Latest / Armstrong & Getty One More Thing / Stop Trying to Make a Living off Yer Elderly Yoo-Hoo

Transcript

Stop Trying to Make a Living off Yer Elderly Yoo-Hoo · Armstrong & Getty One More Thing

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Stop trying to make a living off your elderly yoo-hoo.
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: It's one more thing.
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: One more thing.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Before we get to Madonna, which Joe referred to as...
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: An elderly ho. She was at the Video Music Awards
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: last night. Here's Snoop doing something at the VMAs last night.
• 0:24
  Speaker 3: It wouldn't be a Snoop Dogg party if I didn't
• 0:27
  Speaker 3: provide some of that special, sticky.
• 0:30
  Speaker 4: Inky, inky.
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: Hold on, hold on.
• 0:36
  Speaker 3: That's for every winner here tonight. Just the winners, though.
• 0:40
  Speaker 3: Just the winners. But everybody else, look under your seat.
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: There should be nothing there. But before we get this
• 0:51
  Speaker 3: show started, knock, knock.
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: These nuts. I knew you'd like that.
• 1:00
  Speaker 5: Wow.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: All right, let's get this party cracking.
• 1:03
  Speaker 5: Wow.
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: I wish I hadn't missed that. Well, it kind of
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: fits with what we were mocking during the radio show.
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: They're just trying to keep this going, right? And the
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: older crowd, so you got... I don't think anybody watches videos.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure my kids have never seen a music video.
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: And they're teenagers. They don't watch music videos.
• 1:28
  Speaker 5: It used to be just absolutely obligatory. It was like
• 1:33
  Speaker 5: virtually the only thing that mattered. Your record company would
• 1:36
  Speaker 5: make you do a video and they'd spend, if you
• 1:39
  Speaker 5: were a big act, they'd budget a couple of million
• 1:41
  Speaker 5: dollars on your video.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: Well, you're significantly younger than us, Katie. Were videos big
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: when you were in high school or college? I think
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: I just caught the tail end of it. You caught
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: the tail end, but like.
• 1:49
  Speaker 4: Yeah, because they were huge.
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: Whenever there was a new album, we always were talking
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: immediately about the video that came along with it.
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: Oh, okay. Yeah. The videos came out like when Joe
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: and I were in like high school, college, and you'd
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: come home from the bars and flip on the videos.
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: I mean, it was such a big deal. Watch them
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: and talk about them, but. I guess they're still trying to,
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: who aired the Video Music Awards? Where was it even on? MTV.
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: Where would I find MTV? I'd have to look it up.
• 2:16
  Speaker 5: It was on Paramount Plus, too.
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: Okay, I'd have to look that up also. Anyway, so
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: they got Snoop, who's 65 years old, and Madonna, who's
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: pushing 70, and just wanted to bring this up, so
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: I'm going to do a little play-by-play on the Madonna video.
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: She returned to the VMAs for the first time, and
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: I don't know, since she got her hip replaced or whatever,
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: and And because she's a one note song and the
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: only thing she knows how to do is try to
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: be shockingly sexy, even at her age. Now, usually you
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: age gracefully and like you were trampy, shocky, sexy when
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: you're in your 20s. But now you're dignified and just
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: show that you can sing at your current age or something.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: Where you start acting in roles that fit your age,
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: if you're aging Meryl Streep or Brad Pitt or whatever.
• 3:09
  Speaker 5: Or you mentor younger artists, quote-unquote, on the realities of
• 3:14
  Speaker 5: business and marketing and that sort of thing.
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: Anyway, here's Madonna, and I'll describe it. She's on stage.
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: The camera starts down at her feet and looking up
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: at her, she's rubbing her breasts and her groin and
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: her skin-tight plastic skirt and her shorts. But the main
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: thing is, There's a whole bunch of dancers around her
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: standing on their head, and they have laser beams coming
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: out of their butylase.
• 3:43
  Speaker 5: Anal lasers. I feared this.
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: Anal lasers, yes. They have anal lasers coming out of
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: the twigs of their legs and shining around as she's
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: like in a cage and up against the glass and
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: trying to be sexy as an old woman. Not that
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: old women can't be sexy, but old women can be
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: sexy for other old men. She's not sexy to anybody.
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: You know, certainly not anybody under the age of 40.
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: And so quit. Just quit. And quit. Quit the, oh,
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: my God, did you see Madonna last night? They had
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: lasers come out of their a-holes. Okay, great.
• 4:18
  Speaker 3: To the Ash Chief history.
• 4:20
  Speaker 5: Right. Is there an air-sucking homo sapien that tuned that in,
• 4:25
  Speaker 5: hoping Madonna would be rubbing on her erogenous zones?
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 4:30
  Speaker 5: I mean, for God's sake.
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: Are you sure it's coming out of their Buthele and
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: not their Yoohoo? I can't tell. Both.
• 4:37
  Speaker 5: Are they dudes or dudettes?
• 4:38
  Speaker 3: Both.
• 4:39
  Speaker 5: Oh, okay.
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 4:42
  Speaker 5: This is America. You can have a laser stuck wherever
• 4:45
  Speaker 5: you want it.
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: You can.
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: I feel like she sees anything that represents any form
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: of class and just sprints in the opposite direction from it.
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: Well, I get that, but... I don't know. Was there
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: anybody whose reaction was, oh, my God, did you see
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: what she did? That's so outrageous and kind of like
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: you thought that was cool because of.
• 5:06
  Speaker 5: The one notism of it that strikes me is so dumb.
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: Just seems tired and sad.
• 5:13
  Speaker 5: Oh, my God. You're going to run that same thing
• 5:16
  Speaker 5: up the flagpole again?
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 5:18
  Speaker 5: Nobody's saluting, nor has for some time.
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: I don't know if Dennis Rodman was at home and
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: thought it was cool, but ex-boyfriend. Yeah, that laser's coming
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: out of her.
• 5:33
  Speaker 5: Exit. That's probably why Sean Penn left her.
• 5:38
  Speaker 4: That's the one reason. It was distracting.
• 5:41
  Speaker 5: I think she dumped him for being an angry drunk,
• 5:44
  Speaker 5: but anyway.
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: Well, speaking of angry drunk, she was hammered. giving the
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: awards out last night.
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: Oh, really?
• 5:51
  Speaker 4: Oh, my God.
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: Like, had to be held up, hammered, and then looked
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: at the two kids. I don't know who any of
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: these people are, but these two kids, like, walked her out,
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: and she had them standing next to her. She goes,
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: I don't even, I don't know what this award's for.
• 6:05
  Speaker 4: And, like, she was just blasted.
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: Okay. So she doesn't care about the thing?
• 6:10
  Speaker 4: No.
• 6:11
  Speaker 5: Wow. Too much schnapps.
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: Too much schnapps.
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: Schnapps.
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: Oh, Lord. How did they.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: How... You know, for some reason, I didn't think about the... Boy,
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: that's Madonna. That's what she... You could have given me,
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: because I'm looking at her face right now singing, you
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: could have given me 1,000 guesses as to who that was,
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: and I wouldn't have said Madonna at any point. Here,
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: let me send you the picture.
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, she is plastic and fantastic right now. And also,
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: her butt was a big conversation of... A big topic
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: of conversation last night because it looked like she was
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: wearing a diaper.
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: She might have been.
• 6:52
  Speaker 4: Very possible.
• 6:54
  Speaker 5: Oh, my. She pretended to pull something out of her hiney.
• 7:00
  Speaker 5: The crowd awkwardly laughs and she admits to not even
• 7:02
  Speaker 5: knowing what the award is for.
• 7:03
  Speaker 4: That was the laser pointer.
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: So she got up on stage and got to the
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: microphone and went, oh, I can finally pull this out
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: of my ass.
• 7:10
  Speaker 4: And then she pulled the laser pointer out.
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: Oh, okay.
• 7:12
  Speaker 5: Because I was wearing her little corset stuff.
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: I was about to ask, how did the lasers actually work?
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: How were they? They didn't actually suitcase them, did they?
• 7:23
  Speaker 4: I'm assuming not.
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: If I'm hired as a dancer, then they say, you know,
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: there's one thing we probably should have mentioned in the interview.
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: Before you applied for this job, you're going to need
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: to suitcase this laser pointer. And then dance?
• 7:38
  Speaker 5: I mean, I could do one or the other.
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: We bought a whole box of these at Office Depot,
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: and we're going to need you to sit down on this.
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: Light pointing outwards, please.
• 7:47
  Speaker 4: Got the 50-pack on Tamo.
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: Exactly. And then you're going to have to stand on
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: your head and shoot laser beams around. An aging horse Madonna. Oh, wow.
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: And I just saw her because she just tried to
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: do some sort of sexy leg kick. And it looked
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: like when I do it because, you know, because I'm
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: her age, just kind of got to got to catch
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: my balance here a little bit to kick my leg
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: up and down.
• 8:09
  Speaker 4: Is that when the two guys are picking her up? Oh,
• 8:11
  Speaker 4: my God. Because somebody posted that.
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: Video earlier and went, why does Madonna look like she's
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: having such a hard time?
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: Because she's old. It happens to everyone.
• 8:20
  Speaker 5: That wasn't a kick. She just had a cramp.
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's right. That was like the scene from The
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: Irishman where De Niro is kicking the guy on the curb.
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: It's the same kind of thing. Yep, it was similar. Oh,
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: somebody's got to tell these people.
• 8:32
  Speaker 5: Then the set is like a wall of bathrooms in
• 8:36
  Speaker 5: a public... John, a row of stalls.
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 8:42
  Speaker 5: Young stud takes her into the stall because they're going
• 8:46
  Speaker 5: to service each other in a toilet. That's your act?
• 8:51
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 8:52
  Speaker 5: At age 70? What?
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: Got in these dancers who were in their early 20s.
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: Somebody had to explain to them who these people are,
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: I would imagine, who Madonna is.
• 9:01
  Speaker 4: Yeah, right.
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: Good for Seth Rogen on there in a cameo appearance. Yeah,
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: when they hired the dancers, you're going to be dancing
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: with Madonna, and she's still alive, probably half of them said.
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: If they'd heard of her.
• 9:18
  Speaker 5: I don't think she's wearing a diaper. I think she's just,
• 9:22
  Speaker 5: she wanted a funky bootay. So she's wearing some sort
• 9:25
  Speaker 5: of fake, I got a big booty shorts. Well, she
• 9:30
  Speaker 5: had a.
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: Botched BBL a long time ago.
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: What's a BBL?
• 9:36
  Speaker 4: The Brazilian butt lift.
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: She'd had some surgery to make her butt bigger and
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: something went horribly wrong with it.
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: Okay. Yeah. She does not look good. She looks weird.
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 9:50
  Speaker 5: Oh, okay. You can age gracefully. She won the artist
• 9:54
  Speaker 5: of the year award at the VMAs. This is according
• 9:58
  Speaker 5: to this tweet. Sweet meteor of death, come get us now.
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: Maybe she's still cranking out videos because she thinks it's
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: 1987 and the other artists are like, why would I
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: make a video? Sorry I brought you that. You should
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: check out the video of the people shooting the lasers
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: out of their bottoms, though. That's an interesting touch.
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 10:19
  Speaker 4: Make sure that's on your must-see today.
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: I might do that for Halloween this year.
• 10:23
  Speaker 4: Oh, my God.
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: Walk through the neighborhood. Shake it, don't break it.
• 10:29
  Speaker 5: How about you, like, you're projecting a pumpkin up on
• 10:32
  Speaker 5: a wall here. Watch this. You drop your pants and
• 10:35
  Speaker 5: bend over. No, don't look at me. Look at that house.
• 10:39
  Speaker 5: They're like, oh, it's a pumpkin.
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: That silhouette of a witch in that whole thing.
• 10:46
  Speaker 5: That'd be fun. Fun for all ages.
• 10:49
  Speaker 4: Never going to look at Halloween decorations the same. Madonna,
• 10:53
  Speaker 4: she can sing, she can dance, she can give you
• 10:55
  Speaker 4: reverse mortgage advice.
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: What can't she do? Well, I guess that's it.
• 11:04
  Speaker 5: That was good, Michael. Good punchline.