additional stuff that would be nice to have.
• 41:31
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah.
• 41:32
  SPEAKER_00: But I love what you said.
• 41:33
  SPEAKER_00: At the end of the day, you have to stay rooted into what this means.
• 41:36
  SPEAKER_00: And it's you, we are celebrating you with the love of your life and and your very special day.
• 41:43
  SPEAKER_00: At the end of the day, if the flower is not falling on the right space, it doesn't matter because the reason why we're there is to celebrate you and this new chapter of your life.
• 41:54
  SPEAKER_00: Even though you guys are living together, living a married, married life together.
• 41:59
  SPEAKER_00: But I do think I love the celebration of separating this chapter and starting a new one.
• 42:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and you know, be able to celebrate that for you.
• 42:08
  SPEAKER_00: So I do think it's important to keep that in mind as you go through like this stressful.
• 42:14
  SPEAKER_00: I honestly throw a lot of events for my company and it's so stressful, and there's tiny little micro events.
• 42:19
  SPEAKER_00: And when I'm in charge, I'm like, if I am not deliberate, this is not gonna go well.
• 42:24
  SPEAKER_00: So I know what that feels like, but especially for that special day for you.
• 42:28
  SPEAKER_00: So it's always it's always nice to be able to remember why you're doing it.
• 42:32
  SPEAKER_00: What's the whole point, right?
• 42:34
  SPEAKER_00: I have one more question for you, and then we can answer the questions to finalize the episode on the questions that we started.
• 42:41
  SPEAKER_00: Who is Lauren walking into this marriage compared with the woman who started that soul searching journey many years ago?
• 42:49
  SPEAKER_00: Who is Lauren walking into the marriage?
• 42:52
  SPEAKER_01: Ooh, I feel like this version of myself is much more comfortable with myself.
• 42:58
  SPEAKER_01: I think you I had a lot of pressure early on.
• 43:01
  SPEAKER_01: I feel I put that on myself to figure things out, to do the the next right step every time.
• 43:09
  SPEAKER_01: So that could be a job, that could be relationship stuff, it could be moving.
• 43:14
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember putting so much pressure behind every single decision before we bought this house, feeling, you know, this was in my mid-20s or late 20s.
• 43:24
  SPEAKER_01: But I I remember freaking out and being like, what if I'm going to make a mistake?
• 43:29
  SPEAKER_01: What if I mess up?
• 43:30
  SPEAKER_01: Like this is going to determine the next 10 years of our life.
• 43:35
  SPEAKER_01: And luckily, I have a partner in life who was very grounding, and he's always been that way for me.
• 43:42
  SPEAKER_01: But he said, No, we're gonna be okay.
• 43:44
  SPEAKER_01: Even if this is, you know, we make mistakes, it's gonna be fine and we'll figure it out together.
• 43:49
  SPEAKER_01: And that has been beautiful and just building our life together.
• 43:54
  SPEAKER_01: I wouldn't say that your partner completes you, but I will say that creation.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_01: Chris being in my life has complemented and grounded me and claw like qualities I lack, he has, and he's able to bring the best out of me.
• 44:09
  SPEAKER_01: So going into this next chapter, I'm very confident because we have each other, and it just he's helped me grow, and I feel like I've helped him grow.
• 44:20
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's kind of beautiful to kind of start this new after seven years, see what the next seven years and the next decades are after.
• 44:30
  SPEAKER_00: I think you said something very important.
• 44:32
  SPEAKER_00: Our friend Alexia, who keeps us grounded, she's gonna know, be known for that.
• 44:37
  SPEAKER_00: I've heard her saying this, but I also heard this from multiple people who are in the business world and they know everything about finance, they know everything about investment, all of the things.
• 44:47
  SPEAKER_00: And they've been asked one single question.
• 44:50
  SPEAKER_00: What is the biggest decision that you've ever made?
• 44:53
  SPEAKER_00: And they said the most important decision, and it's multiple people, people from Chart Tank, people from like really businessy women and women, they said the single best decision that a human can make is who they marry and the person they choose as their partner in life.
• 45:09
  SPEAKER_00: Because everything else can go wrong.
• 45:12
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't matter.
• 45:13
  SPEAKER_00: As long as you have that support, that person who's gonna go into war with you and fight all the fights that life throws you, that is how you're gonna survive.
• 45:23
  SPEAKER_00: You're not gonna be alone.
• 45:25
  SPEAKER_00: And it's really it's like the most investment, the best investment you can make, right?
• 45:29
  SPEAKER_00: Bring that right person to you.
• 45:31
  SPEAKER_00: Which is a very interesting concept.
• 45:33
  SPEAKER_00: I never, when I was single, I was very individualistic.
• 45:36
  SPEAKER_00: I was very, I gotta build that my own life.
• 45:38
  SPEAKER_00: I can never depend on anybody.
• 45:40
  SPEAKER_00: And I do think to a certain extent and point, it's okay, it's it's really good to build that for yourself, especially for women.
• 45:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's always nice to make sure that you are okay on your own.
• 45:51
  SPEAKER_00: But I do think that that person that you choose for the rest of your life is really gonna determine your well-being and how you're gonna be together navigating life.
• 46:04
  SPEAKER_00: So I can attest to that as well, which is not something that I was expecting a businessy person to respond, but it's very, very true.
• 46:12
  SPEAKER_00: And our friend Alexa said it.
• 46:13
  SPEAKER_00: So I do actually agree with that.
• 46:16
  SPEAKER_00: Lauren, let's answer the four questions that we started with to wrap up this episode.
• 46:22
  SPEAKER_00: So, for the single girls, what would you tell the women doing the soul searching right now who is scared that she won't be able to find the person?
• 46:33
  SPEAKER_01: If you desire a really loving relationship, putting pressure on it is not good for you either.
• 46:41
  SPEAKER_01: Get behind really knowing and loving yourself, not to sound cliche, but being really comfortable being alone, I think helps you find the right person because you're not putting pressure behind it.
• 46:54
  SPEAKER_01: And if you desire it, I feel it will come.
• 46:57
  SPEAKER_01: And it might not be the exact timing you want, but it will come.
• 47:01
  SPEAKER_01: And it can be a total surprise who stumbles into your path.
• 47:05
  SPEAKER_01: So do things you love, and then I think after that is when you meet the right person.
• 47:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I always say we touch on soul searching before, and I feel like soul searching can sound, oh, it's gonna be a great time, you're gonna be alone, you know.
• 47:19
  SPEAKER_00: Soul searching is actually pretty uncomfortable.
• 47:21
  SPEAKER_00: It's not, you're gonna get real with yourself, you're gonna face things that you probably don't want to do.
• 47:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that it's okay to sit in that uncomfortable, sit there, sweat it out, feel the feels.
• 47:35
  SPEAKER_00: Once you pass that point, you're gonna be able to be good.
• 47:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'm fine, we're gonna get through this.
• 47:41
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, another thing I realized is that um, and I would always tell my friends this, but be the weirdest version of you with no no polish, no filter, just be who you are in every date.
• 47:56
  SPEAKER_01: Because if you put on any sort of facade, you'll confuse yourself because when that starts coming away, and the person in front of you is like, oh, they're not exactly who I thought they were.
• 48:08
  SPEAKER_01: It's almost your own fault in the most loving way possible.
• 48:13
  SPEAKER_01: Just telling, I mean, that's how I was.
• 48:15
  SPEAKER_01: I remember meeting Chris and being like, Oh, I really like this guy.
• 48:19
  SPEAKER_01: You know, as soon as I started to maybe try a little harder, change how I acted, I would stop myself because I'm like, oh, this doesn't feel natural.
• 48:26
  SPEAKER_01: I should authentic.
• 48:27
  SPEAKER_01: I shouldn't do that.
• 48:28
  SPEAKER_01: And it wasn't authentic.
• 48:30
  SPEAKER_01: So when I've started not caring that much, I really that's when things started to click easier.
• 48:36
  SPEAKER_00: And you break what really resonates with you.
• 48:39
  SPEAKER_00: To your point, you don't only confuse yourself, you confuse the universe.
• 48:43
  SPEAKER_00: You don't get what you want, you get what you are.
• 48:46
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're not authentic to yourself, you're gonna bring somebody who doesn't.
• 48:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's not gonna resonate with you in the long run.
• 48:52
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe in the beginning, you know, when it all's when it's all game and fun, you can show this facade that you really get each other, but when things come down and really start getting real, it's better to know who you are in the most real form and who that person is for you.
• 49:10
  SPEAKER_00: So we're not saying don't make a good impression, don't make a good impression.
• 49:15
  SPEAKER_00: Get garlic fries on the first day.
• 49:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, don't do what I said.
• 49:19
  SPEAKER_01: Don't get garlic fries on the first date.
• 49:21
  SPEAKER_00: But actually, that should be a theory.
• 49:23
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like that should be a test of somebody who's don't really want to test this guy if he really likes me.
• 49:28
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna get garlic fries, and if he comes back for a second date, we're solid.
• 49:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, and also see if he eats the garlic fries too, because he's not self-conscious and start testing him from the beginning.
• 49:39
  SPEAKER_00: Second person for the girl dating.
• 49:42
  SPEAKER_00: What should she pay attention to when deciding whether someone could be her life partner?
• 49:48
  SPEAKER_01: Think about how you talk with that person.
• 49:51
  SPEAKER_01: Like I knew when I met Chris, like after we'd make dinner together, we'd sit outside with some tea and we would talk for hours and not run out of talk uh topics.
• 50:03
  SPEAKER_01: And we wouldn't go inside and watch Netflix or TV.
• 50:07
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, we did watch some good shows together, but my favorite parts of us starting to date were talking about everything and just seeing what the flow is back and forth.
• 50:19
  SPEAKER_01: Because if when you meet your person, I feel like the conversation will feel endless.
• 50:25
  SPEAKER_01: You will just you will never get tired of talking to them because you are finding your best friend.
• 50:30
  SPEAKER_01: And so that was definitely a the a really positive sign in the beginning.
• 50:36
  SPEAKER_01: So that's what I would recommend.
• 50:37
  SPEAKER_01: If you're dating someone, how do you feel about like everything you talk about?
• 50:42
  SPEAKER_01: Does it feel like you're opening a book that you can't put down?
• 50:46
  SPEAKER_00: Ooh, that's good.
• 50:48
  SPEAKER_00: It feels like opening a book that you can't put down.
• 50:51
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 50:52
  SPEAKER_00: I remember for me getting coffee, even though I know joke around about this.
• 50:57
  SPEAKER_00: But coffee for me is a very intimate experience because my family loves coffee.
• 51:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I grew up sitting around and drinking coffee and having amazing conversations with my family.
• 51:09
  SPEAKER_00: Even though coffee seems like a whatever thing, it my family has been rooted around that culture aspect of it, and it became very special to me.
• 51:19
  SPEAKER_00: Um, getting coffee with my mom, my friends, my brother when he visits, it becomes such a special moment.
• 51:26
  SPEAKER_00: I remember one morning I was dating my boyfriend for a few weeks.
• 51:30
  SPEAKER_00: I always picture myself getting coffee with my person.
• 51:33
  SPEAKER_00: I always wonder what that would be like.
• 51:35
  SPEAKER_00: I went on a few coffee dates before, and they were so awkward that I just knew.
• 51:42
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, this is not it, right?
• 51:43
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like for me that was crazy.
• 51:45
  SPEAKER_00: And so even though this sounds kind of shallow, I remember walking with him and I wasn't even thinking about like we get coffee with him.
• 51:51
  SPEAKER_00: It was just kind of like, let's go.
• 51:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember sitting there getting coffee with him and just seeing him and feeling that feeling of like, oh my god, this is this feels really good.
• 52:02
  SPEAKER_00: This feels natural, and we're doing this ritual that is so important to me.
• 52:07
  SPEAKER_00: And he doesn't even know.
• 52:08
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, for all he thinks, he's like, Oh, we're just getting a Christopher copy with the city.
• 52:12
  SPEAKER_00: This was a test.
• 52:13
  SPEAKER_00: No, it wasn't it wasn't like a test, it was for me.
• 52:17
  SPEAKER_00: There was a moment, and also we were standing in line in that coffee shop, and there was this girl in front of us that kept looking back and kept looking back, and she had her headphones on, she was by herself.
• 52:27
  SPEAKER_00: Honestly, I was kind of not aware.
• 52:28
  SPEAKER_00: I was just talking to him the whole time as we were in line, and she turned around, took her headphones off, and she goes, You guys are such a cute couple.
• 52:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, First of all, we haven't even stated that we were actually a couple, so that was it could have been the word for him.
• 52:44
  SPEAKER_00: It could have been like, excuse me, this is awkward, like just not my girlfriend.
• 52:48
  SPEAKER_00: And then his reaction was, right?
• 52:50
  SPEAKER_00: We're so cute, or something.
• 52:51
  SPEAKER_00: Or it's just like a reaction, and then he turned up back at me and he was like, See, people think that we're really cute.
• 52:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, Oh my god, this whole vibe, it's amazing.
• 52:59
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 53:00
  SPEAKER_00: Wait, did I I didn't know this story?
• 53:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and that was so cute.
• 53:05
  SPEAKER_00: It was very early on, and we'll always remember this girl.
• 53:07
  SPEAKER_00: I have pictures of that day, which I might put it on the on the pod when I release it, but I have pictures of that day because I was like, This is so special to me.
• 53:15
  SPEAKER_00: So back to your point, what's special to you, it needs to feel special with that person because it's just a testament of representative of who you truly are, even if it's the smallest little thing, you'll know.
• 53:30
  SPEAKER_00: Which brings me to the next question.
• 53:33
  SPEAKER_00: For the newly engaged girl, what's one thing you wish someone had told you before wedding planning?
• 53:40
  SPEAKER_00: You might have known everything because you've seen our friends plan everything.
• 53:43
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like I had some really good wisdom off the bat.
• 53:46
  SPEAKER_01: And when I would stress out, I would call our one of our either of our friends or both of them.
• 53:54
  SPEAKER_01: We had a we have a group chat for weddings now specifically because we need it.
• 54:00
  SPEAKER_01: And they would just say, Here's what I would do.
• 54:02
  SPEAKER_01: Here's what I've done from other weddings.
• 54:05
  SPEAKER_01: I would just think about what you've enjoyed and paid attention to at weddings.
• 54:10
  SPEAKER_01: And then out of those little details, what do you think you want to have at your wedding?
• 54:16
  SPEAKER_01: And don't get overwhelmed by everything that you can possibly do and just think about the stuff that actually matters to you.
• 54:24
  SPEAKER_01: Like invites really mattered to me.
• 54:26
  SPEAKER_01: And I spent hours and hours and hours.
• 54:28
  SPEAKER_01: I know, we went back and forth unless I love that.
• 54:30
  SPEAKER_01: Helped me with some little design details, which really helped bring them together and as a suite.
• 54:37
  SPEAKER_01: But I loved doing that.
• 54:39
  SPEAKER_01: And I like I want to frame those, I'm gonna have those forever, and it means a lot, but then other things are just not gonna matter as much, like signage, I'm gonna get it printed at FedEx the week of, or something like that, you know.
• 54:53
  SPEAKER_01: So I would just say really just only focus on the things that stand out to you.
• 54:59
  SPEAKER_01: And this is something I've told everyone.
• 55:02
  SPEAKER_01: Like, how many wedding meals do you remember every detail?
• 55:05
  SPEAKER_01: Probably not like not that many.
• 55:07
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, for me, I don't remember the food at pretty much every wedding, unless it happens this year.
• 55:13
  SPEAKER_00: The stats say this is what people actually remember.
• 55:17
  SPEAKER_00: If they were too hot or if they were too cold.
• 55:19
  SPEAKER_00: So weather do matters.
• 55:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 55:21
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I think that was one of the biggest things.
• 55:24
  SPEAKER_00: Like people will remember whether or not they were called cold or hot.
• 55:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's a good one.
• 55:30
  SPEAKER_01: That's to remember, especially guys with suits on, they remember if it's too hot.
• 55:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 55:35
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know why that's one and then last but not least, this is a good this is a really good question.
• 55:40
  SPEAKER_00: I I hope you uh don't get I hope you can think of it.
• 55:44
  SPEAKER_00: If you could call yourself the night before you met Chris or your future husband and tell her one thing.
• 55:51
  SPEAKER_00: Like say you go you are gonna call Lauren the night before she went to the date with Chris, what would you tell her what would you say?
• 56:00
  SPEAKER_00: And tell her one thing.
• 56:02
  SPEAKER_01: I wouldn't want to freak her out.
• 56:03
  SPEAKER_01: I wouldn't want to I wouldn't want to tell her you're about to meet your future husband.
• 56:08
  SPEAKER_01: Um I would wanna say like just you're about to uh I don't know, not to get emotional, but like you're about to meet someone who's gonna make your life like super fun and he's gonna be exactly what you thought who you're gonna end up being.
• 56:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I would cry.
• 56:31
  SPEAKER_00: That's so cute.
• 56:33
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 56:34
  SPEAKER_00: I know it's like I think it's so crazy how that moment felt so simple and normal back then, and like you look at years later and you're like, wow, that moment really defined a new chapter in my life.
• 56:48
  SPEAKER_00: So that's beautiful, Lauren.
• 56:51
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for sharing your story with us.
• 56:55
  SPEAKER_00: I am sure so many people are going to resonate with this.
• 56:59
  SPEAKER_00: We talk about the end math, right?
• 57:02
  SPEAKER_00: The wedding day, the how beautiful it went, the aftermath of like finding your boyfriend or like person.
• 57:09
  SPEAKER_00: But I think talking about the in-between, the transitions, what that was like as you move from chapter to chapter, it's so important because we don't want to see the end goal, we want to see what the person went through.
• 57:24
  SPEAKER_00: So we can all relate and help us navigate our own stories and our own journey.
• 57:29
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you so much for opening up and being vulnerable with us.
• 57:33
  SPEAKER_00: It was so fun.
• 57:34
  SPEAKER_00: And Lauren is also gonna be part of the pod.
• 57:37
  SPEAKER_00: So we will be hearing from you uh throughout.
• 57:40
  SPEAKER_00: I'll be behind the scenes.
• 57:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'll be working, I'll be working on some other stuff.
• 57:45
  SPEAKER_00: Lauren is one of my best friends, and I am so excited to celebrate her that day on her special day, but also I'm so excited to build something with her as we move forward.
• 57:57
  SPEAKER_00: Lauren, you are so special, you're a very special human, and we call I call you my soul sister because I think we're past being friends, we're best friends, and I really I've never had sisters, but you feel like one spiritually, and you get me in so many ways that not that many people do.
• 58:14
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm so excited to continue this journey and celebrate you and be part of your life for the rest of our lives.
• 58:22
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and yeah, I just I think you're very special, and I'm so excited to have you on the phone.
• 58:27
  SPEAKER_00: You're making me cheer up so speaking.
• 58:30
  SPEAKER_00: Do we cry every time we talk on the phone?
• 58:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 58:33
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah, I mean, yeah, you're you're someone that, yeah, we can pick up the phone and talk for three hours and for three hours.
• 58:41
  SPEAKER_01: And our last goal was two hours.
• 58:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it was two hours.
• 58:45
  SPEAKER_01: And it's just, I think it's really special.
• 58:47
  SPEAKER_01: And also for all the girls who might be putting pressure on themselves to find their person, I would say your friendships are so valuable.
• 58:57
  SPEAKER_01: Like, water those friendships like it's a garden because they will, you know, those people in your life will be with you for a long time, hopefully, and through all of your relationships.
• 59:09
  SPEAKER_01: So it's it's almost just as important.
• 59:12
  SPEAKER_01: Like you really have to have your little friendships.
• 59:15
  SPEAKER_01: And I will say, I've had long distance best friends for maybe most of my time in Colorado, and that it doesn't matter when you find your right people.
• 59:27
  SPEAKER_01: So definitely takes a village.
• 59:29
  SPEAKER_00: It does a village, it's a community, and I love that we have our great ones.
• 59:34
  SPEAKER_00: So call to action for anybody who resonated with this.
• 59:39
  SPEAKER_00: Connect with us in the show notes.
• 59:41
  SPEAKER_00: Leave us your comments, tell us your story, give us your questions.
• 59:46
  SPEAKER_00: Um, we can maybe do a 2.0 of answering questions after the wedding of how it all turned out and when.
• 59:52
  SPEAKER_00: So I hope that this conversation really touched on and put away pressure, especially on any of the chapters that you you might find yourself in.
• 1:00:05
  SPEAKER_00: And it just helped us continue the conversation.
• 1:00:08
  SPEAKER_00: At the end of the day, it shouldn't be that serious.
• 1:00:10
  SPEAKER_00: We are all navigating life, trying to do our best we can.
• 1:00:14
  SPEAKER_00: We'll connect with you guys on all socials.
• 1:00:16
  SPEAKER_00: We'll talk to you guys next.
• 1:00:17
  SPEAKER_00: Bye.