Latest / Impact Ready / 211. Naturally Creative, Resourceful and Whole: A Coaching Approach to Stronger Relationships

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211. Naturally Creative, Resourceful and Whole: A Coaching Approach to Stronger Relationships · Impact Ready

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  Welcome to Impact Ready, a show dedicated to helping you elevate
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  your impact in the world. I'm Steph Safra, your host.
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  Let's explore the power of showing up with intention and
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  energy each day. This is for those who seek to
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  make life truly meaningful. Get ready for impact.
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  Hello team. Welcome to the Impact Ready
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  podcast. Welcome to the last week of May
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  charging towards summer. That's awesome.
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  Today in this episode, I want to share with you one of the
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  pillars of coaching that we bring into all of our work with
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  clients and really infuse into how we see the world.
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  Something that has dramatically changed how I view not only
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  people, but relationships, communication, connection, all
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  of it. There's a foundational belief in
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  the Co active model of coaching, which was the model that I was
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  trained in and certified through.
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  And this belief is that people are naturally creative,
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  resourceful and whole. We assume this about every
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  person and it's absolutely crucial to assume when working
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  with clients. It means people are not broken
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  or in need of fixing. They already possess the inner
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  wisdom, the resilience, the capacity to navigate life,
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  overcome challenges, and drive meaningful change.
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  When I was first exposed to this language as I was going through
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  my curriculum for certification, I found that foundational
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  belief, that statement, to be really interesting.
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  To assume that every person is naturally creative, resourceful,
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  and whole man. What would that mean for the
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  world if we all lived that way? How would that have changed my
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  interactions with people in the past?
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  If I were to truly embrace that, what would that allow for in my
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  relationships? How might that influence the way
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  I saw myself? Did I always assume that I was
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  creative? Did I always believe in my own
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  resilience and resourcefulness? Did I always assume that I was
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  completely whole as a person? I think if somebody would have
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  asked me that, I would have just point blank said yes, But my
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  behaviors in an examination of my internal dialogue would have
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  probably said otherwise. And I believe that to be true
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  for so many people. I've seen it in patients and
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  clients and just in so many people in the world.
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  They don't view themselves as capable, resourceful and whole.
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  And then what about extending that to others?
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  What would that allow? Because I can say really
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  truthfully, there's been many circumstances in my life where I
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  did not consider somebody to be creative, where I did not
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  consider them to be resourceful or capable in their life.
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  I can say honestly that there are circumstances where I didn't
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  look at somebody and think, man, that person's really resilient.
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  And I could probably give you a lot of justifications and
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  reasons why I thought that. But then I started thinking,
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  what if I had, in those situations, made that assumption
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  that they were capable, resourceful, and whole?
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  What if I had thought differently about that
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  situation? What would that have done?
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  How would it have changed things?
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  And then I started thinking about circumstances in my own
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  life where things might shift in a positive way if I did make
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  that assumption. I'll give you an example.
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  I used to have a pretty hard time being direct with people.
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  I didn't want to hurt their feelings.
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  I didn't want to create conflict or make waves.
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  I didn't like to say the hard things because I felt like it
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  was going to be hard on that person or hard on our
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  relationship. But thinking about how direct is
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  kind, I've been shifting that narrative in my life.
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  And then I started to apply this principle that the person in
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  front of me who I needed to have a difficult conversation with,
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  they were capable, resourceful, and whole.
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  They were capable of handling this information that I was
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  going to share with them. They were strong enough to
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  receive it. It's not like I was going to be
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  a jerk about it. I was of course, going to do my
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  best to deliver it in a loving way.
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  And that person, they most certainly had the resilience to
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  be able to handle that and to assume that there was nothing
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  inherently wrong with that person, that they were whole as
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  they were. That meant that there was
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  nothing for me to fix for them. This was just about open
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  communication, and my role was to take ownership of myself and
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  take my hand out of whatever they had to do.
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  That was a bit of a different perspective for me, and maybe
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  this seems really obvious to you.
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  Maybe you have no problem being direct or delivering hard
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  feedback or having a difficult conversation.
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  But for me, this is a really powerful insight.
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  I could see so many ways that I was letting my saboteurs come
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  into the conversations that I was having, whether it was the
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  people pleaser or the helper or the fixer or the martyr.
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  All those saboteurs have the energy of trying to control in
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  some way. And it came with the false
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  illusion that I was the one who had that control.
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  I was the one who was responsible for that person's
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  feelings or reactions. And it was completely false.
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  It was a false assumption that crumbled when I applied that
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  foundational belief that every person is naturally creative,
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  resourceful, and whole. I've caught myself doing this in
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  my parenting at times. I forget that even though kids
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  are kids, they're still humans who I can apply the same
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  assumption to. And when I do, guess what
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  happens? They display more
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  resourcefulness, more resilience, more natural
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  creativity. They figure out how to do things
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  on their own in an easier way. They find their own little
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  brilliant paths to completing the task or solving the problem.
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  When I assume that they're whole just the way they are, it
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  changes my energy in my approach to how I parent them in a really
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  positive way and they can feel it.
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  The reason this is so important in the coaching world is because
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  people have to believe and feel that you assume these things of
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  them. If you don't, it very negatively
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  impacts the coaching relationship, but also the
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  coaches perspective on themselves when you view them as
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  anything less than naturally creative, resourceful and whole.
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  Think about your experiences in your life.
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  Think about how you were able to act and respond to a situation
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  when your boss or your spouse really believed in you.
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  They let you know that they saw you as somebody who could figure
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  things out and rise up to a challenge.
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  How did that feel? How did that influence how you
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  showed up? Maybe it was in a project that
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  you were working on. Maybe it was in a tough
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  situation at home that you had to navigate with your spouse.
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  How did that influence how you met that challenge?
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  And then let's look at the flip side.
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  Think about a time when you had a boss who didn't have faith in
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  you or didn't think that you had the skills or the capability to
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  manage that challenge. Maybe you had a spouse who never
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  believed in you and didn't support you or cheer you on.
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  Maybe there was a friend or a family member who never made
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  those assumptions that you were whole, that there was nothing to
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  be fixed, that you were naturally creative and could
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  solve problems and figure things out, or that you were
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  resourceful. How did that feel?
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  What were the outcomes for you then?
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  Of course, it's not the only variable in how we succeed or
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  not, but it dramatically influences our perception of
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  self, the degree to which people believe those assumptions about
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  us or not. When you're surrounded by people
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  who believe you to be naturally creative, resourceful, and
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  whole, your rates of success increase, your performance
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  improves, and your sense of self positively increases.
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  We have to remember that when we're navigating these hundreds
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  of interactions with people in a day, we have to remember that we
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  all come with our own programming, our own beliefs,
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  our own saboteurs who say things to the contrary.
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  The people pleaser will tell you that you're a burden and you're
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  too much to handle for people. The perfectionist will tell you
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  that you have to control all the outcomes for things to be right.
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  The martyr will tell you that you have to do everything and
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  that other people can't do it as well as you can.
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  The fixer will say, oh, you need to save people and fix their
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  problems. The judge will say that you have
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  to be critical of everything and everyone because people are not
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  resilient or capable on their own.
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  And on and on and on. But to believe in this
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  foundational truth in the coaching world, the assumption
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  that all people are naturally creative, resourceful and whole,
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  that will dismantle every saboteur out there.
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  And for me, that has become a very helpful practice, one that
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  will improve your relationships with others and also your
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  relationship with yourself. So my challenge is to try it on
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  this week. Try assuming this of the people
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  in your house and in your work, your colleagues, your friends,
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  your boss, your clients, your kids, your spouse.
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  Assume that they are naturally creative and resourceful and
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  whole. See what happens and start to
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  notice how people respond to you.
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  You might be amazed at the positive influence of one
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  assumption. So that's it for today.
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  Thank you for being here and for listening.
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  And as always, team, thank you for being ready to Impact.
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  Thanks for listening to Impact Ready.
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  I hope today's episode inspired you to own your impact and
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  recognize that you are powerful. By elevating our energy and
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  awareness, we can create exponential change in this life.
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  If you enjoyed today's insights, share them with a friend and
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  subscribe to the show for more. I truly appreciate you.
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  Thanks again for being here.