Latest / Making The Impact - A Dance Competition Podcast / Throwback! - S3 EP 96 – How to NOT be a Stage Mom!

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Throwback! - S3 EP 96 – How to NOT be a Stage Mom! · Making The Impact - A Dance Competition Podcast

0:03
SPEAKER_04: Hey y'all, it's Courtney Ortiz, and today we're throwing it back to an episode that every dance parent needs to hear.
0:09
SPEAKER_04: How to not be a stage mom.
0:11
SPEAKER_04: Being a dance parent comes with a lot, competition weekends, backstage chaos, big emotions, big expectations, and figuring out how to support your dancer without adding even more pressure.
0:22
SPEAKER_04: In this throwback episode from season three, we're talking about the habits that help dance parents build trust, respect boundaries, and actually create a healthier composition experience for their kids.
0:33
SPEAKER_04: If you've ever wondered where support ends and stage mom behavior begins, this is the episode for you.
0:40
SPEAKER_04: So let's jump into season three, episode 96, How to Not Be a Stage Mom.
0:45
SPEAKER_04: Hope you enjoy.
0:49
SPEAKER_04: Hey y'all, welcome to this week's episode of Making the Impact.
0:53
SPEAKER_04: I'm your host, Courtney Ortiz, and I am here with my co-host Leslie Mueller.
0:57
SPEAKER_01: Hey Courtney, how's it going today?
0:59
SPEAKER_04: It's good.
0:59
SPEAKER_04: You know, I sound a little raspy today.
1:02
SPEAKER_04: I have a cold.
1:03
SPEAKER_04: I'm so sad about it.
1:06
SPEAKER_01: It is that Phoebe Buffet voice, you know.
1:08
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
1:10
SPEAKER_04: It's not a good day for podcasting for my voice, but I am here and I'm ready and I'm so excited to have this awesome conversation about how to not be a stage mom today.
1:24
SPEAKER_01: So it's gonna be it's always a good day for podcasting.
1:27
SPEAKER_01: Maybe not for your voice, but we've got some awesome guests here today to talk about this topic, and I think it's gonna be a very um well-listened to episode.
1:37
SPEAKER_04: Oh, I a thousand percent agree.
1:39
SPEAKER_04: So, all the dance parents out there, I hope you're ready.
1:42
SPEAKER_04: I hope you're tuning in and listening because this one's for y'all.
1:46
SPEAKER_04: We've been doing a lot of different episodes this season that is specifically geared more towards our dance parents.
1:53
SPEAKER_04: And we kind of went in that direction because so many of I would actually say m the majority of our listeners um on Making the Impact are actually the dance parents.
2:04
SPEAKER_04: So we wanted to make sure we were giving y'all some episodes too.
2:08
SPEAKER_04: So here we are today.
2:09
SPEAKER_04: Here is our next dance parent episode, and I can't wait to jump in with our special guests.
2:15
SPEAKER_01: And if you are a listener of our podcast this season, you know about our buy me a coffee deal that we've got going on new this season.
2:23
SPEAKER_01: If you love what we're doing here, offering free uh insight and advice and tips and tricks and everything here on making the impact, you have the option to buy us a coffee and donate to the show.
2:34
SPEAKER_01: Uh by donating any amount, that money goes directly towards producing this podcast, bringing in amazing guests, making sure the production value is what you expect.
2:42
SPEAKER_01: And we just so appreciate your support.
2:44
SPEAKER_01: We have a few people that have recently donated, and we wanted to give them a quick shout out.
2:48
SPEAKER_01: This is kind of a unique one.
2:50
SPEAKER_01: It's from Molly Wobbles.
2:51
SPEAKER_01: Um, Molly Wobbles offered coffees for Courtney, Collin, and Jennifer, the awesome judges at Diva Dance Hartford.
2:57
SPEAKER_01: It was a great event and we had a blast.
2:59
SPEAKER_01: So I know Courtney actually was able to give the coffees to the judges.
3:05
SPEAKER_01: So, like, thank you, Molly Wobbles.
3:07
SPEAKER_04: The coffees, I sent them Starbucks gift cards for$5 each, and I hope that they had a frappuccino from Molly Wobbles.
3:15
SPEAKER_01: That's so cool.
3:16
SPEAKER_01: So, you know, you can also do that.
3:18
SPEAKER_01: If you had a really great experience at an IDA affiliated event and you want to buy coffees for those judges, you can do so via Kofi and Courtney will send them out their coffees.
3:28
SPEAKER_01: So thank you, Molly Wobbles.
3:29
SPEAKER_01: And we also want to shout out Cal Tav from Kofi.
3:33
SPEAKER_01: They say, Thank you so much for your amazing podcast.
3:35
SPEAKER_01: I've been listening since the very beginning when my daughter was a mini, a little over six, and now she listens with me in the car and loves all the great advice that you and your guests provide.
3:43
SPEAKER_01: We are big fans, keep dancing.
3:45
SPEAKER_04: Oh, I love that.
3:47
SPEAKER_01: That is so cool.
3:48
SPEAKER_01: And like, I mean, how cool is it that we've been on the air, quote unquote, for almost three years, which means this little girl is nine.
3:56
SPEAKER_01: Wow.
3:56
SPEAKER_01: Like she's you know, she's been a part of us since she was six, so that's pretty cool.
4:00
SPEAKER_01: So thank you for.
4:04
SPEAKER_01: Well, and hopefully all of our advice is, you know, just shaping the person she'll become.
4:08
SPEAKER_01: So thank you both for your donations.
4:10
SPEAKER_01: And if anybody wants to donate, that link is in the show notes.
4:14
SPEAKER_04: All right, final thing that I cannot wait to share with you all before we meet our special guest for this episode.
4:20
SPEAKER_04: Making the impact and Impact Dance Adjudicators are sponsoring physical awards at all IDA affiliated competitions this season.
4:29
SPEAKER_04: And we have our very first Making the Impact winner that we cannot wait to announce on the podcast.
4:35
SPEAKER_04: So, one of the perks about winning this award, this is a judge's choice award, and it is selected by your IDA judges at an event.
4:43
SPEAKER_04: It can go to a dance that is a solo through production, but it's that dance that the judges are still thinking about by the very end of the weekend.
4:51
SPEAKER_04: And uh, we have our very first winner who registered their award, and we cannot wait to give them a shout-out live on the air.
4:58
SPEAKER_04: This is from Just Dance Invitational in Phoenix, Arizona.
5:02
SPEAKER_04: And the dancer's name is Ashlyn McCormick with her solo My New Philosophy, and her studio is Desert West Dance Academy in Goodyear, Arizona.
5:11
SPEAKER_04: So congrats Ashlyn for winning our very first Making the Impact award.
5:15
SPEAKER_04: We hope you enjoy it and hope you loved the shout-out on our pod.
5:19
SPEAKER_04: All right, everybody, it is time to meet our special guests for this episode.
5:23
SPEAKER_04: And like I said, we are talking all about how to not be a stage mom.
5:28
SPEAKER_04: So we have two different perspectives on this episode, two brand new guests that I can't wait for you to meet.
5:33
SPEAKER_04: And first up, I want to introduce the dance mom on that side of the table for this episode.
5:39
SPEAKER_04: This is someone who I'm just getting to know now, but I've all but I've gotten to know through our podcast because her daughter is actually on our cover art this season for season three.
5:51
SPEAKER_04: So she was one of the winners of our cover art contest.
5:55
SPEAKER_04: And we also uh she also participated in our IDA virtual competition last year and won first place in our teen division.
6:03
SPEAKER_04: I'm super excited to welcome Summer ILO to the podcast.
6:07
SPEAKER_04: Welcome, Summer.
6:08
SPEAKER_02: Hi, thank you so much for having me.
6:10
SPEAKER_02: I'm super stoked to be here.
6:12
SPEAKER_04: Yes, and I also want to mention to everyone that you actually sent in this episode request as well and suggested this idea for a episode.
6:23
SPEAKER_04: And Leslie R Leslie and I were like, ooh, what a good one.
6:26
SPEAKER_04: Let's put that in season three.
6:28
SPEAKER_04: I love it.
6:29
SPEAKER_02: That's awesome.
6:30
SPEAKER_02: I'm I am so happy that you guys saw like the benefit of this.
6:34
SPEAKER_02: I think it is important to kind of talk about.
6:37
SPEAKER_02: I'm around a bunch of dance moms every day.
6:39
SPEAKER_02: And it's fun when people not in the dance world, when I tell them what my daughter does, like that she does competitive dance, they go, Oh, it's like dance moms.
6:48
SPEAKER_02: You know, that's all they have to compare it to.
6:52
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
6:53
SPEAKER_02: And I go, Yeah, it is exactly like that now.
6:56
SPEAKER_02: We're all the worst.
6:58
SPEAKER_02: I was like, no, it's not like that at all.
7:00
SPEAKER_02: I mean, some aspects can be, but not if you let it, you know?
7:05
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
7:05
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, totally.
7:06
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
7:06
SPEAKER_04: So I'm excited to to hear what you have to bring to this conversation as a dance mom yourself.
7:12
SPEAKER_04: And if you wouldn't mind telling all of our listeners out there a little bit more about you, where you're based, if you want to give a shout out to your daughter's studio, and um more about you.
7:22
SPEAKER_04: Tell us all about summer.
7:24
SPEAKER_02: Oh, cool.
7:25
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
7:25
SPEAKER_02: Well, I uh I live in Claremont, Florida, which is just like 20 miles away from Orlando.
7:31
SPEAKER_02: And I work at Universal, Orlando.
7:34
SPEAKER_02: I've been there for 24 years.
7:36
SPEAKER_02: When I graduated from college, I was going to move to New York and I already had like a place and a roommate.
7:43
SPEAKER_02: And then I got a summer job at Orl at Universal at Nickelodeon hosting a show.
7:50
SPEAKER_02: And I never I and I met my husband there and we I never left.
7:54
SPEAKER_02: So I've performed regionally up and down the southeast uh at different theaters, uh, have worked at Disney, uh did the hoop dee-doo review there for many years.
8:05
SPEAKER_02: Uh so I am a professional singer, dancer, actor, no longer a dancer anymore.
8:12
SPEAKER_02: Those days are gone.
8:13
SPEAKER_02: But I was a competitive dancer in the early 90s when it was just starting to take off.
8:18
SPEAKER_02: When there was only like showstoppers, star systems, DMA, and Tremaine.
8:24
SPEAKER_02: Like that was it.
8:25
SPEAKER_02: They're like there were just a few star power, I think, or maybe showbiz, but there were just like four or five.
8:31
SPEAKER_02: And there was only first, second, and third.
8:34
SPEAKER_02: That was it.
8:34
SPEAKER_05: Love it.
8:35
SPEAKER_02: You went there, yeah.
8:36
SPEAKER_02: You went and you competed against everyone your age, and then there was first, second, and third, and that was it.
8:41
SPEAKER_02: And then everybody clapped and cheered you on and said great job, and then you got in your car and went home.
8:47
SPEAKER_04: It was like the good old days.
8:50
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
8:50
SPEAKER_02: My daughter dances at Claremont Academy of Dance, which is located in downtown Claremont.
8:56
SPEAKER_02: For being a smaller town, we have a lot of dance studios and a lot of competitive dance studios and good ones too.
9:05
SPEAKER_02: We are kind of a smaller team, but um the instruction my daughter gets there is is excellent.
9:11
SPEAKER_02: And so, you know, and we have a great relationship with the studio owner, and you know, it's it's just a great place.
9:19
SPEAKER_02: So yeah.
9:20
SPEAKER_02: So and then and being a professional performer, actor, former dancer, it has added an interesting layer to my daughter and I's dance mom dancer relationship.
9:35
SPEAKER_04: I'm sure.
9:36
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
9:37
SPEAKER_04: Can't wait to hear all about that.
9:39
unknown: Yeah.
9:39
SPEAKER_04: Does Paige know that you're doing this podcast?
9:42
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, she does.
9:44
SPEAKER_02: Uh, we listened to it a lot in the car, going back and forth to dance and things like that.
9:49
SPEAKER_02: And I told her that I was doing that today, and she was like, Oh my god.
9:53
SPEAKER_02: She like rolled her eyes.
9:54
SPEAKER_02: She was like, Oh my god.
9:56
SPEAKER_02: And then she goes, Please don't tell anybody that you did this.
9:59
SPEAKER_02: I was like, no, I'm gonna post it like on Facebook.
10:01
SPEAKER_02: Tell everybody link.
10:03
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
10:03
SPEAKER_02: She's 13.
10:06
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, she's because she already like it's it's so weird, but like my my husband is he's kind of a bigger guy at Universal.
10:15
SPEAKER_02: Like he's he creates like Halloween horror nights, etc.
10:18
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
10:19
SPEAKER_02: He's a creative there.
10:20
SPEAKER_02: So like when we're out and about, people recognize him and then sometimes recognize me from the show I do there.
10:27
SPEAKER_02: And she's like, oh, you know, she's rolling her eyes.
10:31
SPEAKER_02: Why are y'all famous?
10:32
SPEAKER_02: Right.
10:32
SPEAKER_02: She well, you know, like small town famous, you know what I mean?
10:35
SPEAKER_02: And so, so that now she's like, Oh no, you're gonna be on a podcast.
10:39
SPEAKER_02: Well, you know, she's not interested.
10:43
SPEAKER_02: I always like to.
10:44
SPEAKER_01: I think we had another parent guest actually that said the same thing.
10:47
SPEAKER_01: I can't remember who it was.
10:48
SPEAKER_01: I think it was Marlo.
10:49
SPEAKER_01: It was Marlo.
10:50
SPEAKER_01: She was like, Yeah, she's gonna hate this.
10:52
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, that's why I like to ask because we've had a handful of dance moms now on the podcast.
10:56
SPEAKER_04: And I'm like, Do your does your dancer know you're doing this?
11:00
SPEAKER_04: Do they approve of this?
11:01
SPEAKER_02: Now, can conversely, her friends will be like, Yeah, Miss Summer.
11:06
SPEAKER_02: Like they're gonna think it's so cool.
11:08
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
11:09
SPEAKER_02: She's not a fan of me, but her friends are.
11:11
SPEAKER_02: So that's always how it is.
11:14
SPEAKER_01: Not reverse, but yeah.
11:15
SPEAKER_01: She'll come on to the brighter side later.
11:17
SPEAKER_01: I hope so.
11:18
SPEAKER_04: P.S.
11:18
SPEAKER_04: Paige, we love you.
11:20
SPEAKER_04: And I'm a big fan of you, Paige.
11:23
SPEAKER_04: So shout out to Paige.
11:24
SPEAKER_04: Thanks for letting your mom join us on the podcast today.
11:27
SPEAKER_02: Aw, she's gonna love that.
11:29
SPEAKER_04: All right, and our next special guest is a brand new guest to our podcast.
11:34
SPEAKER_04: This guest is going to bring the studio owner perspective of this conversation that I can't wait to hear.
11:41
SPEAKER_04: And uh a big fan of our podcast, also very close with Leslie.
11:46
SPEAKER_04: I'm excited to welcome Shannon Thomas to the pod.
11:49
SPEAKER_04: Welcome.
11:51
SPEAKER_07: Hello, thank you so much for having me.
11:54
SPEAKER_07: I'm super excited.
11:55
SPEAKER_07: I love this podcast.
11:56
SPEAKER_07: I've been following you guys, obviously, for years since day one.
12:01
SPEAKER_07: So I'm really excited to be here.
12:02
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, we're so pumped to have you.
12:04
SPEAKER_04: And I know you and Leslie went to college together.
12:07
SPEAKER_04: Hey.
12:09
SPEAKER_07: Yes, we were doubles all the time.
12:12
SPEAKER_07: All the time.
12:13
SPEAKER_07: One one really great memory is when we were both snowmen.
12:17
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yes, that was my freshman year.
12:19
SPEAKER_07: I and and they carried us out in a little ball, and they stacked us up, and then we came to life as magical.
12:26
SPEAKER_07: And you know what?
12:27
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes you will eventually get paid to do things like that, dancers.
12:30
SPEAKER_01: So listen, you know what?
12:32
SPEAKER_00: It was very stressful being inside that.
12:35
SPEAKER_00: It was so stressful because you had to build yourself.
12:37
SPEAKER_00: Like they were they were just stacking the the balls, but like we had the velcro stuff in the dark.
12:43
SPEAKER_00: It was a horrid 40 seconds.
12:46
SPEAKER_07: Yes.
12:47
SPEAKER_07: And we had a cue, we had to pop out.
12:48
SPEAKER_07: And if you didn't hit the music, it was not right.
12:50
SPEAKER_07: It was frosty, it was the moment, it was magic for the children.
12:55
SPEAKER_07: And it was awesome.
12:57
SPEAKER_07: It was like I really felt that.
13:00
SPEAKER_07: Like they really put that pressure on us.
13:02
SPEAKER_07: It was a lot of pressure.
13:04
SPEAKER_07: It was.
13:04
SPEAKER_07: But anyway, so yeah, I'm so excited to be here, Leslie.
13:08
SPEAKER_07: I'm just so proud of all of her accomplishments.
13:10
SPEAKER_07: And Courtney, it's so great to finally get to talk with you and meet you in at least computer land.
13:16
SPEAKER_07: But um, so yeah, um, after college, I did a little bit of dancing, but I decided to settle down and focus more on my teaching and my choreography.
13:27
SPEAKER_07: Um I also met my husband, Shane.
13:29
SPEAKER_07: So he's a lighting designer.
13:31
SPEAKER_07: And at the time, he was kind of transitioning out of that career into more tech career.
13:36
SPEAKER_07: So then after I started teaching, I opened my dance studio in 2015.
13:41
SPEAKER_07: It was kind of one of those things I've wanted to do uh for a really long time.
13:46
SPEAKER_07: Unfortunately, my brother had passed away suddenly, uh, my twin brother.
13:51
SPEAKER_07: And it was one of those things where life just hits you and you think, well, what's my next step?
13:57
SPEAKER_07: What can I make of this horrible tragedy?
14:00
SPEAKER_07: How can I move forward from this?
14:02
SPEAKER_07: You know?
14:03
SPEAKER_07: So we decided to open the studio and it's called the Legacy Dance Studio in his honor.
14:08
SPEAKER_07: And that's something that I'm trying to work to build through my studio, and it's kind of how Osama was talking about the Legacy Dance Studio.
14:15
SPEAKER_07: We're a smaller studio.
14:17
SPEAKER_07: We have one room.
14:19
SPEAKER_07: At first, I was the primary teacher, it was a lot.
14:21
SPEAKER_07: Um and we've grown, we started at a high school dance room, we've grown from 50 dancers to up to 200 dancers now.
14:30
SPEAKER_07: And um, we have a strong recreational program.
14:32
SPEAKER_07: I do an invitation-only competitive program, which has grown from five to now 30.
14:39
SPEAKER_07: So that's a big deal for us.
14:40
SPEAKER_07: We're still small, we're not a big team.
14:43
SPEAKER_07: We focus a lot on small groups and solos and duos.
14:46
SPEAKER_07: And uh I like keeping it a little bit smaller because I there's a lot of studios as well in our tiny little town um that are a little bit bigger than us.
14:55
SPEAKER_07: And what I would consider more just larger, larger scale studios.
15:00
SPEAKER_07: They have, you know, multiple rooms, they have a lot more teachers.
15:03
SPEAKER_07: So we're a little bit smaller and um it works for us.
15:07
SPEAKER_07: And we have grown the program and I'm pretty happy with how it's going.
15:10
SPEAKER_07: So we're just kind of trying to maintain it and getting through the pandemic, and um, I'm just grateful that we're still going.
15:17
SPEAKER_07: And now it's become I have some of my former students are teaching.
15:20
SPEAKER_07: So the legacy is like actually happening.
15:23
SPEAKER_07: So I'm like so excited.
15:25
SPEAKER_07: We're in year seven.
15:26
SPEAKER_07: So yeah, so I've got kids teaching with me.
15:28
SPEAKER_07: I've got kids dancing at SeaWorld and um working on choreography and uh growing their dance careers.
15:35
SPEAKER_07: So I'm just really excited for them.
15:37
SPEAKER_07: And uh yeah, so owning the dance studio has been my dream and and I absolutely love it.
15:43
SPEAKER_07: It's my life, basically.
15:45
SPEAKER_07: So yeah.
15:46
SPEAKER_07: Awesome.
15:46
SPEAKER_08: That's awesome.
15:48
SPEAKER_08: Yes.
15:48
unknown: Yeah.
15:49
SPEAKER_04: Love it.
15:50
SPEAKER_04: Well, thank you both, Shannon and Summer, for joining us on this episode.
15:54
SPEAKER_04: Let's talk about stage moms, y'all.
16:00
SPEAKER_01: Yay! Well, this is gonna be fun.
16:02
SPEAKER_01: I'm so excited to have both of you and your unique perspectives.
16:05
SPEAKER_01: And Summer, you're very unique perspective in that you did competitively dance growing up.
16:10
SPEAKER_01: You are still in the performing arts industry.
16:12
SPEAKER_01: You know, so you just have a very interesting.
16:15
SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna I'm so excited to hear your take on everything, being also a performer and sort of knowing firsthand what your kid is going through, what they're going to go through if they choose to keep, you know, pursuing this life.
16:27
SPEAKER_01: But I guess because I would love to hear somewhere a little bit about your growing up as a competitive dancer and how was your mom.
16:35
SPEAKER_01: So let's go all the way back.
16:36
SPEAKER_01: Hello.
16:38
SPEAKER_02: Well, I am the only person in my family that is like, hey, look at me.
16:45
SPEAKER_02: I was, you know what I mean?
16:46
SPEAKER_02: I and even as a a little girl, I was, you know, I I would stand in front of the mirror and I'd watch myself, like I would cry and then smile, you know, and my yeah, is highly a lot of drama.
17:03
SPEAKER_02: And then, you know, my mom put me like in wreck dance, you know what I mean?
17:06
SPEAKER_02: Let's put this kid in dance.
17:08
SPEAKER_02: And immediately, like, the teacher came to her and she was like, Oh, summer is the one that we tell everybody else to watch.
17:14
SPEAKER_02: We kind of put her out and a little bit in front.
17:16
SPEAKER_02: She remembers the dance, you know what I mean?
17:19
SPEAKER_02: And um, and then I used to, I would take my recital costumes and I would um we had a trampoline and I would like put on a full show in a on the trampoline in my costume.
17:30
SPEAKER_02: I would pass out programs, I would make films.
17:33
SPEAKER_02: I love it.
17:34
SPEAKER_02: I I did a full routine to the whole A side of Michael Jackson's thriller album.
17:40
SPEAKER_02: I like, it was like so my mom just sort of rolled with it.
17:45
SPEAKER_02: My mom is not, she is an introvert, she's a banker, you know, she just sort of rolled with it.
17:53
SPEAKER_02: And then when I started dancing, you know, and then it became like we want to go do these competitions, we think summer would do well.
18:01
SPEAKER_02: You know, she has that it factor.
18:04
SPEAKER_02: Let's let's take her.
18:06
SPEAKER_02: And my mom would just go, okay, you know, and she just and you know, and I can remember specifically there was one day where I was throwing like a D, I was 15.
18:16
SPEAKER_02: I was doing a lyrical number to Michael Bolton's walk away.
18:20
SPEAKER_00: Yes, you were.
18:22
SPEAKER_02: So can I please see that video?
18:26
SPEAKER_02: Oh girl, I gotta it's on it's on VHS.
18:28
SPEAKER_02: I have so many of them on VHS that I have to convert.
18:31
SPEAKER_02: Convert, yeah, you know?
18:32
SPEAKER_02: And uh I she was like brushing my hair and she like and I I like ripped the hair, the hairbrush out of her hand.
18:41
SPEAKER_02: I distinctly remember this.
18:42
SPEAKER_02: And I was like, you're I was like, stop.
18:44
SPEAKER_02: I was like, you're putting and she goes, and she just like set it, she set her the pins down and she goes, then you can do it.
18:51
SPEAKER_02: And she turned around and she walked out and went out in the audience.
18:55
SPEAKER_02: And I was back in the dressing room like, oh my god, I did, you know.
19:00
SPEAKER_02: And that really stuck with me that moment.
19:04
SPEAKER_02: So I competed.
19:06
SPEAKER_02: We did star systems, we did DMA.
19:08
SPEAKER_02: I loved doing DMA.
19:10
SPEAKER_02: That was where they Gregory Hein, they brought Gregory Hines in to tap with us, and he signed my tap shoes.
19:17
SPEAKER_01: So my gosh.
19:18
SPEAKER_01: That's awesome.
19:18
SPEAKER_02: And it's funny, it's like I I have them in this place in the closet.
19:21
SPEAKER_02: They're like in a box and they're wrapped in like a velvet cloth.
19:25
SPEAKER_02: And so then I take them out and I presented them to Paige one day.
19:28
SPEAKER_02: I was like, Gregory Hines looked in my eyes and signed these tap shoes, and she's like, that's cool, I guess.
19:37
SPEAKER_02: Like, you know, yeah, she doesn't quite get it like what this legend was.
19:42
SPEAKER_02: But I guess, you know, if somebody that she was into did the same thing, she would understand.
19:46
SPEAKER_02: She's 13, who knows?
19:48
SPEAKER_02: Right.
19:48
SPEAKER_02: So that's yeah, that's like my background.
19:50
SPEAKER_02: My mom was pretty chill, you know.
19:52
SPEAKER_02: Cool.
19:52
SPEAKER_01: Interesting.
19:53
SPEAKER_01: I love I love that.
19:54
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
19:54
SPEAKER_01: Um, and so Shannon, you competed, right?
19:56
SPEAKER_07: Oh, yeah.
19:57
SPEAKER_07: Um, I didn't really we did a little bit of group competing all through Central Florida.
20:01
SPEAKER_07: We did Florida Dance Masters, we did uh Dance Olympus, I believe even Joe Rowan was my teacher at that.
20:08
SPEAKER_07: I'm sure she was.
20:10
SPEAKER_07: We did DMI with Frank Hatchett.
20:12
SPEAKER_07: I have some pictures of him.
20:13
SPEAKER_07: Yes, which was like my favorite.
20:15
SPEAKER_07: I think I got called on stage to demonstrate, and I thought I was just like something.
20:20
SPEAKER_07: I was so excited.
20:21
SPEAKER_07: You I thought I won the lottery and it was the best thing that ever happened.
20:23
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, well, and listen, listeners, listeners, I just have to point out Shannon is one of the best dancers that I know.
20:30
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
20:31
SPEAKER_01: So like the fact that she got pulled up, like, yeah, Shannon was all, I mean, Shannon's a couple years older than me, so I always looked up to her in college.
20:38
SPEAKER_01: And yeah, so it doesn't surprise me that you were called up to assist.
20:42
SPEAKER_07: Well, I was super proud of that moment, but thank you so much.
20:45
SPEAKER_07: I feel so like such a different now that I have such a teacher choreographer role, it's like that Shannon's of the past.
20:51
SPEAKER_07: Right, right, right.
20:52
SPEAKER_07: She's back there.
20:53
SPEAKER_07: So yeah, which is fine.
20:55
SPEAKER_07: She's awesome.
20:55
SPEAKER_07: She's done great back there.
20:57
SPEAKER_07: But um, but now it's so different.
20:59
SPEAKER_07: Like having, I just have such a different mindset of of where my focus is, obviously, because I'm, you know, now I'm like trying to get my kids there, right, you know, instead of me, which is probably, you know, I probably should try to do more dancing.
21:12
SPEAKER_07: But it's hard in class.
21:13
SPEAKER_07: I'm like, I can't, I'm walking around fixing things and correcting and helping, and I can't dance with them.
21:19
SPEAKER_07: I don't have time for that.
21:21
SPEAKER_07: I am busy on the floor fixing feet and all that.
21:25
SPEAKER_07: But yeah, so my mom was awesome with competing.
21:28
SPEAKER_07: Like she bring the food, she was always with the food.
21:30
SPEAKER_07: She made sure I had the food.
21:32
SPEAKER_07: She was always there.
21:33
SPEAKER_07: She would just be in the audience cheering me on.
21:35
SPEAKER_07: And, you know, whatever I placed or whatever I got, if I didn't get anything, she would just be like, Good job, just keep going.
21:40
SPEAKER_07: And I think there was a whole two years I got nothing.
21:43
SPEAKER_07: I mean, it was rough times.
21:44
SPEAKER_07: But I just kept going and I didn't really, you know, I I just remember thinking, Oh, I'm gonna just keep trying.
21:50
SPEAKER_07: I can do it.
21:52
SPEAKER_07: And um, and eventually I did really good and I would get those placements and and it it was great.
21:57
SPEAKER_07: But at that point, like I just didn't I didn't even care.
22:00
SPEAKER_07: By that time.
22:00
SPEAKER_07: It was more just like, I loved it anyway.
22:02
SPEAKER_07: I just want to be on stage.
22:03
SPEAKER_07: I want to perform.
22:04
SPEAKER_07: I want to get corrections.
22:06
SPEAKER_07: I want to get better.
22:07
SPEAKER_07: And so for me, I always looked it that way.
22:09
SPEAKER_07: And that's how I try to train my team in my studio.
22:11
SPEAKER_07: But it's hard though, because you're going to have peep parents, you're going to have kids that are very competitive.
22:16
SPEAKER_07: It's competition.
22:17
SPEAKER_07: That's what it is.
22:18
SPEAKER_07: So, you know, it's it's just finding that balance between your passion and your love and then having that competitive edge because you have to still have both.
22:27
SPEAKER_07: You can't just be like, I love it.
22:29
SPEAKER_07: It doesn't matter.
22:30
SPEAKER_07: Well, because it does, I mean, you're trying to compete and win a competition, of course.
22:34
SPEAKER_00: Like it's the ultimate goal.
22:36
SPEAKER_00: It's the ultimate goal, you know.
22:37
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
22:38
SPEAKER_01: Well, Summer, I'm curious.
22:40
SPEAKER_01: So now that you're a dance mom and your daughter is competitive, and is 13, so she's kind of in that like I can see just knowing your story about your mom and the hairbrush.
22:51
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, oh, has that happened to you yet?
22:52
SPEAKER_01: How did that feel?
22:54
SPEAKER_02: Uh yeah.
22:58
SPEAKER_02: Well, Paige is a lot more high strung than I ever was.
23:03
SPEAKER_02: And I think I personally think it is the result of how competitions are now.
23:09
SPEAKER_02: Like Shannon said, back when we competed, I know I'm I'm much older than all of you guys, but back when I competed, there was literally there was first, second, and third, and that was it.
23:19
SPEAKER_02: You got an adjudicated score, you know, you're and then, but that was it.
23:22
SPEAKER_02: And there was so much pressure not to place.
23:26
SPEAKER_02: You know what I mean?
23:27
SPEAKER_02: Because unless you were like this incredible dancer, you weren't going to place.
23:33
SPEAKER_02: And you knew that.
23:34
SPEAKER_02: And you knew it.
23:34
SPEAKER_02: You knew that while in the door.
23:36
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
23:36
SPEAKER_02: I mean, I placed, I placed a lot, but it was always a shock.
23:40
SPEAKER_02: Like it was a literal shock.
23:42
SPEAKER_02: And back and back in the day, there were no sec there were no turns in second.
23:49
SPEAKER_02: There were like there was a clean double, if anything.
23:53
SPEAKER_02: If you did an aerial, you were considered, you should be hired for cats immediately.
23:58
SPEAKER_02: Like it was like, you know what I mean?
24:00
SPEAKER_02: It was just the mindset was so different.
24:03
SPEAKER_02: It it was like it was like ballet technique and performance, but there were no there were not it's nothing like it is now.
24:14
SPEAKER_02: And so I think those expectations put on dancers now so young has lent itself to a more high-strung competitive dancer.
24:26
SPEAKER_02: And I think because we have several girls in our studio around Paige's age that are incredible.
24:33
SPEAKER_02: And Paige is constantly in her head going, These girls are my biggest competition, which I I try all the time to say, you the last time you danced is your biggest competition.
24:44
SPEAKER_02: Like, but they don't, you know, she's 13.
24:48
SPEAKER_02: So we have definitely had those hairbrush moments 100%.
24:53
SPEAKER_02: And and Paige has sensory processing disorder.
24:56
SPEAKER_02: It's gotten a lot better, but it really reached a head when she was about nine or 10.
25:02
SPEAKER_02: She could not have anything touching her skin.
25:05
SPEAKER_02: So imagine like sequins or lace on a costume or even like fishnet tights.
25:11
SPEAKER_02: It was like we would have to carve out an extra hour after doing hair and makeup to just get her into the costume.
25:19
SPEAKER_02: So it was a struggle.
25:21
SPEAKER_02: And now she's she's done therapy, she's had occupational therapy.
25:24
SPEAKER_02: They do that, like brushing on their skin and stuff to sort of and she's much better now.
25:29
SPEAKER_02: Also, too, she's more mature.
25:31
SPEAKER_02: So she can look at it and go, I've got this on for two and a half minutes.
25:35
SPEAKER_02: I'm I'm good.
25:36
SPEAKER_02: I'm good.
25:36
SPEAKER_02: I can do this.
25:37
SPEAKER_02: Um But it has we've definitely had those moments where I've said, you know what, I'm just gonna I've definitely taken her and I've given her to her choreographer or her teacher, and I've gone, it's time for you.
25:50
SPEAKER_02: I have to get out of here.
25:51
SPEAKER_02: Goodbye.
25:51
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
25:52
SPEAKER_02: And that and I think that is the sign too of a healthier stage mom that they can find that line.
25:58
SPEAKER_02: They know before it spills over.
26:01
SPEAKER_02: I've definitely had my I've definitely had moments where I am not proud of how I behaved, but you learn from that, right?
26:09
SPEAKER_02: Hope hopefully you do, you know.
26:12
SPEAKER_01: So yeah.
26:13
SPEAKER_01: Shannon, have you experienced any?
26:15
SPEAKER_01: I love summer you just used the term like a sign of a healthy stage mom.
26:19
SPEAKER_01: What are what are some signs of a healthy stage mom that you've experienced?
26:22
SPEAKER_01: Like the the best parents in your studio that you just are like, man, this lady is just doing the thing.
26:29
SPEAKER_01: She's she doesn't cause me any problems.
26:31
SPEAKER_01: Her kid is so happy because they have a good working relationship.
26:34
SPEAKER_01: Like, what are those qualities that you're really looking for in a stage mom, a good stage mom?
26:39
SPEAKER_07: Well, I think it boils down to a couple different things.
26:44
SPEAKER_07: Most parents have no dance experience.
26:47
SPEAKER_07: So I think that is something that's hard because you're coming in to this whole entire world that you know nothing about, and your kid now is competing.
26:58
SPEAKER_07: There are these rehearsals, there's all these kids everywhere, there's people everywhere, there's all this pressure all of a sudden.
27:03
SPEAKER_07: And I think that the best qualities of a parent is the willingness just to learn about it, the willingness just to take a look.
27:13
SPEAKER_07: Oh, here's the rules, here's the competition rules, let me take a look at everything.
27:17
SPEAKER_07: Let's prepare ourselves.
27:19
SPEAKER_07: Oh, here's the expectation, here's the call time, here's when I'm supposed to be here.
27:23
SPEAKER_07: Here's my checklist for all of my costumes, all of my tights.
27:28
SPEAKER_07: I'm very clear specifically for my team.
27:31
SPEAKER_07: Um we have a special app we use, so everything's updated.
27:34
SPEAKER_07: I connect with everybody, you know, we have a whole schedule.
27:38
SPEAKER_07: So I like the moms to share that with the kids, especially the younger ones, because they need mom.
27:44
SPEAKER_07: Like I can't expect my eight-year-old to not name mom, at least for like a moment in time.
27:49
SPEAKER_07: You know what I mean?
27:50
SPEAKER_07: So if that means when I was first open, I think I made the mistake of letting the mom in there a little too much because sometimes that pressure stresses them a little, you know?
27:59
SPEAKER_07: Um, so I've kind of made the rule now to where moms know no parents in the dressing room.
28:04
SPEAKER_07: Now, if you need to come, get them set up, set up their little rack so they can change, you know, all their little bags they have.
28:11
SPEAKER_07: Yeah, all their little bags.
28:12
SPEAKER_07: Um, so come get them set up and then off you go.
28:15
SPEAKER_07: Go enjoy it in the audience.
28:17
SPEAKER_07: If I need you, I will let you know.
28:19
SPEAKER_07: I promise.
28:19
SPEAKER_07: I've got my phone right here.
28:21
SPEAKER_07: If anything happened, don't worry.
28:23
SPEAKER_07: I will immediately get you.
28:25
SPEAKER_07: So that's helped, I think, because sometimes they just need coach.
28:29
SPEAKER_07: They just need a minute, they need to stretch.
28:31
SPEAKER_07: We need to just focus on what we're doing.
28:33
SPEAKER_07: We need to just do our plis.
28:34
SPEAKER_07: We need to do some tondus.
28:36
SPEAKER_07: That's what's gonna relax them.
28:37
SPEAKER_07: They know that.
28:38
SPEAKER_07: They know their plas, they know their stretches.
28:40
SPEAKER_07: So instead of fussing over them, that's kind of what I try to bring the focus toward.
28:46
SPEAKER_07: So, you know, my parents that let that happen are the best.
28:49
SPEAKER_07: And I generally have amazing parents, amazing experience with my dance parents, past and present.
28:55
SPEAKER_07: And so some other qualities, like things like say a kid forgot their tights, just figure it out for me.
29:00
SPEAKER_07: It's okay.
29:00
SPEAKER_07: I don't want to know that you don't have your tights.
29:02
SPEAKER_07: Right.
29:03
SPEAKER_07: If you have Susie's tights on, I don't care.
29:06
SPEAKER_07: You have the tights.
29:07
SPEAKER_07: I'm good.
29:07
SPEAKER_07: Or if your hair piece, I don't don't bring your hair piece to me right now.
29:11
SPEAKER_07: Go find a uh somebody to put your hairpiece in.
29:13
SPEAKER_07: Just go.
29:14
SPEAKER_07: Or things like, yeah, like where's a big girl?
29:17
SPEAKER_07: The big girls are there to help you.
29:19
SPEAKER_07: Go grab one and they'll get your hair piece in.
29:21
SPEAKER_07: Um, but the moms that are good at just noticing maybe there's a kid who's alone in the corner, send him over to the group, or maybe there's a mom upset.
29:29
SPEAKER_07: Get him away from whatever that, you know, that kind of stuff.
29:32
SPEAKER_07: Being nice to the competition directors, generally being uh just pleasant and grateful for the experience.
29:39
SPEAKER_07: And, you know, those are the qualities that I think our team has.
29:42
SPEAKER_07: We actually just got the show the special studio world sportsman, yeah, sportsmanship.
29:48
SPEAKER_07: Sportsmanship, yeah.
29:48
SPEAKER_07: We got that too just recently.
29:50
SPEAKER_07: Oh really?
29:51
SPEAKER_07: Yeah, yeah.
29:52
SPEAKER_07: But we just got it this weekend, and it's funny.
29:54
SPEAKER_07: I think it's our third year in a row getting this one.
29:56
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, it's a great achievement.
29:58
SPEAKER_07: But we actually one season we were undefeated with them every single competition.
30:02
SPEAKER_07: It was crazy.
30:03
SPEAKER_07: I didn't know why.
30:04
SPEAKER_07: I mean, I was just trying to be a nice person.
30:06
SPEAKER_07: I don't know.
30:06
SPEAKER_07: But but I think people get hectic and the parents like I don't like I see studios with parents backstage a lot, and like I said, I learned from that in my first like two years, but I think it does distract.
30:17
SPEAKER_07: Oh, yeah.
30:18
SPEAKER_07: Um and I think that, but what can you do?
30:21
SPEAKER_07: You know, every studio owner is gonna have their own rules, but I I think it just shows respect to what they're doing, the job of the people putting on the competition.
30:30
SPEAKER_07: There's enough chaos.
30:31
SPEAKER_07: Keep you know, and I want the parents to enjoy the performance.
30:34
SPEAKER_04: I think it should be a rule for the competition to not allow parents backstage.
30:37
SPEAKER_07: Yeah, like unless it's a prop cat or something, like but also safety.
30:41
SPEAKER_07: Who could just anybody's gonna be just walking around?
30:44
SPEAKER_07: Right, it should be teachers and dancers only you know, like right, and like because like we have to check in who's there, like with us.
30:50
SPEAKER_07: I usually tell them, you know, who my teachers are with me.
30:54
SPEAKER_07: So, like, what if some weird person is just walking around?
30:57
SPEAKER_07: Like, so I I think you know, it's a matter of and if you don't trust what's going on, you have to trust us that we'll take care of the kids and make sure they're safe.
31:06
SPEAKER_07: And but yeah, I I think that being a good dance parent too also takes experience.
31:11
SPEAKER_07: Like my first year parents, I always noticed it's harder for them.
31:14
SPEAKER_07: And I try to give them grace because listen, we're all human beings, I'm not perfect, no one is perfect, so we're gonna make mistakes.
31:22
SPEAKER_07: And for me, it's more communication.
31:24
SPEAKER_07: I would rather you come to me, let me know what's going on.
31:27
SPEAKER_07: If you're unhappy or upset about something, I I really want to be that uh mediator to help solve the problem.
31:34
SPEAKER_07: I mean, you know, that's the only way I can help people if they choose to make that decision to come to me.
31:40
SPEAKER_07: And sometimes they don't, and and I can't make them, but I can't help them.
31:44
SPEAKER_07: So that's what's hard, I think.
31:46
SPEAKER_07: Uh being a studio owner is is wearing so many hats.
31:50
SPEAKER_07: And and the competitive side of it for me is like a whole separate job.
31:53
SPEAKER_07: So I own my studio and then I also have my team.
31:56
SPEAKER_07: So I have I ask a lot of my parents, but it's more they have to sign this contract.
32:03
SPEAKER_07: I mean, they have big rules that they have to follow, and I have had to remove people if they don't follow them.
32:07
SPEAKER_07: Yeah, like overthrowing something.
32:09
SPEAKER_07: I'm very just boundaries like um like not calling the competition company directly or yes, or things like behaving in the audience, like working on your etiquette in the theater, um, being respectful of each other's awards at competitions.
32:27
SPEAKER_07: Yes.
32:27
SPEAKER_07: We've had a hard time with that lately, but um, but everybody does, you know?
32:33
SPEAKER_07: And so I think that um other rules I have is say you want to do an outside workshop or an outside competition.
32:41
SPEAKER_07: I like to know what that is.
32:43
SPEAKER_07: It's my studio.
32:44
SPEAKER_07: I want to know where my kids are training, not because I don't trust that it's gonna help them, but I there's some things maybe I wouldn't maybe put them in that direction.
32:53
SPEAKER_07: Maybe there's another direction I think would be better for that child.
32:56
SPEAKER_07: So I do have rules like like they can perform with their school teams, but it has to not interfere.
33:02
SPEAKER_07: Maybe there's one interference.
33:03
SPEAKER_07: We can work together.
33:04
SPEAKER_07: I'm fine with that.
33:05
SPEAKER_07: But I need to know ahead of time.
33:07
SPEAKER_07: I want them to be able to participate in school things and have fun and also enjoy their high school teams with still being able to compete at my dance studio.
33:17
SPEAKER_07: So I have a pretty good relationship in that sense.
33:20
SPEAKER_07: But yeah, I I think it's also the rules I had.
33:23
SPEAKER_07: What else was it?
33:24
SPEAKER_07: I had one where we had students getting evaluated behind my back because they were unhappy about X amount of things.
33:31
SPEAKER_07: So I had to reach out and just say, Hey, what's going on?
33:34
SPEAKER_07: You know, are you unhappy?
33:36
SPEAKER_07: And um, and that kind of turned into a new rule.
33:39
SPEAKER_07: Like, you know.
33:42
SPEAKER_08: Students were getting evaluated by a parent?
33:44
SPEAKER_08: No, but my competitors.
33:46
SPEAKER_08: Oh.
33:47
SPEAKER_01: Like they went to another studio to like just get to see where they would replace.
33:53
SPEAKER_04: That they were taking their kids.
33:55
SPEAKER_04: So how did you find out about that?
33:56
SPEAKER_07: Oh another just another person told me, another friend.
34:01
SPEAKER_07: And they heard about it from because I have tons, well, actually, a studio is really small, but I have a lot of friends.
34:06
SPEAKER_07: So someone just reached out and told me, you know, and it was it was a hard, I was like, what do you mean?
34:10
SPEAKER_07: What's going on?
34:11
SPEAKER_07: I was so confused because I've never even thought anything like that, you know?
34:15
SPEAKER_07: And so I just reached out and talked to them, and and I had to make a new rule because I felt like if you're having those kind of thoughts, you're uncomfortable, then you need to come talk to me about it.
34:28
SPEAKER_07: And also, I need people on my team that are 100% on my team because that's not fair to the people that are fully committed.
34:35
SPEAKER_07: And we're trying to work together towards something.
34:37
SPEAKER_07: So I really need everyone to have a full 100% commitment.
34:41
SPEAKER_07: So that was my biggest concern is well, I can't have people uncommitted.
34:46
SPEAKER_07: That's not fair.
34:47
SPEAKER_07: So then I had to make a new rule about that in our handbook, and then I also have like behavioral contracts and things like that.
34:54
SPEAKER_07: So there'll be team consequences, or I've had, you know, pulled events.
34:58
SPEAKER_07: I actually had my younger group in ballet class, they were having some just disruptive behavior a couple of weeks in a row.
35:04
SPEAKER_07: So we took away a performance.
35:06
SPEAKER_07: Um, things like that.
35:07
SPEAKER_07: Like, so I have set rules because over the years I've had to create them because otherwise I feel like there's not enough structure for them to understand this is a big commitment for you.
35:19
SPEAKER_07: So having that commitment, you have to follow this, this, and this rule.
35:23
SPEAKER_07: But also, I can't stop them.
35:25
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
35:26
SPEAKER_07: Either.
35:27
SPEAKER_07: But there are conversations.
35:28
SPEAKER_07: No, I just like for them to know.
35:30
SPEAKER_04: People need to know that they're not.
35:31
SPEAKER_07: I just like for them to follow it.
35:32
SPEAKER_07: Exactly.
35:33
SPEAKER_07: And and and it's all said and done, then you know, you have to believe in those rules too.
35:40
SPEAKER_07: We all have to.
35:41
SPEAKER_07: We all have to work on them together as a team, parents, kids, and myself.
35:45
SPEAKER_07: Even me.
35:46
SPEAKER_07: I'm have to hold myself accountable as well as the leader, as the team leader of the coach, you know, which is hard too.
35:53
SPEAKER_02: It's very hard.
35:53
SPEAKER_02: Well, you you know you mentioned something though, like uh one I think one part about being a very like a a healthy stage mom, dance mom, etc., is communication with the studio owner.
36:06
SPEAKER_02: 100% there the the the there is a lot of that shadiness going behind the the studio owner's back when they're not happy.
36:16
SPEAKER_02: So for me, if I'm not happy, I'm going to go to my studio owner and I'm going to say, This is X.
36:24
SPEAKER_02: Can we talk about this?
36:25
SPEAKER_02: Oh, totally.
36:26
SPEAKER_02: Um I think I think more dance parents should do that.
36:30
SPEAKER_02: I think a lot of dance parents like they will hold kind of resentment maybe and be like, well, this is not you know, or they'll assume that something will never change or whatever.
36:41
SPEAKER_02: So then they they do things, you know, maybe not in the correct way.
36:46
SPEAKER_02: And then what sort of example are you setting for your kids?
36:48
SPEAKER_02: That's what I'm you know what I mean?
36:50
SPEAKER_02: That's what I think about.
36:52
SPEAKER_04: I think it's important for dance parents to they have to trust the teachers, they have to trust them.
37:00
SPEAKER_07: I think there's so much and that's what I ultimately said.
37:03
SPEAKER_07: I said, You have to trust me.
37:04
SPEAKER_07: I was like, that's all I can say.
37:05
SPEAKER_07: It's okay if you don't.
37:07
SPEAKER_07: Like, I can't do anything more for to you for you to to do that.
37:11
SPEAKER_07: But that's all it came down to.
37:13
SPEAKER_07: And I and I wasn't I'm the kind of studio owner and teacher.
37:17
SPEAKER_07: Like, I love my dancers.
37:18
SPEAKER_07: I want what's best for them.
37:19
SPEAKER_07: But if they're not happy at my studio, that's okay.
37:22
SPEAKER_07: I mean, it makes me sad.
37:24
SPEAKER_07: But I want you to be happy.
37:25
SPEAKER_07: I want you to keep dancing.
37:27
SPEAKER_07: So, you know, making these types of moves it is is just you know, you just need to come to the studio owner.
37:34
SPEAKER_07: I've had others come and say, Hey, listen, we're gonna move forward, we're gonna audition for this ballet direction, this and that.
37:39
SPEAKER_07: And I'm like, great, go for it.
37:40
SPEAKER_07: Like, I'm so proud of them.
37:41
SPEAKER_07: I have one who's doing amazing now as an apprentice, you know, and so it's like I want these kids the best for them.
37:48
SPEAKER_07: And I I think it parents do too.
37:52
SPEAKER_07: Like we both do.
37:53
SPEAKER_07: So it's like the communication bridge.
37:55
SPEAKER_07: It's just that little gap of like, I'm okay with you telling me that you're not happy about something because I want to get better too.
38:02
SPEAKER_07: I want to be a better teacher, I want to be a better studio owner.
38:05
SPEAKER_04: Another thing that you mentioned, Shannon, that you talked on briefly and it cut goes hand in hand with the communication is the you know, going to other workshops outside of the studio, which obviously we're like as teachers, we're excited that your dancer wants to dance more than they already are.
38:23
SPEAKER_04: But it is important for a for a parent to understand there is still a chain of command that you have to follow.
38:31
SPEAKER_04: And just because it might say that parents can register, you are not the professional.
38:36
SPEAKER_04: You might this might look like glitz and glam amazingness, you see it on social media.
38:41
SPEAKER_04: Oh my gosh.
38:42
SPEAKER_04: You don't know who's running that event.
38:44
SPEAKER_04: You don't know if they have a good reputation, you don't know if these teachers are qualified, like you're not the professional.
38:50
SPEAKER_04: So if you want to create these opportunities for your dancers, which is great, and we're excited that you do, you still have to present that to your studio and say, Listen, I'm interested in this.
39:01
SPEAKER_04: What do you think?
39:02
SPEAKER_04: Should my dancer go here?
39:04
SPEAKER_04: And your teacher will guide you in the right direction.
39:06
SPEAKER_04: You shouldn't overstep your boundary just because you it's your child and you're the dance mom.
39:12
SPEAKER_04: You know, the chain of command is a good thing.
39:13
SPEAKER_02: It's just respecting.
39:14
SPEAKER_02: Totally.
39:15
SPEAKER_02: It's just respecting the studio owner as a professional in this industry, as someone who understands dance, someone who looks at your child and says, I know exactly where they should be.
39:27
SPEAKER_02: It's just it's respect.
39:28
SPEAKER_02: It is respect for that person.
39:30
SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
39:30
SPEAKER_04: You know, absolutely totally agree.
39:35
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41:11
SPEAKER_07: That was number one on my list.
41:13
SPEAKER_07: Was the qualities that are most supportive and helpful was trust and respect.
41:16
SPEAKER_07: And that goes both ways.
41:18
SPEAKER_07: It's it's a partnership.
41:20
SPEAKER_07: You know, some of these dancers that I've been working with since they're three years old and 16, you know, that's a long time.
41:26
SPEAKER_07: And you know, I'm I'm not just at this point, it's not just dance.
41:31
SPEAKER_07: I mean, we're like close.
41:32
SPEAKER_07: Right.
41:33
SPEAKER_07: It's like they're I've seen them grow from little itty biddies to these beautiful young ladies.
41:38
SPEAKER_07: And um it's and it's also but having that, it also makes it hard because you have to have boundaries as a business owner, as a studio owner.
41:48
SPEAKER_07: The just the boundaries, simple boundaries of okay, today is my day off, or I'm taking this time on Thanksgiving break, or things like that.
41:57
SPEAKER_01: Well, and that's I was gonna actually ask you, Shannon, and then summer, I want I would like to know what your studio does in terms of this because I you hear so many times, and my mom included, people, people trying to text message you at 10 o'clock at night and expect an answer.
42:11
SPEAKER_01: And people trying to email you or Facebook message you about something like the channels of communication, because I think everybody is so, you know, like I Courtney Courtney will answer a text message and literally anywhere at any time for anybody.
42:24
SPEAKER_01: Like Courtney's always available, but like you should probably create some more boundaries in terms of communication.
42:30
SPEAKER_01: But like, do you I know I'm working on it?
42:32
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, Shannon, do you have like what like what are the things that you do not allow in terms of in terms of communication?
42:36
SPEAKER_01: Like, are you a don't text me, only email me kind of person?
42:40
SPEAKER_07: I mean, they can text, email me, message me anytime.
42:43
SPEAKER_07: I just may or may not respond to it.
42:45
unknown: Right.
42:45
SPEAKER_07: Um, you know, like sometimes I'm just relaxing and I'll have a minute.
42:50
SPEAKER_07: Right.
42:50
SPEAKER_07: Other times I may be in bed, but generally I'll try to text and respond to things during the day.
42:56
SPEAKER_07: Right.
42:56
SPEAKER_07: Business hours.
42:57
SPEAKER_07: But like say be get home from competition and dance mom texts me a cute picture and I'm chatting with her for two minutes.
43:02
SPEAKER_07: Like, I'll do yeah, that's fine.
43:03
SPEAKER_07: And I think sometimes though people literally will text me at 11 o'clock, not because they're trying to be disrespectful, but I really think they just will forget.
43:11
SPEAKER_07: Like it's 11 and realize what time it is, and they're like, And they don't even realize it.
43:16
SPEAKER_07: You know, so so I'll generally like, but my phone's set up to like a do not disturb hours.
43:21
SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
43:21
SPEAKER_07: So it works for me.
43:22
SPEAKER_07: And people know, like, I'm pretty good about like I'll get right back to them the next morning.
43:26
SPEAKER_07: I mean, it doesn't bother me.
43:28
SPEAKER_07: I I'll respond either way.
43:30
SPEAKER_07: I mean, whatever way works.
43:31
SPEAKER_07: I mean, honestly, but I always try to remember uh they are my clients, it is a business, and I want to be good customer service for them.
43:39
SPEAKER_07: So that's something I think about too, you know.
43:41
SPEAKER_02: So for me at my studio, there is a it's an interesting, another little interesting layer is the studio owner is actually a person I worked with at Universal.
43:54
SPEAKER_02: We did, we did uh a show together.
43:56
SPEAKER_02: When my daughter, when Paige started going to the studio, it was owned by some.
44:00
SPEAKER_02: somebody else.
44:01
SPEAKER_02: She actually took over the studio and purchased it about five, I think it's been five, six years ago.
44:07
SPEAKER_02: So it's interesting because she and I are friends.
44:11
SPEAKER_02: We're friends outside of the studio.
44:13
SPEAKER_02: We have to it's it's it's weird because in the interest of not acting like she's playing favorites, I feel like she's been a little tougher on Paige.
44:25
SPEAKER_02: Does that make sense?
44:26
SPEAKER_02: But not in a bad way.
44:28
SPEAKER_02: Not a bad way at all.
44:29
SPEAKER_02: And then I I have to sometimes remember like during the day, she and I we will text as friends, but we don't talk really a lot about anything dance.
44:40
SPEAKER_02: The only time I really talk to her about anything dance is during dance studio hours.
44:45
SPEAKER_02: Does that make sense?
44:46
SPEAKER_02: When I know she's at the studio.
44:49
SPEAKER_02: Right.
44:50
SPEAKER_02: So then I can say hey by the way did you charge my card for X or hey by the way at this and whatever.
44:57
SPEAKER_02: So it I it is something I have to be cognizant about to not put her in a bad position.
45:03
SPEAKER_02: Does that make sense?
45:04
SPEAKER_02: Because I love her dearly as a friend and I respect her greatly as a studio owner, you know?
45:11
SPEAKER_02: So I would never want to put her in a position where other parents are like well Paige gets this or whatever.
45:18
SPEAKER_02: But I it it's not so much like that anymore.
45:20
SPEAKER_02: Everybody knows whatever Paige gets she earns on her own merit.
45:24
SPEAKER_02: So yeah but I just try to make sure that line is there because I do know a lot of parents I'm not saying anybody at our studio specifically but just in general a lot of dance parents do not believe the studio owners should be friends with dance moms outside of the studio.
45:42
SPEAKER_02: I've seen threads about it on Facebook boards.
45:46
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
45:47
SPEAKER_02: So I try to be cognizant of that.
45:49
SPEAKER_01: Right.
45:49
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
45:50
SPEAKER_01: Yeah and that makes sense I mean to to like you said try to keep the boundaries as as clear as possible.
45:55
SPEAKER_01: Right.
45:56
SPEAKER_01: Because the I mean dance moms are hardcore about favoritism.
45:59
SPEAKER_01: You know like any any inkling of favoritism people are over the over the moon.
46:04
SPEAKER_07: Well it's hard though because um you know you end up getting closer with certain people.
46:09
SPEAKER_07: Maybe you just talk to you or just see them more or you just click more or whatever it is.
46:15
SPEAKER_07: So you know I try to make an effort as far as um that goes with trying to spend time talking with a all a lot of them, you know, at dance competitions I'll make sure I'm just kind of visiting with different parents and spending time maybe sitting with this parent or most of the time I'll end up being alone because I always run from backstage to see it from the front and then I run backstage.
46:38
SPEAKER_07: But um I have my Nikes on I'm like I gotta go.
46:40
SPEAKER_07: But um so but for me yeah there's definitely boundaries but honestly I don't really spend a lot of personal time with anyone from my dance studio.
46:51
SPEAKER_07: It's mainly just focused around dance.
46:52
SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
46:53
SPEAKER_07: But it works like we're all very close and we enjoy our time together at competitions and you know sometimes we'll do events together or charity things for the kids dancing or when we do our um local nutcracker together and so we all really enjoy that time.
47:07
SPEAKER_04: But honestly my personal downtime I spend mostly with just my family and my husband and which isn't really a lot of very minimal time so something that I want to mention as far as that like favoritism or things like that.
47:22
SPEAKER_04: I feel like that we all know these people and we all have either been in that position of power running a business or being on the other side of it where you feel like you might have to like schmooze and kiss kiss somebody's booty a little bit to get what you want, you know?
47:40
SPEAKER_04: And like everybody has different personalities when it comes to that.
47:43
SPEAKER_04: So there might be many dance parents out there that'll be like well if I schmooze with the studio owner then my dancer will get front center in the lyrical dance.
47:51
SPEAKER_04: You know things like that where some studio owners might like that attention based on I don't I'm so glad I mean I've definitely I've definitely have seen it I've definitely I know it ex I know it happens.
48:05
SPEAKER_04: I and then there might be other studio owners that are like please do not schmooze with me.
48:10
SPEAKER_04: Like I see right through you you are annoying ple like you know what I mean?
48:15
SPEAKER_04: And it it's that fine line where I think and even you know I've felt that as a professional dancer you know people schmoozing to the choreographers and then it leading to more things.
48:28
SPEAKER_04: You know what I mean?
48:28
SPEAKER_04: So like I'm sure dance parents also might eve might think that's necessary or feel that pressure or see others doing it and then well oh well they schmoozed so I need to schmooze if I want my kid to be successful.
48:40
SPEAKER_04: And I don't you know I I just want to say that it do it might not always work in your favor and it's also not necessary and just do you and don't worry about you know that aspect of it.
48:52
SPEAKER_01: Well it's a game if you want your kid to be front and center sign them up for more ballet classes.
48:57
SPEAKER_01: Like that's that's the schmoozing you should do.
49:00
SPEAKER_02: Like it's don't every kid that competes should spend time in the back.
49:08
SPEAKER_04: Oh yeah.
49:09
SPEAKER_02: They should spend time in the third fourth fifth whatever row that is where they learn that it is not always about them.
49:18
SPEAKER_02: Right.
49:19
SPEAKER_02: Especially in a group dance absolutely you know you know and that Paige had a year where it was a little tough to swallow.
49:29
SPEAKER_02: She had been put in a a teen group when she was young and she was like she would come in and get in the car and go, I don't have any special parts you know and I was like yeah I know it's bad right sucks right oh well I was like I said guess what you're 11 and there's seniors in that exactly it's an achievement in itself that you're in that dance.
49:56
SPEAKER_02: Yes I said you can be in the back and you're doing your thing and you better shine like you were center stage.
50:02
SPEAKER_02: Right because that is how you add to the group you're you are a bunch of people as one it is not one person.
50:12
SPEAKER_02: Right.
50:12
SPEAKER_02: And I was like and the people that get those special parts they're picked because of a certain thing that they brought to that dance that the choreographer felt they needed to see and I said and it's not always about you and and that's one thing I think that my background has like really helped me with her but I will say you know lately it has been she's definitely had these days where she says I just need you to be a mom and not my dancing mom like a performer mom.
50:44
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
50:44
SPEAKER_02: Right because she she gets a little oppressed when she's not like on her best.
50:52
SPEAKER_02: She doesn't want to show me anything because she feels like she should be churning out like excellent material every single day.
51:02
SPEAKER_02: And so I have to really be cognizant and just go, you looked great.
51:07
SPEAKER_02: You know like it was great.
51:09
SPEAKER_02: Whereas inside I'm like all right well there's a few things we could change.
51:14
SPEAKER_02: I'd love to fix this, but that is not my place.
51:18
SPEAKER_02: And that's one thing I've really had to learn.
51:21
SPEAKER_04: And that's hard because you do know if it's right or wrong.
51:23
SPEAKER_04: Because you know you whereas most parents don't most parents don't know if it's right or wrong.
51:28
SPEAKER_04: They might see their kid get off stage deflated and the kids knows it wasn't their best but the parents like I don't know it looked good to me.
51:36
SPEAKER_02: I thought it was so we just had an interesting moment at the our our first competition of the season was last month and Paige has two solos.
51:45
SPEAKER_02: She has a contemporary and she has a musical theater and her musical theater um her choreographer she's been with that choreographer for five years and she is classic jazz.
51:55
SPEAKER_02: I love it.
51:56
SPEAKER_02: Okay and it's an incredible style that looks wonderful on Paige's body but it is very difficult.
52:04
SPEAKER_02: And she has made this she has made this dance she's like you are an advanced dancer there is and you're 13 years old there's no reason why you cannot do these skills that I have put in this dance you know so her her contemporary piece is she connects to it really well because it's highly emotional and that is Paige.
52:23
SPEAKER_02: So she goes out and she competes contemporary and it's literally the best I've ever seen it.
52:28
SPEAKER_02: It's so good.
52:29
SPEAKER_02: Right everybody's like great great great she comes out for musical theater and she she falls off her leg at in one turn and then she just goes I'm done I'm done you can see it in her face you can see it in her body she just goes she goes not even worth it yeah yes and her choreographer and I looked at each other and I was like and she goes let me she goes let me let me deal let me do she goes you go out there and I had to literally like scream in a pillow yeah like because I was so mad it I just there's nothing I can't stand more when somebody gives up like you slip and fall out of an aerial you're not on your leg you whatever you just keep going wait did she completely stop and like leave it.
53:20
SPEAKER_02: No she just like she was what I'm she was like fierce fierce fierce fierce fall off my leg done robot robot robot robot you know what I mean that's even worse than running off and so here's the thing she won first with her contemporary she won first overall and then like her adjudication for musical theater was like low she's not used to getting that sort of adjudication and I looked at her and I said you better be grateful you got that.
53:50
SPEAKER_02: Right and then I and then sometimes I feel my mom is like oh you're so hard on her I'm like I'm not hard on her I just need her to understand you can't do that.
54:01
SPEAKER_04: I don't care if she falls or slips or whatever but you just you keep performing like it is their gift that you're like you are giving them the gift of your performance like you know it's hard for kids to kind of wrap their head around that when it they are such perfectionists in their head you know and comparing themselves to others and then already knowing right feeling defeated from the beginning yeah totally bombed that yeah right the first like 32 counts of the dance like you still have a minute left and redeem yourself but it's hard to mentally get into that moment right away.
54:36
SPEAKER_02: And and I am so glad the judges scored her appropriately and and they even said in the critiques they were like what happened to the dancer we saw an hour ago like right you know and I am so grateful.
54:50
SPEAKER_02: So judges if you guys are listening continue to do that because these kids they need to hear that they do learning experience especially kids especially kids that want to do this for a living like Paige wants to dance like that is her goal she wants to dance on Broadway.
55:06
SPEAKER_02: She wants you know she she wants to dance so she needs to hear the truth right you know that's that's a good especially for her being so young first of all thank you for allowing her to have two contrasting genres on stage so like love that first of all well I listen to the podcast and I I listen to the podcast and I and I remember the episode where you guys are talking about like kids coming out and they're like a lyrical contemporary you know or they're doing like jazz musical theater open and I'm like yeah so I want them to be able because she does go to she takes everything.
55:43
SPEAKER_04: So she is supposed to be a well-rounded dancer so she needs to display that yeah I think but it's great that she's getting challenged in that musical theater routine in a different way in a different mindset that she can go out there in her contemporary and just kind of like and just live in that moment emotionally and technically and then have to like switch gears and have that musical theater be the challenge this year.
56:09
SPEAKER_04: And like that's yeah it will progress and get better throughout the season but I think that that's a great learning lesson for her to know not to check out not to give up because let's put that into an example of if it was a group routine would you check out for your team like just because you're on stage for by yourself doesn't mean that you're allowed to check out either like you still have to commit and perform all the way till the end regardless of how that turn went regardless if you fell on your face I saw a dancer this weekend do a switch arabesque everybody knows like the Maddie Ziggler jump.
56:39
SPEAKER_04: She had the most elevation it was absolutely beautiful and then she sh face planted on her face.
56:47
SPEAKER_04: So like the you know the foot that she was like going to land it slipped it like slipped under yeah she was so high and so low so fast and I didn't mean it all of us were like jolted but that girl didn't miss a beat and she performed all the way till the end and luckily her dance was only had like 20 seconds left.
57:05
SPEAKER_03: And like at the end I was like girl you go cry it out right now like absolutely yes you did that and I'm so proud of you like go cry it off off stage you deserve it because that's the most scary feeling ever and you don't know what's gonna happen on stage.
57:19
SPEAKER_02: Can I please tell you guys last year at Nationals there is a girl that was dancing and she was doing Don't Ran on my parade she was from a completely different studio and she ate it she ate it she was doing something she ate it she fell she got right back up and she kept going and she was and even more fierce than before.
57:39
SPEAKER_02: Like she was just like yes yes right this was the fuel I needed and she left and I and I went around there and she's crying and I I was like can I please hug you I'm a strange woman right exact but I was like I'm so proud of you like I'm so proud of you inspiring because it is I know professionals in this business who don't act like that.
58:03
SPEAKER_02: You know what I mean?
58:04
SPEAKER_02: So when I see a kid like rise to the challenge like that I I just go wow and then I and then I try not to harp on it as a stage mom.
58:14
SPEAKER_02: I try not to say like check this kid out how good they were right you know so I try to just be super chill and that's why like this year with that solo I'm trying to be super chill about it.
58:25
SPEAKER_02: I casually will say how was rehearsal today she was like it's good and then I go okay great and then I text your choreographer later I'm like how do I go?
58:35
SPEAKER_01: Give me the real scoop so you you've just brought up something I was really hoping that we could get to is sort of like a checklist of do's and do nots.
58:46
SPEAKER_01: So do not overly press your child for information after rehearsal if you know that they're stressed.
58:50
SPEAKER_01: Right.
58:51
SPEAKER_01: Do just ask a chill question and be fine with the answer.
58:54
SPEAKER_01: Like what else can we as a stage mom what are some healthy stage mom things and not so healthy stage mom things is competing and they're doing their solo.
59:02
SPEAKER_07: Say they get out there and maybe it's just not their best run.
59:06
SPEAKER_07: Just wasn't on like on their leg, just like pay um Summer was talking about um not on their leg, fell a turn, whatever making sure that the parent just don't even address it at that time 99.9% of the time the dancer knows she knows exactly he or she or they know exactly what they messed up.
59:25
SPEAKER_07: So we can go back to the studio and talk about that.
59:28
SPEAKER_07: And if there's a situation where maybe they weren't focused or maybe they weren't preparing themselves properly we can come back to the studio and talk about that too.
59:36
SPEAKER_07: But the day and time of competition isn't necess the right time.
59:40
SPEAKER_07: And I think that's something to address too is just in general competition day is such a stressful day to begin with.
59:47
SPEAKER_07: So the goal just has to be getting the kids on and off the stage successfully and that's the goal.
59:54
SPEAKER_07: I mean that's the goal.
59:55
SPEAKER_07: Yes you know so other things can't be addressed in the middle of all that you know even if their solo isn't the best I'm so sorry that's I feel bad.
1:00:03
SPEAKER_02: Hey you know what push through you can do it it's okay next time there's always next time yeah yeah well and now it's done what are you gonna do you can't you can't pull that information and then what nothing go home like that's exactly what I said you know to her and Paige is because she's a little like OCD about that like she knew the minute she came off stage it was like not her best right but then she kept like going well how was it how was it how was it and I finally was like listen do you want me to be honest with you you know do you want me to be honest and she was like yes and I said okay it was not your best I said it was not your best I said but what can you do now?
1:00:44
SPEAKER_02: There's absolutely zero what you have to do now is put on your next costume and continue on and go in your brain this will not happen again.
1:00:54
SPEAKER_02: And I and I we're competing this weekend she's competing this weekend and I think she is in a completely different headspace I've not talked to her a lot about it because I don't want to make her nervous but but I'm pretty sure she's in a different mind space.
1:01:10
SPEAKER_02: I would say another part of your checklist dance moms.
1:01:15
SPEAKER_02: This is to you everyone when your kid is old enough that you feel they can successfully navigate being at the studio by themselves drop them off and come pick them up you don't need to hang out this was something I learned something I learned as my child as Paige was in dance a lot can happen when you're just hanging out at the studio and none of it all good weird clicks weird dance mom clicks can form and then resentments happen.
1:01:48
SPEAKER_02: Your kid gets used to seeing you standing there in the window or whatever and they become like distracted or just there's so much just when they're old enough that you know they can go in class, use the bathroom by themselves, whatever just drop them off and go get a mani petty or stars or sit in your car I sometimes I'll sit in my car if I know she's only gonna be there for an hour or so I'll sit in my car.
1:02:14
SPEAKER_02: But it's like they having the moms there I know some t some moms will think my kid needs me but much like Shannon was saying if you give the kid the opportunity to rise to to become more mature to have that space they absolutely will.
1:02:32
SPEAKER_02: And I think it adds a layer to them being self-sufficient.
1:02:37
SPEAKER_02: And then I think it also helps them in class because they're able to they'll take critiques a little bit better because they know that there's no one there watching them do what they just said.
1:02:47
SPEAKER_02: You know you know what I mean?
1:02:49
SPEAKER_04: Yes I couldn't agree with that more I I I don't think that there should be windows in classrooms.
1:02:54
SPEAKER_04: I I think that we could do a camera situation in studios and like we are in 2022, y'all.
1:03:01
SPEAKER_04: It is time to start using technology.
1:03:03
SPEAKER_04: If we are podcasting from multiple states right now, you can put a little tiny$10 Amazon blink camera in your studio and the parents can watch from home if you really want to see what's going on in the space.
1:03:15
SPEAKER_04: But to have the distraction of a parent at the window is is so it's too much for the kids and it's pressure.
1:03:22
SPEAKER_07: And we ended up having the lobby shut and now I'm kind of calling it it's more of a dancer locker room because the kids are out there.
1:03:29
SPEAKER_07: So now I have enough space.
1:03:30
SPEAKER_07: I have a smaller studio so we have space for the kids they all have their own little area and then I do do a live stream that's password they can watch on their phone from home if they want to nine times out of ten they don't but that's okay.
1:03:43
SPEAKER_07: It's there if they want to I've found that that's actually been the best change for the studios especially for the kids.
1:03:51
SPEAKER_07: And even for myself teaching you know I'm really I'm trying to focus on them.
1:03:56
SPEAKER_07: I'm trying to make sure I'm you know giving the right messages for my teaching explaining things correctly helping fix things.
1:04:02
SPEAKER_07: Asking why the kids crying in the bathroom making sure I'm cleaning up someone's whatever.
1:04:06
SPEAKER_04: You know there's just so much going on that it helps keep the focus on the one thing that's the most important the kids you know right another thing I want to mention for the do not do checklist of a stage mom is to rehearse your dancer.
1:04:23
SPEAKER_04: Like you as a a stage mom, a dance mom rehearse your dancer.
1:04:28
SPEAKER_04: So you are not the professional again you are not the professional you are not the teacher you are not the choreographer you don't know what the dance is you don't know how to give corrections.
1:04:37
SPEAKER_04: It's not your place and while yes we want all of our dancers to practice at home that's all you can say like that's you you can you can be the parent and say did you do your homework did you watch your dance did you practice your solo critiques did you listen yeah did you watch your critique of course right you can say those things but you don't have to hover and you don't have to drill and I've seen way too many times dance parents at competitions pressing play on their phone and running through their dance with their soloists and it's like that's not your moment that's the teacher's moment to do and it's also your dancer's responsibility like yes there are some dancers that are gonna need that push to you know hey oh you oh you didn't practice yet do you want me to press play but like I've seen dance parents like also like if you're not old enough to alone do you need a solo I mean I don't with you on that's how I'm with you on that like I feel like even if they're nine ten my nine or ten if they have a solo they have to be old enough to practice and know and have their stuff and I'll help them but they can do it.
1:05:37
SPEAKER_04: Or they I mean how are they gonna get on stage to do it if they can't do it backstage you know so yeah 100% I've definitely seen that before and I it really boils my blood a little bit because it's not the it's not the parents' place to be the rehearsal director.
1:05:54
SPEAKER_02: I would just I would just tell Paige when she was younger nowadays I don't worry about it so much but when she was younger she she actually her for solo when she was eight and I would just put I would give her the phone with the video on it and I would say I would say go downstairs and just sort of run through it while you watched it.
1:06:10
SPEAKER_02: Yeah I I even just said just you take it you go downstairs because Paige does not want me watching her thing like that study study the corrections.
1:06:22
SPEAKER_04: Yeah but I've even seen like and I'm sorry to call out all the parents right now but like I've seen on some of the forums like parents asking like how can I help my dancer get their aerial or how can I help improve this for my dancer and like you know asking for dance training advice from a parent and ask and then also asking that from other parents who don't know.
1:06:47
SPEAKER_04: And I'm like okay you're not you're not helping your dancer by asking this you're actually hurting them because none of these people are professionals that you're asking for advice.
1:06:55
SPEAKER_04: So leave it up to the people that you are paying the money for which is your studio your dance teachers if you need to get extra training for flexibility or this or that there are great services everywhere on the internet.
1:07:06
SPEAKER_04: But again make sure you do the chain of command ask your studio oh what do you think about this program?
1:07:12
SPEAKER_04: Do you think that this move method looks great for enhancing my dancers flexibility the teacher will say yes or no you know because you could be doing more harm than good when you think oh I found this on the internet well it might be like disastrous.
1:07:28
SPEAKER_01: There's a ton of stuff out there and it does clearly like clearly in summer you can attest to this mom.
1:07:34
SPEAKER_01: It comes from a place of love you just want to help your kid like we get it but but like sort of just how I mean I always use the analogy of like math because I'm wretched at math.
1:07:44
SPEAKER_01: Listen I don't know anything about it.
1:07:46
SPEAKER_01: I'm hiring a tutor the kid who needs to do more than addition and subtraction here's a tutor because I don't know.
1:07:52
SPEAKER_01: I'm not even going to ask a question.
1:07:53
SPEAKER_01: I'm hiring a professional to do the job because I don't know.
1:07:57
SPEAKER_01: If you don't know the difference between you know a Tondu and a degage hire a professional you can't help your child like I love you and I love your heart and I love your desire to do the best thing that there is to do but the best thing there is to do is to trust the process trust the professionals and and do your research like you said Courtney and because there are there are professional wonderful remote programs out there for flexibility for for all kinds of training that are that are legit that we've advertised on this podcast because we stand behind them.
1:08:25
SPEAKER_01: You know, so that they're out there you just have to do the research and be willing to find them.
1:08:29
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:08:30
SPEAKER_02: Also too though I think sometimes some dance parents have a hard time admitting to themselves too though that their child may not have the natural facilities that other kids that they see on Instagram or whatever have.
1:08:46
SPEAKER_02: And Paige has many gifts but a flexible back is not one of them.
1:08:51
SPEAKER_02: And that's okay she it is she just knows she has to work twice as hard if she wants to have that extra back flexibility that she has to put in the work exactly all the time to retain it.
1:09:07
SPEAKER_02: No, she's a turner that is her gift.
1:09:10
SPEAKER_02: She's also a natural performer but her back like a lot of the critique she always gets is put more of your back in your movements you know what I mean to really go through the body and so that is something she has to and I realize as a parent she doesn't have that naturally whereas some kids can touch their heads to their ankles like it's like this is what I do guys you know and it's so amazing.
1:09:37
SPEAKER_02: But so it is hard sometimes I think dance parents might need to be a little bit more realistic about what their kids possess and really focus on the incredible things they're doing lift up the things they're working on.
1:09:50
SPEAKER_07: Harp in on what they can't because a lot of it's anatomical you know and that's okay like you know there's some things but some people just their bodies it's not safe or they shouldn't be doing but there's so many things on the other side that they can do.
1:10:04
SPEAKER_02: So we can focus on that part you know and I and I will say to any dance parent that is like questioning more ballet or extra technique please get it do a lot because my daughter has has does not have a natural turnout but because she's been taking so much ballet so much extra technique out she has something now you know right amount yeah yes any judge any choreographer would look at her and go this kid has had training she has she we also love that comment keep your back up keep doing it yeah I do want to throw in one thing before we wrap up that's another like do not do not do as a stage mom.
1:10:48
SPEAKER_04: And it kind of goes hand in hand with some of the other things that we've mentioned as far as trusting our teachers but as a parent sometimes especially with what what was just mentioned social media and comparing your dancer to other dancers and what their skills are versus another dancer.
1:11:04
SPEAKER_04: But I just want to reiterate to all the dance parents out there that just because you see a dance that has a ton of tricks win doesn't mean that that your dancer needs a ton of tricks to win.
1:11:13
SPEAKER_04: That it doesn't I know you're probably like but I don't understand it won so that's what my dancer needs.
1:11:20
SPEAKER_04: No, it doesn't we need to be showing off your dancers strengths not what they can't do.
1:11:26
SPEAKER_04: And I think that the reason we see so many tricks on stage that dancers aren't ready for is the pressure from parents telling teachers they need an aerial they need turns in second or they're not going to succeed and then the teachers feel like as a business owner and to please their client I need to put this in my dance my the solo for this this daughter even though I know as the professional they're not ready for it and I know as the professional the judges are going to complain but I'm gonna please the customer so again like it's this huge it's this vicious circle.
1:11:57
SPEAKER_04: So if you're wondering why your dancer is not scoring the way they they are take a step back and look at their dance.
1:12:04
SPEAKER_04: Did you as a dance parent pressure your teacher to put any skills in this dance that do not belong that's that's the number one question that I want to ask because I know it's happening and that never happened growing up in my studio.
1:12:17
SPEAKER_04: Well because I'm sure Robin was not exactly Robin dropped you off and said how was your day like they wouldn't even see it until it would hit the stage of competition or at the preview show.
1:12:25
SPEAKER_04: You know there's nothing to talk about there there wasn't the option to record in rehearsal and replay it at home that night you know we didn't have that technology yet so I think that again the dance parents just need to take a step back and trust the teachers there should be no pressure there should be none of that when it comes to scores and choreography and questioning choreography or skills because that's happening way too much y'all I just want to let y'all know out there.
1:12:53
SPEAKER_02: I agree.
1:12:54
SPEAKER_02: I mean when I when Paige was really little and we you know were on Instagram or whatever I kind of fell prey to that for a hot second.
1:13:02
SPEAKER_02: You know I saw these kids her age seven and eight doing it even as a teacher it's like oh God are doing enough is this good enough like are my kids good enough like what am I that's even right side like I'll look myself too and feel exactly the same way you know and so I just basically was like I I went to you know to my studio owner and I was like this is like all these kids are you know do we need to like and she's like right she's like she'll get to it when she gets to it you know and and I and I'm so grateful for that you know Paige you know there was a year where she didn't get moved up so her friend so hard to the next level of her and she got in that car and she sobbed and sobbed and sobbed.
1:13:47
SPEAKER_02: And even though it was hard for me as a parent to go how dare you know my kid is amazing.
1:13:56
SPEAKER_02: I had to be honest with myself and say she is not ready.
1:14:00
SPEAKER_02: She is not her skills are not refined to go up to the next level maturity wise she's that's a lot of it there.
1:14:08
SPEAKER_02: And it was hard and so I I would like to say to other dance parents if they have their their child is not progressing the way you the way you feel talk with your studio owner don't go in there and go why didn't she just go you know just like some clarification what are some of the things that we should be looking for working on like that next step and and how can I help her but what can I do?
1:14:38
SPEAKER_02: Can I do I need to get her some more ballet privates?
1:14:41
SPEAKER_02: Do I need to you know if you have an open dialogue it goes back to that respect with your studio owner instead of being absolutely I I'd I guess defensive you know every every parent is going to think your kid's the best but you have to be realistic sometimes.
1:14:58
SPEAKER_01: No studio owner is sitting there you know twiddling their thumbs and conniving that we're gonna hold her back because she no it's it is all in the best interest of your child.
1:15:09
SPEAKER_01: And I think Shannon can attest to that of like you're a family your it's your studio especially like you you formed to create legacies that is why your studio exists and that you care about these kids.
1:15:20
SPEAKER_01: It's definitely not just like an oversight that I didn't move up.
1:15:24
SPEAKER_02: Ultimately you don't want and that's what it comes down to Pete for me you know that's and that's what happened because that next year she stayed in that in the group and you know her friends had been moved at but she quickly she learned she had to start working harder.
1:15:40
SPEAKER_02: So as she worked harder that I was just gonna be the leader of that group and it gave her confidence then her confidence started to grow and her maturity level started to go up about like oh I need to set a good example in this class for everyone else.
1:15:56
SPEAKER_02: Right.
1:15:56
SPEAKER_02: And she got moved up in the middle of the year.
1:15:59
SPEAKER_07: And so it it was the best to do that many times and it always they always prove that they can do it.
1:16:06
SPEAKER_07: They always do because they do want it but sometimes they just have to show I can do this for this amount of time or whatever and then show the teacher okay now I'm ready you know and in my experience I I can say in my seven years I've not said no they're not ready.
1:16:22
SPEAKER_07: Any kid I've had on like a four or five month trial in that lower level or sometimes I make them take both levels.
1:16:27
SPEAKER_07: So I'll have them taking the Monday middle school ballet jazz and the high school ballet jazz.
1:16:32
SPEAKER_07: So then they're doing both and that's pushing them to be a leader on one side then kind of have to catch up on the other side then usually by the next season bam they're ready.
1:16:41
SPEAKER_07: Yeah um and that's hard for some kids because that's hits your ego.
1:16:44
SPEAKER_07: It's like oh man you know am I not good or like what am I doing?
1:16:47
SPEAKER_07: You know but in the long run it's just like what Summer said it makes the kids more confident.
1:16:51
SPEAKER_04: So well y'all this has been a great chat yeah it's just we covered a lot in this episode.
1:16:57
SPEAKER_04: It's been so good.
1:16:59
SPEAKER_04: And yes thank you both Shannon and Summer for joining us on this uh how to not be a stage mom episode.
1:17:05
SPEAKER_04: I think we covered it.
1:17:06
SPEAKER_04: I definitely think we covered it.
1:17:08
SPEAKER_04: Yeah well if you both wouldn't mind sharing one final tip out there for all of the possible stage moms, stage dads, dance parents or whoever else is listening in podcast world one final bit of advice for all of the stage parents out there.
1:17:26
SPEAKER_07: Okay.
1:17:27
SPEAKER_07: I think it just goes back to the golden rule do onto others as you would want them to do onto you communication and trust between the studio owner and parent and establishing that that bridge that foundation of it and then from there you can move forward with the right intentions for the dancer.
1:17:46
SPEAKER_02: I think for me it would be to to trust your kid your kid knows the dance your kid knows what they're supposed to be doing they don't want to hear from you all of the things they did wrong all of the things that they should be doing just unconditional support and and encouragement and not and no putting them up against like anyone else it's just always tell your kid they are competing against themselves always it has no matter how many other people are in that category.
1:18:21
SPEAKER_02: It could be 20 other kids it could be over a hundred but you are trying to beat yourself every time I tell Paige I go you shoot for that highest education you can anything else is icing on the cake is what I say to her.
1:18:35
SPEAKER_02: And nine out of 10 that helps you know just be chill I'm always still trying to I'm trying to take I try to take that advice myself just be chill we pay so much money for our kids to do this.
1:18:52
SPEAKER_02: So like it should be an enjoyable experience when we get to the competition it should be fun it should not be stressful right I don't want to pay like over$600 for a weekend spent crying and screaming at each other.
1:19:08
SPEAKER_02: So just go hey what happens happens maybe we'll get some pizza later you know like fingers crossed it goes your way if it doesn't we'll move forward you know I try to be as chill as I can I try I say quote unquote We hope you enjoyed our final throwback episode of season seven all about special shout out to Summer and Shannon for joining us on the follow them on Instagram.
1:19:39
SPEAKER_01: You can find Summer Summer Belly and Shannon at LacancyPants38 Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Podcast, and pretty much everybody looks in the podcast and if you want more exclusive episodes support our podcast by joining our Platinum Premium membership for only five dollars a month.
1:19:57
SPEAKER_01: Join now at ImpactCance Adjudicators dot com slash platinum premium or click the link in our show notes.
1:20:03
SPEAKER_01: Making the Impact season seven concludes next week with scary stories from behind the table.
1:20:09
SPEAKER_04: Can't believe our final episode of season seven is here next week.
1:20:13
SPEAKER_04: Stay tuned to listen and we'll see you then